#538 - Meet Us At The Bowling Alley

Summary

The Basement Yard #538 – Meet Us At The Bowling Alley

Date: January 19, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez with guest Antonio
Presented by: Santagato Studios

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy episode, Joe, Frank, and Antonio return to their roots with a hilariously nostalgic, meandering conversation about bowling alleys, service jobs, childhood memories, weird internet content, and—inevitably—the anatomy of dads and professional tickling leagues. The trio’s blend of off-the-wall banter, personal stories, and playful debates creates a quintessential Basement Yard hour: irreverent, relatable, and unfiltered.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old Bowling Alley Vibes & Childhood Memories

• Bowling Alley Atmosphere: The hosts fondly reminisce about the unique smell, dated carpets, and grimy magic of classic bowling alleys from the 1990s and 2000s.
  • “The carpet was still the same carpet, you know, from the fucking 90s that smells like shit and had blood on it. Blood and spit, you know, and then it smelled like cigarettes and, you know, stale Coors Light.” (Joe, 39:33)
• Bowling Ball Anxieties: Frank and Joe discuss the strange sizing of bowling ball holes and joke about whose dad had thumbs big enough for the largest balls.
  • “This is only for Joe’s dad’s thumb.” (Frank, 40:16)

2. Bowling Competitiveness & Technique

• Bowling Styles & Bragging Rights: The hosts tease Antonio about his two-handed bowling, talk about their own inconsistent skills, and recall mutual friends who bowled perfect games.
  • “I'm either getting a strike or I'm not getting anything… I don't go for spare.” (Frank, 48:11)
  • “Bowling is… that's a great first date thing.” (Joe, 41:41)
• Self-Deprecation: They admit mediocrity at bowling but debate who’d win in a friendly showdown.
  • “I think I've bowled a one.” (Joe, 48:11)

3. Classic Bowling Alley Stories

• Getting Kicked Out: Joe recalls being (sort of) kicked out for walking too far onto the lane, while Frank shares a wild story about witnessing one man urinate on another in a bowling alley bathroom.
  • “I saw another man piss on another man in the bathroom.” (Frank, 44:32)
• Bowling Alley Food: They rhapsodize about bowling alley hot dogs, snack stands, and the enduring appeal of cheap “snappy” franks with a side of nostalgia.
  • “Those hot dogs might have awakened my hot dog loving ability.” (Frank, 57:59)

4. Weird Internet Content & TikTok Rabbit Holes

• Rapid-fire trading of favorite bizarre TikToks and internet videos: a sand-throwing “sand guy,” an Asian performer straining his face and opening beer bottles with body parts, and various music/art performance oddities.
  • “The world is a weird place. The more that you kind of, like, start to pick it apart.” (Frank, 16:26)

5. Tickling, Torture, and Business Ideas

• Professional Tickling League: A recurring, mock business pitch about a competitive tickling league, with the hosts debating its viability and potential as an “elevated horror movie.”
  • “It’s like the MMA, but it’s tickling.” (Frank, 09:13)
• Tickle Monster Concept: Frank’s pitch for a horror allegory film using the “tickle monster” as a metaphor for humor as a defense mechanism is quickly derailed and mocked.
  • “There is a physical tickle monster, but it has to do with our society's necessity to use humor as a defense mechanism.” (Frank, 13:08)

6. Service Industry Real Talk

• First Jobs & Service Stories: Antonio shares stories from pizza delivery, including getting tipped $100 by a woman in a robe and a “ghost pizza” (an empty box).
  • “On Valentine's Day, someone in a robe with nothing underneath gave me $100.” (Antonio, 60:58)
• Pizza Delivery Disasters: Both Joe and Antonio recall mishaps like dropped pizzas and weird customers.
• The Value of Service Jobs: Frank and Joe agree everyone should work a service job once for perspective.
  • “I think it gives you perspective, you know, with what people have to deal with.” (Joe, 65:47)

7. Customer Reviews, Yelp, and Criticism

• Debating Leaving Reviews: Spirited argument about the morality and usefulness of leaving negative reviews, with Frank reading his own (embarrassing) 1-star review about unsauced wings.
  • Frank’s review, 87:03:
    “Second time in a row that they didn’t sauce the wings. It’s been a recurring issue and I gave it one more shot after last time… unfortunately, I'll no longer be ordering from [restaurant]. I would give it zero stars if I could.”
• Review Guilt: They discuss the difference between constructive feedback and being needlessly harsh or self-important.
  • “The general feeling of people who leave like detailed reviews is like, very pretentious to me.” (Joe, 78:29)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Bowling Alleys:
  “Bowling alleys are such a piece of shit. But they’re so magical.”
  — Frank @39:20

• On Classic Shoes:
  “What is the reason why bowling shoes need to look like… it’s gotta do with Frankenstein version of a shoe.”
  — Joe @42:24

• On Dad Dick Discourse:
  “This hole in this bowling ball reminds me of Joe’s dad’s dad.”
  — Frank @40:31

• On Working a Service Job:
  “I think it gives you perspective, you know, with what people have to deal with.”
  — Joe @65:47

• On Negative Yelp Reviews:
  Frank, reading his own:
  “Empanadas and yuca fries were solid, but everything else was flavorless and bland. That was bad. Who does that help? That was country. That was bad.”
  — Frank @88:40

• On Being a Pizza Delivery Guy:
  “On Valentine’s Day, someone in a robe with nothing underneath gave me $100.”
  — Antonio @60:58

• On Tickle Torture:
  “Do you think that there’s ever been like a torture session where they tickled some information out of someone?”
  — Joe @09:55

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:30 – 11:18: Merch, clothing sizes, nipple pain, Ren & Stimpy nipple talk, fish biting nipples
• 13:20 – 18:46: Professional tickling league, tickle monster horror movie
• 19:42 – 22:32: Strange viral video content descriptions
• 38:48 – 43:12: Bowling nostalgia, bowling alley foods, weird stories
• 47:15 – 54:23: Bowling skills, bowling etiquette, first date “rules”
• 58:00 – 65:38: First jobs, pizzeria work, hot dog nostalgia
• 65:47 – 74:21: Service industry lessons, customers, takeout “travels badly,” review guilt
• 87:03 – 90:11: Frank reads his negative wing review, gets roasted

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Tone and Style Notes

• The tone is irreverent and playful, with relentless ribbing and side-tracking.
• Discussions jump from absurdity (tickle MMA/monster movies) to authentic glimpses of blue-collar youth and the challenges of service work.
• Joe and Frank’s chemistry is on full display, effortlessly ping-ponging between jokes and mini-serious insights.

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Summary

“Meet Us At The Bowling Alley” is The Basement Yard at its best: nostalgic, idiotic, loving, and raw. From the faded glamour of bowling alleys to the unfiltered world of pizza delivery and TikTok absurdities, the hosts turn every mundane topic (and every digression) into a comedic highlight reel. Their stories—about dads, service jobs, wings, reviews, and the merits of being bullied and tickled—are a reminder that no topic is too trivial or too weird for a lively, laugh-filled Basement Yard session.

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Next episode tease: More shenanigans—maybe even a Santa Gato Studios bowling video.

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For more, follow the hosts:

• Joe Santagato – @joesantagato
• Frank Alvarez – @thefrankalvarez
• The Basement Yard on TikTok & Instagram

Transcript

[A]

All right, listen up. Nacho chips. Quiet down. Crispy potatoes. This is the moment Velveeta's been preparing you for, and you're not about to crack under pressure. Today's the day to go all in on the drip. Velveeta's Heat and Eat Queso is the MVP of any game day spread. So stick by them and you'll be golden. Now get out there and make delicious history. No tailgate party is complete without Velveeta.

[B]

Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank.

[A]

Wearing Pinky Boys merch.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Hell, yeah. Free plug. Support my boys. You know.

[B]

Support my boys.

[A]

I wear enough Santa Gato's Studios merch. I could try it out, you know? Yeah. This is the only graphic tee I've worn. Where did we get that?

[B]

Did you have that?

[A]

He had it in his office. And I looked for a new shirt because we're doubling it up today. We'll show them our sausage.

[C]

There's a. He. He said that there's too many mediums up there.

[A]

Yeah. Yo. So for those of you guys who.

[B]

Don'T know, also, I don't even wear a medium anymore.

[A]

Whom is it for, then?

[B]

Tiny Greg, maybe? I don't know.

[A]

Greg got broad shoulders, though. Dude. He's like a walking hanger. Like, he's got, like, giant shoulders. He comes to, like, he comes to, like, a, like, what's her name? Jetson Point we're bringing up. You like how he snuck that in there with much aplomb?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, I, I, we went on the days we double up, I try to, like, change my shirt or, like, take my hat off, you know, Throw people off.

[B]

Yeah. You know, and now you've completely given that away.

[A]

Yeah, it's okay. But I go to the office because we have a lot of shirts in here, and they're all size fucking medium.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're also, like, things that you sold in, like, 2021.

[B]

I don't know how those are all up there.

[A]

Like, like, there's, like, a pink windbreaker up there. That's like a size small.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That was.

[A]

What the fuck is this? Yeah, that was for Greg. Was that, like, running merch you guys wanted to do?

[B]

No, we. We were, like, testing out products for one of the companies that we were using at the time. And then we were like, let's. Let's see these, how these look. And then I think we did put them out, though. I think we did sell, like, a couple of them.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure. But I'm sure you did.

[B]

Yeah, I think we did put them out. But Greg was like, oh, I'm gonna get a pink one. I was like, all right.

[A]

But I like this shirt. It's. I will say, very soft.

[C]

We don't have to. We don't. It wasn't for this.

[A]

Now you get nothing. I'll rip my shirt off right here. He did my.

[B]

Rub his nipple just now.

[A]

Well, it's because my nipples have been very tender lately. I don't know what's going on.

[B]

Pregnant.

[A]

I. Hopefully not, you know.

[B]

You have tender nipples? Yeah.

[A]

Like, the other day, I was like.

[B]

Someone was hitting him with a yo.

[A]

Like. So I'm not like, yeah, you got tender. Like, I was at home the other day and I was just like, yo, my nipples hurt.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I probably should get it checked out. You know, just to make sure it's nothing scary.

[C]

You want me to check it out?

[A]

No, don't touch my nipples.

[B]

Both are one. Both. So, like, you pull on them or something?

[A]

No, I don't. You know how I am, Joey.

[B]

Yeah, but if you feel them tender, that means that you're.

[A]

I mean, I'm, like, testing it out by, like, rubbing my hand over it and stuff like that. And they're a little tender.

[B]

You know what they might be from? Have you been exercising?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it could be from just your shirt just grinding down your nipples.

[A]

Yeah, but it's under this. Like, it feels under the skin. Like, it feels like.

[B]

I'm fresh out of ideas then.

[A]

Okay, well, at first, and I think I told you, I thought it was like, a tear. Because at first it was only one side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought it was like, a tear in, like, my. Like, you tagged her, but. So I stopped working out my chest.

[B]

You stopped working out your nipples?

[A]

I stopped working out my nipples.

[B]

Stopped doing nipple ups.

[A]

Yeah. You know, nipple press.

[B]

We just, like, attached weights to your nipples.

[A]

What show was that? Oh, Ren and Stimpy. Wasn't there a guy in there that had, like, giant fucking nipples, bro?

[B]

I must have missed that on morning cartoons, you know?

[A]

I mean, Ren Simpy was, like, kind of even before our time. I don't know. But, like, he had, like, a. Like, his name was, like, Cinnamon Toast man or something. Or the Powerful Bread Toast.

[B]

He had long nipples, dude.

[A]

This guy's nipples were like pacifiers. I'm talking like, whoa. You could bite on and hang like a fish.

[B]

I would not a man.

[A]

I was confused for a sec. Like, you think people can go fishing with their nipples?

