#547 - A Scientist Joins The Show

Summary

The Basement Yard #547 – A Scientist Joins The Show (Mar 23, 2026)
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Description: A comedic conversation podcast hosted by lifelong friends, broadly riffing on daily life, pop culture, science, and absurd hypotheticals. In this episode, the crew debates what qualifies someone as a scientist, relive the heyday of cologne and scent etiquette, and spiral into debates about magical vs. sci-fi transportation.

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Episode Overview

This episode's main theme revolves around the everyday, humorous exploration of the idea: "What makes someone a scientist?" Alongside this, the hosts tackle a variety of related and unrelated comedic tangents about personal scent management, cologne practices, airplane overbooking, pop culture, and the ultimate transportation debate (magic carpet vs. DeLorean vs. broom).

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cologne Wars and Smell Etiquette

• The episode launches into a riff on how people apply cologne and what’s considered too much.
• Frank details his approach—two sprays on the fingers, dabbed behind each ear, referencing etiquette lessons from his fraternity days (01:18).
• Joe shares that online sources suggest behind each ear and one on the back of the neck for a “scent trail” (03:21).
• The trio reminisce about the colognes of their school years (Curve, Kira, Abercrombie's Fierce), noting how scent culture evolves over generations.
  • Quote (Frank, 01:52): “It’s not supposed to be for the room. It’s supposed to be for people that get close—like a pheromone thing.”

Notable & Humorous Moments

• Hilarity ensues as they compare applying cologne to “being a slug and leaving a trail” (03:40).
• They discuss the distinct smell of mothballs, church incense, and whether mothballs in shoes are odd or reasonable (14:02 - 14:36).
• Fascination with the spray patterns of atomizers—judging “shotgun” blasts and “dribbles” like connoisseurs (12:35).

2. Personal Hygiene: Deodorant for “the boys”

• Discussion of whether it’s normal to apply deodorant, or even cologne, to one's groin (“Gucci and balls” – 06:04).
• The crew details the mechanics—separate deodorant sticks, stick types (roller vs. solid), and the logistics (“front or back door?”).
• Candid (and graphic) sharing about the realities of male hygiene and why this matters at all ages, with Joe quipping about prepping for the unlikely Carmen Electra encounter at age 12 (09:15).
• Quote (Frank, 06:24): “Sometimes my bonch smells like it got dragged by a horse through human shit.”

3. Scents, Air Fresheners & Burping Your House

• Frank and Joe trade takes on car air fresheners—Joe prefers neutral air, Frank likes a little scent, and both hate overpowering, artificial smells (16:33).
• Candles vs. sprays: why a candle “lingers” but mist “attacks" (19:20).
• Frank describes his partner “burping” the house (opening all doors/windows to flush out stale air), a TikTok-driven trend that he finds both amusing and linguistically revolting (21:42 – 25:23).
• Extended riff on airflow, house ventilation, and whether central air negates the need for “burping.”

4. Airline Overbooking, Compensation, and Upgrade Scenarios

• Joe poses: what’s your price to get off an overbooked flight and wait for a later one? The group breaks this down by multiples of ticket price and time delays (25:29).
• Rabbit hole: Why do airlines overbook? Weight limits, no-shows, and “big airplane” mysteries (28:36).
• Amusing detour into the golden age of air travel—suit jackets and hotboxed with tobacco, versus today’s pajama-wearing travelers. Tampa Airport’s controversial pajama ban gets a thumbs-up (33:01).

5. Celebrity Piloting & The Science of Trust

• The crew debates: if every celebrity had basic pilot training, who would you trust (or not) to land the plane?
  • Matt Damon and Idris Elba get nods of confidence; Charlie Sheen, the Paul brothers, and McGregor are ruled out (43:00).
  • Morgan Freeman: high trust, but “he’s up there in years” (45:30).
• Discussion of Samuel L. Jackson and Zoe Saldana’s careers, with gushing over their roles in high-grossing franchises (47:04).

6. Pop Culture and Movie Debates

• Debating the most “overrated” blockbuster films—Interstellar and Tenet get called out for excessive “movie-ness,” while The Wolf of Wall Street is cited for its fanbase misapplying its message (55:49).
• Go-to favorite comedies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Wedding Crashers, Tropic Thunder (57:44).
• Which movie props would they splurge on? Discussion of the Ace Ventura “rhino butt,” Harry Potter’s golden snitch, Voldemort’s wand, and the Jurassic Park “amber cane” (65:13).

7. Ultimate Fantasy Transport: Magic Carpet vs. DeLorean vs. Broom

• Spirited, hilarious debate ensues over which magical or sci-fi mode of transport trumps the others.
  • Joe advocates for the magic carpet (“personality, ride comfort, and style”)
  • Guest/Producer supports the DeLorean (“time travel, climate control, and flight”)
  • Frank stumps for the wizard's broom (“control, freedom, and magical versatility”) (73:07 – 91:00)
• The conversation spirals into practicalities—weather, privacy, ball comfort, government shoot-downs, and the perils of time-travel paradoxes.
  • Quote (Joe, 77:35): “You know what’s easier? Flying a magic carpet.”

8. Are You a Scientist? The Academic Debate

• Frank asserts his “Bachelor and Master of Science”, wrestling with what actually makes someone a scientist (95:01–end).
• Joe argues degrees don’t make you a practitioner, and the distinction between having “science” in your certificate and contributing new knowledge.
  • They quote Google: being a scientist is about systematic inquiry, not just a diploma (96:50).
• Frank: “I am categorically, factually, a scientist. Bachelor of Science!” (102:08)
• The closing is playful, with Joe calling Frank “Dr. Frank Alvin,” and Frank insisting on being called “Master of Science.” (104:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Cologne Etiquette:

  • Frank: “You’re not supposed to walk into a room and people go ‘woah’ from smelling your cologne. It’s supposed to be for people that get close.” (01:52)
  • Joe: “It’s like you’re a slug... but the trail is cologne, not slime.” (03:43)

• Deodorant Debate:

  • Frank: “Sometimes my bonch smells like it got dragged by a horse through human shit.” (06:17)

• On “Burping” the House:

  • Frank: “I hate the word ‘burp.’ It is a shitty word.” (21:45)

• Travel Hypotheticals:

  • Joe: “Let’s say the ticket was $500—what’s your cutoff to get off the plane and wait?” (25:39)
  • Frank: “You never take the first offer.” (27:44)

• On Defining a Scientist:

  • Frank: “If anything, I’m categorically a scientist. Bachelor of Science!” (102:08)
  • Joe: “The Basement Yard podcast, hosted by college dropout Joe Santagato—and Dr. Frank Alvarez.” (98:49)

• Movie Prop Dreams:

  • Frank: “Give me the Golden Snitch.” (66:44)

• Fantasy Transport Debate:

  • Joe: “You have a time machine, but what’re you actually gonna do with it? I have a magic carpet—you know what I could do with that?” (78:22)

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Essential Timestamps

• 00:27–04:00: Cologne application methods & etiquette
• 06:04–09:40: Deodorant for the groin, male hygiene honesty
• 14:02–14:36: Scents: mothballs, incense, and olfactory nostalgia
• 16:33–20:24: Air fresheners, scent preferences, and “burping” the house
• 25:29–30:06: Flight overbooking, compensation hypotheticals, and airline business
• 43:00–46:00: Who would you trust to land a plane (celebrity edition)?
• 47:04–54:00: Samuel L. Jackson/Zoe Saldana & blockbuster movie fame
• 57:44–59:54: Funniest movies debate (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Tropic Thunder)
• 65:10–67:11: Movie prop wish list (Snitch, wands, Amber cane)
• 73:07–91:00: Magic Carpet vs. DeLorean vs. Broom—THE Transport Debate
• 95:01–104:47: Scientist definition meltdown & “am I a scientist?” escalation

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Language & Tone

Consistently fast-paced, irreverent, punchy, and riff-heavy. Frank is animated and slightly defensive about credentials, Joe is sarcastic and quick to undercut, while the guest/producer plays the foil (“science guy” with a business degree). The trio rides quick-witted, absurd banter with a layer of genuine friendship and self-deprecating honesty.

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Summary Verdict

A classic Basement Yard escapade: strong on chemistry, packed with quotables, rabbit holes, and relatable nonsense. Useful for listeners wanting a direct taste of the show’s blend of nostalgia, guy talk, social satire, and unfiltered debates, culminating in what may be podcasting’s silliest argument about scientific accreditation.

Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

The wrongs we must right.

[Frank Alvarez]

The fights we must win.

[Joe Santagato]

The future we must secure together for our nation.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are Marines.

[Joe Santagato]

We were made for this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement.

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, what are you doing? Smoldering. Smiling over there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Trying to. Clavicular looks. Max jaw. Max. Oh, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you're doing it, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that what I.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you guys have a conversation before this?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, honestly. But I really appreciate you kind of picking up on my vibe here. I'm gonna pick your Mets hat, but good job.

[Guest or Producer]

Now you brought down my vibe.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who cares?

[Guest or Producer]

You know, you don't. You didn't smell as good as you usually do today. How about that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you didn't.

[Joe Santagato]

Does it usually smell good?

[Frank Alvarez]

He does.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, how's his fucking back smell? Yeah, that's for patrons.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hopefully they know that one. How did you. How do you smell me on the normal.

[Joe Santagato]

You walk by them. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you get my, like, wait, whiff. Let me ask you this.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you wear cologne at all? No. Never.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not only for, like, events.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. But when you. You. So you have cologne.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

And you wear it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

How do you apply it?

[Frank Alvarez]

I go two sprays on these two fingers. I go like this, and I go behind my ears.

[Joe Santagato]

That's it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. It's cologne.

[Joe Santagato]

So many other things that are. I've never seen spray on your fingers.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I remember because I heard you're

[Joe Santagato]

never supposed to rub it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. I. I mean. But then why do, like, the women do this? Why do women. Why do ladies do this if they are not supposed to? I follow the ladies lead, ladies.

[Joe Santagato]

But you're not doing that.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're using fingers, but it's still the rubbing motion.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. Why'd you. Are you just using the fingers or someone taught you how to do that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I remember because with my fraternity, there was like, a. Like, we, like, went through, like, etiquette. Like, proper etiquette things, and. Yeah, it was like. You're not supposed to, like, walk into a room and people go off when smelling your cologne. It's supposed to be for people that get close. Yeah, it's supposed to be like a pheromone thing. Like, they get close and they're like, whoa. Which I guess the only person I would do that for is Becca. But, like, it's. It's supposed to be like a. Not everyone can smell you from across the room. Right. You know like my father. I'm not kidding. 30 sprays.

[Joe Santagato]

You're good at making that sound.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thank you.

[Joe Santagato]

How do you apply it?

[Guest or Producer]

Do you apply cross section? Just one.

[Joe Santagato]

You go an X. You put the seatbelt on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why. Why are you doing it? You're doing it like a Pokemon.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, you do one seatbelt.

[Guest or Producer]

1, 2, 3.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you go, 1, 2, 3. Yeah, I used to. I remember when, like, middle school and high school, when I had. I would spray in the air, and I would just walk through. Like, I was gone.

[Joe Santagato]

I've done that with, like, ax. I would just spray my entire room and be like, all right. Yeah, yeah. But I. I, like, thought about this the other day, because how I usually do it is I just spray, like, here and here and then sometimes, like, in my shirt. That was just a pure guess, though. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm sure there are proper ways.

[Joe Santagato]

I looked it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you did.

[Joe Santagato]

I did.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, please tell me I'm right.

[Joe Santagato]

No one does this. I've never. And I've seen, like, a bunch of people do it, like, a bunch of

[Frank Alvarez]

different ways,

[Joe Santagato]

but they say I've seen two behind the ears. Yeah. And then one on the back of the neck. Because that's like a trail. Yeah. So as you walk it kind of like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, like, you're a slug.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, you're a slug.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But this. But instead of slug, you have scent.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gotcha.

[Joe Santagato]

Instead of set.

[Frank Alvarez]

A slime.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Slime is the word. Slime is the word I wanted to use. A nasty word.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gross. Oh, my God.

[Joe Santagato]

I got so much gush. That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I used to. At one point, I had, like, 15 bottles of cologne. Like, there were, like, two Christmases where my mom got me, like, three or four bottles each.

[Joe Santagato]

Mad Colombian.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, what were the ones that you had?

[Joe Santagato]

Cologne.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Because they were, like, for our age group. They were the big ones I had.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I didn't have any, but my. My siblings had, like, Fierce from Abercrombie and Fitch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. I didn't have that one, but I

[Joe Santagato]

know what you were. Curve.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep.

[Joe Santagato]

Curve was a big one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Curve was a big one. Do you remember Kira?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was, like, the skater one. And you got it from, like, look up Kira cologne. K I R A. From, like, the mid-2000s. It was, like, at Pacsun.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was like, you went in there to make fun of the skaters and get your Kira cologne. Yeah. You don't remember this?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, baby. I might get some just to remember what I smelled like.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, wait, the top looks very familiar.

[Frank Alvarez]

What else? What other ones do you have? The curved one is a classic.

[Joe Santagato]

Ahmed wears the Dior ones. Tavage.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, you brought it up. Drakkar Noir. I had that curve.

[Guest or Producer]

I've had this one for quite some time.

