#539 - The Heated Rivalry Review

Summary

The Basement Yard: Episode #539 – The Heated Rivalry Review

Release Date: January 26, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Studio: Santagato Studios

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe, Frank, and their producer ("Ant") dive into a playful—and often explicit—discussion of "Heated Rivalry," a buzzy new queer hockey romance series that's gotten both the widespread attention of their audience and the suspicious scrutiny of YouTube's content moderation system. The hosts recount their initial reactions (including a lost, too-hot-for-YouTube version), recap the show's plot and themes, share their emotional and comedic takes on LGBTQ representation in sports, and, as always, detour into irreverent personal stories about everything from gym rivalries and pastries to family, hot dog cravings, and stair-related mishaps.

The show is characteristically raunchy and riotous, but—beneath the jokes—offers genuine reflections on representation, identity, and friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. YouTube Controversy & Podcast Format Changes

• [00:41] The episode opens with the hosts poking fun at YouTube flagging their previous review of "Heated Rivalry" for being too explicit, resulting in an age restriction.
• [01:27] "We had to record the beginning of this episode again because ... our review kept getting age restricted." (Joe)
• The solution: a "safer" re-recorded review of the show that still aims to preserve their signature honesty and humor, with lots of meta-jokes about tiptoeing around YouTube's rules.

2. "Heated Rivalry" Review

Initial Reactions

• [04:49] "Heated Rivalry. I knew going in that this show was G-A-Y. And it gets really off to a good start immediately." (Joe)
• The hosts remark on how quickly the show skips the usual slow-burn, launching right into its central romantic and sexual tension between the two main hockey rivals.

Audience Pressure and Meta-Commentary

• [05:00] The hosts discuss why their listeners were so insistent they cover this show:
  "We get the Internet is, like, fully shipping us, but ... are we proud of Frank or what?" (Joe/Frank)
• Laugh about how the fandom perceives them versus how they see themselves.

Plot & Dynamics

• The show centers on two hockey stars (inspired, Joe suggests, by Crosby and Ovechkin) whose heated on-ice rivalry develops into a passionate off-ice romance—a dynamic complicated by the homophobia present in sports, especially during the early 2000s.
• [07:28] "What a tough time to ... be gay in hockey." (Frank)
• [08:19] The hosts are surprised by just how quickly (by minute 12, Joe notes) the romance goes from implicit to explicit.

Representation & Social Context

• [13:01] "I love a good love story ... there are certain things I can and can't connect to, but I thought it was well done ... it's in the zeitgeist." (Frank)
• [22:55] "I think it's important to have queer representation in TV and film ... I don't talk to the president of the gays, so I don't know how the gay community feels about that." (Frank)
• The hosts reflect on progress in LGBTQ+ representation and the show's role as a cultural touchstone.

Performance & Writing

• [11:49] Frank and Joe praise the acting and chemistry between leads, and laugh at how transparently some tropes (like their texting pseudonyms "Jane and Lily") would never work as a real-life cover.
• [14:41] "How bad Shane Hollander is at ... flirting and hiding it." (Joe/Ant)
• Lots of ball jokes and metaphors for “scoring,” “getting hooks in,” and more.

Spoiler Section & Story Arc

• [20:12] Discussion veers into mild spoilers (episodes 2+, Kip's storyline, etc.), with Joe sharing that he "couldn't stop watching," citing the show's addictiveness and binge-ability.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• [18:52] "That's what I feel like I would look like if you made my face perfectly symmetrical, and I was in a lot better shape." (Joe on a character's resemblance to himself)
• [26:13] "A lot of butt. A lot of dude round butts." (Frank/Ant)
• [26:28] "The Russian dude—impressively round. I'm like, wow, that's round." (Ant)
• [27:06] Joe's final take: "If you want to see a good love story start off aggressive, go watch the show."
• [25:25] "They didn't leave anything for the imagination." (Frank)

3. Tangent – Counting, Competition, and Gym Antics

• [09:29] Spirited talk about competing with strangers at the gym and who can last longer on a treadmill.

4. Personal Stories: Counting Holes, Steps, and Accidental Home Damage

• [35:45–43:33]
  • Counting holes in a salt shaker, random step counting rituals, and wild stair stories—including broken steps and makeshift "sledding" down the stairs in laundry hampers.

5. Food Tangents: Pastries, Hot Dogs, and Italian Delicacies

• [63:05–71:53]
  • A lengthy, passionate debate about the best Italian pastries and cookies, including black and white cookies ("whack!" - Joe), rainbow cookies ("you're bugging!" - Frank), and the need for "good, wet, deli rainbow cookies."
  • Plan for an upcoming "Pastry-on" episode (a portmanteau of Patreon and pastries) where they'll taste-test favorites on air.

6. Fun with Accents

• [45:58–53:07]
  • The hosts list their dream accents (from Scouse to Australian, British to Spanish), commiserate about Americans only knowing one language, and share ancestry stories.

7. Playful Roasting and Producer Antics

• [54:46–75:16]
  • "Ant" is roasted for being mean, for having an alleged billionaire Italian dad, and is asked to bring in more pastries.
  • A running gag about pointing, scoring, and the show's meta-games for tracking "offenses."
  • [77:10] Announcement of a pastry episode: "Let's make it like we're old Italian men sitting at the table..." (Frank)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• YouTube Drama:
  • "We're all upset because YouTube is being a little bit ... homophobic." – Frank, [00:43]
• Show's Intensity:
  • "They got in there, like, 12 minutes in." – Joe, [08:19]
• Representation:
  • "What a tough time to be gay in hockey." – Frank, [07:28]
  • "I think it's important to have queer representation in TV and film." – Frank, [22:55]
• Levity:
  • "The Russian dude—impressively round. I'm like, wow, that's round." – Ant, [26:26]
  • "If you want to see a good love story start off aggressive, go watch the show." – Joe, [27:06]
• Pop Culture:
  • "Andy Cohen is ... at least on the board of directors." (on the President of 'the Gays') – Frank, [23:46]
• On Cookies:
  • "Black and white cookies. Disgusting. Whack. So trash." – Joe, [66:31]

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Important Timestamps

• [04:49] – Start of "Heated Rivalry" review
• [08:37] – Discussion of the show's sexual tension/tone
• [14:41] – How well characters "hide it"
• [18:52] – Joe's doppelganger in the show
• [20:05 & 20:12] – Minor spoilers, talk about Kip
• [25:25] – "No imagination left" critique
• [26:28] – "Russian round butts" moment
• [27:06] – Joe's broadly positive recommendation
• [66:31] – The cookie take-down
• [71:53] – Greek pastries and custard chat
• [77:07] – "Pastry-on" episode teased

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Tone and Style

Unfiltered, fast-moving, and packed with the hosts' signature brand of NSFW humor (often riffing on sexual innuendo), the conversation is also candidly thoughtful whenever the talk turns to representation, masculinity, and LGBTQ issues in sports. Bantering, poking fun at each other and themselves, they're always swinging between deep and dumb, sincere and silly.

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Conclusion

This episode is a raucous, revealing, and rewarding review of "Heated Rivalry" that manages to thread the needle between raunch and real resonance. For listeners who are after a blend of sports talk, social commentary, raunchy comedy, and heartfelt tangents about snacks and childhood, this is classic Basement Yard.

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Follow the Hosts:

• @JoeSantagato
• @TheFrankAlvarez
• @AntPrisco (Instagram)

Catch the show:

• TikTok & Instagram @TheBasementYard
• Patreon.com/TheBasementYard (for upcoming "Pastry-on" episode!)

Transcript

[A]

All right, listen up. Nacho chips. Quiet down. Crispy potatoes. This is the moment Velveeta's been preparing you for, and you're not about to crack under pressure. Today's the day to go all in on the drip. Velveeta's heat and eat queso is the MVP of any game day spread. So stick by them and you'll be golden. Now get out there and make delicious history. No tailgate party is complete without Velveeta. Welcome back to the base.

[B]

Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank. How's it going, bud?

[A]

He's upset.

[B]

And you Upset.

[C]

I couldn't be more upset.

[B]

We're all upset because YouTube is being a little bit. A little, you know, homophobic.

[A]

Say it.

[B]

Say it. Well, just be careful.

[A]

You're pointing at me.

[B]

You saw that point.

[A]

Shit.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

You actually did.

[A]

And this. This counts. In addition to. So for those of you guys that don't know if you're seeing this, you're probably a little confused. You're probably doing the old timey, like, cleaning of the eyes thing that they did back in the old cartoons. This is attached to an episode that we previously recorded. Yes. We're wearing different outfits. Joe is also. What you don't see. He's wearing a butt plug. Why? Because we have to revisit the conversation of heated rivalry.

[B]

That's not why I'm. Wait, hold on. I'm not wearing it.

[A]

Wearing it like you have one.

[B]

We have to. We have to know.

[C]

They also technically don't know we're wearing different clothes yet.

[B]

That's true. We had to record the. The beginning of this episode again because we put out an episode talking about he did rivalry, and we watched the first and why? Watched two episodes, and they watched the first episode. So we all were getting an idea of the show, and we started reviewing it because that's what people wanted, and we put it out on YouTube for our patrons a week ahead, and it just kept getting age restricted.

[A]

Yes. Why? Because YouTube was just like, hold on. They were twirling their mustache. I imagine big YouTube has. Has a twirly mustache. And they were just like, what are they talking about? We got to make sure they don't pander this to. To the youngest. To their defense, it was a pretty graphically discussed episode.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, they were probably right. I. I will take full blame. I think that I didn't hold back on the review.

[A]

You.

[B]

You.

[A]

You. You are the Hollander in this situation. No, the blame. If the blame is no. No, if the blame is Ilya, you are Hollander and you gotta take it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oh, right.

[B]

I have to take the blame. But yeah.

[A]

So we're long shaft of the blame.

[B]

Right. Be careful. But we, we have to rediscuss it so we can put it in this episode. But we don't want to throw out the episode completely. So we're just gonna redo our review of Heated Rivalry because last time I got a little too hot. A little too heated. And so we, we're going to just be careful. By the way, hot way that we.

[A]

Hot in the language that was used. We didn't get like hot and bothered. Or at least I didn't over here. I think I can confirm you didn't.

[C]

He seemed to get a little hot.

[A]

To get a little H and B. Yeah.

[B]

H and B.

[C]

And then they were doing this and then they were doing.

