8: Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, February 10 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Episode: 8: Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, February 10 [Vault]

Date: February 10, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show Cast

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show jumps into real-life listener drama, relatable life struggles, and lighthearted group banter. The first segment dives into Crystal's challenge with weight loss and her boyfriend's unique motivation tactic. The crew follows up with a quirky inheritance-marriage dilemma from a previous episode, segues into recurring nightmares and dream analysis, and wraps up with more on Crystal's story. The show’s tone is candid, teasing, supportive, and often laugh-out-loud funny.

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Episode Breakdown

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1. Crystal’s Weight Loss Struggle and "Motivation by Beard"

[01:31 – 19:31]

Background:
Crystal calls in to talk about her ongoing battle with weight loss and shares her boyfriend Jason’s eyebrow-raising method to motivate her: he won’t shave until she loses 50 pounds.

Key Points & Discussion:

• Crystal's Frustration: She's tried diets, gym memberships, trainers, and keeps making excuses. She confesses feeling intimidated in gyms and overwhelmed by fitness options.

  • Quote (Crystal, 04:47): "The only problem is I don't know how to work out. I'm so dumb on that area. I walk into a gym, I've got a gym membership...and there's all these machines and I have no idea what to do with them."

• Jason’s Perspective:

  • Quote (Jason, 02:59): "I think she's beautiful and everything, but, you know, when somebody continuously tells you all the time they're not happy with themselves...I just felt like that's the only way I could help her out by trying to motivate her like that."

• Crew's Response:

  • There’s tough love and gentle teasing about Crystal’s excuses ("What a long list of excuses for not working out!" – Tracy, 05:24).
  • They suggest simple solutions over complicated gym routines: walking, home exercises, or aerobics classes.

• Motivation by Humiliation:

  • The group considers a "motivation by humiliation" strategy like posting a bikini photo if Crystal doesn’t hit her goal by her 10-year reunion.
  • Quote (Burt, 15:00): "You don't want this way. It's you changing your mind about it all...Once you change your mind about it and get your head around what you want, that's what you go get."

• Candid Self-Evaluation:

  • The team discusses personal responsibility and typical cravings, with Dolvett and Burt sharing their own food struggles.

Notable/Memorable Moments:

• Jen’s Sarcastic Support:

  • (09:44) "You ever make a brownie sandwich?"
  • The light-hearted riff on food temptations provokes a laugh.

• Public Accountability:

  • (18:28) Burt credits his own past shirtless website photo as “everything” when it came to motivation, reinforcing group/private accountability.

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2. Follow-Up from Previous Listener: “The Inheritance Marriage Scheme”

[26:26 – 37:04]

Background:
A listener (Aaron) previously considered marrying someone by her 21st birthday to claim a $100,000 inheritance per her grandfather's will.

Key Points & Discussion:

• The Legal Reality:

  • Clarification that the inheritance isn't lost if she waits—she just gets paid later, so no rush to marry for money.

• Listener/Host Reactions:

  • The hosts joke and marvel about how many guys were lining up for a quick Vegas wedding and a $5K payment.
    • Quote (Jen, 31:44): "You're like 22 years old. You'd have done this. Five grand. It's cash, tax free. Money in the bank."
  • Jen and Tracy share that even their friends and acquaintances were interested, illustrating how wild real-life dilemmas can attract unexpected attention.

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3. Recurring Nightmares & Dream Analysis

[21:43 – 29:53]

Background:
Tracy brings up her recurring, quickly-forgotten nightmares, leading to a broader conversation.

Key Points:

• Dream Themes:

  • Tracy describes a recurring dream about saving a homeless woman and her daughter; Burt reports repeatedly dreaming about being attacked (dogs, sharks, people in a mall), but only during his brief daytime naps.
    • Quote (Burt, 24:50): "I'm being attacked. So in a dream it's Dobermans...the next day...sharks...in a mall...I'm getting mauled...every single dream two years during my nap."

• Dream Analysis Banter:

  • The hosts riff comedically about what these dreams might “mean.”
  • Quote (Tracy, 23:12): "They're familiar in my subconscious. Isn't that weird?"
  • Jen mentions former guest dream analyst Carol Cummings and common dream translations (e.g., teeth falling out = out of control).

Tips & Listener Wisdom:

• Caller Caleb suggests eating bananas before bed can help with dream recall.
  • Quote (Jason [Caller], 28:34): "If you eat a banana before you go to bed, your dream will be more vivid in your ability to remember it..."

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4. Group Banter & Quick Hits

Throughout; [29:56, 30:05, etc.]

