#555 - Hobby Horsing Around

Summary

The Basement Yard #555 – "Hobby Horsing Around"

Release Date: May 18, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Guest: Ant (Regular show contributor)

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Joe and Frank—joined by Ant—riff on a smorgasbord of topics, blending nostalgia, viral internet trends, and personal stories in true "Basement Yard" fashion. The trio dive into everything from TikTok cleaning obsessions and odd athletic competitions (like hobby horsing), to bar shot gimmicks, olfactory quirks, haunted places, and an in-depth (and hilarious) debate about what counts as "distance" when it comes to exercise... even bringing sex into the equation. The tone vacillates between nostalgic, absurd, and surprisingly scientific, showcasing the dynamic, banter-heavy chemistry that fans of the show love.

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Key Topics & Segments

1. European Lifestyle & Growing Older

[00:30–03:45]

• Joe jokes about bringing "European" habits home: more linen, an espresso machine, soccer fandom.
  • "I'm really into soccer right now." — Joe, [01:09]
  • Frank teases Joe about becoming a coffee snob: "You need to become one of those people that does, like, the espresso ro…” [01:21]
• Ant sips a Brisk iced tea, sparking a nostalgic tangent about iced tea cartons and school lunch experiences.

2. School Lunches, Nostalgia, and Getting Dirty

[03:46–06:57]

• The group reminisces about school lunches, old cafeteria ladies, and bargain iced teas ("Sips").
• Joe and Frank nostalgically discuss the joy of getting muddy as kids and the appeal of "mudding”—celebrating the simple fun of dirt, and admiring people who "get it right."
  • "Being dirty and mud is fire. That's one thing rednecks have gotten right." — Joe, [05:06]

3. Obsessions: Viral “Pool Boy” TikToks

[06:57–14:38]

• Joe describes his TikTok rabbit hole: watching pool cleaning transformation videos.
  • "Let me reword that. I'm obsessed with watching, like, pool boys do their thing…" — Joe, [06:37]
• They joke about the oddly satisfying aspects of the videos, from opening chemical bags to the process of shocking green pools.
• Frank admits, "Your favorite part of the year ... will be opening that pool" — [14:58]
• The conversation veers into absurdity, as Frank details his dad’s method of siphoning disgusting pool water, risking “biohazard” exposure.
  • "My dad...puts...the hose in the pool and has to suck the other end...with a biohazard pool filled with green." — Joe, [15:40]

4. Unusual Pleasures: Smells, Farm Animals & Centaur Fantasies

[18:04–22:49]

• The trio swap confessions about enjoying "bad" smells—gasoline, gym stink, horse and cow manure.
  • "I like my own stink and my own funky." — Frank, [18:17]
• Joe: “I love the smell of horseshit, but I didn’t grow up around horses…’Love’ is crazy.” [20:11]
• In possibly the most memorable tangent, they debate whether they’d kiss a centaur, which leads to fantasy scenarios about riding centaur partners to work.
  • "That would be so sick, dude." — Frank, [22:05]

5. Hobby Horsing & Athleticism

[25:05–28:43]

• Joe introduces the phenomenon of "hobby horsing”—people (mainly kids/teens) who emulate equestrian show jumping with a stick horse.
• Frank is incredulous but ultimately claims he could out-jump hobby horse athletes:
  • "I have my own confidence, and that’s all I need." — Frank, [29:39]
• Ant and Joe challenge Frank to a real-life hobby horse jump-off, hilariously debating the logistics and likelihood of injury.

6. Gimmicky Bar Shots & Drinking Rituals

[33:29–47:02]

• Joe brings up viral bar shot "rituals," like getting slapped or doused with water after drinking.
  • Frank: "I'm not signing up for that. No fucking way, back..." [34:54]
• The group (with much laughter) lists other drinking traditions: Irish Car Bombs, blow job shots, body shots, and “haircuts” (peppermint schnapps + chocolate syrup, poured “barber shop” style).
• They wonder at the prevalence and pointlessness of wild shot rituals, with Frank recalling a Coyote Ugly bar experience:
  • "They pour shots in people’s mouths...I must have drank a whole bottle, because I knew all the songs." — Frank, [41:48]

7. Urban Legends, Ouija Boards & Haunted Places

[47:28–52:24]

• Talk turns to rituals like “Bloody Mary” and “Candyman” in the mirror, and playing with Ouija boards.
  • Joe refuses to believe most childhood ghost stories: "I refuse to believe anyone's stories, especially if they were a kid." — Joe, [48:46]
• Frank and Ant reminisce about exploring abandoned “haunted” hospitals and cemeteries as kids.

8. Exercising for Medals: The Great Hump Debate

[55:13–66:16]

• Ant introduces a “virtual race” challenge, where cumulative miles earn themed medals (e.g., Infinity Gauntlet from Marvel, Scooby Doo gang medal).
• Frank embarks on a tongue-in-cheek campaign: can “humping” (sex) count toward earning race medals?
  • A hilarious, detailed math breakdown follows: "If 1 hump is 2 feet, then 2,640 humps = 1 mile." [60:51]
  • "33 minutes of a sexual encounter is a mile with no stopping humpage.” — Frank recapping their insane calculations [63:40]
• Joe reluctantly agrees: "Yeah, if you’d like. If you’re gonna do the math." [64:02]

9. Medals, Motivation, and Internal Dialogues

[66:16–72:35]

• The group discusses the psychological draw of “cool” race medals and the debate of biking/cycling vs running for distance.
• Ant shares details about his “Scooby Doo” team challenge.
• Frank admits: "Now that I saw that...there’s some really cool hardware. Not like ‘I did the NYC marathon’—I want the Scooby medal.” [71:12]

10. Petty Grievances & Self-Talk

[74:21–76:50]

• Frank and Joe joke about yelling at inanimate objects and themselves—dishwashers, kitchen islands, laundry—a surprisingly relatable, vulnerable window.
  • “I have spoken to inanimate objects with such disdain...if it comes out they have a soul, I’m going to have to repent.” — Frank, [74:54]
  • Joe: "If I do something stupid, I'm like...you're literally worthless." [76:21]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On pool TikTok:
  • “To me, they’re pool boys...the pool’s all fucked. It’s like a swamp, like Shrek lives there...” — Joe, [07:16]
• Centaur fantasy:
  • “Now that I’m thinking about [my wife] potentially as a centaur, one day out of the year, she’s got a horse body.” — Frank, [22:31]
• On hobby horsing athleticism:
  • “You’re not a hobby horser. You could never be...you’ll never be a hobby horser.” — Joe to Frank, [27:32]
• Drinking gimmicks:
  • “I mean, they had one in New York...they also made a movie. Remember the Coyote Ugly movie?” — Frank, [43:19]
• On math & sex as ‘distance’:
  • “So if I ran or cycled five miles and then at home I humped another mile, could that help?” — Frank, [64:02]
  • “You think about it—there are corn stars out there that are basically ultra-marathon runners.” — Frank, [66:16]
• The group’s existential humor:
  • “That’s how we start every day—look in the mirror and go...” — Joe, [77:00]

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Engaging, Weird, and Wholesome

• Recurring Themes:

  • Viral internet obsessions, the ridiculousness of modern bar culture, the nostalgia of childhood, points where grossness becomes pride, the endless urge to gamify adulthood, and the delightful confusion of being a grown-up kid.

• Dynamism:

  • The banter is unscripted, self-deprecating, and purposely circuitous—embracing the absurd. Joe and Frank mock each other lovingly, with Ant playing the perfect deadpan counterbalance.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• European Habits & Nostalgia - [00:30–03:45]
• Pool Boy TikTok & Mud Talk - [06:37–15:36]
• "Bad" Smells & Animal Odors - [18:04–20:28]
• Centaur & Hobby Horse Tangents - [20:39–29:39]
• Gimmicky Bar Shots - [33:39–47:02]
• Urban Legends & Haunted Stuff - [47:28–52:24]
• The "Humping a Mile" Debate - [55:13–66:16]
• Race Medals & Motivation - [66:16–72:35]
• Inanimate Object Rants & Self-Talk - [74:21–76:50]

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential display of The Basement Yard’s blend of guy-next-door nostalgia, internet-culture riffing, and over-the-top hypotheticals. The hosts’ willingness to earnestly explore the logic of hobby horsing, bar rituals, and whether copulating can supplants jogging as exercise makes for a genuinely funny, surprising, and entirely on-brand listen.

Recommended for:
Fans seeking a playful, adult, and occasionally gross-out brand of comedy that’s rooted in friendship and unfiltered riffing.

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Transcript

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[Joe Sanigal]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm doing well, thank you. We're here. We're joined by someone in witness protection.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who you hiding from? What the fuck are you doing?

[Joe Sanigal]

Sliding sunglasses indoors.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is everything okay? I mean, you do that sometimes, too, so don't point that finger too much.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, but I do it when I get back from Europe.

[Frank Alvarez]

You recently did it.

[Ant]

Did I?

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you mean, did I do it? Oh, do you, like, go to Europe in your mind, in your home?

[Joe Sanigal]

No. Maybe. I mean, yeah, I'm sure I did.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's the most Europe thing you brought back with you for all the times you went to Europe?

[Joe Sanigal]

Linen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. I'm about that. Honestly, I'm not gonna argue about against

[Joe Sanigal]

a lot of linen. I'm really into soccer right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is a big European thing.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm very in it now. I have an espresso machine, so. I have espresso.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you? Yeah, I'm like, you need to become one of those.

[Joe Sanigal]

Like, I'm gonna really get into aperol spritzes, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that you could. You could do without those. Well, you need to become one of those people that does, like, the, like, espresso ro. Where they, like, measure the beans and they spray them and then they do them. Yes, bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

When people. Sometimes people make coffee on the Internet and it looks very involved, like, it seems like it's probably worth it, but I'm like, man, how long does this take? Especially with filming all of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm like, bro, I mean, I get it. I think I've openly said this before because, you know, like, the making of certain teas can take a little longer than possible. You know, the normal, too, because, like, you have to warm it up, then you dump it out, and then you put the dry leaves in. Then you smell it and you shake it. It's about just, like, doing something. The process, like, it's just.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell do you think this is? How comfortable are you getting?

[Joe Sanigal]

Look what you did.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look what you did to him now. Sorry, are we boring you, sir?

[Joe Sanigal]

Also, you're drinking a brisk iced tea. Was it 1998. And it's recess.

[Frank Alvarez]

God, I wish it was.

[Joe Sanigal]

I do too. Those are great.

[Frank Alvarez]

Those are good. Really good. But you're not allowed. You're not getting away with it.

[Ant]

Frankie was just going on about teas and I was just. I got thirsty.

[Frank Alvarez]

You see, you know, like, people believe

[Joe Sanigal]

the respect is dwindling.

[Frank Alvarez]

Clearly they think that, like, I was, like, bullying you. You guys don't see when these cameras are off and it's such a.

