The Bert Show: Vault – Bert & Jeff's Metrosexual Quiz!

Episode Date: February 10, 2026
Main Participants: Bert, Jeff, Show Moderator, Podcast Host
Theme: Lighthearted, self-deprecating exploration of "metrosexual" stereotypes among men, as Bert and Jeff go head-to-head in a humorous “Metrosexual Quiz.”

Episode Overview

In this re-visit to a classic Bert Show segment, Bert and Jeff face off to determine who is the more "metrosexual" among them. The episode is a playful examination of so-called "metrosexual" traits—habits and tendencies stereotypically associated with men who are perceived as particularly style or appearance-conscious. The cast discuss, banter, and debate their way through a quiz, offering listeners humor, candid admissions, and a peek into their personal routines.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recap of Metrosexual Quiz So Far (01:30–02:14)

• Recaps previous day's quiz topics, such as:
  • Whether gay men flirt with them
  • Carrying "man-purses"
  • Concerns about designer socks
  • Hair and grooming routines
  • Use of spa services and borrowing products from the women in their lives
• Current score: 7–7 for both Bert and Jeff.

2. Reluctance & Honesty About Labels (02:14–02:51)

• Bert candidly expresses discomfort with the metrosexual label:
  • “No guy likes to be called a metrosexual, even if they have those tendencies...I hated answering these questions. It’s so emasculating.” (Bert, 02:14)
• Jeff maintains honesty amidst peer (and spouse) scrutiny.

3. Fun With Reflections & Vanity (03:15–05:01)

• Do they check themselves in car or store windows?
  • Both admit to at least glancing at reflections, though Bert clarifies it's just for self-maintenance, not vanity.
  • Jeff jokes about aging:
    • “Every morning when I get in the elevator and the elevator doors close and I can see myself in the reflective...I think, oh, my God, you are aging like you wouldn't believe with this job.” (Jeff, 03:54)
• Humorous asides about checking reflections in each other’s features:
  • “Sometimes, though, I look at my reflection in Bert's teeth and prove myself that way.” (Jeff, 04:55)

4. Blemishes & Grooming Anxiety (05:01–06:22)

• Both admit to freaking out over pimples or blemishes.
  • Bert shares a relatable struggle:
    • “I have this really nasty problem spot right...whenever it does, like it started to yesterday, you kinda freak out. I freak out.” (Bert, 05:40)
  • “When you do get it, God, the satisfaction is great, isn’t it?” (Jeff, 06:09)

5. Appearance Standards for Quick Errands (06:29–07:03)

• Question: Do you have to "look good" just to run to the store?
  • Bert: Admits feeling self-conscious and will put some effort in.
  • Jeff: “There’s some times where I’ll come back in from the store and [my wife will] say, ‘You left the house like that?’” (Jeff, 06:44)
  • Point for Bert only.

6. Outfit Planning & Trend Consciousness (07:03–08:41)

• Do they visualize outfits beforehand?
  • Jeff sets out clothes for timing, but doesn't visualize.
  • Bert: No.
  • “Not before.” (Bert, 08:00)
• Do they follow fashion trends?
  • Bert is not trend-focused; Jeff says “not as much as I would like to,” but does care somewhat.

7. Giving Style Advice & Caring About Others' Opinions (08:41–09:10)

• Neither gives advice on others’ dress.
• Do they care what people think about their fashion?
  • Both: “Yeah.” (Bert, 09:09)

8. Brand Preferences (09:10–09:55)

• Shopping at Banana Republic, H&M, Abercrombie?
  • Both largely say no, with some gentle ribbing.
  • Bert: “Banana Republic doesn’t feel like a metrosexual store to me. Like a little boutiquey place.” (Bert, 09:45)

9. Final Score & Resolution (09:55–10:22)

• Quiz ends in a tie: Bert 11 – Jeff 11
  • “Just the fact that they’ve argued every single question. I think it’s appropriate that they tied at 11.” (Show Moderator, 09:55)
• Jeff jokes about a dance-off to break the tie, which is humorously thrown back as further proof of metrosexuality.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert: “No guy likes to be called a metrosexual, even if they have those tendencies. No guy will say that...It’s so emasculating.” (02:14)
• Jeff: “Every morning when I get in the elevator and the elevator doors close...I think, oh, my God, you are aging like you wouldn't believe with this job. You're 30 going—I'm 56.” (03:54)
• Bert (on blemishes): “I have this really nasty problem spot...I freak out.” (05:40)
• Jeff: “When you do get it [the pimple], God, the satisfaction is great, isn’t it?” (06:09)
• Jeff (about running errands unkempt): “There’s some times where I’ll come back from the store and [my wife will] say, ‘You left the house like that?’” (06:44)
• Show Moderator (on the quiz tie): “Just the fact that they’ve argued every single question. I think it’s appropriate that they tied at 11.” (09:55)
• Jeff (on tiebreaker): “We’re either having a dance off...Because what straight guy would say, let’s dance off for it?” (10:08/10:10)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:30 – Quiz recap and current scores
• 02:14 – Bert reacts to metrosexual label
• 03:15 – Reflection and vanity discussion
• 04:55 – Joking about looking at reflections in each other
• 05:01–06:22 – Blemish freakouts and grooming
• 06:29 – How much they care about appearance for errands
• 07:03–08:41 – Outfit planning, fashion trends
• 08:41–09:10 – Giving advice and caring about others' opinions
• 09:10–09:55 – Shopping habits and brands debate
• 09:55–10:22 – Final scores, tie, and “dance-off” humor

Tone & Style

The tone is playful, irreverent, and self-aware. Both Bert and Jeff approach the sometimes-cringeworthy topic of “metrosexuality” with self-deprecating humor, candor, and camaraderie, making for relatable and entertaining listening.

In Summary

Listeners are treated to classic Bert Show banter as Bert and Jeff comically dissect their own grooming and lifestyle habits. Despite their initial reluctance, the duo offer up candid, funny, and at times, insightful admissions. Ultimately, both are declared equally “metrosexual”—and the journey there is full of laughs, debates, and memorable moments.