[B]

Some, probably. If you. If you dip them in there, bro. A fish bit my nipple.

[A]

Fish bit my. A bir. Like a birthmark underneath my nipple.

[B]

No, it hit my. Hit my.

[A]

Oh, it actually hit my nipple too.

[B]

My. It, it like sucked my nipple. Not sucked my. It bit my nipple.

[A]

Be honest.

[B]

I didn't hate it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it scared me because I wasn't expecting it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wasn't like, I was like. So I kind of like I was getting up on a dock and when I was like this, it just went. And I was like, yo.

[A]

That was.

[B]

A little sexually charged.

[A]

I was trying to get. That was a weird noise you made there.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Again, for the audio only listeners. They really want to hear it again.

[B]

It sounds like you want to hear it.

[A]

No, I'm not an audio only listener.

[B]

I bet you aren't. And then I got on the dock and then I squeezed my nipple and.

[A]

Then blood, a little blood came out. So you milked your own nipple blood for its blood?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's disgusting. I mean, what am I going.

[B]

But I was like, I can't go back in the works now. All the.

[A]

Now they're so attracted to your nipples.

[B]

Because they're like, oh, all these horny.

[A]

Ass fish want Joey's nipple.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, oh, we could suck it. We could suck his nipple or whatever. You know why?

[A]

I don't know why any. If I'm being honest.

[B]

I do want to get bit by a. A turtle. I would love to get bit by a.

[A]

My guy.

[B]

Not a big turtle.

[A]

My guy.

[B]

A nice turtle. Not a snapping turtle. Just one that like is all right. Is cool. Oh, no one's nice one.

[A]

That's. We're playing nice one. So like, let me ask you. Yeah.

[B]

What turtle the species. But like what make and model?

[A]

I imagine that if they have the power to bite, they have the power to hurt you. So what, you think you're gonna like befriend this turtle? That it'll just be like, let me just give you a little nibble.

[B]

Yeah, dogs do it.

[A]

I think dogs are more often domesticated animals than turtles.

[B]

It's all about the energy you put into the water.

[A]

I mean, that's what I say. You know how I feel about my ability to not get beat up by animals because I put out a good aura. Yeah. But I feel like getting bit by a turtle. Really?

[B]

I don't know. I think that would be cool. They have like cool looking tongues.

[A]

I want to get bit by a, an owl, but that's Probably a bad idea too.

[B]

I mean, they're so, like. Their beaks are so, like, fucking curled and shit. I'm like, what is this? I want to get bit by something, though.

[A]

I mean, we could do that very easily.

[B]

Like, don't you want to get bit? I want to get bit by a snake. Non denim.

[A]

No fucking way.

[B]

Non V. Non V. Regardless of the.

[A]

V. I don't want to get bit by them.

[B]

I mean, as long as it's not gonna, like, kill me.

[C]

Have you ever done the fish thing and let them suck your toes?

[A]

That's like a. That's like a big thing for, like, the.

[B]

Are you talking.

[A]

It's like, like, people that get, like, pet. Pet a. Pedicures. Pedicures.

[B]

Oh, gee, I didn't know where we were.

[A]

No, no, people that got pedicures. There's, like, certain spas where you put your feet.

[B]

Leeches.

[A]

No, just give me 30 seconds. Take it too long.

[B]

It's yours.

[A]

You put your feet in this, like, little spa bath, and there's these little fish that eat the dead skin off your feet.

[B]

Yeah, leeches, I think.

[A]

No, leeches are different. Leeches suck your blood, and leeches were. Are like worms. That is. That shit is fucking crazy. And they used to use that as, like, medicine back in the day.

[B]

My feet are too ticklish. I wouldn't be able to do that.

[A]

I mean, I think they. They. Oh.

[B]

When I was in Switzerland, I got a. I got a massage, and I was fighting for my life.

[A]

Really? What were they doing?

[B]

Massaging my feet, really. And I was trying desperately not to.

[A]

Like, that's one of the thing. I. I think I. I guess I missed the tickling thing. I'm not ticklish.

[B]

I'm very tick. I'm only ticklish, like, on my side.

[A]

Oh, right here.

[B]

Ticklish. Really? And. And my feet, like, at a. You know, I also. I'm more like anticipatory ticklish that I.

[A]

Will say that I get with my neck.

[B]

Like, if I'm coming over there and I'm like, I'm.

[A]

Yeah, it's not that it's gonna tickle me, but I just don't like it, you know, like, back up.

[B]

Get out of there.

[A]

You know? Get out of here.

[B]

Get out of here.

[A]

You know?

[B]

And then once you get a little ticklish, you're like, get out. And now I'm like. I turn into, like, an ogre.

[A]

Know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. There's seen videos of, like, people doing, like, you know, when my. When my girlfriend gets, like, overstimulated very quickly and it's like, like they're like tickling. And she's like, haha, get off me.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like that. I'm like that.

[C]

My dad used to tickle me and then while I was laughing, he would just say, fight it, fight it, fight it. And then one day wasn't ticklish anymore.

[A]

What? Your dad, your dad would condition you out of being ticklish?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Your dad would tickle you and say, fight it?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Good old yellow.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Wait, hold on. What was the issue with being ticklish according to your father?

[C]

I don't know, Maybe it was like a, you know, a weakness, a masculinity thing.

[A]

Fighting? Yeah, you know, the fighting, the popular fighting technique of tickling.

[C]

Like if me and Joe are wrestling, give him a tickle.

[B]

You know what could get me though?

[A]

See, hold on.

[B]

If you have a business idea, I'm gonna kill myself.

[A]

Business idea. It's like the mma, but it's tickling.

[C]

I have a site for you, Frankie. It already exists. Really?

[A]

Like professional site for him. A professional tickling lead.

[C]

I could send it to you later.

[A]

I mean, I don't want any site.

[B]

You should pay money for the documentary that I paid for. It was ticklish, but it's like sexual.

[A]

You told me about it. Yeah, don't need to pay money for it. No, it's, it's interesting, but like, it's like a fighting league, it's like a competition. I mean, think about it. We got the professional slap league. What's that one called? Power Slap. Power Slap, yeah, we got Power Slap, we got mma. Something a little less detrimental on the good old, you know, brain health. How about a professional tickling league?

[B]

Do you think that there's ever been a, like a torture session where they tickled some information out of somebody? You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I'm sure there has.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

I'm sure there has. But like, I'm thinking about it back to my idea where you like set people up in like kinda like asked if you have like, you know, like, in order to not be gay with your boy, you guys sleep like ass to feet.

[B]

I'm staring at his fucking dog like.

[A]

You, you guys lay in a situation where you like that and you both grab onto a foot and you just tickle until one person gives up and then they have to say. They don't say uncle. They say I'm too ticklish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's how they lose.

[B]

Now is this an idea or a fantasy? Because those I Mean, are all.

[A]

Aren't all ideas, fantasies to some degree.

[C]

It sounds like you've participated. Yeah.

[A]

In what?

[C]

In the professional tickling in the ass to foot, face to foot tickling. Sleepover.

[A]

You ever. You ever. Oh, no, no, I'm not saying that.

[B]

Have we ever slept foot to face?

[A]

I'm sure we have.

[B]

Have you done that with your boys?

[C]

No, I think we go just face to face. I think.

[A]

Whoa, dude. See that? Now that. That you're in, you're inviting. Yeah. Energy.

[B]

Also, I'm a cuddler, so sometimes, like, I'll. I've accidentally grabbed a boy.

[A]

I've slept like, like, in a bed with like, like a. A friend or something, and we just turn the other way.

[B]

Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've done that mad times. But I've also woken up and I'm. I'm like, staring at, like, Espo in the face, and we're just like.

[A]

Well, no, you don't stare at him in the face because he sleeps like Dracula. That's true. Yeah, he sleeps.

[B]

Espo does look like he sleeps like this every wake that been to.

[A]

That's how. This is why on vacations, I choose.

[B]

To room with Espo because he just doesn't move.

[A]

He sleeps. He takes up. The only amount of space he takes up is like the width of his body.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

And he doesn't move. He doesn't make a sound. Like. And not like you think that this is a joke. He sleeps like this.

[B]

Yeah. He sleeps like a dad watching his kids, like, soccer game. He's.

[A]

He sleeps like someone that is so upset at the ending of, like Harry Potter, you know, Just like. I don't like that.

[B]

I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

[A]

But where were we? I think I'm not a tickler. I don't. I don't like. I'm not. I don't get tickled.

[B]

That's the shocking. Like that. You wouldn't like. You'd be like. To me. You strike me as a tickler.

[A]

I mean, when I play with my kids, I tickle.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I would honestly say that 40% of my interactions with my nieces and nephews are tickler.

[A]

Well, the tickle monster is. Is a monster as old as time? I'm shocked. Hold on. New business idea.

[B]

You need to figure out a way to get ideas across on the show without making it a business.

[A]

All right, two business ideas.

[B]

How does that answer would I.

[A]

One is an elevated horror movie. We've had a Lot of those over the last couple years.

[C]

Now I'm in.

[A]

Now he's in. In the vein of, like, skid him a rank. You know, weapons, you know, something that is just. It's hard, but a little more symbolic. And there's. It's an allegory for something in society, and it's called the tickle monster.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And there is a physical tickle monster, but it has to do with our society's necessity to use humor as a defense mechanism.

[C]

You bored me.

[B]

What? I don't even know where we are.

[A]

Second business idea.

[B]

Oh, there's two within this.

[A]

I said there was two. The tickle room. It's like a haunted maze that you get around Halloween time. You know, like, people walk through, like, Halloween horror nights, but they're all just narrow rooms with people's hands in there and they tickle. Or they walk and their fingertips are out and they tickle in your feet.

[B]

How much time do we waste on that?

[C]

Too much probably is the answer.

[A]

I think so.

[C]

Wouldn't it make more sense to just, like, have someone walk naked through a room of feathers?

[B]

Where are we headed? What's the. We gotta grab the wheel right now?

[A]

I think that. Yes.

[B]

Or are feathers even comfortable?

[A]

No. Or you've seen Casper number three idea. Go ahead. You've seen Casper. You remember the scene where she goes through the thing and it, like, powders her face? That. But on feet. And it's like a tickle chair.

[B]

We don't need to keep coming up with these ideas. Why do we need. We feel like we need to do.

[A]

It a car wash, but for feet.

[B]

That's a shower, buddy.

[A]

No, but, like, you turn someone upside down so, like, they're in, like, this position.

[C]

That's gonna be great.

[B]

I know what upside down is.

[A]

No, no, not fully upside down.

[B]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[A]

They're on their back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's a car wash, and it has, like, the big foam rollers and the.

[B]

The soap.

[A]

You know what these are?

[B]

The big flappy.

[A]

The big flappy. Yeah. Yes, exactly. The Papper Dells. But it's for their feet. And it's just a tickle experience. Tickle NYC tnyc.

[B]

Well, definitely don't want to.

[C]

You know what I'm waiting for? I'm waiting for when you could step into, like, that box that some cartoons do. And then it's up to your neck, and then the thing comes down over your head, and then it cleans you and dresses you and cuts your hair, and then you're good for the day in, like, 30 seconds.

[B]

There's a guy who, like, makes videos like that where he, like, creates these machines or whatever. And, like, obviously it's not like it's for a video, but it's like his bed. And then his bed, like, sits up and, like, bacon hits him in the mouth, and he, like, it brushes his teeth and, like, you know, it, like, does it like that.

[A]

I love stuff like that.

[B]

Or you ever see the videos of the weird. I want to say Russian. I don't know, but it feels it.

[A]

They got.

[B]

When you see the videos, you know, there's just wood, white walls. You're like, this is Russian, and it's a guy. And he, like, attaches something to his head and he, like, pops balloons.

