Full Show PT 1: Monday, May 11 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Monday, May 11 [Vault]

Episode Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Tracy, Jen, Jeff, and more
Summary by [Expert Podcast Summarizer]

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delivers the trademark mix of lively conversation, authenticity, and humor, featuring personal stories, celebrity gossip, listeners’ real-life predicaments, and playful banter among the cast. The show opens with a hilarious recounting of a surprise call from Donnie Wahlberg, dives into the hot topic of alleged celebrity infidelity (Josh Duhamel), showcases Bert’s obsession with his “unhittable” Wiffle ball pitch, and features listener Paula sharing a complex relationship dilemma rooted in a “lie of destiny.”

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Tracy’s Donnie Wahlberg Surprise (01:00 - 04:24)

• Tracy recounts being unexpectedly called by Donnie Wahlberg from New Kids on the Block.
• She’s so nervous she lets it go to voicemail (“There’s only one person in my phone that can make my heart race. And I get nervous … so I just didn’t answer. And it was Donnie Wahlberg.” — Tracy, 01:24).
• Tracy eventually calls back, but the connection is terrible; Donnie promises to call her back but doesn’t immediately.
• The next day, Donnie finally gets through — he invites the show to a party and promises studio visits and giveaway tickets.
• The team jokes about Tracy getting glammed up for Donnie, with Jeff quipping: “When you see Tracy in about two weeks, totally dressed up, low cut top…” (04:00), to which Tracy jokes about crash dieting.

Memorable Moment

• “I need the Bert Show to talk me through this conversation.” — Tracy, 01:33
• “I couldn’t have seemed dorkier because I had such a bad connection … I can’t hear you. Are you there?” — Tracy, 02:37

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2. The Josh Duhamel Controversy: Did He Cheat? (05:43 - 19:58)

A. Call-In Reactions & Studio Debate (05:43 - 14:49)

• Recap: Dancer Nicole Forester claims a one-night stand with Josh Duhamel. This segment revolves around belief, motives, and media scrutiny.
• Caller Rhonda’s Take: Argues Nicole should “take the money and go away” for her kids’ sake (06:19).
• Panel Debate: Team discusses whether Nicole is credibility-driven or celebrity/fame-seeking.
• Most believe her story based on her detailed narrative and claim of having proof (“She sounded pretty confident when she was talking about having those text messages saved…” — Burt, 08:41).
• Skepticism: Some think the lure of fame and celebrity status could mean the story is fabricated (08:25).
• Listeners weigh in, noting double standards based on profession (stripper vs. teacher), and speculate about the motivations of both Nicole and Josh Duhamel.
• Another caller, Mary, claims someone on the movie set close to Josh says he’s deeply upset and was not at the hotel in question (15:46).

Notable Quotes

• “You want to believe a good-looking guy's staying faithful to his really hot wife... But it doesn't sound like that's the case.” — Guest 4, 07:18
• “She does not have her kids' best interests in mind... her concern for her kids isn't the motive.” — Guest 2, 08:02
• “The bottom line is that he cheated on his wife. He cheated with him. She did it. She's wrong, he's wrong.” — Guest 5, 11:01
• “If she was a teacher and not a stripper, would you have a totally different opinion?” — Burt, 17:11

B. Deeper Reflection on Public Judgment & Media

• Discussion about how public faith (or skepticism) would differ if Nicole had a different profession, and how aggressive media engagement can undermine or build presumed credibility.
• “I think the reason that this woman is being so criticized, one, because she's a stripper, and two, because she's so aggressive and proactive about it.” — Guest 4, 17:59

Memorable Moment

• “I believe her 100%... She swore on the souls of her children.” — Caller, 18:43

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3. Bert’s “Unhittable” Wiffle Ball Pitch (20:04 - 27:46)

• Setup for Brian McCann Charity Softball: The show is set to participate in a charity event with Atlanta Braves catcher Brian McCann.
• Bert is excited to challenge McCann with his “unhittable” Wiffle ball pitch, a feat from his college days at San Diego State in his self-organized league.
• The hosts mock Bert’s extreme specificity about the type of Wiffle ball needed (“I need the one with just the holes on top … standard yellow Wiffle ball.” — Burt, 28:08).
• Bert recounts the elaborate rules and standings of his college league, and is convinced he can “strike out a professional player.”
• Jen teases that Bert’s making wild claims, like he did with NBA star Zaza, just before meeting the pros.

Notable Quotes

• “Bert claims that he has an unhittable Wiffle ball pitch. It can't be touched.” — Jen, 22:04
• “It’s Cooperstown worthy.” — Burt, 23:20
• “You are aware there’s a bunch of Braves … like Chipper (Jones) will be there.” — Jen, 25:34

Memorable Moment

• “I was undefeated because of one pitch… It’s called the unhittable Wiffle ball pitch. You know why it’s unhittable? It doesn't get hit. That's what it does.” — Burt, 24:32 & 27:41

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4. Behind the Scenes: Tracy’s “Milk Yourself” Moment (27:51 - 29:02)

• Light-hearted segment about Tracy needing privacy to pump breast milk at the office.
• The team jokes about Tracy inventing a special “breastfeeding Snuggie," leading to a flurry of jokes.

