Full Show PT 1: Monday, October 27 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Monday, October 27 [Vault]

Original Air Date: October 27, 2025
Main Hosts: Bert, Bird, Tommy, Hannah, Uncle Cracker (guest), Alicia (guest)

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Episode Overview

The Bert Show kicks off another energetic morning, true to their brand of mixing humor, authenticity, and real-life drama. This episode is packed with candid celebrity interviews, outrageous experiments, relationship dilemmas, and heartfelt bits as the crew shares wild stories and raw exchanges. Major segments include the hilarious MC Hammer interview, an audacious valet car theft social experiment, the ever-popular “Second Date Update” with a single mom twist, the blunt “Deadbeat Dad Patrol,” and an appearance from musician Uncle Cracker.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Interview with MC Hammer

[01:46–06:47]

• Bird and Tommy reminisce about their nostalgia interviewing the legendary MC Hammer.
• Hammer reflects on his career, financial decisions, and ongoing legacy.
  • Quote:

    "There’s so many highs and only one low…life is made up of many moments put together that equals life."
    — MC Hammer, [02:20]

• MC Hammer recounts paying a massive payroll to help his community.
  • Quote:

    "I had a payroll of $800,000 a month to over 200 employees... I always said if I make it I would help others out."
    — MC Hammer, [03:07]

• MC Hammer asserts his lasting influence, especially in fashion and performance, humbly mentioning how stars like Puffy have drawn inspiration.
• Memorable moment: MC Hammer jokes about staying fit:
  • Quote:

    "...I’m walking around with a 31 inch waist and 4% body fat."
    — MC Hammer, [05:47]

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2. Valet Car Theft Social Experiment

Safe to Hand Over Your Keys?
[06:51–14:37]

• Bird and Tommy recount a weekend experience where Bird was handed his car by a valet without showing the ticket.
• The team decides to test if one could steal a car from a valet by simply describing it.
• Tommy goes undercover at a hotel, pretending to have lost his valet ticket:
  • Staff initially resists, but after some persistence, Tommy is almost handed a random Toyota Corolla.
  • Ultimate realization: Security protocol is worryingly lax.
• Funny & frantic banter as Tommy considers actually driving off with the car, while others warn about grand theft risks.
  • Quote:

    "If he drives it off the premises, he can be charged with grand theft auto."
    — Alicia (caller), [14:18]

• Memorable moment: A listener with a cop in the family calls in to warn against taking things too far.

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3. Second Date Update: Single Mom Edition

Why Didn’t Alicia Call Back?
[17:15–24:28]

• Recap: Richard (Rick) spends over $400 on a date with Alicia, but she won’t call back.
• Alicia joins live for an honest answer:
  • She reveals she has a three-year-old son and is “auditioning” for a potential father, not just a boyfriend.
  • Richard admits he wouldn’t have shelled out the cash if he’d known, calling her son “baggage.”
    • Quote:

      "...not to be rude, but you know, baggage."
      — Tommy (as Richard), [21:05]

  • Hosts push back hard, defending single parents and emphasizing dating transparency.
    • Quote:

      "Her child. It’s not baggage."
      — Bird, [21:10]

  • Alicia shares she usually waits till the third or fourth date before disclosing she’s a mom, saying men often act differently once they know.
  • The segment ends with debate: Is it fair to wait to reveal kids? Is Alicia “roping in” dates or just protecting her son and herself?

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4. Celebrity Chat: Uncle Cracker

[24:29–31:47]

• Bird welcomes Uncle Cracker, formerly known for his work with Kid Rock, but now a solo star.
• Uncle Cracker talks about starting out in Detroit, rising from DJ battles to recording with Kid Rock on tour buses.
  • Quote:

    "We became good friends. I don’t know how it happened, really."
    — Uncle Cracker, [26:19]

• Discusses his transition to fame:
  • Confesses he hasn’t seen a cent from album sales yet, calling music royalties “about a year behind.”
  • Light jokes about buying classic cars and the perks of fame.
• Banter turns playful around religion and slang, with Bird joking about “Jewish starter kits.”
  • Quote:

    "As long as the little Jewish guy keeps playing track number seven, I’m digging the Jews."
    — Uncle Cracker, [30:27]

• Talks about his single "Follow Me," which Bird claims is about infidelity, prompting more self-deprecating humor.
• Cracker says he’s staying out of movies, focusing on music for now.

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5. Deadbeat Dad Patrol

[31:52–34:30]

• Courtney, a listener, has a 7-year-old child; her ex-husband hasn’t paid child support (behind by $9,000) nor seen the child in four years.
• Tommy, on assignment: Waits outside the deadbeat dad’s hotel for hours, confronts him with a photo of his daughter.
  • Quote:

    "You owe $9,000 on your child support…are you gonna pay it or not?"
    — Tommy, [33:14]

• Confrontation gets heated; man curses and threatens Tommy before speeding off.
  • Quote:

    "Get out of my face right now. I’mma throw you across this parking lot."
    — Deadbeat Dad, [34:07]

• Reinforces the show's commitment to helping families and holding parents accountable.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

| Time | Speaker | Memorable Quote/Highlight | |--------------|---------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:20 | MC Hammer | “Life is made up of many moments … that equals life.” | | 03:07 | MC Hammer | “$800,000 a month … to help my community.” | | 05:47 | MC Hammer | “…31 inch waist and 4% body fat.” | | 14:18 | Alicia (caller)| “If he drives it off … he can be charged with grand theft auto.” | | 21:05 | Tommy (Rich) | “Not to be rude, but you know, baggage.” | | 21:10 | Bird | “Her child. It’s not baggage.” | | 26:19 | Uncle Cracker | “We became good friends. I don’t know how it happened, really.” | | 30:27 | Uncle Cracker | “I’m digging the Jews.” | | 33:14 | Tommy | “You owe $9,000 on your child support…” | | 34:07 | Deadbeat Dad | “Get out of my face right now. I’mma throw you across this parking lot.” |

