Full Show PT 1: Friday, November 14 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, November 14 [Vault]

Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting/Bert Show Cast (Burt, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, etc.)

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Episode Overview

This lively installment of The Bert Show brings the signature blend of relatable listener drama, hilarious cast dynamics, and candid conversation. The episode is split into two main content segments:

1. A messy relationship dilemma with returning listener Lisa
2. A humorous and revealing “Real or Fake” breast augmentation guessing game
   The show is interspersed with witty banter, differing opinions, and involves the audience in both direct calls and show games, maintaining an authentic morning radio vibe.

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Segment 1: Lisa’s Relationship Dilemma

(Starts ~01:06, Main content to 17:28)

Setup

• Background:
  Lisa previously shared that her serious boyfriend left her abruptly, ostensibly experiencing a "midlife crisis" at 27 and relocating from Atlanta to Philadelphia to help with his uncle's bar. Shortly after their breakup, Lisa learned (via friends) that another woman, a hostess at the bar, moved in with him almost immediately. Now, nearly a year later, her ex wants to return—and possibly propose.

• Key Cast:
  Burt, Lisa (on voice disguiser), Melissa Carter, Jen Hobby, Jeff, various callers.

Key Moments & Discussion Points

• Lisa’s Recap (01:31–04:07)
  Lisa confirms her ex returned to town as predicted, but only called her a day late. He invites her for a drive, brings her to see a townhouse, and asks if she’d move in with him. Lisa realizes she no longer wants this life with him, especially after the pain and his quick rebound.

  “Just sitting there in the car with him, I realized that's not what I wanted...I just didn't want that anymore.” — Lisa (03:55)

• Cast Reaction (04:07–09:01)
  The hosts passionately debate whether the ex’s gestures are romantic or a red flag.

  • Jeff: Defends the guy’s attempt, likening it to a Lifetime movie if intentions were pure. (05:17, 06:09)
  • Burt, Jen, & Melissa: Question the legitimacy given the hostess situation and criticize the rush.
  • Melissa: “Sounds like he makes one quick apology on the phone and then says, fast-forward, let’s move in together. Not a... build up to that.” (08:23)
  • Lisa: Emphasizes it felt like a “quick fix,” not a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

• Audience & Callers Join In
  (10:39–15:03, 16:30–17:23)
  Listeners weigh in on the story’s plausibility, urge Lisa to ask her ex direct questions (“so many holes in this story, like a piece of Swiss cheese” – Tess, 10:43), and debate if the hostess was more than a roommate.

• Lisa’s Final Decision & Emotional Realism
  Lisa confirms she didn’t bring up the other woman because she’s simply moved on:

  “After that year of a lot of pain and turmoil and confusion, I just... I have nothing left for him, really.” — Lisa (14:45)

  Jen and Melissa discuss how women often process breakups during the separation, turning off feelings completely by the time a reconnection is attempted:

  “Once we're done, we are done.” — Jen Hobby (15:09)

Notable Quotes:

• “Women can do that, man. You turn it off, it's done." — Burt (15:03)
• “He’s just quick to the draw... He moved away quickly, moved the woman in quickly, now wants you to move in quickly. So that’s who he is.” — Jen Hobby (16:41)

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Segment 2: “Real or Fake?” – Breast Augmentation Guessing Game

(Begins 19:28; Main segment 19:30–36:18)

Setup

• Premise:
  Melissa and Jen previously claimed they can spot real versus surgically enhanced breasts “90% of the time.” Four volunteer women join in-studio (anonymized as Numbers 1–4) for a blind guessing game.

Key Moments

• Witty Banter & Set-Up
  • Burt struggles to maintain eye contact, leading to plenty of playful ribbing about “being respectful.”
  • Jeff jokes that Melissa and Jen’s challenge is “just boobs,” and tries to horn in on the guessing, “I’m going to do it because I better smoke the girls.” (24:14)

Contestant-by-Contestant Breakdown

1. Contestant #1:

   • All hosts guess fake—she reveals they're real. (27:12)
   • Discussion about evenness/proportion as a misleading factor.

2. Contestant #2:

   • Split between guesses; she reveals her breasts are fake (“they’re a month old”). (29:17)
   • Host notes surprise due to their natural appearance and lack of bra (“your left one, I’m sorry, is bigger than your right”—Melissa Carter, 30:17)

3. Contestant #3:

   • Split votes; she reveals they're real, attributing lift to a Victoria’s Secret bra (“$50 and boom”). (32:27)

4. Contestant #4:

   • Split again; reveals they're real despite small frame and large chest. (35:14)

• Key Takeaways:
  • Neither “expert” got more than one correct—modern plastic surgery and bras make distinction nearly impossible.
  • The cultural shift and evolution of cosmetic surgery technology are highlighted.
  • “If you have real boobs that often people confuse for being fake, you’re happy to come in and show them off.” — Burt (36:10)

Memorable Quotes:

• “I think plastic surgery has come such a long way... now you can tell your surgeon, ‘I want them to look real’ and they do.” — Burt (29:59)
• “We both thought they were [fake]... Congratulations, they’re perfectly natural.” — Melissa Carter ((33:12)
• “My theory last week on why I could spot them was... I didn’t think women would go in and really say, I want them to look real. But you’re right.” — Jen Hobby (35:35)

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Segment 3: Phone Scam Prank

(38:10–43:21)

Setup

• Premise:
  Jeff calls a business with a convoluted, back-and-forth routine using deliberately confusing name/address details.
• Memorable Moment:
  The victim grows audibly frustrated, accidentally lets slip, “God damn it. I’m so sick of these morons.” (42:22)
• Reveal:
  Jeff confesses it was a radio prank for The Burt Show, and laughs are had all around.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Quote | |--------------|--------------------------------------------| | 01:06–17:28 | Lisa’s Relationship Story & Debate | | 10:43 | “So many holes in this story…” – Tess | | 14:45 | Lisa: “I just have nothing left for him” | | 15:03 | “Women can do that, man. You turn it off.” | | 19:28–36:18 | “Real or Fake?” Breast Augmentation Game | | 27:12 | #1 Reveals Hers Are Real | | 29:17 | #2 Reveals Hers Are Fake | | 35:14 | #4 Reveals Hers Are Real | | 38:10–43:21 | Phone Scam Prank | | 42:22 | Pranked caller: “God damn it. I’m so sick of these morons” |

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Final Thoughts & Tone

The Bert Show masterfully blends real-life drama with stand-up-comedy energy and good-natured ribbing, providing authentic moments and unfiltered opinions:

• Relationship stories are tackled candidly, and listeners’ voices are uplifted.
• The guessing game segment playfully unpacks social perceptions of cosmetic surgery—and the humility of being proved wrong.
• The show delivers LOL moments (sometimes cringey), genuine advice, and an open, judgment-free space.