[A]

Yeah. So you guys will never be able to cross reference this because now this is basement yard. Lost media.

[B]

Oh, so now Frank's going to.

[A]

Jo was sweating and he opened his chest midway through the conversation.

[B]

Opened my chest, like his shirt.

[A]

You like zipped your quarter zip down, you know. How's that catamaran he just got off of? No, no, no.

[B]

All right, well, but he was just.

[A]

Like, he was doing this like an old timey, racist southern woman. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about. Like, that's what you were doing. So there's no way to. There is no way to cross reference what we're saying.

[B]

It's fine. But we watched the first episode of Heated Rivalry and now, you know, time has passed. I watched a lot more of it and now I know it happens in this first season.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah. So I have an idea. I'm not gonna spoil the entire thing.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

I mean, we're definitely gonna spoil the first episode and probably the second one, but, like, we're gonna spoil a little bit of that.

[A]

But we also need to talk about it in a way that we are allowing our video overlords to accept. You know, we gotta, we gotta, you know, we gotta get around this so they don't unalive us. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We need to make sure. We need to make sure that we're using the right terminology. So big YouTube.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Doesn't take the. As you were saying, the long shaft of blame and giving it to you again.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and just.

[B]

You're walking on thin ice. Yeah.

[A]

I think if Anything. First of all, skating on ice hockey.

[B]

Now we're here.

[A]

Now we're here. Now we're here.

[B]

Let's just.

[A]

Let's just go for it.

[B]

He did rivalry. I knew going in that this show was G a G a Y. And it gets really off to a good start immediately.

[A]

Well, so people told us to watch the show, which we, so many people, we openly were just like, hold on a sec. Like, take a step back.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know, like, we get that the Internet is like fully shipping us, but we were like, wow, are we proud.

[B]

Of Frank or what? And I just pointed. Fuck.

[C]

Oh, cursing.

[B]

But I'm proud of you for knowing that. That, that terminology, that's old.

[A]

That's a. That's a. That's a term as old as time.

[B]

Don't ruin it.

[A]

Yeah, but they were just like, you guys have to watch this. And we were both like. Before we recorded that Patreon episode, we were just like, why did they want.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Like, they really are, like, really driving this home. But Joey, after that episode, he came to ant 9. He was like, okay. He popped his collar on his, you know, Vineyard Vines, quarter zip and Vineyard Vines, Columbia. Hey, I want one. And he was like, let's watch it. Give the people what they want.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Gave him a nice review.

[A]

Initial reviews.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

How do I. How do we. How do we make sure we kind of.

[B]

I want to say I thought that there would be more of a warm up before we got to.

[A]

You thought that they had to make the call to the bullpen before they just started pitching.

[B]

Well, okay.

[C]

I thought we would see a slap shot of something first.

[A]

I mean, before you get a slap shot, you need a wrist shot, I think is what you're referencing. I know. Hockey.

[C]

No, that's not, that's not how that works.

[B]

See, too much references now. It's not going to be a review. Okay, well, we're not going to know.

[A]

What we're talking about.

[C]

What I meant was.

[A]

I'm confused by what you're saying.

[C]

What I meant was I thought we would see hockey first to some extent. Before, like a kiss.

[B]

Well, I did see it before, like a kiss.

[A]

Yeah, well, you need a wine and dine, Ant. He's a little like, you need to. You need to take him out for. And then he'll order the lobster.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of sexual tension between the two main characters. And they're in my eyes, they kind of like signify Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin. Now imagine those two dudes were gaining love in the NHL in 2008. Like, they had, like, Blackberries in this show.

[A]

Yes. I think we. What we said in our initial review as people that grew up in that time, that was the. We were. We were 16 years old when the show. When the first episode is set, because I understand that there are some time jumps. What a tough time to. To be.

[B]

To be gay in hockey.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, anywhere. Anywhere. Let's make that abundantly clear. Anywhere, definitely in professional sports. Because I don't think at that point in time there had been any openly gay athletes.

[B]

I'm not sure.

[A]

I think Michael Sam was the. That was first, but that. That wasn't until, like, 2010, 2011.

[B]

Wow. I thought it was after that, but I don't know.

[A]

Regardless, we understand what it was like, because back then, you know, we've openly said, like, you know, you use hand lotion.

[B]

Your friends call you gay.

[A]

Yeah. You know, you, you, you, you, you. You like girls. You know, you're a romantic. That was gay, too. Back.

[B]

Apparently, that's coming back as gay.

[A]

Don't get me started.

[B]

Because Simp, when people are like, you like your girlfriend, you like your wife, you're a simp. Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do?

[A]

I. Don't get me started on it. You know how I feel about it. My brain melts down when I try to figure that out.

[B]

God, I hate that.

[A]

But it really did. Like, you know, you're seeing, like, the first episode, you're like, all right, it's like about an hour long. Maybe, like 50 minutes long. And you're like, maybe at the end, they'll do, like, a little, like, wink and nod to, like, this is going to be romantic. Yeah, they, like, they. They got in there, like, 12 minutes in.

[B]

Oh, they're lustin. They're there and they're, like, lost in Boston. Can we say that?

[A]

No, I don't think I.

[C]

Careful.

[A]

Judges take that out. I think we're okay.

[C]

No, that's fine.

[A]

I think lb.

[C]

A little lb.

[A]

A little lb.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And, like, the camera shots are like. Like, it's like a shot, like, zooming in on, like, a load of laundry. You know what I'm saying? Like, not a literal load of laundry. Like a load of laundry.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, well, sorry.

[C]

Balls.

[A]

Can we say that now?

[B]

Oh. Oh, you're talking about a full bag.

[A]

A full bag.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, bag.

[A]

A dumpster bag of laundry.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

You know, let's be careful here. And, like. Like, they're, like, panting. Like, there's that scene where they're like, they get to the gym and they're like working out next to each other, and it's like, oh, yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

And like, they're just working out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever done that, by the way? Like, do you go to the gym and if someone's on the treadmill next to you, you're like, I'm racing this guy?

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

No way.

[B]

I mean, I usually lose, but, like, if someone gets on the treadmill next to me, I'm like, I'm not getting off until they get off.

[C]

It depends how many treadmills were around. If it's just me and them.

[B]

No, it's whoever's right next to me.

[A]

I just.

[C]

I just meant, like, I'll do it.

[B]

To a woman too.

[A]

If she's there.

[B]

I'm just like, I'm not getting off until she gets. And then I usually get off because I'm like, I'm exhausted.

[A]

I don't. I am so in my own zone. First of all, I hate cardio. So my only mentality, doing cardio. I've told you guys, this is like, how much until this is done.

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[A]

I need to get off here as quickly as I can.

[B]

That's why I'm trying to create a competition. So maybe I stop focusing on that. I'm like, how fast is she going? I'm gonna go quicker. And then I just burn out and I'm on the floor. But that happened to those guys. And they were on the floor across from each other. And then they got some crotch shots going.

[A]

They got crotch shots. I think. Weren't they like, sitting like, open legged, like a praying man?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, almost scissoring from across the room.

[A]

And then he was just like, we can't say they were doing arts and crafts.

[C]

It's true.

[A]

Yeah, they were. They were doing arts and cr. They. They were doing arts and crafts room.

[C]

Playing rock paper scissors.

[A]

Rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper scissors from across the room. And he's just like.

[B]

There was tension was building, though.

[A]

Like, take my water.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was just like, whoa. And then he starts drinking it and he's just like, more. Yeah.

[B]

And that's when, you know, you're like, this is this episode.

[A]

I mean, we knew what it was. Can you imagine being like, America is known for the people in the south is where like the open racists and homophobes are.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

That's where like the open ones are. They're sprinkled everywhere. But you find them most the phobes and could you imagine being like a 70 year old, just racist piece of shit? Because racism and homophobic tendencies tend to go hand in hand. Just like, well, I like hockey. I'm gonna watch this Heated robberies about two. The two men playing a game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, play. And. And then you find out they're watching, that they're playing a game.

[B]

All right. Yeah. The game of love.

[A]

The game of love. I will say this. And I said it before, I will continue to say it again. From what I saw from the episode, I thought it was well acted. I thought that.

[B]

Are those both those kids first like.

[A]

Job, you know, That's a really good question. I don't think maybe not their first.

[B]

Job, but like their first big.

[A]

I think the dude that did that played Ilya the Russian. I think he like was in other stuff. But nothing on the, the scale of, the scale of this in terms of people talking about it. Yeah, but I thought it was well acted. I thought the story from what I saw was well done. You know, typical romance.

[B]

I could tell you that first of all, when I watched the first episode, I was like, damn, they're getting after it. But then like, I watched the second episode also. I said this when we recorded it the first time. This is a real thing. But I really, I really thought those episodes were 30 minutes. So like they were flying by, but they were an hour long. And I was like, time fly.

[A]

Time flies when you're having a good time.

[B]

It's got its hooks in me. I will say that.

[A]

Oh yeah, it's got something else in you. Maybe don't.

[B]

No, but it's, it's got its hooks in me for sure. But then as the story progresses, you're like, oh, okay, this is like a. You can kind of see where it's going in the first two episodes. But when you watch the rest of it, you're like, this is, it's got its hooks in you. It's a, it's a feel good.

[A]

I mean, I'm going to be a typical lefty and say like, you know, I love a good love story. You know, like, of course, like, there are certain things I can and can't connect to. But I thought it was well done from what I saw. You know, I know that people have said, like, continue watching. I haven't yet. But it gets to a point where like it continues the story and, and it is very much in the zeitgeist. People are talking about it. And I think people are talking about it because it goes from zero to 60 in like five seconds, dude.

[B]

And also like, the. The way the. The Russian dude is, he's. He's the dom. Like, he's Dom and Hollander Russianly. And he. And the way that he sort of like flirts at times. Like, the text messages that he sends are hilarious.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz they text each other under a pseudonym.

[B]

Jane and Lily.

[A]

Jane and Lily. And people like. I think if they took all of five seconds to see that and figure it out, they'd put it together.

[B]

Well, that was another thing. It's like you're getting a text from Jane and it's like, oh, we played Boston tonight. Are you hard?

[A]

It's like, yeah, they're gonna know who that is. Yeah. But in between the sexual messaging, it's just like, like very in depth stuff about hockey. You know what I mean?

[B]

Good luck in the playoffs.

[A]

I'm jerking it right now. Yeah, exactly. Just like getting. We're getting excited.

