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Burt
Refreshers contain caffeine.
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Burt
Today the Birch Show.
Jen
I just got a jury summons and this is the second form in a week that I've had to fill out that has something that's like troubling for me. Right. When you go through it and you're like, you know, Are you a U.S. citizen? Yes. Are you female? Male. You know, I've never been summoned for the jury. That's weird. Cuz you're a voter.
Stacy
Yeah, I've never. Never once.
Bert
Cuz you're gay.
Jen
They know it.
Stacy
They're like, oh, she's a little lavender and pink. I'm sorry.
Jen
So I've actually been summoned a lot, but never had to actually go through with a trial or anything. But yeah, so I got a jury summons to go on my birthday, which I was actually able to get out of because we had Burt's big adventure and I was out of town for work, so I called them and said so. And so they sent a new one. Anyway, the point is, is that when filling out this form and then also some medical forms recently under marital status, they have listed single, married, partner, divorced or widowed. And I just wonder why you have to circle divorced. Why can't you just circle single?
Stacy
Right. That is a good point.
Jen
Why do they have that listed, like even on medical forms?
Bert
Do you think it has something to do with the selection process? Like somehow that would put you in a category that the lawyers would know if they want you in this jury or not.
Burt
Oh yeah, it makes perfect sense.
Jen
Makes more sense with the jury than it would with medical records though. But it's on just about everything.
Bert
So like it would immediately do the
Jen
doctor's office at the dentist's office at the. I mean, any sort of like form you've got to fill out with your name and age and blah, blah, blah. Is it. Has it listed?
Stacy
Is there an assumption, maybe an alert to them that there may be some couples that may still be tied financially or medically or that. Or have children, you know, that they may have to. I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to think of why I
Jen
find it offensive and so I rebel in circle single.
Burt
Why does it offend you?
Jen
I don't know. It's just offensive. Like why. What's under your business?
Bert
I just think it's part of the sorting out process in the jury selection more than anything else. Like it would dictate to them on. But it's also lawyers on both. On both sides if they want you part of the jury or not.
Stacy
I get that. I say we should the jury because like, like you said, it may have something to do with the case and they need to have a diverse group from background. But on most records, I think or most anything I filled out there is usually the single, married, divorced.
Bert
I've never seen divorced before.
Jen
I got to tell you, it's on everything.
Burt
You're right. Why Just haven't paid attention to it.
Jen
Yeah.
Stacy
Why do you have to always tell everybody I've been married and that's been my past and why do you have to. Yeah.
Jen
Like it irks me. Did you check?
Bert
None of your damn business.
Stacy
It's like your scarlet letter.
Burt
My O, B.
Bert
Mind your own business.
Stacy
Yeah.
Jen
No, good for you.
Stacy
You are Y.
Jen
D A is what I should say.
Burt
Or DB Now I have a question about the jury form.
Jen
Okay.
Burt
Like technically, could that be perjury because they did give you divorced as an option. You are divorced. And if Bert's accurate that it does have something to do with the vetting out of.
Jen
But I'm not lying. My marital status is single.
Burt
Well, you're divorced. Like there is a more appropriate. You are single.
Stacy
But you should still be assuming I
Jen
don't go to jail for this.
Stacy
But we're assuming that's the reason why they have it on the form. I mean that's just. I don't know if that's the actual reason.
Frankie
Right.
Joanna
I'm not.
Stacy
Because lawyers will ask directly the questions in a jury pool that they want. You know, they don't. I mean I don't even think the
Jen
lawyers would see that because this is for a trial.
Stacy
You wouldn't see that form.
Bert
I don't think we're going to end up on the jury that's trying to indict you for lying on your jury.
Jen
I'm not lying. I am single. It just irks me. Maybe we have somebody who's like that option. I don't know.
Stacy
Maybe somebody with legitimate background can tell us why.
Burt
Hey, and until then, we'll just take calls from people doing the same thing we are, like Randy. Hey, Randy. Welcome to the show.
Jen
Speculating.
Alison
Thanks.
Jeff
Yeah.
Alison
Good morning, everybody.
Stacy
Good morning.
Alison
What I wanted to comment on was doctors like to know if you're divorced, because a lot of times it can have to do with depression or it can have to do with anger, both of which can affect you physically as well as mentally.
Jen
That would be more with the married people than the divorced people. Are you depressed, angry, sexually frustrated and married? Come on.
Burt
All right, here we go. Here's some somebody qualified. Hello, Alison. Welcome to the show.
Alison
Hey, How y' all doing?
Joanna
Good.
Burt
Tell us what, what qualifies you to answer this question?
Alison
Well, I'm a court reporter in Cobb County.
Jen
Okay.
Alison
And I can tell you the answer as to why they ask if you are divorced specifically.
Jeff
Okay.
Alison
If it's a trial. Let's say it's a trial, a divorce case. Basically, they want to know if you've been through an ugly divorce, if you're swayed one side or the other, if you've had issues, and why you might lean towards one party or the other.
Stacy
That makes now as a court, do the lawyers in the case get to see these forms that Jen's filling out?
Alison
Absolutely. When you fill out the forms, they look at all the forms, and then when they go through the voir dire, which is the selection, they can, after all the general questions, they can ask you specific questions and ask you detailed information about if you were, if you went through that type of situation, if you went to a trial, if you had a hearing, what was the outcome? Do you think you were treated fairly or not, et cetera.