Notable Quotes

• “She’s milking herself.” — Guest 4, 28:30
• “Breastfeeding Snuggie with the flap.” — Tracy, 28:54

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5. Listener Drama: The “Lie of Destiny” Relationship Dilemma (29:05 - 35:52)

Paula’s Story

• Paula, a caller, shares that her 1.5-year relationship might lead to a proposal — but it began with a “small” lie: her friend told her now-boyfriend that Paula had, like him, been cheated on and jilted before marriage. Paula never corrected it.
• Early in the relationship, Paula let him believe they shared that trauma and had related conversations, but now she’s worried. Meeting his old friends revealed this “lie of fate” is, to him, a core bond.
• Panel sympathizes but stresses the need for honesty. They discuss whether her friend could come clean for her (most say Paula needs to do it).
• “It’s not a breakup-able offense,” offers Burt, suggesting likelihood of some hurt but eventual forgiveness (34:38).

Notable Quotes

• “It’s the lie of destiny — the lie that brought them together.” — Burt, 33:49
• “I say get your girlfriend, whoever told this guy the lie, get her to tell him.” — Guest 3, 34:54
• “Her whole relationship is based on sort of this foundation of a lie.” — Burt, 35:23

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:00 — Tracy’s Donnie Wahlberg Story
• 05:43 — Josh Duhamel Cheating Allegations and Call-ins Begin
• 14:49 — Detailed Breakdown of Credibility and Evidence
• 17:11 — Do We Judge Differently if She’s a Teacher?
• 20:04 — Bert’s Wiffle Ball Challenge to Brian McCann
• 27:51 — "Milking Yourself" Office Jokes
• 29:05 — Paula’s Relationship “Lie of Destiny” Segment

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• The show is upbeat, candid, and unfiltered, with hosts frequently ribbing each other and sharing personal quirks.
• Celebrity gossip is tackled with a blend of skepticism, humor, and genuine consideration of motives and societal biases.
• Listener stories get both empathy and playful roasting—everyone's in on the joke, but the advice is earnest.

If you missed this episode, you’ll come away understanding how everyday drama, celebrity news, and quirky cast stories all get the Bert Show’s unique mix of humor, honesty, and group therapy.

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Notable Quote to Sum Up the Show:
"We're real and we're funny, and we do it all authentically. Whether it's the entertainment news, listener drama or a peek into our own lives, we serve the laughs while bringing you into our world so you can take a break and escape yours." — Show Description

Transcript

[Burt]

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Ugh.

[Tracy]

I love my VRBO for the view.

[Burt]

Good reason.

[Caller/Guest 1]

Ooh, and the sauna.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Sweet.

[Burt]

Another good reason.

[Caller/Guest 3]

And that it's one of those good

[Caller/Guest 1]

saunas with the hot rock thing.

[Burt]

Ugh.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Love a good hot rock thing. Fancy.

[Burt]

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[Caller/Guest 4]

If the listing says heated pool but

[Burt]

there's actually no pool to heat.

Definitely a Verbocare thing.

[Tracy]

If my teenager starts calling me Leslie

[Burt]

instead of mom, that's a family thing, Leslie.

[Tracy]

That makes sense. Sorry.

[Burt]

Book with support, not surprises. Verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If you know you're verbo, terms apply. See for details.

The Birch show producer Tracy got quite a surprise last week.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I did. There's only. I was laying on my bed and I was trying to get Ella to go to sleep and all of a sudden my phone rings and I think nothing of it because I figured it was probably my mom or Scott was at the store, so I figured he was calling. And there's only one person in my phone that can make my heart race. And I get nervous and I didn't know what to do, so I just didn't answer. And it was Donnie Wahlberg.

[Caller/Guest 2]

What?

[Caller/Guest 4]

What?

[Burt]

From New Kids on the Block?

[Tracy]

Uh huh. I look down and it says Donnie Wahl. And I'm like, what do I do? What do I do? I'm like, I need the bird show to talk me through this conversation.

[Caller/Guest 5]

She's not kidding.

[Jeff]

She literally called me and said, donnie Wahlberg just called. What do I do?

[Burt]

I'm like, so you let it go to voicemail rather than talk to him?

[Tracy]

Uh huh. I panic.

[Caller/Guest 4]

I didn't know what to do.

[Tracy]

Not only that, but I've got my four month old baby laying next to me. I'm like, if she starts crying, I didn't know what to do, so I let it go to voicemail.

[Jeff]

You could say, do you want to talk to your daughter?

[Caller/Guest 2]

Aw.

[Tracy]

Oh, Jeffrey. John Toller.

[Burt]

No.

[Tracy]

So yeah, he left me a message. Just said Tracy. Kidding Kitty, call me. And I was like, okay, but why? What do I say? And if I get you, I don't know what to do.

[Burt]

And that came out of nowhere.

[Tracy]

I mean, nowhere. I was completely shocked. I had no idea why he was calling me. I mean, I haven't seen him since he was here in studio back. What was that? May? I guess it was when I was eight months pregnant.

[Jeff]

Well, and then the time you saw him before that was.

[Jen]

How old's Ellen now?

[Tracy]

Jeff? I was already seven weeks pregnant when I was at the New Kids concert.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I'm sure you were.

[Tracy]

Anyway, so I waited about 15 minutes until I was certain that the baby was asleep. And then I called him back. And it couldn't have been. I couldn't have seemed dorkier because I had such a bad connection that the entire phone call was like, I can't hear you. Are you there? I can't hear you.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Huh?

[Tracy]

Are you there?

[Caller/Guest 4]

Hello?

[Caller/Guest 3]

Hello?

[Burt]

That sucks.

