Lifting The World's Heaviest Mug!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard – "Lifting The World's Heaviest Mug!"

Release Date: May 26, 2025

Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez

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1. Trends in Fashion: The Fedora Fiasco

The episode kicks off with Joe and Frank reminiscing about past fashion trends, particularly the resurgence and subsequent decline of fedoras. They discuss how fedoras were once a global phenomenon but have since become a subject of ridicule in contemporary fashion.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [02:24]: "I start wearing something and then it gets popular."
• Joe Santagato [01:08]: "Neo being bald fedoras."

The hosts humorously debate the appropriateness of wearing fedoras today, with Frank claiming credit for popularizing several trends, including fedoras and snapbacks.

2. Hilarious Dog Mishap: A Morning Like No Other

Joe shares an entertaining and somewhat graphic story about his dog's chaotic morning. The narrative details how Joe’s dog interacted with another dog, leading to an unexpected and messy situation involving both urination and defecation.

Notable Quotes:

• Joe Santagato [08:02]: "My dog lifts his leg and is peeing. And then the white dog gets in the stream, gets pissed on."
• Frank Alvarez [08:44]: "Dog walks over, farts, and then water fountain of shit."

The anecdote highlights the unpredictability of pets and sets a lighthearted tone for the episode.

3. Horoscopes and Dating: Navigating the Stars

The conversation shifts to the topic of horoscopes and their role in dating. Frank provides candid advice on when and how to introduce zodiac signs into romantic interactions, suggesting that it might be too intense for initial dates.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [12:28]: "If you are into horoscopes, you don't bring it up until the third date."
• Joe Santagato [13:19]: "What if someone sees, like, oh, my God, Joe didn't pick up his dog?"

They delve into personal experiences and societal perceptions of astrology, balancing humor with practical dating tips.

4. The World's Heaviest Mug Challenge

Living up to the episode's title, Joe and Frank embark on a fun and challenging segment where they attempt to lift and drink from the world's heaviest mug. The segment is filled with playful banter, physical comedy, and camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [23:03]: "It's the world's heaviest mug, I think, right? Is that what it is?"
• Joe Santagato [26:19]: "You're giving up?"

Despite the hefty weight of approximately 22 pounds, the hosts encourage each other with humor and determination, showcasing their friendly competition and resilience.

5. Nostalgia for Old Video Games: A Trip Down Memory Lane

Post the challenge, Joe and Frank indulge in a nostalgic discussion about classic video games. They reminisce about titles like Grand Theft Auto, Def Jam: Fight for NY, and various PlayStation 1 games, sharing funny anecdotes and personal favorites.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [49:30]: "I was Phil Hartman."
• Joe Santagato [50:07]: "I have never played it and you never will. Doom."

The segment serves as a nostalgic trip, celebrating their shared love for gaming while poking fun at outdated game mechanics and trends.

6. Discussion on Pornography: Freedom vs. Obscenity

A more serious topic arises as the hosts discuss potential legislative moves to ban pornography. They explore the nuances between artistic expression and obscene material, debating where to draw the line and the implications of such a ban on freedom of expression.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [37:00]: "There's a duty to protect what media can and can't be out there."
• Joe Santagato [41:28]: "I think it's more about freedom to do what you want."

The discourse highlights societal tensions surrounding adult content, balancing personal freedoms with societal standards of decency.

7. KFC's New Ice Cream Flavors: A Quirky Update

Towards the end of the episode, Joe and Frank discuss KFC's latest venture into ice cream, pondering over the unconventional flavors the fast-food giant is introducing. They speculate humorously about possible savory ice cream options like gravy or mashed potato-flavored desserts.

Notable Quotes:

• Frank Alvarez [58:31]: "But it's not fried chicken flavor."
• Joe Santagato [60:19]: "Chocolate sprinkles are, like, way worse than rainbow sprinkles."

This lighthearted discussion underscores the hosts' penchant for blending humor with everyday topics, keeping the conversation engaging and relatable.

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Conclusion

"Lifting The World's Heaviest Mug!" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions. From fashion trends and pet stories to video game nostalgia and debates on censorship, Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez deliver an entertaining and multifaceted episode. Their camaraderie and candid conversations ensure that both regular listeners and newcomers find something to enjoy.

For more engaging episodes, visit thebasementyard.com and join their live shows to experience the fun firsthand!

Transcript

[Joe Santagato]

Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement yard Sexy love girl, the things you do O.

[Frank Alvarez]

Baby, baby, that was so good.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't even continue. That song's been in my head for, like, a year.

[Frank Alvarez]

You just sang it before we started recording, and I figured I might as well start with that.

[Joe Santagato]

I literally, like, for a year this has been in my head.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know who I like, come completely forgot about until I was recently listening to my 2007 hits.

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Remember the dream? The American dream.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

Love your girlfriend, love your girl.

[Joe Santagato]

Radio killer.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, you remember.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's a bootleg ass Neo, though. Neo's stuck around because Fedoros, they keep.

[Joe Santagato]

Them in, I think the dream war. Remember when. When it was like a huge deal that, like, yo, Neo took the fedora off.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's bald. I don't remember that.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, don't know that I remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is. See, this is something that I'm glad you brought up.

[Joe Santagato]

Neo being bald fedoras. Oh, I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

You are.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're gonna. Fedoras were like a thing at one point, and then. No, no, no. Not just me. They were across the globe. A thing. Like, people were wearing fedoras, like, with.

[Joe Santagato]

Old Cuban men in Miami.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Jason Mraz was doing it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And yeah, them, like Ashley T, you know, Ashley Tisdale.

[Joe Santagato]

And then like, also, like, Lumineer.

[Frank Alvarez]

People who dress like Lumineers. Yes, exactly. Like the band. Fun.

[Joe Santagato]

And then you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just saying, like, people look back on it, and now fedoras have come to a place where they are a joke, where it's like m' lady, you know, like, you know, you know, like a Redditor.

[Joe Santagato]

I think if I'm looking at a fedora, I don't think they're that bad. I think it's like when it's. When it's the accessory to the rest of the outfit, it's like, what do we do?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I think. Well, that's what a fucking hat literally is.

[Joe Santagato]

No, but that's what I'm saying. But, like, as a. As a single thing I'm looking at, I'm like, oh, okay, this is like a hat.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we have come to a place now where, like, fedora's found their lane and it's an older Hispanic men. Like, I think we can all agree that people in their late teens.

[Joe Santagato]

Like me wearing fedors is a mistake.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was a mistake. But it also worked well for me. Like, I was past my fitted phase. I was in a weird it was right before the snapback phase.

[Joe Santagato]

You were trying to find your footing.

[Frank Alvarez]

I had to reestablish, you know, Joey, we've talked about this openly and honestly. I've been a trendsetter. I am at the forefront of most fashion trends by design. Not even by design by coincidence is what I'm trying to say. I start wearing something and then it gets popular.

[Joe Santagato]

Fedoras.

[Frank Alvarez]

Fedoras. Hawaiian shirts, Snapbacks. It was me.

[Joe Santagato]

You are credited with the snapback. Are you insane?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think I am. Why are you looking at me like that? I think I deserve a lot of credit for the comeuppance of snapbacks.

[Joe Santagato]

Comeuppance 2011. You can translate.

[Frank Alvarez]

2011, 2012.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you make that up? Because I like it come up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I didn't come up with comeuppance. Comeuppance had its comeuppance prior to me.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it a word?

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm just continuing the comeuppance.

[Joe Santagato]

I feel like I'm not getting an answer now.

[Frank Alvarez]

Laborious. I fully take credit for that. And I think you can attest that laborious was only made. It was brought back into the stratosphere of popularity to annoy me.

[Joe Santagato]

And it worked. I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Why does it annoy you? Why did it annoy you? I should say, because I think at this point you've not annoyed by. Hold on.

[Joe Santagato]

Before we go any further. By the way, guys, tickets are on sale right now. Go to the basementyard.com. go get yourself some tickets. Come to one of our shows. We are very excited to get out there on the road. It's gonna be a fun year. Okay. We have a lot of cool stuff planned. But, yeah, go get your tickets at the basement yard.com if you already bought tickets. Also, go to the basementyard.com submit and submit to those prompts because, you know, that's like a little section of our show where we like to do some interaction with you guys. And usually there's a lot of psychos out there, which is great.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's good for us. We, you know, we had so much fun last year and in Europe, and now we're excited because we're back in the States. We're back, boom, back in the. Not New York, but what are you doing wherever the city is? Back in the groove. We're back. There's so many songs we could sing. Boys are back in town.

[Joe Santagato]

Right? Back in black.

[Frank Alvarez]

Back in. Well, yeah, no, I don't think that works. I just think of Back Motown, Philly, back again. We can walk out to that in Philly.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is that Boys to Men?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay.

[Ant]

Back Streets Back.

[Joe Santagato]

Back Streets Back. But we're not base.

[Frank Alvarez]

We're basement base.

[Joe Santagato]

The Basement Base Streets Back doesn't hit as well.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I make one suggestion? And I'm not gonna say when it might be, but if you guys come to the show, maybe. Maybe if this works, you'll see it.

[Joe Santagato]

This should be good.

[Frank Alvarez]

What if the Walk on and Walk off song is a song, A popular song, but I sing it.

