Full Show PT 1: Friday, May 22 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, May 22 [Vault]

Date: May 22, 2026
Hosts & Regulars: Bert, Jeff, Wendy, Michelle, (with appearances by other regular cast and callers)
Special Guest: Wyclef Jean

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Episode Overview

This dynamic episode of The Bert Show weaves together humor, real-life dilemmas, hot topics, and celebrity surprises. The team dives deep into the complexities of financial habits during a recession, societal pressures, and moral quandaries—with their trademark blend of straight talk and jokes. A lively debate about consumerism segues into an emotionally charged discussion on ethical choices in emergencies. The highlight: a surprise in-studio guest appearance from music icon Wyclef Jean. The latter half delivers comedy with crowd-sourced Tiger Woods jokes, capping a show packed with wit, vulnerability, and candid conversation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Shopping and Spending During a Recession

Starts ~00:45

• Michelle's Rant on Spending Habits:

  • Michelle calls out people who complain about being broke yet continue shopping for non-essentials.
    • “If you don’t have money, then don’t go to the mall. It’s that black and white.” (Michelle, 00:50)
    • Critiques the logic of justifying purchases as “only $40 or $60,” reminding listeners these add up.

• Anecdotes and Listener Calls:

  • Wendy and Jeff share examples of social circles showing similar behaviors: shopping for luxury while lamenting cash woes.
  • Jeff relays an incident at Neiman Marcus—two women, one proclaiming financial distress, both buying shoes. (03:00)

• Caller’s Hack on Retail Returns:

  • A listener explains “working the system” by buying tagged clothes cheaply from thrift stores and returning them to department stores for store credit.
    • “Dress for 6 bucks? Got 75 bucks off of it.” (Caller, 04:50)
  • The cast debates whether this is savvy or constitutes theft.

• Philosophy of Responsibility:

  • Michelle urges facing reality: “You have to sacrifice. If you have a lot of credit card debt ... your reward for getting out of debt will be to go buy myself a pair of shoes ... pay for it with cash.” (Michelle, 04:07)

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2. Moral Dilemmas: Who Do You Save?

Starts ~09:12

• Dramatic Real-Life Story:
  Bert shares news about a man named Stacy Horton in New Zealand. His wife and son are trapped as their car sinks in a river. Stacy first tries to save his son, then his wife, ultimately rescuing her but losing his son.

  • “He’s got a quick decision to make. Do I help my wife or do I go after my son?” (Burt, 10:36)
  • Callers and hosts discuss the impossible ethics—instinct, proximity, and logistics all play a role.

• Gender and Parental Instincts:

  • According to online comments, women are more likely to say the child should always be saved, while men sometimes defend saving the spouse.
    • Jeff: “Women in particular seem to believe Stacey Horton should not have given up on his son…” (13:01)

• Emotional Fallout:

  • The hosts empathize with the lingering trauma and blame that can follow such choices.
    • “I don’t know how the dad ever gets the scene out of his head.” (Burt, 18:39)
    • Fire rescue reports confirm nothing more could have been done, sparking further debate about survivor’s guilt.

• Callers’ Reactions:

  • Listeners weigh in, expressing empathy and reinforcing that no one can judge unless faced with the moment themselves.
    • “Regardless what he decided, I think it was extremely brave. And we have no right to judge.” (Caller, 15:49)

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3. Bert’s Surprise: Wyclef Jean in Studio

Starts ~22:11, big reveal at 24:38

• Blindfolded Burt:
  The team sets up a mysterious surprise. Burt is nervous and mildly claustrophobic.

  • “I don’t like to have anything over my eyes like this … freaking me out.” (Burt, 22:51)

• Heavy Week for Bert:

  • Jeff explains that Bert’s had a rough week—“corporate meeting,” upcoming holidays, and a “finger in the butt” at his doctor’s appointment for his physical.
  • This leads to jokes, then the reveal…

• Wyclef Jean Appears:

  • Burt instantly recognizes Wyclef’s voice: “No way.” (Burt, 24:40)
  • Wyclef jokes about turning 40, colonics, and the weirdness of medical procedures.
    • “I did a colonic before … The first one was painful.” (Wyclef Jean, 25:32)
    • “The person who’s in the room with you, I mean, you know what you going through, and they trying to make it seem like … there’s nothing going on.” (Wyclef Jean, 25:43)

• Music & Meaningful Work:

  • Burt reveals he’s a lifelong Fugees and Wyclef fan.
  • Wyclef explains his new Timberland partnership for Haiti—proceeds from boots support tree planting in Haiti.
    • “When you pick up these Timberland boots, $2 of the boot goes back to tree planting in Haiti, which is where I’m from.” (Wyclef Jean, 27:29)

• Mall Santa “Bomb Scare” Story:

  • The team humorously recounts a mall evacuation when a man dressed as an elf claimed to have dynamite.
  • Wyclef jokes about “not going back to Brooklyn” with this story following him: “Clef went to Atlanta … they got, like, blown up by some elf.” (Wyclef Jean, 35:10)

• Fugees Reunion and Music Industry Commentary:

  • Wyclef speaks candidly about the Fugees’ complicated reunion rumors and his decision to only reunite if the music “feels right.”
    • “I’d rather live on the myth of a great album than do something that’s mediocre.” (Wyclef Jean, 30:02)
    • Reflects on creative legacies and personal career highlights.

• Local Culture—No More ‘Hotlanta’:

  • Wendy asks Wyclef to join Atlanta’s effort to retire the phrase “Hotlanta.”
    • “Everybody who doesn’t live in Atlanta still calls Atlanta Hotlanta … we’re trying to enlist everyone to help us with the No More Hotlanta campaign.” (Wendy, 33:54)
    • Wyclef pledges to spread the word to his million followers.

