Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 23 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, January 23 [Vault]

Date: January 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into entertaining, often cringe-worthy stories of people suddenly "ditching" awkward dates, relationships, and even marriages—sometimes in dramatic fashion. The show also catches up with prior listeners dealing with serious relationship drama, including online infidelity and tangled family secrets. As always, hosts Bert, Jen, Candace, and Jeff mix humor with empathy and curiosity, bringing listeners into the unfiltered realities of everyday life and relationships.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Ditching Dates: The Art (or Cowardice) of the Sudden Exit

• The episode kicks off with stories of listeners and hosts about dramatically leaving dates or even work shifts with no warning or excuse.

Notable Call-In Stories

• Howard’s Restaurant Vanish
  Howard confesses to leaving his girlfriend mid-date at a restaurant after being irritated by something she said or did—taking off when she went to the restroom, leaving her stranded with the bill.

  • [01:36] Co-host Candace: “And was that the last day she was your girlfriend?”
  • [01:39] Howard: “That pretty much sent the spiral downward on that relationship.”

• Jeff’s Bar Escape
  Jeff details ditching a smoking-hot date at a dingy, smoke-filled concert venue in Marietta, prioritizing personal comfort over attraction.

  • [03:04] Jeff: “You’re hot. But if you’re gonna be here, forget this crap. I’m not doing this no more.”
  • [03:17] Bert: “You suck it up, you suck it up. If she's that hot, you suck it up. … That's why the good Lord invented tequila.”

• “Strobe Light Honey” Realization
  Howard recalls going to meet a girl he met at a club (where he admits the alcohol and strobe lights impacted his perception), quickly realizing in daylight at the library she wasn’t what he expected and bailing after a weak excuse.

  • [04:46] Howard: “A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person … I told her I had to make some copies and I just left.”
  • The term "strobe light honey" enters the Bert Show Dictionary.

• Women Ditch Too:
  Holly and Shelly call in with female versions—ditching dates when the real-life guy looked nothing like his online photo, or after a gut feeling during a would-be Netflix night.

Memorable Moments

• Hosts joke about the odd places you try to avoid ex-dates in public (e.g., hiding in Walmart clothing racks) and share empathy for the “ditch-ee” experience, particularly when reality doesn’t match online expectations.

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2. Ditching at a Whole New Level: Marriages and Serious Relationships

• Ultimate Hotel Ditch:
  Holly (another Holly) tells a story of being left in a hotel room in downtown Atlanta after agreeing to get more serious with her on-and-off partner, who then drives off with her stranded.

  • [07:21] Bert: “Who did you call?”
  • Holly’s response: She finds friends at a club for a ride home.
  • [07:30] Bert: “That right there is the walk of the ultimate walk of shame.”

• Marital Revenge Ditch:
  CB recounts ditching her husband mid-dinner with a flirting neighbor, running up a big bill, then disappearing for three days as the relationship dissolves.

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3. Classic Bert Show Relationship Drama Recaps & Updates

A. Online “Cheating” Saga with Tracy

• Revisiting Tracy’s situation: She catches her husband heavily engaged in secretive online messaging, claiming he’s chatting with a “celebrity” as part of a wild plan to make money for the family.
  • The show questions the legitimacy of his narrative, points out the frequency and intimacy of the conversations, and debates whether Tracy’s willful disbelief is denial or trust.

Notable Quotes & Moments:

• [11:14] Tracy: "He says it's not cheating because it's a celebrity. And in a few months, he's gonna try to basically get money out of this."
• [16:13] Jeff: “I have information that ... doesn’t make you feel better. … He is having conversations with someone over the Internet that are borderline intimate.”
• [17:29] Tracy: “I just feel like… he couldn't do what was playing in my head with having an affair… like, it really just must be a celebrity now."
• The co-hosts push her: why would a real celebrity have time to chat daily? Is she ignoring clear warning signs?
• [27:15] Caller Brandi: “I just think you are very naive, girl. If you actually think that he's speaking to a star online, that is ridiculous. But, you know, you must be every man's dream, because you are very naive."

B. Listeners Take Sides: Denial or Devotion?

• Many listeners call in, some incredulous, others more sympathetic. Hosts note the difference between protecting your marriage and outright shielding yourself from reality.

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4. Family Secrets and Cover-Ups: The Daughter Who Helped Her Mom Cheat

• Shelly’s Dilemma ([30:56])
  • Shelly calls in about her mother's affair, which her mother drags her into by hiding out at Shelly’s home and seeking emotional support as the affair is exposed.
  • To cover for her mother, Shelly concocts a story for her father: the mysterious “John” is actually Shelly’s secret boyfriend, whom they’d hidden because he’s Black (knowing his prejudices).
  • She ropes in her Black friend to pose for a picture as evidence, and her mom gives her diamond earrings from her affair partner.

Notable Moments:

• Hosts debate whether this was right, criticize the manipulation involving race, and express concern for the psychological fallout.
• [36:47] “Yeah, I'm wearing them now. ... They're beautiful." (Shelly, about the earrings)
• Several Black listeners call in, adamant no one would participate in such a cover-up knowingly, expressing skepticism and frustration.
• [39:19] Caller CB: “If my white girlfriend had came to me and said, you know what? I need you to take a picture with me because of such, I would have slapped her and said, you know what? Don't call me anymore.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–07:00: Call-ins about ditching disastrous dates—restaurant escapes, bar walkouts, and “strobe light honey” encounters.
• 07:00–10:00: More serious “ditch” stories—leaving partners in hotels, relationship breakdowns.
• 10:00–29:00: Deep-dive into Tracy’s saga about her husband’s supposed online “affair” with a celebrity—voiced disbelief, empathy, and detective work ensues.
• 30:56–40:00: Shelly’s story about enabling her mother's affair, inventing a racially charged alibi, listener reactions, and the fallout.

