#564 - The Funniest Things We've Done For Attention!

Summary

The Basement Yard – Episode #564: The Funniest Things We've Done For Attention!

Released: July 20, 2026 | Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez | Guest: Ant

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Episode Overview

In this lively, nostalgia-soaked episode, Joe, Frank, and Ant dive deep into the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing things they did as kids and teens to get attention—from limping for sympathy to lying about their age and making up epic screen names. The trio swaps stories, many filled with self-deprecating humor, about chasing validation, being “the funny guy,” and choosing the right gadgets, clothes, and behaviors that, in their own teenage minds, made them “stand out.” The conversations veer off into pop culture, video games, quirky family resemblances, and the evolution of tech, but always circle back to the craving for laughs, approval, and attention.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

Summer Heat, Jokes, and the Infamous "Dog Out" Update (00:33–07:15)

• The episode opens with banter about the oppressive studio heat. Joe complains, “This hat is about to turn like ant’s pants, after he saw me coming.” (00:52), which devolves into confusion about innuendo and “coming.”
• Frank details a recent “dog out” (hot dog) consumption, leading to a riff on sensitive mouths and a barrage of friendly insults.
• Joe and Frank both chow down on hot dogs over the weekend, spurring mock-competitions with family. Joe confesses: “I kind of was that in one day. It was in one day. I did also have a cheeseburger...” (05:51)
• The trio teases Joe for tying a 13-year-old nephew in their hot dog contest.

Marvel Rivals & Over-the-Top Character Designs (08:50–13:33)

• The group critiques a viral “summer skin” in the Marvel Rivals game, particularly Captain America’s comically exaggerated swimsuit bulge.
  • Joe: “That literally looks like someone put their foot in there.” (09:23)
  • Frank: “That’s America’s cock and balls.” (09:50)
• They discuss the phenomenon of "jiggle physics"—animations in games that emphasize body movement, especially for female characters.
• Ant points out the hypocrisy of over-sexualized character designs, referencing Squirrel Girl as a fan-favorite for similar reasons.
• Frank on video games: “Let’s be honest, it’s mostly the female characters, I mean outside of Captain America’s big old 'way'…” (13:11)
• The discussion segues into anime tropes: “Usually the ones that are younger, they’re actually 3,000 years old.” (12:56)

Thongs, Speedos, and Confidence Levels (15:34–20:18)

• The guys debate whether they’ve worn thongs or women’s underwear. “If I have worn women’s underwear and I recall it, I’m telling the story, brother.” — Frank (16:04)
• Speedos and body confidence are examined, and Frank claims, “I think I would probably be able to wrestle an alligator in a Speedo. Just the confidence it would instill in me.” (18:07)
• Frank’s speedo fantasy spirals into wild imagery: “I close my eyes and I think of a man in a Speedo. They’ve got a bunch of rings on. They’ve got a big gold chain...” (20:01)

Family Lookalikes: Which TV Characters Do Our Parents Resemble? (21:00–29:41)

• Each host describes which cartoon or TV character their relatives resemble:
  • Frank says his grandmother looked like the grandma from Dinosaurs: “My grandmother looked like the grandmother from the early 90s show Dinosaurs.” (23:31)
  • Joe calls his grandma a Q-tip and is told she resembles Egon from Ghostbusters (25:00)
  • Frank’s dad gets compared to Pedro Martínez (“Yo, his dad does look like Pedro Martínez.” — Joe, 27:08) and Fred Flintstone (“Your dad had always reminded me of Fred Flintstone.” — Frank, 29:03)
• Nostalgic laughter as everyone shares the oddest family resemblances, reflecting on how much family lookalikes are a source of inside jokes.

Sex Euphemisms: Creative, Weird, and Absolutely Absurd (42:09–47:17)

• The trio ranks and laughs through dozens of euphemisms for sex sourced from the Internet.
  • Favorites: “Bam, bam in the ham,” “Planting the parsnip,” “Rolling in the hay,” “Clapping cheeks.”
  • Least favorites: “Hanky panky” (“I don’t think there’s something to call sex that would turn me off more than hanky panky.” — Joe, 35:34)
• “Doing the devil’s dance” and “parallel parking” inspire debate over which ones are clever and which are just confusing.
• Frank explains: “If any of them were used, it would be a conversation like we’re not going to do what you want to do. We are going to talk about why you use that phraseology.” (44:41)

The Funniest Things We've Done for Attention (54:13–69:24)

Notable Stories & Quotes

• Pretending to Be Hurt:
  • Frank: “If there was an Ace bandage in my house, I was wearing it…Oh, I gotta hurt. Catching a touchdown for the championship.” (56:52)
  • Joe admits he’d milk any injury for pity, “If I had a black eye, I’d be so thrilled.” (67:51)
• Fake Online Personas & Forms of Attention Seeking:
  • Joe: “I would act like my crush could see me through hidden cameras in my house.” (58:13)
  • Frank as a teen: “I told her I was a 19 year old actor that drove an Escalade from New York City.” (61:37)
• Anonymous Cyberbullying (Yourself!):
  • Joe: “I had to ask FM and posted a link...I would ask myself questions about my crush and low key cyber bully myself and answer them defending myself with witty comebacks.” (62:20)
• Early Social Media/Tech Nostalgia:
  • Chatting about Formspring, Yik Yak, and AIM burner/anonymous accounts to get girls’ attention (“...let’s play 21 Questions”)
  • Pretending to be cool, older, or a globe-trotting actor for strangers on vacation.

Tech Nostalgia, Phones, and How Far We’ve Come (69:24–81:14)

• Joyful reminiscence of outdated tech: Nextels, Sidekicks, the Chocolate, Jukes, Nokias, and BlackBerrys:
  • “I made my own ringtones. It was just the full song.” — Frank (71:08)
• Anxiety over opening the Internet on an early cell phone, worried about $30-per-click bills.
• Remembering life before caller ID: “I remember the first time...it was a separate machine…” (80:11)
• Outrage (and pride) at outrageous childhood cell phone charges (“I got in trouble because...I would download like 12 ringtones. The amount of time and data that it took, I got barked at, dude…” — Frank, 78:54)
• Noting social change: "In my lifetime...gay people couldn't get married. There was no caller ID, brother. Those issues is bigger than the other." — Joe (80:30)

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Quotes & Timestamps

On the Weirdest Attention-Grabbing Behavior

• “If there was an Ace bandage in my house, I was wearing it.” — Frank (56:52)
• “I would act like my crush could see me through hidden cameras in my house.” — Joe (58:13)
• “I told her I was a 19 year old actor that drove an Escalade from New York City.” — Frank (61:37)

On Nostalgic Tech

• “I made my own ringtones. It was just the full song.” — Frank (71:08)
• “Phones used to be fucking cool, dude. Now they’re all just the same.” — Frank (73:56)

On Embarrassment and Growing Up

• “Like, when you’re young, you’re such an idiot.” — Joe (68:27)
• “If I had listened to what like the older people said was stupid. Like, it was stupid.” — Frank (68:37)

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Notable Segments & Suggested Timestamps

• Hot Dog Contest & Food Antics: 04:10–07:15
• Marvel Rivals & Game Character Rabbit Hole: 08:50–14:00
• Speedos, Thongs, and Swagger: 15:34–20:18
• Sex Euphemism Deep Dive: 42:09–47:17
• Fake Personas & Craving Attention: 54:13–69:24
• Old Tech & Phones: 69:24–81:14

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Conclusion & Tone

This episode delights in childhood absurdity, self-mockery, and playful one-upmanship. The hosts trade tales of how desperately they tried to stand out — sometimes with swagger, sometimes by bending the truth, or adopting some wild attention-getting habit, and mostly with a huge dose of humor and heart.

As Frank says, "If I have worn women's underwear and I recall it, I’m telling the story, brother.” (16:04) — the guys’ willingness to air out all their embarrassing, funny, and honest moments is what makes The Basement Yard shine.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Welcome back to the basement.

[B]

Welcome back to the basement yard.

[A]

Would like a Stay awake in your sweet surrender.

[B]

Hello to you as well, Ant.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

I've got a headache. A little bit of one. So I'm trying to.

[B]

Is it a hot headache? Because it's 1 million fucking degrees in here.

[A]

It's a hot headache, yeah. Hat. My hat. White hat. Might have been a mistake. This hat is about to turn like ants pants. After he saw me coming.

[B]

What does that whole thing mean? What? Why would your hat change color?

[C]

That part was more important than I saw him coming. What is that?

[A]

Like coming? Like arriving? Not like that's what they call it.

[B]

Yeah, that's what they say in Britain.

[A]

Not like ejaculate.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, like he saw. Like he saw my presence was nearing near here. His.

[B]

And what are you saying that is doing for him?

[A]

I was going to turn his pants into piss. So, like this will be yellow with sweat. Having to explain it really ruined it. I thought I actually was cooking there for a quick.

[B]

Unfortunately, it made zero sense.

[A]

Unfortunately, I thought it was perfectly fine if you would let me, you would let me get it out. But the minute I bring up coming, you're jumping down my throat. I heard it. I heard it.

[B]

First of all, I didn't bring it up.

[A]

I heard it. Yeah, I heard it and I apologize. Okay, that's a minute 30 in. What are you going to do?

[B]

Things happen.

[A]

Things did happen.

[B]

Bing, bang, boom.

[A]

You know, I am, I am asking. It is that time. I am asking for a update. A dog out update.

[B]

Oh, I had one yesterday.

[A]

Have you guys been getting dogged out lately?

[B]

Not how you ask it, but I did have a hot dog yesterday.

[A]

Way to go.

[B]

Wasn't real. It was the fake sausage ones. The sloppy ones that Nicole makes that are like hot as fuck.

[A]

Well, I mean, brother, we're allowing you to call it a hot dog. We fully support your hot dog.

[B]

I definitely had one.

[A]

And.

[B]

And it was steaming hot. And I didn't get a warning.

[A]

Spit in your mouth.

[B]

I don't know if I have a sensitive mouth, but whenever, like whenever I eat something, I'm like, oh my God. That like Burned my mouth. Other people eat it and they're like, fine.

[A]

Well, you have a sensitive mouth. That things been beat up for years, so I can imagine that it is.

[C]

You know, it's like seven in a row. Yeah.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

I mean, that way. You have to understand, you immediately walked into that.

[B]

Let's just wait for the roar of the crowd to die down before we continue.

[A]

If there was a crowd here and I made that joke, I think they would laugh at it. I would hope so.

[C]

You'd have someone laugh.

[B]

We're gonna find out on tour.

[A]

Well, it's weird because, you know, if you think about it, like, you know how, like, people that, like, work construction, they have calloused hands because it's what they do for their work, and it kind of leads them to have, you know, there's. There's their personality to their hands.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

Professionally, you use your mouth and your throat the most, so I would imagine that it would be less sensitive.

[B]

You couldn't even get that out without smirking. That's the worst joke ever.

[C]

He's kind of cooking a little.

[A]

I'm kinda right. Who are you? I don't care about your opinion either.