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4. Rapid-Fire Tiger Woods Jokes & Listener Engagement

Starts ~36:19

• Tiger Woods One-Liners:

  • The segment is a humorous roast of Tiger Woods following his public scandals, with a mix of puns, golf references, and crowd-submitted jokes.
    • “The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods. They’re calling it Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger.” (Burt, 36:29)
    • “Tiger’s new name: Cheetah, because he was cheating.” (Burt, 37:18)
    • “Apparently, the only person that can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.” (Caller, 39:05)

• General Vibe:
  The cast and callers riff off each other, critiquing the jokes’ quality and reveling in comedic camaraderie:

  • “These are really bad.” (Wendy, 38:41)
  • “Washing the balls is kind of funny, dude.” (Burt, 39:39)

• Scandal Reflection:

  • The show briefly reflects on the seriousness, with Jeff pointing out, “You know he admitted it on his website yesterday, right?” regarding Tiger’s apology. (Burt/Jeff, 40:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you don’t have money, then don’t go to the mall. It’s that black and white.” – Michelle (00:50)
• “Dress for 6 bucks? Got 75 bucks off of it.” – Caller (04:50)
• “You’re stealing.” – Jeff, on store credit schemes (05:21)
• “He’s got a quick decision to make. Do I help my wife or do I go after my son?” – Burt (10:36)
• “The only thing I could think when I was reading it is ... I hope she knows it’s okay that she saves the kids. Go ahead. I’m done.” – Burt, about real-life moral dilemmas (11:55)
• "I've got two small girls ... I believe if they were to pass away at this moment, they would directly go with God and my wife and I could have more children. That's why I believe I would save my wife first." – Caller (18:49)
• “I don’t like to have anything over my eyes like this … freaking me out.” – Burt, hyped for his blindfolded surprise (22:51)
• “Yo, this is Wyclef ... I’m good, man. And sorry about the thumb in the butt.” – Wyclef Jean, greeting Burt (24:38)
• “When you pick up these Timberland boots, $2 ... goes back to tree planting in Haiti, which is where I’m from.” – Wyclef Jean (27:29)
• “I’d rather live on the myth of a great album than do something that’s mediocre.” – Wyclef Jean, on a Fugees reunion (30:02)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Recession Spending Habits: 00:45 – 08:00
• Return Scheme Listener Call: 04:16 – 06:13
• Ethical Water Rescue Debate: 09:12 – 21:20
• Blindfold Surprise & Wyclef Jean’s Entrance: 22:11 – 24:38
• Medical/Joking Banter with Wyclef: 24:38 – 27:29
• Timberland boots for Haiti & Mall Santa Bomb Scare: 27:29 – 31:30
• Fugees Reunion & Music Biz Talk: 31:30 – 34:45
• No More ‘Hotlanta’ Campaign: 33:54 – 34:41
• Tiger Woods Jokes Segment: 36:19 – 41:17

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Flow, Tone & Takeaways

• The episode balances sincere social commentary with humor and irreverence.
• Hosts frequently challenge each other’s views, keep the discussion real, and pivot smoothly from pointed debates to laughs.
• Wyclef Jean’s appearance lifts the mood and provides both inspiration and comic relief.
• Listener participation is a thread throughout, reinforcing community and authenticity.

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Perfect For:
Listeners who love morning radio that’s unfiltered, funny, and deeply human, with a heart for real talk and surprise superstar moments.

Transcript

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[Burt (Host)]

Here Birch Show. So Michelle thinks some of y' all are taking. Taking advantage of the recession.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I am and it's taking advantage of the recession. But in the sense of you obviously times are hard and people, you know, have their issues and they're money and not having money and so on and so forth. But I feel that if you don't have money, then don't go to the mall. It's like it's that black and white. I mean, I, I know a lot of.

[Jeff]

So how are people taking advantage of it?

[Michelle]

Well, not that it's not taking advantage of, but if you, it's like you're crying about a situation and you're complaining about not having money, but you're still spending, like, yeah, a lot of people do still spend. And I think for me it's more of a, like the people like age group. I can't speak for everybody else, but the people that I know that are sometimes, maybe it's younger people. I'm sure all different people do it of all different age groups, but they, you know, it's like, oh, I'm so, I'm so broke. Times are tough. I don't have money. I have all this credit card debt. But an event comes up or, you know, a big night happens and they're at the mall buying an outfit and their attitude and their justification is, well, it's only $40. I only spent $40. Or I only spent 60 bucks. But the next thing you know is when you think about if you have two big events a month and you're only spending 40 or 60 bucks, that's 80 dol. Or $120. And that's if you're in such big credit card debt and times are so hard, that goes a long way.

[Burt (Host)]

You must be talking about somebody specific in your life right now?

[Michelle]

Not just someone specific. I have a couple friends who have really pulled back. I have a best friend who. I'm very proud of her. And she was just a big shopper and she really wanted to get out of credit card debt. She has some goals that she wants to reach, so she really pulled back. But I also have some friends who have had. You have a lot of credit card debt and at this. And then they're at the mall.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I have friends like that, too. Like, where they're. They'll talk about, like, I don't have money, I can't afford this, I can't afford that. But then for whatever reason, they're always wearing something new. New shoes, new accessories, new clothes, whatever. And yeah, it's like you can't have. You can't have it both ways. Like, you can't have the sympathy from your friends if you're complaining about being broke or in debt or whatever.

[Burt (Host)]

And then you're not going to make adjustments every time.

[Wendy]

Every time I see you, you're wearing something brand new and gorgeous and you got a new handbag and you got new boots and you got new this, new that.

[Jeff]

I was actually sitting at which one is at Lenox Square? Is that Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom? I always get those two confused. Nordstrom's at fit, so it's Neiman Marcus at Lenox Square. I'm sitting in there waiting for Jessica near the shoe section, and I listened to one girl tell another girl as they were shopping for shoes. And like Neiman's like the home of the $500 pair of shoes, right?

