18: Vault: She Was Attacked By Pigeons.

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode 18: Vault: She Was Attacked By Pigeons

Date: May 15, 2026
Main Theme:
A humorous and lively exploration of strange encounters with aggressive pigeons at Georgia State University. Listeners and show hosts recount tales of repeated pigeon attacks, theorize about why these birds might be targeting certain people, and swap campus animal stories that are both funny and a bit unnerving.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Georgia State’s Pigeon Problems

• The episode opens with hosts joking about the safety of Georgia State’s campus, not due to the usual perils, but due to "dangerous" pigeons (00:30).
• Primary story: A caller (E) narrates her sister’s repeated pigeon attacks, each more bizarre than the last.

2. The Pigeon Attacks: Three-Strikes Story

• First Encounter (01:04):
  • The caller’s sister, excited on her first day at Georgia State, walks past pigeons by the library, only to be "beelined" and hit in the shoulder by a pigeon.

    "All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this pigeon comes and flies straight past her and hits her in the shoulder—straight up like a beeline, right into her shoulder.” — E (01:13)

• Second Encounter (01:50):
  • Two weeks later, another pigeon flies directly into the sister and even gets stuck in her hair due to her big afro.

    "All of a sudden another one flies straight into her and gets stuck in her hair." — E (02:16) "It got stuck in her hair like she's got a big old afro." — E (02:22)

• Third Encounter (02:37):
  • While sitting outside the library, she has a "staring contest" with a pigeon, which ends with the bird attacking and scratching her shoulder—forcing her to get a tetanus shot.

    "The pigeon apparently... lost and flew straight into her, scratched her shoulder, and she had to go and get a tetanus shot." — E (03:00)

3. Host Theories and Banter

• The hosts and caller riff on possible causes, suggesting maybe the sister looks like a nest, or is a “pigeon magnet.”
• Lighthearted teasing:

  “There is a chance that on the pigeon radio station, there’s a call right now or somebody saying, ‘Yeah, my sister pigeon just loves humans.’” — C (01:24) “Her head kind of looks like a nest. So that could be what, like, attracts them to her head.” — E (04:19) “They're trying to get her in their gang.” — D (04:43)

4. Is This a Campus Epidemic? Listener Calls Confirm

• Host B wonders if these attacks are common or just bad luck for the caller’s sister (03:26).
• Caller Christina, Georgia State Senior (04:46):
  • Confirms strange pigeon behavior, including seeing a pigeon carry a chicken wing—described as “pigeon cannibalism.”

    “My first day at Georgia State, I saw a pigeon practice cannibalism, where a pigeon was carrying a chicken wing through our campus squad.” — Christina (05:13)

• The hosts amplify the humor of this, questioning if pigeons eat their own, and likening campus pigeons to “badass” animals (05:24).

5. More Listener Tales: Crowd Attacks and Pandemic Vibes

• Caller Sophia: Describes “a swarm of pigeons... actually attacking crowds of people,” especially where there’s leftover food from restaurants. (06:03)

  “It was like a swarm of pigeons were actually attacking crowds of people. People were running, dodging, trying to get out...” — Sophia (06:13)

• Sophia and other callers confirm these hyper-aggressive pigeons are a real problem—chasing and even hitting people.

• Caller Ellis: Shares a story about a friend being directly hit in the face by a pigeon (06:44).

  “Pigeon flew directly in her face.” — Ellis (07:01)

6. Animal Antics: Pigeons vs. Squirrels

• The hosts compare the pigeons to infamous "Disney World squirrels" and joke about needing an “open season” on pigeons.

  “The pigeons at Georgia State sound like the squirrels at Disney World.” — C (07:22) “The difference would be if that squirrel went up and punched Scott in the face.” — D (07:34)

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Memorable Quotes & Fun Moments

• On Pigeon-Human Relations:

  “There is a chance that on the pigeon radio station, there’s a call right now... ‘Yeah, my sister pigeon just loves humans. Like, walks right into them.’” — C (01:24)

• Pigeon Cannibalism:

  “I saw a pigeon practice cannibalism, where a pigeon was carrying a chicken wing through our campus squad.” — Christina (05:13)
  “A pigeon carrying a chicken wing... Are you sure it wasn't a pigeon wing? What if the pigeon killed his brethren and then barbecued it?” — C (05:27)

• Pigeon Epidemic:

  “Welcome to Georgia State, where the pigeons are pissed.” — D (06:31)

• Campus Survival:

  “Do they have a season on humans? Like, okay, here it is, it’s May 19th...” — B (05:38)