Stacy
Makes total sense. Now, if somebody in a doctor's office could explain why your divorce status is important for medical records, too, you know,
Burt
we already got it because you're angry and depressed.
Jeff
Right.
Burt
You're single, you're miserable.
Alison
Just like they could ask if you've had counseling for, you know, in a situation like that as well, Right?
Jen
Yeah. It definitely makes more sense.
Stacy
Okay.
Jen
So now I have both circled on my juror form because I don't want to go to jail.
Bert
Years ago for perjury or whatever. When I lived in San Diego years ago, I got on a jury and I had in my mind that it was going to be like it would be on tv, you know, like, it'd be fascinating case where the defendant would confess at the very last second of this mass murder or something like that.
Stacy
Snooze fest.
Bert
It was a total snooze fest, man. Most of the lawyers don't know. They're not nearly as smooth as TV lawyers are. And the case was like. It was over like a $35 shoplifting item at the campus bookstore. It's totally boring, man.
Jen
I do have a good friend who was on a murder trial as a juror, though.
Joanna Rodriguez
Really?
Jen
And he said that it was. It definitely intense and pretty fascinating.
Alison
Yeah.
Bert
You will be disappointed by the lawyers, man, because they're so polished and so good on television.
Jen
Well, they're actors, but they're actors, and it's dramatic.
Stacy
My fear is to be, you know, that I have to stay and I'd have to stay with the juror, you know, like, it'd be a big trial where I'm sequestered and I have to sit with those 11 people for, like, weeks in a hotel.
Jen
God, as soon as they.
Bert
You've basically done that for nine years and no.
Stacy
But no TV and no phone and nothing.
Burt
Maybe that's why they want to know, because if you're divorced, then you're desperate to meet other people, so they'll put you all in one big sequestered room. The Birch Show. Hey, Frankie.
Frankie
Yo. Hey.
Burt
In four years from now, you're still going to be on with us, updating us on what's going on with this same damn dude.
Frankie
Really? Yeah, I'm playing it out. Sorry, guys.
Burt
When. When Frankie was on with us last week, he gave us the update that the owner of the home, who he's been in contact with, thought that the guy coming to visit may have been feeding some stray cats around. But we all discounted that because if you put a bowl of food out for one cat, 14 days later, you got 65 cats. And they. Every time a car runs down. Comes down the road, they all run out looking for their food.
Bert
And this is all based on the story that we took weeks ago from a Birch show listener that has seen the same guy pull up to their townhouse community every single day, park in the same spot, and then walks behind the townhouse community, and then goes into one house for five minutes and then splits. And he does this like clockwork for months, right? So our listener wanted to know who this dude was. So for weeks now, we've tried to piecemeal a story together with some facts, but haven't gotten Anything concrete.
Stacy
And then we included Frankie, who works in our promotions department to come in. And he's almost become kind of like a bounty hunter. He's done a stakeout.
Burt
He's embraced it.
Stacy
Yeah, he's totally embraced it. So he's the one giving us the updates, but he's. He's actually talked to the guy and. And like Jeff said, you know, the latest was that the real you. You contacted the real estate agent who owned that home.
Frankie
Yes.
Burt
And the last thing that we said to you is Bert put you in touch with. Is it Big Daddy Spy?
Bert
Yes.
Burt
Calm.
Frankie
Yeah. Bigdaddyspy.com and I got a infrared, heat sensitive and motion sensitive birdhouse.
Joanna
That's funny.
Bert
Did you install the birdhouse over the weekend?
Frankie
Yeah, I think it'll go well with my cat uniform.
Burt
When does the birdhouse go in?
Frankie
I'll put it up. Probably sometime today.
Bert
Okay.
Frankie
If not, after I get off work.
Bert
So is it motion censored also so you don't have to watch 24 Hours of Nothingness?
Frankie
Yep, it's motion and heat sensitive.
Bert
Great. Okay.
Jen
That's fantastic.
Bert
I mean, it really only needs to be set for half an hour because he only stops by at what, 9:40 every single morning. So it only needs to be set between 9:30 and 9:45.
Burt
Well, we could leave it on to see if any of those thousands of cats who live there set it off.
Jen
I really hope this story turns out to be something because if it is basic, like he's an exterminator or something, like so simple, we're gonna be so disappointed.
Bert
Exterminators can come every single day though.
Jen
And a very overzealous exterminator, the real
Bert
estate agent could have put us closer to an end of this. The real estate agent, I feel, knows who this guy is. And there's some kind of COVID up going on.
Jen
They're growing weed in there, dude.
Alison
I wanna know.
Stacy
That's what a lot of listeners think.
Jen
I think they are.
Stacy
There's black spray paint on the windows in the basement.
Joanna
Do you have to water those plants every day?
Jen
He's checking on his stony plants.
Bert
It's fluorescent. I'll turn on those fluorescent lights every single day.
Burt
He's just.
Stacy
Not that we know what we're talking
Jen
about, but he's just need to send Frankie with a drug dog.
Burt
He's making sure none of the stray cats tore the aluminum foil that cover the windows. That's what he's doing. So, Frank, you're gonna put that in today?
Frankie
Yeah. Yeah. You guys Sound like you know a lot about growing.
Stacy
Oh, no. You know, I picked up a copy of High Times in a doctor's office
Jen
one time at the doctor's office.
Commercial Announcer
Really?
Stacy
It was a really good doctor.
Bert
Interviewed in that. In that magazine a couple times, Melissa.