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Episode Flow & Takeaway

• The Bert Show delivers a full spectrum of content: lighthearted pop culture, candid celebrity interviews, real-world investigative pranks, and raw relationship talk.
• Humor and authenticity are constant, even when tackling serious issues like single parenting and deadbeat parents.
• Celebrity guests like MC Hammer and Uncle Cracker are treated with both reverence and playful irreverence.
• The team’s pranks (valet experiment) illustrate their willingness to challenge assumptions and social norms.
• Audience participation (call-ins, listener segments) amplifies the connection and keeps the energy unpredictable.

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Useful Timestamps

| Segment | Time | |------------------------------------------|-------| | MC Hammer Interview | 01:46–06:47 | | Valet Car Social Experiment | 06:51–14:37 | | Second Date Update | 17:15–24:28 | | Uncle Cracker Interview | 24:29–31:47 | | Deadbeat Dad Patrol | 31:52–34:30 |

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Summary prepared by an expert podcast summarizer for maximum clarity and engagement.

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Hannah]

So the other day I was in this group chat. Of course the topic turned to weight loss medications because it kind of seems like everybody's on one. One friend is already on one. Another is researching every option on TikTok and someone else was like, I don't even know where to start. It feels like everybody is talking about it right now, but nobody really knows if it's right for them. That's why hers can be a great option for you because they take all the confusion out of it. You connect with a real medical provider who helps you figure out what's actually best for your body and your goals without the guesswork. If it's prescribed, you'll get medication as a part of a doctor develop developed weight loss program with ongoing check ins, dosage adjustments and 24. 7 online support. They've got affordable options from oral medication kits to GLP1 injectables starting at 69amonth. So if you've been trying to figure out what works for you, it might be time to check out hers. Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit for hers.combert to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E-R S.com Bert that's for hers.com Bert Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

[Uncle Cracker]

The Birch Show.

[Bird]

I'm a huge dork. Listen to this. When we had MC Hammer on the show, I was like a 12 year old all over again. Hammer.

[Tommy]

Hey, good morning. How you doing?

[Bird]

This is the coolest thing ever. We're talking to Hammer.

[Tommy]

All right. Good morning, good morning, good morning.

[Bird]

Now, are you referred to now as MC Hammer? Are we back to Hammer? Where are we at now?

[Tommy]

MC Hammer.

[Bird]

MC Hammer.

[Bert]

MC Hammer. Cougar Mellencamp.

[Bird]

Man, it is good to talk to you.

[Tommy]

Well, it's my pleasure.

[Bird]

Wow. This. I mean, there are so many questions. I guess we can start with, is it painful to sit back and write about your life because there were so many highs and so many lows?

[Tommy]

As a matter of fact, it's the opposite. There's so many highs and only one low. It's the opposite. That's what's great about the movie. The movie allows the reality of what life is. Life is not one moment. Your life is made up of many moments put together that equals life. But probably from a sensationalism standpoint, it's easier to focus on one point because again, it sells better. But life. I was born many years ago and began my life in East Oakland in humble beginnings. And from there have gone on to see the world, been around the world nine or 10 times, played in front of millions of people, collected numerous awards from Grammys to American Music Awards to Moon Men to, you name it. So, absolutely, it's been a great life.

[Bert]

Now, Hammer, Burt has been asking. He's like, I gotta ask MC Hammer how he spent the money.

[Tommy]

The reality is, in actuality, I had a payroll of $800,000 a month to over 200 employees. And the real fact of the matter is, if very simple math, $800,000 a month for over 36 months puts a big dent on anybody's fortune. But it was a conscious decision that I made by nobody stretch of anybody's imagination, do I not have the ability to calculate my math? It was a conscious decision. I had many employees from my community and I wanted to give them the work. And I made that decision. I lived by it. And here, no problem at all.

[Bird]

Were these people that were really helping MC Hammer out though? Or were these people you were just taking care of?

[Tommy]

Well, you know, I was taking care of them, but it was, at the end of the day, it was, you know, it was my dream. So I wanted to see middle class African Americans for my community. And I was making a whole lot of money and I wanted to be a part of facilitating that dream. I always said if I make it that I would help others out. Money. I didn't make money. I didn't start this, you know, this business or being an artist to make money. I became an artist because I knew I had a talent.

[Bird]

Do you think the legacy that you're gonna leave, and this is a hard question to ask, and don't get mad at me, but let me ask you a hard question. Is the legacy that you're leaving, is it gonna be that you were so big or that you lost all that money?

[Tommy]

Well, it depends on who you're Talking to. If you're talking to people who are unaccomplished in their own lives and never reach certain goals that they have for themselves, then they'll focus on, man, if I had one Hammerhead, I would have done it this way. So I'm excited about the legacy that will be left behind. And nothing that, you know, one moment will never take away my talent.

[Bird]

So I'm curious if, okay, let's just say that you get successful again monetarily, like you did before, will you hire.

[Hannah]

As many people as you did before? Will you make.

