Full Show PT 1: Monday, January 19 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, January 19 [Vault] (January 19, 2026)

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Main Theme

This episode of The Bert Show is a quintessential morning show mix: part real-life drama, part comedy, part advice column. The episode’s two primary themes are:

1. A dramatic friendship dilemma involving secrets and betrayals ahead of a wedding ("Should you tell your friend their partner is cheating, or mind your business?").
2. The Idiot’s Guide to Turning 21 – a hilarious but practical list of do’s and don’ts for making the most of the legal drinking milestone.

Throughout, the show features spontaneous audience calls, lively banter among hosts Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the cast, and maintains its trademark balance of humor and honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Friendship Drama: Should You Spill a Secret Before the Wedding? (00:04 – 19:00)

- Background:

• Heather calls in, caught in a fight with her friend Ashley over their friend group’s messy dynamics.
• Karen (their mutual friend) is remarrying her ex-husband, Kyle, after a previous breakup caused by her cheating.
• Karen has secretly rehired her ex-lover (the one she cheated with) as her company’s web designer; Kyle doesn’t know.
• Heather wants to tell Kyle; Ashley insists she should stay out of it.

- Unpacking the Dilemma:

• Heather’s Position: She feels she owes the truth to Kyle, her original friend, and believes he’s walking into another heartbreak.
• Ashley’s Position: She argues it’s none of their business, accuses Heather of jealousy, and suggests Heather harbors feelings for Kyle.
• Host Insight: The Bert Show crew explores whether you should intervene in a friend’s potentially doomed marriage, especially when your own relationships with the group are on the line.

- Notable Quotes:

• “He was my friend before I was friends with Karen.” – Heather (03:04)
• “If friends have knowledge your partner cheated, you’d want to know.” – D (03:07)
• “You have to think about him and how he would feel in this situation.” – Haley, listener (12:56)
• “If you’re truly, truly a good friend … you got to kind of let him know what he’s walking into.” – B (13:29)

- Audience Calls:

• Listeners weigh in with passionate opinions, many siding with Heather’s instinct to tell, others warning about the fallout.

- Ashley & Heather Face Off:

• Ashley joins live, accuses Heather of having ulterior motives: “She’s always had a thing for Kyle. She was hoping they’d end up together.” (08:36)
• The confrontation becomes heated, with past grievances and group dynamics unearthed.

- Consensus / Unresolved Tension:

• Hosts attempt a mediation: Should Heather talk to Karen first, giving her a chance to own up to Kyle?
• General advice leans toward confronting Karen before Kyle.

- Memorable Moments:

• “If you have the courage to say something to him, you should have the courage to go to her and say, look, I know what you’re up to …” – Listener call-in (05:08)
• “If the roles were reversed and Kyle had been cheating, you’d tell Karen in a second.” – Listener (17:04)
• The segment ends without resolution; both Heather and Ashley’s friendship appears irreparably damaged; hosts pledge to follow up before the wedding.

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2. Comedy Bit: Voicemail Message Mishaps (19:14 – 25:28)

- Jeff’s Voicemail Woes:

• Host Jeff shares his struggle with updating his outgoing voicemail, hilariously botching multiple takes and accidentally leaving a blooper reel as his actual message.
• The show plays snippets of his failed voicemail attempts, complete with accidental personal info and profanity.

- Hosts’ Take:

• The team commiserates about the “voicemail pressure,” riffs on the complexity of modern phone systems, and shares personal stories about family answering machine disasters.

- Notable Quotes:

• “If you call Bert now, it says, ‘I’ll be back on June 7, 2002.’” – A (19:40)
• “Mine? Yours is basically a blooper reel, right?” – B (24:01)

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3. The Idiot’s Guide to Turning 21 (25:28 – 44:27)

- Setup:

• A listener requests an “Idiot’s Guide” for someone turning 21, asking for must-know tips since he never experienced the undergraduate party scene.

- Crowdsourced Wisdom – Calls & Host Suggestions:

• Eat dinner first; get a good food base (27:01)
• Avoid sugary drinks to reduce hangovers (27:31)
• Go to the liquor store & insist on being carded (27:50)
• Don’t mix colors when drinking (28:44)
• Assign a designated driver; call for a Safe Ride (29:33, 30:53)
• Drink water between drinks or shots (31:29)
• Don’t start the party too early (32:10)
• Take the next day off work (32:42)
• Have people buying you a shot take one too (33:03)
• Carry a piece of paper to witness signature deterioration (34:51)
• For women: skip skirts/wear pants for “practical” reasons (35:10)
• Go in expecting the night to be the worst night of your life; keep expectations low (35:38)
• Set out hangover remedies (e.g., water, aspirin, crackers) before going out (37:55)
• If you’re a guy, you must do a body shot; for hangovers, Pedialyte (38:11)
• “Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.” (38:45)
• Higher quality vodka means less of a hangover (40:04)

- Memorable Quotes & Moments:

• “Line up your reinforcements before you leave—water, aspirin, bucket, whatever your hangover old wives’ tale is.” – A (37:15)
• “Turning 21 is almost like an adult prom…in a lot of cases, the night can't meet that expectation.” – B (35:45)
• “If you have underage friends, start a passport at Taco Mac—100 different beers and your name’s on the wall.” – C (39:16)
• “For girls: wear a panty liner…there’s always going to be a lineup at the bathroom.” – Kathy, caller (40:36)

- Host Banter:

• Debates over putting “use a watchdog” on the list (i.e., a sober friend to watch out for you).
• Disagreement if 21-year-olds will bother with some of the more practical, older/wiser advice.
• Laughter about lost hangover recovery abilities as you age.

- Resource:

• The full “Idiot’s Guide” list is promised on their website for easy reference (43:13).

