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Bert
The Birch Show. Let's get Mandy on. Hey, Mandy.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Hey.
Mary
How are you?
Bert
Good, good. How are you today?
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Good.
Mandy
I am so excited.
Bert
Well, we got your email about a week ago or so and we want to help your friend Lauren out here.
Mandy
Oh, that is so fabulous. I'm so excited for her.
Bert
So you don't really know her all that well. And I read the email last night, man, and this one has like, if you're looking for an example of how the recession or the economy has really hurt one family, your friend is like the shining, unfortunate example.
Mandy
I know, and it just, it breaks my heart. And you know, we work at a small art studio and I only see her part time and I've only known her six months and you know, she's just so sweet and I just, I just wanted, my heart goes out there and I just want to do something sweet for her.
Bert
So, like, things got so bad where she had to like move back in with her parents or something. Then her mom lost her job. Tell us the story.
Mandy
Yeah, they, they had their own house. You know, they were married and they had their own house. And then they decided to move back in with their mom and the grandmother to save money. And so as soon as they moved in, they were like, okay, this is going to work out great. All of a sudden, her mom lost her job. So now they are paying the mortgage solely by themselves and, you know, they're feeling the brunt of it. And it's just, you know, it's hard for her because she, you know, she works three part time jobs and, you know, he just got a new job, which that's a blessing in itself, but it was a major. And he lives in Nashville Monday through Friday and comes home on the weekends
Lauren
to see his kids.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Wow.
Bert
So he took a pay cut, plus he doesn't get to see the family. Yeah, this is just.
Mandy
And I was asking her, I was like, you know, is this job okay, even though it's a pay cut? And she said, well, in the long run it will be very good. We just have to make it through the Hard times. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you know?
Bert
Yeah, I think people, they're just taking anything they can right now to get some kind of money going in the house. And you said they've got a couple of kids also, right?
Mandy
Yes, they have one 10 month old girl and one 2 year old boy.
Bert
And at this point, I think you wrote in the email that they don't even know how they're gonna pay their electricity bill. So you can forget about presents. Right?
Mandy
Yeah, I mean, she, I mean, I just spoke to her last night and we, you know, we talked for a while and she actually just told me that. And I didn't know this or I would have read it in the letter, but she said that the 2 year old can't go to daycare anymore because they don't have the money to pay for it. And so he just, you know, cries and dismisses it. And so she's like, yeah, our mortgage is not going to get paid this month and I don't know what other
Kim
bill is not going to get paid.
Mandy
She's just like, me and my husband, we're not doing Christmas this year. And she was like, the only present my son wants is a red truck and I can't get that for him.
Lauren
He's.
Mandy
He's getting a potato head that I got at a consignment shop. And she's just like, you know, she's like, you know, we're just making it and you know, and she, she, you know, I was trying, obviously I was like quizzing her last night because, you know, I was trying to, you know, gear up for today, but, you know, it's just my heart just goes out for her.
Bert
And she's got like a crazy amount of jobs too.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Yes.
Mandy
You know, me and her, you know, we both work, you know, quite a few jobs, but she works three part time jobs as well as a mommy,
Bert
you know, so she's tired all the time. Oh, yeah, she doesn't need help from Chipper Jones. She just needs like one of those lazy boys.
Mandy
I know.
Bert
She needs a mattress and some Ambien.
Lauren
Right?
Bert
We ought to get her. Okay, let's give her a call. Is she in the office with you or do we need to call somewhere?
Mandy
She's at home.
Jeff
Okay.
Bert
Okay, we have that number because I'm at school.
Mandy
I'm a teacher.
Bert
Okay, gotcha. And her name is Lauren.
Mandy
Her name is Lauren.
Unidentified Male Host
You want me to be a top or a bottom right now? Burt, I'm sorry through the phone lines with you.
Bert
I'M definitely gonna be on top.
Unidentified Male Host
That means you want me on the bottom.
Bert
Yes. Yes. It's the only way either one of us are going to survive this.
Unidentified Male Host
I don't understand why that was funny.
Mandy
The kids are listening and they're so sweet. They're being so quiet.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh, great.
Jeff
That's fantastic.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Okay, what grade do you teach?
Mandy
Kindergarten.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh, fantastic.
Bert
Nice way to pay it forward.
Jeff
Embarrassed.
Unidentified Male Host
You know what? Maybe you should.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
What seals that deal?
Bert
Jeff?
Mary
Oh, no.
Bert
I think we got our first voicemail.
Jeff
No.
Mandy
Oh, no.
Jeff
Hold on.
Bert
I've got another number she could run across. Phillips Arena.