[C]

We're getting excited a little bit.

[A]

I mute that. It's fine. Where's this thing at again? I'll take that out.

[C]

Getting excited.

[B]

But yeah, it's like stuff like that. Like those hilarious.

[A]

But go ahead.

[C]

I think it would be remiss to not bring up the fact that how, like, bad Shane Hollander is at kind of like. Yeah. Flirting and hiding it.

[A]

Because I. I think that the story that I saw is that there is a sense of, like, I'm finally being able to be myself, but I do need to restrict it to.

[B]

No, that's not what he means.

[C]

I mean, when like, other people are.

[B]

Like, oh, yo, your boys on tv talking about the Russians. Oh, he's not my boy.

[A]

He's like a middle schooler. We're not in love and kissing. Yeah. It's like, bro, be a little more coy here. Well, maybe that's part of the layering of the story that he is not allowed to be at an emotional maturity level to deal with something like that, because society at that time didn't allow people to be open enough to deal with that on their own. Oh, I like fucking Ebert Ropert.

[B]

I don't even know who that is. I know the name, but I don't know who that is.

[C]

Did you say you ate something?

[A]

Ebert Ropert. Oh, I'm like, ebert and Ropert.

[B]

You thought that he said something. I was like, whoa. That's like, I ate Ropert.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

What is it?

[B]

What is it that you want to. You want to.

[A]

You don't know who Eepert. I think it's Two people, actually. I think it's like Roger Ebert and. And Mike Ropert.

[B]

But Mike feels wrong.

[A]

But they were like famous movie reviewing duo that would like. They. No, I think they're just. They were very good at breaking down symbolism and allegories in film.

[B]

That's why I know those names. The Drake song. Two Thumbs Up, Ebert and Ropert.

[A]

I was likening myself to the skills of Ebert and Ropert and saying that I was able to break it down because as you're sitting there and oogling and ogling and making, you know, oh, my God, these guys are baking a cake together.

[B]

Yeah, they looked like a Pisces at one time.

[A]

Oh, did they?

[B]

No, but they took turns.

[A]

I mean, you did watch. So, like, during the initial review, you were open that you watched more episodes than we did.

[B]

I did, yes.

[A]

Then. Since then, you have continued to watch. Yeah. So I just got his hooks. I mean. Yeah. Good. I mean, I'm not. What am I gonna say? Don't watch? No, no.

[B]

I'm just saying I'm not waiting for you guys to watch every episode and review together. I'm saying I'm. I'm off to the races here. It's got its hooks in me. What am I?

[A]

No one is.

[B]

Yeah, I got the bug. I got the hockey bug.

[A]

Okay. I was gonna say what? I got the bug. You know, you got to be careful. They. People thought it was an illness at one point in time.

[B]

Gayness.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, that's not what I meant.

[A]

And then I believe in the DSM 3, maybe earlier versions. It was diagnosed.

[B]

When you start talking about acronyms, I.

[A]

Get Diagnostic Diagnostic Statistic Manual. It's like the, like.

[B]

Say it again two times fast.

[A]

Diagnostic Statistic Manual. Diagnostic Statistic Manual it is. We're on the DSM5. It's pretty good, but in previous iterations, I never told you. I think I've. I've told you this story. I had a class in college, Abnormal psychology, and we just went through, like, mental illnesses and understanding, blah, blah, blah. It was a very interesting class. And we took a test. And one of the tests was what was pre what. What social norm now was once diagnosed as a mental illness? And I knew our teacher was gay, so I went to her and I was like, listen, I know the answer. Or I think I know it, but I don't want to write this out. And you think I'm a piece of shit. And she's like, what do you think it is? I was like, I don't want to say it. And she's like, what is it? I was like. She goes, yes, okay. And I was like, all right. But it was categorized.

[B]

Oh, you, like, got up in the middle of the test.

[A]

Yeah, because I'd finished. I'd finished.

[B]

And I.

[A]

And I went to hand it in, got 105 and.

[B]

And five.

[A]

But it was. It was diagnosed as a mental illness. When you said the bug, I thought you were, like, doing.

[B]

No, no, I meant, like, you know, you. I'm hooked. But I will say that this doesn't happen often. Even though people think I look like everyone in the world, but there's a guy in the show that I actually feel like we look alike, but he looks like. This may be too niche. I don't know. But if you've ever seen the Tick Tocks where people take like. Like, they'll take, like, Timothy Chalamet's face, and it'd be like, this is what Timothy shall they say if you made it look perfect? And they like, oh, like, the symmetry.

[A]

The symmetry thing.

[B]

Perfect symmetry. Yeah. Like, that's what, like, I feel like I would look like if you did that to my face. If you made my face, like, perfectly symmetrical. And I was in a lot better shape.

[A]

Look.

[C]

Look right into the camera. Let's give people a chance to do it.

[A]

I know, I know. There's someone that's gonna be like, let's move his eyes here.

[B]

And, like, you know, someone had tweeted me. It was like, oh, wait till Joe finds out he's in this show. Yeah, I saw the picture.

[A]

I saw that, too. And I was like, well, I saw.

[B]

That, and I thought it was, like, a joke or something, but then I saw the dude on.

[A]

You were fully like, Yeah, I saw.

[B]

Him, like, I think maybe it was at the Golden Globes or something, but he was on, like, a carpet, and they're taking photos of him. And I was like, oh.

[A]

I was like, that kind of looks.

[B]

Like a handsome Squidward version of me.

[A]

I. I don't know if this will be a spoiler. Does he bake cakes? At a certain point, a lot of batter.

[B]

Oh, all right, well, I. I don't hold you guys.

[A]

Wait, no, no, no. Answer mine first. Then we'll unpack.

[B]

What are you asking about?

[C]

Piggyback?

[B]

If he's. If. If he.

[A]

If he is also baking cakes with.

[B]

Their Jane and Lily.

[C]

He's.

[B]

He's in love. He. There's a love story with him.

[A]

Good.

[C]

Get into spoilers. I'm saying, like, past episode one here. I think we are way past that's. What I'm saying. I'm just. Just freaking out.

[A]

Yeah. I don't even know, like, he's referencing.

[B]

That arc is very interesting. Okay. The dude's name is Kip, I believe, but he's got an interesting arc.

[A]

Okay. Second to last episode, something happens.

[B]

Something.

[A]

Oh, wait, so you finished it?

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Well, yeah. Okay.

[B]

I mean, yeah. But yeah.

[A]

Would you go, How. If you were to do the Cisco Roper? Are you giving it. How many. What is the four thumbs up was, like, really good. I honest.

[B]

All jokes aside, like, I do think the show started out super hot. And there's a lot of gay scenes. I don't want YouTube, but, like, there's a. Like, right off the bat, you're kind of like, lustful lust.

[A]

Let's get after, like that.

[B]

But then it.

[A]

It more.

[B]

It slows up. But I think that's the natural, like, way that would go.

[A]

I mean, most TV shows, you know, first of all, they used to be called pilots because this was the show that was getting the show off the ground. They would have to show that. So they would have to end with. With. With some, you know, like, punch, metaphorically, to get people to be like, I.

[B]

Need to come back.

[A]

I need to come back for episode two, three, four, whatever. As we are talking about this, it's because it starts at fucking a hundred. Yeah, like a hundred, dude. And, like, no issue with that. But any show that starts that aggressively, like, you're just gonna be like, whoa. I was not expecting that at first. What is the show?

[B]

There was a show recently that was, like, on Netflix, and it's like. And everyone record their reaction to watching it because the opening scene is, like, this guy and this woman laying in bed, and he's just hugging.

[A]

Like, he's just. I don't.

[C]

I remember.

[A]

You know what I'm talking?

[C]

I remember the trend. I don't remember the show.

[A]

I mean, I remember when people would record to the documentary that came out where it was like, the mom was cyberbullying her own daughter.

[B]

Well, yeah, no, that I watched.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

This was, like, older than this was. Might have been, like, during COVID or maybe a little after. It was a while ago. But, like, people would record themselves watching, like, oh, watch the beginning of this. I think it was. I think it was a. Either a TV show or like a series or something like that. But the opening scene, so I'm like, I have to see this because everyone's.

[A]

Always like, oh, my God.

[B]

But it's a dude laying there he's hogging. And I was like, yo, I don't know.

[A]

Warm up.

[B]

No warm up. It's like title screen right there.

[A]

Well, that's how the show the Boys is. That show goes like. And not even just like one episode. Every episode of that show goes from 0 to 100.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Instantly quick. And like, you might. If you've not seen that show, it's on Prime Video. You might think like, oh, how like I'm talking like exploding wangs. You see how we. See what I did there? That wasn't what I wanted to say.

[B]

Yeah, like that quick.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like. So like any show that is like that, it's going to be a little bit of whiplash. I think that, you know, I saw like some of the people saying, like, you know, of course. Because people that don't know our show are going to see clips of us talking about it and just be like, you know, this is. I think it's an important. Again, let me be Lefty Frank for a sec. I think it's important to have queer representation in TV and film. I think that from what I have seen, it's a well done show. I don't, I don't talk to the president of the gays, so I don't know how the gay community feels about that. By the way, I was Ellen DeGeneres for a while.

[B]

Oh, she's definitely.

[A]

She was. She, she was taken from her post. I don't know who would be in that role right now. I don't know. Andy Cohen is. Is. Is in conversation. He's at least on the board of directors.

[B]

I was thinking Andy Dick. When you said that, I was like, what?

[A]

Andy Dick has got some other stuff going on that needs to figure out before.

[B]

Wouldn't know.

[A]

But you didn't see that clip that went viral of like someone found him on the street like ODing.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Jesus. No, I did not see that.

[C]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Any idea on who the president of, like the gays is? Would it be Lady Gaga?

[C]

Wouldn't it technically be like Jonathan Bailey right now? He's like, oh, that's a good one.

[A]

That. You know what, though? He might not be. He might not have.

[C]

Newly elected.

[B]

He just got there.

[C]

Newly elected.

[A]

I don't even think an elected president yet. I think like a og. Yeah, like, you need like someone that is like, consistently like, that's why I said Lady Gaga. I think that she has probably earned her right on the Mount Rushmore.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

You know who I really like? Who's the Dude.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

What is he in? What was the show with Steve Carell?

[A]

Morning show.

[B]

No. Four seasons. Something like that.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[B]

Do you know that show?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The black dude.

[A]

Colman Domingo, bro. That guy. He might be the current president.

