35: Vault: He May Have Accidentally Spoiled the Proposal

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode 35: Vault: He May Have Accidentally Spoiled the Proposal
Release Date: May 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a classic relationship drama: the perils and hilarity of trying to keep a marriage proposal a secret. The discussion centers on a listener who accidentally found out when her boyfriend planned to propose—because he unintentionally forwarded her the telling email. The panel and several listeners share their thoughts, stories, and plenty of laughs, exploring the mental games, anticipation, and “cat and mouse” scenarios that often surround proposals.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Accidental Proposal Spoiler

• Producer Joanna introduces the scenario where a woman received a forwarded email from her boyfriend that accidentally revealed his proposal plan.
  • [01:33] Woman: “He accidentally forwarded me an email disclosing when he’s going to be proposing to me.”
• The original intent was to update her about a mutual friend’s daughter’s health, but the original email thread revealed the proposal timing.
  • [01:58] Woman: “He wanted me to read it… and he didn’t realize that his original email is attached.”
• She saw only the first line—enough to learn the proposal would be in “early January” but deleted it to avoid further spoilers.
  • [02:21] Woman: “I only read the first line… I didn’t want to know how it’s gonna happen or when.”

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2. The Tension Between Surprise and Curiosity

• The panel teases her about previously snooping through his phone, admitting she wanted a timeline, but not “the exact date.”
  • [03:12] Jeff: “You have admitted to going through his phone.”
  • [03:25] Woman: “I needed to know a timeline. Not like an exact date.”
• Upon discovering the “early January” date, she jokingly chastised her boyfriend and asked him to change his plan.
  • [03:43] Woman: “I said please change it.”
  • [03:56] Burt (Host): “Unless this is the off the scent email.”
• The panel speculates: was this a mistake, or is the boyfriend trying to throw her off the scent?
  • [03:59] Caller 2: “I think he sent it to you on purpose to throw you off.”

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3. Can the Proposal Still Be a Surprise?

• Joanna expresses frustration—it’s not what she wanted, but the crew points out she wanted to know, just not everything.
  • [04:24] Woman: “What I meant was I wanna know a timeframe, not the exact.”
• Burt paints a funny picture of the next few weeks:
  • [04:45] Burt: “Every time he sets up a spontaneous dinner, you’re gonna think, this is it. A weekend away, you’re gonna think it’s it. And it’s gonna drive you nuts.”
• Debate over whether men are capable of elaborate surprise tactics, or if women simply underestimate them.
  • [07:08] Jeff: “I can seriously only think of one thing in a relationship that can be 100%. The [man’s]: the engagement. Let him have it.”

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4. Callers’ Stories & Advice

Caller 1: Being Outfoxed

• [08:07] Caller: Husband kept throwing out false cues, eventually proposing when she least expected it, after giving her an unrelated gift.
  • Quote: “He just wanted to torture me. And I think that’s what they do. They are calculated, and you just don’t realize it.” (08:36)

Steven: The Misdirection Master

• [08:46] Steven: Deliberately hinted at a May proposal, but popped the question in October—complete surprise, elaborate planning with family involved.
  • Quote: “Every time we went out drinking, she’d be like, oh, when are we gonna – I was like, I don’t know babe, but maybe something’s coming in May… She was totally shocked.” (09:17, 09:46)

Caller 2: Learned from Experience

• [10:20] Caller: Girlfriend snooped, found hints; proposal plans got rearranged due to her curiosity. Advises letting the guy have his moment.
  • Quote: “If I had any advice… step back and let him enjoy it, because you’re going to get to enjoy all the rest.” (11:18)

Caller 4: Proposal at His Own (Surprise) Birthday

• [11:27] Caller: After his girlfriend guessed his Mexico vacation proposal, he pivoted—proposed at a surprise birthday party she’d planned for him.
  • Quote: “So I had to spring it on her at my surprise birthday party… everybody in my family knew, they had coordinated secretly with her.” (11:43)

Caller 1: The Hidden Scroll Proposal

• [13:19] Caller: Hid a proposal inside a charm for two years; she only discovered it when he revealed it.
  • Quote: “She had that scroll for two years and didn’t even know it opened… she reads ‘Danielle, will you marry me?’ She looks up and she sees a ring right there.” (14:13)