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Notable Timestamps

• 01:04: First attack – the “beeline” pigeon shoulder hit
• 02:16: Pigeon stuck in hair incident
• 03:00: Third attack and need for a tetanus shot
• 04:46: Caller Christina reports "pigeon cannibalism"
• 06:03: Caller Sophia describes full-blown pigeon swarm attacks on crowds
• 07:01: Caller Ellis confirms direct facial attack by pigeon
• 07:22: Comparison to Disney World squirrels and animal shenanigans

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Episode Tone & Style

• Authentic, playful, and witty: The hosts banter freely and encourage tall tales, but also use the show to connect over strange campus experiences.
• Listener-centric: Two separate Georgia State students (callers) provide corroboration, adding richness and validation to the “dangerous pigeon” legend.
• Comedy through exaggeration: Recurring jokes about “pigeon gangs,” pigeon-themed hair products, and theoretical pigeon message boards keep the conversation light despite the almost-horror-story events described.
• Underlying urban observation: Amidst the jokes, the episode offers some insight into urban wildlife adapting—and sometimes becoming an over-the-top annoyance—in campus environments.

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In Summary

This episode is a hilarious tribute to the weirdness of campus life at Georgia State—where the real threat isn’t your finals, but feathered, audacious pigeons. Blending first-hand stories, wild speculation, and ever-quick wit, The Bert Show delivers both laughs and sympathy for their "marked" caller—a woman with a bullseye for birds.

Transcript

[A]

I drive my bus in a busy city. That's why road safety is so important to me. I know that I must slow down and be extra careful when I make a wide turn. Buses need more room than cars. Everyone can help keep our roads safe. Next time you're driving, remember to give buses plenty of time and space to finish turning before driving ahead. Let's all plan to share the road safely. Learn how at www.sharetherodesafely.gov.

[B]

the third show. Hi, Reshma. Hi, Georgia State students. And we're not entirely sure it's a 100% safe campus.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I don't.

[E]

I don't know. I mean, we both just transferred to Georgia State, and my sister's a sophomore, and her very first day at Georgia State, she was walking, like, Georgia State's got, like, a midsection amongst all their buildings. And she was walking there past the library, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she, like, sees a bunch of pigeons. And. And she. I mean, pretty much likes pigeons and thinks they're funny. Animals will kind of stare at them. And she's like that girl that kind of runs into the pigeon pile.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

So she was just walking by them and saw them and was kind of like, you know, like, excited to be at school and all that. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this pigeon comes and flies straight past her and hits her in the

[B]

shoulder, straight up like a beeline, right

[E]

straight into her shoulder.

[B]

So it wasn't like, on the path somewhere else and just accidentally was flying too slowly and she got in the way. It was beeline.

[C]

Now, just out of curiosity, like, to be fair, there is a chance that on the pigeon radio station, there's a call right now or somebody on the air saying, a pigeon saying, yeah, my sister pigeon just loves humans. Like, walks right into them or flies right into them when they see them. So basically, the pigeon committed the same crime that your sister, maybe your human sister committed.

[E]

I could see that. I could see that. But the thing is. So that day when she called me, I was laughing at her. Then about two weeks later, she's talking to me, and her and I are walking together this time, and we're walking over to see my dad and grab lunch with him. And we walk through the middle of downtown through Woodruff park, and there's always pigeons around Woodruff Park. So we're walking down, and there's a big old clump of pigeons, and we have to, like, walk through them. So we walk through them and they all fly up out of nowhere. No one Else freaks out. She kind of like, you know, stumbles a little bit, and all of a sudden another one flies straight into her and gets stuck in her hair.

[D]

It got stuck in her hair like

[E]

she's got a big old afro. So, like, it got like, like claws, like, kind of like, you know, trembled

[D]

in her hair and then flew away.

[F]

Wow, Poor hair.

[E]

And I didn't believe her the first time. I thought she was lying. So this time I was like, what is wrong with you?

[B]

Okay, now you're completely off of Georgia State campus at that point.

[E]

I mean, it's still a part of the campus.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah. It's in between. Like, Georgia State's kind of spread out, so. And then last week when it started getting cold, she was sitting outside the library, just kind of hanging out. And at this point, her exact words to me were, I was staring at the pigeon just thinking about it. I don't know what she was thinking about, but she was having, like a staring contest with the pigeon.

[B]

Oh, you'll lose that every time.

[E]

So the pigeon apparently.

[B]

Did they do that little herky jerky head thing?

[E]

Yeah. So I guess the pigeon lost and flew straight into her, scratched her shoulder, and she had to go and get a tetanus shot.

[B]

So she had a showdown with a pigeon.

[D]

So they had three showdowns with pigeons. They have a hit on her. Yeah, that is a pigeon that has a hit on her.

