Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 2 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 2 [Vault]

Date: February 2, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Jeff, Jen, Alec, and callers)
Podcast by: Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

This lively, candid, and often humorous episode dives deep into relationship and intimacy dynamics, featuring listener calls about mismatched sex drives, marital infidelity, and personal insecurities. The Bert Show team offers their signature mix of personal stories, listener input, and comedic banter. In the latter half of the episode, 8-year-old "relationship expert" Alec dispenses surprisingly sage advice on love, dating, and moving on, reflecting the show's balance of real talk and light-hearted fun.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Sex Drive Disparity in Marriages

[00:00–09:14]

• A call from a young woman highlights her much higher sex drive compared to her husband, leading to frustration and insecurity.
• The team discusses common advice: take a step back, try changing up routines, be more adventurous, but acknowledge these suggestions don’t always resolve mismatches.
• Statistics:
  • Referencing a CNN article, Jeff notes, "Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages." (02:57)
• Bert and Jeff debate whether "eternally passionate" sex in long-term, monogamous relationships is a realistic expectation, with Jeff doubting an article's cynical view:
  • Jeff: "People have the assumption that you can have long term, monogamous, hot sex. He says it's never been done on a large scale in the history of the world. Which I just don't agree with." (03:05)

---

2. Listener Calls: Real-Life Relationship Struggles

A. Women Married to Low-Libido Men
[04:43–07:05]

• Caller (Carol): Shares her loneliness in a marriage where her husband "does not want [sex] ever" after kids.
  • Caller: "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband." (06:00)

B. Women Struggling With Low Libido
[07:05–08:39]

• Caller (Cindy): Admits she's "the problem"—her drive plummeted after having children, citing body image and possible hormonal factors. Feels incomplete and guilty for not meeting her husband's needs.

---

3. Are There Really Men Who Don’t Like Sex?

[08:39–16:12]

• The team doubts that men exist who genuinely dislike sex, challenging listeners to call and admit it.
• Notable Callers:
  • Craig: Shares he "peer pressures" a friend (who has no drive) to have sex with his wife, acting as a strange kind of intermediary.
    • Bert: "So you're the—Craig is the penis whisperer." (09:48)
  • Todd: (with voice disguiser) says, “I fully do not enjoy sex very much… I don’t know why.” (13:05) Reveals he’s gay, leading to a discussion about sexual orientation and drive.
• The hosts debate biology vs. orientation, stereotypes about gay men’s sex lives, and the impact of personal experience.

---

4. Cheating and Second Relationships

[10:56–13:12 & 17:10–23:24]

• Casey: Talks about being "the other woman" in an affair, reflecting on why the man strays despite good sexual chemistry at home.
• Discussion arises about gender differences in perceiving cheating and sexual satisfaction; Jeff asserts, "Most guys called up and said, ‘Yeah, that’s true... I can get through all the other crap, but you Gotta keep sex alive.’” (11:49)
• Jen pushes back, questioning if sexual satisfaction truly prevents infidelity for men.
• Callers share stories of discovering they were “the other woman,” confronting betrayal, and retaliating against unfaithful partners.
  • Melinda: "For a year I was stupid, naive, in love, and just blonde." (23:37)
  • Jen: "And then once you found out you were the other woman, what’d you do?"
    Melinda: "Oh, I went down... I beat the crap out of him in the parking lot. Almost go to jail." (24:10–24:22)

---

5. Self-Respect After Betrayal

[23:24–27:26]

• The team urges a caller (Carolyn) not to return to her cheating boyfriend, though sense she’s wavering.
• Jen: "We are a forgiving gender." (23:10)
• Jeff: "Guys hear this and they’re like, we could take advantage of women as much as we want. I mean, what else does he have to do?" (23:15)

---

6. Lighthearted Advice from 8-Year-Old Alec

[27:31–43:56]

• Alec, author of "How to Talk to Girls," becomes the episode’s relationship guru—delivering gems with endearing earnestness.
• Advice to adults and kids alike:
  • On handling competing love interests: "Unless you like one girl, just like get rid of both of them so it doesn’t turn into a big fight." (30:46)
  • On moving on from heartbreak: "Life is hard. Move on… If you let it sink in, it’ll make you even more sad." (34:31–34:42)
  • On age of marriage/engagement: "Maybe get engaged at 23 and get married at 25." (36:31)
  • On "pretty girls": "Pretty girls are very, very hard to get because most have cold hearts against bullies... Also, we like to call pretty girls high maintenance girls." (37:52 & 38:12)
• Bert seeks Alec's advice on how to thank his wife for letting him take time away:
  • Alec: "Like, get a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Not that much [money], just…a big one." (41:47)
• On popularity: "If you were the smartest kid in class, girls would be prowling at your feet. Pick one and skip along." (43:37)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On marriage and sex:
  Jeff: "Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages." (02:57)

• On loneliness in marriage:
  Caller (Carol): "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband." (06:00)

• On moving on:
  Alec: "Life is hard. Move on... If you don't get over it, it'll make you too sad. And most boys, if they can't get over it, they go crazy." (34:31–34:54)

• Comic relief:
  Bert: "So you're the—Craig is the penis whisperer." (09:48)

• Alec’s wisdom on high-maintenance dating:
  "Pretty girls are very, very hard to get because most have cold hearts against bullies…We like to call pretty girls high maintenance girls." (38:12)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–09:14| Sex drive mismatch & emotional fallout | | 09:15–16:12| Do men who dislike sex exist? Listener testimonies | | 17:10–23:24| Infidelity stories/ confronting cheaters | | 23:24–27:26| Forgiveness vs. self-respect after being cheated on | | 27:31–43:56| Kid relationship expert Alec gives advice & answers |

---

Tone

• Candid and humorous: The hosts and callers tackle tough subjects with honesty and sharp wit.
• Relatable and inclusive: Listeners of all backgrounds and ages contribute stories, amplifying the feeling of a morning radio community.
• Supportive, if irreverent: The cast genuinely tries to help listeners navigate struggles, even though teasing and laughter are ever-present.
• Endearing: Alec’s innocence and childlike wisdom inject warmth and hopefulness.