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Notable Quotes

• On ditching dates:

  • “I quit. I’m outta here. I’m gone.” — Host Bert [00:44]
  • "A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person. … I told her I had to make some copies and I just left." — Caller Howard [04:46]

• On questionable alibis:

  • “He says it's not cheating because it's a celebrity.” — Caller Tracy [11:14]
  • “Nothing says I love you more than extortion, right?” — Co-host Jeff [16:45]

• On family secrets:

  • “We told him that John is a guy that I’ve been dating … but we didn’t introduce him to my dad because he’s Black, and he would have a huge problem with that.” — Caller Shelly [32:35]
  • “I'm black. … If my white girlfriend had came to me and said, … I need you to take a picture with me because of such, I would have slapped her and said, you know what? Don't call me anymore.” — Caller CB [39:19]

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Episode Tone and Style

In typical Bert Show fashion, the tone is flippant, real, and often sarcastic, especially when confronting the absurdities of modern relationships. Hosts balance empathy for callers in tricky situations with group skepticism and a sense of “tough love.” The humor is irreverent but never mean-spirited, offering comic relief even during heavier moments.

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Summary

This lively episode straddles the line between laugh-out-loud awkwardness (people fleeing dates or marriages) and real “emotional work”—challenging listeners to consider self-awareness, honesty, and the havoc denial (or creative cover-ups) can wreak in relationships. The hosts keep things moving, give everyone a voice, and, as always, leave listeners with plenty to laugh about, cringe over, and debate on their morning drive.

Transcript

[Host Bert]

The Birch Show. No shortage of phone calls on people who ditched or got.

[Co-host Jen]

Oh, no.

[Co-host Candace]

And this is the kind of ditch on a date where it's smack in the middle of it with no excuse. Because I'm sure a lot of people have used the excuse like, oh, you know what? I'm not feeling well. I'm gonna leave. This is like you go to the bathroom and just never come back to the table.

[Host Bert]

Right, right. And there's always, like, we're talking about this regarding dating, but it reminded me that I, I, I think every one of us probably knows of someone who had a job. And this would be back, like, in college or whatever. So, like, at the mall and, like, just in the middle of his shift, decides he no longer wants to be there and leaves.

[Co-host Jen]

Yeah, I'm done. I'm outta here.

[Host Bert]

Just take off. It's the equivalent.

[Co-host Jen]

I'm outta here of Slurpee.

[Host Bert]

It's the dating. I quit. Like, I'm just done in the middle of this. I'm done. I quit. I'm outta here. I'm gone. Hey, Howard, you'll be our first call.

[Caller Howard]

No problem.

[Host Bert]

What's going on?

[Caller Howard]

Hey, how's it going?

[Co-host Candace]

Good, good.

[Host Bert]

How are you?

[Caller Howard]

Awesome. Awesome. This is a great topic because I'll tell you what. You know, as many years as I've dated, it's amazing what anyone can do, including myself. And, you know, one night I was out with my girlfriend and, you know, conversation. We were at a restaurant. She had her car. I had her. My car there. So each had our other's cars or whatever. And I just got so mad because something she said or something. She did that as soon as she went to the bathroom. That was my cue, and I took off and I left her in the dust at the restaurant and with Bill.

[Co-host Candace]

And Was that the last day she was your girlfriend?

[Caller Howard]

That pretty much sent the spiral downward on that relationship.

[Co-host Jen]

Yeah.

[Host Bert]

See, now you gotta. It'll be fun to talk. Thank you for the call, Howard. It'll be fun to talk, too, to the Ditchies, because how long. Yeah, she goes back and she's like, oh. Because your first thought is, oh, he must be in the restroom also.

[Co-host Jen]

Yeah.

[Host Bert]

Then it's gotta hope he's feeling okay. Then you probably even get well.

[Co-host Jen]

The server comes and says, do you. Do you need anything else? Do you need another drink? I don't know yet. Come back and check in a few minutes.

[Host Bert]

Hey, Jeff on the voice disguiser.

[Co-host Candace]

Hey, y'.

[Caller Jeff]

All.

[Host Bert]

Hey. How are you, Jeff?

[Caller Jeff]

All right. Sitting in traffic.

[Caller Tracy]

It sucks.

[Caller Jeff]

I Had to go on a date with this girl I've been trying to get with for a long time. And she was smoking hot. That's what makes this so irritating to me. She was smoking hot. And we were at this music concert in Marietta, and this nasty, just grungy, smoke filled bottom of the bottom of these people. I don't know why she wanted me to go to this thing, but I went, and I was just around this, and I was like, oh, my God, she's freaking hot, but I can't be here. Like, this is ridiculous. It was so nasty. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna go take a trip to the bathroom real quick. And I walked out of the parking lot, my car was there, and I took off. I didn't even call her back the next day. She kept calling me, and I was like, you know, I think none of this for me.

[Co-host Candace]

Just the choice of bar that you were like, I'm out of here.

[Caller Jeff]

Yeah, it was a music concert in Marietta off Roswell Road. And I was just like, this place is nasty. I'm getting the heck out of here. You are. You're hot. But if you're gonna be here, forget this crap. I'm not doing this no more.

[Host Bert]

You suck it up, you suck it up. If she's that hot, you suck it up. You do whatever you gotta do. That's right. That's why the good Lord invented tequila. You work around that, you numb yourself to the environment. Disappointment to masculinity. Hey, Ralph. Ralph.

[Caller Howard]

Hey, I'm here.

[Host Bert]

Hey.

[Caller CB]

Hey.

[Caller Howard]

How's it going, guys?

[Host Bert]

Good. How are you?

[Caller CB]

Love the show.

[Caller Howard]

Listen all the time.

[Co-host Jen]

Thank you.

[Co-host Candace]

Are you the ditcher or the ditchy?

[Caller Howard]

I am the ditcher.

[Co-host Jen]

Okay.

[Caller Howard]

Basically, when I was in school, I was at a club, so obviously I was drinking pretty heavily. And I met this girl, what would be known as a strobe light. Honey. A girl that looks so much better in the club than she actually looks in person. So we were meeting at the library, and once I saw her at the library, I realized that wasn't quite the girl that I saw at the club. So I told her I had to make some copies and I just left. I mean, I was missing a game of Tecmo bowl, so I had to leave. The interesting thing is, though, a week later, I see her on the street.

[Caller CB]

And she says, hey, why didn't you call me?

[Caller Howard]

So I did. I mean, hey, I figured if she did that, she must be easy. So I called her.

[Host Bert]

I love that. You know what I Love learning from the bird show. And I love strobe light. Honey, I need to find occasion to use that.

