26: Vault: Why Women Feel Pressure Around Weight and Food.

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "The Bert Show" — Vault: Why Women Feel Pressure Around Weight and Food

Date: May 15, 2026
Duration Summarized: Content from ~01:00 to 15:39
Hosts/Contributors: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the extended Bert Show cast, with calls from listeners Laura and Kelly.

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Episode Overview

This episode examines the deep and persistent pressures women feel about weight, food, and body image — especially during occasions centered around eating, like Thanksgiving. The hosts candidly discuss inner struggles, societal expectations, generational messages, and how these dynamics shape women’s relationships with food. Multiple perspectives are shared, including personal confessions, professional advice, and listener stories, creating an open dialogue about shame, guilt, resilience, and self-acceptance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Internalized Pressure and Constant Mental Chatter

• Host Bert introduces the topic, reflecting on his own male perspective and the mental burden women carry regarding weight and food (01:00).

  • “There's this inner dialogue constantly going on in a woman's mind that won't allow her to do that. It's like not even a possibility for most women.” — Bert (01:41)

• Kristin highlights how even when women indulge (e.g., at Thanksgiving), there’s a relentless inner negotiation:

  • “There's a bartering going on... If I want a piece of pumpkin pie, let me not eat so much stuffing.” — Kristin (02:03)

• Cassie & Abby echo that these thoughts are pervasive:

  • “You always want to pack your plate full, but you don’t want to seem too eager.” — Abby (02:45)

• Group consensus: The guilt doesn’t stem from actual judgment, but from the assumption that others are judging:

  • “It’s really your inner voice, but you think other people are doing it.” — Cassie (02:58)

2. Generational and Cultural Influences

• Mothers as Food Police: Some hosts mention that mothers may reinforce these messages:

  • “Mothers would say it to daughters.” — Cassie & Kristin (03:21)

• Societal Judgement: It's not just internal—women's looks are constantly scrutinized, and this sets the tone for food-related anxiety.

  • “The culture now is our biggest asset is our looks, and...we’re always trying to maintain it.” — Kristin (04:25)

3. Benchmarks and Body Image Breaking Points

• Hosts discuss ‘mental thresholds’ (e.g., 200 lbs) that lead some women to give up on ‘healthy’ eating due to overwhelming goals and low self-esteem (05:04).
  • “If you got up to 200, that is when some women would give up and they’re like, you know what, I can’t maintain anymore.” — Kristin (05:24)

4. Regret, Remorse, and Everyday Eating Disorders

• Listener feedback (from Facebook):

  • “The word that came up more than any other is regret and remorse…When I do that, I always get a feeling of regret.” — Bert shares listener quotes (06:15)
  • “You’re saying to yourself, there’s a payoff for this tomorrow.” — Bert (07:05)

• Kristin opines all women struggle:

  • “I think every woman suffers from an eating disorder…this is so abusive to ourselves.” — Kristin (07:19)

5. Emotional Eating vs Restriction

• Cassie: Self-policing isn’t healthy, but neither is “diving for the bag of chips” when stressed (08:27).

6. Voices of Body Confidence and Resistance

• Caller Laura, 235 pounds, shares how self-acceptance fuels her confidence (09:13–12:19):

  • “You just look at yourself in the mirror, go, you know what? This is what God gave me and I love it. And don’t struggle. Just love it.” — Laura (09:38)
  • “Smile is your best feature anyway, on anybody’s face. Who wants a miserable, skinny girl?” — Laura (09:48)

• On being a role model—willingly or not:

  • “I might be a reminder for them to go to the gym every single day, but that’s fine with me. I don’t care.” — Laura (12:08)

7. The ‘Chatter’ Never Stops

• No matter the weight or the logic, the self-critical mental noise persists for most women:
  • “It doesn't matter what size you are. It’s always this thing in your head.” — Kristin (14:33)
  • “When I was at my thinnest...I was at my most miserable. But, hey, I looked good in those photos.” — Cassie (15:21)