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “If you’re truly, truly a good friend, then I think as much as it hurts … you got to kind of let him know what he’s walking into.” – B (13:29)
• “You have to think about him and how he would feel in this situation. … You would want somebody to do the same for you.” – Haley, Listener (12:56)
• “You guys are best friends, y’all. I mean—yeah, well, I mean, I don’t think so.” – D (15:54)
• “Carry a piece of paper with you. After every drink or shot, sign your name—see how your signature gets worse and worse.” – Karen, Caller (34:51)
• “Turning 21 is almost like an adult prom … in a lot of cases, the night can't meet that expectation.” – B (35:45)
• “Wear a panty liner … there’s always going to be a lineup at the bathroom.” – Kathy, Caller (40:36)
• “The only place where you can control your hangover is if you’re a vodka drinker … higher quality vodka gives a better hangover.” – A (40:09)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Time | |-----------------------------------------------|----------| | Show opens, sets up Heather/Ashley drama | 00:01 | | Heather outlines the Karen/Kyle dilemma | 00:08 | | Hosts & callers debate telling the truth | 03:07+ | | Confrontation: Heather vs Ashley | 07:55 | | Audience weighs in on drama | 12:50 | | Drama unresolved, plan to follow up | 17:32 | | Workplace voicemail fiascos | 19:14 | | Idiot’s Guide to Turning 21: crowd wisdom | 26:00+ | | Practical/funny tips for 21st birthdays | 27:31+ | | Final rundown: “Idiot’s Guide” recap | 43:13 |

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Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show maintains its mix of playful, candid, and empathetic conversation—the drama segment is emotionally charged but handled with the hosts’ classic empathy and humor. The 21st birthday guide segment brings in the audience and keeps things light, funny, and practical.

For listeners:

• Relationship dilemmas: Trust your gut but weigh the consequences; bring problems to the source before outing secrets.
• Turning 21 advice: Eat, pace yourself, avoid sugar, have responsible transportation, and remember—you can only drink like this at 21!

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Bottom Line

The Bert Show delivers another morning of authentic, laugh-out-loud radio, balancing real-life friendship crises with smart, crowd-sourced life advice, all woven together by quick-witted banter and open phone lines.

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Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show.

[B]

Good morning, Heather. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hey, how are you guys?

[B]

Good, how are you?

[C]

I'm alright. I'm calling because I'm in a big fight with my girlfriend Ashley.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And the reason we're in a fight, I mean, it's like a blowout, you know, big huge fight. Like three days ago, our girlfriend Karen, she's getting remarried to her ex husband.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And the reason her marriage broke up in the first place was that she was cheating on her husband. And we all knew it. She didn't like come out and say it, but everybody knew that that's what was happening. And now they're getting remarried and she just hired this guy she was cheating with to be the web designer for her company.

[B]

What?

[C]

She is getting married. And I'm like, I'm not having it. I mean, her ex husband/QB husband again, is a really good friend of mine and I want to tell him. And Ashley thinks that I'm just full of it and I shouldn't put my nose in it or anything, but the fact of the matter is that he was my friend first. And now I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of this because I have this information.

[D]

So Karen. So Karen's acts and feelings Beyonce together has no idea that this, the guy she was sleeping around with is actually going to work for her now, huh? So he has no idea. See, Yeah.

[B]

I don't know why I'm confused about the whole scenario, but I'm confused for why.

[D]

Okay, Karen is the one, the bride, right? And Karen divorced from her husband because she was cheating on him. Right? So now she's getting remarried to him. But the guy she cheated with, she's hired to be her web designer for her company.

[B]

Oh, and the husband doesn't.

[D]

And the husband doesn't know. Now Ashley is, you know, one of the friends and says it's nobody's business. And Heather here is like, no, he needs to know.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Am I. Did I get that right, Heather?

[C]

Yes.

[E]

Okay, so Ashley says, mind your own business and stay out of it. You say I need to get in the mix.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. And that's the fight you've had with Heather for the past three days with Ashley. I mean, Ashley, Right. This is Heather. Got it.

[B]

All right. I'm not exactly sure where to go with this. So the fighting over the last three days is basically you guys just butting heads on what to do with the next phase. She just says, nothing. Don't say it, let it Go.

[C]

Don't do it. She's like vehemently opposed to me saying anything to him.

[A]

So are you like you're calling us just so we hop on your side and then you can go back with. To her with more votes? Is that why you're calling us?

[C]

No, I'm calling it. Well, I want you guys to call her. I want you to call her and get her on the radio and tell her that you guys back me up, that everybody in Atlanta backs me up and that I should go to him and say something.

[D]

But you're assuming everybody backs you up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, because why wouldn't I tell him if I have this information? He's my friend. Why wouldn't I tell him?

[E]

That's a tough call right there. I never. I'm always right on the fence on this decision because I think it just depends on how close you are to the groom. Is he an acquaintance or.

[C]

No, he was my friend before I was friends with Karen.

[D]

And see, I take it from the side of Karen if I'm the. I mean from him, I guess now because he's the one got cheated on. But you know, again, if you're in that position and your friends have knowledge that you need to know, like it's always the case of if you're the friend that wants to do, you know, say what the friend want, thinks that you should say or what the hard truth. And I'm a hard truth friend. And I want to know if the person that my partner cheated on is actually still in the mix.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I. So I think you should tell.

[B]

How much interaction are they really going to have with each other? A lot.

[C]

A lot. I mean, this is for her company. He's web designing for her company.

[D]

And you know for sure that her fiance doesn't know.

[C]

I know for a fact because he knew he would freak out. She is dragging this guy through a big, huge wedding Again.

[B]

I got it. I think I.

[C]

The second time. I mean, we are talking everything. I mean, they are sparing no expense and she is pulling this on him again.

[B]

Wow, that's certainly is walking into a hornet's nest. I don't know that I'd say anything though. I don't. I don't know.

[D]

Have you talked to Karen, the bride?

[C]

No, no, we haven't talked to her because, I mean, I don't even know what to say to her, but I. I know what's going on.

[E]

Is Ashley closer friends with Karen?

[C]

Yeah, because she hurt the husband. The ex husband slash husband. I don't want to use his name. You know, he. We're all. We've been friends since college, and I knew him. I knew him right before, a little bit before I met these girls. I knew Ashley around the same time. And then Karen got into the mix.

[E]

Okay. So if for some reason you go ahead and tell and you talk to ex husband, fiance, then Ashley will probably tell Karen it was you that spilled the beans, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

So you'll probably sever your relationship with all of them, especially if he goes ahead and marries her anyway.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Demi does not agree so much. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Good morning.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

I think this girl Heather is, like, jealous that this girl is actually getting married to her friend again. And if she was so concerned, she should go to the bride. If she has the balls to tell him, then she should go to the bride and say something to the bride. Be like, look, I know what you're up to, and he's my friend, you know, she just. She's whining. It's terrible. She. It sounds like she's just jealous that they get married again. What does she care that they're not sparing any expense on their second marriage?

[B]

Heather, how do you respond?