[C]

Jerk.

[A]

I just meant you. That was unnecessary rude.

[C]

That was hot. He's hot.

[A]

He is hot. And I get it. Honestly, you're. You're.

[B]

I will say, you guys are now teaming up against me and bullying me, and I. I will get physical.

[C]

Oh, which way would you go first?

[B]

What does that mean?

[C]

Like, who?

[B]

Who?

[C]

Like, let's say you had to take both of us down right now. Where are you going first?

[B]

Whoever talked last.

[A]

So you were talking about. Yeah, that's fine. You were talking about getting dogged out yesterday. It was good.

[B]

Yes, it was.

[A]

We're referencing hot dogs. Everyone take it easy. Right? You're obviously not going to come on here and tell us about you getting in the butt.

[C]

This.

[B]

Frank.

[C]

This can't be.

[B]

You can literally say anything but that, and it would have been fine. Sorry. I'm sorry.

[A]

Am I. Be honest with me. Am I being too much right now?

[B]

Not that you're being too much. I think that sentence was like.

[A]

All right, all right, we'll back up a little bit. Obviously, I know. I'm not going to. Obviously we're not. We're just gonna take it again from the top.

[B]

No, we're not.

[A]

Obviously, we're not talking about. We're talking about hot dogs. We're not referencing you. Getting.

[B]

See, this is the problem with you. You don't think you're just gonna Start again and say a whole thing and you have nothing there. And now we're starting over. You want to start over again? Let me guess, right?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, what's on your T shirt? Before I freak out?

[A]

No. Was it a good hot dog?

[B]

This is where my parlay goes to die. It's a grave parlay.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

My parlay sucks. And it is 100 million degrees and you're wearing a crew neck. I thought it's making me hot.

[C]

I thought the AC was gonna be working.

[A]

It's cold outside. It is. It is colder outside than it had been over the last 75 outside. And also, you know what? I'm about to show the world your sausage and how it's made. You were here before you put that on. So you put that on knowing it was hot. So you want to be a sweaty, stinky little over there. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, that sounded horny.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

You did.

[A]

The heat is too.

[C]

You want me to go back and put on my swoop?

[A]

The heat is doing something to me.

[B]

It's making you turnt up, I guess.

[A]

But I had, I had four hot dogs over the weekend. Thank you for asking.

[D]

Four?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, that's low.

[A]

It was actually. I. I kind of was that in one day. It was in one day. I did also have a cheeseburger while I had that. I was in a hot dog.

[B]

How do you break that up? Do you do like hot dog? Hot dog, burger.

[A]

I started with the burger, in my own words, to, you know, just kind of prepare everything. And then I went just straight four dogs.

[B]

Just back to back to back. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[C]

You said you had a hot dog eating contest.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

I wasn't in like a legit one. It was my. My 13 year old nephew was there and we were there for his little birthday get together and I was like, let's do a context. And he was like, why? I was like, because I need this.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And we both had four.

[B]

You couldn't beat a 13 year old.

[A]

I opted not to. Honestly, I was gonna let him have the last one cause there's only like two more left. I was gonna let him have it to win, but he didn't want it. So we both left having only had four.

[C]

You tied with a 13 year old.

[B]

That's crazy. As like the hot dog guy.

[A]

If anything, he's the embarrassing one for having lost to a 33 year old.

[B]

Why is that embarrassing? He's only 13.

[C]

He didn't lose. He tied.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're not first. You're last, baby.

[B]

You know that. You're last then.

[A]

I know, I know. I fully agree.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Okay. It is, it is the burden I must bear.

[B]

Now, did you put anything on it or were these raws?

[A]

I mean, I was just. Ketchup. They didn't have. I didn't want to ask for sauerkraut.

[B]

Ketchup.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ketchup, though. Ketchup, right? Ketchup, everyone. Not ketchup. Cuz it's not tag that we're playing here. It's not tag. Hold on, hold on.

[A]

Let me take this again.

[B]

Yeah, Ketchup.

[A]

So I, I, the only thing I put on it while you were getting dogged out in the butt.

[C]

I can't, I'm not allowed. I can't laugh.

[B]

Yeah, he's faking a laugh here.

[A]

I'm not faking anything. Ketchup. Is that better, sir?

[B]

No, it's correct.

[A]

Hold on. I had my ketchup while I was, There was a photographer there and I was having coconut water. Is that what you want for you to say? Is that what you want you to. Let's, everyone, let's, let's, let's be the version of ourselves that Joey wants us to be or else he's gonna go fucking, you know, get mad at us.

[C]

It sounded like you farted.

[A]

How would I have farted?

[B]

Through your butt. How would I have farted?

[A]

I don't know. You said it sounded like I farted. I was talking.

[C]

I just heard it.

[A]

It sounded like a. I do think that the, the heat is making us all just a little silly today.

[B]

I think silly is. I think we're all a little bit angry at each other. I think we should restart.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

All right.

[B]

And we'll, we'll just be in like a good graces right now.

[C]

Okay. Refresh. Refresh.

[A]

All right.

[B]

No, don't say anything. Don't say a word because you're going to do this whole preamble that we don't need. Let's just go from here, okay?

[C]

All right, all right, all right.

[B]

Anyway, we should probably talk about Captain America's big fat dick.

[A]

Oh,

[B]

can we pull up this wiener? Because I got, I saw a picture of this before the show started. I have questions and I know that

[A]

you guys have answers to it. We do have answers.

[C]

So this is from the hit game Marvel Rivals.

[A]

Yes. Which.

[B]

This is a video game.

[A]

This is.

[C]

And this is a skin of Captain America for the summer.

[B]

Yeah. That is the most insane.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, brother.

[B]

That literally looks like someone put their Foot in there.

[A]

And here's the thing.

[B]

Looks like a shoe.

[A]

It looks, I'm not kidding. It. It looks like he crapped his pants in the front. Like if there was a human that like had some sort of irreversible condition where they shit out of their pee hole, that's what it would look like.

[B]

That just looks like if I shoved my knee in it, like. And also this is a before and after because I'm assuming they dialed it back a bit. Yes, still a massive, massive.

[A]

I mean, hey man, that's America's cock and balls.

[B]

That doesn't even look like. What's his name? Captain America.

[A]

I mean it's not, it's not so it's not meant to. Why is he wearing a bikini? So it's like the summer thing. He's like a lifeguard, right? Is that the skin?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's like Captain America's a lifeguard. What happened, what happened to saving the world? We're watching a pool now.

[A]

I mean, hey man, sometimes the pool needs saving, sometimes the world needs a saving.

[C]

So they're also saying that Marvel rivals sneakily did this. They sneakily reduced the size of this.

[B]

You added a 10 foot long wiener to the video game and you wouldn't know if you made it a five foot long. You think we wouldn't know?

[A]

Listen, that looks like that there is someone with just standing in his pants. Like Ant man is in there and he is growing.

[B]

Dude, you're gonna put this guy in a video game that children are playing and you have literally. This guy's dick looks like a crocodile's mouth.

[A]

Well, I, yeah, I don't want to comment on that in, you know, in regard to that. But it's certainly this game is also though, because you, I can almost guarantee you've not played this game.

[B]

No.

[A]

It has some questionable like design choices. Like they are kind of very sexual. I don't want to say sexual.

[B]

Scantle scandal.

[A]

There's a scantle to them.

[B]

Scantily clad.

[A]

Yeah, some of them are scantily clad. Some of the, the female characters, they got big. Some of them.

[C]

And there's jiggle physics.

[A]

There are jiggle physics.

[B]

Not a term that I'm familiar with.

[C]

Well, you can imagine.

[A]

So you've played video. You've played video games.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

You understand that those games are, you know, made with code and all that. There is code in those games to make body parts.

[C]

Jiggle.

[B]

Boobs and butts.

[A]

Boobs and butts, dude.

[B]

And this is a game where they're fighting yeah. So gonna be a lot of jiggling.

[C]

A lot of jumping too.

[A]

A lot of jumping, a lot of flying, a lot of getting hit, you know, like hit back and stuff like

[B]

that, you know, he's got boobs flying all over the place.

[A]

I. I played the game when it first came out for like a week and then I stopped because I was, you guessed it, dog at it.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

But like they have some other like Squirrel Girl was a big one that was in there. Squirrel Girl? Squirrel Girl.

[B]

I don't know how that is, but

[A]

she's a, she's like, she's a squirrel. She's strong and she could hang out with squirrels.

[B]

Can she fly like a flying squirrel?

[A]

You know, that's a really good question. I don't know if Squirrel girl can fly.

[B]

But what's her, what's her like?

[A]

Strong. Talk to squirrels.

[B]

She can talk to squirrels.

[A]

I believe that's her. That's her power. I think so she's not one of those like super popular ones, but she's.

[B]

But why are we bringing her up?

[A]

Because she was one that like people like the fans of the game were like gooning over.

[B]

Oh. Cuz she had a. She was scantily clad.

[A]

I mean this is the thing that video games do sometimes and I think people are starting to kind of not like, you know, when they do it.

[B]

Isn't that an anime thing to like.

[A]

I don't know. I don't want to offend the anime fans because they'll be careful. Oh, you're an anime fan. I'll.

[B]

I'm asking what was question if in it. If in anime they like do that sometimes. Like sometimes the women are like she's got the huge boobs and she's got tiny little waist and she's in school. What the fuck?

[C]

Very big. Well usually the ones that, usually the ones that are younger, they're actually 3,000 years old. They kind of get away with that kind of thing.

[B]

Wait, what does that mean?

[A]

Oh, where they look like schoolgirls but it's like they're an ancient deity from 3,000 years.

[C]

Yeah, no one really, no one really vibes with that too much. But that's what they, that's how they get.

[A]

Well, I can tell you like I know for sure that like in video games there have been characters that have been depicted like overtly sexual like female characters. Because let's be honest, it's mostly the females. I mean outside of Captain America's big old way.

[B]

I mean that is a crazy thing.

[A]

That is crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But like, that's not all anime, by the way.

[C]

I'm not gonna, I'm gonna do that.

[A]

I don't want to say that either,

[B]

but I mean, I'm asking a question.

[A]

Oh, Joey would love Jeff the Land Shark. You know, he'd play with Jeff the Landshark.

[B]

I wouldn't. Wouldn't play with who? I had all the people in the world. I'm gonna play with a shark.

[A]

He's like a little dog shark thing.

[B]

He's kind of good.

[A]

But a lot of heroes like this happened years ago with Mortal Kombat. There was a mortal. I think it was Mortal Kombat 9, where like one of the alternative skins, like, for Molina was just basically her with like tape over her tits. Right. And people are just like, this is getting too far. This has gone too far.

[B]

It's, it's, it's too much. At a certain point, I feel like you can't just be, you know, we got to play the video game at the end of the day. We can't be distracted by jiggle. Was it jiggle.

[A]

Jizzle. Jizz physics too. I'm sure somewhere.

[C]

Jiggle physics.

[B]

Jiggle physics.

