Full Show PT 1: Friday, June 19 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Friday, June 19 [Vault]

Episode Overview
In this lively episode of The Bert Show, the cast dives into several real-life dilemmas and trending oddities with their signature blend of humor and authenticity. The first hour covers a dramatic "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" relationship call (featuring a notorious bed-wetting incident), a deep look at the bizarre wellness fad of urine therapy, discussions on the challenges of chronic illness, and a revealing segment about servers stretching the truth for better tips. With Bert, Jen, Melissa, Wendy, and a rotating cast of callers, it's raw, unfiltered, and consistently funny.
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1. Should I Stay or Should I Go? — The Bedwetting Date Dilemma

Timestamps: 01:30 – 13:14

Summary:
Sarah calls in seeking advice after sharing an embarrassing experience: on the third date with a promising new guy, he became so inebriated he wet her bed. The group debates whether a major faux pas like this is forgivable, especially after the man attempted to make it right by buying her a new mattress.

Key Discussion Points:

• Incident recap: The mishap happened post-party after Sarah invited him to spend the night at her place.
• His reaction: He owned up to the accident, joked about it with others, and bought her a new mattress.
• Panel’s debate:
  • Some think buying the mattress earns him a second chance.
  • Others say the incident (and how common it may be for him) is a red flag.
  • Humor and embarrassment are weighed heavily.
  • Callers share similar stories and reflect on personal boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

• "You know, that's something a little kid does. No, he told me he peed in my bed and it's not just like a little pee spot. It's huge." — Sarah (02:17)
• "Did he clean it up? No, but he bought me a new mattress." — Sarah (03:35)
• "If he had not bought that mattress...hell no. But the fact that he left because he was going to get you a new mattress...he tried to make up for it." — Melissa Carter (05:23)
• "He's not an alcoholic. He's a 22-year-old." — Jen (06:33)
• "Some things you just can't get over." — Bert (05:13)

Memorable Moments:

• The cast humorously speculates about getting new furniture every time he visits.
• Listeners weigh in on whether a "courtesy date" is justified after a new mattress purchase.

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2. Chronic Illness, Ear Infections & Life with a Medical Dream Team

Timestamps: 13:14 – 22:00

Summary:
Melissa Carter shares her ongoing struggles with a severe double ear infection, made more complicated by her kidney transplant and immunosuppressed state. The panel discusses how chronic illness impacts everyday life and travel plans.

Key Insights:

• Immune system suppression affects healing and infection risk.
• Even minor illnesses can become major issues for those with chronic ailments.
• Travel considerations are different when facing serious medical constraints.

Panel Banter:

• Jen and Wendy tease Melissa’s "McDreamy" doctor, while acknowledging medical realities.
• The group jokes about alternatives to flying (road trips, Greyhound, etc.) to avoid Melissa’s eardrums "exploding."
• Callers and listeners offer folk remedies and stories of getting eardrums cut.

Notable Quotes:

• "I've been battling an ear infection in both ears since around New Year…And I couldn't hear at all." — Melissa Carter (13:19)
• "If you promise never to talk about that around me again, not only will I drive you down there, I will pay for the gas both ways." — Jen (21:21)

Memorable Moments:

• Listener stories about busting eardrums on planes.
• Homemade health advice (garlic in the ear, E3 oil) is gently rebuffed by Melissa.

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3. Urine Therapy: Exploring a Bizarre Wellness Trend

Timestamps: 23:39 – 37:02

Summary:
The table turns from medical drama to medical oddity as Jen introduces her friend Selden, who’s researching the fringe practice of “urine therapy” (drinking one’s own urine for supposed health and beauty benefits). The discussion goes from incredulity to intrigue, with insights from callers and a registered nurse.

Key Discussion Points:

• Selden explains what urine therapy is: “a vital source for nutrients, vitamins and hormones," and claims it's an old hippie/alternative health practice (24:17).
• Discussion of methods (the "midstream morning pee" is best; some put it in shakes).
• Multiple cultural references: practiced in India, by some athletes and models, and throughout history.
• The science: Is urine actually beneficial to ingest? Nurse caller explains possible health risks, especially for those with kidney issues, and urges caution.

Notable Quotes:

• "What is it, by the way? Just for the record, I'm not drinking my own pee." — Selden (24:17)
• "Apparently it's the first stream in the morning that's the most nutritional." — Selden (25:13)
• "My skin is clear. It's great for starting off your metabolism in the morning...I've been doing it for at least two years now." — Jessica, a caller who practices urine therapy (33:29)
• "If your kidneys aren't functioning properly, those toxins...it’s just going to build up...So, I mean, it’s mostly water, and whatever your body didn’t keep. But I’m not doing it. This nurse is not drinking anybody’s urine or her own." — Andrea, RN (35:43)

Memorable Moments:

• Hilarious lines about “Pam’s pee” (Melissa’s kidney donor).
• Indian caller Reshma explains it as a home remedy and long-standing tradition in her family’s culture (29:53).
• Group debates if it’s harmless, placebo, or potentially risky.

---

4. The Truth (and Lies) Behind Server Stories & Sympathy Tips

Timestamps: 38:44 – 48:02

Summary:
Jen kicks off a frank discussion on servers “stretching the truth” to get better tips, prompted by an honest admission from Joanna, a bartender. The team and callers confess to fibbing about life situations—for sympathy and financial gain.

Key Discussion Points:

• Joanna shares her tactic: gently allowing bar patrons to assume her military boyfriend is deployed for extra sympathy tips, without explicitly lying (41:10).
• Other servers call in about using stories of not seeing family, medical hardships, or employer mistreatment to boost tips.
• Discussions about whether these “white lies” are harmless hustling or ethically problematic.
• A military wife calls in to highlight actual safety concerns with sharing personal details, even in jest.

Notable Quotes:

• “It’s not scamming at all…I realized that he assumed Jason was deployed, and I felt like because Jason was deployed, maybe this guy felt bad...so from here on out…I led them to believe.” — Joanna (41:07)
• “Have you ever been to Columbus? Anybody?…It’s pretty much going on.” — Melissa Carter (42:44)
• “That happens to us all the time. I’m a military wife...when they assume that he’s gone, for me, he really is gone most of the time.” — Caller Mandy (44:23)
• “Sympathy tips…if I could put an extra dollar in my pocket…” — Caller Brianna (47:33)
• “What we’re learning is the waitstaff, bartenders—all con artists.” — Melissa Carter (46:34)

Memorable Moments:

• Collective laughter about what counts as a “war zone” and serving in Columbus, Georgia.
• Callers unrepentantly celebrate hustle—and a new pair of shoes.