[C]

Because he already went through this before. He already went through this before, and she dragged him through the mud, and now he's gonna do it all over again. If he didn't want to die again. Are you kidding me? If he didn't want to do it again, He's a grown man. He wouldn't do it again. Obviously, he doesn't know the guy in the picture still. Yeah, but you say that you. What is your problem? Why don't you go to the bride and say something if you have the courage. What am I supposed to say to her? She's completely. Same thing you would say to the husband. You would say the same thing that you would say to the husband. If you have the balls to go and talk to the husband, then why don't you have the courage to go and talk to the bride? Well, obviously she's going to find out if I go talk to him, isn't she? Exactly. Why wouldn't you? Have fun. You just prove my point. No. Right from wrong. You just proved my point. If you know she's gonna find out, why don't you just go to her first? Go to the source first. Why are you going over her head? Because, you know if you have the courage to say something to him, you should have the courage to go to her and say Look, I know what you're up to and he's my friend. And who the hell are you to do this to him? It's bothering me and if you don't take care of it, I will. See, that's the right thing to do.

[B]

Heather. Let's do this. Rather than get Ashley on and tell her that you're right and she's wrong, I'd sure like to hear her side of the story first.

[C]

Oh, sure, go ahead.

[B]

Do you think she'd be okay to come on with us?

[C]

I don't know. I guess. I mean, she is mad about this. So I'm sure as soon as she finds out that I called you guys, she's gonna want to say what she has to say.

[B]

Is this the kind of thing that could totally ruin your guys relationship?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, it's going to anyway.

[B]

Yeah, it sounds like it's doomed.

[C]

The whole thing is like just gonna blow up. It's. It is.

[B]

All right, Heather, we called Ashley. Your prediction was right. She's eager to come on.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And at least tell her side of the story. Okay.

[C]

All right.

[D]

And Heather, you gotta let Ashley tell her side first, okay?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Let her go uninterrupted. How long have you guys been friends?

[C]

Three years. We know, we. We've. It's the three of us, but we've been friends since college.

[B]

Since college. Okay, so. So it's a pretty deep relationship.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

Okay, let's get Ashley on here. And again, I think Melissa's right. I think you just gotta let Ashley state her case equal time. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Hey, Ashley.

[C]

Hey guys.

[B]

Hi. How are you?

[C]

Good. How are you guys doing?

[B]

Doing okay. You obviously know the situation you're in. And Heather called us this morning and she says there's a situation brewing here between the two of you guys that could ruin your friendship forever. And she wants to try to figure this thing out today, right?

[C]

Yeah, there is. I just think she should mind her own business about the whole situation. And it's not the point that she's being like caring towards Kyle. It's the fact that she just is jealous. So jealous about Karen and Kyle that she doesn't even want them together. So therefore she's gonna do everything she can to, you know, keep them apart.

[A]

Is she jealous about Kyle or is she jealous that they have jealous about Kyle?

[C]

She's always had a thing for Kyle. And I think she was hoping when Karen and Kyle broke up that they were going to be together that Heather and Kyle were going to end up together. And it didn't happen. And she's so sad about it, and she just had to be catty. And I just think she should stay mind her own business.

[D]

Now, Ashley, let me ask a question. Is it true that Karen has hired her ex lover for, you know, a job?

[C]

I mean, supposedly, but I don't understand. Yeah, but I mean, that's, you know, six. One half dozen of the other. It doesn't matter. I mean, it's none of our business. It's their business what they want to do. And I think that everyone should stay out of it and let them live their lives.

[E]

So you think Heather's in the middle.

[C]

Of it and it's nuts?

[E]

She doesn't just want to be this great altruistic friend. She wants to. I mean, she wants to break them up.

[C]

She has, like, a total ulterior motive. If she didn't like Kyle and wasn't, you know, jealous over everything, then, you know, she can't find someone to marry her. So now she's all upset that they're getting married. That's what it was. So wait, hold on.

[D]

Heather, Heather, Heather.

[C]

Not know.

[D]

Heather.

[C]

He does not know. Are you kidding me? He doesn't know. Heather. But you. I mean, you have to say that you haven't had a thing for. For Kyle, and you're not a little bit jealous over the whole situation, and that doesn't have a little bit to do with what you're trying to do. You got to go dragging up stuff because that's the only reason you can come up with to not tell him. No, it is not. I told you that we. No one should say a word to him. Why do you keep protecting her? I'm not protecting her. But that's not why. What is the reason? A secret thing for Karen that we all don't know about? Oh, my God. Get over it. No, you should totally stay out of it. It's none of our business, their relationship. It's not like he's not gonna find out that she's hiring him for her company.

[B]

Ashley.

[C]

Except that he's gonna find out after the wedding. After all this other. After all of this. That's what you're jealous about, is the wed like that? You're not jealous. You're not trying to protect him at all.

[B]

Ashley, let me ask you this, because your accusation here is that Heather's kind of emotionally invested in this dude Kyle. So what has she done over the last couple of years to make you say that? Can you give us, like, a specific instance, or is this just a feeling you have.

[C]

It's just a total. It's not even a feeling. It's just, you know, when you're around her that she has a thing for Kyle. I mean, there's no. Ever since college. There's no doubting it, you know? I mean, you just know. We are good friends. Okay, Ashley, you're more than you want.

[B]

To be, more than.

[C]

You've been close, and you know that. And nothing has ever happened between us, and you know that. And you're just making this up because we're close. So fine. Whatever. You know, it's just such. You're so full of it. And I don't know why you're protecting her so hard.

[D]

Hey, Ashley, can I ask a question? So let's say Heather did not have feelings for Kyle. Would that change the way you feel?

[B]

No.

[C]

Because I still don't think it's our business to get into their relationship. It's their relationship, and they need that. I mean, if he's not smart enough to figure it out, Kyle, then you know what? Then why should. I mean, he needs to. They need to do their own thing.

[B]

I think it's too big.

[C]

Nobody to get in the middle of their relationship.

[B]

It's too big a piece of a puzzle.

[C]

You are not a friend. You are not even a friend. It's, like, sickening to me that we have all been together this long and that you. You can't step to the plate when something like this happens and open your mouth. That's what pisses me off about the whole thing so much because you are. You're so impartial. And these are our friends. These are people who we love and care about. Karen, you can tell her how you feel, but you shouldn't go straight to Kyle.

[E]

Do you think you could go straight to Karen? Heather?

