Full Show PT 1: Monday, January 5 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, January 5 [Vault]

Date: January 5, 2026
Host: Burger (with co-hosts Jen, Jeff, and others)

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Episode Overview

This episode is a lively, candid, and comedic exploration of awkward family discoveries, quick moves back home after failed attempts at independence, and a dramatic, messy love triangle involving a listener named Allie. The show keeps a lighthearted, teasing tone even amid heavy or uncomfortable confessions, staying true to its promise of real, funny, and authentic radio designed to make mornings bearable.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. "What Have You Found in Your Parents' Drawers?"

[01:32 – 09:38]

Theme:

Listeners and hosts share hilarious and cringeworthy stories about invading their parents’ privacy and stumbling on things they definitely were not meant to see.

Highlights & Quotes:

• Ashley: Shares about discovering her own lingerie being used by her mom ("My mom, I found out about five years after I was missing my lingerie that she was entertaining my dad with it." – Ashley, [02:31])
• Crotchless Panties & Condoms: Multiple calls detail discovering sexual items, including one who, at just seven, found cash and "crotchless panties."
• Used Condom:
  "One day after school, I went in my mom's room and I came across a used condom under her pillow." – Michelle, [03:45]
• The "Joy of Sex" Book:
  "I found their Joy of Sex. Book, the Joy of Sex, which has these like hairy people, really hairy illustrations inside." – Jeff, [04:14]
• Satanic Music Tapes:
  Stories of music tapes (White Snake, Def Leppard) being confiscated for being "satanic."
  "They had taken some of my cassette tapes and hidden them because they thought they were satanic. But it was White Snake and Def Leppard. That's all it was." – Caller, [06:15]
• Hidden Presents: One caller describes spoiling Christmas by accidentally discovering presents.
• Drugs:
  "I found a bag of weed also, when I was about 7." – Imani, [07:57]

Tone & Takeaways:

• The segment is full of laughter and collective groans, proving everyone has embarrassing stories from snooping.
• Hosts and listeners bond over shared awkwardness, but also highlight the importance of privacy and the unintended emotional impact on kids.

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2. "Quickest Move Back Home" Stories

[09:39 – 18:29]

Theme:

After recounting an American Idol hopeful's failed move to California, the cast asks listeners about bold moves that ended in abrupt returns home.

Highlights & Quotes:

• Jen’s Brother: Accepted a job in San Diego, but after driving cross-country, found out the job fell through and had to turn right back.
• One-night College Stay:
  "Got there, stayed one night, couldn't stand the person I was gonna be roommates with and packed up and left the next day." – Suzanne, [11:13]
• Love and Homesickness:
  "I moved an hour and a half away for a guy that I just met...but I came back in less than a month because I missed my daddy. And I missed my job." – Krista, [11:45]
• Seattle Bust:
  "City's pretty, but it was too drab and rainy. And three weeks later, packed up everything and drove all the way back." – Reggie, [13:29]
• San Francisco Shocker:
  "She lives in a roach-infested slum and turned out she was a call girl. I bought a bus ticket and took the bus from San Francisco all the way back here to Atlanta." – Amy, [16:07]

Host Reflections:

• Burger shares driving alone from San Diego to D.C., only to be so scared and lonely that he cried in a hotel room in Gallup, NM.
  "It was the first time in my life I really felt all alone, like I had no support system at all." – Burger, [15:13]

Takeaways:

• Listeners and hosts debate how long it truly takes to "give a new place a chance" (hosts agree: at least a year to really know).
• A recurring message: It’s OK to try and fail, but give yourself time to adjust before heading home.

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3. Allie’s Engagement Love-Triangle – “On-Air Breakup”

[19:45 – 35:16]

Theme:

Listener Allie confides she is engaged to two men at once, one in Atlanta (her ex who tracked her down after five years) and one in Kansas City (the long-term boyfriend). She wants to break things off with the Atlanta fiancé, and asks for the show’s help—on-air.

Segment Timeline:

• Backstory: Allie accepts a proposal from her ex two weeks after he resurfaces, despite being already engaged long-distance.
• Moral Debate:
  Co-hosts express disbelief:
  "You're engaged to two men." – Burger, [25:48]
  "Can you hear yourself? This is ridiculous." – Jen, [25:52]
• Psychology:
  Jeff theorizes, "I think you like the attention." – [25:16]
• Allie's Defense:
  "It's not about the attention. I can care less about the attention. It's just a simple fact..." – Allie, [25:18]
• Confrontation:
  The cast urges her to break it off privately. Allie insists she needs the show's help for courage, leading to an on-air call.
• The Call:
  "I just can't continue to let this lie kill me...Remember my ex—the Kansas guy? Remember I told you that I was engaged to him? That we broke it off? Well, we didn't break it off. And I'm still engaged to him." – Allie to "Tom," [31:21]
• Aftermath:
  The Atlanta fiancé ("Tom") takes the news with composure, but the hosts point out the pain and humiliation.
  "Well, I mean, you knew that wasn't going to end well, right?" – Burger, [33:55]

Hosts’ Guidance & Observations:

• "You need to be honest all the way around, Allie. You're starting your Kansas City thing based on lies." – Jen, [34:24]
• Allie admits, "I don't think that I need to be in a relationship. I mean, it's not…Maybe I just need the single life because I obviously can't break the news to no one." – Allie, [34:40]

Takeaways:

• The hosts reinforce honesty and maturity in relationships.
• The segment reflects the show's culture: messy real-life situations mixed with wry banter and supportive, if sometimes tough, advice.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Discoveries:
  "You got to be careful just to think that your mom was wearing your laundry while your dad's all over your mom's creepy nasty. No, no, no, no, no." – Burger, [03:04]

• On Moving Back Quickly:
  "It took me nine months to have a clue where I was even driving in this city." – Jeff, [14:20]

• On On-Air Breakup:
  "At least he knows…He had to know the truth." – Jen, [33:59]
  "I want to get it off my chest. I really do." – Allie, [29:31]

• On Facing Hard Truths:
  "You had to hurt him either in the beginning or you had to hurt him at the end." – Burger, [34:09]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:32 – 09:38] "Discoveries in Parents' Drawers" (call-in stories)
• [09:39 – 18:29] Quick move-home tales (failed moves to new cities, jobs, college, etc.)
• [19:45 – 35:16] Allie's two engagements and her live on-air breakup

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Final Thoughts

This Bert Show episode delivers a mix of nostalgia, cringe, laughter, and live emotional drama. The hosts’ chemistry and listener boldness keep the energy high, candid, and ultimately supportive—even when taking callers to task for questionable decisions. The show’s approachable humor and "life happens to all of us" outlook shine throughout.

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Transcript

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[Host (Burger)]

The Birch show all right. Good morning, Ashley. The question we're asking here is we're kind of like spinning off from the Michael Jackson scenario here because now Michael Jackson is claiming that the kid that is claiming he was sexually molested. Is that the word I'm looking for here by Michael Jackson? Michael's camp is saying, look, all the stuff was in the house. Yeah, but you know, when Michael was out, the kid was in his dresser drawers and he was in his closet and he found all this stuff his himself. So I think at one point or another, everybody in their childhood or young life has gone through their parents dresser drawers or through the closet once they leave the house to see what you can find. And in some cases you have to. You have to be careful about what you ask for because you usually find really, really strange stuff in there. Good morning, Ashley.

[Caller 1]

Good morning.

[Host (Burger)]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

How are you? First of all, I would like to say as a parent, you have to make sure that everything that you don't want them to see is somewhere they're.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Not gonna see it because they will find it.

[Caller 1]

My mom, I found out about five years after I was missing my lingerie that she was entertaining my dad with it.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

She took all my lingerie.

[Co-host (Jen)]

She went through your dresser drawers?

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Host (Burger)]

And then you went through hers and found yours.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, no.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

To think that also my dad had.

[Caller 1]

An ink pen and if it had.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

A lady on in a bathing suit, and if you turned it upside down, she got naked.

[Host (Burger)]

Right? Yeah.

[Caller 1]

That's disgusting.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

So you gotta be careful just to.

[Host (Burger)]

Think that your mom was wearing your laundry while your dad's all over your mom's creepy nasty. No, no, no, no, no.

[Caller 3]

That's gross.

[Host (Burger)]

Good morning, Tasha. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I went through my parents drawers once.

[Caller 1]

And I found wads of cash, crotchless panties and condoms.

[Host (Burger)]

Crotchless panties?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Crotchless panties.

[Caller 1]

I'm seven years old. I'm trying to fig the other appendage and then I put it together.

[Host (Burger)]

It's just a. It's a thought. You do not want in your mind that your mom is wearing that. Good morning, Michelle. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller 1]

Good morning, Virtual. I love you guys.

[Host (Burger)]

Thank you.

[Caller 1]

Well, one day after school, I went in my mom's room and I came across a used condom under her pillow.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, that's bad. That's bad.

[Caller 1]

11 years old, that was experience.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Oh my gosh.

[Host (Burger)]

And as an 11 year old, you keep that information sacred for the rest of your life, I'm guessing.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I'll never forget it.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I bet.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, that's like. That's like something that gets burned on your retina and every now and again when you close your eyes, it's there.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I found something in my parents nightstand that I don't think I ever told them about. Not nearly as bad as the condom story we just heard. But I found their Joy of Sex.

[Host (Burger)]

Book, the Joy of Sex, which has.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

These like hairy people, really hairy illustrations inside. But it's so, you know, it's so intriguing when you're young because that's like just this world you don't know about. So, yeah, I went back and looked.

[Caller 3]

At it a lot. We found.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I didn't just find it one time and never Go back.

[Caller 3]

The only thing I found ever found in my parents class, I found my Christmas presents one year.

[Host (Burger)]

No, that's a bummer.

[Caller 3]

Yeah. And I was looking for something and I found them accidentally. Like I told like was totally looking for something else and just went into my mom's closet. It was like boxes of something were in there, I don't remember what it was. And I opened it up and it was like they were bad hiding job. I knew my dad hit them because they were right, like in front of something that I would legitimately have to go in that closet for. And I was awesome.