[A]

I know exactly who you're talking about.

[B]

He has it on his, like, dick or something. He's like. He's slapping it and. Yeah, I'm like, what is this?

[A]

Yeah, I know exactly what you're referencing.

[C]

I've seen when he's just crushing spaghetti noodles.

[A]

Yes. I love those.

[B]

Wait, what?

[C]

Like, he just.

[A]

He does that, but it's just like a big thing of spaghetti and it's.

[C]

Just on his head and he just crushes it.

[B]

Yeah, see, this, what I'm talking about.

[A]

The world is a weird place. The more that you kind of, like, start to pick it apart.

[B]

Yo, please tell me you've seen the guy. It's like an Asian dude.

[A]

Oh, that does the. This guy. He's like.

[C]

Was that your.

[A]

No, that was not. No, but he, like. He, like, strange. Call Mom, Daddy. No, no, get him in here. No, no, no. He, like. No, that's not what I meant. Now, see, that's completely taken out of context. Which guy are you talking about? He, like, strains his face and he, like. He, like. His face gets, like, red. He gets, like, red in the face. Oh. Straining himself.

[B]

I know what you're talking about, but. No, that's not what I'm talking about.

[A]

That's a crazy thing to do. I didn't do that. God, that looks bad.

[B]

Apologize before it even begins.

[A]

But now, I don't want people to take that out of context. I did not like.

[B]

The. No, it's like an Asian dude and he, like. I guess it's like an art exhibit or something. I don't know, but he has, like, a. What's the thing called? For a bow For a violin. But he'll be playing it and like. Like, knock over. Have you guys ever seen that?

[A]

This is that weird part of the Internet where Joey just finds Things randomly. Hilarious. Like the pipes. Oh, the pipes.

[B]

First of all, I have a pipe saved now, and I use it.

[A]

Pipes. The pipes. One is such a weird one.

[B]

It's so good, you know? But there was one. It's like this Asian guy, and he, like, does these. It's like music, I guess. I don't know, but it's like him playing a drum, but then he's, like, on the ground, and he's, like, rolling around, and there's just people watching this, and, like, all the comments are like, what the fuck is happening?

[A]

No, I don't think I've seen that one. Fuck, I wish.

[B]

I don't even know how to search for that.

[C]

Neither do I, because I'm trying.

[A]

Asian guy with bow. Try that.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

I don't know if he has a bow. I think maybe in a video he did, but it's like, I don't know.

[A]

Some random Asian guy wrestling on ground with drums, bro.

[B]

With. With bunch of shit. Like, he'll have, like, literally, like, this and this, and he'll just, like, start doing stuff. And people are there, like. Yeah, like, it's so. It's very, like, out there, art type of shit.

[C]

You see the guy that throws sand in the air and makes animals?

[A]

Yes. I've seen the people that have it on, like, a board and they flip it up like that.

[C]

No, I'm saying he just takes a handful of sand and could just throw it and make a snake.

[A]

What, this? Some of this that you guys like, it's got to be AI. Like, it's not real.

[B]

I don't know that I'm at the level of Boomer to the point where I would, like, fall for AI.

[A]

You sure?

[B]

I mean, maybe you fell for. I did fall for AI once before.

[A]

The owl, Right? Wasn't it the one? No, it was like a.

[B]

Like a. Yeah, it was some sort of animal or like, the guy.

[A]

Oh, it was like a. A bird or something. Like a white bird or butterfly or.

[B]

Yeah, and right there, the guy had 15 fingers. Yeah, that was pretty bad.

[A]

Yeah. It's all right. We're gonna just implode.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

You're never gonna try to look this up right now, trying to find anything.

[B]

You're never gonna find a dude because it's unbelievable.

[A]

Joe's. Your, like, algorithm is either European men screaming at the top of their lungs.

[B]

It really is a lot of that.

[A]

There's got to be something that feels good about that. Do you remember there was a time.

[B]

Where literally, that's not like an exaggeration. There was a guy who just kept popping up. Once you watch a video or you interact with it, if you like it, you just get all of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was just this guy, and he was a European dude, and he would just yell.

[A]

He would just yell at his phone, and I would send it to Frank.

[B]

And he'd be like, why are you watching this? And I'd be on the dude's page.

[A]

I'm like, it was. And it wasn't like he. He was just, ah, like, just screaming.

[C]

I got my sand guy.

[A]

You got your sand boy?

[C]

You want to see my sand guy?

[B]

Yeah, let's show us your sand guy.

[C]

I'll show you my sand guy.

[A]

So what do you mean he made.

[C]

You'll see, you'll see, you'll see. So he throws sand and makes animals. Look at that.

[A]

That's a bird.

[B]

Snake.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

I mean, is that a snake? I can make that.

[A]

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, the guy does throw something and then says, like, kind of looked like a snake.

[C]

All right, that. That's full. That's a full octopus. Look, he even did the colors of the fish.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

This feels like.

[C]

No, it's not great.

[A]

I'm not taking anything away from this guy.

[B]

How many tosses do we get?

[C]

That's a good question.

[B]

That was a good watch. That was a good watch.

[A]

What watch was it?

[C]

That's a good spoon.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I've seen this guy before.

[C]

I'm saying this. This bird right here. Not this one. This bird is incredible. That's an incredible bird.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, I could throw something and then take a still and find something that looks like it. I'm sorry. Like that, Like, I'm not taking away from this person.

[C]

I think that's exactly what you're doing.

[A]

But.

[C]

That might be.

[A]

I just don't think it's as impressive as you think. Can you look up the guy that I was referencing so people could see that I wasn't being racist?

[C]

Which one?

[A]

Just look up Asian guys straining with bottle caps.

[B]

Bottle caps?

[A]

He uses bottle caps in a ton where he'll, like, pop bottle caps off something or, like, open a Corona with his belly.

[C]

Oh, I know the guy you're talking.

[A]

You know who I'm talking about.

[C]

He does strain his face.

[A]

Please, please, please pull it up just so for me, to protect me and the sanctity of this show and my career.

[B]

Let's roll the dice.

[A]

Well, what about, like, people who make their Own conclusions. No, no, no, no. Come on.

[C]

What about him?

[B]

It honestly scares me when I see those videos because I'm like, this guy looks like he's gonna die.

[A]

He does. Yes. Thank God.

[B]

Okay. Why'd you pick this one?

[C]

Because I feel like Frankie wanted this one. That's what he told me.

[A]

I said bottle caps.

[B]

So he's got his nipples attached to this thing.

[A]

You're gonna tell me. See, that's the face.

[B]

Okay, hold on.

[A]

That's. I wasn't. Let's. Hold on.

[B]

Let's.

[A]

Now.

[B]

Now I'm gonna have to justify my justification. Okay, let's get something out of the way. 1. This is not what I was talking about.

[A]

This is. I know. I know you were talking. No, no, no.

[B]

When. When you brought it up, I thought you were talking about a different.

[A]

Another Asian guy. There's a different Asian guy. How many Asian guys are there?

[B]

Who actually strains his face? And he's like a jacked guy guy.

[A]

Oh, no, I'm talking about he, like, he'll, like, open. Like, he'll, like, open a beer bottle with his, like. Dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know about dick.

[C]

Can I take his nipples off the screen?

[B]

Yeah, you.

[A]

Absolutely. You can pull another one of his video.

[C]

Begin with, I think we're fine. I think we're fine.

[B]

Joe's guy.

[C]

I cannot find. I cannot find him.

[B]

That guy you won't find.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Do you've never liked a tik tok from him or anything or seen one recently? So.

[B]

So this is the guy that I was talking about. Well, no, not originally.

[A]

So that's the face you thought I was making?

[B]

This.

[A]

Yes. That would have been racist.

[B]

You ever see that kid? So he does that and, like, he just, like, strains his face and whatever. That's what I thought you were talking about.

[A]

So when you've never seen the nipple guy.

[B]

I've seen him. He has, like.

[A]

He, like. He does, like, weird little tricks with, like, his butt.

[B]

And he's naked.

[A]

I don't know about, but definitely nipples.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Belly's been in there at points. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, he literally had his nipples clamped. Well, this.

[A]

This is.

[B]

You know, his sponsors will not be happy with this one.

[A]

It'll be okay. We could pat it a little bit. Pad pat a little before that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Have you ever found a concerningly big lint in your belly button?

[B]

You know what I actually was thinking about the other day? I love finding crust in there.

[C]

You know, he's digging for.

[B]

Are you digging in there?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

There's not really much.

[B]

You got a deep. You got a cavernous hole or is she tight?

[A]

You could it.

[B]

My shit is, like, vacuum sealed. Like, if I rub my finger, like, if I do this, I could feel air like it's sucking me in.

[A]

I could go in there a little.

[B]

But, like, oh, I can get it. I could get the whole thing.

[A]

The whole thing of what?

[B]

What's my whole button? I could touch the whole button.

[A]

I mean, yeah, technically, I could touch the whole button, too. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like, I can get to every crack, but sometimes I'll get, like, a flake in there. And I like digging that out. I like digging it.

[A]

I do kind of like that. Yeah. Like, you find, like a. Like a piece of, like, a corn flake in there, and you're like, I haven't eaten Kellogg's in fucking months. Or it's also.

[B]

It's like. It's like. It feels like earwax. Almost, like in my belly button.

[A]

Now you lost me, brother.

[B]

Well, it's not like, waxy. Like, you know when you get, like, hard earwax, that just falls out of your ear.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

Like a flake.

[A]

I love, like, just sitting here and then just, like, earwax falls out. I'm like, it did its thing. Like, it did what it's supposed to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't clean my ears. What? I don't clean my ears. You're not supper. No, you're not supposed to.

[B]

I mean, I have the camera and I dig in.

[A]

I know. I don't do that either. I just kind of let my ears do their natural thing and they not.

[B]

It ever shows.

[A]

No. If I have blockage, I don't know about it.

[B]

How would you not?

[A]

Because I don't go in there.

[B]

But you would hear. You would hear.

[A]

I see those videos of people using, like, the water and their, like, ears, and then it's like the water comes out like, like brown.

[B]

It's like, can we hook you up to one of those cameras and see what's going on in your head?

[A]

Sure. I mean, there's not much.

[B]

How would you know? You don't go in there.

[A]

That's fair. Yeah. I mean, I. I would imagine there's not much.

[B]

If there is never, like, go like this.

[A]

I mean, I'll go like this.

[B]

But you never, like, take my napkin and you're like, go in.

[A]

And the people that are like, it feels good to, like, like, scratch your inner ears. I have never experienced.

[B]

Oh, I have. Because when I use that camera and I get down in There Sometimes I can get my leg going like a golden retriever.

[A]

Really? Yeah, dude, no, not me, man.

[B]

I'm like a German shepherd and I'm like, oh. But sometimes it makes me sneeze or cough. Weird.

[C]

Makes me cough.

[B]

Yeah, it makes me really?

[C]

Yeah, like.

[B]

But I have to cough and, like, say where. It's so strange.

[A]

That is a very weird thing.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I never.

[B]

You know how people, like, try to clean their throat by, like, doing this and, like, saw that in the mask.

[A]

He does that.

[B]

He's like, yeah, exact.

[A]

And it's like I like trying to scratch the back of their throat.

[B]

Yeah. I think there's, like, nerves, something.

[C]

I'm notoriously wet ears.

[A]

What's up?

[C]

I have notoriously wet ears.

[B]

Yeah, no, I heard that. What does that mean?

[A]

Get over here. Let's. Let's poke around.

[C]

I don't touch him.

[B]

What do you. What's. It's like, if you put your finger in there right now, you come out. You have, like, water on them sometimes.

[A]

Listen up, brother. You know what show you're on? Just tell us you have wet ears. We need to see them.

[B]

Are they. Is it sweat?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Wet in what regard?