[Tommy]

Will you do that again in another fashion today? We understand, and I'll say I, and again shoulder that responsibility today. I understand that there are other ways to be a philanthropist. You can utilize parts of your own and then you have, you know, non profits and you have corporations that will participate. And then you have actually government programs that are set up, if you know how to access them to help your community. So certainly if it's not direct employment, I will still be doing things to help my community. That is my calling. And again, one bump in the road does not change that.

[Bert]

You know, obviously you're a pioneer, you know, and you help bring rap mainstream and you were part of all that. But does it like when you're watching TV now and you see like I'm trying to think of a rap artist before MC Hammer, who was up on stage with like a huge church choir, you know, backing him up, and now you see Puffy's doing that.

[Bird]

Puffy is MC Hammer from the year 2001. How's your act? Isn't it?

[Tommy]

Well, I mean, I definitely can see the influence that I have on Puffy and others, and that's always flattering. But at the end of the day, I'm me, you know, and again, I'm walking around with a 31 inch waist and 4% body fat. So when you see me do my thing, you'll see that it's flatter to have others who do parts of my act. But MC Hammer is MC Hammer at the end of the day.

[Bird]

So like Sean Puffy, though, and like J.

[Hannah]

Lo, you know, they started clothing lines and you're coming out with J Slick, that's your new clothing line.

[Tommy]

Well, you know, again, I've been affecting fashion for quite a while from, you know, from the very first time with the baggy pants and all that. It actually end up affecting all fashion. And they end up wearing, you know, as the kids wear today, nothing but baggy clothing. And so to diversify into fashion is A natural thing. Most performers are creative. They like to, you know, they like to create their own wardrobe. So it's just, again, another byproduct of what we do.

[Bird]

MC Hammer. Hammer. This was so great talking to you. Thanks for joining us, man.

[Tommy]

Well, thank you. God bless you guys. Take care.

[Bird]

Take care. Bye now.

[Uncle Cracker]

The Birch Show.

[Bird]

You want to believe that your car is completely safe once you drop it off with the valet, right? Tommy proved to us one morning that that's not the case. First we need to check in with T. Hey, dude.

[Tommy]

Yo.

[Bird]

Hey, what's up, man?

[Tommy]

Hey, man, what's up?

[Bird]

All right, let me reset this. Over the weekend, Jeff and I met in the Virginia Highlands. He was with Jessica, and they drove down in their car, and Stacy and I went down in ours, and we met at a restaurant. They had their car valeted. Stacy and I, we had our car valeted. And the. The plan was for Stacy and Jessica after lunch to go shopping over to Lenox Mall. They were going to drive over there, and Jeff and I were going to go back up into midtown. So Stacy and Jessica take off and take the car. And then when Jeff and I go out to my car, Stacy still had my valet ticket. So I go up to dude and I'm like. I told him what the story was, and he just points at a. He's all, which one's your car? And I pointed to my wrangler and he said, okay, see ya. Bye. Bye. Here's your car. Gave him the three bucks, and we took off. So we wanted to test the theory this weekend if that was just a fluke or if that's how valets really handle it. Is it really safe to have your car at a valet? Because technically, you could have taken.

[Hannah]

You could have pointed out the Porsche.

[Bird]

Or the Range Rover, and he maybe would have given me those cars. Maybe just because it was a beat up wrangler. He said, go ahead and take it.

[Bert]

Yeah, just get it out of.

[Bird]

Yeah, get it out of our line. You're making the other cars look like crap. So we sent Tommy to a hotel this morning to try the same thing, and he got denied the first time. So we wanted to make sure that that wasn't a fleek. So as a public service, we sent him to another hotel, and he's there right now. Hey, dude.

[Tommy]

Yeah, man. What's up?

[Bird]

So you've scoped out the parking lot, and you have your eyes on one car that you can give the valet a description to?

[Tommy]

Yeah.

[Bird]

Okay, go for it.

[Tommy]

I just know what kind it Is.

[Bird]

All right.

[Tommy]

All right.

[Bert]

And don't forget, you're not a guest at the hotel.

[Tommy]

Yeah. Hey, I've lost my ticket. It's a Toyota Corolla. Okay, I'm not. I'm not a guest. I just met somebody here and I think they've actually got it. Just talk the lady at the desk. Okay. Yeah. They're doing the exact same thing as last time. They're sending me to, like, a security desk.

[Bert]

I got a feeling you'll get this one.

[Tommy]

Really?

[Uncle Cracker]

Yep.

[Tommy]

No, I don't think so. Hold on a second. I gotta go back in the hotel room.

[Bird]

It's pretty nice, right? This is a pretty nice hotel. Tommy, show him some legs. Yeah, do the Oscar.

[Tommy]

I lost my ticket. I'm not a guest here. I was meeting somebody. It's a Toyota Corolla. Yeah, I think I was meeting somebody here and I think they've actually got it. I wrote a phone number on it. I think I gave it to my buddy that I was meeting in the lobby. Yeah, Toyota Corolla. No, I'm not a guest. I don't have a room number at all. And I'm not real sure what his room number was. He's already left. She's. Yeah, she's looking in a book. All right. Looking.

[Bird]

Protocol.

[Bert]

She's looking up Toyota.

[Bird]

I'm sure. Nowhere on that protocol does it say, okay, just give him the car.

[Bert]

He's gonna get it. I feel like he's gonna get it.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

No way.

[Bert]

I feel like.

[Tommy]

Yeah, I should be there within the hour. Hopefully.

[Bird]

No way there.

[Tommy]

She's. She's on the phone right now calling somebody.

[Bert]

Nine, one one.