Perfect for:

• Fans of unfiltered, ensemble-cast radio
• Those who enjoy authentic takes on messy relationships
• Anyone wanting a good laugh with a dose of real talk

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For more details, call in or visit www.thebertshow.com

Transcript

[Commercial Narrator]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first there the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Knox]

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[Burt]

The Burt Show But Lisa, last week we were asking women, if you're in this situation right now with a guy, he's done you wrong somehow, some way, and you're starting to think that maybe you should take him back, call us up because we don't know anything about the situation, we're not close to you or anything like that. We may be able to give you like, an objective opinion on if you should take him back or not. Well, Lisa called us on Wednesday with this news.

[Lisa]

I dated this wonderful guy for about a year and at the end of that year, we were talking about getting married. I mean, we talked about buying a house together. He had a great job, I had a great job. And I could see kids with this man. We're very serious. And then I don't know what happened. Like, he just went through this, like, midlife crisis at 27 and he just kind of freaked out and just decided he wanted to own a. And so he up and left Atlanta and moved to Philadelphia to his uncle's bar to learn how to run and own a bar. And we tried to do the long distance thing, but then it didn't work out. And then so we broke up. And then a long story short, it's been almost a year and now he wants to come back to Atlanta. And here's the thing. I have all these mutual friends and he doesn't know that I know that right after like five minutes after we broke up, the hostess that was working in the bar with him moved in with him. Oh yeah, five minutes. I mean, he probably walked across the street to work and said, hey, why don't you move in with me? And whatever. And so now through my mutual friends, I know that he's coming back to Atlanta and he wants to get back together.

[Burt]

He's coming back when?

[Lisa]

Friday. And he wants to ask me to marry him.

[Burt]

So that's where we left off with Lisa last week. So at this point, none of us know, right, if he proposed or not. Good morning, Lisa. You're back on the Voice disguiser. How are you?

[Melissa Carter]

I'm good.

[Lisa]

How are you all doing?

[Burt]

Okay. All right, where do you. Where do you want to pick it up? Because we haven't talked to you since Wednesday.

[Lisa]

Okay. So he came back into town on Friday like my friend said, but then he didn't call me. He didn't call me till Saturday, like about midday. And he said he wanted to see me, and I agreed to it. And then he said he wanted to take drive and we drove out to Marietta and we drove to this townhouse and he said, would I. He asked me if I would move in with him if he bought this townhouse. And it was a gorgeous place, and it was something that I thought that I really wanted, and I know I wanted that last year, but, you know, just sitting there in a car with him, I realized that that's not what I wanted. That after a year of him being gone and us breaking up and it just being so painful and him moving in with that other girl, I just. I just didn't want that anymore.

[Burt]

Wait, wait, we're going entirely too fast here. All right, so dude calls you up, right?

[Lisa]

Uh huh.

[Burt]

Was there, I mean, what was that initial conversation like? Because it's been a year now, and this guy just calls out of nowhere. He doesn't know that, you know, he's in town.

[Melissa Carter]

So did you like to fake a surprise?

[Lisa]

Did he want it to be a surprise?

[Burt]

No. Did you fake like you had no idea this call was coming?

[Lisa]

No, I knew that he would call.

[Jen Hobby]

Right, but did you let him know? But you let. Did you let him know that?

[Lisa]

I think there was really no way that I could hide it.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Lisa]

Because we know each other so well.

[Burt]

So how does he start off the conversation? I mean, this guy, I can't believe the sack on this guy. I mean, after a year, he hasn't talked to you about what? That's.

[Jeff]

I think that's like any girl. If this worked out well, you know, we know how this one sounds like it's going, but if this worked out well, you'd be like, oh, my God, he left her for a year, then he comes back and he picks out a gorgeous townhome for them to live in, and he Calls her and says, I want to show you something.

[Knox]

That.

[Jeff]

That's like Lifetime movie story. That's exactly it.

[Jen Hobby]

But you gotta take that other girl.

[Burt]

That's not the real world.

[Jen Hobby]

But the difference is that other girl was a part of the picture. Like, that issue.

[Jeff]

Well, yeah, but I.

[Jen Hobby]

It's romantic. If that other girl had never been.

[Jeff]

Involved even with that other girl involved, it's romantic. Like, I think his intentions are good, and I think.

[Burt]

I think it's rude.

[Jeff]

I think if she was still into him and she loved him, like, I think then this would be an awesome. I think, oh, my God, it was so great.

[Burt]

This guy, he broke up, and five minutes later he's got another woman. Which indicates to me that he obviously was seeing somebody else while he was seeing her. Right. You don't ask somebody to move in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

To move in.

[Jeff]

Seeing the error of his ways, and he's willing to put down $100,000 or however much a townhouse costs.

[Jen Hobby]

Did he ever bring up the other girl? He never did because my assumption was that just didn't work out with her. So he's jumping back to try to get back with Lisa.

[Lisa]

That's what I kind of felt like, too.

[Melissa Carter]

Or.

[Lisa]

Yeah, that was one of my biggest fears, but I never. I never brought it up.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

Did he ever apologize for disappearing for a year or any. Did he. Like, what did he say on the phone that was so nice that you were like, yeah, sure, I'll pick right back up where we left off.

[Lisa]

Yeah, I mean, I suppose a combination of. We'd been together for so long, and I cared so much about him, and we knew. And we just really knew each other. And, yeah, he did apologize because.

[Jen Hobby]

Did you mention that you thought you were soulmates last week?

[Lisa]

Yeah, I thought that I would spend my life with him.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay, so he pulls you up in front of this townhouse, and he's faking like he can afford it because. Didn't you also tell us that he was broke?

