Full Show PT 1: Friday, July 3 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, July 3 [Vault]

Date: July 3, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast
Summary by Segment with Timestamps

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Overview

This edition of The Bert Show dives into classic morning show territory: neighborhood mysteries, outrageous wedding antics, and raw, real talk about personal journeys. The cast brings their signature humor and warmth to listener drama, wedding dress races, fertility journeys, and more. The tone is fast and playful, with heartfelt moments and running gags.

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Neighborhood Mystery: The Man Visiting the Townhouse

[01:01 – 10:16]

Key Points:

• Listener Whitney called in about a suspicious man stopping at her townhouse complex every weekday morning.
  • The man spends five minutes each day at a particular, seemingly unoccupied townhouse.
• The Bert Show and listeners offered theories:
  • Drug dealer?
  • Visiting a mistress?
  • Using the bathroom?
  • Feeding neighborhood pets?
• Frankie from Promotions was dispatched to investigate:
  • Frankie confronted the man, who claimed to live in the neighborhood and was unsure about houses for sale.
  • Frankie noticed a realtor lock box on the doorknob of the visited townhouse.
  • The real estate agent claimed the man was feeding feral cats.
    • Frankie is skeptical, having seen no cats, no food bowls, and no sign of actual feeding.
• Co-hosts and listeners question the real estate agent’s explanation, theorizing possible deceit or a cover-up.

Notable Quotes:

• Burt, on the prevalence of wild theories:
  “People had theories. Theories are flying. Oh, he’s a drug dealer... visiting his mistress... or he just uses that bathroom.” [01:15]
• Frankie, on investigating:
  “I just pretended I was out looking at the front of the houses... I waited till he walked around the house... I confronted him and talked to him...” [02:41]
• Burt, skeptical:
  “He feeds cats? Come on.” [04:54]
• Frankie’s frustration:
  “I spent too much time for him to be a feral cat feeder.” [09:25]
• Listener Michelle's take:
  “I don’t believe her, but I don’t think she’s doing it in cahoots... she’s got stake in this place because she wants to try and sell it.” [09:41]

Segment Tone:

Suspenseful, humorous, skeptical. The crew relishes the role of amateur sleuths and leans into playful speculation.

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“Running of the Brides” at Filene’s Basement

[11:20 – 18:11]

Key Points:

• Joanna (Phone Screener) is preparing for her wedding and earns early entry to the famous “Running of the Brides” wedding dress sale by completing a series of on-air challenges:
  • Waking up photo
  • On-air stand-up comedy
  • Embarrassing childhood photo selection by her brothers
  • “iPod Okie” (singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston, live in-store)
• Joanna’s performance is spirited (if vocally risky), and she earns her coveted early entry.
• Listeners share the challenge of buying a last-minute wedding dress for a surprise Vegas wedding.

Notable Quotes:

• Burt, introducing the stakes:
  “It’s a big deal for a bride to be here... women line up as early as 8am on Thursday to get in on Friday, full 24 hours in advance.” [11:52]
• Joanna, after singing:
  (joking after a dramatic performance) “I could [find a new maid of honor].” [16:57]

Memorable Moment:

• Joanna’s live rendition of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” to the embarrassment and delight of the cast and crowd – “Here we go. Big note, big note.” [15:43]

Segment Tone:

Fun, high-energy, supportive, slightly chaotic.

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The “Surprise Vegas Wedding” Plan

[17:05 – 22:08]

Key Points:

• Listener Janine calls in to find out if wedding dresses are still available at Filene’s Basement late in the day.
  • She’s planning to fly with her mom and sister to Vegas and surprise her sister's fiancé with an impromptu wedding the very next day.
• The cast debates the moral and emotional implications:
  • Is it fair to “ambush” the groom?
  • The fiancé is described as reluctant to set a date, has family issues, and seems likely to go along with the surprise.

Notable Quotes:

• Burt, on the fiancé’s lack of choice:
  “He’s going, it’s going to happen... you’re putting him in a situation where he can’t say, ‘I don’t want to do this.’” [19:40–20:00]
• Melissa on the couple’s rationale:
  “I think he’ll be real happy. It’s probably just going to be a relief that it’s over with.” [19:16]

Segment Tone:

Playful but probing; cast is supportive but pushes on ethical angles.

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Cassie’s IVF and Egg Freezing Journey

[22:45 – 30:54]

Key Points:

• Co-host Cassie blogs about and reveals on-air her experience with IVF and freezing embryos (not just eggs) due to being older than her partner and being a kidney transplant recipient.
  • The process:
    • Hormone regulation via birth control
    • Daily injections in the stomach
    • Mixing and administering hormone cocktails
    • Undergoing an egg retrieval procedure under anesthesia
  • Decision to use a known sperm donor (couple, not just individual) rather than an impersonal sperm bank.
  • Emotional and financial toll discussed – cost, logistics, and the strange feeling of “playing God.”
• Bert and Jeff interject with signature offbeat banter but remain supportive.

Notable Quotes:

• Cassie, on the sperm donor process:
  “It just was weird... you order from a catalog: eyes, hair, height... We didn’t have a good experience with that sperm bank." [24:45]
• Cassie, on the upcoming procedure:
  “So by the end of next week I will be a mother to ice cubes.” [29:32]
• Cassie, on the financial realities:
  “It’s expensive too... insurance doesn’t cover it. But if a man wanted a little blue pill he could have insurance.” [29:57]

Memorable Moment:

• Cassie’s candor about vulnerability and comedy in the face of medical science:
  “So I’m currently shooting my stomach and about to release like anywhere from 10–20 [eggs].” [30:34]

Segment Tone:

Raw, honest, informative — balanced with the show’s trademark ribbing.

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The Maid(s) of Honor Showdown

[31:28 – 40:35]

Key Points:

• Bride Joy shows up at 5am (the day before) with 11 of her 12 bridesmaids and two maids of honor (“Stephanie” and “Marie”).
• The Bert Show puts Joy on the spot:
  • She can go in early to the dress sale but can only bring one maid of honor.
  • Stephanie and Marie must “pitch” why they deserve the honor.
    • Stephanie takes the “history/loyalty” angle.
    • Marie highlights her fashion sense and emotional moments.
  • Joy is visibly torn, emotional, and nearly in tears as the show presses her for a decision, dragging out the tension.
  • In the end, both are invited in — everyone shares a big, cathartic laugh.