[B]

He could be, bro. That guy's style is unbelievable. Dude.

[A]

I remember the first time I saw him in Euphoria. Becca and I were watching the episode where it was just him and Rue, and I was like, yo, this guy is good.

[B]

That. That show, by the way. Mad, underrated.

[A]

Euphoria.

[B]

Love that show.

[A]

Or four seasons.

[B]

Four seasons.

[A]

You know, I started the other show. You're talking about Euphoria. Euphoria is appropriately.

[B]

Right. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's a very popular.

[B]

But, like, four seasons, I feel like, went under the radar. Like, that was fire.

[A]

I didn't. You know. You want to know something? It's filming, like, at the Jersey Shore. Like, it was.

[B]

Oh, there's new.

[A]

Yeah, they're doing a new season. I didn't. So we. I think back, and I watched, like, the first two episodes.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

And we just never picked it back up.

[B]

I liked it.

[A]

I love the cast so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you can't go wrong with Will Forte, Tina Fey, Steve Carell, Coleman Domingo.

[B]

Forte's in that. I forgot.

[A]

But yeah, just. Just kind of bringing it back full circle in terms of heated rivalry.

[B]

Like, they.

[A]

They. They didn't leave anything for the imagination. No. I think, you know, that. That they. They definitely, like, you know, like. You ever heard of, like, don't show. What's the. What's the. What's the term? Like, don't show them the cat. Let them know there's a cat there.

[C]

Schrodinger's cat.

[A]

No, no. Schrodinger's hat is something different.

[C]

Don't show hole. No, I've heard that one.

[A]

That's also different. That was. Ant could take. The ant could take the shaft of blame after if this one also gets. Yeah. Also, they didn't follow that rule.

[B]

A lot of butt. A lot of dude.

[A]

Round.

[C]

Round butts.

[A]

I. I'm not. I wasn't gonna say round.

[C]

Really.

[A]

Round. No, I don't. I didn't.

[C]

Russian dude, like, impressively round. I'm like, wow, that's round.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

Dude, I didn't see anything about the butts that you see.

[B]

What are you talking about? The dudes. The Russian dudes. Butts right there.

[A]

I mean, they're in good shape because they're athletes. I didn't see anything where I was.

[B]

Mean that you're not being like, bro, Jesus. Yeah, the guy's got a bbl, basically.

[A]

Bbl. Lot of. I guess I.

[C]

You weren't looking in the right place.

[A]

I guess I was not. Yeah, we slow blinking over there because, I mean, I was gonna. I was holding my breath while I was round.

[B]

Really round.

[C]

They were. That's the only. That's what I thought the whole time.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, I mean, definitely. I think if. If you want to see a good love story, start off aggressive, go watch the show.

[B]

Yeah, definitely. Like, you know, it gets tooks in you, Dude, I'm telling you, if you continue watching it, you're gonna be like, that was a good show.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Was there any more hockey?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Like, there's like.

[C]

You know, because the first episode, I.

[B]

Don'T think the equivalent of the Stanley Cup a bunch of times.

[C]

Right. But they do the sneaky thing where they actually don't play hockey. They kind of just film on the ice.

[B]

That's. What do you. What.

[A]

What. What is that?

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

No.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

They film on the ice.

[A]

Like, they're just like, what are you gonna do?

[B]

Show a whole hockey game?

[A]

Yeah, that's what he wants. He's watching it because he's that guy that's just like, I like some hockey. Let's go watch this.

[C]

I don't think there was a puck until 45 minutes.

[A]

Well, now I'm watching Heated Rivalry for the hockey. I want to see. I want to see. See how good they are. That's it. Just a little bit of both.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

You know, that's it. Right. I wanted a little more hockey, you know, like, what are you. That's like going to the NHL for that? Yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm here. I'm just here for the h. I'm not here for the Russian round, but.

[A]

Just, you know, just say the quiet part out loud, my friend. It's okay. You can watch it for. Oh, that's so funny. You know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

Well, watching it for the hockey is great, but. Yeah, a lot of stuff there.

[A]

But apparently there's, like, a lot of.

[B]

Books, too, so, like.

[A]

Yeah, maybe there's a series of books. And, like, I think we looked it up during our initial review. The first. I think the first one is called.

[B]

Heated Rivalry, and there's like, game changer.

[A]

Game changer.

[B]

The long shot.

[A]

The long shot.

[B]

That's the one.

[A]

Crazy Tape wrists.

[B]

Common goal.

[A]

Common goal. That's a good one.

[B]

That one feels like a. Like a. Like a dp.

[A]

So we so Close segment. So close. So close.

[B]

I was just using letters.

[A]

I'm letting you know now.

[B]

But doesn't that sound like that though Common.

[A]

I think the common goal would be in reference to reaching a oak. It's like you say it really.

[C]

Yeah, say it really fast. Say it really.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It's not like, like, like, you know, got to pay the troll tol. Into this boy's soul. First of all, you know, you know, don't do this already.

[B]

In the beginning, you both were wrong.

[A]

About what I was saying.

[B]

And then that was completely not what I was.

[C]

I'm not jumping in. In that.

[A]

Well, you. You've seen that episode.

[C]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

You know that. You know that episode of Sunny where they do the play where they do the. The Night Man?

[C]

I saw it.

[A]

Okay. Thank God. You know, gotta play the. One of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen in my entire life. Full stop. You know, when he goes, what is that? And he. A gun. He goes, you know what it is?

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay a troll toe to get in. Yeah. I can recite that whole episode, I think, line for line.

[B]

It's a great episode, honestly. One of the best ever on television.

[A]

Yeah, well.

[B]

But yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know how when we send it off to past selves, how the vibes of the episode are if it continues this.

[A]

Yeah, well, listen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. We don't. We don't. We apologize for the. Because we're obviously in different stuff, you know, like, and wasn't our fault. We wanted to make sure that you guys didn't miss out on an episode. So we wanted to give you what you like, which is Joe Roper. Can I say you guys.

[B]

What can I say?

[A]

Gooning.

[B]

Gooning. Oh, you say me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I wasn't gooning.

[C]

Well, we got it.

[B]

I like rom coms. Even though it's like more of a rom.

[A]

Yeah, it's more of a rom. Drum.

[B]

A rom. A rom. Drum.

[A]

Drum. Drum. Drama.

[B]

A hawk rom.

[A]

Drama. Hawk drama. Now it sounds like we're going to conjure up spirits.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Furniture is going to start levitating here.

[B]

But yeah, so that's. That's our new review, I guess. Let's go over to our older selves.

[A]

Yeah. So let's.

[B]

We'll just do editing. We'll just do the editing, though. We don't have to do that. All right, see you.

[A]

There's no easy way to transfer to.

[B]

This, but we do have some sponsors for today. The first one is Hungry Root. Hungry Root plans my groceries for the weeks. It shops for me and delivers everything that matches my goals, delivery preferences, and budget. So you kind of plug in everything that you need, and they go to work for you. So they have over a thousand grocery items like ready to eat options, fresh fruits and vegetables, protein bars or energy bites, things like that, smoothies, whatever, and they hold all their food to high standards. They. They're screening out over 200 additives, including high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners and things like that. So they want just clean ingredients in their foods, and they make it incredibly easy to get going and actually stick with the New Year's resolution of eating healthy. And, you know, which we're all trying to do at this point. But Hungry Root, like I said, it's amazing for, you know, either your fitness goals, your nutritious nutrition goals, and. Yeah, so it just does your weekly shopping for you. And you're gonna love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, you get 40% off your first box, plus you get a free item in every box for life. Okay. You just go to hungryroot.com basement and use the code basement. That's hungryroot.com basement in that code basement to get 40% off of your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Okay. That is quite the deal. Also, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay. BetterHelp is online therapy. So if you want to talk to a therapist, they make it very easy for you to onboard and get matched with a qualified therapist. You know, I've said this numerous times, but I've been in therapy for years now. I think that everyone should be. It's so helpful in ways that you couldn't even imagine, honestly. And even if you don't have anything traumatic going on or, you know, you're just someone who feels like, I got it together. I think that therapy can benefit anybody on any level. So I would suggest it. They have over 30,000 therapists. It's one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. And, yeah, you can sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Basementyard okay, so BetterHelp spelled B E T T R H lp.com Basemyard and you will save 10% off for that first month. So, yeah, go take care of your mental health people.

[A]

I got something else for you to take care of. How about you come on over To Patreon and let us take care of you. That's right. Do you want the idea, the metaphorical grasp of the basement yards? Hands on your shoulders. Mass you with more of us and more of us sooner.

[B]

Good lord.

[A]

Good Lord. Well, you're gonna get that [e-mail] the basement yard is the service we use to give us a little. Give you a little more. A little pipette additional of the basement yard. You go and you sign up for that first here. Guess what? You get these episodes one week before anybody else. These weekly episodes come out a week before everybody else. If you're on that first tier, that second tier, you get all that. And then you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And I'm not just talking from here until, you know, from when you join, until the future ones. I'm talking everyone previously too. Hundreds of episodes, hours of content ready for you and your eyes only. For your eyes only. That's an arrested development. Although it says for British eyes only. We're not going to parse through that. So go check it [e-mail] thebasement yard. Okay? And if you sign up, we'll love you. If you can't, we appreciate it. We understand. We. We are so grateful to people that have put us ever so close, if maybe not right. Over 40,000 patrons, you guys are consistently showing so much love and support, and we are genuinely, really appreciative. So if you want to sign up, go to patreon.com the Basemanyard and if you want to sign up and save yourself some money, you can do it on a web browser. Go type in that URL code. You know, the patreon.com thebasementyard and you sign up there. If you use a smart app, the app overlords, the tech overlords, are going to take a little bit of extra money from you. So save yourself some extra bucks. Go to patreon.com thebasemanyard we love you. We appreciate you, and thank you.

[B]

Mmm.

[C]

Beautiful. And speaking of holes, I have something for you boys.

[B]

Holes. Oh. Oh, okay.

[C]

So this has been bouncing around TikTok. I'm curious. How would you count the number of holes on this salt shaker? What would be your method?

[A]

Let's just start with, like, what's the.

[B]

First hole you're looking at?

[A]

I'm looking not at a first hole. I'm looking at a series of holes.

[C]

Right. And then how would you count those?

[B]

Which one?

[A]

I'm doing the circle around the middle hole. So I Would go with those six.