[Frank Alvarez]

You've had Versace? Who the fuck are you?

[Joe Santagato]

It's $140.

[Guest or Producer]

I didn't know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, bro, that's nothing. It was nothing. There is some. There's some other ones that will get up there.

[Joe Santagato]

Really? Yeah, Like, I bought one. I have. What's that shit called? Fuck, it's like La Labo or some shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. I like the smell. It smells good.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, yo, Ahmed, like, uses cologne.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, he goes.

[Frank Alvarez]

He goes out, we'll go. Like, when we were on tour, we would go to a city and he would buy a bottle and it would be halfway done by the end of the trip. A three day trip.

[Guest or Producer]

By the way, guys, deodorant. Your balls.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's up, who's down?

[Frank Alvarez]

What?

[Guest or Producer]

No way.

[Frank Alvarez]

You take your deodorant and you go,

[Guest or Producer]

well, it's a different deodorant. Only sometimes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you do the one that's like the plastic ball and it's a roller? No, because it's like. Then you hold it up and it's like you like Microsoft paint under your balls.

[Guest or Producer]

That sounds better. I might try.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm pretty cool.

[Joe Santagato]

You have a full separate deodorant stick and you do like your Gucci and balls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes I.

[Joe Santagato]

Why, I feel like that's probably smell like dog whistle.

[Guest or Producer]

No, I mean, but it'll never. No, but it'll never smell bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, my. I'll be honest, sometimes my bonch smells like it got dragged by horse through human shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Good God, lady.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that's, that's. It's a very, you know, hot, moist, tightly compact part of the human body. It's going to, you know, breed bacteria, which is what feeds on your sweat, which is what causes the odor.

[Guest or Producer]

I feel like I'm getting piggybacked onto that. That does not happen to me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, with your giant balls, you gotta look through them and you gotta. How much you go. You go through a stick every time you apply. Do you do. What do you do?

[Joe Santagato]

How do you do it? Like, how would you do that logistically?

[Guest or Producer]

Like, you just open up and you just get in there.

[Joe Santagato]

Open up?

[Frank Alvarez]

What you mean, like lift? Do you go from the front or you go back door?

[Guest or Producer]

The front.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you, like, you like, get in the stirrups hold your nuts and dick up. And then, like, sure, it's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like.

[Guest or Producer]

It's much simpler than that.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, yeah, we're trying to get. To explain.

[Guest or Producer]

Open it up. And I get.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just get in there. Stop saying open it up, brother. Nothing is closed. Nothing requires open. No, my pants, bro.

[Guest or Producer]

My underwear.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, wait. So you don't do it naked, you do it clothed?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, actually, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're talking through and realizing it's stupid. No, no, no, I think it's something.

[Joe Santagato]

You get fully dressed and you go, oh, forgot my ball.

[Guest or Producer]

Cologne sometimes.

[Joe Santagato]

Or my ball deodorant.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, my ball deodorant.

[Joe Santagato]

And then you undo your pants and then what? You jam the stick in there?

[Guest or Producer]

Pretty much.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it under the balls?

[Frank Alvarez]

Under?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is it the same stick that you use on your underarms?

[Guest or Producer]

No, different stick.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm saying, is it the same, like, make and model and stuff? Like.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, yeah, same, Same thing. I don't care.

[Joe Santagato]

That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm sure they make bald deodorant.

[Guest or Producer]

They do, I think. Well, we're not sponsored, but some people do. Yeah, for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Smart man.

[Guest or Producer]

I got you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Smart man.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never heard of that, ever. I've never done that. I mean, you. You were big on ax. I'm sure you, like, sprayed your.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sprayed my Bazaar. Are you kidding me? I would. It would look like when you walk into a space station and they have to, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you would spray the hell out of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

My pants would be smoking when I would leave my room.

[Joe Santagato]

What is it that when you're young? Because I feel like I was, like, doing that, too. What was I thinking? That people were gonna get near my penis? I'm fucking 12.

[Frank Alvarez]

You had to be prepared for any outcome of life, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

If a girl wanted to get near my penis at 12, I'd be scared and go home and cry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. But, like, some of us weren't afraid. Oh, talk to me, mack daddy pimp. I'm not saying I was mack daddy pimp. You're mack daddy pimp.

[Joe Santagato]

You have.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not Playboy Bunny. I'm not saying that I needed my balls to smell good because I was ready for the action. I was ready for whatever curveballs life had thrown at me. I was walking out of the house that day, they'd be like, you know what? This could be the day that fucking 2004 Carmen Electra comes up to me and she's just like, hunka, hunka,

[Joe Santagato]

you know?

[Guest or Producer]

I agree.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thank you. You would agree.

[Joe Santagato]

You bald deodorant. Wearing bastard.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just think that preparation for life is not anticipation of something. It is just simply preparation.

[Joe Santagato]

I vigorously whoop my ass a little bit.

[Guest or Producer]

Big word for Elmo.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm gonna come over there and cut your head off.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. By the way, it's Cookie Monster today. Or Grover. He's full Grovered out Elmo the other day. Hey, chocolate Grover.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even know who that is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement yard.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's Grover? I know Grover Cleveland. You know him?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't know him.

[Joe Santagato]

He's the president.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know who he was. I didn't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh, that's him.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's Grover, baby. Super Grover.

[Guest or Producer]

But continue.

[Frank Alvarez]

You kind of got his build, too.

[Guest or Producer]

All right, no, we're not doing this. We're not doing this. Not doing that.

[Joe Santagato]

If you want to play.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you guys want to play the

[Joe Santagato]

game, we will start playing the game, brother.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cubchoo. That's for my Pokemon fans. Loser. No, I. I feel like. Yeah, baby. That's Joe.

[Joe Santagato]

What about that?

[Frank Alvarez]

The color really just.

[Guest or Producer]

It's actually kind of cute.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that, a fucking bear? Severe cold.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, it's an ice bear that. It evolves into Obama snow. Show them that, bitch. Bottom right.

[Joe Santagato]

Picture Obama.

[Frank Alvarez]

Obama snow.

[Guest or Producer]

Like abominal.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, cool.

[Joe Santagato]

Abominable.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like cologne is no longer as popular as it was when, like, definitely before our generation and. And it continued to die.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that it's popular. Like, a lot of people wear cologne. I've seen, like, tiktoks of people that are like fragrance tick tockers, and they have hundreds.

[Frank Alvarez]

That kid that's just like, let me smell this. And he smells. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm getting good and great and spice. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Good for him.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know what I used to love to do when my mom would get a magazine? I would. They have like, the sample tabs and you'd rip them off and I'd be like, I'd be sniffing the. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Rub it on my face. What's wrong with me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Have you plenty of. Have you seen those tiktoks that are like, people trying the different atomizers on colognes? Yes, dude. It's like, look how good this one sprays. There's one that it sprays like, it. It feels like just looking at it, it's scratching my back. Does that make any sense?

[Joe Santagato]

Zero.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you sure? Yeah, sure.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, just like looking at the speed, ferocity, and. And just intensity that it sprays. It's like, oh, that could scratch my back. And it feels like it's like, oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. I have a different appreciation for that. I do like when things are like spraying really well. Like when I have a spray bottle, I'm like, oh, like when you spray like a Windex, it's kind of like, it's. And you're like, okay, this is whatever. But sometimes you get a good spray.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, when I have like an all

[Joe Santagato]

purpose cleaner, it's like ooze, ooze. And it's like, oh, I got to

[Frank Alvarez]

clean my whole apartment. I love. And then I love when it like for like one spray, it sounds like an 80 year old smoker. It's like, oh, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's like, yeah, yeah, like, oh, my. Oh, yeah, that's the one. It looks like that scratch my back. So. Fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, is there a bunch of these? All right, let's see this one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a ridiculous.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's impressive.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't mind that if that might

[Joe Santagato]

be the one that I have to be honest. Super.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good Sprite.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good spray. Show us something nice now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, okay.

[Guest or Producer]

It stays in the air for a while.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I appreciate it.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, that's like a shotgun.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like a shotgun blast to the

[Joe Santagato]

back of the neck, dude. Oh, I hate that. That's a hundred out of ten. What do you think? Oh, actually I like it now. No, I don't like that, but it's

[Frank Alvarez]

spitting in your face. Poof. What the hell is that? When I see this thing dribble at the end, I'm gonna be mad.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's tough.

[Frank Alvarez]

Disgusting. There are other ones that are just little.

[Guest or Producer]

That is a giant spray.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so good, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like that much cologne would really. You would. That was all you would need here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's insane. You don't need eight streams coming at you like a hydro pump. Yeah, that's my. My second Pokemon reference of the day.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sure there's going to be more

[Frank Alvarez]

that you said that there absolutely will. But let's. Let's get back. Let's get some vintage Axe Kilo body spray. You think we can do that?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't. I never. I barely liked it back then.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, man.

[Joe Santagato]

I would spray. You know what I would do also? I would spray it into my shoes.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was. I think.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but I fill my shoes I

[Frank Alvarez]

mean, that was probably a very normal thing to do because our feet probably stunk.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you know, have you ever smelled a mothball?

[Frank Alvarez]

I love that smell.

[Joe Santagato]

I kind of like it too.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love. Because we used to, at the end of the summer, put them in the. At the cabin and we would.

[Joe Santagato]

What are they supposed to do? Keep away. Moths.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bingo.

[Joe Santagato]

But people put them in their shoes

[Frank Alvarez]

maybe for the smell.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

They also smell like that thing that they like, swing around at church.

[Joe Santagato]

Incense.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I'm talking about? The fucking, like the like lantern mace that they got going on there.

[Joe Santagato]

But I fucking love that, like, incense in church. Best part of the church. Smell of the church.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, I was there. Yeah, I love the smell of mothball.

[Joe Santagato]

My dad used to have mothballs in his shoes.

[Guest or Producer]

When you sprayed your shoes with Axe, did you spray so much where it looked like there's a little fog in the shoes?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, that's the whole reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the way to do it.

[Joe Santagato]

I would hold it up to the light, be like, oh, look how fast I spot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I know smoking because I ran so fast. Like, I know, like, they have like Axe Body wash and I think deodorant. Is body spray still a thing?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sure if it once was, it

[Guest or Producer]

probably is the ones that had that twist can.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whether it be the twist can or just like the regular, like. Sure, I'm sure it does.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, is. Is the deodorant that. That was. There was deodorant and. And body spray. Like, are those different?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, of course. The body spray was just for fragrance. Deodorant is supposed to be like antiperspirant or. Or, you know, deodor. Yeah, int.

[Guest or Producer]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, anti odor.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Yeah, I know. I've never. I've never really part to take and

[Frank Alvarez]

do you have any, like, funny or interesting cologne stories from like, any time you applied it or anything like that?

[Guest or Producer]

No,

[Joe Santagato]

no, not really. I mean, I definitely. The first time I did it,

[Frank Alvarez]

I

[Joe Santagato]

had a bottle that didn't have a spray. It was like you're supposed to just like kind of dab it. And I went a little overboard by accident. Yeah, I've done done that and my hand was just stinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, my dad. You've definitely smelled it.

[Joe Santagato]

It's smelled your dad?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I've smelled your dad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. He had this cologne I forgot. What's the gray flannel?

[Joe Santagato]

It was called gray flannel. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And the mixture of that smell, because he would put a Lot on him and the combination of his hair gel. This guy smelled like a fucking nuclear power plant. Yeah, like it was impossible to not smell him coming and going all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

What about. Are you a fan of car air fresheners?

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I mean, I like air fresheners. I like good air, but I don't like the smell of new car. I. That's. That.

[Joe Santagato]

That.

[Frank Alvarez]

That smell gets me sick, honestly.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I don't like it.

[Guest or Producer]

I might.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's a hot take.

[Guest or Producer]

I think.

[Joe Santagato]

Really? I don't like.

[Guest or Producer]

I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's not a take. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying I don't like it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't love car air fresheners.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I know, like, everyone loves the black, but see, that doesn't make sense because, like, you like air. Like, you like air smelling good.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'd rather air just be, like, neutral. I don't want it to smell bad, but I don't need it to smell like a thing. Like eucalyptus smells good, but I don't want my apartment or my world to smell like eucalyptus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, like eucalyptus and mint. That combination could bend me over and just spitting it if it wants to. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

In a steam room, maybe. But, like, if you're in your apartment, your whole apartment smells like that. I'd be like, this is so intense.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so interesting that you say that, because I feel like. Well, first of all, once you're in it, your body gets used to it, and it doesn't smell like that unless you were like, walk out and walk back in. I feel like you can always feel

[Joe Santagato]

eucalyptus, like, in your sinuses. Or like, mint, like, maybe mint.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mint is sharp. Mint burns the sinuses a hundred percent. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it does.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'll get you.

[Guest or Producer]

Do you know the. The square ones? The gel ones that people attach to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, the Febreze ones.

[Guest or Producer]

Those I hate.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Guest or Producer]

If you're driving too long, after a while, the smell, like, it starts to hurt, almost, if that makes sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like them because of how quick they go, if that makes any sense. Like, I want, like, give me an air freshener that lasts months. Like those ones that you put in, like, the air vent. I put them on the lowest setting and they're still gone in two weeks.

[Joe Santagato]

I also just don't think that looks nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you're a big aesthetic guy.