---

Tone & Style

The Bert Show’s signature is openly conversational, self-deprecating, and unfiltered—making light of life’s quirks while giving space to real dilemmas. The hosts balance teasing with empathy, and encourage candid, often hilarious stories from both themselves and their listeners. The callers are as much a part of the show’s punchlines and lessons as the cast.

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Quick Reference Timestamps

• Relationship Dilemma & Bedwetting: 01:30–13:14
• Chronic Illness & Ear Infection Struggles: 13:14–22:00
• Urine Therapy Discussion: 23:39–37:02
• Servers Sharing ‘Sympathy’ Stories for Tips: 38:44–48:02

---

For laughs, uncomfortable truths, and weird-but-true stories, this episode delivers classic Bert Show energy—no morning commute required.

Transcript

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[Host (Bert)]

The Birch Show Sarah wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Sarah.

[Sarah]

Hey.

[Host (Bert)]

So should you stay or should you go? We just did this with Wendy a couple of minutes ago.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Host (Bert)]

So you've been dating a guy for how long now?

[Sarah]

We've been on three dates. Three dates, and they've been great. And then the last date that we went on, we went to a party afterwards and I guess he got a little too drunk and I told him he could just crash at my place. Well, I wake up the next morning, he has peed in my bed.

[Jen]

Uh.

[Caller 1]

Oh.

[Wendy]

Oh no.

[Sarah]

Peed in my bed.

[Wendy]

This is on the third date or after the third date?

[Sarah]

This is after the third date.

[Host (Bert)]

So he was totally, completely hammered. Pees in your bed?

[Sarah]

Yes, he peed in my bed.

[Caller 2]

Did he say anything when he woke up?

[Sarah]

Um, well, I woke up and I went and got ready and I came back out and he goes, you're never gonna guess what I did. And I'm thinking in my head, yeah, pee in my bed, whatever. You know, that's something a little kid does. No, he told me he peed in my bed and it's not just like a little pee spot.

[Jessica]

It's huge.

[Melissa Carter]

Did he clean it up?

[Sarah]

No. Well, I had to leave and go to work, and he came back later that afternoon, and my son had to drag him into my bedroom to see the mess that he had made.

[Host (Bert)]

All right. 404741. Q100. Wendy, the. Should she stay or should she go?

[Caller 2]

Yeah. No. Yes, go. Because if he gets drunk again, it's just gonna happen again. And I'm assuming he'd probably stay a couple more nights if y' all ever became anything. So this is an occurrence that's gonna happen. So, yeah, go.

[Host (Bert)]

That's not the part that bothers me about this whole thing. The part that bothers me about it is the way he handled it.

[Melissa Carter]

Yes.

[Sarah]

He came back later that day, and then he ended up buying me a new mattress. He did buy me a new mattress, but he still peed in my bed.

[Host (Bert)]

The pee.

[Wendy]

He bought you a whole new mattress?

[Sarah]

Yes, he bought me a whole new mattress.

[Caller 2]

Okay, well, then that's a little different.

[Host (Bert)]

I could change things.

[Melissa Carter]

That could have been part of the answer of how did he, you know, did he clean it up? No, but he bought me a new mattress.

[Jen]

That's cleaning it up.

[Host (Bert)]

That's technically that day he went out. Buys you a new mattress.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Caller 2]

Oh, then that changes it.

[Wendy]

Wait a second now. And was he mortified? Embarrassed? I mean, was he just horrified?

[Sarah]

Well, he told people, so he must not be too embarrassed.

[Jen]

Which means if he told people that, I'm guessing it's the first. No, I think it's the first time it happened.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I don't think it's the first time it's happened.

[Jen]

Because if you're telling people and go, oh, my God, dude, you're not gonna believe what happened, that means it's a once and only. If it's something you regularly do, you ain't bragging.

[Host (Bert)]

Why do you think it's not the first time this has happened?

[Sarah]

Because I think I've heard from other people that he's done it before.

[Jen]

And the new mattress he brought was one of four that he had in the back of his car.

[Host (Bert)]

Jen, should she stay or should she go?

[Wendy]

Well, I think I do think he handled it the right way.

[Sarah]

Like, it kind of outweighs the fact that he peed in my butt, but it just doesn't take the pee away. He still peed in my bed.

[Melissa Carter]

It sounds like you made the choice.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

You're ready to go.

[Sarah]

I've gotten mixed feelings about this, and I don't Know what to do.

[Wendy]

And you didn't wake up in a pool of pee, did you?

[Sarah]

No, I thank goodness it did not get on me.

[Wendy]

No.

[Sarah]

That would have been awful.

[Jen]

You need one of those tempur pedic ones where nothing moves and it just pools right around him. He just sleeps in his own urine.

[Wendy]

Are you dating other people too?

[Sarah]

No. Is he hot at the moment?

[Host (Bert)]

Is he a really good looking dude?

[Caller 3]

He's good looking, good looking peer.

[Host (Bert)]

That's a balance of life right there.

[Wendy]

It's a pretty. It's a.

[Melissa Carter]

Are you into urine therapy?

[Wendy]

Oh, God. I can't say. I would probably not go out with him again if it were me.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Wendy]

I probably wouldn't go out with him again.

[Host (Bert)]

Some things you just can't get over. I would. I'd give him another shot. Yeah, he peed. He got drunk, he peed the bed. It's embarrassing. He's joking about it. And he went out and he got you a new mattress.

[Jen]

Yeah. One more time, I think.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. I say stay one more time. Yeah. Because if he had not bought that mattress and he left, then hell no. But the fact that he left because he was going to get you a new mattress eventually and come back with it that afternoon, I think he tried to make up for it. I still don't help it.

[Wendy]

I would look at him the same.

[Host (Bert)]

That might be yay.

[Sarah]

You know, every time that I see him. Yeah, I feel like you peeing in my bed.

[Wendy]

He handled it right. But I think that I would be like the attracted to him. Ness would be gone.

[Host (Bert)]

I could say the next time he spends the night at your house, he won't drink for four days before that

[Jen]

happens and you won't sleep a wink.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Jay, should she stay or should she go? She goes out with this guy three times, he spends the night, he pees the bed, but he goes out and he gets her new mattress.

[Caller 3]

It's a nice gesture, but she should definitely go. He is an alcoholic. He fell into a deep alky sleep and peed the bed. I dated a guy that did the same exact thing and he turned out to have a drinking problem.

[Jen]

Well, I mean, but you can't say just because a guy wets the bed means he's an alcoholic.

[Caller 3]

No, not. I mean, I'm not. I just think that's a little bit of a red flag, that's all.

[Host (Bert)]

Sarah, how old is this guy?

[Sarah]

He's 22.

[Host (Bert)]

22 years old.

[Jen]

He's not an alcoholic. He's a 22 year old.

[Caller 2]

least she needs a Courtesy date. If he bought her a mattress, we do the courtesy date.