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5. Panel’s Insights and Jokes

• The show pokes fun at the emotional roller-coaster—the anticipation, the inability to surprise someone who wants to know too much.
  • [04:45] Burt: “It’s gonna drive you nuts.”
• Jeff and Burt emphasize the importance of letting the man have the proposal moment, as so much else in the relationship is mutually planned or steered.
  • [07:24] Burt: “No consulting.”
  • [07:26] Jeff: “And the only thing is the engagement. Let him have it.”
• Running jokes about “taunting” and “torture” in the anticipation game:
  • [14:29] Burt: “It really is one of the few times that we get to play women like a cat with catnip.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He accidentally forwarded me an email disclosing when he’s going to be proposing to me.” – Woman Discussing Proposal Email [01:33]
• “I needed to know a timeline. Not like an exact date. I didn’t wanna know the exact date.” – Woman [03:25]
• “Every time he sets up a spontaneous dinner, you’re gonna think, this is it. And it’s gonna drive you nuts.” – Burt [04:45]
• “I can seriously only think of one thing in a relationship that can be 100%. The [man’s]: the engagement. Let him have it.” – Jeff [07:08]
• “He just wanted to torture me… They are calculated, and you just don’t realize it.” – Caller 3 [08:36]
• “She had that scroll for two years and didn’t even know it opened… she reads ‘Danielle, will you marry me?’” – Caller 1 [14:13]
• “We get to play women like a cat with catnip.” – Burt [14:29]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:33] – [03:56] The accidental email and immediate reactions
• [03:56] – [07:50] Panel speculates on proposal strategy, gender expectations, and ownership of the engagement moment
• [08:07] – [14:29] Listener calls with surprise proposal stories, misdirection tactics, and commiseration
• [14:29] – [14:49] Panel wrap-up with jokes about “catnip” and the one moment of male advantage

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is light-hearted, playful, and candid, with lots of group laughter, honest talk about gender roles, and the drama (and fun!) of planning the perfect proposal. The central message: while the urge to know and control is strong, the joy of a real surprise is worth it—and sometimes, men are far savvier at orchestrating proposal surprises than they’re given credit for. The advice from both hosts and callers: step back and let the proposal surprise play out.

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For anyone who’s ever tried to outwit or outguess a proposal—or been on either side of that secret—this episode captures all the anticipation, awkwardness, laughter, and sweet misdirection that come with popping the big question.

Transcript

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[Burt (Host)]

you're on the Burt Show. Producer Joanna here.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I just came to the realization that I'm definitely the more intelligent one of my relationship when it comes to common sense because he accidentally forwarded me an email disclosing when he's going to be proposing to me.

[Emily]

And he sent it to you?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yes. Well, it was actually a forwarded email and he didn't realize that his original email is attached to the bottom.

[Emily]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

No.

[Burt (Host)]

So why was he forwarding any email to you at all?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Well, he has a friend that is currently in Iraq and his daughter. Before he left, they found out she had a tumor and it was a mutual friend of ours and he was writing him, telling him that she's doing well and he wanted me to read it just to Let me know that she's doing okay. And he didn't realize that his email, original email is attached to the forwarded one.

[Emily]

And what did the original email say?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

The original email? Well, I only read the first line and I want to be clear that I. It took me everything I had to delete it because I didn't want to read anymore. I don't want to know how it's gonna happen or when it's gonna happen. I just wanted to know.

[Caller 1]

But you didn't.

[Jeff]

You did wanna know until it was handed to you.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

No, I just always wanted to know that it was going to happen because yeah, we've talked about I wanna get married, but in a guy's mind that might be a year to two years from now. In my mind it's sooner than that.

[Burt (Host)]

Like three weeks ago.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, like six months ago. And I just wanna make sure we're on the same path.

[Jeff]

But hasn't he told you that?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

He's never told. We've always said, oh yeah, we'll get married one day. But in his.

[Emily]

It's always a someday type of thing.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, someday thing.

[Burt (Host)]

Kind of open ended. Like we're gonna be with each other for the rest of our lives. But you've never really talked about. He's never proposed.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Right. And you can't say, well when, Cause then you're just being pushy. Right, so.