[Co-host Candace]

We have to add that to the dictionary.

[Host Bert]

It's not just guys who are doing the ditching. Hey, Candace.

[Caller Shelly]

Hey, guys.

[Caller Holly]

What's up?

[Host Bert]

How are you?

[Caller Shelly]

I'm good.

[Co-host Candace]

What happened?

[Caller Holly]

Well, I met this guy through a friend. I hadn't seen him yet. We just talked back and forth on MySpace. He was a friend of a friend, and he looked so cute in his picture, right?

[Caller Tracy]

So I had to do it.

[Caller Holly]

And I met him at his apartment, and this total opposite guy opens the door, and I had to go in. We were just going to watch movies, and I told him my gum was bad and I needed to spit it out.

[Caller Tracy]

And so he shows me where to.

[Caller Holly]

Go spit it out, and then follows me to the bathroom. And I said, I need to make a phone call. I don't have any service. So I walked outside and totally ditched. Ran, ran to my car, headed for my mom's house.

[Host Bert]

You think he was watching you from the window?

[Caller Holly]

Oh, yeah, he was. And totally ran into him at Walmart, like, weeks later with my current boyfriend. At the time, I was just like, crap.

[Co-host Candace]

That's when you bob and weave amongst the clothing racks at Walmart. You're, like, trying to duck, and all.

[Host Bert]

Of a sudden you find yourself, like, you know, you're trying to avoid somebody, and next thing you know, you realize, like, you're a guy and you're standing in the preteen underwear section.

[Caller Holly]

Oh, yeah, I totally ditched him in, like, the bra section.

[Caller Tracy]

I think it was funny.

[Host Bert]

Did he come? Did he try to talk to you?

[Caller Holly]

He, like, tried to approach, but, I mean, I saw him and I freaked. And I grabbed my boyfriend's arm, and I'm like, come this way. And I, like, moved him to another aisle, and it was just a fiasco. Ended up taking a lot longer at Walmart than we wanted to.

[Host Bert]

Nothing will make you feel worse than if that happens right there. And I saw her new boyfriend. Yeah. I was like, you know what? I'm not good enough. But this dude is. He's the one.

[Caller Holly]

I didn't mean to.

[Caller Tracy]

It was a total different person's picture that he sent me.

[Caller Holly]

I couldn't help it.

[Host Bert]

Hey, a lot of calls from ditchers. Here's a call from the ditchee. Holly.

[Caller Holly]

Yes, this is Holly.

[Host Bert]

Welcome to the bird show.

[Caller Holly]

Thank you. Good morning.

[Co-host Jen]

Good morning.

[Host Bert]

Let's hear your story.

[Caller Holly]

Well, I dated a guy on and off for about a year. Nothing serious. He kept being persistent So I said, okay, let's, you know, step it up a notch. So we started dating exclusively. Supposedly. We went out, had a really good time. We decided that we were going to step it up. So he got a hotel, downtown Atlanta. Got in a hotel, we did our thing, and afterwards he said, I need to go out to the car and get my cell phone. He went out to his car and drove off. Left me in a hotel, downtown Atlanta. No car or anything.

[Host Bert]

Who did you call?

[Caller Holly]

I didn't call anybody. I walked up to a club and there were some friends and they took me home.

[Host Bert]

That right there is the walk of the ultimate walk of shame.

[Caller Holly]

Yeah, totally.

[Co-host Jen]

How long was it before you realized he was gone?

[Caller Holly]

Oh, I knew immediately. Something inside of me. He kind of picked up my purse, that I saw him pick up my purse. I thought he maybe he was gonna, like, take something out of my purse, money or whatever. So I got up and I said, that's not my purse. And I mean, that's not your billfold. That's my purse. He goes, oh. And so then he got his billfold. He said, well, I'll be right back. And I watched him. I mean, he got in his Porsche, put down the convertible top, and off he went. I watched him the whole time. So needless.

[Caller Jeff]

Wow.

[Co-host Candace]

Was it worth the trip downtown?

[Caller Holly]

No, not at all. And actually, I bumped into him like three years later.

[Caller Shelly]

Oh.

[Caller Holly]

He called me two weeks after that, and I just said, you're an idiot. And I don't, you know, I can't believe what you did to me. And then I saw him like three years later and he tried to, you know, and I'm just like, no, you're done.

[Host Bert]

Thanks for the Callie.

[Caller Holly]

Thank you.

[Host Bert]

Hey, CB Has a twist on this. CB you'll be the last call.

[Caller CB]

Okay.

[Host Bert]

Who'd you ditch?

[Caller CB]

Who did I ditch? I ditched my husband and soon to be ex husband. We were having dinner with the neighbor and he was flirting unprofusely with her. And, you know, I commented about it a couple times or two. So I was ordering my sake and Kirin beer and all this and ordered the most expensive as everything as I could get on the menu and excuse myself to the restroom, called somebody and picked them up and disappeared for three days.

[Co-host Candace]

Good for you.

[Host Bert]

So you're. So your husband and the neighbor are obviously having their own thing going on. You excuse yourself and just walk away, Never come back.

[Caller Holly]

Yep.

[Caller CB]

Never look back.

[Host Bert]

And where did you go for three days?

[Caller CB]

I went over to my sister's house and, you know, he finally Took him about three or four hours before he started calling around, looking for me and, you know, kind of hid out. Never told him where I was. Nobody ever, you know, snitched on me where I was and finally went back and said, enough's enough.

[Host Bert]

So he's going to be your ex husband? How are things with the neighbor?

[Caller CB]

Oh, no, he's already my ex.

[Caller Tracy]

Yay.

[Host Bert]

And did you have to see that? Did you have to see that neighbor anymore?

[Caller CB]

Oh, once I did see the neighbor, and I thought I was going to die laughing. And she told me she thought I was the most emotionally healthy person she ever met. I'm thinking, oh, are you in trouble, odd?

[Co-host Candace]

Yeah.

[Host Bert]

Thank you for the call, C.B.

[Caller CB]

All right, you guys have a great day.

[Host Bert]

The Burch show.