[A]

I think people like, apparently that's going to be a big thing in the new Grand Theft Auto game too, that like jiggle physics are being added to it. And it's taking place in the game universe, Vice City, but what we know as South Beach, Miami. So, like, apparently the game is being modeled to have jiggle physics. So people are like, if you could go to a Miami beach or Vice City beach, it's gonna be crazy.

[B]

There's just gonna be a lot of butts. I imagine Miami was the first place that I ever went where I was like, wow, thong bikinis. That was the first time in my life because I was just up here, you know, with regular bikinis.

[A]

I mean, I was a young man having seen Lita do a Swanton bomb off of a ladder. So I had seen a thong before.

[B]

Well, yeah, but she was wearing pants. Yeah, but I do like when pant. And then it's like the thong is up there and you're like, whoa, this is underwear. Like, when you're young, that's like the coolest thing ever. You're like, I can see a little underwear string. I'm into this, dude.

[A]

Early 2000s, had like low rise jeans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And thongs basically pulled up to the shoulder blades.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like getting out of hand. Yeah.

[B]

Like Borat.

[A]

As.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

As a, As a young man, I was not opposed to It.

[B]

No, I liked it as a now, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, it's cool.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, have you ever worn a thong?

[C]

Great question.

[B]

What's up to you?

[C]

Great question to you.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

I don't. I can't. I don't think I have. No, I haven't.

[B]

I don't think I've ever worn, like, women's underwear.

[A]

I don't think I've worn women's under. I think. No, I don't. I can't recall.

[B]

So you're doing that and fumbling over your words. I know the answer.

[A]

No, I'm trying to honestly remember if it was.

[B]

What you're trying to do is black it out. It sounds like if I.

[A]

Let me tell you something very clearly. If I have worn women's underwear and I recall it, I'm telling the story, brother.

[D]

All right.

[A]

You think I'm not getting that out? Are you above a thong? I don't think I am. I don't think I've been gifted by the gods to. To. To work a thong.

[B]

What do you need?

[A]

You got a good butt, Captain America?

[B]

No, you don't need a huge hob.

[A]

You can't wear a thong, brother. You put on a thong with a small. Like, you're. You're. It's like Etch A Sketch. You could see it.

[B]

I don't know how that's like Etch A Sketch because, well, I added a extra Etch there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about a speedo?

[D]

Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash, no ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be use as directed.

[B]

Speedo.

[A]

I don't think I have the confidence for a speedo, do you?

[B]

I would do it, like, ironically.

[A]

You need to go back to Europe, like, three or four more times to be, like, fully speedoed in.

[B]

I'd speedo in Europe. I haven't. I was at the gym in my building. It, like, faces the pool, and there was a dude out there in a Speedo and I was like, for him?

[A]

I don't think it's for me, but I have the utmost respect for men that could pull off a Speedo.

[B]

I think I could.

[A]

I Just don't. It's just not.

[B]

It's tough.

[A]

It's just like, it is so. But it's also like, it's there, you

[B]

know, like, you wear, like, the shorts. You can, like, wear that around. I would feel weird walking around on the.

[A]

You know, like, if you go to

[B]

the boardwalk or something, I will say this.

[A]

I.

[B]

Now I got a Speedo.

[A]

I imagine it is quite freeing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I probably could run real fast, and,

[A]

dude, I'm telling you right now, I think I would probably be able to, like, wrestle an alligator in a Speedo.

[B]

What does the Speedo have to do with it?

[A]

Just the confidence it would instill in me.

[B]

Oh, I don't.

[A]

I get on. I don't have it to.

[B]

Do you think it would make you confident to wear a Speedo?

[A]

I. I need a certain amount of confidence to wear a Speedo, and then putting the speedo on would give me extra confidence.

[B]

How do we get to that confidence level?

[A]

Pay for me to get a wiener injection.

[B]

A wiener injection. Oh, so you would rather it be a big mess in there?

[A]

Mess is not the word I would use.

[B]

A bigger mess is what I mean.

[A]

You still didn't specify the word that I said isn't the one I would use. Mess is the problem there.

[B]

Dude, Wait, I think you were there. There was one time I was in the water in Miami, and then this dude came up behind us, and we were at, like, a certain depth in the water that it's kind of like near your waistline, but a little lower or whatever. So when a wave comes, your kagamba is probably him, but this guy's talking to us about something, whatever. And then a wave passed and it. And he was wearing a bright yellow Speedo. And I'm not kidding, it looked like this dude had a cat in there. I'm sure it was insane.

[A]

I was like, dude, brother, I'm telling you right now, brother, you're hiding a swordfish. I'm not even saying, like, I'm not even saying that, like, everyone that wears Speedos looks like Captain America and Marvel rivals, you know, saying. But they carry themselves with BDE for sure. Yeah.

[B]

If you're walking around in a Speedo, you can't be like, oh, no, I'm wearing a Speedo, but wear that shit.

[A]

And, like, you also, like, I know this isn't the place to do this, like, the beach, but, like, I close my eyes and I think of a man in a Speedo. They've got a bunch of rings on. They've got a Big gold chain on.

[B]

I'm not thinking of that.

[A]

They've got those like glasses, the sunglasses that have like the bar at the top that like Tony Stark wears.

[B]

What? I don't picture this at all.

[A]

Really? What do you picture? Close your eyes.

[B]

I don't picture anything. Really?

[A]

Your eyes.

[B]

Closing my eyes.

[A]

Imagine a man in a Speedo.

[B]

Got it? Yeah.

[A]

Why are you touching yourself?

[B]

I'm just.

[A]

That's for our audio only listeners.

[B]

Oh yeah, we're all dying laughing. I think that.

[C]

What?

[A]

Why are you keep making like gay

[B]

jokes at my expense?

[A]

Why are you being mean to me today? Me? You're being kind of me. We're joking around. No, cuz everyone's laughing because you keep

[B]

making the same joke at me that

[A]

you got dogged out.

[B]

There we go again.

[C]

I don't like how all this is being said with my face all the time. What?

[B]

Well, I'm doing it this way.

[C]

Yeah. So when you said cat, I thought you're referring to his bush.

[A]

No, no, but seriously.

[B]

Oh no, he wasn't. No, it was just a. It was just a large. He's got a small animal.

[A]

He's got a tabby cat or shabby cat. Which one?

[B]

What's a tabby cat?

[A]

I think it's a type. It's like a tab.

[C]

Siamese.

[A]

No, no, no, no. A tab. A tabby. American tabby.

[B]

Speaking of cats, you. Do you like those hairless cats?

[A]

Only when they're kittens. When they grow up, they look evil.

[B]

Dude, I don't know if I've ever even seen a kid.

[A]

Oh, as a kitten they look cute because they're smaller. But then when they get bigger, it's like this is too big to have no fur or hair anywhere.

[B]

I feel like.

[C]

All right, not now.

[A]

Why are they hairless? Like, that's my question.

[B]

I think it's.

[C]

These don't look cute as a baby.

[B]

It looks like Mewtwo.

[A]

What a problem. One of the coolest looking Pokemon.

[C]

This one looks kind of cute. It really. They're really. They're too nutsacky for me.

[B]

Yeah, they're very wrinkled. I don't know, man. That one's kind of cool though. The one with the blue eyes.

[C]

This.

[A]

That one has blue eyes too.

[B]

That. Yeah. That looks like a cool one.

[A]

I don't like.

[C]

I don't Dis looks like my grandmother.

[B]

I feel like your grandma looks like that.

[A]

That's what your grandma looks like.

[B]

Your grandma's beautiful.

[C]

Yeah, she used to look like that.

[B]

Oh, she's dead.

[A]

This is the dead One.

[B]

Oh, nice. Well, she doesn't have blue eyes.

[A]

Not nice. Not nice that she's dead Nice that she used to look like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Your grandma was hairless.

[C]

That's what I picked. That's what I imagine.

[B]

So you don't know.

[A]

What do you not know?

[C]

Yeah, she's hairless. Ish.

[B]

Your grandma was bald.

[C]

Meh.

[A]

Do you know anything about your grandma? What do you know about your grandmother?

[B]

When did your grandma pass away?

[C]

Years ago.

[B]

Same question.

[C]

A few years ago.

[B]

Within five?

[C]

Yeah, within five.

[A]

So you should have an idea as to what she looks like towards.

[C]

You know, started getting hairless.

[A]

Do you know what did none that look like? No, that's what you called her.

[C]

Just grandma.

[B]

Really? Wow. You're one of those.

[C]

Well, one sides grandma, one side's nonna.

[A]

Okay, so no, no, no, man. With Manjari. With Nona.

[C]

Did she pretty good.

[B]

Was she Italian? Yeah, but like Italian.

[C]

But different Italian. Like American American Italian and Italian Italian. That's why I want his grandma.

[B]

Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

[A]

Was she was. Which one was she?

[C]

American Italian.

[A]

So she didn't hit you?

[C]

Both of them? Did not. Well, no, actually American one. A little more. It doesn't matter.

[A]

So if I. So this is what your grandmother. So send this picture to whichever one of your parents lost their mother. Yeah. And be like, look, I Grandma's here.

[C]

That's probably not a good. My mom just.

[B]

What? What animal would you say your grandma looks like?

[A]

I'm not going to even go animal, but. And I hope you pull this up.

[C]

I will.

[A]

I'm not kidding. You're going to see this.

[B]

You had an answer to this queued up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My grandmother looked like the grandmother from the early 90s show dinosaurs. You get the reference?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember that show?

[B]

I love your grandma.

[A]

Not the mama, not the mama. Oh, is that. I'm that baby, gotta love me.

[B]

Is that the live action?

[A]

Yes. Wait. Yo, you know what's crazy, guys? Oh, yo, you know what's insane?

[B]

He's right.

[A]

He is so right.

[B]

Click on the first one. That's Yaya.

[A]

Dude, that's Yaya. That's so like her, dude.

[B]

That's so insane.

[A]

Yes, dude, yes. Yes. All right, now we're gonna spend this whole episode coming up with different characters from TV or.

[B]

Oh, my God, dude, that's your grandma.

[A]

I know. Dude, I need to see a picture. That was Yaya. I mean, by the time. It would take me a while to pull.

[C]

No, it's okay.

[A]

Can.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Will I. If you want Me to.

[B]

No, I mean. Well, Joe, you know, don't, Don't. Don't give it away. Don't give it away.

[A]

Yeah, this is. Her legacy. Lives on better as the. The grandmother from the show Dinosaurs.

[B]

Wow, that's extremely. You're gonna.

[C]

You're gonna have to answer.

[B]

What?

[A]

Your grandmother.

[B]

Oh, my grandma. What did she look like? She kind of looked like a Q tip.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Like, in a way, she had.

[A]

Like, you have. We had a picture of you looking like a Q tip also. Yeah, she looked like. You know who your grandmother kind of looked like the cartoon version of egon from the early 90s Ghostbusters show.

[B]

This is gonna piss me off.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's the tall white hair.

[C]

Really?

[A]

It's not that bad.