[Tracy]

It was awful. So finally, all I heard him say was, I'll call you back. And then I waited. Like, I laid there in bed and waited for two hours waiting for him to call back, wondering what. Why was he calling me? And he never called. So finally I'm like, I'm not gonna get any sleep unless I just completely turn my phone off. So I know that even if, like, I wouldn't know, you know what I mean? Like, you know, that way I could sleep. And then the next day.

[Jeff]

Did you tell Scott while you were all nervous and anxious and stuff, or did you just.

[Tracy]

Yeah, he knew. He was. He was totally cool with it. He said that he would take my phone and, you know, if I wanted him to, and he'd wake me up if he called. So he was cool.

[Jeff]

Sure he would.

[Jen]

Hey, Donnie.

[Caller/Guest 5]

It's Scott.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jeff]

Yeah, her husband. The one who's gonna raise Ella. You're welcome.

[Burt]

So that wasn't an option for you?

[Tracy]

No. So then I just turned the phone completely off. And the next day, I was driving home from work, phone rings, and it's him again. So I picked up. And what he was actually calling for is he's having a party here in Atlanta on November 20, and he wanted to personally invite all of us. Plus, he's gonna come in studio that morning.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Oh, get out of here.

[Tracy]

Nice. Yeah, and he's giving us tickets to give away.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Oh, awesome. Oh, cool.

[Tracy]

So that's why.

[Jeff]

So when you see Tracy in about two weeks, totally dressed up.

[Burt]

I know, right?

[Jeff]

Low cut top.

[Tracy]

I've got £20 to lose in two weeks.

[Burt]

And he's got a new song out, right?

[Tracy]

That's why he's having the party. It's like a listening party. I think he's probably gonna be performing and we'll have tickets and he'll be here in studio.

[Jeff]

Tracy's not gonna nurse Ella for three days prior. Just so their moods are like, pow.

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[Burt]

to talk about the Josh Duhamel thing. This Nicole Forester just came in, spent about half an hour with us and she is the dancer over at Tattletales that had one a one night stand with Josh Demelle. That's what she's saying at the St. Regis. And a lot of people are very reluctant to hear her story. You know, I don't believe it, not at all. But she says that it really isn't about cash anymore. I asked her the question, if he called up tomorrow and gave you $100,000 to go away, would you? She said no, I don't know about all that. Good morning, rhonda. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1]

Good morning, Burch. So how are you?

[Burt]

Good, how are you?

[Caller/Guest 5]

I'm fine.

[Caller 1]

Let me preface this because I can hear Melissa. She is Totally wrong for what she did. But just take the $20,000 and go away. Because our kids are in middle school and that's the hardest time, excluding high school. She didn't even take the money and run because if she cared about her kids, knowing that she's a stripper, she's destroying her kids life right now with everybody knowing what she did.

[Burt]

13 year old take the money and go away. The 13 year old boy's there. Her son's friends are gonna give him such a hard time about it at this point.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Well, and I think we know that she wants the fame. Like she's not going away. She doesn't want to go away. She wants the fame. Because she would have put it like, you're not going to go. Yes, believe me or not believe me. That's life in general. People are going to believe you sometimes. Sometimes people aren't going to believe you. This is national news now. Just go away and let it go.

[Burt]

Do you guys believe her story?

[Caller/Guest 4]

I just tell Tracy in the hall. I don't want to believe it, but it seems like, I mean, it's a true story. I just, I'm like, I think the reaction comes from how much of a fan you are of, you know, Josh Duhamel and Fergie. And I like them as a couple. And I hate to, you know, I would have liked to have known a really hot guy staying faithful to his really hot wife. And they're a cute couple and they could make it work. But it doesn't sound like that's the case. I don't know.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Believe it or not believe it. I just think that she doesn't have her kids best interests in mind because she told Bert that she was excited about now being the dancer at Tattletales. That was gonna be. Oh, that's the one that's at the center of this Josh Duhamel controversy. And that was gonna bring her more customers and more money and more fame. So her kids aren't her ultimate concern. Because if they're upset with her and her son said, mom, you're disgusting, and she's still gonna keep doing it. Like there's that. That's not the motive. Like her kids and her concern for her kids isn't the motive.

[Jeff]

There are women who go in there and try to have sex with her just because, you know, if you have sex with someone you've had sex with, everybody they've had sex with. So they'll be able to say they

[Burt]

slept with Josh Duhamel. Do you believe her?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest 5]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Wendy, you believe her?

[Caller/Guest 3]

Yeah, I believe her. I just think her motives off.

[Burt]

Like Jen said, there's a difference between believing her and liking her. I believe her.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Oh, totally.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I don't know if I do.

[Caller/Guest 5]

Really?

[Caller/Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Why?

[Caller/Guest 2]

I think there's so much celebrity attached to all. Like, to anybody that big. I mean, he's a list. There's so much celebrity and potential money and fame attached to somebody that big. It would not surprise me if the whole thing was made up.

[Burt]

She sounded pretty confident when she was talking about having those text messages saved. The only part of the entire interview where she really sounded confident.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Wow.

[Jeff]

And her attorney, who was standing in

[Jen]

the back, was, like, nodding and shaking,

[Jeff]

like, confirmed that they're on there.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Well, you guys can believe it. I don't have to.

[Burt]

Yes, you do. We have to be. It has to be unanimous.

[Jen]

We're in this together.

[Burt]

We're not going on. Good morning. Q100.

[Jen]

I.

