#562 - Should We Call The Doctor?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard #562 – Should We Call The Doctor?

Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Studio: Santagato Studios

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Episode Overview

Episode #562 of The Basement Yard sees Joe, Frank, and their guest (Ant) embark on a hilariously unfiltered, sometimes uncomfortably descriptive journey through hypothetical ER trips due to “stuff stuck in your butt.” What begins as a funny musing on summer bug bites quickly devolves (or evolves, depending on your taste) into iconic Basement Yard territory: shame, embarrassment, medical oddities, kink taboos, and, eventually, a debate on Tom Brady’s coconut water brand “Good Nut.” The back half of the episode centers around old-school toys, board games, and the crew’s competitive streak via the “shock potato” game.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bug Bites & Summer Annoyances (00:10–00:40)

• The show opens with summer grievances, specifically bug bites (“Skibidos”) and the uniquely satisfying act of smacking a mosquito bite.
  • Quote: “Ruby and Maeve call them Skibidos. Skibidos got me. Yeah, dude, they fucking. They took my shit and they pounded it out.” – Joe (00:19)
  • Running joke about oversharing: “There’s other ways to say that.” – Frank (00:28)

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2. The "Foreign Object" Hospital Hypothetical (00:50–11:00)

• A classic “what if?”: How long would it take you to seek medical attention if you got something stuck in your butt?
  • Frank: “I would probably spend more time thinking about how I’m going to discreetly get to the hospital — no one finding out...” (01:45)
  • Joe: “I imagine that if you’re putting something in your ass, someone knows that you’re into it.” (01:55)
• Who would you tell? Most say a girlfriend or close family, but fear and embarrassment are universal.
• Would you try to discreetly remove it yourself, or go “full alarm” and call the doctor?
  • “I’m clawing at this thing like a honey badger.” – Joe (07:07)
• Discussion spirals into:
  • Past news stories (e.g., someone with a WWII bomb stuck inside).
  • Mental gymnastics about the safest objects (marbles, remotes, cucumbers).
  • Laxatives and home remedies: Relief vs. panic mode.

Memorable Segment:

• Ranking who you’d call first—girlfriend, mom, Bill Nye (!), or Dr. Mike (01:13–03:16).
• Frank’s concern for secrecy vs. Joe’s acceptance that “someone knows.”

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3. Embarrassment & ER Statistics (11:00–18:00)

• Most common “extracted objects” are sex toys (“with flared base—be safe!” – Ant, 11:15), glass, candles, fruit, and, yes, household objects like remotes.
• The guys riff on medical privacy (HIPAA), viral hospital stories, and the deep shame associated with ER visits for butt-related emergencies.
  • Quote: “I would live for the rest of my life with this discomfort because there’s no chance... I will live with it in my ass like an old bullet.” – Frank (10:02)
  • Discussion about hospital staff allegedly gossiping about celebrity patients (“But do they?” – Joe re: HIPAA, 10:10).
• Ant: “Around 4,000 ER visits per year [for rectal foreign bodies].” (15:45)
  • Frank is surprised: “That’s not that many. Ten a day across the entire country? I was expecting, like, 50,000 a year.” (15:53–16:12)

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4. Humor, Kink, and Accepting Taboos (18:00–19:06)

• The guys emphasize not kink shaming and poke fun at their own reactions.
  • Frank: “Most accurate shot of a marble out of an ass — Guinness record.” (04:19)
  • “Roku remote… 100%. Because that’s a little more bulbous.” (09:01)
• Discussion of classic “Jackass” moments: “...the little toy car up his butt.” (18:07)
• “There are people that do that, dude. They'll be like, I'm just gonna go to work and hide a thing in my thing.” – Frank (17:30)

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5. Tom Brady’s Coconut Water: “Good Nut” (26:33–36:40)

• The segment pivots to a lengthy and spirited roast of Tom Brady’s “Good Nut” coconut water brand and its slogan, “It’s a delicious mouthful.”
  • “Thomas Brady. All you had to do was just quit five years ago.” (26:48)
  • “Good Nut is crazy… Is nuts… Like, are we just immature, or…?” – Joe (28:02)
  • Frank explores conspiracy territory: “What if they do a test in two years and Tom Brady dragged his nuts through every single barrel of these drinks?” (32:01)
• Opinions diverge on whether it’s dumb marketing, intentional innuendo, or simply lame.
  • “I'm going to start a bra company and call it Fat Knockers.” – Frank (30:43)
  • “Would you be an investor in Good Nut?” – Joe (35:18)
• Frank’s status as a Jets fan vs. Brady’s years-long “dream-crushing” of their team (39:00).

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6. Gadget Discussion: The Moving Toilet (40:00–44:00)

• Tech news: The “robot toilet” from China that comes to your bed on command.
  • Mixed reactions—Joe wants no part of a toilet next to his bed (41:09).
  • Frank is open to convenience but asks, “Where does it go?” (42:01)
  • Bidets, tanks, and “turn your waste into a good waste.” (42:51)

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7. Luxury Toilets & Metals Tangent (44:16–47:53)

• Chat veers to clear, black, gold, and “nightclub” toilets.
  • Trump’s gold toilet: “That feels disrespectful... to gold.” (45:00)
  • Bonus science: Is gold heavy or soft? (46:01)
  • Love for machinery, gears, and Tiktok machinery videos. (47:09–47:23)

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8. Shock Potato Game (50:30–63:00)

• Ant brings out “Shock Potato”—a hot potato game that literally shocks you with a jolt if you’re holding it when the timer runs out.
  • Joe is the most anxious, full of dread at being zapped.
  • Gameplay involves categories: football teams, colors, superheroes, etc.
  • Quote/Moment: “You crawled after it like a cartoon character. Only for me and God Almighty. That was the funniest thing.” – Frank (60:03)
  • Everyone gets a shocking experience; lots of laughter and physical comedy.

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9. Nostalgic Toys & Board Games (68:07–72:00)

• The group reminisces about classic games: Kerplunk, Mancala, Don’t Wake Daddy, pickup sticks, Elefun, and more.
  • "I don't know how to play [Mancala], but I had a set and I used to love playing with all the marbles.” – Joe (68:36)
• Ant suggests doing a “children’s board game day” video.

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10. Hydrophobic Gadgets/Science tangent (72:32–74:40)

• Hydrophobic sand, water-repellant shirt tech, and discussion of product cost and applications.

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11. Wax Hands, Kinetic Sand, and Viral Sensations (74:32–75:17)

• Joe admits he wants to try wax hand molds.
• Frank’s final word on the episode: “We started with him being horny for stuffing his ass, and now we're back here at horny.” (75:07)
• They note the episode has come “full circle.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On accidental butthole mishaps:
  • “Frank, of course I'm clawing at this thing like a honey badger.” – Joe (07:07)
  • “You put in your 10,000 hours and you master it.” – Frank (04:17), on butthole marble skills
• On shame and ER privacy:
  • “I would live for the rest of my life with this discomfort… like an old bullet.” – Frank (10:02)
• On Tom Brady’s branding:
  • “Good Nut is crazy… Imagine walking into a store, ‘Do you guys have any Good Nut?’” – Joe (27:52)
  • “If he’s a dweeb enough to call it Good Nut, I could see him dip his testes in it.” – Frank (33:11)
• On the competitive “shock potato” game:
  • “You crawled after it like a cartoon character… that is completely like, I was trying to play the game.” – Frank (60:36)
• On classic games:
  • “Kerplunk...what's the one with all the marbles and divots?” “Mancala!” (68:32)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:10–00:40 – Intro: Bug bites, “Skibidos,” summer talk.
• 00:50–11:00 – Main topic: Foreign objects & ER visits.
• 11:00–18:00 – Most common ER “extractions,” embarrassment, HIPAA talk, object list.
• 26:33–36:40 – Tom Brady’s “Good Nut” coconut water and advertising slogans.
• 40:00–44:00 – Self-cleaning, app-driven robot toilets.
• 50:30–63:00 – “Shock potato” hot potato game.
• 68:07–72:00 – Nostalgic toys/board games.
• 72:32–74:40 – Hydrophobic sand/tech products.

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Closing

The episode is a whirlwind of shameful confessions, medical hypotheticals, crass humor, and infectious laughter. Despite—or because of—the toilet talk and butt jokes, the crew maintains their signature camaraderie. With diversions into product branding, retro gaming nostalgia, and daring each other with a literal shock, The Basement Yard #562 is quintessential, chaotic, and unexpectedly insightful about the lengths people will go to avoid embarrassment (or just win a childish game).

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For more, follow The Basement Yard on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and Patreon.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement.

[B]

Welcome back to the basement yard.

[A]

Yep, it's us. We're here.

[B]

You want to show me your bug bites again?

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I got attacked by buggies, like, just sitting outside.

[A]

Ruby and Maeve call them Skibidos.

[B]

Skibidos.

[A]

Skibidos got me. Yeah, dude, they fucking. They took my shit and they pounded it out.

[B]

There's other ways to say that.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

There's other ways to say.

[A]

Yeah, but it's all right. They're actually not itchy. They're at that point where, like, they're just kind of, like, annoying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, they're like.

[B]

No, I like to smack them, too.

[A]

I love smacking a mosquito bite. I don't.

[C]

Like.

[A]

I really get to unload on myself, you know, Like.

[B]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[C]

If you got something stuck in your ass, how long would it take you to go to the hospital?

[A]

Hello. Welcome to the show.

[B]

Yeah, thanks for stopping by.

[C]

Like, working.

[B]

You're talking about Skibidos.

[A]

You just went full in. What was the question? No, work.

[C]

If you got something stuck in your butt.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How long would it take you to go to the hospital?

[A]

First, let me just say this. A minute and a half in. Can we say that?

[B]

Can I. Can I. Can I say that the time. It wouldn't be a long time.

[A]

Well, I mean, it would also depend what it is, right?

[B]

No. If I had anything. Frank. If I had anything. A foreign object stuck in my rectum, colon, whatever. We're talking about a grain of rice. Okay. And I know about it. Cause I wouldn't know that there's rice in my house.

[A]

You know, I'm sure there's people that do. Ask rice play.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

No, I would say that I would

[B]

probably spend more time thinking about how I'm going to discreetly get to the hospital and, like, no one finding out about the. Because I'm certainly not telling anyone that I know that I have something lodged in me.

[A]

I mean, I imagine that if you're putting something in your ass, someone knows that you're into it. So, like, there might be one person you might be able to. Like, that's not true. I.

[B]

Maybe if I was, like, really into it, and I was like, I don't want to tell anyone, they're gonna think I'm.

