a story unfolding in Traverse City, Michigan.

Police were called to a domestic violence scene. During that call, officers shot and killed the man involved.

Since then, most of the attention has centered on him. His job. His reputation. The people who knew him. The memories being shared about what a good guy he was.

But there’s another person in this story.

A woman who was injured during the assault. A woman who called for help. A woman whose name has not been released publicly.

That’s who I’m talking about today.

When violence happens, something interesting often unfolds in the public conversation. People rush to reconcile the person they thought they knew with the violence that occurred. Communities look for ways to explain it, soften it, or defend the person they remember.

You start hearing the same phrases: he was a great guy, he was always kind, nobody saw this coming.

Domestic violence doesn’t usually fit neatly into the way people expect it to look. Someone can be respected in public and still be harming someone in private. Those two realities can exist at the same time.

What keeps bothering me about this story is how quickly the victim disappears from the narrative.

We know details about the man. We know where he worked. We know how people felt about him.

But the woman who was hurt is mostly invisible.

Her name hasn’t been released, and there are important reasons for that. Survivors often need privacy and safety. But that also means the public conversation shifts away from the person who experienced the violence and toward the person who caused it.

That pattern shows up again and again.

On today's episode of The Be Ruthless Show, I discuss what domestic violence actually looks like, why communities struggle to hold two truths at the same time, and why victims are so often pushed to the background of their own stories.

I’m also reflecting on the broader moment we’re living in right now. Violence takes many forms. Sometimes it happens inside homes. Sometimes it targets entire communities. Events like the recent attack connected to Temple Israel in West Bloomfield remind us how quickly safety can be disrupted in spaces people trust.

Different events. Different victims. But they all raise the same question.

Who do we center when harm happens?

Today, I’m centering the woman who survived.

Because the story shouldn’t only be about the person who died.

It should also be about the person who is still here.

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