[Jeff]

But you have admitted to going through his phone.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah. Cause I just wanted to find out when without him knowing that I was trying to find out when.

[Jeff]

But now that you know when you're upset.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, I'm so upset.

[Jeff]

Oh my God.

[Burt (Host)]

But this is exactly what you wanted. Like Jeff just said you were going through his phone looking for info.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I needed to know a timeline. Not like an exact date. I didn't wanna know the exact date.

[Emily]

So that's what you read is an exact date?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yes, I found out that. You want me to tell you when.

[Burt (Host)]

What did the email say?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

It said I'm looking for early January

[Burt (Host)]

and now are you bummed? Now you're bombed.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

And I instant messaged him and I was like, okay, so I have to be the pretty one and the smart one in this relationship because you just emailed me and told me when you were gonna do it. I said please change it.

[Caller 2]

He's gonna have to change it now.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Unless this is the off the scent email.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was thinking he sent it to you on purpose to throw you off because then he's gonna do it later on in January. Or if not before. Or before, I think before.

[Burt (Host)]

You just talked to us last week. We spent 15, 20 minutes talking about this very thing about you wanting to know when it was gonna happen. You snooping through his phone. So he obviously heard that. And maybe this is his way of just getting you off track.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I mean, I know what I said, but what I meant was I wanna know a timeframe, not the exact.

[Jeff]

Early January. Seems like a.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Well, I mean, that's. To me, I'd rather have known. Okay, well, maybe in four to six months, it's gonna happen.

[Burt (Host)]

What is?

[Jeff]

Early January. Is it your birthday? His birthday?

[Steven]

No.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Nobody's birthday. New Year's.

[Caller 3]

Aw.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

You wanna start the new year with me forever?

[Burt (Host)]

So you think New Year's Eve? Maybe. But this is what it does it. Jack's with you now for the first two weeks of January. Every time he calls, you're gonna think, this is it. Every time he sets up a spontaneous dinner, you're gonna think, this is it. A weekend away, you're gonna think it's it, and it's gonna drive you nuts.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I know. So I'm so mad that this happened.

[Emily]

Did he say he's gonna change?

[Jeff]

It's exactly what you wanted, though.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

No, it's not exactly what you wanted.

[Burt (Host)]

It is exactly what you asked for

[Emily]

last week when you told him about finding it. Did he say he was gonna change his plan?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

No, he just. He wrote me back immediately. Said, are you kidding? Did you really read it? And I said, I deleted it. But I know what the time, you know, that it's gonna happen in January. And I don't know what he responded to that.

[Jeff]

Why don't.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

You know, I think he's panicking. Cause I came in here to talk about it.

[Burt (Host)]

I wonder if there are guys that are. See, I think that women would think, no, guys are incapable of thinking that far in advance. They wouldn't do the whole get me off the scent thing. But I'm wondering if there are guys listening right now that have done that purposely. 404, 741, Q100, and maybe your girlfriend's fiance's. Now wives never knew you were really doing that, but they were getting maybe the same kind of. I don't know if you want to call it subtle pressure that you're giving Jason, same kind of pressure that Jason is feeling right now to get engaged. So rather than go ahead and,

[Caller 3]

you

[Burt (Host)]

know, propose when they really wanted to, what they would do is they would just sort of just push you aside by just doing something enough to get you off the set when they were really gonna propose.

[Emily]

That'd be smart.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, that would be smart. I just don't know if he'd be smart enough to do that.

[Caller 2]

I could see that happening. If you can't be surprised, somebody needs to. Someone's hard to surprise.

[Jeff]

I gotta get to him.

[Burt (Host)]

That's what I'm trying to do.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Why? Why is this.

[Emily]

Man, that's crazy. Cause Joanna's just being honest about the way all women are. When we all wanna know. We curious about that. And do a little something.

[Jeff]

But you know what the problem is?

[Emily]

Your wives both did this. You just don't know about it.

[Jeff]

But the problem is she's being rude about it. Like, the guy she's taunting.

[Burt (Host)]

She's almost like.

[Emily]

What's rude about it?

[Caller 2]

She deleted the email.