8. Paths Toward Healthier Relationships with Food

• Caller Kelly, ex-athlete turned mom, recounts losing 75 pounds not by strict dieting but by a mindful, moderate approach (13:40–14:33):
  • “The doctor told me not to worry about dieting, just to try to eat a little more healthy. Don’t splurge like, trying to get rid of everything… Your brain wants to kick in and eat.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s this inner dialogue constantly going on in a woman’s mind that won’t allow her to do that. It’s like not even a possibility for most women.” — Bert (01:41)
• “If you look like you have a plate full, you look like a pig.” — Abby (02:54)
• “The culture now is our biggest asset is our looks…we’re always trying to maintain it.” — Kristin (04:25)
• “I think every woman suffers from an eating disorder.” — Kristin (07:19)
• “You just look at yourself in the mirror, go, you know what? This is what God gave me and I love it.” — Laura, caller (09:38)
• “When I was at my thinnest in the last 10 years, I was at my most miserable. But, hey, I looked good in those photos.” — Cassie (15:21)

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Important Segments and Timestamps

• 01:00–02:03: How impossible it feels for women to truly “let go” around food.
• 02:03–03:05: The concept of constant mental bargaining about food at holidays.
• 05:00–06:15: The “breaking point” scales and how guilt and giving up occur.
• 06:15–07:46: Facebook feedback: regret, guilt, and the idea of universal low-level eating disorders.
• 08:23–09:07: Recognizing overeating and emotional eating as part of the disorder spectrum.
• 09:09–12:19: Caller Laura’s story of confident self-acceptance at a higher weight.
• 13:40–14:33: Caller Kelly’s moderate, healthy eating lessons and sustainable weight loss.
• 14:33–15:21: Discussion of inner critical voices and happiness at different weights.

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Conclusion

This episode offers an honest, at times raw, exploration of the psychological and social pressures women face around food and body image—a conversation marked by self-awareness, vulnerability, and the desire for healthier mindsets. Listeners from all backgrounds will find resonance in the stories of inner chatter, guilt, and (for some) the hard-won confidence that comes with self-acceptance.

For those who haven’t listened: This episode is a nuanced roundtable as much about the cultural roots of body anxiety as it is about personal courage and the uphill battle for inner peace and self-love.

Transcript

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[E]

The Bird Show. Jen, you missed this yesterday, but man, I was really, really, really enlightened by a conversation that we had at the very end of the show yesterday. Okay, I don't think, as a guy we possibly know can possibly understand. I'm starting to get it now. The struggle that women have with diet and food all the time. And. And it was based on my theory yesterday. I told these guys I was gonna be cutting a healthy trim spot, and in it I was gonna put, forget about healthy trim for the next four days. Forget about your diet for the next four days. Forget about picking and choosing what you're gonna eat and what you're not gonna eat just to give yourself a mental break, you know, just to.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Give yourself four days of indulge and totally indulge and take the pressure off of yourself. And I thought, you know, then next week, worry about it, but at least give yourself four days where you can completely forget about it. And Melissa and Wendy told me yesterday that there's this inner dialogue constantly going on in a woman's mind that won't let her allow her to do that. It's like not even a possibility for most women.

[C]

Yeah, because I think the message got confused yesterday because it's not that we don't indulge on Thanksgiving, but there's chatter in our brain the whole time. We're doing it because I said there's a bartering going on. Because if, you know, I told them that there are women this week that are either fasting, cleansing, you know, eating just salads, doing something to prepare for game day, you know, Thanksgiving day, and the leftovers. And then I said, you know, when you're sitting at the table, there's the thought, well, should I have that extra roll if I want a piece of, you know, pumpkin pie? Or, you know, let me not eat so much stuffing if I want to, you know, so even when you're trying to indulge yourself, there's a part of you that's always telling yourself what you know, should I? Should I not? And it just never goes away.

[D]

And I think you also feel like other people are judging your plateful.

[F]

Really?

[E]

Even at Thanksgiving dinner, Like family members?

[B]

Well, yeah, because you always want to pack your plate full, but you don't want to, like, seem too. Like you're too eager to eat that much food. I don't know.

[C]

Like. Because if you look like you have

[B]

a plate full, you look like a pig.

[C]

And you don't.

[B]

Girls don't want to.

[D]

Like, other people are judging how many. Like, oh, really? You're having a scoop of those mashed potatoes. It's really your inner voice, but you think other people are doing it.