[B]

She would. She had like a tall hair that was kind of see through. It just looked like smoke, like a cloud of smoke.

[A]

She had a good head of hair. I remember, until. Yeah, see what I'm saying? Like, that's not awful.

[B]

How are you doing that? How are you just pulling this out?

[C]

Oh, wait, this is accurate.

[B]

It's not terrible. Not this one, the next one.

[C]

This one?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know how much time.

[B]

Kind of does look like my grandma? She had way worse legs, though.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Those legs, your grandma. Was that a wish or a man?

[B]

That's a man.

[A]

It's a man.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Grandma the wish, she had those legs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, she does. But her legs were like, definitely.

[A]

I mean, she wishes she had any legs right now because she has none.

[B]

I mean, she didn't have much legs at the end of it, to be fair.

[A]

I have a lot of time on those long drives to and fro.

[B]

And you think about what our grandma's look like.

[A]

I just think it was random shit. And this is definitely one of them. I mean, I always told you, when

[B]

I think of your mom, I think of Oprah.

[A]

A lot of people have said that my mom, like, ruined.

[B]

Like, Oprah.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

In like the mid 2000s, someone at work told her she resembled, like a cross between Eva Longoria and, like, Fran Drescher. I was like, well, there it goes.

[B]

Well, that's.

[A]

That was. It was gone.

[B]

You know, my mom around. Reminds me of Sally Fields.

[A]

I could see Sally Fields with your mom 100%.

[B]

I could see Nicole's mom looks exactly like Sally Fields, by the way, to me. I saw her on a billboard once.

[A]

It was like a fucking movie. I can see this. Yeah, I can see the similarity 100%. Now I got to think of your mom.

[B]

Gotta think of Your mom. My mom. That's what. My mom kind of looks like Sally Fields.

[A]

Yeah, I. I definitely. I could 100 see that.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

You know, especially that.

[A]

That picture with the glasses. Yeah, with the glasses. That's your mom right there.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Someone once told me, and I don't know if you had co. Signed this opinion, that my father was a spitting image of Pedro Martinez.

[B]

Yes, that was me, bro.

[A]

I used to call your dad Pedro. I don't. I don't think that that is accurate in the slightest.

[B]

Yo, his dad does look like Pedro Martinez.

[D]

I don't.

[A]

I don't see it at all.

[C]

Okay, I see it.

[A]

I see it. Why do you spell Pedro? Like, I actually.

[C]

I actually see it here.

[B]

Yes, that's fucking.

[C]

I actually.

[A]

I actually see that at all.

[B]

Yeah, that's Frank's dad.

[C]

I see it a little bit here.

[B]

The young one. Not really, but it's like more than the eyes. Like, your dad has like. Like Pedro Martinez eyes.

[A]

Yeah, they're a little droopy. That's what I see. You're saying. I'm trying to think who, who would. My mom, I guess my mom had the big hair like Oprah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

She was missing some key, you know, what's the word I'm looking for?

[C]

Features. So this is Frankie's mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The hair, to me, yes.

[A]

She gets absolutely, like, obviously Oprah's black

[B]

and his mom's not black, but she was darker skin also.

[A]

Because my mom during the summer gets a dark, deep golden. Yeah, her skin is quite tanning.

[B]

That's why I was like, she reminds me of Oprah. And your mom has a very big personality because she's like, yeah, that. You get a car. You get a car. But like, she was probably like, you know, you're going to get a talking to. You're going to get a talking to.

[A]

No, no, no. We didn't get. It was. We're going to meeting. We're gonna have family meeting, and then everyone's in trouble. Everyone was in trouble during every family meeting. Family meeting just meant that everyone's getting screamed at.

[B]

I've been there too. One time my dad was like, get down here right now. He was in the basement and I. We went down the stairs and I sl. I slipped on a. A walnut and did like a. There was a walnut on the floor.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

I slept on a walnut. Like a cartoon.

[A]

What fucking cartoon ass world did you grow up in that there was just a walnut. A walnut on your step.

[B]

No, it was like on the bottom, like, by the basement, like, on the floor. Did you legitimately went up in the air, home alone, landed on my back. And then he forgot because he laughed so hard. We went upstairs.

[C]

Swear to God.

[A]

Oh, you got lucky because you were gonna get. Your dad was gonna let you have it. Probably. Probably Trying to think who your dad would look like. Your dad had always reminded me of Fred Flintstone.

[B]

Yeah, he looks like that.

[A]

He. He's got, like, the. Like, thicker features a bit. A strong nose.

[B]

Fred Flintstone is so funny.

[C]

The John Goodman.

[A]

Just the cartoon. Yeah, just the cartoon.

[B]

Yeah, that's my dad. My dad is Fred Flintstone.

[A]

I'm telling you right now. Like, the way that, like, people have, like, found Shrek sexy, it's only a matter of time before they refine Fred Flintstone.

[B]

Fred Flintstone was a cool guy. Was he?

[A]

There's some stuff in those cartoons that are a little.

[C]

They had dinosaurs running around.

[A]

I mean, it's more of like that time where it's just like, I'm the man, I'm gonna set the rules and you're gonna listen, woman. You know, he was yelling at her like that. There was some. Yeah, there was some. I watched the movie recently and I was like, oh, some of this doesn't hold up.

[B]

And who does? Mean the man in Prehistoric Times wasn't

[A]

as progressive in 2026. And who does your. Who do your parents look like?

[C]

My dad got a Johnny Bravo a lot when he was younger.

[A]

Speaking of not holding up, I would. The only thing that your dad and

[B]

Johnny Bravo have in common is they both have worn black T shirts.

[C]

And the second.

[A]

If your dad ever in his life looked like Johnny Bravo, I will. I will shove this up my butt.

[C]

Minus the blonde hair. Minus the blonde hair, so.

[A]

Minus the thing that makes him Johnny Bravo.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, mama, look at that. Also this guy. Big creep.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Bad, bad, bad.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That one is not help. Not as well.

[C]

That one held. Probably held up the worst.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Think any. Any other, like, car like, or like, fictional characters in our family could resemble. We. We joked around and called Keith Harry Potter when we were younger.

[B]

Yeah, he looked like Harry Potter.

[A]

That's an easy one. Edna Flintstone.

[C]

No, no, no.

[B]

Who does Edna?

[A]

Oh, before you go anywhere, go back to Ed. Who's this? Who's this Smoke?

[B]

She was a. She was like one of the.

[A]

No, she wasn't. It. Was it his sister or his mom? I don't know, actually, because Fred's Flintstones.

[B]

She looks like Fred.

[A]

Fred.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It must be his sister or mom.

[C]

Mother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fred's wife was Wilma. And then there was Barney and Betty

[C]

and Bam. Bam.

[A]

Bam Bam was Barney and Betty's son.

[C]

My mom gets this a lot.

[A]

Edna mode. Yeah. I don't see your mom looks like that.

[B]

I don't see it.

[C]

She used to have a bob, so we called her that.

[B]

She wore glasses. See it either. But I'm also not.

[C]

Yo, my. I'm not kidding. I think my shin is sweating.

[A]

That's bad. Yeah, you're all right.

[B]

Also, I. Your mom reminds me of my high school Italian teacher.

[C]

I don't know the reference.

[B]

Well, I'm just saying, when I saw

[C]

she's a teacher, she.

[B]

She, like, reminded me of her. And I was like, oh, is that.

[A]

I've only met your mom twice.

[C]

Imagine.

[A]

And I can't. I can't, like, pinpoint who she reminds me of, but she. It's like one of those things where it's like. It's on the tip of your tongue, like people. She does look like someone famous, but I can't for the life of me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Iron out exactly who it is. And that's not a bad thing.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

I mean, I asked my Italian teacher.

[A]

I don't want fucking Johnny Bravo to beat me up.

[C]

You actually. Italian teacher to prom?

[B]

Yeah. Really? Yeah.

[C]

How'd that go?

[B]

I didn't go with her.

[C]

Doesn't mean she said no.

[B]

She had just gotten married. Although I don't think that's why she said no. But she was like, no. And I was like, joke. I mean, I was joking. But if she would have said yeah, I'd have like, oh, well, now I

[C]

gotta figure out, yeah, there's not really a chance.

[B]

No, no, no. Also fired.

[A]

I mean, also, she said no.

[B]

I think that she may have been at the prom, though.

[A]

I mean. Yeah, they used to do that where the teachers would go and they would chaperone and just make sure no, you know, nothing.

[B]

Crazy business.

[A]

I had a teacher once come up and separate me and a girl from dancing.

[B]

One time I had this girl. This girl. This is the first time I ever heard this term. But I was dating this girl and her grandfather died, and I felt really bad, but she lived all the way in Jersey. So I asked my mom, like, can I take the car and go visit her and whatever. And it was kind of late at night.

[A]

I think I remember who this is.

[B]

And she was like. She was like, no. And I'm like, why? Her. Her grandfather just died. Like, I just want to, like, go there and, like, kind of comfort she's like, no, I know what this is about. This is hanky panky.

[A]

I mean, be honest, Joey. It wasn't beyond. Your grandpa died. Have you not seen Wedding Crashers? It's a movie. I mean, some people live by that show.

[B]

She was very upset you were going.

[A]

Be honest. If. All right, so let's play this out. You're you. I'm the girl.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And you're coming to see me because my grandfather died.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Hey, sorry that your grandpa died.

[A]

Do you want to, like, right now?

[B]

Can end scene. That's not how it would go.

[A]

So, all right. If this girl. If you had driven there.

[B]

Not the point.

[A]

The point is you might.

[B]

Joey.

[A]

And my mom's like, no, you're making

[B]

up a dead relative. You want to go there.

[A]

Your mom is wrong. Your mom is wrong for not believing you. Correct. But if your panky was gonna get hankyed, would you have denied it?

[D]

No.

[A]

So your mom was right.

[D]

Wrong.

[A]

You might not have been going with the purpose of panky.

[D]

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[A]

Ing your hanky. But you definitely were welcoming a hanking.

[B]

Those are different things.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I was saying that I was going there to be comforting and she was.

[A]

You should have said to your mom, no, no.

[B]

What I said was, what the fuck

[A]

is that person your mom?

[B]

I probably didn't say fuck. Sally Field actually was mad at her that night because I was like, why are you assuming that I'm lying? And I'm trying that that's fair. It like, whatever, but hanky panky. I truly had no idea what she meant by that.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think there's something to call sex that would turn me off more than hanky. Than hanky panky.

[B]

How about you come over a little bit and we have a little bit of hanky panky?

[A]

I'd be like, bro, I'd be like, you need to grow up a little bit. How old are you?

[B]

Right?

[A]

I would be like, concerned. Like, let me Check your birth certificate.

[B]

Yeah, I was like 20 at the time, I think.

[C]

Oh, it's not Patreon. I wanted. I was. The first thing in my head was like, should we look up different like terms for.

[A]

I mean it's not Patreon, but I

[B]

already like like a Midnight rumble.

[C]

Yeah, something like that seat like back

[A]

door, I'm a glass.

[C]

And which one was.