Lauren
Hey, you've reached Lauren. Leave me a message.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Oh, call.
Mandy
That was her cell phone. Call her home.
Unidentified Male Host
All right, calm down.
Bert
Ctfd, Fifth grader.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
I mean, kindergarten or supposed to say fifth.
Jeff
I don't know, five.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Five year olds.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Your call has been properly delivered, but the party you are trying to reach is not accepting calls from.
Bert
All right, star 86 to star 82. We're working hard for you here, Mandy.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Yeah, her class has already gone on to finger paint.
Bert
They're in the second grade now.
Unidentified Male Host
They're coloring, making little clay ashtrays for Mom.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
I don't think they make ashtrays anymore.
Jeff
I don't think so either.
Mandy
Hello?
Bert
Hey, is this Lauren?
Lauren
Yes.
Bert
Hey, Lauren, It's Bert and Q100, and we're on the radio right now.
Lauren
Hi. Hey.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
How are you?
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Good.
Kim
I love you guys.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh, thanks.
Bert
You listen?
Lauren
Oh, yeah.
Bert
Oh, good. This is gonna make this even more fun for us.
Unidentified Male Host
We really are good.
Bert
We have your friend Mandy on right now.
Lauren
Hi, Mandy.
Bert
And Lauren. Mandy was. Was telling us. She wrote us an email a couple of days ago, and she said this recession in this economy has just sort of crushed the family right now. Yeah, like, your mom lost her job. You're, like, working three jobs.
Lauren
Yeah, it's been hard.
Bert
Hey, Mandy, I'm going to turn you down because I hate the sound of my own voice.
Lauren
Can you turn it down?
Mandy
Okay. Sorry.
Bert
There we go. So, Lauren, you've got a couple of kids here, and Mandy was telling us that you haven't. Like, you're making tough decisions, like, do I pay the electricity this month or do I go with the water?
Lauren
And, yeah, it's been a lot of juggling. Like, our phones are about to be shut off, too. So I'm glad you made it through.
Bert
Yeah, we called today. Right. And she was telling us, too, that your. Your husband is in Nashville. It's just been a really tough time for you.
Lauren
Yeah.
Bert
So we've got some good friends if you listen to the show, you know that the Chipper Jones Family foundation and Georgia's own help us out each year. And we looked at your email and you're one of those families that they would like to help out this year.
Lauren
Oh, my God.
Bert
So if you were nervous about not even being able to get a truck for your son or no presents or worrying about bills, both those guys are gonna help you out and they're going to give you $2,000.
Lauren
Oh, my God. You don't even know like what that's going to do.
Kim
Oh my gosh.
Mandy
That is amazing.
Bert
I'm sure that's going to alleviate some stress for you.
Lauren
Yeah.
Unidentified Male Host
The cool thing was only 650 bucks until you started the call with I Love youe Show.
Bert
So I don't know with what you had in mind as far as the two year old goes to get for Christmas. But everything's going to be taken care of and at this point, if you really wanted to, you could go out, you can get decorations for the home and really make it feel like Christmas. And I think that gives you some extra for you and your husband and also to pay some bills.
Lauren
Yeah, it does. Thank you so much.
Jeff
Keep those phones on, right?
Bert
Yeah,
Lauren
yeah, we weren't, I mean, like we were just trying to figure out how to do our mortgage this month.
Bert
Well, with any luck, this helps a little bit.
Lauren
Thank you so much.
Bert
You are welcome. Have a great holiday. And you could thank Mandy because she's the one that told us about you.
Lauren
Definitely. Thank you so much.
Mandy
Oh, you're welcome.
Bert
All right, you guys, I'll put both you on hold and have a merry Christmas and happy holidays, guys.
Lauren
Thank you.
Bert
Okay, bye.
Jeff
Merry Christmas.
Lauren
Thanks. Merry Christmas. Bye.
Bert
The Bird Show.
Mandy
Hey everybody.
Lady Luck Britsky
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Bert
The Birch Ops we just talked to a whole bunch of Birchall listeners. Have some pretty dramatic storylines going on over Christmas and New Year's that we'll check back with on when we get back on the first or whatever second. And Joanna may have her own dramatic storyline going on as well, but she always feels like the same storyline's going
Jeff
on for the last six months.
Joanna
I'm really excited about this one. Well, Jason and I are at that time where we could possibly be getting engaged at any moment.
Unidentified Male Host
Oh, no.
Jeff
Because we could be getting engaged means he better hurry up and propose because we have been dating for a long time.
Unidentified Male Host
Do you even listen to Bert and I when we speak?
Joanna
No. Yeah, rarely.
Jeff
What? How long have you guys been together?