[A]

Who would be. If you had to tell anyone, who would it be?

[B]

Who would I tell that I have something in my ass? Yeah. Nicole.

[A]

Oh, I was gonna say your mom. Yeah. All right. My mom.

[B]

Honestly, literally down there with, like, Bill

[A]

Nye, like, Bill, I might be able to help you out.

[B]

Yeah, actually, Bill and I would be higher than I would think.

[C]

I think Bill Nye just because he

[B]

would probably have some sort of information. I don't know, but my mom would be dead.

[A]

If you're calling anyone, it's. It's Dr. Mike.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not calling Dr. Mike.

[A]

How many times you think Dr. Mike has gotten that call? Hey, Doc, listen, Hope all is well. Everything cool. How's life? Cool. Sweet. What do I do here? I have a yo yo in my butt.

[B]

Listen, I know you're a yo yo. I know that you're supposed to do this thing with small talk before you, like, ask for something, you're not doing it. If something is lodged in my ass, I'm skipping that altogether. We're going right to the question.

[A]

You're going 100%. Balls to the wall. Something in my ass. Sound the alarms.

[B]

I'm not even saying hello. They're gonna say hello, and I'm gonna say, we have a problem.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, there's. I have this thing, and it's in my butt, and I don't know what to do. Do I go to the hospital? What should I do? Should I not stand up too quickly? Cause I'd be wor. Shift in my.

[A]

I mean, I. I imagine, like, depending on what it is. So, like, if we're thinking about things that you're more likely to put in your butt, they're going to be round, you know, not as intense edges, you know? So, like, could it really do a ton of damage in there? Now, if you were putting in, like, a shuriken, you got a problem.

[B]

Is that like, the ninja star?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. But, like, even if something like a marble, right? Not like, huge, but what if you put a marble in there, then you realized, where'd that go?

[A]

What if. What if they put a marble in and then you smack both sides of your cheek, like, your ass cheeks, and it shoots out?

[B]

What do you mean? What you mean the doctor? I'm gonna get to the hospital.

[A]

What if you get there and they're just like, there's a secret to this. You gotta. It's like, you gotta bongo smack both your ass cheeks, and things will just fly out. You can turn yourself into a fucking weapon, dude.

[B]

Hard.

[C]

Hard to aim.

[A]

Hard to aim, bro.

[B]

With practice. Just like anything else.

[A]

Come on, dude.

[B]

You put in your 10,000 hours and you master it.

[A]

Guinness. There is a Guinness world record that has not yet been broken. And it's that one right there.

[B]

And that one will remain unprofessional.

[A]

Most accurate shot of a marble out of an ass.

[C]

It sounds like you'd go pretty quick.

[B]

I would go so quickly. It's insane.

[A]

Yeah. I'd be petrified.

[B]

I'd be so scared. Like, even if it was something like a marble, it'd be bigger, certainly if it was, like, attack. If it was like, something sharp. Oh, I would literally just be. I'd be. I'd stop, and then I'd call and I just lay.

[A]

Would you, like, stay still?

[B]

Mad still? If it was sharp, if it was a marble, I would probably, like, get up and let it swish around.

[C]

It'd be bigger than.

[A]

You wouldn't, like, try to take, like. Like a. Like a laxative of some sort?

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

You know, I mean, I. I imagine that helps.

[B]

No, I'm sure it would, like, but I. I don't have that kind of time.

[A]

People get stuck. Stuck in their butt. Dude, we've done enough episodes of this show and gone over enough stories of people, like, sitting on. Like, remember there was this one guy in some country that, like, sat and, like, shoved, like, a. An active bomb in his. Or something like that.

[B]

Excuse the out of.

[A]

You don't remember that? We talked about this years ago.

[B]

They put a whole bomb, like a grenade.

[A]

Not a grenade. A grenade's not a bomb, brother. It was, like, the head of a bomb.

[B]

Okay. Expose. That's insane.

[A]

It was like an old one that they found, like, a World War II relic. That was dynamite, Not a stick of dynamite. A bomb. Bomb is like a big umbrella term. Everything's a bomb. No, bombs are things that are, like, within, like, a metal or plastic casing and that go boom.

[B]

Grenade.

[A]

But those. That's more about the shrapnel than the explosion.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

I think that, like, a grenade is different. I guess a grenade is a handheld bomb.

[C]

I think I would stay on the toilet for hours. Like, I'd come into work before going to the hospital.

[B]

With something stuck in your ass.

[C]

Yeah, I'm. I'm waiting. I'm not going to the hospital.

[B]

Would you. Would you share with us? Like, yo, I accidentally.

[A]

I. I would respectfully not want to know.

[B]

I'd want to know.

[C]

I'll tell. I would tell you if you say yo.

[B]

If yo. Like, yo, I have a Hulk Hogan action figure stuck in my ass right now.

[A]

Why do you go, Hulk Hogan action figure?

[B]

I don't know what the hell he's doing over there. What are you asking me? He's the one kid stuck in his point.

[A]

That's a great point.

[B]

And then you'd be like, what do I do? And I bet we got to get you to a hospital, dude.

[C]

What? Yeah, I feel like telling you would get me to the hospital faster than I would want to be.

[B]

I. I would get you to the hospital, and I would be dead serious the entire time, but my fingers would be exhausted from telling everyone I know through text.

[A]

Oh, thank God. Oh, my God, my fingers. You tell me something stuck in your ass, my fingers would be exhausted.

[B]

No, that's not what I'm saying.

[A]

You're gonna tell me, though, if you had something stuck in your butt, you wouldn't try to, like, scoop it out yourself?

[B]

Frank, of course I'm clawing at this thing like a honey badger.

[A]

This thing.

[B]

I'm assuming that that doesn't work. Like, I can't get it out, but I'd have my whole hand in my

[A]

ass before I imagine. There are ways you could probably get stuff out yourself. I would be doing, oh, this sounds awful.

[B]

I would be doing breathing exercises and being like, how do I loosen up my life and, like, do yoga for my butt?

[A]

I would, like, run into the end of a table with, like, my stomach.

[B]

Yeah, you're insane.

[A]

I would just.

[B]

You're thinking of this in, like, a very Acme type of way.

[A]

Yeah, I am. Like, drop an anvil on my stomach, and it shoots out my butt or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm gonna run into a table.

[B]

Dude. I'm trying to do breathing exercises. I legitimately might do, like, a downward dog.

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like a downward dog. And then just like.

[B]

Or just like, what's the difference? What's the opposite of a downward dog?

[C]

Doesn't downward dog kind of push it more in?

[A]

Yeah, an upward cat.

[B]

Yeah, an upward cat.

[A]

Jumping jacks.

[B]

Oh, that might hurt me, though, that you long jump. My answer, by the way. Like, if I was fiddling around and I was having a. You know, I was doing whatever, and also, I was kind of like, the thing ate it.

[A]

I'd be like, yo.

[B]

And then I. And then I. I.

[A]

His ass is the thing, and it's just like.

[B]

It just went. I'd be like, what the fuck? And I try to get it, and if I couldn't get it and I legitimately couldn't even, like, touch it, I would be in so much panic mode, and I'd be, listen, I try to stay away from AI, but I swear to God, it'd be taking out entire the Amazon would be gone by the

[A]

time I would be looking up.

[B]

Like, how do I get this? I would be so panicked. I'd be so scared.

[A]

AI would be like, well, just so you know, you're not crazy. You're not crazy for shoving things in your ass. And I fully support it. Hey, that Roku remote, it belongs up there. Good for you. First things first.

[B]

I bet that happens a lot. Remotes are. It's probably a big one.

[A]

Oh, remotes is definitely.

[B]

I mean, like an Apple TV remote.

[A]

Can you Google? No, but that's too thin. They're doing a Roku remote 100%. Because that's a little more bulbous. Can you look up the most commonly extracted items from an asshole? What do you think? Bye bye, monetization. You asked the question. We're going. You're asking the asshole question. I'm swimming in the fucking Amazon River.

[B]

I think that people probably a fruit.

[A]

Cucumbers. Yeah, I could see that. I can see that.

[B]

I can see that.

[A]

I can see that. Cucumbers. I can see that. Straight in my ass. Pickles. Kind of cucumber adjacent, I guess.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Pickles are fruit.

[B]

Does it have any bearing on the conversation? Yeah, no, it would be very quick for me.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I. What about you?

[B]

Because I think, like, you'd be very, like.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

I mean, we'd all be very embarrassed, but I feel like you'd be like, yo, I don't.

[A]

Dude. Embarrassed, brother. I. I might just sit there and wither away and. And die before I tell it.

[B]

You just live with it.

[A]

Just live with it in my ass

[B]

like an old bullet.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. This bullet's been in my arm since I got shot in the 20s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would legitimately, like, no one's going to know. I will live for the rest of my life with this discomfort because there's no chance. Because I know that, like, HIPAA laws protect people from, like, telling it, but, like, they'll be like, but do they? They do. They'll be like, I can't say who it was, but there was a popular YouTuber that came in and had something, shoved it down.

[C]

They have a big podcast. I can't say who it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they had this conversation.

[A]

Yeah, I'm petrified. I'm, like, legitimately, like, no one's finding out, but did you Google the most commonly found items in an asshole?

[C]

Unfortunately, I did.

[B]

Is there answers?

[C]

It's just like, sex toys, obviously. Oh, I don't know if I could say that word.

[B]

But sex.

[C]

I don't know. YouTube. You know how they do.

[B]

The context of this conversation. We're beyond that.

[C]

That was. Yeah, but whose fault was that?

[A]

Sex toys make sense because they make. They make them, like, to go in. So, like, I imagine there's a chance where they.

[B]

A little plug with a tail. Now you're a raccoon. Boom.

[A]

I mean, you gotta. You gotta a core. A rip cord if you need it, though.

[B]

Well, that's why. That's what. Yeah, the tails come in handy.

[C]

Flared bass, remember? Keep it safe. And then there's.

[A]

He knows the engineering terms for it.

[B]

Flared bass. Just be safe, like everyone. You said it like it was Nike. Just do it. Flared bass. Keep safe, like, protecting people out here.

[C]

Then it's like glass. That was a common.

[A]

Oh, my God. Why do people do that? I mean, the common. The obvious example that we know of, that was the famous video from when we were young men.

[B]

Yeah, but that guy was putting a mason jar in his bunghole. That's crazy.

[A]

Oh, I can't even. I cannot even discuss it.

[C]

Candles can.

[B]

This is a good one.

[A]

Do you think they light them and, like, walk around with them? Like they're.