[A]

While you look it up, I heard one calling it Bashing Guts. Oh, that's too, that's, that's it. That's too like visceral.

[B]

Yeah. What are we doing?

[C]

You know what?

[B]

I'm gonna do some. I'm gonna do something. Before we get into these, I do. We do have some sponsors. The first one being Squarespace. Okay. Squarespace is going to be the website where you build your website. If you have E Com business or you make content or anything like that, a website is very important. It is the one stop shop. It is the first impression where people are going to come and check out and see if you're legit or not. So if you have a bad looking website, maybe it'll be turned out off by that. And you know, that's not good. But Squarespace makes it very easy for you to build a professional looking website in a short amount of time because they have templates that you can choose from a bunch of different one pages of templates and you'd find the right fit for you that fits your content or your needs, whatever you need. And you just switch out the photos and the text and now you have a professional looking website. It's great. So you can get started with Squarespace. And by the way, we use Squarespace for all the websites that we've created. They're great. And I think it's like pretty much the only place you should go if you're building a website. And right now you can head to squarespace.com basement to save 10 off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. Okay. Squarespace.com basement to save 10%. 10% off of your purchase of your. Of a website or a domain using that code basement. Okay. So enjoy that. Create your websites and let us know how they look. Some people have sent me their website and they're pretty legit. We also have Hungry Root, Hungry Root. It's basically like a personalized grocery and meal delivery company that combines grocery shopping with like meal planning. Okay. So they have a, you know, a bunch of different foods to choose from and, or meals to choose from and they just take like 15 to 20 minutes to make something like that. And they're all. And it's like high quality things is what I wanted to say. But they screen for over 200 additives, like high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, preservatives. All their meat and seafood is high quality with no hormones or antibiotics. So their quality standard. Standard is very high. And basically you go onto their site and this is the one you're going to want to use. You want that high quality stuff. They'll also suggest, like grocery shopping, like, here's some proteins or some vegetables that you should add on top of your order, things like that. But it's really awesome. It's a really cool experience. And it's not just meals, but it's also like, you know, you know you're getting high quality things. And ultimately when you're going to be doing this kind of thing online, that's what you're, that's what you want. And you know, Hungry Root is going to do that consistently. So you're going to love Hungry Root. It's great. I do Hungry Root. It's amazing. For a limited time, get 40 off your first order plus a free item in every box for life. Okay. Go to hungryroot.com basement and use the code basement that is hungryroot.com basement code basement to get 40% off of your first box and a free item of your choice for Life. Enjoy that.

[A]

Patreon.com TheBaseManyard is the place where you can get more of us and a little bit crazier and saucier. That's right. You heard Ant before and he said, ah, it's not Patreon. So maybe. And that's because those Patreon episodes kind of get a little nuts, a little over the top. So what you could do is you can go over to patreon.com the basement yard, take a gander. What we got over there, there's several tiers. Take a look at what tier is gonna be right for you. That first tier, that's gonna give you these weekly episodes, one whole week in advance, seven whole days. So you'll get in on the conversation, the jokes, the humor, the giggles, the hehes, and even the HAHAs. Seven days before everybody else gets it. And then that second tier, not only do you get what's accessible on the first tier, but then you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you get a new episode of the Basement Yard Monday and Friday. That's, that's, that's a lot.

[C]

That's four.

[A]

That's two episodes a week.

[C]

That's.

[A]

That's pretty cool. I think you might like that. So what you could do is you can go over to patreon.com the basement yard. Thank you to over 50, 000 paid patrons for helping put us on the top of the charts. We are pretty close. And if not one or two or three in the top leaderboards for Patreon. Definitely not one, but definitely two or three interchangeably somewhere. You guys and your support has been overwhelming and we are so grateful and appreciative and we want to keep. Keep giving you what you like, which, from what you tell us, is more of us. So. Patreon.com the baseball yard. Go check it out. And if you want to do it, go use a web browser. Okay? Go use Google Chrome or Safari. If you use the smart app, they're going to cost you a little extra because you got to take extra money from you to pay our tech overlords that may or may not be lizards. I don't know. But if you use the web browser version and you go to patreon.com the basement yard and sign up, that way you might save yourself a couple extra bucks. So it could be worth it. Thank you, guys. We love you. And while I'm here, I might as well tell you we're going back where back? Huh? Back on the show. Live show groove. I messed that up. Who cares? I don't. I don't know what tickets are still available. Full transparency. But if we're coming to a show near you or you want to take a trip somewhere and there are tickets available at some of those shows. Go to the Basement Yard.com Take a look at what's there. We are really, really excited. We're putting together a show that's going to be unlike everything we had done, anything we had ever done before at the live show. So go check it out@the basementyard.com and you know what? I got a third one for you. SantagadoStudios.com is Santa got a studio store? What is it? We got new merch options up there. That's pretty fun. That's pretty cool. Go take a gander underneath the, the, the. The beautiful umbrella of merch that we got here at the studio. So. Santagadostudios.com the basementyard.com patreon.com the basement yard so much to go and peruse. Thank you. We love you. Back to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, what the website is this?

[C]

I don't know. I was Just trying to find a bunch. This is the one that list.

[B]

There's a door that looks like a good door.

[C]

Okay, so we have them broken up in the classics. One word, food related. And then just a random weird ones. That happens.

[B]

Just go to the random ones.

[C]

All right. Okay. We got.

[A]

Well, hold on. The food related ones are pretty. What are those?

[B]

Oh, yeah, what's that?

[A]

Can you zoom in? Can you zoom in on the page? Because baking the potato. Some of us are older than others.

[B]

Baking the potato. Buttering a biscuit. I've heard that.

[C]

I've heard that one.

[A]

Buttering a biscuit. I've heard. Putting the bread in the oven. But that's like a pregnancy.

[B]

Yeah, it's a bun in the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's still like insinuated.

[A]

Getting ones kettle mended.

[B]

Who is this? Jon Snow's getting railed.

[A]

It's like, oh, listen up. Oh, I hear you need your kettle men dead.

[B]

That's fucking David Beckham. Yeah. Horizontal refreshment. Don't like that at all.

[A]

Why wait? Refreshment.

[B]

Yeah. Bam, bam in the ham.

[A]

That's a good. That's a good one. Taking that with me. That's a really good one.

[B]

What do you say we slip into the bedroom and bam, bam in the ham.

[A]

Bam, bam in the ham.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Ham I'm pretty sure is in reference to a vagina. The vagina isn't fresh ham.

[C]

I give them the fresh ham. Isn't that a butt ham?

[A]

Is it?

[B]

I'm gonna give you a ham.

[C]

Like when someone's give them the fresh ham, it's like they pants them, right?

[A]

Oh, I've never heard of that.

[C]

Like, butt.

[A]

I never heard of that one. Who was a ham in a movie? What movie was that?

[B]

Sandlot, Toy Story. Oh, hey.

[A]

I mean, that's. That's the. Yes.

[B]

That is the great hambino. Planting the parsnip.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also taking that.

[C]

I like. I like that one a lot.

[A]

Yeah. Feel free to use that one. You don't like it? I mean, parsnips are not like. I don't want to. Parsnips are pretty big.

[B]

Are they?

[A]

Parsnips are a larger carrot. Whatever.

[B]

Sending out for sushi. Disgusting.

[A]

Tossing a hot dog down the hallway. That one I heard is like.

[B]

It's a diss.

[A]

It's a diss at someone.

[B]

You got such a cavernous vagina.

[A]

Yeah. So it's like tossing a hot dog down a hallway.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So that one seems mean.

[B]

Hasn't your corn ground.

[A]

Scuse Me. That's a butt one for sure. The butts.

[B]

Corn is butt.

[A]

Yeah. I've always heard corn is like a butt thing. No, like he's corning. Huh. Oh God, it sounds so gross. I'm not the only one that have heard that has heard that before.

[C]

A corning.

[B]

This one groping for trout in a peculiar river. What planet would that mean? Sex.

[A]

I don't know if any of the food related ones that I've heard so far. Like if. If any of them were used, it would be a conversation like we're not going to do what you want to do. We are going to talk about why you use that phraseology.

[C]

You ever see the videos of them trying to catch fish? Catfish in the river. They shove their hand in the hole.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's called noodling.

[B]

I like that. Speaking of noodle, bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house. I guess the vagina is the spaghetti house.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I love spaghetti and you love the house. So I'm not opposed to that one.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

Also, al dente noodles are the best way to cook them. I would say that an al dente wieners, if I were to be into wieners, would not be the way that you would want one.

[B]

How would you want one?

[A]

I imagine that wieners are considered best when they are fully erect.

[B]

Oh, raw.

[A]

So it would be an undercooked or just raw or just. Yeah, an uncooked wiener.

[B]

It's fair. Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch.

[A]

That one's kind of.

[B]

That is quite the visual.

[A]

Also, wait, squat thrust. Isn't that like the air squats? What's a squat thrust? It's like a. Oh, so like you go down. Oh, a hump. Okay, I gotcha.

[B]

And now for the what the version we have. Bedroom rodeo. I think that's.

[A]

I think that's a fair one. Yeah.

[B]

Basket making doesn't make any sense to me at all.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I mean, basket making.

[A]

Yeah. I can't imagine. Also what would. Why a. You're not making anything there?

[B]

No.

[A]

Outside of maybe a child doing the devil's dance. I can guarantee you that was set at like some like hardcore church down south.

[B]

My CCD teacher probably said that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Doing the devil's dance.

[A]

Hot yoga is a. You need to be careful with that one. Because.

[B]

Exercise class.

[A]

Yeah. Because if someone were to. If Becca were to ask me, you want to do some hot yoga? I'd say ill. No.

[B]

Yeah. But if she meant.

[A]

If she meant engage in sex, I would say yes.

[B]

If she. If she, you know. Yeah. If she said that, but she really meant groping for trout in a peculiar river, then you'd be like, yeah, it's just too long. Yeah.

[A]

It's also. Why parallel parking?

[B]

Parallel parking? I guess because you're both parallel.

[C]

Go forward and back.

[B]

I don't. You've made it more confusing.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I. I don't particularly enjoy parallel parking.

[B]

Rolling in the hay. I like that one.

[A]

I've heard that one before.

[B]

Hey, we're gonna go roll in the head. Although having sex in hay sounds miserable.

[A]

That sounds like a farmer thing. Like, that's a. That's a. Oh, we met in the hay house and we roll. We had a roll in the hay.

[B]

I mean, I would.

[D]

If this episode is brought to you by Starbucks.

[A]

That is fire.

[B]

Whoa, that's good. This might be the drink of the summer.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I like this one too. I'm rocking with it.

[D]

Okay, try it for yourself. Starbucks refreshers concentrates are coming home. Find them in the coffee aisle and make it yours.

[B]

I lived on a barn. I would definitely, like, get in the barn and go crazy sometimes, brother.

[A]

Hay is sharp.

[B]

It is sharp.

[A]

Sharp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's going to fucking. Ooh. That might end up in places you might not want it to be.

[B]

Wedding. The willy.