[Jeff]

If it was coming in the form of a seance, you'd believe it

[Burt]

if Yellowtail was telling us. Good morning, Youssef. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest 5]

Hey, how you doing, Bircho?

[Burt]

Okay, sir. How are you?

[Caller/Guest 5]

All right. Longtime listener. I haven't talked to you guys in a while, but I had to call up on this. I just want to say that for the most part, usually guys cheating on his wife gets no love from you guys. You guys, it seems to me, have, like, a huge crush on Josh Duhamel, the whole lot of you. And so therefore, you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and blast this woman. Now, when I heard of the story was they were going to use the story anyway because he bragged about it. She didn't bring it up.

[Caller/Guest 2]

That's right.

[Burt]

They were going to use the story

[Caller/Guest 5]

anyway, and she had no choice. It was either get nothing out of it except good sex from Josh Duhamel or make some cash. I can't blame her for that. If they're gonna use the story anyway and her name is gonna be out there, make some loot.

[Caller/Guest 2]

That's her story.

[Burt]

I know you don't, but I do.

[Caller/Guest 2]

You know, they were gonna print it in. That's her story. We haven't heard his side of the story.

[Jen]

That's the only thing.

[Caller/Guest 5]

You're not going to hear his side of the story because he was wrong, too, and he's got more to lose than she does. And he's not gonna say anything. He's not. Because that's just the way the stars get down. You know that he's not gonna say a word.

[Jeff]

That was the only.

[Caller/Guest 5]

Sweep it under the rug.

[Jeff]

The only part of our story that I question is how the Inquirer found out. Because if this is what he does, I don't believe if he is this type of person, I don't believe he went to the set and bragged about it to anyone. I just don't think you do that.

[Caller/Guest 5]

That doesn't make a lot of sense either.

[Jeff]

I do too.

[Caller/Guest 5]

You know, guys that do that, but

[Caller/Guest 4]

still not a list.

[Jeff]

Yeah, not if you have that much lose.

[Burt]

Why does that play such a large part in the credibility or not credibility if the bottom line is still the bottom line that they did?

[Caller/Guest 5]

The bottom line is that he cheated on his wife.

[Burt]

Right.

[Caller/Guest 5]

He cheated with him.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest 5]

You know, she. She did it. She's wrong, he's wrong. But don't lambast her and say that she's like uncredible and she's a gold digger and all of that and give her the, you know, and never once say anything negative about Josh Duhamel.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Well, I will say one time, well,

[Burt]

that's what I said. Telling the truth.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah, that's not necessarily true. That we are not. I mean, he did cheat on his wife. And I said I didn't want to believe it because I want to believe that a good looking guy. I just said it, but it doesn't look. And that's very disappointing for me. But I think that another thing, if it is true that he not only manipulated to cheat on his wife, but I also think, well, how tacky is it to go to strip clubs to find people to enjoy your time on location with? Because I think. Because I think the reason she doesn't have credibility for a lot of people is because of what she does for a living. So in his case, if this is all true, then that's where he goes. Because let's say, just in case it gets out, he can say, well, I mean, she's a stripper. What else is she gonna say? And it almost puts her in a position of being trapped. Like, okay, you were there for a good time. But I'm gonna make sure that it never gets out because you're a stripper. Nobody's gonna believe you, Jen, if she

[Burt]

was a teacher and not a stripper.

[Caller/Guest 2]

To me, it doesn't have to do with her. It has to do with him and the mega amounts of celebrity and fame and money attached to him. I think anybody can make up any story, regardless of what it is.

[Jeff]

So you think this story is completely Made up.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I don't know what to believe, but I think it is absolutely possible that he's that famous and he's got that much money and that much attention in the spotlight that somebody could completely fabricate it all.

[Burt]

Hey, Ronnie, good Morning. You're on Q100. All right, good.

[Caller/Guest 5]

I don't agree with what this girl is doing, but for the part, she's playing smart. Because if she takes the money that this guy's offering her, she is going to be gone. But this girl, she wants to be famous. She wants to be out there. She wants people to see her. And I think, I mean, by playing it this way, she's going to get more money and more attention. And then later on her 15 minutes, you know, fame is going to be gone, but still, I mean, she's going to be trash.

[Burt]

Yeah. I don't even think she's got 15 minutes ahead of her. I think she's probably done over the next 48 hours.

[Tracy]

I don't know.

[Caller/Guest 3]

I don't know.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I don't know about that.

[Burt]

Stick around for a while.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah, because we live in a reality world and I think people, you know, she, you know, she made a comment based on what she thought you said, Bart, which you didn't say was about making a movie out of it. But I mean, we live in a media culture in which people would definitely pick her up for some show or interviews or to be a guest celebrity, you know, celebrity, quote, unquote, on something. Because she's the girl that Josh Duhamel slept with. Absolutely.

[Jen]

But if she's.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Why does she have more credibility to you than his camp?

[Burt]

Well, she's got details and she says she's got logs and she's got text. Have we seen them? No, but I just felt like the story could be.

[Jeff]

I can't believe that someone would come on the radio and tell the story with that much detail. Days, times, claim to have proof to an A list celebrity who would sue her to shut her up.

[Burt]

And she's with her attorney and she's

[Jeff]

here with an attorney. So like, not saying that that gives her credibility. But.

[Caller/Guest 2]

But you are saying that. Cuz all of you guys believe her story, right?

[Caller/Guest 4]

Top to bottom.