[Joe Santagato]

Or do Ants Little Outros on the Santa Giant.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, yeah. All right, so, like, give me. Do you still do that? Yeah, he still does give me a really, like a walk off song that. Or Walk on song that we've used that you like.

[Joe Santagato]

What did we just walk on to?

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, TV off, which I. I don't think I'm the right person to do. Frank do that? No, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Do a Kendrick Lamar song.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think I'm gonna do that one.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

What do you do? Like Disco Inferno? I could do Disco. One, two, three. Let's go, little mama, show me what you're moving. Can you imagine? Get your back into wit hearing that?

[Joe Santagato]

Hearing that would be hilarious.

[Frank Alvarez]

How funny would it be if it's like a Met is just like, you know, doing his getting us.

[Joe Santagato]

Or we do it for a med song. We don't tell him.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my.

[Joe Santagato]

He's like, yo, whatever.

[Frank Alvarez]

If like he's. Because he walks out to like, I.

[Joe Santagato]

Don'T even know, you know, last year.

[Frank Alvarez]

Was like, he did like, not like us a couple times. Yeah, he did. He did a Drake song once or twice. But like, imagine if, like, he's like, ready to get hype and then it's just like, oh, ah.

[Joe Santagato]

A song like that, you should do this. We should get them every single show. Just do a different song we should do.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, what song? Like, what would be a good song?

[Joe Santagato]

Whack Ass. Like, it could be like, not hype song.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like the Chicken Dance.

[Joe Santagato]

That's a good one.

[Frank Alvarez]

Or like an actual song that Sarah McLaughlin.

[Joe Santagato]

The lights are going crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

But he'd come off and he'd get pissed off.

[Joe Santagato]

He'd be like, 100%. It's tough up. Your set starts in 10 minutes.

[Frank Alvarez]

I needed. I needed like an actual song that he would walk off, walk onto.

[Joe Santagato]

And then you would redo it. Yeah, it'd be a toughy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it'd be really funny, though. It'd be funny.

[Joe Santagato]

Not as funny as me getting A front row seat to the greatest interaction I've ever seen in my life. I was so proud of my dog this morning. Oh, Frank, one of the greatest.

[Frank Alvarez]

Charlie did good. Yeah, he did good.

[Joe Santagato]

Boy, listen to the morning that my dog had. My dog goes outside. Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

Any of this involve bodily fluids, Frank? Of course. Oh, of course it does.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, here's what this dog does, right? I take my dog out for a walk this morning. There's a little white dog, like, around him, and they're sniffing and blah, blah, blah. They're sniffing the same tree.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hate little dogs.

[Joe Santagato]

My dog lifts his leg and is peeing. And then the white dog gets in the stream, gets pissed on. My dog has pee that's, like, radioactive. It's yellow as. Yellow as hell. And, like, then it's a clear streak. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And she goes, it's okay, whatever. The owner. Then he walks over, gets in a pooping position, farts like a fat man, and then diarrhea comes out the color of a Timberland boot. It was an electric morning. It was insane. Dude just gets down, pisses on a.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dog, walks over, farts, and then water fountain of shit.

[Joe Santagato]

It was nuts.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was crazy. That's the whole morning dude had.

[Joe Santagato]

Dude had a blowout. You've been there, Your dad.

[Frank Alvarez]

With humans. Humans.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I'm saying. We've been around diarrhea.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Before we started recording, Joey goes.

[Joe Santagato]

Before you ask, by the way, put the bag on my hand and I walked over and I went to the air. I was like, yeah, so it looked.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like I didn't forget. Great question. What do you do if your dog, like, spray shit?

[Joe Santagato]

That's just a part of the earth now. Like, what am I gonna get, a fucking turkey baster? And God, fuck, I can't do that. I just walk away.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's disgusting.

[Joe Santagato]

I go over and I make it seem like I'm picking something up.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, I mean, at least. Yeah, at least show the effort. I mean, you know, the mens rea. There is the idea that, like, you're trying. Like, you didn't have the wrongful mind. I get it. I hear what you're.

[Joe Santagato]

I didn't want anyone who's looking at me from, like, a balcony or something being like, this guy didn't even make it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, now you're. You know, our show is popular. People know you. Anytime you go out, what if someone sees, like, oh, my God, Joe Cinnagar. He didn't Pick up his dog?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I gotta get over.

[Frank Alvarez]

He didn't pick up, bro, you'd be done for.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Then you'd be known as Joe Cigato, podcaster, male model, slash, not picker, upper of shitter.

[Joe Santagato]

I also complain about that a lot for other people. Like, I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can't. You can't be part of the problem.

[Joe Santagato]

No, I can't. But, I mean, if it's Diadol, I'm pretty sure I can't do anything about that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. He was specifically. I thought that was Will Smith mentioning people that don't pick up their dog.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, he probably wasn't not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, it's a very universal. It's a blanket statement. It could mean anything. So it could be about, you know, philanthropic work. It could be about, you know, just being kind human beings. Loving, passionate, compassionate, empathetic.

[Joe Santagato]

And then. Die, doodle.

[Frank Alvarez]

And then your dog. Absolutely. Just painting the sidewalk brown.

[Joe Santagato]

It was a. It was a grass patch. But he also painted that dog with radioactive yellow piss.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was crazy. How does it. How does that owner let that dog get there? Like, was he on or off the leash? Bro, if I saw a dog pissing, my dog's going there. I'm. I'm pulling the reins.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, they were both just, like, like, interacting, and, like, I take them off the leash, and, like, usually people around there do because it's, like, off the street. So it's like they would have to just take off in order to get to the street. So they let dogs interact and stuff.

[Frank Alvarez]

That dog takes off, it's gone. Your dog?

[Joe Santagato]

My dog. Yeah. No, he's not going anywhere, though. He's.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got too much anxiety. Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

[Joe Santagato]

My sensitive stomach. I can't run too much.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, I mean, it's.

[Joe Santagato]

It's sensitive. All right, so that this month.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here's the thing. Anytime you bring up this dog on.

[Joe Santagato]

This show, his stomach is a Pisces, just like me. Sensitive.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Thank you for laughing. We've said some dumb things on this show that's by far my least favorite thing you've ever said.

[Joe Santagato]

The horoscope.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the difference between a horoscope and a zodiac?

[Frank Alvarez]

I think the horoscope is, like, the messaging that goes along with the zodiac sign.

[Joe Santagato]

I thought there were different signs.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, I think the zodiac is the sign, and then the horoscope is just like, today, a Pisces is gonna show their real power, and it's like.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, you're gonna meet someone and you just gotta be open to receiving what you are meant to receive, because otherwise you won't.

[Frank Alvarez]

Look, look, if you're into it, I support you. Do your thing. But just like, if. And I'm pretty sure we've brought this up before, but, like, if you meet someone new and they don't ask their sign within. If you're. Listen, I'm gonna give you guys. Here we go. Dating advice with Frank.

[Joe Santagato]

Here we go.

[Frank Alvarez]

Okay. Take it from me, I don't know how I secured my wife. I didn't secure her. She's not my possession. Maybe she is. I don't know. I don't write the law.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe she is. I have no idea.

[Frank Alvarez]

But if you're. If you are into horoscopes.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

You don't bring it up until third date. Third date. If I'm on a. Bro. If I'm on a first date with someone and they want to know your horoscope, and they're like. Immediately like, what are you? I'm like, Hispanic. Yeah. Like, what? There's. Either way you're asking. I don't like here. But like, if they're just like, you're Leo. Like, whatever. There's no. Like, I just. At a first impression, I think, like, it's a little intense.

[Joe Santagato]

Is Becky into horoscopes? I feel like she would be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not really. I mean, like, I think, like, super religion. Yeah. Like, if she read something and she's like, oh, that's interesting. But, like, she's not going to, like, on a daily occurrence, read it.

[Joe Santagato]

I'll be honest with you about this, right. When it comes to horoscopes or whatever, the. I'm like, this is obviously a crock of.

[Frank Alvarez]

But then when they fit.

[Joe Santagato]

When they. When they fit to, like, ooh, Pisces, they're creative. I'm like, okay, that's vague.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like. And they're very sensitive. And I'm like, how the. Does it know me?

[Frank Alvarez]

The reason I hate it is because. And I don't hate it. I don't want to say that it's a bit strong. The reason I really, really, really dislike it.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Is I remember anytime I've met someone that's into it and they find out I'm a Leo, it's a giant reaction from them. They're just like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I'm just like, take it back with the oh, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Now, you know, you can just hit him with that roar, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone has you Just roar in their face. Do you remember? Yeah. Right. Do you remember? This was, like, 2015, which is 10 years ago. Isn't that crazy?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's a decade ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

Isn't that crazy? Isn't that bananas, bro? 2020 was five years ago.

[Joe Santagato]

That's insane.

[Frank Alvarez]

So do you remember when we went out to McCann's and I just, like, struck up a conversation with a girl at the bar and she was like, reading my energy. Do you remember that?

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, was this, like, an old woman?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, she was a younger woman.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, then she was like, I'm going to read you my poetry now.

[Joe Santagato]

I remember.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you remember that, bro? We were sitting and, like, it was not like, a conversation. Like, oh, let me go get this girl at the bar. That was, you know that me. That was never my, like, approach.

