
Loading summary
Narrator/Advertiser
Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.combert to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F O R h e r s.com Bert for hers.com Bert Weightliftsbyhurst is not available in all 50 states, but go via the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s to get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions, visit borhears.com this summer.
Melissa
Don't squeeze in, Spread out. Find homes big enough for your whole guest list on vrbo. From family reunions to trips with friends, VRBO has spacious summer stays for every group size and budget. That's vacation rentals done, right. Start exploring on VRBO and book your next stay now.
Wendy
The Birch Show.
Jen
One call for hometown hookup, one voice. Disguised or no voice.
Wendy
Disguise and fake name.
Melissa
Okay.
Wendy
Which I think Wendy designated as Amber because she said that sounded whorish.
Melissa
I'm not whorish.
Jen
This is not whorish. This doesn't even count. Like Jen said, this doesn't even count towards your number. It's somebody that you've hooked up with before.
Melissa
So it's cycling.
Jen
Yeah. The count stays the same. And this is good.
Melissa
It's good for yourself. It's good for the environment. They should get some once a year.
Jen
Hey, Amber.
Amber
Hey.
Jen
How are you?
Amber
Good. How you guys doing?
Wendy
Good.
Jen
You got a sure thing lined up when you go home this weekend?
Amber
Well, I don't know about shirt. I have three possibilities, so I'm really excited. I don't know which one. Maybe. I don't know.
Jen
Let's clearly define what hometown hookup is before you talk about potentially who you're hooking up with this weekend. The hometown hookup is somebody that you always hook up with when you go back home. It's like a sure thing.
Amber
You.
Jen
He knows what's going on, you know what's going on, and you just show up. You guys, you know, spend two hours in a bar, and then you go do it.
Narrator/Advertiser
Mm.
Amber
Well, none of them are sure things, but I broke up with my boyfriend that I was with for, like, two years about six weeks ago.
Melissa
Okay.
Amber
And I don't. I don't know, ever. We're all friends, the same people, and I just feel like I need fresh territory, you know what I mean? Because my ex boyfriend knows everybody I know down here, so I've some of the guys, like the three, I don't know. One of them, well, is my brother's friend, and I've never hooked up with him, but I've always thought he was really hot and had, like, a secret crush on him. And he's supposed to pick me up today at the airport.
Melissa
Oh, that's cool.
Narrator/Advertiser
Okay.
Melissa
Good potential. But you've never been there before, though, so that's not a sure thing.
Amber
Because he's older, and, like, when we were kids, it's not that much older now, but when we're younger, it's a little older. It's my brother's friend, but I've always had a crush on him, and he's picking up my brother, but my brother's flight gets in an hour after mine, so I'm gonna have, like, an hour to hang out with him at the airport.
Jen
So this guy's gonna pick you up at the airport, and you've got an hour before your brother gets in just to, like, set the whole thing up for later in the weekend or hope.
Amber
I'm hoping. I mean, he doesn't know this is my plan, but he seems like I'm his best friend's little sister, so he's never approached me, but I can kind of tell. You know what I mean?
Melissa
So are you wearing something hot on the plane?
Amber
Yes. I have a really cute outfit on. I'm ready.
Melissa
So if they call it mile high club in the plane, what are in the airport?
Jen
Touchdown?
Wendy
You're going to have to ask that congressman who got in trouble for tapping his foot.
Jen
All right, so if he doesn't work out, then who's contestant number two?
Amber
Okay, this guy. I hooked up with him a little bit, you know, when we actually went to a senior prom together, but we were always just friends, and Just messed around a little bit. But I kind of feel like he's the one I let get away, you know, And I wish we weren't just friends in high school, so. But we are actually. We have plans tomorrow for breakfast before like the big family meal, you know, so he doesn't know. He thinks, oh, we're still great friends. But I actually want to see if more can happen, you know, depending on
Melissa
what happens with Big Brother on Thursday or on today, I guess.