[Host (Burger)]

Then you got to become like Leonardo DiCaprio on Christmas morning and giving them an academy award presentation, you know. Good morning, Carlet. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Good morning guys. Hello.

[Caller 1]

It wasn't actually my parents. It was my aunt and uncle. I lived with him when I was.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

In eighth grade and they had taken.

[Caller 1]

Some of my cassette tapes and hidden.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Them because they thought they were satanic.

[Caller 1]

But anyway, me and my two little cousins, and they were both under probably I guess the age of six, went.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Looking through their parents room. Well, I opened my aunt's drawer and I found her toy.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, you're how old at this point?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I was in eighth grade.

[Caller 1]

So what is that, 12, 13 maybe.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Did you know what it was?

[Caller 1]

Not really. I mean I kind of.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Kind of put together what it was.

[Caller 1]

Well, they asked and I told them it was a massager.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Well, you know, a couple weeks later.

[Caller 1]

They tell their mother they want a massage with her massager.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh no.

[Caller 1]

We got busted.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Oops.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Kids will say the darndest things.

[Co-host (Jen)]

They will.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

They most certainly will.

[Host (Burger)]

I'm a little more curious on the first part of our conversation with you. You said that you had your cassettes taken away from you because your parents were convinced they were satanic.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Well, yeah, it was my aunt and.

[Caller 1]

Uncle, but I must come from a Southern Baptist family. And it was White Snake and Def Leppard. That's all it was.

[Host (Burger)]

They might have been right.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Thank you.

[Caller 1]

They took them from me.

[Host (Burger)]

Thanks.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Have a good day.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

That's a whole other conversation is what did you have to. What music did you have to hide from your parents?

[Host (Burger)]

Absolute or what television show were you banned from watching?

[Caller 3]

I remember I had to take a Samantha Fox poster down.

[Caller 1]

Remember her?

[Host (Burger)]

Oh yeah. Naughty Girls need love too.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Prince, 1999. Because the COVID art, the one in 1999, was like their aunt's toy.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, really?

[Caller 3]

Why are you laughing at me?

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I Just think it's funny I hadn't thought of that song in forever.

[Caller 3]

Naughty girls need love, too. And I can remember the poster. It was her in a circle in the middle, and then four pictures of her with, like, different color backgrounds. Like a yellow and a blue and a red and a green and then a thing, and it's like, like, Samantha Fox and neon pink at the bottom.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Samantha Fox.

[Host (Burger)]

I know My parents didn't want me to listen to KISS because the acronym for KISS was Knights and Satan's Service. Oh, right, of course.

[Co-host (Jen)]

And if you're part of the KISS.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Army, then we had to hide Guns N Roses. Use your illusions. One and two. We hid both of those. And we also hid two Live Crew as nasty as they want to be. Do you remember that album I remember putting? I had, like, leftover stickers from my mixtapes, and I remember putting those blank stickers over. The 2 Live crew on the cassette were still listening, and I listen to it now. I'm like, that stuff is nasty.

[Caller 3]

I was banned from watching Goodfellas in the house. Like, at age 14, 15. Parents showed good sense because there's so much profanity in there. And they were like, no, no, no.

[Host (Burger)]

Hey, Imani, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Host (Burger)]

Good morning. You'll be the last call. What's up?

[Caller 1]

Okay, Bert, first of all, I want to say you and me must be related, because my parents, when I was about 7 or 8, I looked under the dresser. They had a big, huge waterbed. They had a drawer under there, and I found a bag of weed also.

[Host (Burger)]

You're just so shocked at that age. Like, I was in high school.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

So you knew what it was?

[Host (Burger)]

I knew what it was, sure.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

How old were you when you found it?

[Caller 1]

I was about 7.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Did you know what it was?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I didn't know what it was, but.

[Caller 1]

It was in this weird little duck looking thing. It had, like, a back of something that you lifted it up and it was in there. And I was like, okay, what is this? And I remember going to school and asking, you know, just my little friends.

[Host (Burger)]

And yeah, asking your teachers.

[Caller 3]

Asking your teachers.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Yeah, they're like, that's the stealthy weed holder, bro.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Seven.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

At age six.

[Host (Burger)]

Neely, what's up?

[Caller 1]

Hey. First of all, I'm like, all the other callers, I love you guys. I listen to you every morning.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

But when my daughter was about four years old, she was home with my husband, and she was playing in her.

[Caller 1]

Room, and my husband heard this buzzing noise, and he yelled, you know, caitlin.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

What are you doing?

[Caller 1]

And she said, oh, I'm playing.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I'm playing. And he kept hearing this buzzing noise. Well, he got up and he went.

[Caller 1]

And he looked in her door, and she had this microphone stand. And in the microphone stand was a toy.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

And what's funny is he said, kalem.

[Caller 1]

What are you doing? And she said, I'm playing with the singing Ding Dong.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, my God.

[Caller 1]

Yes. He was absolutely mortified.

[Host (Burger)]

Beautiful way to end this. Thank you for calling.