[Tommy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bert]

Nine, one, one.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah.

[Bird]

I wonder if we try this. We should try this the next time. Not at a hotel.

[Bert]

Well, who has valet at a restaurant?

[Bird]

Well, that's what I said. I think that he had better luck getting a car.

[Tommy]

Thank you very much.

[Bird]

At 9 o'.

[Bert]

Clock.

[Tommy]

Should I just meet him out here?

[Bert]

Wait, did you get the car?

[Tommy]

Yeah, he's actually coming right here. I know the guy is. Hey, I lost my ticket. It's a Toyota, bro. Yeah, black. Toyota Corolla. Yeah. Here we go.

[Bert]

You get in the car, he's giving it to you.

[Tommy]

I think so. I think so.

[Bird]

No way. No, no, no, don't.

[Bert]

Yeah, no, take the car.

[Bird]

Take the car and go.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Bert]

Just have him driving around stealing.

[Hannah]

Let's drive it on the block and get it.

[Tommy]

No, what I'm gonna do, I'm driving around. I'm gonna pull it Back and strop it off.

[Bird]

Okay.

[Tommy]

I guess. I guess I like. I'm valeting it again until I forgot something.

[Bert]

Just re valet it and then the other guy will come out with the ticket. You won't be able to find his car. Oh, that's comedy.

[Tommy]

Yeah, yeah. What he's doing. He's getting the keys right now and he is walking.

[Hannah]

Oh, my God.

[Tommy]

He's walking out the door to go get the car. And I am going to follow him out here and I cannot believe.

[Bert]

I want you to get in the car and beep the horn a couple times.

[Tommy]

Okay. He's running to the car right now.

[Uncle Cracker]

No way. No way.

[Bird]

Oh, I don't believe.

[Tommy]

This is the. I've never committed this crime.

[Bert]

Like I said. I think this is joyriding.

[Hannah]

Yeah, this is joy riding.

[Bird]

I don't even think you should take it out of the parking lot. I think you should just go right up because we proved the point. You don't need to take it anywhere or just start it and then go. Oh, you know what? Beep the horn a couple times. Beat the horn a couple of times and then go back.

[Bert]

No, no, no. Just try it. Just drive it around somewhere.

[Bird]

That's illegal.

[Tommy]

Bring it back to the station and take a picture.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Bird]

Oh, God.

[Hannah]

And then drive it back.

[Bird]

Yeah. That is illegal. That is illegal.

[Hannah]

Grand theft.

[Bird]

You do that if you want, but I'm not backing you when the cops come and get you.

[Tommy]

Oh, yes, you are. This wasn't my idea.

[Bird]

Is he take. Is he bringing the car?

[Tommy]

He hadn't drove up yet. I think he's got to go a good ways to get it.

[Bird]

Oh, my God.

[Tommy]

Yeah, he's about to get it. Yeah. How much do I have to pay? Yeah, it wasn't probably about 30 minutes ago. Yeah.

[Bert]

He's not going to have any money.

[Bird]

No, he won't.

[Tommy]

Okay, Just on to her. Okay, thank you. I don't really know what he just gave me, but he gave me a parking pass. He got me to talk to somebody else. I'm not going to go in there and talk to him.

[Bert]

No, just get. Just get the car and get the car.

[Bird]

Get the cash. Unreal.

[Bert]

Here's what I want him to do.

[Tommy]

Tell me how much money to pay. $8. Okay, I'll pay $8. Sure, no problem.

[Bird]

$8 for a brand new what?

[Uncle Cracker]

Toyota.

[Bird]

Toyota Corolla? He paid two bucks too much.

[Uncle Cracker]

Hey, I'm just kidding.

[Bird]

I'm kidding. I don't know anything about a Corolla.

[Tommy]

Hey, do I know. Hey, you there?

[Bird]

Yeah, I'm here. Yeah.

[Tommy]

Okay. Yeah, I got. I'm going to pay this lady some money.

[Bird]

Okay. You got $8 on you?

[Tommy]

Yeah, I've got it.

[Bird]

Jeff will pick that up once you get back.

[Bert]

That's a miracle. I'll only pick him up if you let him do what my suggestion is about to be.

[Bird]

You want what?

[Bert]

I want him to drive the car away from the hotel, turn the radio all the way up, turn the wipers on, turn the hazards on the turn signal, adjust the seat, fix the mirrors, screw them up.

[Bird]

Okay.

[Bert]

Pop the trunk, then bring the car back, shut it off, and go. I have to run back in.

[Bird]

Okay, that's fine. That's fine.

[Tommy]

Yeah, hold on one second. I should be there within the hour. He just pulls it up. So. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

[Bert]

Did you hear this crash?

[Tommy]

All right, here I go.

[Bird]

Oh, yeah.

[Tommy]

Honk the horn.

[Bird]

Honk the horn. Honk the horn. So I. So you prove it.

[Tommy]

Thank you very much, buddy. I really appreciate that.

[Bird]

Honk the horn.

[Tommy]

Hold on. I'm getting in right now.

[Alicia]

Okay.

[Tommy]

All right.

[Bird]

He got it.

[Alicia]

Oh, my God.

[Bird]

I cannot believe this. Okay, go, go.

[Tommy]

All right, I just put it in drive. I am Just stole the car.

[Bird]

That is great. I don't believe it. All right, dude, I think I'm.

[Tommy]

I just found me a new job.

[Bird]

Now bring it right back. No, do all the hazards. Do all the stuff you're gonna do to the car, then bring it right back. I don't want you driving that thing.