[A]

Okay, I don't like that one. Matrimonial polka.

[B]

Maybe if I hated sex, I would like that one.

[A]

Polka bumping ugly. I've heard.

[B]

We've heard.

[A]

Yeah, that one's a good one. Chesterfield rugby.

[B]

What the fuck is that? Chesterfield rugby.

[A]

I just. That sounds.

[B]

Who's calling it this?

[A]

Dancing? The goat's jig. What? That sounds like doing the devil's dance.

[C]

That's pretty much the same.

[A]

Because goats, aren't they like symbolism?

[C]

A black goat.

[B]

Yeah, for the devil.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, for like, for that stuff. Two person push ups. How to going heels to Jesus. That's fucking heels to Jesus.

[B]

Jesus is up. Get those heels up.

[A]

I heard. Have you ever heard of one that you haven't seen on here? I've heard of wearing ankles as earrings.

[B]

No, but that sounds like going to heels to Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Putting the wand in the chamber of secrets.

[C]

Love that one.

[B]

Honestly.

[A]

Oh, no. I mean, I hate that.

[B]

This one just says seeing a man about a dog. What the is that?

[A]

This has got to be like that. Like, they're just like, oh, what are you. What are you doing tonight? Just going to see a man about a dog.

[B]

I mean, I mean, imagine someone said that in the context of Like, I'm

[A]

sure that has been. Like, I could see that one honestly. More than Chesterfield rugby.

[B]

Like, we're out and you're like, leaving a place. I'm like, you're gonna go see a man about a dog.

[A]

Yeah, I could see that being one for like, you know, I could see that being one for sure.

[B]

And then lastly, here we have taking old One eye to the optometrist.

[A]

Old one eye in reference to the

[B]

wiener has one opening, most of them.

[C]

But I got jumping bones once.

[B]

Jumping bones. I've heard knocking boots. I've heard. Oh, hanky panky's up there.

[A]

Hanky panky sucks. Tapping ass, bro.

[C]

Clapping cheeks is so funny.

[A]

Clapping cheeks, that's one that I've love a lot. Amorous Congress. Why the Is that in Classics?

[B]

You literally could convince me that is a branch of government.

[A]

Yes. Jumping bones. I've heard knocking boots. I've heard funny business. But see, funny business was not just sex. It was just like everything.

[B]

Like, it was anything horsing around.

[A]

It was anything like, you know, you and your friend. What are you guys doing down there? No funny business.

[B]

Yeah. Did they mean something?

[A]

I mean, you know, now that you say that, maybe your parents thought we were hooking up.

[B]

No, Frank, they did not.

[A]

So then why would they say it?

[B]

Because it probably doesn't mean that I'm

[A]

using your logic against you.

[B]

I'm not.

[C]

There's no.

[D]

What?

[B]

I'm not. Wait. I actually just remembered something that I wanted to talk about.

[A]

Love.

[C]

Love. When Joe remembers something.

[B]

I feel like it's gonna take a while, though.

[A]

I feel like we can wait here.

[C]

What do you need? What do you need?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, I want to do it, but I think it's gonna be a funny conversation because it's such a frank thing. And I just remember we got.

[C]

We got time.

[B]

No, I know, I know, I know. I'm just debating whether ads and then to do.

[A]

Just do the ads early. You got it. That was a good idea from me.

[B]

And we've got Angry Orchard right here on the table. This is bold, delicious flavor. Okay? This is a hard cider. This is Angry Orchard hard cider. We always talk about this sexy tree on it. It's just a cool looking tree, but they are 5% alcohol. This is crisp apple flavor. And there is two apples in every Angry Orchard. Okay. And every cider. Two real apples in this thing. But it is delicious. It's refreshing, it's not too sweet, but it's got a bold taste to it. And it's really good. And it's available at bars and restaurants and retailers. If you've never heard of Angry Orchard, get your hands on some. You've never tried something like this before. Okay? It'll blow your mind, but it's very delicious. Like I said, two apples in every single Angry Orchard. Don't get angry. Get orchard. All right? Be a part of the orchard. Be orchard. Now I'm getting too far away from it. But like I said, they are available in bars, restaurants and retailers. And go get yourself some, all right? And they're number one hard cider in the country. And the, the. They're. They're just great. It's like biting into an apple. I love it. It's great. So enjoy that. Angry Orchard. Go get yourself some. Anywhere where you can get it. But they also, you can go to their website, angry orchard.com and use the cider locator so you can find where you can get it close to you. All right? Angryorthard.com Go get yourself some. Enjoy that. And lastly, here we have naturium. And naturium is a clinically effective skin care for everyone, everywhere, every day. All right? Skin care. We all should be doing this, especially us. We're getting a little older now, but I think that everyone should be getting into their skincare routine. And naturium is going to help you do that. They have biocompatible efficacy for everywhere. Their formulas are skin friendly with pH balanced ingredients that are gentle and effective enough for daily use head to toe. But it's affordable luxury that you can use every day. And it's part of your routine. You know, wake up. You know what I mean? Put it on your skin. Make sure your skin is taken care of. It's a, it's a. I feel like an underlooked part of people's routine. You know, you're waking up, you're brushing your teeth, you're already there. Let's get this going. Let's make sure we're taking care of our skin here. And they're going to help you do that. But they also have a consistency club. You can sign up and earn points, redeem rewards, and you also give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. So go to naturium.combasement for 10 off your first purchase today. That is naturium.com/basement, spelled N A T U R I U M.com Basement. Get that 10 off of your first purchase today, folks. Okay. All right. I'm sweating, but I wanted to bring this up because I'M like, I saw this tick tock. And I'm like, this is the most frank thing in the world. But I. I. Hold on. I saved the tick tock. So I have to just find. I have to pull that up because the original one is. Is also hilarious. But it was a girl talking about when she was in junior high. These are some things that she did it. Are you fanning your wiener?

[A]

No, under my shirt.

[B]

Oh. So this girl posted a TikTok and it says things I did in junior high to get attention. And then the first one, she said that she put her Fitbit on her ankle so that people would think she had an ankle monitor. And I'm like, yo, that's hilarious. So I was laughing at the video already. Then I went to the comments. Some of these are so good. Okay. Some of these are so good.

[A]

I don't. I've never had a Fitbit. I cannot imagine I would have done.

[B]

No, but like, these things in general, like, I know, like, so I like

[C]

how he started by. Frankie would love this.

[A]

You know, like. Yeah, because I know what he's. I know what he's referencing. Like, I was in middle school. Like, one of those kids is like, my uncle worked for Nintendo. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he gases it up to a point where it was like, great.

[B]

No, but some of these are so funny. So I screenshot some of them and it says, this one says I wore colored contacts and would tell people my. My eye color would change with my mood.

[A]

Damn, that's. Oh, my God. You remember mood rings?

[B]

Do I?

[A]

They were big. When I would wear it, like. Wait, you had one? No.

[B]

Well, I would. If I would put someone's on, I'd be like, oh, it's red.

[A]

Because you're in love.

[B]

Yeah. Or something.

[A]

Or horny.

[B]

I don't know what red would mean.

[A]

I remember, like, my, like, middle school girlfriend had one, and I would, like, look at that shit.

[C]

I have a. I'm sorry. I have a question. Yeah. The colored contacts. When I was in high school, I was. I walked up to this guy walked up to me, was talking me. I'm like, like, yo, dude, your eyes are so blue. Like, random compliment. The first time talking to this guy. Turns out he had fake contacts the entire time. When do you tell somebody?

[A]

Immediately, I think it's. How do you not tell me? I think it's an immediate thing. I think if you wear contacts that change the color of your eyes as an adult, that's a little crazy.

[C]

It was in high school. But, like, how do you not tell me, like, right there when I'm coming.

[B]

If I had no plan to talk to you ever again in my life, I would let you think it turns out, oh, okay.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

Like, I'm not gonna. I would tell someone that I'm gonna have to see again, but I'm not gonna tell, like, a random person.

[C]

Be like, he was dating one of my pretty good friends. I talked him a bunch.

[A]

I will tell you that I fully, in middle school, said this out loud and planned on getting the, like, the. The contacts that, like, made your eyes all white except for the black dot.

[B]

Like Rey Mysterio.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

Why I used to want those, too,

[A]

because he'd come out and, you know, just, like. You know, looked sick. And I'd be like, yo, that would be cool to have.

[B]

Or the other ones, like Limp Bizkit where it turned it all black.

[A]

Oh, the guitarist or bassist for Limp Bizkit.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Speaking of Limp, this one says I would limp around for no reason. Maybe someone would ask if I'm okay.

[A]

I'm sure I did. I don't think I would.

[B]

I definitely. If I had an excuse to limp, I would take it.

[A]

If there was an Ace bandage in my house, I was wearing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, I gotta hurt. Catching a touchdown for the championship.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, one of the. Like, oh, well, my elbow hurts because I had to walk off Grand Slam to win the World Series. Oh. And we won money.

[B]

Did that ever work?

[A]

I'm sure it did.

[B]

You get attention.

[A]

Yeah, got it.

[C]

Got it.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

There's no end goal.

[C]

Oh. I thought the goal was, like, I kiss someone's.

[B]

No. Because that would be way too far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just wanted attention.

[A]

Yeah. Whoever would think that far, why you're doing it?

[B]

I wasn't always like, oh, my God, I'm so hurt. I'm trying to get some ass right now. I just wanted some pity.

[A]

But the pity would be, you're so cute. I could take care of you and kiss you and.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Touch your butt.

[B]

I mean, I. I thought of it more as, like, not that I'm hurt, but, like, I'm fine.

[A]

Well, that, you know, that's the thing is, like, you would prove, like, I'm tough.

[B]

I've been through I'm tough.

[A]

Like, I. I've brought this up before, but I remember years ago, I found, like. Remember how you could save logs of, like, conversations on aim? I found one where I was talking to a girl and I was Just like. Like, you know, like, telling you I like you is the scariest thing. And I'm not scared of anything. I've been bungee jumping and stared a rabid raccoon in the face.

[C]

You wrote that?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, dude. That's just what we remember.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

This one says, I never did anything outward, but alone. I'd act like my crush could see me through hidden cameras in my house. I also act like Backstreet Boys called me up on stage for my favorite song to dance with them.

[C]

Them.

[A]

Oh, I would do the whole, like, laying down in the shower thing. I would. Like, I was doing, like, waking up, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or, like, you know, like, I was in, like, the burn music video.

[B]

Yeah, you're, like, kicking the water.

[A]

Like, I was kicking the water and, you know.

[B]

Have you ever pretended like your crush could see you through hidden cameras in your house?

[A]

Oh, that's a good one. No, I don't think so.

[B]

It's a good one.

[A]

That is a good one.

[C]

I'll. I'll, like. If I throw something and it goes into the trash bin, I'll toss, like, a. To nothing.

[A]

Oh, what?

[B]

Really? Oh, like. Oh, you saw that?

[A]

Like, yeah, I. I mean, I. I was never a big, like, Kobe Bryant fan, but, like, I would hit Kobe, you know, on anything. Like, I'd just be like, oh, Kobe.

