Full Show PT 1: Friday, April 10 [Vault]

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Full Show PT 1 (Friday, April 10) [Vault]
Date: April 10, 2026

---

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show rides high on real-life relationship drama, light-hearted banter, and the candid authenticity the hosts are known for. The team—Bert, Jeff, Debbie, Michelle, Alex, and others—dive into stories of infidelity, reconciliation, and wild personal reinventions, all while fielding calls from listeners with jaw-dropping tales of their own. The show is packed with laughs, advice, and memorable moments, offering listeners a mirror for the messy, complicated reality of love and life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marital Comeback Poker: The Mark Sanford Story

[00:16–01:55]

• The show kicks off with the hosts discussing South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s notorious affair.
• Debbie summarizes: Sanford admits to several indiscretions over 20 years but claims his Argentinian mistress is his “soulmate”—yet he’s open to reconciling with his wife.
• Jeff and Burt frame it as the ultimate test of “marital comeback poker,” pondering if this is the wildest marital “save” ever.

Notable Quote

• “He said she's not his soulmate and he's going to try to love her again.” —Burt [01:51]

2. Listeners Share Their Relationship Comeback Stories

[02:04–11:46]

Michelle’s Forgiveness in the Face of Betrayal

[02:07–04:39]

• Michelle calls, detailing how she discovered her husband's affair at the exact moment their relocation paperwork arrived.
• Despite the betrayal and the logistical upheaval, she chose to forgive, and they rebuilt their marriage.
• Her perspective: “...the vows are a lot stronger and mean more than someone slipping.” —Michelle [04:00]
• She acknowledges trust never comes with guarantees—“you kind of just have to throw that trust in there” [04:28].

Escorting & Redemption: Another Michelle’s Shocking Tale

[05:15–11:46]

• Another Michelle confesses to secretly working as an escort after feeling neglected in her marriage.
• Her friend, struggling with addiction, exposed her secret to their entire social circle and to her husband, who subsequently moved out.
• Eventually, they reconciled, built a new foundation of radical honesty, and are now happier—emphasizing communication and openness.
• “We got a solid foundation going, a lot of open lines of communication. Don't hide anything.” —Michelle [07:43]
• “As funny as it sounds, I've learned my lesson.” —Michelle [09:20]

Host Banter & Reflection

• The hosts are both shocked and entertained, jokingly calling her story “standard issue” and marveling at how her husband took her back.

“If I ever say in five years, I say, do you remember that woman that we had on?” —Jeff [11:34]

3. Navigating Fresh Relationship Boundaries: Pauline’s Weekend

[12:01–22:12]

• Listener Pauline recounts a recent date with a man who stood her up a year before. They reconnect, but after dinner and drinks, she wisely refuses his request to come back to her place, even while drunk.
• Hosts and listeners discuss the value of self-respect, not chasing uninterested partners, and the empowerment of focusing on oneself and friendships.
• Pauline feels transformed: “I wouldn’t say we’ve broken it off, but…I don’t want you to call me when you’re horny…” [15:28]
• She credits the show’s probing with her newfound introspection and resolve.

Notable Quotes

• “If he's not into me and he doesn’t want to talk to me, then whatever.” —Pauline [14:30]
• "You come to a place in your life where you're just excited to be single. And excited to have really good girlfriends." —Wendy [20:00]

4. Pretending to be Successful: Lisa’s Dilemma

[22:44–37:19]

• Lisa worries about how to reveal to her boyfriend that she doesn't actually own the luxury car or house he thinks are hers—she's just house-sitting for her boss.
• She hasn't outright lied but has allowed him to make certain assumptions, and now faces meeting his parents with the truth looming.
• Hosts debate gender double standards, the pressure to impress, and whether her boyfriend is at fault for being “materialistic” or if Lisa needs to simply own up.
• “It started out innocent and then got kind of built up.” —Debbie [34:53]
• “You gotta tell him something soon because when are the people coming back?” —Caller [36:53]

5. The ‘Checklist Guy’: Alex Reinvents Himself for Love

[37:33–46:53]

• Alex tells a remarkable story of seeing a woman annually at a family vacation in Cape May. After learning her "dream man criteria," he spends a year transforming himself to meet all ten of her standards, even traveling to Guatemala for charitable work.
• The list includes: prioritizing family, being in a committed relationship, having a career and good credit, loving to travel, appreciating other cultures, being spiritual, charitable, funny, and fit.
• The hosts advise against presenting the list directly—suggesting subtlety is key.

Notable Moment

• “On the day that we left…she brought up, said, ‘Good luck with the list.’ So I don't know if it's still on her mind or not.” —Alex [44:40]

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On forgiveness after betrayal:
  "You just have to invest a little more into your marriage, and you have to forgive flaws, and you really have to dig deep." —Michelle [04:00]

• On trust:
  "I don't think that anyone ever has a guarantee in a relationship, so you just have to really work on it." —Michelle [04:39]

• On personal growth:
  "Everything has just been totally coming into perspective lately. I feel like a new person." —Pauline [15:28]

• On gender and materialism:
  “Guys have been doing this for years. Okay? They've been deceiving women on being more successful than they really are.” —Debbie [28:17]

• Host humor:
  “She's from an island off the coast of Venezuela called Hate to Penis.” —Burt [42:46]
  (In response to a caller's accusation against men.)

---

Segment Timestamps

• Opening & Mark Sanford Affair: [00:16–01:55]
• “Better Marital Comeback” Listener Stories: [02:04–11:46]
• Pauline’s Date & Realizations: [12:01–22:12]
• Lisa’s House-Sitter Confession: [22:44–37:19]
• Alex and “The List”: [37:33–46:53]

---

Episode Tone & Style

Casual, candid, witty, and irreverent—The Bert Show crew blend authentic personal takes, empathy, and razor-sharp humor as they dissect relationship chaos. Callers are treated kindly, but the cast’s signature banter and mutual ribbing keep the mood lively even during cringe-worthy confessions.

---

Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates The Bert Show’s unique blend of real-world drama and comic relief. Whether listeners are grappling with their own relationship crises or just in it for the ride, the honest, nuanced conversations and outrageous anecdotes offer both advice and entertainment in equal measure.

---

Transcript

[Radio Host 1]

Early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.

[Burt]

The Birch show.

[Jeff]

So basically, what we're playing here is a game of marital comeback poker. All right? And the hand that is on the table right now is the South Carolina of governor and all the details that are in his relationship right now. Melissa has detailed them over the last two weeks.

