The Bert Show - Full Show PT 1: Monday, March 23 [Vault]

Date: March 23, 2026
Featured Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Joe Jonas (guest), and assorted listeners

Episode Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show delivers a mix of personal anecdotes, listener call-ins, and a celebrity guest appearance. The themes range from stories of women displaying immense toughness during labor, to hilarious and controversial parenting confessions, to a candid, lighthearted interview with Joe Jonas about the Jonas Brothers’ new 3D movie. The show maintains its signature playful and authentic tone, balancing humor with real-life issues parents face.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Labor Pain Soldiers: Stories of Tough Mothers

[01:05 – 11:00]

• The hosts share and reflect on stories about women who powered through intense situations while in labor, highlighting the resilience of mothers.
• Noteworthy stories from listeners include a realtor closing a sale during contractions, a surgeon performing an operation while laboring, a ballet teacher continuing to teach class right before delivery, and a woman who threw her older child's birthday party before going to the hospital to give birth.

Notable Quotes:

• "She was in labor and doing business." – Jessica [02:35]
• "I delivered a 9-pound baby that was breech diagonal, 180 staples, hip to hip, was back to work full-time a week and a half later." – Nancy, listener [03:38]
• "If you want to lay around and be a wuss and cry about it, fine. If not, get up and, you know, take care of the baby... and get your ass back to work." – Nancy [03:55]
• "The day I gave birth, I was surfing all day long... I went surfing for about seven hours and went into labor and had the baby by midnight." – Cindy, listener [09:32]

Memorable Moments:

• Listeners expressing admiration (and a little disbelief) for these supermoms.
• Playful banter about how men would handle such levels of pain and multitasking.

2. Interview – Joe Jonas & The Jonas Brothers 3D Movie

[11:32 – 21:32]

• Joe Jonas joins the show to discuss the upcoming Jonas Brothers 3D movie, the excitement of connecting with fans at surprise theater visits, and humorous tales of performing on stage (including needing bathroom breaks during concerts).
• Hosts joke about how immersive the 3D experience could be if fans confuse the real Jonas Brothers for their on-screen counterparts.

Notable Quotes:

• "We've seen some really ridiculous rumors... so we always hear tons of rumors and you kind of just get used to it and laugh it off." – Joe Jonas [17:30]
• "We're going to fly all across the country, and we're not saying what cities, but we're just going to show up to the cities and walk in the theater and kind of surprise the fans." – Joe Jonas [14:59]
• "Hey, Miley, how you doing? This is Joe. I'm your biggest fan, and I'd like to know if you like giraffes and if you like giraffes, have you ever met one?" – Joe Jonas, pre-recording a playful question for Miley Cyrus [20:20]

Memorable Moments:

• Joe Jonas’ deadpan refusal to discuss past relationships: "Nope." [14:04]
• Light-hearted joke about Joe Jonas having a toy giraffe in his room [20:52].

3. Parenting Confessions – Pinching the Playground Bully

[23:06 – 36:46]

• Jeff confesses to pinching an unruly child (not his own) at a playground, sparking hilarious debate and candid admissions from other parents who have fantasized about, or even enacted, similar retaliations.
• The ethics of disciplining someone else’s child and the responsibilities of parents are discussed, with listeners calling in to share their own near-misses and secret actions to keep playground bullies in check.

Notable Quotes:

• "He ran by me and I pinched the back of his arm. Not even my kid, a strange kid..." – Jeff [26:46]
• "That is so bizarre that you wouldn't, like, reprimand him?" – Jessica [27:18]
• "You became a child like you did." – Burke [29:38]
• "I think you lived out a lot of parents dreams." – Alice, caller [31:15]
• "There's something with a guy with a northern accent who says, 'Yeah, do we got a problem?'" – Female Co-host [36:37]

Memorable Moments:

• Multiple listeners confessing to wanting or almost physically retaliating against playground brats.
• Jeff and others debating whether it’s better to tell the teacher or teach kids to stand up for themselves.

4. The ‘Weed’ That Wasn't – Catnip Confusion

[39:24 – 45:19]

• A hilarious segment where Burke recounts an awkward situation: a handyman’s son stole what he thought was weed from Burke's house, only for it to later be revealed as ordinary catnip.
• The discovery and confusion lead to a classic Bert Show moment of mistaken assumptions and miscommunication.

Notable Quotes:

• "I don't smoke weed. I don't have any weed in my house." – Burke [42:16]
• "So the teenager was smoking catnip." – Jessica [44:19]
• "I can't stop licking myself clean. Let's go get some mice, bro." – Burke [45:19]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 01:05 | Labor Pain Soldiers – Stories of women in labor | | 11:32 | Joe Jonas Interview: 3D Movie & Tour Surprises | | 23:06 | Parenting Confessions: Pinching the Playground Bully | | 39:24 | The 'Weed' That Wasn't – Catnip Mishap |

Notable Quotes & Speaker Attribution

• "She was in labor and doing business."
  – Jessica [02:35]

• "If you want to lay around and be a wuss and cry about it, fine. If not, get up and...get your ass back to work."
  – Nancy, listener [03:55]

• "Nope." [Regrets about past relationships?]
  – Joe Jonas [14:04]

• "We've seen some really ridiculous rumors...so we always hear tons of rumors and you just get used to it and laugh it off."
  – Joe Jonas [17:30]

• "He ran by me and I pinched the back of his arm. Not even my kid, a strange kid..."
  – Jeff [26:46]

• "So the teenager was smoking catnip."
  – Jessica [44:19]

Tone and Style

The Bert Show walks the line between self-deprecation, honest confessions, and witty banter. It dives fearlessly into embarrassing tales, empathetic celebrations of parenthood, and playful engagement with celebrity guests, all while consistently encouraging listeners to feel part of the Bert Show family.

Summary

This episode is a showcase of both the grit and humor of everyday life. From mothers working and teaching ballet through contractions, through the awkward reality of playground justice, to misunderstandings about recreational substances (me-ow!), and all capped with a fun, interactive celebrity segment, The Bert Show keeps the laughs coming while never shying from life’s most relatable struggles. Whether you’re a parent, a Jonas Brothers fan, or just in need of a smile, this episode delivers.