[Joe Sanigal]

Look at them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your fucking father's gonna hear about this. Wait till your dad hears about this. The legitimate lack of respect. I might have a smile on, but watch this. I smiled again.

[Ant]

My bad.

[Joe Sanigal]

What were you talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. It could have been the most important thing in the world, but fucking. Yeah. The nesty iceman over there needed to brisk. I do like a good brisk.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, my God. If I had a 2 liter of it, I could literally just keep drinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do they make two liters of brisk?

[Joe Sanigal]

They did. I know they did because I had I.

[Frank Alvarez]

The only iced tea we used to have in our house. You know, this was a sips. Sips iced tea. You know, Sissips.

[Joe Sanigal]

They had money.

[Frank Alvarez]

They.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's why.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, he didn't have this.

[Joe Sanigal]

Sips was like on sale always.

[Ant]

Like a Lipton.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like. No, it came in a carton. A carton of iced tea.

[Joe Sanigal]

It was like milk.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it looked like. The carton looked like milk, but it was iced tea. And they. And they were like a dollar a carton. And that's why my mom would get them.

[Ant]

What color was the carton?

[Joe Sanigal]

Black.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like.

[Ant]

I do know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like black and like there was like brown and yellow mixed in there.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, can you pull up this sip sized tea carton? I want to see how they're.

[Joe Sanigal]

When I see this, I just. Are you listening to the sips?

[Frank Alvarez]

There she is. Oh, what a beaut. That first one.

[Joe Sanigal]

That first one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was. I probably drank more of that than water in my entire life.

[Ant]

In my lunchbox, I would have these little gray ones.

[Joe Sanigal]

Get out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

He would. In his lunchbox. You know what my lunch was?

[Joe Sanigal]

Whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

The old lady at lunch was slopping on my plate that day.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's true. You know, that was our launch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Growing up, old women hated lunch.

[Joe Sanigal]

I thought they loved lunch.

[Frank Alvarez]

They love. Just throw it. And I'll be honest with you. I'll be really honest with you.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

In my old age, I've learned to love it. If I was to ladle something and I Could slap it on someone's plate. I would.

[Joe Sanigal]

What did they used to ladle onto our. Oh, like a ravioli.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Sloppy joes.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, but like, even that little

[Joe Sanigal]

medley of, like, broccoli and some other shit was water.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was. It looked like it was just like. It was just steamed vegetables. That's it. That there's nothing else to it.

[Joe Sanigal]

There was a lot of water, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot.

[Joe Sanigal]

It was basically like, be melting the plastic of my little plate.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, it really would. But, like, have you ever, like, just taken mud and just thrown it and watch it, like,

[Joe Sanigal]

thrown mud and watch it on the sidewalk? Yeah, probably.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's so good, dude.

[Joe Sanigal]

Being dirty and mud is fire. Like, I would. Like, that's one thing that, like, rednecks have gotten, right. Like, going out with your buddies and getting in a truck and really getting it stuck in the mud and going mudding with your mud.

[Frank Alvarez]

Something recently. I don't know who he is, but there's a guy, he does like, comedy stuff on TikTok and he just has a fat ass. Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got a giant fucking butt, but

[Joe Sanigal]

he does, like, mad athletic shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

He does, like, he'll be like, but

[Joe Sanigal]

he's got a fat.

[Frank Alvarez]

He'll do a backflip. But he's just got a fucking giant ass.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. It's like, look at this guy doing a backflip, which is cool, but then he's got a fat ass. You're like, hold on, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like. And like, I'm not. I'm not gay, but, like, this guy's ass is fucking huge.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you prefacing that because it gets you going?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Ant]

Why'd you have to distinguish that in the first place?

[Joe Sanigal]

We know he has a fat ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. I want it. Like, I'm not like. Just like. What I was going to mention and, like, point out was that, like, you can't help but look at this dude's giant fucking fat ass.

[Joe Sanigal]

I can't take my eyes off that fat ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then he's going in, like, recently was at, like, a rave in a mud pit in Hell, yeah. In Florida. Do you know who I'm talking about?

[Ant]

I know he looks like a mustache.

[Joe Sanigal]

You know, that fucking ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got a mustache. He's got a mustache and he wears, like, a brown jumpsuit.

[Joe Sanigal]

He's got khaki shorts and there's just ass shoved into it, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it was like, him at, like, a rave in the mud In Florida

[Joe Sanigal]

with his fat ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

With me with his fat ass. I'm pantsed. His fat ass was pants. I have a feeling it's not real.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, it's got to be fake.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's got to be a fake fat ass.

[Joe Sanigal]

Unless he got a bbl, which I

[Frank Alvarez]

respect, I. I don't feel any way about it, but, you know, all the power to him.

[Joe Sanigal]

I would go in the mud and just get dirty. Yeah, man, Just get muddy, boy. Get muddy. You know what my new obsession is on TikTok? I, like, I've stumbled on this down this rabbit hole before, but I recently just stumbled back into the rabbit hole of watching, like. I'm obsessed with watching, like, pool boys do their thing. Let me reword that. Let me reword that. A different.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let me.

[Joe Sanigal]

You know what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's strike that from the record. I got it.

[Joe Sanigal]

I got it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll tee you up. Get rid of that. I'll tee you up and then you. All right, I got you. So, Joe, I know you've been watching a lot of pool boy videos.

[Joe Sanigal]

You think that's better? No, but, like, you know, and, like, I don't know what to call them because to me, they're pool boys.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pool people who clean pools. People. Pool people.

[Joe Sanigal]

But dudes who, like, they go to a pool, it's all fucked. It's like a swamp. It's like Shrek lives there. And then they're like, oh, I got a shock it. And they're, like, stepping. They're dipping shit. And they're like, the. Is off.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they're throwing those pellets in. And then like that.

[Joe Sanigal]

Then they got like a bag on the side. And then he cuts it open. It's like, yeah. Goes in. He like, brother, shit is about to be clean.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have never slit the throat of and bag, but I would love to have a bag and hold the top of it. It's like.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And just fucking let it rip.

[Ant]

Hold it at the top. You take the knife.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ant]

Right through, dude.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'd make a different noise, but. Yes.

[Ant]

What noise would you make?

[Joe Sanigal]

Not that one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that one sucked. No, that's a good.

[Joe Sanigal]

All right.

[Ant]

That was better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Top three noises you would make if you were to slit the throat of a bag of salt.

[Joe Sanigal]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I would say.

[Joe Sanigal]

The first one would be an angry one. Yeah. Like, I would like. I'm.

[Ant]

This is.

[Joe Sanigal]

You know, I like how you're also

[Frank Alvarez]

holding the forehead of the bag, too.

[Joe Sanigal]

You gotta. You gotta hold in place.

[Ant]

I'm sorry.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I asked you make me do this. Oh, that was a. That was an intense one.

[Joe Sanigal]

That was also slow, which is bad. You gotta go quick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Joe Sanigal]

Not that I've ever cut anyone's head off before or.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so the first one was you. You made me do this. And what's the third one? Are you going with a classic? Like, I'm so sorry. He.

[Joe Sanigal]

He is.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

You said that. I'm sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know that I would do that. I think I'd do the like.

[Joe Sanigal]

And, like, the blood's, like, getting on your face. Yeah, whatever. I don't care.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you're just holding them as they're

[Joe Sanigal]

like, bro, I can tell you this is dark. Yeah, it is terrible. I can tell you this right now. If I was cutting someone's head off, right? If I happen to find myself in the situation where I have to, for some reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Nothing else to do but cut a head off, right?

[Joe Sanigal]

So I could be the angriest I've ever been in my life, which I would be. I'm decapitating a person. This is getting demonetized. And I did get any sort of blood on me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you would be. I'd be like.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'd be so angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which is so interesting because you're full. You're good to go in mud, but you're not good with the blood.

[Joe Sanigal]

You think just because they're right, they rhyme. They're the same.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no.

[Joe Sanigal]

But, like, blood is so different than mud.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, blood can carry, you know, like, disease and pathogens and shit like that. But, like, I. I'm almost more afraid of whatever bacteria is in the mud than in the blood.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's just dirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you think that. You think that it's just a sterile thing of mud. Mud. You can't sterilize mud.

[Joe Sanigal]

You would rather. Let me ask you a question. Would you rather dump a pint of blood on your head or a pint of mud?

[Frank Alvarez]

Mud. But if I'm going to swim in it, I think there's a. There's an argument to be made that I'm more worried about the mud than the blood.

[Joe Sanigal]

That is so.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, don't get me wrong, the blood would be gross. This is. We have ultra demonetized this video. We're going to be paying. We're going to be paying what? We're going to be paying. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like. I get. I get why blood is gross. I'm not sitting there. I'm not like one of those People that, like, sees blood, they're like, me neither.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, there's an argument to be made that I would be more concerned about the mud bacteria than the blood's bacteria.

[Joe Sanigal]

Have you ever gotten blood on you that you. You didn't know where it was from? Like, it was someone else's blood?

[Frank Alvarez]

I've gotten somebody else's blood on me before, yes.

[Joe Sanigal]

Do you know who. You knew who they were?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, that's fine. I mean, no, no, because, like, I don't have a problem with that. Like, if I got.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you'll. You'll be. You'll. You're cool with my blood?

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm like, I'm not cool with it. I, like, I would Wouldn't like it. I'd be like, bro. And I'd, like, wash my arm a lot, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you'd go to a lot of doctors.

[Joe Sanigal]

I could tell you. No, I probably wouldn't do that. But if I got. This happened to me one time where I went to the gym, and I got home, and I don't know how this happened, dude, but then I like. Or maybe I didn't get home. I was, like, in the locker room after my workout, and I look at my hand, and there was blood on my hand, but I didn't have any cuts. So someone must have, like, ripped one of their, like, calluses or something, and they started bleeding on something, and then I touched it. I'll tell you what.

[Frank Alvarez]

Long day.

[Joe Sanigal]

Definitely traumatized the boy a bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Long day.

[Joe Sanigal]

I was in the sink, like, going crazy on my hands.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, have you seen weapons yet?

[Joe Sanigal]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, there's a part in weapons that. I mean, it's not as much blood, but, like, the guy, like, puts his hand in someone's pocket and fully gets pricked with a needle.

[Joe Sanigal]

I can't even think about that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, that would be bad. I knew someone that. That happened to.

[Joe Sanigal]

They got hit with a needle.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. So they used to work at the. I think it was the House of Blues in Boston. And they had, like, talent there, and they, like the talent, said, like, can you go get something for me in my bag?

[Joe Sanigal]

Or something like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they put their hand in the bag, and they got pricked by a needle.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I remember speaking with her, and she was like, I'm on a cocktail. Like, yeah, it's like six pills three times a day for, like, six months.