[Tommy]

Let me beat the horn here. I don't believe.

[Bird]

God, I don't believe.

[Bert]

Just have him driving around the block, put. How many miles do you think you can put on it in an hour before you.

[Bird]

No, no, no. Come on in. Who's this?

[Alicia]

Hey, it's Tiffany.

[Bird]

Hey, Tiffany.

[Alicia]

If he drives it off the premises, he can be charged with grand theft auto.

[Bird]

Yeah, I don't think he should do that. All right, thank you for. Are you a cop?

[Alicia]

And my brother is a police officer, and I'm telling you. Yeah, we'll charge him if he pulls it off the premises, because it is not his.

[Bird]

Okay, thank you.

[Alicia]

All right.

[Bird]

Hey, T. Don't do that, man.

[Bert]

T. He hung up.

[Bird]

Oh, no.

[Uncle Cracker]

The Birch show.

[Hannah]

Okay, so tell me if this sounds familiar. You're out with your friends, and someone mentions how much they're saving every month, and you're like, wait, should I know that number? Because I'm going to be straight up with you. That was me. I mean, I thought I was doing fine. I'm paying bills and I'm saving a little here and there. But when I finally looked at everything in Monarch, I realized realized most of my money was just sitting idle in my checking account. It was basically taking a big nap. Feel organized and confident in your finances with Monarch, an all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. It gives you visuals, categories, trends, and it's basically like seeing your entire financial picture without a single spreadsheet. And it's built for busy people. You link your accounts in minutes and Monarch does a heavy lifting. You can even share your dashboard with your partner or advisor so everyone's on the same page. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the Cracks. Use code bertonarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with code BERT.

[Bert]

AI agents are everywhere, automating tasks and making decisions at machine speed. But agents make mistakes. Just one rogue agent can do big damage before you even notice. Rubrik Agent Cloud is the only platform that helps you monitor agents, set guardrails and rewind mistakes so you can unleash agents, not risk. Accelerate your AI [e-mail] that's R U B R-I K.com hi, it's Sarah Gibson.

[Alicia]

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[Bird]

For the life of me I can't figure out why guys want to do this every week. But here's second date update. Here's the premise behind it. Guy goes out with woman, thinks he has a great date. Can't get return phone call back. So what he'll do is what I think is really the smart way to go. Call her live on the air and find out why she won't return his calls. All right, let's go ahead and reset this. Richard, Rick calls us up yesterday, has a great, great first date with Alicia. Takes her to the Palm.

[Hannah]

Yes.

[Bird]

Takes her to Blue Palm. Oh, yeah. Takes her to a movie, takes her to the Velvet Room. They hang out till three in the morning, has a great time. So he's expecting a second date. He calls her back once, twice, three times, no callback.

[Hannah]

Drops about $400.

[Bird]

Yeah. Four or $500 on her and can't figure out why. So he thought it'd be a good idea to call us up yesterday and call Alicia out on the air while he was talking to her and find out exactly why there was no second date. So we did that. We called Alicia on the air. Hi, Alicia. Hello. Hi, this is Bird and Lindsay and Melissa and Jeff calling from Q100. Hey, Alicia, we have Richard on the phone here with you and he thinks that you guys had a great first date. Couple of weeks ago, he said that you guys had a great time at the Velvet Room. Dinner was great, the movie was kick ass. And he's called you a couple of times, emailed you a couple of times. And he's just been getting the cold shoulder. And. Well, Richard, why don't you talk to her?

[Tommy]

Hi, Alicia.

[Alicia]

Hi, Rich.

[Tommy]

Yeah, what, what's going on? How come I haven't heard from you?

[Alicia]

Well, I had a great time with you.

[Tommy]

I thought so.

[Alicia]

Well, to be honest with you, during the course of the evening, you made this statement about how you really worked hard in your 20s and now that you've turned 30, you want to start playing a little more. And I didn't tell you, but I actually have a three year old son.

[Tommy]

You have a three year old son?

[Alicia]

Yeah. And I know you're not looking to get married yet and you want to just kind of play and have fun for the next year, few years. And you're not looking to settle down.

[Tommy]

And you're not kidding. You have a, you have a three year old son?

[Alicia]

Yeah, I have a little boy. And I don't tell people. I, you know, when I go on a date with a guy, you know, just getting to know him, it's kind of like an audition, you know, because I'm not just looking for a boyfriend or a husband. I'm also looking for a dad for my little boy. And you, you failed the audition, that's legit.

[Bird]

I mean, she just feels like. Yeah, she just feels like she's looking for somebody a little bit more settled, you know, some. She's also looking for, I mean, inevitably a father and somebody that she can spend the rest of her life with.

[Alicia]

Exactly.

[Tommy]

I understand it. She has a kid and she's got to look out for not only herself, but the child is. I wish I had found out earlier because to be honest, I probably wouldn't have wasted all that money.

[Uncle Cracker]

Oh.

[Tommy]

I mean, it was kind of just like a free night out for mom otherwise.

[Bird]

Okay, Rich, you know. Okay, you know what? That's not nice. That's not fair. And also, it was your choice to spend that much money.

[Hannah]

She never said to you, I need a fancy schmancy date.

[Bird]

You could have taken her out to.

[Hannah]

A nice restaurant and that's it. And that would have been a fun evening. She wasn't asking for you to drop $400 for her.

[Bird]

Alicia, you want to respond to him for all the single moms listening?

[Alicia]

Well, yeah. I'm kind of taken aback that he would say something like that. It isn't as if I asked you to take me to the Velvet Room and to the Palm. I would have been just as happy if we'd done something less expensive. And it's not as if you. If I had any kids.