[Wendy]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay. So they're shopping for shoes and she is saying that she is leaving the mall and going to her mom's house to borrow money because she's already five days late on rent and they've cut her hours and she just doesn't know what she's going to do. And they both bought shoes.

[Burt (Host)]

That's exactly what you're talking about.

[Michelle]

Exactly what I'm talking about. And I think it's just. It's a situation where in life sometimes you have to sacrifice. If you don't have the cash, if you have a little. Now, you got to enjoy life. Yeah. You know, you. Everyone deserves to buy themselves something nice once in a while. But at the same time, if you have a lot of credit card debt, you should also say, okay, once I get my reward for getting out of debt will be to go buy myself

[Burt (Host)]

a pair of shoes to get back into debt. That's Your reward?

[Michelle]

Pay for it with cash. You know, instead of putting on a credit card.

[Jeff]

You know what? As soon as I get this credit card paid off, I'm going to run it right back up again.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Steven. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Hey, good morning, guys. How are you? Good deal. Well, I was going to let you know that I kind of understand what you're saying, but I found the solution to that problem. If you go to Nordstrom or Macy's, they have a no names, no ask return policy for their stuff. So I went to Buford and Goodwill there and found a dress for my girlfriend that had a Nordstrom tag on it for $75. Took it back, and you get a gift card with it with your name on it.

[Burt (Host)]

Wait, let me get.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Wait, wait.

[Michelle]

So you returned it back to Nordstrom

[Wendy]

for a higher price

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

dress for six bucks? Got 75 bucks off of it. What?

[Wendy]

How did it still have the tags on it? At a salvation?

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

There are tons. I promise you, if you go to Goodwill, you can go and find tons of things with tags on them. Macy's, Nordstrom, Belks, all of them.

[Wendy]

Is this Clark Howard?

[Burt (Host)]

Is that a way to save?

[Jeff]

Clark Howard doesn't commit crimes.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, I was gonna say, is that a way to save or is that illegal?

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Smart. Not illegal.

[Burt (Host)]

Just using the system. He's saying he's using the system to his advantage.

[Jeff]

Just so you know, that's illegal.

[Wendy]

Is it really illegal?

[Jeff]

Absolutely. You're stealing.

[Michelle]

Take from the rich, give to the poor.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. You're. You're returning an item that didn't come

[Jeff]

from the same store, but actually, hold on. It did come from that store.

[Wendy]

What if somebody had just given it to him rather than selling it to him?

[Jeff]

You know what?

[Caller - Listener]

He should donate the money to charity.

[Jeff]

Let's walk through this. Yeah, absolutely.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Telling them a lie. I'm not telling them a story. I'm just simply returning it. They don't ask, they don't tell.

[Jeff]

That's actually.

[Burt (Host)]

It's just taking advantage of the system, I think. I don't know that that's illegal.

[Jeff]

Somebody did pay 75 bucks for that outfit, right?

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Then he takes it in there, he gives them the outfit back. He gets somebody else's 75 bucks.

[Caller - Listener]

Yeah, we get the concept.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Right.

[Jeff]

So he's stealing technically, not from the store, but from the fool who donated it.

[Burt (Host)]

This is, you know, but the system is set up to take advantage of in this case. So you can't feel.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Yeah, it's recession.

[Jeff]

Hey, what time? Yeah, what time do the thrift stores open because I think I got. I got a dentist appointment right about when they open.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Mike. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Good morning.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Hey. I was just gonna say that's funny what y' all were talking about. We were just talking about this yesterday. Them showing, interviewing people in line for Black Friday. And everyone's like, oh, yeah, times are tough. The economy's bad, you know, cutting hours at work. But I can get $300 off this $2,000 LCD.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, that's what Michelle here is talking about.

[Caller - Listener]

That is good for the economy for everybody to spend. So I don't discourage people from spending their money, but only the people that have the money. I agree with if you're going to, because it's the same thing. I've known people who did get laid off and did lose their job, and they did so last year. But I have seen places that are hiring, but there are people I know that would not. It's like you can't pick and choose what job that you want to go have if you are really in tight shape.

[Burt (Host)]

Beggars can't be choosers at this point.

[Caller - Listener]

You can't pass, let's say a fast food store that say, you know, hiring now. And you talk about how, I have no job, I have no income, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, I think that's Michelle's point is that, yeah, if you're hurting, then be hurting.

[Michelle]

It hurt and sacrifice and work on what you have to take care of your responsibilities. And in my opinion, that's a lot. Not that's not the sole problem, but that's a lot of what gets us in these situations to begin with is want to live a certain way, but they don't necessarily want to take responsibility for the way that they want to live.

[Burt (Host)]

What do they call it? The city of $30,000 millionaires.

[Caller - Listener]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I will tell you that Michelle did get oddly quiet as that guy started to explain his buy and return thing.

[Burt (Host)]

Did he exploit you or did he just give you an idea now?

[Michelle]

No, I couldn't do that.

[Burt (Host)]

It's the vert show

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[Burt (Host)]

hey, the bird Show. Here's one to debate right here. Man. This poor guy, Stacy Horton. This guy lives in New Zealand, right? And a couple of days ago he's at home when his cell phone rings and he picks it up and it's his wife and she's in a complete and total panic because she just drove her car into a river and it's slowly starting to sink.

[Caller - Listener]

Oh God.

[Jeff]

It's literally one minute from his driveway right there.

[Burt (Host)]

She's panicking. I don't know that she called the New Zealand equivalent of 911 or she called her husband first or whatever, but she's got her 13 year old in the back also. And this car is starting to sink. So the husband, Stacy is his name, obviously, gets out of the house as quickly as he can and he drives to this river. Like Jeff said, it's just a minute or two away. When he gets there, the car is just, it's, it's going down and it's going down and it's going down. His wife has escaped from the car, but something she hadn't, she hadn't, she hadn't escaped.