[Joe Sanigal]

I love how they call it a cocktail.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

You put all these. These pills in a pina colada.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, I'll go out of my way to get sick for a pinagula.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. Why don't they make them in cocktail form? Like, legitimate cocktail form? What if, like, hear me out. Seriously, if it was like, all right, I need. I know. I need to take my Tylenol, and you could get like, the regular Tylenol pills. Tylenol, extra strength Tylenol, liquid gels, Tylenol, pina colada, or a Tylenol margarita. Like a. But like, there's no alcohol in it.

[Joe Sanigal]

Wait, hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Well, then that's.

[Ant]

That's where we draw the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa. No, that's being incredibly irresponsible. Yeah, but like, if it were just like, margarita flavored drink, but there's just liquid Tylenol in it instead of alcohol.

[Joe Sanigal]

What's worse? Having to, like, if. If you're taking pills with an actual margarita that has alcohol in it, or if you own something that makes drinks taste like a margarita, but there's no alcohol in it, but you just like the taste of a mark.

[Frank Alvarez]

You asked the question saying, what's worse? And I. I'll be honest with you, I didn't see anything in your description that made either significantly worse.

[Joe Sanigal]

They're the same, actually.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no. The. Taking the medicine with alcohol is the worst option. Let's make that. Let's make that very, very clear.

[Joe Sanigal]

I feel like I may have done that in my life.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure we all have accidentally taken an Advil at 6 and then at 8 had a drink.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, no, I'm talking about washed the pill down.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's not good.

[Ant]

When you're hungover, you just grind a little Advil into the beer. Hair, the dog, you're fine.

[Joe Sanigal]

First of all, that is a disgusting thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's. That's a legitimate thing I'm concerned about. After you said that, like, that sounds. That sounds dangerous.

[Joe Sanigal]

You don't like that, huh? You do. Oh, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate you. Want to hear your employee as a.

[Ant]

Don't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pill popper.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't like beer. It's a Tylenol.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's still a pill.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're not a pill popper for taking Tylenol.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm sure people abuse Tylenol and acetaminophen as. As a drug.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's mf.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what it's called.

[Ant]

He's dropping real, real names on you.

[Joe Sanigal]

I think he called you super feminine.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think back. I did not say that. I did Not. But if you were cool. Yeah, I think that would be, like, a good way to do it. Wait a sec.

[Joe Sanigal]

Pull, boys.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we just. So you're obsessed with, like, just, like, these, like, young men, shirtless, working on pools.

[Joe Sanigal]

You can't even see the men. They are indeed men, but they. They are wearing, like, a GoPro on their forehead, which I always wonder how that looks when you're, like, going up to someone's house and you're wearing, like, a GoPro on your chest or your forehead. But then they just, like, film, you know, they slid open these bags and all this stuff pours in. And then they're doing or whatever, and they're putting other stuff. And I'm like, I love this, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your favorite part of the year. When. If and when you have a house and if and when it has pool, your favorite part of the year will be opening that pool. Because you're going to see if there's a little dirt and grime in there, and then you clean it out.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't like. I don't like looking at it. I don't like looking at the gunk in a pool.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love.

[Joe Sanigal]

Did I ever tell you about my dad? Don't talk. My dad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I already know where he was going.

[Joe Sanigal]

My dad. So I had a small pool growing. Growing up in my backyard. No one in my whole neighborhood had a pool. We shouldn't have had one. We didn't have the space for it,

[Frank Alvarez]

to be honest with you. It was more of a bath than it was.

[Joe Sanigal]

It was a bowl.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it was cool, though. We had good time in it. You could touch every side of it like this. Like, that's how big it was.

[Joe Sanigal]

But we had a good time in it, for sure. But when we opened it one time, it was just like. Like, it's green. It's disgusting. And my dad's like, I'm going to create a siphon. So he cuts a hose, right? Just like a piece of hose like this. And he puts. And it's a real thing that you can do, but you put one hose in the fucking pool, and then you have to, like, suck the other end. And then for whatever reason, the suction, because the thing is, like, facing down, it will just empty the pool.

[Frank Alvarez]

So my dad's doing this with a biohazard pool filled with green. And he's just going.

[Joe Sanigal]

And he's going, oh, that was close. But. But then, like. So I'm thinking about, like, what are the fumes that he's inhaling right now, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was. It Was possibly like petri dish levels of Bacter, bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

The fact that he's alive is outrageous.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's like a thing on the Internet. Like be afraid of still water.

[Joe Sanigal]

This dude was girl.

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[Joe Sanigal]

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[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Joe Sanigal]

It's time for a trip to Ross.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Joe Sanigal]

Actively trying to get it in his mouth basically.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't think there's a disease on earth. They would turn the other way if they got to his body.

[Frank Alvarez]

So that's how he would drain your pool.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. And he would do it and eventually like, and it takes a few tries because you're not going to get on the first try. You're not the best siphoner in the world. But he would do it and it would hit his lips and he'd immediately vomit everywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

I knew people that did that with gasoline.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, they do a gas.

[Frank Alvarez]

They do a gasoline.

[Joe Sanigal]

Steal it out of people's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I saw it because in like the, at the lake when they were like winterize like boats and jet skis and stuff like that they would have to siphon out the gasoline because gasoline only go. It's good for like three months.

[Joe Sanigal]

Gasoline probably tastes good. Do you think like getting your mouth would probably be like not the coolest but like for a second you'd be

[Frank Alvarez]

like, it's one of those things that probably smells better than it tastes.

[Ant]

Should I get some?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no. I'm not one of those people that's just like, oh, smell like gasoline.

[Joe Sanigal]

Really? I am.

[Frank Alvarez]

I am definitely not.

[Joe Sanigal]

You like markers?

[Frank Alvarez]

Who doesn't like a good marker?

[Joe Sanigal]

Thank you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who doesn't like a good marker?

[Joe Sanigal]

I like something that like, I don't like. You know what I mean? Like, I like smells that I don't like.

[Frank Alvarez]

It could be like, ew.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's what I mean.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like I like I've said this before and I'll say it again. I like my own stench. Yeah, you like, I like my own stink and my own funky.

[Joe Sanigal]

Sometimes when you smell something and it stinks, but you're also like, oh, it stinks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, and then you're proud of it.

[Joe Sanigal]

If no one's around, you won't even say a word. But if other people like, yo, it stinks. But then you're like, yo.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I'm not talking, like, you know, like, the. Like, sniffing your own farts. I'm talking, like, sniffing. I'm talking like, you go to the gym and you come home, and you smell like fucking absolute shit.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he's like, oh, that means like.

[Joe Sanigal]

Like, I worked hard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Think. But like, yeah, I'm proud of what I've done to give me this odor.

[Joe Sanigal]

Right. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, So I said with you. I'm with you there.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's why I said that. In high school, I used to like, my. My football bag. I would open it, and it would stink.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I Like, there's almost something better. Like, I don't like a lingering stink. I like when, like, he's winding it up. I don't like a lingering stink. I like when it just, like, out of nowhere, just like, bang, it hits you. Like when we used to go elmjack where we played little league. Oh, you could be at the entrance of Elm Jack, and it doesn't smell. The moment you step in the gate, like, on the property, you get hit with just fucking butt.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. The lowest of tides and like, it.

[Frank Alvarez]

It stinks. But, like, there's a party that's just like, I fucking love this.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I think if I could break it down from a scientific standpoint, I think the reason we enjoy good stinks is because we also have bad stinks. So, like, if there was not. If you never grew up smelling good stinks, then you just smell bad stinks. Those are your good stinks. Am I making sense there? So, like, say you never. You say you live in the. In.

[Joe Sanigal]

In a.

[Frank Alvarez]

In a dump, Stir.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. Your whole life. You like the bad, you grow.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, that's home. My home is dumpster and shit.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. But I. I love the smell of horseshit. But I didn't grow up around horses. Love is crazy. But I do, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nah. I love horse and cow shit smell.

[Joe Sanigal]

And is it. Is it just the shit, or is it also the shit mixed with the hay?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's also. It's the shit.

[Joe Sanigal]

The hay reminds me of a field trip, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Horses smell, too. Like, horses and big farm animals, they have a scent.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. Alpacas smell like shit. Do like it, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Stinky, but fucking perfect for their brand.

[Ant]

Would you. Would you kiss a centaur?

[Frank Alvarez]

A woman? Sure. Where are you? Oh, a woman center.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I thought. Okay.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't know Would I do it?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

Why? Why not?

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but Centaur is. Centaur is the one that has the horse back.

[Joe Sanigal]

The fat ass.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Minotaur has the. The horse mouth.

[Ant]

Oh, no, the Minotaur is.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you talking about a human woman with a horse's ass? Horse?

[Ant]

Yeah. You just meet in the woods.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I think.

[Joe Sanigal]

Absolutely.

[Ant]

You have to.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think tar. The tar of it. Taur has to do with it. Like, of. Of like. Like Tauros. Like, it's like a bull. It's. It's not a fucking horse.

[Joe Sanigal]

Even better. Not a bull's ass.

[Ant]

That's Minotaur.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's Centaur, there's Minotaur.

[Joe Sanigal]

Regardless, the question is, human woman with a horse body meet in the woods.

[Ant]

Bow and arrow.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's got a bow and arrow.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

You have to.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's even better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do 100.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, she got a bow now, first of all, what am I gonna do? She's got a bow now. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, for, like, the purposes of this conversation, riding that thing would be fun. You know what I mean? Not sex. For the purposes of this.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, dude, you got it. You got it. Can you imagine? Like, that's your wife. It's like. Yeah, like, I took my wife to work.

[Frank Alvarez]

You get on the back of your

[Joe Sanigal]

wife, she runs off like, babe, shoots a bar.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now back up. Like, let's go for a walk. And then I just hop on her back, and she just gallops and every now and then leans back and kisses me. That be so sick, dude. Yeah. Like, can they walk with, like, their

[Joe Sanigal]

bodies fully turned around and, like, we're just chilling, but you're walking us. You know what I mean?

[Ant]

Huh?

[Joe Sanigal]

That'd be nice.

[Frank Alvarez]

Probably. Really?

[Joe Sanigal]

We're talking about now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Sanigal]

Like,

[Frank Alvarez]

I've always said, like, there's no way I could love Becca more, but now that I'm thinking about her potentially as a centaur, one day out of

[Joe Sanigal]

the year, she's got a horse body.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm on board.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. I'm like, one day out of the year, there's a horse body.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, that would be like, giddy up again. That would just be extra. That would just be good. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that would just be more good. I still get her, and I get that she's a horse.

[Joe Sanigal]

I get to ride a horse. Who doesn't like riding horses?

[Frank Alvarez]

That is. That is a great, great, great point.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, have that. Has anyone wrote a horse people who don't like riding horses and probably never ridden one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right? I Mean, I know there are people that probably don't like riding horses.

[Ant]

Have you ridden a horse?

[Joe Sanigal]

Pony. But I was small, so it was a horse.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I rode horses like last year.

[Joe Sanigal]

I remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, they got them all by us, baby.