Notable Quotes:

• Burt, about the emotional stakes:
  “For the rest of her life, she’s gonna remember who helped her pick out her wedding gown.” [34:29]
• Joy, forced to pick:
  “Can I choose neither? Because I hate this.” [37:37]
• Burt, about the decision:
  “We are only on the air until 10 o’clock. I’m sorry.” [39:42]
• (After the suspense, all are let in):
  “That was so mean. You all can go in. Seriously, all three of you go.” [40:13]

Segment Tone:

Teasing, emotional, a little mean-spirited at times — but ultimately heartfelt and inclusive.

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Structure Wrap

Throughout, the episode alternates between high-energy hijinks, community-building, and deeper personal stories. Listeners and cast become co-conspirators in the fun, and even the most embarrassing or awkward moments are treated with warmth and solidarity.

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Final Takeaways

• Neighborhood Mystery: The crew is determined to get to the bottom of the “suspicious man,” with official stakeouts and escalating gags. “Feral cat feeding” is not a satisfying answer for anyone… yet.
• Wedding Mayhem: Whether crashing Vegas or racing for a $10,000 dress, The Bert Show makes wedding stress fun and communal.
• Real Talk on Fertility: Cassie’s IVF story highlights the show’s willingness to blend humor and heartfelt support.
• Classic Bert Show Antics: From on-air singing dares to emotional friend showdowns, the tone blends mischief and empathy.

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For listeners who missed this episode:
You’ll come away entertained, feeling like you’re part of a friend group who challenges, supports, and teases each other through life’s mysteries, milestones, and mayhem.

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Timestamps Quick Reference

• Neighborhood Mystery: 01:01 – 10:16
• Running of the Brides: 11:20 – 18:11
• Surprise Vegas Wedding Call: 17:05 – 22:08
• Cassie’s IVF/Fertility Story: 22:45 – 30:54
• Maid(s) of Honor Showdown: 31:28 – 40:35

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Show Host]

The Burt Show.

[Burt]

All right, Whitney is on with us. Whitney needs to be on the voice disguise. So, Burt, I kid you not. We get multiple calls every hour. What is going on with the town?

[Co-host]

Yeah, this thing got intriguing pretty quickly.

[Burt]

And it started like two weeks ago, right? Something like that.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Burt]

It started when Whitney called us and said that there's a guy kind of pulling up behind her townhome. She lives in a community with a bunch of houses, obviously. He pulls up near her townhome and. And then walks down to a different townhouse and spends five minutes there and then leaves. He does this at the same exact time every single day, Monday through Friday. And she had no idea why. So she called us for the segment that we do that's called I'm just curious. She wants to know if we could do some research. And people, I mean, people had theories. Theories are flying. Oh, he's a drug dealer and that's where he drops off his drugs. Oh, he's visiting his mistress. Oh, he's just a man and he's very regular. So he uses that bathroom every day. Taking care of a cat, everything. Like feeding the pets, doing this, doing that. So we had a million theories, but we couldn't. I mean, the only thing we really could do is confront the guy, which Frankie from our promotions department did. And we thank you for that, Frankie.

[Frankie]

Sure, no problem.

[Burt]

And from that, basically all he got out of it was that the guy said the house wasn't for sale. Right.

[Co-host]

So you actually talked to the dude and he initially says, he said that

[Frankie]

he did live in the neighborhood and that the. That he thought there were some houses for sale, but wasn't quite sure which one. So which led to that he wasn't a real estate agent.

[Co-host 2]

And so why did he offer that information? How did the exchange go down?

[Frankie]

I just pretended I was out looking at the front of the houses. So I waited. I saw him park. I waited till he walked around the house, and then just walked around the front of the house looking creepy myself, actually. You know, so I tried to do my best, but. And then he came out, and then I confronted him and talked to him, and, you know, that's the way it went down. And so after that, I went on the. I went with my sister at night for a stakeout. And just so you know right there,

[Burt]

you heard him, right? He went on a stakeout.

[Frankie]

I did.

[Burt]

And now the way you're forgetting that one detail that you forgot that was most intriguing about your conversation with that dude is he has the conversation, and the guy says, yeah, I don't think there's any houses for sale. I don't know. There might be. Well, Frankie walks around to the other side of the house, and on the doorknob is a realtor's lock.

[Wendy]

Keybox.

[Burt]

Lock box, Right? So the guy's like, I don't know. But the house that he's visiting is secured with the realtor's lock box, and

[Co-host]

he's going in it every single day from a different entrance, but he's been going in every day.

[Spinquest Announcer]

Weird.

[Burt]

Okay, so Frankie. So now we're up to Frankie's stakeout.

[Frankie]

Okay, but here's. Here's the weird part. Like, I don't. I'm not really sure if he actually goes in the house, because the way Whitney's house is, is you can't really see if he goes inside the house. You just see that he walks behind the houses. Okay, so I went and got the real estate agent's name, and I called her, and real nice lady, and she was like, oh, are you talking about the guy in the silver BMW? I was like, yeah, that's him.

[Burt]

She's like, now, how did that conversation go? Did you tell her that you're with calling from the bird show?

[Frankie]

No. First I called and asked about the house, and then she said, we just took it off the market today because of some other townhomes down the street. They're waiting for them to sell out.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Frankie]

So. And then I asked her. Then I said, you know, I'm calling for a friend who lives in the Neighborhood and sees this guy every morning. And we're just wondering, you know, what the deal is with that. And she said that, you know. Are you talking about the guy with the silver BMW? I'm like, yeah. And she said, you know, I think he goes behind the house and feeds the feral cats.

[Burt]

No, he does. And he deals drugs.

[Frankie]

Oh, he's a serial feral cat feeder.

[Burt]

Come on.

[Co-host]

That's it.