[Burt]

Yeah, you don't mess with no broke. Broke.

[Jeff]

I can't believe. I can't believe how much grief you guys are giving this guy.

[Burt]

I think I. I find very little romantic about it.

[Jeff]

I don't think that what he's doing is proper, but.

[Jen Hobby]

Broke.

[Jeff]

How do you know?

[Melissa Carter]

She told us.

[Burt]

She told us.

[Jeff]

How does she know? She's hearing from friends of friends who thought that he was coming to town to propose. And he's not coming to town to propose. He's obviously coming to town to say, move in with me, dude.

[Jen Hobby]

See, like, I said if the other woman had not been a part of this picture. I can see where you're coming from. But the fact that he left her right to another woman's arms makes me look like, well, she dumped him. Now he's running back to his house.

[Jeff]

If this story was going differently, you guys would be like, oh, my God, look at him trying to do the right thing. He's trying to make it right. He's willing to buy you a house.

[Burt]

You can't take out a very, very Key points that are fact though, because.

[Jen Hobby]

When we talked to Lisa on Wednesday, we predict.

[Melissa Carter]

We.

[Jen Hobby]

She. We gave her our advice on what we thought, you know, whether or not she should get back with this guy. And Jen and I both were saying no because of the other woman.

[Melissa Carter]

But I think right away.

[Jeff]

I know, but I think you guys are coming down on him for a. What a. It's an amazing attempt and never acknowledge the other woman.

[Jen Hobby]

It's not.

[Burt]

You can't just pick off from just the attempt. There's a history here of screwing around.

[Jeff]

Taking all you guys, all women want all three of you. Is for men to pay attention and do great, amazing things.

[Burt]

Pay attention. He ignored her for a year, but.

[Jeff]

Here he's trying to do something awesome and you guys are hammering him.

[Burt]

Not one call.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, here's the deal. It goes. It sounds like he makes one quick apology on the phone and then says, fast forward. Let's move in together. Not a apology on the phone. Take her, like, to me, it's going to be a build up to that. Like.

[Burt]

But this is.

[Melissa Carter]

Let's move in together so you can pay for a townhouse that I can't afford. That's romantic.

[Knox]

He never said that.

[Jeff]

You don't know that he's broke.

[Burt]

She knows it.

[Jeff]

How does she know? She hasn't talked to him anymore.

[Burt]

The only thing that we can talk about is what she's telling us.

[Knox]

How did.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Did he.

[Jeff]

Did you ask him how he was gonna afford the townhouse?

[Lisa]

No, I didn't.

[Jen Hobby]

Did you talk about anything? Cause you never brought up the other woman. He never brought up.

[Lisa]

That's right. After a year, I just didn't feel like, hey, let's get back together. Let's move in together. Let's play house together. Like, it should be a buildup. He should try to rebuild with me. And it didn't feel like he was really gonna do that.

[Burt]

Yeah, I think it's awfully.

[Lisa]

I think he was just looking for a quick fix. Mm. Get his life back. And that's Just not really how it works.

[Jen Hobby]

I would have totally asked about this other woman.

[Burt]

Yeah. I don't.

[Jen Hobby]

There's no way you're leaving me and then I'm not. And then you come running back, and then we're not gonna even talk about it.

[Lisa]

I just didn't feel like I needed to talk about it because now.

[Jen Hobby]

Did you say last week that she went up to Philadelphia with him?

[Lisa]

No, she did not.

[Jeff]

She was, like, the waitress at a bar. At the bar that he worked at or something.

[Melissa Carter]

She was the host.

[Jen Hobby]

But they did move in together. But they moved in before he went to Philadelphia.

[Jeff]

No, he moved in.

[Lisa]

He moved. He moved there. We broke up. And then, like, the next week they moved in together.

[Burt]

He didn't hear Here in Atlanta. Then he takes off. Okay. Yeah. At that point, you don't know if they went to Philly or not together.

[Melissa Carter]

You guys have the story.

[Jeff]

You guys have it, right? I don't have it.

[Burt]

Right.

[Jeff]

He moved to Philadelphia, okay. To work at his family member's bar.

[Burt]

Got it.

[Jeff]

Then they tried to do the long distance thing, Lisa and him. It didn't work out, so they broke up. So the hostess of the bar or waitress moved in with him in Philadelphia. They had their little relationship or whatever, okay? Then that fell apart. Now he's coming back here and he's trying to make it work.

[Burt]

Okay. That changes absolutely nothing. But okay, at least I have the facts straight. Hold on one second. Okay, Lisa, I'm going to put you on hold. We're going to take some calls, and then I'll come back and we'll talk to you, too, okay?

[Lisa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Go ahead. Tess, you're on the Burt Show.

[Lisa]

Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Burt Show.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Let me tell you, there are so many holes in this story, it's like a piece of Swiss cheese. All right, all right.

[Burt]

What do you got?

[Caller/Listener]

Give me a break. You're telling me your soulmate, who you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, takes off and shacks up with some girl and he comes back one day and you don't rip him a new one? You don't even bring up the girl's name? Come on.

[Burt]

Yeah, I don't know how you do that. I don't know how you spend a half a day with somebody that's the.

[Jen Hobby]

Same we're talking about.

[Burt]

Yeah. And you never, ever, ever mention it. If your soulmate and you guys are supposed to be so open with each other. How do you not even bring that up?

[Caller/Listener]

There is no way.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean, in her defense, she did Say she didn't feel like going into all of it because she doesn't want to be with him.

[Burt]

Right.

[Melissa Carter]

She's decided this isn't for her. It was moving too fast or whatever. So she didn't even want to get into all that because it's over.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi.

[Lisa]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Good morning, Tracey. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm great. My comment was is that basically she's getting a lot of hearsay, which really has nothing to do with nothing. And basically, if she just. I mean, talk to him, see what he has to say, get everything out in the open. And to me, it seems like you don't want to talk about the girlfriend because you didn't want to hear any bad noise, any bad news, and you just wanted to keep it all sunshiny and smiley, and you just didn't want to hear the facts. Ask him, what is up with. Who is this girl? What's up with this? And just get the facts. You're hearing rumors. I mean, for him to take you to your, you know, your new home or whatever, that's not what his friend said that he was going to do. Stop going by the hearsay and go to him. Just get it all out in the open and move on with your life.

