22: Vault: She is not a runner but signed up for a marathon

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault - "She is not a runner but signed up for a marathon"

Date: May 15, 2026
Cast: Bert Show Crew – Joanna, Jen Hobby, Katie, and unnamed commentators

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Episode Overview

This lighthearted and authentic episode features two main topics:

• The humorous struggles and anxieties of a non-runner (the "Unidentified Female Runner") preparing to run a half marathon to support her boyfriend, Jason.
• Jen Hobby’s unexpected reconnecting with an old (very attractive) high school friend who recently reached out, and the crew's playful speculation about possible romantic sparks.

The conversation is filled with supportive ribbing, practical advice, and funny moments, making it as relatable as it is entertaining.

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1. Signing Up for a Marathon as a Non-Runner

[01:31–09:03]

Key Discussion Points

• Joanna teases the Unidentified Female Runner for her ambitious plans, even as Jen Hobby reveals she's feeling under the weather.
• Motivation: The runner joined to support her boyfriend, Jason, who is participating in the full Atlanta Marathon. Jason is described as the archetypal "motivator" personality.
  • "Because I'm such a great girlfriend and I love him so much, I decided to support him in this and I signed up for the half marathon." ([02:11], Unidentified Female Runner)
  • "He's one of those, like, motivators. Like, when we're running together, he's constantly motivating me. And I just look at him, and I'm like, just die. Just fall over." ([05:17], Unidentified Female Runner)
• Training (or lack thereof): The runner admits she hasn’t really trained – her longest distance is six miles, well short of a half marathon's 13 miles.
  • "The furthest I've been is six miles. So this is going to be a test, you know?" ([04:53], Unidentified Female Runner)
• Running Struggles:
  • Dislike of repetition and fear of hair/makeup being ruined.
  • Doubting the existence of a "runner’s high":
    "When I tell other runners about this, they're like, oh, have you felt that runner's high? And I was like, no, but there's a runner's high. Where do you get that?...I think they're lying. " ([03:22–03:37], Unidentified Female Runner)
  • Nervous about being surrounded by "real" runners at race packet pickup.
  • Worried about possibly finishing last. "Well, there has to be a slowest one. And it probably will be me." ([06:40], Unidentified Female Runner)
• Mental Strategies:
  • Encouraged by Jason, but also feels pressured not to “fail”, especially in front of him.
  • Jokes about the difference between treadmill and road running. "I think road running is a lot easier...because I feel like I have more to look [at]." ([07:36], Unidentified Female Runner)
• Call-in Motivation:
  • Caller Taylor shares her first marathon experience and the power of “people watching” to get through tough moments.
  • "Just seriously, just get through it. And I promise people watch, Will will make it a fun adventure." ([06:06], Caller Taylor)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On running slowly:
  "You run a 15 minute mile slow." ([03:08], Unidentified Female Commentator)
• On pushing through nerves:
  "Just doing it. Is it really. It sounds like a cliche." ([06:57], Joanna)
• On runner’s ego:
  "There is a runner's strut when you're running. You have a strut going because you're like, you all are in the car and I'm running." ([08:18], Unidentified Female Runner)
• On race day expectations:
  "I don't want to walk. I don't want. I do not want to even think that walking is an option. I want to finish it running." ([08:47], Unidentified Female Runner)
• Potential marathon proposal:
  "I think this would be awesome. Jason, I think you should propose at the end of the race when she looks like she. As soon as the race ends." ([05:25], Unidentified Female Commentator)

---

2. Jen Hobby’s Unexpected Reunion

[09:03–13:22]