[Joe Sanigal]

Does it hurt your balls a lot?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll tell you this, my inner thighs are hurting.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, I like it. Seriously, like me, it's the price you pay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I mean, I wasn't like complaining about it, but like afterward I got off and I was like, oh, this thing. I actually held the reins and they taught me. They taught me how to like to kick, to steer and everything. So like, I was taking advantage.

[Joe Sanigal]

I would have such. What's that called? Intrusive thoughts. I just feel like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, well, no. So like there were parts where. So what Joey's referencing is a couple of years ago for me and Becca's anniversary, we rode horses through like the forest. And it was a beautiful day. The leaves are falling. I was unbelievable. And like, at one point, the person that was like guiding us, she was just like, open her up.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I just like. You kick the horse with your feet and he's like. And it fucking. And you're like, yo, you're shook, bro. You're going like. I've never, I've never like driven like a motorcycle or like any like, you know, two wheeled, like mechanical vehicle. That's the most like free I've ever felt riding. Riding a horse.

[Joe Sanigal]

Wow. Maybe you're a cowboy, dude. Maybe you got to get you on a horse.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I have a. There's a steel horse that I ride. Oh my God, just ask me. I'm a cowboy.

[Joe Sanigal]

John by John. John Bon Jovi.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's get us. Let's go.

[Joe Sanigal]

On horses, I'm afraid to race them.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I'm not saying race them, brother. That's crazy.

[Joe Sanigal]

I know. Imagine being on a horse and then it jumps over a little fence. Get the out of here, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you. You can't be like even. You're too tall to be a jockey. You know what I mean? Like, you need to like, piece of. You are.

[Joe Sanigal]

You can get on a horse.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but like, I wouldn't be on one to like jump over like pipes. You know how they like have that thing where it's like. And they go over or would you do that?

[Joe Sanigal]

You ever see the videos of people like, do the hobby horse and they just jump over hobby horse. Like, you know, like they got like a horse's head on a stick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

They like put it between their legs and like a broomstick and they jump over and they like nay really loud.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I, I, I mean, yo, some

[Joe Sanigal]

of them are athletes. I saw this one girl one time and, and she was getting over a 40 inch. Shut the up, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

This was flying hobby horse videos, bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't think they're athletes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't believe that they're getting that I could do it.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, they were getting over the fence. It was outrageous. No way, dude, I'm telling you, I'm

[Frank Alvarez]

not gonna believe anything you pull up. Because I will believe it's AI just want to throw out there. That's the world we live in. That's what we, that's what.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, this one, this one girl, she was, I'm gonna put some respect on her name because I called her a back there, but she is a full blown athlete with this hobby horse between her legs. She was diving over this fence and I'm like, bro, this is crazy. And they also like, it's about like kind of showmanship.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, like that's like, that's how horses flirt is they do that little like.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, they, they go back and forth

[Frank Alvarez]

and like they like trot.

[Joe Sanigal]

Look at my shoes.

[Ant]

Yes.

[Joe Sanigal]

Look at my shoes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. And then like the female horse is just like, this guy wants to. Yeah, yeah, this guy wants to.

[Joe Sanigal]

He's, look at that guy's shoes.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's doing his little dance for me. Look at how much of a, look how much of a. Oh, here we go.

[Joe Sanigal]

This is like hobby horsing.

[Ant]

Look, look, watch bro, take it up there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nah, absolutely, dude, that's, that's up, that's

[Ant]

up to, that's up to her shoulders.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, I don't look at it. I mean, yeah, because she's four foot

[Joe Sanigal]

one and she's got a good stride ratio to body.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's got bro, look at this with ease.

[Joe Sanigal]

She's not even breathing hard. This is an athlete. This is an athlete.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm telling you right now, I could not put me in one of these competitions. And I'm blowing them out the water.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you out of your stomach?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm blowing them out the water, bro. Look at this.

[Joe Sanigal]

Frank, if I put you in front of that thing and you tried to jump over it, I'd be picking your pieces of your head up off the floor.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guarantee I can do that.

[Joe Sanigal]

No shot.

[Ant]

That one was hot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look at this one. Look at this one in the front.

[Joe Sanigal]

Watch when she comes towards us. Look at this.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we doing here, Frank? No disrespect to this individual. This. This, you know, athlete. I will say, frankie, you can't jump

[Ant]

over something that's your shoulder height.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not saying my shoulder height. That course.

[Ant]

No, but it's, It's.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's.

[Ant]

It's ratio.

[Frank Alvarez]

I understand, but I don't care, bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're not a hobby horser. You could never be. You'll never. Hey, look at me. You'll never be a hobby horser.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nice try. This is what you try to do with the whole running thing to get me to run fucking 5Ks and half marathons. I don't need to. Working here. I don't.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't need you to run a hobby.

[Frank Alvarez]

I could definitely be a hobby horser. Hobby horseist. Hobby horse.

[Joe Sanigal]

Hobby heast.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hobby heist.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hobby writer, Hobbyist. Like, good for them. I'm not saying that that doesn't require training and athleticism, clearly. I just think that I innately have the training that they trained for.

[Joe Sanigal]

You think you're innately a hors.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, no.

[Ant]

Can you jump over something as high as your nipples?

[Joe Sanigal]

That's so high.

[Ant]

I know. It's like that was up to her shoulders where she was jumping over.

[Frank Alvarez]

I probably could. I can't right now. Full transparency. Right now, I'm on a.

[Joe Sanigal]

Which time machine should we get into?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, just like, forward or to the back? No, no, no. Just like, right now, today. Like, I'm physically unable to. If you were to give me a month where I feel like perfect health, ready to go. I'm limbered up and everything, I could. I could do that hobby horse routine. Sure.

[Joe Sanigal]

No shot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I could, dude.

[Joe Sanigal]

You think I won't? We could get some fences in here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sets up my.

[Joe Sanigal]

And a horse head.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you will not.

[Joe Sanigal]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

I really believe you will not.

[Joe Sanigal]

And.

[Ant]

Yeah, I got you.

[Joe Sanigal]

Get the fuck.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's easy.

[Ant]

We can set up right here.

[Joe Sanigal]

And we set up, like, two good ones.

[Ant]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

And see if you could jump over.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I will ask you to set it up on here because it's carpeted and a little more padded than the poured concrete that we have over there. What are you worried about?

[Joe Sanigal]

You're not gonna go down.

[Ant]

You could jump over it with ease.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're right. You are right.

[Joe Sanigal]

We won't even put it up to your nipples. We'll put it lower.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. You're only helping me here.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I think you're underestimating the stick of the horse. You might hit some rings there.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's also not that's the horse's fault then.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. It's also not just like hopping over, because you got to hop over, kind of like a sideways type of thing. You gotta get that they're kind of doing it like a. Like a hurdler. Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have my own confidence, and that's all I need.

[Joe Sanigal]

I respect that.

[Ant]

All right, I'm on it.

[Joe Sanigal]

We do have some.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right.

[Joe Sanigal]

Before you hit. I don't know how much those things cost. I mean, it's. It's. It's horses, for God's sakes. So let's just keep it easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I imagine they're expensive, probably.

[Joe Sanigal]

We do have some sponsors. The first one being. How you doing? Magic spoon. Okay. This is the Magic Spoon cereal. A lot of this in my house these days. Really starting to enjoy it a lot. Okay. They are crispy. They have. They have also protein bars, which we had a bunch here that maybe we were going to display, but I ate all of them, to be honest with you. Well, Frank took some too, but I ate basically over the course of the month. Sue me.

[Frank Alvarez]

They sent stuff that was good, so I ate it.

[Joe Sanigal]

They. We. It was good, so we had them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't.

[Joe Sanigal]

But they are. They're. They have the protein pack, snack bars, 12 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber, 0 added sugar, 2 to 3 net carbs, and certified gluten free. But they also have this cereal. Okay? So if you want cereal, you miss the golden days of cereal because, you know, it's not the greatest thing to eat in the world. But this is good cereal here. Okay? They have. It's high protein, keto friendly, gluten free, grain free, soy free, wheat free, naturally flavored. But it's delicious. And like chocolate one's really good. The fruity one that Frank has is really good. Okay. Those are really good. And 13 grams of fiber in a serving size. I mean, sorry. 13 grams of protein, 2 grams of fiber, really good stuff. So if you want a substitute there and you want to make sure you're getting more protein and, you know, you're a little bit more thoughtful about what you're putting into your body. Mag spoons got you covered. And like I said, the protein bars, they're good. And I don't even love protein bars like that. But these are. These are good ones. But they're easy to find. Just look for a magic spoon in your local grocery stores. And they just rolled out treats nationwide at 7 11. So now you can go to 711 and pick one up, but you can go to magicspoon.com basement and you get $5 off your next order, including the prostein, the protein pastry. So go to magicspoon.com basement to get that $5 off, but enjoy that, folks, okay?

[Frank Alvarez]

And while you're surfing the interwebs, go to another website. That's gonna be fun, gonna be a little crazy and not. Well, it might be a little dirty. What are you thinking? I'm thinking Patreon. Oh, you thought I was talking about porn. No Talking Patreon, man. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. It's the service that we offer, partnered, you know, with Patreon, to give you guys more of us and these weekly episodes one week in advance. So go check it out. Go take a gander. Go look. Listen, graduations are coming up. Some birthdays are coming up. If you give any gifts for Memorial Day or whatever, if you're in the United States, I don't know. But Patreon is a great gift to give. And if you go and you sign up for that first here, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. That's not bad, right? That's pretty cool, right? And that second tier, not only do you get the benefits of the first tier, you also get exclusive episodes every single Friday.

[Joe Sanigal]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, a whole additional episode where they're a little all over the place. On the last one, Joe sat on a cucumber just to see how far he can get it up. And, you know, we're not going to tell you how far. You're going to have to go check it [e-mail] it's not there.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's not anywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

So go check it out. We want to thank you guys. The support has been overwhelming and we are so grateful and appreciative, and we want to thank you guys. So. Patreon.com thebasementyard go check it out. And if you want to save yourself a couple extra bucks while doing it, go do it on a web browser. If you use a smartphone app, they're going to take some extra money from you. So if you do it on a web browser, it's going to be a little cheaper. And guess what? All those weekly episodes that we do, the exclusive episodes on Fridays, if you sign up today and you've never been a patron, you can watch all the backlogged ones. There's hundreds of episodes there for you and things that that exclusive extra videos too. It's all worth it. Trust me. Patreon.com the Basement thank you so much.

[Joe Sanigal]

Let's keep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's keep on going with this show,

[Joe Sanigal]

I also wanted to bring up something else. So I saw this on Tick Tock, and it got me thinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're having a big Tick Tock week.

[Joe Sanigal]

I know. I'm like, week.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Sanigal]

When I see these things on Tick Tock, I'm like, oh, I got to bring these up. But I saw this video. A guy in a bar, and it's like, you take a shot and, like, the bartender, like, throws water in your face and, like, slaps you in the face. Like, there's like, a bunch of these. Like, would you guys ever do one of those?