[B]

Wait, what are you. Why are you walking like that? What do you mean?

[C]

Were you holding them upside down?

[B]

Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, if I.

[A]

Not I. But, like, if someone put a candle to someone's ass and then just, like, held them and, like, walked around, like they were, like, looking around.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[C]

Like, if they were. Like, if they're in a cave or something.

[B]

I was thinking if you're by yourself and you put a candle in your butt and. And then you walk around. I don't know.

[A]

I mean, I guess you could, but the. The flame would, like, burn upward, and it gets.

[B]

Probably burn your butt.

[A]

I think the idea of someone putting a candle in their butt is they want the wax to drip around their ass.

[C]

This is gonna be tough

[B]

one.

[A]

Gone, brother. Gone. Don't start this conversation unless you want to.

[B]

What about wax? Like, that type of thing? You think you'd be into that type of thing?

[C]

I think I saw an old.

[B]

You kind of like wax.

[A]

And Becca, like, poured wax on my arm or my hand or something like that, but, like, in a sexual way. I can't. I don't think so. I don't think I've done that. I can't recall if I have.

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

But, like, the people that, like, pour wax, and they're like, oh,

[B]

chill, brother. Too much? Yeah, dude.

[A]

Two, two, two. Oh, you. You did it. I don't intimidate you.

[C]

I don't know if I'd. I don't know if I'd make it long enough for the wax to burn.

[A]

With a candle in your ass, dude.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, you would think so.

[A]

Flared base.

[B]

Flared base.

[A]

Flared base.

[B]

Also long candle.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Like one of the, like, you know, like candelabra candles. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Like a witch's candle. So it's a little ribbed.

[C]

I need a shorter candle.

[B]

You know what I mean? Enough for. I'm saying for.

[A]

I mean, what. I don't know what witch's candles you're talking about.

[B]

I'm talking about the ones that, like, looked so burnt and they're like the waxes down the side.

[A]

So it's all like, man, he's looking

[C]

for a Yankee candle.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I'm not looking for a Yankee.

[A]

You're going, he. Yeah, he. I know exactly what candles he's putting in.

[B]

What candle you're going for.

[A]

I'm not going. I'm not putting any candle in my ass.

[B]

Neither am I.

[A]

You're going for the old, like, Jesus candles.

[B]

Which ones are those?

[A]

The ones that come in the glass.

[B]

No.

[A]

And the old, like, Hispanic women pray over them.

[B]

No, I'm not 100%.

[A]

I mean, first of all, you know me. If it means I'm a prude, nothing is going near my butt. I'm not letting anybody know. Ever.

[B]

Yeah, ever.

[A]

Dude, wait, how long are you going?

[C]

I'll be on there for a while.

[A]

On there.

[C]

The toilet, I'm assuming.

[B]

But I would be afraid of passing something through my body like that, but already went up.

[A]

I mean, I would also, like, it

[B]

was like, rip something on the way out. I don't know a way.

[A]

Something to be concerned about, too, would be like, whatever it is that would be going in there. Like, could it be potentially, like, chemically harmful? You know what I mean?

[B]

I'm certain it is.

[A]

What.

[B]

What's good that could go in your bun?

[A]

A match? Well, no, no, Correct. There is no.

[B]

Nothing good outside of maybe fruit.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

Get some vitamins.

[B]

Yeah, right. For the bloodstream.

[C]

Vegetable. Cucumber.

[B]

You want that? Vitamin C. Boom. Put an orange up there.

[A]

Is there any, like, numbers on, like, how often people go into the er? Like, amount of butthole injuries per year?

[B]

What's the.

[C]

Not particularly.

[B]

What site is holding that information?

[A]

Listen, man, do. I mean, I was going to say text or call Dr. Mike, but we've been calling too many people.

[B]

Definitely not going to ask him.

[A]

Oh, he would. He would be pumped.

[B]

Oh, he would be pumped to talk about.

[A]

He'd be pumped. He would absolutely be.

[B]

Like, he's a nice guy. He's not going to, like, you know, break the laws.

[A]

No, of course not. He wouldn't do that. He would lose his. His livelihood.

[B]

Yeah. You know, but he would.

[A]

He could tell us that it has happened, but he can't tell us who it happened to.

[B]

I'm sure it happens with, like, you know, Dilda Dildai's.

[A]

Dildy.

[B]

Dildies.

[A]

Yeah, a couple Dildy.

[B]

Yeah, they definitely, you know, sometimes they get sucked up there.

[C]

Around. Around 4,000 emergency room visits per year.

[A]

That's not that many. I honestly thought that would have been more.

[C]

Really? That's more than. That's like 10 a day.

[A]

Yeah. Across the entire country, brother.

[C]

No, I know.

[A]

300 million people. 10 people a day. That's not.

[B]

That's crazy, though.

[A]

That's not a lot. I was expecting it to be a lot more than that.

[B]

How many were you expecting?

[A]

I was expecting, like 50,000 a year. Whoa. I mean, there are weirdos and freaks. Not that they're weird.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Kink shame. That was a king shame. I'm writing that.

[B]

Write it down.

[A]

That was not. That was not right of me.

[B]

Apologize.

[A]

I will recant it. I know how protective you guys are of that, so I don't want to upset either of you here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There's only one way to make up for it.

[B]

Get that candle out.

[A]

What would you do if I legitimately, during an episode, stood up and pulled something out of my, like, pulled your pants down, like, stepped off camera and bent over and pulled, like, a chain out of my ass?

[B]

Frank, first of all, that's the dumbest question you've ever asked, which is unbelievable. And two, I love the question. And three, if you did that, I'd Wouldn't even believe it. I'd think that you were, like, now a magician.

[A]

You're like, yo.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like the. The flag. The flag that are all connected. I'd be like, how are you doing that? But if you. If you bent over and I'm looking down the barrel of this bh. Yeah. And I can see it coming out, I would then feel like I'm not.

[A]

Well, I'm saying I would step off camera.

[B]

Right. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

And you'd watch it unfold and unravel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What would your reaction be? Would you be an astonishment? Would you be like, what are you doing?

[B]

I would be like, you had that in there for all the time.

[A]

There are people that do that, dude. They'll be like, I'm going to go to work and I'm just going to like, sit with.

[B]

Hide a thing in my thing.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

I mean, listen, man, I think it's cool.

[A]

Which part? Yeah, no, I'm not King Shaming anymore. I recanted my last. I. I recant.

[B]

I did it, but I'm done.

[A]

I'm no longer. I apologize. Oh, whoever's an ad. Ad on this videos. They're gonna.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna have to create some distance.

[C]

We could make some buffer room here.

[A]

Yeah, I imagine that that's. That's a frequent.

[B]

That's a toughie. Yeah, no, I, I wouldn't really, but I swear to God, if you bent over and did that, I'd be like, this is.

[A]

I always think of the jackass prank from the first movie where he put the little toy car up his butt.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

It's so. And he goes to like, the doctor and he's just like, don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone. Just go straight to the hospital.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the guy was just like, it's okay. Whatever. Why ever. Whatever reason it's up there because I think he had like. Ryan Dunn was just like. I fell asleep and the guys played a prank on me and shoved a toy car up my butt. Which. That'd be a story.

[B]

That would be a story.

[A]

That would be a story, not a

[B]

prank that I'm willing to take part in, to be honest.

[A]

Yeah, I would be very, very, very, very angry. Let's make that abundantly clear.

[B]

If.

[A]

What if we, like, had a night where we went out drinking and I woke up the next morning and you guys are like, gotcha. We shoved a toy car into a condom and in your butt. I'm letting you know right now. Yeah, I will be very mad. And then, however I choose to get you back, will make sure that you never fuck with me like that ever again.

[B]

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is a website where you're gonna build your website.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So if you have an E commerce business or you make content or anything like that, you want a professional looking website because it's a. It's your first impression. A lot of the time people are going to go check out your website. If it looks professional, they're going to trust you more. There's more of a conversion rate there. Maybe you get to sell some of your product to these people that are coming to your website. And Squarespace is going to help you do that because their platform allows you to create a professional looking website very easily with all of their templates. They have pages of templates that you could choose from and you choose the one that fits best for whatever it is that you're promoting or showcasing. And yeah, I've built websites with Squarespace all the time. We do them a ton around here. And yeah, it only takes, I've done it in a day easily. So it's, it's, it's very easy. Depending on what you need for the website, you just switch out the photos and the, the, the text and then you have your website right there and you can also get your domain there. And when you buy your domain, you can head to squarespace.com basement and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. Okay, so if you want to use Squarespace, you want to create a website or anything, you should use Squarespace. Use those templates and you'll see how easy it is. And save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain and use that code basement. All right, so enjoy that. Ladies and gentlemen, we also have zocdoc talking about the doctors. All right, if you zocdoc, it's a, it's an app or a website that you go on and you can find and book patient review doctors in your area, depending on what you need. They have, you know, whatever you put in your. This is also something I've been using before they were even a sponsor on the show. But you could search and compare local in network doctors you put in your insurance and then the type of doctor you need, whether it's a primary care physician or a dermatologist or some other specialist, you put that in. They will show you the ones in your area, the ones that are closest to you and their next available appointment, which is usually within 70. I've literally gone the same day I found something on my head. I got scared. I went to the dermatologist and he's like, you're good. It was great. So anyway, your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zocdoc. Head to Zocdoc.com basement to get started and check that appointment off your to do list. So that is z o c-o c.com basement go check it out. Go to your doctors and you know

[A]

what, while you're sitting in the waiting room waiting for your doctors or while you're sitting there and you're building a website on Squarespace. Squarespace. You could be listening to us and how you can use the options on YouTube or you can go to patreon. Patreon.com the Basementyard, which is a subscription service that supports us. And we give you some more of us over there. Go check out Patreon. It's a fun, fun time. It's a party. I don't know. I don't know if anyone's shoving anything in their butt over there. But, you know, you never know what's going to happen on Patreon. You sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. And then that second tier, maybe those are the episodes where Joey's gonna keep shoving stuff in his butt. You never know that. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday only available to our paid patrons with that second tier and above. So go check it out at patreon.com the basementyard. You sign up, you get access to everything that has come before. So if you're brand new to the Patreon, there's hundreds and hundreds of hours of episodes ready and available for you to watch that you haven't seen before. Maybe you've seen a clip from. Maybe you've never even fucking sniffed anything from it. You never know. Patreon.com the Basemanyard and if you want to save yourself a couple extra bucks and you don't want to, you know, take it to have to have big tech take more money from you, what you could do is go on a web browser and sign up. That way, if you use the smart app, well, it might take a couple extra bucks.