[C]

Wait, this here?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You count those first.

[A]

I would segment it that way because it's easier for my eyes to do that.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Personally. So, like, I would do that. So I see that. That's six. Then one in the middle, and then the five dots around. No, the six dots around the end. So seven. Thirteen, right? Thirteen holes.

[C]

So you'd count it this six in the circle.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

One in the middle and then the outer ring.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That is very interesting.

[A]

It's easier for my eyes to break it up like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, I break it up in the. I. I take the middle part of it, break it up, and then I can count the outside and inside easier, personally. Why? What are you guys doing?

[C]

I feel like if we added one more ring of circles. You're. You're not counting this?

[A]

I mean, to be fair.

[C]

But that's not.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You're asking me how I would count this one.

[B]

Okay. I would only really count this if I was in a very awkward, like, socially awkward situation. I'd be like, let me just count these things because I don't want to look up. I think I would start in the upper left, like, there, and just kind of like, get the ones that are near there, and then kind of go.

[C]

Like, to the right, near there. As in, you go, 1, 1, 2.

[B]

The one across mid, and then maybe that one in the middle. And then, like, maybe I would continue that way.

[A]

I don't know. I'm also thinking of it. I would also count it by line. So 1, 5, 8, 12, 13.

[B]

Honestly, what you said, I'm like. I feel like I would do the opposite where I would count the out, out in. So I would go, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And then count the inner ring and then the one in the middle.

[A]

Yeah. I just. In my head, the way that it works is to break it up into different sections, you know, and in just looking at that shape, that seems like the easiest way to do that, to look at it as three different shapes, bro.

[B]

I'm staring at this, and I'm like, there's holes appearing and disappearing. Yeah. Like, I'm like. It's like a. It's tripping me out.

[C]

I think I would do just lines. So I would go, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. Just lines.

[A]

That makes sense. I honestly don't think I would be.

[B]

Good at counting this. Usually if I have to do something like this, I do it more than once because I'm not very, like.

[A]

I love I'll randomly be like, the other day, I was in the steam room, and I was like, let me count the tiles in here.

[B]

And like, oh, you got a little bit of the.

[A]

You got.

[B]

You got the. You know what I mean?

[A]

You got a little bit of it that's going on a smidge. I would say at least a smidge.

[B]

I like to count stuff.

[A]

Counting is cool because it's something I know I'm good at counting.

[B]

Yeah. How high?

[A]

Pretty.

[B]

You counted the tiles?

[A]

Yeah, but I did it by using mathematic equations. So I was just like, I'm not going to sit here and count every single tile, but I'll count across. I'll count down, and I know the area of that wall, and then I'll look over and do that one.

[B]

Sometimes I'll get into this mood where I'll just start counting my steps. Like, I'll be walking on the sidewalk, And I'm like, 1, 2, 3. And I'll get up to over 100. And I'm like, what am I doing, dude?

[A]

What I used to do is when I used to walk home from the train when I lived in Astoria, I would. At a random point on the walk, I would say a number, guessing how many steps it would be from where I was to my house.

[B]

Out loud?

[A]

Out loud. So I'd be like, on, like, Dip Mars and, like, Steinway.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd go, like, 1,406. And then I would walk and count every step. And then I'd give myself one time to adjust and just play a little game of myself.

[B]

Did you ever, like, nail it?

[A]

Yes, one time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Like. Like, nailed it.

[B]

Like, you nailed it?

[A]

Like, I was like, Hollander, dude.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah, well, Hollander, he was.

[B]

The nail.

[A]

He received. He received the nailing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From the hammer.

[B]

Yeah, right. Exactly.

[A]

But I was, like, a couple blocks away, and I was like, you know, like, 684. And then I was, like, two blocks away, and I was like, I can adjust, but no, I'm gonna stick with 684. And it was 684.

[C]

Did you start, like, these were your normal steps, but then you.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I. And, like, I kept the same stride and pace, you know, I. I did my best. You know, There was no, like, puddles I was jumping over.

[B]

That's funny.

[A]

I just love doing stuff like that.

[B]

I count. So you count stuff?

[C]

Sometimes. Sometimes I'll count. Do you know how many stairs you. You have in your house? Exactly. No.

[B]

Well, I live in an apartment.

[C]

Okay, well, what about yeah. That you don't count.

[A]

So then he does know how many he has Zero.

[C]

So let's say your top floor. Do you know how many? The exact number of stairs it is from your middle floor to your top floor. I feel like it's important to know.

[B]

I don't know that in my mom's house that I grew up in.

[C]

I think it's important because, like, you ever carrying something and it's blocking your vision. I know my. My steps.

[B]

Oh, I could do this.

[A]

Oh, I just. I stop and I wipe my foot. So, like, I do down and I.

[B]

Like, I kick my foot around.

[A]

Yeah. Just to see, like, is there another step? Am I on the ground? I could also tell by the, like, the texture of the ground if it's wood, if it's a tile or something.

[B]

I also am so bad at that that if I. If something is impeding my vision, I've. Because my mom's house is like two steps and then, like a little landing and then the stairs go up like that. So coming down those steps and getting to the landing and you're just anticipating another step, and I just go, boom.

[A]

Like that. Which just like.

[B]

Because I'm, like, thinking there's another step and I just, like, hit the. Hit the deck or some. But I've done that so many times in my life.

[A]

Joey's childhood house also had. Famously, one of his staircases was missing a step. So, like, it was like it was a hole. Like, on several accounts, like, several occasions, we had told people, like, careful of the sixth step. And they'd say, why? Like, because there isn't one. And it was just a hole into the floor. You know, it happens.

[B]

Things fall apart at times and they last a long time, which is an issue.

[C]

But was it a fix now? Stairs to the basement kind of stuff? Yeah, if it was, you know, the middle floor or something, that'd be.

[B]

That'd be tougher to explain.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No one. We were only. We were going into the basement. I'm sure we were the ones that caused it to break in the first place.

[B]

I'm certain of it. I mean, my mom would do laundry in the basement. Like, that's where the laundry machine.

[A]

Yeah, but your mom has steps like a little pixie. You know what I mean? Like, she walks like. She basically floats on air.

[B]

She floats down the steps.

[A]

We were running down those steps.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Dude feels like a Keith through this, like, leg through the stair kind of thing.

[B]

I actually don't remember how that happened, but, I mean, that's a. That's a very safe bet.

[A]

Could have been. Do you remember when we tried to put me down the stairs in the sterilite, like, storage bin?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That was like a.

[B]

So many times I've done that. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or a hamper. You ride it down the stairs in the hamper.

[C]

If.

[A]

Don't do it, kids.

[B]

And if it goes. Well, if it goes the way you.

[A]

Want it to go, you slide right down you.

[B]

But you actually hit the floor and topple over. And that's probably what you don't want.

[A]

No, I imagine you would want that because your momentum brings you. If you hit the floor and stop, you come to a complete stop.

[B]

That's what I mean. And you just flip over.

[A]

But the flip over is better because your momentum is continuing and it can die down a little. But if you just hit and you don't move.

[B]

I actually think that one time we did do something like that and my foot went right through the closet. That's right there.

[A]

Because it had, like, those slats, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just, like, kicked it open.

[A]

God, whatever.

[B]

God bless them for raising all of us in that house.

[A]

See, my steps had, like, the metal track on the. The. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? On the tread.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, if I went down those, I was. I was. I wasn't gonna be in good shape.

[B]

Yeah, you'd be roughed up and be.

[A]

A little roughed up. But, you know, everyone takes a nice, good roughing. Just like Hollander.

[B]

Hollander took a roughing. Yeah. And we'll probably continue taking it.

[C]

My. My grandma's old house had a boxing bag hanging from the ceiling in the basement.

[A]

Like a heavy bag.

[C]

And we would swing from it.

[B]

You would swing from the heavy bag?

[A]

I mean, as a kid. What else are you gonna do? Punch it?

[B]

Yeah. That's stupid.

[C]

Hurt my hand.

[A]

Yeah, I imagine that's the thing to do.

[C]

Just swing from it.

[A]

What's in those, by the way?

[C]

Sand.

[B]

Gotta be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else would you put in there?

[A]

Water.

[B]

I mean, you pop it.

[A]

I think of the scene of the Avengers where he. Where Chris Evans, Captain America, hits it and then sand just bursts everywhere.

[B]

Because he's so strong.

[A]

He is so strong, bro.

[B]

Speaking of Chris Evans, I just watched a show defending Jacob. Did you see that?

[A]

You were telling me about that. I didn't watch it. Is it good?

[B]

Dude, embarrassed to say this, but me and Nicole watch the entire series in one sitting.

[A]

Why is that embarrassing?

[B]

Because it's fucking, like seven hours.

[A]

I am a big proponent of smoke it if you got them. You know what I'm saying? Like, if they're. If they're giving it to you all at once, just do it.

[B]

Seven hours of television straight is bananas. But it's one of those, like, mystery things. You're like, I gotta know. So I couldn't stop watching.

[A]

I love a good mystery.

[B]

I love mysteries.

[A]

I watched weapons, and I was like, oh, what's going on?

[B]

I love detective. Like, I wish I could be a detective. Or sometimes I watch shows where detectives are, like, figuring stuff out, and I'm like, oh, I love that.

[A]

Like, the first 48 or something like that. Well, I just.

[B]

I also. All her fault is another one. And it's like, what's the guy? Pena. Pena. Michael Pena. He's like a detective, and he's like, figuring stuff out, and he's like, oh, okay, piece this together. Blah, blah, blah. He's interviewing people. And I'm like, I would love this.

[A]

That's why I really enjoyed rewatching Dexter, and that's why I like the new knives out. Wake up, dead man. Because he does it in such a. Daniel Craig does it in such a bombastic, you know, coming to Benoit Blanc, and he doing it like that. I love it. That's what he does, dude. That's what he does.

[B]

Bombastic.

[A]

Well, that's what he does. It comes in his lock mouth. Good saw.

[B]

I wish I talked like that.

[A]

Do you ever wish, like, give me your top five accents you wish you had?

[B]

I wish I had a. Some sort of, like, UK accent.

[A]

Uk?

[B]

Yeah, just any. Any of them. There's a hundred million, but, like, I. One of them would be.

[A]

All right, so give me your top five. As I asked before.

[B]

Okay, Take it easy.

[C]

Should I count that? That was really.

[A]

No, that was not really sad. No, we said it was okay. Like I said before, you idiot, we said it would be verbal, not. But I was.

