The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Friday, November 14 [Vault]

Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting/Bert Show Cast (Burt, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, etc.)

Episode Overview

This lively installment of The Bert Show brings the signature blend of relatable listener drama, hilarious cast dynamics, and candid conversation. The episode is split into two main content segments:

1. A messy relationship dilemma with returning listener Lisa
2. A humorous and revealing “Real or Fake” breast augmentation guessing game
   The show is interspersed with witty banter, differing opinions, and involves the audience in both direct calls and show games, maintaining an authentic morning radio vibe.

Segment 1: Lisa’s Relationship Dilemma

(Starts ~01:06, Main content to 17:28)

Setup

• Background:
  Lisa previously shared that her serious boyfriend left her abruptly, ostensibly experiencing a "midlife crisis" at 27 and relocating from Atlanta to Philadelphia to help with his uncle's bar. Shortly after their breakup, Lisa learned (via friends) that another woman, a hostess at the bar, moved in with him almost immediately. Now, nearly a year later, her ex wants to return—and possibly propose.

• Key Cast:
  Burt, Lisa (on voice disguiser), Melissa Carter, Jen Hobby, Jeff, various callers.

Key Moments & Discussion Points

• Lisa’s Recap (01:31–04:07)
  Lisa confirms her ex returned to town as predicted, but only called her a day late. He invites her for a drive, brings her to see a townhouse, and asks if she’d move in with him. Lisa realizes she no longer wants this life with him, especially after the pain and his quick rebound.

  “Just sitting there in the car with him, I realized that's not what I wanted...I just didn't want that anymore.” — Lisa (03:55)

• Cast Reaction (04:07–09:01)
  The hosts passionately debate whether the ex’s gestures are romantic or a red flag.

  • Jeff: Defends the guy’s attempt, likening it to a Lifetime movie if intentions were pure. (05:17, 06:09)
  • Burt, Jen, & Melissa: Question the legitimacy given the hostess situation and criticize the rush.
  • Melissa: “Sounds like he makes one quick apology on the phone and then says, fast-forward, let’s move in together. Not a... build up to that.” (08:23)
  • Lisa: Emphasizes it felt like a “quick fix,” not a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

• Audience & Callers Join In
  (10:39–15:03, 16:30–17:23)
  Listeners weigh in on the story’s plausibility, urge Lisa to ask her ex direct questions (“so many holes in this story, like a piece of Swiss cheese” – Tess, 10:43), and debate if the hostess was more than a roommate.

• Lisa’s Final Decision & Emotional Realism
  Lisa confirms she didn’t bring up the other woman because she’s simply moved on:

  “After that year of a lot of pain and turmoil and confusion, I just... I have nothing left for him, really.” — Lisa (14:45)

  Jen and Melissa discuss how women often process breakups during the separation, turning off feelings completely by the time a reconnection is attempted:

  “Once we're done, we are done.” — Jen Hobby (15:09)

Notable Quotes:

• “Women can do that, man. You turn it off, it's done." — Burt (15:03)
• “He’s just quick to the draw... He moved away quickly, moved the woman in quickly, now wants you to move in quickly. So that’s who he is.” — Jen Hobby (16:41)

Segment 2: “Real or Fake?” – Breast Augmentation Guessing Game

(Begins 19:28; Main segment 19:30–36:18)

Setup

• Premise:
  Melissa and Jen previously claimed they can spot real versus surgically enhanced breasts “90% of the time.” Four volunteer women join in-studio (anonymized as Numbers 1–4) for a blind guessing game.

Key Moments

• Witty Banter & Set-Up
  • Burt struggles to maintain eye contact, leading to plenty of playful ribbing about “being respectful.”
  • Jeff jokes that Melissa and Jen’s challenge is “just boobs,” and tries to horn in on the guessing, “I’m going to do it because I better smoke the girls.” (24:14)

Contestant-by-Contestant Breakdown

1. Contestant #1:

   • All hosts guess fake—she reveals they're real. (27:12)
   • Discussion about evenness/proportion as a misleading factor.

2. Contestant #2:

   • Split between guesses; she reveals her breasts are fake (“they’re a month old”). (29:17)
   • Host notes surprise due to their natural appearance and lack of bra (“your left one, I’m sorry, is bigger than your right”—Melissa Carter, 30:17)

3. Contestant #3:

   • Split votes; she reveals they're real, attributing lift to a Victoria’s Secret bra (“$50 and boom”). (32:27)

4. Contestant #4:

   • Split again; reveals they're real despite small frame and large chest. (35:14)

• Key Takeaways:
  • Neither “expert” got more than one correct—modern plastic surgery and bras make distinction nearly impossible.
  • The cultural shift and evolution of cosmetic surgery technology are highlighted.
  • “If you have real boobs that often people confuse for being fake, you’re happy to come in and show them off.” — Burt (36:10)

Memorable Quotes:

• “I think plastic surgery has come such a long way... now you can tell your surgeon, ‘I want them to look real’ and they do.” — Burt (29:59)
• “We both thought they were [fake]... Congratulations, they’re perfectly natural.” — Melissa Carter ((33:12)
• “My theory last week on why I could spot them was... I didn’t think women would go in and really say, I want them to look real. But you’re right.” — Jen Hobby (35:35)

Segment 3: Phone Scam Prank

(38:10–43:21)

Setup

• Premise:
  Jeff calls a business with a convoluted, back-and-forth routine using deliberately confusing name/address details.
• Memorable Moment:
  The victim grows audibly frustrated, accidentally lets slip, “God damn it. I’m so sick of these morons.” (42:22)
• Reveal:
  Jeff confesses it was a radio prank for The Burt Show, and laughs are had all around.

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Quote | |--------------|--------------------------------------------| | 01:06–17:28 | Lisa’s Relationship Story & Debate | | 10:43 | “So many holes in this story…” – Tess | | 14:45 | Lisa: “I just have nothing left for him” | | 15:03 | “Women can do that, man. You turn it off.” | | 19:28–36:18 | “Real or Fake?” Breast Augmentation Game | | 27:12 | #1 Reveals Hers Are Real | | 29:17 | #2 Reveals Hers Are Fake | | 35:14 | #4 Reveals Hers Are Real | | 38:10–43:21 | Phone Scam Prank | | 42:22 | Pranked caller: “God damn it. I’m so sick of these morons” |

Final Thoughts & Tone

The Bert Show masterfully blends real-life drama with stand-up-comedy energy and good-natured ribbing, providing authentic moments and unfiltered opinions:

• Relationship stories are tackled candidly, and listeners’ voices are uplifted.
• The guessing game segment playfully unpacks social perceptions of cosmetic surgery—and the humility of being proved wrong.
• The show delivers LOL moments (sometimes cringey), genuine advice, and an open, judgment-free space.

Perfect for:

• Fans of unfiltered, ensemble-cast radio
• Those who enjoy authentic takes on messy relationships
• Anyone wanting a good laugh with a dose of real talk

For more details, call in or visit www.thebertshow.com