• The show is laced with the group’s signature wit, especially when responding to listener calls about everything from jobs to wild schemes.
• They joke about the “nightmare” of working as a DJ, argue over who is more “metro,” and tease about their own personal quirks.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Crystal, on boyfriend’s beard bet:
  • "[He] will grow it down to his knees. He does not care." (02:35)
• Burt, on personal responsibility:
  • "You haven't said one thing over the last 15 minutes to make any of us think that you really want to lose this weight." (19:05)
• Tracy, on excuses:
  • "You just gotta get your head in the right space for it." (17:49)
• Listener advice:
  • "You eat bananas before you go to bed. It helps you remember your dreams when you wake up." (28:26)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:31–19:31] – Crystal’s weight loss challenge and group intervention ("motivation by beard," gym intimidation, excuses vs. accountability)
• [21:43–29:53] – Recurring nightmares, dream analysis, and group anecdote sharing
• [26:26–37:04] – Inheritance marriage dilemma redux: motivations, legal reality, follow-up

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Episode Takeaways

• Personal Change: Ultimately, motivation for healthy habits or life changes has to be internal—even public accountability or quirky bets may not be enough.
• Candid Honesty: Regulars and listeners alike are unafraid to poke fun at themselves—and each other—while offering real advice and support.
• Life’s Absurdities: The episode offers equal measures of laughter and real talk—tackling everything from weight loss self-sabotage to the wildest inheritance clause scenarios.

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Perfect For

Listeners who want entertainment that blends candid storytelling, good-natured group ribbing, real-life struggles, and relatable, hilarious advice.

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Transcript

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[Burt]

Good morning, Crystal.

[Crystal]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Hey, how are you?

[Crystal]

I am good. How are you guys doing?

[Burt]

Great. Now, is your boyfriend on with us also?

[Crystal]

He should be. Tracy was calling him Jason.

[Dolvett]

Jason.

[Jason]

Hey.

[Dolvett]

Hey.

[Jen]

Is this the boyfriend?

[Burt]

This is the boyfriend right here.

[Dolvett]

Okay.

[Tracy]

All right.

[Burt]

At first, it's kind of shocking to hear, and at first, it sounds kind of mean to hear also, Crystal, that he's holding out and he's not shaving until you lose £50.

[Crystal]

Yes, £50.

[Burt]

You want to give us a little history on this?

[Jen]

Just amputate your leg.

[Crystal]

Well, I always am complaining about my weight for the past almost two years now. I'm always complaining, Honey, I'm fat. I'm fat. I need to do something about it. I gotta do something about it. And I've tried. I've tried. I'm still paying for weight loss diet programs, and I'm not doing anything about it. And I need some motivation. And he came up with, well, I'M gonna shave my face, since you hate when I'm not clean cut. So I'm just not gonna shave my face. And he doesn't care how he looks with his goatee. It is fine. He will grow it down to his knees.

[Radio Host]

He does not care.

[Crystal]

And so he wants to use that as motivation so that I can be happy with myself.

[Dolvett]

So, Jason, is it a case where Crystal has, like she just said, it means all the time, like every time she's changing clothes, before you go out, before she goes to bed, when she gets up and you're like, honey, you're fine, but you're not happy, so you just. Why don't you just do something about it and be happy? Is it that. Is it like that?

[Jason]

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. You know, I mean, I think she's beautiful and everything, but, you know, when somebody continuously tells you all the time they're not happy with themselves, you know, I just felt like that's the only way I could help her out by trying to motivate her like that.

[Burt]

So, Crystal, you've obviously complained to Jason about the beard at one point or another, that you absolutely hate it all the time.

[Crystal]

Every time I go see my family, honey, you gotta shave, you gotta shave.

[Burt]

And how long have you gone now, Jason, without shaving?

[Jason]

Right now, it's been about two weeks.

[Dolvett]

Okay.

[Burt]

How's he look.

[Dolvett]

Crystal?

[Crystal]

He's a bear.

[Burt]

You hate it?

[Crystal]

I hate it. I've tried to get him to shave it completely off, but he doesn't like that at all. So I'm compromising.

[Burt]

Is it motivating you at all?

[Crystal]

It is now. Since we just pretty much made that bet, I'm ready to go. The only problem is I don't know how to work out. I'm so dumb on that area. I walk into a gym, I've got a gym membership. I went and got one and I canceled it because I walk in and there's all these machines and I have no idea what to do with them. And I'll ask the people there, right? And they just look at me like, well, you know, watch these people or watch them do it like this. I'm like, okay, that's fine. I'll get home about it. And like, oh, there's this whole other breathing technique you have to do. And I get so confused.

[Dolvett]

Well, a gym is an intimidating, like, I'm not a gym person. And I just think a gym is intimidating if you aren't somebody who knows how to use the machines or what machines to use. Or what machine does what to what? And I mean, it is like not. And no offense to any gym because, you know, there's plenty of gym people out there. I'm one of the few. But it is not this welcoming place for people who don't know what they're doing.

[Jen]

You make it sound like a torture chamber, that machine. You don't know what that one does to what, get on that one. Wrong. You rip your arm right off.

[Burt]

Well, it is like you sort of feel like the people that are there working are there to get your money and get your commission and then you're on your own.

[Crystal]

Exactly. And I hired a personal trainer and she was $40 for every 30 minutes. I was like, wow, this is just outrageous. Especially with gas prices now I can't afford that. So I had to stop. And we only worked out for a little less than a month. And she would tell me, some machines, if you don't do it right, it only is going to make the muscle push the fat out and you're going to look bigger. I don't even want to do this.

[Jason]

This is.

[Tracy]

Hey, Crystal, you know what this sounds like? What a long list of excuses for not working out.

[Crystal]

It is excuses.

[Tracy]

It is.

[Crystal]

And I've got to stop. Stop making them. And I've been reading books.