[Jeff]

Because part of it, I believe the majority of it because I don't know what type of person and what type of lawyer would put themselves in a situation where they are saying such blatant untruths if that story is not true. We will hear from Camp Duhamel today probably telling us never to play that again. And Offering us proof that this lady is a complete psychopath and liar.

[Ad Reader 2]

But.

[Caller/Guest 2]

So I guess we'll see what happens.

[Jeff]

Yeah, but see, I think if she comes out and says it, and then we're like, well, did he text it? Yes, I deleted him. Okay, well, do you have phone records?

[Jen]

We'll see.

[Jeff]

It was a temporary phone that I don't have anymore.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Well, that's what she started to say. I was calling him from my friend's phone.

[Jeff]

She said that once leaving the St.

[Burt]

Regis, but she said she has text messages.

[Jeff]

Say she has the text messages and she has numbers that he called.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I'm just asking, why is she more credible than his side of the story?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I just answered that.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Because she says she has proof, none of which anybody's seen yet.

[Burt]

He just gave you four or five different examples of why.

[Jeff]

Yeah, she came on the air and said, publicly, this is all fact. And I.

[Caller/Guest 4]

But I can see where Jen's coming from. I agree. She's saying it. And she had a lawyer in the corner of the room nodding. That's all we've got.

[Jeff]

And I can't imagine a situation where someone would do that for the notoriety and for the money and put themselves in a situation to be sued so significantly.

[Burt]

Here is Mary. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. She's with Jen. Hey, Mary.

[Caller 2]

Hello.

[Burt]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser. We can't recognize your voice.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, look, my roommate is working on the movie. I want to say what she's doing on the movie because, you know, confidential information. She's in a position where she's had some, you know, one on one time with Joshua while waiting for the next, you know, whatever assignment he has to be in. And he's just torn up by this whole story. He wasn't even staying at the St. Regis that night. He was at a different hotel. All he ever talks about is for the, you know, before this whole story came up. And so, I mean, I don't believe one second of her story. And like you guys were saying, I mean, even if she doesn't get money from the Joshua people, I mean, look at all the people that they put on reality shows these days. And as for the lawyer, I mean, he also has something to gain because, you know, he can start representing celebrity clients or whatever. So, I mean, that's my take.

[Burt]

Okay. Thank you for calling.

[Caller 3]

Mm.

[Caller 2]

Thank you.

[Burt]

You're welcome. Good morning, Gary. You're part of the Burt Show. Hello.

[Caller 4]

Hello. Good morning, Bar show.

[Burt]

What's going on?

[Caller 4]

Gary, it's amazing. I was listening to that. She's a stripper. She hit her goal. That's her.

[Caller/Guest 5]

That's her.

[Caller 4]

That's what she's been waiting on. Everybody in the club recognized them. And like she said, she's aggressive. She was the first one to jump on. And then she just. I believe she was in hot pursuit the whole time. And she was this up from the beginning.

[Burt]

And that's. Again, I'll ask you the same question that I asked Jen. If she was a teacher, would you have a totally different opinion?

[Caller 4]

Well, I mean, I guess it's in that scenario, but I believe that when he walks into an establishment looking for the attention of another woman and she spotted him and she had the ability to pursue him in that manner, then so be it. But I believe, you know, if the teacher would have had that position and she thought she could have made a quick 20 off of it, then, you know, that's the scenario that we'd have to deal with then, too.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Well, my thing is that, you know, like, a couple. A couple sides of it, like, she could make a quick 20. But let's say that she said, you know, I could get more than 20 for this. And that's why she's doing what she's doing, because she can get more than 24.

[Jeff]

Now you think she'll get paid to

[Caller/Guest 4]

shut up something, you know, because I thought when she said 20, I thought, 20 for an A list celebrity, you know, scandal. And, you know, so I think that she may be going after more money for this. But I also was telling Tracy in the hallway, like, I think we all judge people based on if. If they come forward with too much information, we criticize them. But if people are chased down, they're like, I'd rather not talk about it. It was private. I don't want to think about it. We would give them more credibility. So you say if it's a teacher. Well, let's say it's a teacher that didn't talk to anybody, and people kept camping out on her front lawn and she kept trying to get to her car and said, I don't want to talk about it. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say. We'd give them credibility. We'd say, okay, well, you know, it's okay because she's not after money. And I think the reason that this woman is being so criticized, one, because she's a stripper, and two, because she's so aggressive with the. And proactive about it.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Caller 5]

Hey, I gotta tell you guys, I believe her a hundred percent. 100%. I think that the fact that. Well, I mean, you know, anybody could be a liar, but the fact that she swore on the souls of her children is number one. Number two, she's gotta be very angry because she's, you know, trying to hide the fact that she's doing this thing she's obviously not too proud of for a living from her kids. Now her kids know. So she's gotta have. I think her agenda is twofold. I think one is that she's angry and she wants to get something out of it. And even if it's just salvaging that little piece of credibility that she's telling the truth is, number one. And number two is that she wants to, I think, probably get some sort of compensation for it at some point. I think that, well, she's gonna get

[Burt]

paid one way or the other. I mean, if it's not gonna be from a tabloid giving her $50,000, then it's gonna be in people coming to tattletales to see her.

[Caller/Guest 4]

She's getting paid because what she has not told and what she's not been paid for yet is the details of the evening and the details about Josh Duhamel. There's plenty she has not said, so there's plenty she get paid for, or

[Caller/Guest 3]

the text messages, the call logs, all of that is worth money to her.

