#561 - Born In The Food Court

Summary

The Basement Yard #561 – "Born In The Food Court"

Release Date: June 29, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (w/ guest Ant Prisco)

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Joe, Frank, and Ant dive deep into friendship, sports fandom, online shopping culture, and, most memorably, the nostalgic role of malls and food courts in American life. Along the way, they reminisce about their youth, debate shopping habits, and have strong opinions on communal bathroom etiquette, nakedness, and, of course, who belongs in the hallowed mall food court.

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Key Sections & Discussion Points

Knicks Win & the Nature of Sports Fandom

[00:38–09:00]

• The hosts celebrate the New York Knicks winning the NBA championship, exploring what it means to be a "real" fan and the gatekeeping that can happen in sports culture.

• Frank on fandom:

  "I hate that mentality deeply because you're actively, like, in a sense, rooting against your own team by doing that. Like, you're gatekeeping fandom for your team..." (01:15)

• Joe shares the stress of being a diehard fan:

  "I get so frustrated in, like, close games...if I'm with someone who's cheering for the opposite team or just, like, being a troll, it...fires me up so much." (02:38)

• Ant admits to riling up the group chat for laughs, leading to playful exile:

  "Yeah, I got kicked out of that chat as well." (04:04)

Notable Moment

• Emotional aftermath of the Knicks win: Joe describes the city's reaction:

  "The game ended and I just put my TV on mute, and I opened up my window and I could hear the entire city." (09:02) "Fireworks everywhere." (09:19)

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Sleep Talking, Nakedness & Morning Routines

[12:23–28:12]

• Joe shares a hilarious anecdote about using a sleep recording app and discovering he talks in his sleep.

  "I caught myself asleep talking. I thought that was so funny." (14:30)

• Spirals into bathroom etiquette: the horrors (and humor) of communal dorm showers, mirrors strategically placed to see your own "wiener", and debates over the appropriate amount of time to spend naked per week.

• Frank:

  "I've never been a big fan of being naked." (23:33)

• The trio discuss whether Joe could be spied on through his apartment windows:

  "If they did that, all the power to them. I don't think they could, though." (25:20)

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The Shopping Experience: Online vs In-Store

[33:46–56:24]

• Joe introduces the concept of South Korean "dopamine sites"—fake online stores purely for the thrill of browsing.

• Frank defends the joys of window shopping:

  "If you're a seasoned window shopper like me, this ain't new, dog. I love doing shit like this." (34:03)

• Deep dive into why online shopping might be less stressful, the pain of waiting for packages, and the allure of in-person retail’s tactile experiences.

• Joe's perspective:

  "I almost exclusively [online shop]." (35:37) "I'd rather just let shit rip online because I also like getting boxes, and it's like, oh, Christmas." (41:01)

• Frank counters:

  "The worst part of...online shopping is the waiting for it to come." (37:20)

• The trio commiserate on the struggle of returning online purchases and the questionable value of some major retailer websites:

  "The [Zara] website, the worst thing I've ever seen in my life." (39:10)

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Malls, Food Courts & Retail Nostalgia

[59:56–81:05]

The Great Food Court Debate

• Frank passionately defends mall food courts as sacred, communal spaces:

  "The quality of a mall, it lives and dies with the quality of its food court." (61:37)
  "A food court is everything at times that is right with this country, dude." (62:58)

• Joe fires back:

  "I hate a food court. It's insane." (61:45)
  "I'd rather be able to be like, okay, let's see what they got over here, or whatever...I won't put something in my cart unless I'm buying it." (59:34)

• Ant and Frank try to win Joe over with tales of free orange chicken samples and the beauty of Taco Bell and Sbarro living side-by-side, but Joe resists, calling the whole experience "not my vibe at all". (64:46)

Malls as a Rite of Passage

• The group reflects on nostalgia around malls during their youth—taking buses and trains, hanging at Queen Center Mall, and formative experiences at strip malls and local haunts.

• Joe: "We grew up hanging out in the strip mall. That's fine. We were hanging outside of a Subway on a bench. That was like most of our childhood." (74:37)

• Frank waxes sentimental:

  "I love malls because it reminds me of where I came from, which is something that we all need to hold hands and hold on." (73:50)

• They debate whether American malls are dying out (spoiler: Frank is convinced they’re part of the American fabric).

Memorable One-Liners & Banter

• Joe, on apartment privacy: "If someone could see me naked from that far, what do I care? They don't know it's me." (26:23)
• Frank, on price matching: "A lot of places also do price match ... you'll tell them and they'll price match it for you." (36:49)
• On the sensory overload of Bath & Body Works: "The deeper you get into Bath and body Works, the...nerve endings in your nose are just burnt away." (78:39)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Frank Alvarez on old-school fandom:

  "You can't, like, know the feeling in that moment of, like, the intense heartbreak or the intense, like, you know, adoration or love." (07:47)

• Joe Santagato on the city's energy after the Knicks win:

  "I was home at the time watching the game, and...I opened up my window and I could hear the entire city." (09:02)

• Joe, on online shopping:

  "I'd rather just let shit rip online because I also like getting boxes, and it's like, oh, Christmas." (41:01)

• Frank, on the soul of a mall:

  "The quality of a mall, it lives and dies with the quality of its food court." (61:37)

• Joe, standing firm:

  "I hate a food court. It's insane." (61:45) “I never really liked the mall.” (80:06)

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Additional Highlights

• Observations on generational shifts in food courts (healthier chains, less reliance on fast food).
• Whimsical banter about public showers and the visibility of one's own genitalia in bathroom mirrors.
• Frank's passionate arguments for why the food court symbolizes American diversity and togetherness—met with Joe's steadfast refusal to partake.

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Conclusion

This episode is a perfect example of The Basement Yard at its best: a mix of hilarious personal stories, heated debates about nostalgia and the minutiae of everyday life, and that classic, irreverent chemistry between lifelong friends. Whether you’re a mall die-hard or an online shopping acolyte, you’ll find something to laugh about—and maybe even a few memories of your own strip mall teenage days.

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For Further Enjoyment

• [33:46–41:01] – The online shopping debate—includes practical tips and genuine beef about Zara’s website experience.
• [61:37–66:00] – The all-out food court debate and deep dives into mall nostalgia.
• [09:02–09:35] – Knicks win, city erupts—Joe and Frank get emotional about New York sports culture.

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Let us know if you’re Team Food Court or a mall avoider in the comments—Joe and Frank want to settle this one!

Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

Welcome back to the basement.

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank.

[Ant Prisco]

Hey.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hi.

[Joe Santagato]

Love the sweater.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck. I don't know where I was going with that.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't know whose voice that is. Knicks won the championship.

[Frank Alvarez]

Knicks did it.

[Joe Santagato]

They won the finals.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. As we previously spoke, I'm still relatively new into my basketball fandom, so, like, I made it a point to not say we won. I don't feel like I'm in that yet.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even get it. Like, you know what's so unfortunate? Like, I feel like. I mean, I. We grew up in New York. I like watching sports and stuff, and then I get on the Internet after the Knicks win, and people are like, there's a lot of transplants who are supporting the Knicks.

[Frank Alvarez]

I give a fuck. I hate that mentality deeply because you're. You're actively, like, in a sense, rooting against your own team by doing that. Like, you're gatekeeping fandom for your team because you watch them go fucking 12 and 70.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I'm. I'm not. I'm not really into that.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's just. I get the.

[Joe Santagato]

In New York, the transplant thing when people, like, they just, like, want to say they're New Yorkers and that kind of feels weird. Or if they're, like, hanging out in certain areas and calling it different names, like, behavior like that. But if you're. We're cheering for a basketball team here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I think it frustrates me because I don't know many transplants, so I can't sit there and, like, really rally against them. But, like, I think what we have seen over the last 10 years is like, New York culture has become like, if you're here, you're part of it now. And, like, you could be a part of it now. Like, you're. You know, you hear bing bong. You know. You know, if you grew up outside of New York City your shouldn't leave your fucking mouth. Bing bong shouldn't even be ever said. Like, that's. That's the part where the trend. But, like, the people that are like, gatekeeping fandom. Like, you're not a Knicks fan. Not that anyone has said that to me, but, like, I have seen that. And people do that with all sports. Across all sports, you know, just don't

[Joe Santagato]

understand that at all. Like, is. I mean, for me, dude, like, I. I get so frustrated in, like, close games for, like, all sports that if I'm with someone who's cheering for the opposite team or just, like, being a troll, it. I can't be around. It really, like, it fires me up so much. I don't know. Like, I get so, like, I hate when.

[Frank Alvarez]

When. And we're definitely not going to throw it to anyone else.

[Joe Santagato]

This kid, I kicked him out of a chat twice.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know.

[Joe Santagato]

As he was fucking around once a year.

[Ant Prisco]

I get kicked out of. I get kicked out of chat.

[Joe Santagato]

I wasn't talking because you are an ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is what you do. This is what you. And if we're being real. And I was just going to say this is the thing that. That bothers me is when there's a. There's a difference between rooting for your team and then just rooting against the team that you're playing, if that makes sense.

[Joe Santagato]

I wasn't. But you're a shit starter, which is why I. Because I didn't want it to get to the point where I'm like, am I going to have. Because he said one thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was it? And was it even that bad?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't even care.

[Frank Alvarez]

To me, it was. It was.

[Joe Santagato]

I was protecting you by kicking you out of that chat. Because if you would have kept going, I would have driven to your house and then dragged you outside.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I would have came to see you.

[Ant Prisco]

Well, that would be very nice, actually.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now you know, if there's a game. Get him.

[Ant Prisco]

I haven't seen Joe in a while.

[Joe Santagato]

There's a chat with me, him and. And Josh in it and not Frankie, and Greg is in it, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's okay. It's okay. It's all right.

[Joe Santagato]

But this kid during the Pacer series.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, I know.

[Joe Santagato]

So I'm like, yo, this kid's an. So your reputation precedes you.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, I got kicked out of that chat as well.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I kicked him out of that one, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

That one made more sense. But then he made back.

[Joe Santagato]

He came back in. In this one, then in this. In. During the game where Wemby's doing this, like, I'm in your head type of thing. While. While that's going on, which, by the way, I'm pacing like a Bobcat in my living room. Freaking, like, I'm so angry.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're down 24 at this point.

[Joe Santagato]

Literally, I'm, like, freaking out. I'm screaming into pillows. This kid goes, wemby's laughing at y'.

[Frank Alvarez]

All.

[Joe Santagato]

I said, shut the up. And I kicked him out.

[Frank Alvarez]

You got the boot. You're like DJ Jazzy Jeff in Fresh Prince.

[Joe Santagato]

By the way, Zombie kicked him out. And then two seconds later, no one added him. He's like, I'm back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Kicked him again.