[Tommy]

Well, I understand, but it's not as if you said either. I just think it. I don't see that anything wrong with me taking you out, doing the best I can on the date and treating you as well as I can. Obviously I did it. Not knowing at all that you had, you know, not to be rude, but, you know, baggage.

[Bird]

If you get a woman.

[Hannah]

If you're not rich.

[Tommy]

What is wrong with you?

[Bird]

I mean, see, I'm sorry.

[Tommy]

I'm just a little. I understand that she wanted you would.

[Bird]

Not have taken her out if she had. Now understand why she doesn't tell anybody about the kid. Because you totally treat her differently and insult her. What do you mean? Her child. It's not baggage.

[Tommy]

Well, just be honest is all I'm saying up front from now on.

[Bert]

Why is every guy who comes on this stupid second date thing bury themselves in single hood forever?

[Bird]

Cuz it's ego. It's all.

[Tommy]

It's not ego.

[Bird]

Yeah, it is.

[Tommy]

No, it's not. They. Alicia, didn't you expect me to be completely honest with you? I just expected the same.

[Alicia]

Well, if you were an honest person, you would have tried to impress me so hard.

[Bird]

Exactly.

[Tommy]

Well, I Don't think that that's fair, is there?

[Bird]

Hey, Alicia, is there some validity to telling people before you go out on a date that you have a child? Is that something that other single mothers tend to do?

[Alicia]

None of my friends do. No, because the guy treats you differently. Look at how Rich's impression of me has changed.

[Bird]

Right, right.

[Alicia]

Just finding out that I have a little boy now, it's completely different.

[Tommy]

No, well, it's not like, hey, I didn't know you were allergic to dogs. And I have a dog at my apartment.

[Alicia]

My child's not a dog.

[Tommy]

I know, exactly. It's a big, big deal that you really should let people know ahead of time. But what if some guy had taken you out and you're having a great time and everything, and later on you find out that maybe he's been divorced a couple times and has, like, five kids and one at home and a few others with a couple other women or something? Aren't these things that you'd want to know up front what you're getting into?

[Bert]

But I think up front is fair enough to be after the first date.

[Hannah]

Exactly.

[Alicia]

Yes.

[Bird]

Yeah. I mean, do you have to put everything on the table on the first date? Alicia, this isn't the first date you've had in three years, obviously.

[Alicia]

No, it's not.

[Bird]

And you never tell the guy on the first date that you have a child. Never have before. When do you usually tell them?

[Alicia]

Yeah, like third or fourth. Yeah, third or fourth date.

[Hannah]

What is the usual response or the typical response?

[Alicia]

The typical response is that they're not exactly excited. Well, actually, a few guys are. You know, they're happy to get to know my son, but, you know, it makes them jumpy.

[Bird]

Sure, I think, you know, but don't.

[Bert]

You feel like you're kind of roping them into it if you wait that many dates where you. Where they're. You're creating an interest in yourself. I mean, part of your package now is your son.

[Alicia]

It's not just rubbing them in, though. I want to get to know them, too. I don't want to introduce my child to some guy who isn't what he seems to be. I mean, a lot of guys act really nice on the first few dates because they're trying to impress you.

[Tommy]

But that's not. I mean, you seem to be someone who's not a single mom, and then you turn out to be a single mom.

[Alicia]

What's a single mom supposed to be?

[Tommy]

Well, in other words, you say nothing about a child, and then three to four days, I Mean, I was lucky enough to find out after one date. You're saying you tell some guys after three or four days? That's not fair.

[Hannah]

See, I think I'd just be surprised after the third date or the fourth date.

[Bird]

We also have to remember that she decided not to go out with you again. Yeah, that's right. I mean, she. She cut it off when she realized that you weren't going to be interested in that. She went ahead and just said, you know what? No more. Yeah, maybe that's where the real fault lies there, Alicia. And you just. After he called you two or three times, you called him up and then said, you know what? I just realized you're not the kind of guy that I'd want to go out with because I have a child. Maybe that's a way to handle it.

[Uncle Cracker]

The Bird Show.

[Bird]

This guy went from zero to hero when he was working with Kid Rock. People didn't even know his name. It's Uncle Cracker. And you know his name now. What's going on, dude?

[Uncle Cracker]

Not what's happening.

[Bird]

This thing is old. This is hitting fast, isn't it? I'm just.

[Uncle Cracker]

I'm here to apologize for not calling in yesterday, man.

[Bird]

Why are you talking us out like that, dude? What happened? What do we ever do to you, man? You know what?

[Uncle Cracker]

It wasn't on purpose. I did this thing yesterday where we played New York City, and, you know, that's the. The record label heaven, and that's the, you know, the spank and thank thing.

[Bird]

Right?

[Uncle Cracker]

You got the meet and greet and you got the record label party, and you do that thing and something happened where I didn't go to bed.

[Bird]

Oh, imagine that. Right.

[Uncle Cracker]

But then I had. And then I had something to do for like, the 7:30, 8 in the morning thing. And then, you know, I don't know what happened.

[Bird]

So you just despise doing these kind of interviews going from station to station, or is this still pretty cool for you?

[Uncle Cracker]

I can be honest when I say I do love doing the interview interviews. I do like doing the phoners. It just. You know what sucks more than anything?

[Bird]

Yeah. When it gets in the way. You're partying.

[Uncle Cracker]

That was an accident.