[E]

Okay, so let me ask you this, then. If we're using logic here, the only reason why you think people are doing that to you is because you're doing it to them.

[G]

Mm.

[D]

Sometimes.

[E]

Cause nobody has ever said to you, boy, that's a lot of food on your plate right there. One of your girlfriends or family members has never said that, so you must have.

[D]

So mothers would say it to daughters.

[C]

Yeah. Mom would say it.

[E]

Have the three of you ever had a family member or friend say that?

[B]

I don't.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Millipede. Millipede. Like it is. Yeah. Because even. Because especially if you have brought up that you're like, if you vocalize in our family, if you vocalize the fact that you're, you know, a little concern about your weight or. I really need. You know what I really need to shape up or get into better shape, then Millie Pete will. Well, are you gonna have. Are you gonna have a second helping some potatoes? Shouldn't you have this instead? So it's not usually. She's not usually a tyrant when it comes to. She's not food police unless you give her permission to be.

[E]

It's not even necessarily what I'm hearing is. And I really feel Like I'm on the outside hearing all this for the first time. It doesn't sound like food police to me, but it does sound like women are judging each other all the time on their food habits. Like you guys just said, you're watching your friends eat and you're taking it.

[D]

If you're judgmental of yourself and the food that you're intaking and your body conscious or whatever, you're judging other people on other things that they eat all the time too. Really.

[C]

But I think this is such a

[E]

woman conversation because in a guy's world this is non existent.

[C]

But the thing is, you have to understand that women are judged mostly on their looks all the time. And guys judge women on their looks all the time. So it is, you know, it's not just a woman thing and that's all she's ever doing. But this is the result of always, you know, and I don't know which comes first. If women judge other women, men judge women, I don't know. Wherever it came from, the culture now is our biggest asset is our looks. And so that the result of that is the fact that we're always conscious of that and we're always trying to maintain it. And then if we go over. Because last night Katie and I were watching Biggest Loser and we were judging, like what we said last night was depending on a woman's body type, of course, so each woman is different. But on average we were trying to calculate what is the weight a woman would have to get to before she mentally gave up. So we were watching Biggest Loser last night and we said if a woman, if a woman gets to 200 pounds. So we thought if a woman got up to 200, that is struggling, you know, Let me clarify that. If you're struggling, you're always worried if you got up to £200, that is when some women would give up and they're like, you know what? I can't maintain anymore. And then they may overindulge and forget about it and feel sorry for themselves

[E]

because it seems like such a. To get large amount to lose that you're just like, I can't do it. So you give up?

[C]

Yes. Like if your ideal body weight. And again. And yesterday, Jim, when we talked about this, I mainly said, I think it's a, this may be a white woman thing. This may not be, you know, any. A white woman thing is what I'm thinking of. So if a white woman is struggling with her weight and I know, you know, friends and family members and everybody that struggles Whether they're skinny or not. If two, if they got to 200, it would be like, you know, well, that's when they start, when the real self esteem issues come into play. But if your ideal body weight's 140, you know, and you're at 160, you think, well, you're just only 20 pounds. I can do this, I can do this. But if you get a 200, then you're like, I can't do this anymore

[D]

in the towel kind of thing.

[E]

So I posted that on Facebook yesterday. The question that I asked you guys, what I wrote was my suggestion for Thanksgiving weekend would be to totally and completely forget about diet. Eat whatever you want. Give yourself a mental break. Wendy and Melissa say, women aren't capable of doing that, agree or disagree. And the word that came up more than any other is regret and remorse. Like Jessalyn Kelly says, when I do that, I always get a feeling of regret. Aaron Ross says, I'm gonna eat whatever I want, but I will definitely feel guilty about it. Ashley Ray said, I agree that can be difficult for women. Sounds good, but easier said than done. Another one says the same thing. You can do that, but you'll always have that feeling of regret. So you can never really enjoy what you're eating. Even if you know you're overindulging. You're saying to yourself, there's a payoff for this tomorrow.

[B]

Yeah, well, you're always trying to get down to your ideal weight that you want to be. And then when you eat, you, of course you want to indulge on Thanksgiving and have all the food. But once you eat it, you know you're not going to get to that weight that you want. So you do feel bad. You feel bad about eating all that food, but it's not until the next day.