[Tracy]

You don't have to work out with a trainer. You don't necessarily even have to work out at the gym.

[Dolvett]

You just gotta exercise. You go outside and walk around the block.

[Burt]

And I mean, if you do have the gym membership, a lot of those machines you're talking about have the instructions on the side. And they also tell you, like, if you're on the treadmill, it tells you exactly where your heart rate needs to be for you to be in that fat burning zone. So you can't really use that stuff as an excuse.

[Dolvett]

Oh, you want to go to the gym and then be the person to stand next to the machine?

[Burt]

No, it's right on the machine. It's right on. So as you walk in there, yeah, you can look at it.

[Dolvett]

I know it's intimidating, but just don't.

[Tracy]

Allow that to be your excuse not to exercise. So if you, if you hate the gym or you're intimidated by it, go somewhere else, you know, work out doing something else or, you know, do stuff at home or attend an aerobics class where there's an instructor in front of the class teaching you how to do it. So there's other options. I just want to see you be successful. And I think that your boyfriend does Too, right?

[Crystal]

And it's just. It's just hard because I don't really know how. I mean, I can walk around the block. That's fine, but I just wish there was some other way to get it off faster. If I walk around the block, how. How good is that gonna be?

[Dolvett]

I'm starting to side with Jen a little bit here because you can walk around the block and then you walk a little further next time, and you walk a little for. Like, my girlfriend is training for the P shoe right now, and all she does is she walks out the front door and she goes and runs and then she comes back and then she's done. And then she runs a little further the next night, and then a little further the next night. She doesn't go to a gym or hire anybody to do it. And I think that just by the language of how do I get this off as fast as possible? Like, you have to learn to live your life to where you do exercise regularly and you do eat and then it comes off. But if you're trying to do let me lose £50 really quickly, I'm afraid that you're not going to keep it off.

[Burt]

You're lazy about it. Why don't you really want to lose the weight? I do.

[Crystal]

I really, really bad want to lose weight. I think just lately I have been really lazy about it and stressed out with other. With other things, and I really just haven't done anything about it. Pretty much let myself go and make excuses and excuses, and then I want to know how to eat right. And exactly. I've never had to before, except these past two years or three years. I've just been gaining and gaining and gaining.

[Dolvett]

But, Bert, see, what happens is, if you complain about it long enough, and all of a sudden it comes off with each complaint.

[Burt]

Well, you burn calories.

[Dolvett]

Yeah, exactly. If you complain long enough, then you get what you want.

[Crystal]

Well, the good news is that easy.

[Jen]

The good news is, is when you are all. When your boyfriend's looking like Poseidon with the big beard that he has to carry over his shoulder, he won't have any other girl. No girls will talk to him.

[Dolvett]

Get him his Triton, he's good to go.

[Jen]

Hello, I am Lord of the Deep, and this is my Fat Mermaid.

[Crystal]

He doesn't care what he looks like. He's like, well, I got a girl. I don't care. It's just, it's.

[Tracy]

It's hard work to lose weight, you know, it's hard work to change your lifestyle. You don't just it doesn't just happen. You have to really dedicate all this time and carve out places in your schedule to go to the gym. It doesn't just happen. You know what I mean?

[Crystal]

I think what it is. I just feel so overwhelmed. Like, I'll go on my lunch break or something and get a smoothie and like, do you want soy protein or whey Protein? I have no idea. Just take a protein.

[Tracy]

You know what?

[Burt]

There are places that you can. But you know this. I mean, there's a little place called the Internet that is pretty good at educating you on stuff. So if you really wanted to find out, you could find out if soy or whey is right for you and exactly how many calories you're supposed to be taken in or if you're.

[Tracy]

I mean, or if you're, you know, really trying to lose weight and cut back, then you drink water and not smoothies in the afternoon. Right.

[Dolvett]

Or if you're somebody who is intimidated just by the whole. I mean, I say intimidated, I'm sorry, using it as a reason not to do it by saying, I don't want to go on the Internet, Burton. I don't want to do the research and I don't want to go to the gym. I mean, just. I mean, it is pretty easy. Like, you know, eat fruit and vegetables. That's real easy. You know, if you're. You know what you're eating and you know what. What's not right? What's good that you're eating.

[Burt]

I mean, fruits and vegetables is a given, but a lot of people still don't know, like, about carbs and what carbs you can.

[Crystal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dolvett]

Do you eat desserts?

[Crystal]

I do sometimes.

[Dolvett]

That's bad for you.

[Crystal]

There's always birthdays around me every day there's somebody's birthday.

[Dolvett]

Yeah. Just say, okay, so you. Dessert is bad for you. Do you drink a lot of alcohol?

[Crystal]

No, not really. I don't drink through the week.

[Dolvett]

Not too bad. Okay. Do you eat a lot of bread?

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Dolvett]

Okay, that's bad for you.

[Crystal]

It's a weakness.

[Dolvett]

Yeah. So what I'm saying, there's a whole bunch of them. That's easy. If you cut down on the bread and cut out the desserts and walk and drink a lot of water, like Jen said, you'll start losing weight.

[Jen]

You ever make a brownie sandwich? So you fried in the dessert.

