The Bert Show — Full Show Part 1: Friday, November 7 [Vault]

Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen Hobby, Melissa Carter, Jeff, Jamie Massey, Father Ricardo Bailey aka Father Crunk)
Air Date: November 7, 2025
Summary Prepared By: Podcast Summarizer

Episode Overview

This lively Friday morning show brings authentic conversation, laughs, and drama. The first hour is packed with frank talk about tricky friendships, beauty hacks (from listeners and the hosts), a cautionary dating tale, and a hilarious segment from Father Crunk (Father Ricardo Bailey) that ties celebrity antics to real-life lessons. The Bert Show crew and their callers let it all hang out, offering a unique blend of humor, relatability, and real talk.

1. Sticky Friendships & Infidelity Secrets

[01:02–11:15]

The Dilemma

Caller "Nicole" (voice disguised) shares her struggle with a relatively new friend who’s cheating on her husband with multiple men, and Nicole’s discomfort with being pulled into the secrecy. The hosts explore the ethics and complications of friend loyalty, secrets between couples, and the differences in male and female friendships.

Key Discussion Points

• Nicole’s Predicament:

  • Nicole is new in town, has few friends, and feels stuck because her friend’s husband is befriending Nicole’s husband.
  • The friend sneaks out at night to cheat, and Nicole is uncomfortable keeping this secret, especially as their husbands become friends.

• Reactions from Hosts:

  • Bert: “Is this a friendship out of desperation?” [01:31]
  • Melissa Carter: “Does your husband know what she’s doing?” [05:54]
  • Jeff: “If it was a guy doing something I didn't agree with, I'd just stop calling. Why is this so hard for women?” [04:31]
  • Jen Hobby: “Women’s relationships are what their life is about… that’s her priority.” [05:23]

• Keeping Secrets in Couples:

  • Hosts agree it’s risky to tell someone in a couple a secret you want kept from the other.
  • Jeff: “Don’t tell me a secret you don’t want Jessica to know, because… when I say I won’t tell anyone else, I mean except Jessica.” [06:11]
  • Jen: “Never ask someone in a couple to keep it from the other partner unless it’s about that partner.” [06:44]

Advice and Resolutions

• Most hosts and callers agree Nicole should end the friendship:
  • Bert: “Get out of the friendship. You don’t respect her… there’s too much to lose here.” [10:02]
  • Jen Hobby: “The only way you’d be so torn is if this was a longtime friend. If it’s just through work, and your husband is getting involved — not worth it.” [10:27]
  • Melissa: “Tell your husband, then get out.” [10:52]

2. Beauty Hacks & Listener Tips

[15:38–28:45]

With the “guys on vacation,” the women take over for a “beauty bag” segment — sharing unconventional beauty/health hacks. Listeners call in with their own wild, tried-and-true tricks.

Host and Listener Beauty Tips

• Jamie Massey: “I just never, ever blow dry my hair…makes it dry and crunchy. Use Redken Straightening Balm instead.” [16:33–17:26]
• Melissa Carter: “Put baby powder on your brush and brush your hair to remove grease, make straight styles last longer.” [18:11]
• Jen Hobby: “Anyone got tips for puffy eyes after crying at work?” [19:06]

Favorite Caller Tips

• Clay Mask:
  • Erin: “Laroset clay mask from Sweden — makes your skin smooth and bright. Use every other day.” [19:59–20:21]
• Visine for Pimples:
  • Allison: “Visine takes redness out of pimples, not just eyes.” [20:44–21:01]
• Buff Puffs & Betadine:
  • Lisa: “Use buff puffs and Betadine for dry skin; rinse with unscented Dove.” [21:10]
  • Bonus: “My stepmom shaves her face to prevent wrinkles… dermatologist says it’s fine.” [22:01]
• Toothpaste for Pimples:
  • Jessica: “Put toothpaste on a red zit overnight – reduces size and redness.” [22:48–22:58]
• Coke for Hair Buildup:
  • Ruth: “Pour 2 liters of Coke over hair to strip out residue; works wonders for heavy, curly hair.” [23:48]
• Preparation H for Puffy Eyes:
  • Joanne: “Put Preparation H under eyes after crying to reduce puffiness.” [24:42]
• Burt’s Bees for Lips:
  • Melissa: “Lather on lip balm before bed to cure dry lips overnight.” [26:16]
• Band-Aid for Pimples:
  • Allison: “Sticky end of a Band-Aid over zit overnight shrinks redness and size.” [27:03]
• Frozen Spoons & DIY Scrubs:
  • Christine: “Frozen spoons for eye-puffiness.”
  • Katie & Leigh Ann: “Olive oil and salt for DIY body scrub; mayo/veg oil as hair conditioner.” [27:42–28:03]
• Bonus Tip:
  • Melissa: “Best place to tweeze stray eyebrows? The car mirror – best lighting!” [28:03]

Memorable Quotes

• Bert: “Just thinking about how sexy the women of America are going to look going to bed tonight… after pouring out 2 liters of Coke on their hands, toothpaste on their zits, Visine on their zits, spoon on their eyes, mayonnaise in their hair, Preparation H on their eyes…” [28:44]

3. The Coffee Shop Dating Debacle

[29:03–37:45]

Jamie Massey’s Story: A classic meet-cute at a coffee shop leads to emails and a playful attempt to meet again, culminating in a coffee date and dinner. The twist: Jamie jokingly asks, “You’re not married, are you?” and he admits he is.