[C]

I think every woman suffers from an eating disorder. I mean, because we always talk about eating disorders when they're bulimic and they're anorexic. But I think that this is so abusive to ourselves because I'm thinking of the chatter I had the other day about. Because I'm a hu. I mean, I'm bad about eating sugar. I love sugar, chocolate, anything chocolate. So I know that now I try to regulate myself to where if I'm going to have like indulge myself in some dessert that I'll do it one time a day. So at lunch the other day I.

[H]

So you don't have dessert after breakfast and after lunch because that's really what the holidays are all about. Dessert after lunch.

[C]

But I'm telling you, I'm being honest with you, that I had dessert at lunch and then Kati wanted to go to dinner, and I thought to myself, you know, like, dumbass, you ate dessert at lunch. You could have had a nice dinner with Katie where you could have not worried about eating dessert at. I mean, in my mind, who cares if I eat two desserts? But that's what I beat up. I beat myself up. And then I just realized that that's self abuse.

[E]

You know, let me just interject here, just for one second, that not avoiding them, but there's one call that keeps coming in over and over and over again that I just haven't put on, but I want to acknowledge, and that's. This is a white woman's problem.

[C]

That's right. Yeah.

[E]

And that's coming in quite a bit. So I just wanted to acknowledge that.

[C]

Oh, of course.

[D]

Well, I also think that on the opposite side of that is not eating in moderation and eating emotionally. And overeating is also an eating disorder. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think, you know, the policing ourselves to the point of making ourselves regretful and remorseful and guilty and all that kind of stuff isn't healthy. But I also think diving for the bag of chips or the cupcakes or the cakes or, you know, all of the junk food or, you know, the fast food drive through every time we have an emotional stress or, you know, something's not going well, or, you know, you're on your cycle and it's up and down and you're hungry or that week or whatever. I don't think that's healthy either. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't think that one way or the other is. Is necessarily the way to go.

[E]

Here's Laura. Good morning, Laura. You're on the Birch Show.

[G]

Good morning. Love you guys. Thank you.

[E]

How are you?

[G]

I am fabulous. I am very, very fabulous.

[E]

What's up?

[G]

I'm just gonna spill it out. 235 pounds. 235 pounds, white girl. Love myself. Have been for over 10 years. I don't struggle with anything. I enjoy food. I love it. I meet men who love it, who love both me and food, and it's awesome.

[C]

What's your secret? How, Because I think you're in the mind confident.

[G]

No, you just look at yourself in the mirror, go, you know what? This is what God gave me, and I love it. And don't struggle. I mean, just love it.

[D]

Good for you. I mean, I think that that's rare,

[G]

warm in the wintertime. You got to worry about that. There's beautiful clothes out there. If you go find them. Have a little style, you know, Have a great amount of confidence. Smile is your best feature anyway, on anybody's face. Who wants a miserable, skinny girl? I have a girl I work with who's 20 years old and is miserable. She's a. She's got bad body image and she's skinny. And I feel bad. I feel so. And I try to get her to eat. It's hysterically funny. And I feel so bad for her.

[H]

Just walk back and forth with bacon in front of her and cake.

[G]

Oh, you don't know. You don't know. And I cook all the meals when we do meals. I do all the meals at work. They hate me when I bring food in because they can't help themselves. And I just feed them, feed them, feed them.

[E]

In some ways, they must love you, but in other ways, they must hate you also.

[G]

Oh, it is love, hate. And I accept that. And I'm good with that. And I win more battles. I'm going to win the war, but I win more battles than I lose with the food, with them.

[E]

Do you think it upsets some women around you that you're that confident of being £235?

[G]

Well, they've never shown it, but, I mean. And for being the older one out of the group, I mean, for them to give me the compliments I get, it's not every day, trust me. I always get surprised when they do, like, you know, because out of the blue, it's like, oh, I think you're this, I think you're that. But then again, maybe I'm an example. So I guess I try to be that, too, to some extent, because I am much older than a lot of these other girls. And I just, you know.