[Bird]

If I read correctly yesterday, you and Kid Rock are all hanging out since you're kids, and then you start playing with them, and then before you know it, you're recording your own album in the back of his tour bus. Yeah. Is that the story right there?

[Uncle Cracker]

That's pretty much the story.

[Bird]

Cool. Good talking to you. Thanks for coming in. I mean, what an incredible story. Now. And you met through your brother? Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah. Well, they went up. They went up against each other in this DJ competition. And this was back. I was 13, and it was at some teen club. There's actually a bar that turned into a teen club on Sunday nights. So, like the. The famous DJ back in Detroit, back in, like, in the 80s, was a guy named the Wizard. He was on WJLB. That was up in Detroit. So nobody here cares about that. But he held this DJ competition and my brother and Kid Rock went up against each other in this. In this, you know, this contest thing. And then something happened. They became good friends. And then me and Kid Rock became best friends out of it.

[Bird]

Wow. Cool.

[Tommy]

Very cool.

[Uncle Cracker]

They fell out over something stupid. And, you know, we became good friends. I don't know how it happened really.

[Bird]

But see, like, he, like, basically broke up with the girl and he snuck right in. That's kind of what happened.

[Uncle Cracker]

It was just. No, my brother was just one of them kids who didn't really care about anything.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know, so. And I don't know, which makes him a good manager these days.

[Bird]

I'm guessing Kid Rock is probably the same way. He didn't care about. No, come on. The guy is coming out to. What was it? What award show was it a couple of weeks ago with a big old joint in his hat?

[Bert]

Was it the MTV Awards?

[Bird]

Yeah, it was the MTV Awards. Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know, he cares. He actually has a heart and he cares. And, you know, he's one of them guys. I don't know, like, you know, a question I get a lot is, you know, would you want him to marry your daughters type thing.

[Bird]

Only if your daughter's Pamela Anderson. You must have been high fiving him all the way down the street with the Pamela Anderson thing.

[Hannah]

I think he married.

[Uncle Cracker]

I don't know what the hell they're doing.

[Bird]

It's cool for you to sit back and watch that, though. Here's a guy you're spinning with since you're like, 13, and now he's dating Pamela.

[Uncle Cracker]

It's good, man. You know, high fives are good. I just. You know what? I. I've been gone, though. I've been. You know, the whole kid rack thing took a break like, what, six, seven months ago.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

And, you know, I watched all them cats go home. And, you know, while they all went to Detroit, I went, you know, the opposite direction. And I've been promoting this record for myself.

[Bird]

Are you done talking about the Kid Rock years and stuff? And it's Just ready to move on and be the Uncle Crackers.

[Uncle Cracker]

No, not that I'm done talking about it because I'm. I'm still with the Kid Rock thing. You know, we're doing record with that and you know, he's my best friend. My loyalty's there. My. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. So I just, you know, I'm not done. Tired of it. And there's no way, there's absolutely no way people are gonna quit asking me about it.

[Bird]

Right.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know what I'm saying?

[Bird]

It's gonna get on your nerves, man. It's gonna get on your nerves, though.

[Bert]

Besides, he's.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah, no, it's over. I mean, it's already got on my nerves.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know, it's. It started out when the record came out and it didn't sell. Then it got on my nerves and I was like, wait a minute, enough with the kid stuff.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know, because there wasn't enough Uncle Cracker stuff. But then, you know, the record started selling and then the Kid Rock questions weren't so bad.

[Bird]

Right.

[Uncle Cracker]

You know, because there was more Uncle Cracker. That it was. It was all right.

[Bird]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

What am I gonna do?

[Bert]

Plus, it doesn't suck that he's dating Pamela because, you know, all the other girls on VIP are pretty hot.

[Bird]

Yeah. Is it? I mean, this must be kind of almost like a bit of a culture shock to you now because now you're the, you're, you're the guy in the forefront and you're going through the stuff that kids been going through the last couple of years. This must be pretty damn cool for you.

[Uncle Cracker]

It's. I'll tell you what, it doesn't suck.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Uncle Cracker]

I have no complaints right now.

[Bird]

And the things that stink about it though are like getting up at 7 and being pushed and pulled and. You didn't have to do that stuff before, right?

[Uncle Cracker]

Because, you know, if I wanted to get up at 9, I'd have went to college. That's why I didn't go get one of them high paying jobs.

[Bird]

It's like inside, like, how much do you get like off of every single that's sold? I mean, have you gotten like the first, first huge check yet?

[Uncle Cracker]

No. In fact, I haven't seen a penny from this record.

[Bird]

Seriously?

[Uncle Cracker]

Seriously. I mean, everything's about a year behind. You know, you could go in, you could record a record today and sell a million copies tomorrow. And the third day you'd end up with nothing really. And it'd probably take about a year before you saw Anything from it.

[Bird]

So you haven't been able to buy anything really cool yet?

[Uncle Cracker]

No, I think. Well, don't.

[Bird]

Don't get me wrong.

[Uncle Cracker]

I got that Kid Rock record, dude.

[Bird]

Yeah, that's right.

[Uncle Cracker]

It was pretty good.

[Bird]

That's right.

[Uncle Cracker]

That's why my record was kind of a bonus. Nobody needed this ragged. You know what's going to be sweet, though, is when it does come in. That'll be nice.

[Bird]

Yeah, it will.

[Uncle Cracker]

My accountant will be all happy, you.

[Bird]

Know, Be rolling around naked.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah, it was red for a while.

[Bird]

How many cars you have?

[Uncle Cracker]

Come on.