[Caller 1]

You're welcome.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Have a good day.

[Host (Burger)]

Bye.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Bye.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

The Birch Show.

[Host (Burger)]

But I had a thought this morning when I was. When we were talking about American Idol, And Janae Castine, 17 years old, makes a really bold decision with her mom that she's moving out to California. I mean, that's a bold decision right there.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Right?

[Host (Burger)]

She knew she was in the finals of American Idol at least the final 32. She's like, you know what? Let's move out there. And I think I'm gonna win this thing, and we'll stay in California after I win it. Well, she loses, and she's three months into being in California, and now she's got to move back to Lawrenceville. So I want to know from you guys, what is the quickest move home you ever made? Like, you made a tough decision. I am moving up to New York City, and I'm gonna follow my dream to be on Broadway. And you got to New York, and the city just ran too fast or for whatever reason, like, within a week, you're like, oh, boy, I better get back to Conyers.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I don't have a story like that. My brother does, though. But it wasn't really his decision. He decided that he was gonna move to San Diego, he was gonna make a change. He got a job in San Diego, and he was gonna drive across country. He's never done that before. So I got in the car and he drove across country. This is a long time ago, before the whole cell phone thing. He got out there and they said, oh, you know what? I know we offered you the job, but in the time it took you to get out here, which was, you know, he took his time. So a few days or whatever. And the job. They folded the job. They. They took it back.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, no.

[Co-host (Jen)]

So he had to turn around and come back right back.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, 404-741-1005.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Or drive back home, I bet.

[Host (Burger)]

And that's a long time with, like, you know, it.

[Caller 3]

It feels like four months. Feel like, you know, four days going out.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Four months coming home.

[Host (Burger)]

Right. Hey, Suzanne.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Hi.

[Host (Burger)]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

I thought I was going to be really brave and go to Georgia Southern and I lived in Lilburn all my entire life and got there, stayed there one night, couldn't stand the person I was gonna be roommates with and packed up and left the next day. One night for night.

[Host (Burger)]

One night. And that was it.

[Caller 1]

That was it. Couldn't do it.

[Co-host (Jen)]

One night in Statesboro. That'll do it.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, that wasn't really a happening place.

[Host (Burger)]

That doesn't sound like it. All right. Thank you for calling.

[Caller 1]

Thanks.

[Host (Burger)]

And Krista, good morning. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

How are y' all doing?

[Host (Burger)]

Okay, thank you.

[Caller 1]

The quickest I moved back home was less than a month. I moved an hour and a half away for a guy that I just met who is now my husband. But I came back in less than.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

A month because I missed my daddy.

[Caller 1]

And I missed my job and he.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Came with me and our maid.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, you're kidding. So it turned out okay, even though you moved back home?

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Host (Burger)]

All right, thank you. Like, Geller is in this kind of situation right now. Our night guy who does nights on all the hits. Q100. He just moved his girlfriend out from Salt Lake City. And they, I mean, this is if I was an odds maker, her being 19 and he's 25, he's got his first gig in a big time radio market. She's coming out here to live with him. Who knows what could happen? I mean, she could be calling the next time we do this. I lived this very same story with this girl I brought out to Washington D.C. from California. And within three months she was on a plane back or whatever to California.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Was it only three months?

[Host (Burger)]

I can't even really remember exactly what the timetable was on. It might have been a little longer than that. Maybe six months.

[Caller 3]

You know, much like Melissa has her frustration with her friends who got married and then the wedding ended after six months.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Like three months.

[Caller 3]

Three months.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Three months.

[Caller 3]

So what happens if you're, you know, leaving for the big job so they throw you the big old going away party and they have the big old, you know, festivities and everybody's meeting at the bar and it's a big throw down and then you leave and six weeks later you're back? Like, is that long?

[Host (Burger)]

Ask for gifts back?

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah, I mean, that's, that was the frustrating thing. Yeah, the three months of the wedding thing. I want my plate back.

[Caller 3]

Well, not gifts, because I don't know if you give gifts for a Going away party. But, like, do you get a welcome home party?

[Host (Burger)]

I don't think so, no. No, I don't think so. And I failed miserably. Party. Yeah I got scared to death Party.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah, I have no spine Party.

[Host (Burger)]

Good morning, Reggie. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey. I actually graduated from Georgia State and just decided that I wanted to live in Seattle. So I packed up everything, moved, got an apartment on the facts, just done everything, drove out that week, decided that the city's pretty, but it was too drab and rainy. And three weeks later, packed up everything and drove all the way back. So it's the same scene. Everybody threw a big party and had all that stuff. So I got back in, just got back to Atlanta. Wasted. Two weeks driving and three weeks in Seattle.

[Caller 3]

Wow.

[Host (Burger)]

And then just turned around. Well, you know what I mean? Hats off for you for trying.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Yeah, it's scary, but, like, I'm sorry. Do you ever know that, like, you've actually given it a try? Like the girl who went to Statesboro for one night. Like, you can't feel like you really tried going to college, like. Or you can't. I don't even think, like, two weeks in Seattle. What did he say? Two or three weeks in Seattle?