Jen
The kind of doctor's office where they make you call them pipes or glass.
Stacy
It's illegal, people.
Jen
Glass.
Stacy
And it's a water. It's a water pipe.
Jen
A water pipe, not a bong.
Burt
And you know what? She's just trying to help her glaucoma.
Stacy
Exactly.
Bert
Prescribed at very best. We'll have an update on Wednesday if you set it up.
Burt
If he sets it up today, we'll be able to see some video in a day or two, right? From our infrared heat sensitive birdhouse camera.
Jeff
Yes.
Stacy
Oh, my God.
Bert
We have committed. We have committed to this segment.
Burt
Hey, Sue. Welcome to the Birch show.
Alison
Hey, what's going on? I have a theory of it being. I can't answer the jacket thing quite yet, but I think it's a man going in to get drugs every morning before he goes to work. I've known people that do that, and they'll go to their dealer's house every morning and then they'll, you know, use their drugs there and then leave.
Jen
But it's an empty house and it's
Joanna
not on the weekends. He goes there only Monday through Fridays.
Burt
Well, maybe he's got a job that requires drugs before he goes to it. We can all understand that. Hey, Renee, welcome to the show. Welcome to the show, Renee.
Alison
Hey, guys, love the show. I was just telling Carl, though, I called him last week, number one, you know, the real estate agent is in on this because when he. When he first called up and said, hey, someone's watching, and blah, blah, blah, they're seeing this and that, the lady wouldn't have said, oh, let me find out for you and I'll call you back. She doesn't get the hell away from my townhouse. And, you know, I mean, there's just too much funny stuff going on. It's just weird.
Bert
I mean, well, if you real estate
Alison
agent hours that he was feeding cats and we can't even figure out who the guy is.
Bert
If you're a real estate agent and you're told somebody is hanging out at a house that you're trying to sell, then you're gonna be invested in finding out who that person is.
Alison
But you're not gonna be, you know, let me call you back, Frankie. I'll. She'll say, you get away from it. And I'll find out who this guy is or I'll call the cops or whatever.
Jeff
Right.
Alison
She definitely knows who this is.
Stacy
She would have got a further description from Frankie.
Burt
Like, you know, I almost don't want it to end because the theories are more fun than what's really happening.
Stacy
Sure.
Bert
I don't know in this case.
Burt
Isaiah, what's your thought?
Alison
Hey, what's going on, guys?
Jen
Hey.
Burt
What's up?
Frankie
Nothing.
Burt
I think that the real estate lady
Frankie
and that guy are having an affair.
Burt
I think that's the story we go with, even if it is stray cats.
Jen
Yeah.
Bert
I mean, how?
Joanna
It's quick.
Bert
That's not fun for the real estate agent for five minutes.
Stacy
Yeah, you can find somebody else. I mean, serious.
Burt
The Bird Show.
Commercial Announcer
All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.
Burt
Refreshers contain caffeine. The Burt Show. The 911 call that I'm about to play takes place, I think, in San Francisco. Imagine if you're here, Melissa. Imagine you're a mom. You're home alone, and upstairs is your fifth grader and your third grader. So it's at nine and 11, about that.
Jen
Eight and something like that.
Burt
Yeah. So the only people at the house are those two kids. And you start to deliver the baby. That's kind of a panic situation. So this happened out in San Francisco and the kids came down to help mom and ended up delivering their baby brother.
Stacy
Wow.
Burt
So the first call that they made was to their dad. And dad said, well, you gotta call 911. And so then they were smart enough to call 911.
Alison
And.
Burt
And this is the audio of the call to 911. I've divided this up into.
Jen
Where was dad? Was dad, like, at work? At the office?
Burt
He wasn't at home.
Jeff
Wow.
Burt
These kids definitely are future Dr. Azas and Sanjay Guptas.
Jeff
My mom. What's the address of emergency? Let's bring it with a transcript. Okay. Child's reporting his mother has pains. I'm not sure if they're labor pains. Okay. Are you there? Yes. Go ahead and talk to her. Can you tell me exactly what happened? The baby's coming now. He said the baby's coming now. Okay. And are you calling for your mom? Yeah. Okay. Is there anyone else There with you besides your mom? Yes, my sister is 11. Okay, how old is your mom? Starting to bleed. She's starting to bleed. Okay. Okay. How old is your mom?
Jen
She.
Jeff
36.
Jen
Oh, no.
Jeff
Okay, where did she go? Are you in a different room than her right now? Huh? Are you in a different room from her right now? The baby's already here. It is? Yeah. Can you put your sister on the phone? The baby was just born. Okay, and who am I talking to now? The 11 year old. Okay, Is the baby breathing? Is the baby breathing? He's breathing. She said he cried a little bit, but he's not crying now. Okay, Is he still breathing? Yeah. Okay, let your mom know that the paramedics are on the way. Okay? Okay. Okay. Stay in the line. Don't hang up. Okay. Okay. Is the baby crying or breathing? Is the baby breathing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's breathing, not crying. Okay, what I need you to do is I need you to get a clean towel. A towel. I have a towel. Okay. Make sure she okay. Make sure she wipes off the baby's mouth and nose. Wipe off the baby's mouth and nose. She's wiping off his nose. Okay. And then dry the baby off with the clean towel. Dry the baby off with a clean towel. And then get another clean towel and wrap the baby with it. Okay. Get another clean towel and wrap the baby in it. And cover the baby's head but not its face. Huh? Make sure that you cover the baby's head but not its face. Make sure you cover his head, not his face. Yeah, not his head. I mean his head. Not safe. What is your mom doing right now? She's holding the baby. Okay. What? You said okay. Is she laying down? No, she's standing up.