[C]

Like, if I put a Q tip in there, it'll be wet.

[B]

Wet sometimes, but like, with wax, sometimes.

[C]

Sometimes it's just wet.

[B]

Sometimes you pronounce the T and wet so hard. It's insane.

[A]

We are wet. I don't know if it's an anxious.

[B]

Q tip and put it in your ear and if it comes out and there's no wax, but it would still be wet.

[C]

It could be.

[A]

What.

[B]

What is that?

[C]

I don't know. I thought it was an anxious thing.

[B]

Maybe your ears are anxious. You're scared of hearing.

[C]

I don't know. I just. It's just something I have.

[A]

I don't know. We need, like, Dr. Mike to tell us what the. Is going on with yourself.

[C]

I have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We should get Dr. Bro. We should get Dr. Mike in here and ask him a bunch of questions.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, he would probably leave here dumber.

[B]

That's the goal.

[A]

We get him in here thinking he's going to teach. He's so, like, patient that I would make it my goal to make this guy lose his shit. Yeah, I saw, like, clips of the video where he did. He talked to, like, a bunch of anti vaxxers. Jubilee. Yeah. And he's just like, I'm not trying to play Gotcha. You know, like, he's. He's very, like. He's smart. He Knows what he's saying. He's patient. I would try to ruin that. And that's why we shouldn't get him or Hank Green in here, bro. Because I would make them hate us.

[B]

The first thing, the one from that video that I loved was there was one point where he's sitting there in his fucking scrubs sitting across from this girl, and he goes, is there anything that I could say today that would change your mind? And she goes, no, because I've actually done the research.

[A]

Sitting across from a doctor in school. Once people started. Once people started to link, like doctors and politics, it was gone. Every doctor is fucked from here on out.

[B]

We should. We should, though. We should get Dr. Mike here and be like, yeah, why is our boy got wet ass ears does that. You know, maybe you stump him.

[A]

We should start. We should start a series of episodes where we bring in someone that specialized in a field. This isn't a business idea. This is a legitimately good idea where we do like, 20 questions for Dr. Mike. 20 questions for Hank Green, 20 questions for a mycologist. Because you're fucking into mushrooms now, you know, and then just get them to the point where they hate us so much because we are so stupid that they can't fucking put up with it anymore.

[C]

I'd be afraid to talk to him because once you say, oh, I have wet ears, he's like, oh, does your ankle also hurt? Can you do this with your pinky? Too many questions.

[A]

Yeah, but see, they're trained. They're trained to not, like, worry you. They're trained to just be like, okay, you know? I mean, if it's something that you like, like, he's not just gonna be like, you got a problem, brother? Go right now. Unless it was like, you have a gunshot wound in your head.

[B]

That would be cool, though. Not the gunshot.

[C]

Well, thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean. Wet ears, dude.

[B]

What a random symptom that you have.

[A]

Because he would be like, okay. Dr. Mike would be like, okay. Wearing a fucking, you know, a Patek watch. And he just. He'd be like, okay, it sounds like you have eriphobia, you know? And like, yeah, I just don't want to know that. I mean, but what's it gonna do? Ruin your day, maybe, or.

[C]

I just have weddings.

[B]

You've been wet in your ears forever.

[A]

What if you find out it's just like, a symptom of having just giant balls?

[B]

Yeah, Imagine that was his follow up. Like, wait, do you have fat nuts?

[A]

Well, give me. Just stop me once I'm getting.

[C]

Yeah, that just be my question.

[B]

Your whole life you've had wet ears.

[C]

Yeah. Sensitive ears. Wet ears.

[A]

Sensitive ears.

[C]

I've got good hearing.

[B]

You've had.

[A]

You have good, good hearing because the water picks up the vibrations and it delivers them to your cochlear implant, bro.

[B]

Do you remember hearing tests back in the day? I used to like, oh, I thought.

[A]

It was like, I'm gonna go to the NBA if I. I legitimately thought.

[B]

I was passing that test. And they're gonna be like, hold on, hold on.

[A]

This guy is such a good fucking hero.

[B]

You're so good at hearing.

[A]

Like, yo. There's so many of those that I had the same mentality with where it was like the. The vision test, where I'd be like. They'd turn around and be like, eftc. Yeah. It's like. Because I thought that being good at hearing, they'd be like, holy, wait a sec. Give this guy a million dollars.

[B]

I literally. Yeah, Like, I thought that it would be like, oh, my God. How did you hear that? Like, I wanted them to say that because I was not. I was convinced that they were playing sounds. Like, some of them were sounds, but other things were just, like, frequency. I'm like. Like, they were testing. I thought if I was not human. That's right.

[A]

Exactly. Yes. Like superhuman.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I heard that.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. I remember they would just be like, did you hear? Because they were also, like, tipping their. You know, tipping it a little bit, where they'd be like, did you hear anything? And I'd be like, yep. I just say yes to everything. Because, like, hearing something that's not there is not an issue. Not hearing something that is there was what they were looking for, bro.

[B]

Also the most uncomfortable set of headphones I've ever put on it.

[A]

Yeah, they were from, like, when we first landed on the moon. And this machine could talk to someone in Morse code in, like, Myanmar, dude.

[B]

It literally was like a World War I fighter pilots headset.

[C]

My teacher in high school was doing that test for us. Like, however old you are, this is what you should be hearing. Like, this tone. Yeah, this girl we got up to, like, 50, 60, couldn't hear the tones, so. And she's a big raver, big partier, like, all that. And he goes, if you want to hear your kids crying when you're older, you should really stop doing what you're doing.

[A]

And then she cried and ran out of the class. That's a crazy thing to say. That's funny as shit, though.

[B]

I would have been like, don't want to hear them cry.

[A]

That's why, that's why I don't want to be. I couldn't be a teacher because that's the. That I would say is be like, if you want to not be a idiot. You know, there are those videos where it's just like. I remember from in, like the, you know, when I was like, 22, it was just like, people over 30 can't hear this pitch. And I was like, oh, yeah, I can hear it.

[B]

I always think of Home Alone 3, which. I don't remember that movie at all. But I do remember him having a dog.

[A]

Boy, that movie sucks trash.

[B]

But I do remember him having a dog whistle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only the dogs can hear it or something.

[A]

Yeah, he gets like, the dog or something and, like, trips the guy up. I, I, I, I, Yeah, I remember dog whistles were a huge thing in the late 90s, bro.

[B]

You remember laser pointers? The thing in the world, if there.

[A]

Was a claw machine in my vicinity and I was seeing a laser pointer in it, I was going to do everything I could to get it.

[B]

Yeah. Laser pointers were so fucking cool. And my parents made it seem that if this thing touched my eyeball, I would be blind immediately.

[A]

I mean, I don't know if that's true, but I still operate under. I just used a laser two days ago and I operate under the exact same. We have a laser level and we were hanging pictures.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I, like, threw it up.

[B]

Like a keychain one.

[A]

I threw it out. I was shining it into my neighbor's house. Yo, I'm serious. Like, I still operate under that stuff. Same mentality. Like, I'm. I literally was just like, no one look at it. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like never Medusa. No, dude, I remember, like, they had like, the ones with like, the interchangeable. The gold ones.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

With the interchangeable tops. And it would be like a snowman or a star. Yeah, yeah. Those things are fucking cool. Yeah. Let me tell you.

[B]

Laser pointers. Fucking.

[A]

We used to get one and we would fuck with our cat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, she would go. And she would go nuts for it.

[B]

I used to have a dog camera that would have one of those. And Charlie would chase it when I wasn't home.

[A]

Dude, it was like borderline torture. Like, we would shine it on the wall, my cat would freak the fuck out, and then we'd turn it off and she would like, where the fuck is that? Basically. Seriously, What a time.

[B]

Laser pointers laser pointers.

[A]

I got it. I remember the last time I got a laser pointer.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah, we appreciate the love, we appreciate the support wherever it may be, especially on Patreon. Patreon.com the basemanyard. We tell you about it every single week because it's where you can continue to support us and get more of us. If you go over to patreon.com the basement yard, you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance, seven whole days in advance. I know it doesn't sound like, you know, oh, maybe it doesn't sound like a lot. Maybe that's what you're thinking.

[B]

It's, it's a lot.

[A]

You get in on the, the he's, the hahas, the inside jokes and everything before everybody else. And everyone loves to be in an inside joke. I'll get back to one one day. So you do that on that first tier, it's great. Second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You also get access to other stuff that's on there. I mean, we're talking hundreds of episodes from years past that you will have access to as soon as you, you, you go in there and you join, as well as some other stuff like the MSG doc that we threw on there. We, we, we've gotten so much love and support for it. Mikey did his absolute thing on there. So if you want to go check it out, go to patreon.com the basement yard. We thank you guys for continuing to make, you know, to, to support us on there. 2025 was our biggest year yet. We want to make 2026 continue to move in that direction. So thank you. We love you.

[B]

We appreciate you.

[A]

And if you want to sign up and save yourself a couple extra bucks while doing it, just go to a web browser, whichever one you use, and go to the physical website, patreon.com the basement yard. If you use the Patreon app, they're going to charge you a little bit extra because they need to pay the tech overlords that are going to make this planet possibly just explode. So go check it out. Patreon.com TheBasement Yard I think, you know, you know who those guys are and sign up or, you know, gift. Give the gift of Patreon, you know, whatever you want to do. We love you. We thank you. Now, yeah, I think we can get Back to it.

[B]

What are you saying? The last thing you.

[A]

The last I. I remember exactly. The last time I got a. This is weird. The last time I got a laser pointer, I got it from a bowling alley claw machine game. And I recently went bowling again.

[B]

You went bowling?

[A]

Yeah. When? Bowling.

[B]

I haven't been bowling in years, dude.

[A]

Back and I took the kids bowling. First of all, fun as fuck.

[B]

I like bowling, dude.

[A]

Bowling? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Very territorial. Territorial?

[A]

Territorial.

[B]

I get very turtorial over, like, a ball.

[A]

That's why.

[B]

That's my ball.

[A]

That's why my fucking ball. I don't really care that much, but I. I forgot just how, like. I don't know how to say this without sounding mean. Bowling alleys are such a piece of shit.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

But they're so magical.

[B]

Yeah. Like, was it jumping? It was.

[A]

It was a packed day.

[B]

Pack day.

[A]

Bowling alley. So sorry.

[B]

Yeah, that was a wild octave.

[A]

I apologize. But it was like, really, like every lane we just got in. There was only one lane. We just got it. And, like, kids were running around like, it just reminded me of the days when we were younger. Like, the carpet was still the same carpet, you know, from the fucking 90s that smells like shit and had blood on it. Blood and spit, you know, and then it smelled like cigarettes and, you know, stale Coors Light.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just like. But it's so magic.

[B]

Yeah. You know what I really didn't like about bowling? Sometimes I would go over to the balls, you see, like, the small holes, and you're like, my hands are bigger than that. Then you get to a certain ball, and the thumb hole is so big, and I'm like, my dick wouldn't fit in here. Like, what the.

[A]

I'm not even kidding. Whenever I have, I remember that as a kid, I would always think of your father's thumb, because I'd be like, this is only for Joe's dad's thumb.

[C]

So. Happy you said thumb.

[A]

Why not for.

[B]

Oh, my God, this hole in this big hole in this bowling ball reminds me of Joe's dad's dad.

[A]

Oh, God. Brings me right back to Joe's dad's. No, thumb right back to his shit. I don't think I've ever seen your dad's dick. Actually, I would remember that. Yeah, I think I would remember that.

[B]

If you did too.

[A]

I would remember that. No, I would always. That's how I would always see you dad's penis.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen my dad's penis too.

[C]

I think everyone's in their dad's penis you see?

[B]

You seen Yellow's penis?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, that made sense. How long? How long ago?