[Jeff]

The wife. There are three people in the car. The wife, the son who is how old? 13, and the son's best friend. The son's best friend was out of the car. The wife was struggling to get out. The son was still in the car. And the decision he had to make is who does he free?

[Burt (Host)]

Well, he, that's not the way I read it that he had to go down and get her. The way I read it is she's in the water, but she's hurt pretty badly, so she can't even swim right. So she's not in the car. So she's kind of flailing around while the son is in the car. He's not sure that she can make it back to shore. So he's got a quick decision to make. Do I help my wife or do I go after my son? So he dives down to go after the sun, and he comes back up for air, and he can't get into the car. The wife is still flailing, and she's starting to sink now also. So now he's got another decision to make. Do I go for the wife or do I go back down for my son? He decides to go for the wife. So he saves her, brings her back to the side of the riverbank. She's safe. He goes back in, car goes under, and he loses his son.

[Jeff]

It's like nighttime, too, right? So there's not even a chance even know the car's gone.

[Caller - Listener]

So sad.

[Burt (Host)]

So he's got to live with this now. Should I have gone down one more time and tried to save her? So he's literally. I mean, the question in front of you really is, if you have two to save, do you save your wife or do you save your child? And he had to. He had to make that decision on that second go around.

[Caller - Listener]

But you talk about something that he had a second to think about. You know what I mean? Like, God, what a tragic situation to be in.

[Burt (Host)]

The only thing I could. I could think when I was reading it is that if this is me and Stacy and our kids, I hope she knows it's okay that she saves the kids. Go ahead. I'm done. That's fine. I've had a nice life. I just got to meet Wyclef. I've had a nice life, save the kids, and if I'm gone, I'm gone.

[Caller - Listener]

Well, he tried. It seemed from the way you told the story, it sounds like that he tried to. Like that was what his instinct was, that he went to save his child and he couldn't do it. So, you know, I guess when you look at it in a different way, at least he could save one instead of going back to try to save the son unsuccessfully and then end up losing both of them.

[Burt (Host)]

There's been a lot of comments posted about this, and there's sort of like a gender line that's been drawn in opinions. Let me just read from this article. It says many parents commenting on the story and online forums have said, I could never live with myself if I let my child die. Women in particular seem to believe Stacey Horton should not have given up on his son, even if it meant losing his own life or sacrificing his wife. Interestingly, men were far more likely to say they would save their spouse. Moms faced with the same horrific dilemma seem to believe they would always, always put their child first and they would want their husbands to do the same. This begs some pretty profound questions, says this article. Is maternal instinct ultimately stronger than paternal variety?

[Caller - Listener]

I think it's easy to make the comment though, without actually being in the situation.

[Burt (Host)]

Do women love their children more than they love their husbands?

[Caller - Listener]

It just depends on it. Just, I mean, to me it would be complete instinct in the water and I don't know what the answer would be.

[Wendy]

I mean, if he thought, okay, I have to dive 20ft down now to get to the car and the water pressure is so much and rushing so fast, it may be 30ft by the time I catch my breath to get back down, you know what I'm saying? It may have been a logistical decision rather than an ethical decision. Now, I think if you separate that situation from, you know, begging the question, the what ifs, I think it's, it's a better debate. But to, you know, to sort of place that judgment on him, well, oh, he should have picked his son over his wife, that kind of thing, like in that moment, how in the world can you say what you would have done?

[Burt (Host)]

You don't know.

[Caller - Listener]

You don't know.

[Burt (Host)]

I know, like on paper it feels to me like I would continue to try to go with the car to save my son. And if Stacy made it, great, but I got to do everything I can to save the son, save my children on paper.

[Caller - Listener]

But when you're there, it depends on who's closest. I guarantee, I mean, that's the thing,

[Jeff]

is the version of the story that I read had them both in the car and he had to pull. The difference was she was, because of the way the car was tipped or tipping or something, she was more free but was across like it was basically a 50. 50 is the way I read it. And he made the decision to pull his wife out. And even in the interviews afterwards, he said, I could have saved whatever his son's name was, but I didn't. Like that's now how this says.

[Burt (Host)]

When he arrived at the scene two minutes after the accident, Stacey could hear his wife Vanessa screaming for help in the murky water. The 13 year old son was trapped in their Mazda station wagon.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I think she was, I don't

[Burt (Host)]

think she was in it.

[Jeff]

If she wasn't in it, then the decision's easy for Me. You get. You pull her back.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

You.

[Jeff]

You get back out to the car. If you can't go down and get it, then you can't go down and

[Caller - Listener]

get it, even if they're in it. Let's say he was knocked unconscious from the accident and she wasn't. I mean, there's so many factors that would play into it. If you get in the car and you have somebody that is awake and able to help themselves and help you help them, then I think in that instant, that's who you reach for. I mean, oh, my God, how tragic.

[Burt (Host)]

You talk about not being able to judge. This is one situation I wouldn't even sugarcoat.

[Caller - Listener]

Absolutely right.

[Wendy]

That's what I'm saying. All those harsh comments that you said on those blogs, that's scary.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Rachel. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Listener]

Hey, I think that in that situation where, I mean, obviously he's completely terrified and he has to make that really hard decision, whichever, regardless what he decided, I think it was extremely brave. And we have no right to judge or people have no right to become as judgmental as they are. I mean, we always tend to look and say, well, if I was there, I would be so much better. But if he would have even tried to save his son and his son was unconscious, chances are they wouldn't have been able to resuscitate him with cpr. I mean, CPR doesn't always work anyway.

Now, I know that if Sully and I were in a car in the river, that Katie Jo would save the dog. And I know that for sure she would make that judgment in the water or on paper, But.

[Burt (Host)]

And I know right now that the way that Stacy feels about pancake, because he's been peeing and chewing on everything in the house, that if we both go down, she's probably pushing his head under the water.

