The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, February 2 [Vault]

Date: February 2, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Jeff, Jen, Alec, and callers)
Podcast by: Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

This lively, candid, and often humorous episode dives deep into relationship and intimacy dynamics, featuring listener calls about mismatched sex drives, marital infidelity, and personal insecurities. The Bert Show team offers their signature mix of personal stories, listener input, and comedic banter. In the latter half of the episode, 8-year-old "relationship expert" Alec dispenses surprisingly sage advice on love, dating, and moving on, reflecting the show's balance of real talk and light-hearted fun.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Sex Drive Disparity in Marriages

[00:00–09:14]

• A call from a young woman highlights her much higher sex drive compared to her husband, leading to frustration and insecurity.
• The team discusses common advice: take a step back, try changing up routines, be more adventurous, but acknowledge these suggestions don’t always resolve mismatches.
• Statistics:
  • Referencing a CNN article, Jeff notes, "Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages." (02:57)
• Bert and Jeff debate whether "eternally passionate" sex in long-term, monogamous relationships is a realistic expectation, with Jeff doubting an article's cynical view:
  • Jeff: "People have the assumption that you can have long term, monogamous, hot sex. He says it's never been done on a large scale in the history of the world. Which I just don't agree with." (03:05)

2. Listener Calls: Real-Life Relationship Struggles

A. Women Married to Low-Libido Men
[04:43–07:05]

• Caller (Carol): Shares her loneliness in a marriage where her husband "does not want [sex] ever" after kids.
  • Caller: "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband." (06:00)

B. Women Struggling With Low Libido
[07:05–08:39]

• Caller (Cindy): Admits she's "the problem"—her drive plummeted after having children, citing body image and possible hormonal factors. Feels incomplete and guilty for not meeting her husband's needs.

3. Are There Really Men Who Don’t Like Sex?

[08:39–16:12]

• The team doubts that men exist who genuinely dislike sex, challenging listeners to call and admit it.
• Notable Callers:
  • Craig: Shares he "peer pressures" a friend (who has no drive) to have sex with his wife, acting as a strange kind of intermediary.
    • Bert: "So you're the—Craig is the penis whisperer." (09:48)
  • Todd: (with voice disguiser) says, “I fully do not enjoy sex very much… I don’t know why.” (13:05) Reveals he’s gay, leading to a discussion about sexual orientation and drive.
• The hosts debate biology vs. orientation, stereotypes about gay men’s sex lives, and the impact of personal experience.

4. Cheating and Second Relationships

[10:56–13:12 & 17:10–23:24]

• Casey: Talks about being "the other woman" in an affair, reflecting on why the man strays despite good sexual chemistry at home.
• Discussion arises about gender differences in perceiving cheating and sexual satisfaction; Jeff asserts, "Most guys called up and said, ‘Yeah, that’s true... I can get through all the other crap, but you Gotta keep sex alive.’” (11:49)
• Jen pushes back, questioning if sexual satisfaction truly prevents infidelity for men.
• Callers share stories of discovering they were “the other woman,” confronting betrayal, and retaliating against unfaithful partners.
  • Melinda: "For a year I was stupid, naive, in love, and just blonde." (23:37)
  • Jen: "And then once you found out you were the other woman, what’d you do?"
    Melinda: "Oh, I went down... I beat the crap out of him in the parking lot. Almost go to jail." (24:10–24:22)

5. Self-Respect After Betrayal

[23:24–27:26]

• The team urges a caller (Carolyn) not to return to her cheating boyfriend, though sense she’s wavering.
• Jen: "We are a forgiving gender." (23:10)
• Jeff: "Guys hear this and they’re like, we could take advantage of women as much as we want. I mean, what else does he have to do?" (23:15)

6. Lighthearted Advice from 8-Year-Old Alec

[27:31–43:56]

• Alec, author of "How to Talk to Girls," becomes the episode’s relationship guru—delivering gems with endearing earnestness.
• Advice to adults and kids alike:
  • On handling competing love interests: "Unless you like one girl, just like get rid of both of them so it doesn’t turn into a big fight." (30:46)
  • On moving on from heartbreak: "Life is hard. Move on… If you let it sink in, it’ll make you even more sad." (34:31–34:42)
  • On age of marriage/engagement: "Maybe get engaged at 23 and get married at 25." (36:31)
  • On "pretty girls": "Pretty girls are very, very hard to get because most have cold hearts against bullies... Also, we like to call pretty girls high maintenance girls." (37:52 & 38:12)
• Bert seeks Alec's advice on how to thank his wife for letting him take time away:
  • Alec: "Like, get a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Not that much [money], just…a big one." (41:47)
• On popularity: "If you were the smartest kid in class, girls would be prowling at your feet. Pick one and skip along." (43:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On marriage and sex:
  Jeff: "Therapists generally define sexless marriages as having sex less than 10 times a year. And they estimate one in five couples, 20%, are in sexless marriages." (02:57)

• On loneliness in marriage:
  Caller (Carol): "It makes a woman feel very lonely to not be actually wanted by her husband." (06:00)

• On moving on:
  Alec: "Life is hard. Move on... If you don't get over it, it'll make you too sad. And most boys, if they can't get over it, they go crazy." (34:31–34:54)

• Comic relief:
  Bert: "So you're the—Craig is the penis whisperer." (09:48)

• Alec’s wisdom on high-maintenance dating:
  "Pretty girls are very, very hard to get because most have cold hearts against bullies…We like to call pretty girls high maintenance girls." (38:12)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–09:14| Sex drive mismatch & emotional fallout | | 09:15–16:12| Do men who dislike sex exist? Listener testimonies | | 17:10–23:24| Infidelity stories/ confronting cheaters | | 23:24–27:26| Forgiveness vs. self-respect after being cheated on | | 27:31–43:56| Kid relationship expert Alec gives advice & answers |

Tone

• Candid and humorous: The hosts and callers tackle tough subjects with honesty and sharp wit.
• Relatable and inclusive: Listeners of all backgrounds and ages contribute stories, amplifying the feeling of a morning radio community.
• Supportive, if irreverent: The cast genuinely tries to help listeners navigate struggles, even though teasing and laughter are ever-present.
• Endearing: Alec’s innocence and childlike wisdom inject warmth and hopefulness.

Summary Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show is a blend of serious relationship dilemmas and comedic insight that only this cast, with help from their devoted audience, can deliver. From real struggles with marital intimacy and infidelity to the adorable perspective of an 8-year-old “expert,” it’s equal parts empathy, entertainment, and unexpected wisdom. Whether you’re grappling with heartbreak, lost in the dating jungle, or just in need of a lighter morning, this episode leaves you feeling seen, heard—and maybe a little less alone.