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Sanigal]

I would do one if I could wear a helmet. I've seen one where they're wearing. We're like, World War II helmets, and they take a shot and the lady, like, slaps them in the head or.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. But, like, why? See, alcohol used to be, like, not gimmicky. Like, why does this need to happen now? Cuz, like, then what do you mean?

[Joe Sanigal]

You love gimmicky stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, what the. The one. One gimmick shot. I like, I guess. I mean, I wouldn't even call one of them Skittles shots.

[Joe Sanigal]

It was.

[Frank Alvarez]

They were just shots, though. I wasn't like, all right, you need to take them, and then you need to go, fuck. You did jerk off our leprechaun.

[Joe Sanigal]

First of all, you did do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I did make Skittles vodka. And I. That was a big mistake. I'll tell you right now. I drank them as if I thought they were mixed drinks. They were just straight vodka.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I just like.

[Joe Sanigal]

Wait, what's this one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, is this.

[Ant]

All right, so I have. I have a couple examples of what you were talking about.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think the hurricane shot.

[Ant]

Is it this what you meant, right? The hurricane shot? Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you take the shot, they throw water. Yo, yo, dude, first of all, I'm not signing up for that. No fucking way back, yo, she slapped

[Joe Sanigal]

the hell out of him.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, honestly, the water in the

[Joe Sanigal]

face and then getting slapped, I'm not

[Frank Alvarez]

entirely convinced that guy didn't deserve it for something, however, or he's into it.

[Ant]

I have. I have a couple.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would be so angry. And the only gimmicky shot that I like was like. I'm not talking like, Skittles vodka is not like, a gimmicky.

[Joe Sanigal]

You like Irish car bombs?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do like our. So I like two. Okay, so Irish car bombs. And I like haircuts.

[Joe Sanigal]

Haircuts?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Haircuts was a big one during College, you know, haircuts, you don't. King of alcohol.

[Joe Sanigal]

This kid loves it.

[Ant]

A haircut.

[Frank Alvarez]

So a haircut is just in reference to the way that you take the shot. But when I was taught it, it was a specific shot. So, like, you sit in a chair and you tilt your head back like you're getting shaved from a barber. And then they pour in peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup. And then they. And then you swallow it.

[Ant]

So the haircut only has to do with the.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's the way in which you are receiving it. But, like, that's the same.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's walk around parties with syrup and the bottle and be like, who wants a haircut?

[Frank Alvarez]

And. And it was the greatest fucking. People liked it. Okay, People loved it. People liked it. They like. It tastes like, I mean, peppermint schnapps. It just tasted like peppermint.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, no, I know. I meant, like, what was it supposed to taste like?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I don't know. I didn't know if there was like a specific. Like, it's supposed to taste like this candy or.

[Joe Sanigal]

Okay.

[Ant]

I think someone offered me that at a. At a party once. And they're like, get on your knees. I'm like, you know what?

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, see, like that. That's crazy. Like, but those ones that you about where they like, take the shot, smack him in the face.

[Joe Sanigal]

I think it's water.

[Ant]

We have this one as well.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, she's on the bar. This is bad news.

[Ant]

Yeah, she's on the bar.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, she's gonna spit it out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, hell no.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, God.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh. Oh, she gave him the one, two. That was quick. I didn't know that was part of it.

[Ant]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

So this is too much.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait. Oh, also, the bar is empty.

[Ant]

Maybe it's like a Florida hurricane shot or something.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, yeah. That's insane. I wouldn't do that. Why are I. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, someone's spitting the shot in your mouth.

[Frank Alvarez]

This shot that. That's getting me. Really? I can't explain why.

[Ant]

And then there's a classic. Just one more here. So straight up, like, first of all, this lady's gonna.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, dog. What?

[Joe Sanigal]

There's a baby.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's a baby.

[Ant]

Well, it's really just the beginning part, I think. But this one is a true wind up.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why? Why do people want to do that ever?

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't want to be slapped in the face.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also remember the ones when we were younger. They had the blow job shots.

[Joe Sanigal]

How do you take Those? Yeah.

[Ant]

Frankie, how do you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've never taken a blowjob shot. What? I understand. It was like liquor in a shot, and then they would put whipped cream on top, and it's like, you need to put your hands behind your back, put your mouth on it, and shoot it back.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, I wouldn't be able to do that. I have to close my mouth in order to drink.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, do what, the shot or the blowjob?

[Ant]

Did you see how. Do you see how, like, happy he

[Joe Sanigal]

got when he was gonna make the joke?

[Frank Alvarez]

Which one?

[Joe Sanigal]

The bead. Remember body shots? Remember body shots?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do remember body shot. I don't think I've ever done one.

[Joe Sanigal]

I did one at your house off one of our friends who's married now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who was the guy? The guy?

[Joe Sanigal]

It was a girl. Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, all right. I, yeah, figured that out. Okay.

[Joe Sanigal]

But I did. I did a body shot of her. And then thinking back, I'm like, belly bumps are disgusting.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a weird. Yeah, that's a weird one because, like, like, I'm just gonna suck on your belly button.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

I took a jello shot off someone once.

[Frank Alvarez]

That doesn't make. Where they just put the jello on.

[Joe Sanigal]

What was his name?

[Ant]

Chris. But it was a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where was it?

[Ant]

After prom?

[Joe Sanigal]

No, no, on the body.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, sorry. I thought you were asking after problem. How was it? Delicious.

[Ant]

It was, Yeah, I think was grape or strawberry.

[Joe Sanigal]

That doesn't matter what part of the body.

[Ant]

So belly button, stomach.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I guess. Yeah. Like, that was it.

[Joe Sanigal]

Was it a dude, though?

[Ant]

It was a dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was a big thing in, like, 90s, early 2000s movies where it's just like, take a shot off my body and it's like, that seems like, like, then it would just be, like, added, like, salt.

[Joe Sanigal]

Do you ever see where it's like, you pour a beer down some girl's tits and you're drinking out of the bottom? I'm like, that's probably insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't get all that gimmicky stuff. Like, when we did, like, drinking heavily, it was just boobs.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, belly buttons.

[Frank Alvarez]

It just. It's just a weird way because then this person is going to be all sticky.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Have some fun, both of you.

[Frank Alvarez]

We have me. I did it. We had plenty of fun.

[Joe Sanigal]

Sorry I didn't take a body shot off of Chris.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, airy belly button. You're licking Chris's belly button and then gargling his nuts, too, while you're at it.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's crazy.

[Ant]

Too much?

[Joe Sanigal]

I, I, I did one, so.

[Ant]

Oh, so he's not approved. He's no fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I'm. I'm definitely fun. I'm definitely fine. Forgive me for. My level of fun is not, you know, taking a body shot.

[Joe Sanigal]

Frank was more. Well, first of all, you were very gimmicky when it comes to drinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are you talking. I was gonna say gimmicky with, like, equipment.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, you were prop guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

He was a prop comic. It was like, oh, we have the Bongzilla. Oh, we have the shotgun.

[Joe Sanigal]

Frank would walk around a party with a helmet that had the two beers with the thing and drink out of it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, my dot. I drink out of my Das Boot. I was very fun. The only one of these, like, like, shot experiences that I can remember ever doing was that time I went to Vegas. You remember when we went to the. What was the place in. Remember the. The story of, like, I went in there with one of our old associates, and, like, they were playing. This is hilarious, but okay. And they were playing, like, rock music, and we like, message. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was that?

[Joe Sanigal]

Coyote.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ugly coyote.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was the only place I'd done one of those where, like, it was like, did you. I told you this. Where we went. And they were all like, we're not going to some redneck hick bar. And I was like, yo, it's all classic rock. If you know classic rock, you're gonna have fun. We went in and they were, like, playing, like, AC DC and, like, all the classic rock hits. And I said to the guy that we were with, I was like, yo, all you need to do is sing the lyrics, do the devil horns and, like, point at them. And there was. There were girls walking the stage that pour shots in people's mouths. And I did that, and I must have drank a whole fucking bottle of whatever they had because I knew all the songs.

[Joe Sanigal]

Me. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Literally walk up to the stage, dump it right in his mouth. Yes. Yes.

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[Frank Alvarez]

And the reason I also remember that was because, remember, there was, like, a guy who didn't tip well.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who's a small little Stephen.

[Joe Sanigal]

You got a small dick.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. There was like, they, like, stopped the music, and they were just like, okay, where's Stephen? And there people are looking around. They were like, stephen T. Or whatever his name was. He's like, me. And they're like, come here, big boy. And he was like, you know, clearly a piece of shit. He, like, walked up and they were just like, steven. And they did that thing where they, like, you know, scratch under their chin. And they're like, if you ever buy a drink and not tip us again, you limp dick, I'll kill you.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, they said something like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then, you know, and then they

[Joe Sanigal]

pulled another guy on stage and they wrote across his forehead in lipstick. And I was like, you never gotta

[Frank Alvarez]

get out of here. You've never heard of Coyote Ugly?

[Ant]

I. I have heard of it. I never stepped.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's like girls dancing on bars and like that. But it's Vegas, so it's like an experience.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, they had one in New York.

[Joe Sanigal]

They did.

[Frank Alvarez]

They also made a movie. Remember the Coyote Ugly movie?

[Joe Sanigal]

I think that's where it stemmed from, maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it stemmed before that they made movie on it.

[Joe Sanigal]

But I do remember that he was

[Frank Alvarez]

coming up to the stage every five minutes. Well, the joke was I wore a white T shirt there, and I left, and, like, this was all covered in, like, red.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, it looked like he was bleeding in his neck. I'm like, jesus Christ.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. I don't like these, like.

[Joe Sanigal]

But you wouldn't. Like, if I could wear a helmet, I would do it, like, if they were like, oh, we're gonna take out a little mallet, and we're gonna slam it on your head, brother.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're not just getting hit for a fun little. By a. Like, a fun little thing.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, these girls are nuts.

[Frank Alvarez]

First of all, they're winding up and they're hitting you with everything that has ever happened to them in their entire life.

[Ant]

Yeah, as soon as someone hit me with the.

[Joe Sanigal]

Probably.

[Ant]

You can't go, like. You can't be flexing your shoulder.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, I duck that.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was the other one that people did? They did it like Mardi Gras, where, like, they put shots in test tubes. Do you remember that? And they would, like, the guy would, like, take the shot in the test tube, and then the girl would, like, suck the back of the test tube. Like, do you remember that?

[Ant]

What does remember that mean? Like, I've never.

[Joe Sanigal]

I've seen videos.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then you know what I'm talking about.

[Joe Sanigal]

Suck the back of the tube.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

That would be insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was. I. I Saw someone, like, lie. Like, not. I saw a video of what? Like, someone we knew that. That did that. And I was like, that's crazy.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like, it's what?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, you're. You're right there.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're right there, brother.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, what is going on?