[Ad Reader]

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[Burt]

You want to talk about the McCann thing or you want to talk about sick?

[Caller/Guest 4]

Well, I think sick is so fresh, and we're all so fascinated by.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I missed the beginning of this because

[Caller/Guest 4]

this is a glimpse into the personality of the people in the room.

[Jen]

And you didn't even hear the best part of the story, which was last, which was in the halls last week. I did not hear this or remembers, but Brian McCann, catcher for the Atlanta Braves, has a charity softball game coming up, and there's a bunch of people participating in it. Among those, me, Bert and Jen. And so Brian is going to come in and promote this. So in the halls.

[Caller/Guest 4]

By the way, I'm the only lesbian that does not play softball.

[Jen]

Save that.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah. That's why I'm not participating, because I cannot play the game, and I've just revoked my lesbian card.

[Jen]

So the.

[Caller/Guest 2]

And after going to Pride with you and playing softball, everybody's going to think I am.

[Caller/Guest 3]

That's right.

[Jen]

So the game is not this Friday, but next Friday. And I mentioned to Bert, we were actually in the downstairs lobby of the building. I was. I was leaving, and he was coming back in, and I just casually passed and said, hey, just a heads up. I think McCann's coming in next week to talk about the softball game. And Bert stopped the elevator and said, what day? Like, more because I trace here. I like conversations like that in the hall. Never garner a reaction. It's just a. Hey, a heads up, you know, whoever is gonna be on the show with us. Hey, Usher's coming to studio next week. Okay, cool. Because it's all written down in the computer. He stopped the elevator. He's like, what? Who's coming in? I said, Brian McCann. He said, what day? Like, angrily. And I'm like. I said, I don't know. Sometimes sometime next week. I don't know.

[Burt]

It wasn't anger. It was concern.

[Jen]

And I said, what's the big deal? And he said, I gotta practice my pitch. Burt claims, Bert claims that he has an unhittable Wiffle ball pitch.

[Burt]

Can't be touched. And he.

[Jen]

I kid you not. Has been for years trying to get in front of a professional baseball player to prove.

[Caller/Guest 4]

He kidding me.

[Jen]

That his Wiffle ball pitch is unhittable.

[Burt]

It can't be hit.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Is he keeping throwing to.

[Burt]

Ha. No, no, no, no. This is years ago. I'll give you the history behind this pitch.

[Jen]

Oh, Lord.

[Caller/Guest 3]

You want to describe what kind of ball it has to be in order to hit it?

[Burt]

Well, yeah, there is. There are a difference in Wiffle balls, and it can't be, as I was trying to instruct Jeff today, I can't have the ball that has all the little circular holes in it. That's one kind of Wiffle ball. There's another one that just has, like, weirdly shaped holes in the very top of it. That's the Wiffle ball I need. Here's how it all started.

[Caller/Guest 3]

So you have to have a special wiffle ball for your special pitch. There's more movement so no one can hit.

[Burt]

Look, there's more movement on that one. Is the one with all the holes in it.

[Caller/Guest 4]

See, this is like a real seance. Because Burt's expression really does change and his voice changes when he talks about this unhittable Wiffle ball.

[Jen]

Because he needs complete silence if we're

[Burt]

gonna talk about this. I need complete silence.

[Jen]

Step right up to the plate, Brian

[Burt]

McCann, if you're gonna mock the unhittable pitch, I'm telling you right now, it's not gonna happen. I will say this is Cooperstown worthy.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Oh, my.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Riddle us this, Batman.

[Jen]

The reason it just came up is because I said that I was gonna go to Toys R Us. And just get a couple Wiffle balls.

[Caller/Guest 5]

And Bert's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Burt]

Gotta get yourself the right kind of Wiffle ball. Let me just tell you.

[Caller/Guest 4]

He said, I'll take care of this, Jeff.

[Burt]

Let me give you the history on it. And this is gonna sound like such a guyish thing here, but back in college, me and my roommates, we had, like, there was like five of us. We had a wiffle ball league.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Was this when you lived at Disgrace Land?

[Burt]

No, this is way before Disgrace Land.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Okay?

[Burt]

This is back at San Diego State.

[Caller/Guest 4]

This is a whole different dining kind of Disgrace.

[Burt]

Whole different ballpark we're talking about here. So there are like four or five of us that lived in this apartment. And we used to go out, we used to play Wiffle ball. It was like a round robin tournament. And to see who could. Who's the best Wiffle ball player, we'd go downstairs and there was like a Kmart. And you go out and it was like official wiffle ball stuff. You get, like, your duct tape. You got to have a strike zone. And if the guy could hit it a certain length, it's a single. Another length, it's a double triple, and you got your home runs. I was undefeated because of one pitch.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

Does it have an unhittable pitch? Yeah, it's called the unhittable Wiffle ball pitch. You know why it's unhittable? So, like, the standings would read something like this. 20 wins, no losses for Burt Jerry. 10 wins, 10 losses. Tony would be 8 and 12. Burt Undam defeated because of your special.

[Caller/Guest 5]

What?

[Burt]

Wiffle ball? Not the wiffle ball.

[Caller/Guest 3]

The special wiffle ball.

[Burt]

The unhiddable wiffle ball pitch.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Now pitch.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Ball.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Can we somehow package that story from a news. You know, sportscaster. You know how if you really were being inducted in Cooperstown and they talk about your pitch?

[Caller/Guest 2]

We have to have this done before it's Cooperstown.