[C]

Yes, I do, but she's, like, sitting here barking at me not to do it and making me feel all bad about it. I just told you.

[E]

She just said to you, go to Karen. Don't go to Kyle.

[C]

I'm going to go to Kyle. That's completely. She. Ashley, I said, that's just causing a huge fight. And she said that. And I was like, are you kidding me?

[A]

This is starting to get uncomfortable. Keep going.

[B]

Hold on a sec. Let me. Let me get a couple of virtual listeners.

[C]

She can't honestly believe that I'm okay with it.

[B]

Hold on one sec, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Good morning to Haley. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hi. How are you guys doing?

[B]

Good, thank you.

[C]

Good. I just Wanted to say that when Heather was talking about how Kyle was her friend first, that is the most important thing. You have to think about him and how he would feel in this situation. I mean, it's like you would want somebody to do the same thing for you. If somebody else was cheating on you and then all of a sudden they show back up in your life again. Wouldn't you want to know? And that's the exact same thing you have to keep telling yourself. It's so important to tell him and think about his feelings and how this may be. You may, you know, prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life all over again.

[B]

Yeah, I'm starting to sway on it now also, like, I'm thinking if. If it depends how good of friends you are, but I mean, if you're truly, truly a good friend, then I think as much as it hurts, if your intention is good, as much as it hurts, I think you got to kind of let him know what he's walking into.

[C]

Exactly. If I had such a thing for him, if I had such a huge thing for him, why would I be risking all of our friendship to tell him something like that?

[E]

Maybe then you'll score him.

[D]

That's why I keep asking Ashley. Well, that, you know, okay, emotions aside, because I want to find out if this is a story or real. That's why I keep asking Ashley. Is it fact that Karen's ex lover is now her employee and the fact that Karen's fiance does not know about it? Is that fact regardless of Heather?

[C]

Yeah, she hired him to do her website.

[D]

I don't. I don't think that should be lost.

[C]

Are they going to work in close quarters? Okay. She's already having a huge thing about it and redoing this and that. He's going to give her 8,000 options and all this BS and you know that.

[D]

I mean, I just.

[C]

Keeping him around.

[B]

My thought was. My thought was that we would do like a couples court type thing where we'd have all these Berkshire listeners call up and they decide what you guys should do. But there's no way that you guys are gonna be resolve this by listening to the opinions or just by vote by our listeners. So it seems a little ridiculous.

[E]

I would like to hear what eventually happens, Heather, what you decide to do.

[D]

Yeah. And I think there's more issues going on here. Like, I think Ashley and Heather would have had arguments anyway because if it is fact that Karen may potentially be tempted to cheat on her husband again and him go through it a second time, and what gets lost is that all that Ashley cares about is the fact that Heather has a crush on Kyle. I think they have more issues going on than just. What, between Karen and Kyle.

[C]

Yeah, well, I just don't think that she's in it for a good cause. I don't think she has good intentions by telling Kyle about it. It's not about a good cause. Ashley, where have you been? Okay, this is about our first friends.

[E]

Y' all are incestuous.

[C]

That's what it's about. About you jealous of a wedding, that you were such an awful friend, for whatever reason, cannot find a guy to marry you.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

This Karen and Kyle have nothing to do with the conversation they're having right now.

[C]

You are so unbelievable.

[D]

What?

[E]

What?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys are best friends, y', all. I mean.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't think so.

[C]

No. I just totally have different opinions on this. I'm going to think that she's doing this for a good reason, to have good intentions.

[D]

Well, actually, do you think it should be done? Like, forget Heather, like, again? I'm a little concerned about Kyle, to be honest with you, not you two. And so do you think it should be done where at least Karen is told? Look, you know, don't you think you're about to screw up this again the second time the exact same way?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I definitely think she should go to Karen and say, you know, I don't agree with this. This is my good friend, and if you don't do it, then I'll do it. But, I mean, give her the option. Give her the choice. It's her relationship, you know? I mean, just don't go to Kyle and cause a big fiasco before this huge wedding.

[B]

That seems fair to me. You go to Karen first. And if she says no, stay out of it, then. I think that I've been told her.

[C]

This the whole time. Go to Karen. Don't just go to Kyle because he's better friends with you. I mean, Karen told you this. Go to her and say, look, I don't agree with that.

[B]

Let me take one more call on this, then we'll move on. There's no way we're gonna be able to resolve this. There's just no way. Good morning. And you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hi. How are you?

[B]

Good, thanks.

[C]

I just wondered, if it had all been reversed and Kyle had been the one who had cheated and his ex was still in the picture, would they still be fighting about telling Karen that? Would she would tell her in a second. That is the fact of the matter, and you are so right. And thank you for saying that. And if that's the case, then Kyle should be told. And I think Kyle should be told anyway, because if somebody was cheating, he deserves to know that before he goes into marriage.

[B]

Let me ask y', all, when is this all supposed to happen?

[C]

The wedding's, like, six weeks away.

[B]

Six weeks away?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, I think, like Jen said, there's no way we're gonna be able to resolve this today. But we gotta follow up with you guys to find out what you're doing. Heather, did Ashley say or did our listener say anything today to make you rethink what you're gonna do?

[C]

No, they confirmed everything I thought in the first place. So I guess we'll talk to you guys and let you know what happens.

[B]

And Ashley, if she handles this the way that she plans on handling it, I mean, can you confidently say that your relationship with her is over?

[C]

Definitely. Because I think she completely did the wrong thing. And I wouldn't want a friend like that doing anything to me.

[B]

Okay, we'll get your numbers, and we gotta check back in with you.

[C]

Like, already over, so. Whatever.

[B]

Sounds like.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, their friendship is, I think, has slowly been, you know, has been degrading for a long time.

[A]

It sucks that this had to happen on the radio.

[B]

All right, Heather, Ashley, I'm gonna put you both on hold. We'll get all your contact info, and we should probably talk to you right before the wedding.

[C]

Well, if you're gonna happen.

[B]

If you're going to make this happen, Heather, if you're going to talk. When are you planning on doing that?

[C]

I don't know. I mean, it's just going to kind of depend on when I can get them, you know, both together and we can sit down and have a talk.

[B]

You're going to do it both together?

[C]

I'm not sure. I mean, it's going to be sometime in the next week, that's for sure.

[D]

Well, let us know what you do.