[Jeff]

I've actually had that conversation with Jessica where I've said, if you're following us home from somewhere, and I'm in the car with the dog and it wrecks and it tips over and it's on fire, I go, who do you get out first? And she thought about it for a minute, and she goes, I've seen you open a car door hundreds of times. I've never seen Sasha do it.

[Burt (Host)]

Game changer. Hey, good morning, Nadine. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Oh, my God.

[Caller - Listener]

Thank God I finally got through.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

No, I was getting it. I love you guys.

[Burt (Host)]

Thank you.

[Caller - Listener]

Thank you.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

What I was getting ready to say was that I think it's More. As far as mothers are concerned, it's more of an instinct thing. They're always going to go for their children versus their spouse. But until your place is in that

[Caller - Listener]

situation, no one can say what they're

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

actually going to do.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, the. The. The writer of this column quotes a novelist that once said, men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters. So a man would always choose to go for the wife first. A woman would always choose to go for the child, and the child and the child would go for the animal.

[Wendy]

The only thing I could agree with is that women's instinct to go after their children. And isn't it sort of ingrained in our minds that men can take care of themselves, but children are helpless? So if you had that, you know, if you had that decision to make, sort of your maybe your instinctual thought is, well, you know, like, if Stacy had to save you or one of the kids, like, be like, okay, well, Bert's a man. He can save himself. Let me get the kid. Because he's helpless.

[Caller - Listener]

I don't know. Just the whole situation. I mean, I can't. In my mind, I don't even have children, and I could not. I can't distinctly make a choice. I don't know what I would do.

[Burt (Host)]

Does your opinion change at all if I tell you they have two other children that were at home at the time?

[Wendy]

No.

[Caller - Listener]

It is gonna. It is gonna change their lives either way. Like, their. Relate. Their. Their marriage is gonna be. Even though he saved her, it's gonna. They're gonna have a rough spell and their marriage because of this. If he lost his wife, the family would be in dire straits for. I mean, it. It doesn't matter. There's not one clear cut, easy decision.

[Burt (Host)]

I don't know how that. How the dad ever.

[Wendy]

Accident.

[Burt (Host)]

I don't know how the dad ever gets the scene out of his head.

[Caller - Listener]

He doesn't.

[Jeff]

He sees the tail lights disappearing under the water.

[Caller - Listener]

Oh, my God.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, David, you're on Q100.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Hey. I think I would save my wife first. And here's my reasoning for it. I've got two small girls, and I love them very dearly, but they are innocent. And I believe that if they were to pass away at this moment, they would directly go with Cotton and my wife and I more children. And that's why I believe I would save my wife first. Wow.

[Burt (Host)]

That's deep.

[Jeff]

That's heavy.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. So I thought you were about to

[Jeff]

say that you weren't so sure your wife was gonna go to heaven.

[Caller - Listener]

She did some more times straighten up

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

a little bit, straight to hell.

[Jeff]

I don't want to give her that.

[Wendy]

She wanted to hail Mary.

[Michelle]

So I think his opinion might change if he was in that situation because what if your little girls are screaming for you? I mean child screen scream for you to help them would be reason enough to save them.

[Caller - Listener]

It's proximity. I think that in the end it's proximity.

[Burt (Host)]

It's impossible question to answer unless you're right there.

[Caller - Listener]

It's like Jen just said, it's an accident. It is a random. I mean, well, I mean in your world it's so hard to get over

[Wendy]

parents who lose children in accidents. Anybody who loses anyone in an accident

[Caller - Listener]

that you think could have been prevented and you had a control in control.

[Burt (Host)]

The fire rescue guys did give him some relief and said, look, there is nothing you could have done had you gone down a second time or a third time and there's no way that you would have been able to unstrap your child. There's no way.

[Wendy]

So he made the right decision. I mean from a practical standpoint, he saved who he could.

[Caller - Listener]

And I believe the. I believe those rescue workers. But even if they would still lie

[Burt (Host)]

to him, and they should. The first show.

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[Burt (Host)]

The Burt Show. So Jeff said earlier this. Well, why don't you guys. It's really hard to talk with a blindfold on.

[Caller - Listener]

That's odd. That's an odd thing to say.

[Burt (Host)]

Two different senses working, but I can't get them working together.

[Wendy]

Jeff set up a surprise for Burt this morning that he's gonna be really excited about. He just has no idea what's happening. So we actually told him to put on a blindfold. So he has on the eye mask that I normally sleep with on his eyes, and he can't see him right now.

[Jeff]

It's really weird in him out, too. Like, his hands and arms are doing weird things.

[Burt (Host)]

I don't like to have anything over my eyes like this freaking me out.

[Wendy]

He's getting claustrophobic.

[Jeff]

Do you want to put your hand on Wendy's elbow? Like, Stevie went.

[Burt (Host)]

Terrible.

[Caller - Listener]

But yeah, Jeff. I mean, we tease Jeff because sometimes he can play practical jokes. And so I think Bert is having trust issues right now with Jeff because it's like, well, he's got this surprise. I'm blindfolded. I don't know what's going on. And, you know, he's wondering if this is going to be a huge success or if it's going to be just something to tease Bert about.

[Burt (Host)]

And Jeff has certainly given us enough reasons over the year not to trust him. But the fact that you guys know what it is and I'm blindfolded gives me some kind of comfort.

[Jeff]

Here's the deal. It's been a rough week for Burt. You know, it's getting that bad. It's getting. Well, you had like, it's getting close to Christmas, which is stressful. And then also there's like a kind of a corporate meeting that was just not fun. And then he had to go to the doctor and get the finger in the butt thing.

[Caller - Listener]

Oh, yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

That was the highlight of the week, actually.

[Jeff]

You know, that Physical go.

[Caller - Listener]

Well, yesterday, they burnt.