[Joe Santagato]

Not really, like, you know, but I just. When I get into someone's car, I would rather it not smell like anything. Like that would Be like, my idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that's not the experience that most people have. Like, a car, if you think about it, it's a confined space that doesn't have a lot of airflow unless you're driving with the windows down all the time. I mean, I would assume.

[Joe Santagato]

I would say that most of my car experience is pretty neutral. Like, it's rare that I get in a car and I'm like, what the. But there's other times I'll get in the car and I will clearly smell the freshener, and I'm like, all right. Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I'm just not.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know why that's.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is a strange. Like. And so you don't do, like, air fresheners at the. At the apartment? Like, you don't do, like, spray or.

[Joe Santagato]

If. If. Well, when we clean, there's, like, that smell from, like, sprays or stuff like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'm not saying that. I'm saying, like, a candle person.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I. I'll. I'll light a candle.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, but that. That does the exact same thing in just a different way.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I agree. I just think that they're different because this. The sprays and stuff are like, have more of a. It's. It's more of a hurt. It's more of, like, a sharpness.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's more of like. Like, it's. The. The scent is attacking you compared to just, like, lingering.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a candle.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also.

[Joe Santagato]

If there's a candle on in my apartment and I walk in, like, obviously, if you're in the apartment, you don't really smell it because you're, like, kind of adjusting to it being in the air. But when I first walk into my apartment and I smell a candle, I don't really enjoy that. Like, I. I will enjoy it when I start to adjust to it. And it's not as intense, but when I first walk in, it's like, I smell Christmas cookie. Like, this is crazy food, however, that I'm very into.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I think because you know that you can control the scent in the air through the candle compared to the food. Like, the food is a little more temporary. Like. Like, you have to, like, cook it again in order to get that scent back.

[Joe Santagato]

I think I just like the smell of food.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, duh. I mean, I like smells across the board.

[Joe Santagato]

Farts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Gotcha.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I hate farts as an entity, so I hate when it comes with

[Joe Santagato]

them, which is the shitty smell as an entity. Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

Right after. So, like, on garbage day, where we're cleaning right after I put out the garbage, I'll open up my front door and my back door at the same time, create a wind vortex, get all the smell out, and then I'll clean, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

I came home one day. Thank you fucking so much for bringing that up. I came home one day and it was not long ago, the dead of winter. It's like maybe 20 degrees outside and the back door is open. Get in the game with the college branded Venmo debit card. Rep your team with every tap and earn up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash, a new rewards program from Venmo. No monthly fee, no minimum balance, Just school pride and spending power. Get in the game and sign up for the Venmo debit [e-mail] collegecard the Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank. NA Select Schools available. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at venmo.me stash terms max 100 cash back per month. And several windows are open. And I go to Beck. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, I'm burping the house. I'm like, what?

[Joe Santagato]

You probably hated that terminology, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

I fucking. I was, like, disgusted by your own home. I mean, I hate the word burp. It is a shitty word.

[Joe Santagato]

Burping is worse than burp.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I was just like. I was like, what? And she's like, I saw a thing that, like, there's stale air in your house and you need to burp it in order to get fucking. And, you know, every time she said burp, I cringe.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I was just like, I love

[Joe Santagato]

that TikTok could really send her down a path.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. She went fully down. Like, that's not the first time that's happened. I love her to death, but she is, like, very susceptible to those, like, TikTok trends. But, like, yeah, she was like, I saw a TikTok and they said you have to burp your house once every couple weeks.

[Joe Santagato]

That is a real thing, though. Not. Not that you have to burp your house. I've never heard that term.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I mean, if you have a working ventilation system, doesn't that do that?

[Joe Santagato]

I. I don't know. I mean, if you have, like, what's that called?

[Guest or Producer]

Central.

[Frank Alvarez]

Central air.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't. I think that's like more of, like an AC unit that's kind of distributed. It's not necessarily, like, bringing air from the outside. I'm sure there is air, like, I

[Frank Alvarez]

mean, I think, I think that is exactly what it does. Like, because when you have central air, which we have now, there's a big vent on the outside with a fan,

[Joe Santagato]

but that's where the air is coming in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So it's fresh air coming in when it's on. Yeah, but what, you think your house just doesn't breathe? No, it does, but it's like you're just like.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, in the winter everything's kind of like closed.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, dude, there's also other ways. Like, do you have everything sealed? I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'm sure there's like some

[Frank Alvarez]

seepage, but you gotta, if you want to like reset.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, let's get some fresh air.

[Frank Alvarez]

He hated seepage.

[Guest or Producer]

It's just tough.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't like seepage.

[Guest or Producer]

So I've accidentally been burping my house.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's the thing. I mean I, I do like, like Becca will do that during the spring, in the summer where she'll open the front in the back door and you get a vortex and it's a beautiful.

[Guest or Producer]

Sometimes if I'm not careful, my paper towels will fall over.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, we didn't. Thanks for adding that.

[Joe Santagato]

Why we need that. Shit. Like that happens though, like all the doors in my apartment, when one of the windows open, slam.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Is that happening?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

That one window could be open. I step outside, bang.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, yo. And it'll scare the fuck out of me.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm thinking, fucking Nicole's slamming doors.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, what? Windows open.

[Joe Santagato]

She goes to the bathroom, it slams.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, what now?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that one of the kids like fucking closed the door on their hand or some shit like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. It's terrifying. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I get what she was trying to do, but I think that like in her calling it burping, I was just like, I'm not, I'm not allowing this.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I was like, shut the doors.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not burping.

[Frank Alvarez]

Leave us our stale air. Apparently it is a thing like, with like really, really big, like expensive houses, they get like pressurized like a plane. Yeah. Like if they have like. Because we know our contractor, we were talking with like, I like joked with him about it and he's like, there are some like multi million dollar estates that like, they have such a well functioning like air like ventilation system and like all their windows are like super new and sealed and high end and like the doors and blah, blah, blah, that like, that's a real thing that like there Will be a sense of pressure. So like, that's why like, sometimes you'll like open a door and it'll go like. Like a. Like a Coke can.

[Joe Santagato]

That is crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I mean, burping it is stupid.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I was just like, you want to go on the back of the house and pat the fucking back of the house.

[Joe Santagato]

No. Also, you mentioned plane. I was like wondering this for you guys, but I'm create a hypothetical situation for you. If you are in a city, you're not home.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just want to be. We are flying in a couple of days, so please be very cognizant of that anxiety.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not that. Okay, so let's just say that we're in like Denver, which is like, what, four hours away? Let's just call it whatever is exactly four hours away. And then you're on the plane on the way home and they come on a thing and they're like, we need someone to get off. We're offering this much. What's your cut off? And there's nothing that you need to be home for.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cut off, like minimum?

[Joe Santagato]

No. Like, yeah, like, what is an amount that you're like, I'm getting off this plane, taking that money, and you get on a later flight, like that day. And I'll say this, the flight that you're gonna get on is like five hours from where, like now.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you. There's a five hour wait. Yeah. And then it's the normal, like, like duration of the flight. It's not like it's like a connecting flight.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, it's a. It's a direct flight.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's the same flight, just five hours later.

[Guest or Producer]

And question, what was I doing in Denver?

[Frank Alvarez]

See, come on, man. Why does that matter?

[Guest or Producer]

Because I'm planning that I would take half of what my trip was.

[Joe Santagato]

I. It's up to you. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

How much was the flight? That's a big part of it too. Like, is it going to be more expensive than what I. Is it going to be more money than what I paid for the flight? Like, am I walking out?

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, you're paying for the flight regardless.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but if I pay, say, the round trip. Hypothetically. Yeah. Not that this happens much anymore, but say the round trip is like 500 bucks.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they're saying, we'll offer you 600 bucks. I'm in the green there. So, like, if anything, like, I made money on the trip.

[Joe Santagato]

So let's. Let's say it was. Let's say it was 500 bucks,

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I'd do 1.5 times. I'd be fine with 750.

[Joe Santagato]

And you would get off and be like, I'll wait.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. If I have no reason to get home, if there's. And. And I'm just getting. And I'm gonna be walking away up, I think 1.5 times. Whatever you paid for it is fine. At five hours, you start adding more time on there, then we're talking more money.

[Guest or Producer]

You never take the first offer.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not the first offer.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like they continue to offer. I gave what I thought was a reasonable amount.

[Joe Santagato]

Like there's like an amount that they'll say. And you're like, fuck that. I'm taking the.

[Frank Alvarez]

That.

[Guest or Producer]

I like the math. I like 1.5 times the flight. I think a flat. Th.

[Joe Santagato]

Flat. Flat.

[Frank Alvarez]

Thow.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah. Th.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're. So you're telling me that if your trip is over, if the flight is over $11,000 and they offer you 1,000, you're good with that,

[Guest or Producer]

I see. Because then the math goes away.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Guest or Producer]

Profit a thousand.

[Joe Santagato]

Profit a thousand is crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's almost no way. Yeah, there's no way. If you're going to like Japan, where it's like a 1200 ticket, they're not going to be like, we'll offer you $2200, brother.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, depends how desperate they are, I guess.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I mean, if anything, they will.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't own that plane. Before they give you 2200.

[Guest or Producer]

I also, I'm not planning to get that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It infuriates me that that happens because, like, I'm sure there's a business reason to it and big airplane will come on here and tell us.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's more about weight, like when the When.

[Frank Alvarez]

But why do they. Why they should book one person per seat?

[Joe Santagato]

No, but I'm talking about it's about weight of like cargo. Like if all of our luggage is just more than whatever. Because, you know, you could pay like when you. When you go especially on a bigger flight where you. By the way, this is based at Nothing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like 90% of what we talk

[Joe Santagato]

about when you bring your luggage and it's like it has to be like under a certain amount. I think you pay a fee if it's above that. So if enough people are doing that and it's like, oh, well, it's a full flight and the luggage, like the plane is too heavy, plus the fuel, like, we just need some people off.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're telling me that, like the reason that you pay an extra $50 if it's over £50 luggage is. Because in theory, enough people will do that to justify pulling one person off that plane.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's to avoid, like, the reason why you pay a fee there is. So you avoid people just bringing like hundreds of pounds of luggage.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but then, but in, but also In theory, if five people bring 150 extra pounds, it comes out to 250 extra pounds.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

The amount that it would cost could be the amount that a ticket would be.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure. Maybe that's part of it too. I mean, like, there has to be a limit. But I think it's between that and they also overbook flights. I don't know how that's possible.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, I hate. I'm. Knock on wood, that is yet to happen to me.

[Joe Santagato]

To be overbooked.

[Frank Alvarez]

To be overbooked where it's just like, oh, sorry, it's like what I, I booked. Like, I will go full Karen in that situation.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I don't think they kick you off the plane.

[Frank Alvarez]

You.

[Joe Santagato]

They ask people to get off.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that. Someone else over. They overbooked. So someone else that also booked is.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, like, that happened to me and Danny.

[Joe Santagato]

What happened?

[Guest or Producer]

They overbooked and we just didn't have seats. Like, we got there. We didn't have seats on the plane.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, if you, if you do that. So if you book, there's like different

[Frank Alvarez]

classes.

[Joe Santagato]

Classes, I guess, but like. Yeah, it's like main and then main plus or I don't know, something like that where it's like one of them is a little cheaper and you don't have a seat until you show up to the gate. So that's the risk that you run.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, I'm never making that mistake again.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's never happened to me. And I've flown like main cabin or standard, whatever. Whatever it is. Several.

[Guest or Producer]

They offer us money, though.

[Joe Santagato]

But you, but you have a seat, you've booked and like got to the.

[Frank Alvarez]

But why can I. But why does that happen where, like, then they go, you don't have a seat because. Because that does happen. That does happen.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it like just part of the risk you run? You get a discount?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's probably. I mean, again, I'm sure someone that works for the fucking FAA is going to be in the comments. Just be like, let me tell you, it's probably more confident. It probably has. It probably has to do with like the inherent risk of someone backing out or not showing up. So, like, probably. It's probably like, on average 1.8 people just don't show up for their flight. So they'll book three extra to like, just take that risk. And it ends up, if anything, making them more money because they're booking it and then they can just throw them on another flight.

[Joe Santagato]

Can you look that up?

[Guest or Producer]

How.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why are they.

[Guest or Producer]

I am. It's, it's pretty much what you're saying. It's just a practice that started in the 50s and it's just them compensating for people who cancel flights.

[Joe Santagato]

It's insane that, like, they can't eat one seat, like, whatever that would cost. Like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I, I especially then. How much was a ticket in 1950? Oh, my God. Look up what a round trip ticket to Boca Raton, Florida is. Don't ask me why that's where now in, in 1950. Oh, is that or like the average ticket price in 1950 and the average ticket price now? Because we know it's ridiculous. But back then, it was also a different flying experience. It was just like you could fly for 30 bucks.

[Guest or Producer]

A round trip ticket in the 50s from New York to Florida was 75 bucks. Crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

But also, you're sitting next to someone who's ripping darts. I'm talking like, yeah, you are getting hot boxed with tobacco and you're in a suit.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did you see that? There was. I don't know if it was an. I think it was an airport. I think it was the Tampa Airport band pajamas.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo. I'm kind of into that.

[Frank Alvarez]

What? I mean, I'm not showing up with the Cookie Monster pajamas and fucking spongebob slides.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, people are.

