Loading summary
A
Hey, everybody.
B
Lady luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now all summer long, I'm going to
A
be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.
C
Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.
A
Big color, bigger savings. Sherwin Williams super sale is here. Get 40% off paints and stains June 5th through the 11th with prices starting at 30 89. Whether you're refreshing your interior or exterior, we've got the colors to bring your vision to life. And with delivery, getting everything to your door is easier than ever.
D
Shop online to have it delivered or
A
visit your neighborhood Sherwin Williams store. Click the banner to learn more. Retail sales, only some exclusions apply. See store for details. Delivery available on qualifying orders. The Birch Show There's a whole bunch of controversy going on. We know how women, we want to see other women that look like us on the COVID of magazines, in magazines, wearing the clothes that we think we can wear and not stick figure models. Well, there's a magazine in Australia, the Mary Claire magazine in Australia, but they're featuring on the COVID this model named Jennifer Hawkins. She was actually Miss Universe 2004. And she appears nude on the magazine. But her hands are like well covered, but she's not airbrushed. So she agreed to pose non airbrushed on the COVID And her skin tone's not matching. She's got dimples. There's like a crease in her waist. So she's not, she's not perfect. She's not all the way flawless. She looks real. But there's a whole bunch of controversy where women says she's not a size 10. She doesn't look like me, but she's not stick figured. She's, there's no rib cage showing. There's nothing collarbone.
C
I didn't, you know, I read the article and I saw the picture a couple of days ago and I didn't as a guy, at least it didn't make any statement to me whatsoever. She's a thin girl. And even without being airbrushed, yeah, she's got a flaw here or flaw there, but she's still, I think most women would look at that picture and go, that's not obtainable for me.
A
Well, I pulled it up and I think, I mean, I think it looks awesome. And I'm not.
C
She does look awesome, which is the point. Which is why the controversy of putting somebody that already looks awesome on the magazine cover.
A
But when you see airbrush photos, the skin tones match. Everything's taken out. Like, there's, there's.
E
She definitely has some cellulite, which is refreshing to see.
A
Yes.
E
Because most women do.
D
I guess my thing is, if they made a big deal about, oh, we're going to put somebody on the COVID that's going to be just like you, and then they put her on the COVID I could see the controversy. But if this is just one of their covers, because she looks like a model, just a model that wasn't airbrushed. So, I mean, if they didn't give any expectation that it was gonna be anything different, I don't understand why people are upset about it.
E
What are people saying about it? What's the controversy?
A
There's one woman who says she's not a size 10. So she's not the average American woman. And this picture will make me want to go to the gym still. So people are mad that she's not a size 10, a size 12, size 14, but she's probably a size 6. So people are still upset. But, you know, on the COVID and saying, this is an average woman.
D
But it makes me think about. I was in college when the Beauty Myth book came out and I was in college. That was the first time as stupid as I was, because I wasn't. I don't know, I guess I didn't pay attention to the magazines or didn't think about it, but. But I did not realize that the models were airbrushed in magazines until I was in college. So, you know, for every person that may say, oh, she doesn't represent me, there may be somebody going, really? Really? People airbrush on the COVID magazines. You know what I mean? That's so eye opening for me.
E
I was thinking too, it is a step in progress, right? I mean, this is going to be one cover that they do. It'll get them a lot of attention. So maybe they'll do another one and maybe in, you know, a year from now, they'll do a different one. It will be a woman that is size 12. I mean, I think the, you know, beauty and fashion industry is changing all the time. And I think that they're realizing the public doesn't want stick figure anorexic models and that they catch more heat for that nowadays than they ever did in the 80s and the 90s. And so I think it is kind of a step in the right direction. It may not be all the way what we would like to see, but it's definitely getting us there.
C
This is probably a great point, actually, to introduce Kim Kardashian to the conversation.
E
Yeah.
C
Because she's taken some heat for the. I mean, she's been like the subject of some jokes about this very thing that we're talking about here. Hey, Kim.
B
Yeah. How are you? Hey.
C
Good. How are you?
D
Good morning.
C
You know, we were just. We were just talking about this Marie claire magazine that. That came out in Australia a couple of days ago. And on the COVID of the magazine is beautiful model, but she's not airbrushed at all. So you see here with a little bit of cellulite, man, there's some, you know, there's just not that perfect discoloration.
A
You know, there's creases, there's discolor coloration in the skin tone. But she looks beautiful on the COVID But they just wanted to prove that un airbrushed women are perfect and beautiful as well.
B
I think that's really cool they did that. I actually did the COVID of one of like the weekly magazines in a bikini totally un airbrushed and it was really scary for me.
E
Is that your latest, Your okay magazine?