Key Discussion Points

• Jen's Under-the-Weather Weekend: Jen explains she’s not feeling well after catching a cold from her new godson, threatening her weekend plans ([09:03–09:19]).
• Old Flame vs. Old Friend: Jen gets an email from a good-looking guy she barely knew in her tiny high school, now living in Florida. The possibility of meeting up arises ([09:24–09:45]).
• Group Speculation and Stalking:
  - The group urges Jen to google/social media stalk him before meeting. - Jen looks up his picture live on air; the group comments he’s still cute and teases her about old crushes. - "You guys cannot, you have to promise me you cannot say his name." ([11:33], Jen Hobby) - "He looks just like her dad. That’s weird." ([11:48], Unidentified Female Commentator)
• Will She Meet Him?
  - Jen debates whether she should meet him if she’s not feeling well or if it would make a bad impression. - Talk of possibly seeing him at Christmas if not at Thanksgiving ([12:44–12:57]). - Should Jen add him as a friend on Facebook pre- or post-meeting? Crew finds this hilarious.
  - "Not until after the weekend." ([13:05], Katie)
  - "Right after you've seen him naked." ([13:07], Unidentified Female Commentator)
• And finally, lingerie banter:
  • "You gotta run by Fredericks before you head down there."
  • "Dude, it's Victoria's Secret." ([13:15–13:18], Unidentified Female Runner & Katie)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On running for love:
  • "I want him to know he's doing the whole thing. He's doing the whole marathon..." ([05:03], Unidentified Female Runner)
• On competitive cheer:
  • "You're competitive enough. You'll do it." ([08:54], Jen Hobby)
• On reconnecting with someone cute:
  • "He looks exactly like he did in high school." ([11:52], Jen Hobby)
• On race day pressure:
  • "If you're the slowest one, just own it and be happy." ([06:51], Unidentified Female Commentator)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:31–09:03: The marathon challenge — running struggles, prep, group banter
• 05:46–06:28: Caller Taylor’s motivational story
• 09:03–13:22: Jen Hobby’s intriguing weekend update and high school friend saga

---

Tone & Style

The episode is marked by candid humor, supportive teasing, and honest confessions about self-doubt, relationships, and personal goals. The cast maintains their signature blend of relatability and playfulness throughout. The marathon segment will particularly resonate with anyone who has ever felt out of their depth but wanted to support someone they love.

---

Recap

This episode captures both the anxiety and amusement of taking on unexpected challenges—whether it's running a half marathon with zero affinity for running or facing an unexpectedly attractive reunion from your past. The Bert Show team delivers empathy and irreverent fun in equal measure, making for an engaging listen.

Transcript

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[Jen Hobby]

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[Joanna]

Joanna here got a pretty exciting weekend ahead of her. And Jen Hobby may as well. Although I'm looking at her right now and she's fading fast.

[Jen Hobby]

I just don't feel very good.

[Joanna]

I know you don't, but Joanna here has really stretched herself a little bit.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I wouldn't say it's an exciting weekend. I think I'm testing myself this weekend. Kind of my endurance and just to see how far I can push myself. About a month. No, about two months ago, Jason signed up for the Atlanta Marathon, which is going on on Thanksgiving Day.

[Joanna]

I don't even know there was a marathon going on.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Okay, so tomorrow.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

That's ambitious right there. Is he a runner? Like a full on runner?

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I mean, he runs every day for the army. They'd run every morning for pt and so he's about running five to six miles a day. And because I'm such a great girlfriend and I love him so much, I decided to support him in this and I signed up for the half marathon. Okay, but I'm not a runner. Like I can barely run. I mean, not barely. Cause I don't test myself. I just don't like doing something repetitive for a long period of time. And this is 13 miles.

[Jen Hobby]

And sweating messes up your hair.

[Joanna]

You can't have that.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

It does for the rest of the day.

[Jen Hobby]

And you get a shower and redo your hair and makeup.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I know, it's crazy. It's exhausting because in your face your makeup is running down your face. It's really hard to look cute. And apparently they're gonna be taking pictures, so.

[Katie]

Oh no.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

And I just wanna make sure they know that I look good from the left side, not from the right side.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

I was getting all Mariah Carey on the.

[Joanna]

How long is, you know, Hour wise, should 13 miles take you to run?

