17: Vault: All Her Exes Told Her Why She's Single.

Summary

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The Bert Show - Episode 17: Vault: All Her Exes Told Her Why She's Single

Date: May 15, 2026
Main Cast: Bert (Host), Melissa, Co-hosts, Amanda (featured caller/listener)
Main Theme:
The episode centers on Amanda, a 33-year-old woman trying to understand why her romantic relationships never last beyond a year. The show takes a deep dive by inviting her exes to give candid feedback on why things ended, and reflects on whether patterns in her behavior or mismatches in life goals are to blame.

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Episode Overview

Amanda, frustrated by her string of short relationships, seeks answers about her love life. The show revisits a week-long journey where Amanda's ex-boyfriends provide their perspectives on the relationships' demise. The hosts aim to help Amanda gain clarity about her patterns, intentions, and readiness for a relationship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amanda’s Relationship History and Frustration

• Amanda’s Dilemma:
  • She’s 33 and has never had a relationship last more than a year. Breakups were usually not dramatic, but longevity has eluded her. (01:07)
  • Expresses desire for marriage and concern about her part in repeated breakups.

The “Relationship Report Card” with Amanda’s Exes

• Show’s Approach:
  • The team brings on four ex-boyfriends—John, Nathan, Eric, and Alex—to give honest feedback, hoping Amanda can spot patterns or learn new insights about herself. (01:36)
• Method for Honesty:
  • The exes spoke without Amanda on the line, to encourage uninhibited truthfulness. Amanda then listens and responds to their comments.

Reviewing the Exes’ Testimonies

John (First Ex-Boyfriend)

• John’s Perspective:
  • “About half a year into being together... she just got really homebodyish and felt like we were in our 30s all of a sudden.” (03:20)
  • Wanted to party and be young; Amanda was focused on academics and her career.
• Amanda’s Response:
  • Confirms that she prioritized law school and didn’t want to party, which led to the breakup. (03:53)

Alex (Recent Ex - Didn’t Know He Was an Ex!)

• Key Moment:
  • Alex found out he was an “ex” only when contacted by the show. “We were taking a break... it was her idea.” (04:16)
• Defining ‘Break’ vs ‘Breakup’:
  • Hosts discuss how “taking a break” feels like a soft breakup, but isn’t the same as clearly ending a relationship. Amanda insists breaks are breakups, but the hosts disagree. (04:54-05:18)
• Alex’s Confusion:
  • “Had no clue until I got a call from your producer…” (04:16)

Common Pattern - Communication Problems & “Self-Sabotage”

• Melissa Observes:
  • Amanda seems defensive and patterns of “self-sabotage” are apparent: “Things go well and you end it…” Are you “trying to find the absolute most hundred percent perfect man and are unrealistic about what a relationship really is?” (08:16)
• Amanda Reflects:
  • “Maybe I need to slow down… maybe I need to, you know, look at myself more. Maybe you guys are right.” (07:49, 11:57)
• Host’s Summation:
  • Amanda may not be doing anything “wrong”—she just hasn’t met the right person or isn’t ready for a relationship right now. (09:04, 12:03)

Callers Chime In: Testing Men & Losing Control

• Raven’s Call:
  • Admits to breaking up with men “to see if they care enough to fight for me to come back,” but acknowledges it doesn’t work. (05:30-06:05)
  • “No, it doesn’t work. And she’s realizing it doesn’t work for her either.” (06:05)
• Christine’s Call (Referenced):
  • Points out the pitfalls of “testing” men—when women go back, they’ve lost control. (06:14)
• Male Callers’ Take:
  • Brandon: Notes a pattern of women sabotaging good relationships waiting for a mythical perfect partner. (09:13)
  • Ryan: Criticizes the over-analysis, saying Amanda is “a great girl… but you’re way overanalyzing these relationships.” (10:36-11:29)

Hosts Attempt a Diagnosis

• Amanda’s Readiness for Relationships:
  • Host to Amanda: “I just don’t think the time is right for you to settle down with somebody yet. You want that to be you, but it’s really not the case.” (12:03)
• Melissa’s Read:
  • Wonders if Amanda is simply agreeing to end the segment: “I could say that you need to, I don’t know, move to Canada. And she’d be like, you know what? You’re right, Melissa. Just get me off the phone…” (12:21)
• Amanda’s Exhaustion:
  • Admits she’s “just very done with it.” (12:21)
• Final Thoughts:
  • The show wraps up, hoping Amanda learned something, while joking about her eagerness to hang up. (12:40-12:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amanda On Ending Relationships:

  • “Maybe I need to slow down with my, you know, I work a lot.” (07:49)
  • “Maybe I haven’t met the right person yet, and maybe when I do, maybe then I’ll, you know, settle down…” (08:35)
  • [Final summary] “Maybe I need to, you know, look at myself more. Maybe you guys are right.” (11:57)

• John (Ex):

  • “She just got really homebodyish and felt like we were in our 30s all of a sudden…” (03:20)

• Alex (Ex):

  • “I had no clue until I got a call from your producer. We were taking a break… it was hers.” (04:16)

• Raven (Caller):

  • “I break up with a boyfriend to see if he’s gonna fight for me to come back… and she does the exact same thing.” (05:30)
  • “No, it doesn’t [work].” (06:05)

• Melissa (Co-host):

  • “It seems to me… a lot of callers are saying is the self sabotage part because things go well and you end it.” (08:16)

• Host’s Overarching Point:

  • “There is a good chance you’re not doing anything wrong. You just haven’t met a guy that fits who you are yet.” (09:04)

• Host, summing up:

  • “I just don’t think the time is right for you to settle down with somebody yet. You want that to be you, but it’s really not the case.” (12:03)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Amanda’s Introduction & History: 01:07–01:36
• Show’s Explanation of Format: 01:36–02:16
• John (First Ex) Interview & Analysis: 03:14–03:53
• Alex (Break/Breakup Confusion): 04:08–05:18
• Raven’s Call: Relationship “Testing”: 05:26–06:05
• Melissa’s Self-Sabotage Theory: 08:16
• Host’s Reflection on Readiness & Society’s Pressure: 09:04–10:10
• Call-in (Brandon & Ryan on Overanalysis & Patterns): 09:08–11:29
• Amanda’s Honest Realization & Fatigue: 11:57–12:23
• Episode Wrap-Up: 12:35–12:46

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Conclusion

The episode offers a revealing, sometimes humorous, sometimes serious analysis of Amanda’s romantic life. Through honest feedback from her exes, live call-ins, and co-host commentary, Amanda confronts patterns of self-sabotage, unclear communication, and questions about her true readiness for a relationship. Ultimately, the hosts suggest that Amanda may not be at a stage in life to commit, encouraging patience and self-acceptance—while Amanda seems eager for the topic (and the call) to finally end.

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Transcript

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[The Birch Show Announcer]

The Birch Show.

[Host]

All right, let's go back to a week ago now. This is Amanda calling up for the very first time.

[Amanda]

Well, I'm 33 now, and I've never had a relationship last more than a year, you know, usually six months. It starts to go downhill and it's just like you start thinking at a certain age, I want to get married one day. And it's like, what am I doing wrong? Once or twice I dump someone or they dumped me. You know what I mean? It was never like a crazy breakup. Really.

[Co-host 1]

What is your type of guy?

[Amanda]

You know, I mean, I try, you know, to find someone, you know, that has a job and, you know, I think has good morals. You never know, though, you know what I mean?

[Host]

All right, so our idea was this, and we've done relationship report card before, is nobody has better perspective on what happened in that relationship than one of the ex boyfriends.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah. Because they are going to be able to come on and be honest and say, this is why it didn't work out.

[Amanda]

And.

[Co-host 1]

And we did that every single day without her being on the phone so that we could get some honesty. And then after a while, you figure out if there's a pattern that's formed or, you know, get some sort of insight in, you know, the way you are in a relationship that you wouldn't get otherwise.

[Host]

So one of two things is going to happen here is she's been listening and she's been analyzing what they said, and she's really, really gotten an education, or she's going to be so defensive that she just shut down.

[Melissa]

Well, what happened last week is Thursday we were supposed to talk to a boyfriend. She called up and said, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm. And she was defensive on Thursday. Then we talked her into just one more boyfriend. One more boyfriend. And then Friday, Alex came on, and then we realized, wait a second. Alex did not know that he was an ex boyfriend until we contacted him to be on this panel.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

Details.

[Melissa]

And so I feel like, well, she was. She was defensive on Thursday. Now she knows that we're going to ask her, why didn't Alex know that you were not broken up, even though you're on a break? But whatever. And so I have a feeling that she's going to be a little more, I don't know, harsh with us today.

[Host]

All right, we have much ground to cover here. There were four boyfriends that we had on John, Nathan, Eric, and Alex. Hey, Amanda.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning.

[Amanda]

Good morning, guys.

[Host]

How are you?

[Amanda]

I'm okay. How are you guys?

[Host]

Good. You want to. You want to take the last one and work our way backwards, or would you like to start with John and work our way up to the ex boyfriend who didn't know he was an ex boyfriend?

[Amanda]

I guess we'll start with John.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Host]

From the beginning. All right. This was John initially, I think, first and foremost.

[John]

You know, it was a long time ago.