Joanna
It'll be two years in March, so. Well, if you remember. Well, I mean, don't you think.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Well, I think anywhere from. If you're dating somebody, if you're a guy and you've passed the one year mark, just know that she thinks you're proposing at any moment. And the further you go, the more it intensifies.
Bert
It's such. It's an awful position for a woman to put herself in. Because Jenna's told us this before. It's like, you get to this certain point and you just assume, and it is probably here, that the engagement is imminent. It's going to happen. But every minute that goes by or every day that you see him, you think, okay, maybe it's going to be today. And then you think, oh, we got this really cool thing Friday. But he's going to do it Friday. And it doesn't happen on Friday. Then you're like, oh, I bet it's going to be more on the cruise. And then you get back from the cruise and you keep playing this mind game with you and you're disappointed and disappointed and disappointed.
Jeff
Yeah, I ruined, like, two years worth of vacations with that.
Unidentified Male Host
Like, every time, like, you'd say, let's get up early and have breakfast, you're like, I know what you mean by breakfast.
Kim
Right?
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Always look, like in your champagne glass or whatever, is there a ring at the bottom of this glass?
Joanna
Well, I'm headed down that path, too, because we.
Unidentified Male Host
What do you mean, headed down? You're at the end of that path and you're making a campsite in the middle of it.
Joanna
And we are going on a cruise for New Year's. And he sent me an email, like, a month ago, accidentally revealing that he was gonna pop the question in January. I don't know if you remember me telling you about that.
Bert
He was sending this to somebody else
Joanna
that you saw it, right? And it was accidentally forwarded to me. I saw it. All I saw was he, hey, I'm going to do it in January. And when I told him, he said he was going to change the date. He's like, you know what?
Jeff
You should have told him why.
Joanna
Right, I shouldn't have. But now he said he's going to change the date. Well, he keeps talking about this ski trip in January and how excited he is in January and how amazing it's going to be. I think he's trying to throw me off and making me think it's still going to happen in January, but it might actually happen over on the cruise.
Jeff
When do you guys leave for the cruise?
Joanna
We leave the 26. The day after Christmas.
Jeff
Okay.
Joanna
Yes, but now.
Bert
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Jeff
No, it's okay.
Bert
My bad.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
And you come back when? In January?
Joanna
Yes, we come back January 4th. It is still January12.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
1.
Joanna
Not the trip that I think it might happen on.
Bert
Aren't you gonna, like, continuously, like, each and every day, with each and every event, you're gonna think there's another he's gonna propose, and you're gonna be disappointed on this cruise when it doesn't happen.
Joanna
Well, and then another key to this is that one of the nights we're having a really fancy dinner and he's bringing his uniform to wear.
Unidentified Male Host
Well, that's. You do that on a cruise. You always take your.
Joanna
Basically you wear, like, a tie, not your army blue dress.
Unidentified Male Host
Yeah, well, there's a formal. I did. I mean, I'm.
Joanna
Or your army blues.
Mandy
Yeah, yeah.
Bert
That was a Cub Scout uniform.
Unidentified Male Host
No. Was it? I have a military uniform that I wear in the airport, so they give free upgrades to first class.
Jeff
Well, my question for you, though, is, in a cruise, like, one of their selling points is you only unpack once. So there's going to be a chance for you to snoop through that cabin. Okay. When he is, like, at the pool or he's at the bar, he's like, honey, I'm gonna go play blackjack. We're in international waters now, or whatever. And you're gonna be like, I'm gonna go back to the cabin and, quote, take a nap.
Bert
Why would you even want to ruin that?
Joanna
What made you think I didn't already think of this?
Jeff
She's already thought of it because she's a snooper.
Joanna
Yeah, I'm a snoop.
Jeff
And she works in your office every day, buddy. So you be careful because she has snooped through there through and through.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
There's nothing.
Joanna
I picked through it. There's nothing in there.
Bert
But this engagement. Like, if it's gonna happen on the cruise, need to snoop to find a ring that eventually you're going to get in three or four days anyway and ruin the surprise.
Jeff
She can't help herself. It's not a conversation.
Bert
All women are nuts.
Jeff
It's like a craving. She can't stop it.
Unidentified Male Host
What if the other side of that coin is on day one of the cruise?
Bert
He jumps off and swims for sure.
Unidentified Male Host
You got to get some on the first day of the cruise. What if she tears that cabin up and down when he goes out for a walk or whatever and doesn't find it? Then the rest of the cruise is ruined.
Bert
Ruined. Why don't you just let it happen?