[Joe Sanigal]

You know what I do? Like, I like drinks that you order or something. And then, like.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Or.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't know. When you're at a bar and they have a bell and they ring it for some reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I mean?

[Joe Sanigal]

Like, why do they do that? Some.

[Frank Alvarez]

Some bars are like, oh, it's like

[Joe Sanigal]

a. I don't know. They, like, ring a bell. I was like, I like when ring. We're ringing the bell.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm still on a quest to go to a bar that has, like, an old wooden bar, like, bar top, and they just throw a stein of beer down it, and I could catch it and drink it like that.

[Joe Sanigal]

We could go there. We could throw a rock and head one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Sanigal]

Probably, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, is it, like, a thing. They still throw beers?

[Joe Sanigal]

There's a very old bar near where I live. I don't know if it's. I mean. I mean, it is old. I don't know how old it is, but they have, like, little booths and stuff and that. They have, like, little saloon doors. And, like, that's a bar where you could toss a little beer down it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it, like, bars and movies and TV are way cooler than bars in real life.

[Joe Sanigal]

What do you mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

They have, like, breakable furniture that you could, like, hit people with. And, like, an old saloon. They have the saloon doors.

[Joe Sanigal]

See? The Wild West. You want to be in the Wild West?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna tell me that if you had the opportunity, like, Westworld style to go to the Wild west, you wouldn't want to just go to a saloon

[Joe Sanigal]

for a couple hours, where I'm going, get into a fight, having the ace up my sleeves and shooting someone right in the chest.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I want the piano player playing during for the fight started. You know, that's what I want.

[Joe Sanigal]

I just watched Django recently, and in the beginning of that movie, he goes with Jamie Foxx to a bar and, like, he pours himself a beer, and I'm like, just. The tap in there, like, looks really cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

It just looks more beer than real beer, like, when it's, like, foaming and, like, coming over the top.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've had. I've had plenty of beers at bars. I've never had one that looks like that, you know, that's like a.

[Joe Sanigal]

It comes over the top and it's foamy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, like, just, like foamy around the rim.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you.

[Joe Sanigal]

What are you snickering at?

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't do anything.

[Ant]

I'm just. I'm just trying to figure out how to monetize this episode.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, it's not. I mean, it's way gone. Heads off.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cutting heads off.

[Ant]

Dropped a hard P over there a while ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

What? I said porn. Oh, I said porn. That's why I said it a couple more times.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn. What do we say about unalive? Unaliving. How do you say the top?

[Joe Sanigal]

How do you say decapitate? But in Internet lingo, Decapi.

[Ant]

Like dicapi.

[Joe Sanigal]

They're not Italian.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why are you saying it? Decap. Removing of the cap.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

Headless.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like that's a bad one.

[Ant]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, that's pretty.

[Joe Sanigal]

The Headless Horseman. You ever afraid of any of that

[Frank Alvarez]

Bloody Mary? Oh.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh. I still won't do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll do it right now.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's not how that works. Isn't it, like, you have to. It's like at night, in the dark, in the mirror.

[Frank Alvarez]

I heard.

[Joe Sanigal]

Kind of afraid of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I heard it was just like, at night in the dark. I didn't hear, like, it had to be. Oh, no. I heard in the dark, in the mirror. I thought it could happen during the day.

[Joe Sanigal]

How can it be in the dark?

[Frank Alvarez]

You can shut the door to your bathroom.

[Joe Sanigal]

Usually there's a window. Not that I have one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I was gonna say that. It doesn't always. I could see you like, the Candyman was the one that really scared me because they made that whole movie.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't even know who. Who or what he does. What does he do?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know the Candyman?

[Joe Sanigal]

No.

[Ant]

You said it twice now. Careful.

[Joe Sanigal]

How many. How many do you need?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, three. I'm pretty close.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will stop.

[Ant]

I think it's also a mirror, though.

[Joe Sanigal]

I will stop here.

[Ant]

I think so.

[Joe Sanigal]

What is with that? Like, say it into a mirror and they'll appear.

[Ant]

You ever play with a Ouija board?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, when I was a kid.

[Joe Sanigal]

I never did.

[Ant]

We did once.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know people that, like, really swear by some shit that happened with Ouija boards.

[Joe Sanigal]

I've never. And I refuse to believe anyone's stories, especially if they were a kid.

[Ant]

Yeah, also you can go into to Toys R Us at the time and buy ones like. I don't trust that one. I need one in an attic. It's dusty, like.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you hear it? Like Jumanji.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. There's like blood on it, so. Died on top of it or something.

[Ant]

Yeah. So I need more like that. I can't go to Toys R Us and buy one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I knew people that said they did it and like the person that was there, their handbag caught on fire. And I was like, sure, get the

[Joe Sanigal]

fuck out of here. Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I'll tell you this. I don't care enough to try it.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, I'm not gonna play.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not gonna play at all if it is. If it is a mass marketed monster toy.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. Like, I also, I've. I've aged out. Like, can you imagine being somewhere and they're like, let's play a Ouija board. I'm like, I'm 34.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I'm 34.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm not playing with a Ouija board.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I don't want to play with a Ouija board. Pull out Catan's fire, though.

[Joe Sanigal]

I haven't played Catan in a long time. Although that is funny. You got two sheep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I never played Catan. No, I've yet to play.

[Joe Sanigal]

We.

[Frank Alvarez]

I gotta come over one night and we gotta play.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, it's a good game.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just gonna like call you at like 8pm one night. Just be like, I'm on my way.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'll tell you this right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Open the Catan.

[Joe Sanigal]

You don't even have to call me if you start to begin to say the word to Espo. He's playing.

[Frank Alvarez]

Espo and I played so many board games together as a kid. So that makes that.

[Joe Sanigal]

That tracks really into Catan.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really. I mean, I don't blame him. It's a fun game. But I know like, it's gonna be the thing where I play with him and he's be like, oh, you didn't properly prioritize your iron. Fucking gang banged.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's what it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I. Have you guys done. I could see Piggy Boys during Halloween doing a Ouija board episode.

[Ant]

No, nothing like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you guys scared?

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, no. You're a horror guy.

[Ant]

I'm a horror guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Horror guy doesn't necessarily mean he's a Ouija guy.

[Ant]

But I'm a. I'm a big like, you know, just in case.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you brave or are you a. Oh, wow.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, I'm a bitch.

[Ant]

Depends on the scenario. Like, I don't want to go into a haunted house. Like they used to go explore abandoned buildings.

[Joe Sanigal]

Like, no, no, I'm good.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was that place, what was the name of that place on Long island that everyone talked about? It was like an abandoned Amityville. No, no, no, no, no. Amityville was the house.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, Blood Manor.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was another. No, that was like a haunted house.

[Ant]

Yeah, I think there was a hospital.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was a, it was like an abandoned hospital that people would say like, we're going to go break into it and explore. Oh, I never heard it was, it was on Long island. Like not far in Long island though. Like closer to like Fresh Meadows, dude.

[Ant]

They went and like just explore. Abandoned hospital, essentially.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

The elevator was like, it's dark. The elevator just had no elevator. Like the shaft straight down. It's like, what are you guys doing in here?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I remember that was like a thing when we were kids. Like people would say like around that time of the year they'd be like, like a couple of us are gonna go like, and hop the fence and explore.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's like, what is this, the seventies? I'm not doing this.

[Frank Alvarez]

The nineties were basically the seventies of their time.

[Joe Sanigal]

Or it's like, I dare you to spend a night in the cemetery. It's like, what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I, I get why that's creepy,

[Joe Sanigal]

but I wish cemeteries were actually as foggy as they look in like. Yeah, creepier.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, I. There is that a certain appeal to cemeteries that is lost now. Like now everything is like polished and like nice looking back in the day where it was just like, like dumb looking headstones. Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

And there's like.

[Ant]

Yeah, well, the distance in between the 70s and 90s is shorter than the difference between the 90s and now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

20 in some case. 11.

[Joe Sanigal]

Ancient.

[Ant]

Well, it happens.

[Frank Alvarez]

We are, we are pretty old.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's crazy, dude. When did that happen?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the 70. We were not alive during the 70s, so like, I imagine if we were alive during the 70s, we would be like, damn, when we were in the 90s. But now we're alive today and we can look back on the 90s.

[Joe Sanigal]

Thanks for that math, Frank. I don't know what to do with that, but we do have some more sponsors to get to here, so let me do that. The first one is seatgeek. Seatgeek is where you want to get all your tickets. Okay. You want to go to a baseball game, which I'm going to three baseball games in this month alone. All the tickets I bought from Sea Geek, so they have all my money. So there it is. But that's where I buy my tickets. You go on SeatGeek, you download the app and you can see the prices for the tickets in the game that you want to go to or whatever you want to go to. There's concerts, there's whatever. And they will show you whether you're paying a good price for your ticket or a bad price for your ticket based on the color coding. And yeah, I like the transparency and I think this is the best place to get your tickets. So there are more than 70,000 events on sea Geek at any time. So a lot to choose from. And listen, the summer is right around the corner. It's starting to warm up. Get out there, experience the outdoors. We've been inside for too long. Okay, so go check out se, go download their app and use the code BASEMENT 2026 for 10 off of your next set of tickets on SeatGeek. All right, so go on the website or download the app, put in that code Basement 2026 and get 10 off of your tickets with your next thing. All right, so you know, whether you're going to concert or baseball game, whatever, you might as well save 10%. Put in that code basement 2026 and enjoy that. And lastly here we have liquid IV.

[Frank Alvarez]

Liquid IV.

[Joe Sanigal]

These are pouches that are going to keep you hydrated. Okay? There's electrolytes in them. You open up, you open it up, open it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

You open it open. You tear it open. You put it into a glass of water. You put it into a glass of

[Joe Sanigal]

water and you mix that up. It's got three times the electrolytes, three times the amount of electrolytes of the leading sports drinks, plus eight vitamins and nutrients all in a single stick. And it's got B3, B5, B6, B12. It's an excellent source of vitamin C, but it's on the go. Hydration. So if you're going to be exercising a lot or sweating a lot, you know, when I, if I know I'm going out for a long run, I'll take a, a liquid IV with me and I'll dump it into some water like halfway through and you know, get myself some electrolytes and like keep hydrating myself. But they have really good, they taste really good. They also have sugar free versions of this as well that do not contain any artificial sweeteners. So you can try those out. But they are delicious. So if you want to try them out, they have white peach, rainbow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa.

[Joe Sanigal]

The. I haven't even tried these yet. The rainbow sherbet. I've never tried the white peach. I'VE had pretty good strawberry watermelon. Unbelievable. Crazy. But there's a lot of flavors. They're all good. I haven't had one that's been bad, but you can go check them out. Go to liquid IV.com and get 20 off your first purchase with the code basement at checkout. Okay, so that is 20 off of your first purchase with the. The code basement at [e-mail]. so go get them, folks.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, I had a question, and I'm hoping you guys can help me out here. At least help me get to a line of logic that's going to help break down and give me an answer. You guys

[Ant]

took two paragraphs.

