#537 - The New Drag Queens

Summary

The Basement Yard #537 - The New Drag Queens (Jan 12, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively and off-the-rails installment, Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez, and Ant (their producer/occasional cohost) deliver their signature comedic banter, diving into everything from nostalgia-fueled movie debates and winter misadventures to a hilarious exploration of drag queen names. The second half shifts into a surprisingly candid and insightful discussion about money, happiness, and the reality behind those age-old clichés about wealth. Expect witty exchanges, personal stories, and plenty of inside jokes.

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Main Topics & Key Segments

1. Opening Banter & Euro Trip Nostalgia

Timestamps: 00:00 – 02:20

• Frank attempts a 90s Euro club-goer impression, which Joe immediately pokes fun at (00:17).
• Discussion of the movie Euro Trip and how certain jokes have aged poorly.
• They reminisce about “Scotty Doesn’t Know” and debate the greatest fake band songs in movies.
  • “People forget—‘Scotty doesn’t know’ came from there.” – Frank (01:33)

2. Winter Woes: Snowfall and Slipping Stories

Timestamps: 02:20 – 08:07

• Joe shares a recent snowstorm tale—finding $20 on a run, nearly slipping, and appreciating the crunch of fresh snow (05:47).
• Frank on the simple pleasure of a snowy silence:
  • “Did you do the thing where you just stop and listen and hear nothing?” – Frank (06:36)
• Lighthearted debates on aging, falling, and the increasing risks as they get older.

3. Parenting Antics: "Stroilers" and Bed Falls

Timestamps: 08:08 – 10:43

• Frank talks about playing an imaginative bed game called “Stroilers” with his daughter, which always ends with him “being pushed into lava.”
• They riff on the perils of falling off beds as adults, with playful ribbing about getting older and more breakable.

4. Generational Wisdom (and Trolling): "Do It Well"

Timestamps: 25:53 – 32:45

• Frank sincerely shares his new mantra for 2026:
  • “If you’re going to do something, do it well.” – Frank (27:16)
• Joe and Ant can’t resist poking fun at such profound “wisdom,” trolling Frank for repeating himself, which becomes a running gag.
• Conversation transitions into work ethic, streaming, and how approaching projects with care makes a difference.

5. Drag Queen Name Generator Mayhem

Timestamps: 13:50 – 22:00, 60:00 – 61:36

• The trio dives deep into drag name generators, coming up with delightfully absurd names for one another across categories (sexy, horror, cutesy, pageant, etc.).
  • “Yolanda Dumpster, baby. Cuz I got that trash back there!” – Frank (16:47)
  • Other notable names: Myra Heat, Venom of Vesper, Kira Quirk, Taffy Toots, Brielle St. James, Dolly Swanson.
• Mega quotable sequence with over-the-top performances and improv.
• They recall their old on-air drag alter egos, Mystique the Greek and Starla, and tease bringing them back for a future episode.

6. Money Games: Would You Rather, Wealth & Happiness

Timestamps: 35:44 – 54:40

• Frank presents a “which money windfall would you pick?” game:
  • "$1 million per day, $100 million instant, $10,000 per minute, or $1,000 per second?"
• The math devolves into chaos as they attempt calculations live, with multiple corrections and much laughter.
• Serious talk on “how much would be ‘enough’?” and the psychological reality of wealth.
• Playful appeal to billionaire listeners:
  • “Listen, billionaires, I know you’re watching… just give us $20 million each.” – Frank (42:50)

Deep Dive: Does Money Buy Happiness?

• A rare, thoughtful segment as they explore the classic question.
  • “I think money helps. I absolutely think it helps… Money brings along other issues you wouldn’t expect, but it helps.” – Frank (43:57)
  • Ant’s candid take: “Rather be rich with problems than broke with problems.” (45:38)
  • Joe reflects on contentment vs. perpetual ‘want’:
    • “Happiness is what you have minus what you want. If you don’t want anything, then you’re pretty content.” (49:07)

7. Flower Power and Simple Joys

Timestamps: 32:12 – 34:53

• The group unexpectedly transitions to a discussion about favorite flowers (tulips, orchids, peonies, sunflowers) and the art of gifting bouquets.
• “Peonies—looks like a baseball of flowers, and then it blooms and it’s beautiful.” – Frank (33:55)

8. Past Drag Experience & Behind-the-Scenes Memories

Timestamps: 57:22 – 59:12

• Joe and Frank recall the intense process of their professional drag makeovers, noting the effort, discomfort, and results.
• “They were a big part. Maybe we bring them back sometime this year.” – Frank (57:42)

9. Rapid-fire: Nostalgic Party Stories, Gym Playlists & Booze

Timestamps: 61:36 – 80:13

• Reminiscing about gym music (with shoutouts to 50 Cent, Cam’ron, and Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me”) and timing reps with song climaxes.
• Discussing drinks that get them in trouble (Guinness, beer, bottomless brunch mimosas), Jello shots, the Power Hour game, and party food challenges.
  • “It’s a little overtly sexual just to get drunk. I don’t want to have to perform a sexual act to have a drink.” – Frank on Jello shots (78:00)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Drag Queen Names:

  • “Booty Jones is a great drag name.” – Joe (14:28)
  • “Venom of Vesper—that is sexy. That’s a good one.” – Frank (16:08)
  • “Yolanda Dumpster, baby. Cuz I got that trash back there, you know what I'm saying?” – Frank (16:47)

• On Wisdom & Trolling:

  • “If you’re going to do something, do it well.” – Frank (27:16)
  • “Honestly, profound, groundbreaking stuff… Not something I’ve ever heard before.” – Joe (27:38)

• On Money vs. Happiness:

  • “Money can’t fix what’s in here.” – Ant, tapping his chest (44:51)
  • “There is definitely a bit of this mentality—people just do stuff and they're like, ‘whatever.’ I want to make it good.” – Frank (28:24)

• On Party Games:

  • “I wouldn’t be able to fucking walk from this [Jell-O shot Power Hour].” – Frank (79:42)

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Recurring Themes & Running Jokes

• Frank’s “Do It Well” Mantra: Sincere at first, but becomes a source of relentless ribbing from Joe and Ant, morphing into a meta-gag for the episode.
• Drag Queening: They enthusiastically embrace the theme, generating names and reflecting on prior drag content, suggesting it’s both a fun recurring bit and meaningful self-expression.
• Money Games: The trio’s approach to wealth ranges from practical to outrageous, always with self-aware humor.

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Episode Structure Notes

• Jokes about intros, outros, sponsors, and their Patreon are self-referential and part of the running gags, but episode content resumes shortly after these spots.
• Ads are explicitly not included in this summary per user instructions.

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Conclusion

A quintessential Basement Yard episode—rooted in friendship, chaos, and mutual trolling. The hosts’ dynamic seamlessly oscillates between the absurd and the sincere, creating an episode that’s both a laugh riot and surprisingly thoughtful. From drag fantasy to life reflections, you’ll come away both entertained and oddly inspired to “do it well” in whatever you take on.

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For Further Enjoyment

• Basement Yard Patreon – Early access & exclusive episodes
• Tour Merch – Check for leftover live show merch
• Connect on social @thebasementyard

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“If you’re gonna do things, do them well.” – Frank, 26+ times this episode

Transcript

[Joe Santagano]

Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement Yard. I forgot what the podcast.

[Frank]

Ah, yes.

[Joe Santagano]

None of that.

[Frank]

Yes. Welcome back to show from basement.

[Joe Santagano]

Let's leave that in 2025.

[Frank]

Why?

[Joe Santagano]

Because I don't know what you're doing.

[Frank]

I'm. I'm working on an impression. What is that? Of like 90s European club goer.

[Joe Santagano]

One more time.

[Frank]

Yeah. So it's a show. Just. Welcome back to Basement.

[Joe Santagano]

How are you doing and doing good.

[Frank]

You don't think that's pretty good?

[Joe Santagano]

Welcome back to basement. Like.

[Frank]

Like the. I saw like a clip from the movie Euro Trip.

[Joe Santagano]

Whoa. I need to watch that again, yo.

[Frank]

First of all, there's some stuff in it that has not aged well. They dropped some F words in there. But it's the 90s. It was the 2000s.

[Joe Santagano]

Let them rip, basically.

[Frank]

In the 90s. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

The priests were saying it probably. They're probably still saying.

[Frank]

They probably still say. Yeah, yeah, they were. I don't think that.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I don't know why.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't know why I went there.

[Frank]

I don't think the, like, level of like, acceptable behavior should be. Priests are doing it.

[Joe Santagano]

I agree.

[Ant]

They use a different F word.

[Frank]

Fondle.

[Joe Santagano]

What was the word that you were gonna go with?

[Ant]

Father? Ah.

[Frank]

Yep. I probably should have. I messed up. We will edit out.

[Joe Santagano]

Don't mix. If you're gonna do it, do it.

[Frank]

No, but I saw a clip from Euro Trip.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And I was like, damn, I haven't watched this movie in like four or five years. And then before that, like 12, 15 years. And it's worth another listen. People forget. Scotty doesn't know came from there.

[Joe Santagano]

It's a great song. You know, it's probably the greatest fake a song ever, right?

[Frank]

Oh, that's a good question. Cheetah Girls. Cheetah Sisters had some hits.

[Joe Santagano]

It's a real song.

[Frank]

Well, it was a song in a movie that they then released as a song. I think the same thing happened with Scotty doesn't know.

[Joe Santagano]

Was it like a made up. It was Matt Damon. Oh, Maybe it was an actual band probably that did it.

[Frank]

It was Matt Damon. Yeah, there was a.

[Joe Santagano]

No, I know that, but.

[Frank]

And he was just, you know, basically, he was getting cucked. Yeah, he was at the party and he was getting cucked.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, she was in my van or whatever.

[Frank]

He says Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my and day.

[Joe Santagano]

Dude. So recently I. So it snowed the other night. Snow.

[Frank]

I'm sorry. You don't like. You didn't like my, my euro. My euro guy.

[Joe Santagano]

Well documented. It snowed the other night. You probably got a lot of snow.

[Frank]

No, we got ice. Yeah brother.

[Joe Santagano]

About snow.

[Frank]

A couple weeks ago we got about a foot.

[Joe Santagano]

A foot?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

How do we live in different worlds?

[Frank]

I don't know. We got about a foot a couple weeks ago. You guys got snow here too. It like really?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, it wasn't crazy.

[Frank]

Yo, there was. It was about hello. It was. It was big man.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean I saw you shoveling. You see that snow?

[Frank]

You didn't see me huffing and puffing?

[Joe Santagano]

No, I'm saying like it just snowed and you shoveled.

[Frank]

Well that's because it was. It was ice underneath and then it was like a little beep beep of snow on top. That sucked. Let me tell you. Chomping away at that suck butts.

[Joe Santagano]

I almost slipped and fucking laid on my ice. Ho. Well yeah, I did.

[Frank]

Can't you. Can't you know damage the moneymaker?

[Joe Santagano]

Don't say that. Don't you dare say that.

[Frank]

What is going to happen when people find out you have an only fans? It's like where are you going with this? I can see only hands of what?

[Joe Santagano]

It's just my.

[Frank]

It's. It would be just your asshole and you'd be talking like Ace Ventura. It's a close up. Things could die. Dude, are you okay?

[Ant]

I was just picturing it.

[Joe Santagano]

You were picturing my hole.

[Frank]

How dare you, bro. Yeah, why are you coughing? Picturing you should be what you normally do when you hear about Joey naked Goon. Too much. Way too much.

[Joe Santagano]

Huh?

[Frank]

Oh does that make you like your spit dick thing and his asshole doesn't make it.

[Joe Santagano]

What was the first line?

[Frank]

Your spit thick.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, also what?