[Burt (Host)]

I got through it. I almost escaped, actually. Like, he did the whole physical part, and he was walking out the door when I. And I'm in my head going, he's not doing it. He's not doing it. And he. As he opened the door, he's like, oh, yeah, you're over 40 now, right? Oh, turned back around, and, yeah, I thought I almost escaped.

[Jeff]

So. Bert has remarked many times that there is one couple of things, but there is something that consistently will put Bert in a great mood.

[Burt (Host)]

I already know what you've done. This is awesome. I knew it when you said it.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yo, this is why I. Yeah, man.

[Burt (Host)]

No way.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Yeah,

[Burt (Host)]

awesome. Get out of here.

[Jeff]

Wyclef in studio I knew it.

[Burt (Host)]

I knew it. This is awesome. How are you?

[Wyclef Jean]

I'm good, man. And sorry about the. The thumb in the butt.

[Burt (Host)]

I tell you, if it was just the thumb, I'd have been okay, but I think he went full arm on me.

[Wyclef Jean]

But you are right, you know. You know, when you pass 40, you got to get that.

[Burt (Host)]

Have you been having to get that done now for a couple years?

[Wyclef Jean]

Not yet. I'm 37, let me tell you. So I'm getting scared.

[Burt (Host)]

You'll know as soon as you walk in the room. They've got, like, this big old glob of, like, ointment, and there's a rubber glove next to it, and you're like, I'm 40.

[Wyclef Jean]

I did a colonic before, though.

[Wendy]

Oh, what was that like?

[Wyclef Jean]

I mean, it's. It was painful.

[Michelle]

I would just.

[Wyclef Jean]

The first one was painful.

[Wendy]

I would just be embarrassed by somebody else being in the room.

[Wyclef Jean]

No, the crazy thing is, like, the person who's in the room with you, I mean, you know what you going through, and they trying to make it seem like. Like there's nothing going on. I'm like, yo, woman, you're putting something in my butt. There's stuff coming out. Hey, how's your day? How's the. I'm like, I don't feel good right now.

[Burt (Host)]

People swear by it, though. Like, if you go once, you keep going back. Have you gone back more than once?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, yeah, I went back, man. You know, I go, like, once a year.

[Wendy]

You feel better afterwards? Like, what's the feeling?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, actually, I'm just a freak.

[Jeff]

He goes back for the conversation. Cause it's where he gets all caught up.

[Burt (Host)]

I got one shot to talk to Wycliffe, and I just spent 4 minutes and 55 seconds talking about his ass.

[Jeff]

I know we had the camera I'm burdened face for the surprise. But I think the real surprise was Wyclef's face when I explained that part of the reason we're doing this is because Burt went to the doctor for that yesterday.

[Burt (Host)]

It is so great having you in here. I have really been a fan for years, man.

[Wyclef Jean]

Thank you, man. Thank you so much.

[Burt (Host)]

Obviously, it started off with the Fugees and Carnival is the album that I'll put in whenever I'm going out and I want to be in a good mood or I want to work out. That's the one, man.

[Wyclef Jean]

Thank you so much, man. Appreciate that.

[Wendy]

So it's been ringtones and ring backs

[Burt (Host)]

for years and you're the dude for me, man. I wish this wasn't some VIP club, you know, somewhere, and we were, you know, partying it up a little bit. That's how I had it in my head. But that's gonna work.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, but we're not.

[Jeff]

We're in a radio studio at 7:45 talking about colonics. But you know what, it's close.

[Burt (Host)]

What are you doing in town, man?

[Wyclef Jean]

I'm out here promoting these boots. Timberland yellow Haiti boots. You know, I just did a big partnership with Timberland and today we're actually gonna be at the Underground Atlanta. And the idea is when you pick up These Timberland boots, $2 of the boot goes back to tree planting in Haiti, which is where you're from, which is where I'm from. And the idea is this holiday, not only can you just, you know, get something, but get something that really matters. So the idea is it is gonna be kinda cold out here. So when you get your Timberlands, make sure you get the ones that say Yele Hayti on them. Actually, you'll be making a difference and stuff. And we're also gonna be at the mall, south lake Mall at 7 o'. Clock. It went through my Twitter yesterday that there was a bomb scare at that mall.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's the Santa Claus.

[Burt (Host)]

Did you hear about this? The details on this thing are so scary. Have you heard about this?

[Wyclef Jean]

No. Break it down.

[Burt (Host)]

It's almost. It's comical, it's almost embarrassing that Atlanta's gonna be branded with this today.

[Caller - Listener]

Yeah. Because the mall Santa there was having a receiving line for pictures. And there was a guy that was dressed like an elf that was in line to take a picture with Santa. And once he got up there, he let him know that he had dynamite in his bag. So the Santa went to the mall security said, this dude's got you Know, a bomb or something. And then they had the police come out and they had to evacuate the mall.

[Wendy]

So the guy was actually dressed like an elf. He was dressed like an elfman earlier was hilarious.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, I thought it was like a little person, like a full grown man.

[Wendy]

No, no, the pickup line, which was what you said, you thought that the dynamite in your. In his pants was like just like a bad pickup line.

[Burt (Host)]

Like some sexual pickup line. Like, you want to see the dynamite that I have in my bag? Yeah, but it was a real. So that's the mall that you're gonna be at?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, so we gotta be there. So I mean, hopefully I won't run into this dude.

[Jeff]

Can you do.

[Wyclef Jean]

It's all good. I get him. I have him. Buy a pair of yellow Haiti. Timberland.

[Jeff]

Can you do us a favor? And when you go to other cities and you're telling, you know, if it comes up that one of your events is canceled, can you not tell them it was because it was a bomb carrying elf?

[Wyclef Jean]

No, no, I got you.

[Burt (Host)]

Cool.