[Debbie]

Governor Sanford talking about how now that he's admitted to having relations with other women in the 20 years of his marriage, but he never crossed the line, crossed the line of sex. But obviously he's done a lot more with a lot more women than we realized. But that his mistress in Argentina that he recently got busted being with, that he's claimed that she is his soulmate and. But he's open to reconciling with his wife. So basically he said, she's my soulmate, but I'm trying to fall in love with my wife all over again.

[Jeff]

You had all the other details that we know about the last week, including this came out a couple of days ago, that while he was having the affair and the wife found out about the affair, he asked the wife's permission to go back to Argentina to hang out with her.

[Radio Host 1]

Yes.

[Jeff]

Did you guys hear about that also?

[Debbie]

And the spiritual advisor, too, that he, he, you know, was trying to get advice from on his relationship with this woman.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Here's some advice.

[Michelle]

Get out of your marriage.

[Radio Host 1]

Smack him upside the head.

[Michelle]

She's too short.

[Burt]

If she's, what is she, a life coach? Would you call her?

[Debbie]

I think it was like a spiritual advisor.

[Burt]

Worst spiritual advisor ever.

[Jeff]

So let's go ahead and assume that somehow, some way, this all works out for the governor and his wife. They patch it up, things are fantastic. In five years, that would be the greatest marital comeback story in the history of marriages.

[Burt]

He said she's not his soulmate and he's going to try to love her again.

[Jeff]

So we want to know if you guys think you have a better comeback story than that. And I only have two people on hold right now that think they can even come close.

[Debbie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Hey, Susan, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Michelle]

Hey.

[Jeff]

Hi. You're on the Voice Disguiser.

[Michelle]

Okay. Well, first of all, let me just say, hey, Bert, I was born and raised in San Diego.

[Burt]

Right on, D. Now we know who you are.

[Jeff]

What's up?

[Michelle]

So, anyway, I'M living in San Diego, born and raised. Never been out of the state. I mean, never lived anywhere else. And I married. Been married four years, and my husband was in the military, and he was getting out of the military. And we had kind of narrowed it down to two locations of where we might possibly relocate for him to, you know, get a good job and transfer. And we had just thrown me my 30th birthday party, and I get a phone call from a man saying that my husband had been seeing his wife. And as I'm on the phone with this man, Federal Express delivers the papers for the place that we had chosen to relocate.

[Burt]

So you're talking to a guy about the relationship your husband's having as the closing paperwork for your new house arrives at your house.

[Michelle]

Yes.

[Burt]

That's fine. That is fun.

[Michelle]

I'm an only child and only grandchild. I've never, ever been out of San Diego. So now, not only do I have to decide if I'm going to stay married, I also have to decide if I'm going to relocate with this man and our two children and go to someplace, you know, somewhere completely different.

[Jeff]

So you did it, and it worked out.

[Michelle]

And we've been married 15 years.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Wow.

[Debbie]

How did you recover from that? I mean, how. What.

[Michelle]

What's the process is, you know, I don't know. I grew up, you know, in the 80s, pretty wild out in San Diego, going to concerts and saw my parents divorce. And my grandparents have been together, still married now, for 68 years. And I just knew that no one's perfect. And, you know, you just have to invest a little more into your marriage, and you have to forgive flaws, and you really have to dig deep, and you just have to know that the vows are a lot stronger and mean more than someone slipping.

[Jeff]

I appreciate your sense of forgiveness.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it was very hard.

[Radio Host 1]

How do you trust him now? How do you know he hasn't done anything since?

[Michelle]

Again, it's just one of those things where you just have to decide if this is something you're gonna really work for, and you kind of just have to throw that trust in there.

[Burt]

I don't think you have.

[Michelle]

I don't think that anyone ever has a guarantee in a relationship, so you just have to really work on it.

[Burt]

I don't think you have a beat yet, Bert. I think the governor's worse. That's not.

[Jeff]

That's.

[Burt]

I mean, that's. That's crappy. But it's just. That's just bad timing. Like, the governor came out and said,

[Debbie]

essentially, she's my soulmate over here. But you know what? I'll. Honey, I'll stay in this.

[Burt]

I'm going to see if I can work it out with you. I'm gonna try. You're not my soulmate.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Cuz I'm a politician.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Debbie]

Cause we're gonna have the governor on first lane.

[Jeff]

He asked his wife's permission to continue to have the affair in South America. Come on. Hey, Michelle, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Michelle]

Hey there guys. Love the show.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Michelle]

Mine's more like almost just. I can't even describe it. My husband unfortunately just did give me what I felt was good love and attention. So fooled around and I got involved in an escort service.

[Burt]

Oh, hi.

[Michelle]

That you had to get a membership for to see the girls online or whatnot. And of course my best friend, I told her about it.

[Alex]

But you became an escort.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah. We need a couple of details here. You became the escort or you went to the escort service looking for a little something something?

[Michelle]

No, I became part of the escort service.

[Jeff]

Wow. We're getting close.

[Debbie]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

And unfortunately my best friend some stuff in her life and going through a bad meth habit. I probably approached her and outed her in a very negative manner. That I guess payback for me. She decided to tell intimate friends about. When I say intimate, like our close circle of friends about it. And she actually showed my husband the website and sure enough, lo and behold, you know, he saw me on this website for, you know, being an escort. Wow.

[Jeff]

And he took you back.

[Michelle]

After a lot of begging and pleading, he actually moved all his stuff out. I didn't know that he found out. I came home one day and found all of his stuff gone. And I was just kind of perplexed by it and called Tom, Dick and Harry and everyone I knew. Hey, do you know where he's at? Do you know where he's at? And they were just like, yeah. Did you not know? Of course. Because everyone else knew. It just spread like wildfire for everyone to know.

[Burt]

This is just like every. I joined an escort service and then out of my friend's meth habit and then she added me as an escort to. To our close intimate friends and my husband moved out. Story that we've heard. So it's standard issue.

[Michelle]

So fast forwarding now, but no, just really well. He didn't really have a place to live. And a best male friend of mine who's like a brother, I asked him if he would to take him in and make sure he was okay.

[Jeff]

Hold on, hold on. Too many details. So we fast forward now, and you guys are still married?