[B]

Yeah, or we'll keep calling and calling and calling and calling and calling and calling. All right, you guys, we'll see you.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[A]

The Birch Show.

[B]

Jeff made a very common mistake that I think many of us around here have made on our outgoing voicemail messages, because we have a complicated system here. You think it's like, it should be so easy. You hit five, you leave your outgoing message, you hit three, or you hit star, and it's over. Right?

[D]

Right.

[B]

And obviously, when all of us go on vacation, we try to leave a message that says, hey, we're not gonna be around until September. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[D]

It's never right the first time.

[B]

It's never right the first time.

[D]

You gotta do it over.

[B]

And it's never right like the first.

[A]

15 times, which is why Bert's just given up. And if you call Bert now, it says, hey, listen, I'm just heading out on vacation, but I will be back on June 7, 2002.

[B]

I hate cutting those things, and I really, really do. For this reason.

[A]

I was leaving my message, my outgoing message before I went on vacation, and I was saying, hey, I'm gonna be gone until September 12th. And it sounds simple enough, right? But there could be urgent show stuff going on. Cause obviously, Jen and Melissa were here for the first part of the vacation, and Burt was back, so there could be, you know, important show stuff happening and maybe an interview possibility or somebody who is like, one of my contacts would have to get ahold of somebody else. So what I wanted to do was leave Tracy's information, too, so they could contact Tracy. It seems simple enough, right? Like, so, ideally, you would call my voicemail and it would say, hey, this is. It's gonna be a miracle if I can do it. But, hey, actually, it's gonna happen now because there's no pressure, right? Hey, it's Jeff. Hey, it's Jeff Dollar with the Birch show at Q100. I can't take your call right now on vacation, and I'll be out of the office until September 12th. But if you have an urgent show matter, please call Tracy Peluso at 404-497-4837, or email her traceyalthehitsq100.com Otherwise, I'll respond to your phone message or your email when I return on the 12th. Thank you. Have a good day.

[B]

Beep. Done.

[D]

And Tracy just passed out. Cause you gave her number out.

[A]

So that's like. That's like the direct. That's it, right?

[B]

Yeah, that's it. It's done. One cut.

[A]

And. But if I made a mistake, let's say I said, hey, this is Jeff. I'll be out till September 15th. Oh, no, I'm out till 12th. Okay, start over. So you push the button, it starts over. And after you've had to start over a few times, you think you have the sequence of buttons memorized that you have to push to do the start over. But if you screw them up and somebody calls you, this is the outgoing message they hear.

[B]

Now, this was on your outgoing voicemail message. For how long?

[A]

Two weeks.

[B]

Two weeks. When people called Jeff's voicemail, they got this.

[A]

Hey, it's Jeff Dollar with the bird show and all the hits Q100. I'm out of the office till Monday, September 12th, and if you have an urgent show matter, you should contact Tracy peluso, the producer, at 404,171. But probably not at that number because that's her cell phone number and she probably wouldn't appreciate me giving that up. Hi, this is Jeff thaler with the bird show at all the Hits Q100, and I am on vacation until Monday, September 12th. If you have an urgent show matter, email tracypaluso r a c e y the Hits Q100.com or call her at 4. We shouldn't invest one me. Hi, this is Jeff dallowy with the bird show at all the hits Q100. I am not available to take your call because I'm on vacation until Monday the 12th. If you have an urgent show matter, you can reach Tracy peluso at T R A C e y all the hits q100 dot com.

[C]

Hey, it's Jeff. No.

[A]

Hi, it's Jeff Dollar with the Bird show at All the Hits Q100. And I am not available to take your call because I'm on vacation till Monday, September 12th. If you'd like to contact producer.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Hi, this is Jeff Birchow and I am on vacation till Monday, September 12. If you have an urgent show matter, contact producer Tracy at T R a C e [e-mail] or call her at 404497 and the best of you. Otherwise, leave me an email and I'll respond to you when I return to the Office next Monday, September 12th. Thank you for calling.

[C]

Bye.

[D]

So that is the whole thing.

[B]

So all of them, all five messages were the outgoing message for the last.

[A]

Two, except the F word and the S word were in there too.

[B]

So the beeps that you heard were Jeff cursing at me.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It shouldn't be that complicated. Like, you go into our voicemail system in that voice tree, the first person greeting the second person greeting the.

[A]

But the problem is how many voicemails.

[E]

Greetings if you're on the other line greeting.

[A]

And how many voicemails do you have? Number one. Like you gotta know how to get into your cell phone, how to get into your home phone, how to get into your work. On top of that, like, for whatever reason, there's A lot of pressure in the outgoing message, you know what I mean? There is a lot of pressure in the outgoing, the greeting, the what you hear when you call. So like normally I'll record it a couple of times.

[B]

Yeah. And so if I get through the whole thing and I get the details right, I won't listen again because I'll think it sounds stupid, I gotta do it again. Seven or eight cuts. Mine. Yours is basically a blooper reel, right? People got a blooper voicemail message when they listen to you.

[D]

My voice, my voicemail message here at the station. And I don't know when I missed a comma voicemail to remind me of something. And I still have a couple from six months ago. Like I still am congested on my voicemail message cause I didn't want to recut it because I'm the same way.

[A]

I don't know how it happened, but somehow at one point in the past, years ago, my grandmother was alive, you would call her answering machine and you would hear a message that my aunt had left for her. And I have no idea how they screwed up what the conversation is. But you would call it ring ring and then you would click. We're going to church at 3:30, if you wanna walk over with us. We're going with Margaret and Harold. So call me downstairs if you wann at 3:30. We'll pick you up at 3:15. Then we'll go to the cemetery and get flowers.

[B]

Yeah, my mom's is always the same way. It's the same every time she tries to cut it's like hi, you've called Myra Weiss. Go ahead, leave a message at the beep. I'm not available right now, thank you. And then you hear.

[E]

Be.

[A]

The Bird show.

[E]

We always get all kinds of random questions and emails from listeners. And this one I thought would be appropriate to help out. It says Jen the Birch often does the Idiot's Guide to Different Things. What about An Idiot's guide to turning 21? This guy says I'll be turning 21 in September and I would love to hear the advice from people on how to do it right. He says I'm currently in graduate school instead of undergraduate so he thinks he's not surrounded by the right environment to see what others do, what bars they go to, you know, what should he do? You know, what should he do to be prepared to turn 21?

[B]

And you guys know what these idiots guides are, right?