---

Summary Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show is a blend of serious relationship dilemmas and comedic insight that only this cast, with help from their devoted audience, can deliver. From real struggles with marital intimacy and infidelity to the adorable perspective of an 8-year-old “expert,” it’s equal parts empathy, entertainment, and unexpected wisdom. Whether you’re grappling with heartbreak, lost in the dating jungle, or just in need of a lighter morning, this episode leaves you feeling seen, heard—and maybe a little less alone.

Transcript

[Bert]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

We took a call from a Birch show listener, I think she said she was like 27, 28 years old, and her sex drive is just like out of the park compared to her husband. Like, they're having sex once every eight weeks or something like that, right? Yeah.

[Jen]

Turning her down constantly. And they have, what, two or three kids? Right?

[Bert]

How many emails did you guys get from guys saying, look, I'll help her out on, you know, on the DL, but I'll hook her up?

[Jeff]

That's just.

[Jen]

You send me her number.

[Bert]

I seriously got about half a dozen of them. I mean, like, from people I knew. I got like 20 from people I didn't know.

[Jeff]

We. So we talked to her for a little while and then we tried to get some advice for her, but I kind of felt like unfulfilled. Like there wasn't any real.

[Jen]

Well, there was a couple different things. I mean, people said first of all to leave him alone and stop badgering him about it, but she had kind of already tried that, Right. And then didn't she already try that?

[Jeff]

Yeah, she didn't badger him. And then they've gone two months without sex.

[Jen]

Right. And then what else do we say? Start getting maybe a little bit naughtier with him.

[Jeff]

Raise your game a little bit. Try something new. One guy said, just completely change everything. Your hair color, you know, your personality. Yeah, everything.

[Jen]

Change your name. Make him call you Destiny.

[Jeff]

So this is from CNN.com and it's sexually incompatible troubled marriages. And it says, I'm gonna paraphrase. I'm gonna bounce around all throughout this article.

[Jen]

It's actually pretty interesting because this guy blames the institution of marriage basically more than anything.

[Jeff]

He says that, look, if you think you're gonna have mind blowing sex your entire relationship, you're crazy. You're living a dream that you're just. It won't. Like I said, I'll bounce around from paragraph to paragraph. Sexually unfulfilling marriages aren't limited to new parents or aging baby boomers with hormone imbalances. They can ensnare even the relatively young and the relatively recently married when they are unable to blame kids, stress, or physical issues. Many couples struggle unhappily to identify and resolve the problems behind their lackluster sex. Laura Berman is a sex therapist in Chicago and says, we put the blinders on when we're dating. We focus so much on the wedding that we don't notice the warning signs. We talked a little bit about this yesterday. Like, you just sort of just assume that guy, he's such a great guy. She's so great.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

She's not that good in bed. You know what? But you know what? We'll get better. She'll get better, or he'll get better. As the relationship grows and it doesn't, and you've got everything else. And then you realize how big a deal good sex life is. Other couples enter into relationships with so. So chemistry because they think they're in love and overlook key differences. Couples wondering where the sex went should be asking if it ever really was there. And here's the staggering statistic. Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages.

[Jen]

That's less than 10 times in one year.

[Bert]

Once about every month.

[Jeff]

Every six weeks or something.

[Bert]

Yeah, five or six weeks.

[Jeff]

Klein notes that the expectation of eternally passionate sex may be setting people up to fail. People have the assumption that you can have long term, monogamous, hot sex. He says it's never been done on a large scale in the history of the world. Which I just don't agree with. Yeah, I just don't. I've seen those old people on that hbo. What was that show?

[Bert]

Not the real sex people, right?

[Jeff]

No, no.

[Bert]

Sitting around in a Corner at age 76 talking about Kama Sutra crap.

[Jeff]

God, that's Jen's next retreat. But once again, let me read that, because if you're in, like, a long term marriage, maybe you could say, yeah, that's absolutely true. I mean, and everybody in any relationship, not every time, is gonna be, you know, a home run. But as far as a general rule goes, is what he's saying is that the expectation of eternally passionate sex may be setting people up to fail. People have the assumption that you can have long term, monogamous, hot sex. He says it's never been done on a large scale in the history of the world.

[Jen]

Maybe somebody can prove it wrong.

[Jeff]

That is a bummer. That is true.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

This came in from a Birch show listener yesterday that said that, you know, what you didn't ask is that there are some guys that just don't like sex.

[Jen]

Really?

[Jeff]

That's what she said. They exist. She's married to one of them.

[Bert]

And who are these?

[Jeff]

We both know one.

[Jen]

Who are these strange creatures? You do?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Do I know them?

[Bert]

I don't know if Bert heard the second part.

[Jeff]

I did.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Carol. You are on Q100. Good morning.

[Caller]

Hi. Good morning.

[Jeff]

Hi.

[Caller]

You know, I wanted just to say that I'VE been married for 18 years. I am 38 years old and my husband is 43. And he does not want it ever.

[Jeff]

Has he ever wanted it?

[Caller]

Well, yeah, in the very beginning, up until like we had children. And then after that it was like, it's just nothing. I mean, it's. When it's convenient for him, it's all about him. And it's never about.

[Bert]

Do you think when you're not around he is.

[Caller]

Porno fights on the computer. So I mean, I. I don't know what physically I have done to make him not attractive to me, but he's not. So in return, do I think that women will cheat because of that? Because their man's not giving them what they need? Probably. So have I cheated? No.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I think the statistics show that when guys cheat there's like this, some physical need about it they can justify because it's just physical and they can separate. Whereas women have built up this, this case in their mind for so long and they finally give it into. Into it that in their own mind they say, well, he sort of forced me into it.