[Tracy]

What's in the middle of that brownie?

[Burt]

You haven't even tried. But we'll take calls like this from time to time, and then we get the more harsh calls that come in right after yours that will say, lose the weight. You're not even trying. You're complaining about it. You hate the way you look and you're beating yourself up, but you're doing zero about it. So you're not a very sympathetic character because you're not even trying to.

[Tracy]

And the reason a lot of people do. I'm sorry. A lot of people do try very hard and then reach that plateau. So if you were in that stage right now, I would be sympathetic to you. If you were like, okay, I lost 10. Now I've reached this plateau and I can't get any more. I need help on figuring it out, then that's a real issue to address. And that might take an expert, but we're not experts here.

[Jen]

I think that's my problem. I think I've plateaued.

[Dolvett]

Yeah. The reason, Crystal, that I'm kind of pushing you along or nudging you is because I. That I understand that, like, I may not be where I want to be, but I know, guess what? I'm eating the bread and I'm eating the desserts, and it's my responsibility for being at whatever weight I am.

[Crystal]

Really what I want to know is how do I cut back on those cravings? I crave them and crave them, and I'll get home, I'll eat my lunch at noon. I'll get home, and I'm starving, and I don't come till 6:30 every night, and I want to cook something, but I'm so tired.

[Burt]

Well, you're allowed to eat. You just have to eat the right thing. So if you're hungry, eat, but the cravings, you never go away. Like I told these guys, somebody brought McDonald's in here a couple of weeks ago, and I'm pretty good about my diet, and I try to stay lean. Somebody brought McDonald's in here, and the hash brown won. I lost. The cravings never go away, and still I can sort of regurgitate and taste it again. They just never go away. But you have to be disciplined, and you have zero discipline.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Dolvett]

I had to confess to Kati last night because I've said before on here, I have. What do we call it when I have food? Infidelity when it comes to my relationship with my girlfriend, because she is this fit person who, you know, runs and does the exercise and always active and all this stuff, and. And I'm the one who's not. And so I drove by, and I was driving in an area of town near Alpharetta where I had not been before, running an errand. And there was this. This place called. I think it was called Pamela's Chocolate in the shopping center.

[Tracy]

Oh, that's like your mecca. That was a magnet.

[Dolvett]

I turned around.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Dolvett]

And I went in there and I shopped at Pamela's Chocolates. So, you know, and it's my fault. Like, any calories I took in or any weight I may gain from that is my fault. So.

[Burt]

Hey, Corey, you're on Q100.

[Jason]

Hey, Bert. How you doing, man?

[Burt]

Okay. You must be a guy that wants to.

[Jason]

I know. D. I used to actually train over at Gym of a Buckhead, so I run into you guys a couple times.

[Burt]

Okay. He's talking about my friend Dolvett that has a gym also.

[Jason]

Yes, yes. Very cool guy.

[Burt]

What's up?

[Jason]

Well, I wanted to give this caller some information. I'm the CEO of a company called My Body Beats. It's like when you're saying my heartbeats, but it's My Body Beats I created about two years ago and been working on it, and we're about to do a full launch, but it's downloadable workouts by professional athletes. And so the idea came from just like this college. She probably looked at a magazine, or her husband looks at it and says, I want to look just like that girl right there. And a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't, but they just want to get in condition. Well, if you want to look like a pro, you train like one. And that's what I came up the idea with. And what you do is you go to the site, look at a workout, and it's a la carte. If you want to work your thighs, your butt, your arms, you pick out what you want from any professional athlete out there, you download it, and she's your trainer, or he's your trainer for the rest of your life.

[Burt]

That's a great idea. And it's bodybeats.com mybodybeats.com my b o.

[Jason]

D y b e a t s dot com. We have blogs out there. You're talking about diets, stuff like that. A friend of mine just went out there and said, hey, can I eat chicken salad? Well, my wife, which is part of the marketing, she put a blog out there. Do you really want to know why you don't want to eat chicken salad? And this came from some of the pros. The pros will blog you. I'm getting them involved and actually going to be getting NFL football players, possibly Maria Shapova Gabrielle, Reese, some other people says it's going to keep growing and it's lots of fun.

[Burt]

Gotcha. Corey. Thank you. I mean, the point he's making is if you want the information, it's out there, I think. I mean, it's definitely out there, but you haven't gotten aggressive about really getting serious about it. And I think you're right. At first I thought your boyfriend was doing a disservice to you. I actually think you're doing a disservice to him.

[Tracy]

I understand where he got frustrated and said, I'm just not going to shave my beard anymore. But Crystal, here's the deal with any.

[Jen]

You wanted it to.

[Tracy]

Crystal, like here's the deal with anything.

[Crystal]

I need it. I need all of this. So that way it motivates me more and I don't make excuses.

[Tracy]

Nobody else can motivate you but you.

[Dolvett]

You're not.

[Tracy]

You don't want this way. It's you changing your mind about it all that's all it's going to take is you getting it in your head and you changing your mind about it. Once you change your mind about it and get your head around what you want, that's what you go get.

[Burt]

You know, in your email you said your 10 year high school reunion is coming up.

[Crystal]

Yeah. Next year.