B
No, it was actually for Life and Style a while back, like over a year ago, I think. But there was some unphotoshopped photos that came out of me as well, showing a little bit of cellulite that a magazine by accident put up on their website and then replaced them with the photoshopped ones. Of course, everyone put them side by side and I got a lot heat for that. But I think that's really cool of them because I have mixed feelings about it because I do think it's really cool of them to put that up and prove that no model is perfect. However, on the COVID of a magazine, especially a Glamour magazine, like, what was it? Marie Claire. Their job is to glamorize and show the absolute perfect sides of, you know, the modeling industry and what they're trying to promote on the COVID of their magazine. So I think it kind of puts other magazines maybe in a bad position, but I think it's a really cool thing.
C
Would you be more apt to open up a magazine that has women that look worse than you do, about the same or better than you do?
B
See, for me, I would probably want someone better than me because I. It would motivate me. But I don't think that's always the case. I think I don't have a problem with telling people, hey, look, I have cellulite. Yes. I do everything I can in my power to fix it. I don't never said cellulite was cute, but I have it, and I embrace it, and I'm okay with it, and I'm fine showing it. And I think that that is relatable to a lot of people. So I think that they will get a lot of attention. Obviously, you know, you guys are talking about it, I'm talking about it. So I think that they will get a lot of positive attention from viewers that feel like they can now relate a little bit more. But my personal mentality is I love. I remember when I was, you know, in, like, high school or college, like, I used to, like, pull out pictures of people that I thought had amazing bodies and put them up on my mirror and. And say, all right, that's my motivation to go to the gym today. But not everyone's like that.
E
Now. A lot of people are doing that with you because you've been losing some weight, and you're on that okay magazine for, you know, it's how I lost the £15 and kept it off. But you're known for having a really beautiful, curvaceous figure. Are you afraid that you may lose fans if you lose too much weight?
B
No, because I did. I mean, there was pictures of me when I was on this quick trim commercial, and I looked, like, really toned, and I got a lot of flack for that, I think, like, oh, well, don't lose your curves. Why did you lose weight? But that particular picture and that particular day, like, right after I went, you know, to New Orleans, and the food's amazing there, and I ate so much, and I. But I think that, you know, I knew for that commercial, you look heavier when you're on tv, so it's better to get down a little bit. But I think that the weight I'm at now is the perfect weight for me. I'm still extremely curvy. I just wasn't comfortable, really in a bikini. I'd always wear a sarong. I don't want to always feel uncomfortable.
E
What does your boyfriend think about your new look?
B
He loves it. He's really, obviously, like, his job is basically to work out. So, you know, I get up and, you know, even he's taking this week off. It's their bi week.
E
Mm.
B
I'm not sleeping in. Usually I'll be like, the lazy one, like, okay, babe, let's sleep in together. I've been setting my Alarm, getting up and going to the gym, you know, and sticking to what I want to do. And that, to him, is sexy.
C
Do you work out well, or are you a complainer?
B
I work out well.
C
Do you really? I had the vision of you complaining the entire time you're getting it done, but just bitching about it, complaining about it the entire time.
B
No, I don't play that. I see people like that. And you'd think that Chloe would be this, like, you know, amazing person in the gym and work out, and I actually took her to my workout class, and she hated it, and she could hardly do it, and she was the complainer. And I was looking at her like, get it together.
C
That's Kim Kardashian joining the bird show on Q100 this morning.
A
You mentioned your sister Khloe, and she just got married. Do you have any, like, marriage fever with you and Reggie?
B
You know what? It's actually, like, everyone's asking us that, do you have baby fever? You know, when you're with the baby? And actually, it's kind of the opposite. Like, not at all. I don't want to sign up for that.
C
I can hold off on that a little bit.
B
Like, actually taken our time and, like, taking it slow. And I think we're not to say that Khloe and Kourtney did it. Not the right way, but I'm doing it the right way for us. Like, I've been married before when I was really young, and I made some, like, stupid mistakes. So, you know, you learn from that. And I just want to really take my time. And I think, you know, we have, like, personal goals, and he's really achieving them now, doing so well in the season. And, you know, it's not too far off, but it's not something that, like, rushing to do because everyone else in the family's done it. Yeah.
C
I think this is kind of a hidden fact about Kim Kardashian, because I was surprised when I read it yesterday also, that you were once married before.
B
Yeah, I got married when I was 19. I went to Vegas. It did last about three and a half years. But I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to, like, not to say that I don't think Reggie's the one. I just want to really take my time because it's forever, and I want it to be forever.
D
Do you find that a lot of women rush into marriage just to have their day rather than doing what you're doing now with this perspective and really trying to Be mature about it.
B
I think so. And I also think that, you know, they feel like, oh, they're getting to a certain age and they've got to, you know, get married before that age. And, I mean, I think definitely things are changing now with the times now and how, you know, more liberal everything is. But I just. I think sometimes I just know that I want to do it on our own time, and we're having such a good time and we have such a good relationship now that. Not that we don't want to mess it up, we know that's in the future. We just. It'll be, you know, just not right now. And especially just because, you know, my sister got married. Pressure me to go get married.