[C]

I was young.

[B]

You just saw it at Thanksgiving.

[A]

No, I don't know. I mean, yeah, it was more of an implication of, like, every kid I.

[B]

Hit the button on here. That lowers you a little bit, but.

[A]

You know, I. I definitely, like. So I don't know where to go from there. Sorry. The dad's dick comments just threw me off completely.

[B]

The dicks are hitting me.

[A]

No, my dad's dick is in my head. I'm thinking yours if they get a Yellows. No, no, but I. I like. It is such a. Like, maybe it's just the one I went to. It wasn't like, modernized yet. Because a lot of the last time I went to a bowling alley that wasn't this most recent time, it was like, the lights were like neon and, like, there's like pink and black everywhere and blah, blah, blah, and like, it's a modernized one, but, like, I like a good 90s, early 2000s bowling alley that just smells like. Yeah, it looks like shit. Yeah. They've got the snappiest hot dogs you could imagine.

[B]

Yeah. And the staff is near.

[A]

They. They hate you. Yeah. They hate you're. You're a paying patron in their facility, but they fucking hate your guts.

[B]

Where the shoes? Still disgusting.

[A]

The grossest shoes I've ever put on.

[B]

What is the reason why bowling shoes need to look like. It's got to do with Frankenstein version of a shoe.

[A]

It's gotta be for something with the.

[B]

Floor or maybe they don't want people to steal them. Oh, I just thought of that.

[A]

That's a really good point.

[B]

It's like, they're so ugly.

[A]

Who would wear. Oh, my God. I know, I know, I know. I know that there is some bowling alley in New York that's just like. We actually. All our bowling shoes are Nike, probably. You know, there's that place we went to. What was it called? Like, gutter. Gutter Bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That place is fucking awesome. Because of the hot dogs. Also because of the bowling. Yeah, Place was good.

[B]

I got kicked out of there once and I didn't know.

[A]

How do you not know you got kicked out? You know. Oh, yeah, you were at.

[B]

You were.

[A]

You were elsewhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Upside down.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Which was an accident, but I was going down the lane, I think.

[A]

Oh, like walking down the. Oh, like too far when you threw the ball.

[B]

Yeah. So I was hitting deck a lot. And they weren't happy because. I'll tell you something about those bowling Lanes, they're slick. Oh yeah, those boys are slick.

[C]

Kicked out of a bowling alley's a new low.

[B]

I don't know if I was kicked out. They were like, all right. Like they, they wrapped me up.

[A]

We also used to like, that was like the first place that like as a crew, everyone was able to go and underage drink.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because some of us had fake IDs. Some of us didn't want it. Like even with fake IDs, didn't want to test it. But like everyone went to the bowling alley because we knew the people that bartended there. And it was like 18, 19. Just go and drink.

[B]

Yeah. Go crazy.

[A]

I remember.

[B]

And I used to go there and drink fish bowls.

[A]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

And I couldn't even tell you what's in that fish. I'll tell you what, it was a bowl.

[A]

It was like, like a Malibu Rum hypnotic, you know, like high C. I see you know what I'm talking about. Like, just like Capri Sun.

[B]

When was the last time you were at the bowling alley that we grew up at?

[A]

I actually know. And it's not a story I want to tell.

[B]

I was going for a year.

[A]

Oh, 2020. This was happening to you in bowling alley? 2014, 2013. It was involved my dad's dick. No, no, your dad's dick is in no way, shape or form involved in this knife. I saw another man piss on another man in the, in the bathroom. Good. Like, what are you doing with your hands?

[C]

Just where?

[A]

All over them. I was with my brother in law.

[C]

And it seems like you're just telling the story.

[B]

No, no, there's a lot.

[A]

There's a lot that I'm leaving out. And I'll tell you why afterward. But like one of the things that happened that night was because this is when we would order pictures.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We'd go and it'd be like, that was like a big like 20, early 2010's thing. Like, oh, wait, I can get a picture of beer and not. I just drink out of the pitcher. Like people realize they could do that. And a picture of like Natty light was like 15 bucks. And I remember there was a guy there that we know and another guy there that we also know. One of them passed out drinking like drunk in the stall. And the kid kicked open the door and pissed all over him.

[B]

That's mean.

[A]

And I was like, this is fucking insane. And I remember being with, with my brother in law and just being like, we can't ever come back here.

[B]

It goes down in the bowling alley.

[A]

Apparently I would go back though. I want to go see where the piss happened.

[B]

I think my sister went and took her kids like recently, like within the last two years.

[A]

What you're referencing is Merrick Lanes. Well, former, formerly known as Merrick Lanes. I think now it's called like Bolero or something like that.

[B]

I have no idea. But it was like a story of bowl. At one point it was like 360 some. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, it was a piece of like.

[C]

Are you good at bowling?

[B]

No, I'm like, I can't spin the ball.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But I'll, I'll like, you know, get some straight lines going.

[C]

That's good.

[A]

I can't do straight line. I mean. No, no, no. I can't do spinning. I could do like, I throw it straight, hard.

[B]

Damn, dude, that was crazy. He's like when I grip the ball.

[A]

It'S kind of like when I. No, no, I could, I could throw, but like if I'm off a little, I will throw it straight into the gutter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like it either goes directly head on or it goes that way.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like. I don't even know. Like I'll get a couple strikes. Like I'm not like terrible.

[A]

I used to bowl like this.

[B]

That's horrible.

[A]

That's bad.

[B]

Yeah, that's hard. Really.

[A]

At least I'm not under, you know. Are you good at bowling?

[C]

I'm a two handed bowler.

[A]

You're a two handed bowler?

[B]

That's embarrassing. I kind of like jumping into a pool with your.

[C]

I kind of throw it like a rugby ball, sort of.

[A]

Oh, you. I know exactly the type of guy he is. Oh, the fucking, you know, Dragon ball Z kid.

[C]

Yeah. Like I1 fingers in the hole and that's the spin and you just.

[A]

Are you good? This is, you know what? He asked if we're good. Are you? He knows he's good.

[C]

I'm okay. I could beat you too. What's that?

[B]

How the fuck do you know?

[C]

I just said you were bad.

[B]

Well, I don't know how bad I am compared to you.

[C]

Okay. That wasn't the lack of confidence, probably.

[A]

I. You know what? No. Now if it's a competition, I'll fucking beat you both.

[C]

What? We could do this.

[A]

What?

[B]

What, what's the highest you bowled?

[C]

Oh, I don't know, 160 something.

[A]

Yeah, like 150 maybe.

[B]

I think I've bowled a one.

[A]

Here's the thing. I'm either getting a strike or I'm not getting anything. Like I'm either getting A strike or I'm getting five pins and that I'm missing the spare. I don't go for spare. You know what I mean?

[B]

I don't even know what I would usually bowl. I mean, I don't think that I would bowl under a hundred. I think that was pretty. That's pretty bad.

[C]

If you. If under 100 is. You don't really go around on a first date to bowling.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[B]

You know, it's always.

[A]

It's. Bowling is. That's a great first date thing.

[B]

But it's funny you bring that up because I remember, like, bowling is one of those things that's like, maybe not this. If you're, like, horrible at it. And then ice skating. I see couples all the time that go ice skating, and it's like, I.

[A]

Always think, one of you, you just can't do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I always think of just, why are you here? I think adjust friends.

[B]

Were you there that one time that we were at Central park and we went to the ice skating rink and there was a couple there and the dude was horrible. And I was like, damn, this is rough. And he eventually hit the deck. At one point, I didn't see him fall, but I turn around, he's got blood just rushing from his face.

[A]

I'm like, dude, get out of here. No second date for that person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At all.

[B]

I don't know if it was a first date, but, like, yeah, bowling is.

[A]

One of those things that, like, you need to confidently bowl a at least 100 to go on a date with someone.

[B]

You have to be able to, like, hit a strike every now and then. But if you're hitting like five gutters in a row, like, what are we doing here?

[A]

Yeah, first date, you need to. You need to pull out, like, at least a 100 score. At least. And one of those 100 need to be a strike. If not, you need to do that, you're in trouble. Hey, it's Brooklyn Adams, and I'm partnering with Abercrombie to tell you about the newest drop from their active brand. Your personal best YPB leggings are made with buttery soft fabrics that hug you in all the right places. And common Abercrombie's viral curve love fit designed to eliminate waist gap, paired with sports bras and super soft sweatshirts. It's activewear that supports every part of my busy lifestyle and gives me my best butt ever. Head into the new year feeling your personal best Shop Active by Abercrombie. In the app, online and in stores.

[C]

I Don't know how to ice skate.

[B]

You can't ice skate.

[A]

No, I. I could stay up. I can't move.

[B]

That's not ice skating.

[C]

Ice standing.

[A]

I believe I could stand. I could stand. I can. I stand.

[B]

Yeah, I can skate, but, like, not like a hockey.

[A]

I can't get over the fact that you bowl with two hands. Yo, if we were in high school at the same time, I would have hated you.

[C]

That's fine. You would have lost in bowling.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

We knew. We knew kids that bowled, like, on their, like, high school team. Yeah.

[B]

One of our friends, I've watched them both a 300.

[C]

See, that's.

[B]

I've also seen him bowling a 300. Like, I've seen him do it and then I saw him doing it and getting like, to the last frame and our friend bold in his frame by accident. Yo, and he felt so bad.

[A]

I would have gone. I would have been that person. I know I would have.

[B]

No, it wasn't on purpose.

[A]

I know. I would have done it on purpose.

[B]

Yeah, you could prank Frank.

[A]

A prank Frank. I would have, like. Let me just destroy this for you. I mean, but that doesn't make sense. You could go back and reset.

[B]

No, I mean, you have. If you're Gonna bowl a 300 for, like, the bowling alley, you have to, like, submit. Like, you have to, like, show that it happened.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

You can't just go back.

[A]

They're computers. They can't see. Like, oh, so and so bowl the 300.

[B]

If you edit, then it doesn't count. It does. Like, the.

[A]

I. You know what we should. Do you think they have, like, if we went to our, like, neighborhood bowling alley, would we be able to see, like, any names we recognize bowling? A 300 is our friend's name up there.

[B]

I mean, if there is one like that, then yeah, it is. I watch them do it there.

[A]

But.

[B]

How long do you think it would take you if you were locked in a bowling alley to bowl of 300?

[A]

That sounds like a Picky Boys video if I've ever heard of one. Where it's like, Danny's not leaving until he finishes four bottles of Doritos. Vodka or bowls of 300.

[C]

That's. That's really hard because you get tired too.

[A]

Yeah, you're throwing around a 20 pound ball.

[B]

Barstool does like that. Where it's like, you got to hit like.

[A]

Yeah, they're fucking hysterical.

[B]

Our fantasy football punishment is you have to go to a gym and hit 300 threes before you can leave. Okay, who lost my Friend Marco.

[A]

He will be there all night.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Not good.

[B]

300 threes is a lot.

[A]

300 is a ton, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But maybe a week, a month?

[B]

To what?

[C]

Do a bowling hundred a month? Maybe I have to be in 100.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know that I could ever do that.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think I'd ever be able to do that. I'd reach a point of, like, insanity that I would just leave.

[B]

I would need a coach also. Like, if I could be there with a coach, I could probably get it done.

[A]

I have to say, like. Like, from when I was. When we were just bowling, like, my hand starts to cramp and hurt. Like, my. My, like, inner palm.

[B]

Your palm?

[A]

Yeah. Like, it started to, like, slap at.

[B]

This thing on its ass.

[A]

No, but, like, just. I don't know what. What I was doing, but, like, it started to hurt, and I was just like, I can't do more than. We played, like, a game and a half because the kids were, like, starting to lose it. I don't think I could do more than two games.

[B]

Did you guys get bumps?