[Burt]

Thank you for calling. Here's Amanda with a theory. Hey, Amanda.

[Lisa]

Hey.

[Burt]

How are you?

[Jeff]

Good.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

Good. How does she know that he was. She was not just a roommate, that he moved up there and he just needed help and, I mean, because it was, you know, after they broke up, a week or so later. Maybe she was just a roommate.

[Burt]

Could be. Could be. But she wouldn't. She didn't even bring the woman up now.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, she wouldn't ask any questions.

[Melissa Carter]

I know there's exceptions to the rule, but for guys. Couldn't you say that most guys don't have girl roommates that they don't want to sleep with? Right?

[Jeff]

I don't know about that, but I'll guarantee you she wasn't a roommate.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Like, I think you could probably have a girl roommate that you don't want to sleep with, but I don't think she was one of them. Like, it just. It's. It's. I mean, the fact that he broke. I think he obviously, like, you guys are so convinced that they were messing around. Like, he may have done the right thing. Like, the fact that she moved in so quickly says to me that he was like, you know what? This is the girl I want to be with, but I'm gonna be manly about it and dump my long Distance thing and move her in 24 hours later. Like, I don't know if he was.

[Burt]

I think he was screwing around with her because she was there. He was having the relationship in Atlanta, and it just didn't work out with her. Destiny thinks this is a romantic story. Hey, Destiny.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Knox]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener]

I was gonna say, normally I'm a pretty.

[Lisa]

I'm a realist and pretty negative, but.

[Caller/Listener]

I totally agree with Jeff.

[Lisa]

I think it's romantic.

[Caller/Listener]

Something about it is romantic.

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

He probably did have a fling with this girl. Probably realized that she wasn't the one, that.

[Lisa]

The one that he was supposed to be with was in Atlanta, and he makes this huge step, and I feel.

[Caller/Listener]

Like if she has any feelings for this guy at all, that she would be crazy just to, you know, like.

[Lisa]

Everybody else has said, not have open communication with this guy because most people.

[Caller/Listener]

Would be, you know, curious of why he would drop everything.

[Burt]

Right.

[Lisa]

You know, I think she needs to.

[Caller/Listener]

Ask questions because, you know, if it is that person, we all know how hard it is to find that person, so why not at least ask? You know, like, at least dig a little bit deeper?

[Knox]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I don't know how you even go one hour. I don't even know how to go one hour without starting to ask questions about him.

[Jeff]

Well, if she's over him, like, if it's. You know, if it's where she sees him for the first. When she. The minute she sees him, she's like, oh, nope. Game over. Then she. You're like, whatever, Lisa's guy. I'm wasting my time right now.

[Burt]

Hey, Lisa, is that how you were feeling? Like this was all a waste of time anyway because emotionally, you were just like, you're cut off from this guy anyway, so the details really don't even matter to you.

[Lisa]

Yeah. And that's why I didn't ask about the other girl, because it just didn't really. It just didn't really matter to me because I just felt like there was nothing there. After that year of a lot of pain and turmoil and confusion, I just. I have nothing left for him, really.

[Burt]

Women can do that, man. You turn it off, it's done. That switch is done sometimes, and there's no going back.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, the reason is, I think it takes us so long to get to that point. We have to go through so much to finally be fed up that once we're. Once we're done, we are done.

[Melissa Carter]

That is a theory that in breakups, women deal with it right away. So she dealt with it right away over this Year, she's had some time to sort of heal from it, but maybe there was, like, a crack in that door that was still open, you know, that little bit of doubt. But I think women really do go through the emotions and deal with it, whereas guys, for the most part, are just in denial, and they're like, ah, whatever, Rebound, rebound. And then they're not even functioning with, you know, dealing with those feelings until much later.

[Burt]

Lisa, let me ask you this. If the situation was a little bit different and his approach this weekend was a little bit different, okay, so this is all theory. Three weeks ago, he gives you a call and he says, lisa, I'm coming back to Atlanta. I really, really, really need to talk to you. Do you have some time? Okay. You say, sure, let's just hang out for a couple of hours on Saturday. Right? He comes back in on Saturday. He tells you everything. I have to be honest with you. I made a million different mistakes over the last year. When I was in Philadelphia, I thought I fell in love with a woman. I moved her into the house. It was a mistake. And for the last year, I've been paying for that mistake. And I just want to be with you. This is our new house. Does that change anything, or are you done?

[Lisa]

Yeah, it doesn't really change anything because he's still like, oh, I'm so ready to make it right. We should do it right away.

[Burt]

So that switches off and it is over.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, also, I mean, I think it also is a reflection of how he handles things. Whether bad or good, it doesn't matter. He's just quick. He's just quick to the draw. Like, he moved away quickly. He moved the woman in quickly. He's coming back. He wants you to move in quickly. So that's who he is. And so that's, you know, something you have to factor in, too. I mean, you've obviously made your decision, but you can't ignore his pattern.

[Melissa Carter]

Maybe he just needs to be alone for a little while.

[Burt]

Now he's gonna go back to Philly. He'll hook up with the other girl.

[Melissa Carter]

The other hostess, or he's gonna drive.

[Jeff]

Her down to the townhouse and go, hey, what do you think of this townhouse?

[Burt]

All right. Lisa, thank you for sharing with us. We appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

[Jen Hobby]

Good luck.

[Lisa]

Hey, thanks. Bye.

[Burt]

Yeah, man, women. Turn that thing off. It is done. It is hard to go back, but.

[Melissa Carter]

I think it's because of what Melissa said. I think that we go through it and come to that place. I don't think that we're light switches quite like men are. I think it takes a long time to get there, but once you're there, you've already been through all the emotion of it, so there's no turning back.

[Jeff]

The Birch show.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Caller/Listener]

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[Jeff]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Knox]

Hi, this is Knox from the podcast with Knox and Jamie and maybe like us at the podcast you also know people who have been smokers or vapers and Zyn is the one product it seems like everyone is talking about because there are many good reasons to make a change to Zen nicotine pouches. Reasons like Zen nicotine pouches are still America's number one choice for smoke free hands free nicotine satisfaction and you can choose between 10 varieties, each variety available in either 3 or 6 milligrams. Check out zen.com find to find Zen at a store near you. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[Jen Hobby]

I will not look at their breasts. I will not look at their breasts.