[Frank]

You never heard that saying when people like when you're gonna throw up, it makes your spit thick.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh no, I never heard of that.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, I was gonna say we're on Patreon.

[Ant]

We're not on.

[Joe Santagano]

Not the first thing that you've said that I haven't heard. We picked up on that last.

[Frank]

It's a real saying. It's a real saying. Oh my God. About mental right now.

[Joe Santagano]

Making the tongue licks em both.

[Frank]

Making my spit thick is a real. Now see now look it up, look it up, look it up. Just Google make yo look it up here? Yeah, on the computer. I look it up here.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Frank]

Make my. My spits getting thick.

[Joe Santagano]

No. Why do not type that in at all.

[Ant]

What do you want me to what?

[Joe Santagano]

Type in. You know what this is?

[Ant]

Yeah, it's gonna. That's why I.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, Josh might have to edit it out.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Joe Santagano]

Type in making my spit thick.

[Frank]

My spit is getting thick. Saying.

[Joe Santagano]

No, don't.

[Ant]

This is why I want that. Oh. Oh, no. It's how to make my. It's how to make my spit thick.

[Frank]

No, no, no.

[Joe Santagano]

Just say making my spit thick. It's supposed to be an expression. Click that. And we're probably going to see some things. Type in expression at the end of this, because already we have nothing. Okay, so let's type in expression.

[Frank]

Thank you.

[Ant]

Oh, wow. Okay, good.

[Joe Santagano]

One for one, one for two.

[Frank]

What do you mean the other one was a fucking saying? I'm not. I'm not relitigating this. It was a real saying.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Frank]

It makes your spit thick.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't like that at all.

[Frank]

I love. It does that. He's just like, come on.

[Joe Santagano]

He just goes. But I. So it snowed the other night, and I was like. I was in the house all day.

[Frank]

You almost hurt your asshole.

[Joe Santagano]

No. So I went for.

[Frank]

It didn't hurt your asshole.

[Joe Santagano]

I didn't hurt my asshole.

[Frank]

It's perfectly fine. You check.

[Joe Santagano]

Shut up. I went for a run and it was like, snowing. And then I found $20.

[Frank]

Oh. And I was like, wait, you run in the snow with what, boots?

[Joe Santagano]

No, I ran with, like, regular shoes.

[Frank]

Brother, you're. You're playing with fire.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, the snow was, like, perfectly.

[Frank]

Oh, it was like. It was.

[Joe Santagano]

It was before anyone could get to.

[Frank]

90S snow is what we refer to.

[Joe Santagano]

Yes.

[Frank]

Where it's, like, perfect packing snow.

[Joe Santagano]

It was like 8 o', clock. So that. And like, no one was really on the road.

[Frank]

And La Mana.

[Joe Santagano]

This was two nights ago.

[Frank]

So at night you went.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And La Noche.

[Joe Santagano]

See? Wow. But there was no one out there because it was. It was the day after Christmas, so no one's, like, working or whatever.

[Frank]

Do me a favor.

[Joe Santagano]

Hit perfect.

[Frank]

I have a couple questions for you.

[Joe Santagano]

There was a lot of crunch. Frank, I.

[Frank]

First of all, I love the sound of snow crunching under a shoe.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Second of all, did you do the typical thing and if you didn't do this. And if you didn't do this. If you didn't do this, you get a pass. Did you do the thing where you just stop and listen and hear nothing?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, I took a video of it.

[Frank]

Dude. It is such. When I was kind of chopping away at the ice in my driveway, I was. I just stopped and put. I held my fucking. Like, I'm Farmer Dan. I held my shovel and I was.

[Joe Santagano]

Just like, ah, the earth.

[Frank]

Like, I'm the rock, you know? It's like.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Ant]

It actually looked like the John Hamm meme right there.

[Joe Santagano]

And it did look like it. Yeah. Yeah. There you go.

[Ant]

Oh.

[Frank]

Very Euro.

[Joe Santagano]

Ruined it.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

No, but I went for a run, and then that's.

[Frank]

Dude, you got to be. You almost slipped. How'd you find.

[Ant]

No, the next.

[Joe Santagano]

How did I find it? I ran by. I was like, that's $20.

[Ant]

But wouldn't the snow have covered the money?

[Joe Santagano]

It was like, in a.

[Ant]

It was like.

[Joe Santagano]

So there's, like, parts.

[Frank]

It was in a homeless person's hand.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, it was like. It was in a. No, it was like. You know how, like, trees have branches? No, but it's like there's, like, brick around it, and it's like where the dirt is green.

[Frank]

Streets, as they're called here in New York City, what they're called.

[Joe Santagano]

All right. But, like, the snow, it, like, is on the branches, so, like, underneath it. It's not that much snow yet. Yeah, so that's where I saw it, and I was like, oh, I made 20 bucks. So super hyped about that.

[Frank]

I mean, made out. We are getting to an age of falling and being dangerous, so you need to like.

[Joe Santagano]

No, Frank, brother. We're 33, brother. We're not 53.

[Frank]

I. But falling is not like, haha, fall and get up like you. You get right back up anymore. Like, when's the last time you fell?

[Joe Santagano]

When's the last time I fell?

[Ant]

It's 20, 26. No one falls, brother.

[Frank]

People still fall.

[Ant]

You're not supposed to fall anymore.

[Joe Santagano]

You're not supposed to get a trip.

[Ant]

Mean.

[Frank]

Listen, I fell off my bed the other day and.

[Joe Santagano]

Huh? What were you doing jumping on it?

[Frank]

I was playing with. With Ruby.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, okay.

[Frank]

And. And I, like, we do this game. I'm not gonna tell you the name because you're gonna laugh at it, but it's the cutest thing in the world.

[Ant]

Mm.

[Frank]

No.

[Joe Santagano]

Go. Just say it.

[Frank]

No, I'm not gonna say why, but.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm not gonna make fun of.

[Frank]

You will, and I know you will. You love doing that. You do too.

[Joe Santagano]

It's a game you play with your daughter. It's cute. What's the name?

[Frank]

It's. She doesn't know how to say Destroyers.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So she says the Strilers.

[Joe Santagano]

What am I gonna say to that?

[Frank]

You're gonna look. Oh, my God, your stupid daughter has a speech impediment.

[Joe Santagano]

Is that what I'm gonna say?

[Frank]

Hear that? You Hear that, Destroyers? You hear that? Very non Euromax of you.

[Joe Santagano]

I cannot wait till this one's retired. No.

[Frank]

So, yeah, jokingly, what's the. It's called Stroilers, where we just like, like basically like Power Rangers. Like I'm gonna use my Ice Blast and like she does like a. A twirl and she's like, hahaha, nice try. And then she like kicks me and the game always ends with me on the side of the bed and she uses her stroller powers to push me into the lava. But brother, like, you think like, if your bed is this high off the ground and then your mattress is this high off the ground.

[Joe Santagano]

Mattress is bigger than that.

[Ant]

Way too high for a mattress.

[Frank]

What, what are you sleeping on a fucking roll of parchment?

[Joe Santagano]

This is the floor.

[Frank]

Oh yeah. You think I'm going from the. The floor floor? Like I'm in a. Sleeping in a college bed?

[Ant]

Like a mattress that you want to jump on it?

[Frank]

No, if this is the floor and this is the bed frame and then the mattress comes up to about here. Mattresses are fucking thick, dude. It sits in the bed and it sits in a little bit, bro. If I'm falling. Yeah, two and a half feet. Yeah, that's a. That's a long fall.

[Joe Santagano]

Long.

[Frank]

It's. It's like. You think it's not. Go fall, roll off your bed at two and a half feet and tell me it doesn't like. Oh, shit, that kind of hurts. Go home. Do me a favor. Go home, roll off your bed, get your ass on. You sit here, you make fun of my expressions that are real, by the way. All right? And then I tell you something like that and you're not even gonna go and try it?

[Joe Santagano]

Fall off my bed and hurt myself?

[Frank]

No, I'm just saying we are approaching an age where it is harder for us after a fall to get up. So you going out and running. I'm trying to protect you here. Going out. Thank you. And running in the snow with no proper footwear.

[Joe Santagano]

Proper footwear?

[Frank]

Dude, you could get hurt, man. Or you could be running and someone's on the road and they lose control and they hit you.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, they could. I mean, I'm not running in the street like that.

[Frank]

I mean, the whole idea of losing control is that they are going to go up on the sidewalk.

[Joe Santagano]

Sure.

[Frank]

You run on the sidewalk or the street. I feel like you're a street runner.

[Joe Santagano]

I usually try to run in because where I am is not very busy, especially in the winter. So I. I run in the bike Lane, but it's sectioned off.

[Frank]

Oh, okay. So people probably hate you for that.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, if there's bikers. Yeah, I mean, but it's a two way one. So they can go around.

[Frank]

So they can go around and hit another biker. Yeah. Oh, wait, so you found $20? What do you do with the $20? I invested it and I turned it into $3 million. Here's how it's. No, it's. I woke up at 4am because if you sleep past 6, you're a pussy.

[Joe Santagano]

No, I put it in my pocket and it remains in your pocket. Yeah.

[Frank]

Let me see it.

[Joe Santagano]

No, not this pocket. In my jacket pocket that I ran with.

[Frank]

Bring it next time.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay?

[Frank]

I want to see it.

[Joe Santagano]

I was planning on. I was just gonna like give it to someone if I saw them. If like they were like homeless or something. But I didn't see anyone. Well, I had my eyes closed.

[Frank]

Ticket? Ticket. Ticket. No, I mean like if I saw.

[Joe Santagano]

A homeless person, I'll give it to them. I was like, can't see him if your eyes are closed.

[Frank]

That's right. Yeah, that was the job.

[Joe Santagano]

Different thing.

[Frank]

That's a weird trend.

[Joe Santagano]

Let's do something fun and make homeless people the butt of our jokes in our studio. Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that make us good?

[Ant]

Let's do that.

[Frank]

Done.

[Joe Santagano]

What do you think, Ant?

[Ant]

I'm here to observe today.

[Joe Santagano]

That was good because I was trying to bring you in down with us and you didn't take the bait.

[Frank]

That's pr. Well, first of all, I am not going down with the ship and I will go down with this ship.

[Joe Santagano]

Love that melody.

[Ant]

Well, now I'll take it back. I'll go down with any ship with you. He's not gonna go down with you. Crazy.

[Frank]

Kidding me. I'm the fucking co captain of this ship. Seems like I'm riding. I'm riding port.

[Ant]

Seems like you just.

[Frank]

Where are you? You're in the booty. What's it called? In the back?

[Joe Santagano]

I only know starboard and port.

[Frank]

That's left and right. The. The mast and the ass. Yeah, skipper, that's the one that.

[Joe Santagano]

I want to be in a crow's nest, dude.

[Frank]

I want to be in a crow's nest and have one of these. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

[Joe Santagano]

Those work.

[Frank]

They can't. They absolutely can't. I mean, if pirates use them, they've got to be stupid. Yeah, because pirates. We can offend pirates now, right?

[Joe Santagano]

I don't know any.

[Frank]

I mean not. I don't think like, what they were. The version of pirates that we've come to known really exist anymore. Pirates exist?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

They're scary and I'm not gonna offend them. Do your pirating. Right, but like big hat beads in the hair.

[Joe Santagano]

Drag. Sure, yeah. Like it's a form of drag. It's sea drag, really. You know, it's like we're gonna be crime, but we're gonna dress up.

[Frank]

Oh, that would be my. My drag name if I were a pirate. You haven't seen drag in. Oh, sea drag. But my name would be in. Oh, like Sea Dragon.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm confused about what your name is.

[Frank]

Sea Dragon. Is that not a good name for a drag pirate? I wonder what my. Like, like, what's a Booty Jones?