[Frank Alvarez]

That sucks. But like, where are we cutting off pajamas? Like, I show up in basketball shorts and slides sometimes to some flights.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I think I. Yeah, I think that's okay. I just don't think, like, pajama pants and like fuzzy slippers is like. Yeah, like, you're in pub.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that's not even just for

[Joe Santagato]

the airport, I think anywhere, like outside. I mean, I personally wouldn't wear that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that was like a meme that was born in our age bracket for people in high school. Like, everyone remembers the kids that would show up. It was mostly girls that would show up to high school in the spongebob pajamas. And.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, you know, I have a clarification here of what for the price ticket of the 50s. Okay. It's equivalent to a thousand to 1200 today. It was technically more expensive than back then, 40% more expensive because of just how difficult it was for planes to fly.

[Frank Alvarez]

So inflation so when they take inflation into account, it was. Oh, wow, that's pretty interesting.

[Guest or Producer]

It's actually more expensive back then because planes weren't as efficient.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow.

[Guest or Producer]

Ratio was.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Because people were making less planes, too. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Less planes, less flights. You know, I'm sure they were also less technologically advanced. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I.

[Frank Alvarez]

If. Let me ask you a serious question. If someone were to, like, do. If we were to get a brand deal with, like, Delta, and they were like, we want to fly you somewhere, and you make content, but you're flying on our vintage 1950s plane. You doing it? No.

[Joe Santagato]

No shot. I thought you were gonna make it something easy, like, get in the cockpit. I'm like, I'm dying to be in a cockpit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, that would be cool to see a cockpit. I'm waiting for a pilot to recognize us. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, give me my wing. Oh. My sister was on a plane. They went to the Bahamas, and the kids got little wings.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, I didn't even know

[Joe Santagato]

they did that anymore.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I got one of the, like, air attendants. What are they called?

[Joe Santagato]

Flight attendants. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

One of the flight attendants recognized me and gave me a bag of candy with, like, a little, like, United pin on it. And it's like, the United logo and,

[Joe Santagato]

like, a bag of candy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

Were you with your children?

[Frank Alvarez]

Solo Dolo, baby. Wow. By my sizzy.

[Joe Santagato]

That's nice. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But. Oh, man. If a pilot was just like, you

[Joe Santagato]

want to go check out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God, dude, I love the show. We listen to it when we're flying. First of all, I wouldn't. That actually would make me feel worse.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, they're not even doing anything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Somehow it would still make me feel not good. Imagine they're flying the plane, and then they just hear my roar, and they're just like.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, they're not flying the plane.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know.

[Joe Santagato]

They're just, like, scary.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would like to go in there and just, like, keep my hands in my pocket and just go, whoa.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd get in the seat, put the hat on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, really? Yeah. I don't think you could take pictures in there, can you?

[Joe Santagato]

Probably not. Did someone get in trouble for this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Charlie Sheen, I was going to say. Was it Katy Perry?

[Joe Santagato]

No, it was Charlie Sheen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Katy Perry has been randomly getting in trouble for stuff lately.

[Joe Santagato]

So he was, like, hammered and, like, high elf coke, and they let him in the cockpit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, hold on.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

The first two parts were probably why he got in trouble.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, he got in trouble. Well, the pilot got in trouble because they let him, and he took so here's what the story with Charlie Sheen is that he was, like, high on coke and, like, drunk or something like that. He was on the plane. They recognized him, and then they let him in the cockpit and they put him in the seat, and then they took the autopilot off. So now Charlie Sheen is driving the plane, and he goes. And I took the wheel and I just went like this. And the plane moved a little bit, and the pilot was like, fire. Got in a lot of trouble for.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, absolutely. I mean, wasn't there also the story of him on a private jet where he was just like, how much do I have to pay in damages to smoke cigarettes? And they were like $10,000, and he was just ripping. Sick.

[Joe Santagato]

He's like, I'll do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm. I think Tom Segura told that story and crazy. I. I can't name a celebrity that this is. This is dual ended, double sided. You know, before you get into the double sided, let's get into the.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's get into something else real quick. We do have a new sponsor for

[Frank Alvarez]

today, and you're looking at it, ladies

[Joe Santagato]

and gentlemen, this is Angry Orchard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay?

[Joe Santagato]

This is a hard cider, all right? And it's delicious. It's the number one hard cider in the country. Okay? There's two apples in every bottle. All right, let's keep that in mind. Crisp apple, which is what this one is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep.

[Joe Santagato]

Crisp apple. It's the leading style. Tastes just like biting into a fresh apple. You get a sip of this, it's like, mmm, there's two apples in here. But, yeah, it's amazing. They're available at bars, restaurants, retailers. I mean, if you've. If you've been in a bar somewhere, you've probably seen Angry Orchard. Okay? Also gluten free. So those of you who have gluten allergies, you can have a little bit of Angry Orchard. Okay. Because it's a hard cider. Don't get Angry Get Orchard near you. Visit angryorchard.com and use the cider locator to find Angry Orchard near you. All right? But it's delicious. I would open it if this works in one shot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I got angry. I'm not gonna. So don't Get Angry.

[Joe Santagato]

Get Angry Orchard. You understand what I'm saying?

[Guest or Producer]

Whoa.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, I took it.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

You nailed that.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't Get Angry Get Angry Orchard. Yeah, yeah, no, that's written. But listen, I also took a chunk out of this table. Yeah, someone's like.

[Joe Santagato]

Someone bit this. All right, don't get angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get Angry Orchard. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Go visit angry orchard.com use this cider located Find Angry Orchard near you. Enjoy that delicious hard cider. We also have BetterHelp. BetterHelp it is. Thank you for BetterHelp for sponsoring this video. But BetterHelp, it's online therapy. If you want to talk to a therapist, you can just under 48 hours. They will connect you with therapists. They also make it very seamless for you to find the right therapist for you. Okay? So the onboard. So the onboarding process is very important. And you know you have to find the right fit for you. So they make it very easy to do that. They have over 30,000 therapists and it's the world's largest online therapy platform. Okay? They have served over 6 million people globally. And the thing that I like about it the most is that it is very attainable. Like you can do it because sometimes therapy is very expensive and that's a big deterrent for people. But this is a fraction of the price and your well being matters most. So sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com basementyard okay? So save that 10% when you go to betterhelp.com basementyard spelled b e t t e r h e l p.com basemyard get that 10% off and enjoy your therapy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love that. You know what else I love? Patreon. Oh, wow. Patreon.com the basemanyard is the best way to continue to support us. We love and thank you, every single one of you. That made March one of the most insane months that we've ever had doing this show. And a part of that insanity has been on Patreon. So go over to patreon.com the basementyard today. You said you sign up for that first tier, you get exclusive episodes. Excuse me. These weekly episodes. I'm a little dirty bitch. These weekly episodes. I made a mistake. Whatever I spit got these weekly episodes one week in advance. Then second tier, you sign up for that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And don't worry, don't be like, all right, now I'm on Patreon. Now I want all this stuff where. Where all the new stuff, anything that's back cataloged, exclusive Patreon episodes. Exclusive video drops are there for your joy. Okay? So go check it out. Patreon.com the basement yard. And if you want to sign up and if you want to save yourself some money, go do it on a web browser. Okay? Go to patreon.com the base vineyard. Type it into your little web browser, whatever you use, whether it be Safari, the other ones. And then you go to that website and you save yourself some money when you sign up. If you use the smart app, we're gonna have to pay our tech overlord lizard people and we don't want to do that extra. Right. So save yourself some money. Patreon.com the Basement Yard thank you guys for an incredible month of support. Has been overwhelming. We love you, we thank you and we'll keep giving you what you want. Which apparently is more of us. Back to it. I thought you came up with Don't Get Angry Get Angry Orchard.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I did.

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought it was gonna be like that like Romeo on Tick Tock moment where it's like Dr. Peppa Baby. Oh,

[Joe Santagato]

I really did try to open that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I could see the dent from here.

[Guest or Producer]

Well, you're supposed to use a bottle opener.

[Frank Alvarez]

There are people that use their eyes and like that, which is crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but they're, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Crazy. I was going to ask a double ended question.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's imagine everyone has the same exact training. The training is not like they're the best in the world, but they are adequately trained to fly a plane. Name a person, a celebrity, an athlete, whatever. That you would be the most confident in landing that plane. And then the inverse, the least confident in landing that.

[Joe Santagato]

You just said we're all have the same training.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I mean, you still have to take into account who the individual is. Like for instance, I would really trust. Definitely not you. Are you kidding me? You'd be hammered.

[Guest or Producer]

Me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I would really trust. Who would I trust to land this plane?

[Joe Santagato]

Matt Damon.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a great pick. That's a really good pick.

[Joe Santagato]

Didn't he go to Harvard?

[Guest or Producer]

Might have Denzel Washington.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one too.

[Guest or Producer]

He landed. He inverted.

[Frank Alvarez]

He landed that plane drunk. Didn't he? In that movie, Tom Hanks. I was thinking Tom Hanks, but I was trying to come up with someone new.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that a boat or a plane?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I was both. That was Captain Sully Sullenberg.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe I would just choose a pilot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but like I'm. It's not what the question is.

[Guest or Producer]

Right. Samuel Jackson dealt with snakes on a plane.

[Frank Alvarez]

He did deal with snakes on a plane. I'm thinking though, like, who is responsible enough to be like an awesome plane lander? Like gives off responsible to Daveed Diggs. You know who Daveed Diggs is?

[Guest or Producer]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

From Hamilton.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He. He would be I feel like he would be good at landing a plane.

[Joe Santagato]

How did you.

[Frank Alvarez]

He just looks like he's just got his life together.

[Joe Santagato]

Idris Elba.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good one. That's what I'm talking about.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

And I think Bill Byrd is a pilot. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

He flies helicopters.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I would.

[Guest or Producer]

Better than he said.

[Joe Santagato]

We all have the same training.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter. Helicopter or plane or anything. Everyone has the same. I would also. I would put Bill Burr on my. I'm a little worried here.

[Joe Santagato]

Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I can see him, like, just being pissed about something. Like he's flying to, like, Buffalo, and he's just like, this place.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

So who's. Who's the least.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, Charlie Sheen's up there, and I'm talking 2006. Charlie Sheen. I'm not talking 19, you know, 20, 26.

[Joe Santagato]

I put my dad up there just because I've been in the car with him a lot, and I know that he likes to do everything except drive.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You don't like your dad as a driver?

[Joe Santagato]

He's a good driver. We've never been in an accident, or at least I've never been in an accident with him. But he. He does do everything but drive. Like, he, like, looks for stuff. He talks back. He's checking for whatever. And I'm like, just really? You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would not trust. Man, this is a tough one. I would say either of the Paul brothers. Why?

[Guest or Producer]

I don't know McGregor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, that's a good answer.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I don't think I trust McGregor.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not.

[Joe Santagato]

No way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Reasons to not trust him in any capacity still.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I would trust Morgan Freeman a lot.

[Guest or Producer]

He's getting up.

[Joe Santagato]

He's getting up there.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's getting up there, but he still has it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but. I know, but, like, you know, bad turbulence. I wouldn't know how old he is.

[Frank Alvarez]

I wouldn't trust, like, Pacino.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, he's dead. He. He's getting there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, he's like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, do you know something? I know? No, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, he's. You know, he's knocking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

Morgan Freeman is 88.

[Joe Santagato]

That's wild.

[Guest or Producer]

He was born in 1937.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's crazy, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

He's not that much younger than my grandmother.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what's crazy? I heard recently who's dead.

[Joe Santagato]

Dead, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, she's gone.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, filthy. Like, gone.

[Joe Santagato]

Filthy's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

He.

[Joe Santagato]

She hasn't seen his last, like, 10 movies, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, who? Morgan Freeman's? Yeah. I think Morgan Freeman has probably done more than 10 movies since your grandmother died.

[Joe Santagato]

Since 2012. You think?

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's pull up the filmography, babe.

[Joe Santagato]

No one cares.

[Guest or Producer]

When it was Bruce Almighty, that's all that matters.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was in 2005, I believe, so

[Guest or Producer]

she saw that one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, everyone saw Bruce Almighty. That was a great movie. It's true. Oh. What I was trying to say is I saw, like, a thing that was just like, Samuel L. Jackson didn't, like, get his breakout role until he was, like, in his 40s. I'm like, how old is Samuel L. Jackson?

[Joe Santagato]

He's old, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

He's. I mean, he's in his 70s, I believe, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

He also has one of the most impressive filmographies.

[Frank Alvarez]

Samuel L. Jackson.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, he does. So he's, like, in all the Quentin Tarantino movies. So those alone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those are good.

[Guest or Producer]

77.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow.

[Joe Santagato]

Real shame that. He's a weird fuck.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, he's, like, doubling down on how weird he is.

[Joe Santagato]

He's just like a weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

But the movies are good.

[Joe Santagato]

But he's a weird fuck.

[Guest or Producer]

Jackson or Tino.

[Joe Santagato]

Tino.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, yeah, he's weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. Samuel Jackson. Not only do I not think he's weird, I wouldn't call him weird because he'd come here and beat the brakes off me.

[Joe Santagato]

He's like a good dude. I think he's like a philanthropist also.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I think he was one of the pallbearers at MLK's. Like, Martin Luther King Jr's funeral.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think so. How? He's 77, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

That's insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was 60.