[Co-host Jeff]

So let's go back here a couple of weeks. This is the first call that we took from Burke show listener Tracy, who saw her husband online and didn't exactly like what she saw and gave what we thought was a really lame excuse. What's going on, Tracy?

[Caller Tracy]

Well, it's more for my husband, who is being a nut job. Right.

[Caller Shelly]

Well, I caught him.

[Caller Tracy]

I caught him cheating. Well, I caught him online. Like, he's not really an online person. Like, once he gets home from work, he doesn't go online. But the past couple of weeks, he'd been going online when he got home, and I was like, what are you doing? And he got really defensive about it. And so I looked, and I saw that he had been chatting and emailing with this person, like, Bunny757 or something. And I was like, what the heck? I was like, what are you doing? And he's. He's cheating, right? I mean, like, he's communicating online with another woman and making dirty comments with her. And he says it's not cheating because it's a celebrity. And in a few months, he's gonna try to basically get money out of this and, like, you know, sell it to people or something. He said that I need to just calm down, and I'm doing it for our good, because in a few months, we're gonna have all this money from this saga, from this relationship that he's creating with her.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay. So that was the first call we took from her. And then the second time that we talked to her, Jeff had some details for her, correct?

[Host Bert]

Yeah.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay. And this is some of that call.

[Host Bert]

He's doing what he says he's doing, which is conning this person out of money or getting a tabloid thing. Then, no, she doesn't have anything to worry about because he's doing something illegal to benefit his family.

[Caller Tracy]

He has a bad job. I don't understand why he needs the money for this. Like, that's the thing that makes me so mad. It's not like we're struggling. It's not like we have. We're wanting for anything. We have. All of our needs are met. So I just feel like I don't know who to trust. I don't know who to believe. I mean, what if he's really. Did he say he's gonna run off with her? Did he say that he's gonna try to meet her in one of the cities? Like, did he say that he loves her? What is he saying?

[Host Bert]

There is no love that I saw. There was no talking about running off. It's definitely flirtatious. There was discussion about trying to see her on or about New Year's, but she was not 100% certain where she would be.

[Caller Shelly]

Get out.

[Co-host Jeff]

Do you guys, You, Tracy, you and your husband have plans on New Year's?

[Caller Shelly]

No, he said that he might have.

[Caller Tracy]

To go on a work trip.

[Host Bert]

We're gonna actually get a private investigator to follow up with this and to do more research and possibly even contact the camp of this person.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay, now it's all coming back to me. So the open ended part of this whole thing was that he was going. He said he was going on a work deal, and she thought, nah, probably not. Right? So we were gonna hire the private investigator and find out exactly what he had his hands into. Tracy's joins us again on the Voice Disguiser. Hey, Tracy.

[Caller Tracy]

Hey, guys. Good morning.

[Co-host Jeff]

Good morning. How are you?

[Caller Tracy]

Good.

[Co-host Candace]

Actually, you sound a lot better than last time we talked to you.

[Co-host Jeff]

You sound pretty, pretty relieved.

[Caller Shelly]

Yeah.

[Caller Tracy]

I don't know. It just feels like it's been such a roller coaster. And I'm trying to start 2008 with a totally different outlook.

[Host Bert]

So it's a new year.

[Caller Tracy]

It is a new start, yes. Well, part of it is my husband never went out for New Year's. He stayed with me. And I remember last time we talked to you guys, you know, we talked about the fact that he had been planning a work trip. And so when he stayed home, I don't know, I just. I felt so relieved from that.

[Co-host Jeff]

When did he tell you that he was staying home? Was it New Year's Day? Was it a couple of days beforehand?

[Caller Tracy]

It was like two. I don't know. It was the Friday before. Whatever date that was.

[Co-host Jeff]

And what excuse did he say? Did he say they just don't need me now.

[Caller Tracy]

Or he just said that work was, you know, that they were just getting panicked because of stuff that they thought they were going to have to do for the sale. Like, he's in sales, so. And they're like, well, we don't need you to go because the client that you're supposed to go talk with in the winter doesn't want to be there. Stuff like that. Of course. Totally legitimate. Who would want to work on New Year's?

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay, so you're feeling a little relieved about that.

[Co-host Candace]

Have you confronted him anymore about this online relationship, I mean, or was it just about the work trip?

[Caller Tracy]

I said, like, just in passing. I'm like, well, I'm glad that work doesn't get in the way, you know, and thank goodness that you know this celebrity. And I didn't tell him that I knew who it was, obviously, because I don't want him to freak out. But, you know, I just kind of said in passing, like, well, obviously the celebrity. And you weren't, like, trying to make some rendezvous, just kind of doing it as a joke? And he just looked at me like I was crazy. So I don't know, I thought that kind of made me feel good. Like, okay, maybe I am being a little crazy.

[Co-host Candace]

So do you really still believe that he is online with a celebrity? Yeah, because we didn't. We didn't say on the air who it was.

[Caller Tracy]

So. No. So I do feel like. I mean, he's never lied to me before. The information you guys gave me, it adds up, like, so, fine, let him chat online with a celebrity to try to help us. Like, it's kind of sweet. He's a little nuts. I love him for that. But the fact is, he's not having sex with her. He's not doing anything wrong. He's just trying to find. To make us money.

[Co-host Jeff]

So it's not like he's done anything, even where he's given money to somebody or anything like that. So if he's online and he's getting taken, you're like, ah, big deal.

[Caller Tracy]

Well, I don't know about that, but I really doubt it. Like, how is he gonna give somebody money, like, over the Internet? I don't even understand if they're just chatting.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah. What I'm saying is there's no. What you're. You're thinking is there's no harm in what he's doing, because, I mean, you guys aren't losing anything. And if he's getting maybe a little bit, I don't know, getting snowed a little Bit, then, big deal.

[Co-host Jen]

He's trying to make money for the family, which is sweet.

[Caller Tracy]

She said it is. I mean, it's kind of. Again, it's frustrating, and it's not the ideal situation, like, go get a second job. But I think he's just trying to protect me by not telling me who she is. But I definitely feel like he's not lying to me.

[Co-host Jeff]

Jeff, do you have any information that can make her feel better about this or any more concerned?

