Full Show PT 1: Monday, June 1 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, June 1 [Vault]

Airdate: June 1, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, plus full cast
Episode Theme: Real talk, heartfelt stories, and holiday season updates—with laughter, support, and a dash of relationship drama.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings classic morning radio warmth, mixing real listener stories, personal cast moments, and signature humor. The main themes revolve around facing financial struggles during tough economic times, heartfelt holiday surprises, relationship and engagement drama, tricky family dynamics, and a sprinkle of romance and dating updates. Listeners are brought into the cast’s world, sharing in both the laughter and the real life moments that make the holiday season memorable and sometimes challenging.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Helping a Family in Need: Mandy Nominates Lauren for Holiday Support

[00:30–08:50]

• Context & Story: Listener Mandy shares the hardships of her friend Lauren, whose family has been hit hard by the recession. Lauren works three jobs while her husband works out of town, and the family cannot afford daycare or Christmas gifts for their two young children.
• Emotional Portrait:
  • Mandy: "It just breaks my heart…she works three part time jobs and…her husband…lives in Nashville Monday through Friday and comes home on the weekends to see his kids." [01:19]
  • Bert: “This one has like, if you’re looking for an example of how the recession or the economy has really hurt one family, your friend is like the shining, unfortunate example.” [00:47]
• Memorable Moment: The Bert Show and their partners (Chipper Jones Family Foundation and Georgia's Own) surprise Lauren live on air with a $2,000 donation to help her family get through the holidays.
  • Bert: “Both those guys are gonna help you out and they're going to give you $2,000.” [07:31]
  • Lauren (overwhelmed): “Oh, my God. You don't even know like what that's going to do.” [07:42]
• Quote:
  • Bert: “If you were nervous about not even being able to get a truck for your son or no presents or worrying about bills, both those guys are gonna help you out…” [08:05]
  • Lauren: “We were just trying to figure out how to do our mortgage this month.” [08:29]

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2. Engagement Anticipation: Joanna’s Relationship Rollercoaster

[09:26–16:44]

• Joanna’s Story: Joanna, a cast member, discusses her anticipation about a possible engagement on her upcoming cruise with boyfriend Jason. The whole cast humorously analyzes the “engagement waiting game,” the mind games of expecting a proposal, and the temptation to snoop.
• Memorable Quotes & Banter:
  • Joanna: “We are going on a cruise for New Year's. And he sent me an email, like, a month ago, accidentally revealing that he was gonna pop the question in January...” [11:14]
  • Bert: “It's such... an awful position for a woman to put herself in. You just assume…engagement is imminent. Every minute that goes by…you keep playing this mind game with you and you're disappointed and disappointed and disappointed.” [10:24]
  • Bert (teasingly): "All women are nuts." [13:40]
• Family Involvement: Joanna’s mom, Madhura, calls in with advice:
  • Madhura: “Just relax and enjoy your trip... whatever happens, it's gonna happen.” [20:42]
  • Bert: “…If you found out he was gonna propose, you couldn't keep that secret from your daughter.” [19:35]
  • Madhura: “Oh, yes, I can.” [19:43]
• Audience Connection: Multiple listeners call in, sharing their own stories of ruined or anticipated proposals, reflecting a relatable tension between expectation and surprise.

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3. Holiday Family Dramas & Updates

[23:10–32:39]

• Affair Temptation: Follow-up on Mary, who previously confessed she might have an affair while her husband is overseas. Her lighthearted admission created listener backlash.
  • Bert: “She was so, like almost laughing about it, giggly, giggly about it... Turned a lot of people off.” [23:54]
• Monster-in-Law Woes: Jennifer recounts her struggle with her manipulative mother-in-law, notably a funeral attire mixup orchestrated by said “monster-in-law.”
  • Bert: "This woman was so manipulative." [24:51]
• Holiday Surprise Gone Wrong: Kim gives birth to twins and pulls off a heartwarming surprise for her husband’s family.
  • Kim: “They were completely surprised... his mother started crying, and it was just really sweet.” [26:06]
  • Bert: “Congratulations, Kim.” [27:11]
  • Kim: “Thank you so much.” [27:12]
• Christmas Moved for Birthday: Jana updates the show on shifting Christmas for her son’s birthday—an attempt at fairness backfires as all the kids end up crying.
  • Kim: “When the three kids woke up they all cried. Well, my four year old and my six year old started crying first. And then Zachary, [the birthday boy], was excited at first but... once he saw his siblings start to cry, that was it.” [28:23]
  • Bert: “So at the end of the day, everybody was happy with it. But if you were gonna give advice to others, you would say, no, don't do it, don't do it.” [31:16]

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4. Christmas Romance: Marlene’s Online Dating Adventure

[33:13–37:23]

• Setup: Marlene prepares for a first date on Christmas Day with a guy she met online. It’s her first romantic prospect in two years; her family is concerned about safety, but she assures them they’ll meet in a public place first.
• Quotes & Light Moments:
  • Marlene: “We talk pretty much every day... we haven't actually met in person yet.” [33:52]
  • Bert: “So you know what he looks like. He knows what you look like. And there's no faking that, right?” [34:06]
  • Marlene: “I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas, so may work out.” [35:11]
  • Cast (bantering): “What are the chances you let him stuff your stocking?” [36:06]
  • Marlene: “Slim to none.” [36:10]
• Hosts’ Humor: Playful jokes and double entendre about Christmas dates and romance, with the signature Bert Show irreverence.