[A]

So the one that we went to, it does bumpers for specific.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like, it's like. It's like computer now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, it'll be, like. For certain bowlers, it'll be bumpers, and then they'll literally, like. When it's like, my turn, they'll just go down, which I was like, yo.

[B]

I mean, I'll bump.

[A]

I'll bump it up. You know, we don't need to put them down.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude, I don't even know that I could beat. You can't even beat, like, an actual, like, good bowler. If you had.

[C]

We.

[A]

That would be a good video. If we had a professional bowler come in and it's like, three of us versus him or her. Crazy.

[B]

Oh, it's like a scramble. So, like, best.

[C]

Best.

[B]

Best ball.

[C]

Best lane.

[A]

No, I'm saying, like, if it was like, a professional bowler.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then three of us. I mean. Or two of us. Two of us. And we have to combine to beat this professional bowler.

[B]

Just get a professional.

[A]

We can do that.

[C]

Professional, like.

[B]

Oh, no, we can't do that.

[A]

Why not?

[C]

An actual professional bowler.

[A]

I mean, I know that's the point. That. That would be funny.

[C]

We get, like, professional, like, high school bowler or something.

[B]

Yeah, they could beat us.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, but a high schooler, if they lose, they're gonna get bullied for it. Like, let it be like, a professional, like, bowler.

[B]

I think it's good to be bullied.

[A]

That's why I'm not allowing you to get tickled to your father. Full circle.

[B]

Your father, whose penis we're not thinking about.

[A]

We're not in one. And we're not thinking about your dad's dick either.

[C]

Only Frankie.

[A]

I'm not thinking about his dad's dick.

[B]

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[A]

For you.

[B]

I don't know, but yeah. There we go. Beautiful, man.

[A]

Bowling. Who thought this would be a bowling episode?

[B]

I. I mean, I haven't bold and.

[A]

Talked a good amount of Bob.

[B]

We should go bowling.

[C]

We could do a Santa City's bowling video. We could.

[B]

If we went there on like a weekday, there's probably no one in there.

[A]

Or we could call and say, hey, give us two lanes so we could film. I'm sure that the bowling alley would be like, yeah. What are they gonna say? No.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You bowling.

[B]

You boat, Mr. Bowling. Yeah.

[A]

Like, who the fuck, like we have.

[B]

To wear cool shoes.

[A]

Bowling. I mean, those shoes are arguably garbage. I will say this. That plays the one in a story that we used to go to. Those hot dogs might have awakened my hot dog loving ability.

[B]

Really? That's where it started.

[A]

Those are good hot dogs, dude. And Elm Jack and Icyp. Yeah, now that I think about it, a lot of just hot dogs, now I think about it, just hot dogs named everywhere.

[B]

You could get a hot dog.

[A]

Yeah. In Astoria, like any time of the day. Damn.

[B]

Icyp hot dogs. I remember those.

[A]

I used to. So when I worked at Elm Jack. For those of you guys that don't know, Elm Jack is still around. Yeah, it's a little league baseball spot and I guess technically East Elmhurst. Right. And I used to work. That was like my first like off the books job is I was a groundskeeper there and I would just go to the snack stand and just eat hot dogs.

[B]

That's a good gig, dude.

[A]

And then I'd ride a cart around and put some clay on a pitcher's mound. And I was a happiest kid on the planet. And I was making $10 an hour. Oh, at like 13.

[B]

I don't know that I ever made 10,000. $10 an hour.

[A]

You're making it. You're making it.

[B]

Making it now.

[A]

No, you're making it.

[B]

But yeah. Any of the jobs that I had. What was my first actual job?

[A]

Before you answer, what was your first actual job? I'd love to hear this.

[C]

Pizza delivery. Five bucks an hour.

[B]

Five bucks an hour.

[C]

Five bucks an hour.

[A]

Plus tips, obviously.

[C]

And the tips is really what you do it.

[B]

Did you do well on tips?

[C]

I did well on tips.

[A]

What'd you usually like?

[C]

A good night Oh, I don't know. A good, good.

[A]

And how many nights do you work a week?

[C]

When I was working there, you know, I work. I do things. Well, it was.

[A]

That's. That's what I'm trying to do.

[C]

I think it was five days a week. Six.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

It would be. It would be. It would be good.

[A]

One hundred, maybe 100 a night.

[C]

Yeah, 100.

[A]

You were making $52,000. I forgot how.

[C]

What?

[A]

What, Frank.

[B]

You were making $52000.

[A]

I just completely forgot how. Stuff. No, actually, I'm not off. If you make $1,000 a week, what were you. How many. Well, you were making.

[B]

You said on a good night.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. So on average, what would you make a night?

[C]

I don't know. 70. 60.

[A]

70 times similar. 70 times five. 350. And you would work how many hours?

[B]

Five.

[C]

Four.

[A]

Four hours. So. So 20 a day times five. So that's.

[C]

Yeah, you got it.

[A]

200.

[B]

Where are we?

[C]

What?

[A]

All right, so like 550 a week? Sure. Let's say 600 to round it off. Why don't you win? Get me. I think I did the math correct.

[C]

But then there's, like, there's gas if you ever ding your car. It's a very. It's a very.

[A]

Well, yeah. And you also get.

[B]

Do you have any, like, fun stories.

[C]

From delivering pizzas on Valentine's Day? Someone in a. In a robe with nothing underneath gave me 100 bucks.

[B]

A woman?

[C]

Yeah, woman.

[B]

Whoa. She had her thing out. She had a penis out.

[C]

It was more like a very long.

[A]

V. But you saw. Oh, but you saw, like, the top of her.

[B]

Was she older?

[C]

Older?

[B]

How old?

[C]

Oh, I don't know. 50s.

[B]

Oh, so she was.

[C]

She was there.

[B]

She wanted the young bull.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

She wanted you.

[B]

A hundred dollars. 100 bill, how much did you. What did she order?

[C]

Just a pizza. A regular pie.

[B]

One piece of sip.

[A]

You?

[B]

$100?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, on Valentine's Day, that's a crazy thing. Am I. Am I bugging? Like that's a crazy thing to get on Valentine's Day?

[B]

Pizza, brother. How about the naked answering the door?

[A]

Yeah, whatever, guy. 100. Whatever.

[B]

That's crazy. Obviously, we're not dealing.

[A]

I'm telling you right now, each of the people in these. In this room is going to get to a point where they don't care about that anymore.

[B]

Care about what?

[A]

Being naked?

[B]

I am definitely going to care if the door. If someone's coming to deliver something to my house to put clothes on.

[A]

I argue that. That you will not.

[B]

I don't know what you're even basing that on.

[A]

Just knowledge of things.

[B]

I had a guy too, when I delivered pizzas, that every single time that I would show up to his house, he was in tighty whities and he was sweating his ass off, like, every single time. But he wasn't weird. Like, it was like it was normal. It was almost like he was like working out.

[A]

But it was.

[B]

Every time I went to his house, I didn't.

[A]

I. I never worked in. In that industry, so I have no stories about that.

[B]

The delivering pizzas, though, I've never had any of that.

[C]

You see some things.

[A]

It was like a local pizzeria or was it like a Domino's or something?

[C]

Local. Local pizzeria.

[B]

Do you ever drop the pizza?

[C]

No, I've never dropped a pizza. But one of my friends who also worked there delivered a ghost pizza is what we called it, and he got fired for it.

[B]

What's a ghost pizza?

[C]

He got to the door, pulled out the pizza box. There was just no pizza in the box.

[A]

What happened to the pizza?

[C]

He just grabbed a box instead of the pizza on the oven.

[A]

You didn't tell immediately. He.

[C]

He partook in some. Some lettuce quite often.

[A]

Oh, he wasn't.

[C]

He wasn't a good delivery driver.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

One time I was walking to the. To the fucking door and you have like the little thing that keeps it warm. And I'm walking and I hit a patch of black ice. Dude, I went up like, fucking. Yeah, dude. I went up in the air like Home Alone 2 and landed on my back and the whole pizza just flipped over. And I literally just got to the front. I was like, here you go. And I just got out of there. I peeled out because I was like, their pizza is all over the top of this thing.

[C]

Oh, it happens.

[A]

That sucks. I used to.

[B]

Yo, there's nothing like working in a pizzeria. You can just grab a slice whenever. It's amazing. Dude, I wish it was so good.

[A]

I wish I could work in a pizzeria right now.

[B]

I honestly would.

[C]

We should.

[A]

You know what? You know how like there was a. I'm coming up with Santa got a studios videos right now that are really good. What if we just did a day where it was just like we partner with a pizzeria and we just sling pizza and like make a video out of it, bro.

[B]

I used to slang them and I'm.

[A]

Just saying, like, if we were just like, yo, we're doing. We're Doing this day, we're filming a Santa Gato Studios video. We're gonna be making and selling pizza at this pizzeria in Astoria.

[B]

Now we're getting crazy. This is a leak legal, Frank.

[A]

Why? Because the place has to, like.

[B]

Yeah, there's, like, you know, they have. There's, like, health codes.

[A]

And who the is gonna come for a little, you know, mom and pop pizza shop?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know that. You could just be like, oh, we're just gonna sell pizza that we made.

[A]

No, add a pizzeria. Like, we make it, like, there. Sure. We'll go through a couple hours of, like, food training.

[C]

So you get hired by the pizzeria for a day?

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

With the pizzeria that I worked at, like, the last pizzeria that I worked at, the guy who made the pizzas was so little. This little Italian guy. I think his name was Mario.

[A]

Honestly, the shorter the Italian man, the better the pizza.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

He used to have me, like, put the pizzas in because he couldn't reach himself.

[A]

So I'm like, I'm basically doing every job in here, bro. RIP to that pizza place. I love that place so much.

[B]

Which one? Oh, Portobello. Portobello, yeah, Portobello. I was talking about Antonio's, but that's like, a restaurant now.

[A]

So you worked at two pizza places?

[B]

Yeah, I worked at Antonio's, dude. I, like, when they first opened, I, like, applied for a job, and I got it.

[A]

Antonio's a good pizza too. I think they're still there. Are they?

[B]

I think they're like a restaurant.

[A]

It has nothing to do with you.

[C]

Comes with the name.

[B]

I hated working there.

[A]

Never.

[C]

I take it back.

[B]

That literally comes with the name. I did everything at that place. I was, like, bagging in the basement. I did one. The best part about that job, though, was that one of our chefs used to make these things for dessert. They were little cheesecakes, and I used to fucking slam them when no one was looking.

[A]

Do you subscribe to the mentality of, like, every person should do, like, one job in the service industry in their point in their life?

[B]

I think so. I think it gives you perspective, you know, with what people have to deal with. Because if you don't have that perspective, then you. You never, like, obviously this is obvious now, but, like, you never. You. You don't know what it's like dealing with people in that way, because no matter what, you're kind of. You're representing this place, so you have to Have a wall. And people just like, beat you up all day for the most part, like, they're ordering stuff and they're very like, entitled in the way that they order things. And they're a little.

[A]

That's how retail is too.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

People, like, they believe that you are below them because they are buying something. Like, they think that they're buying something and it's like paying for your salary. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Or like you walk in here, I don't work for you. I work for the store. I'm here to help, but I don't mind.

[A]

And I feel like, I feel like with food. I can imagine it's really bad because it's like, there's like a sense of like, specifically with like, most of the restaurants we're going to are like, you know, like owned by a family. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah. So like, there is a sense of just like, this place keeps the lights on because I am here, Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, I am a. I am a constant patron here. So, like, they feel like, cater to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that sucks.

[C]

You're also dealing with hungry people. And depending on the person, that's like the worst person to deal with.

[A]

Yeah. Hungry. Like, I legitimately know people that, like, when they're hungry, they are like, angry, like hangry. Like the saying, I don't know if.