[C]

So.

[A]

Patreon.com the BaseVanyard thank you guys for all the love and support. It has been overwhelming. We want to keep giving you what you like, which apparently is more of us. So. Patreon.com the Basement Yard Go check it out. Also, by the time this is coming out, we are doing live shows. I don't know what tickets are still available. This is the future. I don't know, but you could check them out. Go to the basementyard.com take a look at what's over there. Take a gander at what's over on that website. If we're coming to a city near you and you want it and you want to come and maybe there's something still available. I don't know. But the basement yard.com thank you guys. We're excited. We love you, we're happy. We're just like so pumped. I don't know, so go check it out. I don't know.

[B]

Can we also.

[A]

Are you drinking a Red Bull?

[C]

It's a sugar free Red Bull and the can is already open.

[A]

What does that have to do, like, he didn't open it and we didn't yell at him again because we've yelled at him twice now. I was gonna say thrice, but it's only been twice as far as.

[C]

Joe gave me, like, a tonguing for like 40 minutes over there after I cracked the can open.

[A]

You can't say tonguing. Hey.

[B]

Hey, man. What the hell is that? You're being sued after this for defame.

[A]

Well, your fingers will be exhausted. He's been giving you a tonguing. What happens when I'm not here between you two? What hap.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

We expect we have good quality time.

[B]

Don't talk more.

[A]

Okay, what is it? He likes it when you're shutting up.

[B]

You're done, too. What's a good tonguing or whatever?

[C]

You said yelling at me for opening.

[B]

No one describes it in that way.

[A]

I've heard it described in that way. And honestly, he's asked to give me a couple tonguings and I've said no, I gotta go. I said, no, thank you.

[B]

All right?

[A]

I gotta get out of here.

[B]

So I called you and asked you, hey, can I yell at you?

[A]

No, you didn't say that. You called me and you were like, what are you doing right now? And I'm like, I'm driving. And you're like, can I give you a tonguing?

[B]

And I permission to yell at you?

[A]

No, you said, can I give you a tonguing?

[B]

Right.

[A]

If that's what. What that means, then yeah, that's. That's happened. You guys are so he's tonguing you when I'm not here.

[C]

Usually I could just tell by the tone. It's like, oh, I'm gonna get a tongue.

[A]

You hear the tone and you're like, here comes Joey with his tongue.

[C]

See, I think he's getting too excited.

[B]

I think what's happening. Right?

[C]

Yeah, that's mine. That's my bed again. I'll write that down.

[B]

It's completely your badge. Completely. Because it's not even an expression.

[A]

So good.

[B]

Like a stern talking to.

[A]

That is so good, you know?

[C]

Do you.

[A]

Do you remember who used to do that? Anita.

[C]

So bad.

[B]

Anita who?

[A]

Frank. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I need a break from you sucking my nose. Oh, my God. That was such a bad attempt.

[B]

I just had to. I had to slam dunk.

[A]

At least you played along. Yeah, no problem. I Appreciate that.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Oh, God. It's still good. I can't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I'm not gonna do the official. You know, I will get you officially soon. You know, we'll see. I will get you. I don't want to make you have to play around, because then you're gonna give me a tonguing.

[B]

Enough with this tonguing, dude.

[A]

Don't look at me.

[C]

He said it.

[A]

Speaking of.

[B]

Did you well, not notice? This is. Speaking of. It's kind of.

[A]

Well, this is a wild episode. You start with digging stuff out of your ass. Your fingers are sore from going in his. Then you're tonguing him when I'm not here.

[B]

But then, also, first of all, crazy sentence. Did you guys see Tom Brady's new coconut water company? I think it is coconut. It's called Good Nut. What are we doing? Thomas Brady.

[A]

Tom.

[B]

Thomas.

[A]

You're like, you. All you had to do was just quit five years ago.

[B]

Dude. Good Nut.

[A]

He is, like, done so much to fuck up his image in the last five years.

[B]

What'd he do?

[A]

Well, this sucks.

[B]

Good Nut's a crazy name.

[A]

He's trying to be, like, cool. Like, he did, like, a set at the Kevin Hart roast, and it was just like, oh, just be Tom Brady. Don't be that. Don't try to be cool. You're cool because you're Tom Brady. I don't think he fucked up his. Oh, I think he looks like a goober now.

[B]

I don't even know what that word means.

[A]

A goober.

[B]

What's a goober?

[A]

It's hard to explain, but you know a goober when you see and hear of a Goober.

[B]

Would I if I have no idea what it is?

[A]

Good Nut.

[B]

Good Nut is crazy.

[A]

Way to go, Tom.

[B]

Is there a slogan that. I don't want to know. I don't know.

[A]

I did see there. There was a slogan. Yes. And it's like a mouthful of flavor or something like that. I'm not kidding.

[B]

A mouthful of flavor, Thomas.

[A]

It might even be worse than that.

[B]

Imagine walking into a store and like, do you guys have any Good Nut?

[A]

That's a wild. Dude. You're Tom Brady. You could be cool. You don't need to. It's a delicious mouthful.

[C]

I got it.

[B]

It's a delicious mouthful. Is nuts. Like, are we just immature and all we're thinking about is J.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if he didn't. He's a. Like, he's.

[B]

They know what they're doing.

[A]

He Knows what he's doing, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, all right, do we need another coconut water? Do we? Do we. And we. Do we need it to be called nuts? Like, why do you need to. Why does it. Why can't it just be called, like, cocoa Fresh?

[B]

Start your own.

[A]

I should. It would be very.

[B]

Have you ever drank coconut water out of a coconut?

[A]

No.

[C]

I have.

[B]

Aruba.

[C]

No.

[A]

Jamaica.

[C]

I just chopped into a coconut with a. With a little hand axe.

[A]

Oh, I have done that. I've gotten them from the store. I have. Yes, I have.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never done it.

[A]

It's good.

[C]

Tastes better.

[A]

It is. It's. It's. It's tasty.

[B]

Is it cold?

[A]

No. I mean, unless you put it in the fridge.

[C]

Is it weird that I used to think that breast milk was cold?

[A]

Yep. I understand why you've probably had it cold, but, like, it is.

[B]

Wait, aren't you supposed to have it warm?

[A]

It comes. I mean, you can freeze it and then put it in the fridge and stuff.

[B]

Right? But anytime you drink it, it's warm.

[A]

You could. Or you could just keep it cold, I think. Wait, that's what we did? Oh.

[B]

I mean, I don't know. I thought it was. I thought you, like, had to warm it or, like, room temperature. Like, it has to be a temperature or something for the baby.

[A]

Breast milk is cool. Dude. Breast milk is mad cool.

[B]

Like, cures, like, eczema.

[A]

Dude, it, like, is literal, like, liquid gold. Yeah, there was someone, like, I remember a little bit.

[B]

You taste a little.

[A]

I didn't taste any. No, I didn't taste. I had no desire.

[B]

Loser.

[A]

Why? Why?

[B]

It's right there.

[A]

I was letting my children have it. The people that needed it, not me. Yeah, hold on, daughter. Let me.

[B]

I'm not saying drink the bottle.

[A]

I mean, but even the smallest drop, that was hers, not mine. Ah, this sucks. From Tom Brady. This absolutely sucks.

[B]

We're back on Tom Brady.

[A]

I just. I feel like you don't. You don't look at this and just go, like, that's something a loser would do. No. Why? I don't know why.

[B]

I think it's a crazy name. I think it's a crazy name.

[A]

I'm going to start a coconut water company, and I'm gonna make it called Good Nut. Oh, what are you drinking there? You're drinking my Good Nut. That's what he's doing. Dude, you're Tom Brady. You're already cool. You're already.

[B]

I don't think he's trying to be cool.

[A]

I definitely think he's trying to be cool. What is cool?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Think it's just a marketing thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think, like, everyone's going to talk

[B]

about it like we are now because it's called Good Nut. Yeah.

[A]

But people are going to look at it and be like, tom Brady. What? That's. That's something that a loser does. I'm going to. I'm going to start a bra company and it's going to be called Fat Knockers. That's dumb, brother.

[B]

What was the name for boobs on the other bankers?

[A]

So Good Bang. Where was that? That we heard that.

[B]

It was on the show.

[A]

Was it on the show?

[C]

Yeah, was. We were doing names of something.

[B]

I don't know. Oh, no, it was the toys. Is the old toy toys.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Kir Bangers.

[A]

I'm shocked that you hear this and you don't think, like, that's kind of a dweeb move.

[B]

It doesn't feel like dweeby. It feels like a. Like a cheap marketing thing, which is a dweeb move. I guess it's genius to me. I mean, it would be more dweeby if you need to, like, 420 69. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, just. Just as loser. Ish. In my opinion, because it's called Good Nut. It's a delicious mouthful.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

Just. Dude, you're Tom Brady.

[B]

It's kind of weird that the marketing team there would be like. Like, don't you think, like, I get it. You get people talking about it, but, like, are people gonna not drink it because they're like, there's an association now. You know what I mean?

[A]

I mean, honestly, if you're like a conspiracy theorist or someone that is, like, not as trustworthy of, you know, trusting of, like, big brands, there'd be a part of me that'd be like, I'm gonna wait a couple years in order to try this to make sure it goes through, like, the proper FDA channels. Because, like, what if they do a test in two years and be like, tom Brady dragged his nuts through every single barrel of these drinks?

[B]

Frank, how could that possibly be on your mind?

[C]

Confused? Are you hoping he did?

[A]

You just said that there's, like, an association.

[B]

Yeah. An association with the name.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not that there's actually, like, maybe.

[A]

What would you do if. What if you found out that you had two cans of this and you were like, you know what? I actually like Tom Brady's Good Nut.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then after you're done tonguing him right you know, and then I would sue.

[B]

Yeah, because that's a full crime.

[A]

But you're not worried about that.

[B]

I'm not, really. Also, I'm pretty sure you can't sell beverages unless they are approved like that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I. I'm sure.

[B]

But, like, you'd be worried that there's actually jizz in it.

[A]

If he's a dweeb enough to call it good nut. I could see him be like, oh, what if I just, like, dip my testes in it? I can't see the thing. It's a picture. I don't know, man.

[B]

It's a big jump.

[C]

So you're saying it's a big FDA conspiracy to make us all taste Tom Brady's nuts?

[A]

Yeah, dude, it could be. You don't think.

[B]

So what's your biggest fear?

[A]

That.

[C]

What is your biggest.