[E]

Exactly. So, I mean, three times in a row. And she claimed that time it was because she took her sweater off and it was like some like, higher sign for her to, like, put her sweater on so she doesn't get sick. But I was like, you got a tetanus? Like, that's not the same thing.

[B]

Our thought it might be like some kind of Georgia State epidemic where if it's happening to your sister, maybe then it's gotta be happening to other students around campus. Or she's wearing something that is attracting pigeons. Maybe she's flying right into her.

[D]

Maybe she's a pigeon whisperer.

[C]

Does she have some pigeon themed shampoo or soap that she's using or.

[E]

I don't think so. I mean, her hair kind of looks

[B]

like a natural pigeon themed shampoo and

[C]

maybe corn flavored popcorn. You know, scented perfume, perhaps?

[D]

You're really hit and miss today, aren't you?

[C]

Just thinking out loud.

[D]

That would attract pigeons. And Jeff, Jeff be like, oh, you smell great.

[B]

My hunch was that other people from Georgia State would call and say, yeah, there's a patch of, like, pigeons somewhere on campus that has been Known for years to attack others. But I'm not getting any calls. So it may just be your sister's sister.

[D]

What's that Alfred Hitchcock movie?

[F]

The Birds.

[E]

Birds. Creepy. It might just be her. I mean, she does have a big old curly head of hair, so her head kind of looks like a nest. So that could be what, like, attracts them to her head.

[D]

You really love your sister.

[C]

Is this a sister that you convinced her? She was adopted for several years.

[E]

Same one, Yeah. I don't know. I mean, they just really like hitting her, and they always leave a mark. Like, each one of them, she's got, like, three different marks.

[D]

They're branding her.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

They're trying to get her in their gang.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

See if she's tough enough.

[B]

There's Christina. Good morning, Christina.

[F]

Hey. I love your show.

[B]

Thank you.

[F]

But I got a Georgia State student go to Georgia State. Sorry. And I'm actually a senior. And what she's saying about the pigeons, it's completely true. We also. My first day at Georgia State, I saw a pigeon practice cannibalism, where a pigeon was carrying a chicken wing through our campus squad.

[D]

It was carrying what?

[B]

A chicken wing. Now, we've always wondered on the show if a turkey will eat turkey for Thanksgiving, but now we know a pigeon will eat a chicken wing. Really?

[D]

I mean, the pigeons are badass at Georgia State.

[C]

How do you know that was a chicken wing? What if it was a pigeon wing? What if the pigeon killed his brethren and then barbecued it?

[D]

They need to have, like, open season on pigeons at Georgia State. Cause it sounds like it's like deer hunting, you know?

[B]

Like, you think they have a season on humans? Like, okay, here it is. It's May 19th.

[D]

They're all here, everybody.

[B]

September 3rd.

[F]

Get them.

[D]

How much did you get today? I got five. How many did you get?

[E]

I got 10.

[D]

Meeting afterwards.

[B]

Hey, Sophia. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[F]

Good morning, guys. Love you, by the way.

[B]

Thank you.

[F]

I have been at Georgia State for seven years. Bachelor's and master's. And there was a time when I was walking up through Woodruff park, and it was like a swarm of pigeons were actually attacking crowds of people. And we were actually. People were running, dodging, trying to get out of the hallway. I think it's Broad street because there's so many restaurants, and a lot of people will leave food out for them. And so they just go for anybody at any time.

[D]

Welcome to Georgia State, where the pigeons are pissed.

[E]

Yeah. And they're not afraid of anyone, so they'll like, eat. Like, even if you, like, start to chase them, they will move out of the way. Like, it's like pigeons right away.

[B]

So it is an epidemic down here at Georgia State. Ellis.

[F]

Hey. Yeah, no, definitely true, because about two years ago when I was at meeting my best friend up and we were roommates at the time, and she was walking across the park to come meet me, and I am not lying. Pigeon flew directly in her face.

[B]

Right? For beelines. Right? For.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Well, don't you remember?

[D]

Aren't they like, the roaches? Like, they're like, nastier than.

[E]

I mean, the doctor nurse, like, literally ordered my sister to have a tetanus. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Don't you remember?

[B]

Because they'll eat anything, right? So they're probably picking up all sorts of infections.

[D]

They, like, have all kinds of diseases and we can catch from birds.

[F]

Ew.

[C]

The pigeons at Georgia State sound like the squirrels at Disney World. Remember that squirrel climbed into Scott's computer bag and fussed around until it found a half eaten chocolate chip cookie?

[D]

The difference would be if that squirrel went up and punched Scott in the face.

[B]

You're on the Burt Show.