#551 - Mr. Gabagool Is Here

Summary

The Basement Yard #551 – Mr. Gabagool Is Here

April 20, 2026 | Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez, w/ Becca

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Basement Yard kicks off with Joe’s surreal airport encounter that yields him a new nickname, “Mr. Gabagool.” What follows is classic Basement Yard chaos: musings on Italian-American identity, airport and friendship gossip, taste-testing revolting KFC jelly beans (to near-vomiting), and deep dives into male G-spot science, mysterious sea creatures, and more. As always, the trio's dynamic is frantic, familiar, and brimming with random tangents and absurd humor.

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Table of Contents

1. Joe Becomes "Mr. Gabagool" (03:13)
2. Discussion: Making Friends & Friend Jealousy (07:01–18:03)
3. Buying Music, Digital Woes & iTunes Rants (08:54)
4. Ocean Fears, Sandbars, and Childhood Trauma (19:46–23:43)
5. Key West Adventures & Confronting Beach Dangers (22:01–24:13)
6. Live Taste Test: Disgusting KFC Jelly Beans (37:18–52:27)
7. Male G-spot "Breakthrough" (57:17–65:01)
8. Cultural Foods, Eggs, and Sea Creature Tangents (72:29–84:18)
9. Notable Quotes & Moments

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1. Joe Becomes "Mr. Gabagool" (03:13)

• Joe recounts flying back from Toronto, getting upgraded to first class, and then being loudly addressed by a stranger:
  • Joe (03:16): “She looks at me and she goes… ‘Are you Mr. Gabagool?’ Swear to God. She said that to me.”
  • Frank is baffled: “I can't for a single second think of anything that would tie you to being Mr. Gabagool.”
• The backstory: The woman’s fiancé made a joke (since Joe is Italian and has a podcast, he must be “Mr. Gabagool”), which she took seriously and confronted Joe with.
• Later, the fiancé, Jake, sits next to Joe on the way home, leading to an unexpectedly wholesome conversation:
  • Joe (07:17): “It was like a rom com. He has my phone number now.”

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2. Making Friends & Friend Jealousy (07:01–18:03)

• Frank runs a recurring bit about “friend cheating”—Joe forming new friendships and Frank’s mock jealousy:
  • Joe (07:41): “He's running this bit again. This is what we're doing now.”
  • Frank (12:45): “You’re gonna go have a little fucking quickie in an airport bathroom with this fucking guy. A quickie. A friend quickie.”
• Becca probes if Joe and Frank ever sit together and chat on flights; Frank reminisces about a drunken flight to Puerto Rico with “less talking, more drinking.”
• Discussion on making random friends: Frank shares a couple of his own encounters (in a sauna and at dinner sharing expensive wine with a stranger).
• Riffs on favorite foods, cured meats, and joking about adopting “Mr. Gabagool” as a new podcast persona.

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3. iTunes Rants & Buying Music (08:54)

• Frank laments digital music purchases:
  • Frank (09:20): “I bought songs on iTunes...then I go to play them and they're not available anymore. This is why I'm a big physical media guy.”
• He’s teased for buying individual songs in 2026, especially the Jim Croce classic “I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song” and Lady Gaga:
  • Joe (11:47): "You're a diamond in the rough."
• Laughter erupts at Frank’s “old school” habits and confusion about music downloads vs. streaming.

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4. Ocean Fears, Sandbars, and Childhood Trauma (19:46–23:43)

• Frank shares his ocean anxieties, recalling near-misses with sharks on Miami sandbars.
  • Frank (21:28): “That's where sharks hang out. Because idiots like me go and stand on there thinking, like, whoa, this is cool. And then you get your fucking shit ate.”
• Joe jokingly describes a local Miami hotel employee warning them about shark-infested waters.
• Childhood jellyfish sting traumas lead to talk of peeing as “remedy” (and its debunking).

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5. Key West & Beach Dangers (22:01–24:13)

• Joe tells of swimming in Key West, encountering an eel and “Too far goggles,” and ignoring a man-o-war warning sign.
• The trio riff on the absurd danger of Portuguese man-o-war jellyfish, heroic beach interventions (“I would pee on a person to save them pain,” Joe at 24:03), and accidentally being peed on by kids.

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6. Live Taste Test: Disgusting KFC Jelly Beans (37:18–52:27)

• Becca brings in KFC-flavored jelly beans (fried chicken, sweet corn, gravy).
• The descriptions are colorful and visceral:
  • Frank (39:12): “This smells like a highlighter that was just pulled out of an ass.”
  • Joe (41:34): “It’s like someone threw up in my mouth.”
• The challenge almost ends in real vomit:
  • Joe (43:10): “For me, this is up there with 9/11.”
• Frank soldiers on, nearly gagging:
  • Frank (47:30): “That one was real.”
• Group consensus: these are some of the worst-tasting things they've ever encountered.
• Joe: “That tastes like someone puked on a wrench and then shit on it.” (47:38)

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7. Male G-spot "Breakthrough" (57:17–65:01)

• Frank reveals the “male G-spot” is (allegedly) not in the butt, but a previously “undiscovered” area — the “frenular delta,” a triangular zone on the underside of the penis.
  • Frank (61:20): “The frenular delta — which sounds like a platoon in an obscure region — is a triangular zone located on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft. An area so mysterious it has long been omitted from sexual health textbooks.”
• The debate spirals into uppercase/lowercase G-spots, accessibility, and baseline sexual anatomy jokes.
  • Becca (63:01): "That's a better way to describe it. I think we have a lowercase and an uppercase case."
• The hosts riff on how science finally “found” something everyone already knew.

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8. Foods, Eggs, Krakens, and Sea Creature Tangents (72:29–84:18)

• The conversation pivots to:
  • Eggs: Chicken vs hen vs rooster and fertilization confusion.
  • Joe (74:09): “Can you look up what balut is?”
  • Eating “delicacies” like fertilized duck eggs, ostrich eggs, century eggs (which they hated).
• Ocean and animal tangents follow:
  • Joe: “I would love to be on a pirate ship attacked by a giant octopus — not attacked myself, just to watch.”
  • Kraken vs real giant squids, blue-ringed octopus, and the alien-like intelligence of octopuses.
• Frank’s adopted theory from Becca: “Octopus are aliens... that's the one that'll look at me: that's an alien, dude.”
• They Google giant squid facts (“over 43ft long, 600lbs”) and express awe and terror about their existence.
• Seaweed and tactile aversions wrap up the tangent: “...like, my teeth are hot. It's like I made out with Foghorn Leghorn.”

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9. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Joe, on being mis-identified (03:41):
  “Loud, loud. She said this. Mad people around. ‘Are you Mr. Gabagool?’”
• Frank (05:24):
  “As a prolific, legendary eater of cured meats, I would love to be called Mr. Gabagool.”
• Joe, narrating friendly encounter (07:17):
  “We talked the entire flight, me and this guy. It was like a rom com. He has my phone number now.”
• Joe, on KFC jelly beans (41:34):
  “It's like someone threw up in my mouth.”
• Frank, on failed G-spot science (61:20):
  “A triangular zone located on the underside of the penis…so mysterious it has long been omitted from sexual health textbooks.”
• Joe, comparing jelly beans to tragedy (43:10):
  “For me, this is up there with 9/11.”
• Becca, on scientific discovery (63:01):
  “That's a better way to describe it. I think we have a lowercase and an uppercase case.”
• Frank, on octopus (80:22):
  “Octopus are aliens...that's the one that'll look at me: that's an alien, dude.”
• Joe, on balut (74:00):
  “If it has a beak, I’m good.”

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Timestamps: Important Segments

• [03:13] – Joe’s “Mr. Gabagool” airport story
• [07:01] – “Friend cheating” rivalry/bit begins
• [08:54] – iTunes and digital music woes
• [19:46] – Shark, sandbar, and ocean fear stories
• [23:39] – Jellyfish stings/peeing legend
• [37:18–52:27] – KFC Jelly Bean Taste Test (major highlight)
• [57:17–65:01] – Discussion on the male G-spot “frenular delta”
• [72:29] – Eggs, balut, and various food/weird animal tangents
• [80:22] – Octopus: alien theory and sea creature anxiety
• [84:45] – Closing thoughts and where to find the hosts

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Tone & Language

The episode is classic Basement Yard—loud, conversational, absurd, and peppered with wild metaphors, tangential humor, and explicit, very informal language. The friendship dynamic, with its faux-jealousy and inside jokes, powers the flow. The KFC jelly bean bit is a physical comedy set piece — you can almost hear the gagging.

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Summary Takeaways

• "Mr. Gabagool" is now an accidental nickname for Joe, spawning much joking on Italian-American stereotypes and podcaster image.
• Jelly bean taste-testing results in universal disgust and near-vomiting: “For me, this is up there with 9/11.” (Joe, 43:10)
• The trio’s take on male G-spot science is both juveniley skeptical and surprisingly detailed, culminating in the lore of the “frenular delta.”
• Anecdotes span from awkward public recognition, parenthood, music nostalgia, ocean/bird factoids, to musings on aliens and giant squids.
• The humor is irreverent and often gets deeply silly, but there’s real chemistry and camaraderie underneath.
• Ending riff: They joke about renaming the studio to “Gabagoola Studios” and marvel at how the show ranges from deli meat monikers to deep-sea monsters.

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For longtime fans, it’s quintessential, deranged Basement Yard energy. For newcomers, this episode is a wild but revealing entry point—expect peanuts, penis science, and plenty of pork products.

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Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

K Pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boy's Breakfast

[Frank Alvarez]

Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's.

[Joe Santagato]

They're calling this a battle for the fans.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you say to that, Rumi?

[Joe Santagato]

It's not a battle.

[Frank Alvarez]

So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day. It is an honor to share.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. Ba da ba ba ba.

[Frank Alvarez]

And participate in McDonald's while supplies last.

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Good morning. Why are you rubbing your eyes like a baby?

[Frank Alvarez]

Babies don't rub their eyes like that. I don't know why. Who came up with that?

[Joe Santagato]

Cartoons.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why did cartoons have such stupid ways of, like, waking up?

[Joe Santagato]

I do that. Maybe not you do.

[Frank Alvarez]

You wake up like a cartoon character?

[Joe Santagato]

Not, like, both hands at once.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're like, oh,

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I do. I definitely.

[Frank Alvarez]

You also. Throw the shades open and like.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I got a pull. I got to pull them open.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you have one of those?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah,

[Frank Alvarez]

just take your. Take more noise. Don't worry about it.

[Becca]

You can hear that?

[Joe Santagato]

Can I hear it?

[Frank Alvarez]

All we hear is tinkling. All right, that's my impression of that bag.

[Joe Santagato]

I just got off a flight. I came back from Toronto, and I had a very interesting experience. I would say probably the worst possible thing that could happen to me on a plane happened.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, there's some really bad ones. And now you got me a little freaked out.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, the plane was on the ground at this time, so here's what happened. All right? First of all, I'm gonna flex real quick. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I just start guessing?