[Hannah]

It's okay.

[Bert]

6.

[Bird]

I mean, if you can't even count them out, you can't remember how many cars you have. You got a lot of cars.

[Uncle Cracker]

Like I said, though, I haven't been home in a while either.

[Bert]

If it's slipping your mind, can I.

[Uncle Cracker]

No. It's fresh, though.

[Bird]

I just bought.

[Uncle Cracker]

I just bought an El Camino, though. That is so sweet, dude.

[Bird]

I dig it. El Caminos.

[Uncle Cracker]

The 71 with the 454. This thing is.

[Bird]

Brad, we were just talking about El Caminos the other day.

[Uncle Cracker]

Those things are dope. I'm saying they're sweet.

[Bird]

That's a good thing, right, though? That's good.

[Bert]

Little Jewish man equals no slang.

[Uncle Cracker]

Are you Jewish?

[Bird]

Yeah, dude.

[Uncle Cracker]

Oh, man.

[Bird]

Look at the snap. Does that mean we're gonna end the interview now?

[Uncle Cracker]

I don't know. I'm just kidding. No, you guys brought it up. I didn't. I like everybody.

[Bird]

As long as they're buying your record. As long as the little Jewish guy keeps playing track number seven, I'm digging the Jews. So you got the new CD coming out. Are we gonna, like, start seeing you in movies and TV and all this, too?

[Uncle Cracker]

You know what? I'm gonna stay out of the movies. And, you know, the record's out now. It's called Double Wide. And, you know, the single, obviously, Follow Me, and the next single is. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just here that, you know, hoping that you're gonna, you know, put the yeah, yeah song in and press repeat.

[Bird]

Isn't Follow Me? Isn't it about a dude that wants the woman to leave his wife and come hang out with him?

[Uncle Cracker]

It's just kind of like, you know, what you don't know won't hurt you. Or what they don't know won't hurt them.

[Bird]

It's about infidelity.

[Bert]

Very War of the Rose.

[Uncle Cracker]

Infidelity. I live in a dark place. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bird]

You know what you need to find Judaism. The little Beanie starter kid yarmulke man.

[Bert]

Yeah, Uncle Cracker used to spend the drink.

[Uncle Cracker]

I'm gonna be. I'm gonna turn into one.

[Bert]

Listen, when you finish your conversion, I've already got your first spin, the dreidel of love.

[Uncle Cracker]

In fact, I'm halfway converted just from.

[Bert]

Being this close to Bert.

[Bird]

Yeah, yeah. Judaism is contagious, dude. You walk out of here, you want cafilta, fish and moss and you won't even know why.

[Uncle Cracker]

I already can't stand Christmas.

[Bird]

I can feel it.

[Uncle Cracker]

There's a lot days.

[Bird]

That's right.

[Hannah]

All right, man.

[Bird]

Good meeting you.

[Uncle Cracker]

Really intuitive Uncle Chr.

[Bird]

The bird show it's tough enough being a single mother on the best days, but how about when your ex husband pays no attention to your child and has no intention at all of taking care of his responsibilities? Well, we take care of those people with a little bit we called deadbeat dad patrol. Courtney called us yesterday, told us. Well actually she emailed us weeks ago and told us about her ex husband who they've been divorced for years now they have a seven year old child, but he doesn't pay any child support. He completely books the system, gets around it, uses the system and hasn't talked to his child in four years and hasn't paid any child support in years and years and years also. In fact, they're behind about $9,000. So we went to check this guy out, we hired a couple of private investigators and found out everything she was saying about him was absolutely true. So we sent Tommy down to his hotel yesterday because he was in town for the weekend just to confront the guy, show him a picture of his daughter and remind him that he's about $9,000 behind on his child support. Well, the guy didn't show up and didn't come out of his hotel by the end of the show at 10 yesterday. So Tommy, being the gamer he is, stayed there till 8:30 last night till the guy finally came out of hiding. And this is what happened when Tommy taped this yesterday, last night at about 8:30.

[Tommy]

There he is right there. There he is. Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. This a picture of your daughter right here. First off, my name is Tommy Stone. I'm with the Burt show with Q100 radio. And I'm here to remind you that you owe $9,000 on your child support. Dude, what the. Is this your. Is this your daughter? Who the are you? Dude, you don't have to get rude to me, okay? I'm here to ask you something. You owe $9,000 on your child support. And I'm here to find out if you're gonna pay it or not. What? Get the out of my face right now. I don't know who you are. I don't want the you want, but get that picture out of my face and get yourself out. Dude, get your hands off of me. Get your hands off of me. You get the out of my face right now. I'm a beat the out of you. You need to pay your damn child support. I'll pay my. I don't even know who you are telling me what I should do. Get out of my face right now. I'mma throw you across this parking lot. Just got in his car, man. He just slammed his door. You're a deadbeat dad, man. Hey dude, you got to pay your child support, man. Dude, he slammed his door and he's driving off. He just sped out of here.

[Uncle Cracker]

The Birch Show.

[Bert]

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[Alicia]

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[Hannah]

You know Hannah and I love a good bedrotting session. Reality tv snacks nearby. And now I've leveled up with my self care game with this shark Beauty Cryoglow. The number one skincare facial device in the US.

[Bird]

Wait, I'm obsessed with it. I've had it for a while actually.

[Hannah]

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[Bird]

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[Hannah]

I really need this because nothing wakes.

[Bird]

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[Hannah]

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[Bird]

To treat yourself to the number one LED beauty mask this holiday season, go.

[Hannah]

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[Bird]

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