C
Right, Right. Things are just going so well with us. I'm almost afraid to ask this question. So if I'm over the line and you're sensitive to it, just say you don't want to answer it.
B
Okay.
C
But if the tape with Ray J. Doesn't come out, do you still think that you're the Kim Kardashian that we all know?
B
That's a good question. I think that anytime something negative happens, like, I don't think I would be the same person if my dad hadn't passed away. And that's a really awful thing, and that was such a hard time in our lives, and. But I think anytime something negative happens or something that you're embarrassed about or not proud about, and, you know, that clearly took my whole family through a really tough time. I don't think I would be the person I am today. I don't think I would have seen a lot of character come out. And some people that I thought were my friends, I think I would be a lot more naive to different situations. I think, you know, just anytime something negative happens, I think that the way you handle it, and as long as you learn from it, then it can just make you a better person.
E
Have you ever spoken to him since that.
B
No, not really. I mean, obviously, you know, right after then, as, you know, we were trying to figure out what was going on, and I was looking for answers. But, no, I really feel like I'm just like a different person. And sometimes you leave, you know, certain situations. In the past, we did date for years, and, you know, I just kind of leave it there, you know, taking
C
into effect the, you know, the success that you have now. If you could turn the hands of time back, do you wish that that never happened?
B
Obviously, I think anybody would.
F
Yeah.
E
Yeah,
B
I tried, just not even to, like, Think about it and have a supportive boyfriend that kind of helped me through tough times when I kind of picked me up when I didn't think I knew how or what to do. And I have such a supportive family that has always just been there for me. And it's like, in my mind, it's like, I try just not to even think of anything negative. Sure.
C
And now you got the quick trim thing going on also. I know you've been very successful with that as well, right?
B
Yeah, we have. Chloe and I are. Have been taking this diet product called Kwik Trim. And, you know, you can get it at, like, Walgreens, Walmart, cvs, pretty much anywhere. Gnc, and it's just a product. Like, Chloe and I have tried every diet, every product. Nothing has really worked the way this product works. So we're just totally on board and kind of trying to spread the word about quick trim and how amazing. And it's all natural, and it doesn't make you jittery. It's. It's a pretty amazing product.
E
I'm curious about your Twitter. I'm sorry, what'd you say?
B
I was like, you know, sometimes diet products, they make you really jittery and kind of the opposite of what you're trying to achieve, but this is just really smooth, and it's all natural, so it just really works.
E
I follow you on Twitter, and I'm a big fan, and I was just wondering, when you send out tweets, do you get nervous because there's 2.7 million people that are getting each and every one of those.
B
Not really. I don't even think about it, really. It's a crazy concept. I love, like, every Sunday when our show Keeping up with the Kardashians comes on, and I and Courtney, we've decided that we'll tweet, like, with all of our fans, like, live and talk. Because sometimes it's really hard to respond to everyone that's like, sending you messages. But we try to do as many replies as we can to everyone about the show and what's going on. We give them little tips, and that's just so cool to know that if you put one thing out, you can get instant gratification, an instant response, if you want to know. Sometimes I'll ask people, hey, guys, what color nail polish should I paint? Red or black or whatever? And they'll respond right away. I'll really pick that color of whatever they respond the most of.
E
It's like having a crystal ball.
C
Yeah, right.
E
It's just called Twitter.
F
There's a news story, and I don't know if it's rumor or if it's fact that your tweets are worth $10,000 each. Is that true that I would be
B
tweeting nonstop like I would,
C
so it can't be true. Hey, Kim, we really appreciate your time. I'm sure you got a million of these things to do today, so thanks a lot. I really appreciate your openness also.
B
Thank you.
C
All right, take care.
B
Bye.
E
Have a good day.
C
Wait. She was cool, huh? She was cool. She was. She was way more than I expected.
A
She's awesome, isn't she?
D
Yeah.
E
Really cool.
G
Very cool.
C
Kim Kardashian on the Bird Show. The Bird Show.
H
Happy birthday, America. It's time to celebrate and play your favorite Las Vegas casino games by American owned spinquest.com what's better than fireworks and American pie? Hitting a blackjack in the palm of your hand and you won't lose your fingers. Over a thousand games, including slots and live dealers and $30 coin packs are on sale for 10 spinquest.com buy American players.
C
For American players, Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Bird Show.
D
All right, well, I want to ask you guys advice on something that I was exposed to over the holidays. And this was right after Christmas when it was Katie and myself and two of our best friends went to the mall and we went shopping, Right? So we were going just hanging out looking for sales and stuff. And then the conversation. And this is so random, but of professional organizers. Like, I never thought twice about people who carried. And I'm talking about the physical professional organizers that you carry in your hand. Right.
E
Oh, not people that.
D
That's not the people that do it. It's actually the physical paper organizers, you know, like, because I tend to still have a paper calendar, but I don't have the full on organizer. Open up.
C
Yeah.