[D]

Yeah, I mean it's basically, you know, just the basic things that you need to know. Whatever category there is. I mean, we have all the rest of them posted. We've done to tailgating in the South. We've done trying to think, going on a first date. Going on a first date. So it's just the basics, you know, bullet point basics that you need to know. And when you're turning 21, these are the must, must know.

[B]

That's not even a word.

[E]

And she's out.

[A]

9, 30, and she's out.

[B]

She's already exhausted from the walk.

[D]

I'm start walking. See you later.

[A]

These are the things you must know. Yeah, to know.

[B]

You know, we're putting together a list of rules for somebody that, you know that is turning 21 this weekend. What are the absolutes? Okay. I think there are a different set of rules for, like, guys than there are women. Like, and the. And the set of rules for guys is that there are no rules.

[E]

Like, I would say one of them is eat dinner. Like, you need to make sure.

[B]

You make sure there's a base of.

[E]

Food before you go.

[B]

Start with that.

[A]

How could you not come up with that one? Because Bert's an expert in the bases. He's like, all right, some pasta night, people. Let's go get some pasta in us. Plenty of bread, pasta. Skip the salad, skip the meat.

[B]

But that knowledge came at 30, not a 21. And my base was vodka. And I started drinking tequila, but I had the base of vodka in there, so it was gonna be okay.

[D]

Now I'm assuming, of course, it is the idiot's guide to turning 21. But, you know, drink, like, I mean, the thing is, we haven't even said that, But I mean, turning 21, the thing that turned 20, you get to drink legally.

[B]

I got one. All right. I got one. I got one. I got one. Stay away from sugary drinks, okay? Okay. That's like, it doesn't matter if you're 21, 24, 28. The more sugar you drink, the more hungover you're gonna be the next day. So stay away from those fruity freaking girly umbrella drinks, because those things are gonna hurt. They're hurting.

[A]

I think you have to do some of the traditional things that might get forgotten. Like, I think on your 21st birthday, you have to go to a liquor store and insist that they see your ID and buy something. Because the first time I could legally buy a drink, I went. I don't know if it was a six pack or a bottle or whatever it was. And I went in there, and I didn't get carded. I'm like, you wanna see my id? He's like, now you're good.

[B]

Remember we did that with intern Emily? It was her 21st birthday.

[A]

Or the drinking.

[B]

No, it was drinking. She went in to get a drink, and her ID said her birthday was that day. That's why we sent her out. And he's like, what time did you. What time were you born? Or something like that. And she's like, I don't know what time I'm born. Look at the day on the thing. And he wouldn't, like, give her. He wouldn't give her any alcohol. All right, so the idiot's guide to turning 21 are the. What are the absolute rules? Okay, if your best friend was turning 21, what kind of advice. What kind of rules do you absolute have to follow on that night? Hey, Karen, you're on the Burt Show. What's up?

[C]

Hey. One of my best friends turned 21 August 3rd. And my number one rule for her was, don't mix colors.

[B]

Don't mix colors.

[C]

Yes. And she broke that rule and was hugging the toilet all night.

[E]

Well, you almost have to hug the toilet all night on your 21st birthday.

[B]

We actually had a rule. I mean, it was a dangerous, dangerous rule that there was a group of five or six of us that still know each other really, really well, but they're still living in San Diego. That on your 21st birthday. The night's not over until the. The guy that's 21 yaks. And some held out longer than others, that's for sure. But, yeah, it was just kind of a. It's a rite of passage.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. When the. Yeah. When the tile on the bathroom floor feels so good against your face because there's. Yeah. Because you have that. The heat. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Good morning, Brian. You're on all the hits q100. Hi.

[C]

Good morning. How you guys doing?

[B]

Good, sir. Idiots. Guide to turning 21.

[C]

You gotta have a designated driver. 21 cannot end their life that early.

[B]

Very good. Be responsible.

[E]

Transportation. Get a limo. Make sure you got cab money. Whatever you got to do.

[B]

You know, statistics are showing now also, I just read this that the chances are pretty good that the designated driver in most cases isn't sober. Either he or she is more sober than the rest in the group. But by no means unless you're not drinking are you sober. So there's some stats to look out for there also. And I've been guilty of that, too, you know, like, I'm gonna be the one that's not gonna drink tonight. I'm Drinking, just not as much as anybody else. And I'm still probably legally drunk.

[A]

You know, spend a few bucks too and call it toxic transportation or whatever and get, you know, get one of their big limos or their Hummers or their buses or you know, pay the money for a cab. Because when you think about it, wherever you are In Atlanta, a $50 cab ride is going to get you home and that's a lot cheaper than deal.

[D]

With and it's worth the effort to go get the car the next day. Don't let that talk you out of it.

[B]

Again, my short term memory is so bad. What's the name of that company that will provide a ride for you? Safe Ride. Where do you find more information out about that online? Just Google it. Safe Ride plus Atlanta. And what do they do?

[A]

They will come and pick you up.

[B]

And usually in two spots. I know they do this in Smyrna where I'm from. I know they do this in Smyrna. They will come and bring two people and one person will take you home and the other person will take your car home as well. Or if you need to, they'll just take you home and it's practically free. They just do it out of a good service. But they want tips, which is totally understandable.

[D]

I think it's a fantastic service because unfortunately it's a stupid argument for people to say, well, the reason I drove drunk was because I didn't want to leave my car the next morning.

[E]

Right?

[D]

Such crap.

[B]

Good morning, Tracy. You're on the virtual and all the hits queue. We're putting together the Idiot's guide to turning 21.

[C]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[C]

In addition to all that you have said, because I agree with all and especially the designated driver, a glass of water for every drink or every shot that you have. You'll be good to go the next day.

[D]

Now is that as somebody who's 28 or 32? No, we're talking about 21.

[C]

21. Deal. Quite a while ago, but that is definitely important and I promise it works.

[B]

Now we could pass on that wisdom to you if you're 21, but that generally is the way a 28 year old thinks.

[D]

Do we add it to the Idiot's Guide?

[B]

I mean, it's a good suggestion.

[C]

It's probably not when to do it, but it'll work for you.

[B]

What do you think?

[E]

I don't think it goes on.

[D]

I don't think it goes on. I mean it is a great philosophy, but not for a 21 year old.

[A]

I have one don't start too early. Like, don't have it, you know, don't start the party like too early so that by 7pm you're sound asleep.

