The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, November 24, 2025 [Vault]

Theme Overview

The episode dives deep into paranormal investigations with guest Patrick Burns, founder of "Ghost Towns," the Southeast's largest network of ghost hunters. The hosts and Patrick share eerie personal stories and discuss Atlanta’s most haunted areas, the difference between ghost hunting and ghostbusting, and the ethics and skepticism around paranormal investigation. The episode then shifts to lighter fare with an election trivia game, resulting in hilarious consequences for the show’s producer.

1. Paranormal Investigations with Patrick Burns

[Approx. 03:45 – 54:25]

Meet Patrick Burns and Ghost Towns

• About Ghost Towns: Founded in 2001, Ghost Towns is a Southeast US-based network of over 3,000 paranormal investigators. It’s mostly a hobbyist group, using off-the-shelf equipment modified for paranormal investigation.
  • Patrick Burns: “It’s 99.9% a hobby. We do it out of curiosity and interest. Most of the equipment we use is just off the shelf, modified for what we need it for.” (07:32)
• Industry Insight: While there’s not much money in the field (except for TV/book deals), the group’s work is rooted in curiosity, not commerce.

Hauntings in and Around Atlanta

• Where’s the Activity?
  • Atlanta proper: Less activity inside the city due to its history of being burned and rebuilt, so historic “hotspots” are scattered.
  • Suburbs: Stone Mountain, Marietta, Roswell, Lawrenceville, and Gwinnett County have more activity due to less disruption and more preserved history.
  • Patrick Burns: “Within the perimeter, not as much activity as the burbs… and that may be because Atlanta's just been torn down and rebuilt so many times.” (09:25)

Cemeteries and Ghosts

• Are cemeteries more haunted?
  • Mixed opinions among investigators. Patrick believes older cemeteries show more activity: “Usually the older ones are the more active.” (11:12)

Personal Origin Stories

• Patrick’s Inspiration: Fascination began as a child; a pivotal moment was when his mother received a report of seeing her recently deceased mother (Patrick’s grandmother) from the kitchen of her previous home.

  • Patrick: “My mom’s jaw... she had to pick it up off the floor… because that was my grandmother’s favorite thing to wear.” (13:32)

• Host Experiences: Bert shares seeing a child apparition in Old Town Alexandria; Jen has stories from her time working in a Florida bed & breakfast and from college sorority houses.

Skepticism, Free Investigations, and Ethics

• No Charges: Patrick refuses payment for investigations, believing paid ghostbusting invites fraud due to the inability to prove hauntings definitively.
  • Patrick: “You can't prove the existence of ghosts from a scientific standpoint. So when you start charging... what are you really charging for?” (20:35)
• Ghostbusters vs. Ghost Hunters: Hunters document; busters/cleansers attempt to drive spirits out. Patrick only documents, not cleanses.

Types of Spirits

• Ghost vs. Spirit:
  • Spirit: Crossed over, but can return and visit.
  • Ghost: Trapped between worlds (often due to confusion, tragedy, or "unfinished business").
  • Patrick: “A spirit is someone who has died and crossed over… a ghost is someone stuck between the living and the next life.” (29:10)
  • Reference to “Ghost” (the movie) and the reasons some spirits linger.

Methods and Manifestations

• Perceptual Clues: Most apparitions are seen peripherally; rarely straight-on.
  • Patrick: “Pay attention to what’s going on in the corner of your eye… don’t turn to look at it right away.” (17:55)
• Sensation and Equipment: Detection often comes from environmental cues: "cold spots," magnetic anomalies (compasses spinning), etc.

Direct Communication

• Limitations: Direct, two-way communication is rare and may require a trance medium, which Patrick does not attempt.
  • Patrick: “It’s very rare… and who can blame them? It’s a scary thought to become temporarily possessed.” (32:50)

Skeptics and the “Paranormal Expert” Label

• Skepticism Encouraged: Patrick debunks where possible (e.g., banging pipes) and is careful with unprovable claims.
• Patrick: “There are no such things as paranormal experts… you can’t be an expert in a field that's almost entirely theoretical in nature.” (38:28)

2. Questions from Listeners & The Bert Show Team

[Approx. 44:00 – 52:30]

• Can ghosts harm you?