[Co-host 2]

Really?

[Burt]

He feeds cats?

[Frankie]

I really. I don't believe it. She said she was gonna ask him straight out. And when I walked behind the house the first time, when I was.

[Burt]

Did you explain to her that we've been doing this on the radio for two weeks?

[Melissa]

No.

[Frankie]

No, I did not. She doesn't know anything about it.

[Burt]

Okay, well, you're gonna need to tell her to come up.

[Co-host]

Have we established if anybody lives in the house?

[Frankie]

Nobody lives in the house. The real estate agent owns the house,

[Co-host]

so he's going randomly and filling up a bowl of cat food for random cats in the neighborhood.

[Frankie]

Now, I've walked around the back of the house, and I have not seen any bowl or any cat food or anything like that. And when I walk behind the house to see, the first time I saw him walk, I did not see him down anywhere. So I'm not buying it.

[Narrator]

See?

[Jeff]

And look, if you have to keep

[Burt]

it going until we got a better story.

[Jeff]

If you've ever dealt with stray cats, and if he's actually feeding stray cats, then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and it is a hoard of cats that will show up. And so if there's no evidence of any bowls and there's no evidence of any cats, then you didn't see any

[Co-host 2]

cats when you did your stakeout.

[Frankie]

No cats at all.

[Jeff]

Yeah, and you wouldn't.

[Co-host]

Whitney has never seen him carrying cat food under his arm or never carries a cat food or anything. So that's crap.

[Wendy]

Maybe he's in his pockets that he wears.

[Jeff]

But I just think that you would see. I mean, cats will gather where there's food, and you would see cats. You would see cats there. Why he was feeding them.

[Co-host]

Why did he adopt that neighborhood to feed, like, stray cat?

[Burt]

Makes sense, if I'm not mistaken. Whitney, are you there?

[Whitney]

Yes.

[Burt]

Okay, If I'm not mistaken, Whitney did fill us in on a detail that that car does. The owner of that car lives nearby, so it's not like he picked a random neighborhood out of nowhere. He does live nearby the house.

[Frankie]

He lives on the other side of the fence.

[Burt]

Okay, so weird. Whitney, do you have anything to add

[Melissa]

to this, I just think it's weird because I don't see random cats around here.

[Whitney]

Like.

[Burt]

And I do agree with Melissa, because

[Co-host 2]

why would the real estate lady make up something for this guy?

[Frankie]

See, that's. That's. That's where the mystery comes in.

[Co-host]

What if the real estate agent. The real estate agent and the dude, the strange dude are having sex for five minutes every day?

[Co-host 2]

They're in cahoots together somehow, if she was making up an excuse for it.

[Frankie]

I agree. I agree. Which is why I want to find out what's in the house.

[Burt]

So what's your next step? Investigator.

[Frankie]

I think I'm gonna dress up in a cat uniform, come out of the woods. Meow.

[Co-host]

I mean, at this point, can Frankie just go up to the guy and go, look here and tell the truth? Here's the deal.

[Burt]

No, because what if it's shady? What if it's dangerous?

[Jeff]

Yeah, that might put Frankie in danger.

[Frankie]

The real estate agent. Oh, I'm not in danger, but the real estate agent did.

[Co-host 2]

A little.

[Co-host]

Dude, you can take this guy.

[Frankie]

No, I mean, he's tall, but he's skinny.

[Co-host]

You got him. You got this leg whip this.

[Frankie]

Yeah, just go for the ankles. Go for the ankles. The real estate agent did say that she was. She was trying to make excuses for. For who the guy was. So that's what it seemed.

[Burt]

So you were thrown off by the conversation. Seemed odd to you?

[Co-host]

The covering of who this dude is now from the real estate agent is the next piece of it.

[Bretzky]

Weird, man.

[Co-host 2]

Now the whole city is just curious.

[Frankie]

And she did ask who my friend was that was asking about it, and I was like, she'd rather remain anonymous.

[Burt]

So, yeah, now I think what the obvious next step is to look for a set of numbers, like the lost numbers. 4, 8, 15, whatever that set of numbers is. Or a hatch or a polar bear.

[Co-host 2]

That's it.

[Burt]

Because that's the plane crash. That's the road that we're headed.

[Co-host]

We're listening to this, and I don't feel like we're any closer to knowing who this guy is than we were.

[Frankie]

We're a lot closer if you think about it. I mean, at least we know some things.

[Burt]

Hey, we'll find out the rest. Can we? You gotta set up a camera.

[Joy]

Ooh.

[Burt]

You've gotta set up a camera and just put it where he walks so nobody has to be there. And just film and see what he does. That's the next step.

[Frankie]

Can I still do the cat uniform?

[Burt]

If you want, Frankie, if you already have the uniform.

[Jeff]

That's your thing.

[Burt]

Is that why you keep rubbing up against my leg?

[Melissa]

No.

[Burt]

Is that why he just did the figure eights underneath Wendy's legs, just back and forth and rubbing up against him? Frankie, we do appreciate your effort, and we do admire your tenacity. And this will not end till you have the answers.

[Frankie]

Absolutely. I enjoy it.

[Burt]

And not only the truth and honest answers, but the answers you like.

[Jeff]

Choose your own ending.

[Burt]

If he's feeding stray cats, that's not enough of a story for Frankie.

[Frankie]

No, I spent too much time for him to be a feral cat feeder.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Give us some answers, man.

[Burt]

All right, Whitney, we will. We'll keep you posted if we find anything else, okay?

[Melissa]

Okay, thank you.

[Burt]

All right, people are calling up now they don't believe. Hey, Michelle.

[Melissa]

Hey.

[Mom]

Yeah.

[Burt]

You don't believe the real estate lady either?

[Whitney]

Well, I don't believe her, but I don't think she's doing it, like in cahoots with the guy because I think she's just trying to cover her own. But if she goes, I don't know what he's doing there. You know, she looks like a. And she's obviously got stake in this place because she wants to try and sell it at some point.