[B]

Right. You're starting at 2 in the. 2 in the afternoon. And by.

[E]

Good one.

[B]

Too early.

[E]

Yeah, I think you should start about 9 or 10.

[A]

Yeah, don't start too early. Like, don't let your friends talk you into. Hey, you're 21. And I don't really know if I believe in the birthday celebrations that start right at midnight because that just kills you for the next real, real day of Phil Tyranna.

[B]

If you can. If you can schedule to have the next day off of work, do that. Because I made the mistake. After my 21st birthday, my brothers took me out, right? Yeah. We didn't get in until about three in the morning. I had to. I had to go to work the. My 21st birthday. Worst shift I've ever had in my entire life. That's great. That's a good one. That's gotta go on there. Good morning, Jeremiah. You're on all the hits, Q100 and the Burt Show.

[C]

I totally agree with Phil, but two other things. If someone buys you a shot, make sure they do a shot with you. Because too many people just come up and buy you a shot and just say, do it.

[B]

That's true. That is true. So, I mean, if you're going to go down, you take down the whole ship with you. Exactly.

[C]

And then have a friend. When I turn 21, my Kearney brothers, I had one fraternity brother. I was like, you're my watchdog. And every so often he'd be like, yeah, I got him a gin and tonic. And it was just seven up and alive. And that was a big help.

[B]

Okay, that's good.

[E]

So have a watchdog. I like that. Now I wanna know if there's a bar in Atlanta that's like typically really, really strict to get into. Cause when I turned 21 in Tallahassee, when I was at Florida State, there was typically this bar that was just 21 and up. And it was hard on IDs. There was no way you were getting in there with a fake id. It was called Bullwinkle. So it was like on your 21st, you had to go to Bullwinkles because you had to be really 21 with your real ID to get in there. I wonder if there's a bar like that in Atlanta.

[B]

All right, we'll try to find that also. And like, are there typically better bars around town that are better if you're turning 21 than others.

[E]

Moondogs.

[B]

Moondogs would be one.

[E]

Absolutely.

[D]

I would think so.

[B]

404-741-1005 Chris the Idiot's Guide to Turning.

[C]

21 I say you got to make sure that you don't try to hook up with anybody on your 21st birthday because you're going to be way too and just going to embarrass yourself for the most part.

[B]

I disagree.

[D]

I can't put that on the.

[B]

I disagree. I think you got to try.

[D]

You're 21.

[B]

That is a night where you just make stories. And if you make an ass out of yourself, then so be it. Yeah.

[D]

You think by not hooking up with someone is going to not make you an idiot that night?

[B]

I mean, come on. I can't put that one. In fact, I say go ahead and hook up with as many people as you can that night. Good morning, Karen the idiot's guy two turning 21.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

If you're. You gotta carry a piece of paper with you. And after every drink or shot, you sign your name.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

I did this on my 21st birthday just so you can see how your signature gets worse and worse and worse.

[B]

And worse.

[C]

For my 21st birthday. That was five years.

[B]

That is great. Okay, that goes on there. Good suggestion.

[E]

I would have one for the girls. Turning 21 is not to wear a skirt because at some point, you're gonna be on your hands and knees that night throwing up. And you don't want to be in a skirt. Or a mini skirt. That's right. Riding up your hips. Or you just don't want to be flashing the world when you fall over or whatever. Just, like, wear pants or jeans or something where if you fall over or you're throwing up on the ground, you're not in a mini skirt.

[B]

Very good, Richard. You are on the Burt show on all the hits. Q100.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Going tonight. Expecting it to be the worst night of your life, not the best.

[B]

That's a great suggestion right there, man.

[A]

Expecting it to be the worst.

[B]

Yeah, because, like, turning 21 is almost like an adult prom, you know? Like, you're building up and building up and building up, and in a lot of cases, the night can't meet that expectation. And this is a good life lesson, too. Go into life with a really low bar and you'll never be disappointed.

[C]

I mean, yeah, you know, you drink so much that you just forget what you're doing. You forget where you're at.

[A]

You forget your name at some points in the night.

[C]

I mean, you're gonna wake up the.

[A]

Next day and not even remember what you did.

[C]

And you're gonna throw up so many.

[A]

Times that you really, really will have no idea.

[C]

And you'll just be in so much pain that you'll wake up and say, what did I do to myself? That was the worst night of my life.

[B]

Although, I don't know, I can't remember. Like I don't remember being hungover too many times at 21. Cuz you could just drink so freaking much and then do it again the next day.

[A]

And hangovers were different. Like you'd wake up with like a headache, then you go back to bed and it's gone. Like, remember the hangovers that lasted last long, that lasted just the morning?

[E]

Yeah. Like by the time you had lunch, you were fine.

[B]

Let's do it again.

[A]

By two you were ready to go.

[D]

Yeah, that doesn't last for sure.

[B]

And there was a time like at 21, man, boot and rally, man. You throw up, you could go back and start drinking again. Boot and rally, baby.

[E]

I've never been one of those.

[A]

Remember when? Remember the days where you could look at puke on your shirt and go, it's dark in here. Nobody loves that. How about this? What about line up your reinforcements before you leave. So like very accessible. As soon as you walk in the door of your apartment, there's the aspirin, there's like a full glass of water bucket. Whatever your. Yeah, whatever your hangover. Old wives tale.

[D]

What about the piece of bread? Did you ever do the piece of bread?

[A]

Our handful of crackers. A piece of bread or a piece of toast. Airborne people say, you know those airborne cold medicine tablets, vitamins, whatever you believe is what cures a hangover. Have that sitting in one spot on your counter so when you walk home you can have your.

[E]

That still to me sounds like an older person's remedy.

[A]

No, it's not a remedy. It's a. It's. Yeah, I don't think you're.

[B]

I think you can give the. Yeah, but at 21 you would never do it.

[E]

You don't care.

[B]

Think about it. Good morning, George. You're on all the hits. Q100 hot.

[C]

Hey, how you doing?

[E]

Good.

[C]

Well, I have two. One for guys, they have to have a body shot that night. I mean, you're not 21 if you haven't gotten body shot. And there are plenty of places in Atlanta where there's Coyote Ugly and all these places that can pay for it. So you won't have any Problem finding that.

[D]

Keep talking.

[B]

Si. Muy bien.

[C]

Then the second one is for the hangover. Pedialyte. You have to buy before because you buy it at the supermarket.