[Wyclef Jean]

I'm more interested in the blindfold thing because I'm from Brooklyn. So early in the morning, blindfolding somebody is kind of scary. When I came in here, man, I can't front to you, man. Somebody gonna let y' all gonna blindfold this dude, then I'm gonna walk in. What if this guy freak out, start moving his ass?

[Burt (Host)]

What's going on with Fugees here, man? One year I hear you guys are getting back. The next year I hear like you're fed up trying to put the whole project together. Then I hear it's going back on again.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I'm the Martin Luther King of the Fugees.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Serious.

[Wyclef Jean]

So, I mean, we went definitely. We did Dave Chappelle Block party. Big shout out with Dave to Dave Chappelle. The funny thing, everybody was trying to get the Fugees together, but somehow Dave Chappelle was able to get all three of us in a room and hypnotize us with his voice was like, you will do my show. You will do my show. And then we did the Dave Chappelle Show. I'm definitely attempted to go back to the studio, but me as a producer, it has to feel a certain way. So I'd rather live on the myth of a great album than do something that's mediocre. Cause, you know, if you've heard artists come back and you're like, man, it don't sound like one. So I basically just moved on and I got with Shakira. I did the Hips Don't Lie. Maria. Maria. Santana. Right now I have a mixtape out with DJ Drama, and my next Wyclef Jean album is coming out next year. So as far as the Fugees, hopefully they can catch up before I turn 40, you know what I mean?

[Burt (Host)]

Before you get to.

[Jeff]

Before you get to go to finance.

[Wyclef Jean]

But I'm moving full throttle with a lot of production and I have a lot of great music coming out. With the Fuji situation, I think because the Fugees are like the hip hop Beatles, I always feel like Paul McCartney, where it doesn't matter whatever I'm doing, you know, they're like, man, yeah, Paul, you're great. So when is the Beatles gonna have an album?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Are you over people asking you about it? Would you just wish they wouldn't ask you about it? Or is it sort of like almost like a badge of honor that that band was so good and so memorable that people want you to be together?

[Wyclef Jean]

I mean, it's definitely a badge of honor because understand, like, you know, coming from where I came from, Haiti, you know, and growing up in the projects of Brooklyn and moving to New Jersey and deciding that I'm gonna build a studio, like right behind a crack house. And inside of this studio, I'm gonna do an album, which turned out to be the score, is probably one of the most amazing, you know, stories of my life. So in that sense, I think that's why when people hear the Fugees, beyond the music people felt. I always tell people, you know, you can have hits, but a culture phenomenon is something else. Where people feel like you're doing music where you're putting people together. So I always walk with that badge.

[Burt (Host)]

Is it a no win situation for you guys? I mean, it was so big, Fujis were so big that even if you reunite and you do great music, it'll always be compared to the first one. So it's a lose lose all the way around.

[Wyclef Jean]

No, it's not a lose lose all the way around. I think, you know, great music always prevails. I mean, when you have the Beatles catalogs, you have certain things you like more. Or if you have Miles Davis catalog, I think great music is great music, you know, But I always say, like, the biggest song of all time is. So for example, the Fugees Killing Me Softly. I was like, one time, two time, right? And it was great for the band. I made somebody a whole lot of money, but I didn't make that money. Cause I didn't write the Song. Right now, you take a song like Hipstone Lie, Shakira that I wrote. You know what I mean? And then that song gets as much airplay as Michael Jackson and the Elvis song. Now all of that money and that publishing comes to me. So, you know, in the big scope of things, you know, as a writer, sometimes it's beneficial for me. So I always. You always gotta look at it like, okay, well, if I was with the Fugees, maybe I wouldn't have gave you Hipstone Lie. Maybe I wouldn't have gave you Sweetest Girl. Maybe I. So I don't really think back like that. I'm just like, you know, if they ever get back together, I definitely know with the tone and the pulse that I'm on, the music will definitely come out. Great. Yeah.

[Wendy]

You know, I think we need to get Wyclef Jean on our no More Hotlanta campaign.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, that's what all the calls are about right now.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

I was just about to take.

[Wendy]

I want to take this opportunity.

[Burt (Host)]

You want to try to explain it to them?

[Wendy]

Well, basically, everybody who doesn't live in Atlanta still calls Atlanta Hotlanta.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Wendy]

But if you live here, it's kind of old and cheesy and it's kind of corny.

[Burt (Host)]

Represents old school. We're past it.

[Wendy]

We're just, like, trying to grow as a city and move on from it. So we're trying to enlist everybody to help us with the no More Hotlanta campaign. So call it the A. Call the atl, just not Hotlanta. And if you can pass along the word to your celeb friends, we're thinking, because it'll start a movement, you know,

[Wyclef Jean]

when it comes up, I'll send it on my. At Yclef. I have, like, over a million people.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, that'll be awesome.

[Commercial Announcer]

Perfect.

[Burt (Host)]

You know, you could tell them that you're in Atlanta and just let them know that we don't refer to it as Hotlanta anymore.

[Wyclef Jean]

Okay, I got you.

[Wendy]

Nice.

[Burt (Host)]

I mean, if you could touch a million people for us, that would be awesome.

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, I'll let them know right away.

[Burt (Host)]

Big. All right, so again, you are going to be at the same mall where the elf scares Santa.

[Michelle]

Elf with dynamite.

[Jeff]

Reschedule on account of elf with bomb. Reschedule.

[Burt (Host)]

Is that today?

[Wyclef Jean]

Yeah, it's today. It's definitely on and it's going to happen. Demol sent a text and it was like, everything is back in order. Nothing to worry about. Why, Clef, you'll be okay. I mean. Cause the worst Thing I want to do is go back to Brooklyn or don't make it back to Brooklyn. They're like, what happened, man? Clef went to Hotlanta. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, you know, Clef went to Atlanta. You know, him and Santa, you know, they went to this mall and they got, like, blown up by some elf.