[Joe Santagano]

Booty Jones is a great drag name.

[Frank]

Booty Jones. I'm a pirate.

[Joe Santagano]

Booty Jones. That's a good one. I need one like, like something Electra.

[Frank]

Plunder Queen.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't like that.

[Frank]

No.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, you're staying on pirate.

[Frank]

Well, cuz you're. Are you not a drag pirate?

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I'm gonna be a pirate.

[Frank]

Oh, you can go other types of drag performers.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank]

What? So like, what are some good drag names?

[Joe Santagano]

Type in. Put in drag name generator.

[Frank]

Drag name Generator. Oh, man. Based on name. That's a good one because Joe would be something like Josephine, Santa Got Tits or something. That's actually kind of not bad.

[Ant]

Oh, we got categories.

[Frank]

Oh, okay.

[Joe Santagano]

Funny puns. Funny puns. Sexy puns.

[Frank]

Sexy puns. Now they want us, so.

[Joe Santagano]

Sexy puns, Sexy puns, Sexy puns. Okay, name me.

[Frank]

Oh, all right.

[Ant]

Wait, who's going first?

[Frank]

Me. I think Joey should go first. Me, me, Me. Absolutely. Mirahit. Mira Heat. Myra Heat.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't know, but that's a sexy name.

[Frank]

Heat in a name is Crate. Myra is. That's a. That's a nice name too.

[Joe Santagano]

All right, that's not bad. Which one do you want?

[Frank]

And you can go next.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, go to your category.

[Frank]

Me Put a category. No, no.

[Ant]

Oh, pick a category.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Oh, let me go Horror. Let me go Horror.

[Frank]

You love horror. It's gonna be like Michael Myers with tits. Yeah, right?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Here we go.

[Ant]

Ready?

[Frank]

Venom of Vesper.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, my God.

[Frank]

That is sexy. That's a good one.

[Ant]

Good one. Love that.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm. I'm a diamond.

[Frank]

And you got to have like a little green from here for Venom. Okay, what's yours?

[Joe Santagano]

What's yours?

[Frank]

What are the categories here? Pick your drag name. A pageant queen. What.

[Joe Santagano]

What is Frank, Let's.

[Frank]

Let's well, still, I don't like that because I'm stupid. You're stupid.

[Joe Santagano]

Just do it.

[Ant]

All right, let's go.

[Frank]

Stupid. I was stupid. I'll be stupid for you. We're going to do the other ones anyway. We're so excited.

[Ant]

I didn't even say anything.

[Frank]

All right. Stupid drag. Name would be Yolanda Dumpster. Hell yeah. Honestly, you, Myra Heat, Venom of Esper. Yolanda Dumpster, baby. Cuz I got that trash back there, you know what I'm saying? Oh, man. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Dumpster. Holy my. Is stinky, baby. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagano]

Are you flexing?

[Frank]

What are you saying? All right. I mean, we need to do one for every category. Absolutely. We need to do one for every single category.

[Ant]

So next is Joe. You have to pick another category. But not ones we've used.

[Frank]

Just start from the top, babe. Give me. Give me Modern drag. Yeah, give me Modern Drag. Modern Drag. He's a modern guy. Look at him.

[Joe Santagano]

He looks like.

[Frank]

He looks like he has glasses on. Kira Quirk. It's a little close. That's so close to what? Nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it. Kira Quirk.

[Ant]

Is it? I don't even know.

[Frank]

It's kind of close. I mean, the rk Kira Quirk.

[Ant]

Congrats.

[Joe Santagano]

Thank you.

[Frank]

All right. Diva celebrity. Oh, this is gonna be like.

[Ant]

Wait, but what if I want alternative?

[Frank]

Take alternative. You know what you could do? You are alternative. I can see that you do like to listen to a lot of alternative music.

[Joe Santagano]

See what you got. Let's see what you got.

[Frank]

Sorrow Posh.

[Joe Santagano]

You're like an emo bastard.

[Frank]

I imagine you with long black hair and bangs that come to the top.

[Joe Santagano]

Of your eyelids and tits the size of beach balls.

[Ant]

That's cool.

[Frank]

Sure.

[Joe Santagano]

And a guitar.

[Ant]

That's cool.

[Frank]

Posh, though.

[Joe Santagano]

Posh.

[Frank]

Posh, Posh. You need to be in red bottoms. Yeah, that's fine. Are you wanting it after?

[Joe Santagano]

You're gonna be diva.

[Frank]

I'll be diva. Celebrity. Yeah. Let's see what we got going on here.

[Joe Santagano]

This is like.

[Frank]

Okay, see you later. That fucking sucks so bad. That's so bad. Bring me back to Yolanda Dumpster. See you later. That's sucks. Give me another one. Roll for me again. Fine. I can't be sealed. Listen, if the next one is in a wild crocodile, I'm gonna lose my mind.

[Ant]

This is your calling. This is who.

[Joe Santagano]

This is who you are.

[Frank]

This is who I feel I am.

[Ant]

All right, fine. You want another one?

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, give me another. Mariah. Mariah.

[Joe Santagano]

Scary. Could be worse than anyone we've seen.

[Frank]

Honestly, that's kind of somehow worse than See you later.

[Joe Santagano]

All right, go back and I'll do pageant queen.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, he is.

[Ant]

Ready? Yeah.

[Frank]

Brielle St. James.

[Joe Santagano]

That is the horniest name ever. That's a porn star name. Brielle St. James.

[Frank]

I imagine it as, like, one of the, like, women in Austin Powers. Like, this is Brielle St. James. Yeah. And then she just, like, comes out and sucks on a chess piece or something.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What's the last time you saw Austin Powers?

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, last two.

[Frank]

Here.

[Ant]

I'm going to go cutesy.

[Frank]

So you're leaving me with funny puns or sexy?

[Ant]

Yeah, you're going to get funny puns.

[Frank]

Of course I am.

[Ant]

I'll go cutesy.

[Frank]

Go cutesy, baby.

[Ant]

Here we go.

[Frank]

Taffy toots. Taffy toots. Taffy toots. That sounds like you fart string.

[Ant]

It does a little bit.

[Frank]

Taffy toots.

[Ant]

Taffy toots.

[Frank]

Yeah, I'm stuck with silly string. Funny puns.

[Joe Santagano]

Here we go. This is another.

[Frank]

See you later. I'm going to lose my. All right, here we go. Dude, they suck. I just sound like I get the shitty ones. Give me a cool. Give me a sexy pun one.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

Give me a better name than that. Go, go, go. Vivi Vice. Oh, that's a good one. Vivi Vice.

[Joe Santagano]

Wow, that's good. Yolanda Dumpster. Oh, my God, dude, that murder.

[Frank]

Oh, that's a good. That's a good one. How did we get on the topic of drag?

[Joe Santagano]

I have no idea. Oh, I said that pirates were drag queens.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ant]

Sea Dragon.

[Joe Santagano]

Yolanda Dumpster Man.

[Frank]

Or. Oh, if my name. I know a good pirate drag name. Rum Bucket. I get it. But Rum Bucket?

[Joe Santagano]

Because come Bucket. I got it. Am I hearing pneumonia? What's going on over there? There's stuff happening here while Frank's putting it together. We do have some sponsors for today.

[Frank]

The first one being Squarespace.

[Joe Santagano]

Squarespace is a website or a platform that you're going to build your website on. Okay? So if you have a, you know, small business or you create content or whatever, you can create your website with Squarespace. And it's going to help you because your website is going to be your first impression. And if your website doesn't look great, then people will probably not buy or stick around or whatever. So you want to have a professional looking website. They make it very easy to have that in a short amount of time because they have templates that are going to act as a Template and you click on it and it populates a website. You switch out the pictures and the text and you have a professional looking website that is very functional. So they make it very easy. In the past you would have to hire people. It took forever, but they make it very easy. And I've been using them for years. All of the websites that we have, they're all powered by Squarespace. So you know, if you're going to be using it, I suggest you use this one. They also have a bunch of tools to make sure you're optimizing your traffic and your analytics. They can keep track of all of that. So you can head to squarespace.com and use the offer code BASEMENT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so that is squarespace.com basement and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so let me know if you're using that. Squarespace, ladies and gentlemen. And we also have ZocDoc. Okay. ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. Okay. Before they were even a sponsor on this show, I was using ZocDoc. I still use it to this day, even if I need to see a specialist of some kind. If you have to see a dermatologist or a primary care physician, I will go on Zocdoc. You plug in your insurance and then it will show the doctors that take your insurance in your area and their next available appointment, which is usually within 48 hours. And it just makes it very easy so you can find everything you need, whether you want dermatology, eye care or any sort of care. Go on ZocDoc. Plug in your insurance and they will show you the ones in your area. And also they're patient reviewed so you can see who's got a good score, who's got a good office and this and that. So there you go. They make it easy. And you can stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com basement that's Zocdoc.com basement. Okay, there you go.

[Frank]

Hold on. Sorry. Patreon just called. They're on the line. Are you gonna pick up the phone?

[Ant]

That would be. Patreon is calling.

[Joe Santagano]

I believe Patreon's on the line.

[Frank]

Patreon's calling. Are you gonna pick up the call? Patreon.com the Basementyard. If you like this show, we kindly ask that you go check out that little website. What are you gonna get there? Where you're gonna see that there are a couple different tiers, and if you sign up for those tiers, there might be some benefits that come along with them. And that first tier, you get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance. So you'll get in on the conversation, the laughs, the he, he's, the ha ha's one week before everybody else. Okay? And that second tier, Guess what? Guess what you get. Take a wild guess. Exclusive episodes. I said it first. We said it the same time. We're finishing each other's sentences. If you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, isn't that fun? Isn't that neat? It's nice. I think it's nice. You guys have been so supportive and loving, and we appreciate it so much. Thank you. That's for you. And for those of you that don't and haven't been there, I'm taking it back and I'm gonna hold it until you go to patreon.com thebasementyard and if you do it on a web browser, guess what? You save yourself some money if you want to sign up. If you sign up with an app, they're gonna take extra money from you. You don't want that. Put more money back in your pocket, okay? Don't give it to the tech overlords that are slowly, you know, draining us of all of everything that we have. Go check it out. Or not. Cool kids are doing it, though. Patreon.com basementyard you also check out tby tourmerch.com or not. Check out if there's any leftover tour merch from our tour. Maybe, maybe you check it out. I don't know.

[Joe Santagano]

What the hell is that?

[Frank]

Well, why do you give me the allowance to do that? Why do you allow me to do that?

[Joe Santagano]

I wonder how long you could, like, if you did a podcast by yourself. Like, how long do you think you could go?

[Frank]

An hour? Yeah, I, I, Years ago, when I did the, the wrestling podcast, I. There were a couple, like, not a lot. There were like, one or two episodes where I did by myself, and I just talked and rattled it. Just rattled. I mean, but that, that was different because that was about a thing. So, like, we talk about, like, Raw and then Smackdown and then NXT and yada, yada, yada. So, like, I had stuff to talk about to fill the time. Yeah, but like, here, letting it, just letting it, Let it rip. Maybe, Maybe we Fuck around. Maybe we have a just frank episode and we see what gets, what happens. Just get wild, you know, see where it goes.

[Joe Santagano]

That would be interesting to hear.

[Frank]

Why?

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, just because whenever, like before.

[Frank]

You just recorded an ad for Santa.

[Joe Santagano]

Garden Studios, and like, sometimes he just goes on tangents and it's like the ad is supposed to be like two.

[Frank]

Minutes, and it's 15 minutes of footage. Well, I. I like to take the approach of just like, I'm gonna do it.

[Joe Santagano]

Mm.