[Host Bert]

I have information that I don't think it'll make you feel better, or maybe it might not make you feel worse, but it's. Excuse me. It's just like, we're talking about this, and we're so focused on the celebrity angle and all that and how he's gonna get money and commit a crime. That's so sweet. Extortion in order to collect money and stuff. And he's gonna be real sweetheart that way.

[Co-host Jeff]

Nothing says I love you more than extortion. Right?

[Host Bert]

But the bottom line is, he is having conversations with someone over the Internet that are borderline intimate. Like, even though there's no cyber sex or I love you or any of that creepy stuff, there's because I love you is creepy, but there's none of that stuff going on. He's still having an intimate relationship with someone over the Internet. And you do realize that when he tells you that he's doing it to extort money out of this person to better the family, like, you do realize that's kind of nuts, right?

[Caller Tracy]

Yes, I do. I do realize that. But I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who I really love and trust, and he knows us both, and she says, I'm freaking out. She says it's not a big deal and that he's just trying to protect me, and what's the worst that can happen? Celebrity, you know, isn't really a celebrity. And he stopped chatting with her. I mean, I just can't imagine that my husband. I just feel like, especially lately, he's just been so sweet and so caring. Like, I feel like he couldn't do. He couldn't do what was. What was playing in my head with having an affair and, you know, meeting with her, like, it really just must be a celebrity now.

[Host Bert]

What if. What if the celebrity, like, what if the person playing the role of a celebrity was, like, somebody that y' all knew who was jacking with him, and then all of your friends became aware of this ruse or whatever, Whatever, and.

[Co-host Jeff]

She was the only one that wasn't in on it?

[Host Bert]

No, he wasn't either. Like what? Yeah, what if this celebrity's chatting him up but it turns out the celebrity's just a buddy of his? And then maybe because a week from now he emails everybody all the transcripts and go, hey, look what I got Bert to do.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah. You made it sound like when we left though, that they were getting some information on this celebrity that kind of legitimized it for you. Talking about parties they were going to be at and then the day after there were pictures of that person at that, at that party.

[Host Bert]

Uh huh. I'm still, I'm just, I'm still interested in her answer to that.

[Caller Tracy]

Like, I don't know. That's kind of a shocking thing to say. I didn't ever think about that. Like, I mean I would be so annoyed, I would be so mad that somebody would do that. I can't imagine one of our friends would hurt us like that. This is not a joke.

[Co-host Jen]

It would still let him off the hook though, because if he really thinks he's talking to a celebrity, then he really believes what he's told her, that he's doing it for them.

[Host Bert]

Well, the update is that because it was Christmas and New Year's, there's not a huge update except that the information that we had before the break that maybe it was a legitimate celebrity. After looking more over vacation at the information that was had and just using Google, but being able to spend even more time with it, that information actually was available on the Internet. Now it was available on hardcore fan websites and message boards where people write back and forth. So you get these hardcore freaky people who are way into a celebrity and they find some tidbit in a local paper and all this other stuff and piece it together. So the stuff was available on the Internet. So it is possible that it's a fake celebrity again. So it's still a 5050 crapshoot. But I will tell you that he's making plans to go see her.

[Caller Tracy]

Huh, really?

[Co-host Jen]

When?

[Host Bert]

Sometime in January, sometime this month he's going to go on a trip. Maybe.

[Caller Tracy]

When?

[Host Bert]

I don't know the exact date.

[Caller Tracy]

When did this message go down? Like this is.

[Host Bert]

It went down before the 29th. What's today? Today is the second, whatever last Friday was because that was the last time I looked. So it went down before last Friday and I'll look again today.

[Co-host Jeff]

And when you say you look, you have a software program that allows you to peek in what's happening on their computer every day?

[Host Bert]

Yes. And just so you know, they are Having conversations on computers that aren't the one at your house, too. No, because there are references to conversations that they have, and you can't.

[Co-host Candace]

You can't pick up the computer from other computers.

[Host Bert]

The computer at the house is her computer, and she has, you know, allowed the software to be put on. And we'll give it all. I mean, we'll give all the details.

[Caller Tracy]

How much. Like, how many conversations?

[Host Bert]

You have no idea.

[Co-host Jeff]

There's no way of telling. What he's saying is that they're referring to previous conversations that Jeff hasn't seen.

[Host Bert]

There are references to, like, talking to you yesterday. And you can see that, like, there. There is Christmas day or the day after Christmas. One of those days. Like, nobody used your computer at your house at all. Like, there's zero. Nobody used it at all. So. But there's a. The next conversation referenced talking to them yesterday. Or it could be talking to them. It could be in person, like, on the phone. But my point is, like, what I was. The point I was trying to make at the beginning of the whole thing, before you started to get sick, was that, like, the whole story is so bizarre. Like, the fact that we're trying to figure out if this is a real celebrity or not should be irrelevant.

[Co-host Jeff]

Like, your husband is irrelevant only because you have information on these conversations that we don't. Like, you're saying that there's some.

[Caller Tracy]

Does he have his phone or something?

[Caller Shelly]

Like, if.

[Co-host Jeff]

Like, what are some of the lines that make you say it's an intimate relationship, but it's not icky.

[Host Bert]

Even if I didn't read anything, like, he. It is a person that he is talking to every single day from a computer in your home that is not you.

[Co-host Jeff]

But she knows that. And he's been honest about that part.

[Caller Tracy]

Like, Right.

[Host Bert]

He hasn't been honest. He says he's extorting money from a celebrity.

[Co-host Jen]

Well, her response when you said that he had talked with her over the holiday and that he's making plans, she made a response like, she didn't realize that he was communicating with her after Christmas. Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Can you ask him, like, if they've been talking to each other on the phone also?

[Caller Tracy]

Yeah, of course, of course.

[Co-host Jeff]

Because up until this point, at least, his take is that he's been honest with you. Yeah, I'm online. I'm talking to this person. But it's for the good of the family, so it wouldn't be inappropriate for you to say, hey, are you guys also talking on the phone?

[Caller Tracy]

Yeah, maybe I'll just take his phone. One day when he gets home. But he always keeps it on.

[Host Bert]

And just so you know, like, the talking thing is just. I mean, I. Like there are times where I'll go an entire day and never have a conversation with Tracy, like on the phone. But if I call her at night, I'll say, when I was talking to you earlier and that meant I am or email. You know what I mean? So I'm just.