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Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Mandy (on Lauren's struggles):
  • "She's just like, you know, we're just making it and you know, and she...the only present my son wants is a red truck and I can't get that for him." [02:52]
• Bert (announcing surprise):
  • "Both those guys are gonna help you out and they're going to give you $2,000." [07:31]
• Joanna (on proposal anticipation):
  • "He sent me an email, like, a month ago, accidentally revealing that he was gonna pop the question in January." [11:14]
• Madhura (Joanna’s mom):
  • “Just relax and enjoy your trip... whatever happened, it's gonna happen.” [20:42]
• Kim (about the birth of twins):
  • "I had Jacob Alexander and Daisy May... They were completely surprised... and his mother started crying, and it was just really sweet." [26:03–26:06]
• Jana (on moving Christmas):
  • "When the three kids woke up they all cried... Zachary...was excited at first but then once he saw his siblings start to cry, that was it." [28:23]
• Bert (advising other parents):
  • “So at the end of the day, everybody was happy with it. But if you were gonna give advice to others, you would say, no, don't do it, don't do it.” [31:16]
• Marlene (Christmas date plans):
  • "I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas, so may work out." [35:11]

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Engaging/Telling Moments

• The cast warmly and humorously guides listeners through both joyful and challenging scenarios, emphasizing compassion, familial support, and embracing the unpredictability of life.
• Lighthearted, sometimes cheeky banter is balanced with sincere moments of empathy and support.
• Listener stories are interwoven with cast anecdotes, making for a dynamic and relatable storytelling experience.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:30–08:50] – Lauren’s Family Struggles and Holiday Surprise
• [09:26–16:44] – Joanna’s Engagement Anticipation & Family Perspectives
• [23:10–32:39] – Listener Holiday Story Updates (Affair, Monster-in-Law, Birth Surprises, Christmas Switch)
• [33:13–37:23] – Marlene’s Christmas First Date

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Tone and Style

The Bert Show keeps things real and heartfelt while never abandoning its trademark humor and irreverence. The cast and callers maintain genuine, conversational language—sometimes sentimental, sometimes snarky, but always welcoming listeners in with authenticity and good spirits.

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For Next Time

Catch the next episode for follow-ups with these stories and more listener-driven adventures, as The Bert Show continues to blend real-life drama with morning show energy and lots of laughs.

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Transcript

[Lady Luck Britsky]

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[Bert]

The Birch Show. Let's get Mandy on. Hey, Mandy.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Hey.

[Mary]

How are you?

[Bert]

Good, good. How are you today?

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Good.

[Mandy]

I am so excited.

[Bert]

Well, we got your email about a week ago or so and we want to help your friend Lauren out here.

[Mandy]

Oh, that is so fabulous. I'm so excited for her.

[Bert]

So you don't really know her all that well. And I read the email last night, man, and this one has like, if you're looking for an example of how the recession or the economy has really hurt one family, your friend is like the shining, unfortunate example.

[Mandy]

I know, and it just, it breaks my heart. And you know, we work at a small art studio and I only see her part time and I've only known her six months and you know, she's just so sweet and I just, I just wanted, my heart goes out there and I just want to do something sweet for her.

[Bert]

So, like, things got so bad where she had to like move back in with her parents or something. Then her mom lost her job. Tell us the story.

[Mandy]

Yeah, they, they had their own house. You know, they were married and they had their own house. And then they decided to move back in with their mom and the grandmother to save money. And so as soon as they moved in, they were like, okay, this is going to work out great. All of a sudden, her mom lost her job. So now they are paying the mortgage solely by themselves and, you know, they're feeling the brunt of it. And it's just, you know, it's hard for her because she, you know, she works three part time jobs and, you know, he just got a new job, which that's a blessing in itself, but it was a major. And he lives in Nashville Monday through Friday and comes home on the weekends

[Lauren]

to see his kids.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Wow.

[Bert]

So he took a pay cut, plus he doesn't get to see the family. Yeah, this is just.

[Mandy]

And I was asking her, I was like, you know, is this job okay, even though it's a pay cut? And she said, well, in the long run it will be very good. We just have to make it through the Hard times. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you know?

[Bert]

Yeah, I think people, they're just taking anything they can right now to get some kind of money going in the house. And you said they've got a couple of kids also, right?

[Mandy]

Yes, they have one 10 month old girl and one 2 year old boy.

[Bert]

And at this point, I think you wrote in the email that they don't even know how they're gonna pay their electricity bill. So you can forget about presents. Right?

[Mandy]

Yeah, I mean, she, I mean, I just spoke to her last night and we, you know, we talked for a while and she actually just told me that. And I didn't know this or I would have read it in the letter, but she said that the 2 year old can't go to daycare anymore because they don't have the money to pay for it. And so he just, you know, cries and dismisses it. And so she's like, yeah, our mortgage is not going to get paid this month and I don't know what other

[Kim]

bill is not going to get paid.

[Mandy]

She's just like, me and my husband, we're not doing Christmas this year. And she was like, the only present my son wants is a red truck and I can't get that for him.

[Lauren]

He's.

[Mandy]

He's getting a potato head that I got at a consignment shop. And she's just like, you know, she's like, you know, we're just making it and you know, and she, she, you know, I was trying, obviously I was like quizzing her last night because, you know, I was trying to, you know, gear up for today, but, you know, it's just my heart just goes out for her.

[Bert]

And she's got like a crazy amount of jobs too.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Yes.

[Mandy]

You know, me and her, you know, we both work, you know, quite a few jobs, but she works three part time jobs as well as a mommy,

[Bert]

you know, so she's tired all the time. Oh, yeah, she doesn't need help from Chipper Jones. She just needs like one of those lazy boys.

