Full Show PT 1: Thursday, January 22 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Thursday, January 22 [Vault]

Originally aired: January 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into wild relationship stories, with a primary focus on listeners who have changed the locks on their (ex-)partners due to betrayals or breakups. The conversation takes an unexpected and dramatic turn when a mother calls in to reveal she’s dating her daughter’s ex-boyfriend, sparking heated debate among the cast and listeners. The segment is packed with candid admissions, relatable anecdotes, biting humor, and unfiltered listener interactions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listeners’ “Changed the Locks” Stories (00:01–08:03)

• Prompt: The team references Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's relationship drama, where Britney allegedly changed the locks on Kevin. They ask listeners if they’ve ever changed the locks and what led them to do it.

• Memorable Calls:

  • Joseph’s Story (00:35): Joseph recounts a breakup where his boyfriend, in a rage, cut up all Joseph’s clothes, even strategically damaging shirts so Joseph wouldn’t notice until he wore them. Joseph waited a week but eventually changed the locks.

    • Quote: “I’d be nervous to have that guy back in the house the next day.” — B (01:15)

  • Jeanette’s Story (02:29): Eight months pregnant, Jeanette followed her husband, caught him cheating (“going to this woman’s house”), packed his things in garbage bags, and changed the front gate lock.

    • Quote: “He said I look like a whale, so…” — Jeanette (03:07)
    • “Good for you. I’m impressed.” — F (03:28)

  • Jackie’s Story (04:50): Jackie discovers her boyfriend is out smoking crack; she calls an emergency locksmith and changes all the locks.

    • Quote: “This guy’s coming home from an all night bender and his key doesn’t fit in the lock…” — B (05:28)

  • Tiffany’s Story (05:57): After her husband lost a court case and accidentally called her by his ex-wife’s name on the phone, Tiffany had her brother-in-law change the locks in 90 minutes while her husband drove home.

    • Quote: “His brother sold him out and changed the locks for you?” — F (06:47)

  • Kim’s Story (07:03): Kim explains her mom didn’t just change the locks—she moved the entire trailer while her dad was at work due to his excessive partying.

    • Quote: “I’m not spending the money on the locks. I’m just driving the trailer out of here.” — B (07:59)

• Laugh-Out-Loud Moments:

  • Imagining partners returning to their homes and discovering the house—or entire trailer—gone (e.g., “Where does it go at 8:28?” — B, 07:44).

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2. Explosive Listener Drama: “Carol” Dating Her Daughter's Ex (08:03–26:43)

Setup:
A listener, “Carol” (alias, voice disguised), calls in to confess she’s 39, recently divorced, and dating her 19-year-old daughter’s 21-year-old ex, creating a rift with her daughter.

• Details Revealed by Carol (08:24–12:14):

  • Carol claims the relationship began after her daughter introduced them and that she felt a strong attraction. While she denies full intimacy, the cast is skeptical.
  • Carol and her daughter no longer speak because of the relationship.
    • Quote: “You trying to compete with me? Are you, you know, are you doing this to hurt me?” — Carol recounting her daughter's reaction (12:54)
  • The cast questions Carol's motives and criticizes her for the apparent emotional damage to her daughter.
    • Quote: “I don’t know how you’re gonna be able to do that because you’re screwing over your daughter.” — B (12:14)

• Listener & Cast Reactions:

  • Janine (13:39) defends Carol, arguing there’s a double standard when an older woman dates a younger man versus the reverse.
  • The cast repeatedly points out that the main issue is not the age gap but the betrayal of mother-daughter trust.
    • Quote: “The age thing—I don’t have a problem with it. But have you ever heard the phrase that blood is thicker than water?” — A (14:12)
    • Quote: “Once you put you in front of your children, it’s the wrong decision.” — B (15:05)

• Escalation (17:01–21:37):

  • The conversation grows emotionally charged, with the cast calling Carol’s behavior “pathetic” and “immature.”
    • Quote: “Carol’s children will be picking out her nursing home.” — F (17:01)
  • Carol admits to a lifelong “competitive” relationship with her daughter.
    • Quote: “We’ve always been very competitive...” — Carol (19:32)
    • Quote: “This is all about the win. This is all about you showing up your daughter… but it’s breaking apart your family.” — B (20:09)
  • Carol tries to justify her actions as stemming from loneliness and the desire for attention.
    • Quote: “He gives me attention and I like that.” — Carol (20:02)
  • B and C particularly hammer home the psychological and emotional impact on Carol’s child.

• Nicole’s “Voice Disguised” Call-in (21:37–24:52):

  • Nicole, an impassioned listener, delivers a blistering moral critique directly to Carol:
    • Quote: “You need to leave him alone. There’s no way you should be that damn selfish... There are too many men out here for you to be dating someone that dated your daughter!” — Nicole (21:48)
    • Nicole warns Carol she’ll damage her relationship with her daughter beyond repair, even saying, “Remember what you’re doing right now when it’s time for someone to decide whether you should live or die.” (23:18) and “We’re worried for you, bitch.” (24:46)

• Aftermath:

  • Carol maintains she’s not doing anything wrong, claims women “overreact,” and holds to her position until the cast calls her “a joke” and predicts she’ll end up alone.
    • Quote: “You are an old joke.” — C (25:39)
    • Quote: “Lose the competitiveness with your own kids. That’s crazy, Carol.” — B (26:39)