[Ant Prisco]

I honestly, I thought you added me back.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know how that.

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, I don't know how I got there.

[Frank Alvarez]

I inserted myself.

[Ant Prisco]

I don't know how that happened. I thought you let me back in. That's why I was like. What I was going to say was, wemby's laughing at y'.

[Frank Alvarez]

All.

[Ant Prisco]

You got to hit him. But I, I, I.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, you weren't.

[Joe Santagato]

He's trying.

[Ant Prisco]

No, no, I text. I text in, like, tens.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I just wrote in all caps. Yo sent that and said, shut the up.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then I went to text.

[Ant Prisco]

I went, ooh. And then Josh text me, and then Josh texts me on the side.

[Frank Alvarez]

He goes, see, I really don't. Like, I do take an approach of just, like, I ride for the teams that I ride for. You know how I am. But, like, if we're watching a Yankees game and there's a Red Sox fan there, it'll be playful. But, like, if they seriously get, like, rude about it, that's what I do. Take it. Like, I mean, they're beating the Yankees. I need to take it on the chin here, you know? But that's the approach that I take. But what you do, I could see

[Joe Santagato]

that also at this point, they're down by 30 points. Yeah. And I could not be losing my mind.

[Ant Prisco]

War.

[Joe Santagato]

And then just to see you being like. He's like. I was like, no, no, no, no.

[Ant Prisco]

The way he was taking it, you know, it's hard to read over text. He was taking it a lot harsher than I was.

[Joe Santagato]

I would have taken anything harsh, to be honest, at that point.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you were trying to give it nice and smooth, but you just took it hard.

[Joe Santagato]

You have a knack for doing what you just did.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean.

[Joe Santagato]

And you're a bastard.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I am a bastard. I mean, technically not, but in fun, playful ways, I am.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, wait, we're in another chat that you're in, I believe. And he said, like, the Knicks did or something like that. And I just wrote, shove it in your ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah, that What I saw. I said, GG, shove it up your ass.

[Joe Santagato]

GGs? Yeah, GGs. You know, shove it in your ass.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, even GG's is like a bit of a. Of a way to say that. You know what I mean? Like, I can't say anything. No, like, you honestly know you can't, because we know your. Your fandom. We have. We've spoken about this, like, three episodes in a row now.

[Joe Santagato]

Honestly, if you were a Spurs fan, I'll just fight with you. Yeah, but you're not. So now it's like you're just provoking me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think he is just trying to fuck, because he's also not trying to fuck. Trying to fuck with us is what I'm trying to say.

[Joe Santagato]

We don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe. But I also imagine that he's on his fifth fucking Jameson in toilet water or wherever you drink, and he's just like, I'm just gonna be a prick. And I can guar. Guarantee, because I know you.

[Ant Prisco]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

Your boys are also Knicks fans. I can guarantee you do the exact same thing to them.

[Ant Prisco]

No, it's way worse to them.

[Frank Alvarez]

At least you. At least. At least he gives us the respect at not stepping that boundary.

[Ant Prisco]

The Pacers won. That was. I. I deserve that, probably.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm telling you, the spurs one, I was just.

[Ant Prisco]

We were kind of like. It was. It was good back and forth, like, oh, geez, got to do this. Oh, my God. You know, Darren Fox is a loser. All back and forth now.

[Joe Santagato]

We're down 30, though, right? And it's like, yo, he's laughing at you guys. And it's like, but this is.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what this is? This is the prime example of a fan that has never been there. Like, that has never won because he's a fan of nothing. So, like, he wins every year that

[Joe Santagato]

the Knicks don't win.

[Frank Alvarez]

He wins every year that everyone wins. But, like, you don't. You don't give yourself to one team. So, like, you can't, like, know the feeling in that moment of, like, the intense heartbreak or the intense, like, you know, adoration or love.

[Ant Prisco]

That's also what me and Josh on the side, I was like, even after all that, I'm like, being a Knicks fan must be real nice right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Josh multiple times has texted me and been like, you guys are gonna have such a great summer. I'm so jealous. It's literally like that. That's Yank multiple times.

[Frank Alvarez]

But that's also like, I just want

[Joe Santagato]

to feel what you guys feel.

[Frank Alvarez]

See, that's but he also has, like, the Pistons for some reason. Josh is a Pistons fan. They won a 2004.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll tell you this right now, by the way. You do that to Josh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, if the Pistons were making a run and you do that. I'm not kidding. I can't save you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I cannot save you from Josh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Jokes aside, like, he's itching to beat us up just because that's how he.

[Ant Prisco]

A little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

He's angry when they're winning.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you've seen them.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, they're winning games, and he's like,

[Frank Alvarez]

yo, this fucking team. That's how my mom is, bro. My mom with the Yankees, yo. My. The Yankees can be up by 12, but Judge will strike out this motherfucker.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pieces of shit. That's it. They're gonna lose. Here it goes. Here come all the home runs.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's exactly how she is. Josh will, without exaggeration, put you in a leg lock of some sort.

[Joe Santagato]

But the Knicks. The Knicks did win.

[Frank Alvarez]

They did.

[Joe Santagato]

And it was. It was amazing. And I was home at the time watching the game, and I just. The game ended and I just put my TV on mute, and I opened up my window and I could hear the entire city.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was getting. I've spoken about this before.

[Joe Santagato]

Fireworks everywhere. Also.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've spoken about this a couple times. I was getting emotional seeing the reaction of the fans of the Knicks, because there are fans that legitimately have been fans their entire lives. Like, in, like, my mom as an example. My mom's been a fan since she was 10.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And, like, for them, it's a big thing. And then I'm seeing, like, the camaraderie. And, like, it is true. Like, you look into the crowds of people, and yes, they're rowdy. No one is saying that. And no one is saying that that is right, either. The people that got, like, hurt and lit stuff on fire. Crazy Wemby getting hit with an egg. Also disrespectful. But. But seeing, like, people of different race, ethnicities, sexual orientation, all, like, in the streets flooding and celebrating together, I got emotional seeing that. It was beautiful. You know, it's just funny people.

[Joe Santagato]

Black, white, gay, even. No, it was. It was. No, it was awesome, dude. I love, like, that. Like, it was really cool to see all the videos and whatnot.

[Frank Alvarez]

My whole algorithm is still just Nick celebration.

[Joe Santagato]

Just Nick, just all of it. And it's like Interview with. They had, like, the starting five. They were even on, like, Good Morning America like that. And OG Is just, you could tell he's fried. A question. He just didn't move.

[Frank Alvarez]

I saw the exact same video. He's. He's. I mean, unbelievable series from everybody. If it wasn't. If JB wasn't getting the MVP, it was going to OG 100%.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. He went crazy at 45 in the closeout game. God, I gave it to him. But, you know, because of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did you go out and celebrate at all?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I didn't, because I. I wasn't. I wasn't feeling well, so I just, like, stayed home, watched the game. But I was thinking about this. Like, I could have gone out, but I was not really in the mood to do that because, again, I. I wasn't feeling well, but I. I had, like, a really good experience with it. Like, I was home by myself, and I watched the game, and like I said when I opened up the window, because I watched the game, and I had, like, tears in my eyes when they won. And I'm like, I can't. I literally can't believe what I'm watching right now. And I was still nervous, like, there's a game coming, you know, like, because we were winning games, and that was exciting. But I was just like, yo, it's over. Like, they. They actually won. Like, they actually did it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, yeah, it's over. It's done.

[Joe Santagato]

And so I was, like, emotional about that. But then. And then I heard Cat talk about his mom, and I was like, yeah,

[Frank Alvarez]

that was a good one.

[Joe Santagato]

So I was just like. So then I put it on mute because fireworks started shooting right outside of my building. So I opened the window, and then you could just hear people. Like, I feel like I could hear Manhattan.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. It's funny because I know I couldn't hear them. Well, Sound travels weird on water. I remember that from my old apartment. Like, you can hear in my room, people talking, like, eight houses down, like you were standing next to them.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I felt like I was going to sleep. First of all, I was too excited to go to sleep, so I was just scrolling and I. I was up all night for a little bit. But I. Even from where I was, I know I couldn't hear people, but, like, felt like I felt like I heard people.

[Joe Santagato]

Felt the energy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I felt the energy of the city reverberating through the suburbs.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, Bro, speaking of, like, I was like, well, that night, I didn't sleep at all. So the next day, I went to sleep, and I was, like, dying, and I sleep with this. This app that records me. The only reason Why I have this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

Because. Just because I don't care about that part. Just part of the app. The alarm is like, it's soothing so that it's not like this, which I like because it helps me like wake up slowly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, so you wake up like fucking snow white. Like opening the old German windows and like there's birds and shit?

[Joe Santagato]

Legitimately, yes. That's how I wake up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's like,

[Joe Santagato]

like, so it's, it's. They do it. You can either set it to a time and it will wake you up at that time, or you can give it a 15 minute window. And if in, if at any point during the 15 minute window you like roll over or whatever, you're. You're slightly more awake, then it'll do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then it's on your phone or a watch.

[Joe Santagato]

My phone.

[Frank Alvarez]

How does it know if you're rolling over? You keep your phone in your pocket.

[Joe Santagato]

It records you. It can listen it. No, it's like right on my nightstand.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's not fucking spooky. What do you mean that's not spooky?

[Joe Santagato]

That it's listening to me?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What am I saying?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. But like.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, this is my. I was saying stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I call. There you go. So like. Well, yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I don't care if first of all, if I'm talking to my sleep, I want to hear what I'm saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

What if like in your sleep you're just like a super racist?

[Ant Prisco]

Yep.

[Joe Santagato]

I wouldn't start the story. Yeah, I'm just ripping slurs in my sleeves.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like in your sleep, you're just like Hispanics.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah. First of all, I was nervous for some reason. Say a real slur.

[Ant Prisco]

Me too. Really?

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, come on.

[Ant Prisco]

Well, cuz you do it. So you just set it up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nice try. Nice try.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you let it fly. But this was. This was me in the, in the middle of the night. This was 3:14am.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

What am I doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

One, two, three. One, two, three.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. Was I singing a Sia song?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Chandelier earlier or something?

[Joe Santagato]

1, 2, 3.

[Frank Alvarez]

1, 2, 3.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't know, but I caught myself asleep talking. I thought that was so funny.

[Frank Alvarez]

But why Even in his work, he's. This guy is. Even in his sleep, he's working.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, I'm recording.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm always recording. Doing sound check in his sleep and stuff like that. Like so good.

[Joe Santagato]

Sound check. No, I don't know. Like, I'll look sometimes because I'd Be like, oh, you know, it'll tell you, like, if you were snoring or if it tells you if, I don't know, you were, like, rolling over. And that part I don't really look at, to be honest. Not all the time. But I did see sleep talking, and I was like, what is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I. There are times where I wonder if I still sleep talk, because I can't remember last time that, like, Becca said that I sleep talked. Sleep toke. But, like, there have been times where we've both been asleep. And she'll be like, what do you say? I'm like, what? I was sleeping. I didn't say anything. And she's like, no, you said something. So, like, maybe I should get this app to record if I am actually saying stuff.