Joanna
When it happens, I will still have a great time regardless, because I'm gonna be on a cruise in the middle of the ocean having a great time. But if there is a ring involved, it'll be extra awesome.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
See, I think this is fun. No, you know what? But I think this is funny and fun, as opposed to maybe some other couples we talked to, because Jason's gonna propose, so he knows that, she knows that. So now it's just a wily game of who can out trick who. You know what I mean?
Bert
She has this thing so played out. Like, she's got questions in her mind of what dresses to wear.
Joanna
Yes. So I have a dress that my friend wore one night, and I saw her come home in this dress, and it was gorgeous and looked great on her, and we're the same size. So I was like, can I please borrow that dress for the cruise? Because I'm gonna wear it the night of. You know, we go to the formal dinner. If he proposes on that night and I'm wearing her dress, am I allowed to keep her? Her dress?
Unidentified Male Host
No.
Jeff
No.
Lauren
Why?
Jeff
I say no.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Why would.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
No. But as the owner of the dress, I might let her keep it or
Jeff
give it to you if she offers for you.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
She has to offer.
Jeff
Yeah, but you can't ask for it.
Joanna
What if I bought her a replacement dress? No, same dress. But, you know, if you're going to
Jeff
do that, then go ahead and buy a different dress that you bought.
Bert
You guys realize there is no engagement yet, right? We're talking potentially about a dress because,
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
you know, just, like, women deal with
Jeff
women things, he'll probably throw you off and you'll be in your, like, ratty pajamas. Or it'll be like the night before you guys go out hammer, and you end up sleeping in his T shirt. That's when he'll propose.
Bert
I hope. I hope because you're making it impossible for him. Jeff has said this for years, and it's so true that this is the one thing that the dude gets to really get his hands. Like, when it comes to the engagement, I do agree.
Joanna
He's still.
Bert
So let him have it.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
He is.
Joanna
He can have it, but it has to be on the formal dinner.
Unidentified Male Host
You know what?
Jeff
In my creme brulee.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
It's a challenge for him again. I think it's a challenge for him to outsmart you. And I think that he would take that challenge home.
Unidentified Male Host
The challenge should be finding a new girlfriend.
Bert
That's what the challenge should be. Here is Sue.
Unidentified Male Host
I mean, you're pretty and all Joanna, but you're a lot of work.
Bert
Hey, sue, you're on the voice disguiser.
Bluff
Go ahead.
Mary
Hey. I just want to let you know, like, I knew when I was getting engaged, because I sat on the ring and we went on a trip. And when you're on that trip, every single moment on that trip, you're like, okay, it's gonna happen now. It's gonna happen now. And it ruined it. I mean, it ruined it. He tried to do something really special, go back to the car and take it down to where we went and do all this. And it just ruined it. Because you're like, oh, I see it in his pocket, and I know it's gonna happen.
Bert
This is the only thing that he gets to own for years and years and years that you guys, you'll ask, you know, how did he propose to you? This is the one thing he gets to control, and you're taking the fun out of it for him.
Joanna
I mean, I think it's already ruined because I saw the email. Cause so I already know it's coming soon.
Unidentified Male Host
I hope he walks in here right now and does it. Total surprise.
Bert
Like, I think if he really wants to shock her, he's gotta break up on this cruise. Yes, the first day.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
So they're stuck on the boat together,
Bert
get engaged the next day.
Bluff
Oh, my God.
Unidentified Male Host
That's the plot of a movie.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
What? Breaking up the first day.
Unidentified Male Host
Right. He goes on the cruise to get engaged, and they're in the cabin together, and she gets in a fight with him, and they break up on the first day, and then they have to stay in the same cabin. He's trying to win her back so he can propose.
Bert
Hey, Tracy, you're on Q100.
Kim
Hey, guys, listen to Bert and Jeff. Oh, serious. So much pressure as women on men with this whole engagement. And the last caller is right. You are totally setting up expectations that will never be met. And it's going to ruin the surprise, and it's going to ruin the moment because it's Never going to be exactly how you're thinking. It's in your brain. Just let him have his moment. His. And it just. Yeah, because you're gonna ruin it for yourself.
Bert
It's already ruined. It's already ruined for him.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
It's not ruined.
Bert
It is ruined.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
No, it's not ruined.
Unidentified Male Host
You know what you need to keep in mind during this whole proceed. Everything that you're doing right now, Joanna is Tiger woods wife.
Jeff
Okay.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Because do Tiger woods wife.
Unidentified Male Host
No, Keep her in mind.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh.
Unidentified Male Host
Cause the point I'm making is I think Joanna moved through life with a certain amount of confidence because Joanna's hot, Right. So she moves around and confident.
Bert
I'm not confirming or denying that.