[A]

Drinking something and being like. You don't remember years and years and years ago where, like, people were posting pictures of, like, they took a drink of a, you know, Arizona iced tea? And then, like, inside there was, like, a dead mouse or something like that?

[B]

Oh, I didn't even see that.

[A]

You've never seen that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Remember that? You remember that, right?

[B]

McDonald's. It's like, this is actually a chicken's head.

[A]

Yeah. Like something like that. Like, if, like, he. If he's selling something, he's like, I'm gonna get people. Ha, ha. Good nut. There's a chance that he could be like, what if I just dragged my nuts through it?

[B]

I don't think that he's in the factory making the thing.

[A]

I guarantee he stopped there at least once and that's all it takes. And you think one. One small tea bag dip? Yeah, it's possible, dude. And then he's gonna pay off everyone. This is why the rich are evil, Joey. This is why you're. You're part of the problem here. Because then he'll just pay off anyone. He'll be like, you didn't see me dip my nuts in that coconut water, right? So don't even. Don't even tell anybody.

[B]

How much is he. How much would he have to give you to not say something?

[A]

I would say something no matter what, because the harm that it would do to the consumers is worth telling.

[B]

So what's the number?

[A]

20 million.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know. Am I crazy for thinking that's a dweeb move?

[B]

No, I think it's like. I mean, I. I don't know. To me, I. Again, the first thing that popped into my Mind was like, some people are just gonna be like, I'm not gonna drink this. It's like a weird name. It's. The association's kind of gross.

[A]

Would you do that?

[B]

Do what?

[A]

Would you be an investor in Good Nut?

[B]

No, because of the reason I'm saying, like, I think that people will make an association of, like, oh, it's kind of gross. It just, like, hurts. Like, I think out the gate, you get a lot of people talking about it, but long term, you're kind of

[C]

like, I didn't expect Tom Brady to have such a good sense of humor. Like, like, even be attached to it. It'll, like, be a good sport about it. You know what I mean?

[A]

But that's the thing is I'm not getting good sport out of him. Like, he was one of those people that during the roasts, like, he looked upset.

[B]

Well, he also probably didn't name it. Like, he's just a face brother. Company that's existing.

[A]

Okay. That's almost worse because, like, you're seeing, like, hey, Tom, we want you to be the face of this company. What's it called? Good Nut. Hold on. The slogan. A delicious mouthful. That's when you. You have no association with them. You could pull back.

[B]

I mean, you could. If they told him, like, you were gonna give you some equity in this company, you're gonna do a commercial with them, we're gonna pay you this amount of money, and then.

[A]

But it's Tom Brady. It's not like he's hurting. Yeah, but he's doing okay.

[B]

Yeah, but no one. Everyone who's successful like that, like, they'll do. Invest in new.

[A]

I just gotten the sense that he's just kind of turned into a bit of a dweeb. Wow. Over the last couple of years, like, he was Tom Brady.

[B]

He was.

[A]

He is the greatest living football player to, like, alive right now. Arguably, you know, like, you could have just rode off into the sunset and just been Tom Brady. And now he's like, I'm going to do this Good Nut.

[B]

I don't really have a problem with people trying new stuff.

[A]

But that's not. Well, that's an oversimplification of what I'm saying.

[B]

I'm saying, like, oh, so he has to be the football player.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. But, like, that's an example. Like, when he went and did the Kevin Hart roast, it was, like, a little crazy.

[B]

He did that. Because the year before.

[A]

I know, I know, I know.

[B]

That's why he was there.

[A]

But, like, like, he was Trying to be, like, edgy, and it's just like, oh, dude, just.

[B]

Just. He's not writing those jokes.

[A]

I know, but just be Tom Brady, dude.

[B]

What does that mean, though?

[A]

Just be Tom Brady.

[B]

What you're telling him to do is shut up and dribble, and that's crazy.

[A]

That's not what I'm saying.

[B]

So what are you saying then?

[A]

I'm just saying don't be Tom Brady mean. Don't be a dweeb, good nut, or, like, trying to be, like, an edgy comedian. Now, I'm not saying he is a sh. I hate that shut up and dribble thing. Don't get me started on that. But, like, don't try to be edgy Tom Brady. Just be NFL legend edgelord.

[C]

What if Tom Brady, when he was younger, he was like, man, I want to be the greatest football player ever and I want to start this wonderful coconut water brand. And you're.

[B]

That sounds like a jizz joke.

[C]

And you're just crushing his dreams.

[A]

You know what? I can crush his dreams.

[B]

What if it was deep ingrained into his DNA that this is what he is?

[A]

If. If that is deep ingrained.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's had enough success that he could be humbled somewhere else. Hey, sorry, Tom. I will take your good nut dreams from you.

[B]

Well, that's another sense. There's no way this episode, by the way.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no.

[C]

We've joked about not this one. No, no.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's gone. Fully gone.

[C]

Frankie is a hater.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. It's Tom Brady. He crushed my dream.

[C]

Oh, jets fan.

[A]

He crushed my dreams for decades.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I can have one instance. This guy ripped so much life out of every jets fan and every AFC and like, not really NFC fan, but, like, how many dreams has Tom Brady crushed?

[B]

None of mine.

[A]

Someone you.

[B]

Giants fan.

[A]

You all the way.

[C]

Respect.

[A]

You're. You don't get to be in on that. You know, nobody. Aren't you a Jets fan?

[C]

No, I'm not. Oh, my God. Don't. Don't do that to me.

[A]

I don't know. There's one fandom is not mine.

[C]

I like the Giants. Especially, like, from, like from 2007 to like 2000, 2012.

[A]

I like when they were winning.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Let me guess. You like the Yankees from 95 to 2009.

[C]

2011.

[A]

That's a pretty big stretch. 2001, they lost, then 2000, it's hell

[B]

of a year, though. Well.

[C]

Oh, I'm saying Jets fan. It makes sense. I didn't. I Didn't put that together until just now.

[A]

I mean, if anyone. If anyone could be humbled, I can humble Tom Brady here. Me, the podcaster.

[B]

Also, you brought up the. What was the Chinese toilets.

[A]

The Chinese are at it again, dude. Whoa. They. They made a toilet that comes to your bed and, like, it's like a chair. So it was, like, at, like, a tech show, and it's like a robotic

[B]

toilet, and it pulls up on you and it, like.

[A]

Right. You, like, call it. You're like, yo.

[B]

Oh, it's like, voice activated.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Larry, get in here. I got a shit.

[A]

What would you name your toilet?

[B]

Larry? Really? What am I gonna name it?

[A]

Why are you. Why?

[B]

Larry is the first name that came to my head.

[A]

I'll give you 10 more seconds to think of anything else, Esmeralda. Okay, see, I should have stuck with that.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But, like, I imagine you, like, from an app, call it, and it drives up to your bed, and you get in it do your thing. It cleans you. It cleans itself, Then it goes.

[B]

Cleans me. What does that mean? It's got.

[A]

Honestly, kind of cool, like, one less. Like, we could start, like, getting rid of bathrooms.

[B]

Frank, that sounds terrible. That means you'd be, like, shitting in your living room. I also don't want to take a dump in my bedroom.

[A]

What am I.

[B]

What are we doing?

[A]

Why? It cleans itself. But I'm.

[B]

But I'm.

[A]

The air closes and then cleans itself.

[B]

But I'm. You would. You would be open to shitting in your. Next to your bed.

[A]

Why do you have to go immediately to shit? How about piss?

[B]

Because that's the worst one.

[A]

It is the worst one. It is.

[B]

So you're gonna. You're gonna shit next to your bed next to your pillow?

[A]

I mean, I might ask to, like, go in the corner, like, I'm asking, like I'm a toddler and just be silent in the corner.

[B]

I love asking. Hey, do you mind if we. Can we step out into the hallway real quick?

[A]

What would you. Because they had listed it, I believe, as, like, a preliminary price. What would you pay for something like that?

[B]

I mean, I would never buy that.

[A]

What?

[B]

Why? How am I gonna use it if

[A]

there's a part of your house, like the basement, that doesn't have a bathroom?

[B]

Oh, I don't know.

[A]

You're down there watching the game.

[B]

I'm just gonna walk upstairs. Really? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, and you gotta help me here. Are you buying this?

[C]

How do you. So let's say you do number two in there. Where does it go?

[B]

That's a great question.

[A]

I imagine it has a tank on it. That is a removable disposable tank.

[B]

They have, like, a human litter box on it.

[A]

Yeah, possibly.

[B]

I mean, don't love that. I don't love it.

[A]

I mean, I think that there is a new level of convenience. Especially you. You love paying for convenience.

[B]

Yeah, but my bathroom's right there. It's very convenient.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, my bathroom's, like, from where I am to you.

[A]

That stinks. Ew, filthy.

[B]

There's a door.

[C]

What's the difference between that and, like, a bucket?

[A]

Yeah, I think there's a bucket on wheels. A big difference between a bucket on wheels.

[B]

This one has a name.

[A]

Cleaning. Well, it will clean me. I imagine there's a bidet on it. It'll clean me. Think of it. How much time is wasted on the toilet?

[B]

A good waste. Like, it's a good waste.

[A]

That would be a good slogan.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

Turn your waste into a good waste.

[B]

And what would that mean?

[A]

I. Honestly, it was.

[B]

It.

[A]

I'm not even entirely sure.

[C]

Like, it was a good name until the slogan.

[B]

A good waste. I. Yeah, I definitely don't need this. I don't need toilets running around my apartment. Malfunctioning. Running out of battery like that.

[A]

I mean, you plug it in also.

[B]

Does the thing talk. I don't want to. In something that can talk to me.

[A]

Yeah, we've had that discussion.

[B]

Absolutely. Oh, yeah. If you're.

[A]

If your toilet would talk back to you, like. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Please stop. Come on. Okay, just one. Oh, that was filthy.

[B]

Oh, I don't like that at all.

[A]

This episode.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think toilets will be? I just spit everywhere. Where do you think toilets will be?

[A]

I mean, brother, we've sat on some pretty technological toilets.

[B]

Have we? La. Oh, when you walk in and then it opens its mouth.

[A]

Opens its mouth. And then the seats. Like, I already warmed it up for you. I know you don't like that. You don't need to repeat yourself.

[B]

I don't like that. But when you walk into a room and those toilets just open up, I don't really like that. And also the light in there, it's like it's a nightclub in the bowl.

[A]

Yeah, it is a little bit of a nightclub. It does feel a little too, like, you know, let me make me. You know, like.

[B]

Yeah, why don't you. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Come on, come on, come on, come on. It's like, yeah, you should earn this.