[Joe Santagato]

It could be fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, imagine, imagine. Imagine tomorrow he comes in, he was like, I was cursing out the Hispanics in my sleep.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Oh, my God. You should have heard me sleeping last night.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Santagato]

Crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

If that app worked in Staten Island, I could only imagine the things that would be said.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sure it does. It's an app. Yeah, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but you have no context as to why you counted in your sleep.

[Joe Santagato]

No idea. Because I don't remember, like, the dream I had.

[Ant Prisco]

Sounds kind of scared a little bit.

[Frank Alvarez]

It sounds like, remember, what was that thing that people would say during manhunt? Manha. Manhunt. 1, 2, 3. When they'd grab them.

[Joe Santagato]

1, 2, 3.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe you were playing manhunt in your dream. That sounds like.

[Joe Santagato]

I will be honest. Like, that's not the first time that I've heard that. But sometimes, like, an overwhelming amount of the time when that's happening, it's because, like, Nicole can't sleep and she throws on the TV so it'll show up as sleep talking.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I see that.

[Joe Santagato]

Then I'm like, oh, okay. So then I could hear it.

[Frank Alvarez]

But have you ever been able to hear what she's watching and be like, I know what that is from your sleep.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, if it's like the Office or Seinfeld or something, it's kind of cool. It's not that cool, but so usually it's that. But sometimes when I see the sleep talking thing, I'm like, oh, like, I'm afraid to play it because what if I just hear, like, hello?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's. That's why. Let's leave.

[Joe Santagato]

He's sleeping.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's why. Like, that's why I said it could be a little spooky because what if it caught Like a ghost or something. It could just be like, you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. Or like. You ever see those videos of, like. I think it was one. It was like, a Japanese woman hid in a crawl space. And this guy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes. Nah, bro, I would have. Yo, I would have. My mind, like, the guy, like, recorded his kitchen.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then in the middle of the night of, like, a Japanese woman just, like, crawled down and took food back into the crawl space.

[Joe Santagato]

Like a bowl of cereal and bounced.

[Ant Prisco]

Like a banana's gone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that would fuck me up.

[Joe Santagato]

That would fuck me up.

[Frank Alvarez]

Freaky time.

[Joe Santagato]

I would not deal with that very well. And also, I wear contacts every day. So at the end of the night, I take my contacts out and put my glasses on. So when I go to sleep, I can't see. Like, I can see, but, like, it's dark. My vision is not the best. So sometimes I'll just wake up in the middle of the night and look over at stuff and I'm like, is that a person?

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like, sometimes when you. You know, when you have, like a. I don't have this anymore, but in. In my old apartment, I used to have, like, a chair in the corner that would have clothes or something. And it just looks like someone sitting there.

[Ant Prisco]

Like.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I have a tree. Not a tree. I have a plant that's like a bigger plant that's in the corner of my room. And sometimes I'm like, well, there was one there.

[Frank Alvarez]

We have a bush in the front yard. And every time I walk. Cause, like, I sleep on the side where the wind. And every time I walk, I look out and I see it, and I still. I still do a double take because it looks like it could be someone just standing like that in my yard, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

The house in la, when. Before you got there, we were, like, looking at all the rooms in the house, and it was in the bathroom. You walk into the bathroom, and the wall all the way on this side is. The whole thing's a mirror. So I walked in, I thought someone

[Frank Alvarez]

else was walking out on the other

[Joe Santagato]

side because it was me.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I was like, oh, yo, that shit scared me, bro. Like, because there was that one bathroom in there. It was like a half bath. Was the floor, the walls. The ceiling was not the floor, but the walls and the ceiling was just mirrors.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

So I go and I, like, look up. And I freaked myself out because I was thinking of that scene from Weapons. You remember the scene where the dad is drinking? You still haven't Watched it yet? And I was just like, holy shit. And then I fucking saw my stream.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, you go to the. You went to the bathroom and look straight up?

[Frank Alvarez]

I look around when I pee, don't you think? I look at the ceiling. I look everywhere.

[Ant Prisco]

There was my friend in his old apartment. He had a mirror in front.

[Frank Alvarez]

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[Ant Prisco]

of the toilet. And while you're peeing, you're just staring right back at it.

[Joe Santagato]

I have that in my apartment, too. In one of the bathrooms, it's like, I'm peeing, and I'm like, my penis is right there.

[Ant Prisco]

And I walked. I was like, why do you have a dick mirror in there?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I see my penis peeing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like bathrooms really should have just the vanity mirrors. Like, you don't need to con. You don't need to put more mirrors in there, because that.

[Ant Prisco]

That's.

[Frank Alvarez]

You get yourself, like, when you want to get yourself. You know what I mean? If there's, like, a standing mirror or one on the wall or something, you might catch a stray of yourself that you weren't expecting, and you don't know what you're gonna see.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't need to see my wiener peeing. I'm good.

[Frank Alvarez]

When's the last time you saw your wiener in a mirror?

[Joe Santagato]

All the time.

[Ant Prisco]

He just said.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, all right.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, also, like, in front of the mirror, like, when I'm getting dressed, I see. I see my wiener.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'm, like, getting dressed in front of the mirror. You don't get dressed in front of the mirror. No, but how do you know what your clothes look like?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I have eyes, and I see them like this.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, but don't you want to see what the outfit looks like?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you know me. I'm pretty. It doesn't take much to put together a blank T shirt and sweatpants.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't.

[Ant Prisco]

What about if you, like, walk past the bathroom? Usually the sink, at least above the sink, has a mirror and some.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, that's why I said the vanity.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, so you don't see your wiener in wieners.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa, whoa.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't see your wiener in mirrors? I don't really.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not a. I don't see my wiener in mirrors that often.

[Joe Santagato]

When are you naked in the shower? So when you time you take a sh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes I wear boxers in the shower. If, like, the door is open and the girls are running in and out, I don't want them. Their first memory to see daddy's balls.

[Ant Prisco]

Probably be their fifth or sixth, you

[Joe Santagato]

know, why can't we close the door?

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I leave it open because they're like. They're in the bath or they are going to come shower with me or something like that. So I keep boxers on or swim shorts.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just. I don't want. I don't want. I sadly remember my dad's balls and I don't want my kids to have that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I remember my dad's winner.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a lot to have to parse through with a therapist eventually.

[Joe Santagato]

You remember your dad's penis?

[Ant Prisco]

No, I've only seen it like, twice.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, you remember that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's enough.

[Ant Prisco]

But it was when I was older. It's like, you know, sometimes you catch

[Joe Santagato]

a glimpse at a urinal when you were older. How do you forget saying sometimes you

[Ant Prisco]

can't catch a glimpse at a urinal, you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah. No, no.

[Joe Santagato]

So you've, like, seen a peripheral.

[Frank Alvarez]

I tried.

[Joe Santagato]

I tried, but, yeah, she gave up at the end there.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

So you've seen, like, you know, like. I've seen, yes, shadows. The answer is yes, I've seen, yes, shadows. I mean, I've seen this thing.

[Ant Prisco]

My. My dad.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you're not. You're not your dad. No, no, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I just, like. So, like, I'm naked in the shower.

[Joe Santagato]

So like, when you. Okay, so you get out of the shower, right? Let's say there's no children around. Yeah. How much time are you naked for? And when. I mean, naked is like no towel.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. Here's my. Here's what I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I shut the water off.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I squeegee the glass and then I put.

[Joe Santagato]

Every time you're squeegen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I put my. I towel and I put it around my waist and I go get my clothes.

[Ant Prisco]

Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I.

[Joe Santagato]

You go get your. So you go into your bedroom.

[Frank Alvarez]

I go to my bedroom, I get my clothes that whatever I'm gonna wear out. Then I go back into the bathroom or sometimes in the room, most likely in the bathroom, and I just get dressed right there.

[Joe Santagato]

You get dressed in the bathroom?

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do you get dressed in the bathroom?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. It's not like an active thing I'm doing. It's just.

[Joe Santagato]

What do you mean? That is a completely active thing. It's a different.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's not. Like, I'm like, I'm not gonna get dressed in here. Sometimes I get dressed in my closet. Sometimes I get dressed in my room. Sometimes I get dressed in the bathroom.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would say most of the time, probably the bathroom, because, you know, like.

[Joe Santagato]

But you don't spend any of the travel time naked.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I got little kids running around. Like I said, I don't. I don't. I don't want all that. I don't want it.

[Joe Santagato]

We have a door.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but also, sometimes I'm getting out and, like, you know, Becca's doing her makeup, and, like, you know, the kids are running in and out, getting dressed or something. So I. I keep the towel around me, and then I get in the bathroom and I throw my boxers on.

[Joe Santagato]

What if you didn't have kids? Would you. Are you naked walking around?

[Frank Alvarez]

That's tough. I've never been a big fan of being naked.

[Joe Santagato]

You don't like being naked?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Not my favorite. You know that I've told you that. Do you know that I've told you that? We've talked about that before.

[Joe Santagato]

I do. I do.

[Ant Prisco]

How much.

[Frank Alvarez]

How much time do you think in a. In a. In a week do you spend naked?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, not. Not insanely long.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you narrow it down to, like, minutes or hours?

[Joe Santagato]

If I had to, I'd say probably around, like, in a week. We're not including, like, in the shower.

[Frank Alvarez]

Obviously, that's when you're naked. Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh. I mean, but yeah, but, like, obviously you're naked.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then I would say, like, two hours. A week, maybe. I'm not naked often.

[Joe Santagato]

I was thinking about just the time that's obviously not in the shower because everyone's naked during that. Like, how often are you naked, just kind of standing?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, never. I'm never naked. I mean, that's not true, but yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Ant Prisco]

We don't. I don't know if we needed that.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I'm glad you sold.

[Ant Prisco]

For what, three minutes?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you got it. Absolutely nailed me.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Pile driver over here.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Big old, big old fat dick pile driver over there.

[Joe Santagato]

But I was gonna say, like, 20 minutes a week, maybe.

[Frank Alvarez]

20 minutes a week? Yeah, because I like to count in the shower, though.

[Joe Santagato]

I get out of the shower, and then I, like. I. I. Sometimes I just, you know, if I'm, like, dry, I just take it off, and then I'm kind Of like, doing well, I don't do like a ton of stuff, but like today I was

[Frank Alvarez]

like, but your, your apartment is also like a lot of like, windows. Brother. You're not afraid.

[Joe Santagato]

But no one can see in my windows.