[Mandy]

I know.

[Bert]

She needs a mattress and some Ambien.

[Lauren]

Right?

[Bert]

We ought to get her. Okay, let's give her a call. Is she in the office with you or do we need to call somewhere?

[Mandy]

She's at home.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Bert]

Okay, we have that number because I'm at school.

[Mandy]

I'm a teacher.

[Bert]

Okay, gotcha. And her name is Lauren.

[Mandy]

Her name is Lauren.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You want me to be a top or a bottom right now? Burt, I'm sorry through the phone lines with you.

[Bert]

I'M definitely gonna be on top.

[Unidentified Male Host]

That means you want me on the bottom.

[Bert]

Yes. Yes. It's the only way either one of us are going to survive this.

[Unidentified Male Host]

I don't understand why that was funny.

[Mandy]

The kids are listening and they're so sweet. They're being so quiet.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh, great.

[Jeff]

That's fantastic.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Okay, what grade do you teach?

[Mandy]

Kindergarten.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh, fantastic.

[Bert]

Nice way to pay it forward.

[Jeff]

Embarrassed.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You know what? Maybe you should.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

What seals that deal?

[Bert]

Jeff?

[Mary]

Oh, no.

[Bert]

I think we got our first voicemail.

[Jeff]

No.

[Mandy]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

Hold on.

[Bert]

I've got another number she could run across. Phillips Arena.

[Lauren]

Hey, you've reached Lauren. Leave me a message.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Oh, call.

[Mandy]

That was her cell phone. Call her home.

[Unidentified Male Host]

All right, calm down.

[Bert]

Ctfd, Fifth grader.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

I mean, kindergarten or supposed to say fifth.

[Jeff]

I don't know, five.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Five year olds.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Your call has been properly delivered, but the party you are trying to reach is not accepting calls from.

[Bert]

All right, star 86 to star 82. We're working hard for you here, Mandy.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Yeah, her class has already gone on to finger paint.

[Bert]

They're in the second grade now.

[Unidentified Male Host]

They're coloring, making little clay ashtrays for Mom.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

I don't think they make ashtrays anymore.

[Jeff]

I don't think so either.

[Mandy]

Hello?

[Bert]

Hey, is this Lauren?

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Bert]

Hey, Lauren, It's Bert and Q100, and we're on the radio right now.

[Lauren]

Hi. Hey.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

How are you?

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Good.

[Kim]

I love you guys.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh, thanks.

[Bert]

You listen?

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

Oh, good. This is gonna make this even more fun for us.

[Unidentified Male Host]

We really are good.

[Bert]

We have your friend Mandy on right now.

[Lauren]

Hi, Mandy.

[Bert]

And Lauren. Mandy was. Was telling us. She wrote us an email a couple of days ago, and she said this recession in this economy has just sort of crushed the family right now. Yeah, like, your mom lost her job. You're, like, working three jobs.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's been hard.

[Bert]

Hey, Mandy, I'm going to turn you down because I hate the sound of my own voice.

[Lauren]

Can you turn it down?

[Mandy]

Okay. Sorry.

[Bert]

There we go. So, Lauren, you've got a couple of kids here, and Mandy was telling us that you haven't. Like, you're making tough decisions, like, do I pay the electricity this month or do I go with the water?

[Lauren]

And, yeah, it's been a lot of juggling. Like, our phones are about to be shut off, too. So I'm glad you made it through.

[Bert]

Yeah, we called today. Right. And she was telling us, too, that your. Your husband is in Nashville. It's just been a really tough time for you.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So we've got some good friends if you listen to the show, you know that the Chipper Jones Family foundation and Georgia's own help us out each year. And we looked at your email and you're one of those families that they would like to help out this year.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

So if you were nervous about not even being able to get a truck for your son or no presents or worrying about bills, both those guys are gonna help you out and they're going to give you $2,000.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. You don't even know like what that's going to do.

[Kim]

Oh my gosh.

[Mandy]

That is amazing.

[Bert]

I'm sure that's going to alleviate some stress for you.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Male Host]

The cool thing was only 650 bucks until you started the call with I Love youe Show.

[Bert]

So I don't know with what you had in mind as far as the two year old goes to get for Christmas. But everything's going to be taken care of and at this point, if you really wanted to, you could go out, you can get decorations for the home and really make it feel like Christmas. And I think that gives you some extra for you and your husband and also to pay some bills.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it does. Thank you so much.

[Jeff]

Keep those phones on, right?

[Bert]

Yeah,

[Lauren]

yeah, we weren't, I mean, like we were just trying to figure out how to do our mortgage this month.

[Bert]

Well, with any luck, this helps a little bit.

[Lauren]

Thank you so much.

[Bert]

You are welcome. Have a great holiday. And you could thank Mandy because she's the one that told us about you.

[Lauren]

Definitely. Thank you so much.

[Mandy]

Oh, you're welcome.

[Bert]

All right, you guys, I'll put both you on hold and have a merry Christmas and happy holidays, guys.

[Lauren]

Thank you.

[Bert]

Okay, bye.

[Jeff]

Merry Christmas.

[Lauren]

Thanks. Merry Christmas. Bye.

[Bert]

The Bird Show.

[Mandy]

Hey everybody.

[Lady Luck Britsky]

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[Bert]

The Birch Ops we just talked to a whole bunch of Birchall listeners. Have some pretty dramatic storylines going on over Christmas and New Year's that we'll check back with on when we get back on the first or whatever second. And Joanna may have her own dramatic storyline going on as well, but she always feels like the same storyline's going

[Jeff]

on for the last six months.