[Burt]

Last week Melissa Carter and Jen Hobby made these very powerful statements to me.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, you can tell a fake pair from a real pair.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, we're united in the fact that we can spot a fake.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, for sure.

[Melissa Carter]

The reason I think you can tell most often, like I would say 90% of the time, the reason you can spot them is because everybody who decides, you know, okay, I'm going for it. I'm going to get breast augmentation and Then they go through the process of it, and it's like, well, if I'm going to go with a B, I might as well get a C. Or if they're like, well, if I'm going to get a C, why not get a D? And so I think most times women go in with one idea and come out of it a half a size bigger than what they originally planned on doing. So therefore, you can spot them because it's. Although they think it's proportionate to their body, sometimes it's a little bigger than.

[Jen Hobby]

That based on a woman's body type. I mean, some women don't even accept what body type they are, and they get breasts that don't match their body type. I mean, I just. I just really think there are different things that you look like, look at now. I may completely have more confidence, and then Monday, you prove me wrong. But I, you know, I'm not naive enough to only look for porn breasts as the only thing that proves to be fake breasts.

[Melissa Carter]

I feel bad because I don't want it to be like we're bashing people who've had breast augmentation.

[Burt]

It's just reality is what you're saying this is.

[Melissa Carter]

Your reality, is that you can just tell.

[Burt]

Okay, that was last week on the show. So we invited 10 women to come in, some that had surgery, others that did not. Four showed up. Four women showed up this week. So your test group is gonna be a little bit smaller than we.

[Jeff]

Yep. That's how we know it's an honor to be a part of the Burt show. 40%.

[Burt]

We're hitting at about 40%.

[Jeff]

We wanted 10, 70 committed for here, so thank you for.

[Burt]

So I don't want to get into too much conversation with anybody that's in the studio, because I don't want this to be based on them judging anything on you guys except your chest.

[Jeff]

So if they sound.

[Burt]

That's it.

[Jeff]

If they sound dumb, then you think it'll lean toward fake?

[Burt]

No, I don't. I can't even imagine what scenario would play out that would lean them one way or the other. But it shouldn't even matter, because what they have said is that. That they can tell one way or the other.

[Melissa Carter]

You're having a hard time looking them in the eye, aren't you?

[Burt]

I'm totally trying to be respectful and all, but.

[Jeff]

You really are. Why are you so uncomfortable, dude?

[Burt]

It's like putting a magnet on a refrigerator. It's gonna stick. It's like natural. It's the natural order of Things. This is what happens. So as much as I'm fighting it right now. Can you feel my eyes, like, going down?

[Melissa Carter]

He has physically touched.

[Burt]

You're so uncomfortable, Jeff.

[Jeff]

Bert, they're just boobs.

[Burt]

I know, but I'm trying to be respectful.

[Jeff]

Look at her. Look at number two.

[Melissa Carter]

Look at those.

[Knox]

Look at them.

[Burt]

Since you said so, I think number twos are the ones that I've been trying not to, but.

[Jeff]

Well, you got it tough, too, because she's tall and you're not. And that's kind of like right there.

[Melissa Carter]

I have a quick question about how this is going to work. Melissa and I try to figure it out. Are we going to each separately write our list or can we confer with one another?

[Burt]

Oh, I think you guys either have to say they are real or they are fake. And I have a list right here, one through four. Melissa's opinion and your opinion.

[Jen Hobby]

Because we need to. Do we do the list separately? Because will our opinion be based on what the other one said?

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's true.

[Jen Hobby]

You know what I'm saying?

[Burt]

Why don't you do this?

[Jeff]

Write them down.

[Burt]

Say yes or no, and don't give us any reason why at first.

[Jeff]

No, I think they should write them down.

[Jen Hobby]

What I'm saying is if Jen says yes to two, and then I'll be like, well, I thought it was.

[Burt]

No, go ahead.

[Jen Hobby]

You know what I'm saying? So write them down.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Sure.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay. Get upset. Sorry, you guys. I feel like.

[Jen Hobby]

And I feel. I apologize because I have not looked at them because I didn't want to study and look and try to formulate my guests. And then on top of it being rude for staring at them. So I have not even faced the women yet, but thank you for coming in.

[Jeff]

Do you need Bert and I to. You need Bert and I to turn around in case you got to grab onto any of them or flash or anything like that.

[Melissa Carter]

They're, like, proudly showing off. Really awesome. Cleave. I'm really jealous right now. Is what the real deal is.

[Jen Hobby]

I feel.

[Melissa Carter]

This is.

[Jen Hobby]

I feel so rude. Sorry, ladies. She's like, we volunteered.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I know.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Jen Hobby]

All right. It's going 1, 2, 4. Okay.

[Jeff]

And it's not like we've reduced them just to meaningless numbers.

[Burt]

We haven't even asked them their names. I think that was on your guys request, though, not ours.

[Jen Hobby]

Well, I mean, we want to call them out. I mean.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Jeff]

I don't think we should have given them.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm done.

[Burt]

You already wrote them down?

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, all four.

[Jeff]

I don't think we should have given them just one number. Like, I think contestant number one should be number one and number two. I guess number two should be number three and number four.

[Burt]

Yeah. Isn't that really going to throw the girls if one of them was done and the other one wasn't?

[Knox]

Yeah.

[Burt]

My left one's fake. My right one's not.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay, definitely get us. Yeah.

[Lisa]

All right.

[Burt]

Okay. Melissa, wait.

[Jeff]

Should Bert and I do this too?

[Burt]

No. Then it just becomes creepy, I think.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. Jazz.

[Jeff]

I'm gonna do it because I better smoke the girls.

[Jen Hobby]

You're being icky, dude. You just want permission to do what you've been doing all morning.

[Melissa Carter]

If he's making you uncomfortable, we can make him.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes. Okay. Okay, I'm ready.

[Burt]

You want in on this or you. You have said that you can't sell.

[Melissa Carter]

I am the worst.

[Caller/Listener]

The worst. But I'll get in on it.