[Frank Alvarez]

How do you know people. There are. There are voyeurs that have binoculars and they're just like, where? Let me zoom in all the way so I could see Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, if they did that, all the power to them. I don't think they could, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have windows and then there's like kids that live in the neighborhood. So, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you can't go into like the living room or whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, even my bedroom, there's big windows, you know, so like, I don't want to be naked in front of a window where there's outdoors in my

[Joe Santagato]

bedroom, there is a big window and I can be naked in front of it because no one can see into that.

[Frank Alvarez]

How do you know that?

[Joe Santagato]

Because it's facing Manhattan.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, how do you know someone isn't across Manhattan with like an old, like.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, they cares. I wouldn't care at that point.

[Ant Prisco]

Hotel rooms.

[Joe Santagato]

Naked as hell.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that's when you're the most naked.

[Ant Prisco]

And that's why I'll stand by the window because, you know, they can't really see you're you. I'll just look.

[Joe Santagato]

You're looking over the land like you're Simba.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sort of Mufasa. Come on.

[Ant Prisco]

Well, Simba gets it eventually.

[Frank Alvarez]

Eventually. But like, Mufasa is the one that shows. I'm just thinking about everything the light touches.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, just think about when I do it. Because, you know, a lot of times they have that glass that's like almost a one way mirror. They can't see in the hotel.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's like tinted. Yeah, super tinted.

[Ant Prisco]

So I'll just look out there.

[Joe Santagato]

If someone could see me naked from that far, what do I care? They don't know it's me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, we're starting to get big. You gotta. You gotta think about the paparazzo. They're coming for you.

[Joe Santagato]

A paparazzi has never taken my photo.

[Ant Prisco]

Ever.

[Frank Alvarez]

How do you know?

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I feel like you do know. A person runs upon you with a camera and takes your photo.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is a real thing that you need to start thinking about as our.

[Ant Prisco]

As our.

[Frank Alvarez]

As our growth continues in the right direction. You have to worry about where you're naked.

[Joe Santagato]

If someone takes a picture of me from my apartment, like, my apartment, like, finds out where I live, it takes a photo of me naked. Can I Sue, isn't that crazy?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm sure you can, but then it makes you look like a real asshole

[Joe Santagato]

that I'm suing someone.

[Frank Alvarez]

Joey. They just be like, oh, why? Joey sued us because now everyone has seen his microcock.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

Wow.

[Joe Santagato]

Not fresh out the shower right after a workout, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's. That's the best.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I don't know why after workout is like, dude, after working out in

[Ant Prisco]

a freezer, after I ran the half it was inside my body, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that?

[Ant Prisco]

I don't know.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that's a thing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. I've never, I've never ran to have that experience.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not all, it's not every time, but there are times where I like will hit like a pretty, pretty good work or like a run and then I'm like, dude, this is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I, I can't bad one. I. I cannot speak to that.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, is what it is.

[Ant Prisco]

I bring my underwear into the bathroom and like my undershirt while I'm showering. So right after the shower, I just kind of put on like my like bottom stuff there and then I'll walk out.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you just putting it on wet?

[Ant Prisco]

No, no, I have a towel. I'll dry myself off like in the bathroom a little bit. I'll put on my like undershirt and underwear. All right. That's not, that's like. I'm saying I bring my, my bottom stuff into the bathroom. I don't go to the bed, get the clothes, then come back to the bathroom. It feels like a wasted trip.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, you also basically live with like in a college dorm, so I can understand.

[Ant Prisco]

Still travel. Still travel.

[Frank Alvarez]

I remember, bro. That was a crazy concept. There were in my school, there were residence halls that like, the bathroom was communal. So like you had to like get in your towel and clothes and walk down the hall to shower.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I do that at the gym. I take a shower at the gym.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you're a grown ass man, but like 18 year olds.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, weird.

[Ant Prisco]

But they're all.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was weird, dude. That like that sense of like a shower caddy and walking in flip flops and a towel to the bathroom past everyone's door.

[Ant Prisco]

Ra. Frankie's like, that towel's not gray. Give it to me now.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, give it to me right now. You got me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Absolutely. No, there was no rules on towels. There were rules on the size of refrigerators and on certain lights.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, before we get into that important conversation, we do have some sponsors. The first one being seatgeek. All right, seatgeek's where you want to go to buy all of your tickets. All right, you're going to go to a baseball game or. Well, you can't go to a basketball game because the Knicks already did it in five. But you want to go to a baseball game this summer, you want to go to a concert or anything like that, you're going to get your tickets on SeatGeek. Okay? They have over 70,000 events listed at any given time. They're number one rated ticketing app store app on the App Store, okay? So if you need tickets, this is the number one place to be. They'll let you know if you're paying a good price for your ticket based on the color. All right? So dark green is like a very good price. Dark red is a very bad price. So it's concert season, baby, and why don't you do. Why don't you save some money if you're going to do that? All right, you can use the code BASEMENT2026. You'll get 10% off of your next set of tickets on SeatGeek. So go download the app and go check out something fun. Get outside, touch the grass and listen to some music at a concert or something. Or go to a game and get a hot dog. God knows you need it. Use that code BASEMENT2026 and get 10% off. All right? Enjoy that. Ladies and gentlemen, we also have Angry Orchard. I don't know. I don't know. Angry Orchard. It's the number one hard cider in the country. Two apples in every bottle. Delicious stuff. Okay. It is amazing. Ant is enjoying one right now. Frank's kissing it. Ant's enjoying it. I just got it right here. Angry Orchard. It's very delicious. Two apples in every bottle. It's a hard cider, so it's amazing. We like it. Don't get angry. Get Orchard or also, this is one of the coolest, one of the sexiest, trees I've ever seen in my life.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a good looking tree, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

We've talked about that before. But the tree on this bottle is insanely sexy for some reason.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know if that was just the cheekbones and the brow line. It's like kind of looks like me, I would say.

[Joe Santagato]

Also gluten free. Just saying. For those with allergies out there.

[Frank Alvarez]

There you go.

[Joe Santagato]

With that allergy at least.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But Angry Orchard is available at bars, restaurants and retailers nationwide. But yeah, so go check them out. You can go to Is it angry orchard.com and use the cider locator to find Angry Orchard near you. Okay? So go to Angry Orchard. Get yourself. Get your hand, get your paws on these. Go enjoy an angry Orchard.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what else is available not just nationwide, but worldwide. Us.

[Joe Santagato]

That was way too loud.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Basement Yard Patreon Patreon is available wherever you may be. I believe. I hope. If I'm saying something that's wrong, Patreon, figure it out. Patreon.com the basemanyard is the way that we tell you guys that you can support us directly. It's so meaningful. You're you watching and supporting and commenting and reposting. That's also very supportive. But also patreon.com the basemanyard is a very supportive way. Check out the different tiers we got on there. That first tier you will find you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance so you can get in on the conversation. When people are posting and they're like, oh, this is the week ahead episode, you'd be like, what? I can go watch it right now? That's that first tier. That second tier gets you the week ahead episode a week in advance. You also get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you could party with us all week. It's a fun time. It's good. What do I got to tell you that? Go check it [e-mail] thebasementyard you guys have been so crazily supportive and unbelievably just generous with your support and your time and your attention and your money and all that stuff. So thank you. Patreon.com the Basementyard Check it out. If you want to save yourself a couple extra bucks, go type it on a web browser and sign up. That way, if you use a smart app, they might take a couple extra bucks from you. All right, we thank you. And as this has come out, the Basement Yard, we're doing shows again. Oh. So the presale came and went. We don't know what is still available

[Joe Santagato]

because we are not in the future.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not in the future. So what you could do is go to thebasementyard.com check out the shows that we have listed there. If there is anything that is available in your area and you want to come see us, we're really excited. It's going to be a fun time. So go check it out. Thank you guys for putting us in the position where we can be doing stuff like this. It means the world. Patreon.com the Basement Yard thebasemanyard.com. go check out both. Thank you. I'm getting really good, like, skilled.

[Joe Santagato]

What'd you say at? Oh, like doing a. Doing an ad, a commercial.

[Ant Prisco]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I agree.

[Frank Alvarez]

You heard that, right? Like, I'm not crazy. That was a little disrespectful. Wow, you don't think so?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know. Listen, there's a new trend. Apparently South Korea invented a fake shopping website where you can browse, fill a cart and track a delivery, but nothing ever gets delivered. And it's just to like, hit that dopamine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dopamine sites, baby.

[Joe Santagato]

Just from shopping.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guess that's what I'm talking about. Listen, if you're a seasoned window shopper like me, this ain't new, dog. I love doing shit like this.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like that's a pretty common thing amongst women, at least in my. In my experience, if I can throw some sexism out a little bit, I

[Frank Alvarez]

think ladies be shopping.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I think they do be shopping and spending to money. But my sister does it, Nicole does it, and you do it too.

[Frank Alvarez]

The three women in your life.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes, the three women in my life. They throw a bunch of stuff in a cart, but they don't buy it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I do that sometimes just because it's like a form of controlling my discipline. Does that make sense at all?

[Joe Santagato]

Like you're like a shopping edging. Like you'll throw stuff in a cart. You know what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'm bringing myself, right. I'm blue balling my shopping balls.

[Joe Santagato]

But will you come back to.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really depends. I mean, I need to. I am in, like, I go back and forth between, like, I want to buy stuff for myself and I don't. So I'll keep stuff in a cart. And then like, if I ever get in the mood where I'm like, yeah, you know what, I should just pull the trigger. I can just go right over and pull the trigger. Sometimes I also then if it's not there anymore or like the cookies were deleted or whatever, I'll be like, it wasn't meant to be. I wasn't meant to have that Yankee hat.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow. Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't do that.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I think that, like, I don't online shop often. So when I do, I'm like going with a purpose to purchase.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you. How do you like, what do you think about online shopping? Are you getting this, this, this or this?

[Joe Santagato]

I almost exclusively do it. I know that you don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I hate online shopping.

[Joe Santagato]

Why are you worried about, like the sizing of Things.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, that's part of it also. I just, I a tactile person. So, like, I need to see and feel something before I purchase it because I can tell if it's a good quality or not.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I mean, you could also, like, read the description.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, but that, but the description is made by the people that want you to buy it, so they might not be as forthcoming. And then I'll also check the reviews sometimes. But also that could also be, you

[Joe Santagato]

know, what I've been doing. Like, I will put. Sometimes I'll put an item that I like and be like, oh, I'm kind of on the fence about this. And then I'll put it into like TikTok and see if people made like review videos on it so I could actually see it on a purpose.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've done that with pots and pans. I've done like, oh, I'm gonna check out if these are actually good pots and pans, because I should be like, these are the best. And then you go, and this is someone that dedicated their life to reviewing it. And they're like, they're all right.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, you know what I do?