[Caller]

I mean, it makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband.

[Jeff]

No doubt. Thank you for calling. That sucks.

[Caller]

Oh, you're welcome.

[Alec]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Bye bye. Yeah, that's not gonna be the only call like that. For sure. Hey, Cindy, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I was just gonna say that my husband and I have been married for about five years now and gone from a very passionate relationship to a non existent one. And it's actually my fault. I have no drive whatsoever. You know, we have two children and I just can't. I don't feel good about my body and I just can't find the drive to do that. But there's other things that you can do for your husband. I mean, he would never cheat on me. That's like not an issue. But I feel terrible because, you know, I can't move past this. And I don't know if it's a hormonal thing or. But it makes me feel very incomplete. And then it causes a problem because my husband feels incomplete.

[Jeff]

So you just don't want you. You feel so poorly about your body. You just don't want him to see you naked. You're taking care of him, just not in, you know.

[Alec]

Well, it's not just that.

[Caller]

I gained £100 with each one of my kids. So I went from 120 pounds to, you know, 200 pounds. And now I've lost back down and I'm about 150. But I still just. I. Hormonally, I mean, just. It's hard for me to have an orgasm. I just hormonally cannot find any kind of a passionate drive within myself. And it's not that he doesn't turn me on.

[Jeff]

How often, how often are you guys doing it?

[Caller]

It's probably been like two months.

[Jen]

And.

[Caller]

And I'm 27.

[Jen]

Are you on any sort of birth control?

[Caller]

No, I can't. I've had my two side. I don't have. I haven't had very good luck as far as that apartment goes. And so I have a lot of problems.

[Jen]

Well, you may. It may be something physically you should talk to your doctor about too, you know.

[Caller]

Well, I have, and she said that it's very common for women who have babies back to back to have that hormonal impact lens. But my kids are now one and three, and I'm still having it, and I just don't enjoy sex anymore. I can't have an orgasm. I don't enjoy it. I don't know what's wrong. We went from having sex seven times a day to not at all.

Yeah, I wonder.

[Jen]

You got two kids.

[Jeff]

It's not uncommon. I mean, the statistics are showing 20% of marriages in the country are like that. I want to talk to some of these dudes because I don't think if a guy doesn't like sex, the words have. He has never uttered those words before.

[Jen]

We use the voice disguiser.

[Jeff]

We use the voice disguiser. No guy has ever said, I just don't like sex.

[Bert]

But the guy that you mentioned, we'll say that.

[Jeff]

Does he just not like sex with his partner or he just does not.

[Bert]

Like sex, does not like it.

[Jeff]

If you're a guy, I want to hear the words come out of your mouth. I just don't like sex. 404-741. Q100. Hey, Craig. Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi. Yeah, I've got a friend who doesn't like sex, and I'm friends with his wife as well. And we kind of get on behind his back. Like, not get on, but we kind of get together behind his back and plan it out. So when he's on his way home from work, I'll call him, be like, all right, you know you're gonna have sex with your wife when you get home and kind of peer pressure him into it. And then I'll call her and tell her, okay, this is what he wants. He's all hoping that you're gonna be looking like this. So get this together. And so, you know, so maybe that.

[Jeff]

Might work for someone like the ambassador. Between the two of them.

[Caller]

Yeah. He doesn't know what's going on.

[Bert]

So what's your first name? Craig. So you're the. Craig is the penis whisperer.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah, he's the ambassador. He's got an A and an S.

[Bert]

And an S in it.

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean, some peer pressure would work, so if they could find a guy friend to help him out, you know, but.

[Bert]

So you're so his.

[Jeff]

Did you volunteer for that? And somebody asked?

[Bert]

Well, I think this is weird because, Bert, I want you to imagine this because, like, you know, like, Dolvett's one of your best friends, right? So I want you to imagine having a conversation with him and telling him what you want Stacey wearing and doing to you when you get home.

[Jeff]

Damn.

[Bert]

Then he gets off the phone with you and calls your wife and tells her how to dress and what to do.

[Alec]

Oh, not my house.

[Bert]

Hey, Stacy, what's up? It's Dolvett. You still got that French maid? Get up. All right, this is gonna sound weird. You have any mustard packets? And a Cabbage Patch Dog.

[Jen]

Don't, don't, don't. Your mind is too twisted to start giving examples in this conversation.

[Jeff]

Still no guy willing to say, I just don't like sex. Good morning, Casey. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, Q100.

[Jeff]

Good morning, Casey.

[Bert]

Hey, Casey.

[Caller]

I don't think it's the fact that men don't have sex. I just think that a lot of men are just willing to cheat on their spouses because I'm actually dealing with a guy. He has a. He's been only married a year, and we cheated a few times. And I've known him since I was 17, so I basically knew him since before he was married. And we more than just have sex. We go to the movies and we talk and have long conversations. We just hang out.

[Jeff]

Haven't we had this talk on the air before that. As a general rule, we asked women. As a general. No, it was guys. As a general rule, if your woman keeps you satisfied sexually, but even in no other area, like, you can't stand her. You can't stand her.

[Jen]

Even just the sound of her voice bugs you.

[Jeff]

But the sex is good. He will not stray.

[Jen]

I don't know.

[Jeff]

We've asked it before, and most guys called up and said, yeah, that's true.

[Jen]

Really?

[Jeff]

Yeah. I can get through all the other crap, but you Gotta keep sex alive.

[Jen]

You can be a royal pain in the butt.

[Jeff]

Do you think that's a true statement?

[Caller]

No. Cause me, myself, I think it's kind of a body thing. Like when I saw that he was married and I saw her, I'm like, wow, you went from this to that. You know, I think just because she doesn't pry in his life, I think that's what it is. I was the person who pride in his life. So our relationship ended and then he married her, so.