[Melissa Carter]

Mattresses are expensive, and he's a 22 year old. That's a good gesture.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Jessica. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 3]

Hey, I just want to say that she should definitely stay. My fiance actually, on our fourth date, peed in the bed and he. It's just an issue that actually common people, when they get drunk, can't control their bladder. Unfortunately, that is an issue with him. But he peed in the bed and made up for, and now we joke about it till today. I think that she should stay.

[Jen]

Just for the record, I've had a lot to drink and I do not recall ever wetting my bed as an adult.

[Host (Bert)]

Let me ask you guys this question because this goes with sort of a conversation we had yesterday where a guy tells a woman that he's not good in bed before he sleeps with her. And we said we didn't recommend that.

[Wendy]

Not a good idea.

[Host (Bert)]

Keep it in the same vein. If you're a guy and you pee to bed when you drink, do you tell the woman that you're about to spend the night with that you're not? I just want to warn you that I might pee the bed tonight.

[Caller 4]

No.

[Wendy]

You go the hell home.

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Wendy]

You call a taxicab to take your butt home to your place.

[Melissa Carter]

You say put in your own bed

[Wendy]

in your own sheets.

[Melissa Carter]

Can I borrow some newspapers?

[Caller 4]

Why?

[Melissa Carter]

I just want to lay him down right here because I'm not potty trained.

[Sarah]

If he ever does come over, he will never, ever sleep in my bed.

[Caller 1]

Ever.

[Host (Bert)]

Do you think this is something that Shawn Wheeler could help him out with, Jen? Maybe hypnotize him?

[Jen]

You know what? If you were smart, you would get yourself a new couch out of this. A new recliner, a new rug.

[Host (Bert)]

Have him sleep all over the place.

[Jen]

Just put him in new.

[Melissa Carter]

Take advantage.

[Jen]

Yeah, I would have him sleeping in your car.

[Wendy]

Give him some tequila.

[Jen]

Hey, you want to do another shot?

[Wendy]

Another drink?

[Jen]

No, no, don't sleep in that chair. Sleep in that one over there. Thank you. That one's older. Thank you.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Melissa, should Sarah leave or should she stay or should she go? She dated a guy three times and he peed in her bed. But he did buy her new mattress.

[Caller 1]

Go.

[Jen]

Wow, thank you.

[Host (Bert)]

That's not Melissa.

[Wendy]

That was creepy when you were repeating that question, Bert, I thought, you know, we tackle the big questions.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Victoria.

[Jen]

Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Hey, good morning. Actually, I was thinking she should stay. I've been married for five years, and when I did My boyfriend. I mean, well, my husband now, when we were going out, when we would drink, I mean, he peed the bed. And we still laugh about it.

[Sarah]

I mean, she obviously likes the guy. He likes her.

[Caller 3]

It's not worse than him puking or, you know, soiling the mattress.

[Melissa Carter]

You could do what mothers do with children sometimes to embarrass them and just hang the sheet off the balcony, you know, just like the neighbors know. Just kidding.

[Host (Bert)]

Would it change your opinion if it was number two and not number one?

[Melissa Carter]

Yes.

[Sarah]

Then it's a bathroom in my bed.

[Melissa Carter]

Cause you're in a sterile.

[Jen]

Yeah, but number two, he could just knock it onto the floor and blame it on some sort of wild animal that got into the.

[Sarah]

Got into the house, stained my mattress.

[Host (Bert)]

You leave the window open? There must have been like a possum that came in here last night.

[Wendy]

Seriously, we were already bordering too gross with the urine. Can we just stop?

[Melissa Carter]

That would only work if he has little pellets.

[Wendy]

No, Melissa.

[Jen]

Depends on his diet.

[Wendy]

Don't be a dude. Do not talk about poop.

[Jen]

And really, Melissa, how do you know what possum poopy looks like?

[Melissa Carter]

I'm from Tennessee.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Paris. Good morning.

[Jen]

You're on Q100 before dinner.

[Melissa Carter]

That's supper, honey.

[Host (Bert)]

We'd love to get to Paris. Hey, Paris.

[Caller 1]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host (Bert)]

Okay. How are you? Or not.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, hello.

[Jen]

Yeah, you're up.

[Caller 1]

Okay, listen, I think the guy should stay alive. My, the guy is a good looking guy and she likes her and she loves her and she love him and then the guy, since the guy bought a mattress. And I think that she should buy him diaper.

[Jen]

Thanks, man. That you said that in an accent makes it so much more funny. And I think you should buy him diaper.

[Host (Bert)]

You got like 50. 50 there. As we do every time we do something like this on the show. You may not be able to get over the visual though. Yeah, I just.

[Sarah]

I don't know if I can look at him the same anymore.

[Jen]

I am so. I've never been more aware of the waste of $50,000 on my college tuition that my parents did than I am at this moment right here. Possum poop. Buy him a diaper.

[Melissa Carter]

Don't mess with Zohan on the phone.

[Jen]

The Birch Show.

[Caller 4]

Hey, everybody.

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[Host (Bert)]

The Birch show so Melissa Carter has been sick the last couple of weeks, although the last couple of days she seems okay.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying to feel better. I'm not 100% and it's frustrating because I have been battling an ear infection in both ears since around New Year. So you know, I've told before about how I'm a kidney transplant recipient. One of the things about that is I have a low immune system and so a lot of times, you know, when I get a cold, it's just a cold and it's fine and no problem. And then sometimes if it's a cold, depending on what's going on, then something piggybacks on top of it and becomes worse. So this started out as laryngitis and turned into, I mean, where my ears were completely blocked. Inner ear infection, not an outer ear infection. And I couldn't hear at all. And I'm at the point now where I hear better. But like if you had a visual in the studio, most DJs you see have like big thick headphones on their ears. You've seen them, you know, on TV or something. And I have these little earbuds in my ears because I still can't wear the big earphones because it puts pressure around my ear and it just doesn't help because, you know, if you have an ear infection, it's not just your ear, but it's the tubes that run from your ears anyway. Blah. So I've been. And one of the things when you have a chronic illness is you anytime something. You know, the nice thing about having a chronic illness is you have a team of doctors, as one person called it, a dream team of doctors that are on you all the time. So my kidney doctor, you know, is, you know, always there. And you know, I see him often.

[Host (Bert)]

Is this the good looking one that Jen is always drooling?

[Melissa Carter]

Wendy and Jen have a crush on.

[Caller 2]

He is smoking.

[Melissa Carter]

We need to give him like a McDreamy name or McSteamy or Mc something. And so anyway, so yeah, he's a good looking doctor, but he's a. And he's also very smart and talented doctor. And.

[Wendy]

And he's also very married.