[Ant Prisco]

No matter what I'm buying, I'll just put in the name of the store or if it's, you know, whatever it is into Google and just go, discount codes. Usually I find one that's interesting.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot of places also do price match. So, like if you were to go to like target. I don't know if target.com has this. I can remember when I was in store. But like, if you go to Target and you see an Item and it's 50 bucks, but then you look online at Walmart and it's listed at Walmart for 40 bucks, you'll tell them and they'll price match it for you.

[Joe Santagato]

See? See, I'm a lazy shopper.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just don't care.

[Joe Santagato]

No, you don't care at all. Well, I just. Yeah, I just. I don't. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like the.

[Joe Santagato]

Which is bad. I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will say this. The worst part of. And this is one of the biggest reasons I dislike online shopping is the waiting for it to come. That's.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but it's not that long anymore.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, but it's still like a day or two. I like, if I get something, I'm excited to have it and I want it right now.

[Joe Santagato]

But isn't it more convenient to be able to shop from your house, even if you have to wait a day or two rather than like, I Have to get up and go and go and search. And I also want to know what all of my options are. And it's easier to know that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, I think that like, like retail is moving away from brick and mortar stores. Like, I went the other day shopping and the guy straight up just said like, oh, we don't have that in stock. It's just an online only item. And I'm like, well, why do you have a display in the store?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he's like, because if you want it, we'll just order it online. And that's where retailers are moving toward. It's just like, we. It's easier, I guess. It's bigger business and there's less overhead when they do an online store than a brick and mortar store.

[Joe Santagato]

I do think that, like, I mean, there are stores I like going to, but a lot of stores, like, don't have shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's the thing is now it's easier for them to just keep it in a warehouse than to stock and employ.

[Joe Santagato]

There's certain brands that I do like and anytime I've been in their store, it's like, there's slim pickings there. But then there's other stores like Zara, where I'm like, this is a good store.

[Frank Alvarez]

Zara is the anomaly. I went in. Zara's good. I went in the other day with Becca and I was like, there's more stuff here than I've ever seen online, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, I gotta say this about Zara and I, you know, potentially, I don't know. The store, incredible. The website, the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Really? Yeah, because I think it was like. What I heard was that it was made to be like a magazine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Pull up the Zara website right now.

[Joe Santagato]

It's horrific, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're. Zara's just getting absolutely love and hate in this.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that's the thing. Like, I feel okay saying that because I feel bad about, you know, I mean, they're a big corporation. They don't fucking care. Like, if this was a smaller thing, I'd feel worse. But the, the site is like, it's just hard to find. See, this is what we're talking about.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Where?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, there's a search in the top, right?

[Ant Prisco]

Oh, and it's over.

[Joe Santagato]

What are we doing here? No one's gonna see this. So I mean, I feel bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, imagine Zara, like, whoever Zara is, is watching and they're just like, I imagine they're German name, like Zara. It's like, this is so mean.

[Ant Prisco]

What are we. What, all these lines?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And then you have to go to.

[Ant Prisco]

What?

[Joe Santagato]

What the hell is that? I mean, I don't know, but.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ben. Yo.

[Joe Santagato]

And then you got to go to. Man. And then you got to go to the shop.

[Ant Prisco]

Go to shop all.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, this is ridiculous what we're doing now. This is not part of the podcast, but it's fine. The point is, I don't. I'm not a fan of the website, but I think that their clothes and being in the store.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I've gotten some stuff from them that I. That I enjoy. But, like, it is like. But that's what I mean. Like, the shopping experience, for me, it's more rewarding than the conveniences for doing it at home, because then it comes to your. Then you have to wait for it. Then it comes to your house, and then what if you don't like it, then you need to go out of your way to ship it back, which. Yes. They give you, like, most of the time. They give you, like, a free shipping label or whatever. But, like, then you need to package it. You need to put the label on it, which. Oh, do you have a box? Hope you have a box. If not, you got to go get a box or you got to bring it to UPS and they got.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, you go to ups, they have boxes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but, like, it's fucking you. Like, this is so annoying. I like going to a store and being like.

[Joe Santagato]

I like that you've never gone to a store and then bought something and brought it home and put it on and be like, fucking hate this.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, not once.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like I've done that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have not also, like, if I am unsure about, like, fit or how I'm gonna look, I'll just try it on at the store.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd rather just let shit rip online because I also like getting boxes, and it's like, oh, Christmas.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. I love getting boxes. Like, that's the thing is, like, I don't like online shopping, but I love getting packages. So, like, I want someone to online shop for me on my behalf and send it to me so I could be surprised and happy when it comes.

[Joe Santagato]

What a world do you live in? Yeah, I don't know. I. I'm.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what? I'm gonna give you homework.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm also not really good at returning things. Yeah, I'm bad.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not good with it either.

[Joe Santagato]

I like. Especially if it's, like, a T shirt. Like, if I got a T shirt and it was like 20 something bucks. Like, I waited this long. It showed up. I'm not gonna return. See, this is the thing, unfortunately, and I know that's a luxury and that's a stupid thing to do with your money, but I.

[Frank Alvarez]

In my opinion, shopping online for something remedial, like a T shirt is so stupid. Like, a T shirt is a T shirt. You can find a T shirt. You will not go out and have trouble finding T shirts.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not buying just a white T shirt.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, regardless, like the shirt that you're wearing.

[Ant Prisco]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not. I'm not referencing the quality or anything of it, but, like, you can go out and find a shirt that similar, if not the exact same one somewhere.

[Joe Santagato]

The thing is, though, sometimes I'll go like this. I'll say, I need a green. Which I'm still on the hunt for a olive green pair of pants that I like. Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Still on the hunt for, like, someone's gonna. I got you, Joe.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I've been trying to find, like, a good pair that I'm like, seeing, and I'm like, oh, I like these, but I can't find a good one. But so I. If I find a site that has those pants, what's going on? That has those pants, I'm not gonna just buy the pants.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna buy extra.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm gonna get a few things.

[Frank Alvarez]

So. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, I'm like, I don't want to just. Because if I open a box and it's only got one thing in it, I'm like the kid from Harry Potter.

[Frank Alvarez]

My glass shit.

[Joe Santagato]

It was 34. Like, I need more shit in here.

[Frank Alvarez]

When is. Since when is Dursley or Dudley, like, Hispanic there? 334.

[Joe Santagato]

I was. I think I said my tongue was going crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just like a T shirt. If you're online shopping and one of the items that you're getting is a T shirt, in my opinion, I understand what you're doing. Where it's like, I bought other stuff and then I'll just throw this in there. But, like, if you're online shopping and it's for T shirts, just go out. Just go out to a store.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I want. I. I mean, rarely does that happen that I'll just like, I'm just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also, I've bought in clothes off Amazon, but purchased.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

That feels wrong, right?

[Joe Santagato]

You've what?

[Frank Alvarez]

I've purchased clothes from Amazon. That feels wrong. Like, Amazon is not for clothes.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like everyone does.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's for, like, lighters and stuff.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, that I bought clothes on Amazon.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have, too. But I'm saying, like, it feels, like, wrong.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it's Amazon. There's, like, everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know, but it's just.

[Joe Santagato]

I've bought, like, weird.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm telling you now, if and when Amazon starts selling, like, luxury items, all of retail is going down the drain. All of retail is going down the drain.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that would defeat the purpose.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yes, absolutely.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, but luxury items can't be that accessible.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think. I think I actually saw that. I think it's like Long Jean, the watch company, I think they sell on Amazon now and that.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude, how much are those watches?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know. Honestly, I imagine they're expensive. Like, at least a thousand.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I've seen some items on there that are like. It's like a generator or something. That's like two grand.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is there anything on Amazon that you would buy that you wouldn't buy? Because you're like, I wouldn't get this from Amazon.

[Joe Santagato]

No, really? I think that I would get anything from Amazon. Especially, like, bro, pretty much exclusively underwear, socks. If I'm purchasing them, I'm gonna just get them from Amazon.

[Ant Prisco]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I don't like it. And maybe. Maybe I'm a boomer.

[Joe Santagato]

But, like, underwear I'll buy from places that as an add on. Like, I'll throw an under sometime.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, I need to feel the undies. I need to feel.

[Joe Santagato]

I know what they are.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, so, like, if I go to Target and I like a pair of underwear, I'll, like, try to. You know how they had that thing at the bottom where it's like, feel me, and it's like a little cutout.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll like, dig my finger in there.

[Joe Santagato]

Finger it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just. I'll finger the bag just to see if I could feel that. It's a good pair of boxers.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Am I wrong?

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, no. I mean, I'm not judging you. I just. I just. I don't care that much.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't care what the item is. If there is a little, like, try me or feel me cut out in the packaging. A Fingers going in. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You know, if I'm walking around Toys R Us and all the toys are like, try me, finger me or whatever. Well, they're not gonna say finger me. What was it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Feel me, feel me.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm doing it 100%. They got me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like. Or, like, it's like a toy that has the, like, on the back of the box, it has, like, the string that you could pull I'm an adult. I'm going to pull it.

[Joe Santagato]

Ripping the string.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't care, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

If you're going to give me the opportunity to try something in a store, I'm going to try it.

[Joe Santagato]

This is a stupid thing, but, like, you know when toys, like the battery, the pack in the back, it kind of has like a plastic thing that you rip and then the batteries will work.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. What?

[Joe Santagato]

Fucking love that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do, too, because it always comes out so smooth.

[Joe Santagato]

I know.

[Frank Alvarez]

I also love when you can put batteries in something and there's that, like, piece of. So good, so good, so good.

[Joe Santagato]

New summer arrivals are at Nordstrom rack stores now. Get ready to save big with up to 60% off brands like Rag and Bone, Levi's, Adidas and free people. Join the NordicLub to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack

[Frank Alvarez]

like ribbon and

[Joe Santagato]

you pull it out and then you

[Frank Alvarez]

pull it out like you're killing it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, like you're ripping it inside.

[Joe Santagato]

When you get an iPhone and this case, the screen for the first time, you're like, yeah, I fucking love that shit. Do you keep that on? Are you that guy?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, sometimes.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, no.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes I've had, like, TVs and stuff like that. TVs, yeah, yeah, yeah, that. I've kept it on for years.

[Joe Santagato]

Why the screen? What are you throwing tomatoes at the screen?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's just to keep. It's an extra layer of protection to keep it cleaner.

[Joe Santagato]

But you're not getting the full experience of the TV that you just bought. Yeah, no, because there's a screen on it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't have the eyes to be able to go, you know what? This isn't 1080p.

[Joe Santagato]

You definitely do.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I do definitely not.

[Joe Santagato]

You do definitely not. You don't have good eyes. Not squint a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don't you dare say that like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't you?

[Frank Alvarez]

I do, but you're not allowed to say it.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, when you go to the eye doctor, what do they say to you?

