38: Vault: One Drinks, One Doesn't...How Do Couples Handle It?

Summary

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The Bert Show - Episode 38: Vault: One Drinks, One Doesn't...How Do Couples Handle It?

Date: May 18, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & callers
Main Theme:
This episode explores the dynamics and real-life challenges faced by couples where one person drinks alcohol and the other does not. Through personal stories, psychological theories, and lively discussion, both the comedic and genuine frustrations within these relationships are unpacked.

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Episode Overview

• Purpose:
  To discuss how couples navigate social life, personal boundaries, and relationship tensions when drinking habits differ drastically, especially when one person abstains from alcohol and the other regularly partakes.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Differing Drinking Habits in Relationships

[01:30 – 03:36]

• A caller shares experiences with three couples she knows where mismatched drinking habits are causing tension:
  • In two couples, one partner occasionally drinks, while the other drinks heavily.
  • In the third, one partner abstains completely, the other drinks.
• Main source of friction: The non-drinker often feels forced into the "parent" or “designated driver” role and gets frustrated with their partner’s drinking behavior.
• The caller worries these differences could eventually become deal breakers for the couples, especially since none are married yet.
  • Quote: “It seems to be a constant recurring issue because the one who doesn't drink tends to end up taking care of or being the designated driver… It seems to be a constant source of irritation.” (Caller, 01:30–03:36)

2. The "Sober Parent" Frustration

[03:11 – 03:20]

• Hosts and callers agree that it’s tough being sober around drunk people:
  • Quote: “Nothing's worse than being at a party full of drunk people and you're the sober one because everything is ten times more annoying.” (Participant, 03:13)

3. Control Factors in Non-Drinking Partners

[03:36 – 04:26]

• Discussion shifts to psychological dynamics—does being a non-drinker give someone more "control" in the relationship?
  • Suggestion: Some abstain to maintain control, possibly creating a subtle power dynamic.
  • Quote: “Cuz generally the person that doesn't drink is a control person… if we're playing psychologists, if there's a certain amount of like, if they enjoy being that controller of their spouse.” (Participant, 03:36)
• The original caller pushes back, insisting in her experience it's more about annoyance than a pursuit of control.

4. Real-Life Experiences From Callers

A. Drinking Habits Leading to Arguments

[05:30 – 06:42]

• Dana calls in, frustrated by her boyfriend’s drinking and smoking habits. Recurring fights center on irresponsibility, budgeting for alcohol, and differences in values.
  • Quote: “He drank a whole bottle of Hennessy and had to go to work...it just really annoyed me that you would be that irresponsible to drink that much, knowing that you have to get up early...” (Dana, 05:33)
  • Dana admits the dynamic is pushing her towards reevaluating the relationship.
  • Quote: “You know, eventually, I think so, because this is the one area that I really just get so annoyed with him.” (Dana, 06:23)

B. When It’s Not a Problem

[07:01 – 07:19]

• Kelly, a self-admitted “control freak,” is totally comfortable not drinking while her husband does, and it never causes fights.
  • Quote: “I am a total control freak. Bert, you are totally right. I do not drink, but my husband does… No [it doesn’t cause fights].” (Kelly, 07:03-07:14)

5. Hosts’ Personal Experiences With Drinking “Mismatch”

[07:33 – 08:51]

• The hosts discuss how they (and/or their significant others) handle mismatched drinking:
  • One participant shares having recently gone “cold turkey” after some rough weekends, despite temptations.
    • Quote: “I didn't have one sip of alcohol... it was hard, and it was really difficult. Cause when you're not drinking, that beer looked like it came right out of a commercial.” (Host, 08:03–08:11)
  • The tension between total abstinence vs. moderation is highlighted, with the recognition that total abstinence can create distance or tension if the partner continues to drink.
    • Quote: “I can see… how if she continues to drink and I don't, I can see it could be a source of tension between us.” (Host, 08:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They feel like a parent because you have to watch out, you have to be the designated driver. I don't know how that could work.” (Participant, 02:50)
• “If you both don't drink at all, then you just do different things and you don't go out to the bars… then it seems to me that it would work.” (Caller, 04:26)
• “It's their comfort zone. They're comfortable in control. So if their spouse drinks, it actually makes them more attractive to you… you get to be in control.” (Participant, 04:16)
• “All the habits that I don't have, he has. And, I mean, he's a good person, but it's just really annoying at this point, I don't know what to do.” (Dana, 06:23)
• “I do not drink, but my husband does. [Does it ever cause fights?] No. No.” (Kelly, 07:14)