D
Have the sections and everything. Yours is so horrible.
C
That's what you need right there.
A
Like what you had in high school to write down your assignments in.
D
No, this is like. This is a cult. Okay. This is a cult because we. Because my best friend said, you know what I need to get. She needed to get hers fixed. Okay. So I didn't understand what that meant. So we went into a store that I didn't realize that there were stores dedicated solely to professional organizers. A whole store. A whole store. Because.
F
What's it called?
D
We're Perimeter Mall.
F
Yeah. Franklin Covey.
D
Is that where I was?
F
That's what it's called. Yes.
D
Where I was in this vortex of, you know, I don't know, obsessed women and men in there that were just so taken by everything that was on the shelves. And I'm telling you, Bert, you walk in the door and it's nothing but professional organizers from to the back.
C
Here's where you and I differ on it. Like, I. I admire a store like that for people that can actually be disciplined enough to be that organized. Like, you could put anything in that store in my hands or your hands, and it won't do us any good because you inevitably have to organize the organizer by yourself.
D
Right.
C
Which you and I don't have that skill.
D
Right.
C
But like producer Tracy or the fact that there are things out there that are like. That make people make our lives so much easier.
D
Let me tell you.
F
But let me tell you, we gave her 1000 bucks a container store. And you would have thought that we parked a new Mercedes.
D
But let me tell you though, but see that the culture thing that comes in with this is that people like producer Tracy, who is one of the most organized people I know, would be recruiting people into her fold of organization.
C
It can't happen.
D
And I'm wondering about that because we were there, okay. With my friend who was getting her organizer fixed, which I think was code for let's suck them in the store and see which one of these girls we can get. So Katie and I go in there and sure enough, Katie is in the back with one of the sales reps and my best friend's girlfriend and they're going over organizers. And so Katie bought this really nice, really beautiful, like fabric covered professional organizer that's in the back of my car right now downstairs.
E
She doesn't use it.
D
Yeah, she doesn't even use it. But I'm fascinated. But there's a whole store and then my friend was going to get hers fixed because they had to screw in the. I guess the screws and the binding came out or something.
B
I don't know.
C
I think there's a real mentality to being a good organizer. And I have came to the conclusion a long time ago in watching Tracy actually, that my mind just doesn't organize things the way Tracy's does. I will never, ever, ever have that ability to do that. And you could put a thousand dollar binder in front of me organizer, and it would end up just looking like this in three weeks because I just. I wouldn't know where to put all the papers.
E
He was holding up. His is a mess. And it was like 1988.
F
But that's fine for you, and it works for me.
E
And I think mostly creative types and creative people are less organized. Your brain just doesn't function in the same way as people who are super organized people.
F
That's the excuse, I guess.
E
Super OCD organized, like, anal retentive people are much more linear and less creative. It's okay.
D
Yeah, I guess I was just like. With this. I get Container Store and stores like that, organizing your home or whatever. But just the fact that this big store at Perimeter Mall was nothing but these.
C
And thank God for them.
D
And it was packed and people were all into it, and. And there's. It's almost like this club. Like, they were in the know and they had little code words they got. I mean, and each year they got. I mean, it was. Anyway, I ran out of that store as fast as I could.
C
There were years ago when producer Tracy would come on the air and we would talk about her organization, and she's so OCD over the top that I came home one day and Stacy and I started thinking about getting Tracy some professional help for it. And then I thought, why? This is what she. Yeah, this is awesome for the show. If we get her help and she's healthy. Yeah. That makes our lives work way, way, way, way more difficult. They're not going to have that. The bird show. All right, so today we start our bird shows. New Year's resolutions. We're going to see how long these will last.
E
We might have already screwed them up.
I
Yeah, we did.
A
I didn't. Bert did.
C
Well, it was more of a toss than.
A
It wasn't a Bert threw a paper wad.
C
Can we agree. Can we agree that they start right now since we're reminding each other about it?
E
Yeah. It has to start with a reminder because I forget what all of them were.
C
Me, too.
F
But we did say, though, you said we wouldn't remind.
A
Yeah, we wouldn't remind each other.
F
Here they are.
E
Okay. Well, that resolution's been broken.
B
Yeah.
F
The first resolution is there's gonna be no reminders of the resolution. We're gonna go into this knowing that we've already broken them. So we're resetting.
C
We figured we're no different than you guys. That will set these. These sort of in show resolutions, and they'll be broken within, if not three hours, then three weeks.
F
So the first one is already broken. I know that. Bert and I both broke the first one already.
A
What's the first one?
F
No cussing.
C
Oh, we did.
B
Mm.
E
We did.
F
Are there Any effing pens that work in the studio?
A
Oh, you just did that one, too.
C
It's so frustrating. 20 pens here and none of them work. Okay, guilty.
F
First one, and then.
A
That's fantastic.
C
We're 32 minutes into the show.
F
Suggestive language was one that.
E
I think we ruined that when we talked about our Saturday night.