[Michelle]

Yes, he took me back. Of course. It took a very long time for him to trust me, which, you know, I totally understand. But, yeah, we got a solid foundation going, A lot of open lines of communication. Don't hide anything. If there's a problem, you know, talk about it. But now we have two very beautiful children, and we're more happier now than what we were before.

[Caller/Listener 1]

How long ago did that incident happen with the escort thing?

[Michelle]

Probably about five years ago. But we were only married six months when this happened.

[Jeff]

Oh, my.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Debbie]

Wow.

[Burt]

Am I making judgments on your husband?

[Jeff]

I am trying to picture the face of your husband first when he gets the call, because he's probably. That's not. It can't be. Whoever you are, this is not true. Then he goes to the website and he sees you on the website. He must have thrown up right next to his computer.

[Burt]

He should have hired you. That would have been funny.

[Debbie]

So. So you are calling because you're calling yourself out because everybody else has called, has been, you know, the spouse. So, you know, the question is about trust and how he can trust you again. So are you trustworthy now from now on?

[Michelle]

Oh, absolutely. I never really said any. Well, obviously I didn't say anything to him about it, but I only confided in, well, who I thought was my best friend, you know, so she was the only one who really knew anything about it, you know, so for her to tell everyone in our circle.

[Debbie]

Well, it's not her fault. You were.

[Michelle]

Do.

[Debbie]

You were. Have. I mean, come on, you're an escort behind his back. I'm asking you from your. From now on in your marriage, you. Are you trustworthy?

[Michelle]

Oh, absolutely. Because I. As funny as it sounds, I've learned my lesson. And I know he's a good guy and just bad things were happening that, you know, instead of talking to, I guess, a marriage counselor or a doctor, I just went about it in a different manner because these men liked me at that moment in time, I just didn't have the attention that I wanted from my husband at that time.

[Jeff]

How many clients did you have?

[Michelle]

I had two regulars and four. Yeah, four others that were just one time. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'.

[Alex]

Am.

[Jeff]

And how long did you. Were you with the escort service before you stopped? Because you're talking about six guys now. So in the course of how long?

[Michelle]

A year.

[Burt]

Wow.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Debbie]

Well, I'm glad it worked out.

[Jeff]

I mean, how did you. How. How did he not Know where you were. How did you break away?

[Michelle]

Well, he actually usually worked like the third shift. So he would leave for work at like 6 in the evening, wouldn't come home until, you know, 11 o' clock at night. So I mean, I could do quote dinner dates, you know that it was never more than two hours. That was the maximum time limit was two hours. He showed up, did your thing, left two hours, that was it.

[Jeff]

And he takes you back. Everything's fine now.

[Caller/Listener 1]

And that's before you guys had kids, right?

[Michelle]

Oh, yeah. We decided, hey, you know, obviously we needed to work things out. We just wanted to have a good solid foundation, you know, where all cards are on the table. And look, this is what we have. This is who we are. And yeah, it was kind of funny. She actually ended up doing me a favor in the long run because, you know, she aired out my dirty laundry, you know, so I have nothing to hide from him whatsoever now. And you know, I see repercussions of lying and feeling bad things.

[Jeff]

I didn't think we'd even get close.

[Debbie]

I think she won.

[Jeff]

I think. I think it's either close or you won. That's pretty awesome.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Those guys weren't her soulmate, but there

[Debbie]

were six of them.

[Jeff]

Wow, that is some story. Thank you, Michelle.

[Michelle]

Certainly you guys take care.

[Jeff]

Appreciate it. See, that is a call.

[Burt]

See how's husband takes her back after working at BS Court service story.

[Jeff]

That is one that we will be able to fall back on for the next five years. If I ever say in five years, I say, do you remember that woman that we had on?

[Debbie]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

Yes, we'll always remember that call. There's six other guys. Six other calls.

[Burt]

You know what? I'm gonna guess right now. Tracy won't let us come to the hospital just cause we're dirty. We've got dirt on us from that last caller and she doesn't want that around her. One day old Bab the Birch Show.

[Jeff]

Hey, Pauline.

[Debbie]

Hello, Pauline.

[Pauline]

Hey, guys.

[Jeff]

Hey, how are you today?

[Pauline]

I'm good. I'm a little sleepy.

[Jeff]

Is that because it was a long weekend of having fun with the dude that stood you up a year ago?

[Pauline]

It was a long weekend of having fun, but not necessarily just with that guy.

[Jeff]

Okay, well, let's start, I mean, let's start with Friday night. Were you guys supposed to meet up on Friday night or Saturday night?

[Pauline]

No, Friday night.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Pauline]

So yeah, he called like he said he would and he picked me up at my house and we went out to Outback. It was really nice. It Was actually really fun to catch up. Like, he's been doing some cool things. And I mean, it was definitely still chemistry and still kind of that connection that we had last year. And it was very tempting to, like, flirt with him way more than I did, but I didn't. I kept my cool. And after dinner, we went to a bar just, like, right around the corner that he, I guess, goes to all the time. And because, like, the bartenders like, hey, what's up? And, like, all these people knew him, and it was really fun, but we drank way too much and he's like, well, obviously we shouldn't ride home because we're too drunk. So why don't we take a cab to your house because it's closest, and then you can take me to my car in the morning.

[Alex]

And.

[Pauline]

And at first I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I totally, like, even though I was drunk, made the good decision and said, no, I'm sorry. I would love to see you again. I would love for you to come over sometime, but I don't think right now is the best time. And we took separate cabs.

[Michelle]

Cool.

[Pauline]

I went to my house and I said, if you need a ride in the morning, I'm sure one of your friends can help you out. They seem pretty cool, but if not, you can call me in the morning and I can come pick you up from your house and take you to the car. I'd love to see you again, but not in the morning from you being at my house.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Okay.

[Burt]

Well done.

[Debbie]

Smart decision. Even when you're drunk.

[Burt]

Is that the end of the story?

[Pauline]

He hasn't called. He's like, all right, cool. I'll call you soon.

[Burt]

Well, the president's there. He's got 10 months.

[Jeff]

So the next morning, when you were gonna drive, maybe I missed something. You were gonna drive him to his car?

[Caller/Listener 1]

She just offered.

[Jeff]

You offered and he didn't call?

[Burt]

No.

[Pauline]

No. Yeah. I mean, honestly, that'd be kind of cheesy if he did.

