Transcript

Frank Alvarez (0:00)

So good, so good, so good.

Ant Prisco (0:03)

Give big, save big with rac. Friday deals at Nordstrom Rack. For a limited time, take an extra 40% off red tag clearance for everyone on your list. All sales final and restrictions apply. So bring your gift list and your wish list to your nearest Nordstrom rack today. Welcome back to the band. Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank?

Frank Alvarez (0:29)

I'm good. How's it going, lead singer of Weezer? I fucking got him so good, by the way. That's not very.

Ant Prisco (0:40)

That's not very Christmas season.

Frank Alvarez (0:41)

Like, hey, how's it going? Give me some more. Give me some Hasan piker. That's a good one. You look like him right now.

Ant Prisco (0:48)

Yeah.

Frank Alvarez (0:49)

You know I can see you searching for more. You can see the gears turning here, right?

Ant Prisco (0:54)

I fucked up my eye. I put lotion in it three days in a row.

Frank Alvarez (0:57)

What?

Ant Prisco (0:58)

Steaks.

Frank Alvarez (0:58)

How do.

Ant Prisco (1:00)

Yeah.

Frank Alvarez (1:00)

How did you put lotion in your eye?

Ant Prisco (1:03)

I have this lotion that I put underneath my eyes and it was getting into the corner of my. My eye and then it kept burning it. And I thought it was my contacts, but then I realized I'm getting lotion in my eyes. So my eyes been red for like three days.

Frank Alvarez (1:15)

What, like you were like squirting lotion?

Ant Prisco (1:18)

No, no, no. It's like a cream that goes underneath right here. It's just for this part of your eye.

Frank Alvarez (1:22)

Oh, it's like.

Ant Prisco (1:23)

And then it was like seeping into the corner and it, like, fucked up. You see how my eyes like a little red? Like, it was.

Summary

The Basement Yard – Episode Summary

Episode: Do You Kiss More Lips Or Cheeks In Your Life?
Date: December 22, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Guest/Producer: Ant Prisco (Featured throughout)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of The Basement Yard is a quintessential showcase of the podcast’s blend of humor, nostalgia, and relatable banter among lifelong friends. The main conversation spirals from playful debates about hygiene mishaps, thoughtful gift-giving, and infamous urban legends, to a surprisingly philosophical and funny analysis of whether people kiss more lips or cheeks in their lifetime. Along the way, the trio delves into pop culture, personal stories about growing up, and a spirited ranking of the "greatest songs of all time."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gift-Giving & Producer Ant’s Anniversary (03:05–10:05)

Ant presents gifts for his year as producer, surprising Frank and Joe (represented here by Ant Prisco).
- Frank receives a Smokey Eats cocktail smoker kit – highly tailored based on Frank’s love for smoky whiskeys.
- Ant Prisco gets a piece of martini-themed wall art – which ties in with his apartment’s decor.
- “He pays attention.” – Ant Prisco [06:38], recognizing the thoughtfulness.
Discussion of gift utility vs. personalization: The hosts appreciate gifts that balance thoughtfulness and usefulness.
Quick aside: Ant winning a Christmas tree decorating contest, earning himself a silly trophy.

2. Frank Sinatra, Urban Legends, and "Measuring Up" (11:20–20:08)

Hilarious deep dive about the urban legend of Frank Sinatra’s penis, as claimed by singer Paul Anka ("if he was 120 pounds, 19 was dick") [12:39].
The conversation rapidly evolves into a debate over the weight of the average penis, leading to research:
- “If people are measuring your cock in weight, you’ve won.” – Frank Alvarez [12:59].
- Quick-vetted fact: Average flaccid penis weighs 2.5–3.5 ounces [16:12].
The discussion morphs to group legend-building about friends with "urban legend" penis sizes.
Light digression into how men and women have historically used body part sizes (hands, feet, elbows) as misguided proxies for something else – cue childhood insecurities and embarrassing school stories.

3. Cultural Roots, Religion, and Neighborhoods (20:08–27:10)

Frank and Ant riff on growing up in a Greek neighborhood, observing Greek Orthodox church rituals, and contrasts in Italian and Greek celebrations.
Discussion of elaborate church interiors: "Greek Orthodox church...There’s gold everywhere.” – Frank Alvarez [22:48].
Admires the craftsmanship of European cathedrals and muses on the awe of being in such spaces (e.g., Notre Dame, St Patrick’s Cathedral).
Amusement at the “pipes” (Popes) possibly buried below such churches, and jokes about what Popes do in their free time – including lighthearted speculation about Popes eating hot dogs or drinking beer in public [28:23].