[Melissa Carter]

And he's very married to a very beautiful woman. And so, so he. So he's always monitoring me. But if something else happens, then we bring other specialists in. And so this is ear, nose and throat doctor time coming in. And so I've been going to see him and one of the things that was, I was so sick, I was on the couch for like two weeks in, you know, the beginning of the last month in January, still trying to feel better. But I had a checkup on Friday and so I went to my ENT and he looked in one ear and one ear seemed to be clearing up. The other one is my left ear is still not clearing up very well. And the issue is not that, you know, because they want me to naturally try to fight this off with my own body because any procedure they do, because with anybody else in the room, if this happened, they probably already would have done the needle in the ear and drained the ears. Problem with me is any procedure you do, there's another chance for infection, you know, on top of everything else because I have a low immune system. So they just have to Be careful. So they're, you know, they're treading cautiously with me. But Friday, you know, it was. He still was like, you know, one of my ears is still not doing well. And the only issue is that I have to be in a plane to go to Burt's Big adventure on the 18th, and so. And he knows that trip's coming, so that's the only.

[Jen]

And you don't have any plane trips between now and then, just for fun?

[Melissa Carter]

No. Yeah, because I know that's what Melissa likes to do.

[Host (Bert)]

Fly around the country.

[Melissa Carter]

I like to get a puddle jumper just to go, you know, up to Kennesau every now and again. And so I have to go back on the 15th, the Monday before Birchbeak Adventure. And if things aren't going well, then I have to do an incision in both eardrums. Oh, no.

[Jen]

No, you don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. Drive, Drive, drive, drive something.

[Host (Bert)]

Drive.

[Jen]

Take Greyhound.

[Melissa Carter]

Leave the driving to them, because the issue is.

[Sarah]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Carter]

That he said. I just don't want your ears to explode in the air on the way to Florida.

[Jen]

Drive. Get in a car. Rent a car. Rent a car.

[Wendy]

Drive, drive.

[Host (Bert)]

We'll all pitch in Enterprise.

[Wendy]

We'll pick you up.

[Host (Bert)]

So your ears can literally. Like your ear. They can literally.

[Melissa Carter]

Because. And it's so fascinating when you have anything go wrong with you, and I'm sure that anything like Bert is having knee issues, and then you learn so much about that part of your body when something goes wrong with it. So I've never focused on ears before, but, you know, when you go up in the air, your ears pop or whatever. There's different pressure. That's what's going on, and that's natural in your ear. And it's all about pressure in your ear. Well, since my pressure is. Is not correct, then it could be damaging to my ears if I go up in the air. And then it's time to find out

[Jen]

how comfortable that Audi is on long car trips.

[Host (Bert)]

Serious?

[Jen]

That is what you're gonna do. Yep. That's what you do.

[Melissa Carter]

It's horrible.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

So that was. That was the update on Friday. But, I mean, you're playing eardrum roulette.

[Host (Bert)]

If you go up on that thing.

[Wendy]

No, don't.

[Host (Bert)]

You can't do that.

[Jen]

You can't slice your ear.

[Melissa Carter]

Hey, kids, don't worry about me.

[Jen]

Hey, is she oozing from the ears?

[Wendy]

Oh, Jeff, stop.

[Caller 3]

I can't even handle it.

[Jen]

What is it, 10 hours to Orlando?

[Melissa Carter]

So, anyway, so, yeah, so that's. Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

How long does it take to drive to Orlando?

[Jen]

Like 10 hours, right?

[Wendy]

No, it's not that long.

[Melissa Carter]

It takes six and a half.

[Jen]

That's what I meant.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Host (Bert)]

So maybe that's an option for you instead of doing it seriously.

[Melissa Carter]

Discuss it off air. I'm happy to make the road trip in order to, you know, to.

[Jen]

You're not getting your eardrum sliced because I would never, ever, ever be able

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

to look at you.

[Melissa Carter]

Because that's the only issue. Because, I mean, I'm fine. Because I can. I can hear better now than I could and I feel better.

[Jen]

You bring your doctor in here with a scalpel and one of those ear looky things and I'll be the one to drive you.

[Melissa Carter]

If I was a good stunt woman, I would have the procedure done here in studio.

[Host (Bert)]

Katie Couric had a colonoscopy on the air a couple of years ago.

[Wendy]

That's all right. You don't have to drain your ears in here.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Sarah.

[Caller 3]

Melissa. I have a three year old son and I was going to the doctor since November and it has been ear infection after ear infection after ear infection. And they were talking about tubes and I posted on Facebook about how frustrated I was and a friend of mine posted back about E3 oil. And it's a soothing oil that heals the ears and you can get it in any nature natural store.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean, I. And I appreciate the feedback. You know, I'm a little different than the average person and it's an inner ear thing, so I don't know where I'm putting that and where it would actually help. And it's not that I don't appreciate the feedback, but, you know, I do feel like I'm in good hands because like I said, I got a team of doctors on top of me and you know, they have to handle my situation different than, you know, a healthy person.

[Host (Bert)]

When I'm on the phone with Sanjay later on today, I'll see what he

[Melissa Carter]

can do for you.

[Wendy]

Why don't you just text him right now, bro?

[Host (Bert)]

Maybe I'll do that. Hey, Nichelle. Good Morning. Your Hun Q100.

[Caller 3]

Hey, guys.

[Sarah]

How are you?

[Host (Bert)]

Good, how are you?

[Caller 3]

I'm fine. It's just painful listening to her. Funny enough, yesterday on Dr. Asha, they said put a clove of garlic in your ear and cover it with a band aid, and by the next morning, your ear is better.

[Host (Bert)]

Come on, somebody's checking with you.

[Caller 3]

No, it was on Dr. Oz yesterday.

[Wendy]

Well, I believe it. If Dr. Oz says it, I'M totally there. I Love him. Love Dr. Oz.

[Melissa Carter]

For the healthy person, I'm sure. Maybe that would work.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Michelle.

[Jen]

Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Hey, how are you guys?

[Wendy]

All right.

[Host (Bert)]

How are you?

[Caller 3]

Good. I just wanted to say don't go on the airplane. My eardrums have busted.

[Jen]

Oh, what the hell? Oh, my God. Did she hang up or did my eardrums just bust? Oh, my gosh.

[Caller 2]

Thank you.

[Host (Bert)]

It sounds like that was going to be a painful story.

[Caller 3]

I don't think I could have made it through that.

[Host (Bert)]

That was an act of God right there. That it was disconnected.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. I'm going to beg Amy and Stacy. Please don't make me go on the plane.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, Lindsay. Good morning.

[Caller 3]

Hey, good morning. How are you guys?

[Host (Bert)]

Okay.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Good.

[Caller 3]

Melissa, I have had both of my eardrums cut before and it is painful. It is very painful, especially if they're infected. But you will not believe the relief that you will get after you have it done.

[Jen]

But how does it heal? Okay.

[Caller 3]

Huh?