[C]

This is a hot take. I'm probably gonna just grow up.

[B]

I know. I agree.

[C]

You know, I'm like, no, but people, like, I feel like I've gotten flipped the other way. People like, no, you don't understand. It's like, well, everyone gets hungry. Like, just like, relax.

[A]

I think people probably have like, undiagnosed, like, blood sugar things that like, that is explaining why they react certain ways.

[B]

But like, blood sugar makes you an ang. Like a rude person.

[A]

I'm not. But like, like something like where they need to keep their blood sugar at a certain level or like.

[B]

Yeah. So I still don't think that you should be rude. I don't care.

[A]

Yeah, I. I'm not, bro. I'm not justifying it.

[B]

One time we had this couple come in and they ordered like a gluten free pizza. And this was like when gluten. The gluten was very new and the guy just started freaking out in the restaurant. Like, there's mad people around and like, we try to give him his pizza or whatever. I wasn't involved in this interaction, but I was like, yo, why is this guy bugging out? And they were like, giant Crackers, essentially, like the gluten free like crusts. And the guy just started screaming and I don't know what was going on. Maybe he thought the pizza we gave them wasn't gluten free or something. And he goes, no, I need to know.

[A]

No, she will die.

[B]

He starts screaming, she will die if she eats this.

[A]

I was like, whoa.

[B]

Which I get the concern, but yo, not a screaming in the fucking.

[A]

Like owning a restaurant is such a cool like concept for like.5 seconds and then you think of shit like that and it like immediately goes out the window.

[B]

Well, I got, I told you this. I think I told the story on here mad times, but I got in trouble because like, I'm not good at that. Like, I'm good to a certain extent, but when people get a little crazy, then I'm like, okay, I can't now you're taking me out of this thing. But a guy called me and was just like, our, the soda you gave us isn't. Is warm. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, we are very busy right now, so I probably didn't spend a lot of time in the fridge that we have right here, so whatever. Like a two little bottle. He's like, yeah, what are we going to do about this? And I was like, I, I'm not, I don't know, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm sorry, like, you know, blah, blah, we're busy. And he's like, yeah, I prefer my soda to be cold.

[A]

And I said, put ice in it.

[B]

And my manager grabbed the phone from me because I was like, bro, what the fuck do you want me to do?

[A]

I'm 19 working here. I get what you're saying, cuz you're being treated a certain way. But like, I also kind of understand where that person is coming from. Like if I'm ordering something and it comes not in the, like in my. Whether it be in my head or not, in the condition at which I think it's going to come. Or like the.

[B]

It's a two liter bottle of soda.

[A]

Regardless, like when cold you get it.

[B]

At this grocery store, it's in the aisle.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point. But nonetheless, like the quality of something, like when it comes not good. Like it's like, oh, well, like this is not what I wanted.

[C]

I mean, it's just.

[B]

What would you have?

[A]

Yo, I'm gonna say something real honest for a sec.

[B]

You ready?

[A]

Yeah. I think that the, like every restaurant now you could basically order for takeout. Sucks. I hate that concept.

[B]

What?

[A]

Like, certain food just doesn't travel well. So, like, back in the days where, like, the only, like, stuff you can get for delivery was basically, like, fast food. No, but, like, back in the day, the only food you can get for delivery was, like, Chinese and pizza. That was it. Like, if you want it, like, tacos don't travel well.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, Italian doesn't travel well.

[C]

Yeah, but you're supposed to know that. And, like, think about that and not order that then.

[A]

Yeah, but it's. But now every. Every restaurant now has the option for takeout, and I feel like that sucks.

[B]

Well, what sucks? That they have the option.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why does that suck?

[A]

Because I don't want them to have that. I'm serious. Because, like, certain restaurants just be like, no, our food doesn't do well when it travels. So, like, it's going to make us look bad if you order for takeout. So we're just not gonna offer that.

[B]

Sure. I don't. I mean, I think it would. Unless you're like a fine dining restaurant, I think it would be foolish to be like, well, people order. This is about people consume.

[C]

So. So if a restaurant, you know, had steak that delivered, would you order that for delivery?

[A]

No. There you go. Because why doesn't travel well?

[B]

There you go.

[C]

You crushed it. You're crushing it.

[A]

But then.

[B]

But then, but then. But how is that. But how.

[A]

But then they should. They should be like, we're not doing that because you.

[C]

Yes, honestly, I agree.

[A]

The world was better when restaurants were just like, no, I'm not doing that.

[B]

I also am a little. I guess if I'm ordering something, I'm not expecting the full experience anyway. Yeah, Like, I don't care.

[A]

It's so tough because, like, I have ordered, like, for delivery.

[C]

Yeah. Seems like it maybe a little.

[A]

I don't think I'm a food snob. But, like, if something comes through, like, and it's not good, I'm turned off to that place. But I also, at the same time, I'm like, oh, I don't think that was a good representation of what I was trying to get out of this. I can picture Frank so good, clearly getting food that he ordered and taking a bite and going, dude, yes.

[B]

It'S suck, yo.

[A]

That's. I'm not kidding. If that's. If that's what you define as a food snob, yes, I am.

[B]

No, no, no, I know that, like, but I could see that. I could see that. But, like, I. I guess, but like.

[A]

There are certain food. Like, let's use a. Let's use like. Like tacos as an example. Like, there are a lot of places that do, like, quesadillas. A quesadilla is supposed to be like, kind of like a layer of crisp, and then like, the cheese and the fluff on the inside. You get it. And it's all fucking.

[B]

Because it's like, it's staying in this.

[A]

I understand why it happens.

[B]

Okay, but. But, but that's important because that's like buying. But that's a Gucci bag on Canal street and being like, it's falling apart. It's like, you got the. No, no.

[A]

But then I don't. Like, I am saying that it will turn me off to that place. But then I think, like, oh, that's probably not what's representative of the food that they're trying to make. So, like, I kind of wish they just didn't do that.

[C]

You know, it's. You know, it's a good judge of a place when you not like a fast food, but a restaurant burger and they send you a burger via takeout. If they put the bun separate in a separate container. That's a good place.

[A]

I have come across zero places that have ever done that.

[C]

I've had one place that does it. That's a good place.

[A]

Why? So it doesn't. So does it get soggy?

[C]

Yeah, it's a. It's. I was. I. I openly went, oh, it's the best place ever. I had the opposite effect. It's like, oh, this place is. They care.

[A]

I don't know. I don't. I don't really care much about that.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Because, like, if it's bread, it's soft, like, it's. In my opinion, a good wet burger is gonna get the bread soggy anyways. Like, I don't need, like, you know, like a super crisp and crunchy. I'm also weird with burgers. Like, I kind of don't like them to be too tall. Yeah.

[B]

Who likes that?

[A]

Like, when, like, listen, I know it's a good bread, but, like, when people. Like, have you guys seen those tick tocks where it's like, people making fun of, like, millennial burger joints? Yeah. And it's like, they're not called appetizers. They're called shareables. Yeah. Handhelds. You know, like, everything is like red brick and everything and exposed. Just like this, like, exposed venting and. But when it's like a burger and then it comes on a Brioche bun. That's like. It adds, like, six inches to the thing.

[B]

Yeah, I'm good.

[A]

I'm like, come on, dude, just give me just kind of like, again. And maybe it's because I grew up going to, like, diners that were kind of a bit of a hole in the wall sometimes it could be a flat sesame seed bun, and I'm fine with that. Yeah, like, when you. When you up the ratio of meat to pat. Of meat to bun, you.

[B]

So if you. When you order, like, a pasta, right, and it shows up and it's not hot, not that it's freezing, but, like, are you like, this is fucking bullshit?

[A]

No, I don't think, like, temperature. I mean, I'm not pumped about it. When it comes cold.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I am like. I hate to say this, though. I do, like, leave reviews and comments. Oh, no, you're a Yelp guy, not a Yelp guy. I'm not. I haven't done it a lot. I've done it twice, and the only two times it was because it was the same restaurant consistently. So then I was just like, I'm done. You. I do. I. I left a review and I did, and I deleted the app. I didn't, like, wait for someone to hit me up. I left a review and I just said, like, yo, listen, I'm done with this fucking app. I'm done with this place. Because, like, their food was great, and now I'm getting the food. Like, I would get, like, wings undressed in sauce. I would get food just fucking cold. You know, I got, like. Once I got, like, a smoothie for. For myself or Becca or something, and it came, like, completely, like, you know when smoothies melt and they separate?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like that. So, like, at that point, I know I'm not being like a. You know, this place needs to close. I'm just saying, like, yo, my experience was disappointing. I'm not asking for anything. So bye. And I fucking. And I delete the app. I'm not like, a Yelper. That's like, I'm gonna tear these people apart. They need to make it right. Yeah.

[C]

You said there was two.

[A]

They were both for the same restaurant. The same issue.

[C]

Wrote different things.

[A]

No, for the same issue.

[B]

Have you ever left a review?

[A]

No, but, yeah, short answer question. I get why, like, like, fucking cereal Yelpers are an issue. I get that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, with, like, these food delivery apps, isn't that not, like, contributing into some degree to, like, the success of the app or the restaurant?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I just wouldn't. That's the only difference. Like, I think, yes, because I would say that, like, I'm okay with people giving a rating of the restaurant. When people write words, that's nuts to me.

[C]

Yeah, I always lean towards the, oh, you probably did something wrong.

[B]

But like, with anything, I mean, it's not, it's not exclusive to restaurants. Like, I think like any sort of review outside of like, I guess, technology or something or I don't know, Like, I think. I don't know, maybe I don't even mean that.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I just.

[A]

Cuz like, I definitely, like, I'm not even gonna lie. Like, I feel like prg, post, post review guilt, you know, where it's just like, who do I think I am? What am I doing? But then I come back to the like, oh, but this is what, like, this is the feedback that people need. Like, imagine a world where like, yeah, we're doing the podcast or you're doing. Or we're doing comedy or whatever. And everyone's just going like, they either tell you it's good or they don't say anything. Huh? You would want to be like, yo, someone needs to kind of be honest and real with me a little bit here. And I'm not doing it for this sense of like getting something out of it, but like. And I'm not doing it a lot. I've done it twice. But like, there is a justification in my head that like, I am doing something that like, is beneficial to me, someone to some degree.

[B]

I just. It. I guess it really just depends. I mean, the general feeling of people who leave like detailed reviews is like, very pretentious to me. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's like this air around people being like, oh, well, I had a bad experience at this restaurant, so I'm going to write a bunch of, you know, whatever, like, oh, the, the waitress didn't fill our waters or whatever. Like little stuff like that. I mean, if I, if I go to a restaurant and I don't have a good experience, I'm just not gonna go back.

[A]

Well, I've never done this for going into a place and dining and then leaving. Yeah, I've never done that and I don't see myself doing that because, yes, I'm under the same mentality. If I don't like it, I'll just be like, I'm never going there again. Yeah, but like, even that is a form of a feedback.

[B]

When you, when you.

[A]

I was furious and I needed to.

[B]

Let someone but, like, what my point is, like, what is. What is the thing that you're trying to do with the review? You're trying to be like, fuck you, right?

[A]

Not fuck you, but just like, I don't know what is going on, but this was my experience, and it was disappointed. No, no, it was. It was through. It was through the app.

[B]

Oh, I would. I'm. I would much rather call them and be like, bro, you guys fucked this up.

[A]

No, because in my opinion, if I'm doing that, then I'm like. Then I'm talking to a representative, and it's like. It's either that person's just gonna be like, oh, this isn't for me. Whatever. I don't give a. You know? Like, when it gets like, do those, like, food apps, like, whoever runs the restaurant, the manager or whatever could see that and be like, all right, this is. We could use this to, like, be better.

[B]

And, like.

[A]

And eventually they actually emailed me.