[B]

There is, like, a nightlight in the thing. I don't really love that.

[A]

What about a. What about a clear toilet bowl? Would you ever do that?

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

Really, Franklin? You wouldn't do it? No.

[B]

I don't want to see that.

[A]

At my old apartment, I had a black toilet bowl. Okay, that wasn't. That was. That was.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

It was fine. The fact that toilet bowls are, like, standard white is crazy. It is kind of. Anything that is happening in that toilet is not white.

[B]

Well, actually, that's a good thing because you should be able to see if there is something going on. You know, are you.

[A]

You're grabbing your forceps and you're going through your stuff?

[B]

No, I take a peek. Peek at it.

[A]

Salute it as it goes away.

[B]

I just, like, look and I go, okay. And I just get out of there.

[A]

What about the golden toilet? Didn't Trump have, like, a golden toilet? That feels disrespectful.

[B]

To what, gold? Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, not a cheap commodity.

[B]

No, absolutely stupid.

[A]

I will say that's got to be heavy as too. Gold is heavy. It's dense. Yeah, right. Am I bugging?

[C]

I actually don't think gold is that dense. You could cut through it with a butter knife. Pure gold.

[A]

I know it might be true. It might be soft, but, like, it's pretty dense and heavy. Hence why it's not floating in rivers.

[C]

That's true, but it's not pure gold.

[B]

That's mixed with stuff with, like, metals.

[A]

Yeah, I think pure gold is. Wait, it's heavy as fuck, isn't gold.

[B]

Gold is metal. But, like.

[A]

Well, that's why gold bars are heavy as fuck, dude. What? Old mad heavy?

[B]

Or is that.

[A]

You could do like a. Like a sodium metal. Like, you can cut through like a. Like, with a butter knife or something.

[B]

Look up what's. What's the. Is. Is gold heavier than.

[A]

It's not the densest. I know that's.

[B]

Or how heavy is gold compared to other metals?

[A]

The heaviest metals. There's the one. Fuck, I forgot the name of it, but it's tungsten. I think tungsten is the heaviest. That shit is, like, fucking heavy, dude.

[C]

Hmm. I could be wrong.

[A]

And you. That means he is.

[C]

It is exceptionally heavy and dense. Is the first.

[B]

The opposite.

[C]

The first description.

[A]

I could be wrong. And just immediately explains how he is. Yes, wrong.

[C]

Can you not cut with. Hold on. It's 2 times. 2.5 times denser than iron, which is actually kind of crazy. And then roughly seven times heavier than aluminum. Aluminum is very light.

[A]

Yeah, it's light. You ever see those Tiktoks of the guy putting metal through the. The thing.

[B]

The, like. Oh, it's very hot.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's like. I don't know how to. It's like rollers, and he puts different metals through to see how they flatten. And, like, some of them crumble, but then some of them become, like thin strips and shit.

[B]

Like they.

[A]

Like ribbons. Yeah.

[B]

I love machinery.

[A]

Machinery Gears, bro. I love a good, like, well, oiled up gear.

[B]

Yeah, well, I don't. I mean, I like that. You ever see the gears that, like, eat everything?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like someone's like, throwing a bike in

[A]

there, you know, It's a sick gear. You ever go to the zoo and they had the thing you could put the penny in, flattens it out, and you see the gears and you're like, hell, yeah, I'm about that.

[B]

I do like that too.

[A]

I just like. I love gears, but I. I love how Ant is just not answering because he's 100 wrong.

[C]

It's confusing because it says pure gold, like 24 karat. You could cut it with a knife and it's softer than most metals. I guess there's a difference between soft and dense.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

Yeah, I guess we're both right.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Wow. You're pulling a frank on Frank. That's crazy.

[A]

Don't you dare. I'm on me. I'm the only one on me.

[B]

You can't do me on me.

[A]

No one's allowed to be doing me on me. I do me on myself all the time.

[C]

You?

[B]

Whoa. Yeah, all the time. Kind of nuts. Maybe we should get to these real quick after that. Why not? We have some more sponsors for today. This one is cachava. Okay. Cachava is delicious. It's got all the nutrition your body craves. One deliciously simple shake pack to go. All right? You get this thing, you get a scoop in there, but it's delicious. They have just one packet. Provides complete nutrition ready for life on the go. Protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals, greens, probiotics, omegas, electrolytes, and more. And it's like a powder. You throw it in water, you shake it up. They're delicious. Honestly, the chocolate is unbelievable. We have a bunch of flavors over here in the studio now because they send us some, but they have strawberry, they have coconut, acai. They have coffee, which I've had. It's good. And they have, like, chocolate and vanilla, but they're all good. I've tried them all. They're amazing.

[A]

Love them.

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[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You're. You're welcome.

[A]

Frank, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And what the hell is that that you have in front of you?

[C]

This.

[A]

What is that?

[C]

This is a shock potato.

[B]

I'm not doing this.

[C]

Oh, so you know the game hot Potato, and.

[A]

And it shocks you with the little

[C]

metal thingies, so when it runs. When the timer runs to zero shocks you.

[B]

Why do you have all these gadgets?

[A]

So many gadget guys.

[C]

You have all these gadgets that hurt you and.

[A]

Well, I don't know about hurting him.

[B]

Well, those.

[A]

A little frayed bottom.

[B]

It's like.

[C]

What?

[A]

Frayed bottom.

[C]

Oh, you mean flared base.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gotcha. Frayed bottom. Is that. It's like a hot potato game. So how do you play?

[C]

You hit the start button, and then we're gonna give you a category. You have to name the things in the category.

[B]

Wait, we have to do this.

[A]

Come on, be a good sport.

[C]

I can't do it because there's too much around me. Obviously. So. All you.

[A]

I'm in it.

[B]

Why am I agreeing?

[A]

I love shit like this. I really do.

[B]

Why?

[A]

It's just fun. It's a fun little game. What's the issue? Shocked my hands and my little scared little shock. You'll be fine. You'll feel something outside of your own fucking balls for once.

[C]

So talking when you're tossing back and forth, you know, grab it and you can't let go until you answer something in the category.

[A]

Oh, so it's like, are there like preset cat?

[B]

What are you doing down there?

[A]

I don't. I'm literally just sitting.

[B]

Okay. Because you.

[A]

When, you know, I just watch off because I don't want the electricity to mess with the inner workings gears.

[B]

All right. I never know because whenever your hands are down here, you're. You're fucking around, doing weird stuff.

[A]

What am I doing now?

[B]

Making a weird face, I guess. You don't want to know something.

[A]

All right, toss it.

[C]

He gets. He gets super paranoid when shock comes out.

[B]

I don't like this.

[A]

He never. Oh, you turn into me first.

[B]

Dude,

[C]

that was a good throw.

[A]

I don't like it. Wait, let me see it before we.

[B]

Because why is there duct tape on it?

[A]

The hell was that?

[C]

You sound like a dinosaur during filming. It gets too loud, so I muffle it with duct tape.

[A]

Oh, what do you mean it gets.

[C]

It makes like a scary noise while it's on.

[B]

Oh, I don't like that.

[A]

Oh, like a beep beep?

[C]

No, like a sure. Something like that. That's kind of.

[A]

It makes it more fun. All right, let's do this.

[C]

It's really loud.

[B]

Let's do this.

[A]

Come on. Let me see it first.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

No, I don't trust you.

[A]

Here we go. What am I going to possibly. I have it.

[B]

Yeah, you hold on to it.

[A]

No, I'm not going to do that. I. I will. I will full on play the game the way it's supposed to be played. So said, if not Frank ever.

[C]

So you guys are going to come up with a category and play.

[B]

What is the category?

[A]

You can come up with the first category. I don't wanna. I don't get in trouble for making a category.

[B]

All right. Don't make the character like, like Marvel actors from the 90s.

[A]

There's not many, but I could do that if you really want me to.

[B]

What's a good one?

[A]

I mean, we could do something easy. Let's do do.

[C]

We're gonna do this a couple times, probably.

[B]

No, I don't want to do that.

[C]

Yeah, come on.

[B]

No, come on, come on, come on,

[A]

come on, come on.

[C]

You gotta do it twice. You gotta do a real one. You know, like colors. And then you gotta do, like, compliments for each other or something.

[A]

Let's do colors. Colors is a good one. It's a good place to start. I don't want to do it. Oh, my God.

[B]

I'll do a round. I'm not doing multiple rounds.

[A]

You'll do multiple.

[C]

If it lands on Frankie, you'll around.

[A]

You'll do it.

[B]

I just made out scot free.

[A]

No, come on. Play for the fans.

[B]

You could sit in my chair and then you play with him.

[C]

I can never sit in your chair.

[A]

You can at least you know. I mean. Yeah,

[B]

at least you know.

[C]

Bastard. You want to switch seats?

[A]

Come on, come on, come on.

[B]

What do I do?

[A]

Why are you so horny to be shocked?

[B]

You want to be shocked so badly, Dr. Frankenstein?

[A]

It's a fun game to play with my friend. I like to play games. You like pain.

[B]

You're a masochist.

[A]

I'm not a masochist. I don't like pain. If anything, I hate pain. Pain sucks.

[B]

You love pain.

[A]

No, I don't. I don't like pain.

[B]

Yes, you do.

[A]

You're just afraid because you're afraid you're gonna lose and you're gonna look like a little bitch.

[B]

First of all, I'm gonna look like a bitch. That's number one. First of all. Already did it. Very scared right now. Okay? I just don't like shocktato. All right?

[A]

Come on.

[C]

I would move the mics just slightly out of the way so you guys have more arm space.

[A]

Come on, we got this.

[C]

But face the mic towards you, come

[A]

up with the category, and then I'll come up with it. And we have to do. Do two at least.

[C]

That's gonna be fun. Yeah, you gotta do two.

[B]

First of all, two out of three. I said that. I'm never doing the shock collar again.

[C]

This is not the shot.

[B]

I know.

[A]

This is why there's a loophole. Why are you never doing the shot collar again? I don't like it. Last time we put it on our arm.

[B]

I don't like that either.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Because it hurts, Joey. It's like, for once, live a little. Tom Brady can't make a coconut company without you jumping down his. He's Tom Brady. He could get humble.

[B]

Okay, so I'm Not Tom Brady.

[A]

You're the Tom Brady of podcasters in New York City.

[C]

Oh, on a Tuesday.

[B]

Who are recording right now.

[A]

I stand by. I think you're the best.

[B]

Thanks, Frank.

[C]

That's fire. So technically not a shock collar. So I'm in the parameters.