[Caller/Listener]

We were.

[John]

We were kind of young. I'd say about half a year into being together. To me, as a 21 year old, she just got really homebodyish and felt like we were in our 30s all of a sudden. And her excuse for all this was like, well, you know, we should. We should stay in because we have test next week. And I don't know, I was more into, you know, partying.

[Host]

So the gist there is, you guys are young, he still wants to party, and you want to get serious about your career and graduating.

[Amanda]

Right? And that's exactly what happened. Like, he was totally, you know, into drinking and partying, and I just wasn't. I wanted to get my, you know, I mean, I was going to law school. I was, you know, trying to work on my grades. I needed, like, that was the issue.

[Host]

All right, let me play this, because this was Alex on Friday. He didn't realize he was an ex boyfriend until producer Tracy called him, had

[Caller/Listener]

had no clue until I got a call from your producer. We were taking a break to sort of focus on some Personal stuff.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

Whose idea was the break?

[Caller/Listener]

It was hers.

[Melissa]

Her idea.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, it didn't seem unusual to me or anything like that. I mean, we're. We spent a lot of time with each other. We're very career minded. I didn't think there was anything wrong whatsoever.

[Host]

Okay, so Alex comes on and says he had no idea.

[Amanda]

Right. Which is ridiculous because when you tell someone that you want to take a break, I mean, basically you're breaking up with them. I haven't texted him in weeks. I mean, what I don't understand. Well, that was baffling.

[Host]

I think we tried to define this on Friday. Like, taking a break and breaking up are really two different things. Like I said, I think the taking the break is really limbo for breaking up. But it's not really official just yet. It's like, okay, I'm gonna go do my thing, you do your thing. We'll meet back here in four weeks and we'll see if it works out. There's no, like, nice little breakup Bow,

[Amanda]

the nice way of saying we're breaking up. Like, I really.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

Well, no, the nice way to say that we're breaking up is, hey, we're breaking up, like, taking a break. There are. There are two very, very, very different things.

[Host]

Yeah, here's Raven here. She's got some input. Hey, Raven.

[Amanda]

Hey. I just agree with you guys because I do the same thing. I break up with a boyfriend to see if he's gonna fight for me to come back. You know, I think the most important thing that they have or going on, and I kind of self sabotage the relationship to see if they'll fight for me. And she does the exact same thing.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

That's.

[Co-host 1]

So, Raven, do they fight for you?

[Amanda]

Yeah, just to see if they care about me or love me enough to fight for me, to want me back. Let me see how much they care about me and see if they'll fight for me.

[Co-host 1]

I understand what you're saying and why you do it, but do they fight for you? Does it work?

[Amanda]

No, it doesn't. And she's realizing it doesn't work for her either. So we gotta do something about it.

[Host]

Theory not working. Christine called us earlier in the morning and she said the same thing, that she's broken up with guys and tested them and they haven't come back. But then she goes back to them, and at that point, you've lost complete control in the relationship.

[Co-host 1]

You know what we're really learning here is that guys are lazy.

[Host]

So what was the reason why you went on the break Slash the breakup with Alex, then without him knowing because.

[Amanda]

Yeah, without him knowing because. I mean, we were just working a lot. We never saw each other. There was. And then when we, when I wasn't working, we were together all the time. You know what I'm saying? Like, we work and he works a lot as well. But there was stuff I wanted to do. I wanted to, you know, work out more. I wanted to, you know, be with my girlfriends. I wasn't seeing them at all.

[Co-host 1]

So it sounds like you don't even want a relationship right now in your life at all. Because it's.

[Amanda]

I do. I mean, it's just. I don't, you know.

[Melissa]

Well, I'm confused because it seems like what you wanted with the first guys, for them to be more homebody. Well, here's a guy that was going to be happy to be a homebody with you, and then you didn't want him.

[Amanda]

I mean, that's not that I didn't want him. I was just very, you know, it was very busy.

[Host]

Were things going great with Alex before you guys went on the break?

[Amanda]

Yeah, they were going really good.

[Host]

Well, if things were going well with Alex and you broke up with him because you didn't have time, and that was just last week, then if what you're saying is if anybody comes into your life right now, you don't have time for it because you did. Things were fine with Alex.

[Amanda]

I mean, maybe I need to slow down with my, you know, I work a lot.

[Co-host 1]

Was he a poor performer in any area?

[Amanda]

No, he wasn't at all. I mean, everything was, you know, good.

[Melissa]

I'm even more confused.

[Host]

Well, the, the one thing that we do have at the time between Eric and Alex is communication problems. Eric didn't know why you broke up and Alex didn't know he was broken up with.

