The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Thursday, February 12 [Vault]

Date: February 12, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show Cast

Overview

This lively morning episode of The Bert Show mixes laugh-out-loud banter, debate, and audience participation. The two main segments revolve around a humorous, gender-based household “law” regarding shared hygiene products and a quirky “email psychic” game where Jeff reads listeners’ personalities from their email addresses. The tone is playful, irreverent, and authentically conversational—a typical morning “escape” crafted for the show’s loyal audience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Great “Shower Product Law” Debate (01:00–10:41)

Setup

• Bert introduces the notion of creating a universal “law” to govern the use of personal care products between men and women in shared spaces.
• He humorously worries that by limiting each other’s access to gendered products, both sides stand to lose out on “the cool stuff.”

Major Talking Points

• Double Standards & Fairness:
  • Should women be allowed to use men’s electronic face grooming tools on other body parts if men are sneaking women’s specialty shower products?
  • Bert: “My fear is that if we make the law for women, the side for men goes away… I do like using your cool smelly stuff.” (01:13)
• Bathroom Economics:
  • The cost and nostalgia about “borrowing” expensive shampoo or handy loofahs come up. (03:43)
  • Cassie: “Stay away from my $25 shampoo when you’re not gonna, like, really use the right amount, you’re gonna use like half a handful.” (03:45)
  • Bert: “That’s the sacrifice I’m not sure can be made.” (03:57)
• Listeners Weigh In:
  • Tony calls in, revealing he buys his wife every possible women’s razor, but she always prefers his—so he leaves a decoy razor! (05:07–05:59)
  • Liz comments: “I definitely think that women shouldn’t be using razors or clippers for down there and then expect men to use it on their face. That’s disgusting.” (07:32–07:49)
  • Some listeners flip the script—one shares that her fiancé uses her razor (09:52–10:20), spotlighting that sharing goes both ways.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Kristin: “If you agree not to use what we put on our face on other parts of your body, we won’t scrub our testicles with your loofah.” (02:19)
• Cassie: “Men’s razors…definitely work better on our legs. So I understand why Tony’s wife is doing that.” (06:14)
• Showwide Realization: There’s never truly going to be an agreement, but the sacrifice of not sharing shampoos is “too much.” (09:33)

Memorable Exchanges

• Suggestion for gender-targeted grooming equipment (04:25–04:56):
  “There’s a huge hole in the marketplace for manscaping equipment…there needs to be special tailored equipment around sensitive areas like that.”
• Candid admission:
  Shelly: “I don’t understand the problem because it’s face down there anyway.”
  Bert: “It’s a different conversation for a different time.” (09:04–09:15)

2. Jeff’s “Email Psychic” Game (11:46–22:51)

Setup

• Bert proclaims that Jeff has a superpower: he can interpret someone’s personality, profession, and even financial status just from their email address.
• Listeners are encouraged to call in and “test” his psychic email reading abilities.

Major Talking Points

• Reading Method:
  • Jeff explains the “pre at” (before the @ symbol) and “post at” (after the @ symbol) analysis.
  • “Skankywendy@aol.com right? So, Skanky Wendy…right there tells a lot. And then the post at, what happens after…also speaks volumes.” (12:47)
• Judgment vs. Psychic Vibes:
  • Jeff and the cast debate whether he’s making judgments or showing true intuition.
  • Cassie: “It speaks volumes if you have multiple email addresses at multiple companies—I think that shows a lack of commitment and a lack of drive.” (14:38–14:51)
  • Kristin: “Wouldn’t a lack of drive be only having one job or no job at all?” (15:01)

Listeners Play Along

• A variety of listeners (Charlotte, Michelle, Melissa, Mandy, Nancy, Lisa) give their emails, receiving amusingly judgmental yet “psychedelic” feedback:
  • On “ittybittykitty@hotmail.com”:
    Jeff: “Just so you know, you’re an adult, and the Care Bear T-shirt isn’t cute anymore.” (17:53)
  • On “platinumbdcard@yahoo.com”:
    Jeff: “You want to be rich...pretend you roll that way…call Clark Howard and work on that credit card debt.” (18:33)
  • On “skinnurse1977@yahoo.com”:
    Jeff: “Thank you for using your email address to let us all know you’re 31.” (19:46)
  • On “lovesilverbullet@yahoo.com”:
    (Silver Bullet—a playful innuendo, which the cast runs with for laughs.) Bert: “Is that a Coors Light thing or is it more sexual?” (22:18)

Memorable Moments

• “The underscore indicates you’re a day shift dancer.” (19:25)
• “If your name’s not Wendy, your name’s David, well, then I can make a big judgment about you.” (13:03)
• “The fact that you have given your email address out on the air is going to ensure you a bevy of creepy guys sending you pictures of their junk within the hour.” (22:51)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:13 | Bert | “My fear is that if we make the law for women… I do like using your cool smelly stuff.” | | 02:19 | Kristin | “If you agree not to use what we put on our face on other parts of your body, we won’t scrub our testicles with your loofah…” | | 03:45 | Cassie | “Stay away from my $25 shampoo when you’re not gonna… use the right amount, you’re gonna use like half a handful.” | | 05:28 | Cassie | “Why haven’t you bought her a razor identical to yours and put like a little pink dot?” | | 06:14 | Cassie | “Men’s razors…definitely work better on our legs. So I understand why Tony’s wife is doing that.” | | 09:15 | Bert | “It’s a different conversation for a different time. Thank you.” | | 12:47 | Jeff | “Skanky Wendy…right there tells a lot. And then the post at, what happens after…also speaks volumes.” | | 14:38 | Cassie | “It speaks volumes if you have multiple email addresses at multiple companies—I think that shows a lack of commitment and a lack of drive.” | | 17:53 | Jeff | “Just so you know, you’re an adult, and the Care Bear T-shirt isn’t cute anymore.” | | 18:33 | Jeff | “You want to be rich...pretend you roll that way…call Clark Howard and work on that credit card debt.” | | 19:25 | Jeff | “The underscore indicates you’re a day shift dancer…” | | 22:18 | Bert | “Is that a Coors Light thing or is it more sexual?” | | 22:51 | Cassie | “The fact that you have given your email address out on the air is going to ensure you a bevy of creepy guys sending you pictures of their junk within the hour.” |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• The “Shower Law” Debate: 01:00–10:41
• Jeff’s Email Psychic: 11:46–22:51

Tone & Style

• Conversational, teasing, and tongue-in-cheek
• Plenty of friendly ribbing among the cast and with callers
• Self-aware and frequently pokes fun at “morning show” formulas

Usefulness for Non-Listeners

This episode is a microcosm of morning radio’s knack for making daily arguments and quirks feel universal and hilarious. The Bert Show keeps things relatable—whether you’re sharing a bathroom with a partner or cringing at your first AOL email address. If you missed this episode, you’ll leave with shared laughs, clever observations about relationships, and the lingering idea that our digital and domestic habits say more about us than we think.