[Frank Alvarez]

I got to the eye doctor.

[Joe Santagato]

Not good once. Like, clearly there's something going on.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow, you're starting to piggyback on me and I don't like it.

[Joe Santagato]

But they don't tell you get contacts or anything?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I mean, I have glasses and I haven't gone in.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, what's your prescription? Do you know?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know the actual number. Ever since my employer Got me vision. Vision insurance. I've made it a thing to like, I wear glasses.

[Joe Santagato]

What the fuck was with that, by the way? Because when we got insurance you were like going crazy about the vision, but now you don't wear glasses.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I. I wear them mostly for drives because I was finding that after long drives I was having headaches squinting the whole time. I don't know if I don't think I'm squinting.

[Joe Santagato]

Danger, danger.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm doing it now cuz I'm angry. This is an angry squint, both of you. You fox. I have a pair of glasses now and I'll get another one. How about that? Yeah, I'll get two more.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that gonna do to me? I don't know. You're acting like that's my punishment. But we do have some more sponsors that maybe we should get to those instead.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you probably should.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, let's get to that. We have another sponsor, Wayfair. Okay, Wayfair, they make furniture. They make furniture for everything. Okay? I have bought so much Wayfair. There's a bunch of Wayfair in my apartment at the current time. But they are affordable. They have every single piece of furniture that you could possibly think of. I mean, they have outdoor furniture, indoor furniture, rugs, couches, cabinets, whatever you need. It's like they have everything. So whenever I'm shopping for a new, you know, piece of furniture, I will go to Wayfair first because I think that with the price, the affordability, with, you know, the quality that you usually get, it's great. And right now, summer's coming. Outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio furniture, things like that, you can get it all on Wayfair. It's a one stop shop for your home. They have over 20 million five star reviews. And you can shop with Wayfair Verified. Okay? Your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10 point inspection, testing things like quality of materials, functionality, features and even how long it takes to build that is a huge one. Okay. Sometimes you get caught, sometimes you buy a piece of furniture from another company and it's like, well, this is going to take a year. So that kind of cuts into it. So I appreciate the fact that they take that into account. But yeah, patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's Wayfair spelled W a Y f a I r dot com. Okay? Go to wayfair.com go check out all those deals, save some money, get your furniture. All right, folks. And lastly here we have Cash App. You guys know what Cash App is? You could send money from person to person, but they also have a. It does more than that. They're making sure your money stays your money. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend called Cash App Green. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free over after overdraft coverage. If you overdraft unexpectedly, no hidden fees, you're good. But yeah, so you can, like, earn your way into that green status, but yeah, and you also, you could like, send money if you're out with your friends and whatever and they're paying for that. You can send them money with Cash App as well. But yeah, you can get the Cash App card and enjoy that. And yeah, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASH APP10 at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Cash App Visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton bank members FDIC and the Bancorp bank pursuant to a license of to a license from Visa USA Incorporated. See terms and conditions for the Sutton for prepaid card, Sutton Debit Flex Card and Bank Corp. Debit flex Card. I have to read this. Like this. Cash App Green features savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App a Block incorporated brand visit CashApp app legal podcast for full disclosures. But again, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASH APP10 their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. All right, so go check out the Cash App, folks.

[Frank Alvarez]

So just to put a bow on that conversation, what are your thoughts on this whole Dopamine sites where they're fake online shopping.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know that I would get anything from that. I get more like, I do get something out of. Because I do find myself shopping online when I'm like, bored.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, you'll go look up things to buy.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like if I'm just sitting on my couch and, you know, I'm just kind of like, whatever, I'll be like, you know, let me. Maybe I'll buy some clothes. I'll like, go to the sites that I like to go to and see if there's anything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you think online shopping makes it feel less like shopping than shopping in store? And that's why people are like, shopping, but, like, isn't it, like, that's why people are more inclined? Because there's a sense of like, I'm not feeling physically handing money over to someone. I'm not physically taking my card out and doing it. It's just like, now you can preload your card, your credit card or debit card into your phone and you can literally see something and just click one button and you're done.

[Joe Santagato]

What was the question?

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you think that online shopping is. People are so in love with it because it feels less like shopping than actual in store shopping.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's just convenience. Like, you don't have to get up and go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why does everything convenient, though?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I agree that things shouldn't be like that. Personally, for me, I don't. Like, I never felt compelled to go out and go shopping. Not a thing that I. Oh, I like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like it's like, nice to like, you also feel, like, rewarding. Like, it feels rewarding. Like you're looking for something and then you go and you find it. You're like, I gotcha.

[Joe Santagato]

But it's rare that I know what I'm looking for before I see it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, I don't. I know, like, you don't go in something.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't go in saying, like, I have this event or this something coming up and I want to get closed for that.

[Joe Santagato]

But I. So no, really?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, like, that's what. Because we're going on vacation soon. And like, my approach was just like, oh, I want to get something for the vacation. For like, yeah, the beachy, you know, stuff like that. So, like, you go in with like an idea, at least a general structure. You're going in just raw dogging stores.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, isn't. I feel like that's what makes shopping more fun is when you don't know exactly what you want. So you're going in, you're browsing, you're like, oh, look at that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like that makes it more dangerous if you go with like a sense of like, yeah, it's like going to the supermarket hungry. If you're going to a store just because you want to shop, like, you're doing yourself a disservice. You should be going and just like.

[Joe Santagato]

But what do you describe? Are you describing something that's different than what I'm saying? Like, if I'm. If I know, because I'm going to Portugal soon. Of, like, I need some new clothes for Portugal, but I don't know what I want. I'm just go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Simple flex.

[Joe Santagato]

What's a simple flex? Going to Portugal.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I hear what you're saying. I just feel like, will you go

[Joe Santagato]

to stores knowing, like, I want that item?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, sometimes that has happened.

[Joe Santagato]

How do you know that? Like, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes I'll look up and I'll say, like, oh, Target carries it, and I'll go to Target for that item.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, because I don't like waiting. The waiting, the waiting. The hardest part. You remember that song, Tom Petty? Yeah. It's a good one.

[Ant Prisco]

I just.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because then I buy it, and then it's like, it'll be there in two and a half days, and those two days, I'm just seeing refresh, refresh, refresh. All the shipping, you know, notifications, and I just want it. Give me what I bought.

[Joe Santagato]

I. That's interesting, but you're talking about convenience. What about patience?

[Frank Alvarez]

Fuck them both.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, there you go. It's solved.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do it. I do it more as, like, a discipline thing. Like you said, I'm edging my. My shopping skills.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you shop a lot?

[Frank Alvarez]

Not a lot.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you fake shop a lot?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah, really often. I have, like. Like, two dozen tabs on my phone right now of stuff that I've added into carts.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't even think about that. Yeah, I'd never have tabs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I have, like, because I use Google Chrome, and it'll say, like, inactive. Like, I haven't open them in, like, two weeks or something.

[Ant Prisco]

Like.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it goes to a separate tab. I'll just go in and reopen all of them just so they're all there.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that about? You can't even throw away tabs.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can't even throw away. I'll throw them away right now. No, I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Not Frankie. I don't want to be the reason why you're throwing these tabs away. You're not doing anything, Frank. No one's gonna think anything of you because you change your tabs. Just keep your tabs.

[Ant Prisco]

We're thinking of something right now. We're thinking.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I think that if anything, it makes me a more disciplined person and better than you.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. I feel like so. How so? You said, like, every day you'll throw something in a cart.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, every day.

[Joe Santagato]

Just to do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, why not? And, like, things that I have no intent on buying sometimes Too. Like, I'm not going to buy, you know, a new, like, watch right now, but I'll just go and I'll be like, that's a nice one. I'll put in the car and then I'll just back away. Like that episode of Homer, the Simpsons where Homer's in the bush.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, I'm just like, don't you

[Joe Santagato]

like, get an email? And they're like, hey, you left something back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sometimes. Sometimes I do. Yeah, but that's a good email, dude. I hate the. I don't. That's why I don't give. When you go to the Times, you go to brick and mortar stores and they say, like, what's your email? What's your email? What do you say?

[Joe Santagato]

I give him my email.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I say, no, thank you.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I'm not brave, so I can't say that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I.

[Joe Santagato]

The guy, if they asked my social, I'd probably give it up, honestly.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was shopping the other day and the guy goes, can I get your email? And I go, oh, no thanks. He goes, just, it's for the receipt. And I go, I'll take a paper receipt. And he goes, this guy's relentless. That's what he said to me.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, yeah. I mean, at the same time I think that like, bro, stop.

[Frank Alvarez]

I just like anytime a business asks for your phone number or your email, just say no.

[Ant Prisco]

Just say no.

[Joe Santagato]

Part of my. Part of. I guess that's part of the reason why I don't even like in person shopping.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you have to deal with people?

[Joe Santagato]

It's a whole song and dance.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, Zara now has self checkouts.

[Joe Santagato]

Do they?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you can go up, buy your shit and get out of there. You don't need to get checked out by a 19 year old that has like eight bracelets on one arm.

[Joe Santagato]

Why do they all like that, dude?

[Frank Alvarez]

And they're big.

[Joe Santagato]

Like all the people that work at Zara like covered in bracelets like it's Coachella.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, yes. And then you go across like Zoomies and it's just like the Skaters.

[Joe Santagato]

I've never been inside of the Zoomies.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've been inside of Izumi's before.

[Joe Santagato]

You go to Journeys all the time though?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, Journeys. I've gone to Journeys. I don't know if I've ever bought anything at a Journeys, so I have. I like, I love going in there and be like, let's see what they have. They've had the exact same stuff since 2006. Yeah, there's nothing different.

[Joe Santagato]

See that's the other thing, too. If I like. If I'm like, all right, I need to shop for a trip, and then I go to the mall, and I go to the mall, and I don't see a lot of stuff that I like, Then I'm like, yo, I just wasted a whole day on this, when I could just be sitting on my couch and, like, going to five stores at once.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look at your standards. Lower them a little bit just to get something that scratches the itch.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Lower your standards a little.

[Joe Santagato]

What does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, like, you don't need to be like, I have this idea in my mind. If you see something that's kind of along the lines of what you want, just get that. You're already there.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, no, I'm not going to do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's stupid.

[Joe Santagato]

How is that stupid?

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I said so. Right.

[Joe Santagato]

I'd rather just. I'd rather be able to be like, okay, let's see what they got over here, or whatever. And, like, a lot of places are, like, dropping new stuff all the time. So I'm like, what's new? I want to check out what's new at this store. So I'll just go and I'll look. I won't put something in my cart unless I'm buying it.

[Frank Alvarez]

How do you feel about. All right, how do you feel about. I'm gonna give you three places. You tell me you rank.