[Joe Santagato]

Can we fact check any of this?

[Guest or Producer]

I'm trying. This seems like an intense.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was Samuel L. Jackson. I. Maybe I'm mixing him up with somebody else, but I.

[Guest or Producer]

He was an usher at.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Guest or Producer]

He was an usher at his funeral. So.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's still like.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shows you how recent all that stuff was.

[Joe Santagato]

Pull up Samuel Jackson's filmography on the screen here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, all right. Name. I mean, of course, all the Avengers movies. I can go on forever.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, wow. Yeah. I also low key the Kingsman movies. I like them.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was only in the first one. You know what movie he was shady in that people forget? Jurassic Park.

[Joe Santagato]

That's right. He was in Jurassic Park. Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Django. Pulp Fiction.

[Joe Santagato]

Django's such a unbreakable.

[Frank Alvarez]

I forgot about unbreakable.

[Joe Santagato]

Mr. Glass.

[Frank Alvarez]

They call him Mr. Glass.

[Joe Santagato]

The Kingsman movies.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jackie Brown, Goodfellas.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

He had, like, a brief Cameo, but still.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, look at these movies that he's in.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was in that.

[Guest or Producer]

Die Harder, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Die Hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was in Die Hard. Not. No, that's Die Hard With a Vengeance. That's not.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Deep Blue Sea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, he wasn't coming to America.

[Guest or Producer]

Love Deep Blue Sea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, you love Deep Blue Sea.

[Guest or Producer]

So good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is so good.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's so bad, too.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that's why. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Isn't like Michael Rapaport like a scientist in that or something?

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, cool. J's a chef. It's great.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. He saves his bird.

[Joe Santagato]

That's right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember. Yo, that movie is so sick.

[Joe Santagato]

Triple X, bro. I loved that movie. I was.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't ever saw that one.

[Joe Santagato]

He's Kill Bills.

[Guest or Producer]

He's Frozone.

[Frank Alvarez]

He is Frozone. A lot of people.

[Joe Santagato]

He's in Kong Skull Island. I don't know if I saw that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was a good one. I like what? Low key, good movie. I don't remember that being good. The Sum of All Fears. That was good. He's in Some of All Fears. That's not him. That's not.

[Joe Santagato]

He's in the Garfield movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

The new one. Yeah, he plays Garfield's dad. It's like Chris Pratt is Garfield. And his father, Samuel L. Jackson. Damn, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Look how many fucking movies he's done.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's right. He's Mace Windu.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Purple lightsaber, dude. So sick.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Coach Carter. You remember Coach Carter. Wow, dude, What a movie. That movie is low key.

[Joe Santagato]

Incredible.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I saw an interview recently that said that he got mad at the cast because there. There's like, a party scene in that movie. And they were actually, like, drinking and having a party. And he was, like, upset with them because they weren't taking it serious, which. I get it.

[Joe Santagato]

Look at that. The films in which he has appeared have collectively grossed more than 27 billion worldwide.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he's still not the. In, like, the highest grossing. No, he's not anymore.

[Joe Santagato]

Making him the highest grossing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Doctor. I saw. I saw someone else.

[Joe Santagato]

Who?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna have you guys guess.

[Guest or Producer]

I know who it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know who it is?

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's an actress. Yeah, that. I mean, it's a Tris. It's a Tris, if that narrows it down. But don't. Don't say it.

[Joe Santagato]

Is she older than Samuel or like, around that age?

[Guest or Producer]

No, no.

[Joe Santagato]

So she's young.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fairly young. Yes.

[Guest or Producer]

Well, fairly young.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely young.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, not Zendaya Age, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, she was like, probably gotta be at least 40 or something like that. Okay.

[Guest or Producer]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Think of the biggest movies of all time. Just start. Start naming them.

[Joe Santagato]

Scarlett Johansson.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Margot Robbie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Definitely not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I swung with Barbie there.

[Frank Alvarez]

The answer is going to blow your mind.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like someone I would not expect.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, but like, once you, like, are like. Oh. Oh, yeah, like Jennifer Lawrence. No, not as mainstream. Like, I. I mean, that's. That sounds disrespectful. I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Uma Thurman.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but you're going in the right track a little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

Kerry Washington. That's not it.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but you're also kind of going in the right track.

[Joe Santagato]

Halle Berry.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you know, like Avatar.

[Guest or Producer]

Marvel.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, is it really Zoe Saldana?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, bro. What the.

[Joe Santagato]

I guess she's in. What's it called?

[Frank Alvarez]

She's in the Avengers.

[Joe Santagato]

Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's in the Avatar movies. I think those alone.

[Joe Santagato]

I've been. Zoe Saldana.

[Frank Alvarez]

She was in. Wasn't she in. She's the road trip movie that she was in.

[Joe Santagato]

Huh?

[Frank Alvarez]

She was in, like, a road trip movie with, like, Britney Spears, wasn't she?

[Joe Santagato]

What the fuck? Guardians.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa, whoa. That might not be accurate.

[Joe Santagato]

She's officially.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right there. Right there, right there.

[Guest or Producer]

Where?

[Joe Santagato]

On the right.

[Guest or Producer]

This?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I saw reports that she is.

[Joe Santagato]

This says that she is. Has taken over the world's with 15.4.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa.

[Joe Santagato]

This. This isn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we doing here? I've seen. We're seeing conflicting reports here.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe this is a domestic.

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought I saw worldwide.

[Joe Santagato]

No. They're even talking about how now stands. He's third,

[Frank Alvarez]

so whatever. I guess you. That Google AI that you were using. Gemini lied to you. AI is inaccurate all time. But yeah, dude, like, Zoe Saldana has the Avatar movie.

[Joe Santagato]

Saldanya. Yeah, there's an Enya.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's an Enya over the end type in her filmography.

[Joe Santagato]

I want to see what she's in.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, hold on. She's in the Guardians movies, the Avengers movies. She's in the Avatar movies.

[Guest or Producer]

You ever see the Losers? I think she's in the Losers.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, Amelia Perez.

[Frank Alvarez]

Amelia Perez. You won the Oscar for that. Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, that's right. Oh, fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

She was in that, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Star Trek.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what you're thinking of.

[Frank Alvarez]

Crossroads. Yeah. How the fuck did you think of

[Joe Santagato]

a 2002 movie that no one knows? Frank?

[Frank Alvarez]

The Losers. Okay, I never saw that one, but I know that movie.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know most of these movies.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pretty sure she played Nina Simone in the movie Nina

[Joe Santagato]

Scroll. More.

[Frank Alvarez]

I Don't.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, yeah, the Star Trek.

[Frank Alvarez]

Star Trek. But they were not as big as you would have thought.

[Joe Santagato]

This feels like a. Like an Avatar cheat.

[Guest or Producer]

Avatar. Marvel.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's Avatar. I mean, Avatar, I think is like, it's three movies and it's like $6 billion. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then Marvel is up there, but they have more movies.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, I've never seen a frame of an Avatar.

[Frank Alvarez]

I saw the first one and I vehemently refused to watch any of the others because I don't like, get it. I like, I got it. But I was just like, this isn't what it needs to. Like, the hype needs is making it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, because it's like, yeah, the biggest movie ever.

[Joe Santagato]

And you're like, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it felt like. It was like. I remember the first movie, like, watching. I was like, whoa, this is stunning. Like, it's beautiful. But then, like, there were other parts where I was just like, this kind of stupid.

[Joe Santagato]

Hope it's Pope.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, they, like, the. The thing that they have to get is called Unobtainium. And it's just like, be a little more on the nose.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, let's. Let's avoid that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, come on. Like, use some different words.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, we came up with the name of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like, if our children, like. And you cannot obtain this precious mineral, what's it called?

[Joe Santagato]

It's untatable. And it's like uranium.

[Frank Alvarez]

Unobtainium. Are there any other movies that, besides Rage Baiting Me with the Mask, that are like, well known, great movies that just for you, you're like, Hmm, I have. I have one for sure.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna hate me for this one. I was like, not all. Like, I didn't think Interstellar was all that great. I know you love that movie.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I disagree. I think that Interstellar is a good movie. I think that some people.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not saying it's a bad movie. I didn't.

[Joe Santagato]

You think it's overrated?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was just like, all right.

[Joe Santagato]

See, I feel like Interstellar, the problem with that movie is the same problem with the Wolf of Wall Street. I think they're both great movies. It's just that when the hardos come in and. And like, identify so much with it, it just like ruins it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but.

[Joe Santagato]

Because the Wolf of Wall street is a great movie, but like, the people who are like, it's like, you go to work and this is who you are now. Like, it's just nerdy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, but if anything, them doing that, it it highlights the message of the film. Like, oh, people don't get it. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But that's not.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not the movie's fault.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know it's not the movie's fault, but I'm saying, like, the movie gets

[Joe Santagato]

a bad rep because the people who like the movie are, like, dweebs.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I like. I love that movie. I'm not great. I'm not a dweeb.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm saying say I'm not a dweeb.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm saying the people who, like, think that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That they are. I am Jordan Belfort.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And now it's like, you know, it's just corny, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's.

[Joe Santagato]

But I feel like Interstellar, like, every. Every, like, guy on Hinge, like, I've seen it on Tick Tock with girls saying, like, every guy in Hinge says, like, interstellar's his favorite movie. And it's like, all right, now it's becoming, like, now it's a little corny, you know? But I like the movie. I think it's good. I can see how you're like, meh.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I just felt like I was. I was like, okay, it's good. But then again, like, I'm also a grumpy little bitch, where people would be like, oh, my God. And I'm just like, yeah, you know what?

[Joe Santagato]

I kind of felt that way about Tenet.

[Frank Alvarez]

I never saw Tenet.

[Joe Santagato]

It's good, and I can recognize that it's good, but at the same time, I'm like, there's too much of this.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think a lot of people talk about Tenet, Interstellar, Christopher Nolan. Like, that's a movie where he was just, like, super overindulgent. Like, it was like, dude, I blink

[Joe Santagato]

and I'm like, the fuck is this now?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's like, well, and now it's backwards and forward, but you're at the front, and then, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Like, what? My understanding in the movie is that a lot of the criticism has just been that it's just too much movie.

[Joe Santagato]

Too crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's too much movie. The movie.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like. You know, that's why I like something simple.

[Joe Santagato]

What's a movie that you could watch, like, all the time? Like, you'll throw it on every single time. Or, like, what's, like, your top three funniest movies?

[Frank Alvarez]

Funniest movies. I'm gonna remove the mask because I feel like that's an easy answer.

[Joe Santagato]

You think that's, like, the funniest Movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, I. Whether it be because I, I have rose tinted glist. Glistes. Rose tinted glasses on when I watch it. I do think it's an incredible movie. Okay, forgetting Sarah Marshall. I can watch that.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is.

[Joe Santagato]

I love that movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

So perfectly funny.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I think it is, like, a perfect movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is so good. And, like, I'll even throw in super bad. Like, yeah, there are parts of it that don't age so well. But, like, it is so good.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then a perfectly funny movie. I mean, okay, also Just Friends. I think Just Friends is so, like, Christmas movie. It absolutely is a Christmas. But, like, every part of that movie is funny. Like, there are certain parts that are like, a little. But like, Anna Faris is so good. Oh, my God, dude, she's so good in that movie.

[Joe Santagato]

I love anniversaries.

[Frank Alvarez]

What about you? And don't give the three that I gave.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think of, like, other movies because you took super Bad and forgetting Sar Marshall. But also a movie that I just think is just incredible. Maybe the funniest we've ever seen is Wedding Crashers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Wedding Crashers.

[Guest or Producer]

Good answer.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like one of the funniest movies I have created. The most advanced AI Soldier. The wait is over. Tron Ares now streaming on Disney plus.

[Frank Alvarez]

We are looking for something.

[Joe Santagato]

Something you've discovered.

[Frank Alvarez]

Give me something to believe and some of us will stop at nothing to get it ready. The countdown is complete.

[Joe Santagato]

There's no going back. Dark Directive is clear.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hang on.

[Joe Santagato]

Tron Aries now streaming on Disney Plus. Rated PG13 movies I've ever seen in my life. Old School is also very. Maybe I'm just a Vince Vaughn fan.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah. And also, yeah, Dodgeball. Dodgeball's good. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Ben Stiller movies are also very funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude. Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder is so. It is Heavyweights. Oh, my God. Miles was watching that the other day. I was like, good on you, Miles.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Heavyweights is a funny movie, man.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude. Tropic Thunder. And it's such, like, a thing to talk about now where it's just like, why is that? Okay, I'll move you. And yes, I agree. Like, they probably shouldn't make that movie today, but, like, it is so funny because it is a commentary on actors. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like it is at points, but like, it is more about.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, there's certainly some stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know what I'm saying. Like, it is just a commentary on like the industry, like those, like, hyper, intense, like, Daniel Day Lewis method actors that, like, I saw the one thing, like a story that he did a movie where he played a paraplegic, I think, but, like, they made him. He, like, wouldn't walk on set. He had to be Carrie or some shit like that.

[Joe Santagato]

I heard that for There Will Be Blood, he, like, didn't shower the whole time.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that was Gangs in New York.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, maybe that one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which. Both good movies. I love Gangs of New York, dude. I just watched Marty Supreme. Have you watched it yet?