[Co-host]

That's exactly right. Yeah. She's the real estate agent on it, so she's getting a percentage. So it. It's to her benefit that she doesn't tell anybody that there's a really freaky guy that shows up every single day. Yeah.

[Burt]

All right, well, no worries, everybody. Frankie is on it. The bird show is now really curious.

[Co-host 2]

Weird.

[Show Host]

The bird show.

[Co-host 2]

Hey, everybody.

[Lady Luck]

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[Frankie]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

[Show Host]

The Burt show.

[Burt]

Joanna is our Phone screener. And she is a very good sport. So far this week, you've done very well. Golf clap for Joanna.

[Wendy]

Great job, Joanna.

[Burt]

Joanna, moments after she got engaged, called all of us on the show and said, what do I have to do to get into Filenes early? When's running the brides? I gotta be there. I gotta be there. And she's been desperately looking for a wedding dress. I mean, I think. Did you leave your actual proposal to go to a wedding?

[Joanna]

Yeah, I already had all my bridesmaids

[Jeff]

ready in the car.

[Joanna]

Yeah, they're in the bed of the truck. And we took off.

[Burt]

So it's a big deal for a bride to be here. That's why, you know, women line up as early as 8am on Thursday to get in on Friday, full 24 hours in advance. They camp out in. Joanna wanted to cash in on the perks of the bird show and get in early.

[Jeff]

Well, and also, I mean, it really affects your wedding budget because if you can get a $10,000 dress for hundreds of dollars, then you have more room to, you know, do other things for your wedding.

[Joanna]

Right.

[Burt]

So. And that's the whole purpose of Filene's Basement. We do want to remind people there is a running at 8 o', clock, but the dresses are here all day, all day long. And there's thousands.

[Co-host 2]

So many of them. Yeah. And they're in all different sort of styles and shapes and sizes and designers and that kind of thing. So even if you go to a bridal boutique place to try on dresses, there's not going to be this many available. So. But it is only today at Feinleene's basement. Goes all day long. But it is just today.

[Burt]

So on Monday, I gave Joanna her first challenge.

[Jeff]

Yep.

[Burt]

And that was to take a picture of herself within a few seconds of waking up and post it on our website. And on Tuesday, she did that.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And then I gave her her next challenge, which is do three minutes of original comedy, stand up comedy on the radio, which she did that very successfully.

[Burt]

She did that well.

[Co-host 2]

And then I gave her the challenge of letting her brothers, her two brothers, pick out childhood pictures of her that we got to put up online. They were very cute.

[Joanna]

Thank you. Yeah, they did a good job.

[Bretzky]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Metal mouth.

[Burt]

They could have ruined. They could have tortured you and they didn't.

[Co-host 2]

They were nice.

[Jeff]

Metal mouth.

[Burt]

And then Wendy gave her her final challenge yesterday.

[Wendy]

Yeah, it's something that we do usually around American Idol season. It's called Ipod Okie, where you literally just have the earbuds. From an iPhone. And you sing to the song. You can't hear what you sound like, but everybody in line at Filene's basement on the air is are gonna see you and hear you. But the thing is, Bert got to pick the song. I had no choosing in the song, so I have no idea what you're gonna say.

[Jeff]

So she's saying, I'm not responsible is what she said.

[Wendy]

I'm not responsible.

[Jeff]

She said, I'm gonna make you sing, but burst them on.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Burt]

This could be the worst one, because you know that it's happening in public and in front of a lot of people, and we've all done this.

[Co-host 2]

I think you should stand up here on the stage.

[Mom]

Really?

[Co-host 2]

Come on up.

[Jeff]

And while Joanna's coming up here. What I put. Okie.

[Co-host 2]

I feel like I'm in my sorority. I'm hazing again.

[Jeff]

Right, right. You've heard people with headphones on that are singing a song that they're listening to in their headphones. And what they may be thinking they're singing is not actually what you hear. So it's. You're hearing the acapella version, and that's basically what Joanna's doing. She's going to hear a song in her earphones, then she's going to sing what she's hearing. But all we hear is Joanna's beautiful voice.

[Burt]

So Tracy right now is setting Joanna up with the ipod headphones.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Burt]

Tracy has the song queued up on her iPhone, and Bert sent over the lyrics. Nobody has seen these yet.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Co-host]

This is.

[Burt]

The only people who know are Bert and Tracy. Even though it's Wendy's challenge, I have no idea. We're all hearing it for the first time.

[Wendy]

I do not have a hand in this.

[Co-host 2]

Okay, Joanna, are you ready to swoon us with your talents while you are singing?

[Jeff]

What is it?

[Co-host 2]

I will always love you.

[Jeff]

Oh, no.

[Whitney]

Whitney.

[Co-host 2]

Whitney Houston.

[Jeff]

Baby crack is whack. Stand really far away.

[Bretzky]

Wow.

[Wendy]

Oh, that's a tough one.

[Co-host 2]

Here it comes.

[Wendy]

That only sounds good in the shower.

[Jeff]

You know what? But this is for wedding dress.

[Burt]

She's working for it.

[Co-host 2]

That's right.

[Burt]

Working hard for it, I

[Jeff]

should say. I will only

[Wendy]

be in your way.

[Jeff]

So I'll go, But I know

[Marie]

I'll

[Jeff]

think of you every step of the way.

[Burt]

Here we go. Big note, big note.

[Mom]

And I.

[Jeff]

Will always love you.

[Burt]

Nicely done, Joanna.

[Jeff]

Oh, Lord, she's so good.

[Mom]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Burt]

Can somebody stop her?

[Jeff]

She's like, I got the stage now.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Frankie]

The.

[Burt]

Does she know that you don't have to you can stop

[Jeff]

hearing you. Nicely done. Joanna fulfilled all her tasks.

[Burt]

I think she earned it.

[Jeff]

Yes, absolutely. Well done, Joanna.

[Burt]

Hey, Joanna. Who's going in with you?

[Joanna]

My mom is here.

[Bluff]

Hi, Mom.

[Joanna]

My maid of honor fell asleep, so I told her she better get down here as soon as possible.

[Burt]

Or you could probably find a new maid of honor.