[Joe Santagato]

You're never gonna guess it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guarantee. Now, see, now I challenge.

[Joe Santagato]

Have to. Are you. Are you crying?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You said, like, the worst thing that could happen to me, and I got a little freaked out, and I got a little. I'm not crying.

[Joe Santagato]

I could see, like, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

My eyes got a little butter read.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you yawn?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was just like. I was. Those doing this.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, maybe that was it.

[Frank Alvarez]

So maybe that's what that is. And also, I.

[Joe Santagato]

Go ahead. I'll give you a guess what happened to me on the plane. I don't know. I figured you would have something lined up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Frank, you hold on. All right, now, if you're testing me, you piss into a water bottle in your seat, and then when you were up in the air, you opened it, and it burst. Because of the pressure. And then you had pee all over you. And someone came over and said, like, hey, can you hold my. Like, three?

[Joe Santagato]

All right. And what's your guess? Clearly that didn't happen.

[Becca]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's fine. No, but I. I was going to Toronto and. And I. And I got upgraded. Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Very nice.

[Joe Santagato]

Upgraded to first class.

[Frank Alvarez]

Very nice. You didn't pay for first class.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, humble of you.

[Joe Santagato]

And I got upgraded to first class and I got upgraded to 1A.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's a tough seat. I've been in 1A before.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And it was a small plane, so it's like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just you, like, it's one seat solo.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like you're by yourself. And then it's a row of two. It's a small plane. And I'm on. I have my headphones on. And then this girl gets on, right? And she looks at me and she goes like this. Like she is trying to talk to me. So I take my headphones off and I go, what's up? And she Goes, are you Mr. Gabagool? Swear to God. She said that to me. She said, Are you Mr. Gabagool? I said, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Hold on,

[Joe Santagato]

bro. Yeah, hold on, hold on. Loud, loud. She said this. Mad people around. Are you Mr. Gabagool?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, what? What? I have so many questions. Because, you know, at this point, like, we get recognized and noticed in public and something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't even for a single second think of anything that would tie you to. To being Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

Exactly. So that's why I was like, what? Because at first I was expecting she's gonna be like, oh, I. You know, like. And I'm. You know, usually that interaction goes the same way for the most part.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was she referencing. You ever see that guy who's.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll stop you there. We'll get to that. What she's referencing, because it's even better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

So she Goes, are you Mr. Gabagool? I'm like. And she goes, you have a podcast, right? And you're Italian. And I'm like, yeah, but, like, it's not like I'm Italian outward. You know, I'm not outwardly Italian. Just.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're not front facing Italian.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm blood Italian. I'm not like, out Italian. You know what I'm saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you're closeted Italian, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, yeah, I guess, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

So she's like.

[Joe Santagato]

And you have a podcast, right? And you're. And whatever. And I was like, yeah, but she goes Mr. Gabagool.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's figuring, so she. So she's assigning you. Like, you're exactly. You fit the criteria for who I'm looking for. So you must be Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I am sitting in one a Mr. Gabagool at this point, and now everyone's looking at me and, like, this is what I don't like about that. That interaction. I know you're gonna say everyone looks at you and like, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. But now everyone's looking at me, not only doing that, but they're going, who

[Frank Alvarez]

the fuck is Mr. Gaba Ghoul? I gotta say, as a prolific, legendary eater of cured meats, I would love to be called Mr. Gabagool. Well, you can be Mr. Gabagool. I mean, I can't be Mr. Gabagool. You're Mr. Gabagool. That would be. That would be theft of the Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even know if I'm Mr. Gabagool at this point.

[Frank Alvarez]

You were assigned Mr. Gabagool by this woman on this plane, bro. You are now Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

Then today, coming home, I sit down in my seat, this dude sits next to me, and he goes, you were on my flight here too, also. I was like, oh, was I? He goes, yeah, my fiance was the girl who called you Mr. Gabagool. And I was like, that was your fiance? I was like, yeah. I was like, I'll be honest with you. I don't know why she called me that. And he goes. Tells me that they were in the airport and she saw me walk by, and she's like, I know that guy for some reason. And she's like, I think he has a podcast. He comes up on our TikTok, and he's like, italian? And then he was, like, joking with her, and. And he was like, oh, if he's Italian, go up to him and say, like, hey, Mr. Gabagool. So she took that as, I am. I am Mr. Gaba Ghoul.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, now look at what she has done. And she's like, that's Mr. You. You are now contrary because. Because there are many, like, Italian growing up Italian podcasts and stuff like that.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, we got Big Italy over here. This is the Mr. Mr. Boot.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are now over all of them. Mr. Gabagool. Mr. Big Joe Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And that's what you are.

[Joe Santagato]

He was like, I said that as a joke, but for, like, me and her. But she just ran with it and ran.

[Frank Alvarez]

She ran with the Gabagool?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And I mean, we talked the whole fight. He was a really nice guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, well, because he was talking to Mr. Gabagool, he was pretty impressed.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll be honest with you. Like. Like, we talked the entire flight, me and this guy. It was like a rom com. He has my phone number now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, what? You fell in love? Wait, first of all, first of all,

[Joe Santagato]

it was a friendly rom com. What I'm saying is, like, you're running to people.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hold on. Yeah, cuz now I'm gonna get pissed.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, here we go.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So now you're just making other friends.

[Joe Santagato]

He's running this bit again. This is what we're doing now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now he's just making other friends. You got enough right here. Count that. I'll take a bitch for that one.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, what is he talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't need to go out and start friend cheating on us here. Okay. Definitely not friend cheating on me.

[Becca]

Well, don't.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm hearing French eating.

[Frank Alvarez]

Friend cheating.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it.

[Becca]

That sounded more like French eating.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't gotta go out and eat French, right? No.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you were close enough. You were gonna be French in this dude.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're French eating on me.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Becca]

I have a question.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Becca]

Have you ever sat next to Frankie on a plane and talked to him the entire time?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Becca]

Yeah, I just. I was hoping for him now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. On our flight to Puerto Rico.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, God. Oh, well, it was less talking, more drinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

We.

[Joe Santagato]

And a lot of creed out of here. Oh, boy.

[Frank Alvarez]

My arms were wide open. Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank was drinking mimosas. And then he'd just go like this with his fucking eye.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you have an iPad?

[Frank Alvarez]

Tod.

[Joe Santagato]

Tod.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pod.

[Joe Santagato]

Hello?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I have an iPhone.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it was like.

[Joe Santagato]

It was the apple. Did anyone hear that voice? It was a Apple, you know, like. Like itunes.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got itunes.

[Becca]

Well, that's, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

So he had. You were about to go, what's wrong with that dude? A lot. You have itunes?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So I have bought music.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Over the last calendar year.

[Joe Santagato]

You can do that on, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I do. But they also take it from me.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's. Who are they? Big music. They take.

[Frank Alvarez]

I bought songs on itunes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I go to play them and they're like, not available anymore. This is why I'm a big physical media guy. I to this day refuse to do digital purchases of movies or games or anything like that. But you.

[Joe Santagato]

But they just appear somewhere else.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, they do not.

[Joe Santagato]

Like. Like Spotify like, they probably took that off of that. Wherever.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wherever they put it. But like, I bought a song. I'll show you exactly what.

[Joe Santagato]

You bought a song? You bought a song? You bought a song? You bought a song? One song? Yeah, for like A$29. You bought a song? Yeah. What song?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, see, now I feel like I'm being cloistered. Yeah, I am being accosted.

[Joe Santagato]

Hey. Hey. You are. You bought a song.

[Frank Alvarez]

So from the Jim Croce I got a name album I bought. I'll have to love you in a song. I'll have to say I love you in a song. Look, and it's grayed out. Item is not currently available in your country or region. What the fuck, dude?

[Joe Santagato]

Where did you buy it in Canada?

[Frank Alvarez]

Itunes. No itunes.

[Joe Santagato]

You bought. You bought a song. Why did you buy that song?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because it reminds me of my daughter Maeve. He. To be clear, that's a great reason. Also another one. Always remember us this way. The Lady Gaga from the newest Star is born. Not available in your country or region. What the fuck? Lady Gaga?

[Joe Santagato]

You can just stream them.

[Frank Alvarez]

I understand that, but like, sometimes I don't have access to the Internet whether I'm in this.

[Joe Santagato]

You can download them.

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't know that until right now.

[Becca]

You bought two songs you can't even listen to.

[Joe Santagato]

How much money.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's others too, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm willing. Dude, are people buying songs on itunes?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, actually, it's funny that you say that because I saw an interview like one of those, like, you, I know you're gonna love this, like a business interview recently, and it was like the guy that like worked for itunes or Apple or something, and he's like, they gave the reasoning behind why it's more expensive to buy a song than it is an album. I don't remember what it was, but I thought I. When I saw it, I remember it being pretty interesting.

[Joe Santagato]

A song is like a dollar thirty. Well, now it's probably higher. I remember when it was like a dollar 29.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I remember. I. I mean, I'm sure some songs you could buy. When did you buy that song? Like, Like a couple months ago. I don't understand why that's so funny.

[Joe Santagato]

Such an. Or, like, you never hear that anymore.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're.

[Joe Santagato]

You're a diamond in the rough.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I think I am. So, like, if I'm just looking right here at a random album. Yeah, you could buy.

[Joe Santagato]

Why don't you have stream?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do now. I do, but yes, it's $1.29. Or you could buy the whole album for $9. $10?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes you don't want the whole album.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, think about this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes you don't want to listen to the whole fucking album.

[Joe Santagato]

So you could just stream it and then. And then you don't have to buy it. And then it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. I understand that. And now I get that. So. But, like. But let's not move past the whole start of this conversation, Mr. Gabagool, because then you go and you're friend cheating on me.

[Joe Santagato]

Now, it literally is French.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am friend cheating.

[Joe Santagato]

That's better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. How am I not saying that correctly?

[Joe Santagato]

When you say it, friend cheating. I sound like. When I say it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You need to understand something.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to cost you now.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get ready for the costing. I forgot what I was gonna say.

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I got it back. This dynamic, this friendship, you're gonna go and give that to somebody else. You're gonna go have a little fucking quickie in an airport bathroom with this fucking guy. A quickie. Little friendy. A little quick. A friend quickie. That's what he was having.

[Becca]

Are you saying you two do that?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you saying? Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, like, you know how people say, like. Like, just making it up.

[Joe Santagato]

This is gonna be a good expression that three people say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, like, remember when. Who was that actor that got caught fucking dudes in the bathroom?

[Joe Santagato]

Excuse me?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I'm talking about.

[Becca]

That could be.

[Joe Santagato]

Could be anybody.

[Frank Alvarez]

From Wham. Yeah, from Wham. I think he was in Wham. It was a guy last. Chris John.

[Joe Santagato]

George Michael.