[Joe Santagato]

That's six. Go ahead.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm gonna give you three places. You rank your favorite to least favorite. Okay.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

A strip mall. An outlet.

[Joe Santagato]

Are those different?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What's a strip mall?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, a strip mall is like.

[Joe Santagato]

Like Portobello.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Yeah, that. But, like, if there's stores there. Yeah. An outlet. And that's just like, a mini city of stores.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. It's like a little village. Okay. There's, like, walkways.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And it's also different. Like, it's like they're like the clothes that didn't sell well on, like, actual price. They send them over to the outlet. Right?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Or one floor of a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes. Or like, a mall proper. But the outlets are normally outside, too.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't spent too much time at outlets because they don't really exist out where. Where I am right now.

[Frank Alvarez]

In New York City.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Like, they don't have outlets.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But you can. They're very popular outlets not that far from here.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And I've gone to them a couple times. But. Which ones do I, like, hate going to, or which ones do I respect? The least.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that's. Are those different answers?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay, I think I know which one you're going to say you respect the least.

[Joe Santagato]

What?

[Frank Alvarez]

Shopping malls.

[Joe Santagato]

Like. Like a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like Queen Center Mall.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I. I respect a mall. I hate a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why?

[Joe Santagato]

Because it's like, it's like I. I just don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why? Are you one of those walk in

[Joe Santagato]

and you're just like, capitalism? No, I like. I hate a food court.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, shut up.

[Joe Santagato]

You like the food court?

[Frank Alvarez]

Food courts are the best parts of every mall.

[Joe Santagato]

We're all adults and we're back in fifth grade lunch, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

The quality of a mall, it lives and dies with the quality of its food court.

[Joe Santagato]

I will not.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is so crazy to me, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I hate a food court. It's insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, a food court is so cool. Where else can you see Taco Bell and a fucking Chinese restaurant and Sbarros coexisting in the same. That's what I'm saying. There's like breathable space.

[Joe Santagato]

10 very different cuisines all lined up next to each other and they're like, beautiful. I'm going to take a high school tray back to my table. What do we want?

[Frank Alvarez]

This guy is so. Oh, well, let me guess. You want them all separated and you don't want them to all talk at all. You want segregation of the food chain stores. It is, but who cares?

[Joe Santagato]

Me, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

A lot of them are now, like, it's becoming a thing where like, malls are like, like they're like veering away or staying away from like big chain places like that. Because our. The current generation of people that are spending a lot of time at the mall are a lot more. Health conscience. Yeah, so like, it'll be more like poke bowls and healthy salad places and stuff like that. So it's changed, dude, you got to go to a food court.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then there's like, literally.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't need that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why would I need to go to a food court? Because it's fucking food, bro. A food court is everything at times that is right with this country, dude.

[Ant Prisco]

Everything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, don't make me do this, Joey.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like it.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know why I'm passionate about. About food courts.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, what does that mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

What. What were you gonna say?

[Ant Prisco]

I think he should go too. I think we should. I think it'll bring him back.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah, let's. Let's go on a field trip to a food court.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are we talking about, dude? And then you go and you always get free samples of the Greatest tasting orange chicken you've ever had in your life. And then you get it from the Chinese spot and it comes in. It comes by weight. They give you 8 pounds of rice and noodles and orange chicken. That doesn't taste like the sample you just had.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I don't. I don't like the idea of any of this. I don't know why you guys even enjoy it. The way you're describing it doesn't even sound good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because it is. It is at times everything that is right with this country. It is the beauty of coexisting among different people with the shared goal of wanting to consume food in the basement of a mall. Most of the time, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's. Why is it always in the fucking bases? There's no windows. And I'm. And I'm like, I'll just eat before I get here. Oh, dude, I'm not going to the mall shopping, starving. I don't like.

[Ant Prisco]

I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

You need to get Panda Express.

[Frank Alvarez]

The rules. Here are the rules.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll get a pretzel, though. I'm not against. You know what, I'm not against kiosks. I'm not against those.

[Frank Alvarez]

So here's the way to do it. Go to a mall, get a pretzel. And I'm talking an Auntie Ann's. If Wetzel's still exists, Wetzel's is fine as well. But you get one of those fucking whatever they actually are mall pretzels. Yeah, you eat that with a fountain drink. It could be water, it could be soda, whatever. And then you shop. And then you go to the food court with all your bags and you're like, let me go and get a fucking empanada from this place that is not gonna be here in a week and a half.

[Joe Santagato]

Just not. Not my vibe at all.

[Ant Prisco]

Oh, yeah, you made it sound worse somehow.

[Joe Santagato]

Also, I'm done shopping.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And then I'm going to the food.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or you could go in this middle.

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah, it has to be before, but

[Joe Santagato]

like, here's my thing. When would you go to the food court? Going after you're already done shopping to me is like, yeah, just go home. What are we doing? I could go anywhere.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because you smell the beautiful aroma of the combination of a cheese crunch, a Sbarro's 6 inch thick slice of pizza with the reddest pepperoni you've ever seen in your life, and then a fucking three piece of Popeyes fried chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

No, dude, life. Oh, if there's a Popeyes, I'll do that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Life begins In a food court. In a food court, Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

No. Life doesn't it.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then you go and you're like, wait, why are taco. But it like blows your mind. And you're like Taco Bell and Popeyes are boys that they share a counter and like you could get them both there together.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Ant Prisco]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have lost your way. I fear.

[Joe Santagato]

I legitimately.

[Frank Alvarez]

I fear that you have lost your

[Joe Santagato]

way because I don't like food courts. Yeah. And I don't like malls.

[Frank Alvarez]

You forgot where you came from.

[Joe Santagato]

I came from the food court.

[Frank Alvarez]

You came up. A version of Joe Santayada was birthed in the food court basement of Queen Center Mall.

[Joe Santagato]

No, he wasn't. I've hated it my entire life. No, Frank. When did I go to the food court?

[Frank Alvarez]

There were times we had gone together because you would take the bus sometimes to meet up with me there.

[Joe Santagato]

And I've. I've. I've done it before, but like I didn't like go to the mall a lot.

[Ant Prisco]

I feel like the food court and like that mall was such a big part of the prep experience.

[Frank Alvarez]

It.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Because the bus dropped you at the door in between both of the buildings.

[Joe Santagato]

My entire high school career, I've probably walked into that mall. Like when I got dropped off there like under 10 times.

[Frank Alvarez]

Whoa.

[Ant Prisco]

Wow.

[Frank Alvarez]

I used to. I. Well, you know, I. My. My like middle slash high school girl, high school girlfriend, I used to pick her up from the bus there and then we would go in, she'd get a drink from her. Her Dunkin Donuts and we'd walk them all a little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

I just wasn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

And we would go see the awesome Warner Brothers store and be like, that's a fucking cool store, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh my God. Yellow rat Bastard.

[Frank Alvarez]

We could see yellow rat bastard upstairs. Then we can go downstairs and go to Spencer's and we could fucking. You gotta see if they have nipples. Nipple gummy worms or some shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Hell yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

And they had a game stop right by the food court.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Gamestop. That's where I pre ordered and got and waited online for Super Smash Brothers Brawl. I used to go every day. I would pick up my then girlfriend and I would give $3 every day because I would save. My mom would give me $3 in the morning to get breakfast and I wouldn't. And I would just eat breakfast at school because it was free. Way to go, ma. And I would. Every day I would bring $3 that I'd go to the mall and eventually after a couple of weeks, I Paid it off. And I got my Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

[Joe Santagato]

Wow. So, I mean, I, Yeah, I don't have nostalgic ties to the mall. I respect it as a building because I, if we're gonna do this, I'd like it to be contained in a building.

[Frank Alvarez]

All stores should be in a building. In a, In a, like a. Contain a con.

[Ant Prisco]

Let's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's call it a confinement.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, if we're going to make something insane where it's just like, let's put as many stores as possible in one place. Like, okay, let's just put them in a building and we'll close it off.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you're, what you're saying there's no fucking windows? What you're saying is you want to separate the stores that you like and don't like, put all the ones that you don't like in a building where they can't get out?

[Joe Santagato]

No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that, like, if we're like, oh, we're going to do. We're going to shop and you want to put them all and you want there, you want it to be like a prison and it's just gonna be no windows. Like, I get it. I respect the fact that the mall exists. The, the outlets are, you know, they're. You pick a side. Be something like stand for.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, they are outlets. They are, they are the kind of

[Joe Santagato]

middle, like, they are the Try to be parks kinda.

[Frank Alvarez]

It'll be like, oh, you want to shop at J. Crew? Here's the J. Crew factory outlet. Oh, and everything in here is 85% off.

[Ant Prisco]

Off.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you're like, what the. Yeah, where am I?

[Joe Santagato]

I, I, I don't also, when, when, when there's really good deals at all the stores out, I'm like, what, what's going on?

[Frank Alvarez]

I get suspicious. I do.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I don't like this. Like, I feel like I'm being like I'm, you know, someone's doing something.

[Frank Alvarez]

I agree. I think, like, it's like the closest I've ever gotten to feeling like I'm in the Truman show when I walk into a place and everything is on sale at all the stores I want to go to. I'm like, who the fuck did this?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And also, I don't like when the signs are bright orange. 80% off.

[Frank Alvarez]

Everything must go. Now I just feel bad for you. I want to, I don't want to. I don't want to help you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. When you think everything must go. I don't work here. You throw it out like the fuck. I don't want it either. No one wanted.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I'm with you on that one. When they're just, like, going out of business, everything must go.

[Joe Santagato]

And I'm just like, everything doesn't have to go, and it definitely doesn't have to go home with me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I'm shocked.

[Joe Santagato]

I like that they're a little bit outdoors. I don't like that they're this in between. Like, they like to be. They put trees. They like to be like a park or whatever. It's like, yo, you're a fucking mall. But not even really. Like, you're almost a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Roof on this thing and call yourself a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Malls are cool, man. And I'm sorry that I like a strip mall. I do feel that you have lost your way.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I do feel like that so much of the American experience is going to a shopping mall. And I think we're seeing terrible. I know. And we're seeing that now because all the people that are here for the World cup are, like, experience experiencing America.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And they're like seeing a cheeseburger in a shopping mall. And there it's some poor Norwegian person that's never been here before, and they're like, what is this?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What's the mall called? The American Dream.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, that place is. You could surf, you could snowboard, you could surf. You can go in a water park. A full. Like, I've been to a full water park there, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

You went to the water park?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, a couple years ago. We brought. Because it's like, they have a theme park, a nickelodeon theme park, and then a full fucking water park with, like, a lazy river and a fucking wave pool.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't. I can't get behind any of this. Yeah.

[Ant Prisco]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then you could go outside and you could go and get a shirt from fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, Airy.

[Joe Santagato]

What is that?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. It's just a story. The first one I thought of when I. Or, like, then you go downstairs and there's, you know, Anthropology. Right. Or Francesca's. Is that one of them?

