The Bert Show: Full Show PT 1 – Friday, February 13 [Vault]

Date: February 13, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show features the candid, humorous, and unfiltered conversations listeners have come to expect from Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the whole cast. The main discussions revolve around wild Vegas nightlife stories, navigating tricky relationship territory with exes, and a lighthearted debate on the “fake gay friend” phenomenon. The tone is playful, honest, and often irreverent, with the cast sharing personal experiences and facilitating listener call-ins for real-world perspectives. (Advertisements have been omitted.)

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Las Vegas Escapades & Outrageous Club Culture

Timestamps: 01:01 – 12:22

• The cast begins with stories about the freedom and lawlessness of Las Vegas, often described as “an adult Disney World.”

  • [01:13, Cassie]: “It’s like an adult Disney World.”
  • [01:40, Bert]: “You’re just there to party if you’re in Vegas.”

• Abby shares details about a girls’ trip: luxury, clubbing, people-watching, and being approached by a bold group of men at the infamous club, Tris, with its three-story waterfall.

  • Clubs are described as “over the top” with wild architecture and atmosphere.

• The Pickup Line Incident:

  • Abby recounts a shockingly explicit and unrepeatable pick-up line delivered by a Latin man (“You’re so exotic...”).
  • The content is considered too graphic to be spoken on air, and the cast spends several minutes laughing, trying to find an innuendo or tame way to repeat it—ultimately failing amid laughter and mock horror.
  • [07:00, Abby]: “This was his opening line. You’re so exotic. You’re so beautiful.”
  • [10:01, Bert]: “You would have to be such a good looking guy to use a line like that.”
  • Reaction from the table (and his friends) is laughter and incredulity, not outrage.
  • Listener Joy is brought in off-air just to hear the line, and her on-air response:
    • [11:50, Joy]: “I wasn’t expecting that.”
    • [12:01, Bert]: “Can you imagine somebody coming up to you in a bar and saying that?”

2. Relationship Dilemma: Husband Wants to Attend His Ex’s Wedding

Timestamps: 13:34 – 25:13

• A listener (Monica, on voice disguiser) calls in: her husband wants to attend his ex-girlfriend’s wedding; their history includes three years of dating and questionable, secretive contact after their engagement.

  • The issue is complicated by the fact that the ex still emails the husband and his mother had wanted him to marry the ex.
  • [14:15, Monica]: “There was a lot of drama before we got married with her. Like he would go and see her while we were dating and wouldn’t tell me.”

• The cast unpacks the emotional minefield:

  • Bert acknowledges that, minus the sketchy history, this could just be insecurity, but in Monica’s case, the husband’s lack of transparency changes things.
  • Cassie takes a hard line:
    • [17:00, Cassie]: “If somebody has an issue with an ex, then why is it so important for you to keep them in your life?”
  • Bert relates with his own story about ending a friendship with an ex when it got inappropriate after marriage.

• Callers offer mixed advice, but the main consensus:

  • The husband is “picking the friend over you”—a potentially dangerous precedent.

  • Ultimatums are discussed, but Monica feels resigned:

    • [22:07, Bert]: “He would pick that friendship over your marriage?”

  • The cast feels Monica hasn’t drawn a strong enough boundary, giving her direct advice to insist on her needs.

  • [24:42, Cassie]: “Either he doesn’t go to the wedding, or you go with him. ... I don’t think you need to let him go out of town and be around her with alcohol alone.”

3. Swinging Richards & the ‘Fake Gay Friend’ Ploy

Timestamps: 26:18 – 32:04

• Wendy enthusiastically describes her Pride weekend, including multiple visits to Atlanta’s male strip club, Swinging Richards, and making new gay friends.

  • She shares the upside of friendships with gay men: comfort, male attention without the threat of unwanted advances.
  • [27:46, Abby]: “Hanging out with gay men as a straight girl is so comfortable because you don’t have to have your guard up... It’s still male attention, which is fun, but there’s just no threat there.”

• Bert pivots, asking if any men have ever pretended to be gay to get closer to women:

  • Wendy insists her new friend isn’t straight (“not even an ounce!”).

  • Scott calls in, admitting he and a friend would go to gay bars, let men buy them drinks, and then pivot to chatting up women by claiming to be “bi” or “experimental.”

    • [29:23, Scott]: “We would pretend like we were gay... get hammered and then slowly move in with the talk with the women because they felt a little bit more comfortable.”

  • A second caller, John, says he once acted gay as a way to get a woman to stop pursuing him.

    • [31:02, John]: “It’s not the most manly way... but there was just no other way to get rid of this girl.”

• Bert sums up with trademark honesty:

  • [31:58, Bert]: “What you are learning: we will lie to get in and we will lie to get out.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vegas:

  • “It’s like an adult Disney World.” — Cassie, [01:13]
  • "You’re just there to party if you’re in Vegas." — Bert, [01:40]

• On Outrageous Pickup Lines:

  • “This was his opening line. You’re so exotic. You’re so beautiful.” — Abby, [07:00]
  • “You would have to be such a good looking guy to use a line like that.” — Bert, [10:01]
  • “I wasn’t expecting that.” — Joy, [11:50]

• On Ex Drama:

  • “He’s picking the friend over you—is exactly what he’s doing. And that is dangerous.” — Bert, [24:35]
  • “Your wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend is your priority.” — Cassie, [23:18]
  • “I just think that... he still has feelings for her.” — Cassie, [24:09]

• On ‘Fake Gay Friend’ Strategy:

  • “What you are learning: we will lie to get in and we will lie to get out.” — Bert, [31:58]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Las Vegas Stories & Pickup Line Incident: 01:01 – 12:22
• Relationship Call-in: Husband Wanting to Attend Ex’s Wedding: 13:34 – 25:13
• Pride Weekend, Swinging Richards, ‘Fake Gay Friend’ Discussion & Listener Calls: 26:18 – 32:04

Tone & Style

The episode is lively, irreverent, and full of laughter. The crew isn’t afraid to push boundaries (especially around the infamous pickup line), but always keeps it real and rooted in genuine camaraderie. Listeners call in and share their own messy stories, reinforcing the show's theme of shared real-life drama — with plenty of punchlines and empathy along the way.

This summary captures the episode’s candid explorations of nightlife antics, complex relationships with exes, and the gender games people play - all delivered with The Bert Show’s trademark frankness and fun.