Unidentified Male Host
And confident and, you know, funny. And would be considered a good catch on the surface. So would Tiger woods wife. But something she did made him stray.
Bert
Joanna's madre has called her.
Mary
Hi.
Bert
Hola. Hola, madre.
Unidentified Male Host
Hola.
Kim
Hey.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
How is everybody doing in there?
Jeff
Really good.
Bert
Madre. We are very concerned with Joanna, and we are very concerned with her robbing Jason of this engagement.
Kim
I know.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
I am, too. And, well, I know it's going to happen. And I swear to God he haven't said anything to me. And I try. I try to see if he can give me some information. Hold on. I'm in school right now, so that's Jason going.
Bert
Okay.
Mandy
All right.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
I have tried to talk to him and see if he can give me something. Not that I want to tell Joanna because I don't want to spoil, you know her. You know her surprise.
Bert
She's a woman.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
She's got to find out.
Unidentified Male Host
But now we know where Joanna gets it from. Because, like, you're grilling the poor guy.
Bert
You're sort of snooping.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Oh, no. Women like to, you know, to fund out things in advance so we can be prepared.
Bert
Now, hold on one second here, Madhura, because if you found out that he was. He was gonna propose, you couldn't keep that secret from your daughter.
Kim
Oh, yes, I can.
Bert
You think so? Oh, yes, I can. Okay.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Women can keep secrets.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Yes.
Lauren
Yes.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
You know, I know it's gonna happen, and she know it's gonna happen, but he's gonna do it when she least expect it.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Right.
Unidentified Male Host
You know, in 2014.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
But see, now, the two men, the two men on this show are guys that really didn't jump into marriage very quickly. If I recall that there was three
Unidentified Male Host
years as soon as Jessica got.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
But wasn't there an ultimatum with you? And then we gave you crap on the air as soon as Jessica told
Unidentified Male Host
me she was gonna move back to Arizona. I decided that we should move back.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
So I'm just saying. I just wanted. Just. I just want to say that the guys didn't necessarily come up with the idea totally on their own.
Unidentified Male Host
Do you know why, Melissa?
Kim
Oh, you're right.
Unidentified Male Host
We were waiting for the perfect time to surprise.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
If that was the. You would never do it.
Unidentified Male Host
We were working through the anticipation. It's gonna happen.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
I just wanted to put that on the table, so.
Bert
Madre. So are you calling Joanna to tell her to relax about it?
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Yeah, she needs to, you know, relax and enjoy her trip, you know, and whatever happened, it's gonna. You know, it's gonna happen. But just don't. Don't, you know, don't go crazy about it.
Unidentified Male Host
Let me. I have a question for Joanna's mom.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
She's like, I'm trying to find out
Unidentified Male Host
if, knowing how you are, you know, do the. You have the little snooper gene in the Rodriguez family now.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
She Take it from the is.
Unidentified Male Host
If, Joanne, if Jason came and spoke to Mr. Rodriguez, Joanna's dad, and asked for his permission to marry Joanna, would he even tell you?
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
My husband?
Kim
Yes, he will.
Unidentified Male Host
That's a bad move on his part,
Bert
because then you're gonna turn around, you're gonna tell them.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
So who can't keep secrets you get when you've been married for such a long time.
Kim
Now we are.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
We cannot keep it from each other because we feel uncomfortable about that.
Kim
You know, I agree.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
And you do have to tell your husband, you know, your wife what's going on. But you had to make him promise not to say anything to anybody else.
Bert
Like, I mean, I think, again, you have to look at the Tiger woods situation. Look how he had complete full disclosure with his wife. They've been married for years now, and
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
after, like, the 13th affection, he totally told her.
Bert
I mean, they had full disclosure also.
Kim
Yes.
Bert
So there's the mom.
Joanna
So mom advices to chill out, chill
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
out, go have fun, enjoy your trip. And probably he's gonna wait maybe, you know, until spring to ask because he knows that you expect him, and he don't want. He told me he is. He's gonna go to plan B. But he never said what plan B was.
Joanna
It's always a plan B. Yeah, he
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
got the plan A, it failed, and now he's going to plan B.
Unidentified Male Host
Plan B. I'm not getting married till Melissa can legally get married.
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
Oh, my. That would be a good excuse for.
Bert
Hey, the bird show.
Bluff
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Bert
The first show. Why do we want to talk to you after New Year's? Got a bunch of calls before we took off and we're trying to track everybody down right now. Here's the one that upset most people before we left because she was so callous about this. You guys remember Mary who was about to have an affair?
Kim
Oh yeah.
Mary
I am going to out of town for the holidays and for New Year's and I might have an affair.
Bert
You might have an affair for Christmas.