[Jen]

Oh, God. You just answered my question.

[Host (Bert)]

Yeah. Anything except being on that plane and having both your eardrums explode on the burst big adventure plane. We'll figure something out.

[Sarah]

Because that's.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean that. Yeah, that's the only issue right now amongst the doctors is. Wait a second. She has a plane ride coming.

[Jen]

If you promise never to talk about that around me again, not only will I drive you down there, I will pay for the gas both ways. Seriously. And whatever fast food rest stops you want to make the bird show. Hanging out at the pool is great. Relaxing and playing Vegas style games on my phone at the same time. Drink in one hand and a blackjack in the other. It's all at Spinquest. Over a thousand games including your favorite slots and table games. Be cool with this summer special new players get 30 coin packs for [e-mail]

[Spinquest Announcer]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino Boyd where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

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[Jake Stauch]

I'm Jake Stauch Co FOUNDER AND CEO OF CERVEL we built Cerval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding password resets, access to applications. My laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work. And that's why they need Serval. You just tell Servil what you want to automate in plain English and it's built. No drag and drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Cerval, it becomes the AI engine powering the entire company. This is a new way to run it. We guarantee you'll automate 50% of all tickets. And we'll prove it to you in a free four week pilot. Go to cervel.com tickets that's S E R-V-A-L.com tickets.

[Jen]

THE BIRCH SHOW so Jen, this is your friend. So you talk about her drinking her pee.

[Wendy]

She's not a.

[Melissa Carter]

This is my friend Selden.

[Sarah]

Hi, Selden.

[Selden]

Hi, Jen. How are you?

[Caller 3]

Good.

[Wendy]

All right. So we were talking about this when we were out last week and she had heard about this sort of growing trend called urine therapy. And I thought that it was a hair treatment. When you first brought it up to

[Melissa Carter]

me, I was like, oh, skin treatment.

[Wendy]

Like you put it in your hair. What is this? What do you do with it? Like, what? What is it? And so she'd been doing some of her own research on it and kind of like finding out about this thing.

[Jen]

Because it's an amazing woman who can pee on her own head, by the way.

[Wendy]

No, apparently people are doing this, but it's not a hair treatment at all.

[Selden]

No, it's. What is it, by the way? Just for the record, I'm not drinking my own pee.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Selden]

Yet. No, I'm not. I guess. Yeah, it is definitely a growing trend. And apparently it's like a vital source for nutrients, vitamins and hormones and enzymes. And I think it's kind of an underground hippie secret that's been going on for a long time. So I don't know what people do. There's so many websites about it. Doctors, scientists have been studying it for years.

[Jen]

Do you think maybe the reason the hippies do it is cause they're tripping on acid and they.

[Selden]

Big possibility for sure.

[Melissa Carter]

I need to pee. And boy, that's a waste of urine. I could drink this. It's really.

[Selden]

It's really odd. I met a couple people who are doing it they swear by it.

[Jen]

Where did you meet them really?

[Selden]

At a job? Yeah. So.

[Wendy]

Fascinating.

[Selden]

Weird. Yeah, they're from New York and they're models. So.

[Melissa Carter]

Do they pee in a. Do they pee in a car?

[Caller 3]

They pee.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Selden]

So apparently, apparently it's the first stream in the morning that's the most nutritional.

[Melissa Carter]

The first stream in the morning.

[Jen]

I'm sorry.

[Selden]

Yeah, you let.

[Jen]

I'm sorry to anybod who's listening right now. And I'm sorry to my mom and dad who paid for college.

[Wendy]

No, I think it's fascinating. Okay, so you wake up in the morning.

[Selden]

You wake up in the morning, you. I guess urine for like, you know, a second or two and then the midstream is like the most nutritional.

[Jen]

So you clear the.

[Selden]

According to.

[Jen]

So you clear the pipes.

[Selden]

Science. Exactly.

[Jen]

So it's just like a shower.

[Wendy]

Let go of a little bit, one little sprinkle and then you go.

[Selden]

The midstream is. Yeah, I guess.

[Jen]

And what is it?

[Melissa Carter]

And you drink it while it's warm.

[Reshma]

Well, you can.

[Selden]

Hold on. There's one set website that says you can drink it straight while it's warm if you're hardcore. Or you can like pour it over fruit.

[Wendy]

Oh my gosh.

[Selden]

And that is a quote. Oh yeah.

[Caller 2]

Or Melissa, you could put an ice cube in it.

[Wendy]

Seriously?

[Selden]

Yeah, but they say don't put vodka in it because I guess it's like.

[Melissa Carter]

Don't put vodka.

[Selden]

Yeah, because it's like taking a. Like a flu shot. So like you're giving yourself, you're intaking

[Jen]

what you can you drink a lot of. How much vodka can you drink before you do it?

[Selden]

Exactly.

[Wendy]

Apparently I wouldn't eat a lot. Okay, so these are models that are doing it. And what do they say the benefits are?

[Selden]

Nutrition, health. Like I guess it's a fight against like everything from asthma to cancer. Now if I'm mistaken, wide range things.

[Wendy]

That is a lot of things to cure with just some p. It is.

[Jen]

And I'm going back to health biology like in 10th grade. Isn't like urine, Is it biology that

[Melissa Carter]

made you do that? When do you leave urine?

[Caller 2]

I don't do well with medicals.

[Jen]

Isn't the urine. Hasn't all the good stuff been sucked out of it?

[Selden]

I guess the kidneys regulates. Actually urine is a blood derivative or not a waste derivative or whatever.

[Jen]

You said the word kidney and the first thing I thought of was that if Melissa did it, she would technically be drinking Pam's urine.

[Host (Bert)]

That's right.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm drinking my own.

[Jen]

Your cousin who donated her kidney to her.

[Melissa Carter]

That's right.

[Jen]

You'd be drinking Pam's pee.

[Melissa Carter]

And then I would call Pam just to hear her reaction. Hey, Pam, I just drank your Pam.

[Jen]

Pam's pee sounds like something that you would buy at Trader Joe's.

[Selden]

But you're not supposed to drink other people's pee.

[Jen]

Okay, I know. All right, go ahead.

[Selden]

All right, so the liver filters out all the bad stuff and the kidneys keeps all the good stuff. The nutrients, the vitamins, the hormones, the enzymes.

[Jen]

Real quick, a question. Hey, Jack. Yeah. What's your question?

[Caller 1]

I just want to know. I'm about to go right now. Can I put it on my cereal?

[Jen]

Can you just go in his caption crunch?

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, but you interrupted her for that.

[Jen]

Just getting the hard hitting questions.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm sorry for. Go ahead. Now, you were talking about the liver. It takes the bad stuff out, supposedly.

[Selden]

Yeah, it takes the bad stuff out. And the kidneys keep it.