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Like, I don't think that's really given it a chance. I felt like when I moved to Atlanta, it took me nine months to have a clue where I was even driving in this city.

[Host (Burger)]

That's what my theory is, too. Like, I've gone from San Diego to D.C. d.C. Dallas, Dallas, Atlanta. And it's always taken me about a year to know if I really like a city or not. Cause the first year, you're just so sketched out. Everything is a hassle because you don't know where anything is and everything. And you start thinking about home and everything is so easy back at the place you were from that.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Because it's familiar.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah, right.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well. And I think you know also, especially if you move by yourself, like, you. You wear it out because you don't have any friends there. The first night in a new place in a new city is the worst night you'll ever spend in that city. And you gotta push through it. Like, you know, my friend just moved up to Boston and there's been many phone calls. You know, like, as a friend, you have to encourage them to stay there. You know, like, it's okay you miss us, but you're gonna make a whole new ton of friends where you are. You just gotta give it time.

[Host (Burger)]

I Remember leaving San diego for Washington D.C. and I love everything about San Diego, man, that I just love it there. But it was a business decision to leave to go to Washington D.C. and I think I was like, I don't know, 23, 22 at the time. And I'm driving across country and the first night of my trip, I end up in a little town in New Mexico called Gallup, New Mexico, in some Motel 6. And it's about 11:30 or midnight at night, and I've been driving 12 straight hours. And I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone, like I had no support system at all. I was away from what I really loved. And I'm in this hotel room and I'm just crying and crying because I'm so scared of what lies ahead.

[Co-host (Jen)]

But that's. You gotta go through that though.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Like, you gotta go back to the days when you. I can't wait to move out of my parents house. I can't wait till nobody tells me what to do. Well, guess what? When that happens, that's a huge transition, you know. Scary.

[Host (Burger)]

Hey, Amy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey. I moved out to San Francisco to move in with a childhood friend that I hadn't seen since I was 12. But we had stayed in touch for, you know, 12 years. And she made it sound like she was making all this money working at a club and everything, and I need to come out there and move in with her. And so I, you know, I sold everything I had and everybody threw me a good goodbye party and everything I get out there. She lives in a roast roach infested slum and turned out she was a call girl. I didn't have any money to like get back, so I bought a bus ticket and took the bus from San Francisco all the way back here to Atlanta.

[Host (Burger)]

Oh, God, what a story you have to tell.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, it was pretty rough.

[Host (Burger)]

Thanks for calling.

[Co-host (Jen)]

All right, thanks.

[Host (Burger)]

Hey, you gotta try it.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

I almost didn't make it in Atlanta because when I came up here from Miami, I was 22 years old and I got the job offer from the station manager and he said, you know, I want you to be in radio. So I moved everything. I mean, I had my little car, had like three boxes, that was all I owned. At 22, I had nothing, came up here. And I auditioned for the station and the program director hated me. He goes, you are horrible. There's no way I'm Putting you on my radio station. So I go, oh, my God. I just left my whole life. My friends threw me a big going away party. So I said, well, I'll get a job and stay up here for a little while. I got a job at Kroger for one day, and I went home during lunch. It was a Kroger. I lived right across the street. And the manager was, hey, I know you live right across the street. Why don't you go home and get lunch, come back for your second shift. I go, okay. While I went home for lunch, I played the answering machine. And it was the program director at the time going, all right, we're gonna give you a shot. You'll start next Monday.

[Host (Burger)]

Wow, what a lucky break.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

I was all ready to just work at Kroger, make a little bit of money, then just go back to Miami.

[Host (Burger)]

You know, now that you're telling that story, I'll relay this that when I left San Diego and I was going to DC and I'm telling my parents I'm going to dc, I told them I was gonna be on the air. And I was part of a big morning show out in Washington, D.C. because I was trying to get their support for leaving San Diego. And I didn't even have a job really lined up when I was out there. Not I had a job at the station, but it was as a receptionist for the sales department. It wasn't even on the morning show. But I figured if I was in the building, I could make something happen and I could end up on the morning show. And I never even told my parents that when I left San Diego. Wow. Luckily, I ended up on the morning show. And we. We are where we are today. But I mean, that could have failed.

[Caller 3]

Absolutely miserable dad discovered that lies when he stopped speaking to him.

[Host (Burger)]

That was the fourth time he stopped speaking. The bird show.

[Verizon Announcer]

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[LifeLock Advertiser]

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[Host (Burger)]

Where to even start when it comes to Ali. I mean, she emailed us about two weeks ago and we haven't been able to get to it until yesterday. And what she initially emailed for, we kind of like breezed through. Because the second part of the conversation with Ali is where it really, really started to get interesting.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

We thought it was just gonna be this question about her lying about her age. And then it turned into something completely different.