Highlights

• The Lead-up:
  • Jamie: “He was cute, successful… total chemistry. And I’m thinking, this is perfect.” [33:17]
• The Bombshell:
  • Jamie: “So I said, ‘Haha, you’re not married, are you?’ He goes, ‘How’d you know to ask that?’” [34:14]
  • “I was absolutely humiliated.” [35:23]
• Group Reaction/Support:
  • Melissa: “That is so disappointing. That is so awful.” [37:02]
  • Jen: “There’s no reason for you to be humiliated. He should be.” [35:54]

Callers Who’ve Been There

• Colleen: “I dated a guy for a month before I figured it out.” [38:58]

• Maggie: “Guy wasn’t wearing a ring; told me his wife was coming to the bar after chatting me up.” [39:51–40:47]

• Jessica: “Lived with a guy eight and a half months before the wife showed up at our apartment.” [41:26–42:27]

• Michelle: “Five years! He proposed, we got rings, and I only found out when I investigated for class.” [42:48]

  • "I sat outside his house, called and told him he needed to mow the grass. Sat there till his wife came home!" [43:38]
  • “One time he called 42 times in one day.” [44:05]

• Takeaway: Many women share stories of discovering after months/years that their partner was married. Jamie feels “entertained” by how her dating life keeps getting worse, but the show reaffirms: the embarrassment belongs to the cheater, not to the unwitting partner.

4. Father Crunk’s Hollywood Life Lesson: Naomi Campbell & Bullies

[47:03–60:13]

Father Ricardo Bailey (Father Crunk):
Delivers his signature blend of pop culture, Bible references, and practical advice — using Naomi Campbell’s notorious outbursts (including attacking staff with phones) as a launching pad for a lesson about bullies and standing up to them.

Segment Structure

• Recap of Naomi Campbell's History:

  • “Problem with cell phones, BlackBerries, and people who get on her nerves.” [48:47]
  • “She needs a mentor… how can you throw a phone? I guess if you have as much money as she has, you’re good to go.” [49:03]

• Moral & Biblical Comparison:

  • Compares to Herodias and Salome (“used her daughter’s dance to get the head of John the Baptist”) [51:15]
  • “You don’t have to be too buffed out… just have to say, enough is enough and too much is too much.” [51:15]

• Classic Father Crunk Humor:

  • “If Naomi Campbell threw a shoe, cell phone, or BlackBerry at me, it would be her last time because I am from the south side…” [51:03]
  • “Big Mama from the south would set her straight!” [51:15]
  • Sings a Beyoncé rewrite: “When you move, I move. Just like that…” [51:15]

• Listener Calls:

  • Angela: “Can I just say AMEN?” [57:23]
  • Davina: “I will take that job with Naomi and wish she would throw a phone at me!” [59:25]

Notable Quotes

• Father Crunk: “Naomi, get some help, baby!” [56:59]
• Father Crunk on bullies: “You best to leave me alone.” [51:15]

5. Differences in Male/Female Friendships

[11:13–13:56]

• Hosts discuss: Men’s friendships often require less frequent contact, women’s are more involved and regular.
• Melissa: “If a girlfriend goes away, our life has changed forever.” [13:24]
• Bert: “Now if they called me more than every two or three months, it’d be weird… it would just be annoying.” [13:16]
• Jeff: “We can pick up where we left off. Women need more consistency.” [13:51]

Notable Moments & Quotes

• “Get out of the friendship. You’re only in it because of desperation… you don’t respect her.”
  – Bert, on Nicole’s friend [10:02]
• “Preparation H under the eyes after crying — modeling tip!”
  – Caller Joanne [24:42]
• “Lose your hair. Very low maintenance.”
  – Bert, on men’s beauty tips [19:00]
• “I was absolutely humiliated.”
  – Jamie Massey, after learning her date was married [35:23]
• “When you move, I move. Just like that.”
  – Father Crunk, inspired by Ludacris [51:15]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Sticky Friendships & Infidelity Secrets: 01:02–11:15
• Male/Female Friendship Differences: 11:13–13:56
• Beauty Bag / Listener Tips: 15:38–28:45
• Coffee Shop Dating Debacle (Jamie Massey): 29:03–37:45
• Father Crunk on Naomi Campbell & Bullies: 47:03–60:13

Tone and Style

The Bert Show features energetic, conversational banter, but the hosts deftly handle difficult topics with a mix of empathy, honesty, and humor. Advice is direct but compassionate, and listeners are drawn into an inclusive, supportive environment — even on the wildest calls.

Recap

This episode typifies The Bert Show’s magic: unpredictable, real-life drama; relatable struggles in friendship and dating; unfiltered laughter; crowdsourced beauty wisdom; and a spiritual yet sassy anchor in Father Crunk. It’s a blend of therapy, group chat, and morning pick-me-up that leaves listeners entertained and feeling a little less alone in the crazy moments of life.