[C]

Oh, my God. You see the video of the little kid going, I'm not Kobe. I'm Steph Curry.

[B]

No.

[C]

God, it was adorable. Loved it.

[B]

People.

[A]

People probably do the. The Kobe thing and don't even realize where it came from.

[B]

Probably some people. This one says I wrote about myself on the bathroom wall, then cried about finding it.

[A]

That's amazing. That's a good one. It's like, sarah's a slut. It's like, who the fuck said that? I got accused of that.

[B]

Of what?

[A]

Of, like, something like that.

[B]

Of writing something about someone else or writing something about.

[A]

No, no. Writing something about me. I was in college, and in, like, the school newspaper, someone wrote, frankie Alvarez, you're so cute. Xoxo, your secret admirer. And my buddy Sly sent. Sent it to me, and he was like, yo, this is you. I'm like, I swear to God it's not. He's like, I'm not gonna believe it's not you.

[B]

So someone was flirting with you via the school paper?

[A]

Yeah, that's how old we are, dude.

[B]

Good Lord.

[A]

Put it in, like, the. Like, what was the place on the. Like, the newspaper back in the day where it would post like you'd like that's how you'd find jobs.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Like the movies that were coming out that week, the Movie Times that used

[B]

to be a thing on Craigslist, it would be missed connections and it was like I saw a girl on the. Yeah, whatever. Me and Greg, when we first started opl, we were trying to reach out to people and we would, we would go through misconnections and sometimes you read some crazy shit. Like someone being like we, you were in line at Starbucks and you farted. And like you said, excuse me, but

[A]

I like, I love the smell of your farts.

[B]

Like legitimately. That was one of them. Like who knows if they're actually like legit and real.

[A]

I mean but here's why I would think that they are because they're probably posting that anonymously and they get nothing from it being.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

Like they get no attention. You know what I mean? Like it's not like it's like Joe Santa gotta wrote.

[B]

Yeah, this is a good one. I went on vacation at Disney World and met a girl at the pool and told her my name was Dragon.

[A]

That's fire. Dude. That is so sick.

[B]

Told her my name was Dragon. I think I didn't really go on many vacations when I was younger, but that feels like an easy one. Like if I was on vacation I'd probably lie about everything.

[A]

I went on a vacation and I lied about my age, my job, all that.

[B]

Your job wasn't. Weren't you on a vacation when you, when you were lying about sleep talking?

[A]

Yeah. Yes, I was. Yes. So what if I like her? Yeah, it's exactly such a good story. Don't cover your face with your face. I was, it was around middle school time I went to see my family. I have family in sunny Jacksonville, Florida.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

And my cousin took me to a party and there was a girl there that was, you know, was cute. I thought she was cute. And I told her I was a 19 year old actor that drove an Escalade from New York City.

[B]

Frank, you drove an Escalade from New York to Jacksonville, Florida. That would cost thousands of dollars.

[A]

That's the funniest part. My idea of immense success at 15 was being a 19 year old actor driving an Escalade.

[B]

That's amazing. How old were you actually?

[A]

I must have been 15. 14.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Around that, around that time.

[B]

This is a good one too. I said I had to ask fm. Do you remember that? Like you remember form spring?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Where you can just ask Questions anonymously. Yeah, people would ask you questions. You just answer them. So I had to ask FM and posted a link to my Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram so people could ask me questions anonymously. I would ask myself questions about my crush and low key cyber bully myself and answer them defending myself with witty comebacks.

[A]

You know what, that's amazing. I feel like that's something that probably happens a lot still. Hundred.

[B]

First of all, I had a form spring and of course I was asking myself questions.

[A]

Oh really?

[B]

Yeah, about like my crush so that she would see it.

[A]

Oh really? Yeah. Oh, you got to leave like little like see. And then he. I'm glad you admit that because if you were to ask, that would have been me. But no, I would have been the one that wrote a letter and be like it's, it's facts. This is a tear because I was crying thinking about how beautifully.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[A]

I was diabolical in middle school in other ways.

[B]

I would definitely haven't cyber bullied myself and like had witty comebacks to a cyber bully.

[A]

I don't think I cyber bullied myself but like, like people do that with like burner accounts and like that. Yeah, I, I, I do not have the time or the care to have

[B]

a burner account, bro. The, the form spring days were, it's crazy.

[A]

There was another one that was on my college.

[B]

Oh also I would, I would be in other girls form springs asking mad questions.

[A]

Yik Yak, you remember? Oh yes. That was like a college campus one. They had it on my, at my campus. And it would just be like oh Ra. Frank is so hot. And I'd be like who the.

[B]

And you would do it?

[A]

No, no, no. But I'd try to like figure out. I'd be like haha, who are you?

[B]

Oh, under a burner. Yeah, right. We should meet up.

[A]

Let's meet up and talk about how hot he is. Who is this at the dining hall? That is, that is some pure diabolical.

[B]

I've done that though. Where I've gone into like other girls is like ask FMS or whatever and I'd be like, do you have a crush on someone in your class?

[A]

I mean I was notorious in middle school for being like, you know, not seeing the girl and not, not talking to her, getting the screen name, talking to her online. And then it's like let's play 21 questions. Yeah, you know, and it's like question one. What's your favorite color? Question two. What, what is your, what's your favorite song? Question three. How far have you gone? Gone?

[B]

How far have you gone? Was such a question, Such a ridiculous question.

[A]

How far have you go? Looking back, you know, or what do you think about me? You know, like that. How do you feel about

[B]

Greek and Colombian men?

[A]

If you were to say, like, you prefer Greek or Colombian or criminals, who would you say?

[B]

Criminals. Yeah. But, yeah, there was. There was so many good ones.

[A]

I remember in high school, it was like a. Like, to, like, try to get people to like you is like, that you partied. Like, I remember in high school just being like, yo, we'd get so up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

It was a big one.

[A]

It was a big one. Or even in, like, the early years of college where it would be like, yeah, you guys party. Not like us. We get so up, dude.

[B]

Yeah, we get.

[A]

We drink so many beers. Like, someone's gonna see that. Like, oh, yeah.

[B]

When you thought it was just, like, so cool to be drunk, and you're like, you have one drinking.

[A]

Like, yes. Like, honestly, I'm fucking, like, already, like, this is the most drunk I've ever been.

[B]

I'm already feeling it.

[A]

Like, that was not attractive in any capacity.

[B]

This feels like a frank one. It says, I used to wake up and tell myself, I'm not gonna talk today. Just for attention. Always failed.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm not talking. How's that? There were.

[A]

There were. I remember I did this a lot as I was younger, and honestly, sometimes I do it now. Like, I just. I go as long as I can in the morning without talking.

[B]

Yeah, you said that.

[A]

But also, in my middle school, they had a day where it was like, don't speak day. And it was like. It was. They. You sign up for it, and it was like a lap. You'd get a laminated card. And it was in support of marginalized communities, men and women of color, people in the LGBTQIA plus community like, to support them. You opt not to speak today. And my school was like, my. My, like, the school baccalaureate was, like, super progressive, and they, like, really honored it, so I would sign up for it every year. So I'd have one day where I didn't have to do any work. I was just. I'd be like,

[C]

oh.

[B]

So they would just be like, you don't have to talk.

[A]

Yeah. You didn't have to do work that day. You didn't have to do group projects. You basically had a free day, and you just didn't talk.

[B]

That's kind of cool.

[C]

The T. The Frankie comes in with the lanyard, and every Teacher goes, yes, thank God.

[A]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't getting in trouble for talking. I was just getting in trouble for existing. It was kind of a badass. Honestly, I got into a lot.

[B]

Yeah, I got a lot of trouble

[A]

getting a lot of trouble at school.

[B]

We had detention. I was there for sure. This person said I would trace drawings and pretend I drew them.

[A]

That's a pretty good one too. Good one.

[B]

I would do something like that. I don't think I ever. I can't remember anything that I did like that. But there was a lot of, like, trying to get attention via pity.

[A]

I, like, I.

[B]

If I had a black eye, I'd be thrilled. I'd be so thrilled because I'm like, oh my God, I look like a, you know, whatever. And also, I could lie.

[A]

Well, that's why when we were younger,

[B]

like, got into a fight with eight

[A]

guys, we would do like those like jackass type stunts. And I was like, I hope my, like, girlfriend's coming around to see us do this where I get kicked in the balls because I'd be so in pain and I. But I'm okay, you know? Like, there was like a. Yeah, there was like a machismo.

[B]

Look at me get hurt. Look at me get hurt.

[A]

But I'm. I'm good. Like, it's so dumb.

[B]

What do you think is cool?

[A]

It is so, so dumb.

[B]

Like, when you're young, you're such an idiot.

[A]

It's funny because if I had listened to what like the older people said was stupid. Like, it was stupid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, it was not like, it was like. No, actually, that was pretty sick.

[B]

Also, do you remember how much you thought that a brand new pair of sneakers would make you just infinitely faster?

[A]

Well, that was like, like Mike did a whole number on us as.

[B]

As kind of later, I feel like,

[A]

like I came out, I think like 2003.

[B]

Really?

[A]

2004, maybe. Look it up.

[B]

I remember, I remember there was this kid on my, my blog, this kid Omar, and he was like, I could definitely beat you in a race. And I had just gotten a new pair of shoes. And I remember saying to him, like, in these shoes, no shot.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Like, I remember vividly being like, not in these shoes.

[A]

I mean, they're gonna make me feel. I think, I think though, like, that has been proven. Like, certain shoes are made for running, so they're lighter, they're bouncier, like they are going to help you.

[D]

I'm.

[B]

We basketball sneakers. It's not like running sneakers.

[A]

Yeah, but like, there is a difference. 2002. Wow. So we were not 10 years old when I came fifth grade.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Actually, it was fourth grade going into.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

We were like. Like, I remember to play kick. Whenever we were playing kickball, I would specifically wear my boots, my Timberland boots. Because I convinced myself that kicking a kickball with Timberland boots made it go farther.

[B]

I mean, maybe they're heavy.

[C]

Like the logic's there.

[A]

I mean, I know, but as a 10 year old, it or a 12 year old, it shouldn't have been there.

[C]

Yeah, it's better than flip flops. Break a toe.

[B]

Did you ever do any of that stuff?

[C]

I was trying to think this entire time. I'm sure I did. Nothing really comes to mind.

[B]

Did you guys have like screen names that you were big on that or.

[A]

No, I think they were just after. Aim was like popular.

[B]

Aim only popular for that long.

[A]

Aim. I remember it dying down around 2009. So you were what, like 11 at that point? 12.

[B]

Did you have BBM?

[C]

I. I had a Sidekick slide, so probably.

[A]

Well, that.

[B]

That's not. But I'm talking about like blackberries. Like the phone.

[C]

No, no, that was like the biggest thing.

[B]

That was even older.

[A]

Yeah. Next house was 100% older.

[C]

I had like Samsung phones before the iPhones were cool, kind of.