Stacy
Oh, my God.
Jeff
Can you make sure that she's laying down? Okay. Okay. They said to make sure you're laying down. And tell her to be careful not to pull too tight on the cord. She said that she's bleeding everywhere. Okay. Okay, that's. That's why we need her to lay down. Okay. Okay. They said that's why they need you to lay down.
Burt
Now the.
Jen
Wow, fascinating.
Burt
That was the easy part.
Jen
Oh, really?
Burt
Because remember how she said don't pull too hard on the cord?
Jen
Oh, no.
Burt
Apparently it's a big deal if the cord separates without like a medical professional there because then somebody needs to tie it. Oh, and if you only got a 9 year old and 11 year old,
Jen
the 11 year old has to tie it. Oh, no.
Jeff
Okay. And when your mom is laying down, still make sure. That you don't pull on the cord too tight. Okay. Okay. Just lay the baby in the mother's arms on her belly. Okay. She said don't pull the cord too tight. The cord's not hugged. The cord is dangling from her. From the baby? Yeah. Okay.
Jen
Whoa.
Jeff
Okay. Make sure that you keep the baby and the mother warm. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now listen carefully and I'll tell you exactly what to do next. Okay. Okay. Without pulling on the cord, tie a string or shoelace tightly around the umbilical cord about 6 inches from the baby. Okay. Do not cut it. Okay. So go get a string or a shoelace and tell me when you have that done. Okay? Okay. Okay. You have a string now? Yeah, I have a string. Okay, so you're gonna tie. What do I do? Okay, you're gonna tie it tightly around the umbilical cord about 6 inches from the baby, but do not cut it. I have to cut it around the. Do it now and tell me when it's done. Okay. Okay. Is the door unlocked? The front door. If you can send your little sister to go unlock the door. Okay. Okay, it's unlocked. I'm getting the scissors. Okay. Okay. What are you gonna use the scissors for? Okay, just make sure you don't cut the umbilical cord at all.
Alison
Okay.
Jeff
She said don't cut the umbilical cord off. And let me know when you have the string tighter on the umbilical cord. Okay. Are you still there? Yes, she's still here. Okay. She's doing a really great job. How are you doing? Okay. Are you. Are you sitting down or laying down? Okay. It looks like they're parking out front right now. Okay. But stay on the line with me until they're there. With you. Oh.
Stacy
Guess they told her. I was like,
Jeff
it looks like the fire department's parking outside right now. Okay. Okay. Okay. Did you get the string tied around the cord? Yeah. Okay.
Burt
Parallel parking. It takes a minute.
Jeff
Is that the fire department? Yeah. Okay, I'll go ahead and let you go. Okay. You did a great job. Thank you. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Stacy
I mean, those are parts that you don't Normally see at 11 and have to touch and deal with.
Jen
She was so calm, too.
Burt
And how about mom? Yeah, she's standing over there.
Stacy
Standing down. Good Lord, honey.
Burt
Hey, Tasha. Welcome to the bird show.
Alison
Hey. I was just gonna say that that poor 11 year old was like. She was very calm, but I think she was in shock, you know, because she couldn't. She couldn't do anything without being prompted. But I Just want to say mom, you know, I'm glad they're okay, but mom should have been more responsible. I was a labor and delivery nurse for a long time. Your. Your labors are about halfway. They were with your first child. Each child you have, you can pretty much bet you could go to Vegas and bet your labor would be about half of what it was with the previous child. And living in Atlanta, I told all my friends, I'm like, if you gotta get on 400 and you start hurting at 1 o', clock, go. Don't wait till 4 o', clock, go to the hospital. You know, I mean, just be responsible. So I'm glad it turned out okay. But yeah, there's some predictability to it.
Stacy
So I think the 11 year old was probably calm in shock, but also calm because she had a little sister that she was probably trying to be strong for too.
Burt
Later in the news report, both kids thought it was really cool that the brother was born in the bathroom. That was what they thought. That's what they thought was neat about it. Yeah, I thought it was cool that he was born at home. That's kind of neat.
Jen
Wow.
Stacy
I just never want to hear my mom have to make those noises, you know?
Burt
Hey, the bird show.
Commercial Announcer
All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.
Burt
Refreshers contain caffeine. The first show. Hey, Jen, I think we're gonna kick something very cool off in the next 24, 48 hours, okay? This is gonna be something that. This is. We've talked about this. You can't feel any pressure. You have to go forward confidently. You have to go forward bravely. And you have to use the secret.
Jen
Okay?
Burt
But I think today or tomorrow, you start chasing Chelsea.
Jen
I know.
Stacy
Oh, that's right.
Jen
I know. I think it should start today.
Burt
Okay?
Jen
And here is my plea to the listeners of the Birch. Okay. I am a humongous Chelsea Handler fan.
Joanna
Huge.
Jen
I love, love, love Chelsea lately. And if you're not familiar with her, she's written books, she's a standup comedian. She has her own late night talk show. One of the only women in late night. And her show is on E. I think she's hilarious and she's just, I just think a fantastic person anyway. And so she's coming to Atlanta on this coming Sunday. She's got two different shows at the Fox.
Burt
She had one and then sold it out so quickly. They added an earlier one the same day.
