Transcript

Joey (0:00)

Dripping in gold, that's cool. Dripping in Velveeta's supremely creamy golden cheesiness. That's respect. Elevate your drip with Velveeta's range of outrageously delicious dips and dishes. Shells, cheese, melty blocks and heat and eat queso that go all in on indulgence. Flex on your fam with a creamy, cheesy masterpiece. And go all in on what you love with Velveeta. Respect the drip and satisfy your cravings. Bring home the drip with Velveeta. Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you congratulating yourself for? I don't know.

Frank Alvarez (0:41)

I, I, I think about ways to open the show, and then I started doing this and thinking about how stupid this is that people used to do this.

Joey (0:48)

Why did they do that in the 50s?

Frank Alvarez (0:50)

Like, I don't understand.

Joey (0:51)

That's a way to say thank you to a crowd.

Frank Alvarez (0:53)

Yeah. Like, what is is that supposed to be? Like, when someone shakes your hand, they're giving you, like, a something, so you're doing it to yourself like.

Joey (1:01)

Oh, like you're giving.

Frank Alvarez (1:02)

Like, I am. I'm awarding.

Joey (1:03)

I'm showing you a handshake that you're giving me. I don't like it either.

Frank Alvarez (1:06)

Yeah.

Joey (1:07)

Oh, it's a white person thing in this, the hand job.

Frank Alvarez (1:10)

I like the hand. I'm not going to talk about the hand drive because I love Greece. The, I guess I love the country. I do like the material, too.

Joey (1:19)

How do you feel about the oil?

Frank Alvarez (1:21)

That's the material I'm referencing. Oh, I love it. I love those videos. Have you seen, like, the videos of, like, tick tocks of people just taking. It's like a vat of grease and you just fucking dig at it and then you just slap it on their truck.

Joey (1:34)

Why are they slapping it on their truck?

Frank Alvarez (1:36)

Summary

The Basement Yard #542 – Fully Dressed In The Steam Room

Date: February 16, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Guest: Ant Prisco

Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe, Frank, and Ant dive into everything from questionable gym and steam room etiquette to hot debates about matcha, the quirks of growing up, and making absurd bets about pigs in a blanket. The crew keeps things hilarious and relatable, riffing on what actually goes down in the locker room, discussing modern food trends, hot takes on coffee, and sharing personal, often embarrassing, stories from their lives. Expect bathroom humor, cultural takes, and classic "Basement Yard" banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weird Habits in the Gym & Sauna

Frank’s Steam Room Attire: Frank admits to wearing sweatpants and, formerly, even shoes in the steam room, leading to open ridicule from Joe and Ant.
- “I'm being judged for my sauna clothing here. I don't want to be those guys that go in raw dick to a sauna…” – Frank [04:18]
- Joe and Ant react in disbelief to the idea of wearing full clothes and shoes in a humid space.
Frank’s Justification: Frank defends himself as being more hygienic than men who go in naked, especially older men “letting it all hang out” at the gym.
European Vs. American Locker Room Culture: The trio joke about how nudity is more accepted in European saunas, but feels out of place in New Jersey gyms.
- “If I'm in Swedish, I'll dump dong. But I'm in New York.” – Joe [04:35]
Showering Post-Workout: Frank prefers going home without showering at the gym, despite leaving soaked in sweat, even stopping at Starbucks en route.

2. Locker Room & Gym Ancients

Old Guys in the Locker Room: The guys reflect on old men who are very comfortable being naked and sharing banal conversations. Ant recounts witnessing an old man blow-drying his genitals, describing it like “indoor skydiving.”
Unusual Gym Encounters: The conversation includes airing grievances about odd locker room behavior and strict adherence (or lack thereof) to unwritten gym rules.

3. Pranking and Social Embarrassment

Failed Pranks: Joe and Frank share stories of setting up elaborate pranks or visual jokes (like pretending to jerk off in the car) that backfired when nobody noticed.
- “At a certain point you gotta take the L on the chin.” – Frank [06:38]

4. Sauna Hygiene and Comfort

The Shoe Debate: Ant is baffled by Frank’s choice to wear shoes in the sauna, while Frank insists his gym lacks a ‘no shoes’ sign, so he takes liberties.
Towel Use: Frank says he sits on a towel for comfort on the hard tile.
Defrosting in the Steam Room: Frank uses the steam room to warm up on cold days, wiggling his fingers and earning odd looks through the glass walls.
- “You probably look psychotic...people just see you in there going like this...the grabber’s in there.” – Becca via Frank [16:52]

5. Naming and Ordering Food & Drinks

The “Naughty Monkey” Smoothie: Joe relates the awkwardness of ordering a smoothie with a racy name in front of a crowd.
- “Can I get the Naughty Monkey?” [23:36]
Branding Commentary: Frank offers that fun or silly product names could help unite customers or break social barriers, but Joe remains skeptical.