[Joanna]

I'm really excited about this one. Well, Jason and I are at that time where we could possibly be getting engaged at any moment.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

Because we could be getting engaged means he better hurry up and propose because we have been dating for a long time.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Do you even listen to Bert and I when we speak?

[Joanna]

No. Yeah, rarely.

[Jeff]

What? How long have you guys been together?

[Joanna]

It'll be two years in March, so. Well, if you remember. Well, I mean, don't you think.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Well, I think anywhere from. If you're dating somebody, if you're a guy and you've passed the one year mark, just know that she thinks you're proposing at any moment. And the further you go, the more it intensifies.

[Bert]

It's such. It's an awful position for a woman to put herself in. Because Jenna's told us this before. It's like, you get to this certain point and you just assume, and it is probably here, that the engagement is imminent. It's going to happen. But every minute that goes by or every day that you see him, you think, okay, maybe it's going to be today. And then you think, oh, we got this really cool thing Friday. But he's going to do it Friday. And it doesn't happen on Friday. Then you're like, oh, I bet it's going to be more on the cruise. And then you get back from the cruise and you keep playing this mind game with you and you're disappointed and disappointed and disappointed.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I ruined, like, two years worth of vacations with that.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Like, every time, like, you'd say, let's get up early and have breakfast, you're like, I know what you mean by breakfast.

[Kim]

Right?

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Always look, like in your champagne glass or whatever, is there a ring at the bottom of this glass?

[Joanna]

Well, I'm headed down that path, too, because we.

[Unidentified Male Host]

What do you mean, headed down? You're at the end of that path and you're making a campsite in the middle of it.

[Joanna]

And we are going on a cruise for New Year's. And he sent me an email, like, a month ago, accidentally revealing that he was gonna pop the question in January. I don't know if you remember me telling you about that.

[Bert]

He was sending this to somebody else

[Joanna]

that you saw it, right? And it was accidentally forwarded to me. I saw it. All I saw was he, hey, I'm going to do it in January. And when I told him, he said he was going to change the date. He's like, you know what?

[Jeff]

You should have told him why.

[Joanna]

Right, I shouldn't have. But now he said he's going to change the date. Well, he keeps talking about this ski trip in January and how excited he is in January and how amazing it's going to be. I think he's trying to throw me off and making me think it's still going to happen in January, but it might actually happen over on the cruise.

[Jeff]

When do you guys leave for the cruise?

[Joanna]

We leave the 26. The day after Christmas.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Joanna]

Yes, but now.

[Bert]

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Jeff]

No, it's okay.

[Bert]

My bad.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

And you come back when? In January?

[Joanna]

Yes, we come back January 4th. It is still January12.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

1.

[Joanna]

Not the trip that I think it might happen on.

[Bert]

Aren't you gonna, like, continuously, like, each and every day, with each and every event, you're gonna think there's another he's gonna propose, and you're gonna be disappointed on this cruise when it doesn't happen.

[Joanna]

Well, and then another key to this is that one of the nights we're having a really fancy dinner and he's bringing his uniform to wear.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Well, that's. You do that on a cruise. You always take your.

[Joanna]

Basically you wear, like, a tie, not your army blue dress.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Yeah, well, there's a formal. I did. I mean, I'm.

[Joanna]

Or your army blues.

[Mandy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert]

That was a Cub Scout uniform.

[Unidentified Male Host]

No. Was it? I have a military uniform that I wear in the airport, so they give free upgrades to first class.

[Jeff]

Well, my question for you, though, is, in a cruise, like, one of their selling points is you only unpack once. So there's going to be a chance for you to snoop through that cabin. Okay. When he is, like, at the pool or he's at the bar, he's like, honey, I'm gonna go play blackjack. We're in international waters now, or whatever. And you're gonna be like, I'm gonna go back to the cabin and, quote, take a nap.

[Bert]

Why would you even want to ruin that?

[Joanna]

What made you think I didn't already think of this?

[Jeff]

She's already thought of it because she's a snooper.

[Joanna]

Yeah, I'm a snoop.

[Jeff]

And she works in your office every day, buddy. So you be careful because she has snooped through there through and through.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

There's nothing.

[Joanna]

I picked through it. There's nothing in there.

[Bert]

But this engagement. Like, if it's gonna happen on the cruise, need to snoop to find a ring that eventually you're going to get in three or four days anyway and ruin the surprise.

[Jeff]

She can't help herself. It's not a conversation.

[Bert]

All women are nuts.

[Jeff]

It's like a craving. She can't stop it.

[Unidentified Male Host]

What if the other side of that coin is on day one of the cruise?

[Bert]

He jumps off and swims for sure.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You got to get some on the first day of the cruise. What if she tears that cabin up and down when he goes out for a walk or whatever and doesn't find it? Then the rest of the cruise is ruined.

[Bert]

Ruined. Why don't you just let it happen?

[Joanna]

When it happens, I will still have a great time regardless, because I'm gonna be on a cruise in the middle of the ocean having a great time. But if there is a ring involved, it'll be extra awesome.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

See, I think this is fun. No, you know what? But I think this is funny and fun, as opposed to maybe some other couples we talked to, because Jason's gonna propose, so he knows that, she knows that. So now it's just a wily game of who can out trick who. You know what I mean?

[Bert]

She has this thing so played out. Like, she's got questions in her mind of what dresses to wear.