Mary
The thing is that my husband isn't here. He's overseas. I've been a little lonely here and a friend of mine told me that he had a crush on me. Now I'm going to his sister's wedding and we might hook up.
Bert
It's a longer call than that, but she was so, like almost like laughing about it, giggly, giggly about it. Like so excited by the prospect of the whole thing. Turned a lot of people off. We wanted to get an update from her. Then there was Jennifer who was concerned about her monster in law.
Jennifer
Well, I have a monster in law that's gonna be staying with me for a week.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Did you say monster?
Jennifer
She decided to move to Florida and my husband decided not to go with her. And so when that happens and he chose me over her, it was on. His great aunt had died. It was her aunt. And so I drove him down there. I used my money, my gas to go take him down there to be with his family.
Lauren
So I get there and she's like,
Jennifer
aunt Ruby Lane wouldn't have wanted us to wear black to her funeral. She would want us to celebrate her life. So she made me go out and buy a new outfit which was pink. So I show up to the funeral in pink and everyone else is wearing black.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh, stop it. Oh, that's right. You missed this.
Bert
You aren't here for that.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
No, that is a mistake.
Mandy
Yeah.
Jeff
This woman was so manipulative.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Yes.
Bert
And that monster in law was gonna be in her house for seven days.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
As long as Bert was on the Disney cruise with 2600 kids.
Bert
I would take the monster in law.
Joanna
I don't know.
Bert
So we're trying to catch up with them. We do have Kim ready to go. This was why we wanted to check back with her today.
Kim
Well, I'm pregnant, and my husband's family is coming here for Nashville for Christmas, and I'm having a C section the Monday after Christmas on the 28th. And they don't know it that we're having twins. So when they get here, they think that they're just gonna be here for the birth of one child. And actually it's gonna be two.
Bert
Okay. So nice surprise. This one can't go wrong, right? Hey, Kim. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Lauren
Good morning.
Bert
Good morning. How did it go?
Lauren
Everything went great.
Kim
I'm just a little tired, but everything is fine.
Jeff
Okay.
Bert
You have new mommy voice.
Kim
I think so. I'm so tired. I sleep like an hour if that at a time.
Jeff
Wow.
Kim
But I had a boy and a girl.
Bert
Congratulations.
Kim
Thank you. Thank you. I had Jacob Alexander and Daisy May.
Bert
And how did the surprise go with the rest of the family?
Kim
They were completely surprised. My husband went out of the delivery room. I had a C section. And he had the video camera in his hand, and he said, well, we have a boy. And as soon as he said that, his parents went to hug him, and he said, wait a minute. And a girl. And they just stepped back, and both of them kind of looked at each other, and his mother started crying, and it was just really sweet. I watched it a couple of days ago, and it was really sweet. And they ended up staying through the new year. They were so sleep on New Year's Eve, and they've been such a great help, and it was. It was wonderful.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Oh, that's so great.
Bert
Congratulations. You guys hear about those twins that were born in separate. Separate decades?
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Yes.
Jeff
What?
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
How does that work?
Bert
Same thing. Twins. And they performed the C section, but the timing of it was one was born in 2009, and the other one came out in 2000, in 2010.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Since we're in a new decade now,
Jeff
that's gonna be bragging rights for the earth. The first kid.
Bert
Yeah.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
For forever.
Bert
I was born first. A different decade.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Different decade in this dude.
Jeff
I'm your older sibling.
Bert
Congratulations, Kim.
Kim
Thank you so much.
Bert
All right, bye. Bye. Go get some rest.
Kim
Oh, I'm trying.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
She's like, yeah, whatever.
Joanna
Bert.
Bert
This was Jana, who was moving Christmas for her son's birthday.
Kim
We have three kids, and our oldest, Zachary, was born on Christmas 12 years ago. Being A Christmas baby, he kind of gets the shaft. Well, this year my husband wants on Christmas morning to take down all of the holiday decorations for Zachary.
Bert
That's a cool idea.
Kim
With a note from Santa that reads, happy birthday Zachary. Hope you enjoy your day. Christmas will be here tomorrow.
Bert
Okay, that's cute.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
I forgot about that.
Bert
What was the controversy about that?
Jeff
I didn't really love that because there were other siblings that were gonna have to postpone it. I didn't love the idea. But that's okay.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
It is a birthday Christmas.
Bert
So she was moving in. Hey, Jana. Good morning.
Kim
Hi there.
Bert
How are you?
Madhura (Joanna's Mom)
I'm okay.
Kim
Happy New Year.
Jeff
Happy New Year.
Bert
How did things go? How was this received by the rest of the family?
Kim
It did not go well.
Bert
No, no.