F
Okay.
C
Did you guys get sexual with each other?
E
No, we did.
C
It was a matter of time. Is that your little. You were really showing him how thankful you were he was back.
E
Yeah, Jessica was standing right there.
B
It was crazy.
A
She carries such a wild night.
F
Jen has a Pez dispenser filled with roofies, and so I take it out
C
with me every weekend.
A
Where can I get one of those?
F
The paper wads, Which I guess Bert, you broke. I didn't.
B
But you threw paper at Wendy.
C
No, Josh just came in here. It was more of a toss. It was a catch. It wasn't a. Nope, it was a catch.
A
Nope.
B
You tossed it.
F
Was it unfolded or was it crumpled?
C
Crumpled.
F
Then it's a paper log. Back in studio before the mics come on. Which I don't think any of us, but we really haven't had a chance
C
to mess that one up yet.
D
You.
C
But I think you were doing 11 alive.
F
11 alive doesn't count.
E
Yeah, Skype doesn't count, but everything else
F
does, like making a pee pee or poo poo.
E
Oh, my gosh.
B
I'm gonna be late at making a
F
thing and then starting the meeting right at 10:30, which we won't know until Bert walks in at 10:40 today.
C
That's awesome. Okay. And then did we decide that we were putting a dollar in? A dollar for every.
E
That's not even a dollar.
D
Best commercial ever.
B
I love that.
C
Are we putting a dollar in for every resolution that we bust?
E
Melissa?
C
No.
F
Melissa will lose her mind.
C
Okay.
E
She's out sick today, so we could make it stay, but when she comes back, she's not going to put in any money.
C
No, she is a.
E
Yes.
F
She lost, like, three $10 bets in a row, like, in 2004, and has never let us forget Jen Javi jumped out of a cake in her underwear once. Melissa's like, really? Because I lost 30 bucks in the football season. 04.05.
C
So no cussing, no paper wads. 10:30 meeting, and suggestive language off the
F
air and back in studio.
C
And back in studio, which you don't
F
have to worry about, really, because you have to be here.
C
Right? That one will hit you guys harder than it's going to Hit me. Okay, we're good.
F
But I just think it's going to be interesting, you know. Natalie, did you hear all those? Will you hold on to these? Because she'll be the one to call us because we'll forget.
C
We can at least keep a score. If it's not going to cost us a dollar, then we could at least keep score, because bragging rights in here means everything.
B
It's not even a dollar.
F
And I think as soon as. As soon as one of those happens, Natalie, here's what you do. If you notice, like, if we're off the air and one of us cusses or something, don't say anything then. But then when Burt turns on the microphones to whatever, just walk up to the mic and just stand at the mic and he'll know that you have to call one of us out.
C
Good enough.
F
But don't do any of it off the air. We really like to be humiliated on the air.
C
It'd be a great thing. Hey, the Bert Show.
H
Whether it's slots or live dealers, Spinquest.com has the fun and action you're looking for with Spinquest exclusives. Blackjack, roulette, baccarat, and even live dice. With craps and bubble craps. The games never stop, so you don't have to. And right now, new users get $30 coin packs for just 10 bucks. Play now@spinquest.com Spin Quest is a free
C
to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Bird Show. We got to bring producer Carl in here. He's been at the same place that I'm scared of being at. And that's when your 7 year old starts asking you about the birds and the bees. And as the words are coming out of your mouth, you know you're hacking it, right?
G
Exactly. I know I am.
C
So how does this all go down? Are y', all, like, watching TV or something?
G
Ah, my son, you know, he's seven years old, so he's asking all kind of questions, just random questions.
C
All.
G
All of out the blue, he asks me, why doesn't he has boobies?
I
What?
G
That's how it starts.
C
Does he even say, dad, I got a question for you. Y' all sitting there around watching Phineas and Ferb, and he goes, how come I don't have boobs?
G
Exactly like that.
F
Out of nowhere. Ambushed. You got ambushed?
G
I'm like, because you know what? I want to be like. I want to be there. Like, you know, when I grew up, my dad was in a different city. So he was kind of there on the phone, but he wasn't there. You make a difference when you're there. So I want to be right there and be straightforward and honest with my son and, you know, not try to. I want to be right there and just, boom, ready for the world.
C
At 16, dad knows everything.
G
Yeah, man, because one thing I told him, I told him a lie one time and he found out. Then he said, dad, the kings don't lie. I said, because, you know, I'm calling myself the king around the house and prince and all that stuff. So he said, dad, kings don't lie. So when he said that, I'm like, okay, I gotta be real just straightforward with you, man. He said this a few years ago. So he asked me about the boobs, right? So I decided, Yeah, first of all, I'm shocked that he. That he called it booby. I'm like, where you get boobies from? I don't say boobies. I say tata. You know, whatever.
F
So.