4. Affection Rituals: Kissing, Hugs, and Cultural Differences (51:26–61:50)

The main topic: Do people kiss more lips or cheeks in their lifetime?
- Cheek kisses vs. lip kisses among friends, family, and romantic partners.
- “In a lifetime, though, if you get to live 75, 80 years, it’s a lot of lip.” – Ant Prisco [53:44].
- Frank argues that in some cultures (especially Italian/Greek), cheek kisses might greatly outnumber lip kisses.
- “They love the mah mah; that’s two...and they do it everywhere.” – Ant Prisco [55:16]
Debating the tally and sentiment of non-lip kisses, e.g., forehead, top of head, and the “cheek-to-cheek” ritual.
The practice of hugging vs. kissing in greetings and goodbyes—cultural and family variations.
Ant laments the “circuit” of greetings at big family events: “I wish I could just dap up my aunt.” [61:54]

5. Music Tangent: Songs with Staying Power (68:18–91:35)

The trio lists and debates the greatest songs of all time, started by Ant suggesting Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.”
- Diverse suggestions: “Bohemian Rhapsody” (Queen), “Sympathy for the Devil” (Rolling Stones), “Drops of Jupiter” (Train), “Champagne Supernova” (Oasis), “Hotel California” (Eagles), “Stairway to Heaven” (Led Zeppelin), “Imagine” (John Lennon), “Hey Jude” (The Beatles), and many others.
- “That version from Shrek of ‘Hallelujah’ is such a banger.” – Frank Alvarez [69:29].
- Side discussion on why certain songs endure across generations – what gives “staying power.”
- Fun fact: The best-selling single ever is Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” [81:22]; top albums include Eagles’ Greatest Hits and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”
Songs that remind the hosts of their parents/siblings:
- “Landslide” is candidly important to both Frank and Ant’s mothers, “Party Like a Rockstar” triggers memories of Frank’s dad.
- Anthony’s dad is (to the other hosts’ amusement) associated with Pitbull.
Banter about which songs feel “incestuous” to sing with siblings (e.g., “Incest song” – probably “Sex on Fire” or similar), “Check Yes Juliet” for Shannon and Thomas.

6. Memorable Quotes & Lighthearted Moments

“If people are measuring your cock in weight, you’ve won.” – Frank Alvarez [12:59]
“Cheek to cheek. You gotta count that.” – Guest/Producer Ant [61:03]
“I wish I could just dap up my aunt...make it quick.” – Ant Prisco [61:54]
“He pays attention.” – Ant Prisco on Ant’s thoughtful gift [06:38]
“That’s a good debate. I like it a lot.” – Ant Prisco approving the lip vs. cheek tally [55:31]

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

On Urban Legends & Anatomy
- “If people are measuring your cock in weight, you’ve won.” – Frank Alvarez [12:59]
On Gift Giving
- “He pays attention.” – Ant Prisco [06:38]
On Greeting Rituals
- “They love the mah mah; that’s two...and they do it everywhere.” – Ant Prisco [55:16]
- “I wish I could just dap up my aunt...make it quick.” – Ant Prisco [61:54]
On Kissing Philosophy
- “In a lifetime, though, if you get to live 75, 80 years, it’s a lot of lip.” – Ant Prisco [53:44]
- “That’s a good debate. I like it a lot.” – Ant Prisco [55:31]
On Songs With Staying Power
- “That version from Shrek of ‘Hallelujah’ is such a banger.” – Frank Alvarez [69:29]
- “Bing Crosby’s ‘White Christmas’–number one best selling single ever.” – Guest/Producer Ant [81:22]

Important Timestamps

Gift exchange and reactions: [03:05–10:05]
Frank Sinatra urban legend/penis discussion: [11:20–18:03]
Cheek vs. Lips main debate: [51:26–61:50]
Family greetings/cultural affection: [59:02–62:37]
Greatest songs discussion: [68:18–91:35]
Songs tied to parents/siblings: [84:25–89:03]

Tone, Language, and Structure

Language/Tone: Extremely informal, playful, and self-deprecating. The trio intermixes childhood nostalgia, scientific detours, and absurd hypotheticals. They exaggerate and poke fun at each other in endearing, brotherly ways.
Structure: Free-flowing, naturally shifting from one topic to the next; some sections (ad reads) omitted in this summary for content focus.

For Those Who Haven’t Listened

This episode showcases what makes The Basement Yard a fan favorite: heartfelt and hilarious reminiscence, clever pop-culture debates, and a uniquely honest look at everyday intimacy (from greetings to the philosophy of kissing). If you’re looking for an entry point into their world—or wondering about the true ratio of lip-to-cheek kisses in your own life—this might be the definitive episode to start.

Listen for:

Thoughtful and funny friend dynamics
Offbeat but relatable deep-dives (gifts, myths, music, affection)
The now-canonical "are you a cheek or lip kisser?" debate