[Burt (Host)]

That's not a good way to end the legacy, man. That is not a good way. Wyclef, it's awesome to have you in here. Thanks for the surprise, man. This really is, like. This is a dream come true for me. So thanks, man.

[Wyclef Jean]

Thank you. Get it.

[Burt (Host)]

The Birch show

[Commercial Announcer]

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Visit your nearby Lowe's.

[Burt (Host)]

You're on the Birch Show. Here's a list that was sent to us a couple of minutes ago. Okay.

[Caller - Listener]

Oh, no.

[Burt (Host)]

Some of these are so stupid, but some of them are. Okay.

[Jeff]

I'm so happy you're reading the list and not me.

[Burt (Host)]

The Chinese already are making a movie about Tiger Woods.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Crash.

[Burt (Host)]

They're calling it Scratching Swede. Lying Tiger.

[Wendy]

Oh, wow.

[Burt (Host)]

That's probably the best. Why did Tiger woods hit a fire hydrant and a tree?

[Michelle]

Why?

[Burt (Host)]

He couldn't decide between an iron or a wood. Iron and wood tree.

[Caller - Listener]

Iron hydrant, wood tree.

[Michelle]

I've got one. I'm just reading. Go for it, Tiger Wood. Sing song. All you swinging ladies all you swinging

[Commercial Announcer]

ladies now put your hands up for swinging ladies.

[Burt (Host)]

Which club did Ellen use to rescue her husband? A bitching wedge. Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. His new name, Cheetah, because he was cheating.

[Caller - Listener]

Come on, people.

[Burt (Host)]

What do Tiger woods and baby seals have in common? Oh, man, this one's bad.

[Wendy]

Something about getting clubbed.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, they're both clubbed by Norwegians.

[Caller - Listener]

Oh, my God.

[Commercial Announcer]

Damn.

[Burt (Host)]

I got a few. Really? This is what you went in on?

[Caller - Listener]

Yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Michelle]

Tiger woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars.

[Commercial Announcer]

Now he has a hole in one.

[Burt (Host)]

Now he's got a hole in one.

[Michelle]

Breaking news. Tiger putts into the wrong hole.

[Wendy]

These are not good.

[Jeff]

Did you make these up?

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

That's what I have to do while I in there.

[Jeff]

You really. You really made these up.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, these are from listeners. Okay, this last one.

[Burt (Host)]

That are too embarrassed to come on the air and do it themselves.

[Jeff]

I gotta be in the voice of Sky. I need a fake name. I have a Tiger joke.

[Commercial Announcer]

All right. Phil Nicholson called Tiger's wife and asked how to beat him.

[Jeff]

It's Mickelson.

[Burt (Host)]

It's the best we got.

[Wendy]

What did she say?

[Jeff]

She said, nicholson, Mickelson, Nicholson. We all went to middle school with Phil Nicholson.

[Burt (Host)]

Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole.

[Wendy]

These are really bad.

[Commercial Announcer]

Here's another one.

[Wendy]

Are there any funny ones? Are there any ones that have genuinely made you laugh when you read them?

[Michelle]

Guess Tiger woods took the Nike slogan tagline too seriously. He just. He did just do it.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller - Listener]

Are you rocking back and forth? Cause you're proud?

[Burt (Host)]

You thought that was fun?

[Wendy]

I thought it was pretty good.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Chris. Good morning.

[Jeff]

Good morning.

[Caller - Listener]

Good morning.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Apparently, the only person that can beat Tiger woods with a golf club is his wife.

[Wendy]

That one's good.

[Jeff]

Tiger's wife used the wedge to beat out the SUV windows, which is normally used to get out of tight spots and unplayable lies.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

What was that?

[Wendy]

That was clever.

[Burt (Host)]

Is that it? Have we purged? Is that it?

[Caller - Listener]

It Tiger spent time doing this.

[Jeff]

Tiger apologizes to supporters for poor putter performance, promises to wash his balls and keep him out of the rough from now on.

[Burt (Host)]

Washing the balls is kind of funny, dude. That's it.

[Jeff]

And keep him out of the rough from now on.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

Oh, sorry.

[Jeff]

You freaking y clep. And you can't even run the laugh track.

[Burt (Host)]

Jason, go ahead.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

You're on Q and A. Yeah, I'm just had a comment about the whole Tiger woods thing.

[Burt (Host)]

Yes.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

And what I'm hearing is, like, all these women that are coming forward saying he did this, but I'm not seeing the proof. I'm just seeing a bunch of women that you know on a couple hundred.

[Jeff]

Other than his admission.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. You know he admitted it on his website yesterday, right?

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

About every single one of them.

[Jeff]

It was plural.

[Wendy]

Apologize for his transgressions.

[Burt (Host)]

S with an S. Well, I could

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

have been with the same girl, though.

[Burt (Host)]

You never know, so that's okay. Okay, so what, one changes it for you? If it's. If it's six, that changes things. And if it's one, it's a different story.

[Caller - Clark Howard Impersonator]

You guys were saying that earlier. If it's just one. You know, you talk to your wife and you're like, yeah, I messed up. But when it comes to six or seven. But you don't know that there's.

[Burt (Host)]

Alright, I don't think. I don't think we're done hearing about these today. Which to me is like, sort of like, that's kind of cowardly. Now, if you're a woman and you got five women that have already come out saying that they slept with Tiger Wood, the damage is done. If you're the sixth woman, nobody cares. If you're the eighth woman, nobody cares.

[Jeff]

Make it legit so you can go full 18 holes.

[Wendy]

He gave you an actual laugh.

[Caller - Listener]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I'm not proud of that.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning, Elaine. You're on Q100.

[Caller - Listener]

Hey, I have a tiger joke.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay.

[Caller - Listener]

I can say I out drove tiger.

[Burt (Host)]

She out drove tiger. Listen, it's the bird show.