[Burt (Host)]

She's almost, like, taunting him.

[Jeff]

Right? Here's the deal. The guy has one thing in the entire relationship that he can do and make it 100% his own. Like the wedding she's going to plan. Like the dating. You know, like, he'll pick a couple dates. But then once everybody gets comfortable, the women generally dictate. If the women likes dinner dates, then it's dinner dates. They go on. You know what I mean?

[Burt (Host)]

Like life.

[Jeff]

Life. The woman likes to go to the beach for a vacation, generally speaking. Right. You know what I mean? So there's a lot of. There's only. I can seriously only think of one thing in a relationship that can be 100%. The mail.

[Burt (Host)]

No consulting.

[Steven]

None.

[Burt (Host)]

Nothing.

[Jeff]

And the only thing is the engagement. Let him have it.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

But don't forget, he sent it to me, though. How is this my fault? He's the one who sent it to me.

[Jeff]

Because you've read his mail. You've gone through his phone. Like, if he sent the forward to you, I legitimately feel bad for him. But I don't feel bad for you at all. Because it's what you wanted. You got exactly what you wanted.

[Burt (Host)]

And the fact that you came out and you said he's not smart enough to do that.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, I just. I mean, not that he. Smart. He's a very smart guy. I just don't think he thinks that far ahead to think to do something like cash flow.

[Caller 1]

Good.

[Burt (Host)]

That's exactly where we want. Women underestimate us.

[Steven]

Come on.

[Burt (Host)]

Underestimate them.

[Emily]

It's so easy to do.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Emily. Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Hey.

[Burt (Host)]

Hi.

[Caller 3]

Hey. I just wanted to say, I totally think that he's doing that. And when my husband did the same thing to me, I kept putting Pressure, like, want to know what's going on? And it came my birthday, the year he proposed, but took me out to dinner. And I was like, oh, this is totally it. He's going to do it. And he pulls out, like, all this dog stuff. Like, he had bought me a dog and was like, oh, this is it. Haven't you wanted a bul. And I was like, is this what you got me? He's like, yeah. So, like, the whole night, I was so upset, but I had to pretend I was happy. And then, you know, four hours later, he proposed and just wanted to torture me. And I think that that's what they do. They are calculated, and you just don't realize it.

[Burt (Host)]

Good for him. Good for him. He's throwing her off. Hey, Steven. Good morning.

[Steven]

Hey, good morning.

[Burt (Host)]

The women here don't think that guys are smart enough to pull something like this off.

[Steven]

Oh, are you kidding me? Dude? I just proposed three and a half weeks ago, and she's still on cloud nine. I, for the past few months, had been. Every time we went out to drink, had been mentioning something that was going to happen extra special around May. And, you know, I know in the back of her mind, she always thought, oh, my God, he's going to propose in May. He's going to propose in May. But I just pulled it off this

[Emily]

past October 24th, and she was totally shocked.

[Steven]

Oh, unbelievably, it was. I. I spent about 20 grand on this whole thing. We did it at the Ritz Carlton Bucket. It was unbelievable. I flew her family into town. Flew my family into town for a surprise party there. One of the rooms had the presidential suite reserved. It was great.

[Burt (Host)]

So she was focused on May. And you hit her here big time.

[Steven]

Yeah. Because every time we went out drinking, she'd be like, oh, when are we gonna. I was like, I don't know, babe. But, you know, maybe you have something coming in May. I don't know. So she really thought. She really thought that it was gonna happen.

[Burt (Host)]

Y' all are easy targets here because you want it so badly that it's very easy for guys to.

[Emily]

Yeah, I think that call is the exception to the rule.

[Caller 2]

I don't know. I think Jason calculated that.

[Emily]

Yeah, I totally think, because you're going

[Caller 2]

to be waiting and waiting, and I think he's going to do it beforehand because now you're going to wait for that very moment, and he's going to do it to surprise you earlier.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Or maybe he'll put off, like, a

[Burt (Host)]

year, I hope, or two.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Oh, no, hey, Kevin.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 1]

Hey.

[Steven]

What's going on, guys?

[Burt (Host)]

You tell us, dude.