[Joe Santagato]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

But she was, like, at one point in conversation, she was like, do you mind? I'm like, mind what? She's like, just like, do you mind just putting your hand out like this? I was like. Like that? She's like, yeah. I was like, okay. And she goes. I was like, what was that? She's like, I'm reading your energy. And then I. She takes your hand away. She's like, oh. And then I was fully bought in. I was just like, did you feel it? You know, just like, I started. So then I. I mean, come on. Yeah, Frank. Frank was back.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, an opportunity like, that presents.

[Frank Alvarez]

Itself, and then I have, like. I don't think I have it, but, like, I had the conversation, like, in our group chat. I told you guys about, like, what she said, what she was saying, and she was like, do you mind if I read you my poetry?

[Joe Santagato]

And she's a pretty intense first meeting, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

But, like, that's what I'm saying. If you're into it, good for you. I support you. It's your thing. Have it to yourself.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wait until a couple of dates in to introduce it. Dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you remember? This is also funny because this happened at bars that we would go to when we were, like, underaged.

[Frank Alvarez]

McCann's, by the way, which was rip.

[Joe Santagato]

It's gone.

[Frank Alvarez]

But also the last place you would expect.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Someone to read your editing. It's just a diving Irish hub where our friend fell down the stairs and cracked his skull on my birthday. Yeah. And that was when my grandmother died. Around that time. Oh. A lot to celebrate.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm kidding. Oh, God.

[Joe Santagato]

To celebrate.

[Frank Alvarez]

So close to Mother's Day.

[Joe Santagato]

I remember one time I was at dinner, Ditmar Station, and I ordered sliders, and the place is called Ditmar Station.

[Frank Alvarez]

Also RIP I loved that place.

[Joe Santagato]

It was a pretty cool spot. Hated how the bathroom was up 40 flights of stairs. The. Was that about. Jesus, I just want to take a piss. I don't need to work out. It's ridiculous. But anyway, I ordered sliders, and they brand the top of them with this logo that says ds. And I, like, was. I was eating one of them, the other one was on a plate, and this older woman walked by and just went, dicks suck. I went, what? She goes, dick suck. Ds, Dick suck. And then walked away.

[Frank Alvarez]

What was that? Crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

Crazy. And I was like, I'm literally 20, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, Astoria now is kind of known as a pretty, young, hip, like, vibrant nightlife spot. But, like, the bars back in, like, 2011, 2012, before it, like, boomed into what it is now, it was like McCann's Dittmar Station.

[Joe Santagato]

Rockies.

[Frank Alvarez]

And Rockies. And they were the biggest pieces of shit. I can. In hindsight, listen, I hated Rockies because it was, like, where, like, the worst of the neighborhood went. But, like, I can also fully acknowledge that Dittmar Station was that. But just slightly. It had karaoke also, this place. It's the only difference. Karaoke.

[Joe Santagato]

And it was. You would get characters there because you would. You would get a. It's right below the train.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

People before they got on the train or after the train, they would just come in there. I was like, you get creatures in.

[Frank Alvarez]

There, and they didn't card. So we were going there at, like, 17, 18, 19.

[Joe Santagato]

I went on a double date there one time.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, I did. And I'm there with my mom, sitting with. And here's the funny thing. The way the place was set up is you walk in, it's. The bar is right here, and it's skinny, and it's all bench seating, and there's, like, a back area. There's, like a back area, but that's, like, toward the back of the place.

[Joe Santagato]

You have to go to the whole Runway.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have. It's literally a Runway. So I'm sitting there underage with my mom. All right, we'll say that.

[Joe Santagato]

You already said it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I already said you were with your mom. I actually think at the time we were of age, because I remember it was.

[Joe Santagato]

We.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, the girl. The girl I went to high school with. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So I was of age. Got you, Ma. But I remember it was like, the only place to sit was directly across from where you guys were. So I saw you and these two girls, and then the other person that was with you on the date. And it was just so funny because I'm talking to my mom across. And it was crazy. By the way, that girl also tried to fight me in sixth grade.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

And there. Was not gonna say that it was. She was a character.

[Joe Santagato]

I have a story about her that I will not say.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Also not the person that I was out on a date with. Also want to say this. Never saw either of them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I wonder whatever happened to them.

[Joe Santagato]

I have no idea. I really was into the girl. I don't know. I. This is the first time I ever met her.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I was her friend.

[Joe Santagato]

Her friend. Not the one. The one you went to high school with.

[Frank Alvarez]

I know. It was a crazy one. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

And her friend was very quiet and, like, she was.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think her friend was like, her name, like, something with, like, a precious stone or something like that.

[Joe Santagato]

No, it was an interesting name, though. I remember the.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it might have been because the. The other girl. I'm sorry, this is. This is. I think she was Egyptian. Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

But, yeah, that was like, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, man. The good old days.

[Joe Santagato]

The good old.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can I ask you a serious question? And a lot of people have said this. Like, I remember I said this out loud. Which doesn't surprise you because you often hate what I say. When you hit 21, did it kind of make drinking less fun?

[Joe Santagato]

That's a wild thing to say. I don't think so. I think it was fine because, like, I feel like you could only go to, like, a few places when you're underage that you're like, oh, do they card?

[Frank Alvarez]

Or do they have a. Yeah, but, like, it was so much cooler.

[Joe Santagato]

It was cool to be like.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

She's like, yeah, got in. They're not asking at the door.

[Joe Santagato]

But I was also afraid to order drinks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never, never in a million years. My mentality was always like, walk in, act like you own the place.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it worked.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. I mean, once you're in, you're like, all right, I'm good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, young, going to bars. Yeah. And, like, the mentality that I always had was literally, like, the idea of, like, walk in, pretend like you own the place, and then, you know, you know, be irregular.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. And how you doing, chief? It's like, you're 14. Fuck out of here.

[Frank Alvarez]

In hindsight, looking back on it, I've seen pictures of me at 15, 16 years old. I thought I was the coolest person in the world, because I was just like, they Believe it. Were we in bars at 16? I can with confidence say I was.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if I was.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not like every weekend. But like, on the occasion, I think.

[Joe Santagato]

I think 18 is when I started going to places.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, my sis. Our sisters are. Are several years older than us. Your sister didn't really drink?

[Joe Santagato]

No, she just still doesn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

My sister drank enough for both of them.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it. So, like, you would go to places with her.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, I would go to places, and she would always. She would get in, and then she'd say I was her twin brother. And it was like, what? I remember when she. Remember she worked for the karaoke company. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah. That was an easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

That was an easy one. We're getting off topic. Speaking of drinking, Ant brought another little trick. You know him, he's got his tricks up his sleeve.

[Joe Santagato]

It's Antonio's bag of tricks.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, he keeps them in his pockets that he wears and all those just.

[Joe Santagato]

In case a truck flips over with all those dimes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Santagato]

By the way, I saw that clip. I'm reminded again where you thought you could carry 50 grand or whatever. Yeah, well, this is five grand. Sorry.

[Frank Alvarez]

We all have moments where we make mistakes.

[Joe Santagato]

So true.

[Frank Alvarez]

It happens, brother.

[Joe Santagato]

What's the new trick this week, Frank?

[Frank Alvarez]

So the trick this week. Oh, put these up here first. Here, you can. You can have these.

[Joe Santagato]

What is. We need towels. Yeah. Are you spraying me with something? Because I don't want to be sprayed.

[Frank Alvarez]

So get on your knees.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, what was that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it's the.

[Joe Santagato]

Holy shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's the world's heaviest mug, I think, right? Is that what it is?

[Ant]

World's heaviest mug. And I want to know if you can drink from it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, here's the thing. How heavy is it?

[Ant]

I think it's around 20 to 22 pounds, I think.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's bullshit. This feels way, bro. I can. I've lifted. This is at least 30 pounds.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, the way that you're holding it makes it.

[Frank Alvarez]

But also, like, you know when you do, like, kettlebell presses and stuff like that? Cause you have to hold it in a weird angle.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, wow.

[Joe Santagato]

So you're gonna drink out of that?

[Frank Alvarez]

We are gonna drink out of it.

[Joe Santagato]

We're gonna smash our teeth out.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we'll be okay. We're gonna get wet.

[Joe Santagato]

Why'd you say we're gonna get wet?

[Frank Alvarez]

So I want to see who could drink better out of it. Can you try first?

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, it's by you, and it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Might take a couple minutes to get it over there. So we're just gonna add a little beep, beep of water.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Ant]

Fill it up, fill it up, fill.

[Frank Alvarez]

It up, fill it up.

[Ant]

I like the wet T shirt contest shirts as well.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm letting you know.

[Joe Santagato]

God damn it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm letting you know right now.

[Joe Santagato]

My nipples are coming. That was crazy.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm letting you know if it cuts and I'm in a different shirt, we know what happened.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, so you got it. Be careful. Don't blast your teeth out. Can I use strong lip? Do strong lip so it doesn't hurt your teeth.

[Ant]

The handle, the handle, the handle.

[Frank Alvarez]

You got it.

[Ant]

Can't use the other hand.

[Joe Santagato]

Be careful of your teeth. Is it that heavy?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, it is heavy, brother. Let's try this hand because this wrist.

[Joe Santagato]

That's what it is.