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Well, the other day I was on the treadmill for four miles and that took me about an hour. So what? Yes.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

So you run a 15 minute mile slow.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Because I don't want to. Like one time I try to run kind of fast and I thought I was gonna throw up after three miles, so I was like. And Jason told me that if you feel like you're running too slow, slow down because you don't want to overdo it. And I just, you know. And then when I tell other runners about this, they're like, oh, have you felt that runner's high? And I was like, no, but there's a runner's high. Where do you get that? And they're like, you gotta roll it

[Joanna]

and smoke it before you go.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

And they're like, well, once you reach, like once you've been running for a certain amount of time, you reach this high and you feel like you can keep going. But I think they're lying. Cause I feel like they're just saying this.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Yeah, I've never felt it either.

[Katie]

It's propaganda for runners to try to suck you in.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I feel like one guy said it and the other guy didn't want to feel left out. I. Oh yeah, yeah, me too. So now it's this big conspiracy that there's this runner's high out there. And I don't think it's really.

[Jen Hobby]

You get that buzz though, after working out. You know what that is?

[Joanna]

No. I have tried to run to get to that and I am with Joanna. I don't think it exists either. And Stacey's gotten it. She's gotten there.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Last year's really hot spurt's buzz comes from he does a bong hit at the top of every sit up.

[Joanna]

That's me. Is it Working out Hot.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

But I'm so nervous about it. Cause yesterday I went to go pick up my number, and there's all these, like, really intense runners around me. Like, we were at the Intercontinental.

[Joanna]

Were they wearing, like, their running shorts to get their numbers?

[Katie]

Come on.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

They ran to get their numbers. Yeah, they were probably running.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Yeah, they're in line like this. You got my number. Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

They're, like, jogging in place. I just ran 12 miles to get here, and I was mad that I had to park kind of far and walk into the dang place. I was like, dang it.

[Joanna]

How much have you trained for this? Because this is not something you can do if you only do four miles on a treadmill. You can't just pick up and do 13.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

The furthest I've been is six miles. So this is going to be a test, you know? And then Jason's like, well, babe, it's just really going to test your strength. And then that's even more pressure.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

You know, because I don't want to look like a failure in front of him. I want him to know he's doing the whole thing. He's doing the whole marathon, and he's

[Joanna]

one of these guys. I'm assuming that Jason is very like, get a goal. Work towards your goal, Succeed at your goal, and there is no failure.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

He's one of those, like, motivators. Like, when we're running together, he's constantly motivating me. And I just look at him, and I'm like, just die. Just fall over.

[Katie]

Just shut. Just shut up.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

You know what I think would be awesome? Is there any chance Jason's listening right now?

[Unidentified Female Runner]

He may be.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

I think this would be awesome. Jason, I think you should propose at the end of the race when she looks like she. As soon as the race ends. And I'll tell you what, you want to do that, go ahead and send me a text. I'll hire a photographer and a videographer.

[Jen Hobby]

No, that's awesome.

[Joanna]

Hey, Taylor. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Taylor]

Yeah. Joanna, I just ran my first marathon, and it was seriously. I mean, I was scared to death, but I did put on mascara, so I understand. You know, you got to do a little something, but really, people watch. People watch will get you through it, I promise.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Really?

[Katie]

Did you walk at all, or did you run the whole way?

[Caller Taylor]

Well, I ran the whole way because on one of my trainings, it was, like, 20 miles, and I stopped, and I thought my body was going to, like, give out. But people watch, and I swear, do not get discouraged, because you will see people that will be running past you, that you're like, how are you even running? But just seriously, just get through it. And I promise people watch, Will will make it a fun adventure.

[Joanna]

So now she's assuming that you're going to be keeping up enough to where there's going to be people around you, right?

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Well, no, because there'll be people on the side. I think that's what she meant. Right. Like the people on the side watching the race, watching the runners.

[Joanna]

Okay.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

But the funny thing is, is that Jason's like, you're not going to be the slowest one. I'm like, well, there has to be a slowest one. And it probably will be me. I don't know the person all the way in the back.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

That would be. If you're the slowest. I mean, you got to have. You got to own that. If you're the slowest one, just own it and be happy.

[Joanna]

I think if you just get through with it.

[Katie]

I mean, doing it.