[Ant Prisco]

I don't think I could do a lazy river in a mall, Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

What part of me is going to a water park in a fucking mall?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, to be fair, it was kind of not the worst.

[Joe Santagato]

You miss out on the best part about being at the water park. The sun.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean. No. The whole ceiling is like fluorescent lights. Like, we're bugs. It's like. It's like a. Like, A see through glass. So the sun is still coming in, but you're in a fish tank, basically.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And it smells like iguanas.

[Frank Alvarez]

I will say that it does smell

[Joe Santagato]

like an iguana, bro. I went to that mall recently. I'm like, this whole place smells like iguanas, dude. I hate the mall that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love the mall.

[Ant Prisco]

It's just.

[Joe Santagato]

But all the floors in a mall are. Are a bathroom floor. And I don't like that. No, it's not charming. Although the one that we went to in Texas, I was like, this is a nice mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Guess what? It was a luxury mall, apparently. The mall at Short Hills. Yes, it was. It had a Rolex dealership.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's a. Yeah, that store. But dealership.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like it's a car.

[Joe Santagato]

But there was like a. Lids. There was like not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I know. So. So there are malls are doing. Now that I have seen. I'm keyed in on malls.

[Joe Santagato]

Joey clearly is.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're trying to transition toward being like half luxury, half like kind of like regular consumer stores. So, like, there's a mall I went to which it currently holds the record for my favorite mall. It. It's. What's so funny about that.

[Ant Prisco]

How far is the gap between first and second place?

[Joe Santagato]

I'll do a better one. How many malls are on this guy?

[Frank Alvarez]

At least five or six.

[Joe Santagato]

I've been to like four malls in my life.

[Frank Alvarez]

The big mall, it's called the King of Prussia Mall. It's like half like luxury because think about it. The people that are shopping luxury in store are people of an older demographic. So like, they have. So they have like ysl, Rolex, Breitling, Chanel. And then you go further down and you'll find your journeys.

[Joe Santagato]

Right?

[Frank Alvarez]

You know, your Color, Me, mine. You're, you know, fucking Cinnabon.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll do. I'll do. I'll even. I'll meet you here. Because it's not about luxury. I went to recently the. In. What's it called? Hudson.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hudson Yards.

[Joe Santagato]

Hudson Yards. Jesus. Hudson Yards. Like the vessel. Like there's like a mall in there. And those are all like luxurious places. Didn't like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. But. But, man, I don't know. Like, apparently the mall at Short Hills is really nice. I've never gone, but apparently it's really, really nice.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't do them all.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love malls because it reminds me of where I came from, which is something that we all need to hold hands and hold on.

[Joe Santagato]

But I didn't come from a mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

You kind of did.

[Joe Santagato]

I Didn't. There's not even a mall near us.

[Frank Alvarez]

You were birthed in the Queen Center Mall.

[Joe Santagato]

You. I was not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember how fucking cool we felt going to Roosevelt Field Mall and just being like, okay, damn, we're going shopping at Rusie.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I went to Roosevelt Field Mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you felt rich.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I assumed that everyone there was

[Frank Alvarez]

rich and you felt like you're walking amongst them.

[Joe Santagato]

First of all, I felt poor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, because they had a lawn, they felt rich. The reality is you laugh in their face now, bitch.

[Joe Santagato]

I, I, I, I've never liked a mall. It has nothing to do with that. And we didn't grow up going to the mall. We did grow up going to that strip mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

We did. We grew up hanging out in the strip mall. That's fine.

[Joe Santagato]

We were hanging outside of a subway on a bench. That was like most of our childhood.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was, that strip mall was a, like a department. Whatever. Like whatever. It was Genovese, then it was Eckard, then it was Rite Aid, then. Who knows what it is now?

[Joe Santagato]

Then it was a pet store.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then next to it was a pet store, right? And then next to that was the entrance to the gym. And then it was like the headquarters for like the Iron Workers Union.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then it was Subway. And then it was King Chano.

[Joe Santagato]

Portobello.

[Frank Alvarez]

Portobello. Then King China Buffet.

[Joe Santagato]

Now it's like a 99 cent store.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is it? And then there was like a Math Nasium. That's where the teen club was. Yes, that's where we used to go. And fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

There was a team club at the

[Frank Alvarez]

end of 13, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude, you, you walk past Subway, a pet store where I used to buy a ton of crickets to get to the place where we would go shake our asses.

[Frank Alvarez]

To go fucking listen to D4L.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And Sean Paul and drink a Shirley Temple while someone weirdly overage was there.

[Joe Santagato]

I would wear a button down that fit my oldest brother and not me. Yeah, because I thought that's what you

[Frank Alvarez]

were supposed to wear 100%. I would wear a shirt that elicited that, that. Excuse me. I would wear a shirt that assumed that I was a cocaine dealer.

[Joe Santagato]

Right. To, to not not only a cocaine. Cocaine dealer, but the best ever.

[Frank Alvarez]

Best. The best cocaine dealer. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Like the one, the one that had

[Frank Alvarez]

all of that snow. Man. Man, I, you know, maybe, maybe the mall is a thing for me. I do feel, feel like you were there more than you're giving it credit for.

[Joe Santagato]

I really didn't spend that much time in malls. Did you do that. You probably went to the mall a lot because you live near the mall.

[Ant Prisco]

We were a big part like that. When you said the mall wasn't part of your prep experience, I believe you because that. That was a big thing. Why I like the mall is because after prep, we used to go to the mall all the time.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Ant Prisco]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, the bus left you right there.

[Ant Prisco]

And then we would sometimes, like, kind of just walk. But you live.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I live much near the mall.

[Ant Prisco]

I live much closer.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, we weren't near the mall. We had to, like, take the bus to the mall or the train.

[Frank Alvarez]

The train went. The R went right to the stop to the door.

[Joe Santagato]

I've done that too.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's what I used to do, is I used to. After middle school, I'd get on the R train.

[Joe Santagato]

The R sucked. You have to take the fucking end

[Ant Prisco]

to the R. The R sucks.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I would take the bus to

[Frank Alvarez]

the R. My middle school was down the block from the R train.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, well, see, yeah, that's different.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then I would go. I'd meet my girlfriend there, we would hang out, and then I'd take the R train to drop her off. They left her at her school. I mean, at her house. Then I just walk home.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I mean, the mall, man, it was at.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was at it. And you don't remember the gay hairdresser at the mall? You remember the Queen Center Mall?

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, is that the guy used to just spray you with.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. There was a gay guy at the mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Bro, look up. Queen Center Mall.

[Joe Santagato]

Is he gonna pop up?

[Ant Prisco]

There's no.

[Frank Alvarez]

I guarantee he will come up.

[Ant Prisco]

There's queens.

[Joe Santagato]

Notorious gay guy there who would sell. He was selling, like, perfumes and stuff, and he would just let it rip on you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. You walk by, you were getting Hit

[Joe Santagato]

me in the mouth multiple times. I was like, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

But also, like, was just flat up. Like, flat out doing people's hair next to the escalator.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, that's what they do, the kiosks, man. Bro, do you have you. What was the last time you were in a Sephora?

[Frank Alvarez]

A couple. Maybe within the last two years.

[Joe Santagato]

Sephora is a battle zone, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, it's a battleground, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

Macy's people are fucking. Sephora is insane because there's women everywhere. They're like, everything's. And it's just. It's madness. Then there's three people getting their makeup done professionally in the middle of the store before you even get to the register. Also, they have a wild return policy. Like, you could return this thing, like, after you've used it. They don't care. It's like, what is this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Macy's is the same way. Macy's. You walk in and it's like the fragrance section you're getting. Going through, like, chemical warfare, basically.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel that way about Yankee Candle. I walked into one I. My pants because of the. My. My body didn't know how to process all of it at once.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not only that, Bath and Body Works. That's a store with a lot of smells, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you.

[Frank Alvarez]

The deeper you get into Bath and body Works, the. Just. The nerve endings in your nose are just burnt away.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because you're like, wait a sec. I could smell apple here, peach over there, vetiver over there. Lavender. Like you. It's all over the place.

[Joe Santagato]

I do like that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, malls are awesome. And they're going away, which also sucks, but also doesn't suck.

[Joe Santagato]

I used to fuck up Bath and body Works. To be honest, I would. You know, I had a streak of. Every time I walked in there, I would accidentally spend 150 bucks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Really?

[Joe Santagato]

Accidentally.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would. We would get. We. So before COVID we went in, like, not thinking we should go, and they had, like, for, like, they had dollar hand sanitizers that were 80% or 70% alcohol. And we went and bought, like, 30. 30 just to have. And then we, like. Then co. Came, we were like, oh, we're kind of. Okay, because remember, like, wait, there was

[Joe Santagato]

no Covid, and you ripped $30 hand sanitizer? Yeah, dude, just like, for.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because, like, we would keep some in the. In the house, some in Becca's bag, some in the car.

[Joe Santagato]

30. That's a. That's a lot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, but we.

[Joe Santagato]

You're huge on Santa hand sanitizer.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love my hand Santi Handy Sammy.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know, man.

[Frank Alvarez]

And look, we're all better off for me doing that. And by we, I mean me.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

Which in theory, is also you and you.

[Ant Prisco]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure.

[Joe Santagato]

All right. Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, maybe I'm in the minority. I'm sure people love malls, but I just. I never really liked the mall.

[Frank Alvarez]

Malls. I'll ride for malls always. Unless they do some stupid shit. There's a mall in Jersey that sucks ass, dude, and they deserve to not be around anymore.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, why?

[Frank Alvarez]

Just because they suck?

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, well, also, food courts can go to straight to hell.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nah, that's crazy, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Go to hell.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm not even joking. Like, I know sometimes you accuse me of, like, just, like, trying to bait you and rage bait you. That is legitimately upsetting to me.

[Joe Santagato]

That's crazy. That's like enjoying airport food. You're like, oh my God, I love the airport.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it's different. It's, it's, it's the community. The airport is a food court. It's a communal experience. Airports try to appear like they're like restaurants, but it's just, it's fast food.

[Joe Santagato]

What is a food court then?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's fast food appearing as fast food.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know how that's better, but let us know in the comments if you think if I'm, if I'm just being too bougie and I don't, I don't like food courts or malls.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you might be maybe.

[Joe Santagato]

But yeah, I guess that's all. Frank, where's can I find you the

[Frank Alvarez]

Frank Alvarez all over social media patreon.com the basement yard and the basement yard everywhere and you can find me at

[Joe Santagato]

Ant Prisco and go follow me at Joe Santigato.

[Frank Alvarez]

Go follow the show at the basement

[Joe Santagato]

yard on Tik Tok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Beautiful.

[Ant Prisco]

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