[Frank Alvarez]

Almost went.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Yep, easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yep, yep. All I see is him going, this.

[Joe Santagato]

Just a little sip. You can do it. By the way, if you're listening on audio, this is going exactly the way that you think it's going.

[Ant]

Let's get a little sip.

[Joe Santagato]

Are you going two hands? Oh, he's double handed.

[Frank Alvarez]

Double.

[Joe Santagato]

He's got it now. He's doing this. Looks like it's not gonna work out at all. Oh, it's good. You're good.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's got two hands, one handed.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, you can do it. You got. You giving up?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. All right.

[Ant]

The more you try.

[Joe Santagato]

I gotta get wet. Here we go. Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Hype yourself up, hype yourself up.

[Joe Santagato]

Who's the man?

[Frank Alvarez]

Good job. He did it. He did it. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Joe Santagato]

You just had to hype yourself up and scream, brother.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's a heavy guy.

[Joe Santagato]

Now I'm worried. I'm not going to hold on.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'm going to clean. Clean the mouth off.

[Joe Santagato]

You're cleaning it like a priest. There you go.

[Frank Alvarez]

I probably shouldn't do that, right?

[Joe Santagato]

What you say?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was going to be a priest.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, you could be a priest.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

Was I supposed to understand what you were about to do?

[Frank Alvarez]

I was going to say something crazy.

[Ant]

Oh, okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

Too much?

[Ant]

No, no. I think you should do more, honestly.

[Frank Alvarez]

Shut up. Here.

[Joe Santagato]

All right, let me try.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, give it a shot. Because this is a heavy. This is a heavy, baby. What the.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Holy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yo, that is.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know if I could pick that up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I. I don't think like. I think £20 is not accurate because that feels like a 35 pounder.

[Joe Santagato]

There's no way this is £20. I could throw £20 in the.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I agree. £20 is light work. Can you look it up while we're doing this?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, look up. How heavy?

[Ant]

It's 22 pounds.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's no way that's 22 pounds.

[Ant]

Just an awkward weight, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

I can curl.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it doesn't. Yeah. That doesn't mean shit. It's. I'm telling you, that's heavier than 20 pounds. 22 pounds. Look at you. Well, you have to put this down so it doesn't smash on the table. So take that.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. This is.

[Ant]

I would have brought bibs.

[Joe Santagato]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, you got this.

[Joe Santagato]

I know, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

That could kill someone.

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Easily.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. Go, go. One hand. This is gonna be hard, bro. I. I'm not even kidding. I could see someone breaking their wrist trying to go.

[Joe Santagato]

Mother sucker. Where should I put my.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just go. Come on, baby. Hey, look at me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so hard to get it like this way. You have to. Because here's the part. Here's the hard part. You could pick it up. You need to. This. My wrist. I know. I told you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. You need a tilt.

[Frank Alvarez]

You need the tilt or you gotta. You gotta crouch yourself. You got this. Hey, hey, hey. It's hard.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, let me try again. You got it. I go left. Now we're going left.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll do it live. I don't think left is gonna work for you, man.

[Joe Santagato]

See.

[Frank Alvarez]

I can't do it, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm afraid he's gonna smash my teeth in.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here, you can do two.

[Joe Santagato]

This is healthy.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could do healthy.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. The body of Christ. Amen. Eat it like a priest.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, easy. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right, so that's not fun. How about this? How about I try to lift it with one hand and pour it in your mouth?

[Joe Santagato]

Are you insane, Mama?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not for me, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Were you able to do that, Ant?

[Ant]

I could sort of do it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sort of do it?

[Joe Santagato]

Like how?

[Ant]

You can do it?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, dude. He's got the biggest dick in the West.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, he can do it. Oh, man. Well, I guess. Good on you, my friend.

[Ant]

Thank you.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's healthy.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay, get serious, all right? Because there's that brand new laptop we do have. I'm tired, dude. We have some ads.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is this show?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is it?

[Joe Santagato]

I'll tell you what, it isn't a hairy show. Well, no, I meant it is Harry's. We're not hairy is what I meant. Oh, well, Harry's Razors, they're the best razors on the market, folks. Okay. They're German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. Also want to go out on a limb and say this not part of the ad. Read some of the best packaging I've ever seen in my life. Love it, love their stuff. But they have extra, extra strength, high quality, amazing smelling deodorant for just $5. They have hair and other grooming products as well. But yeah, so you have customized customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2, half of what you would pay for other big brands. So saving some money there. And it's also nice you get new razors because you can't just keep using the same razor. Eventually they just get, you know, dull and then you start cutting yourself. You get razor burn. Trust me, look at my neck. But yeah, do you have a no risk trial if you don't like your shave? No worries, it's on them. There's convenient subscription option. Like I said, you can cancel that at any time, whenever you want. But their normal trial set is $10. But right now you can get it for just $6 at Harry's.com basement. Okay, that is Harry's.com basement for that $6 trial set. So go jump on it folks. Harry's razors are the best razors in the game. All right, so and then we also have Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to build your website. You can go on their website and you can build a professional looking website in a day, in an afternoon. Honestly, I've done it before so their templates are amazing. They make it very easy to make a professional looking website. Websites are very important and you know that if you have an, you know, an e commerce business or you know, you make content or something like that and you need a website. This is your first impression. So it's important that you have a good looking website. So Squarespace is going to help you do that. They also have a lot of tools that will help you optimize all of your traffic. Get everything you know in one place. Okay, you can build your website and then you can have these tools to help you grow your website and your traffic all in the same place. So it is great. So you can head to squarespace.com basement use that offer code basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay? Again, the offer code is basement. So squarespace.com the offer code is basement and you will save 10% off if your first purchase of a website or a domain. So get to it, folks.

[Frank Alvarez]

And you know what? Whatever journey you're on, whatever you're doing with your life. Sorry. You know why I coughed? My body is literally bursting with excitement. To tell you about Patreon. Patreon.com Basemanyard folks, that's where you get more of us. More of us a little early. And, you know, everyone always says, joe, why are you always, you know, premature? Well, this is why. I'm sorry. That was stupid. I get it.

[Joe Santagato]

I get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. All right. Go to patreon.com the basement yard. You sign up for that first. Here, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday morning. So you could start and end your week with the basement yard. And those episodes on Friday, they do get a little crazy. I was just talking to Ann about doing one, and they're. They're a little nuts. And aunt was just like, what if I just, like, whip my dong out? I said, don't do that, Aunt. He's like, I'm gonna show you anyway. And I said, please don't. And then Joe said, please do. Maybe you'll find that on Patreon. You're definitely not gonna. But thank you guys so much for getting us to finally over 34, 000 paid patrons. Unbelievable. The support and love is. Is something that we often talk about, and it is supporting us directly. So thank you and do yourself and us the favor. If you go to patreon.com thebasement yard on a web browser, if you actually type in that URL and you don't use an app, you actually save yourself some money signing up that way. So you want to save yourself some money. You want to give the gift Father's Day, birthdays, Arbor Day, whatever. I don't care. Whatever you want. Go check it out. Patreon.com thebasement yard and as Joe said at the top of the show, the live shows are back, baby. And boy, oh, boy, are we excited for them. So if you have not been able yet to secure your tickets or you're just waiting to figure out, like, let's.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's put it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Let's put a fun time together with me and some friends. Go to the basementyard.com, check out the live show schedule. There's tickets available in some places, some are not. Where, you know, we. It's just go check it out. All right? And if you're coming any of those shows, go to the basementyard.com submit portion of the Shows is fan interaction. And we talk with you guys about you guys, to you guys. It's kind of crazy. So, so many links, so many URLs. I'm sorry if I'm just, like, spewing all this nonsense at you, but, you know, that's the way it goes. So go check it out. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. This is why he doesn't let me do ad reads. Thank you. Is why he doesn't let me do ad reads.

[Joe Santagato]

He's a little.

[Frank Alvarez]

He's a little upset with how I do them.

[Joe Santagato]

Let's get a moment of silence, though, for porn.

[Frank Alvarez]

A moment of silence for porn?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. It's being. It's being, apparently, isn't it? Being.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I was like, it's like, there's.

[Joe Santagato]

A chance that it could get banned.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, okay. Yes. I love how you said moment. Moment of silences are like, for dead. For dead. Like, yeah. People like, oh, let's have a moment of silence. They do it on, like, you know, like the anniversary of D Day. And I guess now you want to do it in. On behalf of. I mean, the potential of porn getting banned.

[Joe Santagato]

Not.

[Frank Alvarez]

I saw that there's heels of D Day. There are some lawmakers. There are some lawmakers that are.

[Joe Santagato]

They want to ban porn.

[Frank Alvarez]

Potentially trying to ban porn. You know my feelings on porn. You love it. No, I'm just saying, like, is this a bad thing? I mean, this is a weird. Like, how do you argue on behalf.

[Joe Santagato]

Of this, of the horn?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, who is gonna.

[Joe Santagato]

What did I say of before?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, who's gonna be the person who's be like, we shouldn't ban pornography. That's a weird thing to defend. Even if you're like, pro porn.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's more of just like.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who'S gonna be the congress person?

[Joe Santagato]

Good job.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like that. That's going to come forward and just be like, wait a second, guys.