[Jeff]

Okay. And then he hasn't called the rest of the weekend, so it's sort of open ended. Now, if he doesn't call today or he doesn't call tomorrow, will you get proactive and call him, or are you just gonna sort of let this play out on his end?

[Pauline]

I honestly, like, I feel like talking with you guys on the radio has been my therapy. And it made me realize kind of how stupid it is to go chasing somebody, like, if he's not into me and he doesn't want to talk to me, then whatever. So, yeah, if he calls on Tuesday, great. And if not, then great. I have lots of wonderful friends that I can hang out with and I don't need him.

[Jeff]

And a boyfriend.

[Burt]

And he played it so well that he calls you anytime within the next 10 months and goes, sorry for calling you so soon.

[Pauline]

That's so mean.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Oh my gosh, We've talked about it a whole bunch of different times on the show. Like, guys will show you their interest level in you. If they're into you, they call you, they come after you. If they're not, they don't. It's like, you know, it's like he's just not that into you. Book or movie or whatever, whatever it is, pick up a copy.

[Jeff]

So on Saturday night, what did you do? Did you go out with the quasi boyfriend?

[Pauline]

We met for a little bit Saturday day, actually like around 4 or 5 o', clock, which is so funny. And it was really interesting. I don't know, everything has just been totally coming into perspective lately. I feel like a new person. And I wouldn't say we've broken it off, but I definitely saw him in a different light and I definitely saw what decisions I was making and how that was affecting me and how being with him, even though I'm not really with him, by kind of using him as someone who can boost my confidence when I need it, like how dangerous that is. So I was just kind of like, you know, I think we need to see each other less often. And I don't feel. I don't want you to call me when you're horny, you know, Basically, I'm

[Debbie]

just, I'm stunned that this sounds like this introspective, like really trying to make strong decisions. And I'm shocked that we were a part of that, to be honest.

[Pauline]

You guys were. You were it.

[Burt]

That's how we were.

[Michelle]

You were truly it.

[Jeff]

We apologize.

[Debbie]

We have a reputation to protect.

[Burt]

Thank you. Thank you for coming to the light. That is the bird show. We are like Confucius.

[Jeff]

Hey, Pauline, now you're not giving up on this dude because your heart says you want to be with standup guy. You're doing it because you'd be doing it anyway.

[Pauline]

Everything happened at the right time. The really good looking guy came in kind of at a perfect time. Like, I needed that call, I needed that Facebook. I needed you guys to kind of poke at me and say, hey, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why are you acting trampy? Like, what's going On, I don't know, everything happened for a reason at the right time, and I'm just super excited. Like, I don't care if none of them call me ever again. Like, I'm ready to, like, do something more with myself and be proud of who I am.

[Jeff]

Wow.

[Debbie]

Good for you.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

There's an obvious question that none of us have asked. Debbie, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Michelle]

Hey, guys.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Pauline]

Why did this guy not call her back?

[Burt]

Oh, yeah.

[Pauline]

Why did he never call her?

[Jeff]

That must have come up on Friday night at one point or another. Like, dude, why didn't he never call me back? Yeah,

[Pauline]

he just said that he got really busy with work and that he was super focused, happened with his family, and the next girlfriend had come back into his life. And, like, between all three of those things, he just. He felt like after a month, he waited too long to call, and so he didn't call. You know, I mean, he's like, well, I wanted to call. And then it got really crazy, and she came back into my life and lalala. And so after the month, he just felt it was too long. And then he felt like after 10 months or so, like, it was long enough that it shouldn't be awkward anymore. Like, any sooner than that would have been weird and almost, like, disrespectful.

[Jeff]

Well, here. I'm torn here because I don't know if I want to let you go, and you're on this high. You've got a great introspection to the whole thing, so I'm not sure if my brutal honesty will help that, and I don't. If you want to jump off now before I say something that may taint your attitude, then you should just. You should go now.

[Pauline]

No, give it to me. I'm ready. I'm.

[Michelle]

I'm.

[Debbie]

Give it to her first.

[Jeff]

All right? She's ready to it.

[Burt]

Ready to have her.

[Jeff]

Ready for honesty, touch or taint. Well, we've just. What?

[Burt]

Is that what you just said?

[Michelle]

What?

[Debbie]

It would taint her perspective, Jeff, what

[Jeff]

does it matter with you? Seriously?

[Burt]

What? That's what you said.

[Jeff]

We have said on the show before that if a guy really, really digs you, it doesn't matter how busy he is. It doesn't matter what's going on in his personal life for the most part, or for work. He's gonna. It's so much easier now. Hit you with a text just to let you know he's thinking about you or just to say, hey, things are kind of nutty right now. I'LL give you a call or I'll hit you at the end of the week. If he does none of that at all, zero of that, and just lets you go for a month, then there might not have been the same connection that you think you had.

[Debbie]

But I think though that now news because Friday night she made the right decision. You know, she did not fall for it. And she's like, I don't even care if he calls me anymore, you know, because he hasn't called since Friday.

[Jeff]

And if. And if he doesn't call and he doesn't text or anything, you're good about just like cleaning your hands and this whole thing and moving on, right?

[Pauline]

Absolutely. It was just like the most eye opening experience. This whole weekend has just been awesome. Like I went out with my girls Saturday night until Sunday morning. It was so fun to be with them and just to realize, like, I kind of forgot how to connect with these girls. But I always been flopping around, you know, with this other guy. I don't know. I'm just so happy.

[Burt]

Good for you.

[Jeff]

Chanel here can totally understand where you're coming from. Chanel, go ahead.

[Pauline]

Hey. I'm driving home from work right now and I'm so sleepy.

[Sandra]

But then I heard her and perked

[Pauline]

me up because I'm in the exact same place as her. It's just like you kind of get to a place where you have to face the heck with all these dudes and you know, me feeling bad about myself and they're not showing me the attention. It's their loss, not mine, because I

[Michelle]

know I'm a good catch.

[Pauline]

So it's like really cool to hear somebody else say that and just kind of like reaffirm. Like that's where we need to be. Not letting people get us down and get the best of us, but to bring ourselves up and then we attract the right type of dude when we do that.

[Jeff]

I think Wendy is sort of going through the same kind of epiphany right now.

[Radio Host 1]

Oh yeah, no, I'm really at a great place in my life. I'm enjoying my girlfriend time and being single and on the scene. I'm not. We just don't care about looking for anybody right now. But I mean, that's where you get your dudes. I mean, all of a sudden, here comes all these dudes and we're like, oh, no, we're just hanging out. We're just having a good time. But yeah, you come to a place in your life where you're just excited to be single. And excited to have really good girlfriends. And I'm at that place in my life right now.