[Melissa Carter]

So the kidney keeps it and puts it back in your system because urine is something that the body is excreting to get out.

[Selden]

Exactly. And that's what I thought, but I guess, I don't know. They say that water salts, vitamins, minerals, enzymes are kept in your urine and

[Wendy]

it's supposed to be good for you

[Selden]

and then you beat it out. Yeah.

[Caller 2]

So how much of this are you supposed to drink? Is it like a little bit or

[Caller 4]

is it like a full glass?

[Selden]

I don't know. I think just like a. I don't

[Jen]

know, like a shot.

[Selden]

Oh, I think somebody knows you're supposed to.

[Reshma]

According to like.

[Wendy]

Okay, we brought this up in one of our meetings and I was like, all right, my friend is like investigating this stuff. And this is intern Reshma. And she was one who responded to one of the emails saying that she had heard of this urine therapy too, where you drink your own urine and it's supposed to be good for you.

[Host (Bert)]

Reshma.

[Reshma]

It's one of those things where throughout my life I've heard about it and it's not like something abnormal, like I've heard multiple conversations. My grandma will convince me. Like, it's just comes up in conversation all the time and it's like a normal thing, apparently with a bunch of Indian people.

[Wendy]

Your grandmother does it.

[Reshma]

Your grandma doesn't do it, but she swears by it and says, look, that if you do this, it will literally cure, like she said, everything from like acne to cancer. Like, she knows people that will drink it and solve their kidney problems. People that'll be on treatment for years and do it and it'll, like, change their life.

[Jen]

You tell her to call me when she's 130 years old.

[Reshma]

Well, she doesn't do it. She doesn't do it. But, like, there's thousands of people. One of her brothers does it, and he is, I think, 82, and he doesn't have a single health issue. And, like, it originated from, like, the prime minister in India who lived till, like, 99 and did it. But according to Indian tradition, you're supposed to drink, like, less, let the first little couple seconds go, and then drink your entire first stream of the morning. And that's like your personal blend of vitamins and middle of the antibody. The entire thing.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean, let me just go back to that.

[Jen]

I drink a lot of water at night.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm going back to Jeff's 10th grade biology because I was in the back of the class. And I mean, your body, the way your body is set up, let's just take it back to nature. It's set up for it to be excreted. And if we were meant to drink it, our body would be, you know, positioned in a different way for guys.

[Jen]

If you were meant to drink it, that apparatus would be bigger, longer.

[Melissa Carter]

But you know what I'm saying? Naturally, your body is not built to do that.

[Jen]

Hey, Andy. Welcome to the bird show.

[Caller 1]

Hey, what's going on? Good morning.

[Jen]

How are you?

[Caller 1]

Well, I'm pretty good. I just want to let you know that the Muay Thai fighters, the fighters from Thailand, they've been drinking this stuff for centuries. It's well known, documented. These guys do it all the time. Machida from ufc, he does it all the time and talks about it. Really?

[Jen]

Who are these people?

[Caller 1]

This is not something that's new. It's been going on for a long time.

[Jen]

Are you seldom. Are you a Thai fighter, like a ninja or anything weird?

[Wendy]

You didn't know that?

[Caller 1]

I'm just saying, you know, I just know about the fighters and I know about the fight scene. And this is just one of the things that they do.

[Jen]

You know what I would do if I was a fighter? I would drink my own urine, but hold it in my mouth and then spit it on my opponent.

[Melissa Carter]

Because what would be a better spray it? Like, not just a stray.

[Caller 2]

Be like.

[Jen]

That would be my maneuver. Like, I'd be known as Jeff the pee Sprayer.

[Wendy]

I am fascinated by this, that it's been going on for so long, but all of a sudden, we think it's like a new thing for, like, the New York models that you were Talking to. We think they invented it or something.

[Jen]

Do you think perhaps the New York models are doing it because they're so hungry?

[Selden]

That's a possibility.

[Jen]

That they're just looking for something that

[Selden]

could say they're nutritionists, and DOCT have been telling them to do it for years.

[Melissa Carter]

I want to talk to somebody that does it, because everybody we've talked to so far has been a friend of somebody.

[Selden]

Exactly. And that's actually kind of my whole little quest is to find somebody. I want firsthand experience, like, somebody who is actually doing it and the difference in the process of, like, how they felt before they were doing it and then while they were doing it and

[Melissa Carter]

how they got it down.

[Selden]

The tag reflex, you know, and then how they feel now.

[Jen]

Hey, Wendy, you're gonna have to uncover your face long enough to activate the voice. Discuss.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, Wendy's about to pass.

[Jen]

Wendy's not doing well with this at all.

[Wendy]

Is this somebody who does it?

[Caller 1]

Yep.

[Wendy]

Awesome.

[Selden]

See, it really is happening.

[Jen]

Hey, Sarah.

[Jessica]

Hi.

[Jen]

You're in the voice disguise room.

[Jessica]

All right. No, it's not that I'm embarrassed about doing it. It's just that, you know, because it is strange.

[Host (Bert)]

Sure.

[Jessica]

But the key, really, honestly, is how healthy you eat. I would not, you know, suggest that anybody does this who doesn't drink water or drinks a lot of coke or just eats a lot of junk food. But if you are someone who eats healthily, has a really healthy diet, drinks lots and lots of water, your typical urine is going to look just like water. You're right. I don't know who it was that said drinking the first dream in the morning, but that's what I do. Originally, when I first started, I would put it in my shakes in the morning. And now because, you know, my urine is very clear, it doesn't have an odor like you would assume. And, I mean, my skin is clear. It's great for, I think, starting off your metabolism in the morning. I mean, I just. I feel better. It's wonderful. I love it. I've been doing it for at least two years now.

[Wendy]

Sarah, let me ask you this. Have you ever talked to a doctor about this?

[Jessica]

That's where I got it originally. I went to a natural nutritionist. My grandmother had colon cancer, and so I was really, you know, just getting concerned about, like, cancers and all of the toxins in my body. And I just kind of went through this period in my life where I just was. I think I did it out of fear. I was scared of dying and all of those different things. And so I was going to all the natural remedy doctors and that's where I learned about it.

[Wendy]

Wow.

[Melissa Carter]

Wow.

[Wendy]

Fascinating.

[Caller 2]

What?

[Jen]

I'm. I'm just.

[Selden]

I'm telling you, the first time that I heard about it, I was disgusted and couldn't like. I was like, I have to figure out more about this. So I googled it. And pretty much all the websites that I saw are advocates. I didn't really see. There was one skeptic because, like, you

[Jen]

know why it's not on the Internet? Because it's obvious not to drink your

[Wendy]

own beer like they own obvious. I mean, it sounds like a lot of people are actually doing this.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, I mean. And I will put the argument out of there about the nutrients, everything in your pee. I mean, like, your body can only need so much. And so that's the extra your body doesn't need.