[Frank]

Well, you know, like, that's. That's the approach I like to take. Like, I'm gonna try to do this thing well.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Like, so when we do an ad, I try to read it and do it and ad lib a little bit, because that's what these companies want. They want a little.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, they want a little paprika in there. They don't want your salt and pepper.

[Joe Santagano]

Right.

[Frank]

So that. My mentality definitely going into 2026 as well, is like, if you're going to do something, do it well.

[Joe Santagano]

Wow.

[Ant]

As opposed to doing it poorly.

[Frank]

Right. Well, I mean, yeah. Why?

[Ant]

That's good.

[Frank]

I value. I value.

[Ant]

No. Great in the effort.

[Joe Santagano]

No.

[Frank]

I try to do it well.

[Ant]

No good.

[Frank]

I mean, sometimes things end up being good.

[Joe Santagano]

Honestly. Profound, groundbreaking stuff. If you're gonna do it, do it well. Not something I've ever heard before. And I'm. I'm taking that energy into 26 as well.

[Frank]

I mean, what's funny about that? I think that's a. That's a legitimate thing to bring in to anyone's life when you do, like, if you're going to. Like, I am at a point in my life where my mentality is like, if you're going to do something, try to do it well.

[Ant]

Recent point in your life.

[Frank]

I don't. I don't understand what's so funny about that. It's just funny because you're saying it in a way.

[Ant]

Like, it's.

[Frank]

That you've created. I mean, I do think that, like, there is a bit of this mentality with people. I don't get what's funny.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm not even laughing at you.

[Frank]

You're laughing. I'm just.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm smiling.

[Frank]

There is definitely like a. A. I'm coming to a point in my life where I'm seeing people do stuff and they're just like, whatever. I don't want to do that. I want to, like, make it good.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So if I'm going to do it, if I'm committing to doing something, my mentality Is like, it's going to be pretty darn good.

[Joe Santagano]

Right?

[Frank]

I'm going to try to make it as, as good as it could be.

[Joe Santagano]

Would you say that? Would you say that, like, does this resonate with you? And this is something I just came up with. Just do it.

[Frank]

I don't like that. I know that's Nike's. I don't, I don't like that. Because in my head, just doing it isn't enough. Isn't enough.

[Joe Santagano]

You got to do it well.

[Frank]

You need to do it well.

[Joe Santagano]

If you're going to do it, do it well.

[Frank]

I think.

[Joe Santagano]

And where'd you hear that or that just came to you?

[Frank]

I was, I was sitting outside the other night and I was hanging out, had a drink.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And I was thinking, like, okay, I, yeah, I know you don't like doing this. I, at the end, I, at the end of the year, I do look at New Year's as like a bit of a transition point. Like, I do look at it as like, it's an end. Here's a start. So toward the end of the year, I also do this around my birthday. I sit outside, I reflect back on the last year and I look forward on what I want to do for the next year. So in my time, kind of being self reflective, I thought like, okay, if you're going to do something in 2026, do it well. I don't get such a troll, bro. It's crazy. You're trolling. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Joe Santagano]

You're trolling me.

[Frank]

I'm not trolling. Like, the Patreon reads, those are memorable. Why? Because I go in with the mentality of like, all right, if you're gonna do this, make it good. Like, better than good. Pretty good?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I think pretty good is less than good.

[Frank]

It feels less. Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Joe Santagano]

It depends how you emphasize it.

[Frank]

2026 is gonna be a life changing year for all of us. And I think that if we go in them with the mentality of, like, the things that we do, we got.

[Joe Santagano]

To do them well.

[Frank]

Yeah, duh.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I mean, it's such a simple concept, but you have to say it. How much of life is so simple that we forget to acknowledge it?

[Joe Santagano]

Bro, you're trolling.

[Frank]

Why am I trolling when I'm expressing myself? First of all, don't turn this around because you know what you're doing, you.

[Joe Santagano]

Son of a bitch.

[Ant]

Honestly, I'm in.

[Frank]

Thank you. You are really good. You are a really, really good, like, standard for doing something well, because you and the streams and everything, you guys do a lot of really good stuff. I'm not fucking around now. I'm getting confused now. I don't know what's happening anymore, bro. You guys stream consistently. You put out stuff. It's, it's, it's funny. It keeps you engaged and stuff like that. So my mentality is like, I was thinking about you doing this. Like, if I'm going to do something, I want to do it. Well, like, what's crazy?

[Joe Santagano]

All right. I think you just want it because I, I think that that is the right sentiment.

[Frank]

What you're trying to do is say.

[Joe Santagano]

That as many times as you possib. And I know that you're trolling.

[Frank]

I am trying to explain it in a way that is the most digestible and give you your flowers. I mean, Jesus Christ.

[Ant]

I just, I enjoy roses.

[Frank]

Do you?

[Joe Santagano]

What would you do if I got you a bouquet of flowers? You'd be like, oh, thanks.

[Ant]

I would think you'd be, you were thinking about me, and I would love that.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, wow. Nice.

[Ant]

I don't know what I'd do with them.

[Joe Santagano]

What does anyone do with them?

[Ant]

Smell them.

[Frank]

I mean, you put them in a pot of water. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

You display them.

[Ant]

What would you do if I got you a bouquet?

[Frank]

Flowers.

[Joe Santagano]

I would display them.

[Ant]

That's very nice.

[Frank]

We talked about this years ago. I love flowers.

[Joe Santagano]

Favorite flower. I forgot.

[Frank]

You know, I'm not really sure, but I, I, I, I really like tulips.

[Joe Santagano]

I like a tulip.

[Frank]

I like tulips. The Rebecca's flower. I don't even think I knew a tulip existed before. Becca.

[Joe Santagano]

Tulip.

[Frank]

I feel like that's a. Oh, oh, there's one that's a fucking. It's big and, and it's got a fat ass.

[Joe Santagano]

Orchids.

[Frank]

No. God.

[Joe Santagano]

Type in orchid.

[Frank]

Something with an A. Orchid. It's something with an A. Anus. Orchids are like. Aren't they, like, one of the hardest flowers to, like, maintain?

[Joe Santagano]

I couldn't tell you. I've never had one.

[Frank]

I believe they're, like, famously known to, like, be very difficult and look straight up. Yeah, I see what you're doing a little bit. There's one. It's like a real. It's like a flower ball, and then it blooms into a beautiful flower. It has. It starts with an A, though, I think.

[Ant]

I can't type in a flower.

[Frank]

It'll just go back. There was a thing of, like, flower names, flowers beginning with the letter A. What is it? What Is it. What is it? What is it? Or that first one.

[Ant]

It's a tiny. It's not even zooming it in. Oh, here we go.

[Frank]

Scroll down. Aster. Peony. Yo. Peony is not an A at all.

[Ant]

I know it's not. Oh, oh, did you mean aster?

[Frank]

No, no, no. Peony. I meant.

[Ant]

Didn't mean. Okay, got it, got it.

[Frank]

Look up peonies.

[Joe Santagano]

Look up my sister's favorite flower.

[Frank]

Coxcomb. It's crazy. Get the out crazy. Look up peonies.

[Joe Santagano]

You know how those got their name?

[Frank]

Yeah. People were combing their dicks with it.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

All water lilies are also beautiful.

[Ant]

What do we want?

[Frank]

Peony. Dude. A big fucking. Like, it looks like a baseball of flowers, and then it blooms and it's beautiful.

[Joe Santagano]

My sister likes. Peonies are beautiful. Yeah, they're good flowers.

[Ant]

Yeah, looks like ice cream.

[Frank]

I would eat that. I eat the fuck out of that.

[Joe Santagano]

I would eat up flowers.

[Frank]

I mean, flowers.

[Ant]

What? What?

[Frank]

I mean, flowers.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't think that's that crazy. I mean, you're eating the packaging that your Amazon packages show up with. Peonies. Very pretty. Orchids. Tall, but very pretty.

[Frank]

Yeah. Sunflowers. Pretty, but then get real ugly real quick.

[Joe Santagano]

How you feel about mums?

[Frank]

I'm in on mums.

[Joe Santagano]

I like moms.

[Frank]

I like mums. But, like, one of those, like, mums get real pretty and then they're fucking hideous. Yeah. You know, like, I like something that has longevity. But you brought up money before, and I wanted to bring this up. I saw one. I'm gonna ask you guys. You love doing these ant questions, but it's not an ant question this time. It's a frank question.

[Joe Santagano]

Stole your segment.

[Frank]

Frank wish.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, he's doing it well. If he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it well.

[Frank]

And that's. I don't like that you guys are making fun of that, because that's something I've seriously, like, tried to bring into, like, 20, 26.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, but I don't know if you're being serious, because, see, you see, when.

[Frank]

The camera's on me, you start laughing. No, I'm not. So I don't know what's happening here. I was. I. I am. Don't repeat it.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm only gonna not believe it even more.

[Frank]

More. That was VV Vice talking right there. That you're VV Vice? Who am I? You're a heat mirror pounder or something. I'm Yolanda Dumpster. All right, all right, all right, all right. Yolanda Dumpster. So you could only pick one of these.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Frank]

A million dollars a day. This is post tax, by the way, or non taxed, let me say.

[Ant]

Thank you.

[Frank]

I know that's a big topic of conversation. $100 million instant.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Frank]

$10,000 per minute or $1,000 per second? Now I know this probably smart, like something smart. I mean, there's.

[Joe Santagano]

There's one easy distinction. The second one, what was it? $10,000 per minute.

[Frank]

$10,000 per minute. That's out of there.

[Ant]

Instead of 10,000 per.

[Joe Santagano]

It's a thousand per second, which is insane.

[Ant]

Yeah, but was a $10,000 one ten?

[Joe Santagano]

No, it was thousand a minute.

[Frank]

Ten thousand a minute. One thousand a second. Hundred million instant or one million per day?

[Ant]

Ten thousand a second.

[Frank]

No, one thousand a second. Are you kidding me?

[Ant]

I think ten thousand a minute. Sorry.

[Frank]

Why?

[Joe Santagano]

I think I would do a thousand. I mean, that's the easy answer. That's.

[Frank]

That's like the easy wrong answer. You just want to say no, because I'll just do a thousand a second.

[Ant]

Giving to me again. I got to write it down.

[Frank]

A thousand. A thousand a second.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

That means per 60 seconds, it's $60,000 or $10,000 permanent per minute. Yeah. Get rid of the $10,000 easily. That's a very easy one. That's bad.

[Ant]

That's bad.

[Joe Santagano]

It's bad.

[Frank]

A hundred mil instantly or a million dollars per day.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay, I think the answer is the second.

[Frank]

I would say. No, I would say it's a million dollars a day. Day. I think it's a.

[Joe Santagano]

It's the seconds. Isn't there a lot of seconds?

[Frank]

What, 60 times 24? Yeah. I mean, I'll look it up. It's 1.2 60 times.

[Ant]

No, it's not right.

[Frank]

24, it's 1440. So it's 1440 minutes in a day. So times that by 60 because that's 60,000. That's $86,000. So a million dollars a day would be the smart thing to do. Do.

[Ant]

Wait, wait. What did you just do?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, well, you did that wrong.

[Frank]

What did.

[Joe Santagano]

24.

[Ant]

That's hours, brother.

[Joe Santagano]

How many seconds are in.

[Ant]

So, so it's. It's.

[Frank]

Sorry, I'm not doing this quite well.

[Ant]

It's 60 times 60.

[Frank]

I'm not doing this quite well.

[Ant]

60 times 60.

[Frank]

So 60 times 24. There's an easier way, fellas.

[Joe Santagano]

How many seconds are in a day? How many seconds? It's in a day, and it is 86,400 seconds. So 86,400 times. What was it.

[Frank]

60,000. No, that's wrong. Wait, stop, stop.