[Frank Alvarez]

George Michael. Yes. Thank you. Oh, he was, like, going underneath, like, closeted. Like he was.

[Joe Santagato]

Dudes in bathrooms.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You know, it was like, dude. And like. And then, like the early 2000s, he got caught, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Did.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm serious. He got caught, like, arrested for it.

[Joe Santagato]

For. Oh, yeah. I don't think you can. A dude in the bathroom in, like, a public bathroom.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like at like a park. That was a thing. That was park, brother. That was like a very well known, like. I don't want to say Frankie.

[Joe Santagato]

Wham. Wham.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wham was massive in the 80s 90s, Frank. People know George Michael, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was RIP, by the way.

[Joe Santagato]

I was two years old.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not. But I think the. The. In the bathroom with the guys was in, like, the early 2000s, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

I was dealing with nine, 11.

[Frank Alvarez]

You were dealing with that. You were. You were slowly transitioning into being Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that was the beginning of my transition.

[Frank Alvarez]

You were. You Were Gaba going?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, to eventually get to the Gaba, which was Mr. Gaba Ghoul.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Joe Santagato]

Here I am.

[Becca]

Same point. Are you comparing your friendship to.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, the joke was that he was like. Because I'm making the joke of, like, he's from friend cheating, you know, so, like, the quickie is like the, like, comparing it to, like, going in, like, actual cheating. Why do I need to break the joke down? I think that our fans got it. I'm trying to understand.

[Becca]

So he's George Michael. Yeah, got it.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do I gotta be whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you kind of look like George Michael if we're being honest. And that's not a disrespect at all, Frank. Well, not now.

[Joe Santagato]

A picture of George Michael.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's dead.

[Joe Santagato]

No, they're gonna show an old picture. They're not gonna show up in the ground.

[Frank Alvarez]

We can look them up.

[Joe Santagato]

Pull up George Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like an older. Look at that. All the way to the right. All the way to the right.

[Becca]

This one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is. That does look like you.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't. You don't see it, like, the beard and facial hair situation?

[Becca]

No, it's like Hugh Jackman, who looks like Hugh Jackman a little bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we even.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, there's obvious differences. If you put you and George Michael in a room.

[Joe Santagato]

Look at this picture on the left.

[Frank Alvarez]

This one bottom.

[Becca]

This one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. Yeah, there's obvious that. Joey, there's obvious differences, but if you

[Joe Santagato]

were to put your shirt, though, that's like a used shirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know how I love shirts. If you were to put your hair on George Michael's body right there. There is a. Like, you would be able to be squint and go, okay, there are pictures of Joe Santagato where you could. You that. I could see you doing that lighting in face.

[Becca]

He's trying to make it work.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think it's working.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you know, I mean, I don't

[Joe Santagato]

need to make it work, but anyway, so. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you became friends with the dude?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Seems like a nice guy. Okay.

[Becca]

What's his name?

[Joe Santagato]

Jake.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have him on the show. Have him here. Oh, you want to have other friends? Be friends right in front of me Here. Be friends right in front of me.

[Joe Santagato]

What were you sliding across?

[Frank Alvarez]

That was like the whole. Like. You want to smoke cigarettes? Here, Smoke the whole pack right in front of me right now. You never heard that? You never. Why do I need to explain my jokes today?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even know if they are jokes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Obviously, I'm not Upset that you made a friend with someone on a plane? He has nothing on me. I make friends all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Frankie, who's the last friend you made jealous?

[Frank Alvarez]

Met a guy in the sauna. Oh, I guess I'm not doing it myself. Any favorites?

[Joe Santagato]

What's he. What's his name?

[Becca]

Blake?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't. I don't remember, but he said he knew my uncle.

[Joe Santagato]

Huh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

A guy in a sauna was like, I know your uncle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, we were talking and it got on to the like, like the union.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I said, oh, my uncle and my. A bunch of my family. He's like, who's your uncle? I said his name and he's like, I know him.

[Joe Santagato]

So you made a friend with a guy who knows your uncle in the sauna?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I guess so. I sang it out loud and now I realize it's ridiculous.

[Joe Santagato]

You regret it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I also one time went to dinner and made friends with a guy that gave me some of his wine.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, you drank from his cup?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I had my own cup and he gave me from his bottle, though. I told. I was texting you and Greg when this happened. Oh, wait,

[Joe Santagato]

that's. That was like. I remember this.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought he sent you a bottle of wine.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, he had one and he was

[Joe Santagato]

like, you can have some.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because he saw. Because we were celebrating because we. That you know what happened. So we got a nice bottle of wine.

[Joe Santagato]

Was it at Radio City?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it was the. When we sold out, withholding that information. We sold the. The first round of tickets and Becca like, was like, surprise. I got a sitter. We're going out to dinner. She got me a bottle of wine. Very nice. And then there was a guy across that saw the bottle of wine that we got and he was like, I got a nice bottle of wine. Boy, did he.

[Joe Santagato]

He bottle cooked you.

[Frank Alvarez]

He bottle. I got. I got bottled. I got bottled by this guy on the Long Branch, New Jersey boardwalk.

[Joe Santagato]

Let me tell you, he was like, you celebrating? How about you celebrate with a real bottle of wine?

[Frank Alvarez]

His bottle was like. We looked it up. It was like 1500 bucks.

[Joe Santagato]

Holy shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

He was by himself.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, that guy's got a problem.

[Frank Alvarez]

I honestly, I kind of like, I look forward to doing that in my older age.

[Joe Santagato]

How old was he?

[Frank Alvarez]

Late 50s, early 60s, I would say.

[Joe Santagato]

And he's taking himself out to dinner and buying a fifteen hundred dollar bottle of wine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And giving it away. This guy doesn't give a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Doesn't give a. Living life.

[Becca]

The place. Have a View? Was it a view place?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was the. The. The. It was the beach. Like, we sat on the, like, boardwalk, and that's the beach right there.

[Joe Santagato]

I know you don't like the ocean.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't.

[Joe Santagato]

But do you like looking at it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Okay, but, like, I like looking at it from. Not sand.

[Joe Santagato]

From wood.

[Frank Alvarez]

From. Yeah, like a boardwalk.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you like it on the wood?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, man. Oh, yeah. I like seeing it do its ocean thing. But then I get freaked out by what I. What is under there. Probably, right? Because, like, yo, look at the ocean, and then underneath it is a whole other world, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That doesn't freak you the fuck out?

[Joe Santagato]

I choose not to think about it. You want to hear something? This would have pissed you off. When I was in Miami, me and Nicole were walking to the beach, and, like, the hotel, like, has someone, like, escort you to chairs, and they, like, put the things down, and they, like, set it up and, like, put a umbrella. And he's walking us over there, and he's like, you ever see those, dude, this is, like, the second thing. He's like, where are you guys from? New York. Oh, cool. You guys ever see those videos where they fly a drone over, like, Miami Beach? And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, where it shows. Like, you know, you're out in the water, whatever. And then a drone goes over and it shows, and you could see, like, sharks, dude. And I'm, like, saying this to me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just got here, dude. Like, I think the fear of the ocean, for me, came from Miami because, like, we were down there, and my brother and I swam out, and then we were, like, standing, and the water was at our ankles, and we were, like, 50 to 60, if not further out, like. And we were like, whoa, this is so cool. And we see people, like, waving to us, and we're, like, waving back, and we get in and there's like, don't ever fucking do that ever again. We're like, why? And apparently, it's a thing. They're called, like, sand bars.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And that's where, like, sharks. Sharks hang out. Because idiots like me go and stand on there thinking, like, whoa, this is cool. And then you get your fucking shit ate.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like, get your shit ate is so funny. I'm on a sandbar.

[Frank Alvarez]

My legs are over my head,

[Joe Santagato]

fucking.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're out there with my ass there with George Michael or George Jake or whatever his name is.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh. When we were in Key West.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is A very gay episode. Gayest episode we've done.

[Joe Santagato]

But we were in Key west, and then we went to the beach that day, and they had that, like. It looked like a giant rock out in the middle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

And I swam out to it, and there was a bunch of. There was an eel, and I saw an eel and there was an orange fish. And I'm like. And I saw Too far goggles. And I was like, I need to ask this guy for his goggles.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Oh, yeah, you did, didn't you?

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't get him.

[Frank Alvarez]

But you, like, swam there.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It wasn't like you could walk out onto the rocks. It was like.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you got to beach.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like shoreline rocks and Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I got. I got onto the rock and then on the other side of the rock, it was, like, deep because it was a different color. Like, it was like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember the sign there saying, like, don't go swimming. There's Portuguese man O wars. So you're.

[Joe Santagato]

You're. I didn't see any of those.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're in the gayest place in America, Key West.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Swimming with Portuguese men, you know, and there's a war. There's a war happening. You're about to get your shit ate.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I didn't see any jellyfish, but fish, apparently.

[Frank Alvarez]

Porch, like, those, like, Portuguese man O war. Jellyfish will, like, get on your back and, like, ruin your day. Dude, I.

[Joe Santagato]

When I was a kid, we used to. There was this one summer where we went to, I think, Long beach island and my cousin went in the water and just got, like, killed by jellyfish and had a bunch of spots. And I can't remember, but I, like, because I was so young, but I remember him coming out of the water and having, like, red spots on his body. And I'm like, I wonder if anyone pissed on him.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think they've since debunked that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, this is way before the debunking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Before they debunk pissing. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

He must have gotten pissed on. Like, he must have.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you, like. What do you do, like. Do you, like, as, like, a hero? Like, be like, listen, if you. If you need any help, I'll be the one.

[Joe Santagato]

If I was on a beach and someone came out of the water and, like, we need someone to rip a piss. I'd be like, I got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

What?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I could do it. I would pee on a person to save them. To save them pain.

[Becca]

Oh, no. If it was real, jellyfish stung my face. Oh, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, he's in he's into some sick, yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know he is sick. I know he is. You saw his eyes light up before when I said, get your ate.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He wants to get his ate on a sandbar.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, he got stung on the tongue by a. A Portuguese man of war.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Portuguese man. Word.

[Joe Santagato]

Stung my teeth.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what he wants. You. You get pissed on, right?

[Becca]

Regularly.

[Joe Santagato]

You ever get peed on?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm not about. I mean, like, kids, like, yeah, we're not having, like, holding my.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, yeah, dude, I've been pissed on.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's been some piss on me, but,

[Joe Santagato]

like, I think I've. I think he's pissed on me. He's definitely throwing up on me. You don't have a kid nephew holding. They puke. Gotcha. They do.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, spit up is not puke. It's just like a little.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, comes out of the mouth and it's gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

So to kind of add a cap on top of this conversation, what do you plan to do with now being Mr. Gabagool? Because that's a great question. That is a. I gotta be honest with you.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a big title, huge honor to be in the. Wait here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like, you think about, like, if we're looking at, like, typical, you know, like, the stereotypical version of Italian Americans, it's just like, oh, Mr. Gabagool, he wants you go any BB. Like, you are now the poster child for Italian Americans in New York City on podcast.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think that. What I thought is that she. That she thought I was one of the guys that does, like, the Growing Up Italian podcast.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I was like, here's the thing. I've seen them. You look like zero. I was like, what's going on? Like, not only do you not look like them, you don't sound like them, and you couldn't look less like they. Each of those people on those shows have a very, like, like, striking, distinct appearance.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You couldn't even resemble them.