G
So he asked me about that. So I decided to be straightforward with him. He started asking me where babies come from, and it starts getting deeper and deeper. So I take a deep breath. Okay, should I tell him the truth or should I wait? So I'm like, forget it, man. I tell him the truth. I say, all right, son, babies come from. I use. I don't know, man.
C
I use.
G
Can I use these words?
C
Well, it depends what you're gonna say. Penis.
G
Yeah, yeah, Okay. I use the penis. Goes into the vagina. And I stepped away from it real fast.
F
I bet you did.
E
You said it.
D
Really?
G
I said, goes in vagina real fast. I was thinking that the seven year
F
old thinks that's all one word. He thinks that's one long medical word like peanuts going to their vagina's room.
G
I'm hoping. Exactly. I'm hoping that he didn't have a chance to process it. So he catches the whole thing. He slows it down. He isn't vagina. I'm like, yeah, son. So we go into just a little bit. And then he goes, okay. And walks off and goes, finish watching Finnish and Ferb. So later on in the day, I get a call from my wife. So she's like, man, what did you tell Kylie? I'm like, I told him, you know, the truth. And so she's embarrassed. Cause he walks in the. She walks in this room and he's smiling at her. Hey, mommy. You know, I know how I got here.
F
Oh, no.
G
So she calls me, she said, you should have got. Because I'M the one feeling embarrassed because she's thinking that now he's looking at her. What Daddy's doing to her now, he probably is. I don't think so.
C
Well, I mean, he's connecting the dots.
B
Yeah.
G
He's still figuring it out, and that's what I mean. So it's cool for him to kind of figure it out. Like right now he's seven. By the time he actually figures it out, he'll be, what, eight or nine? And, you know, he. You know, he's learning. It's the truth, buddy.
C
He's smart kid. He's starting to put it all together. So did Nichelle go back and did she give him a different reason?
G
No, she hadn't touched it.
C
She hasn't touched it.
G
She hadn't touched it at all. Now when I get back home then, you know, I explain a little bit more. You know, I have daughters.
E
Avoiding her kid at all costs.
C
Go to your room.
G
And I promise you, man, it's funny because you're trying to be real careful when you're doing all of this right? You want to be as careful and as direct as you can. But I think I was a little bit premature of telling him the truth, you know?
C
I don't think so.
G
I don't think so.
C
No. My two year old has asked.
B
Really?
C
Yeah, he's already asked. You know, he knows daddy has a penis and he knows that mommy has a vagina now because he's made us explain it to him. How come Mommy doesn't have a penis?
F
That's a European band right there. They're going to open for Foo Fighters at some music festival in, like, a town called Dublin Shire.
C
So, yeah, they start getting really inquisitive early. But the thing is, is that they hit you with questions at the strangest times and it's not a big deal to them. They don't know that they're about to ask you a big question, so they don't brace you for it. So you'll just be sitting there watching tv and then daddy, how come men don't have boobs? Comes out.
F
I would imagine it's the same feeling as the football coaches who get the big old tub of Gatorade thrown on them without even, you know. And they're not ready for it, right? Your shoulders go up, your head goes down, you shock on your face.
G
That's exactly the way you feel. And the thing is, when you tell him all this truth and all this extra grown up stuff and he looks at you, oh, okay. You kind of feel like, all right, I did the right thing. But then you get that call, like the repercussion call. Exactly. But the thing about me is I have daughters, and I'm not sure of what my son is telling my daughter.
A
Oh, no.
G
So I have to be clear on what I'm doing with them. And I think I was a little premature. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna tell my son the truth.
C
Would the conversation have been different with your daughters than it was? So what would you have said to your daughters?
G
I would have told her the truth, but I think I would have been a little bit more easy about it. Penis and vagina just, you know, I don't even know if my son even. I don't even know if he'd even heard the words before, but he knows what it is.
E
Uncomfortable.
C
He's obviously heard the word boo, right?
G
I know, right?
A
Boo.
C
But I mean, how else are you going to tell your daughters? It's the exact same thing. I mean, they are eventually going to find out about the vagina and about the penis. So why.
G
I think I would re. I would have reel my wife in on that one. I would have told her the truth. Yeah, I would have told him the truth and been there, but had her speaking it, you know, so daddy could be a part of it. But my son just. Yeah, this raw and uncut, buddy.
E
What did I do?
G
Literally, right?
C
He's starting to put it together now, man. Like, oh, so now I'm starting to get how I got here.
G
Right, right. He's with us, though, man. And, you know, we got a crack in our. In our bedroom door. So I'm.
A
I'm.
G
I'm thinking about all this stuff now. You know, I'm thinking, like, how does he know? Like, he's putting it all together. Has he ever seen us? Or. I'm like, man, you all up in your head now. All up in my dome.
C
I wish there was a way that they could brace us for stuff like that, but they just don't know.
E
Just blurt it out.
C
They just blurted out, like, this is not a big deal or anything, but how come I.