[Jen]

Oh, so you tried to force him to be more emotional and express his feelings and he ran from that. Yes, he's back and now he's back.

[Caller]

Yeah, but he used to cheat on her when they used to date in college, so.

[Jen]

Now would you ever get together with him if he left her?

[Caller]

No, not really. Because I think that's kind of a hereditary thing. He's a product of cheating people. So I think it just follows. I think people like that, they don't get out of that world. And that was the case, I guess I was married.

[Jen]

Boy, if you.

[Jeff]

I'll tell you what, man, if you've been around that your whole life, it is tough to shake. Those demons are definitely passed from one person to the other. Todd is willing to say it. Hey, Todd.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Jen]

That's not your real name, is it?

[Caller]

No.

[Jeff]

Oh, hell no.

[Bert]

You'd be on the voice disguiser even if you didn't ask for it.

[Caller]

Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah. I fully do not enjoy sex very much and I don't know why.

[Jeff]

You never have enjoyed sex?

[Caller]

No. And I actually just didn't. I didn't lose my virginity show just recently either.

[Jeff]

How old are you?

[Caller]

22.

[Bert]

Have you ever looked into a hormonal reason or something?

[Caller]

I've actually had more hormones tested when I was younger, but the test came back normal. Back when I was younger. I was around 16.

[Jen]

Why were you tested at 16? For hormones.

[Caller]

I was actually shorter. A lot shorter. They were afraid I wasn't going to grow. I was going to be a midget. I grew, but I didn't grow fully to what they said I was going to grow, but they tested all my hormones for that.

[Jeff]

Laugh at that out loud, huh, Jeff? I'm just talking to Jeff.

[Jen]

Well, and do you think that it could be because you don't have a lot of sexual experience, that maybe you would like it more if you had it more?

[Caller]

Had it more? I thought about that, but I don't know really, so. But I usually do have sex with my partners just to please them. Because I feel bad if I don't kind of thing.

[Jeff]

Are you. Are you gay?

[Caller]

Yes, I am.

[Jeff]

Okay. There's one guy just not just sort on the fence about gay, I mean gay about sex. You're definitely not on the fence about gay. You're definitely on one side. It's the sex. Stop the trouble offensive. All right, thank you for calling. Hey mom, appreciate it.

[Caller]

Bye.

[Jen]

Okay, you have to clarify. Is there any straight man willing to call up and say that they don't enjoy sex?

[Jeff]

Why would that be any different?

[Jen]

Because I think that physically it's different.

[Jeff]

Why?

[Bert]

Really?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Well, the pieces parts are different.

[Bert]

Yeah, but aren't you still.

[Jeff]

A drive is a drive and you're attracted to.

[Bert]

What you're attracted to isn't that. I don't know if it's an, I don't know, urban legend or myth or whatever, but isn't the perception that gay dudes have a more active sex life?

[Jen]

That's the perception for sure.

[Bert]

So I would think it's more shocking if a gay guy.

[Jen]

But he said he was only doing it to please his partners. I don't know. We can't talk about the specifics of what I need to explain. To explain my point. But I'll tell you off the air.

[Jeff]

That'Ll make great radio.

[Jen]

I mean, I just can't say it, but I mean, I think that if you think about it long enough, you know what I'm trying to say?

[Jeff]

Like I don't really. I swear to you, I don't. Cause to me like you're looking at that as a heterosexual person. Yeah.

[Jen]

If he's receiving.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Then maybe there's a reason why he doesn't enjoy it.

[Jeff]

Gotcha.

[Bert]

Oh, because I got it. Yeah, gotcha. What does that hand signal.

[Alec]

Oh, wow, look at this.

[Bert]

That's sign language.

[Jeff]

I don't know what you get out.

[Bert]

Of this, but maybe we should charades with Jen Hobby. She'll do the hand signal, we'll put the picture online.

[Jen]

It's like Whose Line Is It Anyway?

[Bert]

The Birch Show.

[Jeff]

Carolyn, good morning. You're back on Q100 and you're on the voice disguiser. Hey, hey, hold on one sec, hold on. Voice disguiser's not on.

[Bert]

Who touches this?

[Jen]

It always happens on our first day.

[Jeff]

What? Non Bert show hands. Touch the voice disguiser.

[Bert]

Seriously, why are you pushing buttons, you idiots?

[Jeff]

You know, there is actually a radio station on after 10 o'. Clock.

[Bert]

There's no reason to touch this. There's no reason. No. No reason anybody should touch us. Do you Want to go? I will go into the lobby. I will kick your ass.

[Jeff]

We're on the same team, dude. I'm your friend.

[Jen]

Inhale, exhale.

[Jeff]

Hold on one second.

[Bert]

Like, why are you touching this? You idiots?

[Jeff]

I'm angry. Are you back? Okay, yeah, I think now it's on.

[Bert]

Can you just count to five?

[Caller]

One, two, three, four, five.

[Jeff]

Cool. All right, Carolyn. So the last time we talked to you, you were gonna approach the girlfriend at Georgia State and just go, hey, I'm Carolyn. How you doing? I've been seeing your roommate now for, whatever, a couple of months.

[Caller]

I had spring break last week, so I didn't get to meet her. But I did run into some other people that confronted me that. Yeah, you're right. I am the other woman.

[Bert]

They heard you on the radio. They heard you on the radio or something?

[Caller]

No, they just knew about us. About both of us.

[Jen]

They knew about you.

[Jeff]

You got me all confused. So if they knew the whole triangle that was going on and they're your friends and why didn't you. Why didn't they tell you before that this guy was jacking around on you?

[Caller]

She wasn't a friend.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jen]

So the girl who came up and told you was a friend of his girlfriend's?