[Joanna]

Yes. So I have a dress that my friend wore one night, and I saw her come home in this dress, and it was gorgeous and looked great on her, and we're the same size. So I was like, can I please borrow that dress for the cruise? Because I'm gonna wear it the night of. You know, we go to the formal dinner. If he proposes on that night and I'm wearing her dress, am I allowed to keep her? Her dress?

[Unidentified Male Host]

No.

[Jeff]

No.

[Lauren]

Why?

[Jeff]

I say no.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Why would.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

No. But as the owner of the dress, I might let her keep it or

[Jeff]

give it to you if she offers for you.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

She has to offer.

[Jeff]

Yeah, but you can't ask for it.

[Joanna]

What if I bought her a replacement dress? No, same dress. But, you know, if you're going to

[Jeff]

do that, then go ahead and buy a different dress that you bought.

[Bert]

You guys realize there is no engagement yet, right? We're talking potentially about a dress because,

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

you know, just, like, women deal with

[Jeff]

women things, he'll probably throw you off and you'll be in your, like, ratty pajamas. Or it'll be like the night before you guys go out hammer, and you end up sleeping in his T shirt. That's when he'll propose.

[Bert]

I hope. I hope because you're making it impossible for him. Jeff has said this for years, and it's so true that this is the one thing that the dude gets to really get his hands. Like, when it comes to the engagement, I do agree.

[Joanna]

He's still.

[Bert]

So let him have it.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

He is.

[Joanna]

He can have it, but it has to be on the formal dinner.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You know what?

[Jeff]

In my creme brulee.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

It's a challenge for him again. I think it's a challenge for him to outsmart you. And I think that he would take that challenge home.

[Unidentified Male Host]

The challenge should be finding a new girlfriend.

[Bert]

That's what the challenge should be. Here is Sue.

[Unidentified Male Host]

I mean, you're pretty and all Joanna, but you're a lot of work.

[Bert]

Hey, sue, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Bluff]

Go ahead.

[Mary]

Hey. I just want to let you know, like, I knew when I was getting engaged, because I sat on the ring and we went on a trip. And when you're on that trip, every single moment on that trip, you're like, okay, it's gonna happen now. It's gonna happen now. And it ruined it. I mean, it ruined it. He tried to do something really special, go back to the car and take it down to where we went and do all this. And it just ruined it. Because you're like, oh, I see it in his pocket, and I know it's gonna happen.

[Bert]

This is the only thing that he gets to own for years and years and years that you guys, you'll ask, you know, how did he propose to you? This is the one thing he gets to control, and you're taking the fun out of it for him.

[Joanna]

I mean, I think it's already ruined because I saw the email. Cause so I already know it's coming soon.

[Unidentified Male Host]

I hope he walks in here right now and does it. Total surprise.

[Bert]

Like, I think if he really wants to shock her, he's gotta break up on this cruise. Yes, the first day.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

So they're stuck on the boat together,

[Bert]

get engaged the next day.

[Bluff]

Oh, my God.

[Unidentified Male Host]

That's the plot of a movie.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

What? Breaking up the first day.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Right. He goes on the cruise to get engaged, and they're in the cabin together, and she gets in a fight with him, and they break up on the first day, and then they have to stay in the same cabin. He's trying to win her back so he can propose.

[Bert]

Hey, Tracy, you're on Q100.

[Kim]

Hey, guys, listen to Bert and Jeff. Oh, serious. So much pressure as women on men with this whole engagement. And the last caller is right. You are totally setting up expectations that will never be met. And it's going to ruin the surprise, and it's going to ruin the moment because it's Never going to be exactly how you're thinking. It's in your brain. Just let him have his moment. His. And it just. Yeah, because you're gonna ruin it for yourself.

[Bert]

It's already ruined. It's already ruined for him.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

It's not ruined.

[Bert]

It is ruined.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

No, it's not ruined.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You know what you need to keep in mind during this whole proceed. Everything that you're doing right now, Joanna is Tiger woods wife.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Because do Tiger woods wife.

[Unidentified Male Host]

No, Keep her in mind.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Cause the point I'm making is I think Joanna moved through life with a certain amount of confidence because Joanna's hot, Right. So she moves around and confident.

[Bert]

I'm not confirming or denying that.

[Unidentified Male Host]

And confident and, you know, funny. And would be considered a good catch on the surface. So would Tiger woods wife. But something she did made him stray.

[Bert]

Joanna's madre has called her.

[Mary]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hola. Hola, madre.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Hola.

[Kim]

Hey.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

How is everybody doing in there?

[Jeff]

Really good.

[Bert]

Madre. We are very concerned with Joanna, and we are very concerned with her robbing Jason of this engagement.

[Kim]

I know.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

I am, too. And, well, I know it's going to happen. And I swear to God he haven't said anything to me. And I try. I try to see if he can give me some information. Hold on. I'm in school right now, so that's Jason going.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Mandy]

All right.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

I have tried to talk to him and see if he can give me something. Not that I want to tell Joanna because I don't want to spoil, you know her. You know her surprise.

[Bert]

She's a woman.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

She's got to find out.

[Unidentified Male Host]

But now we know where Joanna gets it from. Because, like, you're grilling the poor guy.

[Bert]

You're sort of snooping.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Oh, no. Women like to, you know, to fund out things in advance so we can be prepared.

[Bert]

Now, hold on one second here, Madhura, because if you found out that he was. He was gonna propose, you couldn't keep that secret from your daughter.

[Kim]

Oh, yes, I can.

[Bert]

You think so? Oh, yes, I can. Okay.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Women can keep secrets.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Yes.

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

You know, I know it's gonna happen, and she know it's gonna happen, but he's gonna do it when she least expect it.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Right.