[Joe Santagato]

Take it easy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Being a little hard on porn.

[Joe Santagato]

I think it's more about, like, freedom to do well, if you want.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sure. But there's. I think that the way that they are approaching it is like, they want to protect against, like, obscene material.

[Joe Santagato]

What's obscene?

[Frank Alvarez]

Think porn is obscene?

[Joe Santagato]

What is obscene? To me, obscene means like. Like a next level of like, whatever. Like, two people having sex is not obscene.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, correct. I don't think porn is just like, here's two people just having regular sex.

[Joe Santagato]

To people in love.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. No one is being like, oh, this is a loving couple. It'll be like, you know, like, oh, my stepmom is Such a dirty slut today. It's like, what the hell is going on? Like, someone I got stuck in the dryer.

[Joe Santagato]

How?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's circular.

[Joe Santagato]

There's nothing to get caught on.

[Frank Alvarez]

What the hell? I didn't order 12 pizza pies by 12 different people. That's the obscene parts. But like, who's gonna defend that?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Who's the person that's gonna be like, you know what? I'm gonna stand up.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, I think that like, people who work in the industry obviously are gonna be like, bro, we should be able to fuck each other.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't think anyone is taking that right from them.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what I mean? On tape for monies.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, like, here's, I guess. How do you like, do you draw the line then at like only fans?

[Joe Santagato]

Why don't we do this? I think a good compromise is that we just change the titles. Like, why don't we make it so like we just write like two young people really in love are having sex. And even if they're going crazy, I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Don'T think anyone's in love to shove their dick in a pizza pie and then open a box and show it.

[Joe Santagato]

No, but, you know, you don't, you don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is the show?

[Joe Santagato]

Love makes you do crazy stuff. You know, like put that like down there and like try to. You know what I mean? Maybe that softens.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you think. So you think it's just the, the, the title that might be. I just think the obscene part, not the content.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that. I honestly, I think maybe like sometimes the obscene part is the title where it's like big white pole in little petite and you're like, bro, chill. Like, take it easy. Like, why can't we just say like a nice, A nice guy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do me a favor. When you guys submit this to get uploaded, just let me know the moment at which it got demonetized.

[Ant]

Right.

[Frank Alvarez]

If it was not during this conversation, I would be astonished.

[Ant]

It'll give us a time.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like what? Like, she can't just be like, oh, she's a scientist. She's always a filthy pig. Dad.

[Frank Alvarez]

So you think, so you doing, you think whoever's job it is to come up with the titles, they should just take it easy. Take it easy. So like, if it's, you know, just be like, you know what? Woman had a hard work week?

[Joe Santagato]

And what's a hard working.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, see, well, that's a compromise, I think. No, I think you could pull it back more. Listen, also, I, I kind. I have to admit, like, it's a weird thing to defend, but, like, just be like, go like the, the.

[Joe Santagato]

The.

[Frank Alvarez]

The non obscene route. Just be like, tough week at work. Someone just needs a little R and R, you know?

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

R and R could be like, what is that? Like Ronnie and Ryan, you know what I'm saying?

[Joe Santagato]

But yeah, but what is rr?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't know what it actually stands for. Like, rest and relaxation. Is that it?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, people use that term. Okay, but like, make it something like that. But then also the context, like the actual substance that it is, is probably the obscene part too.

[Joe Santagato]

I just think that it's probably better for, you know, if, if, like, especially with the younger men of the world who are kind of psychotic at the moment, I will say okay. And I don't think there needs to be more of this aggressive, like, bent.

[Frank Alvarez]

Over.

[Joe Santagato]

Hammer style type of. You know what I mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, soften up the titles. I've said this before, and I know you, you, like, it's a joke at this point, but, like, I wonder how many people, like, in the world today have, like, their view of sex. Is what they've seen in porn an overwhelming. So, like, there might be an argument for it because, like, how many, like, unhealthy relationships have come out of that? Maybe also there's something to suggest that there have been healthy relationships that have come out of it.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I think the funniest part of this is that someone's gonna have to go up there and defend this.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think that they're defending porn as, like, I love porn. Chill out. Like, I don't think it's like that. I think it's more of like, if. How can you stop people from wanting to have sex on camera for money if people are willing to pay for it? It's more of like a freedoms thing as much as I think it's more of that than it is like, I need jackhammer porn.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, there's a. There is a duty to protect what media can and can't be out there. So that's the approach they're taking, is that, like, if it's absurd, obscene material, we. We cannot allow it to be, you know, pedaled to the masses.

[Joe Santagato]

I think that we should probably just start. If we're gonna, if we're gonna get to a compromise, we should start dialing things back. I don't think that anyone needs to be stretching open anything.

[Frank Alvarez]

Anyone. Yeah. Like, what if they started adding in, like, no more stretching, like, they take out, like, certain, like, audio tracks and put in, like, sound effects, you know? Yeah. Bill. Bill. Bo. Yo.

[Joe Santagato]

Something like that. What happened to that? What happened when the tongue would fall out of the mouth and the eyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Would pop out and it would be like a wolf.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, but we don't need any of the stretching.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're sticking on the stretching.

[Joe Santagato]

That's obscene to me.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, all of it is. Yeah, I get that.

[Joe Santagato]

But no, that specifically is like. No. Two girls, one cup.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Santagato]

You can't have that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Do you even consider what that was to be brought pornographic?

[Joe Santagato]

There was two naked women.

[Frank Alvarez]

I feel like that was just nightmare. Ish.

[Joe Santagato]

I heard that was like a movie and, like, it was a scene in a movie.

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. I don't.

[Joe Santagato]

Oscar winner and the academy goes to. Two girls woke up.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was so. I got it. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, but yeah, they're gonna. They're gonna ban the. The Pernicious, which is fine.

[Frank Alvarez]

Where do you draw the line? Because the new Grand Theft Auto game is coming out next year and, like.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm sure you could do stuff in that. Yeah. So can you do stuff in the last one?

[Frank Alvarez]

Granted.

[Joe Santagato]

Auto.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, you could.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I've, like, went to a strip club and I beat up the owner and took some cash, I think, in the last one. But I don't know if you could.

[Ant]

Like, you could pick someone up on the side of the road and what.

[Joe Santagato]

The car just.

[Ant]

And the car kind of shakes and.

[Joe Santagato]

Then you lose 50 bucks and you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Lose 50 bucks and then they walk out of the car. They're like, thanks, Daddy.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, you shoot them and you take it back. Everyone did that. Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

This is crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

Everyone did that. I've also. What a wild game, dude. It's such a crazy game. My mom bought it for me.

[Frank Alvarez]

That is crazy.

[Joe Santagato]

But she. She was like, I didn't know. I was like, the name of the game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, you're. You ever, like, think of, like, how naive your mom was? And she'd be like, it was kind of cute.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. The game is named after a felon.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But that's only one part of it.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, there's a guy with a dog and a gun.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. But that's not. Like, you probably know.

[Joe Santagato]

I was gonna.

[Frank Alvarez]

You didn't know. Like, yeah, you can run around and shoot and stuff. But also, like, they didn't know that you can go and like, you know, get back alley hand jobs and shit.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, I never did any of that. I would just do, like, weapons cheats and I would fight the police and I would.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like my golf. What I would.

[Joe Santagato]

People.

[Frank Alvarez]

What? I would. Okay, I would do that. And this is when I played Grand Theft Auto 5, which was the one that came out.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

What, 12 years ago at this point? Almost 13 by the time the next one comes out. I would. Mike. My thing was I would drive through the airport to try to steal a plane and see if I can get away. Because when you drive into the airport, instantly the most amount of stars, like, the police are after you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

So, like, that. I always felt like, how long could I, you know.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, that's usually how I played that game, to just do shit.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, have you seen the trailer for the new one?

[Joe Santagato]

I. Yeah, have.

[Frank Alvarez]

The Internet's quite a buzz for it because the main. For the first time ever, one of the main characters is a woman.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

And it's in Miami, Right. So, like, people are like, could you go and get, like, a BBL for this thing?

[Joe Santagato]

You know, Dr. Miami's in the game.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, bro, in Grand Theft Auto 5, like, you could do some, like. You could put them in, like, underwear and running around and shit like that.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I forget how that game went.

[Frank Alvarez]

It was three guys, though. That's what I'm saying. Like, you can run around in underwear as three guys. Like, you think the pervs are going to be out in full force for this, Frankie?

[Joe Santagato]

Obviously they're going to be out.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're going to be in full.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, when does this game come out next?

[Frank Alvarez]

May. May 2026.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, if they ban porn.

[Frank Alvarez]

So there's a good question. It's like, you remember the whole thing with Grand Thero San Andreas, the whole coffee. Cup of coffee thing? No, you don't remember that? Hillary Clinton was, like, big on that? It was a. I think it was a mission in the game that, like, you could only get to with a cheat code. And it was like, you go on a date and then you go home and you fuck. I don't think you can, like. I don't think you can, like, control during the sex, but, like, it'll be like a scene. There's a scene where it'll be like, outside. You know what I'm talking about?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't.

[Ant]

There was a joke going around. Like, we convinced my friend that you had to go on a hundred bowling dates with your girlfriend to have sex with her.

[Joe Santagato]

That's. That.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like, you couldn't.

[Ant]

That's not true.