[Caller]

Not exactly, but she was an ex of his and met the roommate, so she kind of knows that whole situation.

[Jen]

And she also knows you.

[Caller]

Uh huh.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Sounds strange. So after you found out that you were the other woman, did you approach your boyfriend?

[Caller]

Mm, yeah, we're done.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I bet that was pretty short conversation.

[Caller]

Pretty short.

He doesn't have any excuses to, you know, cover it up.

[Jeff]

How long were y' all going out?

[Caller]

Six or seven months.

[Jeff]

Man, how can you go that long?

[Jen]

Juggling.

[Jeff]

Juggling like that. And yeah, he must have been working. That dude was working hard. When did you first have some suspicions that. Okay, this isn't right.

[Caller]

Do what?

[Bert]

When did you think it was? When did you. Well, she. It was on the phone with us. She had no idea, remember, until she was on the phone with us.

[Jeff]

You don't sound too broken up about it, though.

[Caller]

I'm a lot better now.

[Jen]

How long have you had to process it?

[Caller]

Probably about four days.

[Jeff]

Is it one of those things where it's almost like that movie, the Sixth Sense? Like once you find out the information, then you start looking back through the movie, then it all makes sense all of a sudden?

[Caller]

Second, I'm tired of all the excuses and everything that he says now. It's just. I just don't want to hear Anymore?

[Jen]

Yeah. Now. Are he and his girlfriend still together? Do you know?

[Alec]

They still live together.

[Jen]

Really?

[Bert]

Do you know if she knows? Like, have you thought about telling her anything?

[Caller]

I thought about it. I go back to school tomorrow, so. We'll see.

[Jen]

Little revenge.

[Jeff]

Did you see? It's probably not up yet, but I sent Tracy a video yesterday of a woman that just found out that she got cheated on. And I think it's in New York City. And she had one of these moments of just absolute. She stepped into crazy. She took all of her boyfriend's stuff that must have been over at her house where they lived together. I'm talking about golf clubs, HGTVs, all of his clothes, all sorts of stuff. And pulls up outside of a New York City restaurant and opens up the truck doors and starts giving his stuff away. She's screaming and yelling and throwing all of his stuff on the floor while people are collecting these TVs and golf clubs and money and stuff. Like you may. That kind of moment may be ahead of you.

[Jen]

Are you sure that's not an actor? That sounds like a New York City. Like some sort of acting group putting something up on YouTube.

[Jeff]

It could be. We're have the video up. It could be up already at all the hits q100.com but that kind of psycho stepping in a psycho, that kind of anger could be in you like the first time you see that woman. Even though she's probably an innocent party in this whole thing also.

[Jen]

And she may not know.

[Jeff]

She may not know, you know, who knows what you'll do.

[Caller]

I do miss him a lot. I wish it never happened, but I mean, things happen. I have to deal with it.

[Jeff]

You're not gonna go back with this guy?

[Caller]

No.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

What if he says I'm breaking up with my girlfriend, I'm moving out. I've realized you're the one I'm supposed to be with.

[Bert]

You can answer that. Jen.

[Jen]

Are you gonna go? Are you gonna get back together with him? If he said you're the one, I realize you're the one.

[Bert]

Why are you giving her any hope?

[Jen]

Well, I'm just asking hypothetically.

[Caller]

He's already started saying that, so it would be a while to even think about it again.

[Jeff]

I don't know what a 30 year old dude's date an 18 year old for anyway. I gotta be honest with you.

[Bert]

I can tell you why.

[Jeff]

Right. Okay. I don't know that there's anything else we need to go over. Really?

[Jen]

Well, we need to find out if you actually approach the girl on campus. Or if you guys get back together, will you let us know?

[Caller]

I'll let you know.

[Alec]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Hold on, Bubba. Bubba's got advice for you.

[Caller]

Okay?

Take the advice from the ex girlfriend.

[Jeff]

What do you mean?

[Bert]

What?

[Caller]

Well, remember a while back when you had the 18 year old that stole the. The boyfriend away, and the girl is trying to get rid of the 18 year old? She should be telling her this just to get her out of the picture. She didn't get her boyfriend back.

[Bert]

It wasn't that. But yeah, he's. It wasn't the ex girl. It wasn't the current girlfriend who told her that.

[Caller]

No, I know, but I'm saying she was trying to find a way to get the 18 year old out of the picture.

[Jeff]

Yeah, but it wasn't the girlfriend.

[Bert]

Yeah, it wasn't the girlfriend who told him that.

[Jen]

It's just a mutual friend of all of them that spilled the beans. Right.

[Jeff]

Carolyn, we'll have to follow up with you just to find out how this whole thing went down. But we saw the writing on the wall, and you probably knew also. Like, in your heart, you also knew.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

I think I have a feeling they're gonna get back together.

[Bert]

Totally.

[Jeff]

You think you'll get back together with this dude?

[Caller]

Probably not.

[Jeff]

Probably this dude has been living with another woman for seven months while you were going out with him, and the best you can do is probably.

[Alec]

No, no.

[Jen]

We are forgiving gender.

[Jeff]

Hell no.

[Jen]

We're forgiving people. Women.

[Jeff]

See, this is the reason right here. Guys hear this and they're like, we could take advantage of women as much as we want. I mean, what else does he have to do?

[Bert]

It's almost not even considered taking advantage of. It's just.

[Jeff]

Yeah. You guys will put up with it, right? Melinda, good Morning. You're on Q100. Hey.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Jeff]

What's up?

[Caller]

Now, I've been in her situation and it lasted for a year.

[Jeff]

A year? How do you not know?

[Caller]

For a year I was stupid, naive, in love, and just blonde.

[Jen]

And then once you found out you were the other woman, what'd you do?