Amber
So I want to like have as many chances as I can. I don't know which one is gonna. It's been. I don't know. I've been. I don't know.
Melissa
So I think it's smart playing the odds.
Jen
It's a numbers game here.
Wendy
You know what, that's what's wrong with women is they just throw it out there to every available guy and see which guy is interest. Guys aren't special to them. They're just pieces of meat.
Jen
I wish that trend happened 16 years ago. Too bad. It's really a hot trend now.
Amber
I'm not going to just throw it out, but I definitely have crushes on these guys. So I want to see which one is going to.
Jen
Have we even established what city we're talking about yet?
Amber
I'm going back to New York. That's where I'm from.
Jen
New York. Ok, and who is the third guy?
Amber
Well, on Friday night, a group of friends, we're going out and one of them is this guy. And again, I've always thought he was hot, but I've never done anything with him. And he's like, we were never close friends, but we've known each other since high school. And I just, I don't know, I want to see how he's been looking the past, you know, couple of years.
Melissa
Okay, awesome.
Jen
All right, so here's the one thing you do know that you're having sex in New York this weekend. You just don't know. Well, she is. You just don't know.
Melissa
Women don't talk about it like that.
Jen
You just don't know who it's going to be with. But it is happening.
Melissa
You don't realize women don't talk about it like that. We'll be like, yeah, we're gonna see if there's a romance that sparked with somebody and maybe have a make out. We don't say the S E X word.
Jen
So are you planning on getting physical for sure with one of these guys?
Amber
I really do. Plan. Yes, I definitely need to.
Wendy
We're speaking the same language.
Jen
What's wrong with the word sex?
Melissa
You just say it so harshly, like,
Jen
so she's having sex this weekend?
Melissa
No, we don't see that.
Amber
Having a moment.
Melissa
Be sweet, Megan.
Wendy
Of course she's gonna meet it. She's gonna meet a gentleman, and together they will make the beast. With two bags.
Melissa
No, that's gross. Amber, which one of these guys do you hope works out? I mean, which one do you want to work out the most?
Amber
Really? The guy I went to the senior prom with over breakfast.
Melissa
Okay, so breakfast.
Jen
Now, is it. Is there any chance at all that things go so well this weekend that you end up. How gently do I put this? With all three of them?
Melissa
Spending time with all three.
Jen
Spending time with all three of them.
Wendy
Having sex with.
Amber
No.
Melissa
You guys are such losers. We don't talk like that.
Amber
Yeah, I think we don't. I mean, I.
Wendy
Making love
Melissa
moments.
Amber
I just. I like them all. I'm attracted to all three of them. I'm not gonna, like, go, you know, I don't know. Anything could happen. But I wouldn't lose Thanksgiving.
Jen
So at the bare minimum, one. If you hit the lottery. Three for sure.
Melissa
Give thanks to all three of you. That's what we'll call this weekend. She was giving thanks.
Narrator/Advertiser
That's right.
Melissa
Appreciating again. Women appreciate feasting. Giving thanks.
Jen
All right, let's talk to you again on Monday morning, and let's find out how much thanks you gave over the weekend. Okay?
Amber
Okay. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jen
You, too.
Narrator/Advertiser
You, too.
Melissa
You give it to them. That's right. And wrap that turkey.
Wendy
Her motor is stuff that turkey. It's okay for her to say, stuff that turkey.
Jen
And those are okay because it's from a woman. But I can't say the word sex.
Melissa
I just gave Melissa the look. Like, dude, you're in the category with the boys.
Wendy
Mash those potatoes. Cream and spinach.
Melissa
Oh, that one's gnarly.
Jen
Hey, Hayley. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.
Amber
Good morning.
Jen
Good morning. How are you?
Wendy
Row that gravy boat?
Amber
When I go home, I always hook up with my ex husband. There's a lot of things that didn't go right, but one thing always went right, and I make sure I get it every year.
Wendy
What was it that went right? When you guys had sex.
Amber
Sex. That's all it is, sex.
Jen
She's not embarrassed about it.