[Joanna]

Yeah, Just doing it. Is it really. It sounds like a cliche.

[Katie]

That's a hell of a lot more than most are doing.

[Joanna]

Hell, yeah. That's a long way to go. 13 miles.

[Sponsor Representative]

It really.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I mean, six miles is a long way to go. I can't even picture. I just. It's making my stomach just thinking about it.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

And now you said you did the first four miles or you did four miles on the treadmill.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

This was the other day because I was really gross outside and I didn't want to run outside.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

I've been. It's been a while since I've ran. Really, since ever. Ever since, I think, high school when I got chased by a dog. But isn't there a significant difference between road running and treadmill running?

[Joanna]

Oh, yeah, It's a total difference. It's probably the equivalent of two miles of road running is what you did right there.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

No, I think road running is a lot easier. Oh, it's tougher. No, I think it's easier because I feel like I have more to look more to.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Joanna]

If that's what you gotta go with,

[Unidentified Female Runner]

then you're just let me believe what

[Joanna]

I want to believe. Go for it. Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Tomorrow.

[Katie]

Katie says that Katie cannot stand treadmill running because she. She gets bored. So I think once you're in the moment and you're there and like this listener said, with all the people, it'll be fine. But I. Is it wrong that the people. Because you talk about runners, like there's different levels of runners and the ones that get on my nerves if I'm driving because I'm in the car are the ones that when they get to an intersection and they keep jogging and check their pulse there. Oh, and I think you're posing for everybody around.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Can I just say, that's my favorite.

[Jen Hobby]

This is probably feel superior to you.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

There is a runner's strut when you're running. You have a strut going because you're like, you all are in the car and I'm running.

[Joanna]

That's not fair because you're start. You're trying to stay warm so you can continue running.

[Katie]

Are you one of these runners?

[Joanna]

I don't hardly run at all, but when I do, I am a self.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

My favorite part of and you.

[Katie]

Do you check your post, keep it going?

[Joanna]

No, I don't check my course not.

[Sponsor Representative]

No.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

My favorite part of running is when I do have to stop to let the traffic go by because then I get to rest.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

But in the half marathon, that's not going to happen. Like, they close lanes of traffic. There's no stopping.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

No.

[Joanna]

You can walk, though. You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I don't want to walk. I don't want. I do not want to even think that walking is an option. I want to finish it running.

[Katie]

Okay, you'll do it.

[Jen Hobby]

You'll do it.

[Katie]

You're going to do it.

[Jen Hobby]

You're competitive enough. You'll do it.

[Joanna]

And Jason will push you along. You'll be cool.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Well, he's doing the full marathon.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

He's gone before I do. That's going to be really embarrassing.

[Joanna]

Oh, it's not even going to be close. He's going to be so far ahead of you. All right now, Jen Hobby could potentially have an exciting weekend. This weekend also.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, potentially. But I have not been feeling good. I picked up this cold from my new godson over the weekend. So I am kind of struggling with this and was out sick yesterday.

[Katie]

Your relationship, starting with him.

[Jen Hobby]

What?

[Katie]

You're through, Godson. He's already.

[Joanna]

Go ahead.

[Jen Hobby]

Sorry. Oh, I thought you meant what I'm about, the person I'm about to talk about. Anyway, so I got an email through the listener email account the other day from an old friend from high school who I literally haven't seen since high school.

[Joanna]

Oh, how old is she?

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, it's a he.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Oh, it's a he.

[Joanna]

So it's a guy that contacted you that you may see over the weekend. That's a guy?

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

Is this an old boyfriend?

[Jen Hobby]

No, not at all. No, he was a year older than me in school, always a really good looking guy. But I didn't really know him that well, like, which is odd because I've told you guys before, I went to a teeny tiny little private school growing up. I graduated with 19 people in my class. So the entire high school had maybe a little over 100 people in it. That's the entire high school nine through 12. So everybody knew everybody and everybody knew everybody's business. But I didn't know him that well. I just kind of knew him from afar. He was friends with some of my guy friends, whatever. But anyway, he just randomly reached out and I think had been living overseas for a couple of years and came back and is now living in Florida and said he was going to be around. So I was like, oh, that's cool, whatever. Didn't really think much about it. And then we exchanged phone numbers via the email and he sent me a text like right away and it was like, looking forward to seeing you.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Oh, okay.