Jen
Exactly. And so my mission is to be able to meet her while she's here. I can't do that on my own. So I need your help.
Burt
Now, you remember this started, I think, years and years ago when Jon Bon Jovi came to town with Bon Jovi and I, during our interview with him, asked him if we could just have kind of a mandate. Have a beer.
Joanna
Right.
Burt
Everything.
Stacy
Right. That was before. That was before the.
Burt
That ended. That ended creepily. So we won't discuss that any further. Then we can, though.
Jen
We can go into that full story.
Burt
I'm good.
Stacy
Yeah. Because you have to still stay 50ft away from him.
Burt
And then Burt and Stacy are hardcore U2 fans. I think Stacy, especially was the first U2 fan. So they did a hunt for Bono when U2 was in town and actually had a good meeting with him, I think on more than one occasion. There was one point where they told Stacey to get out of the window of a hotel room. Cause she was looking down into the lobby. Do you remember that?
Stacy
No, I don't remember that. That's funny.
Burt
All the guys from the band were, like, hanging out in this lounge that had windows overlooking it. And Stacy actually got in one of the windows, like, in the windowsill and was looking down. And the guys came up. Some security guard came up and said, hey.
Jen
Oh, my God.
Stacy
That's funny. I didn't know that.
Jen
I didn't hear that.
Burt
Yeah. I'm 90% sure he talked about it on the air, I hope.
Jeff
Huh.
Alison
Huh.
Burt
So moving right along.
Jen
Okay. But, yeah, so. And the listeners helped Bert and Stacy be able to get that accomplished, and they helped you.
Burt
And this is what we're doing with chasing Chelsea, right?
Bert
Yes.
Jen
I need your help. So if you know anyone, you know, a brother's cousins, mother, sister's daughter who might work for her or know her or have the inn or whatever, I would just love to be able to hang out with her and meet her. Like, I want to be able to, like, hang out and have a vodka tonic.
Burt
I've got. I'm gonna give you something so big right now.
Jeff
What?
Burt
That I think could be the clincher.
Joanna
Okay.
Burt
Could be great for you. But this is not gonna. I don't want this to dissuade anyone else from helping you out, but she is doing a book signing at Outright Bookstore on Sunday afternoon. And Philip From Outright is a good friend of the show's. He's helped us with other things in the past, and Tracy's already been in touch with him to see if Chelsea will come on with us to do an interview promoting that book signing.
Jen
Awesome.
Burt
And I think last conversation seemed somewhat confident that she would do it, but you never know what her schedule's like
Jen
because, yeah, if she called us from LA and did like sort of a, you know, pre interview to promote appearances, whatever, then I could just ask her. I'd be like, hey, I want to buy you a drink. Let's have a drink together.
Jeff
Whatever.
Burt
This is why we love it.
Jen
I say vodka because I know that that is her favorite.
Joanna
Just straight up, any time.
Stacy
Me, Chelsea.
Joanna
Huh?
Stacy
I said, are you there, vodka mechanics.
Jen
Exactly.
Burt
This is the Bird show listeners stepping up already. Hey, Ronnie.
Frankie
Hey. I was just gonna say that I went to college with Sarah Colonna, and I don't know if you guys are a Chelsea Lately fan. She is one of the writers of the show.
Burt
Okay.
Jen
Is she Sarah Longboobs?
Frankie
Yeah. She's also a panelist every once in a while. She's the one with the really curly hair and she's really funny and she does some of the Chelsea Lately stand up comedians tours and things. Anyway, I'm Facebook friends with her. Cool. So I could send her a message and tell her what you guys are trying to do and see if she can give you the hookup.
Jen
That would be. So Ronnie. Thank you.
Burt
Anything like that helps.
Stacy
Anything.
Jen
Yeah.
Stacy
Yes.
Frankie
As soon as I get to work today, I will do that, and then I'll let you guys know as soon as she responds.
Stacy
Let's make Jen Hobbie's dream come true.
Jen
That's so cool.
Burt
And as much as it sounds like it, it's not a creepy stalker thing. It's a. I think when I went into it with Jon Bon Jovi, I was 100% convinced that he and I would be friends.
Jen
Yeah. Oh, I'm sure that she and I will be BFFs.
Stacy
Well, this is why this is the Burt show community, because you call us and you write us and ask for help in certain things, and now we're coming to you for help for certain things. It's, you know, it's reciprocal. So we're asking for help for Jen.
Burt
So if you think of anything else, if you have any more ideas, email Jen, send her a tweet, whatever you have to do to get in touch with her. Also, if you encounter anyone who's going to have Chelsea Interaction while she's in town, Just gently nudge her in the direction of.
Jeff
Yeah.
Jen
Like, if you happen to know where
Joanna
she's staying, that would be a good clue.
Jen
You know, I don't want to be, like, creepy, though. Like, I'd really like to be able to, like, set it up and, like, have an appointment, even if it's just, like, five or ten minutes on her calendar, somewhere that I can go and try to hang and make my pitch for our friendship that's gonna last forever.
Burt
You can't look at it as a friendship pitch, though. You just have to look at it as having a drink together. Because friendships happen naturally.
Jen
That's true.
Burt
They don't happy when someone.
Jen
I think she would really, really like me.
Burt
So if you work at a hotel where Jan can get a job as a room service attendant for only one day. So we will start it officially right now. Chasing Chelsea is on.
Jen
It's all week long.