[Joanna]

I could.

[Burt]

I would look into that.

[Jeff]

That's true.

[Burt]

All right. Congratulations.

[Joanna]

Thank you.

[Burt]

You're welcome. Good job.

[Show Host]

The Birch Show.

[Burt]

Birch show listener Janine joins us now, and she is on her way to Filene's basement.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Burt]

For a very important reason. Hi, Janine.

[Melissa]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

[Jeff]

Good.

[Burt]

We're doing great. We're looking through the windows of Filene's basement. At 8 o', clock, we open the door and everybody charges in and there's Joanna with her beautiful wedding dress. Congratulations, Joanna. And literally hundreds of women in there. And they're starting to put them back on the racks, which I think is why you're coming down here, Jeanine.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I'm real happy to hear that because I'm actually on my way to pick up my sister right now. We need a dress for her wedding that we hope it's going to be this weekend.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Melissa]

And we didn't make it down there by 8 o', clock, so I just wanted to call and make sure that it still, you know, is even worth coming down there.

[Jeff]

Oh, my God. It's worth coming down all day long. This wedding day sale lasts throughout today. So like Jeff said, I mean, they come in for the running of the brides at 8 and take all the dresses down to. To choose their favorites. But then they put them back on the rack and there are plenty of dresses left all day long. It's just people want to come here at 8:00 clock to get. It's like first come, first serve, you know, for their style.

[Burt]

Now tell us the circumstances around needing to buy a dress on Friday that you're going to use on Saturday.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Melissa]

Oh, it's kind of crazy, actually. My sister's fiance has been real hesitant to set a date for their wedding. And he is actually in Vegas with our father this weekend for work. He works with our family business.

[Bluff]

Okay.

[Melissa]

And so we had the idea that we. We're just gonna pop on West Vegas with my mom and my sister, who's obviously the bride to be, and surprise him and get it done.

[Jeff]

Oh, my God. So they don't know. He does not know that he's getting married tomorrow in Vegas.

[Melissa]

No, he doesn't. I think he'll be surprised, excited.

[Burt]

So the agenda is to come to Fungalines today, buy the wedding dress, and then who's going to Vegas? Your sister and who else?

[Melissa]

And my mom and myself.

[Burt]

So you, your sister, your mom are getting on a last minute flight to Las Vegas and then she's gonna come home as a missus.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Joanna]

Wow.

[Co-host 2]

What do you think his reaction's gonna be?

[Melissa]

You know, I feel like it's actually probably just gonna be a relief to him that it's over with. He doesn't have to go through the whole wedding planning thing. He doesn't, you know, have to worry about any of that kind of stuff. So I think he'll be. I think he'll be real happy.

[Burt]

The. I can tell you that.

[Jeff]

Look at Jeff's body language.

[Burt]

Yeah, well, I can tell you that he's going to pretend to be real happy because you said that he works with your dad's business.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

So he works with your dad and your dad's already out there and you guys are buying last minute plane tickets and a wedding guy to go out there. He's going, it's going to happen. I just think I would be correct in saying it's gonna happen because he doesn't have a choice. It has to happen. Like he can't say you're putting him in a situation where he can't say, I don't want to do this.

[Wendy]

But what?

[Jeff]

A lot of times when couples talk about eloping to Vegas, there's always our concern about the parents not knowing or robbing the parents of the opportunity. But the bride's parents, you know, or at least her mom is on board and going out there with them. So the parents seem to potentially be on board.

[Co-host 2]

Where's his mom?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Does he have a family that would be concerned that he's getting married without them?

[Melissa]

He's not really close to his family, so we're not too worried about that.

[Co-host 2]

I don't know. I think that's a bad idea because it's his wedding too, you know.

[Burt]

Are they.

[Jeff]

He said that he didn't want his family at the wedding. When you've talked about it.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I don't think, I mean, obviously I don't know all the details, my sister's fiance, but she was saying that that's kind of one of the reasons he's been putting off making a wedding date because, you know, his parents are divorced. He's not close to either of them. He kind doesn't want to deal with

[Burt]

all the fuss and. But they are Engaged, Right. Like she is wearing a ring.

[Melissa]

Oh, yeah. They've been engaged for a while.

[Burt]

And who. And did she buy the ring for herself or did he buy it?

[Melissa]

No, no, he bought it.

[Wendy]

How long is a while engaged?

[Melissa]

They've been engaged, like, almost a year now.

[Co-host 2]

Gotcha. So it's like, it's time to go ahead and get it done.

[Wendy]

Well, I don't think ambushing is the.

[Jeff]

The right way to go about it.

[Wendy]

Maybe have a discussion before you.

[Co-host 2]

What if he comes home early and y' all miss each other?

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, my.

[Burt]

Well, does your dad know that you're coming out there?

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Burt]

And does he know that you're coming out there and you're gonna do the marriage thing?

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Burt]

So your dad.

[Jeff]

So the dad knows. It's just the groom doesn't know. Well, I mean, I encourage it because I want to talk to you on Monday.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right.

[Jeff]

But. Well, I'm trying to imagine, like, Bird, because Bird has said on the air before, I mean, there's been plenty of times he's had issues with his family and he's a product of divorce. And, you know, I'm trying to find, you know, Burt seemed to be the kind of guy that would be okay with not having family involved in his wedding. So I'm, you know, it could potentially be that grim. Would be completely okay with it. Right?

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Am I speaking out of term or.

[Burt]

It depends. I mean, it could go either way. I wish you luck. I'm glad. And I'm right there with Melissa. I think it's awesome. Thank you so much for.

[Jeff]

Absolutely. Come on down here.

[Mom]

We're here.

[Show Host]

Hey, the Bird show.

[Bluff]

What's going on, everyone? It's bluff here. And you know what's more American than America's 250th birthday? Supporting American owned companies like Spinquest, America's number one social casino with over a thousand games like live dealer blackjack and craps. They're offering new users a 30 coin package for just $10. Go to spinquest.com and sign up. Today,

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[Show Host]

The first show.