[Co-host Jen]

The phone.

[Host Bert]

The phone thing is just. I mean, I don't know if they're talking or not talking. All I'm saying is that I can't think of anyone in my life who is not somebody who's in this room that I work with or if I see my parents online, somebody you've met face to face before, who I would talk to every single day. Like, who I would have occasion to talk to every single day that's not work related online. You know what I mean?

[Caller Tracy]

Celebrity has time every day to talk.

[Co-host Jeff]

Right?

[Co-host Candace]

That's what I was thinking.

[Host Bert]

Celebrity. What?

[Co-host Jeff]

What? What? Celebrity has time every day to just sit down and talk and chat online with some random dude from Atlanta? Yeah. In the conversation that you saw Jeff, it didn't specifically say what week he's going, but he said something like, well, I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

[Host Bert]

Or the weekend that was mentioned was the weekend honor about January 18th. So I don't know what day of the week that is, but he hasn't.

[Caller Tracy]

Said anything about that week.

[Host Bert]

Well, it's not definite yet. I'll let you know when you're traveling or he's traveling. I'll let you know when he'll be out of town.

[Caller Tracy]

Okay, thanks. Somebody better so I can change the locks.

[Host Bert]

I will tell you that he did get online and he was pricing tickets for different weekends in January.

[Caller Shelly]

Really?

[Caller Tracy]

Where was he pricing tickets to? Could you see New York? What?

[Host Bert]

Newark, Kennedy and LaGuardia.

[Caller Tracy]

Oh, man. There's no reason my work would take him there. There's no reason. It's a local company, legacy.

[Co-host Jeff]

So do you think like at this point, like if it's me, I think I don't even say anything to him. I just wait to see if he approaches me over the next couple of weeks and says, you know what? Work is sending me up to New York City.

[Co-host Candace]

Oh, can you wait that long?

[Caller Tracy]

I don't know. I'm going. I mean, you should see me. I'm like pacing right now. I could not. I don't know if I can wait. I really don't.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, others are calling in Saying what Jeff is saying. It doesn't matter. He's having these conversations every single day, and he's not.

[Host Bert]

And he's not showing them to you. Like, that's.

[Co-host Jeff]

Have you asked him to see those, though?

[Caller Tracy]

No. I didn't realize it was so severe. I thought it was just like every once in a while, like, I don't know, I just started to calm down. As far as I knew, he hadn't talked to her since before Christmas.

[Host Bert]

Is it fair to say, Bert, from a guy's point of view, that.

[Co-host Jeff]

Who do you want me to ask?

[Host Bert]

That's a good point. I am. This to Hoss, from a guy's point of view of view, is it fair to say that some tiny sliver of him is hoping that he really ends up in a relationship with this person? Because here's what I'm equating it to. Because I told. I know. I told Jen. Did I tell you all who the girl is he's talking to? She's attractive, right. So I was like, I'm trying to think, like, if I'm online and somehow I come across some hot celebrity, right? So I'm whatever. Or who I think is a hot celebrity, and I end up having a conversation with whoever. Katherine Heigl. Right, Right. And we're talking all sorts of, you know, crazy stuff, whatever, but I'm having a conversation with her. Like, I think I call Jessica in and go, holy crap, you're never gonna. Do you think this is really her?

[Co-host Jeff]

That's the first thing I do together.

[Host Bert]

Like, it's fun. Unless some little tiny piece of me hoping is hoping that she'll get her marriage to Josh Kelly annulled and run.

[Co-host Jen]

Away with, the majority is going to doubt whether or not that's really her.

[Co-host Jeff]

Right.

[Co-host Jen]

And how long have they been chatting online?

[Host Bert]

I don't know. When it's been.

[Co-host Candace]

It's been at least a month now.

[Caller Jeff]

Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Since we've been talking to her, it's been about three weeks or so. Hey, Brandi, you're on Q100. Go ahead.

[Caller Tracy]

Hey.

[Caller Holly]

I just think you are very naive, girl. If you actually think that he's speaking to a star online, that is ridiculous. But, you know, you must be every man's dream, because you are very naive.

[Co-host Jeff]

And especially to the celebrity that we're talking about. We haven't revealed that, but, I mean, this is a. This is a name that people are gonna know for sure.

[Co-host Candace]

Oh, right off the bat.

[Host Bert]

A list or at least high B list.

[Co-host Jeff]

Right. Sought after celebrity for sure.

[Co-host Candace]

Yes.

[Co-host Jeff]

So where do we go with this now? Do we check back with her in a couple of weeks? Tracy, do you hold on and see if he brings up a trip to New York to you over the next couple of weeks? Do you approach him and say, are you having conversations with this celebrity on the phone? What are you gonna do?

[Caller Tracy]

I'm gonna try to get his phone away from him long enough to, like, distract him to get to see if I can see if there was text messages or unknown calls that. I mean, I know everybody he knows except for this person. Like, for the most part, we know all the same people. So I'm gonna try to see if I can do a little detective work on my end.

[Host Bert]

Why don't. Just out of curiosity, why don't you just ask him to see the conversations that he's having with her?

[Caller Tracy]

He's so angry at me.

[Host Bert]

Then there's your.

[Co-host Jen]

Then there's a problem.

[Host Bert]

He'll get angry with her.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, yeah, maybe.

[Co-host Candace]

Well, she's been tap dancing around this whole thing with him the whole time and not confronting him. I mean, that's what I don't understand is why you can't just sit down and be like, I'm not okay with this. Cut it off, whatever.

[Co-host Jen]

I mean, you understand that there's a problem with him being angry at you about seeing something that he's doing.

[Co-host Jeff]

Does he ever bring it up to you at all? Because if there's, like, anything exciting going on in my life, like, I'm reading this book right now, and every day I say to Stacey, oh, you know what? You're not gonna believe what happened in this book. Now, if I'm chatting off, the guy.

[Host Bert]

Ate the green eggs and ham. It was wild. He said he couldn't eat them, but then he can. He can. He can eat green eggs and ham.

[Co-host Jeff]

So he's not even doing that with you? He's not sharing any of it with you?

[Caller Tracy]

No.

[Caller Shelly]

I mean, again, I really did think.

