Would you help your Ex if they needed support?

It’s a question that creates an immediate reaction in people, discomfort, curiosity, or a quiet “I don’t know… maybe.” And yet almost no one talks about it publicly.

Today’s guest, Elizabeth Verwey, spent years researching this question and discovered that caring for an ex is more common than most people realize. Through surveys in 21 countries, interviews with 53 people, and 30 deeply personal stories, she uncovered a new and quiet post-divorce stage that sits somewhere between closure and compassion.

In this conversation, we explore the emotional, relational, cultural, and logistical sides of caring for an ex — why people choose to step up, why they stay silent about it, what it means for current relationships, and how these acts can become deeply healing without ever leading to reconciliation.

This episode offers a fresh way of understanding endings, relationships, and the forms of love we rarely have language for.

05:10 — The question that sparked the research: Would you help your ex?

08:45 — Caring for an ex as a new post-divorce stage

12:20 — Why people keep this kind of caregiving private

17:05 — Cultural and gender differences in caregiving

21:30 — Boundaries, current partners, and navigating complexity

26:40 — Does caring for an ex reopen wounds or create healing?

31:15 — The difference between reconciliation and compassion

36:00 — What people gained from saying yes to helping

40:50 — How this research changed Elizabeth’s view of endings

45:30 — What she hopes listeners will reconsider about love

✨Connect with Elizabeth Verwey:

Website: https://www.elizabethverwey.com
Book: Brave New Endings
Programs & Workshops: Listed on her site

✨ Connect with Michele Simms:

Website: thebeautyinthemess.com
Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess
LinkedIn: Michele Simms
Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast

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Ep. 135 Brave New Endings with Elizabeth Verwey