[Joe Sanigal]

I was laughing at him. Oh, disrespect.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, no, nevermind.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, no, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolutely not. Never mind now.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, I want the question. He did that, not me.

[Ant]

I won't listen. Fair.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm with him.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have to answer for him. He is your employee at the end of the day.

[Ant]

That's. I mean, he's right.

[Joe Sanigal]

What if I fired him?

[Ant]

No way.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then we're on board.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're not fired. But no bonus.

[Ant]

That's worse.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I was going to ask because you guys have been bullying me into doing some form of athletic training event and. Whoa.

[Joe Sanigal]

Did that work? Like, I can sign us all up.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no. Absolutely not.

[Joe Sanigal]

What about a 5K?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, the closest you're getting to me right now is me doing that thing for the Infinity Gauntlet. Oh, bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's 100 miles.

[Ant]

It's more than that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's more. It's, like, kind of closer to, like, five to 600 miles.

[Ant]

Because you need all of them to get the infinite. You need them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If those. You guys that don't know. There's this app that I learned that Ant uses. It's a thing called. It's called, like, the Conqueror or something like that.

[Ant]

Something like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they're like. Like virtual races. Races. But you don't need to do them all in one shot. And you can kind of like, add them up. So if you go to the gym, you know, 10 days this month, whatever you do for your cardio, the mileage will add up and you'll complete one. And they have a bunch. And if you do a bunch of them, you get an infinite Infinity Gauntlet. And there are other ones that you get little gems for, like, in other metals. That's the closest you're getting me to.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's a pretty good incentive.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not bad. They also have some Star wars ones that I thought were pretty cool too.

[Joe Sanigal]

Once you get toys involved, we got them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I gotta admit, honestly, like, I am. Like, that is me. I am that.

[Joe Sanigal]

Toys are in, baby.

[Frank Alvarez]

It says on the thing that it's like, mileage and distance that you need to complete in order to get this stuff.

[Joe Sanigal]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

How many humps in a mile? Because. Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. When you're jogging in place, I. E. On a treadmill or something, you're creating a sense of dense distance that then could be added together to show, like, okay, you ran for this long, and it's a mile. How many times? Because if it's physical exertion that people want.

[Ant]

Okay, so you're.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can hump.

[Ant]

So you're asking how many humps equals a mile?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Ant]

How many inches would you say is a hump?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a personal question.

[Joe Sanigal]

You brought it up also. What are we talking about?

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, so instead of having to run or jog or cycle a mile, can I hump a mile?

[Ant]

I could do the math. If we have. How many inches is a hump average?

[Joe Sanigal]

How could we possibly know that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, how many.

[Joe Sanigal]

Don't even. Do that again. Don't do it again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Stand up. You stand up. No, give me one hump.

[Joe Sanigal]

Go ahead.

[Ant]

You're gonna. Yeah, you're gonna.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're the one who wants to do this.

[Ant]

And we'll.

[Frank Alvarez]

I prefer to try, like. Like a sex hump. I'm referencing sex.

[Joe Sanigal]

What would be the other kind?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. And dry humping doesn't count?

[Joe Sanigal]

Actually, none of this counts.

[Frank Alvarez]

It might count more because Dry hump.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you saying you do want this metal, this infinity gauntlet?

[Frank Alvarez]

Can me, engaging in my healthy sexual life that I have with my wife contribute to mileage to get me medals and toys?

[Ant]

So let's say this is the hump. If you go this far back and this far forward, what's that distance?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all I need. I would say one hump is equivalent to, let's say, two feet. Two feet, because I'm pulling back.

[Ant]

No, 24 inches of hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think because you have to measure from tip of penis to butt,

[Ant]

it's getting harder.

[Joe Sanigal]

This is. This is crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, think about it. I. I don't have anything. All right? So I would draw. I would draw.

[Joe Sanigal]

There's details now that I know.

[Ant]

So 20. 24 inches per hump. That's what you're getting. That's what you're saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say a typical hump is a 24 inch extravaganza.

[Ant]

It's a preposterously long hump.

[Joe Sanigal]

But I don't even know how we got here, where we're going from now. Also, I couldn't. I couldn't possibly guess what you're doing right now with your calculator.

[Ant]

Well, there's 60. There's 63, 360 inches in a mile.

[Frank Alvarez]

55,280ft in a mile.

[Ant]

And there's what within inches? Because we're in inches for hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, per hump. It's two feet.

[Ant]

Oh, you're doing feet per hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if you have.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you doing feet?

[Ant]

Perhaps we'll do feet per hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

Feet per hump.

[Ant]

So two feet per hump. Ridiculous.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. That's an outrageous hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

So how.

[Ant]

That's a crazy.

[Joe Sanigal]

But I hope you're going to measure.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't think. Because you have to measure, the pendulum swings both ways. You have to measure going that way a foot and that way a foot.

[Ant]

Oh, I see.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think it's like I'm pulling back two feet and then I'm fucking ramming two feet?

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't know. I just hope she's okay, really.

[Ant]

Okay, so, Frankie, for you to hump a mile at two feet per hump.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, it would be. It would be. I mean, 5280 divided by two.

[Ant]

Yeah. You would need 20.

[Frank Alvarez]

26. He's done the math. Let him read the math.

[Joe Sanigal]

You would.

[Ant]

You would need 26, 40 humps to help a mile.

[Frank Alvarez]

So 2640 humps.

[Ant]

2,640 humps to hump a mile.

[Frank Alvarez]

Google, Google. What is the average, like, number of humps? Number? No, the average length of sexual encounters in the United States in minutes.

[Ant]

I don't think it goes up to minutes.

[Joe Sanigal]

Really? I don't think there would be a way to even.

[Ant]

Yeah, I can't do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so we're talking about you.

[Ant]

You're trying to hump the mile.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

All right, so really, we have to divide by two again because, what is it, 30 sec? How long?

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, you nailed me. Absolutely nailed me. Because the insinuation is that I fuck for 30 seconds.

[Joe Sanigal]

I. I don't even have much for this.

[Ant]

That's your guy over there.

[Joe Sanigal]

But.

[Frank Alvarez]

So what did you learn? My question is.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. For you,

[Frank Alvarez]

what do you think the average sexual encounter is?

[Joe Sanigal]

No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not your question. That's my.

[Joe Sanigal]

Get back out of this now.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't.

[Joe Sanigal]

We're already here, buddy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm here. It's you. How long? It's yours. No, no, no. We have to go average.

[Joe Sanigal]

Why? It's you. Like you're the one who we're talking.

[Frank Alvarez]

So let's say it's, you know, hour and 20 minutes.

[Ant]

I mean, come, come on, come on.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we doing? No.

[Ant]

Okay, so 500, 5280. So we need humps per minute.

[Joe Sanigal]

I have. My head hurts. I feel like I'm taking the LSATs right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if it's 2000, 640.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Humps in a mile.

[Ant]

How many humps.

[Frank Alvarez]

How many humps per minute do we

[Joe Sanigal]

need to figure out?

[Ant]

How many humps per minute you think you're getting?

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say just do day.

[Joe Sanigal]

Let's make it easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say per minute.

[Ant]

Sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's say, let's say like 40. 40. Too much.

[Joe Sanigal]

40 pumps in a minute.

[Frank Alvarez]

40 humps.

[Ant]

40 humps in a minute. At two feet per hump, that's a lot of feet.

[Frank Alvarez]

So then what is that? That's 80ft a minute. 80ft. 80ft of humps a minute. So you need.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're.

[Ant]

You're telling me you're humping a mile in 33 minutes? Get out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's so. So hear me out.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't even. What am I. How do I hear? I'm hearing you in.

[Ant]

Math is fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

So 33 minutes of a sexual encounter is a mile with no stopping humpage.

[Ant]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

A constant rate of humpage at 33 minutes will give you a mile of humping.

[Ant]

Yeah, that's what the math says.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if I ran or, or cycled five miles and then at home I humped another mile, could that help?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, if you'd like. If you'd like. If you're gonna count that. If you're gonna do the math.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's so mad. I'm not mad. He's so mad right now.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't. I just.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

You need to understand something.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm the people's person on this episode.

[Joe Sanigal]

What's that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

I am the one that has to speak as a representative and for the people that watch this show as you sit there with your, with your, your, your, your, your billion dollar silver spoons that you're eating out of. Someone needs to have a connection to the real world. That's my purpose here. You with a two foot hump.

[Ant]

40, 40 per minute.

[Joe Sanigal]

40, 40 humps with a two foot swing per minute. Like A grandfather clock.

[Ant]

It's faster.

[Frank Alvarez]

So the point that I'm bringing up is not everyone likes to jog, not everyone likes to run, not everyone likes to walk. But most people like to fuck.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So if there is a way to rewrite these rules that you made for physical exercise.

[Joe Sanigal]

You brought this up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is there. If there is a way for me to help speak for the people to rewrite the script on physical exercise, I'm going to do it.

[Joe Sanigal]

I also didn't say that you had to do anything. You brought this up.

[Frank Alvarez]

You set the parameters.

[Joe Sanigal]

I. It's not my company.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, it is. It's called Santa Garden Studios.

[Joe Sanigal]

No, the company that makes these metals.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I'm saying you're part of a bigger problem.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, okay. Somehow I'm to blame.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Sanigal]

And you doing the math to figure out that you could cut a little corner and put a mile in here because you've had sex. That's helpful.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you have sex twice a day for 33 minutes each time you're running two miles.

[Joe Sanigal]

Mm.

[Frank Alvarez]

How am I wrong?

[Ant]

So we're saying you can do that?

[Frank Alvarez]

We is like. Like it can happen, right?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You think about it. There are corn stars out there that are basically ultra marathon runners.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's too late for corn. It's literally too late for corn.

[Ant]

Way too late.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. We're soaking wet with demonetization. There's no need to put on a raincoat. But are you saying that you are going to attempt to get these medals? Is that what I'm hearing?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm the closest I've ever been because the metals are a huge part of it. And now that I used science to figure out that sexual encounters can.

[Joe Sanigal]

Math.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, yes, that too. I use both. What is math, if not just science?

[Joe Sanigal]

With numbers and philosophy. I see.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have nothing to contribute here.

[Joe Sanigal]

How could I. I would think it was. It would be easier just to get out there and walk it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, doesn't your heart rate increase when you're engaging in sexual encounters? Okay, so what's the difference between jogging?

[Joe Sanigal]

Definitely zone two right there.

[Frank Alvarez]

If anything, it's better. What's your VO2 max during sex, Joe? Not yours. I'm just the general.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, I don't think that's how that works. It's just what you.

[Frank Alvarez]

What it.

[Joe Sanigal]

What your VOS max is. It's not like it is consistent. Like, what you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we broke ground on a new way of, like, figuring out health and exercise.