G
And you know what? You're right. Because that happens. You don't expect it, but I don't expect to be caught off guard. But it will catch you off guard. Parents sure will smack you right in the face.
C
Daniel, Good morning. You're on Q100.
I
Hey, good morning, guys. What's going on?
C
You tell us.
I
Oh, man. I've taught first grade for the last five years, and As a male elementary school teacher, imagine that, what he had, that just caught him off guard. I'll have 20 children sitting in front of me and one child will throw a question like that out.
C
But you've got, you've got built in excuse. So you could say, why don't you go home and ask your parents, Right?
I
Yeah. But the funny thing is is I try to be very, you know, cerebral and talk to the children about that kind of stuff. But like that question about, you know, why don't I have boobies. I mean, we'll talk about mammals and reptiles and stuff. And we have to explain that mammals give live birth and feed their babies milk. And I always get into a conversation that humans are actually mammals and the children are like, no way, no way, I'm not an animal. And they'll fight you on it. And when the characteristics are like, you have fur, you know, so your eyebrows are fur. And your mom gives your baby brother or baby sister milk. And it's funny because half of them will smile because they've seen it. Then the other half just stare at the other ones like how come he knows more than I do what's going on?
C
Right?
I
Yeah, but I have to, I have to get into all that stuff at some point. It is hilarious the way they look at you.
C
I'll tell you which word scares me more than anything else now is the word why. Especially when it comes to my two years, two year old. Oh yeah, because it's just a chain of whys until you get to the base of everything.
G
Everything is a why.
C
I feel like I need to know how. Everything for that kid because he won't take the first answer exactly. Always why, why, why and why.
H
Get it?
C
The bird show.
H
What's going on everyone? It's bluff here and we're driving through the states in the bluff Mobile. And the best thing that we can do is play our favorite casino style games on Spin Quest. They have over a thousand games including live dealer blackjack and craps. With tons of slots and unlimited options. You can, you can get a $30 coin pack for just $10. For new users sign up today go to spinquest.com right now Spinquest is a
C
free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. You're on the Burt Show. Here is Jesse who's looking for a little advice here. Jesse, you want to be on the voice disguiser or no?
I
No, that's cool, man.
C
Okay.
F
Only if he's a Chargers fan.
C
So you're about to Ask a woman out that you consider totally out of your league.
I
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
C
In what way? Like, she's just way, way, way hotter. She's a hotter woman than you are a guy?
I
Well, let's put it like this. I'm about a four on the scale, and she's about a 15.
C
So now what makes you. What makes you a four?
I
You know, I'm just not one of those very attractive guys. You know, I've got a great personality, some decent amount of smart, but I'm just not all that good looking.
E
How do you know this woman?
I
School.
B
School.
I
She's in my class.
E
And have you guys worked on projects together, or would you just be like, a random classmate walking up to her?
I
Random classmate. We just started. We just came back, and she's in my econ class.
C
So how much conversation have you had with her?
I
Honestly, about three minutes worth.
E
And what was it about?
I
Basically, where we lived, we were talking about gas mileage and different things, and she's like, oh, I've got an hour drive. And it's like, oh, really? I do too.
A
So do you guys live in the same area?
I
Sort of. I'm in Cartersville. She's in Canton.
C
Here's the thing. Let's talk real for just one second. Okay?
B
Okay, go for it.
C
Because, I mean, a lot of this whole dating thing is based on looks, especially first impressions. Right?
I
Right.
A
Kind of.
C
So what do you mean?
A
I mean, you can meet somebody and they may not be all that attractive, but I think what makes a person attractive is their confidence and the way they communicate. And the initial thing is looks. But I think if you can overweight the looks with your confidence and your personality, I think that definitely outweighs humor. Absolutely.
E
Women like funny guys.
C
So let's go with this. So let's go with this for a second here. Okay.
B
Okay.
C
Based on what he's saying, she's way hotter than he is. So maybe, probably most likely at first look, this is not a guy that she would be interested in. Looks wise.
B
Mm.
C
So would the best advice to be don't ask her out just yet, Sort of cozy up to her and let her get to know you a little bit more before you go for the asking out?
E
Yes, I would say that for sure. I mean, I think that you've got to warm her up with other conversations. Maybe start talking about the class or how she's doing in the class, whatever. And I think if you ask her out, it needs to be, like, based on what you've already talked about, which is the class. So like, I mean, like, I think like a study thing where she can get to know you a little bit better, get to know your personality. You can be funny, laugh ha ha, like study together at a coffee shop or whatever for like an hour. Like that's gonna be a less threatening way to sort of like get to know her better and kind of work your way in.
C
I think, you know, there's some guys, you know, that it's the other way around, where they've got such great looks but such awful personalities. But they will get the initial date. They will get the initial date because they're so good looking and they may not get the second. Whereas what you're trying to do is the opposite here. You're trying to build for sort of
E
long term here, then ask for the date.
C
Right.