[Jeff]

So last night I posted a blog to my blog site, which is blog.melissatimes.com and it's something that I have. I'm now revealing to the world that I've been going through for the past five weeks, and that is the process of freezing my eggs. Now, I talked about this a couple years ago because Katie and I decided that we wanted to freeze my eggs 1. Because I'm older than Katie and I'm also a kidney transplant recipient. So just in case something, you know, the worst happens and I get sick again and there's something that happens where, well, if I got sick again, they wouldn't be able to go through this process with me. So we want to go ahead and have the option of having my children and going ahead and freezing the eggs.

[Co-host 2]

So this means you guys definitely want kids.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Co-host 2]

Just not right this very second.

[Jeff]

Yes, correct.

[Co-host 2]

Is that what that means? That's why you would freeze them rather than go ahead and just.

[Jeff]

That is pregnant right now? Yes, it is ivf, but it is a. It is a stunted version of. It's the first half vitro fertilization. Correct. It is the first half of it.

[Mom]

Okay.

[Jeff]

But instead of a lot, like for instance, we tease about, like, octomom is the worst case, worst case scenario where, you know, too many eggs are put in, you know, the eggs are probably put back in her. And then she got pregnant with all these babies. Right. With eight babies. That's the worst case scenario. That usually doesn't happen. But with me, instead of them putting them back into my uterus, that they are actually going to put them in the freezer.

[Co-host 2]

So they're going to be fertilized eggs.

[Jeff]

They're going to be fertilized eggs. Two years ago, we talked about freezing my eggs and the doctor said, well, you know what? Freezing eggs is experimental, but freezing embryos is not. And apparently embryos are stronger to. To endure the freezing process and the thawing process. But eggs usually are too fragile for that and may not survive the freezing process.

[Burt]

So when do you need me?

[Jeff]

So Jeff is my sperm donor.

[Burt]

Save that, save that, save that, save that.

[Jeff]

No, no, no. That's a whole other conversation about men. When you tell them that you need sperm for some reason, there's something instinctual in them, that even if they're married, even if they, whoever they are, there are not. Jeff is not the only DJ in town that offered. Let me just say that.

[Wendy]

Oh, really?

[Jeff]

So anyway. And I'm not talking about Q100. So anyway. Yes, so anyway. So yeah, so anyway. But it is neither one of those men. And that we are not disclosing to the public who. Who he is, but it is somebody we know because we've gone through the process of the sperm bank. But that's. That is. It's a bizarre. It's a bizarre thing to go through because it. We almost felt like we were playing God because it's like you order from a catalog. You order eyes and hair and height and, you know, and all that stuff. And it just was weird. But we. We went through that process and it just. We didn't have a good experience with that sperm bank. So we said, you know what? Let's just pick somebody we know. We pick somebody we know that already has a family, already has children. We've included his wife in this process. So it's them as a pair. It's not him individually. And so anyway, so we know this couple and know them for a long time and are very, you know, secure with that. Anyway, so what I was talking about last night is for the past five weeks, I've gone through hormonal. I've gone through hormone injections and. And pills and that kind of thing. And one of the reasons. One of the. See, and one of the reasons I wasn't going to talk about on air, because I knew Burton Jeff would try to egg me on, to try to either get me really mad or make me cry. So I said, I'm not. And I.

[Co-host 2]

You told.

[Jeff]

Told the fertility clinic. I said, I'm not telling the guys until we're just about done. So when we were on Parks Big Adventure, I revealed it to Jen because she was my roommate and I. The first process was to take birth control pills because they were wanting to regulate my hormones. And I have never taken birth control pills because I have never been with a man. So I never.

[Burt]

Jen takes like three of my day.

[Jeff]

I take a lot.

[Co-host 2]

I know all about it.

[Burt]

Sucks them down like M&M's.

[Co-host 2]

I'm like an expert.

[Wendy]

They're in a bowl on your coffee table.

[Jeff]

Shut up.

[Bluff]

Whatever.

[Jeff]

So I took my little packet out at Birth Week Adventure in the hotel room, and I told Jen and I said, I just, you know, I sought her advice on. Because I. I felt stupid that I. Most women know exactly what to do with birth control pills, and I didn't. So I got Jen's advice on that. It's funny.

[Co-host 2]

And I told her, I said, if you miss a couple days, don't take them all at once.

[Show Host]

No.

[Jeff]

Because that's. You will be sick as a dog. So I'm not telling you how I know. So. So I took those for three weeks, and then I started injections after that where I give myself shots. Where do you have to get the shots at? In the stomach.

[Co-host 2]

Like in your ovaries?

[Jeff]

No, just in the stomach because it's absorbed. It's absorbed faster in the stomach. So if now my mother is, you know, Most, most people, when they grow older or become diabetic, it's just, it just seems to be that's the case. And so Millie P's been diabetic now for a few years and she has to do self injections. And I've helped her with that. So I'm glad that I saw her do it and have helped her because this injection, the needle was really small and I did it. And so I've been doing that for a week.

[Wendy]

Is it painful?

[Jeff]

That one's not. But then I. Then what I've been doing this week is a cocktail of where I have to mix it myself. And again, all this is. The description is in the blog. But I have to mix it myself. And then it's a bigger needle and a bigger injection and that one stinks a little bit. So I have.

[Co-host 2]

What is it a cocktail of? Or is that too detailed?

[Jeff]

Well, it's. With a woman, you have a certain hormone that your body produces right before you have your cycle. And what I didn't realize is I always thought that the eggs aren't that called progesterone. You know, they gave it another name. Yeah, but apparently with women, I thought that your eggs were already in your ovaries and set and they just come out one at a time. But every month they grow. Every month there's the seed of one, but it does not develop until right before it's released, which I didn't know that.

[Burt]

I thought you just had a ton of tiny little chickens.

[Jeff]

That's what I thought. That's what I thought. But the reason I have to go through this process, not chickens, but you know.

[Joanna]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

So anyways, so but these, but all these hormones are to force my ovaries to develop more than one so that I have a large amount that are now growing. And then next week I will be out of the show for one day, but I don't know which day because it depends on the progress.

[Burt]

Now that's what bird said.