[B]

Oh, my God, Samsung's.

[A]

I had. We had AIM and then we had. I had Next cells. I remember Sprint because Sprint bought out Nextel. So like they incorporated that into their phones.

[B]

I never had a phone that did that. I was furious with my parents.

[A]

The reason that the Next cell was cool is because you would press up on the volume button and it would play your ringtone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I made my own ringtones. And it was just the full song.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I would just sit there and play the song that I wanted.

[B]

Everyone would do that. They would just play the song. Yep. In my white tea.

[C]

Yup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then also the talk to. It was like a walkie talkie. You could just hit your friends, like. And then you'd say.

[A]

And I think it was.

[B]

And then your phone would just play someone's voice.

[C]

That's dangerous.

[A]

Yeah, that happened to me in school like once or twice. And they'd be like, yo, what's up, penis liquor? And I'd be like, I'm sorry, Mr. A. You know.

[B]

Yeah. Damn. That's such a stupid feature now that I'm thinking about it. Like, I could literally just hit you at any point.

[A]

Well, I think it would go. I Think at a certain point it would go off. Like a call is incoming. It was. It was called ptt. Push to talk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it would say ptt, Frank, because you had to have a separate number for ptt.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So, like, I. I would need, like, your PTT number in order to do that.

[B]

But you can't stop me from talking.

[A]

I think I. Fuck. I can't really remember now, but I think they put it in. So, like, it would be like, incoming, ptt. And you'd have to answer it.

[B]

Do you remember people used to, like, customize their shit? Like, my sister had a case that, like, lit up. Yeah, bro.

[A]

They had, like, see through red ones. Yes, I remember the one that they had that I had. It was the first one that had a camera on it. You'd hit a button and it fucking. This shit flew open and it could have knocked someone's teeth out. The i570. Look it up.

[B]

The Nextel i570.

[A]

No. My God. This guy. You gotta type Nextel. N, E, X, T, E, L. Hell, yeah. Now we're talking.

[B]

These things look insane. That's what it was.

[C]

It was that.

[B]

That's. It was like a giant phone.

[A]

Dude, these phones were so fucking cool.

[B]

Remember the razor?

[A]

Yeah. I saw there was a bunch. I remember there was the. The. The chocolate. You remember the chocolate?

[B]

Was that the brown one?

[A]

It came in red and white. I think there was a brown color. They had the. The chocolate.

[B]

The juke.

[A]

Remember the juke?

[B]

No.

[A]

The juke looked like an MP3 player and it slid open.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I had, like, a pretty cool phone. My first phone was like. All of my phones were first my sister's.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, they were always Shannon's. And then she would give them to me. Like, my phone number is her old phone number.

[A]

This was, though. This is what I later version.

[C]

This is what I had.

[A]

This was a later version. The first one, the Sidekick one, and the Sidekick two were, like, iconic.

[B]

Yeah, those were so cool.

[C]

There was one that looked like this. And you do. You click it like this. It goes.

[A]

Yeah, that was the Sidekick.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Then there was the Google phone. The phone and the screen would open like this.

[C]

Oh, I also had this one.

[A]

That's the. Is that the Google phone?

[C]

It's the Psychic Slide.

[B]

Oh, that shit is.

[A]

Dude, phones used to be fucking cool, dude. God. See, why do you bring up nostalgia now? Now phones are all just the same. They're just the same and they don't look cool anymore. It's just a screen in your pocket. Let me touch a button and this thing does a fucking gainer in order to open.

[B]

It's. Have you held a BlackBerry recently?

[A]

No, but I had the BlackBerry Storm, bro.

[B]

The BlackBerry. I, like, picked one up in a store once, like, recently. How we were able to type on that is beyond me.

[A]

Well, we had little baby fingers. That's why.

[B]

I mean, just adults had them.

[A]

I'm getting. I'll be honest, I'm getting to the age where I'm not able to type on my iPhone anymore.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Like, my. My fingers are too big for buttons and I'm pressing, like, the wrong button or two buttons at once.

[C]

Frankie, you're, like, 34.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

Oh, who cares?

[C]

But, like, what are you talking.

[B]

You're not old.

[A]

I'm. I'm getting there. And I'm 33.

[B]

Do you think that when you get older, your fingers blow up? Like, what are you talking about?

[A]

I mean, as keyboards stay the same size, our fingers and dexterity becomes bigger and worse, bro. Put, put. Is that true?

[C]

Frankie, at 33, types, like, if you had your hands in the snow for a while.

[A]

Yeah, like, I honestly do. Like, I'm not really good at it.

[C]

That's a different thing.

[A]

Sometimes I type like this. Like, I'll put my phone down. Like, if I'm texting.

[B]

No, you won't.

[A]

I swear to God.

[B]

Then you put your phone down and type. Go ahead, send you.

[A]

I'll be like this. So I'll pull you up, send you a full text. Okay. What do you want the text to say?

[C]

Hi, Joe, good morning. I'm Frank.

[B]

You do this.

[A]

Yeah, and see, my fingers are too big. I just put.

[C]

But it's because you're typing like a

[A]

I. I do that sometimes, but it's just because, like, this is like, I'm just like, my finger. If I'm going for F and G, like.

[B]

Yeah. What are you typing? What are you typing over there, buddy?

[C]

What the fuck was that about?

[A]

Cuz they're right next to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We don't know what he was typing. What the fuck?

[A]

A missing letter on his hat. Stop that.

[B]

Hey, it's hot.

[A]

It's getting hot in here, huh?

[B]

Hotter now. I bet it's gonna be hot in hell.

[A]

You ever see that episode of Sunny where they're doing the.

[B]

The.

[A]

The Time's up episode where they're in the hotel and then they do like, time's up. There's like, oh, it's getting it's getting hot in here now.

[C]

I know Frankie's taking a while texting me back. It's. Cause he can't even. Can't even pick up his phone.

[B]

I've got nowhere to put my phone down to type to.

[A]

You look at what other. Like, I had the Nokia. Brick was my first.

[B]

Yeah, that was mine first, too. Do you remember my. My. The. My keyboard, like, ripped off, so if I had to text people, I had to. Or if I had to type a phone, like, a phone number, I had to use a stick from the ground to poke my number.

[A]

These are cool phones. You know what made it cool is that it looked like a phone. Does that make any sense?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Huh. All right.

[B]

I. One time for Christmas, I was like, oh, I asked for a phone for Christmas. And I was, like, looking for my presents. And I went looking, and I found two of those phones, and then I was like, let's go. They're for Keith and Shannon. I didn't get a phone.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I was tight. I was tight.

[A]

Only reason I got a phone was for seventh grade because I was gonna be taking the train to and from school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So my parents were like, if you're gonna take the train, you need a phone just in case, and. Smart.

[B]

I don't know that I had a phone.

[A]

I think you got one in eighth grade, if I can remember. Maybe.

[C]

Yeah, I think I got one. Just when. Like, when a majority of people had one is fine. That's when I got one.

[A]

But you grew up, like, your first phone was probably a smartphone.

[B]

Does Miles have a phone?

[A]

Yeah. Yes, he does.

[B]

Like an iPhone?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Unlimited.

[A]

His dad pays for that one.

[B]

No, no, that's not what he. I meant like, unlimited access.

[A]

No. So he only is allowed to use it for texting and calls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when he's home, he doesn't use it. Yeah, his dad pictures that one.

[B]

That's so funny. But, yeah, I guess I don't know

[A]

what other phones were called.

[B]

Did you ever have anything that had parental lock on it? My parents never did that.

[A]

I. Not only did I not have that, I had where, like, anything I did on my phone, I was worried they were gonna see it. Like, you remember the anxiety of accidentally opening the Internet? And it was like, the rumor was, like, every time you open the Internet, it's 30 bucks.

[B]

No.

[A]

You don't remember that?

[B]

No, but I have let it rip on the. On the. On the Internet and cell phone before and got in mad trouble.

[A]

I got in trouble because, remember, this is before WI Fi was Like, super available.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, you were using the Internet on your phone, brother. It was extremely quick. And I. I got in trouble once because there was a website called 3G for free and it was ringtones. So, like, I would download like 12 ringtones. But the amount of time and data that it took, I got. Got barked at, dude, more than once.

[B]

When I was in high school, the bill, I. I put it up to like, 300 bucks.

[A]

Yeah. My dad.

[B]

Parents were so mad at me.

[A]

More than once, my dad shut off me and my sisters because one month we both had a $300 bill. And in 2005, paying $800.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

I mean, now paying $800 for cellular service is crazy, but.

[B]

But, like, then it was even crazier.

[A]

That was when you had to. And I know we've spoken about this before and, like, we sound like boomers, but, like, it mattered who your mobile carrier was. You had to, like. So if you had Sprint. I had Sprint. I waited until after 6pm to call you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was the reason to have Sprint because it was free calls after six other carriers, it was nine. So, like, if you had. Singular, it was like 9:00pm you had to wait to call someone.

[B]

You. And I thought about the other day that I'm like, yo, this is kind of wild. When. Before caller id. That was in our life, bro.

[A]

I remember the first time. I remember the. I remember my family getting the caller id. It was a separate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Machine.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That you had to hook up, like, in between the. The phone, cable and your phone. And it went in the middle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, I would be like, who's calling? And it'd say like, Santa Gato.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'd be like, oh, fuck, Joey. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

[B]

But dude, that's so crazy. I was thinking about that. I'm like, yo, in my lifetime, there were so many things that, like, happened. And you're like, gay people couldn't get married. There was no caller id, brother. Those issues is bigger than the other.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And also the. The. The universal rights for gay people to get married was like, 12 years ago.

[B]

Yeah, that's like, not long.

[A]

That's not long.

[B]

Dude, that's so funny.

[A]

That's like a blink of an eye. That was yesterday, basically.

[B]

Yeah. What a crazy time.

[A]

Well, caller id, text messaging, the gays can get married.

[B]

What a world we're living in here.

[A]

Weed is legal. Yeah, that's another one. Honestly, that's. That's pretty. Like, I remember thinking, like, that'll never happen.

[B]

I don't know if I ever really thought about it.

[C]

But once it hit medicinal it was all the time.

[A]

Yeah, you were like 10. The fuck do you know? Sorry. I'm hot.

[C]

I think I was right.

[B]

Let's get out of here before we start sweating. I'll leave you more. Thank you guys so much for watching. Don't forget to subscribe. You can. What am I saying right now you can.

[A]

Don't forget to subscribe. Yeah, do that like it. Subscribe. Mash that like button.

[B]

Smash it, kick it.

[A]

Mash the bell. Take that little bell and fucking ring

[C]

it

[A]

for you guys.

[B]

You go follow the show at the basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram. Frank.

[A]

You know it.

[C]

Aunt. Aunt Prisca.

[A]

All right. Damn buddy.

[B]

You guys go follow me at Joe Santa Gal.

[A]

Go follow you on TikTok.

[B]

This guy said that already but time. I'll see you guys next time.

[A]

Bye. Name. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[D]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50gb. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.