[B]

That was a bitch.

[C]

Yeah, a little bit. Throwing that sass around.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was crazy, dude.

[A]

Whose side are you on? Who sides are you supposed to be on? Mine, because we're getting the money together.

[B]

Oh, so he is splitting.

[C]

It might be on Frankie's side.

[A]

Well, I know. Meaning, like, you're also getting $10, and I'm also getting $10.

[B]

Whoa. Now it's $20.

[C]

Back to Joe's side.

[B]

If I get 2 bucks per, I'm not playing this.

[A]

I'm giving you 10 bucks per.

[C]

No, you're making him spend 20. He's not gonna do that for me.

[A]

I'm not doing any of this. So top five accents you would most want to have.

[B]

I would say that one.

[A]

You just said European.

[B]

I said uk.

[A]

You said uk.

[B]

British.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

British accent.

[A]

What kind of British are we talking? Like high end bread? Are we talking. I got stuck like this.

[B]

Yeah. Like Tom Hardy in bronze or Peaky Blinders. Okay. Yeah. I love that accent. I think that's awesome.

[A]

So you want to be a Blinder? A freaky.

[B]

Hell yeah. Yeah, I would love that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think also, and the people that.

[A]

Are watching this in England are just like, that's a very specific. Like they know exactly which one it is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like I said, there's so many of them. Like, I think you go like a 10 miles north and it's completely different. I would like that. I think like having a Spanish accent.

[A]

Would be cool, but like, what Spanish are we talking? Are we talking, you know which one? Spain. Like Espana, but we don't eat, even eat dinner until midnight.

[B]

I'm talking about like Dominican. I'm trying to think of an actor.

[A]

That would have Javier Bardem. Antonio Banderas, who's the guy that voiced.

[C]

Death in Puss in Boots. Come on.

[A]

Frankie the Wagner. Mora.

[C]

That.

[B]

That's. Oh, he just won.

[A]

He just won. Yeah, apparently. That movie's incredible.

[B]

The Secret Agent.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Would love that. I would love that.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good one. I like, I like that accent. I like that. I'll take that. I want like a Scouse accent. That's fun.

[A]

Which one's that?

[B]

That's like, you know, Patty the baddie or Owen Cooper, I think. Is he.

[A]

I think he is Patty the Baddie.

[B]

He's in the ufc. You've never seen him. Don't get knocked out.

[A]

Patty Pembleton.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I didn't know his nickname was the baddie.

[B]

Yeah, dude, no offense, come him up, dude. But yeah, like an accent like that I think is so funny. Who, who was the, like Scottish, like sound Scottish.

[A]

I mean, you know. Yes, hilarious. Well, I mean, careful, you don't want to offend Patty the Baddie. He might. No, no, take your hattie off.

[B]

Yeah, I mean a rear naked Scottish would be cool.

[A]

Like a David Tennant. Alan Cummings.

[B]

Real Italian would be cool too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think that's such a, like a nice sounding language.

[A]

I mean, the language, it's. But, but it's a little dramatic. If you had the accent but not the language. Doesn't that kind of take away from it?

[B]

Like, to be clear, I'd rather speak these languages than just have the Accent, obviously.

[A]

Gotcha. Okay, but no part of you wants, like, a Southern accent a little bit? No, I'm talking.

[B]

No, not at all.

[A]

What about Boston?

[B]

Certainly not. Certainly not.

[A]

What about, like, Delaware Water Gap? Like, Philly?

[B]

Yeah. I will say the Baltimore accent is.

[A]

Is Star Rose. That bit he does is so funny.

[B]

Yeah, I. I feel like the. The. The Baltimore accent is so funny. Like, I. I wasn't really aware of it until, you know, the last, like, five years. Really, Like, I knew they had an accent, but I never, like, really, like.

[A]

Was the first one to, like, put it on TV and stuff like that. Right.

[B]

That was a good show.

[A]

Speaking of detectives, you know, another.

[B]

See, I'm all over this.

[A]

The. The, like, Delaware Water Gap, you know, like, we're going for a hoagie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go Birds.

[B]

It's. It's also, like, what are you. Like, how did.

[A]

Why come there? Yeah, like, it's very specific. It is.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It is. It makes no sense. Yeah.

[B]

It's like, only you have it. So strange.

[A]

It is. It is crazy to think about accents because, like, we live in the same place. But it's so, like, people say that a lot about New York, bro.

[B]

You ever hear the Memphis accent? Oh, my God, no.

[A]

I don't think I've heard of Memphis.

[B]

So, like, when you say human, but they say Herman.

[A]

Herman and Mic Merzik. Yeah.

[B]

Like, you ever seen, like, Glorillo get interviewed?

[A]

And she.

[B]

She. She said.

[A]

I thought she was from St. Louis.

[B]

Nah, I think she's from. Or maybe I'm mixing people up. I'm pretty sure it was.

[A]

Well, it was like, chingy right there.

[B]

Well, I don't think it's St. Louis. I'm pretty sure it's Gloria, because she does. She did an interview with. With Speedy where she was like, she bearded for spirit. Like, she can't like the way she is. He's an interviewer for a complex. That dude's hilarious, too. But it's like, she. Is she from Memphis?

[C]

I don't. I think that Justin Timberlake is.

[B]

That ain't what I'm talking about.

[A]

Because he talks like this.

[B]

That doesn't sound like it sounds exactly like.

[C]

Yes. Glorilla, Memphis, Tennessee.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So they. So they say, like, Herman, like, it's a human. So I'm like, that's.

[A]

I would need to hear it before I can ever make any judgments about it, bro. I'll tell you which ones I definitely would want. I've openly said I don't like the Boston one. I think that I don't like it. It's just, it's hilarious to me though. Yeah. But also it just feels like I don't want it.

[B]

I don't know how I know you're gonna say. You say it's gonna. Feels dumb.

[A]

No, no, no, no. That's not what I was gonna say. Okay. But also I would hate the like, Valley California.

[B]

Yeah. The vocal fry. Hate that.

[A]

You know, like here. Like that, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm surprised Australian's not in there.

[A]

Oh, that's a good one.

[B]

I like that one too.

[A]

Australian just feels like it's a cool club I can't be in. You know what I mean? I can't do, like, it seems like they're in it and they're like, oh, good eye. You know?

[B]

Yeah. Night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, yeah, I love how I like. Yeah, they're just cool.

[A]

Yeah, that's, that's a good one. I'd like too. I, I, I, I don't really. The only two accents I could say I really don't like, are you. Those two. I just mentioned Boston and, and you know, like that Valley. So, so Cal, like back in, you know. But I also, like I said before, I, I dated a Brazilian girl in high school and I hated that accent.

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

You know, because it was like Hispanic and also Russian. Yeah. So it'd be like, You know. Yeah, it's just like. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I just wish I could speak anything other than English.

[A]

I mean, you can, you got, you can sit down and, you know, pop on one of those speaking apps. What are they called? I feel like Duolingo is one of them.

[B]

I feel like I'm surprised. Like, when I was in Spain, I was able to understand like a decent amount. Like, okay, so I, it's like I have something like some people have absolutely nothing in just English, but like, when you are in Spain, everyone knows like five languages and I'm just like, I'm a American loser.

[A]

Always think about this. My grandfather spoke seven languages. He was poly lingual.

[B]

That's so sick.

[A]

Which. What the fuck are we doing? Like, I can barely speak English. Yeah.

[C]

You know, seven is probably four too many.

[B]

If you, if you had to pick.

[A]

Two more for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, my Spanish is so broken that I'm not even going to be able to say that I speak it.

[B]

Yeah, Spanish has to be in there.

[A]

I think it would have to be Spanish. And then.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like after that, if.

[A]

You know Spanish, you kind of know Italian. Like, they're so similar. You'd be able to Figure it out.

[C]

You could get by. You could more than get by, you know?

[A]

Can you speak Italian?

[C]

I used to be able to fully understand it, but now I'm losing. I lost it.

[B]

Does your dad speak it?

[C]

He can, but even he's starting to lose it.

[A]

Can you say something in Italian? Just pizza.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You know, see, that was so disrespectful.

[B]

Yeah. Does he.

[A]

Does he warrant a. I don't know.

[B]

You want me to call on yellow right now and tell him.

[A]

And tell him, you know what? Your dad's gonna see this. You've been really mean to us lately.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And, like, the cameras are on, so I want to make sure that the world sees this. Like, if your dad sees this, I. It's kind of crazy. You talk to your boss like this.

[B]

And I feel. I legitimately bullied. Like, I feel like you hurt you. You hurting me. And.

[A]

And I think we have been like, he's here. We try to talk with him nice. Like, we try to, like, bring him.

[B]

Stuff, and then it's just, like, making fun of us. And it almost feels like your job's.

[A]

Probably in peril a little bit.

[B]

This is like. I feel like. I don't know, Like, I get. I'd like. I don't know how to feel. I like to have a good environment, but then you come in and you just kind of car crash.

[A]

Well, so much of this show is our dynamic and being able to, like, move well and talk well. Exactly. Comes in and he's just like, I.

[B]

Got a big penis and got a.

[A]

Big dick, got big balls. Imagine dragging them across your face. Exactly that, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[C]

He will see that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Thank you.

[A]

If we can get your multi billionaire dad with giant nuts to fudgeing like us, that'd be sick. But you.

[B]

Are you full Italian?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like, why did you look like I acted like. Yes.

[C]

I think my mom. My mom's side had a little bit of Irish. Like, English.

[A]

I mean, technically, all of us are not full anything, you know? Like, even if we're half. It's like 30 things in there.

[C]

Definitely, definitely Italian. Like, majority Italian.

[A]

Have you been to.

[B]

What's that place called?

[A]

Italy.

[C]

Yeah, I thought.

[B]

Have you been to Italy? I have.

[C]

I've been in Italy.

[B]

Okay. Where'd you. You love that one.

[C]

It was.

[B]

It was.

[A]

That was really good.

[B]

Have you been to that place? Where the fuck is it? Room 40.

[A]

What the fuck?

[B]

The Italian spot. Room 40.

[C]

Suck my ass, dude.

[B]

You're not into room 40.

[A]

Nice try.

[B]

You have some sponsors, though.

[A]

You know what? I read the ads, and then I'll. I'll let you have your moment. We have some sponsors.

[B]

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[A]

So it's good.

[C]

Try.

