The Bert Show – Episode 11: Vault: World Of Warcraft Assassin Girl

Date: February 11, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the addictive nature of the video game World of Warcraft (WoW) and its impact on relationships—with a unique, tongue-in-cheek mission to “assassinate” a listener’s boyfriend’s WoW character to win him back for his girlfriend. The Bert Show cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others) riff on the perils of online gaming addiction, the mechanics of griefing in WoW, and organize a playful yet elaborate plan with their listeners to disrupt one devoted player's in-game life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. World of Warcraft: Addictive Gameplay and Its Impact

• WoW's Allure: The hosts discuss how immersive and time-consuming WoW can be, leading to real-world relationship issues.

  • Bert: “People are spending hours and hours and hours a day on it. ... Everything else in their life is fine, but he’s just consumed.” (03:39)

• Gaming Mechanics & Frustrations:

  • Running jokes about trying to put pants on gnome characters and failing basic combat controls.
  • Jeff’s struggles: “I don’t know how to swing my sword. I don’t know how to swing my sword.” (01:49)

• Difference from Retro Gaming:

  • Discussing how character death in older games forced players to restart, whereas WoW lets you resurrect and continue.
  • Bert: “Those days are over. Now if you’re in World of Warcraft and you’re building up this character for years... you basically start from where you were right before you died.” (03:05)

2. Listener Dilemma: Love vs. WoW

• Holly’s Challenge: Listener Holly calls in, upset that her boyfriend’s WoW obsession is ruining their relationship.
  • The cast proposes an “assassination” of his game character to reclaim him, sparking further listener engagement.

3. The 'Griefing' Solution: Assembling an In-Game Hit Squad

• What Is Griefing?

  • Allison (listener/expert): “Yeah, you can’t kill somebody forever, but you can pretty much make their life really, really difficult and really, really annoying.” (04:38)
  • Griefing involves repeatedly targeting a player to make the game unplayable and frustrating.
  • Allison adds: “If you have a large enough group... there’s literally no time that he can be on where somebody’s not gonna annoy him.” (06:12)

• Organizing the Attack:

  • The show plans to recruit a “griefing guild”—listeners who will ambush Holly’s boyfriend in-game every time he logs on.
  • Allison’s advice: The more griefers, the better, especially because his guild may come to defend him, escalating the ‘war’ (06:34).

• Technical Barriers:

  • Challenges like server restrictions (must be on the same server), having multiple characters (alts), and PvP (Player vs. Player) rules addressed.
  • “If he’s got different alt characters, like several different characters, he could... log off of the one you keep killing him on, and then log on to one of the others. ... So basically, his girlfriend would need to tell us every character name he’s got.” (08:56)

4. Memorable and Humorous Moments

• Debating Assassin Names:

  • The team debates what their in-game assassin’s name should be:
    • “There has to be a female assassin name, like Boris, Lena, Nikita...” (10:13)
    • “How about Melissa?... Melissa’s such an evil name.” (10:50, 10:53)

• Listener Debbie Calls In:

  • Debbie discusses her own experience with gaming, her massive guild, and the limits of the griefing strategy:
    • “You’re never gonna get rid of them. A true dedicated WoW player is not gonna leave.” (12:35)
  • Reveals the real-life impact: “My brother’s wife is leaving him this morning because of his game.” (12:46)

• Pantless Gnome Running Gag:

  • Ongoing cracks about the difficulties and absurdities of acquiring pants for gnome characters.
    • “Can your husband loan me some pants?” (08:26)
    • “I saved all the emails from people who wanted to give me my pants.” (14:29)

5. Community Engagement and Next Steps

• Recruitment Effort:

  • The show asks listeners to join in the ‘mission,’ and coordinates with Debbie and Allison to lead the griefing campaign.
  • “Let me find out more of the information on Dude’s character, and I’ll email it to you today. And then we will start recruiting assassins to grieve him every time he comes online.” (11:04)

• Gaming Culture Commentary:

  • The crew pokes fun at the sometimes-obsessive dedication of WoW players, encouraging them to “enjoy the sun” as an alternate activity.
    • “Perhaps they could go outside and enjoy this ball of fire in the sky called the sun.” (14:00)
    • “Don’t be ridiculous. Now you’re just being ridiculous.” (14:10)

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On WoW Addictiveness:
  • Bert: “He’s just consumed. So, the idea was, find a World of Warcraft assassin ... kill dude, be done with him. And then Holly would have her boyfriend back.” (03:39)
• On Griefing:
  • Allison: “You can pretty much make their life really, really difficult and really, really annoying.” (04:38)
  • Cassie: “It’s called griefing.” (05:15)
• On WoW Marriages and Relationship Drama:
  • Debbie: “My brother’s wife is leaving him this morning because of his game.” (12:46)
• Pants Gag:
  • Jeff: “Can your husband loan me some pants?” (08:26)
  • Debbie: “Sweetie, I can make you some pants.” (13:41)
• On Sunlight and Real Life:
  • Cassie: “Perhaps they could go outside and enjoy this ball of fire in the sky called the sun.” (14:00)
  • Bert: “Don’t be ridiculous.” (14:10)

Important Timestamps

• [01:00-03:20] – WoW’s structure, addictiveness, character death, gameplay mechanics
• [03:39] – Holly’s Relationship Struggles & the 'Assassin' Mission Proposal
• [04:17-08:18] – Allison explains griefing; organizing the in-game harassment
• [08:56-09:38] – Explaining multiple characters/servers and how to adapt the plan
• [10:03–11:12] – Choosing assassin names; organizing the attack with Allison and Debbie
• [12:35–14:10] – Debbie’s warnings; real-life impacts of gaming; jokes about sunshine and real-world alternatives

Summary & Tone

The episode is light-hearted, irreverent, and full of gamer in-jokes, making fun of both their own (lack of) gaming skills and the wild world of MMOs like WoW. Jokes about pantsless gnomes, guild drama, and “griefing” serve as a comedic backdrop for a real-life look at how online games can impact relationships. The Bert Show uniquely involves listeners not only as callers but as direct participants in their playful (and slightly mischievous) WoW intervention plotline.