6. Food Trends: Matcha and Protein Everything

Matcha Slander: Joe claims the matcha craze is out of hand, while Frank (a self-professed matcha head) argues there's a difference between high and low quality.
- “It tastes like the ground, but bad!” – Ant [34:54]
- “Dirt tastes better.” – Ant [35:01]
Coffee Snobbery: The hosts discuss coffee machines, lattes, milk types, and the struggle to dial in good espresso. Frank tries (unsuccessfully) to recruit Joe to coffee snobbery.

7. Nostalgia and Childhood Stories

Family & Teachers: The group recalls how checks given to kids (from relatives) would go straight to parents for safekeeping, never to be seen again.
Teacher Salaries: Joe recalls seeing teacher payroll as a kid and being shocked at the numbers.
School Reading Logs: They reminisce about forging reading logs and faking book titles as kids.
- “I would make up titles to books. I'm like, they're not checking this.” – Joey [61:32]

8. Absurd Challenges and Bets

The 6-12-18-24 Challenge: The hosts hilariously debate which numbers to assign to: beers, donuts, miles, and masturbations in 24 hours.
- “I don’t think anyone could crank their fucking hog six times in a…” – Frank [70:09]
Pigs in a Blanket for Charity: They scheme a future Patreon milestone where each eats 40 pigs in a blanket for charity, calculating ketchup-to-hot dog ratios for optimum performance.
- "Just to be safe, I would say 3,500. I think I can with conf—if it was just like, am I bugging? I feel like in and out—crazy." – Frank [79:18]

9. Tape, Wax, and Childhood Obsessions

Odd Preferences: Frank and Joe compete ranking tape, wax, yarn, etc., by how fun they are to play with, and reminisce about chewing on electrical tape and playing with blue thumbtack putty as kids.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (W/ Timestamps)

“If I'm in Swedish, I'll dump dong. But I'm in New York.” – Joe [04:35]
“You probably look psychotic...Don’t go in there, the grabber’s in there.” – Becca via Frank [16:52]
“It tastes like the ground, but bad.” – Ant [34:54]
“Dirt tastes better.” – Ant [35:01]
“I got 12 credits for Christmas, so it was free… I'm paying double for books so I can read them.” – Joe [64:49]
“I'm getting DP'd by this book, and the information is sticking.” – Joe [65:47]
“Tonight at 9...” – Frank (trying to read like a newscaster) [68:51]
“I think the 24 has to be beers. I think the 18 is miles. I think the 12 is donuts.” – Frank [73:25]
“I don’t think I ever saw that. My parents, like, here’s the bank account that we have for you. I was like, oh, shit, I’ve got to go to the bank and get a bank account.” – Joey [56:13]
“Honestly, you got it… you hit ballyhoo.” – Joey congratulating Frank’s impromptu reading [67:19]

Segment Timestamps

Opening banter & gym rituals: [00:41–03:59]
Sauna attire argument: [04:00–10:00]
Old dudes in the locker room: [12:00–15:00]
Sauna etiquette and public humiliation: [16:00–21:00]
Ordering embarrassing smoothies & product names: [23:30–26:30]
Protein/food trends & matcha debate: [27:00–40:00]
Coffee talk and taste tests: [40:00–45:00]
Childhood nostalgia: playing with tape, wax, thumbtack putty: [47:00–52:00]
Teacher stories, salaries, and childhood finances: [52:10–57:01]
Reading logs and forging them at school: [61:00–64:00]
Reading aloud challenge: [66:41–68:51]
6-12-18-24 beer, donut, miles, jerk-off challenge: [69:24–74:10]
Pigs in a Blanket charitable eating idea: [75:00–80:00]
Wrap-up & social handles: [84:57–end]

Takeaway

This episode is packed with wild stories, relatable gym frustrations, explicit humor, and genuine friendship between the hosts. The conversation jumps seamlessly from genuine life observations (why do old men get naked in locker rooms?) to absurd hypotheticals (how many pigs in a blanket can you eat in an hour?). It feels like hanging out with your friends—if your friends are always ready to turn anything into a joke, an argument, or a new inside bet.

Listeners get an unfiltered peek into real hangouts, complete with gross-out moments, food debates, pranks, and well-timed roasts. Through it all, The Basement Yard's blend of self-deprecation and camaraderie keeps the laughs rolling and the conversation deeply entertaining.

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#542 - Fully Dressed In The Steam Room