[C]

So you're trying to help.

[B]

I mean, he's a hero.

[C]

You're trying to fix the estate, the establishment.

[A]

I'm trying to be a martyr. And, like, if. If this is the cross I must bear in order to make somebody else's dining experience better. Yeah, but you weren't doing that. I'm joking.

[B]

I'm just gonna.

[C]

I'm gonna pull you into this. So at our diner, we. We read a review, and the. The review just said, these are your people, so you can't judge them.

[A]

No, no. Don't your people. Don't your people, because I am not doing this. I've done it twice in years of having these. You won't run.

[C]

You wrote one review. You wrote them all.

[B]

You. I'm gonna kill you.

[C]

The diner. The review said the eggs were all.

[A]

Right, but the waiter.

[C]

The waitress had a fat ass.

[A]

Okay, come on. What?

[B]

And, like, something like that, it's like. Well, unless it's, like, for a joke.

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

I mean, don't even fucking loop me in with those people. Obviously, you're not looping with those people. Like, I'm not sitting. I'm sitting there, and I'm being like, yo, this was my experience. Whether it be. Because, like, I'm not saying. It's like, someone needs to be held accountable. Like, those are the people that pissed me off. I knew someone that in college, and they, like, got fired from their job for a bad Yelp review. I think unless it's, like, a prolonged issue, I think that's crazy. But, like, if you're Writing a review, whether it be for a restaurant or for whatever, it shouldn't be just like, you should be ashamed.

[B]

You.

[A]

Someone needs to be held accountable. It should just be like, yo, I got my food. This was an issue that happened with my food. I don't know whose fault it is, but, like, maybe you need to address this. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I think, like, to be honest, again, I'm not a serial reviewer, but, like, I think that that does have value to some degree. If. I mean, if I was a business owner of a restaurant or something, I would value that shit. You.

[B]

You. But if, like, yes, but also, like, this is like. And this is all the other. This is why I just don't partake is because I don't know how much of an effect I could have.

[A]

It's not even about having.

[B]

I don't want.

[A]

Because you might not ever see the fruits of your labor. Like, you.

[B]

You know, But I might. But I'm saying, like, if the place got shut down because people are like, you know, because that happens to places. Especially now with, like, Tick Tock and the food reviewers. People go into a place, they have a bad experience, they make a video about it, the shit goes viral. This place is fucked now.

[C]

Yeah, because you.

[B]

Because you had a bad experience and like, oh, the food was. Nah, blah, blah. Like, this has happened. I've watched it happen to certain places where, like, an influencer goes in and, like, either tells a story that isn't true or talks about, you know, whatever. Or like, oh, this is definitely, like, not what they say it is, or whatever. And the people have to defend themselves and hope that they're seeing as many people as them.

[A]

And, like, that's why I'm like, when.

[B]

It comes to restaurants. Because, by the way, when it comes to hotels or it comes to airlines or whatever, I'm in that email letting them have it because who cares? They have.

[A]

What is the difference between that and what?

[B]

I'm not shutting down the airline. They're just giving me shit for free.

[A]

If, if, if my one review for a food item shuts down the restaurant, there is a bigger issue at play.

[B]

I mean, I think that restaurants are just. There's way more turnover in the restaurant business than there is with the hotel. And, like, because it's not boutique hotels, it's like a hotel and an airline, like a restaurant. If I go in there and I write a review and I'm like, there was a mouse in the soup.

[A]

But I'm not. But I'm not putting it on for parade. Like, I'm not taking my review and just being like, everyone, look, look, look, look.

[B]

I'm not accusing you of that. I know. That's why I stay out of it.

[A]

But. But even. Even, like, I know you're not accusing me of that, but, like, in that example, like, you could kind of wade through some of the. Like. And like, you, as. As a normal, average consumer can kind of wa way through some of that bullshit. But, like, it's almost subjective if you're like, yo, like, let's use chicken wings. An example. I got chicken wings. I. I got the buffalo sauce. There was no sauce on these wings. That's an objective issue. And, like, that's something that someone can pinpoint and just be like, guys, as a staff, let's just do this a little bit more better.

[B]

So the thing. The thing that would cross my mind is, like, the Buffalo. Buffalo wings show up without the buffalo sauce. I don't think that's indicative of the restaurant. So, like, me leaving a review and being.

[A]

Who else is it indicative of?

[B]

Like, I think it was a mistake.

[A]

Yes. And the mistake is made by whom.

[B]

Yeah. But if I write a review of saying, like, my wing showed up without the sauce, then doesn't that make other people reading that go, oh, either this restaurant is careless in the way that they pack their food, or this is how they serve their wings?

[A]

Well, to be clear, I. It happened several times, and then I left a review because I was just like, all right, I thought maybe the first time it was a mistake, maybe the second time it was a blunder. The third, fourth, fifth time, I would say that.

[C]

Then that's just how they're served, probably.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I've gotten them dozens of times before.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, I would just call them and be like, yo, you guys gave me wings, and there's no sauce.

[C]

What's going on here?

[B]

Like, can you either send the sauce or, you know, refund.

[A]

Yeah, but that's not. But if it's through, like, DoorDash or. Or Uber Eats or something like that, oh, they're even better.

[B]

They send it like this. Yeah, they refund you quick.

[C]

Yeah, you go.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, I would rather that. And that's what. That's what I am saying there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, in those circumstances, like, that's. That is an objective piece of, like, oh, something did. A mistake was made. Yeah, let's. Let's. Let's fix this.

[B]

Well, that's the difference If a mistake is made, I'll call the restaurant, like, you guys made a mistake, and we'll figure out if they can either refund something or send it. You know, I forgot this or whatever. Done that.

[A]

There was times.

[C]

There was one time I saw my pizza delivery being coming down the block, and it was this person on the back of a Vespa and the pizza, just horizontal, vertical.

[A]

Oh, oh. Like, like.

[C]

Like they were holding it under their arm like a briefcase. Up against. Dude, I saw them coming down the street. I opened the door again. I said, guys, order another pizza?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

They came box.

[B]

And so in a situation like that, well, it really depends where I am too. Like, if. If I'm ordering pizza and it's just me, I'm gonna eat whatever shows up.

[A]

Okay. I wish.

[C]

I hope I still have a picture.

[B]

But if it was something like that, I would call the restaurant and be like, hey, like, your guy served me a pizza that was completely up against the side of the thing, like, can we get another pizza going? And, like, make sure it's straight this time. And I would just wait for it. But if I leave a review and be like this, my pizza showed up and it was fucked up and blah, blah, blah, that could potentially, like, people are gonna read that review and go, oh, this. This place serves fucked up pizza. I'm not going there.

[A]

I found the review.

[C]

Oh, my God, Please read it. Please.

[A]

And I just reading it, and I sound a little more cunty than I.

[B]

Think I meant to read it.

[A]

I'm gonna read it.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

I'm gonna read it. It's from January 10th of 2025. Oh, we're coming up on the fucking one year anniversary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I put the thumbs down. Didn't like. The order was for a 15 piece wings, Buffalo and a milkshake.

[B]

Oh, we're going big.

[A]

You go big, you go home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and here's what I wrote.

[B]

Kind of milkshake, probably.

[A]

It definitely wasn't for me because I don't. I'm not a big milkshake guy. It was probably for Becca. So chocolate.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I quote, I will obviously be omitting the name of the place. Yeah. Second time in a row that they didn't sauce the wings. Didn't sauce the wings.

[B]

Verb.

[A]

It's been a recurring issue. And I gave it one more shot after last time.

[B]

So far so good.

[A]

So far so good.

[B]

Okay, here's where.

[A]

This place has had a steep drop in quality. Jeez. And the place won't let me Request additional sauce. Because that's what I tried to do. I tried to, like, go, like, under, like, special. You know how it'd be like special requests, and, like, you get some of the places. I'll be like. They don't take special requests. So basically, unfortunately, I'll no longer be ordering from insert name of this place. I would give it zero stars if I could. It's like the lowest you could give is one star. Yeah.

[B]

The fact that you made me give one is sickening. That's not that bad.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[C]

That's not bad.

[A]

I found the other one. Is the other one bad? It's for a Spanish place. Okay. Empanadas and yuca fries were solid, but everything else was flavorless and bland. That was bad. Who does that help? That was country. That was bad. That one's. I'm a bitch there. I'll agree on that one. That one sucks. That one sucks. Everything else was flavorless and bland.

[B]

Yuca fries. Really Unbelievable.

[A]

One of my favorites. They. So they. They had reached out to me. Which.

[B]

The Spanish place?

[A]

No, the. The other place.

[C]

The wing. The sauceless place.

[B]

Sauceless wings?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't sauce the wings.

[A]

And I. They had. They had reached out five days later, but I deleted the app and I swore off I would never use it again. Right.

[B]

Ten days later.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wrote. So this is terrible. Your feedback is what makes us better. At the end of the day, with your feedback, we're going to add extra sauce as an option. Not getting your wing sauce is concerning, and we will address it with our kitchen. Here's some money if you want to order again from us. And they sent me. How much did they send me? $25. They did the right thing. Did you? I honestly, I don't think I ever ordered from them again.

[C]

It'd be so funny if they kept your name.

[A]

You did it again.

[C]

No sauce, bro.

[B]

That. If I was that place, I would have sent up 15 chicken bones.

[A]

I was gonna say. I would have said uncooked chicken. It would just be no meat, no sauce, just bones.

[C]

It's just bones and the sauce.

[A]

No meat. So 15 sauces. That wasn't too bad, right?

[C]

No, no.

[A]

Well, I. I do know people that are, like. I know. Like I said, I know someone that got fired from a Yelp review, and it was the funniest thing I've ever read. The review was just, like. We came in, like, an hour before closing, and this person was pissed, so they threw the menus at us. Shit like that.

[B]

Yeah, they deserve to get fired. That kind of stuff, like, I think is fine. Like, things that aren't a mistake, you know, like if the food is cold or you forgot something. I think those are mistakes. People mistreating you. Like, I agree. That's totally different.

[A]

The only place that the wait staff has, like, they're bulletproof is at diners. These people.

[B]

You. They should. They.

[A]

Honestly, it's almost better if they're more miserable and they hate you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you get, like, a happy person at a diner, not getting the diner sucks. You need a. What do you want?

[B]

We don't have that.

[A]

We don't like. And I'm not talking like, Dick's Last Resort. You remember that place?

[B]

No.

[A]

You remember it was like a chain restaurant, like Hooters, where, like, you walk in and the people are just like, all right, what do you want? Small. And they'd write like. Like, you know, loser, loser on a hat and put it on a person. Yeah, I'm not talking that. I'm talking like a legitimately miserable person that's worked at the same diner since the 50s. Yeah.

[B]

Put a cigarette on me, but give me my lumberjack special. You know what I mean?

[A]

Lumberjack special. What the. Is that.

[B]

Is that like a lumberjack breakfast?

[A]

Is that like pancakes? Pancakes, sausage links, bacon, eggs, toast. See, now I'm hungry. It's the new year. I've been.

[B]

Now I gotta go.

[A]

Now I've been on my New Year's resolution kick and eating like a deer. So any talk about pizza and then this bowling, now I'm hungry.

[B]

Get this kid in a bowling alley. I let him run wild. But yeah. That's all we have for today's episode, folks. Thanks for tuning in, Frank. Where can they find you?

[A]

The Frank Alvarez all over social media and then patreon. Patreon.com. the basement yard. And.

[B]

Yeah, and where can. Then out of chance, you guys can go follow me at Joe San Agaro. Go follow the show at the basement on Tick Tock and Instagram. That is all. I'm kidding. Do you want to say what your thing is? Just kidding again.

[A]

You can find Ant at tbytourmerch.

[B]

Com. Tbytourmerch. See you guys next time.