Kim
We went with my husband's plan and we left the note. He took down all the Christmas decorations overnight, left a note from Santa and when the three kids woke up they all cried. Well, my four year old and my six year old started crying first. And then Zachary, the oldest whose birthday it is on Christmas day, he was really excited at first but then once he saw his siblings start to cry, that was it.
Bert
So he wasn't happy. The siblings weren't happy. Did you guys do, did you do Christmas like on Christmas Eve the same exact way you would do it on Christmas morning?
Kim
No, we left a note, you know, the note from Santa said that Christmas will be here tomorrow. So we were planning on doing Christmas the next day, resuming Christmas basically.
Bert
So this was Santa's orders. Okay. Just because we do have kids listening right now. Okay. Yeah, I gotcha.
Kim
So well, Zachary again, the oldest being so upset, asked for Christmas to come back. And you know, he was really sweet and just, you know, he kind of said to us, well, he's a little old for Santa, but you know, his brother and sister would really like Santa to visit today. And was there any way we could call Santa and have Santa come on Christmas day? So I packed up the kids and went to my in laws for lunch and they had some presents to open over there which was really nice and explained to them that daddy was going to stay behind and call Santa to come while we were at our grandparents house and tell Santa to deliver Christmas while we were at lunch. So my husband stayed behind and took Zachary's birthday decorations down and prepared for Santa's visit and Santa came that afternoon. So after lunch we went back and had Christmas and Zachary, you know, really was so sweet and I can't believe, you know, 12 years old he explained to us that he didn't mind. He didn't mind having a birthday and Christmas on the same day.
Bert
I'm more concerned with Santa here than anything else because his day is finally done. I mean, he's gone around the world house to house, and he's tremendously relieved. The last. I mean, the last name is crossed off the list and then he gets a call from your husband going, I'm sorry, you gotta be back in Atlanta. And he's like, come on, man, I'm already past, like, I'm in big on the Caribbean. Caribbean, Grand Cayman in four hours. And I think it was cool of him to show back up.
Kim
Me too. Santa really, really went out of his way for us this year.
Jeff
That is pretty cool.
Bert
Santa clutches up. So at the end of the day, everybody was happy with it. But if you were gonna give advice to others, you would say, no, don't
Kim
do it, don't do it.
Jeff
Don't mess with Santa's schedule. Let him come on schedule.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
If you haven't conceived your child yet, just be sure and try to plan it so that they're not born on Christmas Day.
Jeff
It just means hold off in March when you're ovulating in March. Right? Isn't it, Isn't that it?
Bert
I don't endorse that.
Jeff
I say, just hold off one month.
Bert
So it all ended up working out in the end of the day, but definitely not the kind of advice you would give to other parents.
Kim
Exactly.
Bert
Okay, thank you.
Jeff
For the 12 year old. I know I had some friends of friends over the holidays that tried to do this with their kids. They have three kids in Florida and woke up, did the whole, you know, Santa came, did the Christmas thing, whatever. And they said their big surprise was going to Disney World. So the final present that the kids opened was Mickey Mouse ears. And they said, oh, all right, kids, the car's already packed. Wow, we're going to Disney today. And they thought the kids were gonna go nuts. The kids were like, but wait, we wanna stay here and play with all of our toys that Santa brought. It was a little deflating for the parents who had put together this whole plan that was a big thing for the Christmas. But they said once they got to Disney, it was all good and the kids forgot about it.
Bert
Just don't mess with that. Just. That's not a day for surprises.
Jeff
Yeah. Mess up the tradition. And didn't really come up the same thing.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Talk about him being a people pleaser from now on.
Bert
No.
Bluff
Get it.
Bert
The bird show.
Bluff
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Bert
The Bird show all right, here is Marlene. Good morning, Marlene.
Lauren
Hi. Good morning.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Good morning.
Unidentified Male Host
Hello.
Kim
Good.
Lauren
How are you guys?
Bert
Good, thanks. So you've got a first date on Christmas?
Lauren
I do.
Bert
How does this play out?
Lauren
Well, I guess we'll see. Basically, we've been talking for a while. I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had a really, really hard time meeting good guys. So I started online dating on Match and we've been talking for a couple weeks now. We talk pretty much every day and we text and stuff during the day, but we haven't actually met in person yet.
Jeff
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
It's a blind date on Christmas.
Lauren
Yeah, I mean, block. We've talked online like on. On the camera phone, you know, on. But, but I mean, technically, no, we haven't met in person.
Bert
So you know what he looks like. He knows what you look like. And there's no faking that, right?
Lauren
From. From pictures.
Jeff
But about how many times a day do you chat or text or whatever with each other?