[Jeff]

Right. But they, but I go back in tomorrow and I'll be there at the fertility clinic every day getting blood work and getting ultrasounds done to see the progress of these eggs. And then one day next week, release

[Co-host 2]

a whole bunch of them.

[Jeff]

Release a whole bunch of them.

[Co-host 2]

Capture them like they go fishing.

[Jeff]

Exactly. And then next week, when the day that I'm out is the day that I'm getting it done, and then what they do is they take all those little eggs and then they take all this little sperm and they put them all together and then I find out how many embryos have been created and then they go in the freezer. So by the end of next week I will be a mother to ice cubes.

[Wendy]

How do they get the eggs?

[Co-host 2]

That is amazing.

[Wendy]

Is it like a surgical process?

[Jeff]

I have to go under anesthesia and they go in and they physically take them. Wow, that's crazy.

[Co-host 2]

Dude. That is so cool.

[Jeff]

Thank you for letting us follow along the whole process. So next week I will I guess technically be a mom kind of. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. But yeah. So if it takes. Because all those. Anybody who's done IVF know that there is a possibility. Possibility that I go through all this and nothing comes of it.

[Co-host 2]

And it's expensive too, isn't it?

[Jeff]

That's why it took us two years to get here is because it has taken us two years to be able to afford this. So man. Cuz insurance doesn't cover it. But if a man wanted a little blue pill he could have insurance. But that's a different story too.

[Co-host 2]

That's a different vlog.

[Jeff]

That's a whole. Yes. So anyway. So yes. So that is.

[Co-host 2]

How exciting.

[Jeff]

So I'm freezing my eggs and I next week I will have eggs in the freezer.

[Burt]

Now finally, is this the wrong time to point out that I just had flying biscuit drop off breakfast and it can a lot of eggs.

[Co-host 2]

You knew he was going to have to say come on. It's like way too adult and serious of a conversation. You knew that had to come up.

[Jeff]

That's the best you come up with is chicken. Well for the. Anyway I was going to make some kind of egg white joke or something. You know, egg joke that whatever. But anyway so yeah, so I. So I'm currently shooting my stomach and and about to release like anywhere from 1020. Thank you very much.

[Co-host 2]

Congratulations.

[Bretzky]

Get it.

[Show Host]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

Hey guys. Lady luck here.

[Lady Luck]

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[Show Host]

You're on the bird show.

[Burt]

We have to meet Joy.

[Wendy]

Joy.

[Marie]

Hello. Hello.

[Burt]

Hey, how are you?

[Mom]

Hi.

[Jeff]

What time did you.

[Burt]

What time did you get here?

[Joy]

We got here here at 5.

[Burt]

5 this morning?

[Joy]

No, 5 yesterday.

[Burt]

Oh, nicely done. And who did you bring with you to help you find a dress?

[Joy]

Well, I have 12 bridesmaids total.

[Co-host 2]

Wow.

[Joy]

And there's 11 of us here. And my mom.

[Joanna]

Hi, Mom.

[Mom]

Hey, Mom.

[Joy]

And my two maids of honor.

[Burt]

And you're two maids of honor.

[Joy]

Right.

[Co-host 2]

So why two?

[Joy]

Because I have two best friends.

[Burt]

No, you don't.

[Mom]

Really close.

[Co-host 2]

Are all three of you really close?

[Joy]

Are you guys as close? Actually, yes. Stephanie and I have been friends since the sixth grade, and Morena met in college, and then we all became friends.

[Jeff]

That's usually how it works out. You have your childhood best friend and your college best friend.

[Co-host 2]

That's true.

[Burt]

And are you 100% confident in your decision to have two maids of honor? Yes, because Tracy did that.

[Joy]

Oh, really? Yes.

[Joanna]

And I think it was the best decision I ever made.

[Jeff]

Hello, cliche, mister.

[Burt]

Do the two maids of honor think it was the best decision you ever made, or do you think that independently they may think one of they would be better than the other?

[Joanna]

I think independently, they would think that maybe one of them was more suited to be my maid of honor than the other.

[Burt]

Hypothetically. Hypothetically, had one of them said something to you, you could probably imagine how that conversation would go.

[Joanna]

Hypothetically, had both of them said something to me.

[Jeff]

But it does relieve responsibility from just being one. I mean, because I've been maid of honor before, so, I mean, you know, at least I get to split the duty.

[Co-host 2]

Now it's your ceremony. Are they going to walk down the aisle together?

[Joy]

That's. We're still ironing out those details.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Joy]

I. I'm thinking about having them walk side by side.

[Co-host 2]

Side by side is really cute. Or they could duke it out over the hottest groomsmen to walk them down.

[Wendy]

That's true.

[Joy]

We thought about doing it friend style, you know, where they have to fight to whoever stands first.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

And when is your wedding?

[Joy]

October 23rd.

[Wendy]

So it's coming up.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Joy]

That's awesome.

[Jeff]

Very cool.

[Burt]

So go ahead, Tracy.

[Joanna]

Well, I just want to know, because I had to decide who stands closest to you because they can walk down the aisle together, but inevitably, somebody's got to stand next to you.

[Jeff]

So, basically, who's your favorite? Just kidding.

[Burt]

We're going to help with that.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Burt]

Because we're willing to. Joy, we're willing to send you in early. We've got one more slot, and you can go in early and start looking for your wedding dress.

[Jeff]

Shut up. Shut up.

[Burt]

But you can only take one person with you, and it has to be one of your maids of honor. So we'll give them each up to a minute to make a pitch on why they are the better maid of honor.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's tough.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Jeff]

The truth. She'll come out.

[Burt]

Yeah. So you each. I mean, you're selling yourselves. This is important. For the rest of her life, she's gonna remember who helped her pick out her wedding gown. You have 60 seconds to make that be you. Otherwise you'll be forgotten about it.

[Jeff]

Well, this is basically so mean. This is basically what they've been telling the friends behind her.

[Burt]

Right.

[Jeff]

About why they. You know, because. Yeah, so.