[Joe Santagato]

Funny, dude. I immediately texted Nicole. I was like, you won't believe what just happened. The worst part was the volume.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

My. My, My issue with people do is you're right. People then go like, I had one guy come up to me at a pizzeria where, like, the people at the pizzeria were just like, oh, my God, we know you. We love you. Blah, blah, blah, thanks for coming in. And then one guy goes, why the fuck do these people. Who are you?

[Joe Santagato]

Like that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it was like one of those, like, classic. It was in Jersey, but it was like that classic, like, New York, New Jersey. Like, nothing impresses us, so, like, we're gonna act like, I don't give a fuck.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know? And he was just like, who the fuck are you? And then, like, what am I supposed to say in that situation? You don't know me. Exactly.

[Joe Santagato]

A podcast. Do you know what that is?

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably not exactly like it. It happened the other day. You. You would think this is funny. I was getting bent over and railed doing my taxes the other day, and the.

[Joe Santagato]

On a sandbar.

[Frank Alvarez]

The tax guy, like, several times in conversation just kept going, like, forgive me, but I gotta ask. He kept at. He was just like. But, like, people actually, like, listen. And I was like, oh, I thought

[Joe Santagato]

he knew who you were.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

But he kept being like, seriously, where's. Where's the money coming from?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no, no. He was just being like. It was just like, wait, so what do you talk about?

[Joe Santagato]

I hate when people ask.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's like, oh, you know, it's like. I always say it's like your oldest friends, like, you just kind of chop it up and talk, and that's what the show is. And he's like, all right, forgive me.

[Joe Santagato]

But, like, what the fuck are you talking?

[Frank Alvarez]

And then he's like, so what did you guys, like, what. What did you just do the podcast? I was like, oh, well, we did live shows. And he's like, forgive me for asking. People come to that. Like, yeah, he's a nice guy. I have no issues with him. It's. But like, he kept doing that. And then I was like, yeah. He's like. And then. Are you still doing those? Like, no. Well, we stopped and we ended. We. You know, we sold out a show in Madison Square Garden.

[Joe Santagato]

He must have been like, for. Shut the.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was like, forgive me for asking, Father.

[Joe Santagato]

Forgive me, but what the.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, you just said that mentality of just, like, who are you?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, now it's on me to tell

[Joe Santagato]

you I'm not so funny, people.

[Becca]

Yeah, you get those.

[Joe Santagato]

And also, when someone asks me, they're like, oh, so what do you guys, like, talk about on your podcast? I'm like, I. I don't even know how to answer that. Even if I wanted to answer it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have no idea how I got asked a question. And I think you might have gotten asked the exact same question because I did an interview with BuzzFeed. You didn't interview the same reporter from BuzzFeed. I don't know if she asked you this. She asked me. If you can use three words to describe the show, what would they be? I don't remember. I think. I think.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think relatable was one that I had put in there.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I can't. I can't even.

[Becca]

What answer did you give?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'd have to look it up. But relatable, I think, was one of them chaotic, maybe. Chaotic was one of them chaotic.

[Joe Santagato]

There's so much chaos right now in

[Becca]

Throw funny in there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm not. What am I going to be like? It's funny. Hysterical.

[Joe Santagato]

The best. It's fucking unbelievable. Forgive me for asking. People. People really listen to you that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's what I mean, it wasn't like, he didn't frame it, like, to you, you know, Hispanic men, you know,

[Joe Santagato]

seriously, where's this money coming? For real?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it was just. It was just like. It's such a. Like, person of the preview. Our parents generation talking to us and just not getting it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, they were older.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they were probably our parents generation, you know, but, like, that mentality of just, like, radio used to be, like, groundbreaking.

[Joe Santagato]

So you guys are like Howard Stern.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've. I've heard people describe it that way, too. Yeah. I've heard one person said, like, Well, I like you guys because I used to love listening to Stern. And I was like, we are completely

[Joe Santagato]

not that draw the line in the sand. Especially back then.

[Frank Alvarez]

My God.

[Becca]

Yes, I have. Frankie said chaotic. He said fun, and he said relatable.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, so he nailed it.

[Becca]

I like to think it's pretty fun.

[Joe Santagato]

So what he said, I like to think it's pretty fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

So humble.

[Frank Alvarez]

You didn't read the interview, did you?

[Joe Santagato]

Bitch, I read some of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was long. It was really long.

[Becca]

I was just scrolling to see if I was in there.

[Joe Santagato]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are in there.

[Becca]

I am in there, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are the most surprising.

[Joe Santagato]

What'd he say?

[Becca]

I think it was just my picture. I don't know if he said, oh,

[Frank Alvarez]

no, I said something about you.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you're reading it like it's a comic book.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're like, let me get to the picture. Of course I said something about you.

[Becca]

Oh, maybe I'll give it a read.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, now, because your name is in it.

[Joe Santagato]

What a.

[Frank Alvarez]

What a gutless fucking gaba ghoul.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you get.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're not Mr. Gobag, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

You sound pretty angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, it's because I got my apples in A bunch. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, you sound pretty angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm angry and. But I'm sour. I need to be a little sweet.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you don't get angry. Get Angry Orchard, okay? Sponsor of the podcast, as you can see right here. But Angry Orchard, they make that cider, that hard cider, okay? It tastes like crisp apple. Anytime it hits your lips, it's like you just ate an apple.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you.

[Joe Santagato]

Probably the reason why you feel like that is because there's two apples in every bottle. All right? So it's real apples in here, 5% alcohol, gluten free. So for those of you out there that are celiac or whatever, it's gluten free. There's no gluten in there. You know, my brother drinks those because he can't. But hard ciders, boom, right here. Angry Orchard, it's amazing. It is the number one hard cider in the country. All right? So definitely go check it out. I've had these before. These are so nice on, like, a nice warm day. Just sit back. You know when you don't want to eat an apple, you're like, I'd rather have a hard cider. You get that feeling of biting to an apple right here in the bottle. You get a little buzz, maybe, maybe. But, yeah, you can go check it out. Go check out Angry Orchard. You can go get them. I mean, they're available. They're available. They're out there in the stores. Yeah. Go check out Angry Orchard. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Frank, when was the last time you had an Angry orchard?

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe about 10 minutes ago.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, no problem. But, yeah, Angry Orchard, they're amazing. Like I said, hard cider. Go get them. They're available in stores, but go visit their website as well to get yourself some Angry Orchard. All right? And we also have seatgeek. Seatgeek is where you're going to buy your tickets for anything. Okay? So if you have, you know, you want to go somewhere, you want to go to a baseball game, you want to go to a concert or whatever this summer, get your tickets on Sea Geek. That's where I get my tickets. Always. They're very transparent about the tickets. What's a good price? What's a bad price? You know, a dark green is a really good price for a ticket. Dark red. Stay away.

[Becca]

That's.

[Joe Santagato]

That's too expensive, so stay away from that. But they have over 35 million downloads, their number one rated ticketing app. Okay? You have the most downloads and your number one in the ratings. I mean, proof is in the pudding here. There's over 70,000 events listed on Seak at any given time. But definitely go check them out. And this year, you know, concert season, it's coming up right around the corner. But you can save some money off your tickets. You can save 10% off your T tickets by typing in the code BASEMENT 2026. Okay? So download SeatGeek, put in Basement 2026, and get 10% off of your tickets with that promo code, all right? Save the money. Enjoy your concert.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hey, guess what? It's me. Here I am. I'm here to talk to you about Patreon. It's a service. It's cool, relatable, and fun. If you don't join it.

[Joe Santagato]

Come on, come on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, patreon.com is the best way to support us. I tell you guys about it every single week. Go to patreon.com the basementyard. Go check out what we got over there, okay? It's our little service where we hang out. We have big pow wows. Everyone's there, people are there, they're having fun. I think, I hope if you sign up for that first here, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance, seven whole days, get another conversation, get in on everything. You could see it, and you're in a cool little exclusive club with only a couple other people, and you're just like, whoa, this is cool. And then if you get that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Also a cool, exclusive club. It's like this. And he's like, I can see this. And other people can too, but not a lot. So go check it out. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. You guys have been so supportive, wildly, incredibly supportive, getting us to over 45, 000 paid patrons. Thank you guys so much. If you, you, if you want to gift it, you could gift a gift Patreon for like, graduations. I know graduations are coming up, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, whatever. You know, if you really want to gift it for like Memorial Day, I don't know, but you could do it. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. If you want to sign up and save yourself some extra money, you go do it on a web browser. You go type in a little beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And then you can sign up and save yourself some extra money. If you do it on a web browser, if you do it on an app, it's going to take some extra dollar from you. And you don't want that because dollaros are so hard to get. So go check it out. Patreon.com. i'm going to yell at you.

[Joe Santagato]

I really like the picture of the tree on this.

[Frank Alvarez]

It looks like an old wise tree.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's like an old tree. Also reminds me of the one kind of sexy, really sexy tree on the Angry orchard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it reminds me of.

[Joe Santagato]

Bro, if you like sexy trees that

[Frank Alvarez]

got a little bit to them, doesn't matter.

[Joe Santagato]

Get yourself an angry orchard.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's a sexy tree. Yeah, I guess. You know what? That's a good. That's a good way to get more people to market it. It's just like, not only do we got good cider, we got a sexy tree on our bottle.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, they do.

[Frank Alvarez]

So like, you know, you could peel it off. Take it home, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't say that. Angry orchard.com.

[Frank Alvarez]

oh, is that the website? Y. Oh, well, patreon.com Bas that too.

[Joe Santagato]

I want to try that.

[Becca]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you just going to copy me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Cop me now?

[Becca]

Try to try to do a full sentence. What you copying?

[Frank Alvarez]

He's pretty good at it. He's pretty good at it.

[Joe Santagato]

Dog bears.

[Frank Alvarez]

1.

[Joe Santagato]

1, 2.

[Frank Alvarez]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

[Joe Santagato]

ABC.

[Frank Alvarez]

1, 2, 3. Spaghetti. Spaghetti balls.

[Joe Santagato]

Voldemort. Vagina.

[Frank Alvarez]

See, I'm pretty good at it, right?

[Becca]

Better than I thought.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that? What do you got in your hand, you little dirty boy?

[Becca]

I have.

[Joe Santagato]

Excuse me, for our audio listeners. He's talking to Anne.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm talking to the guy that said he wants to get pissed on.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you got in your hands, you little dirty boy?

[Frank Alvarez]

KFC jelly beans.