Lauren
Like we do the, you know, morning.
Mandy
Hope you have a good day.
Lauren
And then we talk at night before we go to sleep.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Who hangs up first? I'm just kidding.
Lauren
Neither one of us.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
Just leave it on so that we can say we slept together.
Bert
And he's where?
Lauren
Well, that's the thing. That's why we haven't met yet. He's about an hour and a half away.
Bert
Okay.
Lauren
We haven't had time to actually, you know, get together for me to go there him here. We've both been working and neither one of us had plans for Christmas. I couldn't afford to go home this year and I actually have to work before Christmas and right after Christmas. So my family's up north in New York and it just seemed pointless for me to go. Nobody's really doing anything this year anyways, so I was staying here and it turned out that he didn't have, you know, any big plans. I'm just going to go to a neighbor's next door who's a friend of mine, so he's gonna be coming on Christmas morning, which I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas, so may work out.
Unidentified Male Host
It's cold outside.
Jeff
That's cute.
Bert
Yeah, I mean, it gives you something. It gives you something to be excited about on Christmas. Even though you're not excited about Christmas.
Lauren
Yeah, no, I mean, I'm still excited about Christmas, you know?
Jeff
You think he's gonna wrap himself in a bow?
Lauren
That would be nice.
Bert
There's a package joke in there somewhere that I'm not gonna make.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
I'm just gonna refer to it. Not gonna actually make it.
Bert
But if I did, it would sound like this.
Jeff
So Christmas morning, he's coming to your house. And then you guys are both going over to the neighbors, like, to eat dinner or whatever. Or eat during the day.
Lauren
We're gonna do brunch first when he first comes over. And then we're gonna go see some movies. Do that for the Christmas thing. And then as long as all is cool, then I'm gonna take him over to the neighbors.
Bluff
Okay.
Jeff
Awesome.
Unidentified Male Host
What are the chances you let him stuff your stocking?
Lauren
Slim to none.
Kim
I don't know.
Bert
It's Christmas.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
What happens on Christmas Day? Is Christmas good for you?
Bert
I love this, man. This is great.
Jeff
I think it's good. Does your family know who you're spending Christmas with?
Lauren
My dad doesn't. I mean, I've talked to my mom. I tell my mom everything. But she's cool. I mean, at first she just wanted to make sure he wasn't coming to my house. Because we don't know each other yet,
Jeff
but that's the first thing he's doing.
Unidentified Female Caller/Host
He is, right?
Lauren
No, he's not coming to my house. We're gonna meet for brunch. Originally, I actually was gonna have him come to my house, but. Yeah, people weren't so happy with that. I mean, I'm sure he's fine and it's cool, but I understand.
Jeff
Sure.
Lauren
They're concerned and they're far away.
Bert
Yeah. Well, we'll check back with you after we get back from break to find out how it went.
Mandy
Okay.
Lauren
All right, great. Thank you, guys.
Bert
It's a great idea. Thanks.
Unidentified Male Host
I'll bet you let him put what Eric is his tree right in your stand.
Lady Luck Britsky
There we go.
Jeff
Well, she didn't. She needs to prepare.
Unidentified Male Host
Yeah.
Jeff
I mean, she needs to trim the tree, cute panties. And then just see what happens.
Unidentified Male Host
If things go well, he's gonna get to swaddle the baby Jesus.
Jeff
Oh, my God.
Bert
I'm getting out of the studio. Seriously?
Jeff
Bye.
Lady Luck Britsky
Bye.
Bert
I am. Get out of here right now. The bird show.
Lady Luck Britsky
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Unidentified Male Host
Wait.
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Airdate: June 1, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, plus full cast
Episode Theme: Real talk, heartfelt stories, and holiday season updates—with laughter, support, and a dash of relationship drama.
This episode of The Bert Show brings classic morning radio warmth, mixing real listener stories, personal cast moments, and signature humor. The main themes revolve around facing financial struggles during tough economic times, heartfelt holiday surprises, relationship and engagement drama, tricky family dynamics, and a sprinkle of romance and dating updates. Listeners are brought into the cast’s world, sharing in both the laughter and the real life moments that make the holiday season memorable and sometimes challenging.
[00:30–08:50]
[09:26–16:44]
[23:10–32:39]
[33:13–37:23]
The Bert Show keeps things real and heartfelt while never abandoning its trademark humor and irreverence. The cast and callers maintain genuine, conversational language—sometimes sentimental, sometimes snarky, but always welcoming listeners in with authenticity and good spirits.
Catch the next episode for follow-ups with these stories and more listener-driven adventures, as The Bert Show continues to blend real-life drama with morning show energy and lots of laughs.