[Co-host 2]

So 60 second each. And then they got to get in there. We're running out of time here.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Whitney]

Who.

[Burt]

Who wants to go first? Stephanie, who you've known since you were just tiny little kids in diapers at age 6. Or Mireille, since you were. Is that right? Mireille?

[Marie]

I'm her little sister in the sorority.

[Jeff]

She's known mean to her. Oh, it's coming out now. Which sorority? Just to give it a shout out.

[Joy]

Alpha Z Delta.

[Mom]

Hey, I'm her twin in the sorority,

[Jeff]

so I forgot to mention that.

[Co-host 2]

Getting dirty.

[Burt]

Who's going first, Stephanie or Marai?

[Mom]

I'll go first.

[Burt]

All right, Stephanie, you've known her since what? Sixth.

[Marie]

Sixth.

[Mom]

Seventh grade.

[Burt]

Seventh grade. You have 60 seconds.

[Show Host]

Go.

[Mom]

Okay. I've known you longer. You're the first person I met. You're my best friend in the whole world. I tell you everything. Think about what I do for a living, working with my clients. I'm very trustworthy. I'll be patient in there. And I can stay calm under pressure. Think about all the stuff we went through in high school. All the terrible boys that we both dated. I saw you go through so much turmoil in high school. And I saw you, Ben. And I saw you fall in love with him. And I've been there the whole way.

[Joy]

And who has been my future fiance.

[Mom]

Her wonderful fiance, I hope. Hi, Ben. And I love you.

[Jeff]

All right, all right.

[Co-host 2]

Way to go, Stephanie.

[Burt]

Stephanie. She definitely went. The longevity angle.

[Jeff]

Yes. We're dead.

[Burt]

This stuff that happens since seventh grade is nonsense. That doesn't really count. Marie still has a chance. Life counts in college.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Co-host 2]

Life starts.

[Mom]

That's right.

[Jeff]

On your own. Take a number. Hey, watch. You can remember of it.

[Burt]

All right, Marie, you've got up to 60 seconds.

[Bretzky]

All right.

[Marie]

Well, let's start. First of all, you found my wedding dress here at Running of the Brides, so I'd like to thank you for that also, let's just talk about my fashion sense. Always talk about. Just remember that in your mind, you want it to look beautiful. Also, I want you to think about the movie that we play in our heads. Joy. This is in the movie. Also. Dancing with our straighteners. Jumping on the bed. We could be jumping in our wedding dresses that I picked for you.

[Jeff]

And in our underwear.

[Melissa]

That's not allowed.

[Mom]

Sorry.

[Jeff]

Talk more about that, Jeff.

[Co-host 2]

Easy.

[Marie]

And I'm gonna find the perfect dress. I know what I. I can see it in one second. And I'll find it. And you know I will.

[Burt]

You realize it's difficult for anyone to take you seriously. Talking about fashion sense while you're wearing shamrock chick boppers. I mean, the only thing that you've got going for you is that everybody's wearing something jacked up on their head.

[Jeff]

I love it.

[Marie]

All right, now I'll find it.

[Joy]

Joy, can I choose neither? Because I hate this.

[Burt]

You have to pick one.

[Jeff]

It is never easy on the bird show. Well, we love people crying on the show. Oh, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.

[Burt]

What have we become?

[Jeff]

We're so jaded.

[Joy]

I just want to flip a coin.

[Burt]

Can't flip a coin. You heard their pitches. The pressure is on.

[Co-host 2]

You gotta pick one.

[Marie]

The worst person to make this decision ever.

[Joy]

Can I have my friends pick?

[Jeff]

You have 60 seconds, Joy, to pick this.

[Co-host 2]

You. You gotta pick one, or else you're not going in.

[Joy]

I hate this.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, she really is gonna cry.

[Joy]

I know. This is tough.

[Burt]

This is a great idea, Tracy.

[Jeff]

We're witches.

[Joy]

Not a great idea.

[Show Host]

Or.

[Burt]

Or you could pass on them both and just go in and run like you normally were going to.

[Marie]

What if we both went in together?

[Burt]

Stop changing the rules.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Jeff is not an odd who can change the rules in the middle of a game. If you have ever played with him since he was 8 years old, that's the way it goes in Jeff's world.

[Burt]

Say names.

[Joy]

Oh, I know. I'll. Whoever gets to go in with me, the other one walks first.

[Wendy]

That's a good one.

[Jeff]

Did not like that. That's fair play. Fair play.

[Marie]

What?

[Jeff]

So, like, Stephanie said that Mar could go in so that she could walk first and the wedding

[Joy]

so Marie would be next to me if I chose her. Wait, no.

[Burt]

Are you seriously comparing heights to see who's gonna stand next to you at the wedding?

[Joy]

No. Oh, is that what she's doing?

[Marie]

I know Joy so well, I already know her answer.

[Burt]

All right, Joy, we need an answer. Who's going in to you to pick out Your wedding dress right now. Just say it and get it over with like a bandaid.

[Joy]

Well, because you gave me your blessing.

[Burt]

Say it.

[Joy]

Would you rather stand next to me?

[Jeff]

We are only on the air until 10 o'. Clock. I'm sorry.

[Joy]

Okay?

[Jeff]

I'm just kidding. And the door's open at 8.

[Mom]

Okay.

[Jeff]

And your mama's looking at you.

[Joy]

Hi, Mom.

[Jeff]

Oh, she's giving that. You better make a decision, honey.

[Burt]

We don't have an answer in 10 seconds. You gotta go into the room. Five, four, three, two, one.

[Joy]

Murray.

[Marie]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right. Going in.

[Burt]

That was so mean. You all can go in. Seriously, all three of you go.

[Jeff]

All three of you guys go.

[Bretzky]

What?

[Burt]

We had three slides.

[Mom]

Yeah, all three.

[Wendy]

You guys get to go in.

[Burt]

Yeah, take your mom too. Yes.

[Jeff]

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Joy's like, oh my God. Why did you. That's going to be a conversation later. Another.

[Burt]

Uhhuh. You know what though? Still happened. She still said mar.

[Show Host]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Bretzky]

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