[Host (Burger)]

She ended up being engaged to two guys at the same time, and she felt so guilty about it, she wanted to break up with one of them. And she suggested to do it on the radio. And you'll hear throughout this replay that we're gonna do for you. We tell her, you know what, this is a bad idea. Dude's gonna be totally humiliated anyway once he finds out that you're engaged to another guy. Do it in private. Do it in private. She kept saying, no, I want to do it this morning. And was it you that had the theory on why? No, it was Jen that had the theory on why she wanted to do it on the radio.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Well, she was kind of cowardly. I mean, she was weak and cowardly. And that's the reason why she said yes to his proposal to the second proposal in the first place, because she didn't want to make him feel bad. So we thought if she doesn't do it with us, she's not gonna do it at all.

[Host (Burger)]

Right.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

And so I think that's why she wanted to, because we would kind of like be there to say, you know, not let her just like have a chit chat conversation.

[Host (Burger)]

This was a mess. This was the better part of 90 minutes on the show yesterday. And it's all compressed down to about 12 minutes. Good morning, Allie.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Good morning.

[Host (Burger)]

Tell us the story of you and is this a fiance we're talking about or is it a boyfriend or.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

It is actually a fiance.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

And I actually live, of course, here in Atlanta. And he lives in Kansas. Kansas City, Missouri.

[Host (Burger)]

Okay.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

So it's been long distance for four years.

[Host (Burger)]

Tell us the second part of this whole thing.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Okay, well, while dating the guy and the Kansas guy My ex, he finds me, calls my mother's house and finds me. He finally get in contact with me. It's been like five years, five or six years. He finally get in contact with me. And you know, he's like, hey, let's go out, let's talk.

[Caller 1]

And.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

And you know, he's like, I just got out of my relationship. And so it's just like he loves the crap out of me. And he has proposed to me, but he doesn't know that I am engaged to get married to the Kansas guy.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

What? He proposed to you without like ever messing around with you or did you mess around with him?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Well, yeah, I mean, he's my ex. I mean, it's a past relationship.

[Host (Burger)]

So how long?

[Co-host (Jen)]

But what Jen is asking is, he all of a sudden proposed to you at dinner, like you messed around with him currently as his ex before he proposed?

[Caller 1]

Well, no.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

This is a guy that has. Did whatever he could possibly do to track me down. So he's finally tracked me down and he's calling on a regular basis, but he does not know. He thinks that I'm not with the Kansas guy anymore.

[Host (Burger)]

All right, hold on one second. How long have you been broken up with the guy that just.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Oh, it's been like five years.

[Host (Burger)]

Five years. And he comes out of nowhere and he finds you.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

He finds me.

[Host (Burger)]

He proposes to you?

[Caller 3]

Correct.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

He proposed it to me like two weeks after he found me.

[Host (Burger)]

And you say.

[Caller 1]

I say yes.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

What? He proposed to you with a ring and everything?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yes, he did. Actually, he did. And I said yes. The two weeks. I mean, you know, he was just like, oh, I love you so much and doing this and doing that for me. And it got to the point, it's just like, you know, I'm already engaged. I'm already in a relationship. But he thinks I'm not with the guy anymore, but I actually am with the Kansas guy.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, the reason he thinks that Al is. Cause you didn't tell him otherwise. I mean, and now you're engaged to two men. I mean, you. I guess you truly are asking your age at this point.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

You know, it's just like, I don't. This guy is so hard to tell no to without him, like, wiping out.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Ally, you're engaged to somebody. Ally, come on. You don't need to marry. You're not ready to be married to anybody. Cause you're playing this like his boyfriend's in high school. Okay, I'm going out with one and then I'm going out with the other.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, I'm not trying to play it like that. It's just the simple fact that I just don't know. I mean, I don't want to be with the guy, the guy that is my ex. I don't want to.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Then why did you say yes then?

[Host (Burger)]

You're engaged to him right now, so you must be talking to him every single day.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, it's not every single day. And I'm so, I'm totally distant towards him. He doesn't, he doesn't get the point. And I want to be able to like, you know, hey, I don't love you anymore.

[Host (Burger)]

I used to love you.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Are you wearing his ring right now? Are you wearing.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, I'm not. Whereas it's at home.

[Host (Burger)]

You're so funny to me because you say he just doesn't get the point. Well, you said yes when he engaged to you, so what's the point?

[Co-host (Jen)]

You have his ring.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, but it's not on.

[Caller 3]

Oh, okay.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

It's not on. It's really bad.

[Caller 3]

Do you think you're one of those people who attracts drama? Do you think?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I mean, it's just a simple one. If I pass there, pass by his house on the way leaving work, he's like, hey, can you stop by? I'll stop by and I'll put it on. I'll put the ring on. But it's like when I leave, I'll take it off.

[Co-host (Jen)]

There are plenty of 21 year olds in Atlanta right now going, are you kidding me? Like, yeah, they're a lot more mature than you.

[Host (Burger)]

Ally, that's ridiculous. So, I mean, Allie, all you had to do when this guy came back and say, look, I don't want to see you. And when he proposed to you, all you had to do is say, hey, I'm seeing somebody else. I'm engaged to somebody else. I want nothing to do with you. You couldn't even do that.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

The guy is the type of guy, he's just so clingy and he's clingy.