[D]

Pedialyte, that's great for us, but no 21 year old's going to get Pedialized.

[A]

But I think this is important. Like I think we could put this down for him.

[B]

Well, I don't know. I don't know because at 21 I would have. I would have looked at those and I would have laughed at it. I barely have enough money. For our show.

[A]

We're creating the Idiot's guide for the 21 year old. We are putting stuff in the Idiot's guide that they should know. Whether or not they take the advice is irrelevant.

[B]

I don't know. Hey, T.K.

[C]

Hi. I learned something very valuable right before I went out for my 21st birthday. And that was beer before liquor and you've never been sicker. Liquor before beer and you're in the clear.

[B]

Have they proven that to be true?

[A]

No way.

[C]

I felt the after effects of doing it the wrong way once. So I'll tell you from my experience, that would be true. But in another place. If you're going out on your 21st birthday and you've got underage friends, we always enjoy going to Tacomac and starting a passport. So get them all kinds of different beers starting at Passport.

[D]

Passport to different beers from different places.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If you drink 100, I think it is 100 different types of beer, you get your name on a plaque and 16 ounces of beer instead of 12 whenever you go there.

[B]

Wow. This is what I'm talking about right here. This is 21 right here. Thank you.

[A]

You know that liquor before beer and all that stuff I read recently in a magazine about all those old wives tales about liquor before beer. Don't mix colors, all that. There's only one of them. That's true. There's only one hangover and alcohol related legend. That's true. Any guesses?

[B]

Sugar or water? Keep drinking water to keep yourself hydrated.

[A]

It is the higher quality vodka gives you. Vodka does give you a less hangover. And the higher quality of the vodka, the less hangover you have.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[D]

Well that's with any.

[B]

It's distilled more I think.

[D]

I think that's with any type. Like if you get a better quality wine.

[A]

Nope, just vodka. That's the only one that they prove true. The higher quality. The only, the only place where you can control your hangover is if you're a vodka drinker. Vodka drinkers have less of a hangover and the higher quality vodka gives you better hangover.

[E]

Well, if you're 21, you can't afford the higher quality.

[B]

Go to the well. Go to the well, people.

[D]

Go to the.

[B]

Hey, Kathy, you're on all the HQ100.

[C]

Hey there, guys.

[B]

Hey. Hello.

[C]

Hello. Can you hear me?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Okay. My tip is kind of nasty. It's really only for girls. And it's to wear a panty liner that night or some sort of panty protection because there's always going to be a lineup at the bathroom.

[A]

So you want to be prepared to wet yourself.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Be prepared.

[C]

You're not going to make it a little bit.

[D]

Have you peed on yourself?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I say it with kind of a sense of pride, actually.

[D]

Yeah, hasn't everybody? It is.

[C]

It's part of the rite of passage.

[A]

Hey, thanks for calling. Don't hang out with us.

[B]

Do not go to Vision on Saturday night.

[A]

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. Right, Erin, Good morning.

[C]

Hey, y'. All.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

My suggestion for people turning 21 is not to take a shot called the cement mixer.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

It is one of those two part shots. One of them. One part of it is like a Bailey, something really creamy. And the other part is like a tequila with lime in it. And you put them in there and you swish it in your mouth and it curdles.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. Yeah, it's one of those shots that if they don't take it with you, don't take it. It's not a good one.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's a rule of life. Don't put anything in your mouth that curdles. I don't think it has anything to do with the 21st birthday. And I'll give you another one. Even though here's something that you should save that somehow.

[B]

Here's the.

[A]

The only thing that you should do on your 21st birthday. And it is appropriate at no other time. And I challenge anyone to find a time when this is acceptable. Doing a shot that you set on fire. Like, the only time that I think that's okay is on your 21st birthday.

[B]

I don't trust myself even to do that on my 21st birthday. Good morning, Tanya. Last call. What's up?

[C]

Hey, I was wondering where you get the list. My 21st birthday is next Saturday and I wanted to read through it.

[B]

Watch out.

[D]

Yeah, you just go to allthehitsq100.com, go to the Burt show page. And after the show today, we'll have it up There and you'll see the Idiot's Guide link to the list. And I'll give the. There's a lot of things on the list. I go through it really quickly right now. One, Eat dinner. Be sure and eat dinner before you go out to get a good base. Stay away from sugary drinks because you'll be more hungover with them. Go to the liquor store and demand them to check your ID because now you're legal. Don't mix colors in your drinking because you'll be hugging the toilet later if you do. Please have a designated driver. Don't start too early because then the evening will end early. Schedule having the next day of work off because you're gonna feel bad if someone buys you a shot. Have them take one too, so that not everybody in the bar is giving you a shot. Have a piece. This is funny. I've never done this. Have a piece of paper with you and then sign it after every drink so you see how worse your signature gets as the evening goes along.

[B]

You should do that with Keller on Saturday night.

[A]

We'll put the list up on the website.

[D]

I think that's awesome.

[A]

I got to remember that if you see me at Vision, remind me of that. I'll bring a little. A piece of paper or something.

[D]

Jen had.

[A]

What do you do? Just write your name?

[D]

Yeah, just signature.

[A]

And then maybe the time.

[B]

Yeah, maybe.

[D]

Yeah. And then Jen had a good one about women. Please don't wear a skirt that night because you're. Yeah, it's just. You don't want to flash everybody because you're going to end up on the floor sometime going into the night. As if it will be the worst night of your life. Not the best. Put a trash bag in your purse if you're a woman. Or somewhere in the car, maybe for the ride home because you might be filling it up. Leg now. Do I put the beer before liquor thing on the website?

[B]

I. I don't know that it's ever been proven. I mean, it's a. Everybody knows the same, but I'm not sure it's a. If you're 21, you don't care anyway.

[D]

Right? Exactly. So we're gonna X that out. And this last one, if you will elaborate because I wasn't quite sure what he meant. To have a watchdog, just to have.

[E]

Somebody that's like you're someone kind of Ally.

[D]

What are they watching out for?

[B]

Well, just so you don't kill yourself. All right.

[D]

I just couldn't have a watch dog.

[B]

I mean, somebody has to be there. And because sometimes it's not going to get pretty dangerous. Someone's got to go. Okay, Enough is enough.

[D]

All right.

[B]

All right. We got to pour this guy out of here.

[D]

So, again, all those will be on the website. All thehitsq100.com go to the birch page.

[B]

You'll see that the Birch show.