[Selden]

Right.

[Melissa Carter]

So by re. Ingesting it. I don't know, I'm just. Yeah, I'm definitely a skeptic.

[Jen]

Is it Andrea or the fancier Andrea?

[Caller 3]

It's Andrea.

[Jen]

Hi, Andrea.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Caller 3]

I just wanted to say that I love you guys. First of all, you're fabulous.

[Jen]

Thank you.

[Caller 3]

And I'm an rn and I just wanted to offer maybe a little bit of a medical disclaimer out there to anybody who has any type of kidney problems or has had any kidney problems or has had a transplant, like Melissa. You don't need to be doing this. If your kidneys aren't functioning properly, those toxins that you're not supposed to get back, like the creatine and things like that, you're going to put an overabundance into your body. If you take regular medications for anything that are in that waste that's being excreted from your kidneys that your liver doesn't process and doesn't get all those parts, it's just going to build up and it's going to cause a lot more problems, particularly things like your blood pressure medicine and stuff like that. You're getting rid of what your body didn't use.

[Wendy]

So for a healthy person, though, do you think it's okay to do.

[Caller 3]

I'm not going to do it, but I guess, I mean, like the lady that was just talking before me who, who's real healthy and into all of that and you know, her urine's real clear. It doesn't have an odor. There's no sign of infection or anything like that. It's mostly water. I mean, it's mostly water and whatever your body didn't keep. So maybe But I'm not doing it. This nurse is not drinking anybody's urine or her own, for that matter.

[Melissa Carter]

You know, my only caution is with anything. And it doesn't have to do it doesn't matter about this or anything is like people assume if it's natural, then it's healthy and your body's gonna be okay with it. And I go back to what Jen said. Like, talk to a doctor first. Because most people don't go get a checkup and most people don't go and know what's wrong going on with their body. But like, when I was, you know, like, I even told a listener email yesterday, when I was on dialysis and my kidneys were failing, food was poisonous. Bananas was poisonous. That's a natural fruit.

[Jen]

You should have drank your own pee. I would have cured your kidney.

[Caller 4]

Exactly.

[Melissa Carter]

But I mean, there are some things that your body does not need excessive amounts of because excessive amounts of vitamin C is bad for your body. So I mean it. So I always am just so cautious of people thinking that just because it's herbal and just because it's natural does not mean it's good for you, you know? So I go to a doctor for us.

[Reshma]

The argument, like, I got from my grandma, because I need, like, an explanation was she said, like, back in the day, the way it originated is when people didn't know what the disease was or, like, didn't know, like, different diseases, that it's like your own medication, your body's telling you what, like the antibodies you need. So, like, for people who couldn't figure out what was wrong with their body, it would, like, help to cure those diseases. So that's like, the origin of it.

[Wendy]

Fascinating.

[Jen]

I would caution you, Selden, if this is something that you're gonna do, I'm not gonna.

[Selden]

I'm not gonna do it. I'm just.

[Jen]

And you ever wanna kiss a boy, don't ever tell him that.

[Selden]

Swish and, like, gargle with who you're in first and then kiss.

[Jen]

And if you do do it, I will sneak asparagus into every meal you eat. I don't know how.

[Host (Bert)]

Hey, the bird show.

[Jen]

Oh, I have had no luck lately.

[Spinquest Announcer]

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[Caller 4]

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[Jen]

10 bucks for 30. I'm headed over to spinquest.com right now.

[Spinquest Announcer]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Jessica]

Deals

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

Save on family essentials at Safeway and Albertsons this week. Extra meaty pork back ribs bone in are $2.99 per pound limit, two member price and sweet red cherries are $2.99 per pound Limit 6 pounds member price with coupon plus signature select 80% lean ground beef sold in three pound twin pack bricks is $4.99 per pound Limit 1 member price with coupon. Fresh and delicious savings for every meal. Hurry in. This deal won't last. Visit safewayeralbertsons.com for more deals and ways

[Jen]

to save the first show I have never been a true waiter. I was a busboy in a restaurant, but I have friends who have, including Tracy. She was a waiter when she started working at the show.

[Caller 4]

Waitress.

[Wendy]

I was a server.

[Jen]

Server. Yep. You were a server. Okay. Never done it.

[Melissa Carter]

I've never done it because I was always afraid. I knew I couldn't. I would drop the food all the time. Like I was nervous about going from the kitchen to the table and not dropping that. The drinks and the food. I just didn't think I was coordinated enough.

[Wendy]

And actually, I think the heavier the tray, the easier it was because it's balanced or something. The lighter the tray, the more.

[Caller 4]

Yeah. And then once you get the technique down where you're holding the drinks and you're taking them off one at a time, once you know how to balance that, you're good. You're good to go.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Jen]

See, I appreciate the hard work that goes into being a server. I think a lot of it has to do with the story that Jessica tells, which she didn't think being a server was difficult and went in and lied about having qualifications to be a server. This is, you know, 20 years ago back in Arizona or whatever, and she went into a very busy Italian restaurant and said, yeah, I used to wait tables and made up some reference or something that they never called. And then the first night the other server called in sick and she got fired. She worked one shift at her first serving job because she was so bad because she didn't know all those techniques.

[Melissa Carter]

She's the worst. She's the worst. There's the best. Like the Mexican restaurant, the guys that put the whole oven sleeve on and have 15 plates on one arm.

[Caller 4]

That's impressive.

[Jen]

She wasn't doing that. So I appreciate the hard work that goes into serving and I would appreciate in return, honesty. I would appreciate in return that my

[Host (Bert)]

server

[Jen]

be honest with me about everything. The specials, what's good, what's bad, any story they might tell. I don't want to be scammed out of an extra tip. Joanna.

[Caller 4]

It's not scamming at all. I'm not scamming people, but I bartend. And as a bartender, I talk to my customers. I make conversation. And especially when it's. I work a lot of lunches, and when we're slow and there's nothing else to do, everything's clean, everything's stocked. I'm like, I guess I'll go talk to that dude at the end of the bar, maybe get a couple extra dollars because I spend a couple extra minutes with him. Well, a couple weeks ago.

[Jen]

And because you're working. It's called talking, not flirting.

[Caller 4]

Exactly. And I'm not flirting. Honestly. It's strictly like, hey, what do you do? Do you work around here? And then they end up asking you what you do. I tell them I work here, that my. And one thing leads to another. And I told this one guy that, you know, Jason was in the army, and Jason's my boyfriend, and he is in the military. Well, I can't remember because it was a while ago, but the guy ended up leaving me a big tip. And I realized that he assumed that Jason was deployed. And I felt like because Jason was deployed, maybe this guy felt bad because I'm a girlfriend of a guy that's overseas and left me a really big tip. So from here on out, I don't tell people he is, but nor do I dispel the rumor that he is. So I led them on to believe you. Let them assume he's deployed, because I think it gives me more money.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Melissa Carter]

Do you have an active conversation with anybody about his deployment?