[Unidentified Male Host]

You know, in 2014.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

But see, now, the two men, the two men on this show are guys that really didn't jump into marriage very quickly. If I recall that there was three

[Unidentified Male Host]

years as soon as Jessica got.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

But wasn't there an ultimatum with you? And then we gave you crap on the air as soon as Jessica told

[Unidentified Male Host]

me she was gonna move back to Arizona. I decided that we should move back.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

So I'm just saying. I just wanted. Just. I just want to say that the guys didn't necessarily come up with the idea totally on their own.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Do you know why, Melissa?

[Kim]

Oh, you're right.

[Unidentified Male Host]

We were waiting for the perfect time to surprise.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

If that was the. You would never do it.

[Unidentified Male Host]

We were working through the anticipation. It's gonna happen.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

I just wanted to put that on the table, so.

[Bert]

Madre. So are you calling Joanna to tell her to relax about it?

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Yeah, she needs to, you know, relax and enjoy her trip, you know, and whatever happened, it's gonna. You know, it's gonna happen. But just don't. Don't, you know, don't go crazy about it.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Let me. I have a question for Joanna's mom.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

She's like, I'm trying to find out

[Unidentified Male Host]

if, knowing how you are, you know, do the. You have the little snooper gene in the Rodriguez family now.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

She Take it from the is.

[Unidentified Male Host]

If, Joanne, if Jason came and spoke to Mr. Rodriguez, Joanna's dad, and asked for his permission to marry Joanna, would he even tell you?

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

My husband?

[Kim]

Yes, he will.

[Unidentified Male Host]

That's a bad move on his part,

[Bert]

because then you're gonna turn around, you're gonna tell them.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

So who can't keep secrets you get when you've been married for such a long time.

[Kim]

Now we are.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

We cannot keep it from each other because we feel uncomfortable about that.

[Kim]

You know, I agree.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

And you do have to tell your husband, you know, your wife what's going on. But you had to make him promise not to say anything to anybody else.

[Bert]

Like, I mean, I think, again, you have to look at the Tiger woods situation. Look how he had complete full disclosure with his wife. They've been married for years now, and

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

after, like, the 13th affection, he totally told her.

[Bert]

I mean, they had full disclosure also.

[Kim]

Yes.

[Bert]

So there's the mom.

[Joanna]

So mom advices to chill out, chill

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

out, go have fun, enjoy your trip. And probably he's gonna wait maybe, you know, until spring to ask because he knows that you expect him, and he don't want. He told me he is. He's gonna go to plan B. But he never said what plan B was.

[Joanna]

It's always a plan B. Yeah, he

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

got the plan A, it failed, and now he's going to plan B.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Plan B. I'm not getting married till Melissa can legally get married.

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

Oh, my. That would be a good excuse for.

[Bert]

Hey, the bird show.

[Bluff]

What's going on, everyone? It's Bluff here and we're driving through the states in the Bluffmobile. And the best thing that we can do is play our favorite casino style games on Spin Quest. They have over a thousand games including live dealer blackjack and craps. With tons of slots and unlimited options. You can get a $30 coin pack for just $10 for new users. Sign up today. Go to spinquest.com right now Spinquest is

[Lady Luck Britsky]

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[Bert]

The first show. Why do we want to talk to you after New Year's? Got a bunch of calls before we took off and we're trying to track everybody down right now. Here's the one that upset most people before we left because she was so callous about this. You guys remember Mary who was about to have an affair?

[Kim]

Oh yeah.

[Mary]

I am going to out of town for the holidays and for New Year's and I might have an affair.

[Bert]

You might have an affair for Christmas.

[Mary]

The thing is that my husband isn't here. He's overseas. I've been a little lonely here and a friend of mine told me that he had a crush on me. Now I'm going to his sister's wedding and we might hook up.

[Bert]

It's a longer call than that, but she was so, like almost like laughing about it, giggly, giggly about it. Like so excited by the prospect of the whole thing. Turned a lot of people off. We wanted to get an update from her. Then there was Jennifer who was concerned about her monster in law.

[Jennifer]

Well, I have a monster in law that's gonna be staying with me for a week.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Did you say monster?

[Jennifer]

She decided to move to Florida and my husband decided not to go with her. And so when that happens and he chose me over her, it was on. His great aunt had died. It was her aunt. And so I drove him down there. I used my money, my gas to go take him down there to be with his family.

[Lauren]

So I get there and she's like,

[Jennifer]

aunt Ruby Lane wouldn't have wanted us to wear black to her funeral. She would want us to celebrate her life. So she made me go out and buy a new outfit which was pink. So I show up to the funeral in pink and everyone else is wearing black.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh, stop it. Oh, that's right. You missed this.

[Bert]

You aren't here for that.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

No, that is a mistake.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

This woman was so manipulative.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Yes.

[Bert]

And that monster in law was gonna be in her house for seven days.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

As long as Bert was on the Disney cruise with 2600 kids.

[Bert]

I would take the monster in law.

[Joanna]

I don't know.

[Bert]

So we're trying to catch up with them. We do have Kim ready to go. This was why we wanted to check back with her today.

[Kim]

Well, I'm pregnant, and my husband's family is coming here for Nashville for Christmas, and I'm having a C section the Monday after Christmas on the 28th. And they don't know it that we're having twins. So when they get here, they think that they're just gonna be here for the birth of one child. And actually it's gonna be two.

[Bert]

Okay. So nice surprise. This one can't go wrong, right? Hey, Kim. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Lauren]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Good morning. How did it go?

[Lauren]

Everything went great.