[Burt]

All right, take a real quick peek here and go ahead and write down.

[Melissa Carter]

I have to write it down. One through four, Melissa.

[Jeff]

And Javi got up and squeezed him.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, Jeff. Yeah, this is weird.

[Knox]

Staring at.

[Jen Hobby]

You're being weird, dude.

[Burt]

You are creepy. Leslie, good morning. You're on the virtual.

[Melissa Carter]

I was like, twist my arm.

[Jen Hobby]

No, no, no, no, no. But yeah, Jeff is turning into that uncle that you never quite invite to the reunion.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I might be creepy, but I don't have jewel on my shirt, dude.

[Caller/Listener]

Hello.

[Burt]

Hey, Leslie.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Bart. I was just wondering, what are these ladies wearing? Cause, you know, with bras and different shirts, you can kind of show off, like, you have more than you really have. So are they wearing bikinis or what?

[Burt]

Jen, do you want to give a description of what each is wearing?

[Melissa Carter]

Now, number one is wearing a tight black top. It's a little off the shoulder, and it's kind of that stretchy material. So, you know, it's. It's tight, it's cute, but it's not, you know, it's not a tank. Number two has a tank top with some cleave, and number three has a tank top, which. With some cleavage. And then four has a little. Little, like. What was it, like a Gap top or whatever. So it's like. It's like form fitting, but it's still a cotton T shirt.

[Burt]

Like a V neck almost.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, exactly.

[Burt]

All right.

[Jen Hobby]

Leslie, you knew.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. And so I. But I think that she's right, because, I mean, a woman's best tool is her bra. So, like, you know, woman, I think, can, you know, a creative bra can make a woman look however she wants her to look. So I very much could not be 100% on this. Based on.

[Melissa Carter]

They all look beautiful. I will say that for sure. And I am definitely jealous of their size. Real or fake? I'm jealous.

[Burt]

Girls, you can have them too. All right, let's go right down the list here. For number one, Jamie Massie. Do you believe those to be real, or are those enhanced?

[Jeff]

Oh, you're making Jamie go first, and it wasn't even her challenge.

[Burt]

Well, she's already said that she can't sell.

[Melissa Carter]

I am terrible at it. I apologize to all of you ahead of time. I'm gonna go with number one as fake.

[Burt]

Fake for number one, Melissa.

[Jen Hobby]

But one. Yes. She's had surgery.

[Burt]

You have had surgery. Jen Hobby.

[Melissa Carter]

Fake.

[Burt]

All three. Number one, say that you have had breast augmentation surgery.

[Jeff]

Before you answer, I just want to note that Jen Hobby is covering her paper as if this is, like, an exam, and she's in the fourth grade.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, I'm afraid you're gonna cheat off me.

[Jeff]

There's no prize for number one.

[Burt]

How competitive are you?

[Jeff]

Look at her. I know.

[Melissa Carter]

I don't want Jeff, like, no one. I don't know why I don't want.

[Burt]

Jeff looking at my paper.

[Jeff]

It's not an exam.

[Burt]

Jeff, do you want to take a shot at this?

[Jeff]

I had one being fake.

[Burt]

All right, everybody unanimously says that you have had surgery. Is it true?

[Caller/Listener]

They're 100% real.

[Burt]

They are real.

[Lisa]

Wow.

[Melissa Carter]

Impressive.

[Jen Hobby]

All right, good point.

[Burt]

100% real. All right, now, Jenna, Melissa, was your first thought there? She's lying.

[Jen Hobby]

No.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

No, I just thought. My first thought was, wow, they're very evenly proportioned.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

Because I think that her breasts look exactly the same size. And to me, that was why I said I thought hers were fake, because they are exactly the same size.

[Burt]

Number one, do. Do you find that people. Have people asked you before if yours are real?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I've gotten a few people like, wow.

[Jen Hobby]

Like, it's weird.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, a guy randomly at a bar said, are those fake? And, like, yeah, no, they're real.

[Jen Hobby]

Sorry about that, buddy.

[Burt]

But have women ever come up to you and said, wow, where'd you get those done? No, no, really, Just dudes.

[Jen Hobby]

Because this goes back to what we were talking about earlier about what you look for. Because, you know, the. The replay. That when I talked about the porn breasts, a caller called up and said that. I assume that I can tell because if two huge, perfectly round balloons were on a woman's chest. And obviously. And so the thing is, like, Jen said, same reason why I Thought number one was fake because they are lifted very well for her size, and they're evenly in there even. And so that's why I thought, too, because most women can't. You know, it's hard to do an.

[Jeff]

Insult to you that they think that people think that they're fake. Is it a compliment?

[Burt]

I think that would be a compliment.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. It really is. Thanks, guys.

[Burt]

Okay, so you guys are over one right now, right? All right, number two, Jamie Massey. Do you have those as real or do you have them as fake?

[Melissa Carter]

I think this was the biggest challenge. I'm not gonna lie.

[Jeff]

Literally.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, shut up.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, you keep it down over there because she's on very low cut top and they're very perky. And I can't even tell if she's wearing a bra or not. So no bra.

[Burt]

I'm gonna go with fake fake for Massie.

[Jen Hobby]

All right. On number two, I put that they.

[Burt]

Were real real for Melissa Carter.

[Melissa Carter]

Number two, I thought were real real and.

[Burt]

And creepy.

[Jeff]

I said real creepy uncle real.

[Burt]

Number two, are your breasts real or are they fake?

[Caller/Listener]

Real. Fake.

[Burt]

They're fake.

[Jeff]

They're a month old. Wow.

[Burt]

Damn, you guys are over, too.

[Jeff]

They had some cupcakes in here.

[Burt]

Yeah, maybe Mass is the only one with the gift. So I'm curious, Melissa and Jen, why you guys thought that those were real?

[Melissa Carter]

Same thing. Because they're not the same size.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, and I think that she's like, that's great.

[Burt]

She's like, right now I gotta go back in.

[Jen Hobby]

No, I just.

[Jeff]

You just use a bicycle pump.

[Melissa Carter]

I don't know.

[Jen Hobby]

I think that it's because you don't have a bra on today. See, I think it was because maybe the misconception I had. I mean, because number one has. You have a bra on today. So I think that it was just that it was the bra thing. The bra thing threw me off.