[Caller Tracy]

He had been talking to her since before Christmas. So I kind of let. Let it relax, you know, I was kind of afraid.

[Co-host Candace]

You're afraid to shake the boat with him.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, you are.

[Co-host Candace]

You're afraid to confront your husband.

[Co-host Jen]

Just because you don't know what's going on doesn't make it go away. It's happening. You just.

[Host Bert]

You know, it's like when you're a little kid and something scary was happening. If you close your eyes really tight, it goes away.

[Co-host Jeff]

I'll go away. Right. Well, Chasey, let's talk to you in a couple of days. And we'll see how you handle the whole situation. You can obviously go straight up to him and go, you know what? I'm intrigued by these conversations that you've been having online with that celebrity. How's that going? And I think from there, see what happens.

[Caller Tracy]

I mean, I'll try. I. I just don't.

[Caller Shelly]

I hate being.

[Caller Tracy]

I told my husband I love him and I trust him, and I don't want him to feel like I'm not trusting him.

[Co-host Jen]

Oh, you don't want to be rude.

[Co-host Jeff]

He's giving you every reason not to, so just ask him about it.

[Co-host Jen]

Don't be rude to the guy extorting the celebrity and chatting online in your own home. He's not extorting a celebrity. He's cheating on his wife.

[Co-host Jeff]

Extortion happens. All right, Tracy, hold on. Okay, bye.

[Host Bert]

Bye.

[Co-host Jeff]

All right, so we'll check back with her in a couple of days to see how she handles the whole thing. But I think it's perfectly legit just to go, hey, that conversation that you're having with that celebrity, that whole thing.

[Co-host Jen]

Going, it is like we're overthinking it. He is doing something behind her back. She doesn't want to confront it. He's made up a perfectly good lie, obviously, that she's bought. And I don't understand, like, she. She can't talk to him. Oh, he'd be mad if I asked him about the chatting with another girl. Well, then, wow.

[Co-host Jeff]

I don't know.

[Host Bert]

The Burt Show.

[Co-host Jeff]

Shelly, who's on hold waiting for us right now. So let's recap with her real quick. This was the first call that we got from Shelly.

[Caller Tracy]

I am trying to save my parents marriage.

[Co-host Jen]

Okay?

[Caller Tracy]

My parents have been married for 25 years.

[Caller Shelly]

Well, about six months ago, my mom hooked back up with some high school friends via the Internet. They all. Most of them live in swamps. They live in Greenville, South Carolina. My parents do. She's been here like four times in.

[Caller Tracy]

The last three weeks.

[Caller Shelly]

Basically, last night she said, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be at your house around midnight. I'm leaving really late. Well, I get home at 5 o' clock, and she's there already. And I'm like, why are you already here? You told me you were gonna be here late. And she just started breaking down and crying and telling me that she is hooked up with, like, a friend of a friend. And she's been to see him three times in the last, you know, four weeks. And I guess her breaking point was that she was with him yesterday. And my dad called and left a message and said, listen, you know, I was just up in the attic, and I found all these wrapped gifts for some guy named John, and you need to call me back, or I'm going to open them. He goes, because I don't know, you.

[Caller Tracy]

Know, who John is, why these gifts.

[Caller Shelly]

Are in our house. And just very suspicious.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay, so that was chapter one. And the advice that the Burchell community gave her was, stay out of it. This is not your fight. It was wrong for your mom even to get you in on it. So stay out of it. So, of course, she didn't take any of the advice at all. And this was chapter two.

[Caller Shelly]

But basically, this is the story that we came up with.

[Co-host Jeff]

So you went down the path of covering for your mom.

[Caller Shelly]

I had to. I don't even really want listener feedback because we did what we did. You know what I mean? It's my family, and I had to.

[Caller Tracy]

Do what I had to do.

[Co-host Jen]

What, did you tell us the story? Yeah.

[Caller Shelly]

Basically what we said was, I. We told him that John is a guy that I've been dating for about seven months, and my mom met him a bunch of times, but we didn't introduce him to my dad because he's black, and he would have a huge problem with that.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, my God. Are you kidding? So that was chapter two right there. And at that point, I sort of lost interest. I'm like, you're. I just don't want to. I don't even want to get involved in it. But we found out that she was having breakfast with her mom's mister. Mister. What do you call the dude?

[Co-host Candace]

There isn't really a name that clearly defines him.

[Co-host Jeff]

There's not, because guys are interested in this whole thing normally.

[Co-host Jen]

Yeah.

[Co-host Jeff]

So we haven't come up with a name, and we wanted to find out what happened over Christmas week. Also to see if she just, you know, who she take the picture with, did he buy it? Did she pull out of the whole thing?

[Co-host Jen]

Right.

[Co-host Jeff]

Hey, Shelly.

[Caller Shelly]

Hey, guys.

[Co-host Jen]

Hi.

[Co-host Jeff]

How are you?

[Caller Tracy]

Good. How are you?

[Co-host Candace]

Okay, so what happened?

[Caller Shelly]

Basically, let me start off by saying I'm not gonna call anymore. This is the last time I'm gonna.

[Caller Tracy]

Talk to you guys, because I just.

[Caller Shelly]

Feel like it's beat up on Shelly. I originally called you guys for advice, and now it's like, I called you because you guys have my personal information, and I told you I would. So this is the final time. I don't want to hear any thoughts. I did what I did, and that's the end of it.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, okay.

[Caller Shelly]

Basically what happened is I went to breakfast with him and he was actually a very nice guy. Not what I had envisioned. Went to breakfast. You know, he told me how much he loved my mom and how she ended it so abruptly. And, you know, he just wanted the chance to talk to her one more time, to close the book, you know, blah, blah, blah, on and on. And he said, you know, you know, I really love her, you know, for all the reasons that me and my family love her. I mean, she's just a great woman. She just made a huge mistake. So I agreed. And, you know, he said if he didn't see her, he was going to go to our house on Christmas. And I was like. And ruined the Christmas. And I said, okay, whatever. So I called my mom. She came down and on Christmas Eve morning, and we all went to breakfast with him. Me, my mom, and John. We met for breakfast. And, you know, I mean, it was sad. He went on and on about, you know, how he kind of understands, but he wish it would have, you know, ended differently. And she just said, you know, this is my family. This is what's important to me. You know, I'm sorry, I made a huge mistake. But, you know, you know, good luck, basically. And, you know, and she brought the gifts and gave them to him just so they'd be out of the house and done with. And he gave her a beautiful pair of diamond earrings, which she actually gave to me. And I mean, say, love you, it's done. And then we went back for Christmas with my dad. So, I mean, basically that's the end of the story.