[Jeff]

Isn't that the mojo we were talking. We've been talking about for months and months and months.

[Burt]

It's the wedding band mojo. Once you stop looking, once you don't care anymore, then all of a sudden, everybody's attracted to you. That's what it is.

[Pauline]

Great.

[Jeff]

I don't like this theme, this trend. Because if the city gets healthy, we're screwed. We're out of a show.

[Caller/Listener 1]

What we talk about.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we'll have to manufacture something. Well, congratulations, Pauline.

[Michelle]

Yeah, thank you.

[Pauline]

Thank you so much for all your help. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

[Debbie]

We fussed at you last week about not standing up for yourself. And you. I mean, you know, you obviously didn't confront him about what he did in the past, but you didn't, you know, let him come home with you. And so. Yeah, good.

[Burt]

Way to go. Way to make responsible decisions. Wrap this up. That's really cool.

[Jeff]

Yeah. It didn't help us.

[Burt]

Don't worry about us tomorrow. We'll be fine.

[Jeff]

All right, Pauline, I'm gonna let you go now. And I'm gonna urge you not to turn your radio on. Cause we've got a bunch of cynical Burt show listeners, okay?

[Pauline]

Oh, okay. I will. I'll listen. Because it.

[Alex]

No, no, no, no.

[Jeff]

Do not listen.

[Burt]

Don't listen.

[Jeff]

Everything is. Don't listen to the show. Don't listen to the show.

[Burt]

Seriously, save yourself.

[Radio Host 1]

Don't listen.

[Debbie]

Ride your high and turn off the radio.

[Radio Host 1]

Be happy.

[Jeff]

See you later, Pauly.

[Pauline]

Bye.

[Jeff]

Bye. Bye.

[Burt]

She's so listening.

[Michelle]

She is. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

No, hey, Kathy. Go ahead.

[Michelle]

Hey, I'm not trying to be me,

[Sandra]

but if the guy didn't call her

[Pauline]

back, don't you think he might have just wanted a one night stand?

[Debbie]

Of course he did. Sure.

[Caller/Listener 1]

She told him.

[Debbie]

No, she knows that.

[Caller/Listener 1]

What guy doesn't?

[Pauline]

Oh, well, she didn't really talk like she knew it, so I just. I wish her the best of luck. I hope her high last. You know what I mean?

[Jeff]

Wow.

[Debbie]

For at least five hours, these are a true bird show.

[Burt]

Yes, the bird show.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Lisa.

[Michelle]

Good morning.

[Jeff]

How are you today?

[Michelle]

I'm okay. How are you doing?

[Jeff]

Good. But it's really about you right now.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I have a problem. I don't know what to do about it.

[Debbie]

Okay, tell us what you. It sounds like you're really stressed out about it.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Okay. I can just tell you now. Yeah.

[Jeff]

I think this would be a good Time.

[Michelle]

Okay. I basically been dating this guy for, let me see, April Mage, like, just about a couple of months. And I really like him, and I. I don't know what to do because he actually. He thinks that I'm a little more successful than I really am. And I don't know if I should just come out and tell truth or kind of get frowned at it or I just. Well, maybe I should just. Basically, I work in a physical therapy office, and one of my co workers, who's also married to one of the owners, he actually has another business and he's expanding overseas. So they went away for a few months, and they asked me if I could watch their house for them. Really beautiful, amazing house.

[Debbie]

No. Okay, keep going.

[Michelle]

So they still. They pay the bills, the utilities. They have a housekeeper that comes in, but I. I live there. I buy my own groceries, I watch their cat, and they pay me, like, they throw me $75 a week to do that. And so basically I'm. I'm living there. If need be, I use their car, which is beautiful BMW. And so anyway, around the end of April, I was. It's kind of a gated community, and so there's a. They don't have their own pool, but there's like a neighborhood pool. So I was in the pool and I met this guy, this really great guy. And I just figured since, you know, it was kind of a small neighborhood and community, that he knew who I was, that I was just kind of a house sitter. But I realized right away, like, on our first date. Well, actually, I wasn't too sure, but then it was like, comments that he'd make and I'd make back, like, okay. I pulled up in the Beamer, and he was like, wow, like, that's a really nice car. And I was like, I know, like. Like something. Like, I. I love driving it.

[Jeff]

So you didn't exactly lie. You didn't say, hey, it's not mine. You just said, yeah, you're right.

[Burt]

It is a nice car. It's really nice.

[Jeff]

Gorgeous car.

[Burt]

Wow, that is a beautiful home. It is a lovely home.

[Jeff]

So you haven't lied. Really?

[Michelle]

Yeah, it was kind of like, I know, tell me about it. It's like a great car. But. And then he made a comment about, like later on that night about. About the house, you know, that, oh, like, this is, like, bigger than mine, and I'm only 26, so. And I was like, oh, I know. I said, my. My dog just loves it. He has all this room, and I'm so Spoiled now, you know, but then, you know, as we were kind of talking, he. He asked me about, like, the. The physical therapy business, and he was like, oh. So he started talking to me about being a physical therapist, and I said, well, actually, I'm not physical therapist. I basically kind of oversee. I oversee everything. You know? He's like, really? And then that's when I was kind of. That's when I kind of knew that I was. That he was getting the right impression that I was kind of letting.

[Burt]

Now, when you say oversee everything, what would your. What would your job title?

[Michelle]

Office manager.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Michelle]

Like. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not actually a pt. I just kind of oversee everything. I kind of, you know, manage everything, you know, but. Which is true. I mean, but I don't. It's not my business.

[Debbie]

I think this is hilarious.

[Jeff]

So it's a real slippery slope. I mean, so you're being really careful with the words that you're using because you don't want to be called a liar, and you don't want him to ever be able.

[Michelle]

I wasn't. And then I. You know, as the date went on, I was like, wow, I really like this guy. And so when it came to that, I was. I kind of. Yeah, I did. I. At that point, I knew what he was getting at. And then I thought, oh, wait, the car, the house. Oh, okay. Okay. He. He really thinks this is all mine, you know, And I've been kind of. And then, you know, it's not like it comes up every day, you know, But I know that this is what. How. What he thinks of me. And then this weekend, I'm supposed to meet his parents, and I heard him with them, and he. He didn't realize I was. I heard him, and he was just so. So proud of me. So impressed by me. He was like, she's only 26. She has her own business. She drives this great car. She has this huge house.