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Takeaways & Overall Tone

• Themes: Relationship harmony can be disrupted by mismatched drinking habits; communication, understanding, and flexibility are vital.
• Tone: Authentic, candid, occasionally humorous, with many personal anecdotes and real listener insights.
• The hosts and callers provide a practical, often lighthearted look at a serious (and sometimes awkward) relationship issue.
• Listeners receive both perspectives: those who struggle with frustration and those who make it work without drama.

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Suggested Listening Timestamps

• 01:30 – 03:36: Introduction of the main dilemma and relationship context
• 03:36 – 04:26: Psychological theories about control vs annoyance
• 05:30 – 06:42: Dana’s personal story where drinking causes major irritation
• 07:01 – 07:19: Kelly’s perspective: control without conflict
• 07:33 – 08:51: Host’s personal resolutions and the tension between moderation and abstinence

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Fans of The Bert Show will find this episode especially engaging for its real talk, lively debate, and the range of perspectives on a topic that adds both comedy and conflict to relationships.

Transcript

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[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

The Birch Show I have a couple of friends in this unique situation and I'm just wondering how they deal with it. It's actually three sets of couples where one of them in the relationship drinks alcohol and the other one doesn't like really at all. And in a couple of the two out of the three couples, the one person that doesn't really drink only drinks like occasionally or would have like one glass of wine or like one beer and then that's it. They just don't like it doesn't make them feel good. So they just, they just don't drink and Then their partner drinks a lot. And so, and this is in two of the couples and then in the third couple, I don't know them as well, but it seems that one doesn't drink at all. And I'm not sure for what reasons, but then the other one does drink. So I just am curious because it seems to me to be an issue that continually comes up, especially in the two couples that I know better than the others. It seems to be a constant recurring issue because the one who doesn't drink tends to end up taking care of or being the designated driver or whatever for the one who does drink.

[Radio Host]

Do they seem to mind or are they cool with it?

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

Yeah, no, I think they seem to mind. It seems to be an issue in the relationship because the one who doesn't drink always seems to feel like this responsibility and this irritation by the one who does drink.

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

They feel like a parent because you have to watch out, you have to be the designated driver. I don't know how that could work.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

And they always want to go home earlier than the one who wants to drink. You know, they're ready, you know, if they go to a party or gathering or whatever, like one hour and done, they're good to go after like one hour. They want to visit, chit chat, whatever. And then they're ready to go home and turn on the movie and veg out or go to bed or they

[Radio Host]

don't have the alcohol to make everybody else interested. Right.

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

Well, nothing's worse than being at a party full of drunk people and you're the sober one because everything is ten times more annoying.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

Yeah. So anyway, I just don't know how they do it, I don't know how they handle it. And I wonder if it's something that would eventually split them up because the three couples I'm talking about are just dating, they're not married couples. So at that point, you know, it could be, it could become a deal breaker at one point.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

See now it's been just the opposite experience for me when I've known couples that have been in this situation. Cuz generally the person that doesn't drink is a control person. It's the reason why they don't drink is because they like being in control and the alcohol sort of takes over and they don't drink, feel in control anymore. So there's, They've never said it publicly to me before, but I wonder if you're, if you're, if we're playing psychologists, if there's a certain amount of like, if they enjoy Being that controller of their spouse. Like they get to control the relationship in that part because the spouse is sort of out of control and they're so.

[Radio Host]

It's a, it's a power, weird veiled power thing.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

It's their comfort zone. They're comfortable in control. So if their spouse drinks, it's actually makes them more attractive to you because in that case you get to be in control. Does that make any sense?