[Frank Alvarez]

But I remember in, like, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, it was like a big. It was A big thing. People were using that to, like, ban video games.

[Joe Santagato]

That there was like a sex scene in it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can you look it up while we're talking? So weird though.

[Joe Santagato]

Like, why even put that in there?

[Frank Alvarez]

I kind of agree. Like, it's weird. Like, at what level is it like, bro, in red Dead Redemption 2, you can go, like hunting and fishing, which, like, there are video games specifically for that. Do you? Yeah, you could play darts and poker. Like, why do I. Why am I going to play a video game to play darts and poker and fish.

[Joe Santagato]

So I agree with you. But then there's something in my mind. I remember I would watch. This was a while ago when I would stream on Twitch. So I would watch some people playing and there's a game where it's just power washing and, like, is dirty and you're just power washing it. And I was like, all right. I could like, like.

[Frank Alvarez]

But those are different games. I'm saying, like, that doesn't need to be in Grand Theft Auto.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, in Grand Theft Auto, I shouldn't be able to open a. Like you shoot a light in the.

[Joe Santagato]

Head and then you power wash them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Like a lawn mowing business. I did play that game. That game was incredible.

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

It was like lawn mowing simulator or something like that. And you like. No, it's on Xbox. If you have game pass and you have Xbox, you open. You start off. You like, open your own, like, lawnmower landscaping company. And like, you need to do a certain amount of lawns. Well, to like, get better equipment.

[Joe Santagato]

Hell yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, hire people like that. I was in.

[Joe Santagato]

You have an empire?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I only played like two or three times and then I deleted it. It was free. Right. But like, that should be its own game. Like, don't put that. You don't need to put that in Grand Theft Auto.

[Joe Santagato]

Sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, people, I'm telling you, the per. I'm calling it now purrs are out. The pervs are coming out for Grand Theft Auto.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, the purse are always out.

[Ant]

It was in the game, but they scrapped it. So it was backdoored and then a hacker essentially released it. But it was a hot coffee minigame. You were right.

[Frank Alvarez]

I told you.

[Joe Santagato]

I told the mission was called, like hot coffee.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And it was basically that, like, you.

[Ant]

Yep.

[Frank Alvarez]

CJ meets a girl and, like, they go home and have sex. But I don't think it was like, you can like, you know, like, press a to thrust. Yeah. Like Parappa the Rapper. Like on beat. Press circle, circle, circle, circle.

[Joe Santagato]

Kick, punch, blow.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

I used to with that game.

[Frank Alvarez]

That game was pretty sick.

[Joe Santagato]

Parappa the rapper. Oh, my God. Dude, that just brought back.

[Frank Alvarez]

Listen, you know how I feel about video games.

[Joe Santagato]

Do you remember the game that I had? I loved that. This game. It was called Fighting Force.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, I remember you playing and loving the hell out of Jersey Devil.

[Joe Santagato]

You know what's funny? I did love that game. And then one day, I don't know why I did this, I started looking up gameplay from all those old PlayStation games. Like I was about to say Johnny Bravo, but that's not what I meant. Blasto. Blasto. That Jersey Devil, both of them are trash.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, I mean, look at that. With today's. With today's eyes. Sure, bro. I loved Blast.

[Joe Santagato]

I loved Blasto.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was Phil Hartman.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Alvarez]

He did the voice of Blasto. There was all those games, like, Medieval. They made a remake. Was it good on the PlayStation? People were like, yo, this is incredible. But like, remember Gex the Gecko?

[Joe Santagato]

Yes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Croc.

[Joe Santagato]

Now you got me.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, that shit was.

[Joe Santagato]

You got me. Now I gotta. I just want to look up old PlayStation 1 games. PlayStation games from the early 2000s, late.

[Frank Alvarez]

90S was probably because PlayStation 1 was from 1995.

[Joe Santagato]

I want to say also Metal Gear Solid. That's not even good.

[Frank Alvarez]

Siphon filter, Joey, was siphon filter, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

You get a taser, you start tasing people until they, like set on fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

We've. We're noticing a trend here, Joey. We're noticing a trend.

[Joe Santagato]

Just saying that's a weird thing to put in the game.

[Frank Alvarez]

Borders. Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

Cool. Borders.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wow, bro. You know what game I went so far hard on, dude, you remember SSX Tricky? The snowboarding game?

[Joe Santagato]

I never had that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, that game was so good. And then you could like do the worm on your board and like that. And then like, you know, do like a triple backflip in Garibaldi.

[Joe Santagato]

All the Crash Bandicoots.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, yeah, those are. I mean, the first. I should say the first three after. After Warped, they got like, bad.

[Joe Santagato]

Did you ever with Final Fantasy? No, dude, I played one.

[Frank Alvarez]

People love Final Fantasy and like, cool.

[Joe Santagato]

But like, I played one because I got it in a cereal box, bro. Cereal. What's good with you? There used to be, like, legit in boxes.

[Frank Alvarez]

You mean back when companies were more willing to be open to collaboration with their intellectual property?

[Joe Santagato]

That's what I'm saying, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Cereal boxes, I used to open up and there used to be five fucking cool, like, lightsaber spoons in there. Now what's in there. Cholesterol. You Cereal.

[Joe Santagato]

Mlb. What's the one where you can, like, someone hits a double, then you go to second base and you beat the out of them and then they're out.

[Frank Alvarez]

Slugfest.

[Joe Santagato]

That's it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

You just fight people.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love when video games, like, didn't take themselves too seriously. Now it's like a video game comes out and it's like art and like, we're going to tackle conversations about mental health, which. Cool. Love that. Honestly, I do. Being able to do that in a medium like video games, where a lot of people feel comfortable to express themselves and live in that little world. Love that. But also give me a game where I can run as fucking Jeremy Shockey down the field, stiff arm someone's face, and then they hit a brick wall and go through it. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Touchdown. You know what I mean?

[Frank Alvarez]

Sport games, Madden sports simulators. I don't want this shit. Oh, you need to work hard to sign your rookie contract. Fuck you.

[Joe Santagato]

Put me in the NFL.

[Frank Alvarez]

Put me in the NFL.

[Joe Santagato]

Now. The NFL games are like, you want to play in college? What do you think I'm here for?

[Frank Alvarez]

If I wanted to, I'd get the college game.

[Joe Santagato]

You want me to earn it? I bought the game. Put me in the league, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

And also, you remember that game that came out? It was called Blitz the League and it had like Bill Romanowski and Michael Irving on the COVID and it was like, oh, no, your guy broke his leg. You're out six to eight weeks or take steroids and. And you're back in the game. Next play.

[Joe Santagato]

I was like, steroids?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, dude. I understand that we want to promote people remaining healthy and responsible and not promote drug use, but like six to eight weeks. If I'm trying to become a star in the fln, the Football League Nation, I should. Because they can't write, they can't legally use the NFL.

[Joe Santagato]

Got it. Like you just did. We're done.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

I get it.

[Frank Alvarez]

The game.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

But like, now video games are just like. That's why I love. You've never played it and you never will. Doom.

[Joe Santagato]

I played doom.

[Frank Alvarez]

You played Doom 64. Yeah. Doom Eternal and then doom the Dark Ages. I haven't played Dark Ages yet. But like, bro, it's just like you're put in a room with a thousand demons and you have a chainsaw fist and a shotgun with a chain and it's just like. Yeah. Or you go play this game where you're Tiger woods and you need to pick the right iron. You Tiger Woods? Sorry.

[Joe Santagato]

I love Tiger Woods.

[Frank Alvarez]

I have no issue with him. He did some stuff that was a little questionable at points, but.

[Joe Santagato]

Like cheated on his wife.

[Frank Alvarez]

He cheated. It's a light.

[Joe Santagato]

With a thousand people.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, he numbered them, didn't he? What wasn't there?

[Joe Santagato]

Like, that's a detail that. I don't know.

[Frank Alvarez]

Maybe I'm wrong. Could be wrong.

[Joe Santagato]

Things happen.

[Frank Alvarez]

Wasn't it like they were listening? His phone is like one number 14. Number 12.

[Joe Santagato]

That's insane if that's true. Also, you could just. They could have been. You got a golf joke right there.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. Par 12 or hole three? Oh, there it is. Yeah. Also par 12. You shooting on the moon?

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. What are you shooting? A. Across the country.

[Frank Alvarez]

Here we go.

[Joe Santagato]

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[Frank Alvarez]

One last thing I want to bring up to you.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

We've been all over and good luck naming this episode. Yeah. KFC's back. They didn't go anywhere.

[Joe Santagato]

They didn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

They didn't go anywhere.

[Joe Santagato]

Aren't they not. They're just kfc, right?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. I don't think they can change their name. Yeah, there was like that whole thing that came out.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like it's not Kentucky Fried Chicken. Chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Well, something, something came out. I don't want to, I don't want to say it.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh.

[Frank Alvarez]

Because I don't know it. Oh.

[Joe Santagato]

Some, some came out and I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

Aware of it, but we talked recently that they were doing the fried chicken toothpaste.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, we never ordered any of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And do me a favor. On the company card, order every flavor of toothpaste on that website.

[Joe Santagato]

Tiramisu Toothpaste.

[Frank Alvarez]

Tiramisu. We're gonna try it for a Patreon episode.