[Host (Burger)]

Because you're engaged to him.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, he was clingy beforehand. It's just like, if I tell him that, you know, I don't want nothing to do with you, I think he'll like wig out or something.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I think that you like the attention.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, it's not about the attention. I can care less about the attention. It's just a simple fact. You know, he's like, I mean, as soon as he found me, called my mom's house and my mom gave him my Number it was just like, you're.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Flattered by the attention. You're flattered by the fact that he searched for weeks to find you. So you wanted to keep that attention coming. You got the long distance boyfriend. Well, he's long distance. He's far away. He hasn't given me attention in months. And I won't see him for a while and he'll never find out about it. I'll just play with this for a little while.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I know, but it's not. I don't sleep with a guy. It's not about that.

[Host (Burger)]

Allie, you are ridiculous. Engaged to two men.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Can you hear yourself? This is ridiculous.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I do. I just, you know, I want to tell him that, hey, I'm engaged with the guy in Kansas. I don't want anything to do with you. So why don't stop calling? Why don't you say just that and I apologize. I took the ring. I mean, you know, I want to.

[Caller 3]

But why don't you. You're telling us what you want to do. We're asking why you don't.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Because he'll.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I don't.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

His reaction will be really crazy and. I mean, he's like, suicidal.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Let's call him right now then.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I can't do that.

[Host (Burger)]

I don't think there's anything that anybody in here or anybody in the phones is going to say to you to make you realize that. That you're probably not ready to be in a marriage.

[Caller 1]

Well, I just.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I just want. I mean, the age thing, I can, you know, tell the Kansas guy.

[Co-host (Jen)]

No, you need to tell the Kansas guy a hell of a lot more than your age.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah, you've got a whole bunch of things going on.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I know, I know that, but at least the guy here. I'm just trying to be like, you know what? I'm still engaged with the guy in Kansas.

[Host (Burger)]

He doesn't know that. He is walking around today thinking he's gonna spend the.

[Caller 1]

The of.

[Host (Burger)]

Rest. Rest of his life with you.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

That is so true.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, it is.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

And why?

[Co-host (Jen)]

Because you said yes.

[Host (Burger)]

Ali, you got to take a real. You got to look at this honestly. I don't know if you're capable.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

When are you looking at it? That's why I want to tell the. Tell the guy now that you know. Hey, I. I can't be all.

[Co-host (Jen)]

You got to tell them both. I wish you'd come clean to both of them and just lose them both.

[Caller 3]

When are you going to tell the Atlanta fiance?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Like, soon.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Like, soon.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Like, like, really soon.

[Caller 3]

Like within 24 hours. Within one week. Within one month. What's soon?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

No, because I don't want to keep going on for a month or for a week or for another day.

[Caller 3]

Are you going to tell him, like by this time tomorrow?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I will tell him yes, because I don't want him to keep hoping things in the future for us. It will never be.

[Host (Burger)]

I know where Jeff's going with this. He wants us to check back in with you tomorrow morning around the same time, see if you. But I wouldn't believe you.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, you know, if you want. I mean, if you all have time, hell, you can call them now if you want to, but it's just simple fact that I don't want to keep going. It's killing me. It's killing me inside to lead these two gentlemen on.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I think, you know, we need to lead her on the right path. I think, you know, as Jen said earlier, I do think that we should allow Allie the opportunity to call him and tell him with us.

[Host (Burger)]

You want to call him next, Allie?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Well, I can for sure call the Atlanta guy.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay, let's call the Atlanta guy then. Make you, you know, stand behind your word.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, for once, I would love to call him.

[Caller 1]

So.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I want to get it off my chest. It kills me every time I see him that, you know, hey, I'm just actually not being with you. I just don't want to be with you.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

It feels mean, though.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I mean, I know it's mean.

[Caller 1]

It hurts.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

It kills me. It really kills me inside to be with him.

[Co-host (Jen)]

It was mean to say yes to him. We got to clean this up.

[Host (Burger)]

All right. You suggested that you wanted to do this this morning.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

You know, I thought about it all last night and flying back into town from yesterday, it's time to do it. I can't. Can't sleep another day with that on my mind or in my heart.

[Host (Burger)]

Now, you suggested that you wanted to do this on the radio. Are you sure you want to do that?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, I am. Because I don't think I could tell them face to face or without us.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Pushing her along, too.

[Host (Burger)]

I'm not. I'm advising against it.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I'm actually. I want to do it. Cause I want to get it off my chest and I want to get it out the way because, you know.

[Host (Burger)]

Like, this guy's going to feel a little humiliated right off of the bat because you're going to tell him that you're engaged to somebody else. And now you're going to do it publicly, which isn't going to help things.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I know. I just Want to get it off my chest? I really do.

[Host (Burger)]

Okay, here's our deal. We're going to do the same way we did it last time, where we have to tell him before we put him on the radio live, that he's going to be on the radio. So the next thing you're going to hear is Jeff telling him that he's going to be on the radio, and we're not going to use his real name. We're calling him Tom.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Right, Tom.

[Host (Burger)]

Okay. We're not going to use his real name. Jeff will tell him what's sort of going on, and then I'll talk to him a little bit, and I'm just going to throw it to you.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Okay.