[Burt]

Next year. And you have. How much weight do you want to lose before that?

[Crystal]

Around 50 to 60.

[Burt]

We could do a motivation by humiliation. This is like the perfect example. Jason says, please, this is the perfect. Do you know how that works?

[Crystal]

I'm already a spaz.

[Tracy]

I don't think that we sign her up until she says she's changed her mind. Because I'm starting to get frustrated with the.

[Burt]

Well, this might be the thing that would motivate her actually to get off her butt and do it.

[Tracy]

It could.

[Dolvett]

I don't know.

[Burt]

I mean, because the picture goes up. If she doesn't reach the goal weight, the picture goes up.

[Crystal]

Oh, no. I want you to put the picture up because I know that, you know what, I don't want the whole world to see me like that and I want to be able to show them that I can do it.

[Burt]

All right, let me explain how it goes before you commit. Okay? Is you would come in here or we would set you up at a gym or whatever and they would take a picture of you in like, let's say a bikini. Okay. And then if you don't reach your goal weight, which would be a year and £50, then that picture goes up.

[Jen]

Online and Your boyfriend gets to shave so people won't confuse him with Jesus anymore.

[Crystal]

I fit into a bikini top. I have two school buses I carry around up there.

[Dolvett]

I don't. You know what the thing is though, Crystal, I gotta be honest with you that I think that if you agree to do this, that your picture's going.

[Burt]

Up if she doesn't change her ways. But that picture may be just a thing to get her into a gym.

[Dolvett]

And actually, I don't think it's gonna work.

[Jen]

So basically what you would do is you would walk into the gym, they would give you the safe weight that you can lose by the time of your next high school reunion. Then they would take a picture of you in the buses and provide that. They would give that to Tracy like on a cd. And Tracy would lock it away and nobody would look at it. And they would tell us what the goal weight is. And then we would check in with you every month or so between now and then. If you hit that goal weight, all's good and it might not be the full 50 or 60 pounds. It'll be a safe weight is determined by professionals.

[Burt]

If you don't, 50 in a year is doable. If you do that, very, very, very doable.

[Jen]

If you don't do that, then the picture goes up and everybody gets to see your buses.

[Burt]

He likes it. You want to wait 24 hours and think about it because this is severe.

[Dolvett]

I think you should, because the reason is if there's some going exactly what Ungen said, if there was a, if there was some piece of clothing, if there was a gadget, if there's anything you wanted, you know, you really wanted, you'd get it, you'd work for it, you'd go out of your way to go drive and get it, whatever. But you're not, you don't want to lose this weight because you would be doing it.

[Tracy]

You just gotta get your head in the right space for it. But I will say that when we did the Motivation by humiliation last year and I was either, you know, we were doing the bathing suit pictures either alone or in a group at the end of it all, I will say on the days I did not feel like going to the gym and I was coming up with the, you know, mile long list of excuses excuse is like, oh, well, I really should check more email or oh, I really should stay home and do this or that. The other thing, the threat of that picture did get me back in there, back on that elliptical or on the treadmill or whatever else. So I'VE experienced it before. And even when you have the best intentions, sometimes through the middle of it, you can get lazy. And that picture helped me not get lazy.

[Burt]

And I can confirm that also. I mean, that public accountability is everything. A couple of years ago when I did that, the picture for the website without my shirt on, I was in that gym busting my ass every single day because I knew everybody was going to be looking at it and I wanted to look good for it. And that public accountability changed everything. I was watching what I was eating. I was working out every day. It is a great motivational tool, but you have to follow the rules. And if you don't make it, that picture goes up. You haven't said one thing over the last 15 minutes to make any of us think that you really want to lose this weight.

[Crystal]

I really, really do.

[Burt]

That's the only thing you've said. But you haven't proven it. Nothing.

[Dolvett]

And not to sound harsh, I mean, I don't mean to come across as harsh. I just know that, like, I'm not in the best shape I could be, but I obviously don't want to be. Or I would be. I mean, serious. Yeah. Because I think once, like they're saying, once you decide that, yeah, you know what, I do really want to do this, then you will the Burch Show.

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[Crystal]

From weight loss medications to nutrition support and help with my side effects, it's all in one place.

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[Crystal]

I'm Mike and I've lost 135 pounds. Weight Watchers prescribing GLP1 medications. It's been life changing.

[Dolvett]

I'm Sharia and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I realized that it would take more than a prescription to lose weight and feel good on a GLP1.

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[Jen]

I can't imagine doing a GLP1 without Weight Watchers.

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[Tracy]

Work with vrbocare. Help is always ready before, during and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists so.

[Burt]

Support is always available because a great.

[Tracy]

Trip starts with peace of mind. So I've been having really crazy nightmares. And the weirdest part about them is that when I'm in them, they're recurring. And when I'm in the middle of the dream, you know, I will.

[Jen]

What do you mean when you're in them?

[Tracy]

Like, when I'm in the middle of dreaming them, there's a familiarity to it. So I've been there before. But as soon as I wake up, they're gone. And only one of them I have been able to sort of write down, you know, because it's kind of driving me crazy because it's just that weird, that weird space between sleep and awake for like 10 seconds I can remember, okay, I've just woken up from a nightmare. It's the one I have all the time, and then it's gone.