Burt
Help Jen Hobby's dream of hanging out and becoming friends with Chelsea Handler come true. Thank you in advance for making dreams come true.
Jen
Thank you.
Burt
Get it. The bird show. Yeah. Local Snopes. Okay. I have heard this now twice. I cannot believe it is true. But the rumor is that it happened to a UGA student. And I don't know if it was this past spring break, which was like a week or two ago, or if it was a spring break, a recent spring break, but I have heard it twice. Supposedly, it is true, and if it is, I would like to talk to the person it happened to. I don't want to talk to my cousin whose roommate had a sister who went to college with that girl. I want to talk to the person that it happened to. And if it did happen, it's spooky and creepy.
Joanna
Okay.
Burt
To me, it sounds like the plot of a movie, but no movie I've seen. Here's the deal. You know, spring break, there's a bunch of options for spring break. You've got the kids who go home. You got the kids who go down to Cancun or Panama City. You've got the kids who do the service trips, and they go and they do all that stuff.
Jen
They go build houses, places and stuff.
Burt
Yes. And rarely, you have the kids who stay on campus. Right. So supposedly there is a University of Georgia student who decided that when everybody else was gonna go down to Panama City and party or, you know, Mexico or wherever for spring break, she would stay in Athens and stay in the apartment or the home that she lives in, and she would stay there all of her roommates left, so she was there all alone. She was gonna use that time to get caught up on work and take pictures. Cause she wants to be an artist, a photographer. So she was going to take pictures of the campus and the architecture and do all this stuff. Right?
Jen
Okay.
Burt
So she stays there all by herself. She's on the University of Georgia campus. Very, you know, it's not deserted, but it's much quieter than it normally is. And she spends the time doing exactly what she said she would do, including taking a bunch of pictures at the end of. And as every. You know, everybody has the best intentions with time, you know, stuff like that. But she doesn't get. She doesn't nearly do the photography that she wants to do until the last couple days of spring break. And she's like, crap, if I'm going to go take pictures with nobody on campus, I got to do it now. So she goes out and does it and then her roommates come back and they all have their stories about spring break and they're. And they're telling the stories about what they did and where they went and showing the pictures and blah, blah, blah. And she says, do you guys want to see what I did? Like as a joke? Because they're looking at their pictures of Mexico and wet T shirt content and all this craziness. And then maybe some other roommate is showing pictures of the house they built down in Guatemala and all this other stuff. So she takes the memory card out of her camera and plugs it into her computer and says, well, this is what I did. I haven't edited these yet, but here they are. And starts scrolling through, okay, and she starts moving through the pictures and there's pictures of the campus, pictures of this, pictures of that. Then there's pictures of her sleeping.
Jen
No way.
Stacy
What?
Burt
Then she looked at a bunch more pictures of the campus and everything. And then the next night, there's pictures of her sleeping.
Stacy
No.
Alison
What?
Jen
Where did you hear this story?
Burt
I've heard it from two different people. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't hear it from two different people.
Jen
Really? And they say that this is a true story?
Burt
Yes.
Joanna
So somebody.
Burt
That it's being investigated.
Joanna
So somebody was taking pictures of her in her place.
Burt
Somebody knew that she was there alone and was in the house with her while all of her roommates were there.
Jen
It's freaky. And how dare you tell that story when it's still dark outside and people are getting ready for work.
Burt
Is that a plot?
Jen
It's scary.
Burt
Is it a movie? Plot.
Jen
It sounds like a horror movie plot, right?
Joanna
Well, because how did that person a get in the place? And are they still hiding out in the place or are they around the campus?
Stacy
Freaky.
Jen
So she was in her apartment alone, right.
Burt
And out taking pictures. Didn't look at any of the pictures, but every single.
Jen
And they were chronologically where they would have been sleeping. And then she would have picked up the camera again the next day and kept going.
Burt
Yes.
Jen
Whoa. That is really, really funny. That's like a girl's worst nightmare. And it does sound made up.
Burt
And here's why I don't believe it. Because you always scroll through the pictures on your phone so you would stumble across that. But there is a possibility that she just picks up her phone. A camera. I mean, you know, her camera. But there is a possibility that she goes out and shoots 10 pictures. Like, I've shot taken pictures. Like is a photographer before, trying to be all artistic and stuff. And you take the same picture 20 times. You know, you, like, especially with a digital camera when you're not paying for film or anything like that, you can set the dials and you can, you know, so you take. So you could scroll back. Your first shot could be 10 pictures. You scroll back through five of them and go, that's fine. You move on to the next thing. You would never scroll all the way through them.
Jen
That is really freaky. I don't know. I mean, I would love to know if it's real or not, but it doesn't sound real to me.
Joanna
I hope not.
Burt
No, it sounds freaky.
Joanna
What if it was a ghost?
Burt
A ghost using a camera?
Jen
That would almost make me feel better.
Stacy
I know.
Jen
If it were a ghost doing it, I'd be like, oh, cool. Totally move on in. It's fine.
Joanna
But if there's some dude lurking around campus and, like, going into different dorm rooms or apartments and taking pictures, that's scary.
Jen
And that taps into, like, every girl's fear. She was alone, somebody's in her place. She doesn't know who it is.
Burt
If nobody can identify. If it didn't come from a movie, I think we should write it because that is a great plot. Yes. The rumor is it's been investigated. You know, it's like the campus, campus security and police and everybody has been notified.
Jen
Yeah, we need to go through some sort of snopes to figure that out.