[Joe Santagato]

If that's.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean, maybe hit them up and see if they'll send them so we don't have to pay.

[Joe Santagato]

Remember we thought the name of that place was like his, his mile or something. It's high. Smile.

[Frank Alvarez]

I smile. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

What is kfc? They're back.

[Frank Alvarez]

They're back. So KFC decided that not only was fried chicken toothpaste where they want to, it's disgusting. You know, I guess support marketing or a brand or whatever, they now have an ice Cream flavor.

[Joe Santagato]

Fried chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nope. So they're releasing an exclusive ice cream flavor in the uk. They're going diary.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay. Anyway.

[Frank Alvarez]

Diary.

[Joe Santagato]

All right.

[Frank Alvarez]

But it's not fried chicken flavor. And any guesses? When's the last time you went to a kfc? Oh, I don't hate KFC Years.

[Joe Santagato]

I like kfc.

[Frank Alvarez]

I like kfc. I like Popeyes. I like Popeye a little more.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, my God, I love Popeyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, I love.

[Joe Santagato]

I haven't been to either in a very. Like, over a year.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, that was. That's recent. I thought you were gonna say like eight years.

[Joe Santagato]

I probably have. Went like three years ago.

[Frank Alvarez]

Can we do an episode where we just bring in Popeyes? If we just bring in fast food for Joey and he eats it at the very beginning and we see what happens to his stomach as the episode goes on. Because chances. Chances would be that you would end up pissing your butt at some point during that episode.

[Joe Santagato]

Just like my dog. That's full circle, folks.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's right. Call back. What do you think the flavor is not fried chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

It's not fried chicken.

[Ant]

Mashed potatoes. It already looks like ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

That would be kind of good.

[Joe Santagato]

Mac and cheese.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, hold on. Like a mashed potatoes. But it's like a creamy garlic. I mean, ice cream. But it's a creamy garlic.

[Joe Santagato]

That sounds.

[Frank Alvarez]

That sounds good. Just savory ice cream. Not sweet ice cream.

[Joe Santagato]

Garlic ice cream.

[Frank Alvarez]

I kind of wouldn't hate that.

[Joe Santagato]

You take vanilla ice cream and put olive oil on it. It's good.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think we did that somewhere. Like one of the desserts we had at a restaurant.

[Joe Santagato]

Maybe it's.

[Frank Alvarez]

Might have had that good, though. Yeah, I don't. I don't hate it.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, so what the Is this thing? Is it like corn?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, no, no, no.

[Ant]

Popcorn chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, Love the popcorn chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

That would be chicken.

[Frank Alvarez]

The flavor that they're releasing. The exclusive flavor they're releasing.

[Joe Santagato]

Is it. Is it a menu? Is it a menu item?

[Frank Alvarez]

It's with their food. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

So it's like one of those things.

[Frank Alvarez]

It's something that is, like, synonymous with, like, fast food. Chicken.

[Joe Santagato]

Loaded wedges.

[Frank Alvarez]

Not where I thought you were going. No, no, no.

[Joe Santagato]

Give me a letter.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll give it away.

[Joe Santagato]

Give it. Give it a go, G. Oh, green beans.

[Frank Alvarez]

Unbelievable that you can't get this kfc. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Green green nod. Gers. Gravy. Gravy.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I'm a. Idiot.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we know. We know.

[Joe Santagato]

Gravy flavor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Gravy flavored ice cream.

[Joe Santagato]

That's probably fire.

[Frank Alvarez]

I Love gravy. Is it?

[Joe Santagato]

It's better than mashed potato flavored.

[Frank Alvarez]

I mean.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, actually, them together would be.

[Frank Alvarez]

Right. I was gonna say you would eat gravy flavored ice cream.

[Joe Santagato]

I think so, now that I think about it.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, remember when people would be like. They'd call, like, semen man gravy disgusting. Your mind go there because you said, I love gravy. Yeah, baby Batter.

[Ant]

It's a better one.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's way worse, dude.

[Joe Santagato]

Really? We knew a kid named Batter back in the day. Remember him?

[Frank Alvarez]

Holy.

[Joe Santagato]

His name was Batter.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, we also knew a kid named Seven. Who. We knew a kid named Seven.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, someone's like little brother.

[Ant]

Yeah, their actual name was Seven, but there was better.

[Joe Santagato]

Someone beat the shit out of him. I forget.

[Frank Alvarez]

One of. One of our friends. One of our friends. It wasn't me or you. We were pacifists, man. We chose love and beating up people. Only in video games.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, I was too small for that.

[Frank Alvarez]

There was no way. I was. I was whooping ass at Def Jam. Fight for New York.

[Joe Santagato]

Tell you that 50 Cent was lame Smackdown.

[Frank Alvarez]

Red man was kicking people in the nuts.

[Joe Santagato]

But in real life, gravy flavor.

[Frank Alvarez]

Would you actually like how. Like, here's. How do you even eat that? Like, you'd have to eat it by itself. What, are you gonna put sprinkles on it?

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are you gonna put? Chocolate.

[Joe Santagato]

Sprinkles. I love sprinkles.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love the little non paralis. Is that what they're called?

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

The little circle ones that are crunchy.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, the chocolate ones?

[Ant]

No, the tiny, little.

[Frank Alvarez]

Tiny little balls.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, like on. On snow caps, Basically.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes, Yes. I hate why they're crunchy.

[Joe Santagato]

They get in my teeth.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, and then you're an adult and get them out.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't like them.

[Frank Alvarez]

You like the long, waxy ones?

[Joe Santagato]

What's that?

[Frank Alvarez]

Like the. The. The. The like, oval shape.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, yeah, like rainbow sprinkles, bro.

[Frank Alvarez]

Nah, those are. Those are subpar.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, can I say something, too? Chocolate sprinkles are, like, way worse than rainbow sprinkles. Like, rainbow sprinkles are way better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Rainbow sprinkles. Well, chocolate sprinkles, you get sprinkle sugar neat.

[Joe Santagato]

Sugar neat.

[Frank Alvarez]

You get sugary. Sprinkle sugary, and you get chocolate flavor. With rainbow sprinkles, you just get. It's just additional sugar. There's no rainbow flavor.

[Joe Santagato]

Fun. There's colors. It's fun.

[Frank Alvarez]

It is fun.

[Joe Santagato]

Chocolate cookie crunchies, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

The crunchies, not cookies. The ones that are in the Carvel cake. You know what I'm talking about that they layer that car bell cake with?

[Joe Santagato]

Those are the best.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, my.

[Joe Santagato]

Yo, why don't we put that shit on top, too, bro?

[Frank Alvarez]

Put it everywhere. Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm saying there's a.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's rest, there's. There's ice cream places by me that has those as a topping.

[Joe Santagato]

Dirt. Don't they call it dirt?

[Frank Alvarez]

No, that's like a whole separate. Oh, shit like, thing.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah. Dirt's good, though.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dirt. Well, like the dessert.

[Joe Santagato]

Dessert.

[Frank Alvarez]

The cup of dirt.

[Joe Santagato]

Dirt's pretty cool, too, but I'm not going to eat it.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll be honest with you. Dirt smells good. I would not eat it.

[Joe Santagato]

Soil, I would eat.

[Frank Alvarez]

What's the difference?

[Joe Santagato]

That's a great question, too.

[Frank Alvarez]

What are those little white balls that are in soil? Dude, I love those. Can you get them and you crunch them with your fingers?

[Joe Santagato]

I know I'm not supposed to eat soil, but you got these little white things in there that look like marshmallows.

[Frank Alvarez]

Like, why do they make the things that will kill you if you eat them look so delicious?

[Joe Santagato]

I think it'll kill you.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think it's like, they stay in enough soil. Yeah.

[Joe Santagato]

Don't eat the whole earth.

[Frank Alvarez]

You can have a handful, though, bro. Eat a cup of soil, you're a goner.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yes.

[Joe Santagato]

I could put down a cup of soil.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna be in a world of trouble. Let's. Let's have this. Let's have an eating episode. What's wrong with soil? I just think that, like, it's like, compost, which is, like, molded, not good, biodegraded food food. Is it? And, like, I think there's in there, too.

[Joe Santagato]

I can't eat soy. I can't eat soil.

[Frank Alvarez]

I think you would.

[Joe Santagato]

I've gotten soil in my mouth for sure.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. You sure? You've gotten small amounts. But if you had a cup. Yeah. Of soil, I could eat that.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm not.

[Frank Alvarez]

You could, Joey. You could eat it. You would be in pain.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't think so. As long as there's no, like, big sticks in it. If o.

[Frank Alvarez]

What if we mix it with ice cream? Soil. Ice cream.

[Joe Santagato]

I mean, kind of would.

[Frank Alvarez]

I would eat that.

[Joe Santagato]

I guess.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love soil. Dude, what's your.

[Joe Santagato]

What's your, like, ultimate ice cream order?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're gonna make fun of me. Traditionally, I've said this.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. You said it's briar. You know, what do you have no to.

[Frank Alvarez]

You have.

[Joe Santagato]

No.

[Frank Alvarez]

I experimented a little bit.

[Joe Santagato]

Like if you had to get your dream ice cream, it's no toppings.