[Becca]

I have KFC jelly beans I wanted you to try.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, boy.

[Becca]

They are fried chicken, sweet corn and

[Frank Alvarez]

gravy flavored because you know what a throw.

[Becca]

Perfect.

[Frank Alvarez]

Holy shit.

[Becca]

I used to be a pitcher, you know.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you didn't. I. You probably went gorilla tits on some jelly beans yesterday for Easter, right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you went off and the Cadbury little eggs.

[Frank Alvarez]

I went. I went full George Michael on some peeps, let me tell you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, those are gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow. Yo, you know what? I couldn't find it all this year. Robin's eggs. Where'd they go, dude?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they stinky, Yo.

[Joe Santagato]

This reeks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, stinks. Yo. And I'm this far away and it's stunky.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I think you like the funk.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you're, like, you're eager for the Mr. Gabagool. This is a filthy episode, Mr. Oh, my God.

[Joe Santagato]

These are fucking brutal.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. Throw the Bag.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm trying to get the last one.

[Becca]

I think you should try one of each and then all three at the same time. Like a me.

[Joe Santagato]

There's no shot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I kind of think that is the right way to do it. And I shall.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my. Can you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you just get me a paper towel?

[Becca]

I was debating, but then that means you have a fail safe and I think you should just swallow.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I don't do.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't do well in the back.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Well.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Can you at least open this?

[Joe Santagato]

Can I smell in the bag?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I'm gonna need something to wash this down. Actually, I got some old water bottles here. I don't know whose they are, but I'll use them.

[Joe Santagato]

That's insane. Just smell it.

[Frank Alvarez]

So gravy. Fried chicken, sweet corn. I am excited.

[Joe Santagato]

You like that?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, but I. I don't like that, but it ain't good. Those are both negative smells. Like the underside of a cardboard shoe.

[Joe Santagato]

What could that even mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

This smells. This smells like a highlighter that was just pulled out of an ass.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what it smells like? If you took a. A piece of chicken and you clamped it with the back your knee and pulled it out. That's what it smells like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It smells like if I like bare butt after the sauna, jumped into a vat of mashed potatoes.

[Joe Santagato]

And the mashed potatoes smell like that. Yeah. I don't know why. It smells like an old person.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is not good. No, I think I got all three.

[Joe Santagato]

You got a whole bunch over there, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think these are them, right? Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Are these bad? Have you had them?

[Becca]

I've had them.

[Joe Santagato]

They're bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have you thrown up?

[Becca]

They're not good. The one of them made me gag.

[Joe Santagato]

None of them are good?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Only one of them made you gag. That's a shock.

[Becca]

The corn is good, by the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is no disrespect to the Colonel or Frankfurt who made these.

[Joe Santagato]

A lot of noise.

[Frank Alvarez]

Stink, I guess. All right, which one are you going first? Which one are you going first, baby?

[Joe Santagato]

Which one made you gag?

[Becca]

I believe the chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

And that's got to be this one. The pink one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that looks like it.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.

[Becca]

You can't go first to the chicken, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I want to end on a good thing. I don't want to have shit chicken in my mouth for the rest of the episode.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll do chicken first, too. Why not? You first. Yeah, you first. I'll do corn first, actually.

[Becca]

KFC chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

Why does it stink so much, bro?

[Becca]

Give it a good whiff.

[Joe Santagato]

It smells almost like. Okay, am I going to like this?

[Frank Alvarez]

You might, because you're Mr. God.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm scared, bro. I might take that from you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just go for it. Rip and dip. Oh, bad, huh, dad? Huh? Yeah, really that bad? There you go. Oh, my. He's. Right away. He's out. He's putting his mouth underneath. He's spitting the sail. Are you okay?

[Joe Santagato]

Should we chase him?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, don't chase him. Just leave it. It's all right. It's just me and you. All right, I'm gonna try the corn one, then I'm gonna go for the corn. Okay. He's not making a sound.

[Becca]

What's he doing over there?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, bring me something there.

[Joe Santagato]

He is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bad.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like someone threw up in my mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? Oh, boy. I. All right, I'm gonna try corn first, then I'll. I'll save that one for.

[Joe Santagato]

That's literally like someone threw up in my mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's in your mouth?

[Joe Santagato]

Magic's moon, Bro. It's like someone threw up in your mouth. Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, all right. Well, then I'm gonna go corn first. I'll go corn first. You ready? Joey's panicking.

[Joe Santagato]

He's looking for something.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, I'm just gonna go for it, though. I'm sorry. I'm not waiting for you. Here we go. Corn. Oh, man, that's really gross. Corn is bad.

[Joe Santagato]

Corn's bad. That's a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, corn is not good. And it doesn't even taste like corn. What is that, bro? I mean, if that. That one was not good. If it's worse than corn, I'm in trouble, yo.

[Joe Santagato]

It is so.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's.

[Joe Santagato]

I. I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Try the corn. It's pep.

[Joe Santagato]

Am I being pranked?

[Frank Alvarez]

Try the corn prank. No, try the corn.

[Joe Santagato]

Whose corn?

[Frank Alvarez]

The. The yellow with the dots.

[Joe Santagato]

This one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Just eat it, baby. Chew.

[Joe Santagato]

Your face is funny. This is. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not. It's not good, but it's not.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank, I'm gonna tell you this right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

What? You got up and ran away with the corn? Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Bad. I don't want to be disrespectful.

[Frank Alvarez]

You mean to the fried chicken?

[Joe Santagato]

No, no. You'll. You'll hear it. I don't want to be disrespectful. For me, this is up there with 9, 11.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow.

[Becca]

I think he has to try another one. It can't be that bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it is so bad.

[Joe Santagato]

He has to try. Frank. Literally, like, someone puked into my.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. Well, then I'm typing the gravy next, then.

[Joe Santagato]

It's disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gravy train. Here we go. Riding it all the way down. This tastes like a plumber's tool bag. Oh. Oh, that's bad, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

It doesn't. It tastes like. No, no, no, no, no. Yo, Frank. So I'm. First of all, I'm be honest with you, right? I know you're gonna throw up from the last one. Like, I know it.

[Becca]

You had a good meal today, too.

[Joe Santagato]

Any house. I don't.

[Becca]

Okay, Joe, you gotta try the gravy.

[Joe Santagato]

Joe, is the gravy that bad?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just. It's not good.

[Becca]

Frankie's finishing them, which. Which is making me proud.

[Joe Santagato]

There's no way I'm finishing. You ate that. There's no way your little sensitive stomach. You were to throw up all over this place.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, now you gotta try it again. No, no, no, no. You do it again.

[Joe Santagato]

Let me try this gravy. Yeah. Honestly, I don't even want him to have that. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, God.

[Joe Santagato]

What the hell am I eating? Oh, what's going on now?

[Frank Alvarez]

What? I mean, about the plumber's tool bag. Yeah, but now it feels like someone

[Joe Santagato]

put a pen in here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like I should be soldering.

[Joe Santagato]

This is like someone pissed in gravy. All right, well, I'm getting out of the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's all come down to this, right?

[Becca]

Just have two at the same time.

[Frank Alvarez]

The fry.

[Becca]

No, you're gonna do the same as him.

[Joe Santagato]

No, dude, I'm being serious. I'm being serious. If you're okay with that. I'm not okay with you. So, like, either this is going to be the most disgusting thing you've ever put in your mouth, or I don't respect you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow, that's. That's bad.

[Joe Santagato]

No, no, I'm. That's how.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I remember when we did bean boozled.

[Joe Santagato]

This is definitely worse, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

No way. Dude. Those bean boozled ones were the. The. The old band aid and the spoiled milk ones. I couldn't believe how they even figured out how to make it taste like.

[Joe Santagato]

The spoiled milk one was pretty bad. This one I just couldn't get out of my head. I'm like, someone threw up in my mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to need something to wash this down.

[Joe Santagato]

You're going to need to run to the sink.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to need something to wash this down.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo. I don't even get like that, and I almost bombed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really? All right, now you're making me, like, know I'M sorry. Fuck it.

[Becca]

Frankie, you gonna just put three?

[Joe Santagato]

Who is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, the guy, the peanut gallery. Now you have to fucking have some.

[Becca]

If you do three, I'll do one.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm having one just to try it. I'm having one, but this one has extra dots on it. Look at the dots on this one separately.

[Joe Santagato]

Do them separately, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but this one is the fried chicken one, I think.

[Joe Santagato]

What the fuck did I eat then?

[Frank Alvarez]

You ate the fried chicken one, the pink one.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But this one, look. This one is just a little dots. Look at the dots on that one.

[Joe Santagato]

No, do that one. The one that's lighter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm a little nervous because if you almost threw up, there's a good chance that I might.

[Becca]

It's just a fried chicken, jelly bean.

[Joe Santagato]

You'll be fine. It isn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, here we go. Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even want to watch.

[Frank Alvarez]

There are people that have, like, fear of throwing up that are watching this, that are gonna.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, they're gonna be pissed.

[Becca]

We're gonna need you. We're gonna. You know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, here we go. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

How is it still in his mouth? How is it still in his mouth?

[Becca]

We gotta see the reaction.

[Joe Santagato]

Doesn't it taste like throw up? Doesn't it, how you eat it? Okay, thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. I almost vomited just now. Oh, that almost got me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I don't. I'm seeing stars, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

It tastes like. What doesn't it taste like throw up? Isn't that so nasty?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh.

[Becca]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

That one was real.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I didn't like it. What's happening now I'm involved in this. That's so bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

That tastes like a wrench.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it doesn't. It tastes like someone puked on a wrench and then shit on it. I got it, though.

[Becca]

You ate it?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Becca]

Is it bad? I want Joe to do one more.

[Joe Santagato]

He's not.

[Becca]

You need the whole KFC meal. Obviously you do. No, you got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll do it if you do it.

[Becca]

All right, you go first.

[Frank Alvarez]

You first. I promise you I'll do it. I. I'm a man of my word. I will never break my word.

[Becca]

You gotta.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't want this.

[Becca]

You gotta do it first.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you shaking? Did you like it? You're so disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't, don't. Because you're gonna get me. I. It feels like someone's pressing on the yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

My rice.

[Joe Santagato]

See? And now here I go.

[Becca]

I think I'm getting the smell of it over here.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll tell you what, that part's not

[Joe Santagato]

helping me at all either. Stinks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Come on in.

[Becca]

No, you got it, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Why?

[Frank Alvarez]

Bottoms up.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh,

[Frank Alvarez]

Holy.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, no. He's on his. He's on both knees right now. Oh, no, Lace. He looks like he's praying. Oh, my God. I hate this show. Dude, Frank opened up the paper towels to look at it and then made him gag again. You like gagging? Oh, that was fucking bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

Smell my breath.

[Joe Santagato]

Last thing I want to do. Last thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Please.

[Joe Santagato]

The last thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll give you nothing. No, you're free.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Becca]

No, stop.