[Host Bert]

And what did you tell your dad? Yeah, about. About your boyfriend, John.

[Caller Shelly]

I mean, in a couple weeks she'll tell him. There wasn't really a lot of questions brought up about it. Like, I took the picture with my friend, which, by the way, I actually. My black friend. And I asked him, you know, I told him the situation, and he completely understood why he was, like, so cool with that, you know, So. I don't know. I mean, I'm not a racist and I don't like to be called one.

[Co-host Jeff]

So wait a second.

[Caller Shelly]

I had to do. If it wasn't my family, I would have never done it. And I never even had to show my dad a picture. He didn't even really ask for it.

[Co-host Jeff]

So when you approached your friend, you told him exactly what the picture was for and why he had to take a picture with you?

[Caller Shelly]

Yes, I was completely honest with him, and he completely understood and said no problem.

[Co-host Jeff]

So where's Carl?

[Co-host Jen]

Wow.

[Co-host Jeff]

Is Carl even in here?

[Co-host Jen]

Do you notice? I want feedback.

[Co-host Jeff]

I was gonna get in here.

[Host Bert]

He's in his car driving home. He's like, you know what?

[Co-host Candace]

He quit.

[Host Bert]

Not today.

[Co-host Jeff]

I was just gonna ask for Carl's feedback, that's all. All right, so dad never really asks, so you don't have to really reveal that too much. You get the diamond rings that were supposed to be for your mom. Are you gonna actually wear those things?

[Co-host Candace]

Earrings?

[Caller Shelly]

Yeah, I'm wearing them now.

[Caller Tracy]

They're beautiful. Like, why don't you think.

[Host Bert]

Don't you think maybe what your mom should have done is return them to him and say, we, you know, I don't want these.

[Caller Tracy]

Oh, I don't know.

[Caller Shelly]

But.

[Co-host Candace]

Well, no, she had to pay off her daughter to keep quiet.

[Caller Shelly]

Oh, no, it's not like that at all.

[Co-host Jeff]

That wasn't feedback. She was talking to Jeff.

[Co-host Candace]

Okay. Oh, yeah, I was clarifying Jeff.

[Co-host Jeff]

So she breaks up with him, and relationship is now over, and everybody's fine.

[Caller Tracy]

Yeah.

[Caller Shelly]

And everything turned out, you know, for the best, I think.

[Host Bert]

How are you gonna. How are you gonna break up with your black friend?

[Co-host Jen]

You said that in a couple weeks, you just tell your dad that y' all broke up.

[Host Bert]

You just drifted apart.

[Caller Shelly]

Yeah, my mom will just tell him, and I'll just tell him in a couple weeks that we, you know, broke up.

[Host Bert]

If you go home and act really broken up, like. And cry and stuff, maybe your dad will feel bad for you and buy you some more jewelry like your dad. Your dad. Not the guy who slept with your mom. Your real dad.

[Caller Tracy]

Right.

[Caller Shelly]

All right, guys, well, I'm gonna go and, you know, this is it, though. But thanks for, you know, giving me advice initially.

[Co-host Jeff]

Pleasure.

[Caller Tracy]

All right.

[Co-host Jen]

Oh, my God. Like, she's wearing.

[Co-host Jeff]

We still went there the last time we saw her.

[Co-host Jen]

She's wearing the diamond earrings from the man her mother screwed around on her father with. What is wrong with her?

[Co-host Candace]

What's weird is that when we first.

[Co-host Jeff]

What is right with her?

[Co-host Jen]

Because her father's gonna find out, and then when all these lies come, you know, I don't know. Whatever.

[Co-host Candace]

What's weird is that when we first talked to her, she sounded so upset by the whole thing, and then by the second time, she had kicked into, like, defense mode.

[Co-host Jen]

Yeah. Like callous. Like, defense mode or something.

[Co-host Candace]

And she stayed in that mode ever since.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's ridiculous. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller CB]

Good morning.

[Host Bert]

Good morning. How are you?

[Caller Tracy]

Good.

[Caller CB]

How are you?

[Co-host Candace]

Okay, thanks for finishing my sentence.

[Caller CB]

Calling to talk about Sally. Sally is in denial mode. That's what she's in.

[Caller Tracy]

She didn't.

[Caller CB]

Kelly, Sally, whoever. She's in denial mode. She did not tell her friend why she's taking that picture. I'm black. There's no way. If my white girlfriend had came to me and said, you know what? I need you to take a picture with me because of such, I would have slapped her and said, you know what? Don't call me anymore. First of all, I have three biracial children. There's no way. No way. My son was in the car the first time she called. He's like, she's crazy. He's 11. He's like, she's crazy. What was wrong with her? I was like, jared, I can't explain that to you.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, that's why I wanted to get intern Carl in here, because that part of the whole thing seems a little unbelievable to me.

[Caller CB]

There's no way she told anybody why she was taking a picture with them.

[Co-host Jeff]

Right.

[Caller Holly]

Like that.

[Co-host Jeff]

I don't believe it either. No way. No chance.

[Co-host Jen]

And then all this. Yeah, she conveniently didn't have to show the pictures on top of it. So she may have even taken a picture.

[Caller CB]

Good job. Bad, bad, bad acting. But y' all have a good day.

[Host Bert]

She was so mad. She lost her words. She's like, good job, bad person.

[Co-host Jeff]

I honestly, going into that call with Shelly, I didn't even care. She lost me at the whole racism thing. She really did.

[Co-host Candace]

All of a sudden, just got so superficial. Just on the surface, save it at any cost. I don't care about anything else.

[Co-host Jeff]

Just save the relationship.

[Co-host Jen]

Everything's back to normal in her mind. She thinks her parents are back to the way they were and her family's all tidied up.

[Host Bert]

The bird show.