[A]

It says the patterns pant, the patents panting. Patent pending. Okay, just grab it.

[B]

How do I do it?

[C]

Just hit start.

[A]

You just click it. We need to know the category first.

[B]

Joey, I know this says press and hold for three seconds.

[C]

What's that?

[B]

Okay, come on.

[C]

I already turned it on, so you just gotta hit start.

[B]

He's fucking giggly, dude.

[A]

I mean, it's a giggly thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, so I press start. How do I know that it has started?

[C]

I promise you'll know.

[B]

Is it gonna shock me?

[C]

It will not shock you immediately.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's actually a good point. How do we know that it started it?

[C]

You'll know why you're saying.

[A]

Tell us why.

[C]

You'll hear music.

[A]

Oh, that's the thing you say.

[B]

That's the answer.

[C]

Suspense. Suspense.

[A]

Come on, what's the category? Come up with a good one, too. Don't just be like, oh, letters.

[C]

Four. Four letter words.

[A]

No, don't do that. That sucks.

[B]

I wouldn't be able to think of any. Honestly, three letter words. I don't know.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I'm trying to think. I'm A, B, I, T, C, H. What was that?

[A]

You spelling? Completing the word bitch. Oh, yeah, said it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What should we do? Do like football teams.

[A]

Sure, we could do football teams, Joey. Yeah, we could do that. Little Joe, the Giants.

[B]

I don't. I'm telling you, I'm not doing multiple rounds of the this.

[C]

It's just two out of three.

[A]

Just do two.

[B]

Hey, no, I have limits. I have. I have boundaries.

[A]

Why are you don't even know if

[B]

it's bad because respect me as an individual.

[A]

I do respect you as an individual, but I hope you also see that this is kind of your job. What are we doing? The category is.

[C]

You guys are stalling. You're the category.

[A]

The category is.

[B]

Yeah, we are stalling.

[A]

We still have to record.

[B]

But I'm not doing 30 minutes of this.

[A]

This.

[C]

No. Yeah. No one said that.

[A]

Two out of three category will be. Oh, let's do NFL teams for you, Little Joe. Okay, that does sound big guy.

[C]

Soccer teams.

[A]

Yeah, there. There is one and that's it. The U.S. yeah. Okay, I'll just start naming countries.

[C]

That's true. Come on, dude, you can't throw until you say an answer.

[B]

I know, I know.

[C]

You have to grip it.

[B]

No.

[A]

And you don't need to say the city. You can just say the team name. So just the team name. Joey.

[B]

I, I, I don't like this.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Even look, hold it, say it, and then throw it. You can't do, like, you could probably

[C]

move your mic over a little bit. Frankie, the other way.

[A]

I'm all right. I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm right here.

[C]

I'm right here.

[A]

I'm good. I'm a pro, dude. What? What?

[C]

You're gonna hit the mic.

[A]

I'm a pro, dude.

[B]

So just so we are clear, hold, say the team, then throw.

[A]

Yes. Okay.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

If this is all a ruse and you're like, this is a bit, and you're getting me Oscar worthy acting.

[B]

What do you mean? How could I get you?

[A]

I don't know. Like, it's already, like, electric.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know why I can't do this, man. The anticipation is what gets me. Okay, I'm done.

[A]

Gotcha. We got it. We got it. Joey, come on.

[B]

Why are you laughing? There's something you know.

[A]

Now I know nothing.

[C]

Did you press start?

[B]

No.

[A]

You're holding it like. I don't want to touch these fucking things, bro. Just there. If it's not going. You're fine. Yeah, you're fine.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't like this.

[C]

Couldn't tell. I hate you.

[A]

Oh, at least he hates only you.

[B]

Okay. Ready?

[A]

Yes. Okay. Come on. Giants, jets, chiefs, dolphins, bills, rams. Oh, no, cardinals, ravens, raiders, iron. Well, colts. Oh, we didn't even get it. We didn't even get it. He dropped it. We got to do it again. It got me. It got me back there. Yo, I. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. You saw me handle that, yo. I handled it. Like, first of all, I had nothing

[B]

in my head and I dove and

[A]

I went to go pick it up. As soon as I picked it up, I went like this because it shocked both of me. You crawled after it like a cartoon character. I will never. I've never seen that, bro. You on your hands and knees. That's only for me and God Almighty. That was the funniest thing.

[B]

All right, winner stays on. You go.

[A]

No, no. We got to do one more.

[C]

We didn't get it.

[A]

You didn't get it on camera.

[C]

Stays on.

[A]

You didn't get it on camera that it happened to me. It's real to me. Respectfully, you have to understand it wasn't on camera. It didn't happen. We need another take.

[C]

Part of the job.

[A]

We need another take. I got a Brazilian.

[C]

He shot me. He shot me with a paintball. Twice. Because we didn't get it on camera.

[A]

You throwed an egg at me. Not how you say it. You're fine, dude. It's not on. It's not on. Yo, I. I fumbled this thing like this. I also said iron.

[B]

I. I couldn't think of another team. I said the Cardinals. That was crazy.

[A]

I mean, that's a good poll. I said Colts. And then, yo, I'll be honest with you.

[B]

I dove on the floor so hard my knee is.

[A]

Yo, I'm not kidding. Something happened to me right there. Seeing my. My person that I look up to and boss crawling like a baby after this fucking electric potato. That was bad, dude. It's gonna take a while for me to burn that image out of my head. I think I started a drool.

[C]

What?

[A]

Laughing so hard. I don't like this shit. I'll start this time. Come here. Okay.

[B]

You're brave.

[A]

So the category. What is. Wait, why does it say normal? Lame, Extreme?

[B]

See, this is why I don't want

[A]

to give him the thing.

[C]

No, you can only do normal.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because extreme, it's just like no music. Lame is no shock. So normal is just the way to do it.

[A]

I think.

[B]

What's the point of.

[A]

I mean, the music doesn't really add.

[C]

I actually don't really know if. Extremes. That's what it does. I just know that normal is the only thing that works.

[A]

All right. All right.

[C]

Don't Frankie this.

[A]

I mean, me. I'm going to shove this up your ass, and you're going to sit on it, and I'm going to press start. All right. What could be. Let's. Let's. That was a good category.

[B]

I hate this, dude.

[A]

Come on. One more.

[B]

Hurts so bad.

[C]

I think you got to do something.

[A]

You think about more like. Like four letter words or three letter

[C]

words or something like that.

[A]

No, that's way worse.

[B]

I think it's, like, funner when you're.

[A]

Like when you have an idea. Something.

[C]

Fine. So colors. Yeah, colors exist.

[A]

No, let's.

[C]

Let's.

[A]

Let's do superheroes. Look at how long it went. Do you think I'll be able. It's not about if you know. It's about the speed at which you

[B]

can get with the pressure. I wish I had my watch hunt to know what my heart rate is right now with the pressure. I can't think of anything. I also like said football teams, and

[A]

I named four, Okay?

[C]

I like how you guys said, oh, something that we know a lot of. I said three letter words, boys.

[A]

You said four letter words.

[B]

Yeah, but you got it. Like, you got to really think.

[C]

All right, fine.

[B]

The pressure adds a lot.

[A]

How about still colors? Colors, yes. Fine. Colors.

[B]

Don't do this thing with, like, white

[A]

and black, white and black. We can consider for the game.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. No, we got this. Ready?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Red, Orange. Purple.

[B]

Yellow.

[A]

Green. Blue. Pink.

[B]

White.

[C]

Silver.

[A]

Blackout. It got both of you. It got both of you both. Oh, got both of. Why are you throwing up, you freak? It got both of you. That's so good. Oh, my God. That was funny.

[B]

It got me.

[C]

It got.

[A]

Got you tail end of it. And on the end, I got the end of it. I was like,

[C]

oh.

[A]

Oh, good time.

[B]

I haven't won yet.

[C]

Well, that's what I want.

[B]

Now you got to play.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Come on. Come play.

[C]

Where am I?

[A]

Oh, where is it? Oh, shit. Where is it? All right.

[C]

Oh, the seat feels so important.

[A]

Wow, this is huge. So now you're Ant. Oh, hey, Ant.

[B]

What should I look up?

[A]

Prolapse butts?

[C]

What are you writing?

[A]

He's right. Whatever. He wants it in a really important.

[C]

I know. I'm very scared.

[A]

You need to be on it.

[C]

I'm very scared.

[A]

Split second. Realize, like, you are in an incredibly important.

[C]

All right, but let's not keep him in that seat too long. We got to get him back here.

[B]

Yo, I. I'm like, my, my. I have so much adrenaline right now.

[A]

So you want to do it again, right? I made you feel alive, baby.

[B]

No.

[A]

All right, what should be the category for aunt and I? No, no, no. He just won't catch it.

[B]

I'll just duck out of the way. How about. I mean, you guys could probably do superheroes.

[C]

We could do superheroes. You want the superheroes?

[A]

We'll do superheroes.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Spider Man, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern.

[C]

Lobo. That's not a super villain. That's not a superhero.

[A]

He's a comic book character. Put it down. Put it down.

[C]

It's not a superhero.

[A]

Put it down. No. Iron man. Home Hulk, Dr. Strange, Black Widow, Black Panther.

[C]

Oh, you said Dr. Strange.

[A]

Uh.

[C]

Oh, this is a problem.

[A]

Yo, you're holding onto it like crazy.

[C]

Lobo, not a hero.

[A]

Who is that? He's like an anti hero. He's like a Deadpool in a way.

[B]

Lobo, let's look at this bastard.

[A]

People say I look like him.

[C]

Yeah. He's. You're gonna.

[B]

That does kind of look like you.

[A]

Oh, you fuck.

[C]

Jason Momoa.

[B]

Yeah, I see him in the background there now.

[C]

So you're telling me that looks like a hero?

[A]

I mean, he's kind of like.

[C]

He's a villain.

[A]

Anti hero.

[C]

You know what that means? Not hero.

[A]

No, but like an anti hero. It's not like a full villain either. Like, they're kind of like. They are sometimes a hero, but also not.

[C]

I'm interested to see what the comments say.

[A]

I think Lobo is a fine answer to.

[C]

Dude. It's literally not a good answer.

[A]

Okay. Either way, you held on that thing for 10 seconds.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

That is.

[C]

But he cheated.

[B]

But you held on to it.

[C]

Yo, now my adrenaline's gone.

[B]

I know, dude. It's like the anticipation is crazy.

[A]

I'm not playing another. I've not lost. You Let me get it.

[C]

No, you don't. You want to do it again?

[A]

It's for you. You gotta win. Oh, I gotta know why. We've done it. I've won.