Melissa
So you're like, every year. Every year you go back and you and your ex get together?
Amber
Yes.
Melissa
Now, are either of you remarried?
Amber
No.
Jen
Okay, so until one of you gets remarried, this Is the deal. And it's an unsaid deal.
Amber
Unsaid deal. And even if he gets married, I'm getting mine.
Melissa
Oh, you were there first. It's Thanksgiving tradition. You don't break tradition. No.
Jen
Have you guys agreed to that? That if one of you gets married, this deal is still on?
Amber
I don't think it's been agreed on, but out loud, in words, but I think it will continue.
Jen
So would it work the other way around if you got married? You would still go home and still.
Amber
Oh, hell yeah.
Jen
Oh.
Melissa
Oh, my God.
Jen
He's that good.
Melissa
Oh, hell, yeah.
Amber
Yep.
Jen
I'm curious.
Amber
How.
Jen
How bad was the relationship? And how long did it take you to actually break up with him knowing the sex was that good? Like, I would think that would keep you around longer than you really wanted to stay.
Amber
We partied friends, so we never had the I hate you kind of fighting relationship.
Jen
Okay.
Amber
So we parted friends and stuff. So we've always. I mean, a part of me will always love him and always love parts of his anatomy.
Jen
What. What city is this in that you're going to Seattle? And is there a. Is there a text exchange sometime this week, or does he just know you fly in the day before and you guys meet up on Saturday? He knows as a call.
Amber
We've been doing this for 13 years,
Melissa
and y' all didn't get back together.
Amber
Oh, no, we. We don't want that. So.
Jen
And I'm sure during the 13 years, you've been seeing guys at some point, and he's been seeing women, and then. So he just puts them aside for a couple hours.
Amber
Yeah. Yeah. It's sex. It's not anything else. It's just like remembering the good times.
Jen
And is it in the same place every time?
Amber
Oh, no.
Melissa
Be careful.
Wendy
Sometimes.
Jen
I meant hotel room.
Wendy
Sometimes, depending on how much wine they
Melissa
made to drink for 13 years, you can just mix it all up.
Jen
Yeah, I just meant hotel room. Thank you for calling, Hayden.
Amber
Thank you.
Jen
All right, have a good time this week and give. Thanks. Okay, Bye.
Melissa
Bye. No, she's been in the eggnog already. That's hilarious.
Wendy
The Bird Show
Melissa
Discover Top rated stays loved by guests. Rated highest by real guests through authentic reviews. Verbo. Book a vacation rental loved by guests.
Wendy
Tired of overpaying with DirecTV. Dish offers a reliable low price every month. Surprises. Get the TV you love and start watching live sports news and the latest movies, plus your favorite streaming apps all in one place. Switch to DISH today and lock in the lowest price in satellite TV starting at $89.99 a month with our two year price guarantee. Call 888, add dish or visit dish.com today. There's nothing like the American Express Platinum Card. Find out your welcome offer after you apply, which could be as high as 175. Learn more and find out your offer at americanexpress. Com Explorer Platinum Terms apply.
Date: May 18, 2026
Hosts: Bert Show Cast (Melissa, Jen, Wendy, et al.)
Main Theme:
This episode dives into the light-hearted, candid world of “hometown hookups”—those flirtatious, sometimes steamy reunions with familiar faces when heading home for the holidays. The hosts chat with listeners about the options and “rules” of these encounters, exploring old flames, new potential, and even long-standing traditions. Humor, playful banter, and a touch of female empowerment fuel the conversation.
The hosts joke about “playing the odds” and approach the process with a numbers game mentality.
Playful debate about how women vs. men talk about hookups.
For anyone who missed the episode:
This installment is a cheeky, joyful look at modern hookup culture, nostalgia, and the reassuring comfort of annual “traditions.” Whether you’re navigating love, lust, or laughter this holiday season, The Bert Show wants you to know: you’re not alone in playing the odds, reminiscing, or just giving a little thanks.