[Burt]

See, I think that. I think plastic surgery has come such a long way that I think that if you go in there and you tell your surgeon now, like, look, I don't want everybody knowing. I don't want them to be so obvious that they can look like number twos where you can't tell the difference.

[Melissa Carter]

But they're so perky without a bra.

[Caller/Listener]

You go, girl.

[Melissa Carter]

Right on. Do you mind? Your left one, I'm sorry, is bigger than your right.

[Knox]

Okay.

[Burt]

Just like that.

[Caller/Listener]

Before I had my boobs done.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

And I told them that going in. And they. They did all these kind of measurements.

[Burt]

Can you keep the mic up real quick?

[Caller/Listener]

They did all these measurements, and they said that they literally are the same size, but I see the difference. My boyfriend sees the difference. The difference.

[Burt]

Obviously, Jen and Melissa couldn't tell, so I don't think it hurts. If you want to, like, give a plug to the doctor that did yours, they obviously are doing a good job.

[Caller/Listener]

Nakano at Prima center for Plastic Surgery in Duth.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

And it was the best doctor's experience I've ever had in my life.

[Burt]

Why did you decide to go and get them done?

[Caller/Listener]

I've always wanted them, and I'm a senior in college, and I said, you know what? Let's do it.

[Jeff]

This will help me get a job.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm in nursing school. It really doesn't help that much, but, yeah, nursing. I had to do it.

[Jen Hobby]

I swear to God. Worse.

[Jeff]

Is there, like, jokes are so easy.

[Jen Hobby]

You are such a boy.

[Jeff]

It's like I'm playing T ball with boobs.

[Burt]

T ball.

[Melissa Carter]

Now we're over two.

[Burt]

Let me ask you this. Are you happy with the results and has it done for your confidence what you maybe thought it was gonna do?

[Caller/Listener]

Definitely.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Changed my whole outlook on myself and my body.

[Knox]

Really?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm very happy.

[Burt]

Okay. All right, let's go with number three now, Jamie Massey, our number three. Is breasts real or are they fake?

[Melissa Carter]

You know, when, like, the cleavage is kind of stuck together? I don't think that people with fake boobs have that. And you've got such a nice little line.

[Jen Hobby]

I'm going with real.

[Burt]

Real for mess.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes.

[Melissa Carter]

See?

[Jen Hobby]

And I went opposite. I said they were fake.

[Melissa Carter]

I said fake too.

[Jeff]

I go with real.

[Melissa Carter]

I went with fake because they are perfectly the same size and they're really lifted up. But I don't know if that means she's got the big bra holder, push up bra on.

[Burt]

You guys don't sound nearly as confident as you did last week.

[Melissa Carter]

I know. We were go for two.

[Burt]

All right, Jim Hobby and Melissa Carter have both said that those are fake.

[Caller/Listener]

And Jamie Massey is correct.

[Burt]

They are real.

[Jen Hobby]

They are real.

[Melissa Carter]

Dang.

[Jen Hobby]

Thank you, Victoria Secret. That.

[Burt]

That's a great point about Victoria's Secret now, because they do make raws now, right?

[Knox]

That.

[Burt]

I mean, if you want pish and you want to make them look perfect, they can do it.

[Caller/Listener]

$50 and boom.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

So, I mean, I did a play and I played Marilyn Monroe. So I went to Victoria's Secret, they hooked me up, and it's pretty fun.

[Jeff]

Here they are.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, there they are.

[Burt]

Let me ask you the same question that I asked. Number one has Anybody approached you before and said, wow, that's a great boob job?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, when I played that role in school, a lot of boys, like, I would hear them whispering in the halls, and that was interesting, but not really. I mean, everyone. All my friends say I have a great rack, but. But nobody has really asked if they were fake, so.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Burt]

Well, thank you for coming in.

[Jen Hobby]

No problem.

[Melissa Carter]

We both thought they were. People are sinking in.

[Jen Hobby]

Congratulations.

[Burt]

Thanks.

[Melissa Carter]

They're perfectly natural.

[Burt]

All right, before we even get the answer here for virtual listener number four. Good morning, Kim. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, I just wanted to say all the comments about the bras Melissa and Jen contend are or did last week, that they could spot them a mile away. So it shouldn't matter what the girls are wearing, what kind of bra they have on. I mean, you say you can spot them. People aren't walking around naked when you're out in public, so you should be able to spot them.

[Burt]

Yeah, so far, they've been proven wrong.

[Melissa Carter]

All right, You've had a boob job, haven't you?

[Jeff]

She can spot your fake ones angry.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't even have to see you.

[Burt]

Yeah, maybe that's your gift.

[Jeff]

Maybe you need a smile in play as well.

[Jen Hobby]

Have five women come on on the phone, and then Jen will be able to tell based on their venom, whether.

[Melissa Carter]

Or not based on the chip on their shoulder, not the fake boobs on their chest.

[Jeff]

I'll tell you what. It doesn't even matter what they're wearing. You guys are just stupid idiots. I know you're judging me even though you don't know if I had them or not.

[Burt]

All right, Jamie Massey is Burt, show.

[Jeff]

Listener, small boobed, angry women is Birch.

[Burt]

Show listener number four in the V neck. Are those real or are those fake?

[Melissa Carter]

I'm gonna go with the same reasoning. I went with number three. You are a lucky woman. I'm gonna go with real.

[Burt]

Real for Jamie Massey. Melissa Carter also wrote real real.

[Melissa Carter]

I wrote fake.

[Burt]

Okay, all right. One of you guys are gonna be 0 for 4 today, right? One of you guys are gonna get one, right?

[Jeff]

And, Jeff, I'm 0 for 3. And I want to make sure that very confident Jen and very confident Melissa stand alone in 0 for 4 status. So I'm abstaining from this vote. Okay, so only one of us in.

[Jen Hobby]

This room, but he's staring. That's for damn sure.

[Jeff]

100% completely sure.

[Melissa Carter]

He's the test. He's just not given the answer.

[Jeff]

Exactly.

[Burt]

Melissa, again, you said.

[Jen Hobby]

I said that they were real.

[Burt]

You said that they were real and.