[Joe Santagato]

It's just so gross.

[Becca]

All right, all right, all right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shows off the rails.

[Becca]

God, it smells like ham.

[Frank Alvarez]

Call the cops.

[Becca]

Oh, it smells so bad.

[Joe Santagato]

The fried chicken. The fried chicken. Fucking jelly. I can't talk right now. Jesus. Christmas.

[Becca]

Angry. Orchard's pretty good, though.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it's good. How'd you get it open?

[Becca]

I use these scissors. I brought them over just in case you guys wanted them open.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, God, that's so disgusting. I mean. I mean, look, I hated that a lot. I gotta stop listening to you when you bring food in. I'm just gonna reject it for my own safety.

[Becca]

I think you'll be fine.

[Joe Santagato]

Frank's walking like Triple H right now.

[Becca]

It looks like he cried.

[Joe Santagato]

He's walking around like Triple H. I think he's hurting here.

[Becca]

Frankie just has, like, now he has a stench to him.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. I just took a fucking swig of Scotch to get that taste out of my mouth.

[Joe Santagato]

That would work.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's really bad.

[Joe Santagato]

We should keep breathing to a minimum because.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be serious.

[Becca]

Yeah, I'm smelling it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Be serious.

[Joe Santagato]

Was there a question?

[Frank Alvarez]

You getting anything?

[Joe Santagato]

Thankfully, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, that was. That was bad, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

How. Yeah, you mixing those is nasty.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you do that, I will.

[Becca]

Yeah, make it. What do you do?

[Frank Alvarez]

I will admit full, like, loss of the whole, like, whatever thing, and I will pay you whatever it is.

[Becca]

No, it's 260 bucks if you can.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not worth it. I won't even put one of those jelly beans in my mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

What about in your butt? No, that was really bad. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the Colonel. Oh, I'd like to disgusting you.

[Joe Santagato]

The chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the last time I had Pop. Kfc.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, he's about to fucking fuck your ass. I'm going crazy. You know what it is?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm seeing stars. This is a crazy episode. I'M just gonna throw this here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Good God, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Every now and then, we'll check in on it to see if. If it's. If we got an acquired taste.

[Joe Santagato]

That's so gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, man. It's like, stuck on my teeth. Those gags were for. Purely for hell.

[Joe Santagato]

The one. The one. That was a disgusting one. That one almost got me.

[Frank Alvarez]

People are going to be upset at this episode.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're not. They're not going to be happy 100.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I would. I'm upset, and I'm on it, so can't imagine how they feel.

[Becca]

I had a fun time from here. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you also. You said that you would do it if I did it, and I didn't. You didn't do it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think we can afford to have Aunt Puke all over the stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, I know. I know that Joe is like, we got to move on from this, because he said before, like, it's getting off the rails. Like, let's move on.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I didn't say it was getting off the rails because we were doing it for too long. I was saying it was getting off the rails because you nearly vomited.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. It's all right, yo. I really. I had to take a step and breathe because I thought I was like, I'm going to throw up on this desk.

[Joe Santagato]

When I ran away from my desk, I was running towards the sink because I thought it was gonna come out of, like, my. I thought it was just gonna, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was thinking of that buffalo chicken wrap that I had before this, and I was like this. I swear, I thought I was gonna paint the desk with my secretion.

[Becca]

It'd be so much fun if you two threw up at the. At the desk.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, we would immediately get demonetized.

[Becca]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

You can't.

[Becca]

We'll blur it.

[Joe Santagato]

You can't throw up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think so.

[Joe Santagato]

People puke.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, we were talking straight up about butt sex earlier, so that's probably gonna do it. Were we.

[Becca]

It was more around the act. It wasn't a direct.

[Frank Alvarez]

Youth were sticking your tongue out, asking to get pissed on.

[Joe Santagato]

That did happen. It did.

[Becca]

That's true.

[Joe Santagato]

It did. This is probably a bad time to get to the rest of the ad, so we're gonna like, well, you want

[Frank Alvarez]

to give it a beat?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Say something that is family friendly.

[Frank Alvarez]

I had a good one, but I can't say it. It's not family friendly.

[Joe Santagato]

What was it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Just get to the end.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm afraid to hear what he was going to say. But we do have some ads before we get to the rest of this godforsaken episode that I can't wait to be over so I could wash my mouth out with soap. But we do have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that, that is going to put money back in your pocket. Okay? They are going to find and they're going to help you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions so that you can put that money back in your pocket. Maybe you paid for something. I recently did this and I found out that I was paying for, like, three separate things that added up to close to $50 a month that I either don't use anymore or one of them I didn't even know I was paying for. To be honest with you. That is irresponsible. So this is what we're trying to do. We're trying to be more financially responsible and Rock Money's going to help you do that. So they will find and cancel on one subscriptions. They will help you budget. There's a budgeting tool. So if you set a budget for yourself every single month and you don't want to go over that, you put all your expenses in there so you can see where you're at during the month. Makes it easier so you can grow your savings because we need to save money. And it can also help you lower your bills if possible. So there's a lot of tools. There's a bunch of other tools, too. With the premium that you can unlock, it's going to help you put that money back in your pocket. All right? They've helped People save over 880 million and cancel subscriptions, which is wild. That's a crazy number.

[Frank Alvarez]

But yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

I'm being haunted.

[Joe Santagato]

My breath is hot and gross.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm being haunted by those jelly beans, yo.

[Joe Santagato]

They're disgusting. You did. I did want to get to this because I'm curious. You brought it up beforehand. You're like, oh, you know they found out where the male G spot is.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's right. I mean as this to our knowledge. As if, as if this episode didn't have enough.

[Joe Santagato]

But.

[Frank Alvarez]

But an homoerotic conversation.

[Joe Santagato]

Where do you think the G spot is?

[Frank Alvarez]

What the is that? Why are you measuring it by distance?

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, what do you.

[Becca]

Wait, what are you talking in your butt? Isn't it?

[Joe Santagato]

So I'm asking you where you think

[Becca]

it is in your butt.

[Joe Santagato]

But what is the.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is that?

[Joe Santagato]

What's the measurement? It's like that deep.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But is it up? Down, Left, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think there's only one way Down. Down.

[Joe Santagato]

It's down.

[Frank Alvarez]

Down is out.

[Becca]

You press down.

[Joe Santagato]

So you go. So if someone went your butt and pressed down, that's where you think the G spot is.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what? I'm not gonna be bewildered here. I'm gonna be sex positive. Good for you.

[Joe Santagato]

Bewildered is not.

[Becca]

But wait, I think it's in and down.

[Joe Santagato]

Is that you standing up?

[Becca]

That's a good question. I think so.

[Joe Santagato]

So if I went in your butt.

[Becca]

Yeah, mine.

[Joe Santagato]

And I go down.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Then you'd be like, this is nice.

[Becca]

I think so.

[Joe Santagato]

What makes you think that? Experience.

[Becca]

It's what I feel Hell, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Good for you, man.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought it was in the butt, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, move over, butthole. There's a new G spot in.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it?

[Frank Alvarez]

We sold out msg.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. Is it. Is it stupid? Like, is it, like, an ear? Because I'm gonna freak out if it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is not.

[Joe Santagato]

Can I get to it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, what does that mean?

[Becca]

Can I reach it from here?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's on your body, so. Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it external or internal?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's external.

[Joe Santagato]

No way. So I can accidentally rub up against my G spot, and I would go crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I guess cats do that. Cats love to get themselves horny.

[Joe Santagato]

They're like, oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. It's like, you love the couch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So a new study showed that they found the male G spot. I don't know what the science behind.

[Joe Santagato]

Can you give us clues?

[Becca]

I like how we found the male one before we could find the female one.

[Joe Santagato]

Speak for yourself, honey.

[Frank Alvarez]

Speak for yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

It's up.

[Becca]

Yeah, that one's up.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's up. Yeah, that one's up. I didn't know what that meant. It's, like, at the top.

[Joe Santagato]

No, she's around the corner. Yeah.

[Becca]

And up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, it's like. It's up there.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, where are you guys?

[Becca]

I feel like. You don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like you. Where are you? I know where I am.

[Becca]

Where are you right now? Picture in your mind.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I know exactly where I am.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, so give us clues for this male G spot. Well, not in my asshole.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not in your asshole.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it near my asshole?

[Frank Alvarez]

Mean, everything is technically near your asshole.

[Joe Santagato]

What? My eyebrows are nowhere near my asshole.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, in the grand scheme of things, if you think about the distance between here and the moon, it's near your asshole.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm talking about my body.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Well, still, technically close enough.

[Becca]

Hmm.

[Joe Santagato]

Can I get anywhere with you?

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I get anywhere with you? It is below or above the waist? Below the waist.

[Becca]

Back of the knee.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think that the point for male sexual gratification is the back of the. I will tell you this. I will even narrow it down. It's between your waist and your thigh.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my dick. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's called the Frenular Delta.

[Joe Santagato]

Frenular.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Apparently it's a spot on the shaft of your cock.

[Becca]

So.

[Joe Santagato]

USA Weakly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Snorting pig.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sorry.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, on the. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Apparently, fre. Frenular Delta.

[Joe Santagato]

That sounds like a platoon in an

[Frank Alvarez]

obscure region called the Frenular Delta, which sounds like a awesome Power Ranger name. Delta.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

A Triangular zone located on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft. An area so mysterious it has long been omitted from sexual health textbooks.

[Joe Santagato]

Omitted?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like they didn't know. It's like the fucking. Like you can't, like, explore the Marianas Trench. We just didn't have the, I guess, the science to explore the frenular delta.

[Joe Santagato]

Let me ask you a question. You read that? Did you fiddle with it?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I was like, no, I did not.

[Becca]

Doesn't sound too believable. I'm looking at it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, what.

[Joe Santagato]

What are you looking at?

[Becca]

The frenular. What did you say?

[Joe Santagato]

Delta. So you're looking at a penis? Yeah, it's the underbelly.

[Becca]

Yeah, it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like a triangle, which is so. I like.

[Joe Santagato]

Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, I guess.

[Frank Alvarez]

So. The part of this that is so funny is all, you know, like, all those, like, toxic, masculine guys that are just like, jeez, fussing the ass. But I'm not gay. I swear to God, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then to find out it's not in there. That's.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it's got to be some sort of spot, right? If people were calling a G all these years, I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'm sure it's like. It's like little G, you know, like, big G spot is the friend you'll. The capital G. Yeah, that's the capital G spot.

[Joe Santagato]

This is lowercase.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then lowercase G spot is in the butt, maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, I gotta check out this delta.

[Becca]

That's a better way to describe it. I think we have a lowercase and an uppercase case. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What do you think? Yay or nay on this? On the lower G.

[Becca]

What?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, do you think it, like, checks out, like. Oh, yeah, that's a good spot.

[Frank Alvarez]

You pushing buttons? You playing the piano?

[Becca]

Yeah, I think it checks out.