[Ant]

This feels like a superhuman.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are you. And are you still in touch with rfk? Junior, can you get a. Can you tell him what we discovered here?

[Joe Sanigal]

In touch with RFK Jr?

[Ant]

I don't. I don't. I can't even begin to know what that means.

[Joe Sanigal]

He'd probably be on board with those numbers.

[Ant]

Think so?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Ant]

All right.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's misinformation, so.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, we used as much. That was good.

[Joe Sanigal]

That was really good. He would like it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. What?

[Frank Alvarez]

That was really. I like. I like what we just did there. You know, a lot of people talk about us.

[Joe Sanigal]

Do they?

[Frank Alvarez]

And they say that, like, these guys know nothing. Do they?

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, there.

[Frank Alvarez]

In this situation, though, we just use real. Who said we weren't going to use math?

[Joe Sanigal]

You keep saying stuff like that. I don't think anyone's saying it, to be honest with you, but. Oh, I think it is working, but. Anna, you're gonna go for the Gauntlet.

[Ant]

I'm working on the Scooby Doo metal right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's that one?

[Ant]

It's just.

[Frank Alvarez]

I see it. I want to see the Scooby Doo one. Does it look cool?

[Joe Sanigal]

What's Scooby Doo?

[Ant]

It's just, like, the Mystery Gang on it and everything.

[Joe Sanigal]

But, like, what it. But what do you have to do? I mean.

[Ant]

Oh, it's 350 miles.

[Joe Sanigal]

350 miles cumulative.

[Ant]

Well, because you could. You could join a team and people from, like, are on a team.

[Joe Sanigal]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, wait. So I can get the gauntlet with, like, 10 people on my team. Dude, that's sick. You're gonna tell me that's not sick? Scooby. Joey. Look at that. How do you not like that? That's awesome.

[Joe Sanigal]

I haven't even said anything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pull up the Infinity Gauntlet ones. Those are cool. Dude, those are fucking rad.

[Joe Sanigal]

This company is gonna be hype.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look. And each of those stones are jet. Yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, so that's how it works.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have to collect all those, and then you need to collect the Gauntlet, and each of them are, like, between 70 and 100 miles. So, like, 600 miles.

[Ant]

It's a lot of. A lot of work for something Frankie's not gonna do.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, there he goes. Oh, there he goes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't like that. I hate that. I really do.

[Joe Sanigal]

I don't like that. I hate that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I really dislike what you just said there.

[Joe Sanigal]

I am currently at 114 miles.

[Frank Alvarez]

We did the math the other day. I'm basically at over 50. If we combine cycle. If I cycled, I'm beating that in three weeks.

[Ant]

Cycling feels like cheating.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's still.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, it's still harder than you think. Like, biking 100 miles would take a while.

[Frank Alvarez]

It would take, like. I mean, going at an average rate of, like, 12 miles per hour. Let's say 10, just to make it easier. So it'd be 10 cycle sessions.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, that could be.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's two weeks of working out.

[Joe Sanigal]

I mean, it would be worth it to, like, cycle 100 miles. It's, like, still 100 miles.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant]

They have a Route 66 metal that's, like 2,260. It's the. All of, like, the length of Route 66, probably cycle. Where does 66 go across the whole thing?

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, okay. Even numbers.

[Frank Alvarez]

Even numbers go across. Odd numbers go up and down.

[Joe Sanigal]

So what's this one? 91 that goes down?

[Frank Alvarez]

95, 95, 95, 91 would, in essence, go north and south.

[Ant]

Yeah. I didn't know that. You learn something new every day.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're writing that down? I am gonna write.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's.

[Joe Sanigal]

It's.

[Frank Alvarez]

I believe it's for interstates. I don't think, like, all roads are like that, like, county roads or anything.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, but so we're gonna.

[Joe Sanigal]

We're. We're getting out there. The boys are miling up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, now that I saw that, there's some really cool hardware. Not like a. I did the NYC marathon. Or, like, you know, I had.

[Joe Sanigal]

Why do you think I did that? The metal also, the next year, the metal was way cooler.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah. Oh, like, mine's, like, cool, I guess.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you trade it in? No, I wouldn't be like, can I get the new metal that just came on sale?

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm just gonna probably end up doing it again.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do people sell their metals on, like, ebay or something?

[Joe Sanigal]

Who would buy it? It's not solid gold.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not saying for the. The expensive part of it.

[Joe Sanigal]

I was just saying it's like, I

[Frank Alvarez]

don't want it anymore. See, if anyone wants it, I don't

[Joe Sanigal]

know who would buy it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are there, like, vintage marathon medals?

[Joe Sanigal]

That would be cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be cool.

[Ant]

Yeah. But you didn't run it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who cares? Who cares?

[Joe Sanigal]

Not yet.

[Ant]

No, I'm saying the vintage one, like, you can't never run that now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not ever. I don't think in my lifetime I'll do a marathon or a half marathon. We'll see.

[Joe Sanigal]

We'll see how good the metals are.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I'll sex a marathon. You know what I'm saying?

[Joe Sanigal]

No, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll hump a marathon.

[Joe Sanigal]

I'll hump a marathon right you aunt.

[Frank Alvarez]

You start a marathon and I'll. I should probably stop talking about this, right?

[Joe Sanigal]

Why do you start the marathon?

[Frank Alvarez]

Why didn't you guys cut me off sooner?

[Joe Sanigal]

Me? You were full steam ahead like a locomotive engine train.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was. Not much. Not much can get in the way of me. When I have an idea,

[Joe Sanigal]

it's just chew, chew right down the track, isn't it? So are you, what do you. Oh, so you're doing 350 miles.

[Ant]

Yeah, well, my team is.

[Joe Sanigal]

Are you gonna. How many people are on this team?

[Ant]

There's only three so far.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, is it people, you know, or strange?

[Ant]

It's people in my like discord.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, nice.

[Ant]

It's like a little.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh, damn. You got to get out there then.

[Ant]

I know. I can't let them beat me.

[Joe Sanigal]

I know.

[Ant]

There's like 20 people in my group.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are there people that not like fall and get hurt during the marathons and like are unable to stop, Unable to fall? Like when they're doing it, like they like trip and like fall over themselves?

[Joe Sanigal]

I'm sure that probably does happen. I don't think it's like typical, but.

[Ant]

What do you mean can't stop?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, I mean can't continue. That's what I meant. I'm sorry.

[Joe Sanigal]

Oh yeah, that does happen. 99 of people finish the marathon though. It's something like that. It's like, it's like high 90s percent finish the marathon.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would be so afraid to like fall over and like where you get like, you like hurt your hands, you know what I'm talking about? Or scrape knees or something. That's a weird fear of the. You're not afraid of that.

[Ant]

You're.

[Joe Sanigal]

My hand scraped.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, scrape knees.

[Joe Sanigal]

But like you're not like running so

[Frank Alvarez]

hard that you would like never know. I mean I, I, I, it would happen to me. Didn't you say you ran on cobblestone?

[Ant]

I'd be running like, Yes, I did.

[Joe Sanigal]

There is no cobblestone on the marathon.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean his had one.

[Ant]

It made no sense to have.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, that was weird, but that was kind of crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just.

[Joe Sanigal]

You're worried about your hands.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, not. I'm just, I'm using that as a reference.

[Joe Sanigal]

Like it would be hard to fall, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not like when's the last time you like scraped your hand or scraped your knee or something?

[Joe Sanigal]

I scraped my knee recently.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hate it. It like it hurts way more than we give it credit for.

[Joe Sanigal]

I so my, the under my bed has like these two drawers that slide in and out and the way that the comforter lays over the bed, sometimes it's, like, hidden, and I don't know that it's sticking out a little bit. And my shin hit this thing, like, the corner of it the other day, and I just looked back on my bed and just went, you? Yeah, just like that. And like, I was. It just. It's the worst feeling in the world when you scrape your shin. Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll be honest. I have spoken to inanimate objects with such disdain and anger that if it comes out that they have a soul, I'm gonna have to repent. Yeah, you are. I've. I've said some things to some. I've yelled at, like, cabinets, drawers, lamps, cabinet. Bro.

[Joe Sanigal]

I yelled at my dishwasher like, two months ago. I hate that thing, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

The corner of my, like, kitchen island hit me on the waist.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I almost tore the thing out of the ground because I was so mad.

[Joe Sanigal]

And I feel so bad for my dog because when I do yell, he comes over and, like, is everything okay? And then I'm just mad at him because he's around.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. That's a living. That's a living thing.

[Joe Sanigal]

I know. Yeah. I don't, like, yell in his face. I can't. I've never yelled in his face. Oh, I've yelled in his face if he's, like, peed on the floor when he was a puppy and be like, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, so you didn't yell at him. You just, like. Just, like, complete, like, demean him. It would be like, you're a filthy little. Aren't you? No.

[Joe Sanigal]

You do stuff like that to whom? You're like, laundry. Didn't you say that you do that? Drown you slide or something? I don't know. You say you yell at people on your laundry or something. I. I am out of context. No one knows what I'm talking about.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Sanigal]

Don't worry.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't need us. You need to clarify.

[Joe Sanigal]

You don't need everything, but it's fine. Maybe we'll just leave you there. That's what Frank yells at his laundry.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, wait. What? Well, you can't do that.

[Joe Sanigal]

Don't you. I view.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fucking idiot. That's what I say. You're fucking dumbass.

[Joe Sanigal]

Or I yell at myself a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I talk to myself a lot.

[Joe Sanigal]

If I do something stupid, I'm like. Like, you're literally worthless.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I just call myself an out and be like, idiot. I am. What was I thinking?

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah, I did that. What was I thinking? I'm a. I'm an idiot. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I really. Becca, like, one time sat me down, and she was just like, it's concerning.

[Joe Sanigal]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, how you talk to yourself. And I was like.

[Joe Sanigal]

I was like, what's wrong? I'm like, nothing's wrong.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just a.

[Joe Sanigal]

I hate myself. That's what.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I was like, this is.

[Joe Sanigal]

Who.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who's the idiot here? This dumb fucking idiot that I look at in the mirror every day. Moron. Like, it gets to a point where it's like, all right, chill. Chill me.

[Joe Sanigal]

That's how we start every day. Look in the mirror and go. You know, I go about my day.

[Frank Alvarez]

I, like, wake up going. And I just keep walking.

[Joe Sanigal]

And then I just keep. You know, I brush my teeth.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's all.

[Joe Sanigal]

For this week's episode of the Basement.

[Frank Alvarez]

Are we really stopping? Yeah, why not, right?

[Joe Sanigal]

Where can they find you, Frank?

[Frank Alvarez]

I got nothing. Fun. Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check it out. At it and at Aunt Prisco. Whatever basement on Patreon.

[Joe Sanigal]

And you guys go follow me at Joe Sanigal. Go follow the show at the base Mer on Tick Tock and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[Frank Alvarez]

It.