[Melissa Carter]

I thought that they were fake. Okay, because she's a tiny, tiny little girl with big, big boobs.

[Burt]

Number four. Are those real? And get that mic real close. They're real. They are real.

[Melissa Carter]

Damn.

[Burt]

Damn. So Javi, who said that she could tell? Of course you could tell.

[Melissa Carter]

Damn.

[Burt]

Dam did not get one set right today.

[Jeff]

Nobody is happier than Melissa that you.

[Burt]

Are 0 for 4, but you are still like, you are 1 for 4, Melissa.

[Lisa]

No.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I was definitely proven wrong because my theory last week on why I could spot them was because I didn't think women would go in and really say, I want them to look real. If you're going to pay thousands of dollars, you're not going to go in and say, well, since I'm here, might as well go, you know, but you're right. I mean, modern breast augmentation surgery, women will go in and legitimately say, I want them to look real. And they do.

[Burt]

I think the old theory that at least back in the day, I think women were going in there and they were getting them done like strippers, you know, And I think that with technology and everything, I really do think it's a lot. Obviously, today we found out it's a lot more difficult to tell if you have a good plastic surgeon.

[Melissa Carter]

And we've also learned that if you have real boobs that often people confuse for being fake, you're happy to come in and show them off.

[Burt]

Thanks, you guys, for coming in. Really appreciate you coming in.

[Jen Hobby]

And thanks for putting up with Jeff's creepiness.

[Jeff]

Hey, I was just trying to play along. This show does not exclude anyone or any breast.

[Burt]

The Birch Show.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Knox]

We'll pay off four phones up to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Knox]

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[Knox]

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[Jeff]

Bird show phone scam. Calling up a woman and she is just trying to get a little information. And sometimes over the phone that gets kind of confusing. Birch show phone scam right now.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you for calling. Notion. I'm Simmons.

[Lisa]

This is Patty.

[Caller/Listener]

How can I help you?

[Jeff]

Hi, Patty. How are you today?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm very well, thanks.

[Melissa Carter]

Good.

[Jeff]

I am calling to get some more information. I saw your ad in the magazine.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, great.

[Jeff]

And I would like to get some information mailed to me.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, tell you what, first thing, can I get your last name, please?

[Jeff]

Sure. It is Clark.

[Lisa]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Could you spell that for me?

[Jeff]

Okay, it's Cl, A, J, T, KRLT.

[Caller/Listener]

And that's pronounced Klark.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Caller/Listener]

K, C, L, A J, T, K, R, L, T, J, A, T, K. Got it. Okay. And first name, please?

[Jeff]

Steven.

[Caller/Listener]

Is that with a V or a ph?

[Jeff]

That's with a ph and an L.

[Caller/Listener]

Could you spell it out for me?

[Jeff]

S, T, E, P, H, E, N.

[Caller/Listener]

L. And that's pronounced Steven. Okay, great. Stephen Clark.

[Jeff]

Middle initial is P, as in Robert P. All right.

[Caller/Listener]

Your address, please.

[Jeff]

Sure. It is 1286 East.

[Lisa]

East.

[Jeff]

1276 East Glenridge Road.

[Caller/Listener]

Is that 76 or 8 6? I thought you said 86 first.

[Jeff]

No, 1266.

[Caller/Listener]

1266.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Jeff]

East Glen Ridge.

[Caller/Listener]

Glen Ridge Road.

[Jeff]

Apartment.

[Caller/Listener]

Apartment. What? I'm sorry, you're cutting out.

[Jeff]

1256 East Glenridge Road.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay. I'm sorry, sir. We seem to have a really bad connection. I'm having a difficult time hearing you. Is it 1-2-566-676 or 8 6.

[Jeff]

No, 12 6.

[Caller/Listener]

12 6. Okay. 126 East Glen Ridge Road. Apartment. I haven't gotten the apartment number yet?

[Jeff]

There is no apartment number. It's a house.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, great.

[Lisa]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

And City?

[Jeff]

Atlanta, Georgia.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay. And your zip code, please?

[Jeff]

303-423-0342. Right.

[Caller/Listener]

And your phone number is?

[Jeff]

The area code is 404.

[Lisa]

Mm.

[Jeff]

434.

[Caller/Listener]

Mm2.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

No, 440-44342.

[Jeff]

Nah.

[Caller/Listener]

I apologize, but we seem to have a really bad connection. I'm having such a difficult time understanding. Would you like to call me back?

[Jeff]

No, this is fine. I can hear you perfectly. 4342. Napa.

[Caller/Listener]

42444.

[Jeff]

No, 4044-304286-42864.

[Caller/Listener]

Yes, got it. Thank you so much.

[Jeff]

You're welcome.

[Caller/Listener]

And your fax number, please.

[Jeff]

Yes, it is. 404-hospital? 434-26-7-267.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm sorry, sir, you're cutting out.

[Jeff]

434-267-267.

[Caller/Listener]

What?

[Burt]

What?

[Jeff]

What?

[Caller/Listener]

434-267. What? We're missing a digit here, sir.

[Jeff]

434-344-267. No, four.

[Caller/Listener]

Sir, are you sure you don't want to call me back? Because I'm, you know, your phone. I'm not sure. Perhaps it's my phone.

[Jeff]

This shouldn't be this difficult.

[Caller/Listener]

I agree, sir, I agree.

[Jeff]

The area code is 404, right? 434-267-267.

[Burt]

What?

[Caller/Listener]

You're missing a digit. God damn it. I'm so sick of these morons.

[Jeff]

Excuse me. Hello?

[Caller/Listener]

Mr. Clark, I'm. I need to apologize. I'm so sorry. I'm getting frustrated because I'm thinking your phone is not working.

[Jeff]

My phone is working perfectly fine. You know who's not doing a good job? You. I don't want your information.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, sir, we're practically done. Can I just get that last fax number from you?

[Jeff]

You know what? Forget it.

[Caller/Listener]

But, but can I.

[Jeff]

You know what? Can I give you one piece of advice?

[Caller/Listener]

Sure.

[Jeff]

Please listen to the Burt show at Q100 radio. This is Jeff. And you've just been the victim of a phone scam. We will. We will scam you.

[Burt]

The bird show.

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