[Joe Santagato]

I gotta check it out.

[Frank Alvarez]

The lower G. This is your.

[Joe Santagato]

Just so we're clear, I'm checking out this new one.

[Frank Alvarez]

The frenula delta is the upper G. It's not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm capital G. And it's not

[Becca]

fair that the frenula delta is the upper G because the other one was so og. You can't downgrade it to lowercase G.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can if you find something bigger and better. I mean, Aaron Judge comes around, who cares about Baby Ruth? You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, you know, he's got a point.

[Becca]

Let him cook.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm definitely going to check it out.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I think by just natural biological advances in your sexual life, you probably have Already without realizing.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, of course. I mean, you know, wiener. It's good. Touch it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is your wiener.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is.

[Joe Santagato]

How would I even go about your

[Frank Alvarez]

new best friend on your plane. Touch it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Becca]

Doesn't it kind of feel like cheating though? Cuz like. Oh. Oh, yeah. The melody spots on the penis. Oh, wow. Cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm sure there. There are like, you know, women watching this that are just like, of course. They have it so easy. You know, it's right where everyone knew it always was.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah,

[Becca]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't remember anything in this episode that happened. So.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mr. Gabagool was in there. The jelly beans were in there. You know, I don't want to. Episode for G sounding things. Gabagool jelly beans. I know it's with a J. Sounds like G and G spot.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is a triple G episode. Gabagool's grocery games in your G spot.

[Joe Santagato]

Please don't.

[Becca]

That's the title.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think that's a working.

[Joe Santagato]

No one would know what the episode could possibly be. I think that's the. Nor would the man who Making that thumbnail.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Gobble ghouls. Grocery games in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jesus. Mr. Gabagool. And it could be Joe as Guy Fieri with Gabagool, like hanging over his shoulder. And he's looking down at his new G spot. He's like,

[Joe Santagato]

and what are you doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm over there in a tux and I'm sitting there like this.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that signify?

[Frank Alvarez]

Not being you?

[Joe Santagato]

Correct.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, that was. It is like, I wonder like, if people graduate from college and there's like, I got my degree. I'm gonna use it to like, really, like, break. Do some groundbreaking research. And then they're like, guess what I did at work today, honey?

[Joe Santagato]

Found the G spot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Found the G spot.

[Joe Santagato]

On the male penis.

[Frank Alvarez]

On the male penis.

[Becca]

I have a crazy theory where the new male G spot is.

[Joe Santagato]

Where can we look?

[Becca]

Got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Exactly. Exactly where it's been right under our nose the whole time.

[Becca]

We're going to have to do some tests.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you guys have a G spot?

[Becca]

Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you have a G spot? Do you think is just unique to you? You're like, well, I like that spot on me.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't think so.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm pretty penis focused.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Becca]

Penis forward. Isn't it your ear or something?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, he. He like when he was a kid.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never mind.

[Becca]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Well, no, that's not my answer. I don't know. I'm trying to think about my answer. It's just a question I thought of. I mean, you, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

You talk enough about your nipples that I feel like your nipples are on there. No. Yeah, you talk enough about nipple play that you're. You're doing something.

[Joe Santagato]

It was like twice, dude. For.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're blowing on them to make them look good. You're playing with them for pictures.

[Joe Santagato]

Blow on them. I. I fiddle them.

[Frank Alvarez]

You diddle your nipples?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't. I don't blow on them. You're a nipple diddler of my own.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm a self inflicting. Yeah, you, you, you. You are a. I diddle myself.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I can't think of any. I'm pretty good with.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, really? I feel like you got like a. Like a. You're like a back scratching weirdo.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, this kid's like a fucking cat, dude. You scratch his arm, he's like, oh, yeah, relax.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will. I will say it's not. It's never has been. And I can't imagine it will be sexual in nature. But like, there will be some times I'll be in the kitchen and Becca will just like put her hands under my shirt and just scratch my back like down like that.

[Joe Santagato]

So good.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm like. I literally like, I feel my body just like, like melting.

[Joe Santagato]

I just saw your tongue flip back and forth like a snake's. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where's your. Your good? You're like normal, running the mill. You're not breaking the mold.

[Becca]

Your back thing sounds pretty like.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's not sexual. Like I've never gotten sexual gratification from

[Joe Santagato]

it, but it's like, it's a spot,

[Frank Alvarez]

but it just feels good.

[Joe Santagato]

But like if you were a dog, I could get your leg going by scratching your back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that's not sexual though. You know what I mean? Like, that's not sexual. Yeah, it would be like if. If there was like a thing where it was like. I don't know how to explain it. It feels good, but not in a sexual way. It feels good in like a relaxing way.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you got one.

[Becca]

I would tell you. Not at the top of my mind, honestly.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's do some thinking. Let's come back to this, do some testing. I want to know your G spots.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure Angry Orchard's real happy to be on this episode.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Don't get angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Get horny.

[Joe Santagato]

Get orchard. Get Orchard. G spot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I guess. How many. How many guys do you think saw that article? And we're Just like. Honey, we got to figure something. Tonight's tonight. Yeah, we got it. We got to do. You ready to do some experimenting?

[Joe Santagato]

My triangle is ready.

[Frank Alvarez]

Frenular delta is also. It sounds like the opening of a river.

[Joe Santagato]

A delta. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's like exactly what the word is also used for.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, man. I think I'm like,

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't get the taste of these damn jelly beans, yo. My.

[Joe Santagato]

My mouth is so disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not kidding you.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not kidding. What it feels like is I. I ate a human hand. Like a cannibal. Like, that's what my mouth tastes like.

[Frank Alvarez]

If I chewed on the inside of a baseball, I feel like this is what it would be like one that.

[Joe Santagato]

Or like a handball.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like. No, like waterlogged. You ever seen the inside of a baseball?

[Joe Santagato]

It's all like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like the yarn.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like if I chewed on a waterlogged inside of a baseball. It's what my mouth tastes like.

[Joe Santagato]

It's so hot, too. Like, my teeth are hot.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like. It's like I made out with Foghorn Leghorn.

[Joe Santagato]

The chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Becca]

I believe he's a rooster.

[Frank Alvarez]

I say, I say, I say he's whatever you want him.

[Joe Santagato]

Which one is rooster?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yes. Male chickens are cocks or roosters.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, what's a chicken?

[Frank Alvarez]

A female chicken?

[Joe Santagato]

No, that's a hen.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's also. I think maybe chicken is like the overarching. That's like that. That's a chicken. It's a male one. Oh, it's a rooster. It's a female one. Oh, it's a hen.

[Joe Santagato]

But they're both chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Frogs and toads. He's looking intently.

[Becca]

Chicken is a general term for the species. And a hen is a mature female chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I'm mature. Yeah. So I'm right.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I said.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I said it.

[Joe Santagato]

I said chicken. I said, what's a chicken?

[Frank Alvarez]

And I specified what the answer was.

[Joe Santagato]

You said female at first. I said ahead.

[Becca]

You know what? I don't like how much you have to do to things to make them work. Like a chicken. You can't if, like the G spot. Yeah, exactly. If, like when a head and lays an egg, you have to incubate it. You can't just eat it like it's

[Frank Alvarez]

an egg, can you? I've never done that.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, people are drinking raw milk these days, like idiots, so.

[Becca]

No, the opposite. You have to incubate it for it to be another chick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, that's why they sit on

[Becca]

them Sit on it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like that's why, like I don't know what that was and I'm not gonna ask.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, what was that?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's why they'll. That like that's the whole like sitting on it is. They're providing the warmth that would be through incubation. Because it's like heat, isn't it?

[Joe Santagato]

That makes the animal, that makes them. No, they have to be fertilized.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, eggs don't need to be. How would eggs be fertilized? They're a shell.

[Joe Santagato]

No, like if it's gonna be a chick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but how do you fertilize an egg when the shell is already around

[Joe Santagato]

it before they get laid?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, but like it's like you could get a.

[Joe Santagato]

It's got a shell along the way.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but what I'm saying is like you need to like once the shell is. Once the egg is down, it could still turn into.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, no, no, no. They lay eggs if they're not like.

[Frank Alvarez]

So eggs are just non fertilized chicks?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

So they're, they're laying blanks?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes. Every day. I didn't know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, I know that they lay eggs every day. It's crazy. Their body.

[Joe Santagato]

You thought that they just lay eggs, but the ones they sit on are the ones that become chicks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Where does sex come into any of that? You didn't think it did.

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't go a step further and think about chicken sex.

[Becca]

Does that mean you think that you can accidentally crack an egg for breakfast and there be a chicken?

[Joe Santagato]

I, I used to think that.

[Becca]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

But no, you can't. Well, I mean, you, I, I assume you can.

[Becca]

Something went wrong. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, that would be terrifying. I have cracked an egg and it's twins.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it's kind of mean.

[Joe Santagato]

But one time I saw a tick tock of a girl crack an egg and she was like making something and it came out and there was like some black shit in it and I

[Frank Alvarez]

was like, yeah, what is that?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Have you ever seen balut?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes. Is that Vietnamese?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know where it's from.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it is Vietnamese.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I'll tell you this, it does not look appealing. Cuz that, that I think is like what we're referencing, right? It's like it's, it's a, it's a fertilized egg that like they cook then, Right?

[Becca]

You say you'd eat it.

[Joe Santagato]

Balut. Yeah, it's A thing.

[Becca]

They eat it. Oh, I thought you said you would eat it.

[Joe Santagato]

I would eat it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, man.

[Becca]

I don't think I can.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I would try it. If it's like a delicacy in someone's country, I'll try it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but so are century Eggs, but we ate those and I did eat

[Joe Santagato]

them, and those were. I didn't like.

[Frank Alvarez]

They were. They are also a delicacy in places and they were not good.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't know how those are likable, to be honest with you. Can you look up Ballute? Let's. Let's get a look.

[Becca]

I don't know if you're supposed to.

[Joe Santagato]

What, Toss this up here. Well, what is food?

[Becca]

Well, it's not. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, that's balut.

[Frank Alvarez]

What did you think it was?

[Joe Santagato]

Not that.

[Frank Alvarez]

What did you think balut was?

[Joe Santagato]

I just thought it was something and I didn't think it was. What is it?

[Becca]

I can't eat this.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I wouldn't. If it has a beak, I'm good.

[Becca]

That's why I'm saying I can't eat this.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if we could fertilize duck egg. Can you look up what balut is?

[Becca]

Just like what it. What it is?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like, what's the. What's the what. What. What is it?

[Becca]

What is it?

[Joe Santagato]

This is. It is a fertilized duck egg. Yeah. Incubated for two to three weeks, boiled and eaten in the shell. Popular street food in the Philippines, Vietnam and Cambodia.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I want to eat?

[Becca]

Yeah, I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know about.

[Becca]

That's not.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, that's heavy. That's heavy.