[Ant]

A thousand dollars a second.

[Frank]

Mm.

[Ant]

So 60 times 60. Now we got hours times 24. 86. 4,000. 86. 400 times a thousand is 86 million. 86 million a day.

[Frank]

Really? Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

That's what I wrote in.

[Frank]

I thought that was wrong.

[Ant]

86 million a day.

[Frank]

Yeah. That doesn't.

[Ant]

I have a feeling I'm gonna pick that one.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's the. I didn't do that well. $86,000. 86 seconds in the day. I. I fucked up, guys.

[Joe Santagano]

It's okay.

[Frank]

Forgive me. You didn't do that well. But it's the big hits. Technically, when we're recording. When we are recording pre 2026, it is 2025. So I won't be doing shit like that ever again. Everything I'll do from here on out will have much aplomb.

[Joe Santagano]

It will. What was the other ones? It was like a million a day, dude. Imagine having a. Like a thousand dollars per second. Like, literally, you go into.

[Frank]

I mean, that's like. That's like. Do you ever see the. It was like a tick tock, and it was like Jeff Bezos walking through an Amazon warehouse. And it was like. He goes up to workers, and they're just like, hey. And the workers are like, hey, congrats on everything. You're doing great. And on their, like, chest, it has, like, how much they're earning per second. And he's in, like, obviously thousands of dollars.

[Ant]

And I saw some stat that Bill Gates, if he saw $100 bills on the. On the ground, picking it up is not worth his time compared to how much he's making per day. Like, the amount of time to pick up that $100 bill. He already made it.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. So what did it cost you to pick up that 20 that you found? Let's do that. Joe makes what, $50 million a year?

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, man. Imagine 50.

[Frank]

Trust me, I think about making that money all the time. Okay, he makes 50 million a year.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Joe Santagano]

Do you guys have a dollar amount that. Seriously, do you guys have a dollar amount that you're like, all right, if I had that, then I just. Like, you have an enough number.

[Frank]

Say 50 mil is around there.

[Ant]

I mean, yeah. I don't know why.

[Frank]

You think like a cartoon character.

[Joe Santagano]

He was like.

[Frank]

He's like, oh, 50.

[Ant]

In the account. 50 mil would be nice.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, of course.

[Ant]

10.

[Frank]

10, like a. You know, you don't.

[Joe Santagano]

You don't you think if you had $10 million, you'd be like, all Right.

[Frank]

I need to, like, I would. If I got $10 million, I'd be like, oh, man, this might not last forever if I had $50 million. What? 10 million? Yeah. How's that not gonna last forever? You were just saying, you and obj, you were on the phone the other day and you were just like, it's so hard for us guys. No, I think I can make 10 million last for a lifetime.

[Ant]

Course 10.

[Frank]

No, but if you're giving me if, like, what's the question? The question is like, what do you need? I'll say like 50, because what are they gonna say? Like, no, do it for 30. I'd be like, okay, no one's gonna.

[Joe Santagano]

Put the money in your account. I meant just like, if there's a number in your never know.

[Frank]

You wonder if there's any billionaires watching this. You ever thought about that?

[Joe Santagano]

Who can just give money away?

[Frank]

Why can't they?

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, would you. If I was a billionaire and a random podcast was like, be cool to have 50 million? Be like, you know what, I'm gonna wire them, bro.

[Frank]

Billionaires do dumb things all the time.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, is that.

[Frank]

If you were, bro, if you were. If you had, I don't even need to say 100 billion. Let's say if you had a billion dollars in your bank account right now and someone's just like, haha, give me 50 mil, you wouldn't be. There wouldn't be a party that's just like, oh, I can.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, yeah, you could, but I, I wouldn't give it to a random person, I don't think.

[Frank]

I mean, we're not random people to.

[Joe Santagano]

Someone who has a billion dollars.

[Frank]

Yeah, I mean, a lot of people that watch the show have a bit of a parasol for relationship with us. You don't know if, like, there's some billionaire watching that. It's just like, I feel like I'm one of those guys now. Let me go take a bath in sheep's blood and.

[Joe Santagano]

And wire them 50.

[Frank]

And wire them 50 mil. Listen, billionaires, I know you're watching. It could be pretty cool if you did this. Like, cool kids do stuff like that. And I know you're trying to kind of fit in. I know that being a billionaire kind of removes you from society a bit. You're trying to fit in. We want to fit you to fit in.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm in this.

[Frank]

Yes. So like, just give us 20 mil each.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, we're down to 20 now.

[Frank]

20, 20, 20, 60.

[Ant]

I'll take 10. Make it 50. I'm fine.

[Frank]

All right, how about this? How about you get nothing now?

[Ant]

What? I'm trying to help.

[Joe Santagano]

Wow.

[Frank]

I'm the one that's talking to the billionaire right now.

[Ant]

You're right.

[Frank]

Like, isn't that a weird. Like, jokes aside, isn't that a weird concept that, like. Oh, by the way, we're all taking the thousand per second, right? Yeah. Honestly, though, I wouldn't hate a million a day. Snap answer. If it was just like, you need to answer in three seconds, I'd say a million a day.

[Ant]

I feel like it's cooler to say that.

[Frank]

It's definitely cooler to say 86 million a day.

[Joe Santagano]

$365 million a year.

[Ant]

That's cool.

[Joe Santagano]

That's insane.

[Frank]

That's pretty nuts.

[Ant]

Not gonna complain about it.

[Frank]

Ah, yeah, I don't think I will either.

[Joe Santagano]

But let me ask a question. Oh, okay.

[Frank]

Oh, here we go. I know what Joe is doing now because he loves to do this. I'm joking. Go, go, go.

[Joe Santagano]

No, I was gonna say. You think money buys happiness.

[Frank]

I think it helps. I absolutely think it helps. I think that money brings along other issues that you would not unders. But it, you know, you can't anticipate. But in terms of, like, what is a lot of people's source of. Whoa.

[Ant]

Whoa.

[Frank]

I think money helps a lot.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It might not be. It might be just like a shot. Like, it might be like two years of happiness, not, like lifelong happiness.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I think the answer is just. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

You just think it's a. Yeah.

[Ant]

Just. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Why do you think people who have money say it doesn't?

[Frank]

Because they need to be more relatable to people. Just be like, it's so hard. You think all this money is so easy to have? It's so. I'm just as miserable as you.

[Ant]

Cuz see, at the end. At the end of the day, money doesn't fix problems in here.

[Frank]

That's a really good point.

[Ant]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

And everyone has this in your sweater.

[Ant]

That too.

[Frank]

It actually will probably do have that.

[Ant]

Probably fix problems. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.

[Joe Santagano]

Where's that from?

[Ant]

Great question.

[Frank]

No, I. I do think that there is, like, if you take a snapshot of an individual at that point in time, happiness is relative. It's based off of, you know, it's situational. If you take an individual and you give them a lot of money, they will become happier. But with that money comes a boatload of different issues and problems that they had not anticipated, and those will probably where the other like problems and shit that'll creep in. So I guess I'm. I know you hate that I do this. Like it's like a yes and no. It depends.

[Ant]

I think at the end of the day you rather be broke with problems. You wouldn't rather be broke with problems. Enriched with problems.

[Frank]

Yeah, but the problems, I mean, I imagine that like billionaire rich problems are like fucking whoa, dude. Like more intense than problems.

[Ant]

I doubt it.

[Frank]

The casualness of your answer. What do you think?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, I mean I have a similar answer to you. I think that like, yes, of course. I just think that you hear people say all the time or so I.

[Ant]

Forgot who it was.

[Joe Santagano]

But someone famous, like some celebrity said like, I wish people could, you know, have everything they ever wanted to know that it might have been like Jim Carrey or some shit. So they could know that like it's not that it's meaningless or something. I don't know that they're still unhappy or whatever the fuck your answer to. I think I that resonates of being like, I think that's what why people say that it's like, oh, I'm still happy because of my relationships with my family and my friends and blah, blah, blah. But you also like not having financial security is like a big one one dude. Like, yeah, I think saying that money can't buy happiness ignores that and like that's a massive one that everyone is dealing with.

[Ant]

Everyone wants.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, like you want financial security and of course it's not going to fix all of your problems. So if you don't have to think about your financial situation at all, I think naturally you're going to think of what your issues are and try to plug those holes so you'll notice that you still have issues that maybe some are deep seated. So like, yeah, money can't technically fix those things, but you're in a better position.

[Frank]

But even like when you're saying like, you know, it doesn't fix this access to more money definitely assists people with having the resources to seek out mental health professionals and stuff like that. So like, yeah, they might still not. Like there might be some parts of them that they can't fix, but like they now have access to resources that can definitely give them the tools to make those things feel better.

[Ant]

That's not exactly what I meant. I meant more like If I have $1,000 and my grandma's a bitch, then if I have a billion, my grandma's still a bitch. You know what I mean?

[Frank]

Yeah. But the issue is that At a thousand dollars, she's a bitch. At a billion dollars, she's a bitch. And she won't leave you alone. And she's asking for money.

[Joe Santagano]

Could be a bigger bitch.

[Ant]

Right? But now I have a billion dollars.

[Frank]

Yeah, but she could be a bitch.

[Ant]

I don't care.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah. In the.

[Frank]

In the. In the other wing of my house.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I mean, I. I seriously would love to know.

[Ant]

I don't want to say my mom. I feel like she'd see it, then she'd be confused that I called her.

[Frank]

I mean, who's. Which of your grandmothers are still alive?

[Ant]

One of them.

[Joe Santagano]

Which one were you talking about, though?

[Ant]

The one that's dead, I guess, because she wouldn't hear it.

[Joe Santagano]

Got it.

[Frank]

Well, technically, she's sitting right next to you right now, so God is listening.

[Joe Santagano]

And Santa Claus.

[Frank]

And Santa. And.

[Joe Santagano]

Other.

[Frank]

Other orbs. I guess she wasn't. No. Okay. No, I. I do. I think that, like, I would love to know where that saying, like, came from, because I do think that'll probably tell us a lot about. Because people love to say that, like, oh, money can't buy you happiness. And it's like when it came from someone that had the world at their fingertips and they're just trying to not sound like a pretentious douchebag.

[Joe Santagano]

I do think that it's true. I think. I do think that it's true if you want it to be true. Like, I think that, like, I heard a quote one time, it was like, I may have been butchering. I may be butchering this, but it's like, happiness is what you have minus what you want. So, like, on any sort of level, like, what you have minus what you want. If you don't want anything, then you. Then you. You're pretty content. Or if you. Like, there are things that you want, and if you're just a person who needs billions of dollars in order to. Like, that's the thing that you're after. Like, obviously, that's a very difficult thing to do. So that person, hypothetically, would be more miserable than we are.

[Frank]

Sure.

[Joe Santagano]

If it's like, I'm never going to be done, and this is what I. And I have to be in a state of stress, and I never take time for myself or whatever. Maybe that's why people are saying certain things like that. I don't know. But I think it's a stupid thing to say publicly to. I also like an audience.

[Frank]

Yeah. Also because. And again, this is. I know this is the nitpicky person in me Breaking this down. But, like, it also is entirely dependent on how a person defines happiness. So, like, if a hap. If there are people, and I'm like this to a degree, I'm not afraid to admit it. That, like, happiness is tied to a bit of, like, materialistic stuff, you know. So if that stuff does make people happier, then, yeah, money will bring happiness. But also, if happiness is not in that, it isn't. So to say, like, money doesn't buy you happiness. And it's like. Well.

[Joe Santagano]

I do think that you.

[Frank]

Technically, it can.

[Joe Santagano]

There's so much nuance to that, obviously. But I do think that, like, people think that they.

[Frank]

If they had the.

