Transcript

Burt (0:00)

Protect your pet with insurance from Pets.

Commercial Announcer (0:02)

Best Plans start from less than a dollar a day.

Commercial Voice (0:05)

Visit petsbest.com Pet insurance products offered and.

Burt (0:08)

Administered by Pets Best Insurance Services LLC.

Commercial Voice (0:10)

Are underwritten by American Pet Insurance Company or Independence American Insurance Company for terms and conditions, visit www.petsbest.com.

Burt (0:16)

Policy products are underwritten by American Pet.

Commercial Voice (0:18)

Insurance Company, Independence American Insurance Company or Ms. Transverse Insurance Company and administered by Pets Best Insurance Services LLC. $1 a day premium based on 2024.

Burt (0:26)

Average new policyholder data for accident and.

Commercial Voice (0:28)

Illness plans pets age 0 to 10.

Commercial Voice (0:32)

Trying to take care of yourself can feel impossible between work, holidays life where are we supposed to fit in the whole weight loss plan?

Jeff (0:38)

Right.

Commercial Voice (0:39)

That's where hers can come into the picture. With hers you can get connected to a real medical provider who actually listens and helps you figure out what's right for you. And if you're prescribed weight loss medication, it comes with a full doctor developed program with check ins, dosage adjustments, 24. 7 online support with no hidden fees, no memberships and none of the confusing stuff. They have affordable oral medication kits and GLP1 injectables and the oral kits start at just $69 a month. With the 10 month plan paid up front, it all feels really doable. So if you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit fourhearst.com Bert to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you that's F O R h e r s.com bert or hers.com bert Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Competitive drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details. Important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan.

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Monday, December 8, 2025

Host: Pionaire Podcasting | Date: December 8, 2025
Cast: Bert, Melissa, Jeff, Co-host/Producer

Episode Theme Overview

This lively episode blends the show’s hallmark morning radio humor with relatable drama and real talk. The cast invites listeners into candid conversations about exes holding items “ransom” after breakups, balancing parental control with young adult independence, and tackling stress from daily commutes. A highlight is a quick-fire but engaging interview with Michael Keaton, who discusses his film career, Batman legacy, and beliefs about the supernatural.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Exes Holding Things Ransom After a Breakup

(01:33–08:10)

Listener Stories:
- Penny’s Ex-Wife & the $47,000 Boat (01:44)
  Caller 1 describes her ex-wife threatening to hide a shared boat unless she agrees to a dinner, years after their split.
  - Memorable Moment: Bert quips about ransom notes and joke photos with the boat in various lakes.
- The Fake Farewell (03:27)
  Erica recounts her ex-boyfriend's dramatic “if you don’t get back with me, I’ll leave the country” threat — only for him to fake his departure, then reappear at her door, later even proposing to her.
  
  “He expected me to be, like, fall into his arms, like ‘Oh God, thank God you’re here and you didn’t leave.’”
  – Erica, listener (05:07)
- The Dog Hostage (06:19)
  Another caller shares how her cousin kept a dog from his ex out of spite — only for the ex to buy another dog, leaving him stuck.
Cast Insights:
- Bert and Melissa reflect on the absurd tactics people use post-breakup to exert control, often failing spectacularly.

2. Advice Strategy for Ticket "Ransom"

(07:01–08:10)

Listener Solutions:
- John suggests that showing up with a new date is the surefire way to get an ex’s attention — “no way faster to get through to an ex than to show up with your own date.” (07:16)
- Melissa questions if this is fair to the new person, suggesting a neutral, less emotionally loaded pickup.
Cast Banter:
- The crew spins humorous “how-to” tactics to diffuse ex-drama, setting up the fun and unpredictable tone of the show.

3. Michael Keaton: Three-Minute Interview Challenge

(09:15–17:26)

Michael Keaton Joins (09:15)
- The show is informed at the last second that they have only 2-3 minutes with Michael Keaton. The team jokes about their inability to keep anything that short, keeping the humor fast and relatable.
- Michael Keaton, in on the joke and clearly entertained, runs with the “you tell us when we’re done” premise.
Key Interview Highlights:
- Batman Franchise Departure (10:41)
  Keaton explains he passed on further Batman films due to poor scripts, predicting the then-forthcoming “prequel” angle would work well.
  
  “I thought it was more interesting to go back and do more of a prequel. And that's apparently what they're doing in this one. I'll bet you this is good. Not for that reason, but… it’ll be quite good.” – Michael Keaton (11:00)
- On George Clooney “Killing” Batman (11:41)
  Keaton claims Clooney himself joked about it and holds no ill will. “He's a very charming cat.”
- Has He Watched Other Batmans? (12:07)
  
  “Honestly, I've never seen them… it’s not out of any kind of vengeance, I just had no real interest.” – Michael Keaton (12:07)
- Beetlejuice Sequel? (12:30)
  He’d love to do it if Tim Burton produced:
  
  “You should start promoting that idea… it's a guaranteed money maker… it's one of the only things I'd like to do. I just had so much fun doing that.” – Michael Keaton (12:37)
- Legacy Film Selection (13:21)
  
  “It might be Beetlejuice… originality is really hard to come by… I think that movie is truly a piece of art.” – Michael Keaton (13:32)
- About "White Noise" Film (14:09)
  Drawn by its originality and psychological depth. The subject — communicating with the dead — led him to reconsider its possibility after research, referencing scientists and historical recordings.
  