[Debbie]

Oh, no.

[Pauline]

Even.

[Michelle]

He even mentioned. Oh. And, you know, she's. She's even traveled in Europe and. But that's just because he saw pictures of me, but that was from a school trip. When I heard him with his parents, I was like, wow, he really. He really thinks I'm this. And I would love to be that, but I'm really not.

[Debbie]

And I can understand how the parent thing is concerning, but I think it's hilarious because guys have been doing this for years. Okay? They've been deceiving women on being more successful than they really are. Absolutely. And so you were. Yeah. I think it started selling to your lap. Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 1]

What do they call it here in Atlanta? The $30,000 millionaire?

[Debbie]

Ye.

[Jeff]

So, I mean, eventually you're going to have to come clean. If you're. If the relationship is at a point now where you're meeting his parents, it's serious enough to. Where you have to show him who you really are.

[Michelle]

Yes. And plus, plus the couple, they're. They're coming back like beginning of August, second week of August.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah.

[Debbie]

I mean, well, you knew it was eventually going to happen. Yeah.

[Jeff]

There's nothing to debate here. You got to tell.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I mean, do you think that it's going to really affect him once you clear everything up?

[Michelle]

I think so, because it's. It's basically, I've lied to him. It's like our relationship's been like a lie. I don't know what to do because I really. I really like him. I'm so embarrassed. I feel like I almost. Hello?

[Jeff]

Yeah, we're there.

[Burt]

Hold on.

[Michelle]

I almost.

[Jeff]

Go ahead.

[Michelle]

I almost. In a way, I like him so much, but I'm so embarrassed. I almost think I should just be like, you know what? It's not working out, but I break up with him. What? Yeah, but I really. I'm really falling for him. I love with him and I. I don't know what I should do or.

[Jeff]

I think that's a great thing to do is break up with them and then don't be in contact with him for a couple of months and tell them you lost everything, that the economy.

[Burt]

Once you move into an apartment, you're driving a 12 year old Toyota.

[Jeff]

I called you. I'm just at Rock Paper and I just need somebody to hold.

[Debbie]

Now, maybe your boss will just give

[Radio Host 1]

you the house and the car. He'll understand.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Sandra. You're part of the Burt Show. Hi.

[Sandra]

Hey, how are you?

[Jeff]

Good. Thanks for calling.

[Sandra]

I am listening to you guys every morning on my way from work and it's like, this is the best show ever.

[Debbie]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Well, now you're part of the show. What's up?

[Sandra]

I am calling this guy and that girl. Honestly, he really doesn't like her. He likes the fact that she got the nice car, she got the big house and she's successful, which is. She's nasty. But this is what he wants to believe. So he does not even give her a chance to tell her, to tell him. Like, you know, hey, this is not me.

[Burt]

How are you possibly blaming this on the guy?

[Sandra]

Okay, the reason I'm blaming It on him.

[Pauline]

Like.

[Sandra]

Like they were saying, God does it all the time. And a lot of guy out there is after successful woman, unfortunately, okay, his

[Radio Host 1]

parents that she's got a nice house, she's got a nice.

[Burt]

But what's wrong with that?

[Debbie]

She had.

[Sandra]

You only met this woman for two months. You already take her to your parents.

[Burt]

Sandra. If you met Sandra, this is. I'm not gonna let you blame the guy for this. If you met a dude and you've been dating him for two or three months and it's time to take him home to mom or dad, you call up and you're like, hey, we're gonna be there on Saturday. We'll get there at 4 o'. Clock. We're gonna bring a couple bottles of wine. Let's have a good time. Oh, cool. Who are you bringing? Oh, her name is Sandra. What's she like? Oh, my God, she's great. She's got a physical therapy firm, practice, whatever. She lives in my neighborhood. She got a beautiful house. She lives. And I met her at the pool in the community. She gets such a nice house in the neighborhood.

[Jeff]

Obviously ambitious because she done so well at such an early age.

[Burt]

Yeah. And she drives this badass car. She's into cars. I mean, she's. She's cool and like, her parents are like, all right, well, we can't wait to meet her. Congratulations on meeting a nice new girl who lives right near you. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Debbie]

She's rich and successful.

[Burt]

She didn't. He never said that.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Come on.

[Burt]

Sandra and Wendy.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Well, I think if she actually fesses up to him and tells him it might be a relief to him that

[Jeff]

he doesn't have to deal with that kind of pressure.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Told us time and time again, like, guys want to be the ones that are the providers. Guys want to be the ones that are, like, in the lead or whatever. Like, he might.

[Burt]

He might be relieved, but I think there's something he.

[Jeff]

Sandra, we're gonna let you go, okay?

[Sandra]

Hello?

[Jeff]

Yeah, we're gonna let you go.

[Sandra]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Hey, before you leave, what part of the West Indies are you from?

[Sandra]

What is it?

[Jeff]

What part of the West Indies are you from?

[Sandra]

Which. Which part of where?

[Jeff]

West Indies.

[Sandra]

West Indies.

[Pauline]

I don't live in West Indies.

[Sandra]

You're talking about Atlanta?

[Jeff]

No. Are you originally from the West Indies?

[Sandra]

No, I'm not. Oh, yeah, I heard you have like a. Supposedly Have a gift. You can't find out where I'm from. No, I'm not.

[Jeff]

Well, let's just pretend this Call never happened. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye.

[Burt]

She's from an island off the coast of Venezuela called Hate to Penis.

[Jeff]

What?

[Burt]

She clearly hates men.

[Caller/Listener 1]

No, she doesn't.

[Burt]

Yes, she does.

[Caller/Listener 1]

She doesn't. She just thought that that guy in particular.

[Debbie]

Because she criticized a guy. She hates all men.

[Burt]

Yes.

[Jeff]

How can you agree with her?

[Radio Host 1]

We're gonna see his true colors when she tells him.

[Burt]

How can you agree with that?

[Jeff]

He's right. How are you putting this out?

[Burt]

You're telling me that we.

[Radio Host 1]

I mean, you talk about someone's personality

[Michelle]

before you talk what they have.

[Radio Host 1]

Unless you're.

[Burt]

How do you know he. How do you know he didn't.