Burt
The. The phones are lit up. Hey, Marilyn.
Jeff
Hey, is this Jeff?
Burt
Yeah.
Alison
Hey, Jeff. How are you?
Joanna
Good.
Burt
What's going on?
Alison
I was calling to make a comment on what you were talking about?
Burt
Yeah.
Alison
April Fools is next week. They're building this up as an April Fool's.
Joanna
That's not a funny one.
Jen
It's not really a joke.
Alison
It is kind of creepy.
Jen
It's really creepy, but it gave me the chills. Yeah, no kidding.
Burt
I would not think so.
Alison
I think they're building it up as an early April Fool's joke.
Jeff
That's what that is.
Burt
I would more believe it if Halloween was next week, because it's not. It's not a jokey story. It's a scary story.
Jen
Scary story.
Joanna
Especially if you live on that campus.
Burt
Hey, Adrian. Yes, what's going on?
Alison
How are y'?
Jeff
All?
Alison
Hey, I got a comment related to this story. Most, I guess most of the really
Frankie
expensive cameras, who people, the RC people
Alison
use or whatever, they have timers on them. And I guess most of the people who do photography like that, they also have tripods in their house. So she could have set a tripod on and taken a picture of herself.
Jen
Oh, so she could have been freaking out her friends.
Alison
Maybe.
Burt
If that's the case. I love that girl.
Jen
That's a good idea. That's a good thought because yeah, she could have taken it herself.
Joanna
She's just pissed at her roommates for leaving her.
Burt
Yeah. If you have connections in Athens, do what you can to research this story because I would like to know if it's true. Freaky. Listen, it's the Birch Show.
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Burt
Refreshers contain caffeine. This is the Birch Show. Joanna's running into a problem on Twitter.
Joanna
Yeah.
Joanna Rodriguez
So, you know, Jason and I are getting married. And one of the issues I was having was finding a priest because we're getting married in Florida, and we want to get married in this beautiful Catholic church. And I don't know of any priests in Florida, so I had to go through this.
Jen
Why Florida?
Joanna Rodriguez
Well, cause both of our families vacationed in St. Augustine growing up, and we. And I always wanted to get married in this cathedral that's in the historic part.
Stacy
It's a beautiful town. So cool.
Joanna Rodriguez
And so when we got engaged, the first thing he said is, you know, let's do it in St. Augustine. You know, we go there every year for vacation. I was like, that's perfect, because I always wanted to get married in this cathedral there. Well, the next step is finding a priest because you can't book the church until you find a priest. So I had to go through this company to find the guy that would marry us.
Stacy
Pick a priest.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yes, exactly.
Joanna
That's a new website.
Joanna Rodriguez
Well, Father Tim called me. We talked on the phone. He asked me what I did for a living. I told him I worked for the Burt Show. He looked me up. And now that we have this beautiful new website with our Twitter feeds, he's found me on Twitter and he's been reading my tweets, and he comments on almost every single tweet.
Bert
Really?
Stacy
It's weird.
Joanna Rodriguez
It's weirding me out because now I have to be really careful as to what I'm saying on there.
Jen
You gotta. Yeah. Censor the tweets now, Exactly.
Joanna Rodriguez
Well, the first one he commented on was when we were having that discussion on whether or not Jason and I should live together. And I wrote on my Twitter, one of my tweets was, should Jason and I live together when he moves to Atlanta? And he emailed me and said, I suggest you two don't live together before you get married.
Bert
Really?
Joanna Rodriguez
Oh, my God.
Jen
Well, he's a Catholic priest. He can tell you what he thinks,
Joanna Rodriguez
you know, and then the second one
Stacy
was when you ask, he can tell you what he thinks when you ask. But for him to kind of be the shadow over, you know, the Catholic shadow.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yes.
Bert
Now, how does the whole, like, pre canon thing work? Like, don't you guys have to hang out with this dude for an entire Weekend. And then he either blesses the whole marriage or says, look, it's probably not gonna work.
Jeff
Right.
Joanna Rodriguez
Well, we discussed that. We do have to get with him a weekend. We're gonna wait until Jason gets to Atlanta.
Burt
Can't you just do it and do that pre canon stuff on Twitter? 140 characters.
Bert
Sort of doing it now.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's already giving me advice on whether or not I should be living with Jason or not. And he's just. Seriously, I feel like I tweet and then he immediately, like emails me about something and I just don't know that
Stacy
would freak me out.
Joanna Rodriguez
I'm wondering if he's following me and I can somehow block him without him knowing that I've blocked him.
Bert
You can block. You don't wanna mess with that. You can't mess with Jesus. Don't block Jesus.
Burt
You can't block God. Well, you're not the only one with this problem because there are now that Facebook, you know, started out. Facebook started out with colleges. It started out, I think, at Harvard. Then it became an Ivy League thing and then it became a college thing. And so it kind of spread from the 18 to 24 year olds. Then as those people graduated, became 18 to 30 year old. Now the fastest growing segment on Facebook is like women 45 and 50 to like 70.
Alison
My mom.
Burt
And they're using it to keep in touch. And people's moms are on Facebook now.
Joanna
Families, aunts, uncles. It's weird.
Jen
Grandmothers.
Burt
Now, if you had. Right now, if you had. Is your grandmother on Facebook? She is.
Joanna
It's really fun to see that they do have a social life.
Jen
It's kind of fun.
Bert
Yeah, it's fun that way. But then you've really got to sort of filter and monitor yourself on what you're putting up there. And it's. It becomes. It's not real at that point.