  • Highly unlikely. Physical marks are rare and often explainable. Most “injuries” come from startle reactions, not attacks.
  • Patrick: “...if that was an injury, okay, they're very faint...most instances, it’s a secondary reaction.” (48:05)

• International Ghost Hunts?

  • Patrick hopes to investigate places like the Tower of London, Rose Hall, the Mayan ruins, or even shipwrecks like the Titanic someday.

• Famous EVP Investigation

  • Patrick explains “electronic voice phenomena” (EVP) and describes how he records and examines audio for unexplained voices.
  • Patrick: “Many times you get these voices that chime in — it’s in the ear of the beholder.” (53:45)

3. Ghost Hunt Results: The Bert Show Houses

[Approx. 52:30 – 01:02:11]

Which Host Has a Haunted House?

• Patrick Investigates:
  • Each host’s home was checked for EVP.
  • Outcome: Only Jen Hobby’s house returned a possible “Hi” EVP. The team debates if it’s actually a voice or static.
    • Jen: “I heard it. He said ‘Hi Jen, I’m happy to be in your house!’” (54:30)
  • Jen’s house is predicted to have more activity due its historical location (site of Civil War battles).

4. Election Trivia Game: Host Gets Spray-Tanned

[Approx. 01:03:00 – 01:18:00]

Game Segment:

• Listeners answer Georgia election law trivia questions. For every incorrect answer, “Hoss” (a producer) must receive a spray tan.
• Sample Questions:
  • How many hours can Georgia workers get off to vote? (Answer: Two hours)
  • Requirements for voting and prohibited activities at polling places.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Hoss, stuck in spray booth: “I feel like I’m in a gas chamber in there… I can’t breathe. Shouldn’t you be wearing, like, a mask or something?” (01:14:50)
• Running joke about Hoss’s accumulating spray tans and how streaky/unnatural the results look.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paranormal Ethics:
  Patrick Burns (20:55):
  “When you start charging money for something that you can’t prove, what really are you charging for?... Anytime, you know, money becomes involved… there’s a possibility of fraud.”

• The Nature of Ghosts:
  Patrick Burns (29:19):
  “If you’re talking about a haunting, usually they’re someone who is stuck in a specific location...”

• Skepticism and Science:
  Patrick Burns (38:40):
  “There are no such things as paranormal experts… you can’t be an expert in a field that's almost entirely theoretical in nature.”

• Listener Q&A:
  Listener (45:00): “Can a ghost or a spirit physically harm you?”
  Patrick Burns: “It is extremely, extremely rare. If it can even happen.”

• Comic Relief:
  Hoss, during the spray tan game (01:14:50):
  “I feel like I’m in a gas chamber in there… I can’t breathe!”

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 03:45 — Introduction of Patrick Burns & “Ghost Towns”
• 09:25 — Where to find paranormal activity around Atlanta
• 13:32 — Patrick’s personal backstory
• 17:55 — How to see a ghost (peripheral vision)
• 20:35 — Ethics of charging for ghost investigations
• 29:10 — Ghosts vs. spirits explained
• 38:28 — Skepticism and “paranormal expert” label
• 44:00 — Listener questions (harm, cold spots, compasses)
• 52:30 — Results of Bert Show home investigations & the EVP clip (“Hi”)
• 01:03:00 — Elections trivia and the spray tanning game

Summary Takeaways

• The episode offers an entertaining, candid look at ghost hunting, mixing skepticism with open-minded investigation. Patrick Burns is portrayed as credible and transparent, openly discussing the limits of what can be proved and the importance of ethical conduct.
• The segment is balanced with humor, as the show’s lighthearted tone re-emerges in the second half with a trivia game, underscoring why The Bert Show is beloved for both its real talk and its laughter.

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