[Debbie]

Well, did he.

[Burt]

You don't. That's the thing is you don't know that.

[Debbie]

Lisa. Did he.

[Radio Host 1]

Did he mention anything about your personality in your.

[Burt]

Did he say that you're funny?

[Michelle]

Oh, I mean, he. We get along great. That's the thing. Separate from this week, I mean, what

[Debbie]

did he say to his parents?

[Michelle]

Like, this comes up every day. And he's very successful.

[Burt]

Hey, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. The question is. The question is, specifically, when he talked to his parents about you, did he only say, hey, I'm bringing a girl home who's got a big house and drives a nice car, or was that part of a larger description? And he threw in things like, she makes me laugh and she's got big boobs, and she does this and does that and does the other thing.

[Michelle]

No, no, no. I mean, I've heard him on the phone with his brother saying, like, oh, my gosh, I went out with Lisa. This is what we did. We, you know, and how much fun we're having. This just struck a chord because I. I heard him just really being like, I can't believe this girl is, like. Is so successful, so young, and you have to meet her and she's, you know. And they were like. I guess the way he was talking was just like. He was just so impressed.

[Burt]

There you go.

[Jeff]

Hold on one second. Okay.

[Burt]

He's bragging about her.

[Jeff]

She's talking. Let me try to get through these here real quick. Good morning, Jim. You're on Q100.

[Alex]

Hey, good morning.

[Jeff]

Hey, what's up, man?

[Alex]

Yep. My comment was, if the roles were reversed, and as a guy, I think girls care more about those items. As a guy, I think the typical guy wouldn't really care and find it hysterical if she really told the story. It would just be really funny, and she'd be a cool girl, and the average guy is just not as caught up in those material things. At least from my perspective.

[Debbie]

And that's why I said earlier I thought it was hilarious because it is something that just kind of started out innocent and then got kind of built up. So. And you sound scared to death about it, but that's why I said, guys do it all the time, and it's. And it's like a game. So you pulled off a great thing, and now you got to fess up

[Jeff]

and say, okay, she put it on guys again.

[Burt]

But I love the fact I'm not

[Debbie]

putting it on guys. What he was saying is to mimic a guy in the way she tells him. Like, it was funny. This is what happened. Like, I'm not putting down guys. That was his example is to use a guy as an example in communicating to him.

[Jeff]

Hey, Rachel, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Pauline]

Hey, I think she should spin. Wasn't intentional. She wasn't trying to be deceptive. Just say, well, I didn't mean for you to go down this path, but it's given me an opportunity to see. I don't know. She'll have to find the right words, but to see his character and to see. I wanted to make sure you were really into me and not just into this stuff.

[Burt]

But then wouldn't she want to pretend to be, like, almost homeless and broke to make sure he really likes her? Because

[Sandra]

it's up to her. But it's a good way to see.

[Pauline]

I mean, you don't know. Maybe he really just into this stuff.

[Debbie]

But I will say, though, if you. Because I've heard you say you listen to him talk to his brother about you, and you listen to him talk to his parents about you. I do think you let this go on a little longer, because the only thing I feel bad about is the fact that the guy has to go back to his parents now and say, I got duped.

[Michelle]

You know, I feel bad about you. That's why he's gonna be like, you've deceived me.

[Jeff]

Well, I mean, you have no option. If you want this relationship to go on, you have to fess up to him. That's it.

[Burt]

I cannot tell you how much this is. Is not the guy's fault. Zero.

[Debbie]

There's one lister that said that we'd never say it was fault.

[Burt]

A listener and Wendy technically say it's

[Radio Host 1]

his fault, but I think he's materialistic.

[Pauline]

How do you know?

[Burt]

Where do you get that from?

[Debbie]

Because I just want to say that.

[Jeff]

Hey, Lisa, let's call you back in a couple of days and see how you handle the whole thing. Because we'd love to know what his reaction was. Okay.

[Michelle]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right. Talk to you later.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You gotta tell him something soon because when are the people coming back?

[Jeff]

She said August, right?

[Burt]

She's got to tell.

[Michelle]

I just don't know if I should tell him straight out or hint around.

[Jeff]

Tell him straight out. The lie is over.

[Michelle]

Oh, didn't you already know? I thought you knew all this time.

[Jeff]

No, no, no. Just got to be honest with you.

[Burt]

I don't think you can play the. Oh, my God. You didn't know. This isn't my house.

[Jeff]

This goes under the rule. Also, if she's super hot, she can say anything to him, and he's going to be. That's cool. No worries, man. It all depends on how hot she is. It really is.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

[Burt]

She's Megan Fox. She could say. I get. I gotta be honest with you. I'm not even human. And he'll figure out a way.

[Jeff]

That's cool.

[Burt]

Yeah. The bird show.

[Jeff]

Hey, Alex.

[Alex]

Hey.

[Jeff]

What's going on, man?

[Alex]

Not much. Not much.

[Jeff]

Caught you a little off guard today.

[Michelle]

Yes.

[Alex]

Sorry, I didn't get that.

[Jeff]

We want to know this story now. A year now, you've been planning on, like, molding yourself into the perfect dude for a girl?

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah, That's. Yeah. Yeah. You could say that. Yeah. So, yeah, it's kind of a. Kind of a long story. It's kind of a. I can't believe you guys got my number. I don't know. You just started this.

[Debbie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Well, this is the thing. We. I've known this girl for about five years. We meet just annually. We only see each other once a year around 4th of July in this little town, Cape May, New Jersey. Our families have a tradition of going there to the city every Fourth of July. Both of our family, like, rent houses. I mean, I live in Waterloo, Iowa, and I traveled there to meet up with my family in Cape May. She travels all the way from Tacoma, Washington, to be there. And this is the only time we ever have any interaction with each other. So this all started from last year. We had gotten together, and we were just having a couple of beers, drinking, probably a little too much, but just, you know, killing time away from the family and just together. And I had asked her about why she didn't have her boyfriend with her. She had. She usually has a guy, you know, come to these family things with her. You know, our family event stuff, this annual thing. And she didn't have a guy with her this Year and she launched into this whole thing about she was seeing this guy, but she didn't know how serious it was going to be with him because he had decided to hang out with his friends on the 4th as opposed to come and do this family thing with us in Cape May. And she, she, she was, I don't know, she's pretty upset and was pretty much saying that that was going to be the end of the relationship. And so I was kind of, I kind of like, you know what, this is one thing and that's enough for you to call off the whole relationship. And it started this whole thing about what was important to her about like guys, so. And about actually what her dream guy would be like. So out of that came dun du, duh, duh, the list.