[Becca]

Yeah, it's not for me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I want to eat. I want to eat an ostrich egg. You ever seen someone cook an ostrich egg?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, they're huge.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, I would love to eat an ostrich. That'd be cool.

[Joe Santagato]

You think they taste different?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure they do.

[Joe Santagato]

They look similar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they do, but like, they aren't chicken eggs. Like, we've. Have you ever eaten an egg? Not of a chicken?

[Joe Santagato]

I've had quail.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Quail egg.

[Joe Santagato]

But that's like egg. It's a bird.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but I mean, they all have different. I guess you wouldn't be able to tell with your palette. Especially now after it's getting fucking gang banged.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you putting down my palate?

[Frank Alvarez]

You have openly admitted to not having the best palette.

[Joe Santagato]

I say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. It's your palette.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not good at salt. And, like, which.

[Becca]

Which one of you two would you say is more adventurous with food?

[Frank Alvarez]

So I feel like that's a great question. I. I think I only don't. I just.

[Joe Santagato]

The only thing I won't eat is tuna fish. Like, I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I guess by definition I am. But then I won't eat anything like honey mustard. And you will.

[Joe Santagato]

You won't eat anything with honey mustard. Honey mustard's fantastic.

[Becca]

It's very good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I have stuff with mustard.

[Joe Santagato]

I think either of us are, like, picky eaters.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think if you were to ask 15 years ago, it would be a radically different answer. I think you were a lot less adventurous at that point in life.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. But not anymore. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What about you? Are you an adventurous eater?

[Becca]

If I look at it, I can tell if I'll like it or not.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like the.

[Becca]

I don't. I don't like the people that say, like, oh, you haven't tried. It's like, no, I can. I can see. I can see. I'm not gonna like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, there are certain. Agree with that. I do, to an extent. Only when it comes to, like, if you're big with, like, the texture of food. Because I can understand people that look at oysters and they're like, listen, I've never had an oyster, but just looking at it, I can tell I'm not gonna like it because of the texture with taste. Then you have to try it. Like, I can't.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, are there foods that you won't eat?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was talking about this yesterday. That's so interesting. You bring up the only one I can think of. Is there a meat you won't eat?

[Becca]

No, I don't think there's a meat I won't eat, but me, I won't eat. But fish. I think I said this. Like, I like shellfish. I prefer shellfish over fish.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a. Like a branzino.

[Becca]

Yeah. I don't like. I don't like it.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't like the way a branzino looks? I feel like that's aesthetically pleasing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like, if anything, that's more aesthetically pleasing than shellfish.

[Becca]

Yeah, Bronzino is definitely not aesthetically pleasing.

[Joe Santagato]

Shellfish is.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, it is.

[Becca]

It's a full. The full head of the fish is there. And the tail.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it looks incredible. Like, look at what I just roasted. Like a caveman.

[Joe Santagato]

What about salmon? But that. What? There's no head.

[Becca]

Yeah, I know the head. The Head is absent from there.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, if you're not eating a branzino on a salmon, you can kiss get some eater goodbye.

[Frank Alvarez]

And guess what the salmon does have Frenular delta. Probably.

[Joe Santagato]

Probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, the head might be gone, but the deltas there.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Triangle.

[Becca]

I'm gonna have to count that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but no, that's a. That's the reference to the Will Smith.

[Becca]

Yeah, but you looked at him.

[Joe Santagato]

Triangle, bitch. What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

What movie was that where he said

[Becca]

that and I just making it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, I remember.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you're trying to get me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I'm dead serious. I'm not trying to get you.

[Becca]

It's not in his eyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm dead serious. I'm not trying to get you here.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't really reference too many Will Smith, man.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I'll remember it after the show.

[Joe Santagato]

What about octopus?

[Becca]

Oh, charred octopus. I like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What about Gala Mod?

[Frank Alvarez]

God damad.

[Joe Santagato]

God damad.

[Frank Alvarez]

God damage from Mr. Gabagool, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I would love to be like on a pirate ship. Oh. And attacked. But I mean, I actually, I don't want to be attacked. I would like to watch an attack.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of what?

[Joe Santagato]

Of like a giant octopus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, hell no. You want to watch people die?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I hope they don't, but I'm so far away that I don't know if they.

[Frank Alvarez]

I imagine that if there is a ship that is attacked by a giant octopus and or squid, there will be some casualties involved.

[Becca]

Are we referring to a Kraken?

[Joe Santagato]

Could be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kraken?

[Joe Santagato]

Is a Kraken an octopus?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I think a Kraken is a mythological one. I think like giant squids and giant octopi exist.

[Joe Santagato]

Octopi.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I think a Kraken is like a mythological like version of those. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm just saying, like you ever see like in a movie or something where it's like a ship and then there's like big octopus. Octopus. Octopus. The post legs like coming over and just kind of drags it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Apparently there's a deadly octopus that will ruin your day.

[Becca]

Blue ring.

[Frank Alvarez]

Blue ring octopus. I just watched a movie and they had it in there. Oh, fucking how? Like you get bit by them and they release like a toxin that like.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like poison.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's. Did you watch that movie Send like octopus though?

[Joe Santagato]

Did you watch my octopus teacher? Dude?

[Frank Alvarez]

This guy wanted to fuck that octopus. He wanted to have sex with that octopus.

[Joe Santagato]

I only like giant octopus though.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I like. Cool. I like the ones where they put like jars of Food in there. And they're like, look at how smart they are. I love that, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but like, giant octopus and, like, ships.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love looking at, like, octopus. Get onto, like, a big ship and then there's, like, a little hole and there's like, look at him get out.

[Joe Santagato]

Seen that where they had, like, an octopus and it's just going. And then all of a sudden just goes through a hole this big. Like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Or like, the ones that can, like, camouflage and that you're following and following it, and then it's gone.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't understand how animals can do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have. I shouldn't say. I have a theory. Becca has a theory that she has instilled upon me, and I kind of agree with it. Octopus are aliens.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, looking at them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, but, like, looking at them, what they can do, how they move. Like, they are. They are the. If we're gonna look at the whole animal kingdom on our planet, that's the one that'll look like me. Like, that's an alien, dude. That's not from here.

[Joe Santagato]

How big does a giant squid get?

[Becca]

They just found one recently, I think. Or they saw one.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, like, that's like a normal.

[Frank Alvarez]

Their videos. A giant squid. Because I don't want to get freaked out.

[Becca]

I think there's one, but it's a second and then. So what's the biggest giant.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like, how big do giant squid.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pictures of giant squids and how big they get. What? Giant and colossal squid. That's from Reddit. So it could be fake.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, wait, wait. You're also using Gemini Reading, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

The largest invertebrates on Earth, with females reaching total lengths of around 43 to 59ft.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that doesn't count. That's just their legs, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

They typically weigh 440 to 600 pounds. Excuse me.

[Frank Alvarez]

You imagine that? Got a model?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's unlimited gobble on gobble. A mom.

[Frank Alvarez]

That could feed a whole group of Mr. Gobble Ghouls.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. 43ft.

[Becca]

Yeah, I would go off. This site is pretty good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm sure they can get there, but until, like, someone has a picture of one, I don't fucking believe it.

[Joe Santagato]

Can a giant. I mean, giant squid are, like, real, obviously, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep. Yeah, but I don't think they're that real.

[Joe Santagato]

Can they actually, like. Is this a stupid question?

[Frank Alvarez]

Take down a ship? I don't think.

[Becca]

I don't think. I don't think.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think a 43. Maybe a small ship, do you think, like, sailboat or something?

[Joe Santagato]

Pirates got, like, killed by them one day.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know, man. I guess anything is possible.

[Joe Santagato]

God, that's scary.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, I want to see a picture. Giant squid. Show it to me now. Holy. That's not real. That's not real.

[Becca]

No, it's not real. I'm trying to find the one that.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, they're so gross. I like them, though, a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do. Like, I mean, the single eye thing freaks me out.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like imagining it touching me. And like, suction cupping to me is. Is like. I got.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've cooked octopus and I've gotten freaked out because, like, the suction cups still work. I'm gonna look like, bro, I heard a thing that, like, they have somewhere, like, let's say it's like 300. It might be more, it might be less, but let's say it's like 300 individual cups. They can control each and every one of them individually.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't they have eight brains or something like that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought I saw something like four

[Joe Santagato]

brains or four hearts.

[Frank Alvarez]

Four hearts, four farts, something. They got something like that. King of diamonds, but, like, they can, like, do that shit. And it's just like, whoa, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's just.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's just nuts.

[Joe Santagato]

I fudge with them, but, like, chill out, you know what I mean? What are you intently looking at?

[Becca]

Trying to find the one I was talking about. I think I found it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just like the idea of them fucking ruins my day.

[Joe Santagato]

Of an octopus.

[Frank Alvarez]

Of a giant one. Yeah. Because, like, if I see that in the water, I'm pretty happy knowing that, like, humans are the top of the food chain. So, like, the idea that, like, I know other animals exist that can also threaten that, like bear and lion and tiger.

[Becca]

So this is what they found.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I saw this.

[Joe Santagato]

This is.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's not giant. It's just like some fucker that's long.

[Joe Santagato]

What the fuck? Now that's not real, is it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I've seen this before.

[Becca]

And then they. They make a representation of the scale,

[Frank Alvarez]

but I don't think that's a. That's a. That's more of a jellyfish.

[Becca]

It was something, but this is like the longest one they found.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, wow.

[Becca]

I mean, if you talk about something that looks most like an alien, I mean, look at. Look at that.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll be honest with you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude, that looks like the thing from. Nope.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, bro, I don't like things that have long. Like, that are like that. Forget about that. Like, imagine like, even seaweed. I'm like, oh, yeah. Too long.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those. Yeah. I don't like, like, when you're swimming and you touch seaweed, and it's just like, I'm too close to the ground.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't even touched seaweed, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

God, I just.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I know. I haven't touched seaweed in a bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was my least favorite, like, being at, like, the lake, like, as you're, like, going closer to the shore and you get to, like, the area where it's like. You're like. It's like you're far enough that, like, it's not like you can walk, but, like, you put your feet down and it's, like, all seaweedy and it's, like, yucky.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like it.

[Becca]

I don't like it either.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, good gosh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What do we name this one?

[Joe Santagato]

Who the hell knows? Ended on octopus and ships, and we

[Frank Alvarez]

started with Mr. Gabagool.

[Joe Santagato]

We started with Mr. Gabagool. And this is where it leads.

[Frank Alvarez]

Mr. Gabagool's neighborhood. This is your Mr. Gabagoul's neighborhood. We should. For one episode or for one week? It shouldn't be standing out of studios. It should be Gabagoola studios.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, we're gonna get back to you with some other great ideas. Next time, Frank.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where can they find you, Frank Alvarez? All over the place. Go check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. And then patreon. Patreon.com and. Nope. Nope.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, we'll see you guys.

[Frank Alvarez]

For what he did with those jelly beans, he doesn't deserve it.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.