9: Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, February 10 [Vault] - The Bert Show

Transcript

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Bert (1:07)

You know what we're trying to get out here? It's a little homework assignment for brand new Birch show listeners.

Jeff (1:10)

Yeah. Just to tell us how we're doing.

Bert (1:12)

That's it, really. I mean, because you. I mean, we've got very, very, very loyal listeners and we also do a lot of market research here, but there's nothing better than like getting our hands dirty and actually hearing it from you guys. What we're doing right, what we're doing wrong. And some of you guys are brand new. And I think when we're doing the show, it's just while we don't do it on purpose, I think there's just a natural. It's just natural to cater to the people that have been listening longer. And we got to keep reminding ourselves, you know, we got the new TV commercial now we got the new signal, so there are new people coming all the time. And what we want to do is make sure that we're still making you guys happy. Also very important to make the new listeners happy. So we want to just talk to you today, find out what you're liking. And then we're not asking you to say nice things. We want you to be honest with us over the next couple of days. We'll call you back and we'll find out what you guys are digging about us where we might have Lost you. Some of you guys might say, you know what? You're just not for me. Which is fine, but we just want to find out why, right? Hey, Angela. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

Caller Angela/Michelle (2:10)

Good morning.

Melissa (2:11)

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode 9: Full Show PT 2 (February 10, 2026)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode is a lively, candid, and humorous morning radio experience with Bert and the team, focusing on authentic listener interactions and the relatable chaos of everyday life. The two main threads are: an ongoing listener feedback experiment (especially from new listeners) and a debate over who on the show is more "metrosexual." The cast also dives into wild stories—like last-minute wedding bailouts—and invites listeners to share along the way.

Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Listener Homework: Welcoming and Learning from New Audiences

Timestamp: 01:07–13:14

Bert launches an outreach for new listeners to give honest feedback, emphasizing the show's intent to stay connected to both longtime and brand-new fans.

“There's nothing better than actually hearing it from you guys—what we're doing right, what we're doing wrong.” (Bert, 01:12)
Several new listeners call in, sharing how they found the show:
- Angela/Michelle (02:10): Started listening after a friend's push. She enjoys the fun, personal content and admits she gets up early for work at the newspaper.
- Young Listener (05:44): Switched after being bored with other stations. Praises the show:
  
  “Y’all are awesome. Y’all are funny...there’s nothing bad to say because you are amazing.” (Young caller, 06:14)
- Michelle (07:35): Loves the “deep voice” on the show and prefers the show's music variety.
- Jonathan (09:44): Found the show through a TV commercial, appreciates its “relevant” topics, but suggests diversifying talk beyond entertainment.
  
  “I think maybe some outside of entertainment news would be great...kind of see where you guys are in it.” (Jonathan, 11:04)
The team jokes about weird hours and how their listeners discover the show, often via word of mouth rather than advertising.
Meta Moment: The cast debates what influences programming—listener feedback versus established routines to please loyal fans.

2. Wild Wedding Stories: Love, Last-Minute Drama, and Bailouts

Timestamp: 13:14–25:27

Jeff shares a dramatic “friend-of-a-friend” story: At a wedding, one of the bridesmaids (an ex-lover of the bride) must stand by and watch the woman she loves marry a man. There was tension about whether someone would “do something dramatic” at the ceremony.
- The wedding goes on without incident—but the cast is left hungry for more scandal.
Call-In: Bailing at the Wedding
- Caller (Young Listener) (20:53): Recounts how her best friend, under pressure to marry someone she didn’t love, literally runs out of the church (during vows!) and the two escape to Hawaii, using the honeymoon tickets.
  
  “At the time to say ‘I do’…she looked at me, and I saw this tear coming out of her eyes. She ran down the aisle, and I ran after her, and we went to Hawaii.” (Caller, 21:19)
- Caller Ann (22:48): Describes a panic attack at her wedding—she walked in, saw the groom and the crowd, then ran out “hyperventilating” and couldn’t go through with it. Eventually, she did marry the man, but they later divorced.
  
  “I just can’t do this. Oh my God, what am I doing?” (Ann, 23:42)
Cast Analysis: The team dissects the idea of “cold feet” and who actually bails at the altar, revealing a morbid fascination with the spectacle of public wedding disasters.
- Jen: “If you’re going to a wedding where you think this might happen—invite me!” (25:11)

3. Contest: Who’s More Metrosexual—Bert or Jeff?

Timestamp: 26:28–35:23

Inspired by metrosexuality quizzes, Bert and Jeff take turns answering lighthearted questions about their grooming, clothes shopping, and “feminine” habits, with Jen and Melissa judging.
Questions include:
- Do you look at yourself in store windows or car mirrors?
- Do you freak out if you see a blemish?
- Do you have to “look good” just to go to the store?
- Do you visualize outfits or follow trends?
- Do you shop at stores like Banana Republic or H&M?
The answers are hilariously debated, with both trying to downplay their “metro” tendencies, but ending up tied:

“We’re either having a dance off, or you gotta find another question.” (Jen, 35:04)
“Well, just the fact that you proposed a dance-off—give him another point.” (Bert, 35:14)
Memorable Quotes:
- “No guy likes to be called a metrosexual, even if they have those tendencies.” (Bert, 27:11)
- “Sometimes, though, I look at my reflection in Bert’s teeth and preen myself that way.” (Jen, 29:52)
- “If you see a pimple, do you freak out?”
  “Yeah. So I’ll go yeah on that one. I can’t.” (Bert and Jeff, 30:51)
- “You both are equally metrosexual.” (Melissa, 35:02)

Notable Quotes & Moments

“We never go to sleep... None of us have gone to sleep in seven years, so waking up isn’t even an option.” (Bert, 04:37)
"You're just interesting...there's nothing bad to say to you guys." (Young caller, 06:14)
“My theory is that once you’re at the church, you do it. Nobody has ever actually bailed.” (Bert, 19:41)
“I just want to be at one of those weddings…” (Melissa, 24:53)
“I age every day between the second and fifth floors.” (Bert, 29:03)

Timestamps for Major Segments

Listener Feedback & New Fans: 01:07–13:14
Wild Weddings and Last-Minute Bailouts: 13:14–25:27
Metrosexual Face-off: 26:28–35:23

Episode Takeaways

The Bert Show thrives on real-time listener engagement, quick-witted humor, and revealing personal admissions from both callers and hosts.
The cast encourages direct, honest listener feedback to shape the show’s direction—and isn’t afraid to take good-natured shots at one another.
Stories of awkward or runaway weddings captivate both the cast and audience, giving the show a “life’s messy, let’s laugh about it” vibe.
No matter who is declared more metrosexual, the show’s self-deprecating, playful tone carries the segment and keeps the laughs coming.

For more Bert Show moments, call 1-855-BertShow or visit thebertshow.com.