[C]

Well, it's probably a combination of they admire you, but they would never let themselves. They're like, that's awesome. I'm so glad for her. But there's still this fear in their

[G]

mind to be 235, how I date. They said, you date more than we do. I switched over to a different site, a different dating site. I get hits. I get usually a minimum of four hits every day I wake up, I turn that thing on and there's four hits, and I'm just like, wow, okay. And they love. In fact, I'm almost skinny on this website. I'm right in the middle. I'm almost skinny on this website.

[E]

I want to say something that you guys might beat me up about. Do you think that some of these women use you? Like, you're almost doing more harm than good around these women? Because the message that they may see is here's a woman that's completely confident with how she eats, but she's £235. So I can't eat like that because I don't want to be 255 pounds.

[G]

I might be a reminder for them to go to the gym every single day, but I don't. That's fine with me. I don't care.

[E]

You're good with you. Who cares?

[C]

Good for you.

[B]

That's awesome.

[E]

Good for you. Thank you.

[G]

I'm gonna eat like crazy next couple days and I hope everybody else does too.

[E]

Good for you. Based on what I saw, it's almost not possible to do that. Like, at some point you're gonna have. There is gonna be a governor in your mind saying you're not allowed to have one more piece of pie that

[C]

you'd really like to have at some point every day. It's always there.

[E]

Today, too.

[C]

At some point, you gotta push it back.

[H]

Well, just so you know, I got breakfast for us all today, and those are low fat grits, and there are zero calories in the biscuits. And the eggs are. Those are all egg whites.

[B]

Perfect.

[D]

Yes, perfect.

[C]

And I don't think it's a good thing, but I think it is just. It's just so ingrained. It's a shame that I think women, I think we trip ourselves up so much because we're so consumed by this that we lose focus on other things, you know?

[E]

Hey, Kelly. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[F]

Hey, I wanted to tell you guys I love you guys. Jeff, I love your humor. I'm a northerner too. And it just makes me want to listen every day just to see what you're going to say.

[G]

I love all of you guys.

[F]

Okay, this is for Melissa. I heard you talking about that little guy in your head. I used to be a professional athlete. I swam in high school and college. And then I went on and did triathlons and weight issue because this body that I could eat anything because I was going to go out and run or swim it off. Well, now as a mom, I had some children, I gained weight and I got to be that person over £200. So I said, okay, I want to go back to work.

[G]

So I went back to work.

[F]

And I'm in this office with about a dozen women. All they do is talk about what you're saying. They talk about worrying about their weight and doing everything, and they eat and they talk about it, but I don't see anybody doing anything. So my suggestion was, I went to the doctor and he told me not to worry about dieting, just to try to eat a little more healthy. He said, don't go crazy. Like, don't splurge. Like, trying to get rid of everything. Because he said, like, when you do that, then you're. You're starving yourself, or you're mentally starving yourself and your brain wants to kick in and eat. And I'll tell you this, I've lost about £75 just eating the right kind of things. And not like, I'm not an. I'm not a health food person. I eat Dunkin Donuts in the mornings. You know, if I want a donut, you know, now I might not do donuts at five days a week. I might only do donut twice a week. But I give myself that, and it's made me a happier person, and it's also helped me maintain my weight.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I'm not, like, obsessed with dieting, and I'm not trying to do anything. My point is that it doesn't matter whether I was my ideal weight or not. The chatter's still there. And that's the problem, is that it doesn't matter what size you are. It's always this thing in your head. And I think it's sad that women are constantly stressed by that because you

[D]

are happier when you're a little fluffier.

[E]

Are you?

[D]

Yes. Like, it just in general. Like, I look at the pictures from when I was getting divorced, and dang, I looked good. I was so skinny, but I was so miserable, like, and then, like, you know, fast forward two years. Like, yeah, I probably put on five or ten pounds since then, but I'm a hell of a lot happier.

[E]

You can't define you as fluffy the way. Are you saying right now this is fluffy, Jen?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

You're not fluffy, Jen.

[D]

I feel it in my jean, you know what I'm saying? All women can feel it in their clothes. You know, you've got your own scale or whatever. But, like, when I was at my thinnest in the last 10 years, I was at my most miserable. But, hey, I looked good in those photos. But I was, like, miserable underneath, you know what I'm saying? So just be happy with the extra weight.

[E]

Hey, the Birch Show.