[Joe Santagato]

No, it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's a movie, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Guest or Producer]

Correct.

[Joe Santagato]

I already know it's a movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's. It's good, bro. It's like, it's uncut gems, but, like, a little dialed up.

[Joe Santagato]

Why did you say that when we were talking about Gangs in New York?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Because he's okay, yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because Gangs in New York takes place in, like, the 1800s in New York, and. And Marty supreme is in, like, the 50s.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. You know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, Gangs in New York is great. Love that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, he's a sloppy fucking mess in that.

[Joe Santagato]

He's a stinky.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's a greasy fucker. Oh, my God. And There Will Be Blood too.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never seen it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's it. That's it.

[Joe Santagato]

I gotta watch that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a really, really good movie, my boy.

[Joe Santagato]

No. What's that from? That's from Harry Potter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's also from There Will Be Blood.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah. You know, but I was on My Boy.

[Guest or Producer]

I think the famous one from that is the milkshake part.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, I drink your milkshake.

[Joe Santagato]

What's going on?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. Like, something rang up here.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

I hope I'm not having an aneurysm. What was that?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love talking good movies. Get to the other ads and I'll bring up other movies because I got a movie question to ask you.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

So the question I was going to ask you is I don't know if you saw but the prosthetic butt like prosthetic Rhino but from Ace Ventura. When Nature Calls is on auction.

[Guest or Producer]

I was gonna say one of my answers is Ace Ventura too.

[Joe Santagato]

Really one of the funniest movies you've seen.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like number which one's better? He said two.

[Joe Santagato]

Two is that that's the right nature calls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I feel like one is better.

[Joe Santagato]

One is the football.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. I mean, there's some. There's also some stuff that hasn't aged well in one. It's pretty transphobic.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You don't remember the whole, like, it's

[Guest or Producer]

a big twist of the movie.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's right there, brother. Right there. I put it on for miles one day and he was watching it and like, I forgot that there's like a full on sex scene in that first movie. I don't even remember. It's like him and Courteney Cox, isn't it?

[Joe Santagato]

That is Corkney Cox.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who's that? It's not anyone Corkney Cox. But are there any, like, movie props that you would just open up the checkbook for? Like, if you saw that they were on display, you'd be like, I'll have that.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know, but I just saw a clip of Ed Sheeran saying that he, like, collects these things. Like, he said he just bought Edward Scissorhands hands.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

As a Dr. Evil suit.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's cool.

[Joe Santagato]

He's got Batman and Robin from Batman and Robin, the movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, their suits fall.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. From the George Clooney one, I think. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I wasn't gonna ask, but I'm glad you specified.

[Joe Santagato]

I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the ruby slippers, that's like an easy one. But like, that's on the. I think that's on display at the Smithsonian or something like that in D.C. maybe. Oh, give me the Golden Snitch.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, that's a good answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I'm talking about. Just like the little fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I want the.

[Frank Alvarez]

The.

[Joe Santagato]

What's that shit called?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

The wand that they're all after.

[Frank Alvarez]

The elder ones.

[Joe Santagato]

The elder one.

[Frank Alvarez]

The elder one. The other one wasn't as cool. I'd like. I'd like Voldemort's wand.

[Joe Santagato]

That was the Elder Wand.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Well, technically he never owned it because he wasn't the one that had dis.

[Joe Santagato]

That was what he was using, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was using it, but it was breaking in his hand because he had not technically been.

[Joe Santagato]

So when you say Voldemort's wand, which one are you referring.

[Frank Alvarez]

The one that has the hook on the end that he holds like a fucking. Like a whore. You know what I'm talking about? It has like the hook on the end. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Oh, it looks like a cane. That is cool as hell.

[Joe Santagato]

You could have that for 10 bucks.

[Guest or Producer]

And there's only two left if you want one.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I mean, yeah, I'm completely okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, it's Halloween.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, I would want. Didn't like expensive. Do you remember that tick tock I showed you. Whereas like fucking like kiss, marry, kill or whatever.

[Guest or Producer]

That.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's just like. Oh,

[Joe Santagato]

just a little pasta tongue.

[Frank Alvarez]

But any others that you could think of?

[Guest or Producer]

The Ghostbusters pack be pretty good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Proton pack.

[Guest or Producer]

Proton pack.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where are you on Ghostbusters?

[Joe Santagato]

I've only seen the first one a few times and it's fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was a big fan of the second one.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm like, I like Bill Murray. Like, especially like back then, like watching the movies that he was in then. I think that he. He's like, funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Oh, I know one that would scratch both itches you have.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't even know I had one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Let alone two.

[Frank Alvarez]

The T. Rex. Like, or. I'm not even gonna go that big because that would be way too expensive. The, the cane with the mosquito Amber in it from Jurassic Park.

[Joe Santagato]

That's cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that would be cool because it's like you're getting a fossil and you're

[Joe Santagato]

getting a movie prompt, but it's not real. I'd rather get a mosquito.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like a real mosquito. Amber.

[Joe Santagato]

Are we allowed to own those?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I don't see why not. I don't. I think the science in that movie has been very debunked.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I don't think you can drill into a 65 million year old mosquito and get any DNA out of it.

[Joe Santagato]

That's fair.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do they have. Can you actually buy like mosquitoes and amber?

[Joe Santagato]

I have no idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you just buy amber? That would be really cool.

[Joe Santagato]

What's amber?

[Frank Alvarez]

Amber is like solidified like, like tree SAP from like ancient times. That would be cool. Like you can buy like petrified wood. I know that.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, petrified wood.

[Joe Santagato]

Not really.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like ancient wood that has been burnt and like charred basically. And it becomes almost like glass. Like what? Never heard of that.

[Joe Santagato]

Like glass, like see through.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but like the, like it's kind of a similar like hardness and like texture to it. I really.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. No, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I might be this up.

[Joe Santagato]

When I think of petrified, I think back to Harry Potter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. I mean you can, you could buy petrified, you know, moaning myrtle if you really want.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh, having Harry Potter stuff would be cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you can just go to Universal and get them.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, no. Like the actual.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, like you want like the Real?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't want any of the fake.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, dude, if I was an actor. You're like Daniel Radcliffe and you're doing Harry Potter. I'm taking Mad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I mean, they probably would get in trouble.

[Joe Santagato]

Nah, bro. I'm Daniel Radcliffe. I own this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Technically, you don't, bro. I mean, I. Sue me. They will.

[Joe Santagato]

All right?

[Frank Alvarez]

And guess who will win? The major motion picture studio that is going to. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You're not gonna take me down, bro. I made you all this money. Chill.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's how that works.

[Joe Santagato]

I think so. I think you have some bargaining ship.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, maybe some.

[Joe Santagato]

Just, like, a few things. I'm not saying take the take. You know, whatever Voldemort's nose off his face.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would want the actual owl they use as hedwig. Like, then you get an owl, and you get a cool thing from a movie.

[Joe Santagato]

I would get the Nimbus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, Nimbus 2000. Or the Firebolt. That one was cooler.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that was cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cool.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'm a Nimbus guy. If. If they sold those and they were real, would you. Would you get up there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolutely. Would you.1 million percent.

[Joe Santagato]

But you don't like flying in planes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I'm not in control.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't know how to fly a plane.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're damn right. So I don't know how to fly a broom. I would learn. If I'm getting a broom. I'm learning how to fly a broom, dude. I would just be like, yo, I'm on my way into work.

[Joe Santagato]

Probably so cold. I mean, it would be a little.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, it would be a little cold, but I would dress appropriately.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you kidding me?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that would be cool.

[Guest or Producer]

You think they have a seat belt?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Have you not watched Harry Potter?

[Guest or Producer]

But you have to add one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Guest or Producer]

Because you're flying on a broom.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, if also isn't it.

[Guest or Producer]

Think about how you're sitting on it. Wouldn't that hurt?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, my nuts would be split in half.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Nimbus or the Firebolt, I don't remember which one had, like, little, like, foot stirrups on it. So you can kind of take a little bit of pressure off of your coomp.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but my balls are getting beat up, dude. Also, I'm getting chick. Don't talk about my balls.

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't. I didn't say anything.

[Joe Santagato]

Also just leaning on a broom.

[Frank Alvarez]

If anything, a broom is more well equipped to deal with your balls than most other things you ride on. You can just have One nut go one way, one nut go the other.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not the most comfortable way to have my nuts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

Because they're a package deal. They'd rather be together, hugging each other.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so put them on one side. And then. Then the broom will just hold it against your leg.

[Joe Santagato]

Still pressing up against me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it can. If you got good enough nuts, it'll just press up against, like, in between.

[Joe Santagato]

Tell you what, I'd rather a magic carpet can lay down, bro. You can lay down or hold on to it like this.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel more in control when I have the thing in my grasp like this. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

Hold on to the edge of the carpet like this.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can just, like. Yeah, but, like, you like. So what am I gonna do?

[Joe Santagato]

Actually? Yeah, you don't even fly it. You just tell the carpet. He's a guy. You tell him, bro. Get me there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's just go, dude. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like having an Uber driver.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a really good.

[Guest or Producer]

And you can kind of talk to it, you know, it has a personality.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here we are.

[Joe Santagato]

Here we are.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now we're talking. Would you rather have a magic carpet, a magic broom?

[Joe Santagato]

I realized you didn't think further than those or DeLorean.

[Guest or Producer]

Does it go back in time?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but then you got to get back here.

[Guest or Producer]

It's lightning. Easy.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm taking the fucking carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Every time I think I'm taking the broom, I kind of like the.

[Guest or Producer]

You're passing up a literal time machine. Literal time machine.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. What do I need to go back to? I'm fine.

[Joe Santagato]

Think about this. If you were to go back in time, how cool is that? Actually, unless you're going to do something

[Frank Alvarez]

that's going to, like, you know, benefit

[Joe Santagato]

the world, which I am incapable of doing most.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it also depends on what logic of time travel and, you know, time like, affecting the future that you subscribe to. If we're going based off of the back to the future rules, you could actually do more damage than you think. You know what I mean?

[Joe Santagato]

But even so, even without that, like, how cool is it to go back in time? Like, what am I going to do? What are you going to do?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you want to go back and

[Joe Santagato]

see what, a dinosaur, then what?

[Guest or Producer]

No, I wouldn't want to get stuck there.

[Joe Santagato]

But that's what I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

So what would you even do at a time? That's what I said. Then you're stuck there, and you need to get back.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm assuming I have two trips take

[Frank Alvarez]

as Many trips as you want.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you doing in the past?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I mean, can I. Hold on, wait, hold on. He's on to something. I mean, that's not a bad idea. That's. That was going to be my question. Can I bring stuff back with me?

[Joe Santagato]

The Sports Almanac.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Back to the Future.

[Guest or Producer]

The winner of every sports team for like a hundred years.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never seen any of the Back to the Future.

[Guest or Producer]

Well, that's why, that's why he's arguing like this, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, if anything. If anything, his point. His points would only be strengthened by watching those movies because there's. There's shenanigans and whimsy about. Because of the time travel whimsy.

[Joe Santagato]

I just don't think that time travel backwards would be the. Actually that cool that I would pass up a magic carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it would. You would be able. Hold on. You would be able to reap the benefits of it financially. For instance, so go back in time and pick up like 30 Pokemon first edition shadowless booster boxes. Bring them back with you. You're sitting on a couple milli, baby.

[Guest or Producer]

So we do know that the DeLorean can go to the future.

[Joe Santagato]

Does it?

[Guest or Producer]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, it does. In the second one, he hasn't seen it.

[Guest or Producer]

It's called Back to the Future. So, like, it goes back and forth.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but if you're back then.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that was the title of the first movie. They, they.

[Guest or Producer]

Then the second one was Back to the Future.

[Frank Alvarez]

But if you're going back to the

[Joe Santagato]

future, that just means the present because that would mean that, like, you were in the future because of the present.

[Guest or Producer]

In theory, they do go to the future.

[Frank Alvarez]

They do go to the future. They go to the distant past. The Back to the Future name is in reference to. In the first movie, they go to the past and they need to get back to their timeline, which is the future of where they currently are. Even the future.

[Joe Santagato]

Being able to time travel to the future, what can you do there?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're basically an idiot. I mean. No, he's right about the sports almanac. That's a big thing. And that's the part of you want to be spoiled. You want to. You want to know who won the World Series. It's not about knowing. It's about being able to financially capitalize on it. I'm good with that. If they're at like the beginning of the season, like, remember a couple years ago when the Washington national football. Even if you have all of the

[Joe Santagato]

money, then what you still don't have a magic carpet.

[Guest or Producer]

How long do you think you're gonna keep your magic carpet once people see you have a magic carpet?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, exactly. People are gonna want that bitch. Yeah. Can't get it. How can they not. You're not a magic person. You don't suddenly have fucking, like, security. You don't have the.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, you have a magic car. They could take that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Boom.

[Guest or Producer]

Well, they wouldn't know I'm going back

[Frank Alvarez]

and forth, cuz it's gonna blow that up. And they also wouldn't know how to use the DeLorean.