[Melissa]

So I just, it seems to me, and I said this at the beginning of last week and I still think the same thing that a lot of callers are saying is the self sabotage part because things go well and you end it. And I'm not sure if you're trying to find the absolute, most hundred percent perfect man and are unrealistic about what a relationship really is.

[Amanda]

Maybe, I mean, maybe, you know, I haven't met the right person yet and maybe when, you know, I do, maybe then I'll, you know, settle down and nothing will be wrong and I won't, you know, mind all the little things.

[Host]

Yeah, and that was my initial point when we first started this whole thing that I do think women Put their finger on the panic button at some point and say, what am I doing wrong in these relationships? When the truth of the matter is there is a good chance you're not doing anything wrong. You just haven't met a guy that fits who you are yet.

[Amanda]

Right. And maybe that's the issue. Maybe that's what it is.

[Host]

Hey, Brandon.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning. You're on Q100 Morning Bird Show.

[Amanda]

How are y' all doing today?

[Host]

All right, thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

These poor women that, you know, what. What perfect person are they waiting for that could have passed?

[Amanda]

They sabotage everything that they touch.

[Caller/Listener]

Why?

[Host]

Well, I think she just hasn't met the right guy, to be honest with you.

[Amanda]

How do you know?

[Caller/Listener]

Every time she gets closed, she jerks the sex, she jerks the partying. What's next?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I mean, I think there's a fine line between what's not happening, you know, There's a fine line between settling down for somebody that you, you know, just because of the time thing and to find the person that's right for you. Because I do think it's always worth the wait. I think you should wait it out and not rush into anything. But. Yeah, I just think that Amanda seems to. Things happen when things are going well. That's. That's when every. The problems start.

[Host]

Is it possible that you've sort of, like, been brainwashed by society to think that you should be in a relationship when the truth is you really don't want to be in one right now or you don't have the time for one right now?

[Amanda]

Maybe that's the issue. Maybe I don't have the time. Maybe I haven't met the right guy and I don't. I don't have the time. Maybe that is the problem.

[Melissa]

Why are you upset?

[Amanda]

I don't know. It's just, you know, it's difficult to listen to, you know, all of it. And I mean, it was like a very, like, draining week last week.

[Host]

That must be very hard to Monday.

[Amanda]

Thank God it's a short week.

[Host]

Hey, Ryan. Good morning. What's up?

[Caller/Listener]

Hey. I've been listening to this all week, actually. I love you guys show. By the way, my girlfriend got me turned on to you guys for actually from the regular guys.

[Host]

Thanks, man.

[Caller/Listener]

So. But I've been listening to all these problems and, you know, it sounds like you're. You're. You're a great girl. You're nice, but I think you're way overanalyzing these deep. These relationships. And the other two previous women, they just called in talking about they want to test these men. I think they're acting like looney bins, to be honest with you. I mean, to. If you're in a relationship and you like somebody, and especially this last guy who will apparently say he didn't know that. That you're broken up, which he should have figured it out. But if you guys were on the verge of getting married and you're looking at rings, don't you think he. He kind of loves you? I mean, don't you think that's proven enough that he's saying, okay, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you because we're about to get married?

[The Birch Show Announcer]

But she really. She needed really, really proof. She needed really double proof.

[Host]

You had at least in two of these situations. In half of the situations, both guys said that they would have continued the situation, like Eric said, had you not pulled the sex part, you guys would still be going out. Alex says that had you not gone on the break, he'd still be in the relationship with you. So the only thing I can conclude is that you think you're ready for a relationship, but you really aren't.

[Amanda]

Right? And maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I need to, you know, look at myself more. Maybe you guys are right.

[Host]

I just don't think the time is right for you to settle down with somebody yet. You want that to be you, but it's really not the case.

[Melissa]

That makes sense.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, it does. Totally does.

[Co-host 1]

I think it's a good analysis of the whole week and her whole situation.

[Melissa]

I can't tell, though, because I think Amanda just wants it to be over with. I think she's accepting anything we say.

[Amanda]

I'm a little done with it, and

[Melissa]

I can't tell if that's the right read or not, because she. Yeah, I could say that you need to, you know, I don't know, move to Canada. And she'd be like, you know what? You're right. You're right. Melissa. Just get me off the phone, Take me away from you guys.

[Host]

The pain is over. It's over.

[Co-host 1]

Thank you for doing it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, thanks, guys. I appreciate it.

[Host]

All right. I hope you got a little bit something out of it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, I said you can't wait

[Host]

to get off the phone.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

Bye.

[Caller/Listener]

Bye.

[Co-host 1]

Bye, bye.

[Melissa]

She says, I guess I'm out of it. I ain't listening to you guys no more.

[The Birch Show Announcer]

Oh, she hates us.

[Host]

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