[A]

Try it again. Just do it again for the clip. We got it.

[B]

Have you ever been to room 40?

[A]

Room.

[B]

Room for these nuts in your face.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

Got him.

[C]

Drilled them.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Absolutely got him.

[A]

You got me so good. You know what? I applaud that effort.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I think Joe pointed at you, actually.

[A]

He did.

[C]

That's another one.

[A]

I got insulted and I made some money. That's the Internet today, baby. Yeah.

[B]

You want to play around? I'll call your dad right now. I'll call your dad and tell me.

[A]

You know his dad, what he said to us after the Boston show. Because his dad was at the Boston show. He came to us and came up to us after the Boston show, and he said, my dad might be here, but I want you to know you embarrassed me in front of my family.

[B]

You son of a. Embarrassed me.

[A]

He said, you embarrassed me in front of my family. They were here and excited, and now they're pissed off because you guys suck.

[B]

Do you. Do you know how, like, your phone gives you random pictures, like memories or whatever?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I got one the other day from the Boston show, and it's just you with the bluest mouth I've ever seen in my mouth.

[A]

My life. They gave us a cake after we won World Sexiest Podcast.

[B]

Huge.

[A]

And they gave us a cake. So if there's a cake, if I walk into a room and there's a cake addressed to me, I have to at least try it.

[B]

Did you eat the hot dog cake?

[A]

I had, I think a little bite of that.

[B]

I think I tried that. I had a little bite. What's up?

[C]

Hot dog? Made a cake or cake? Made a hot dog?

[A]

A hot dog made of cake. That was at St. Louis. We've. We've openly spoken about. We keep track on the green rooms at these places.

[B]

That's still up there.

[A]

That's still up there. That was.

[B]

That was.

[A]

That was a good green room, man. Yeah, I actually. It's funny that you brought up hot dog. Boys. Give me strength. I almost had a hot dog the other day, and I really tried not to.

[B]

In the winter?

[C]

Yeah, Tried not to.

[A]

I succeeded. I walked out of there. Becca and I were, like.

[B]

Walked out of there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where were you?

[A]

So there's a place in Jersey. It's, like, iconic. It's called Jersey Freeze, and it is like, an Ice cream spot. But it's been around since, like, the 50s. But they also do, like, dogs, burgers, chicken fingers, and stuff like that. So we got ice cream. And then you can go sit where they have the food. And I'm sitting there, and Becca. And there's a. There's an old lady. Double. Double my age, at least. Old bag sitting right behind me.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And she's got two dogs.

[B]

She's double.

[A]

She's barrel dogging. Double barrel dogging. On a date with her pop, I would believe. Husband. It was very cute, actually, you know, that's part of me. I'm a soft boy now. And Becca's like, apparently the hot dogs here are really good. So I was like, how?

[B]

What is she doing by saying that?

[A]

Well, she's supporting her husband. That's what she's doing.

[B]

She knows what she's doing.

[A]

She knows what she's doing. It gets better. And then I was. Because she's like, oh, we used to come here all the time as kids. She's like, it was perfect. We'd have a basketball game, and then after the game, we'd all meet up here.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And she's like, we'd come with, like, three bucks. We'd get a. Two hot dogs and a soda or a hot dog. Soda and a burger, whatever. And she's like, how much you think a hot dog is now? I was like, let's go check. So we go to the front, and I'm looking. Can't find the price of a hot dog anywhere. So she's like, do they even have hot dogs? I was like, they got them. Look at them right there. They were glistening, shiny bastards. Oh, they look.

[B]

They were spitting at you.

[A]

And she's like, it'd be crazy to have one. And I'm like, post ice cream hot.

[B]

Dog is kind of a wild move. It's a mid. Mid. Was it mid ice cream?

[A]

No, ice cream was great.

[B]

It was gone. No, no, I'm saying. Were you in the middle of the ice cream?

[A]

I finished the ice cream. I had fully finished. What kind of ice cream? Oh, I want a classic vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles on a cone.

[B]

No sauce?

[A]

No sauce.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm a classic American baby boy.

[B]

You don't go caramel.

[A]

Not on a soft serve. It'll melt it.

[B]

Not hot caramel. Just a broom temp caramel.

[A]

If you're not going hot, why are you going it?

[B]

I go cold.

[A]

I want this thing to be shot right out of a warm machine.

[B]

I get you.

[A]

You know that saying that in our.

[B]

Talking rivalry, I love when it comes out hot.

[A]

But we walk out and she's like, oh, man, that would be really good. And we get in the car and I go, I will go get a fucking hot dog right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I didn't.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I maintained my strength.

[B]

So you still don't know how much they cost?

[A]

No, I'll be honest with you. It doesn't matter.

[B]

I know. $10. What the hell? I bet they're good then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then if it's really like, it's a dollar. We can't pass up on that.

[A]

Yeah. So it really. I'm really trying my best. The other night, she goes, she goes, we should. We should do a hot dog night soon for the kids. And I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, but let's wait until baseball starts. Because every year for the start of like opening day of baseball, I come home and Becca has hot dogs.

[B]

About hot dog. It's a hot dog night with just unlimited condiments.

[A]

I mean, I'm a simple boy. I get two condiments.

[B]

But it's nice to have a choice, though.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And.

[B]

The place is creaking.

[A]

Oh, okay. But creaking fucked me up.

[B]

Oh, wow. You're scared.

[A]

I'm scared, bro.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

I'm trying to fucking talk about.

[B]

You're talking about the hot dogs and there's 50 fucking condiments or whatever that you can choose from.

[A]

So she's like, we're going to have hot dog night. I was like, let's wait because the World Baseball Classic's coming. So we can early. We can jump early on the hot dogs.

[B]

When is this again?

[A]

World Baseball Classic? March 6, I think is the day.

[B]

I know you know the day. Even then those pretty early to the game.

[A]

No such thing. And then she was like, no, let's bring the kids to go get hot dogs at Jersey Freeze. I was like, let's go tomorrow. I thought let's go back. I thought she was saying like, let's control it at our home. And then I could be like, let's wait, let's wait. Let's wait.

[B]

Yeah. So now it's like, you want me to go into Jersey Mike's. Was it Jersey freaks. Jersey freaks.

[A]

It's Jersey Freeze. It is like really, really good.

[B]

He wear old timey like ice cream man hats.

[A]

No, but they do have like the old timey machines, like the big, big machines that dispense the cold. You know, like the soft serve.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It Was good.

[B]

Nice. But I'm gonna go to one of those places that, like. It's like a candy shop, but they also. It looks like a bar, but they serve ice cream and.

[A]

Well, there's that place on the Upper east side, isn't there?

[B]

Is there?

[A]

It's like, they still serve Coca Cola the way it was done in, like, 1901.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[A]

Sands Cocaine.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, they put syrup, and they just, like, mix it or whatever.

[A]

Syrup and fucking soda water and then they go like that.

[B]

I've seen those videos. And I'm like, I know.

[A]

That sucks. No, that's gotta be amazing.

[B]

I feel like it. You know, aesthetically, it looks cool, but.

[A]

What do we got to do to get you an egg cream in your body?

[B]

Oh, my God. I guess I go to lunch with my mom. She loves them because it's just.

[A]

Isn't it just like.

[B]

It's ice cream and seltzer. Yeah. It's like, why, Mom? I've had one in my life. She made me have one.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's do one.

[B]

I. I would have it. I mean, it's ice cream, so I'm gonna be happy.

[A]

I mean, I won't be happy.

[B]

You know what I haven't had on a long time that I would like? An eclair.

[A]

Well, you mean like an ice cream eclair or a. No, no.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Like a pastry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, boy. Are they.

[B]

Oh, to the brim.

[A]

They're filled, brother.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Cost third. Nice custard.

[B]

I want one of those. There was something else recently that I was like. Oh, man. Oh, you know what? I hate that. Like, I think this is a hot take, because people love them black and white cookies.

[A]

Disgusting.

[B]

Whack.

[A]

So trash.

[B]

They're so whack.

[A]

So trash.

[B]

Also, and I've said this to you guys. The rainbow cookies. Whack.

[A]

You're. You need to be. Those are whack states, and you need to allow me to take a bullet and put it in the back of your head. Love those cookies. Yo.

[B]

They're.

[A]

They're not that you're bugging your Italians.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

I know you guys for such a smart Italian.

[B]

I love them, too. I know, but, you know, for such.

[C]

A smart guy, they're so good.

[B]

I don't like them.

[A]

There's. I think that place actually Jersey Freeze does, like, an Italian cookie ice cream.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Like, it's like, they mix it in with, like, yo.

[B]

Anything that, like, when the cookies come in a tin and they have, like, those and then they have like the real dusty ones. I'm like, all these suck.

[A]

I. For the first time recently there was a deli that I went to that gave me some butter cookies. Butter cookies are the like the Italian ones that come in like the bag on like that flower shaped golden plate. You know what I'm talking about? First time I've ever had one of those. And I was like, wow, this is actually a good cookie. Every other one I've had, they just crumble in your mouth and they're dust. Yeah.

[C]

I actually will admit the rainbow cookies that come in the package you're talking about aren't great. You need more wet ones.

[A]

Yeah. You need like legit deli.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You get like mass produced. They're garbage.

[C]

Yeah. Because they're hard.

[B]

Then I don't like the dusty.

[A]

No. A good Italian wet one, A good rainbow cookie is kind of wet.

[C]

Wet.

[A]

It's wet as hell.

[C]

Really wet.

[A]

And like, like I'm not like, like a tres leches. Almost like not soaked, but like you bite into it and you're like, this is more water than it is dry. I'd rather that it's what tres leches? Well, I love trash. I love. You know, give me all three of them.

[B]

Go. Three milks.

[A]

No. Dude, you're crazy. We need, we need. Yo, you know, listen, you got a guy. That was a tiramisu. You got a tiramisu guy. Get a rainbow cookie guy.

[C]

Dude, I. I will so quickly get rainbow cookies.

[A]

Not just rainbow cookies, though.

[B]

Let's get an assortment going.

[C]

You want an assortment?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Doing a whole episode on Patreon pastries. That's the basement yard where we review pastry on. This is.

[C]

It's really good.

[A]

This is pastry on.

[B]

Get a bunch of pastries and then.

[A]

Oh, get a schweidl. A schweidl. A lobster tail. The fucking pinoles, which I don't like.

[B]

Isn't a lobster tail the same thing?