[Burt]

So it's the exact same nightmare.

[Tracy]

There are two or three themes in them.

[Jen]

I totally know what you're talking about.

[Burt]

You know what I mean? Hold on. I just want to get. I want to find out exactly what's going on.

[Tracy]

It's like two or three themes that are in them and once I'm in them, they're familiar. But when I wake up, they're gone again. It's the most bizarre thing and only one of them that I can remember. And it's like I am trying to save this homeless woman and her daughter. Okay? I have no idea why, but it's like this Almost like this, like, adventure movie of trying to, like, save this homeless woman and her daughter from their bad situation or whatever. So I don't know, my friends have tried to interpret that one, but we'll just leave that be.

[Dolvett]

So.

[Tracy]

And then there's two or three more that when I'm in the middle of them, I go, okay, I've been here before, I know what this feels like, whatever. And then when I wake up, in like two seconds, it's there and then it's completely erased and completely gone. It's driving me nuts because I'm like, I want to be able to. I want to be able to at least know what they are in my conscious mind because they're so familiar in my subconscious. Isn't that weird?

[Jen]

And it's so vivid when you wake up that you're like, I'll remember this, no problem. And literally that happens to me all the time with good dreams. God, that was a great dream. I gotta remember. And it's gone, essentially, but, like completely. And you almost have to wonder if that's for the nightmare. I don't know, like for me with regular dreams, I don't know what it is, but for the nightmares, I almost wonder if that's your brain saying, you don't need to remember that.

[Burt]

When did you start having deleting it?

[Jen]

You know what I mean?

[Tracy]

I mean, I've had recurring dreams over the years, but these have been, I don't know, I mean, definitely months and months.

[Burt]

So does it go with the personal stress?

[Tracy]

Probably, but I think. I think it's been going on longer than that. But I don't know, probably.

[Burt]

I told Jeff that probably for, I don't know, two years now. When I take my nap in the daytime, and this is the one where my body wakes me up after five minutes. It's a five minute nap, it's quick, I'm out. But I always dream, and probably for the last two years it's been nightmares. Every single one. Yeah. I mean, not so scary that I'm afraid to fall asleep, but I know it's gonna be a bad dream. So when Jen and I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, I started keeping track of them. And I do remember them when I wake up. And there's a reoccurring theme in all of them now.

[Tracy]

Really?

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Dolvett]

What is it?

[Burt]

I'm being attacked. So in a dream it's Dobermans will attack me in one dream. The next day when I go down, sharks are attacking me. I could be in a mall and I'm getting mauled by a bunch of guys that are attacking me there. And I've only taken notes on it like the last week because I knew we would be talking about it. So I'm always being attacked every dream two years during my nap.

[Tracy]

Really?

[Dolvett]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

I wonder what somebody, you know, what a, you know, dream analyst would say about that is. Why are, you know, why are you feeling so attacked? I don't know why are you having this, you know, this consistent thing. But the strange thing to me is it's different scenarios all the time.

[Burt]

Yes. But it's the, the same current theme and that's only for my nap. Now my dreams at night, overnight are totally different and totally fine. Like last night, it's funny we're talking about this today. I had this really great dream about surfing with my best friend.

[Tracy]

Cool.

[Burt]

And I woke up when the baby woke up at like 3:11. I was kind of ticked, but I was like, oh, but I just got off that big wave. This is cool. It's only those five minute naps when I fall right into that REM sleep.

[Dolvett]

Well, I mean from the outside looking in, I mean, like you said, you know, there's different things going on with you and. But with Bert, I think that again from the. Cause that's in the middle of a workday. So I wonder if you feel, is there a responsibility you feel in the past couple years, I don't know whether it's because Hollis is in your life and now we have moved to bigger signal or whatever. Just this feeling of you being the lead in things and having all this responsibility and other people trying to take it away from you or compete with you or something. That's the first thought I had.

[Burt]

No, I mean, I think the current theme in my day, every day is my goal is to be done with work at 5 o' clock so I can hang out with the family. And I fail miserable every single day. So I'm always rushed to get to that five o' clock point. But I don't know how that would be interpreted in my head as being attacked. Maybe because Stacy talks to me about.

[Dolvett]

It so much or maybe you feel like you're. There's always something keeping you from what you want to do or. I mean, I don't know.

[Tracy]

I don't know.

[Jen]

You know, you have a dream. Well, this wouldn't help. What hobby we have it, you know, we've had Carol Cummings on, who is a really good dream analyst. And she, she's written books and she does the whole.

[Burt]

Oh well, this is.

[Jen]

This means this, like, general. You know, speaking in general symbolism. Like, oh, you being attacked is a reference to this. And the person being attacked at the mall is a reference to this. And then it's your job to figure out how those apply to your life. She doesn't say, well, here's what's going on in your life. But she says, well, generally speaking, like.

[Burt]

If your teeth are falling out of your face, that means that you're out of control or something like that.

[Tracy]

I used to have one where I would be stuck in a hallway and trying to get out of a building. And the hallway would shrink as you got down to the end of it. And then I'd have to turn around and go back, and turn around and go back.

[Jen]

Willy Wonka.