[C]

He's too.

[A]

Out of three. Oh, he's holding. He's too afraid to pick it up.

[C]

He's like.

[A]

He's holding it the way that, like, spongebob bit the Krabby Patty that time. You remember?

[C]

All right. Two syllable words.

[B]

No.

[A]

You want me to learn fucking syntax here? Come on. Two syllable words. Four letter words.

[C]

Three letter words.

[A]

Why do you have to do words,

[C]

dude, you did colors. What do you think?

[B]

What about just famous people?

[A]

Famous people.

[B]

Real people. Not characters.

[A]

Real people. Okay, I'm fine with that.

[C]

So hard.

[A]

I'm fine with that.

[B]

Just any celebrity.

[C]

It's hard because they're so. Their names are so big. All right.

[A]

Tom Holland, Joe Sanigato.

[C]

I've never heard that noise. I don't know what that was.

[A]

What the fuck was that?

[C]

Oh, it's dead. Thank God.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

I couldn't die without playing. Thank God.

[B]

Thank God.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, my Damn. It Died when he was playing. Well, and it died on Joe Santigato, which means that your fame has blown up. That thing. Congratulations.

[B]

Really?

[A]

That. That intense. I feel good.

[B]

I know you like it, though.

[C]

Joey, he wrote Joe equals. And I got gloves.

[A]

They're gonna see that. Be like. What does that even mean?

[C]

That seat, very warm, by the way.

[B]

It's because it got a hot ass

[A]

because you shoved so much in it. Marbles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What's the game with the marbles?

[A]

Kerplunk. You don't remember?

[B]

Kerplunk what's the one? It, like, opens up, and there's, like, a bunch of, like, divots, and you,

[A]

like, kind of like Chinese checkers.

[B]

Is that what that is? No, not Chinese checkers. It's like. There's, like, a reservoir like this at the end, and there's a bunch of circular. And then there's, like, marbles. Not marbles, but, like, they're like, flat marbles kind of. You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Oh, Mancala.

[B]

Yes. Is that it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't know how to play that, but I had a set growing up, and I used to love playing with all the.

[A]

Yeah, I love. I love, like, old Pokemon cards used to come with those things.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. But you've never played that.

[B]

Moncala.

[A]

Mon Cala. The hospital. He's sucking my nuts too much.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

Was that a Jamaican accent, man? Call of the hospital because he's sucking my nose.

[A]

That's too much. What the are we doing here? What the are we doing? This is so stupid, dude. And do I. Is that worthy? Absolutely not. Man color.

[B]

The hospital.

[C]

I. I don't think I can.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

You'd be disgracing the game.

[A]

Really?

[B]

All right, fair.

[C]

You could. You could whisper it.

[A]

Getting that, getting that, getting that just off, off, like, just the top of my dome right there was impressive. You got to get admit. Seriously, though, you don't remember Kerplunk.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

It was, like, a plastic tube, and you put a bunch of, like, plastic sticks in it, and you put the marbles on top, and you had to remove them, and then whoever got them all to, like, fall down, they lost.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

She was fun, man. I used to play with Miles a lot.

[B]

Kerplunk.

[C]

I think we played where every marble that falls, you have take a shot for it.

[A]

Yeah, of course you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. I saw that coming.

[C]

They have giant kerplunk. That's really cool.

[A]

I didn't know they had a giant kerplunk. I played giant kerplunk. Do you remember fucking people like, oh, who wants to play pickup sticks?

[B]

What's that?

[A]

It was like a. They were sticks, plastic sticks, and they were all different colors, and you, like, throw them on the table, and you have to, like, pick up one that is like. Like touching another one or something like that without moving the other one. You guys don't remember that?

[B]

No. Yeah.

[C]

This actually looks like a really funny physical video we could do. It's, like, mad funny, you know?

[B]

It's a good game. The elephants. The elephant. But you have the butterflies. Yeah.

[A]

What was that called? No, no, I'm dead serious. I don't remember. It was called like Ella.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

I don't believe you guys.

[A]

Butterfly.

[C]

Never heard of that.

[A]

I. I had butterfly there. It's right there.

[C]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Elephant game.

[C]

Elephant.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good one. I liked it. It was cute.

[B]

I liked it too.

[A]

The best. The best was Don't Wake Daddy. You remember that?

[B]

I don't know how to play though.

[A]

It was like you had to like.

[B]

I know the guy had like pajamas on.

[A]

It was like roll and it was like you got two or. Or. And like you had to do two. And it was like don't wake daddy. And daddy would pop up and he'd be like. Like, oh, I'm awake. There's a lot. Have you ever seen those tick. It's like a couple on Tick Tock. They do like, they just get board games and review. Board games.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot that are fun. Don't break the ice. Remember that one?

[B]

Yes. Sucked. Really wasn't that good at that.

[A]

I could see you being good at that now.

[B]

Is that the polar bear or.

[A]

It's where you put it. Like a penguin on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have to like hammer out the ice things.

[B]

I feel like I'm not that good. But that would be a cool video, trying out those games.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, we could do that. We set that up when my brother was younger. He would make me set it up and then as soon as we started, he would just punch the middle.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, obviously that's the obvious one to do.

[B]

Pissing me off.

[A]

Damn. Old school. Like kids board games were fun as. Dude.

[C]

So we'll have a old school board

[A]

game day, you know, for a video board game day. Did you ever play Don't Wake Daddy?

[C]

Every night.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Too much.

[B]

I hate him.

[A]

Really? You hate him that much?

[B]

Who him? Oh, no, I was doing something else.

[A]

There's also one I played recently. It's like, it has like kinetic sand. So you put like kinetic sand on the top of this thing and then there's a bunch of sticks and you have to pull a stick and like the kinetic sand, there's like people on it, they like fall through.

[B]

Oh, so similar.

[A]

Kinda. But it's with kinetic sand. So it's fun to play.

[B]

I love Connecticut sand.

[A]

Dude. What is it? I don't know what the fart is it?

[B]

I don't know what the fart it is, to be honest. What's going on?

[C]

You see that stuff where your whole. You hold it, you put it in water and you bring it back out and it's still dry.

[A]

It's hydrophobic sand.

[C]

The. How do you do that?

[A]

There's like animals, bro.

[B]

You ever have Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

[A]

Nope. They suck up the milk, bro.

[B]

There's sometimes I'm having Cinnamon Toast Crunch and like some on the side of the bowl or like, like they. I can't get it wet.

[A]

You never seen those tick tocks where, like the guys will have, like hydrophobic shirts? They like spray them. They like throw mud at them and it like, stains the shirt and then they have another guy that they like, spray with the hydrophobic thing. And why aren't all clothes like that probably expensive? Probably. I would expense, I would imagine, right.

[B]

It's too expensive to make my clothes

[A]

not stain, I imagine because a lot of these clothes that you're getting, they want to produce them in mass quantities as cheap as possible. So if they're adding in a chemical that it's probably going to be expensive at the quality at which, you know, the amount at which they need to spray it. Expensive.

[B]

That was a spiel.

[A]

I mean, is that not wrong?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know how much it costs. I don't know. Maybe it's not good to walk around with all that.

[A]

I used to have that for my hats, that spray.

[B]

Oh, so you wouldn't mess up your hats.

[A]

Yeah. So like they become hydrophobic if it's good for your shoes. Yeah, yeah. They have shoe spray for that too. 100%.

[C]

If you, if you sprayed yourself and jumped in water, it goes on. You're getting wet.

[A]

Well, I think that's different because our skin is mostly like, it's poor. More porous maybe. I don't know. That's actually a really good question.

[B]

Am I wet now? No. Like, if I sprayed my arm and then put my arm in water, it's

[C]

like, I don't know, because you have a little thin layer on it.

[B]

I don't like thinking about things.

[A]

I'm with you, brother. I hate thinking about things.

[B]

So whack thinking.

[A]

You know what I want to do? I want to dunk my hand in wax. You know, like those people that do, like wax hand molds.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Put their hands.

[B]

Bottles of whiskey.

[A]

Yes. But also, like, they'll put their hand in a thing of ice water and then right into wax and they'll just keep doing it until they can break their hand out.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Or you see those ones, the people that do, like, the wax pouring molds, and it's like a big. Like, it's like a jug and it's just covered in wax and they break it or open like off with a knife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

You get horny for that dude?

[A]

Who ain't? We started with him being horny for stuffing his ass, and now we're back here at horny.

[B]

Yeah. This has been a full circle for me. It's been a great episode.

[C]

More a medical question.

[B]

Really don't like that potato. Honestly.

[A]

Really fucked up. Are you sure it's dead? Are you sure? Turn it on. It's dead, man.

[B]

Thank God. Well.

[A]

Oh, turn it on.

[C]

Ready?

[B]

All right, you guys, I'm not playing.

[A]

You're playing.

[B]

Nope.

[C]

No, we can't force him to play. He already played.

[A]

I mean, I can't throw over the camera because God forbid something happens to it.

[C]

Oh, no, you're not throwing it to me. If I throw it to you, you'd have to throw it to him. Then he'd be for. Forced to play.

[B]

I'd be ducking out of the way.

[C]

Yeah, forced to play. It's dead.

[A]

Listen, he said he'd do anything for you guys, and now he won't even get a little baby shock.

[B]

I did this.

[A]

I got twice shocked. You haven't even been. I'll never forget the image of you crawling like a baby. I'll never. That. That is completely like.

[B]

I was trying to play the game. Well, I was diving. I was. You know, you did it.

[A]

And you. You know what?

[B]

My knee is paying for it. Is it hurt? Absolutely. Bounced off this floor.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

It's okay. I'll survive. Anyway, folks, that is our episode for today. Thank you so much for sticking around for the entire thing. Also, our tickets are out right now. Let's go to the basementyard.com and get yourself some tickets. If there's tickets left at any of these shows, you can pop up. We added some shows, too. A second show in Minneapolis, Chicago.

[A]

And Buffalo.

[B]

And Buffalo. So if you're from those cities, you check the second. The second shows there. And check them out. Basementyard.com Frank, where can they find you?

[A]

I was singing the Buffalo Rome song and you wouldn't let me, like, have

[B]

my moment because I was talking first.

[A]

Could have been why the Frank Hour is all over. Patreon.com the basement yard and the basement yard on all socials and Aunt Prisco on Instagram. I love how he still gets it out. Like he's still surprised.

[B]

Like, yeah.

[A]

He's like, yeah.

[C]

You never know.

[B]

You guys can follow me at Joe Santa Gal. Go follow the show at the basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.