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

I understand where you're coming from, but the couples that I know, it seems to end up being more of an irritation to them. They're always irritated at the drinking or at the stupid things that the person who's drinking says, or at the not wanting to get up early in the morning and get motivated the next day. And like all of the, like, to me it seems like a constant source of irritation for the person who doesn't drink in the relationship. And like, it's like a roll their eyes, totally annoyed, frustrated thing rather than a control thing. But I understand the psychology where you're coming from. I just don't know how it works because I don't know, like, I think if you both want to go out and have a good time together and you're both drinking, you have a good time. You know what, just take a cab out, take a cab home, and you know what I'm saying, like call it a day and you're at least on the same page. Or if you both don't drink at all, then you just do different things and you don't go out to the bars and you do, you know, totally different things on the weekend. Then it seems to me that it would work and that it would eventually work if these couples were to get married then to move forward and to have children and all that kind of stuff.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

404-741-Q100 hey, Dana.

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

Hey, good morning. How are you guys?

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Great, thank you.

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

We had just had this fight with my boyfriend over the weekend. It was his birthday and you know, he drank a whole bottle. And maybe because I don't drink, this may not be a lot, but he drunk a whole bottle of Hennessy and had go to work the next morning at 7:30. And it just really annoyed me that you would be that irresponsible to drink that much, knowing that you have to get up early in the morning. And I mean to me he drinks a lot. And again, I don't drink at all. So what I may think is a lot may not be a lot, but it's just, you know, and then, you know, he Complains about. He doesn't have money for this, but you can find $30 for something that you know is just damaging. I think our relationship is so annoying to me.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Is it a deal breaker at some point?

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

You know, eventually, I think so, because this is the one area that I really just get so annoyed with him. And, you know, he smokes. I don't smoke either. So it's just, like, all the habits that I don't have, he has. And, I mean, he's a good person, but it's just really annoying at this point, I don't know what to do.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

It just seems like, yeah, if you guys are gonna be together long term and get married and have a family and have children, like, you need to be on the same page with all of. To me, from the outside looking in. It would only continue to look to make it worse and to divide you as a couple.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Hey, Kelly. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

Good morning.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Good morning.

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

I just want to say that I am a total control freak. Bert, you are totally right. I do not drink, but my husband does.

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

Everywhere we go, does it cause any fights ever?

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

No. No.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Because that's your place of comfort right there. Right?

[Radio Host]

You're totally okay with it.

[Caller Sharing Personal Experience]

Yes. I will maybe have one or two drinks, but it's not like I'm not ever the one that gets totally wasted. He is.

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

I think it's different when you don't drink at all than if you can have one or two drinks. So I think you can sometimes understand it.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Yeah. Stace and I are kind of dabbling in this right now. We had a couple of really bad weekends as far as drinking goes, and we have both decided to handle it differently. I have gone cold turkey. I'm just like, I don't want to drink. In fact, I was out with these guys on Friday night at Stats and just decided, I don't want one sip of alcohol.

[Radio Host]

We were at Stats, and we were at the tap tables where the beer is delivered to you.

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[Radio Host]

at the table like a spring.

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

And you didn't drink at all?

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

I didn't have one sip of alcohol that. Not one.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

I mean, I had a pretty fancy club soda.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

It was hard, and it was really difficult. Cause when you're not drinking, that beer looked like it came right out of a commercial.

[Radio Host]

And I'll tell you what, it looks

[Caller/Participant Commenting on Drinking]

like the best beer you could ever

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

drink ever seen in my life.

[Radio Host]

And the funny thing was, there were a bunch of us standing around, and I said, hey, Y', all, I think I'm gonna. I'm starving, so I'm gonna go over to stats and get a sandwich and a beer. You guys want to come over? And I look at Burr and he just looked the same.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

But I've decided to go cold turkey. And Stacey thinks that that doesn't prove anything. That if we're gonna control our alcohol, that having one or two would prove much more than not having any at all.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

I agree with her.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

I don't know which one is better, but I know. I know the route I'm going, and that's going cold turkey.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

Yeah.

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

I can wean myself back into one

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

or two because it's like the all things in moderation, right?

[Caller/Participant Discussing Control and Drinking]

Yeah. And I'm not at this point, I'm not capable of that right now, so I just feel like going cold turkey altogether. But I can see while we're doing this in November into November, how if she continues to drink and I don't, I can see it could be a source of tension between us.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

Yeah. I just don't know how they do it. And the couples I know have been together for years.

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Yeah.

[Caller Discussing Couples and Drinking]

And they're still doing it. And they're still annoyed with each other.

[Radio Host]

The Burt Show.

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