[Steven]

Hey, man. I was just listening, y'. All. Y' all cracking me up because I just went through this about a month ago. I just proposed to my, you know, girlfriend about five weeks ago and went through the same thing. I had several ideas. I was actually gonna do it down in Disney World because that's where we really started dating and ended up. She went through my phone and found stuff, and then she went through her mom's phone and found stuff and stuff like that, and. Absolutely. I think he's probably, you know, he's definitely smart enough to think ahead like that, because I thought ahead like that. And it's just a matter of, you know, he's anxious to get it done, too, you know? I mean, he wants to be engaged as bad as you do. He just wants everything to be perfect. And I agree with Jeff. This is his only thing he gets to do. So if I had any advice for you, I'd say just to step back and let him enjoy it, because you're going to get to enjoy all the rest of the stuff.

[Burt (Host)]

All right. Same. Same message every time. Mo, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 4]

Good morning, guys. I had to do some serious damage control when you. When I proposed to my wife, we were actually gonna go out of town to Mexico on vacation. I actually. Her. She spoke to her sister, and her sister said, oh, well, I think he's probably gonna propose around this time. And I was like, burn. So I had to switch it around on her where she had planned a surprise birthday party several months before for me. So I had to spring it on her in my surprise birthday party. So everybody in my family knew they had coordinated secretly with her to do a surprise birthday party for me, and I actually ended up proposing to her that night.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, that's good.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

That's awesome.

[Emily]

Well, find out about the surprise birthday party.

[Caller 4]

I actually knew about it because my sister had said, hey, listen, you know, there's a perfect opportunity because she's planning something for you. And I was like, that's awesome. That's great. Let me go ahead and actually get my stuff, you know, all together and everything. I couldn't. The bad part about it was, it was, you know, we were having dinner and everything, and I could not eat anything at all. I was so nervous.

[Steven]

That's awesome.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Sweet.

[Caller 4]

I'm sitting there and I'm like, okay, let's go ahead and get through the courses. Let's get to the dessert. All right, now I'm going to go ahead and propose.

[Burt (Host)]

This is Chris, like double espionage right there with the sister.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

That's good. Yeah, I know. Well, it could go two ways. Now, he can either still wait till January because I'm thinking it might happen before January, or he could do it before January because I'm thinking it's going to happen.

[Jeff]

He needs to wait until October of 2012 is what he needs to do.

[Burt (Host)]

Or he could do it now in the first two weeks of January because now you think he's not going to do it in the first two weeks of January.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Yeah, that's what I said.

[Burt (Host)]

Is that what you said?

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I think.

[Burt (Host)]

Same type thing.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

I think.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, good morning, mark. You're on Q100.

[Steven]

Hey, how's it going?

[Caller 1]

I don't think women definitely underestimate us.

[Steven]

Let me tell you.

[Caller 1]

I flew my wife to New York on Friday. We went shopping.

[Steven]

Saturday, we went to a play. We went to dinner. I sat down, I said, hey, honey,

[Caller 1]

I got something to tell you. You know, you're the best girlfriend a

[Steven]

guy could ever have.

[Caller 1]

She almost ripped my head off. That following Sunday, we went to Central Park a rented a rowboat. She didn't know nothing about it. She was just so angry that she

[Steven]

didn't even want to hear it. So I said, hey, honey, you know, like I.

[Caller 1]

A little side note is I bought her a charm bracelet. And every now and then I would put charms on it. Well, what I did was one. One birthday, I gave her a charm that was a little scroll and she didn't know that it opened up. Well, inside of it was a piece of paper that said, danielle, will you marry me? She had that scroll for two years and didn't even know it. Didn't even open it. Didn't even know it opened.

[Steven]

So I said, hey, honey, you know

[Caller 1]

that scroll opens up and she opens it up. Mind you, she's still angry from the night before. She opens it up and she reads, danielle, will you marry me? She looks up and she sees a ring right there.

[Burt (Host)]

Wow.

[Woman Discussing Proposal Email]

Aww.

[Emily]

That's a great.

[Burt (Host)]

It really is one of the few times that we get to like. We get to play women like a cat with catnip.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Because you want it so badly, we get to jack with you for as long as we want.

[Caller 4]

Listen, it's the bird show.

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