[Joe Santagano]

A bigger house, it would be better, and it would. But eventually I think that you get desensitized to your position no matter what. And then it's like you. Because if you move into the neighborhood where everyone's got big houses, I think that you adapt to that environment. And then you're, like, comparing yourselves to these people. You know, like, if you are in the NBA and you're making $7 million a year, it's like, I'm chilling. But around you, these people are making 50, 60, whatever a year. So you're kind of like, oh, I'm actually at the bottom of the totem pole here. So I feel like. And then you get caught up in that, like, race. Like I said, that's why it's like.

[Frank]

What you just said.

[Joe Santagano]

I agree with. We were saying it's. It depends how you define that, which is why I was saying it's like, what you have versus what you want. And if you. And that's why I also started this by saying, like, what is your number of, like, enough, essentially? Not that these two things are completely tied. It wasn't like a fucking thing I planned on doing.

[Frank]

But.

[Joe Santagano]

Once you get past a certain point, it's like, oh, I'm fine with being content here, and I'm happy to, you know, kind of do this. Like, some people just need constantly, like, they try to fill their problems with material things. So, like, I'm going to buy a car, I'm going to buy a house, I want to buy clothes, designer stuff, watches, blah, blah, blah. And then eventually it's just a watch. And, like, you're cool, you like the watch, it's cool. But you become desensitized to the fact that I've owned this watch for five years. But the thing that I was trying to fix by buying a watch is gonna be there, so I'll just buy another watch. Or I'll just buy, you know, you're like, you can't fix your problems with things.

[Frank]

Yeah. But like I said before, with that money also does come more access to. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

If you're responsible.

[Frank]

Mental health. Mental health services and stuff like that. That can, in a way.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Fix those, which is very helpful. Very helpful. And is also kind of like an inherent flaw in that whole, you know, system. But, like, if you have more money, you can do the things that make you happy and you can fix the things that make you unhappy.

[Ant]

So, okay, so we're saying it can't fix every problem.

[Frank]

Yeah, duh.

[Ant]

Okay, Right. So what percentage of problems do you think it could fix? Let's just give it a number.

[Frank]

I'm gonna say like 85.

[Ant]

85. Oh, my. You take that every day of the week, don't you?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

Bro, if someone came to me and said, like, yo, you're gonna have a billion dollars, but you can live with 15, you can live with like 15 of your life being problematic.

[Ant]

Yeah. You live with that. Duh.

[Frank]

Yeah, duh.

[Joe Santagano]

Of course.

[Frank]

I don't like, I. I hate the mentality, though, of just like. Like, why ask for a billion? Like, you'd be good with like 500 million. And it's just like, because you're asking me to ask for a billion dollars and I'm gonna do it.

[Ant]

Well, it's a different thing.

[Joe Santagano]

But you're asking me.

[Frank]

I mean, but where this started is, like, there could be billionaires that see our clips and watch our show and you don't know, dude, like, that's nuts. Is that not nuts? Like, that's what the. That's what's so crazy about the Internet. Like, bro, we could just be sitting here talking about the weight of our dicks and, like, there could be a billionaire, like, sitting there with a mother of pearl spoon eating caviar on a yacht in the Bahamas, and they're just like, these guys are funny.

[Joe Santagano]

They're not in the Bahamas.

[Frank]

I'm gonna like this.

[Ant]

Not in the Bahamas.

[Frank]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, those are funny.

[Frank]

Those are. Those are men and women that they lived with the mentality of trying to do things well. And look where it got them.

[Joe Santagano]

If you're gonna do things, do it well.

[Frank]

I think so.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, my God, you're so right, Frank. I'm so glad you came up with that. We do have some more sponsors for today. Speaking of money.

[Frank]

This one is.

[Joe Santagano]

What is this?

[Frank]

We got skims.

[Joe Santagano]

Skims makes Underwear. And it used to be just for women. Now it's for men too. You can shop underwear for men and [e-mail] they have a 5 inch boxer brief that is lovely. Okay. I have a couple of pairs of skims. They sent them to us and they're very comfortable. I like them a lot. I know that Frank likes them too. You know, it's a, it's a good. I actually got my secret Santa some skims because they asked for underwear.

[Frank]

Ooh, big skims holiday.

[Joe Santagano]

Weird thing to ask your, your boy for, but is what it is big skims holiday season. So shop the best underwear for men and [e-mail] let them know we sent you. After you place the order, select PODC in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Okay. And lastly, here we have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket by canceling your unwanted subscriptions, monitoring your spending, and help you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Okay, a lot of people sign up for free trials or they're paying for some online magazine or whatever, something, some.

[Frank]

Recurring.

[Joe Santagano]

Service and maybe they're not using it or the free trial ran out and now they're paying for it and they're not aware. A lot of people are irresponsible in that way, myself included. So Rocket Money helps you organize all of your stuff into one area that you can look at and say, oh, this is what I'm spending my money on. I'm gonna cancel this, cancel this. And if it's $10 a month, you know, that's $120 a year. So you're putting that money back in and that's just one thing. So you can cancel some stuff and save some money. Also, like I said, monitors your spending. It'll help you budget and it can help you lower your bills as well. So it's all about helping you reach your financial goals faster. And you can [e-mail] basement. That is rocketmoney.com basement. So yeah, go put that money back in your pocket, folks. Rocketmoney.com Basement Enjoy that.

[Frank]

I love how we transition from like, where did we even start this episode? Euro Guy.

[Ant]

I have Euro Frank Destroiler and drag names.

[Frank]

Strollers is the cutest game in the world. It's so fun. I obviously was joking. I know you wouldn't make fun of.

[Ant]

It, but like, you never know.

[Frank]

No, I knew that one pretty well.

[Joe Santagano]

I hope I Was hoping the name gave me an opening that I could just rip it to shreds.

[Frank]

Just rip Yolanda Dumpster to shreds.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, my God. Yolanda Dumpster.

[Frank]

Yolanda Dumpster.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, my God.

[Frank]

People still, like, at our shows last year, people were showing up still talking about Mystique the Greek and Starla. Like, they. They were very popular. And that was years ago at this point.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, my God. Dude, that was a long time.

[Frank]

That was almost three years ago.

[Joe Santagano]

Good God.

[Frank]

You know, they were. They were a big part. Maybe we bring them back sometime this year.

[Joe Santagano]

Good.

[Frank]

I mean, they beat the shit out of our face, I'll tell you that.

[Joe Santagano]

They did.

[Frank]

That was. I. I couldn't get eyeliner off my eyes for days.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah. My eyelashes were not.

[Frank]

My.

[Joe Santagano]

My eyebrows were glued to my head.

[Frank]

You were a bearded queen.

[Joe Santagano]

I was.

[Frank]

I was a fully shaved.

[Joe Santagano]

What were you gonna say?

[Frank]

Not fully. Like, facial shaved?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah. Oh, you shaved his pubes. Just in case.

[Frank]

But they.

[Joe Santagano]

A bearded queen. That is a term that.

[Frank]

That is a term that I. I don't know. And then. And then we learned that drag kings is a term.

[Joe Santagano]

Mmm.

[Frank]

Remember, I did see a clip of.

[Joe Santagano]

It recently, and I was like, damn, dude. Like, that's like professional looking makeup.

[Frank]

Well, we had a professional makeup artist come, like a drag makeup artist come in, and I feel like that took.

[Joe Santagano]

Longer than the Halloween.

[Frank]

Yeah, because the Halloween, they painted our face and just put prosthetics on top of it.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, this one's, like, from the. Like, everything, bro.

[Frank]

Yo, it was intense and also, like, very tight. Yeah, it's tight. Everything was tight. You're like this. It pulls you and your hair was. Remember we had to take the wigs off because they were so tight. Yeah, it was intense.

[Ant]

Did they give you boobs?

[Frank]

No.

[Joe Santagano]

Tits?

[Frank]

Yeah. I mean, some of us have some already.

[Ant]

I don't remember if they gave you boobs.

[Joe Santagano]

I'll tell you what, we do drag again. We're getting a third.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah. We're definitely getting a third. Oh, yeah. You be good, dude.

[Ant]

I think I do everything I do well.

[Frank]

See, I don't like that this is becoming a joke. It's not a joke. I don't like. I tried to express myself. I gave. I. And I'm being heartfelt. I like, you guys are killing it.

[Ant]

You know that unlocks this every time.

[Joe Santagano]

Sure. What if every time.

[Ant]

If every time I say, well, he flowers, I'm down?

[Frank]

I just. It feels like you got like, I'm the butt of some joke now, and I don't like it.

[Joe Santagano]

Frank, you're telling the joke.

[Frank]

I'm not telling a joke.

[Joe Santagano]

That every time I start talking, you start snickering over there.

[Frank]

And you're winking right now, you bastard. Put the camera on him. He's winking. I'm not winking, Josh. He's so pensive.

[Joe Santagano]

This is ant thinking.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Oh.

[Joe Santagano]

What was your drag name again?

[Frank]

Venomous Viper?

[Ant]

Vesper? Vanoma. Vanoma. Vesper.

[Frank]

Vesper.

[Joe Santagano]

That's a sexy one.

[Frank]

Those names back again. I kind of want to do that.

[Joe Santagano]

I want a new one. I want another one.

[Frank]

Yeah. All right, Joey. Go Pageant queen.

[Ant]

Joe, what's random first and last?

[Joe Santagano]

I don't know. Go to that.

[Frank]

It'll probably just random, random, random, random. Give me, give me, give me. Dolly Swanson. Swanson. Dolly Swanson. That's kind of sick, dude.

[Joe Santagano]

It's kind of dope.

[Frank]

Sounds like. What movie does that remind me of?

[Joe Santagano]

Dolly Swansonique. Oh, Dumb and Dumber.

[Frank]

Yeah. Samsonite. I was way off. That's not a bad one, Ant. Do one. Do another horror one. Do another horror. I like to be spooky. That's good. That's the best one. How do you get that? And I get, like, miss shits a lot or something. That's fucking insane.

[Ant]

Which one do you want?

[Frank]

Doris Ball Sack. Yeah, Give me. Give me. Stupid.

[Ant]

Okay, there we go.

[Frank]

That's kind of like that. That's kind of not bad. Zamboni seems like a last name. Yeah. Yo, speaking of Thong. Thong Song. Heard it recently. Still a banger.

[Joe Santagano]

Let me guess where you heard it. In your car and you put it on.

[Frank]

I was at the gym and I put it on, yeah. You. You're at the gym lifting.

[Joe Santagano]

You're like, I really need to hear.

[Frank]

I mean. No, no, no. I. I go through, like, a. I have different songs that come on every now and then, and I. I was just thinking, like, damn Thong Song would hit right now. And it. Let me tell you, baby, that, like, yo, see, now you. You see it, like, the end of the song, though, also, it's crazy how, like, operatic he gets at the about song. It's songs which I wish I loved anything as much as Cisco apparently loved Thongs in the year of our Lord 1999.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, it was hell of a time. Do you try to time, like, reps with parts of songs?

[Frank]

Yes, yes. That's why I listen to, like, upbeat music.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, because it's like.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I meant, like, I like the climax of the song.

[Frank]

You're like, I don't think I'VE ever described a song as having a climax.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, you know, like the big moment.

[Frank]

The. The. The. The crescendo. Yeah. As we call it in the music biz.

[Joe Santagano]

That is the right term for sure.

[Frank]

I definitely, like, depending on, like, if I'm doing squats, I try to do like, the most intense song, you know, like. Like, really, like, rising, like.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Because if it's just like a. Like, I've been listening to a lot of Billy Joel, as I told you, and one of the songs that comes on in my playlist is Allentown.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Frank]

Oh, we're living here in Allentown.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

That's not on my squats playlist. Can't have that because you need. You need a little pop, buzz, zing, bam.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah. You know, like, Vienna can't really, like. It's a great song.