Burt
Nursing a hangover third week in a row. This sucks. Oh, can't tell grandma that Jason's grandparents
Joanna Rodriguez
are on Facebook and I won't accept them as my friends.
Stacy
Yeah, I think there's a responsibility of the elder not to get in your business after a certain time.
Jen
They're kind of naive to it, though, and they don't realize why you wouldn't want them to be your friend.
Joanna Rodriguez
But it doesn't freak me out as much as my priest reading my tweets. Like, I'm already responding to them.
Stacy
I don't know, I just. Something about it just feels like, read the. Read them, but don't, like, immediately respond to every single one of them. That's just a little too much.
Alison
You know what?
Stacy
You're crowding me, Father. You're crowding me.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yeah, like we haven't even met yet. I don't even know if I'm gonna
Jen
accept you as me Mother. Tim.
Stacy
Get off my back.
Bert
Now would be a bad time to unfollow Jesus.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yeah, probably would be. And I won't be posting this segment on our website either, because I don't want him to read to listen to this.
Jen
Well, it seems to me that you guys need Father Tim more than Father Tim needs you, though.
Joanna Rodriguez
Exactly.
Burt
He knows he's in a power position.
Jen
He does. Because, I mean, in order to get married in the Catholic church you want to get married in, you got to have a Catholic priest.
Joanna Rodriguez
And we've already, like, confirmed as our priest. That's the only way we booked the church. You have to have your priest confirmed. So I can't unconfirm him because then I lose my slot in this church.
Jen
You're stuck with him for a year. For a year.
Bert
How many people do you have following you right now? Like, would it be a really big deal if you started a different account, like the real Joanna Rodriguez?
Burt
Well, why can't he just follow her on that?
Stacy
Well, don't tell anybody. Don't even use your real name. And let your close friends know about it. And keep it locked.
Joanna
You can put it on private.
Joanna Rodriguez
Yeah, can I put it on private?
Stacy
You can lock a Twitter account. Yes.
Joanna Rodriguez
Okay, I'm gonna work on that. I need someone with some Twitter.
Bert
But if he finds out about it,
Joanna Rodriguez
he's gonna be angry.
Bert
Instant rejection right there.
Stacy
Ah, that's just weird. I just I' I think is weird.
Burt
Can you imagine if he hopped on Facebook, then got on Jason's Facebook, then started networking with all your family sitting and got, like, a message like, hey, is that Bert guy gonna be at your wedding? Cause he seems to have a party problem.
Stacy
Has anybody ever had to put a restraining order out on a priest? Is that not cool? Nobody wants to try that.
Jen
That's creepy.
Joanna Rodriguez
It is kind of creepy.
Burt
Josh found some audio. There have actually been songs written about people's mom joining Facebook and discovering this, opening up a whole. It's a whole new world. Your Facebook life is totally different than your real life that your mom knows. So when mom gets on Facebook, big problems.
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Burt
Refreshers contain caffeine.
Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts/Cast: Bert, Jen, Stacy, Burt, Frankie, Joanna Rodriguez, Alison, Jeff, Joanna
Episode Description:
The Bert Show brings its regular blend of humor, authenticity, and lively discussions about real-life situations, listener drama, entertainment, and the cast’s lives. This episode covers everything from form-filling pet peeves and a mysterious neighborhood stakeout to a jaw-dropping 911 call, local urban legends, and digital-age wedding conundrums.
This episode is a quintessential Bert Show morning: relatable, comedic takes on real-world situations, listener engagement, cast sharing from their own lives, and the group’s unique banter. The team discusses (1) why divorce is a separate status on forms, (2) the ongoing saga of the “mystery man” in a townhouse community, (3) a dramatic 911 call of kids delivering their baby brother, (4) urban legend fact-checking, and (5) the awkwardness of social media when authority figures follow your every move.
Segment Start: [00:51]
Key Discussion Points:
Insights & Quotes:
Segment Start: [07:38]
Key Discussion Points:
Insights & Quotes:
Segment Start: [14:00]
Key Discussion Points:
Memorable Moments & Quotes:
Segment Start: [23:08]
Key Discussion Points:
Quotes & Humor:
Segment Start: [29:23]
Key Discussion Points:
Notable Quotes:
Segment Start: [38:11]
Key Discussion Points:
Memorable Quotes:
On forms for marital status:
“It’s like your scarlet letter.” — Stacy [03:28]
“I just think it’s part of the sorting out process…” — Bert [02:48]
On the ongoing townhouse mystery:
“If nobody can identify… we should write it because that is a great plot.” — Burt [34:57]
On the UGA urban legend:
“That is really freaky… we need to go through some sort of snopes to figure that out.” — Jen [35:15]
On social media etiquette:
“If you had… Is your grandmother on Facebook?… You’ve really got to sort of filter and monitor yourself.” — Burt [41:36]
Consistently lighthearted, irreverent, and quick-witted, The Bert Show’s crew mix genuine curiosity and relatability with humor, sarcasm, and playful teasing, while creating space for serious moments — especially around family, listener stories, and real-life events.
Whether unpicking the logistics of form-filling, sleuthing mystery neighbors, sharing heart-pounding real stories, sifting local myths, or lamenting the watchful eyes of elders (and priests) on social media, the July 6, 2026, Bert Show part 1 is packed with laughs, relatable dilemmas, listener call-ins, and classic morning radio camaraderie.