[Caller/Guest 5]

What?

[Caller/Guest 3]

I don't even know what that is either.

[Burt]

Baseball hall of Fame.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Hello.

[Caller/Guest 3]

I don't know what that is.

[Burt]

Which. I think there's actually a Wiffle Ball hall of Fame, too.

[Caller/Guest 3]

You're in it, isn't it?

[Caller/Guest 4]

The unhittable.

[Burt]

I don't think I've been nominated yet, but after I strike out Brian McCann, I will be.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Oh, God.

[Jen]

You are aware that in the game you're playing, and there's like. There's a bunch of Braves, like Chipper will be there.

[Burt]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Jen]

Chipper Jones.

[Caller/Guest 3]

I gotta watch this.

[Burt]

But Brian is the only one that's coming in here, right?

[Jen]

Yeah, but you'll be on the softball field with.

[Burt]

With Chipper and everybody's softball.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Not with.

[Jen]

No, but I mean, if we bring the whip, like you're saying, it's unhittable. Like. I'm just saying you're making the. You're doing the same thing you did with Zaza, which is you're making these allegations within days of being around people who do this for a living.

[Burt]

There's a sidebar conversation with the Braves.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Don't play with the ball for a living.

[Burt]

Brian McCann is probably destined for the hall of fame. And I've always wondered if this thing could be hit by a major leaguer. And now I have the opportunity. This has sort of been in the back of my head now for 20 something years. And now I've got the opportunity to try the unhittable pitch against a real major leaguer and all star. Nonetheless, it's on.

[Caller/Guest 2]

You're going to be practicing today?

[Burt]

Well, here's the thing. He's coming in. When?

[Jen]

I haven't firmed it up yet, but I'll make sure you have plenty of notice. It's going to be next week, probably

[Burt]

Wednesday, because there's a certain amount of arm soreness that will go with practicing, and my arm can't be tight.

[Jen]

Are you going to rest? You're going to put yourself in rotation?

[Burt]

Well, you have to. Yeah. If I were to practice today, I'm going to need at least four days for the soreness to go away.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Do we need eyes for the. So you can ice it up?

[Burt]

See, now you're just being ridiculous.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Are you gonna go to four different. Are you gonna go to four different stores and get four different wiffle balls so you can get the exact right one?

[Burt]

No, no. It's a standard wiffle ball. And I'm only trying to be patient.

[Jen]

Why don't you let me buy.

[Burt]

I'm being patient of your ignorant questions.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Let me go buy it. Oh, why don't you let me go

[Caller/Guest 3]

buy your wiffle ball?

[Burt]

Because you won't get the right kind. You'll get the one with all the little holes in it, and I need the one with just the holes on top. And it has to be standard yellow wiffle ball.

[Jen]

So what difference does the bat make?

[Burt]

Ton of difference.

[Caller/Guest 2]

I'm just curious, on this place where you guys live, did you have the score written on the wall somewhere?

[Burt]

We had it on a dry erase board. The standings were on a dry erase board in the apartment in the living room.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Like that you could check on all the time.

[Burt]

I'm gonna get Jerry and I'm gonna get Tony on with us over the next couple of days.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Are you serious?

[Burt]

Cause I bet they're still bitter about my undefeated Wiffle ball season.

[Jen]

What does the ball do?

[Burt]

It kind of.

[Caller/Guest 4]

It doesn't get hit. That's what it does.

[Jen]

I'll tell you what.

[Burt]

That's all you need to know.

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[Burt]

All right, Jeff. I see somebody on. Hold on five. I just don't know if we need to fire up the voices.

[Jen]

I'm assuming that's her. I got weirded out because I went to get her phone number from Tracy

[Jeff]

and the door was closed.

[Jen]

And that means she's pump, pump, stop, pump. I can't even go near the office

[Caller/Guest 4]

when that's happening because Tracy's still breastfeeding. So she's pumping.

[Burt]

She closes the door, and all the blinds are closed, so you can't see in, obviously.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Yeah. So that means that she's sucking the

[Jen]

milk out of breast Stop.

[Caller/Guest 3]

She's breast feeding in the office.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest 4]

It's like, what?

[Burt]

Nothing. Boom, boom. I'm trying to instant messenger right now.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Tracy's milk is coming out.

[Burt]

You want to pick up 5?

[Jen]

I'll just ask her.

[Caller/Guest 4]

She's milking herself.

[Jen]

Is that the name of her elf? Milk yourself.

[Burt]

I thought she was in there pumping the other day, and then I heard Jeff's voice, and I'm like, wow, they have really gotten close.

[Caller/Guest 2]

She has a specific Snuggie for that. When Jeff and her have to have a meeting and she has to come.

[Jen]

Will you stop putting me in that world?

[Tracy]

Breastfeeding Snuggie with the slap.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Oh, my God, they're so. Do that.

[Caller/Guest 3]

That's a brilliant idea. I've met.

[Caller/Guest 2]

Okay, I'll call Snuggie today.

[Burt]

Good morning, Paula. You are on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 3]

Oh, good. Hi.

[Caller 1]

Good morning.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Hi, Paula.

[Burt]

How are you today?

[Caller 3]

I have a problem, so I could be better.

[Burt]

Well, the floor is yours. Go for it.

[Caller 3]

I'm in a relationship that's going very well. We've been together for about a year and a half, and I have a strong feeling that there is a proposal coming up during the holidays. I've had a few hints which I would absolutely love. I mean, this guy is the love of my life, and I want to marry him. So that's all great. The problem is the entire relationship has been based on a little bit of a lie, which.