[Joanna]

Oh, hey, and did you say that you went online to check out what he looks like now?

[Jen Hobby]

No, I haven't.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I should have. No idea.

[Joanna]

I'm surprised you've gone this long. That is.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Yeah, I would have had to do it as soon as I got the email.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Well, she figures.

[Katie]

Are you afraid though to see? Well, a little bit.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Jen knows.

[Jen Hobby]

I remember him being so good looking like however many years ago. Like I'm kind of hoping he's gonna be that good looking now, but I have no idea.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

You know how Jen rolls. She'll drink himself, she'll drink him attractive.

[Joanna]

Well, a lot of those guys, like I know at my reunion, like some of the best looking dudes sort of let themselves go as they get older and they're not that guy anymore.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I can't remember how to spell his last name. I'm gonna have to look it up.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Does he still live there or is he just visiting family too?

[Jen Hobby]

He moved back to Florida.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Okay.

[Joanna]

I'm really surprised that you haven't picked up the phone and got recon on this guy. Like a scouting report. I called you one of your friends and said, hey, what does Johnny look like? Or whatever his name.

[Jen Hobby]

It's been so long ago. Oh, he is cute.

[Katie]

Oh yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

You guys cannot, you have to promise me you cannot say his name.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

I'm gonna say his name.

[Joanna]

We won't say his name.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

What?

[Jen Hobby]

Promise me you won't say his name.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Cover it up because I'll slip up. Put your finger over his name.

[Jen Hobby]

Cute.

[Joanna]

He's cute. Is he good looking dude?

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Dimples.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

He looks just like her dad. That's weird.

[Jen Hobby]

No, he doesn't.

[Joanna]

Let me see his picture.

[Jen Hobby]

She's cute. That is so funny because he looks exactly like he did in high school.

[Joanna]

So you still think he's high?

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

It's probably his high school picture.

[Joanna]

Oh, yeah. He's a good looking dude. Okay. I bet you now you're gonna take that. That Dayquil and the Afrin and everything.

[Katie]

Natty pot. Do everything you gotta do to get this going.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Ginger shot.

[Joanna]

Okay. So does that make you feel a little bit better about meeting up with him or does it have just the opposite effect? Cause he's still good looking. Now maybe you don't want to go because you won't be 100%.

[Jen Hobby]

Cause I don't feel good. Yeah, I think it'll just depend I think it'll just depend on what's going on scheduling wise with my family and how I'm feeling. Yeah. Because I'm not going to go showing up like with a head cold. That's gross.

[Joanna]

So.

[Jen Hobby]

But if he's like you, like, I'm just putting myself. If I was going to meet up with somebody and I hadn't seen a long time and I might be potentially interested in and they showed up all sick and snotty, I'd be like, ew.

[Katie]

You don't want to have to blow your.

[Jen Hobby]

I don't want to be that person that gets on the other end of the.

[Katie]

If he's living down there though. And are you planning on being at home for a Christmas at any point? So see, there's the potential for Christmas if Thanksgiving doesn't happen.

[Joanna]

So this is really the bump and set right here. This is the first bump I have

[Jen Hobby]

to Adam, I should. Is it too aggressive to add him as a friend on Facebook?

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Yes. Don't do it now.

[Katie]

Not until after the weekend.

[Joanna]

Yeah, too close to the weekend.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

Right after you've seen him naked, after

[Katie]

you've talked to him this weekend. Then you can add him.

[Jen Hobby]

Then you can add him.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Just ask him if he has a Facebook. Like you don't know.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Unidentified Female Commentator]

You gotta run by Fredericks or something before you head down there.

[Unidentified Female Runner]

Dude, it's Victoria's Secret.

[Katie]

Fredericks.

[Joanna]

That's the good stuff.

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