[Tracy]

It was like. Yeah, it was kind of like John Malkovich or whatever, you know, just being sort of stuck in this building and not being able to get out. But that was a long time ago. But I could remember that one. That's what's driving me nuts about these. I can't remember.

[Burt]

Good morning, Caleb.

[Jason]

Hey. How's it going, guys?

[Burt]

Okay. How are you?

[Jason]

Good. Hey. Incidentally, who's more metro? I missed out. I heard the first part yesterday, but I missed out on who was. Who is legitimately more metro.

[Burt]

We'll do part two today and get our final scores.

[Tracy]

It's a straight up.

[Burt]

I mean, we're really splitting hairs.

[Dolvett]

Yeah, with a little hair gel. They're tied right now.

[Jason]

Okay. So you never got to part two.

[Burt]

No.

[Jason]

Okay. Okay. Gotcha.

[Burt]

Is that what you're calling for?

[Jason]

No, I was calling because of. You eat bananas before you go to bed. It helps you remember your dreams when you wake up.

[Tracy]

Really?

[Dolvett]

Really.

[Burt]

Like, the potassium in it or something will make you remember them.

[Jason]

That's what. Yeah, that's the. I don't know if it's the potassium or something else. In the banana. In the banana. But if you eat a banana before you go to bed, your dream will be more vivid in your ability to remember it at the. When you wake up will be, you know, infinitely better. I just. I've tried it because I've had the same situation that Jen's had the same. Same dream over and over and over. No, I'm having the same dream. Can't remember it when I wake up at the end of the night before next morning. Oh, that's what I was doing.

[Burt]

And then you tell yourself, too, like, as soon as you wake up, I'll remember that tomorrow morning. And then you wake up and you never remember because it's usually.

[Tracy]

Well, I will. Like, they're so bad that I will wake up in the middle of the night, sit up, and I'm, like, sweating, you know, and then I'll. And then I'll be like, oh, I'll definitely remember that. And then. So you try to roll over and go back to bed, and then it's gone.

[Burt]

Yeah, completely.

[Tracy]

But I'm gonna try the banana thing.

[Burt]

That works other ways also, like, if you have a great dream, like, I've done that deal also, where you're having this killer dream, and then you're like, I am going back to sleep and I am finishing that one out.

[Tracy]

Have you ever successfully been able to do it?

[Burt]

Never been able to do it.

[Tracy]

I think I only have once.

[Burt]

Really?

[Tracy]

Yeah. I was so happy when I woke up the second time.

[Crystal]

Went back to it.

[Burt]

Mine usually has something to do with, like, Megan Fox. And I'm just.

[Crystal]

I'm not done yet. I'm not done with you.

[Jen]

Too much info. Thank you.

[Burt]

Real quick, Fernando, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Jason]

Hello.

[Burt]

Hello. Hey, you sound like a Fernando. Hola, Fernando.

[Crystal]

Hola.

[Burt]

What's up?

[Jason]

Yeah, Anyways, I've had nightmares about becoming a DJ for Q100.

[Tracy]

Do you really?

[Jason]

Yeah. I'm not trying to be a fan.

[Crystal]

Of or anything, but, yeah, I am.

[Jason]

A DJ, but not for Q100.

[Burt]

Well, at times, I would say that this job is a little nightmarish. So you may be awake. You may.

[Jen]

For the record, I have those same nightmares.

[Burt]

The Burt Show. Previously on the Burch Show. You're getting married this weekend.

[Crystal]

I hope so. Well, I don't know who it's gonna be yet. I've turned 21 on Wednesday. And my grandfather, who is a really, really successful businessman, put something in his will that all the grandkids, when they turn 21, or by their 21st birthday, if they're married, and then we receive $100,000. Yeah. And the thing is that they've always done really well, and, you know, I've been taken care of. And we get another payout when we're 25. So it never really, like, was on my mind. And I guess that's why I didn't explore serious relationships and all that. But so I've decided that, I don't know, like, ask a friend or find somebody and go to Vegas and I'll give them a payment. Think I'll give them, like, $5,000. And I think that's a decent amount because, you know, we don't have to. They married a particularly long time.

[Burt]

Now, I will stand corrected on something I said Friday. Because I said, what guy in his right mind would. When a woman initially approaches them with a crazy idea like this, maybe you have one drink together. Maybe on the second one she says, look, I gotta tell you something. This was my mission tonight, will you marry me, and let's go to Vegas. What guy in his right mind is gonna go for five grand? Sure, let's go. I got so many emails over the weekend from guys wanting her phone number.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Oh, I didn't hear you say that. Cause I would have. Yeah, I would have done that if I was younger and single.

[Burt]

You're like 22 years old. You'd have done this.

[Jen]

Five grand. It's cash, tax free. Money in the bank.

[Burt]

Bye. Bye. No way. You are out of your mind. You're loco.

[Jen]

I actually checked. I had personal friends, people that I know. Come on, Seriously.

[Burt]

I'm sure.

[Jen]

Hit me up and say, no, it wasn't him.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Tracy]

It wasn't.

[Jen]

Check away.

[Dolvett]

That's who I thought of too.

[Jen]

No personal friends who are nominating their sons.