[Caller/Guest 2]

A little bit of a lie.

[Jen]

The entire Relationship based on a little lie.

[Caller/Guest 2]

It's a little. One entire relationship.

[Caller 3]

I didn't realize that it was such a big deal until recently, but now I'm freaking out.

[Burt]

I can't wait to hear what this is because there is a scenario that's playing in my mind where I can sort of understand it. First, start going out. You're not looking to the future. Why not just get through this? I'll lie a little bit. I'm not gonna see this guy. But for three weeks,

[Caller 3]

What happened was,

[Caller/Guest 3]

what had happened was,

[Caller 3]

so before we got together, my boyfriend was. He was previously engaged to another woman and she cheated on him and she broke his heart. I mean, their wedding was entirely planned when he found out and they had to call the wedding off just a month before the wedding. You know, they lost a lot of money. I mean, it was a big fiasco. And, and a mutual friend, you know, a friend of mine thought that I would be absolutely perfect for this guy and wanted to set us up. So she got this wacky idea in her head to sort of set us up by telling him that I was going through a similar situation as like a way to pique his interest in me. So basically she, she said, you know, I, I know this girl. I think you two would really hit it off. You know, she, she went through something very similar. She was engaged, she was cheated on. You know, they broke up. So, you know, it wasn't me who told the lie. In my defense, a little bit, it wasn't me who told the lie to begin with. It was this friend. But he kind of entered into dating me, you know, thinking that we had this thing in common that we did not have in common.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Well, let me ask you a question. So, okay. It's one thing for him to have that perception. Did you all have intimate deep conversations about the emotions that come from such turmoil? Like, did you have conversations about your being cheated on?

[Caller 3]

Yes. At the beginning of the relationship, when we were first getting to know each other, we did have those kinds of conversations.

[Burt]

So he's like, this hurts so bad. And you're like, oh, I know, I can't get over it either.

[Jen]

Oh God.

[Caller 3]

I mean, I tried to always kind of steer the conversation a little bit, you know, away from that or, you know, try not to.

[Caller/Guest 4]

It's too painful.

[Caller 3]

Any more than I had to to just keep things going.

[Jen]

I can't bear to drag up this made up memories.

[Caller 3]

And now, you know, it's a non issue. I mean, for the past year, we haven't talked about It. It hasn't come up. It's just really a thing of the past. So it's. So. It's not something that I even think about anymore. But then it sort of resurfaced recently. Oh, hell, I am nervous. We were visiting some old friends of his from high school back to his hometown. He was introducing me to people he knew as, you know, a child. And we were at a bar one night with some old buddies of his, and they were asking about how we met, and he went into this long story about how, you know, we were so perfect, it was so meant to be, because we both just lost our fiance's and, you know, had been cheated on, and we both got through the exact same experience and, like, you know, like, how significant that was to him. And I just. I just didn't realize, I guess, that he felt that that was, like, such a strong thing drawing us together, you know, Like, I had sort of forgotten about it almost in this weird way. And I think that he's, like, basing a lot of our whole relationship on that fact. And now I don't know what to do.

[Burt]

It's the lie of destiny, the lie that brought them together.

[Jen]

Wouldn't it be a lie of fate, though, because it was a negative thing?

[Burt]

Well, we'll find out. If he breaks up with her, it's the lie of fate.

[Jen]

It's the same timeline as duhamel. He's got 48 hours.

[Caller/Guest 2]

You can't keep it going, though, because if you guys actually go through with it and get married, he's going to meet your family, and it's gonna come up with one of your family members. Like, yeah, I know she was engaged before, but I'm gonna make it right this time. And your family's gonna be like, what? She was engaged to who?

[Burt]

We didn't know about that.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Didn't even think about that.

[Caller 3]

Oh, God. I know. I just. I mean, it just seemed so, like, simple at the beginning, and just, like, there's not a big deal, and there's not an issue that just would really, like, fade away. It did fade away until. Just until, you know, recently.

[Burt]

I. I don't. My gut instinct says to come clean with him, and I think he's gonna be a little bit upset by the whole thing, but it's certainly, you know, I don't think it's. It's a breakupable offense.

[Caller/Guest 4]

I thought the same thing until she. Until she just said what he said to his friends.

[Caller/Guest 3]

I say, get your girlfriend, whoever told this guy the lie, get her to tell him.

[Jen]

No way.

[Caller/Guest 4]

No, you've got to tell.

[Burt]

No, because she had conversations with him about it. You need to stick to instant message conversations.

[Caller/Guest 4]

Get your friend to tell.

[Caller/Guest 2]

And blame your friend.

[Burt]

Well, it's her fault.

[Caller/Guest 3]

She started it.

[Caller/Guest 4]

No, but she continued it.

[Burt]

We will take your calls. Your advice calls. 404-741. Q100 for Paula. So.

[Caller/Guest 3]

Oh, God.

[Burt]

Yeah. Her whole relationship is based on sort of this foundation of a lie. He gets broken up with by a girl who he's engaged to that cheated on him. And Paula's friend tells him that, oh, you know what? I've got a girlfriend that's going through the exact same thing. You should meet her. You got this in common. And it was a lie. And Paula kept the lie going through the months. And now they're a year and a half into the relationship and it looks like they're about to get engaged. And she's not sure she should come clean with this guy or not. So what to do?

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