[Joe Santagato]

So the magic carpet is a person. It's sentient. It could be like, I'm not flying from you. I'm not carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you would have to build a really good rapport with this carpet.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, we're boys.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. If we're arguing, like what, like going to the future and reaping some sort of financial benefits, you're with me, I'm with you. Okay, if we're talking about just purely living in the. Because, like, you also need to hit 88 in order to get the DeLorean to go. And that's not necessarily easy. Everywhere you go.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I could get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, think about it like this. If I put a DeLorean outside right now, you're not going anywhere, buddy.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, once you hit the highway.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, what highway in New York will you open it up to hit 88?

[Joe Santagato]

4am any of them.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's unsafe, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, yes. You know what's easier? Flying a magic carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But if you watch. I guess. You know what? If you watch the original Aladdin, they go from like, Agrabah to like, Greece and like, somewhere else very quickly. So the speed of the magic carpet is pretty fast.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I'm saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

But also, if I have. And it saved his life, but also if I have a magic broom. Magic could also exist elsewhere. The implication is that if this broom is magic.

[Joe Santagato]

That's not the implication. Also, if I jump off the Empire State Building, my magic carver gets captured.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you're, you're.

[Guest or Producer]

Why are you jumping off?

[Joe Santagato]

I'm saying that's an option. Like your magic carpet is like your bodyguard. You can't fall.

[Guest or Producer]

And I have the option to go see a dinosaur. That does.

[Frank Alvarez]

Congrats.

[Joe Santagato]

But this is what I'm saying. With time travel, you go back and actually think about the utility of this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right.

[Joe Santagato]

If you have. If you have a time machine forever and I have a magic carpet forever, in my experience, you can go Back and then you can, like, invest in

[Frank Alvarez]

Apple or whatever the fuck you want to do. And then you have all the money in the world. It's a great point.

[Joe Santagato]

And what are you going to do with it, though?

[Guest or Producer]

What is that?

[Joe Santagato]

I have a magic carpet. Do you know, like, what I could do with that?

[Guest or Producer]

I would pay people to steal your magic carpet.

[Joe Santagato]

They can't get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, also, here's the thing. You go back in time to the time of the dinosaurs. The terrain has not yet had the effects of humankind on it. Where are you going to drive to open that bitch up to 88. That's also fair.

[Guest or Producer]

Just open land. I'll drive it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll put on open land, brother. It's not necessary.

[Guest or Producer]

Off road tires.

[Frank Alvarez]

Off road tires. So you think with off road tires, you'll be able to get to 88? Doing this all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

So you're both in on the DeLorean just for financial gain.

[Frank Alvarez]

I honestly, I'm kind of standing my ground on the magic broom.

[Guest or Producer]

That's the worst one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think it's the worst.

[Joe Santagato]

Easily the worst one, because it hurts your balls.

[Frank Alvarez]

Guess what? Guess what you can't do on your magic carpet.

[Joe Santagato]

Guess what you can't do. Have your girlfriend with you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You damn right I can. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Get on this thing. We'll both sit on it. Get it even more uncomfortable.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is more romantic than being able to be held by your partner behind you and they're looking over your shoulder and you're fucking bobbing.

[Joe Santagato]

And I'll tell you what.

[Frank Alvarez]

A fucking picnic in the sky on

[Joe Santagato]

the way to Greece.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but first of all, that would be incredibly cold. Okay? The air pressure is significantly less up there. So what? You're up there eating grapes and fucking cured meats at minus 30 degrees.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's going to 35,000ft? We go right here.

[Guest or Producer]

Camera's getting hit by a plane.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then also go to like. But then also guess what? You need to hold on to a magic carpet. Well, guess what. I'm not. Guess what. A magic carpet. Go watch a movie. No, you don't. Guess what. A magic carpet famously does not have handles, brother. It can. Go watch the movie. Yes. Aladdin is like this.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. When it's intense. But he's. When he's flying with. With Jasmine, they're just like. And they're just chilling and falling in love.

[Frank Alvarez]

They are chilling. They are falling in love. Splendid. Tell me, princess, now where did you last let your heart decide? And it's when. I'm sorry, guys. I can open your eyes. Take you wonder. Pie Wonder. Because over, sideways and under.

[Guest or Producer]

This is. This is Disney.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. They'll us up. They will hammer us. It's a cover. It's a cover. I know. You guys are doing really good.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's right. If the Backstreet Boys are gonna bend us over for some money, then if

[Joe Santagato]

this happens, man, I swear to God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Damn right, Disney's gonna thank you for

[Joe Santagato]

stepping in, because that would have lasted another 10 minutes.

[Frank Alvarez]

See, this is why he earns his keep here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'm taking the magic carpet, though. Let's not be.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, because guess what? Watch this, watch this, watch this. All right, I'm gonna do a little thing here.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I forgot I kept this under here. Watch this. You're getting thrown off. You know what? You're not bucking me off of a magic broom, baby. Frank, I'm holding on for dear life like this. You think you're breaking that grip? No.

[Guest or Producer]

Don't you have to learn how to fly the broom?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'll learn that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'm not even flying.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, he's chilling.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're at the will of somebody else. You are willing. I know how you are. You're willing to give up in such a vulnerable state. You're giving up control to the sentient carpet.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you think flying in a plane is?

[Frank Alvarez]

The exact same thing. And you've expressed that you don't like that.

[Joe Santagato]

For that reason, I do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You do it. But. So you're in a significantly more vulnerable state when you're on a magic carpet and you're just going to give up and just hope that this collection of threading is going to not just fucking lose its mind and kill you one day?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. It's magic.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know how you're in ultimate control if this thing isn't sentient and you have it in your own.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, as soon as that thing decides it's not magic anymore, you're on a broomstick in the sky.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can't make up shit like that. You just did. No, I'm presenting a potential hypothetical. There is no world in which any of these stop being magical because you have the exact same argument.

[Joe Santagato]

If the carpet is magic, that means that it is the magic carpet that we know from Aladdin.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you're just. You believe that this magic carpet is just a hundred percent completely neutral? Good. All the time? Yes. No chaotic elements.

[Joe Santagato]

When was it bad?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was. It was. There were some points where it was a little cheeky in Those movies. You know, it's being a little funny

[Joe Santagato]

that when it came to Aladdin, it

[Frank Alvarez]

did save him a couple times.

[Joe Santagato]

Multiple.

[Guest or Producer]

Mine's science. You guys have to rely on magic.

[Joe Santagato]

Yours is the dumbest. Yeah, I mean, actually, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Frank's is pretty.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it's the worst answer. His doesn't make sense.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yours is a car from the 1980s. If science doesn't give up, then the transmission is going, are you fucking kidding me? True.

[Joe Santagato]

It's true. It's true.

[Guest or Producer]

Dude, I can go back in time.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna need a new car. You're gonna need to get the tires fucking redone.

[Joe Santagato]

Imagine this, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

What happens if you got a flat tire in the. The Mesozoic Era, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's cooler?

[Guest or Producer]

That'd be a problem.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's cooler, right? You pulling up to the bar in that car with a mad scientist in the passenger seat, by the way, or me standing and just landing with my carpet and then it takes off.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna fly standing.

[Joe Santagato]

Ew, dude, not always.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is disgusting.

[Joe Santagato]

When I'm arriving also, it turns into stairs. I walk down it.

[Guest or Producer]

What if I walk out of the car with Einstein or something?

[Joe Santagato]

Everyone's gonna be like, who the fuck is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, what is that going to do for the normal person today? Oh, look, cool. Einstein. We have 8 million of him.

[Guest or Producer]

Or Freddie Mercury.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would. That would be cool. Only if he's singing, though.

[Guest or Producer]

Of course he's singing. That's the agreement.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you. Can you bring people to the future that are.

[Frank Alvarez]

They do that in Bill and Ted.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, it probably messed up some things. Not if you bring them back to the exact spot they left.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, again, it depends on what logic of time travel you subscribe to. You also assume that Freddie Mercury's gonna

[Joe Santagato]

be like, yeah, sure, I'll get in, kid.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, there are ways that you can get Freddie Mercury.

[Joe Santagato]

There.

[Frank Alvarez]

There are ways. Cocaine. Cocaine.

[Guest or Producer]

He'll get in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Orgies. Just tell yo. You won't even believe the orgies they're having nowadays.

[Joe Santagato]

Nah, I'm taking. I'm taking the magic carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's cooler, you showing up on fucking carpet or me pulling in like a fucking bmx, like on a fucking magic broom?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, me. Me being like, yo, that's fire. And then people gonna be like, what are you supposed to be, Elphaba?

[Frank Alvarez]

You made it cooler.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I didn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, you did. I.

[Joe Santagato]

That was the standard. That's what I was.

[Frank Alvarez]

Could you imagine me wearing a flowy black gown on this magic fucking broom and I Go to the top. And I'm like, if you can find me, look to the western sky, dude. What?

[Joe Santagato]

Government shooting you out of the sky?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, they are.

[Joe Santagato]

However.

[Guest or Producer]

That's what I'm saying about your carpet.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd be low there.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think they're just gonna be like, we can't find him. He's just right there.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm underneath the radar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but guess what everyone has nowadays. Phones, brother. Yeah, they're finding all of us, especially. You're not finding what's gonna happen when you go back to the past and there's no more gasoline.

[Guest or Producer]

I wouldn't. I would monitor it properly.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but you would go back in time and go, oh, look. And then you go home.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, and you'd also go and get mauled. Whether it be by animals or any fucking illness or sickness that has since been long dead. That's gonna fucking kill you Also.

[Joe Santagato]

Think about this. You're gonna go in the past and then you're gonna make a bunch of money so that your presence self can have a bunch of money. Then you just. Why would. Why go to the past again if you have all the money in the future? You don't have it in the past.

[Guest or Producer]

I go to the future, see what's going on.

[Joe Santagato]

You'd be the dumbest person there.

[Guest or Producer]

But then I go back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dumbest is a stretch. Because if you put Albert Einstein here today, he's still smarter than any of us.

[Joe Santagato]

That is a. And like, I don't even know how.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whatever.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even know how true that is.

[Frank Alvarez]

You would put him in front of

[Joe Santagato]

a computer and he'd probably be like, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

What is this? So good. So good.

[Joe Santagato]

So good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores

[Joe Santagato]

now and they're up to 60% off. Stock up and save on rag and bone. Madewell, Vince, All Saints and more of your favorites. How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

[Frank Alvarez]

Why do we rack for the hottest deals? Just so many good brands. Join the Norty club to unlock exclusive discounts.

[Joe Santagato]

Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at

[Frank Alvarez]

your favorite rack store for free.

[Joe Santagato]

Great brands, great prices.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's why you rack, you know, Like,

[Guest or Producer]

I think we're all smarter than Einstein.

[Frank Alvarez]

We've had this argument. We're not doing this again.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think that we're smarter than Einstein. Not smarter than Einstein, duh. But I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

We have more access to knowledge than Einstein did.

[Guest or Producer]

That's what I'm saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I could say that we're not relitigating this argument. I hear what you're saying. A magic carpet is incredibly cool. It's. But it is. It is not. Like, that's like saying, like, what's cooler? Laying on a fucking, like, mat in a pool or someone that rides up on a chopper. What's cooler?

[Joe Santagato]

Joey, that's not what we're saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's exactly what we're saying. No, what's cooler? Segway or a motorcycle.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, flying in an airplane. Would you rather be laying down or in the back seat sitting on a bike?

[Frank Alvarez]

If I was in control of it, I mean, but like, sure, there are some design flaws that maybe I would be able to edit at different points.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, there's some flaws, all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

That maybe there are some design flaws. You're on a carpet. Your life, your well being and safety is, is just basically at the will of the thread count. Yours too? No, mine's a piece of sturdy magic wood.

[Guest or Producer]

Also, it'd be more like a bike without the bike seat. You're just sitting on raw, thin wood.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude, your butthole is toast.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, do not reference the standard at which my asshole will be after riding on a magic post.

[Joe Santagato]

Post.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll just get some biker shorts. What are they called? Biker shorts. There you go. I'll get some biker shorts and I'll fucking throw a pillow in my pants. I'll be okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, throw a pillow in my pants.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll really. Cool.

[Guest or Producer]

Got him. Throw a pillow in your pants.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm going to, like, take a nap on my carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, and then you're going to roll over and roll to your doom.

[Joe Santagato]

No, because it could catch me.

[Frank Alvarez]

You better hope it can catch you, because that's the other part of it, is that it needs to find you and get you. Because if you remember in Aladdin, like, he falls and that thing needs to go and get it, and sometimes it's not. It cuts it a little close. So the anxiety of possibly falling to your death better be worth it.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'm not gonna fall asleep, but I could. I could lay down for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can lay down, sure. But then you're laying on a carpet.

[Guest or Producer]

Could my DeLorean fly like his?

[Frank Alvarez]

It does have the ability to fly. It does.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, my answer so good.

[Joe Santagato]

Your answer sucks.

[Guest or Producer]

He doesn't need the. The ground to even teleport. He just flies at 88 miles per hour.

[Frank Alvarez]

Boy, that does add a bit of a monkey wrench into my argument.

[Joe Santagato]

So it's kind of like the Harry Potter car.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, sure.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, except it could teleport.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can't teleport. It can go back in time. It wasn't like teleporting from, like, here to France. It was going back in time. So you're not getting that. You also can't go anywhere. Like, cool. Except the past of the future. There's no practical use for it in today's, like, day and age.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, you could take the car. You could drive.