[Burt]

Nominating their sons? Yep.

[Tracy]

Really?

[Jen]

Yep.

[Burt]

Like, I don't know why, but like that.

[Jen]

Based on that reaction, you'll never find out who it was. But I had. I had a friend of mine, and I didn't see the email until last night, but she sent an email and said, send me the girl's number. I want to pass along to my son.

[Dolvett]

I think the email. I think the emails I got, like Burt, were of guys who were giving all the stats on why they should be the one she picks. And it's just like guys, oddly, when a competition's in place, they are going to come up and it's like a wild story to tell. And like Jeff said, $5,000 go to Vegas.

[Burt]

But, yeah, I think you're overthinking it. I don't think it was the competition at all. I just think it was straight up to five grand.

[Dolvett]

You think?

[Burt]

I mean, think about it. I mean, Wendy, $5,000 to you right now. I mean, at 22 years old, man, that's like $250,000 to Donald Trump, I think.

[Tracy]

Would you do it though, Wendy? Maybe. Yeah, right? Yes.

[Burt]

Yes. Really?

[Tracy]

Yes. Marry a guy for $5,000 and then have it an old, like a month later.

[Crystal]

Why not?

[Tracy]

It's free money.

[Dolvett]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

It's not causing any harm.

[Burt]

That's what most of these guys are saying. Give me the five grand.

[Dolvett]

I guess I was just thinking about the competition because it was like paragraph after paragraph of these guys explaining every single detail about themselves on why they should be picked. I thought they were putting a lot of thought into their email.

[Tracy]

They were hungry.

[Dolvett]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Aaron is back. Hey, Aaron.

[Crystal]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hey. What's going on?

[Crystal]

A lot.

[Burt]

All right, tell us about the weekend. Because the last time we talked to you, you needed to find a man this last weekend and get married before your birthday on Tuesday.

[Crystal]

Remember, you guys gave me that advice about legal things. So I did talk to my cousin, and then he actually put me in touch with his father because his father's a lawyer. And he gave me a really. I mean, we had a really great conversation. It turns out there was a lot of stuff I didn't know. And it's all good, and it's really helpful. So I really appreciate you guys kind of putting me in that direction. Basically, I get this really nice inheritance when I'm 25. Okay. And I thought that this amount of money I would lose if I didn't take it when I was 21 and already married. But it turns out. And by the way, it's like a third of the whole total sum. Turns out that if I'm not married by the time I'm 25, I still get the full amount. And if I get married between now and 25, then I still get that amount before I turn 25. Does that make sense?

[Jen]

So it's like an advance on your inheritance when you get married.

[Crystal]

But I'm not gonna lose it, you know, if I'm not married by the time I'm.

[Tracy]

Gotcha.

[Burt]

So you get a third of it or 25. So I got this right. You get a third of it when you turn 21.

[Crystal]

Only if I'm married.

[Jen]

If you're married.

[Crystal]

But I don't lose it if I'm not married. I just don't get it right away.

[Dolvett]

So it's so. It sounds. Instead of encouraging you to get married, it's like, look, if you decide to get married young, here's something to help you out because you may not be able to wait until 25 because you'll need the money early. Right?

[Crystal]

I guess so. Good way of putting it. But, I mean, I'm not going to lose the money. It's just that I'll wait a little longer to get it since I'm not married right now.

[Dolvett]

Okay.

[Crystal]

But I'm comfortable, so I'm okay with that.

[Dolvett]

So it makes a little more sense. Right.

[Burt]

So the truth of the matter is, though, when you called us up on Friday and You thought you were gonna lose that 100 grand. I mean, this plan would still be in action right now if you were gonna lose that $100,000.

[Crystal]

Absolutely, but I'm not going to. So I decided to halt the plan for the time being.

[Dolvett]

Well, that's good. That's good. At least you know, when you get married, maybe you'll really want to be married.

[Tracy]

Did you get to the point where you had sort of determined which guys you were gonna ask or where you were gonna go to look for guys to ask?

[Crystal]

Well, I mean, I kind of knew where I'd go to look. But the point is, after our phone call, like, I got this information late for Friday, so I never had to go out and do my search. I mean, I just went out and had fun this weekend, but I didn't have to actually do this search.

[Burt]

I would never tell anybody. Like in casual conversation, it was you on the radio. Never, never, never.

[Tracy]

A lot of people didn't believe you.

[Dolvett]

Yeah.

[Burt]

This scenario sounds more plausible to me because it did sound like there got to be some legal loopholes in that to make. Although we have talked about inheritances before on the air with these strange clauses in them that if you don't reach every one of these clauses, you get zero.

[Jen]

I would, if I were you, Aaron, I would just review with your cousin's father. I don't know what that is. Uncle. Review with your uncle the parameters of your age 25 inheritance. Because you strike me as the type of person who's somewhat last minute, so perhaps you should now look into that because maybe if there's some requirement that you are enrolled in college or have gotten a degree or blah, blah, blah, any other condition in there, you probably want to have a heads up now as opposed to trying to get your master's degree at age 24 and a half.

[Crystal]

Okay, but. I mean, he made it pretty clear, but okay.

[Jason]

Why not the Burt Show?