[Frank Alvarez]

I've experimented a little bit. Here's where I've gone. You ready? There's an ice cream spot by me that makes the dumbest cherry vanilla I've ever had in my entire life. It has giant ass pieces of cherry in it. So good that with those chocolate crunchies.

[Joe Santagato]

Okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

In a cup. I mean, I'll do cone too, if we're getting nasty.

[Joe Santagato]

Wait, what kind of cone, though?

[Frank Alvarez]

The sugar cone.

[Joe Santagato]

I like sugar cones.

[Frank Alvarez]

The one. The waffle cones. You.

[Joe Santagato]

Who likes, like, waffle cones if they're gonna stick it in the side of my cup?

[Frank Alvarez]

Huh?

[Joe Santagato]

You know how, like, you get a cup and they put like a little piece of waffle?

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, it's like lines the cup with. Yeah, no, but those are crunchy. Like, I'm talking the waffle cones that, like, once the ice cream melts a little, they get like, soft and chewy. You know which ones I'm looking like? The ones that look like it's like a.

[Joe Santagato]

Sugar cones are the best. I love sugar cones.

[Frank Alvarez]

Sugar cones are so good. The ones that they, like, dip in chocolate and like, sprinkles.

[Joe Santagato]

Never had any of that.

[Frank Alvarez]

I get. I'm into it.

[Joe Santagato]

So wait, no sauce.

[Frank Alvarez]

Caramel maybe? I'm not like chalk, like hot fudge.

[Joe Santagato]

I'm okay.

[Frank Alvarez]

You're sacrificing the integrity of your ice cream. You're literally adding heat to it.

[Joe Santagato]

I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

I'll tell you what I hate.

[Joe Santagato]

Oh, I'm gonna love this.

[Frank Alvarez]

The people that dip it in that, like, magic shell, like the red magic shell, and it comes out and it gets hard.

[Joe Santagato]

The cherry dip. I used to order you. There was a summer when I was like 11. Like, I was like, yo, give me the cherry dip.

[Frank Alvarez]

Ew.

[Joe Santagato]

I just like that it chipped and it made it like I was. It like added this crunchy element.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, well, that's why I get those little balls.

[Joe Santagato]

I know. Oh, you ever do a.

[Frank Alvarez]

A double.

[Joe Santagato]

You know, you get ice cream and it's like two of them.

[Frank Alvarez]

Oh, no, I'm not done.

[Joe Santagato]

What am I doing?

[Frank Alvarez]

You're.

[Joe Santagato]

This is like some probably Illuminati.

[Frank Alvarez]

It looks like it's. It's a weird looking one because I know you're talking about. It has like the two spots and it's just like a pitchfork, bro.

[Joe Santagato]

And I would go, this guy. I'd be like, bro, if I had enough money for it, I'd be like, just give me two. Vanilla with rainbow sprinkles I wouldn't.

[Frank Alvarez]

You were getting nasty with it, dude. I also hated the people that got like. Like the cherry dip and stuff because they were always like 250 compared to the $1 ice cream cone. And I was just like, you rich bastard.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, like, take you, yo. Also, if you had money for ice the ice cream truck and you got like, a snow cone or some, I should slap you.

[Frank Alvarez]

Dude, don't you dare speak disrespectfully.

[Joe Santagato]

My nephew got a snow cone.

[Frank Alvarez]

I was like, bro, dude, don't you dare speak disrespectfully of snow cones.

[Joe Santagato]

Whack, Frankie, whack. My nephew's birthday was recently, and my brother got like a. Like a Mr. Softy to pull up and like, whatever. And my nephew was like, I'll take a snow cone. And I was like, you idiot.

[Frank Alvarez]

I love snow Chip witch. Oh, too much.

[Joe Santagato]

Too much what?

[Frank Alvarez]

Too much chip witch. No, the cookies and the ice cream. The only acceptable form of an ice cream sandwich is the one that has the chocolate on the butt and the top, the long one that has the buttons in it. You know what I'm talking about.

[Joe Santagato]

I have those in my freezer as we speak.

[Frank Alvarez]

And I know how Joe used to eat them. I know exactly how Joe used to eat them. He used to lick around the side like a freak. Dude. He would hold this thing.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah.

[Frank Alvarez]

And he would. And this dude was a. Hey.

[Joe Santagato]

He still is on my couch.

[Frank Alvarez]

Just like, oh, God. You're just licking the. Of this ice cream sandwich.

[Joe Santagato]

I really am. Honestly.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's crazy. Good for you.

[Joe Santagato]

It really is the way to eat it, though. But then I. I don't.

[Frank Alvarez]

No, it isn't the way to eat. It is. I'm.

[Joe Santagato]

Nah, it's boring. The is over with in like two seconds.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's great. So you lick.

[Joe Santagato]

You.

[Frank Alvarez]

You suck all the cream out of that thing and not all of it.

[Joe Santagato]

I leave some, and then I start biting. This is getting crazy. Even I'll admit that one sounded wild.

[Frank Alvarez]

There's parts of the Internet that are watching that are just like, keep going, Joe.

[Joe Santagato]

Keep biting. Yeah, but then I. I mean, you just eat. Eat it. That's like the. You know, I.

[Frank Alvarez]

You know. You know, my. My. My ice cream truck orders priority. Tweety Bird, Ninja Turtle, or Bugs Bunny.

[Joe Santagato]

Have you ever gotten a. The banana split from one?

[Frank Alvarez]

No. Who do you think I was, Warren Buffett? Come on. Those are like five bucks. Back in the day.

[Joe Santagato]

Remember, yo. Milkshakes. I used to get milkshakes, and then I would be hurting for like a year.

[Frank Alvarez]

I spilled a milkshake in my dad's brand new truck, and he never found out.

[Joe Santagato]

Where did you spill it?

[Frank Alvarez]

Under the seat.

[Joe Santagato]

The front seat backseat.

[Frank Alvarez]

Never found out.

[Joe Santagato]

Really?

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah. And he won't now because he doesn't. Got rid of the show. And we're an hour 10 in, baby. He ain't watching, dad.

[Joe Santagato]

Our 10 in, we could be 10 in. He ain't watching that, so it don't matter, but. Wow, that's up. You didn't even pay for it. I remember those were like four bucks, and everything else was like a dollar. And then one day this dude pulled up and milkshakes were like eight bucks. I was like, what do you think this is?

[Frank Alvarez]

We can track the trajectory of our nation and its greatness by what has happened to ice cream. When ice cream trucks would pull up and they were at the most expensive thing on there, $2. You knew that the drivers were slinging bricks of coke out of them. Oh, country was a great place.

[Joe Santagato]

Nothing better.

[Frank Alvarez]

Now.

[Joe Santagato]

$15.

[Frank Alvarez]

$5 for this fucking.

[Joe Santagato]

It's a Yankee Stadium margarita or a milkshake.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, 15. What do you think he's gonna pick? Margarita.

[Joe Santagato]

Yeah, it comes in a shaker now. Those are great.

[Frank Alvarez]

That's cool.

[Joe Santagato]

You noticed that the last time I.

[Frank Alvarez]

Did, I was there with you.

[Joe Santagato]

Well, that's all I got.

[Frank Alvarez]

All right. Yeah. All right.

[Joe Santagato]

Anyway, guys, thank you so much for watching all the way through. We're gonna reiterate again. Go to the basementyard.com, get yourself some tickets to the live shows. It's gonna be a lot of fun. We're very excited to get out there on the road. And it's always. It's always a party. It's always a great time at the show. So come through. And if you already have your tickets, we appreciate you and we'll see you out there. And also, go to the basement yard dot com. Submit be a part of the show. All right, fill it out, let us know and. Yeah, we'll see you. Frank, where are you going? To iron you.

[Frank Alvarez]

They'll find me at the basement yard shows.

[Joe Santagato]

They'll find them at the basement yard shows. That's where we're gonna be. You understand? Anyway, that's all for this week's episode.

[Frank Alvarez]

What is this show?

[Joe Santagato]

I don't know what to title.

[Frank Alvarez]

Yeah, I don't know. We're gonna title this. All right, let's. Let's do it here. Let's spitball these. Now we'll spit. We'll title this Bon Voyage Porn with a question mark.

[Ant]

Can't do porn on. You can't.

[Frank Alvarez]

No.

[Joe Santagato]

You can't write porn in a title.

[Ant]

Bad for the SEO.

[Frank Alvarez]

How about bye bye bye to sex? I don't know. Yeah, and it could be us as the marionette.

[Joe Santagato]

What else did we talk about? What was the beginning of this?

[Frank Alvarez]

Your dog. Once again, cross crapping its pants. That thing is dog story.

[Ant]

Horoscope. Heavy mug. Cereal. Snow cone.

[Joe Santagato]

The heaviest mug in the world. Is that clickbaity?

[Frank Alvarez]

I don't. I don't think. I don't think people care about that.

[Joe Santagato]

It's like the heaviest mug in the world. Like, cool.

[Frank Alvarez]

And the title, it should be like, what's gonna happen next? And it's our facial.

[Joe Santagato]

We'll put Mr. Beast in the corner.

[Frank Alvarez]

We'll put Mr.

[Joe Santagato]

Beast in the corner with his dead eyes.

[Frank Alvarez]

Go check it out. We love you guys. We'll see you next week.