  “I had to do a whole rethink about it… it was verified by respected scientists that there is something… they can’t explain.” – Michael Keaton (16:19)
- Spooky Movie Set? Easily Scared? (15:37)
  
  “Well, you know, you’re talking to a guy who gets scared by certain kinds of cheeses.” – Michael Keaton (15:37)
- Gracious Sign-off: Keaton exits with humor and warmth, the segment leaving both the cast and listeners charmed.

4. Commuter Vent Line: Road Rage & Rants

(20:20–23:13)

Host Reflections:
- The emotional toll and hilarity of daily Atlanta commutes.
- Melissa confesses her own on-the-road temper:
  
  “The fangs come out. I turn into a sailor. I cuss like one… do the whole hand motion, like what are you thinking?” – Melissa (20:48)
Real Listener Rants:
- A medley of angry, often expletive-laden vent messages from commuters — complaints about slow drivers, inconsistent speed, blocked intersections, missing turn signals, and distracted drivers.
- Bert: “I'd love to play some for you that aren't cussing, but there are none.” (23:02)

5. Young Adult Boundaries: "Ashley" and Birth Control Ultimatums

(23:27–38:53)

Listener "Ashley" Calls In (Voice Disguised):
- Situation: 20 years old, living at home, her dad is pressuring her to take birth control, threatening loss of privileges (going out, vacations) if she refuses, despite her being a self-described virgin who wants bodily autonomy. (24:02–26:28)
  
  “As a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn’t.” – Ashley (29:51)
- Cast Discussion:
  - Is it fair for parents to enforce such personal medical rules on an adult child living at home?
  - Members debate whether it’s a matter of parental control, boundary overstep, or expected since she lives under his roof (31:04–34:00).
  Co-host/Producer: “Take a medication is not a rule… I think it’s probably illegal. He is forcing her to take a body altering chemical.” (33:13)
  
  Jeff: “…she doesn’t go on the pill, she gets pregnant and then expects Daddy to pay for it.” (34:13)
- Advice & Solutions:
  - Suggestions range from moving out, seeking compromise (such as agreeing to use condoms or earlier curfew), to having an honest adult conversation with her dad.
  - Ashley feels forced due to finances:
    
    “I can't afford to move out on my own because of school… I'd never be able to have a job that would work with my school schedule.” (38:06)
- Empowerment:
  - Bert: “You know, as a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn’t. And I think this should be one thing.” (29:58)
  - Jeff: “You gotta face it like an adult in order for him to treat you like an adult.” (36:01)
- Closing:
  - They plan to follow up with Ashley next week to see how the confrontation and conversation with her father unfolds.
  - Cast agrees her dilemma will resonate with many listeners in the young adult transition phase.

6. Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

On Exes Holding Things Ransom:

“I think that's bragging rights more than anything else. He was so in love with me, he could not only be in the same city or the same state. This man had to flee the country.” — Bert (03:56)
Michael Keaton on Batman:

“It was not good. It was not a good script… I want to go on and do some other things.” — Michael Keaton (10:56)
On Commuter Rage:

“You in the black fob in front of me… get off your cell phone and drive!” — Vent Line caller (22:15) “I'd love to play some for you that aren't cussing, but there are none.” — Bert (23:02)
On Ashley’s Dilemma:

“As a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn’t.” — Ashley (29:58)
On Young Adult Independence:

“If you’re living under your parents’ house then you gotta live by their rules… but there is something to be said by… not handling it like this.” — Burt (32:39)
“Take a medication is not a rule… I think it’s probably illegal. You can’t… he is forcing her to take a body altering chemical.” — Co-host/Producer (33:13)

Notable Timestamps

01:44 – Penny’s ex-wife and the lost boat story
03:27 – Erica’s ex fakes moving country
05:07 – Erica’s ex proposes; cast discusses irrational ex behavior
06:19 – Caller shares “dog hostage” tale post-breakup
07:16 – Listener John’s “bring a date to meet the ex” strategy
09:15 – Michael Keaton segment begins
10:41 – Keaton on turning down Batman sequels over script
13:32 – Keaton on Beetlejuice as legacy
15:37 – On being scared by “certain cheeses”
16:19 – Keaton gets scientific on messages from the dead
20:33 – Commuter vent line highlights start
23:27 – Ashley’s birth control dilemma and boundaries at home
29:58 – Ashley claims body autonomy
33:13 – Co-host/Producer calls forced medication likely illegal

Tone & Takeaway

Conversational, quick-witted, and empathetic—whether poking fun at over-the-top breakup drama, commiserating about Atlanta traffic, or earnestly engaging with boundary-pushing young adult dilemmas.
Michael Keaton’s appearance is short but memorable for his candidness, humor, and willingness to “play along” with the show’s style.
The Ashley call illustrates the show’s value as a space for listeners dealing with tough, deeply relatable family issues.

This episode whole-heartedly delivers authentic conversation, plenty of laughs, and comforting commiseration for everyday struggles—from traffic to tough talks with parents—anchored by the kind of honest, real radio that defines The Bert Show.