[Host (Burger)]

All right, Jeff. Jeff's not exactly sure what he's doing.

[Caller 3]

He didn't answer, so I had to ask for him.

[Host (Burger)]

Okay. Jeff was huddled in the corner to where we couldn't hear him on mic. Ask for his real name, obviously.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Good.

[Caller 3]

Hey, listen, we want to. We're talking with.

[Co-host (Jen)]

They do it their whole life with.

[Caller 3]

Your girlfriend now, but we're using a fake name for her, so we're calling her Ally. So we want to know if we can put you on the air with her and use a fake name for you. Is that cool? You have a. She called us with a question about. About Yalls relationship.

[Host (Burger)]

Yalls.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

What.

[Host (Burger)]

What's.

[Co-host (Jen)]

He's evolving.

[Caller 3]

What name? Do you have a preference as to the name you'd like to use? All right. Okay. We'll use Tom. Hold, please. There he is.

[Host (Burger)]

Hi, Tom.

[Caller 1]

Yes, sir.

[Host (Burger)]

Hi. You sound so nice. My name is Burger, and you're on the radio right now.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Okay.

[Host (Burger)]

And we have Allie on with us. And I want to brace you right now. I want to tell you that the news that she's going to give you is not great news.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Host (Burger)]

All right. With that, Allie, we'll turn it on over to you.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Hey, you know I really care for you, right? And it's really killing me inside that I can't continue to let this lie kill me. So you remember my ex I told you about, the Kansas guy? Remember I told you that I was engaged to him? That we broke it off? Well, we didn't break it off. And I'm still engaged to him. And it's. It's like I really care for you and. But it's just like I don't see you and I being, you know, engaged or a life down the road, because it's just not like, you know, we've been together.

[Host (Burger)]

Hey. Hey, Ali. At that Point. I think you just. I think it's wise to stop. Hey, Tom.

[Caller 1]

Yes, sir.

[Host (Burger)]

What Allie told us this morning was that when you proposed to her, she. She really has, like, this thing about saying no. Like she didn't want to hurt your feelings, and even though she knew in her heart it wasn't the right thing to do, she said yes. And she's kind of been living this lie that she's been regretting ever since. And she didn't know how to tell you.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, and Tom, also. I mean, I know it seems kind of rude to do this on morning radio, but I think that we didn't trust Ali to be honest with you without us. And I felt like you needed to know the truth. And so I'm sorry to do it in this way, but it seemed to us from Ally that this is the only way she was gonna do it.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Are you there?

[Caller 1]

I'm still here.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I just don't. I didn't know how to tell you because, you know, I've been with the Kansas guy for four years, and it's like you did all you could possibly do to find me, and I totally, really, really appreciate that. But, you know, as far as, like, the engagement goes, I just. I just don't see that, you know, later on down the road.

[Host (Burger)]

So, Alex, essentially what you're saying is you're engaged to another man and you're gonna.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Right.

[Host (Burger)]

You're gonna keep that engagement to the guy in Kansas City.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah. I. I'm so sorry that I. I didn't know how to tell you.

[Host (Burger)]

Well, I mean, you knew that wasn't going to end well, right?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I know.

[Co-host (Jen)]

At least he knows I'm. I just. He had to know the truth.

[Host (Burger)]

Did anybody catch what he said before he took a.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Off? I think he's going to go.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

I think he said, I'm going to go.

[Host (Burger)]

He's going to go.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah.

[Host (Burger)]

You know, I mean, you knew it couldn't end well. I mean, you were going to. You had to hurt him either in the beginning or you had to hurt him at the end.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Right? I. I totally understand that.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Now you got to fess up to.

[Caller 3]

Kansas City guy, tell him you're really 12.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, I mean, yeah, I think you. You got to be honest all the way around, Ally. You're starting your Kansas City thing based on lies. I think you. You need to be honest with everybody and just.

[Host (Burger)]

Yeah. So do you. Go ahead and do you tell the Kansas City guy that you said yes to an engagement from a guy here in Atlanta or not?

[Caller 2 / Ally]

You know, I'm gonna have to, like, clear it all up with. And I don't think that I need to be in a relationship. I mean, it's not. Maybe I just need the single life because I obviously can't break the news to no one.

[Host (Burger)]

Nellie, you had to see some of this coming.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Host (Burger)]

We gotta go.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

I'll just have to break the news and just clear out everything.

[Host (Burger)]

I think it's a great idea.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, I think that's what I'll start over.

[Co-host (Jeff)]

Clean slate.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Yeah, exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, good luck, Ally.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

All right. Thank you so much.

[Host (Burger)]

Bye bye.

[Caller 2 / Ally]

Bye, bye.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Get it the Bird show.

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[LifeLock Advertiser]

The new year brings new health goals and wealth goals. Protecting your identity is an important step. Your info is in endless places that could expose you to identity theft leading to lost funds. Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Resolve to make identity, health and wealth part of your New year's goals. With LifeLock, save up to 40% your first year. Visit LifeLock.com Special offer terms apply.