[Caller]

Oh, I went down. Well, she called me. Apparently she had found the phone numbers on his cell phone bill and call me and asked me who it was. And I told her my name. And I was like, who is this? And she told me who she was. I'm like. She says, are you seeing him? I said, yes. And she says, for how long? I said, for the past year. She says, well, I've been living with him for seven years. I'm like, okay. And about that time he beeps in, he was on his way over. This is New Year's, last year, New Year's night, just before 12 o'.

[Alec]

Clock.

[Caller]

And so I asked him who she was. I was like, who is Michelle? He goes, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't play that with me. I know what's going on. So he goes, let me call you back. That was dead giveaway day giveaway. Because he had to hurry up and go home or call her or something. So me and her keep talking and so I talked to her a little bit. Then I end up going down to the club where some friends were for New Year's, end up getting drunk. And because I'm mad, I call him telling him he needs to meet with me, we need to talk, we need to find out what's going on. And he shows up. I beat the crap out of him in the parking lot. Almost go to jail.

[Jen]

No.

[Bert]

Yes, you did go to jail or you almost went to jail.

[Caller]

Almost went to jail. I had some friends backing me up and he didn't press charges or anything because he knew what he had coming. He deserved it.

[Jeff]

As a guy. When you show up to the office and you got black eyes and stuff, people ask you what happened. You have to make something up.

[Caller]

He was six, four, like 300 and something pounds.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you have to make up a real good story because you can't say my girlfriend beat me up.

[Jen]

And that's some anger.

[Jeff]

That's serious anger. You can understand it. Totally justifiable. Hey Richard, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Caller]

Yeah, quick comment about that 18 year old you just had on with a 30 year old date.

[Jeff]

Country Richard. Hey man. Country Richard.

[Jen]

What's up?

[Caller]

Not much. But back to that girl, man. Woman ought to be clobbered with a jackhammer. I can't stand, I can't stand people like this taking advantage of 30 year old men that are 10 to 20 years older than, than she is. She obviously wanted something out of him and that's why she. Yes, that's why she continued to pursue this whole thing even though, you know, she, she knew that something was going on with the so called roommate.

[Jeff]

So you say that she was taking advantage of him, not the other way around?

[Caller]

Yeah, I mean, sure, the guy was, you know, being a player, you know, he ought to have his lights turned off for that. But it's just, it's been, it's been a pattern. I've been noticing, you know, these little college, high school to college age. You know, girls, which you are like.

[Jeff]

How old are you?

[Caller]

21.

[Jeff]

Okay, Richard, always. So we've had Richard on before. He talks like he's 62 years old.

[Bert]

It's important to point out his age.

[Jeff]

Go ahead, Richard.

[Jen]

Because he doesn't sound it at all.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, that. Anyway, that's all I gotta say about that one. I appreciate you having me on.

[Jeff]

All right, Richard. Thank you, man.

[Bert]

Thanks for listening. Bye.

[Jeff]

Bye. All right, Caroline, let's follow up with you in a couple of weeks. Do not go back with this guy. What are you thinking now?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Jen]

All right.

[Jeff]

Come on.

[Jen]

But he says she's the one. He's realized.

[Jeff]

No, he hasn't. Here where the seeds of self respect start right now. Okay? Do not go back with this guy. You're not going to listen to us. Talk to you later.

[Jen]

Let Bert be your relationship sensei.

[Jeff]

She's not going to listen to us. They never listen to us.

[Bert]

Javi went to yoga camp and she meditated. And she knows she's got clarity that.

[Jeff]

None of us can understand right now. The Burt Show. Hey, look, if you're having a problem in your relationship right now, maybe the advice that you've been getting is bad because you've been asking other adults. You know what, they're just. They're jaded because by their own bad experience relationships and they're not giving you proper advice. Well, we've got Alec on the phone here. He's eight years old and you can call and you can ask him any problem that you're having. Ask him for some advice. He'll keep it real with you.

[Jen]

That's right.

[Jeff]

404741. Q100. Why is Alex such an expert on this? Because he had a best selling book. It wasn't on the New York best selling list, but it did sell the most copies at the Soaring Hawk Middle School Book Fair.

[Jen]

And what I think is really cool is it's been reviewed by his classmates. So it's like a real book and real bestseller. Because it's got reviews, too.

[Jeff]

Here are some of the reviews. Steven Falvey calls it fun and engaging. Oh, no, that was Alec.

[Jen]

Do you need a hug, Bert, like right now?

[Jeff]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm getting a little irritated.

[Jen]

Is it the hug that. Is it the hug that it's nurturing or the hug that's gonna keep me from getting you to punch the phone?

[Jeff]

Trying to keep. Give me something. Give me some kind of chant here to make it.

[Bert]

Hobby.

[Jeff]

Hobby. I'm calling on you right now, keep me balanced. Repeat after me, okay?

[Jen]

Om.

[Jeff]

Om namah, Namah Shivaya. Shivaya.

[Jen]

That's the mantra that a lot of the yogis repeat over and over again. Om Namah shivaya. Om namah Shivaya.

[Bert]

Which means these people are suckers. These people are suckers. That's what all the yogi people are chasing.

[Jen]

That's just Jeff's negative energy. Don't let it pervade you.

[Jeff]

Here is 8 year old Alex. He has a 7 chapter book called how to Talk to Girls and they love it at Soaring Hawk. What's going on, Alec?

[Alec]

Nothing really.

[Jeff]

How are things going with you today?

[Alec]

Well, there hasn't been really anything today.

[Jen]

Okay. But I mean, you're a celebrity now, so, I mean, how does it feel to be a celebrity?

[Alec]

Really, really cool.

[Jen]

Yeah, I bet.

[Jeff]

Now, have you found that since your book came out, how to Talk to Girls, that more girls are actually talking to you?

[Alec]

Yes, but I don't really want to pick a girl right now. And I have a bad choice with girls. If I pick one and then like she starts he onto me and then I, like, it's all crazy and everything.