[Caller 4]

I've told him that. I mean, if they ask, like, has he been overseas? I'll say, yes, he has been overseas.

[Melissa Carter]

But you're talking about his trip to Italy on vacation.

[Wendy]

So he has in the past. Now he has deployed.

[Caller 4]

He served his time. He did 15 months, and I'm so proud of him. But he's home now, and he's safe here, two hours away in Columbus, Georgia. He's not in Afghanistan, but one could

[Jen]

argue that living in Columbus qualifies as a war zone.

[Melissa Carter]

Have you ever been to Columbus? Anybody? I mean, seriously?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, it's pretty much going on.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

[Jen]

So I know that you're not the only person. So our Phone number is 404-741-Q100. We have a voice disguiser. That we're not afraid to use. You're more than welcome to use a fake name. Be on the voice disguiser. But I guarantee you, you're not the only server who tells stories. Especially. And I think you know what, Guys are suckers. So if you're a good looking girl as Joanna is, with an outgo with bubbly personality, and you can, you know, be flirty, guys will be like, you know what? I'm gonna give her a little something. She's a nice girl. What a nice what A nice girl supporting her military boyfriend. God, how beautiful.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, and guys are just not smart to ask those follow up questions.

[Caller 3]

Right.

[Wendy]

Give them a couple of beers and they're getting all patriotic on you.

[Caller 4]

Exactly.

[Wendy]

God bless America.

[Caller 4]

I love this country.

[Wendy]

Here is my tip.

[Caller 4]

I'm doing my part.

[Wendy]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. You need to start wearing like his dog tags or something.

[Caller 4]

Well, this one Jason, this one girl. I used to work at this other bar.

[Wendy]

Does that mean he died? If you wear this dog tags. That's not what I meant.

[Caller 4]

There's a flag you can wear showing your support for someone who is actively.

[Melissa Carter]

Would he be afraid that that would jinx him to get deployed again?

[Wendy]

Oh, that's.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Jen]

It's like when you're waiting for someone at the hospital or the airport and you sit in a wheelchair. Never do that because it's jinx. So maybe telling the story. But he's out, right?

[Caller 4]

Right. Yeah. He's not going back.

[Jen]

He's not even military right now, is he?

[Caller 4]

He is. He's still active. He gets out this summer. But I don't want to jinx that. He could, you know, all of a sudden just go back.

[Wendy]

Sure.

[Jen]

Hey, Mandy. Welcome to the show.

[Sarah]

Hi.

[Caller 3]

How are you?

[Jen]

Good, how are you?

[Caller 3]

I'm good. I just wanted to tell her that, you know, that happens to us all the time. I'm a military wife. My husband is looking at his ninth deployment coming up. He's been gone 36 months in the last five years. So when they assume that he's gone, for me, he really is gone most of the time. But I would say that that is, in this day and age is a very natural assumption for people. And I don't know if she, you know, she's saying she didn't tell him because of the tips. And I get that. I'm a server. Right. And I completely understand why she's doing that. I don't necessarily think it's the right thing to do, but from a safety perspective, we always talk about. You don't Tell them whether they're gone or not. Just by saying that he's at Columbus. I can guess, probably in. Two guesses what unit her boyfriend is in. And one out of the two is something that the guys in Afghanistan really don't want to know. We don't want the terrorists to know when those guys are gone and when they're homes. So that's from a safety perspective. I appreciate that. Now, she's not saying yay or nay on that.

[Melissa Carter]

So you're not. So she's not giving away army secrets. He's deployed or not.

[Jen]

But, I mean, see, you're protecting the national security. You're not just getting the extra two bucks from the rich guy at the end of the bar. Keep your. You know what? Homeland Security, Joanna.

[Caller 2]

Way to go.

[Caller 4]

Always keep him guessing if she can tell me what unit he's in, because I don't even know what unit he's in. So I'd appreciate if she told me.

[Jen]

Hey, Katie. Welcome to the show.

[Sarah]

Hey, guys.

[Caller 3]

I was just gonna say, when I was in college, I went to a school kind of far away, and I was planning a trip over Christmas break to go to Vegas, and I would tell all my customers that I wasn't gonna get home to see my family for Christmas, and I hadn't seen him in months, so that I would have more money to go to Las Vegas.

[Caller 4]

Awesome.

[Jen]

And is there any worked?

[Caller 3]

Oh, yeah.

[Wendy]

How do you weave that into conversation?

[Melissa Carter]

I'm just saying.

[Caller 3]

Well, they would ask if it was over the holidays in a college town, and they would say, oh, what are your plans for the holidays? I'd be like, well, I have to work here. I can't go home and see my family. I haven't seen them in six months. They felt so bad. And I went and just boozed and gambled on that money.

[Jen]

And I hope you at least thought of mom and dad when you were in the front row of Thunder from Down under in Las Vegas.

[Melissa Carter]

So really, what we're learning is the waitstaff, bartenders, all con artists.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Caller 4]

That's how we start.

[Jen]

Hustle for a buck. Hey, Casey. Welcome to the bird show. Oh, Casey hung up. She did the same thing. Hey, Brianna. Hey. How are you?

[Caller 3]

I'm doing well.

[Jen]

Good. What's going on?

[Caller 3]

I used to work at a golf club when I was in college, and I ended up having. I tore my acl, and I had knee surgery, and I had my knee in a brace, and my doctor told me not to go back to work for, like, several months. But the Money was really good, so I wanted to go back. And when the guys asked me what happened and asked me why I was back already, I told them that the manager was really mean and told me to come back early because we were short on girls. And I ended up getting a whole slew of sympathy tips just because they felt bad for me and they were, you know, commiserating with me about how, you know, what a jerk the manager was. So I ended up getting, while I had the brace on, like, an extra, like, 200 bucks every weekend.

[Jen]

Nice sympathy tips.

[Wendy]

Work it, girl.

[Caller 4]

Listen, you only make 213 an hour. You gotta, you know, if I could put an extra dollar in my pocket.

[Wendy]

You gotta do what you gotta do.

[Caller 4]

I gotta do what I gotta do. I need a new pair of shoes.

[Jen]

Shoes do you want to plug? Where you work?

[Caller 4]

I work at Hudson Grill, Midtown.

[Jen]

All right, well, just so you know, the bartender at Hudson Grill who's telling you about her military boyfriend, it's all a lie. Keep your money in your pocket. She doesn't need new shoes.

[Wendy]

He's not deployed.

[Jen]

Get it? The Birch Show.

[Caller 3]

Hey, guys.

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