[Frank]

Great song.

[Joe Santagano]

You can't do it during, like, squats. No, I could be deadlifting in doing that.

[Frank]

But then you put on scenes from an Italian restaurant. You know, things are okay with me these days. I got a new job, got a new dope, got a new wife, got a new life, and the family is fine. Oh, yeah. Like, you see what I'm talking about? And, like, it just. It needs to be a little more get me going, get me going. Have you. Have you added or taken away things from your gym playlist?

[Joe Santagano]

I just let Spotify DJ run that. Yeah, I skip sometimes, and he gets tight. I skip, and he's like, skip, skip, skip. I'm like, all right, relax.

[Frank]

Damn, they're yelling at you. Literally. He goes, skip, skip, skip. Here's your next.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm like, really fucking play the song.

[Frank]

So it's what? It's an artificial intelligent. Artificially intelligent DJ who's making fun of you? Apparently. It's a.

[Joe Santagano]

It's a real guy. Like, it's his voice that, like, they used AI to, like, say a bunch of stuff, and then they curate based off of your music taste. So, like, things I've searched or the songs I've been listening to recently or songs that were popular with me in 2022, something like that. So they'll play songs like that, and then they'll mix in, like, shit that I haven't listened to.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. Love you. But you're. You're, like, running a workout. Music is probably miserable. It's like. It's like my running whiny white men that sing into a bingo hall, and, like, that's their form of happiness, you know?

[Joe Santagano]

My running playlist is like, that. My. No, my. My Lately at the gym. Like, I'm. It's pretty strictly 50 cent in Cameron.

[Frank]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

That's it.

[Frank]

Hell yeah. That's all. Like.

[Joe Santagano]

But like, when I'm running, I'm trying to keep my heart rate low, so I try to put on slower.

[Ant]

Shit.

[Frank]

I listen to the. The. What's it called? The other day. The. I forgot the actual name of the song, but the. There go by Joel Santana the other day at the gym. Yeah, I don't sing that one at the gym. Except also my gym is mostly like 98 year old men, so they'd probably be like, pumped if I was whistling at them. Yeah, but that gets you going. Some of that old. Like, old early 2000s hip hop is the best. Welcome back, Joe. Welcome back.

[Joe Santagano]

Early 2000s. I agree, though. Like just the old camera on 50 songs or I listen to some Diplomat shit too, but I used to not do that. Like, there are times, like back in the day, I would just rip, like, very poppy music.

[Frank]

I could see you listening to Celine.

[Joe Santagano]

Dion at the gym on my running playlist.

[Frank]

Really, bro?

[Joe Santagano]

What's the song? What song is that? Oh, it's all coming back to me. That's on my running playlist. And I'm telling you that that does.

[Frank]

That does have a bit of a punch.

[Joe Santagano]

It does.

[Frank]

Like, I could see Creed doing a cover of that. Yeah, I could.

[Joe Santagano]

I could see it. Do me a favor that you're begging for it.

[Frank]

Run to Creed and tell me it's not gonna be the best run of your life.

[Joe Santagano]

I'm sure that would be too. Like, those are some good running songs. I need songs that feel like I'm watching myself run in a. In a. In a movie. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you see people running and like an inspiring, motivating part of a movie and you're like, what songs playing there? That's the songs that I listen to.

[Frank]

Do you run or not? You. But like, do you think people run to, like, classical music? Like Beethoven and like.

[Joe Santagano]

God, I hope not.

[Frank]

I mean, that would kind of. Some of it would be sick. Dun, dun, dun, dun.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, you're just running to Beethoven's 5th or 9th, whatever the fuck.

[Frank]

I don't think he had a knife.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't even know.

[Frank]

Isn't there like a thing. I'm not saying that I know this.

[Joe Santagano]

This is good.

[Frank]

Isn't there a thing that, like, there's like a superstition that after a certain sympathy. Symphony. Symphony. The composer dies.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I'm not familiar.

[Frank]

Is that you know what I'm talking about?

[Ant]

That's too deep for me.

[Frank]

Really?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It's like no one gets past their 8th symphony because they.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't even know what a symphony.

[Frank]

No one writes a sim. I think it's just like a song.

[Joe Santagano]

I feel like we haven't said the word correctly on the first try. Symphony.

[Frank]

Symphony.

[Joe Santagano]

Symphony.

[Frank]

Symphony. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah. I. You know what I do like to do when I get home? Not all the time, but sometimes I like to throw on like Louis Armstrong or.

[Frank]

Oh hell yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

You know what I mean? Just to make it feel like. Oh, what is this like an old flappers club?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Spark up a cigarette in my own.

[Frank]

Home, you know, It's a good one to throw on. We have a, we have a, A vinyl Ray Charles.

[Joe Santagano]

Ray Charles. Hell, Ella Fitzgerald. I have one of her.

[Frank]

We got some Aretha Franklin. Some Aretha Franklin. Charles goes on there.

[Joe Santagano]

Who's the one who's pennies from heaven? Why can't I think of her name?

[Frank]

Is that Paul Anka?

[Joe Santagano]

No, Paul Anka.

[Ant]

While he's. While he's looking that up. It seems that for composers the Curse of the Ninth. It's more like the 27 Club now. You know, some people make it past, but a lot of them on the ninth Symphony have passed.

[Frank]

A lot of them weird, dude. Yeah, the 27 Club, that was a freaky one. I remember. Oh my God. Dude. I remember it being like in middle school. Like don't carry around a white lighter. The curse of the 27 is going to get you.

[Joe Santagano]

You.

[Frank]

Cuz it was like all those like famous musicians that died at 27 had like a white lighter on them when they passed away.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, it's.

[Frank]

I don't know if it's true.

[Joe Santagano]

Billy Holiday was who I was thinking of, by the way. That was a cover, I guess, but.

[Frank]

But like. Yeah, it was like all of them had like a white lighter in their pocket and it's like.

[Joe Santagano]

So you didn't carry a white lighter?

[Frank]

I didn't carry lighters.

[Joe Santagano]

Me neither.

[Frank]

I never smoke. But it would be like if someone had one, I'd be like, don't get. Put it down. And then I do the thing where I take it and I pop it by hitting it on the ground.

[Joe Santagano]

Nice.

[Frank]

You remember those?

[Joe Santagano]

Hell yeah.

[Frank]

Sick or you make crack head lighters. Crackheads just getting an absolute stray out of nowhere.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank]

Leave alone. Leave crackheads alone.

[Joe Santagano]

Cracked up.

[Ant]

Well, they need higher flames.

[Frank]

Did. Oh you. So you know what a crackhead lighter is?

[Ant]

Yeah, of course.

[Frank]

I often get like you grew up in Maspet.

[Joe Santagano]

I forget that.

[Frank]

That's Queens.

[Ant]

That's fair.

[Joe Santagano]

Maspeth. Is it Maspeth?

[Ant]

Nope.

[Frank]

You didn't grow up in Maximum.

[Ant]

It's close.

[Frank]

No. Middle village.

[Ant]

Well, there we go. Why don't you tell the address as well?

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, we know I said you grew up there.

[Frank]

I'm not saying where you live now.

[Ant]

I said joke now.

[Frank]

You live three blocks down the way.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, Middle Village, Fifth street, green door.

[Ant]

Yep.

[Joe Santagano]

All right.

[Frank]

I mean, people unlocked. Like, do they still make. Look for the house with the flooded basement. Look for the house with the twisted tea bottles in the window and people screaming at Mario Kart.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

If you're very quiet, you'll be able to hear them somehow.

[Frank]

Oh, you're just gonna hear.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Listen, I did that just for the story. I didn't do that to try to gag. Bait you.

[Joe Santagano]

I did see you. By the way, your Malort calendar for the 25th day. You didn't gag, right?

[Frank]

I did not. Two days. Two days, you didn't gag.

[Joe Santagano]

What was the other one?

[Frank]

14.

[Ant]

Day. 14 or 15.

[Joe Santagano]

You didn't gag.

[Ant]

Don't remember that day either.

[Frank]

Yeah, you. You said, like, you blacked out that day.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Did you?

[Ant]

It was. I came home from the bar, forgot to do it.

[Frank]

I don't think I've ever seen you drunk.

[Ant]

I don't get drunk.

[Frank]

Oh, clearly you do. I get.

[Joe Santagano]

I get.

[Ant]

No, like I'm saying, I get drunk. I hit a point, and I don't go past that. I kind of just fall asleep. Like, my body shuts down.

[Frank]

That's how I am.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I mean, that's how I was. I don't really. I couldn't even tell you last time. I was like, drunk.

[Ant]

If I'm on Red Bull vodkas. Oh, you'll see me. I'll start being. You'll see me.

[Joe Santagano]

You'll see me.

[Frank]

Red Bull vodkas.

[Joe Santagano]

You'll know because it.

[Ant]

Cuz it keeps up the sleep person awake.

[Frank]

Interesting.

[Ant]

I'm saying.

[Joe Santagano]

Okay.

[Ant]

Does that make sense?

[Frank]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

If you could make the.

[Joe Santagano]

If you.

[Frank]

I know your answer is going to be but, like, if you could have one drink all night.

[Joe Santagano]

This is gonna.

[Frank]

Be like Jameson, ginger, Jameson, seltzer, the slice of orange.

[Joe Santagano]

One drink all night.

[Ant]

It's pretty close.

[Joe Santagano]

I mean, I can't say like, wine, right?

[Frank]

You could say whatever you want. Oh, I thought you were talking about America, baby.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I would say wine then.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, would you like a cocktail? I would. Yours is probably Miller Light.

[Frank]

I mean, I Like, light beer. I'm definitely getting to a point in my life. I mean, I'll tell you right now, I'll fucking. You can cream me up all night. I'll take a Guinness all night.

[Joe Santagano]

Dude, good answer, too.

[Ant]

Actually, I lied. I had three Corona lights the other day, and then I was bombed. I'm like. I was like, what happened? What's going on?

[Frank]

Do you remember the Corona lights of Bud Platinums?

[Joe Santagano]

I do. Wait, is Corona light like that, or is it lighter?

[Ant]

No, I think I just. I don't. I'm not used to beer. And I had. And I had three in a row, and I was just. I felt.

[Frank]

I was like, whoa, yo. Probably the worst time in my life I've ever blacked out. I had a bottle of cheap champagne and a six pack of Bud Platinums. I was on another planet, dude. I couldn't believe how drunk.

[Joe Santagano]

What percent is Bud Platinum?

[Frank]

I think it's, like, not like, super high, but, like, compared to, like, bud light. Yeah, it's high. I think it's like 10. 10?

[Joe Santagano]

Whoa, that's high. Maybe 8.

[Frank]

Maybe 8. Maybe 8.

[Joe Santagano]

Maybe 8's even high, too. Can you look up Bud light platinum? Six.

[Ant]

Six.

[Joe Santagano]

Six.

[Frank]

But that's still.

[Joe Santagano]

It's like. That's higher than a normal beer, which.

[Frank]

But coupled with, like, champagne. Bottom shelf. It was Andre champagne. No disrespect to Andre, but do you.

[Joe Santagano]

Dude, there's a place over here. And me and Nicole went to brunch there, and we're like, oh, yeah, we'll, like, do a mimosa. And she's like, do you want to just get a carafe? She's. And so I'm thinking, like, oh. Because usually when people are doing that, it's like, oh, you get more money's worth if you just get, like, another two instead of ordering four separately if you're gonna have more than one. So that was what I was thinking. It's like, oh, all right, sure. And she comes over with a carafe, opens a bottle, and pours the whole thing in. And I'm like, whoa.