F
Some. Sometimes though, the great looking guy will get, you know, 10 dates out of it just because the women will keep. Well, you know what, he just hasn't opened up to me, right? Look at his abs. Just hasn't opened up. You know what, that's why it stays like this. Where I'm proud to be a man. Where the superficial, shallow, nothing but a body attitude doesn't affect us at all.
C
Is there any rush on why you have to ask her out now?
I
No, not really.
E
Do you know if she has a boyfriend or not?
I
That is unknown.
E
Okay. Yeah, I think the more you talk to her and the more that you guys have like little, you know, chit chat conversations or whatever, think you'll be able to learn a little bit more.
C
Look, you may have to go the really long route here where you pretend to be her friend for a long period of time and then she suddenly realizes after one day, you know, after like hanging out for a year that oh my God, he's right in front of me. You know,
B
it could happen.
C
Dude held on for a long time with some women. Years be their friend, like nine years, some cases.
E
I think the next thing we need to help him with is like, how does he spark up another conversation?
A
Well, that's easy. They're in the same class.
E
So what do you think it should be about?
F
Do you think? Do you think I'm good looking?
E
No. I'm go with no on Jeff's idea.
C
There's got to be something there, man. I mean, you're in the same vicinity as she is every single day, right? There's got to be a moving forward line or something.
B
Okay, okay.
C
Do women dig it when guys come to him with something that they, they aren't sure. Of, like, something in class that he needs an answer on just to break the ice.
E
I think she'd be happy to probably be the expert. Like, hey, I missed, you know, what he said last week about blah, blah, blah, like, you know, could I borrow your notes? Or something like that?
B
Okay.
C
Can you do that?
I
I can do that.
C
You get all nervous and stuff around her where you can't talk and.
I
No.
C
Okay.
E
Throat gets dry and you're, like, swallowing really loudly sometimes.
C
Pee yourself a little bit.
F
If she does say that, you can use her notes. You should ask her to put her notes up her shirt and ask her then if you can go get them.
I
I can do that.
C
No, no, don't do that. Women love that. Hey, Jason. Good morning. You're on Q100.
I
Hey, I definitely think the dude needs to get a study date going because, I mean, it's. It's real easy, you know, you need to study. So it's like, hey, let's go. Let's go get some coffee and study. And then, boom. That's like date number one.
E
Boom. Then you're in there.
F
Boom, you're in. Once you say the boom.
I
There you go. That's right.
F
Invite her over for lasagna.
I
Boom.
B
Boom, bada boom, bada bing.
E
You got an A on the test.
G
She got an A.
B
Then you're in there.
A
Hey, I feel like I'm on an episode of Jersey Shore right now.
C
Jesse, are you gonna see this girl today?
I
Oh, yeah.
E
Awesome.
C
Okay, so your homework assignment for today from the bird show is bring up something in class that you're just a little bit confused about. Maybe she can clear it up for you. It's just a little icebreaker today. That's it. You're just trying to get a little interaction, and then we'll work on something a little bit more advanced, like next week.
I
Sounds good to me.
C
Okay, dude.
I
Alrighty, man.
C
Godspeed, Jesse. All right, we'll talk to you tomorrow morning. All right, bye.
E
Bye.
C
Man, that walk up to her when you know she's so out of your league is so nerve wracking.
E
Aww.
C
It's the worst.
A
He's got the N. He's got the N. They're in the same class. He's got an N. He's fine.
C
All he's got to do is say, look, there's something I'm a little confused about. Just a little icebreaker today.
E
I think this is gonna be fun to follow.
C
It will be.
B
Especially if it works.
C
Listen, it's the bird show.
H
What's going on everyone. It's bluff here. And you know what's more American than America's 250th birthday? Supporting American owned companies like Spinquest, America's number one social casino with over a thousand games like live dealer, blackjack and craps. They're offering new users a $30 coin package for just $10. Go to spinquest.com and sign up.
C
Today Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.
The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, June 5 [Vault]
Date: June 5, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, + guests
This vibrant episode of The Bert Show delivers its signature blend of humor, authenticity, and everyday relatability. The cast discusses a range of topics—from magazine cover controversies and a candid interview with Kim Kardashian, to the joys and pitfalls of personal organization, parenting challenges, and real-time relationship advice for listeners. With quick banter and a friendly tone, listeners are brought into the cast's world as they navigate pop culture, share personal experiences, and offer down-to-earth advice.
[00:50–04:21]
Notable Quotes:
[04:21–16:38]
Memorable Moments & Quotes:
[17:26–21:14]
Highlights:
[21:14–25:52]
Funny Exchanges:
[26:20–33:08]
Quote of the Segment:
[35:17–42:04]
Key Advice & Quotes:
The episode maintains The Bert Show’s genuinely conversational, relatable style—blending levity, empathy, and a touch of irreverence. Whether tackling social issues or giving personal advice, the cast keeps things honest and light, making for a feel-good, insightful listen.