[A]

No, there's. There's a. There's difference.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think.

[B]

You know what? You remember lagoolies, so.

[A]

Exactly. Love that place.

[B]

Great Italian ices, but you the best.

[A]

Orange ice I've ever had my entire life.

[B]

They have great ices. What a simple concept.

[A]

Spamoni, though. Shut up.

[B]

Spumoni is like a Frank Sinatra. It reminds me of Frank Sinatra. Yeah.

[A]

And he's a good musician, but. But he is dead.

[B]

He's dead and old. But they always had, you know, the rock candies. Yes.

[A]

They'd have them in the thing. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People use Those for, like, cappuccinos and stuff like that.

[C]

Real.

[B]

Okay. Like, mix.

[A]

Becca and I went to a steakhouse the other day, and rock candy. And they. She got a cappuccino, and they put a thing of rock candy on her plate, and she. To sweeten it up, she stirs it with that.

[B]

That's actually very useful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say.

[A]

I'm gonna yell at him again for not getting more pastries.

[C]

We'll get a bunch.

[B]

Did you just text your pastry connect?

[C]

I texted the person who will text the connect. Yes.

[A]

Also get some Greek pastries, because the Greeks know how to do pastries.

[B]

Also get more chiro tiramisu and 80 pastries.

[A]

Canolies, rainbow cookies, pinolis, whatever that one is. That looks like an S. Huh? You know what I'm talking about.

[B]

Do they do donuts there?

[A]

Nah, donuts are not.

[C]

It's like, we're fancy. Fancy place.

[B]

Who's we?

[A]

It's not even yours. No, you gotta text the guy to text the guy. You know how to. We don't do it. And I'm talking, like, get some Greeks in. Get some Greek stuff in here. Get some baklava.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'll.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, where'd you go?

[B]

What'd I say?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

The Greeks.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Know how to do their baklavans.

[B]

Sticky as a motherfucker, though.

[A]

You've been to Stamatis, right? When they give you the complimentary at the end. Wait, what?

[B]

No, bro, I actually had this, like. I think it's Arabic. It was. I was at a coffee place, and they're like, oh, this is like our pastry. And. What? I forget the name of it, but I had it. I was like, this is so galaxy.

[A]

It's called galacta budico. I know. I'm saying it right. I don't know how to spell it. Don't even ask.

[B]

The booty go.

[C]

Yeah, don't let the booty go.

[A]

Don't let Gala. Where did the booty go?

[B]

Right?

[A]

And it's like a custard, and then it's like flaky filo dough on top, and then it's covered in, like, a vanilla honey syrup.

[B]

Oh, my. It'll.

[A]

Yeah, it will.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It'll take your balls and it'll shred them to shreds.

[B]

What is custard?

[A]

It's just like a thickened pudding kind of like pudding. Like, pudding is, I think, technically a custard, but it's a little thicker.

[B]

Okay, I'm into it. I'm into it, bro. When is. When has custard? I'm like, this is probably, I think what's in.

[A]

Because you love French cream donuts, right? What are they called? Boston. That one. Fresh cream. Yeah, yeah, Boston cream. That's custard in there. That's custard in there.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's like.

[A]

It's like pudding, am I right?

[B]

If I had that accessible to me, I could literally drink it.

[A]

What's it called? Creme brulee. That's a custard. Under there with that is flan. Technically a custard.

[B]

Flan.

[A]

Get some flan in here, by the way. I will.

[B]

No way you Italians flaunt it up in that bakery.

[A]

That's the Hispanics. Yeah, that's the Hispanic. You know how he hates them, Right?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Hey, by the way, Ant's dad. And if you're still watching this, he said he hated me because I was Hispanic.

[B]

Yeah, he did say that. And I was so sad.

[A]

It was.

[B]

And that's. You know, I've never been identified and.

[A]

Attacked because of my nationality and heritage.

[B]

It's not really some. Something I want in the workplace either. It's just something that like I feel like I. I can't. Well, you know, you can't let go.

[A]

You work your whole life establishing the basis for your self worth and in a minute that can crumble and you.

[B]

Know, and a part. I mean, it's jeopardizing everything that we're kind of trying to stand for here.

[A]

We're very forward facing with our personalities. I think a lot of people like this show, like us, like the studio, because the people that you see are the people that you get.

[B]

We're trying to keep it light and silly and unfortunately there's a person that comes in and does stuff like that and is now mocking me.

[A]

Do you see how he's mocking.

[B]

He's mocking me.

[A]

And Like a mockingbird completely undercutting your ability to feel real emotions.

[B]

You're mocking me Like a mockingbird. And which reminds me of Tequila Mockingbird, which.

[A]

Which also Tila Tequila.

[B]

What?

[A]

Tequila Mockingbird.

[B]

Oh, Tila Tequila.

[A]

Yeah. Oh. What?

[B]

Well, Tequila Mockingbird and Tila Tequila, two things. I thought you said the N word.

[A]

I thought you said to say that. I thought you said Tequila Mockingbird. I know to kill. I know to kill a mockingbird. I didn't know I was waiting for the. What Tequila Mockingbird is.

[B]

Oh, I don't know what that is, but what the fuck is that?

[A]

Wait a sec. Business idea.

[C]

I already bought this.

[B]

You know, we almost got out of the episode with you doing that.

[C]

It was close.

[A]

A tequila brand called Tequila Mockingbird.

[B]

Just don't even. What is that?

[C]

It's a little violin I saved for when Frankie was, you know, complaining about something.

[B]

Oh, so you're saying Frank complained so much that you're like, I gotta get a toy.

[C]

Yeah, but then it turned. It was just useful here.

[A]

Yeah, I complain about something a lot.

[B]

I don't let them turn us against each other here. Don't point at me.

[A]

I'm not my hands down. Don't you worry.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't say you complain a lot. I said if you've ever complained, like in the field.

[A]

That's how you said. Well, I don't know if you said that, brother. No, no, no.

[B]

You said, when Frankie complains. Well, you know, saying that's inevitable.

[C]

Just play it off here.

[B]

It's actually a beautiful instrument.

[A]

I wish I really.

[B]

That just reminds me of the Godfather, by the way.

[A]

It just. It also sounded like the Godfather meets Titanic, I think.

[C]

It's just a violin, that's why.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See how rude that was? Do you see how rude that was?

[B]

You don't gotta. You gotta tell me.

[A]

In touch with. With the powers that be with your father.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait till your father gets a word of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's been on my desk for like two months. I've been waiting for a moment.

[B]

This is gonna be the second worst day of your dad's life. Dude. The first one is when they were like, getting rid of Christopher Columbus Day or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. I imagine upset about. I imagine he was not happy about that. I imagine.

[C]

How much more can they take?

[A]

How much more?

[B]

We don't have any.

[A]

It's just a day, you know?

[B]

Oh, man. Well, I think that's all we have for today. What a fun episode.

[A]

Yeah, that really was a fun episode. Hey, great job all around, boys.

[B]

I will say that the best thing to come out of this episode is the fact that we had the idea of the pastry on.

[A]

Because I'm ready to eat. I am so proud of you. I'm so. For pastry on.

[B]

I'm so excited to eat pastries. There's nothing better in this world.

[A]

A few things are better. Just do me a favor. If we do get these cup of whole milk, you could get your almond milk or whatever you drink in Brooklyn.

[C]

You probably.

[A]

I would just like. I need. When something is that decadent and rich, I need a cup of whole milk.

[B]

It's also going to dry me out. So I will need some wet.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That's the way you put it.

[B]

Yeah. I will need something wet to wet me up.

[A]

You need something to. To wet your throat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At the end of the. That's a moment, baby. Circle heated rivalry, Start with wet throats, end on them.

[B]

There you go. Whoa.

[A]

All right, well, I am not looking. I want to make sure I say this openly. Yeah. Make sure you tell the person that does our graphics to pick the one for this one very carefully.

[B]

I wonder who's gonna be who.

[A]

I mean, I hope that neither of us are. I think it's maybe just us in hockey stances.

[B]

Well, one of us has to be the Russian. The other one has to be the.

[A]

Okay. But we don't need to be, like.

[B]

Fucking, like, oh, yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think it's gonna be two guys.

[A]

You never know, because we. You guys have had to give some notes in the past.

[B]

We would.

[A]

We.

[B]

This feels like one that we're gonna have to go back and forth with Manu about.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm imagining just the Hockey Face off thing.

[A]

Hockey Face off is good.

[C]

I don't know if you two have to be.

[A]

Yeah, I can't have this. I want to make sure I say that on the record.

[B]

Frank's kids are going to see this photo. We can't. We can't do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so funny. All right. Where can they find you, Frank?

[A]

The Frank Alvarez, all over social media. Make sure you check out the patreon. Patreon.com. the Basement Yard where we will have a pastry episode soon. You fucking believe it? Okay. And you know what? We could sprinkle in some, like, pastry facts, like, where does the word cannoli come from? These are all good things that we could possibly do.

[B]

We're gonna leave that part out. It's Italy. We're just gonna eat them.

[A]

We're just gonna eat them and talk about life. Let's have a real, like, the pastry episode. Let's make it like we're old Italian men sitting at the table, and there's.

[B]

You know, oh, should we wear glasses and kangals?

[A]

Kangals, glasses, wigs, newspaper. Newspaper. You know, let's really commit. Like, it. Like a. Like a Firenze Italia shirt.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You know, an undertone of, like, general racism. And you have.

[A]

You still have your tutti jersey.

[B]

I never bought a totti jersey.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I definitely would want one. I wanted.

[A]

You know what? Maybe your dad can come in here so we can have some positivity in this room.

[C]

I don't know if he's the one you want in here for positivity in the room.

[B]

I don't know either.

[A]

What would happen if on the episode I asked him about Christopher Columbus Day?

[C]

I don't think it'd be like, who's that? Probably. Really?

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

The guy who directed Home Alone. Look it up.

[A]

It is. It's Chris Columbus.

[C]

He's Christopher, though.

[B]

Where can I find you, bud?

[C]

You can find me at Aunt Prisco on Instagram.

[B]

You're welcome. And that just bought me something with custard, hopefully. Yeah, you could.

[C]

We could take away one of your points.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate it. You guys can follow me at Joe San Agado and go follow the show at the Basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram.

[A]

And that is all.

[B]

See you guys next time.

[A]

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[B]

What do you have to lose?

[A]

Give it a try at mintmobile.

[B]

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