[Jeff]

So are there a couple of girls that are kind of like talking to you and are any of them forcing you to make a decision on the two of them?

[Alec]

Well, they are fighting over who I would like best.

[Bert]

Oh.

[Jen]

Have you told them which one you like best, though?

[Alec]

Well, I just overheard them talking about it.

[Jeff]

Okay, well, I think this is a good place to get some advice from you. Like if there is a guy listening right now, even an adult guy, and there are two women that are pressuring him into a relationship saying, look, you need to date me, not the other girl. What can he learn from your experience? How do you handle that?

[Alec]

You should usually, unless you like one girl, just like get rid of both of them so it doesn't turn into a big fight.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Jen]

All right. Start fresh.

[Jeff]

So rather than create.

[Alec]

Okay, I'm just gonna go now.

[Jen]

Okay. I have a question.

[Alec]

Both of them, unless you like one.

[Jen]

Okay. I'd like to get your advice on something. If a girl likes a boy, but the boy is just ignoring her, what should she do to get his attention?

[Alec]

Oh, that's kind of like a girl fact.

[Bert]

Oh, what do you mean?

[Alec]

Like if a boy's ignoring a girl, but a girl wants to get them. Yeah, that's kind of a girl. That's kind of girl fact. So you'll need to ask girls about that. If you flip it over. When a girl is ignoring a Boy, then that is probably what you have to do, is just get her attention. Like be really cool and like, do something. Like do something really, really good at school or get straight A's on your report card.

[Jen]

And then you have to tell her about the straight A's too, right?

[Alec]

Yeah, do all sorts of things and just do something really, really cool or do something great. Then they'll at least get her attention.

[Jeff]

So what I'm hearing you say here is that you have to sort of set yourself apart from the rest of the pack. Make yourself special and make her know that you're special.

[Alec]

What do you mean?

[Jeff]

I think I was just reiterating what you were saying. Yeah, reiterating.

[Alec]

Try to make her, get her to get your attention.

[Jeff]

Okay, that makes perfect sense to me. Donovan here has a question for you. Hey, Donovan, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Morning, Alex. How you doing, buddy? I tend to have issues making commitments with girls. Apparently can't take it to the next level.

[Jeff]

So all these girls are asking you, look, just be with me.

[Alec]

Be with, be with me.

[Jeff]

And you're too scared, man.

[Caller]

You know, I've had the serious ones before. You get your heart broken all the time, so. And I enjoy just being single and having fun, so, you know, I get torn. I usually have a three month rule.

[Bert]

Curiosity. Donovan, how old are you?

[Caller]

I am 26 years old.

[Bert]

All right, this kid's. You're three times this kid's age and.

[Jeff]

He'S probably gonna give some like, wise, sage advice. Alright, Alex, so what do you do for the guys that are scared to like, hang out with girls for a long period of time? What kind of advice can you give to Donovan?

[Alec]

Well, you kind of have to get used to it.

[Caller]

Get used to hanging out with the girls?

[Alec]

Well, yeah, you have to get used to it. If you're too scared, then do something else, you know, or get their phone number and start the relationship. If you can't hang out with the girl just yet, try to at least talk to her without like going out and start hanging out, you know.

[Caller]

I.

[Jen]

Think that's actually a really good idea because he's saying if you talk to the woman instead of hanging out with her in person, maybe you could develop something further. I think it's great advice.

[Jeff]

Hey, Alec, what do you do when a. When a girl ditches you? Like, I mean, let's say there's a guy listening right now. He's all broken up because he was really liking a girl and she just, she said, look, I don't want anything to do with you.

[Alec]

Life is hard. Move on.

[Jeff]

Just move on. Yeah, you guys gotta get over it.

[Alec]

Life is hard because if you let it sink in, it'll make you even more sad.

[Jen]

That's true.

[Jeff]

So the first day that you can just get over it and move on.

[Alec]

Yet if you don't get over it, it'll make you too sad. And most boys, if they can't get over it, they go crazy.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I was going to take Julie's call, but it's kind of a serious one. Even though she's having problems with her son at 7 years old and he's, he's thinking about kissing girls all the time. All the time.

[Alec]

So how do you get him off of it?

[Jen]

Well, it's.

[Jeff]

His mom is a little bit like upset about it. Hold on. Let's get her on.

[Bert]

Don't you think that, do you think Alex, seven is too young to be focused on girls and kissing?

[Jeff]

Well, her son is seven. That's what I think she's worried about.

[Alec]

There's two types of kisses. One is a quick cheek kiss. That's just like when you give them a quick kiss on the cheek. That's for about like this is just my advice. Anyone can do it whenever they want. It's just like this is where probably the best times are.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Alec]

Like the starting middle school, I think you can start like quick cheek kisses, right. And then like rip kisses, you know, like those long whip love kisses and weddings, you know?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Alec]

So those are probably going to be in like the middle of high school.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Bert]

So the wedding kisses happen starting in the middle of high school. Just out of curio. Just curious, Alec, what age do you think people should get married?

[Alec]

Married? Maybe like 25.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

All right, that's not a bad answer.

[Bert]

And what's a good amount of time to be engaged?

[Alec]

I don't really know. Maybe about like 23.

[Bert]

Maybe get engaged at 23 and get married at 25.

[Alec]

Engaged and married, it's kind of your choice because like depending on the marriage, it depends on how good you are. Like let's say you're doing really, really good as a girl and like you're planning to get engaged, then make sure you don't have to wait a really, really long time to get married. Like maybe a year or so.

[Jeff]

Alright.

[Jen]

Just a year in between. I like that. Yeah.

[Jeff]

How long does it generally take for a girl to like you.

[Alec]

Around Soaring Hawk? Maybe about a week and a half. If it's like a pretty girl that can last up to like three weeks or something.

[Bert]

So it takes the prettier girls longer to fall in, like.