[Radio Host 1]

And what's on the list.

[Alex]

This is what you've heard about, is the magical list of the things that any man that she would ever be married to, I guess her dream guy would have these 10 qualities.

[Jeff]

So what's on the list?

[Caller/Listener 1]

I feel like I'm about to read her game of mash.

[Burt]

Is it an actual physical document?

[Alex]

Well, it's an actual physical document. It was. We wrote it down on a cocktail napkin and later I put it onto a regular piece of paper just so I can capture all the. I'm a writer, so it's like I just need to get all the little details and what she meant by everything because we were drinking at the time. So.

[Burt]

Okay, so what's on that list? How many items are on the list total?

[Alex]

10 items. So.

[Jeff]

Okay, what's on that list? What do you think?

[Alex]

Okay, well here we go. Number one thing was family functions that, you know, like family holidays and events and plans could take precedent and in this man's life.

[Burt]

Well, you already got that one covered because you hang out with her fourth of July. So done.

[Alex]

That was the reason why that was on the top and why she was ditching the guy that he was with.

[Burt]

Number two.

[Alex]

Number two is a committed relationship. So none of this just part time dating or anything like that. You know, he's clearly single and you know, clearly ready to. It's cleared the decks as far as having any other relationship ties to ex girlfriends or anything like that.

[Radio Host 1]

Okay, easy enough.

[Burt]

Three.

[Alex]

I haven't. What's that? Oh, number three. Completed college and had a career plan. Have a career plan.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Alex]

And I've done that and I've gotten myself a regular full time job. Did you get credit?

[Jeff]

Did you get the full don't ask questions? Well, I want to know we got 10 of these to roll through.

[Burt]

Well, we're not going to throw the way through them.

[Alex]

I'm sorry. Should we do these fast here? Am I taking too long?

[Jeff]

We'll save the questions for after.

[Burt]

All right.

[Alex]

Okay, so complete college career plan. Number four, good credit. Number five, love to travel. Number six, appreciate other cultures.

[Jeff]

Okay. That goes along with traveling.

[Alex]

Number seven, to be religious. And I think that means to be spiritual and serious about your spirituality. Number eight is charitable. Number nine is funny. And number ten is to be in good physical well being, to take good physical care of yourself.

[Jeff]

Okay, so you changed everything in your life and you think you're strong in all 10 of those areas now?

[Alex]

I think I'm very strong in those 10 areas now. I think I was in some areas okay before, but I've taken the effort over the past year to be very solid in all 10 areas now.

[Burt]

What specific life change have you made? Just to.

[Debbie]

What's like the most dramatic?

[Burt]

Yeah, just to adjust to one of these ten.

[Alex]

Most dramatic probably would have to be the most. Boy, the most dramatic would probably have to be, well, appreciate other cultures. I thought I was, you know, I had already. You know, I don't really have any prejudices or, you know, strong favoritism towards any particular one culture or anything, but through my church, I'm going to go down to Guatemala.

[Debbie]

Oh, nice.

[Jeff]

And specifically you would do this because you want this to be one of the ten things?

[Debbie]

No, he got two there. If he's doing it through religion, traveling

[Burt]

to China and travel, bam.

[Radio Host 1]

Are you gonna be running down there?

[Pauline]

That's at.

[Jeff]

I mean, you're athletic.

[Radio Host 1]

Fitness.

[Jeff]

How are you gonna, how are you gonna subtly tell her that you meet all 10 criteria? Because if you present this as a document and you. I mean, it's too obvious and she's gonna be totally turned off by it. So you're gonna have to, I guess, subtly just tell her the things that are going on in your life and she's gonna have to be able to put it together herself.

[Burt]

And last, she was. Was she aware that you were making a list?

[Alex]

Well, she was aware that we were making a list because that was, that was the joke while we were, while we were talking. And I didn't think anything about it last year, but on the day that we left, we usually leave cape May on July 5. When we parted company on the 5th, saying goodbye and see you next year and stuff, she brought up, said, good luck with the list. So I don't know if it's still on her mind or not.

[Debbie]

That changes everything.

[Caller/Listener 1]

It does change everything. Because that means she wanted him to. Maybe.

[Jeff]

Maybe she was subtly trying to say to him

[Debbie]

in Cape May, okay, there's interest there.

[Jeff]

Well, Alex, what the morning zoo here will do is we will check back with you when we get back from vacation.

[Burt]

One joint sound effect does not make us a zoo.

[Jeff]

We're a zoo in training. We're a zit.

[Debbie]

The morning zit.

[Jeff]

Alex, we gotta talk to you when we get back from vacation and find out if your plan worked and you truly have become the dude of her dreams.

[Alex]

We'll see.

[Burt]

I wouldn't jump right into it. I would make her make a list and go, look, you got one more year to work on this.

[Jeff]

She's gotta earn your list.

[Burt]

Yeah, let's go over some things that I want. Look, I'm going to freaking Guatemala, okay?

[Caller/Listener 1]

I think it's really cool.

[Jeff]

It's a good idea. It's a cool idea.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Things to aspire to, regardless of whether she's the one or not.

[Jeff]

Alex, we'll talk to you when we get back from vacation.

[Alex]

Okey doke.

[Jeff]

Okay, Bye.

[Michelle]

Bye.

[Jeff]

I think we're gonna have to do some kind of, like, he's gonna have to tell you the story when we get back and then you'll have to interpret what happened.

[Debbie]

So interesting.

[Burt]

I didn't think it was that bad.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I didn't either.

[Jeff]

Like, I thought it was hurting my ears.

[Burt]

I didn't think it was because I

[Jeff]

haven't eaten or had caffeine or anything this morning.

[Burt]

Yeah, I thought it was actually kind of a romantic story. I'm surprised you got off the phone with him that quickly.

[Debbie]

I think he got into his vibe I was giving him. He didn't know he was coming on today.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You need to eat a carb there with Captain Destiny.

[Jeff]

It was painful. So we'll talk to him when we get back and either he can tell us a story or you can interpret it through.

[Debbie]

Well, he can start telling us his story story on Monday and by the time we get back, we'll go.

[Jeff]

I didn't think it was yet.

[Burt]

The bird show.