[Kim]

I'm just a little tired, but everything is fine.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Bert]

You have new mommy voice.

[Kim]

I think so. I'm so tired. I sleep like an hour if that at a time.

[Jeff]

Wow.

[Kim]

But I had a boy and a girl.

[Bert]

Congratulations.

[Kim]

Thank you. Thank you. I had Jacob Alexander and Daisy May.

[Bert]

And how did the surprise go with the rest of the family?

[Kim]

They were completely surprised. My husband went out of the delivery room. I had a C section. And he had the video camera in his hand, and he said, well, we have a boy. And as soon as he said that, his parents went to hug him, and he said, wait a minute. And a girl. And they just stepped back, and both of them kind of looked at each other, and his mother started crying, and it was just really sweet. I watched it a couple of days ago, and it was really sweet. And they ended up staying through the new year. They were so sleep on New Year's Eve, and they've been such a great help, and it was. It was wonderful.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Oh, that's so great.

[Bert]

Congratulations. You guys hear about those twins that were born in separate. Separate decades?

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Yes.

[Jeff]

What?

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

How does that work?

[Bert]

Same thing. Twins. And they performed the C section, but the timing of it was one was born in 2009, and the other one came out in 2000, in 2010.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Since we're in a new decade now,

[Jeff]

that's gonna be bragging rights for the earth. The first kid.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

For forever.

[Bert]

I was born first. A different decade.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Different decade in this dude.

[Jeff]

I'm your older sibling.

[Bert]

Congratulations, Kim.

[Kim]

Thank you so much.

[Bert]

All right, bye. Bye. Go get some rest.

[Kim]

Oh, I'm trying.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

She's like, yeah, whatever.

[Joanna]

Bert.

[Bert]

This was Jana, who was moving Christmas for her son's birthday.

[Kim]

We have three kids, and our oldest, Zachary, was born on Christmas 12 years ago. Being A Christmas baby, he kind of gets the shaft. Well, this year my husband wants on Christmas morning to take down all of the holiday decorations for Zachary.

[Bert]

That's a cool idea.

[Kim]

With a note from Santa that reads, happy birthday Zachary. Hope you enjoy your day. Christmas will be here tomorrow.

[Bert]

Okay, that's cute.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

I forgot about that.

[Bert]

What was the controversy about that?

[Jeff]

I didn't really love that because there were other siblings that were gonna have to postpone it. I didn't love the idea. But that's okay.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

It is a birthday Christmas.

[Bert]

So she was moving in. Hey, Jana. Good morning.

[Kim]

Hi there.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Madhura (Joanna's Mom)]

I'm okay.

[Kim]

Happy New Year.

[Jeff]

Happy New Year.

[Bert]

How did things go? How was this received by the rest of the family?

[Kim]

It did not go well.

[Bert]

No, no.

[Kim]

We went with my husband's plan and we left the note. He took down all the Christmas decorations overnight, left a note from Santa and when the three kids woke up they all cried. Well, my four year old and my six year old started crying first. And then Zachary, the oldest whose birthday it is on Christmas day, he was really excited at first but then once he saw his siblings start to cry, that was it.

[Bert]

So he wasn't happy. The siblings weren't happy. Did you guys do, did you do Christmas like on Christmas Eve the same exact way you would do it on Christmas morning?

[Kim]

No, we left a note, you know, the note from Santa said that Christmas will be here tomorrow. So we were planning on doing Christmas the next day, resuming Christmas basically.

[Bert]

So this was Santa's orders. Okay. Just because we do have kids listening right now. Okay. Yeah, I gotcha.

[Kim]

So well, Zachary again, the oldest being so upset, asked for Christmas to come back. And you know, he was really sweet and just, you know, he kind of said to us, well, he's a little old for Santa, but you know, his brother and sister would really like Santa to visit today. And was there any way we could call Santa and have Santa come on Christmas day? So I packed up the kids and went to my in laws for lunch and they had some presents to open over there which was really nice and explained to them that daddy was going to stay behind and call Santa to come while we were at our grandparents house and tell Santa to deliver Christmas while we were at lunch. So my husband stayed behind and took Zachary's birthday decorations down and prepared for Santa's visit and Santa came that afternoon. So after lunch we went back and had Christmas and Zachary, you know, really was so sweet and I can't believe, you know, 12 years old he explained to us that he didn't mind. He didn't mind having a birthday and Christmas on the same day.

[Bert]

I'm more concerned with Santa here than anything else because his day is finally done. I mean, he's gone around the world house to house, and he's tremendously relieved. The last. I mean, the last name is crossed off the list and then he gets a call from your husband going, I'm sorry, you gotta be back in Atlanta. And he's like, come on, man, I'm already past, like, I'm in big on the Caribbean. Caribbean, Grand Cayman in four hours. And I think it was cool of him to show back up.

[Kim]

Me too. Santa really, really went out of his way for us this year.

[Jeff]

That is pretty cool.

[Bert]

Santa clutches up. So at the end of the day, everybody was happy with it. But if you were gonna give advice to others, you would say, no, don't

[Kim]

do it, don't do it.

[Jeff]

Don't mess with Santa's schedule. Let him come on schedule.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

If you haven't conceived your child yet, just be sure and try to plan it so that they're not born on Christmas Day.

[Jeff]

It just means hold off in March when you're ovulating in March. Right? Isn't it, Isn't that it?

[Bert]

I don't endorse that.

[Jeff]

I say, just hold off one month.

[Bert]

So it all ended up working out in the end of the day, but definitely not the kind of advice you would give to other parents.

[Kim]

Exactly.