[Alec]

Yes, but actually 98% of pretty girls ditch boys. So really pretty girls are very, very hard.

[Jeff]

Wait, let's go over that statistic one more time. Now.

[Bert]

What was your sample size?

[Jeff]

What was that statistic there, Alec?

[Alec]

Pretty girls are very, very hard to get because most have cold hearts against bullies because they think they're all in obnoxious, everything like that. And pretty girls, almost all girls are pretty, so. But all girls are pretty.

[Caller]

But.

[Alec]

When we talk about pretty girls, that's like when they walk into school with those huge fancy high heel shoes with the huge earrings with like makeup all over.

[Jen]

Mm. Those ones are the ones that are gonna dump you.

[Alec]

Mostly it is super hard. Also, we like to call pretty girls high maintenance girls.

[Jeff]

Say you love this guy. You're sort of saying, stay away from the high maintenance girl because she's just a little bit more difficult.

[Alec]

Yeah, kind of.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Bert]

Hey, Alec, let me ask you a question.

[Alec]

But unless you really, really, really, really like them, really try. Because you know, like, you'll end up in a spot of trouble. And you know what pretty girls do is if you just get dumped on the playground. Because some dumpings can just like say, okay, I'm sorry, but I don't really think we're dope for each other. And then like they break apart. Like they kind of go slowly apart. Other times the ball is just burst, blasted open. That's like, okay, fine. And well, yeah, it can end up really dumb. And you mostly don't want that because then everyone's gonna start looking at you and it's gonna be crazy.

[Jeff]

So the pretty girls break up with you in a harsh way.

[Alec]

And then all the, like regular girls and other pretty girls will think, oh, she's so pretty. And he said something mean to her. And then. Yeah, so that sometimes happens. So you don't really want to have a big crack. You just want to fall open because that's nice and quiet when it just cracks. That can be really, really loud.

[Bert]

Yeah. Can I ask you a question about somebody on the show, Alec?

[Alec]

What do you mean somebody on the show?

[Bert]

Well, Bert on our show, every, every year, his wife, who I think I should add, is much prettier than him. Like, I think Bert probably spends most of his life worried that he's gonna be broken up with. Cause he married far above himself. So she allows him every year to go away for one week all by himself. And she stays home and takes care of the house and takes care of the Kids and she takes care of everything. And Burt just got back from that trip and needs to do something really nice for his wife to show his appreciation for her being so kind. What do you think a good thing.

[Alec]

For him to do would be mostly pretty girls. Like, well, now they're in the marriage stage. The most pretty girls, like, you know, Ellen, she's all funny and like, flowers would be a little boring for her.

[Caller]

So.

[Alec]

But like pretty girls, like, it sounds like Bert's wife would probably like flowers. Like, get a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

[Bert]

Okay, that's great advice.

[Alec]

Things like Ellen, like, some are like, Ellen might even like, like, things like.

[Jeff]

You know, toys, how much should be good.

[Jen]

No doubt she's funny and that would make her laugh.

[Alec]

I got her a present and guess what it turned out to be.

[Jen]

What?

[Alec]

Chicken chucker.

[Bert]

A what?

[Jen]

It's a chicken chucker.

[Alec]

A chicken chucker.

[Jen]

What is that?

[Jeff]

I've seen it. Like, it's like a little.

[Alec]

It's a little thing that can chuck plastic chickens.

[Bert]

Did she like that?

[Jen]

Huh?

[Alec]

Well, we didn't actually know, but she might love it.

[Caller]

We hope.

[Jeff]

Yeah, he was on the Ellen show with Ellen. They hung out for a while.

[Bert]

How much do you think Bert should spend on the flowers for his pretty wife?

[Alec]

Like, not that much. Just like try to get her a pretty one. Not like so pretty and like, oh, she's the only thing. I must get her this one. And don't get a really expensive ones, but usually like a big one.

[Jeff]

A big one, big flower.

[Bert]

So give her a big one.

[Alec]

Too expensive.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Alec]

Just like a little thank you gift, you know?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Alec, I think you should.

[Bert]

Can people still pick up a chicken chucker? I think you should pick up on the way home today and go, Stacy. Thank you.

[Jeff]

Can people still buy your book if they want. Like, can they go online to buy it?

[Alec]

Um, I. Can you go online to buy it?

[Jeff]

Yes, you can.

[Alec]

Also you can send a letter to the school, Soaring Hawk elementary and they send you back a book. You can get it. Well, hard covered and soft covers are just coming out.

[Caller]

And.

[Alec]

Just a school version is $3.

[Jeff]

$3? That's nothing. If this kind of advice. That's nothing.

[Bert]

If we call up and order one today, will you autograph it for us?

[Alec]

Sure. All right, well, if you buy a school book, they're already autographed.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Oh, look at that. It's already done. All right, Alec, thank you very much for your time and good luck with your bestseller. Okay. How to Talk to Girls.

[Alec]

Well, it's not bestseller.

[Jeff]

Well, it was at the Soaring Hawk Book Fair, from what I understand.

[Bert]

Yeah. Tell me, somebody at Soaring Hawk who sold more books than you, can you. No.

[Jeff]

No.

[Bert]

There you go.

[Jeff]

No, sir. Thank you, Alec.

[Jen]

We'll have our. We'll have our people call your people.

[Jeff]

He was on Ellen. He was so cute. Here he was with Ellen. What?

[Alec]

If you were the smartest kid in.

[Caller]

Class, girls would be prowling at your feet. Pick one and skip along.

[Jeff]

What does that mean?

[Alec]

Well, kind of.

[Caller]

That means, like, you're a magnet and.

[Alec]

Girls are the metal. So, like, you're just attracting girls. And then just pick one.

[Caller]

Because if you try to take all.

[Alec]

Of them, then it goes crazy.

[Jeff]

The Birch Show.