[Guest or Producer]

I have a. I have a flying car. At the end of the day, I still have a flying car.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. That does change things for me now because the carpet is like. But the only thing is the accessibility of the carpet.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're also getting something in the carpet that you're not getting in the DeLorean. You're getting personality. You're getting something that you might enjoy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Compared to. You're just getting nuts and bolts.

[Guest or Producer]

I get heat and AC and time travel and flight.

[Frank Alvarez]

All things that don't matter when you have a cool carpet. I'm helping you here. I still think my answer is the best.

[Joe Santagato]

The weather is a toughie.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's another one. I mean, all of us. I mean, you and I are both fucked.

[Guest or Producer]

Don't say all of us.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Also in a. In a thunderstorm.

[Frank Alvarez]

That'd be cool.

[Joe Santagato]

No do for.

[Frank Alvarez]

You mean why? It's wood. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But it cracks wood.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. When it strikes it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I. I will take the chances. Yours. If fucking thunder hits yours, it's literally turning to dust and you're falling.

[Joe Santagato]

This is a stupid question. Maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, what is this show if not a collection of those?

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, the last hour and a half have been probably pretty stupid, but lightning, Right. It strikes that bolt. Is it like. Like the damage that that bolt can do? Like, obviously it does damage to where it strikes, but can you get damaged by this part? You know what I'm saying? Like, in the middle.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good question. The light part of it, I. I imagine. Doesn't it also strike from the ground up? Isn't that, like, a thing?

[Joe Santagato]

I have no idea.

[Guest or Producer]

It's not what it does in the cartoons or.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I'm there we go live, too.

[Guest or Producer]

It's you saying it spawns from the ground.

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought I saw something. I'm not saying I. I know that. I thought that was something I had heard.

[Joe Santagato]

I think there is something about the electricity in the ground. Like, you can.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like right.

[Joe Santagato]

Where lightning strikes before it does something with the ground.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure that they're like. Since it is like, it's. It's a Form of energy. So I'm sure there is a surrounding area that will also be affected by it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I didn't know if it was just like where it ends up or the entirety of the strike. Like, that could be damaging to some. Oh, well, maybe if it does hit something on the way down, it would

[Frank Alvarez]

just stop there because I think it would be powerful enough to go through it.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, planes get struck by lightning.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but it also probably then goes down.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I don't think so. I think that it hits the plane and it kind of like distribute.

[Frank Alvarez]

Does lightning strike the ocean?

[Joe Santagato]

Of course, dude. What? It probably mostly strikes the ocean. More likely to hit the ocean than anything else.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because of just there's more ocean area than there is land area. But like in the middle of the ocean, is there lightning strikes?

[Joe Santagato]

Of course. I mean, I've seen it. You could stand on the edge of a beach and watch a. Like a storm or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

But how do you know it's not hitting like a little body of land out there?

[Joe Santagato]

What is it? Why does it need to be land?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm asking.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm saying this is a tough question to find the answer to, but you are right. It's called the return stroke.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a.

[Guest or Producer]

This.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, yo. It's like a reach around. That's what they. That's what they said the gay community should rename reach arounds to the return strike. All right.

[Guest or Producer]

It's a bright, powerful electric current that travels upward from the ground towards the cloud. It is extremely dangerous because it carries millions of volts and heats the air to approximately 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Excuse me.

[Guest or Producer]

Hotter than the surface of the sun in that flash? That's what it says.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, shot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't believe.

[Guest or Producer]

Hotter than the surface.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't believe that. Yeah, I don't think people survive it, probably. How's that possible?

[Frank Alvarez]

50,000 degrees Fahrenheit is not hotter than the surface.

[Joe Santagato]

What side are you on?

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me guess, Let me guess. Let me guess.

[Joe Santagato]

It sounds like you texted Frank for this answer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Excuse you. That sounds like it's an AI answer.

[Guest or Producer]

It is

[Frank Alvarez]

scientists.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it? Well, how do we get hold of.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, again, you're DeLorean. Go bring fucking Albert. I mean, we've talked about trying to get Neil on the show. We've talked about trying to get Hank Green. Like, we're going to have to answer.

[Joe Santagato]

Hank Green, a scientist?

[Frank Alvarez]

Is he. He's the scientist dude, but he's a scientist. I don't know. He knows science things, I guess. What it, what differentiates a scientist from a non scientist? It's just, they just know more.

[Joe Santagato]

A degree title.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that they are called Scientist Joe. Scientist Frank. No, they have, I think practicing.

[Joe Santagato]

No, there's like, you're like a physicist.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So they are studying. They have a PhD in physics.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, if you just like know things about science, you're not a scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you are to some degree.

[Joe Santagato]

You, you need to be like certified.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you can get a degree in a specialized field. But like there's no degree of scientist ism, right? No, this, it's physicists. It's chemist.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes, but those would be science, like of the sciences there. You're a scientist. Like if you have one of those titles, then you're considered.

[Frank Alvarez]

So in theory you need a degree, like a bachelor of science.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if it's a bachelor or if you need.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you need a science degree.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

So one of us here is technically a scientist. No, two of us here are technically scientists.

[Joe Santagato]

Two of us.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got a degree.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not any degree. It's not criminal justice. And you're a scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

But the literal degree says bachelor of science. The major was criminal justice.

[Joe Santagato]

Now we have to look up who's a scientist like this. I mean, what are we doing?

[Guest or Producer]

What are we looking up exactly?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, why don't you look up?

[Frank Alvarez]

Is Frank Alvarez from the dumbest podcast

[Joe Santagato]

that's ever existed a scientist?

[Frank Alvarez]

Why don't we look that up? Better yet, why don't we call up the National. Let's call up the White House and let them know there's a scientist here

[Joe Santagato]

that needs a pay raise or something.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do me a favor, don't give my full name when you call the White House. That might be a little troublesome. I cannot believe the attack. I would just. On the receiving end on Google that exact quote, it's Frank. Out on the fucking screen is Frank Alvarez from the dumbest podcast. What was it that's ever existed? That's ever existed?

[Joe Santagato]

A science.

[Frank Alvarez]

A scientist.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm gonna say this. A scientist is fundamentally defined as a commitment to systemic inquiry using observation, experimentation and scientific method to acquire new knowledge about the natural world. It's all it takes.

[Joe Santagato]

You guys are so.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm a scientist.

[Joe Santagato]

Hey, buddy, first of all, that octave very high. Second off, that doesn't make you a scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, it does. So much of my degree was studying the scientific method in terms of social sciences, which can be applied to the natural world as a result of the societal impacts that criminal justice has. Bachelor of science dude. If anything, he's also a scientist.

[Guest or Producer]

Numbers.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're not. That's my point.

[Guest or Producer]

I wasn't in the liberal arts and science school. I was in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's your bachelor degree say? Bachelor of

[Guest or Producer]

business.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think that's. It's you. So then a bachelor of arts. So you're not. So see you later, bitch.

[Joe Santagato]

It's just me. You can't be a scientist. You don't even have glasses.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do have glasses. I just don't wear them all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

That's cause you're not a scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am. Definitely.

[Joe Santagato]

What was the last bit of research you did that wasn't about a toy from the 90s on eBay?

[Frank Alvarez]

What I am researching is completely irrelevant. However, understanding and the proper way of researching something, using peer reviewed articles and being able to apply data to support or argue against something, I think that is in theory, the scientific method. I have. I have used it. I continue to use it in my daily life. I am a scientist.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, there you have it, folks. The Basement Yard podcast hosted by college dropout Joe San Agado and the scientist Dr. Frank Alvarez.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me make something. And the other scientist, apparently. Let's make something. The scientist of business over there. Let's make something abundantly clear. I did not receive my doctorate. I did receive my master's. So if anything, it's college dropout Joe Santa. No, no. College dropout Joe Santigato.

[Joe Santagato]

Scientist Dr. Frank Alvin.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, not doctor. Who's also Dr. Frank Alvarez.

[Joe Santagato]

Because he's close to being a surgeon.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's not forget that argument. No, no. He's close to being a doctor. No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. That's unfair. Okay? I have not received my doctorate. Okay? I am a master, though. I received my master's degree, so I am. This is the Basement Yard podcast hosted by. Go ahead. College dropout Joe Santigata and master of science Frank Alvarez. Right. Because that is what my degrees say. I'm a Bachelor of Science. I'm a master of science.

[Joe Santagato]

You are now a podcaster scientist. It's over.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, listen. The world that we live in.

[Joe Santagato]

You left the lab behind.

[Frank Alvarez]

The world we live in weaves a weird web. However, here I am.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what? We're all real happy that you hung up your lab coat. We're really happy that you hung up your lab coat.

[Frank Alvarez]

And what are you giggling about? Because you hung up the lab coat too, apparently. That's right. I mean, listen, if you were to say here's the start of the race. Here's the end of the race. Okay, it's a decent point. If you were to say, here's the start of the race. Here's the end of the race.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's where you are.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's where I am. And if this, the end of the race is being a scientist or a doctor.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am just using plain logic. Closer. Why do I have to explain this? Frank, how does that make you a scientist? Because you studied 15 years ago. Well, shit. That you don't remember.

[Joe Santagato]

And you took a class. We just got hammered. It was mixology.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa. You think that scientists don't like to party? We love to party. We do.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sick of this.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do.

[Joe Santagato]

We do.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am a bachelor of. I will show you my degree. Ooh. Bachelor of Science. Master of Science.

[Joe Santagato]

None of your shit says master of science.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guarantee it does.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.

[Guest or Producer]

It says Master of Science.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, it's like Bachelor of Science. It's. It's like when they say, like, B.S. you know, it's B.S.

[Joe Santagato]

all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bachelor of Science, Ms. in this major. Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

I'm writing down Joe's B.S. joke. That was really underrated.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's just. It is what it is. You could be as upset as you want to be about it.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not me.

[Frank Alvarez]

The reality is you want to be close. I'm not. I don't want to be anything. I am categorically a science. Factually a scientist. I have received a Bachelor of Science.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you a scientist?

[Frank Alvarez]

In essence, I am.

[Joe Santagato]

That is all for this week's episode.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't you care.

[Joe Santagato]

Basement yard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't you dare. Don't you dare try to do that. You guys were all.

[Joe Santagato]

You guys are out here watching.

[Frank Alvarez]

I got in my mouth. What is this, turkey?

[Joe Santagato]

This whole time, I'm sitting across from a scientist. I know I'm surrounded by scientists. Wow. This is the smartest company in the world.

[Frank Alvarez]

If anything jokes on me, because one of the scientists here is. There is a scientist here, and he is working for the non scientist. No, no.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm surrounded by scientists.

[Frank Alvarez]

I went out. You know what?

[Joe Santagato]

That's the prerequisite if you want to work at this company. You got to be a scientist.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think Greg is. No, Greg. I think got his degree in the arts, didn't he?

[Joe Santagato]

Like journalism or something?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That's not science.

[Joe Santagato]

He's not.

[Frank Alvarez]

You guys. Why do I keep getting punched? He's not a Bachelor of Science. He's a Bachelor of Arts, Journalism. Which is impressive. I'm not taking that away from him.

[Joe Santagato]

But it ain't a science.

[Frank Alvarez]

But he's not a scientist. He's a scientist with words, which is just a journalist.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Shakespeare.

[Frank Alvarez]

But he's not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. So that's how we're gonna categorize all this. He's closer to being Plato than the rest of us.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is correct.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. That is correct.

[Joe Santagato]

I think I'm done, right? I'm. I think I'm done with the episode because I don't even know what to say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you want me to end it?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

The resident scientist.

[Joe Santagato]

I would like this to end scientifically. So. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Well, I believe I can unequivocally say it has been a stupendous episode. All right? And the. The passion that you and I feel for doing this show has propelled each and every episode to exponentially more heights.

[Joe Santagato]

There's that science degree talking.

[Guest or Producer]

Would it have been funny if I killed this mic?

[Joe Santagato]

Exponentially more heights.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just want to say, from your resident basement yard, scientist curiosity and imagination is incredibly important.

[Joe Santagato]

Keep that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let it propel you and your loved ones into a future of not just uncertainty, but seeking out life as it is and as it ought to be. Patreon.com the Basement Yard.

[Joe Santagato]

If you would like to fund more research.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's right. What is the basement yard if not a show? Bias Half a scientist, you know, half scientists.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are we not a show for scientific exploration?

[Joe Santagato]

Should I talk? Don't shake your head in agreement. Mr. Giggles over there. I think he stomped his feet before from laughing.

[Guest or Producer]

I was crying.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was so funny. Boy, people are gonna have a field day with this episode. I can't wait for the scientists to rally behind me.

[Joe Santagato]

My God. Hankerine is gonna lose his mind.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. He's too nice, though. Hank Green is too nice. He would be, like, technically.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like he's got some fire in him. Maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Maybe do some research in your lab. You know what? Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll follow the scientific method.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, look, you guys, go follow me at Joe San Diego. Go follow the show at the basement yard, Frank, you know, and you can follow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, right after that outing. You're lucky, you guys.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll see you guys next time. Thank you so much.

[Frank Alvarez]

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[Joe Santagato]

And they all bring the Monster Energy punch.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if you've been living in the white can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more.