[Bert]

Okay, thank you.

[Jeff]

For the 12 year old. I know I had some friends of friends over the holidays that tried to do this with their kids. They have three kids in Florida and woke up, did the whole, you know, Santa came, did the Christmas thing, whatever. And they said their big surprise was going to Disney World. So the final present that the kids opened was Mickey Mouse ears. And they said, oh, all right, kids, the car's already packed. Wow, we're going to Disney today. And they thought the kids were gonna go nuts. The kids were like, but wait, we wanna stay here and play with all of our toys that Santa brought. It was a little deflating for the parents who had put together this whole plan that was a big thing for the Christmas. But they said once they got to Disney, it was all good and the kids forgot about it.

[Bert]

Just don't mess with that. Just. That's not a day for surprises.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Mess up the tradition. And didn't really come up the same thing.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Talk about him being a people pleaser from now on.

[Bert]

No.

[Bluff]

Get it.

[Bert]

The bird show.

[Bluff]

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[Bert]

The Bird show all right, here is Marlene. Good morning, Marlene.

[Lauren]

Hi. Good morning.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Good morning.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Hello.

[Kim]

Good.

[Lauren]

How are you guys?

[Bert]

Good, thanks. So you've got a first date on Christmas?

[Lauren]

I do.

[Bert]

How does this play out?

[Lauren]

Well, I guess we'll see. Basically, we've been talking for a while. I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had a really, really hard time meeting good guys. So I started online dating on Match and we've been talking for a couple weeks now. We talk pretty much every day and we text and stuff during the day, but we haven't actually met in person yet.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

It's a blind date on Christmas.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I mean, block. We've talked online like on. On the camera phone, you know, on. But, but I mean, technically, no, we haven't met in person.

[Bert]

So you know what he looks like. He knows what you look like. And there's no faking that, right?

[Lauren]

From. From pictures.

[Jeff]

But about how many times a day do you chat or text or whatever with each other?

[Lauren]

Like we do the, you know, morning.

[Mandy]

Hope you have a good day.

[Lauren]

And then we talk at night before we go to sleep.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Who hangs up first? I'm just kidding.

[Lauren]

Neither one of us.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

Just leave it on so that we can say we slept together.

[Bert]

And he's where?

[Lauren]

Well, that's the thing. That's why we haven't met yet. He's about an hour and a half away.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Lauren]

We haven't had time to actually, you know, get together for me to go there him here. We've both been working and neither one of us had plans for Christmas. I couldn't afford to go home this year and I actually have to work before Christmas and right after Christmas. So my family's up north in New York and it just seemed pointless for me to go. Nobody's really doing anything this year anyways, so I was staying here and it turned out that he didn't have, you know, any big plans. I'm just going to go to a neighbor's next door who's a friend of mine, so he's gonna be coming on Christmas morning, which I wanted a boyfriend for Christmas, so may work out.

[Unidentified Male Host]

It's cold outside.

[Jeff]

That's cute.

[Bert]

Yeah, I mean, it gives you something. It gives you something to be excited about on Christmas. Even though you're not excited about Christmas.

[Lauren]

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm still excited about Christmas, you know?

[Jeff]

You think he's gonna wrap himself in a bow?

[Lauren]

That would be nice.

[Bert]

There's a package joke in there somewhere that I'm not gonna make.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

I'm just gonna refer to it. Not gonna actually make it.

[Bert]

But if I did, it would sound like this.

[Jeff]

So Christmas morning, he's coming to your house. And then you guys are both going over to the neighbors, like, to eat dinner or whatever. Or eat during the day.

[Lauren]

We're gonna do brunch first when he first comes over. And then we're gonna go see some movies. Do that for the Christmas thing. And then as long as all is cool, then I'm gonna take him over to the neighbors.

[Bluff]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Awesome.

[Unidentified Male Host]

What are the chances you let him stuff your stocking?

[Lauren]

Slim to none.

[Kim]

I don't know.

[Bert]

It's Christmas.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

What happens on Christmas Day? Is Christmas good for you?

[Bert]

I love this, man. This is great.

[Jeff]

I think it's good. Does your family know who you're spending Christmas with?

[Lauren]

My dad doesn't. I mean, I've talked to my mom. I tell my mom everything. But she's cool. I mean, at first she just wanted to make sure he wasn't coming to my house. Because we don't know each other yet,

[Jeff]

but that's the first thing he's doing.

[Unidentified Female Caller/Host]

He is, right?

[Lauren]

No, he's not coming to my house. We're gonna meet for brunch. Originally, I actually was gonna have him come to my house, but. Yeah, people weren't so happy with that. I mean, I'm sure he's fine and it's cool, but I understand.

[Jeff]

Sure.

[Lauren]

They're concerned and they're far away.

[Bert]

Yeah. Well, we'll check back with you after we get back from break to find out how it went.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Lauren]

All right, great. Thank you, guys.

[Bert]

It's a great idea. Thanks.

[Unidentified Male Host]

I'll bet you let him put what Eric is his tree right in your stand.

[Lady Luck Britsky]

There we go.

[Jeff]

Well, she didn't. She needs to prepare.

[Unidentified Male Host]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I mean, she needs to trim the tree, cute panties. And then just see what happens.

[Unidentified Male Host]

If things go well, he's gonna get to swaddle the baby Jesus.

[Jeff]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

I'm getting out of the studio. Seriously?

[Jeff]

Bye.

[Lady Luck Britsky]

Bye.

[Bert]

I am. Get out of here right now. The bird show.

[Lady Luck Britsky]

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[Unidentified Male Host]

Wait.

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