[Frank]

I feel like I don't think a bottle of champagne is that much.

[Joe Santagano]

It's not that crazy. It just wasn't in the cards at the moment.

[Frank]

I was like, half bottle of champagne.

[Joe Santagano]

We're having, like, a nice little brunch. And it was like. Comes over with a bottle of champagne.

[Frank]

I was like, I thought it was going to be, like, one extra glass. Yeah, I am a problem at a. At a. At a bottomless brunch.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I am a fucking problem.

[Joe Santagano]

Especially when it's. When it's timed. I mean, you're, you're.

[Frank]

Yeah. When it's like, yo, you have. You have a two hour bottomless brunch. I'd be like, don't move. The first time I ever. I don't know if it was the first time, but one of the first times I ever went to one, it was like myself, Divino Danny. And I'm sure there was like one or two other people there. Yo, we legitimately had these. The, the, the. The server just standing next to the table and like, would refill his cup, I would drink mine. And they, they sit. They stayed there for like eight minutes. Like, they just didn't leave the table. Davina, he, like, threw up in the bathroom. I think I broke a glass on the floor accidentally. I offered to buy it. That's why my sister was there, because I felt bad because I broke the glass. I was like, I'll buy the glass. And they were like, we don't give a fuck about the class.

[Joe Santagano]

We don't know what it costs.

[Frank]

I don't work. But I felt so bad. I was just like, I'll buy. I'll just. I'll buy it. Yeah, you know, Good times.

[Joe Santagano]

Have you ever had a Irish coffee?

[Frank]

I don't like coffee.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Have you. That's not really an ant.

[Ant]

Thing is. Bud light in a coffee, does that count?

[Joe Santagano]

Bud light in a coffee?

[Frank]

No, I've had hot toddies, like maybe once, like, oh, hot toddy.

[Ant]

Have you had an Irish coffee?

[Joe Santagano]

No. I was just thinking about the other day because, like, it came up like. Or I was at a bar. There's a bar near me that has, like, great dinner. So we went for dinner, but the person who was sitting next to me ordered a hot toddy. And I was like, I don't know if I like hot drinks.

[Frank]

I like the one or two times I've had them. I like them. But you're right. I feel like it feels wrong. Yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

What are we doing?

[Frank]

Like, it definitely feels wrong.

[Joe Santagano]

Also, like, mulled wine.

[Ant]

I think I did coffee, Jameson and Bailey's once. It was pretty good.

[Frank]

So.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So then you basically.

[Ant]

Yeah, it was pretty good. I'm just trying to he jogged my memory a little bit.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Ant]

That's pretty tasty.

[Frank]

Yeah. I mean, if I was a coffee drinker, I could see that being pretty appealing.

[Joe Santagano]

Things I do, like watching videos of people making Irish coffees. You ever see the guys making, like, 40 of them in a row.

[Frank]

No, I wanted somehow, at the end of my. Before the end of my life, do the thing where they hold up like 12 shakers and they like, pour it out. Pour all the fucking drinks. And they're like rainbow colored.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, they're all different.

[Frank]

Yeah. Shit is so sick. Dude.

[Joe Santagano]

That is cool. Do you remember when we did Skittle shots? Were those colored?

[Frank]

Yes, they were. I. So at a bar. Oh, I didn't do them at a bar. I made them at home. I bought.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I thought you made me do one at Ditmar Station.

[Frank]

We probably did. I did a lot of drinking of alcohol at Ditmar Station, the greatest bar that has died. That bar was great. That bar was fucking great.

[Joe Santagano]

We were 21, so every bar was great.

[Frank]

I mean, 21.

[Joe Santagano]

Do you remember?

[Frank]

Six, seven.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, I thought that's what you were doing. Oh, you're saying. No, that's where we used to go.

[Frank]

No, but I made the Skittle shots and I thought of them as like, oh, it's like a mixed drink and I had like a cup of it and I was like, oh, this is just a cup of straight vodka.

[Joe Santagano]

Bad.

[Frank]

It was disgusting. It. But it was like. It tasted like Skittles.

[Ant]

I'll say that.

[Frank]

I've. You guys made Skittles?

[Ant]

No, but I do rainbow shots. I could. I could do the pouring and really do that. Different colors. I did it twice.

[Frank]

Do that.

[Ant]

We could do it.

[Joe Santagano]

It's just different.

[Ant]

Like. Yeah, you just layer it.

[Joe Santagano]

It's alcohols, right?

[Ant]

No, not really towards the top. It's just mixers. Like, the first one's grenadine and orange juice, essentially.

[Frank]

In. In college, it was a big thing that people would do. The gummy bears or gummy worms, where they would just soak gummy bears or gummy worms and vodka, and then you just eat the gummy bears and.

[Joe Santagano]

Are you Jello shot, guys?

[Frank]

I like a Jello shot, but it's a little too much work for me to get drunk.

[Ant]

I've had. I've had a Jello shot in my day.

[Joe Santagano]

That could mean.

[Frank]

That's what I mean. This is the answers we get from him. Like, I've consumed one before.

[Joe Santagano]

Do you like them?

[Ant]

There's been hundreds. Yeah, I like them.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It's just like.

[Ant]

It doesn't feel like you're taking shots.

[Frank]

I need. It's a little overtly sexual just to get drunk. I don't want to have to fuck out. I don't want to have to perform a sexual act to have A drink.

[Joe Santagano]

That's the worst part about Jello shots is that you get them and it's like I'm sucking the out of this thing. Yeah, I'm.

[Frank]

It's crazy.

[Ant]

Whoa.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

That was crazy.

[Ant]

The trick is to make them upside down. What? Make them trick is to make to when you make them upside down.

[Joe Santagano]

Here's a better trick. I've never made them and I'm not going to.

[Frank]

I think I've made them once before. It was like so I remember as a kid we always hosted New Year's parties. I remember my mom and like my family used to make trays of these bastards.

[Joe Santagano]

I do remember that too.

[Frank]

And honestly might make some.

[Ant]

You should.

[Joe Santagano]

The fact that we're still going. We're done. You did it.

[Frank]

Well, Frank, the audio only. I was gonna say losers. What did you say? I was gonna say the audio only listeners. The audio only listeners. They're probably like, did this cut. What? What, what happened?

[Joe Santagano]

I think they can hear you just like doing something.

[Frank]

Yeah, well, you know what?

[Joe Santagano]

Have a Jello shot.

[Frank]

This. Have a Jello shot for the New Year. I mean, this is coming out well after the New Year. Yeah. You know, but like, I'm talking to you guys.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, have a Jello shot.

[Frank]

Should we make some me? Oh, I'm not going to see you before New Year.

[Ant]

No. We could do a Jello shot Power Hour.

[Frank]

No, we cannot, guys. That would. I wouldn't be able to fucking walk from this.

[Joe Santagano]

I don't know that I could eat 60 Jell O's in an hour. That's insane.

[Frank]

That is a lot of Jell O, dude.

[Ant]

It's a lot of Jello.

[Frank]

It's a lot of.

[Joe Santagano]

I would like imagine Jello.

[Frank]

Do you remember Power Hour? I know, I know, but like, that's such a fucking, like, yo. It would be like. Oh, there would be like YouTube playlists of like early 2000s hip hop power Hour and every different song. It was the bro. We used to sit there with shot glasses of beer like psychopaths.

[Joe Santagano]

I remember. Damn. Did we do one on Patreon?

[Ant]

I think you.

[Frank]

We did years ago.

[Ant]

I think you did one.

[Frank]

I think we did one years ago. I don't think we've done one. I still.

[Joe Santagano]

We time it. Oh, we just had a timer.

[Frank]

Yeah, probably. I still think he should.

[Ant]

Should do one with pizza rolls.

[Frank]

Oof.

[Joe Santagano]

I could easily do that.

[Ant]

You think so?

[Frank]

I think between the two of us, we could do a pigs in a blanket one.

[Joe Santagano]

No, That's a lot.

[Frank]

60 pigs in a blanket between the two of us. 30 each.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, yeah?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank]

What, without trying?

[Ant]

I think we can power half hour.

[Joe Santagano]

Power half hour?

[Frank]

I mean, why?

[Ant]

Because you're both taking one.

[Frank]

No, he does one. I do.

[Ant]

Oh, every two minutes. You take one.

[Frank]

Yeah. Come on.

[Ant]

All right. We could do it.

[Frank]

Let's see. We got here.

[Ant]

I could by myself. I don't think so.

[Joe Santagano]

What if there was $3,000 on the line?

[Frank]

Oh, well, hold on a sec. I didn't know money.

[Ant]

I can very easily.

[Frank]

If money was a. If I knew money was involved, it's.

[Ant]

Too late because he offered me first and you saw that. Is it a challenge? I'll do it.

[Joe Santagano]

No, I said what if.

[Ant]

What ifs turn into maybes and then maybe turn into yeses.

[Joe Santagano]

That's crazy. Maybe he's turned into yeses.

[Frank]

No kid loves a challenge. Are you kidding me?

[Joe Santagano]

I know.

[Frank]

It's nothing.

[Joe Santagano]

Such a. For money.

[Frank]

He'll do it for nothing.

[Joe Santagano]

We got to find something good and he'll do it. I just don't want him to yak.

[Frank]

I mean, I. I pray we have never had someone throw up on this show.

[Joe Santagano]

We haven't.

[Frank]

We've gotten close.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Let's see.

[Joe Santagano]

I thought you were gonna throw up once.

[Frank]

There were a couple times.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, maybe when you shoved your hand down your throat.

[Frank]

That's what's gonna say. I was like, what?

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah, that one will do. There.

[Frank]

There are some. There's some times we could do like. You know, it would be miserable if it was like our least favorite foods and there was like 10 versions of them for a power hour. So, like, if yours was just like pickles and what else does he hate?

[Ant]

Those just 10 versions of pickles. Wouldn't that. Would that be.

[Frank]

I mean, do you really hate pickles that much?

[Ant]

Yeah, it's not good pickles.

[Frank]

Malort. Jeez.

[Ant]

Forget it.

[Joe Santagano]

Pickles soaked in malort. Ooh, that's a disgusting thought.

[Frank]

I think that would probably taste pretty good.

[Ant]

Pickleback. But instead of whiskey, it's Malort.

[Joe Santagano]

Oh, man, that's a bad.

[Frank]

You double gag. That's a bad Maybe double gagged. There we go.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

All right. That's for those audio losers. Yeah, or audio only losers. But yeah.

[Joe Santagano]

Well, this is our last episode before we're going into the new year. But it is New Year's now. I mean, we're in the mid December. Mid January at.

[Frank]

Where are you at this point? You show the people your sausage at this point in time?

[Joe Santagano]

I'm not gonna do that.

[Frank]

But like that. Showing the people how the sausage is made. That's a reference.

[Joe Santagano]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I don't think you would show people your. Your.

[Joe Santagano]

Thank you for laying all that out.

[Frank]

I want to make sure I say that very clearly, because everything else I'm saying, this episode is being taken out of context, becoming the butt of a joke, because I'm trying to better myself.

[Joe Santagano]

And how are you gonna better yourself again?

[Frank]

I'm not doing this.

[Joe Santagano]

All right, Ant. Never mind. Frank, where can I find you?

[Frank]

The Frank cover is all over patreon.com the Basement Yard tby tour merch. Thank you. We love you. I hope that the holidays treated everyone safe. If you celebrated any of those holidays.

[Joe Santagano]

And you can find. Just kidding. New Year, say me. You guys can follow me at the Joe San Diego. Go follow the show at the Basement Yard.

[Frank]

And that is all.

[Joe Santagano]

So you guys can next time wait.

[Frank]

At the Joe Santagano. It's changed. Did I say that? Yep. Well, don't follow that account. We don't know who it is.