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3. Phone Scam Segment: “Background Check on a Girlfriend” (26:55–30:39)

• Setup: The show runs a playful segment where Jeff prank calls a man (“Doug”) pretending to do a “background check” on Doug’s ex-girlfriend because Jeff’s allegedly dating her now.
  • Jeff annoyingly asks Doug about her finances, personality, and even intimacy.
  • Doug, baffled and amused, ultimately goes along for a bit—until the cast reveals it’s a Bert Show phone scam orchestrated by Doug’s cousin.
    • Memorable Moment:
      • “You're whacked. You're weird, man. She’s in the 40s. She's hot, man. She's good stuff.” — Doug (29:41)
      • “This is Jeff with the Bert Show. I work with the Bert Show at all the hits, Q100. You’ve just been phone scammed by your cousin.” — A (30:22)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He said I look like a whale, so…” — Jeanette, on why she changed the locks on her cheating husband (03:07)
• “I'm not spending the money on the locks. I'm just driving the trailer out of here.” — B (07:59)
• “You don't get cutting clothes angry unless they've stepped out on you.” — E (02:04)
• “You are an old joke.” — C, confronting Carol (25:39)
• “Remember what you’re doing right now when it’s time for someone to decide whether you should live or die.” — Nicole (23:18)
• “This is all about you showing up your daughter. And in this competitive relationship that you have, this is a win for you in your column and a loss for her, but it's breaking apart your family.” — B (20:09)

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• Relationship “lock-changing” stories: 00:01 – 08:03
• Carol – Mom dating her daughter’s ex: 08:03 – 26:43
  • Carol’s confession & cast reaction — 08:24 – 21:37
  • Nicole’s criticism of Carol — 21:37 – 24:52
  • Cast wrap-up and final thoughts — 24:52 – 26:43
• Phone scam (“background check” gag): 26:55 – 30:39

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Tone & Style

The Bert Show’s iconic blend of humor, blunt honesty, and real-world empathy is on full display: banter is snappy and irreverent, but the cast doesn’t shy away from earnest, sometimes uncomfortable confrontation. Listeners are invited into a space that’s both cathartic and comedic, whether sharing their own misadventures or witnessing the cast’s sharp takes on tricky subjects.

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For First-time Listeners

This episode is classic Bert Show: plenty of laughs, a revolving door of jaw-dropping real-life calls, and the kind of lively, sometimes brutally honest, in-studio debate that loyal listeners expect. If you want stories about navigating messy breakups, the limits of familial loyalty, and the consequences of crossing social taboos—served with wit and compassion—don’t miss it.

Transcript

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

The Burch show.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

But we're talking about Britney and Kevin and their relationship right now. Whatever he did, he upset her so much that she changed the locks on the house before he got home. Which is like. That is, that is severe. That is drastic right there. You really have to screw up for you to come home. And the locks have been changed like that. So I'm dying to know from you guys if this has ever happened to you or you've ever done it. Like, what did he or she do to make you make that decision?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Right.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Harsh. Joseph, what's up?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Hey, Bert, Jo.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Hey, what's going on?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

How are you? Melissa, I saw you last night. I broke back.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Hey, you got in?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I got in. I didn't get a T shirt though, but I got in. It was great. So listen, my boyfriend, I came home late one night, we were kind of on the odds, we were about to break up and he cut up all my clothes. Shredded in my closet. Shredded them. Cut up the backs of clothes. Cut clothes.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Cut sleeves off clothes.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Cut them in places where I didn't know where. I had to find out if I was going to work. I would be on the subway and I would see that I had a big slit up my arm on the shirts. So the next weekend he went away. I changed locks.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I can't believe you waited a week. Because if I'm looking at a guy like that and I'm looking at a personality that could do that and is so angry, I. I'd be nervous to have that guy back in the house the next day.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I mean, I was fine. I just was like, what am I gonna do? I can't, you know, this guy can't be homeless. But lots of my friends, you know, they were all on my side and said, this is what you gotta do.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Yeah, what'd you do?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

What did, what did you do to.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Make him rip off all your clothes?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Yeah, I honestly, we were just, we were on the outs and we were about to break up and he was just upset that I didn't come home one night.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

And who else got involved? Who's the third party?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

He didn't come home one night. It was all innocent.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Hey, guys, listen, I'm from New York. I just moved here in January.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

And you guys.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Thank you.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

He was working late, guys.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

He was working.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Yeah, cuz you don't get that. You don't get cutting clothes angry unless they've stepped out on you.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Right?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

And. And the next time I want the callers to let us know if they actually called a locksmith too. Or I'm wondering if someone had already purchased the new locks and sitting in a box in the garage, ready to go.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

There aren't many calling about it, so I think it's probably more a movie cliche than it is anything or a celebrity clich than it is anything else. Hey, Jeanette. Good morning.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Good morning, Burchell.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right. You were so mad, you changed the locks on the house before he got home.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Yes, I did. I was pregnant eight months with. We were married eight months, and I was pregnant with our baby. And he would go out and, oh, I'm going out for milk or whatever. And it would take him four hours to get milk. So one night, I'm like, okay, you go get your milk. So I followed him, and I caught him going to this woman's house.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Yeah.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

So I went back home, got all clothes.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Was the woman lactating?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

No, no, she was just skinny. And he said, I look like a whale, so.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Oh, you're eight months pregnant. He said, you look like a whale.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Yeah.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

All right.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

That would have been enough right there to change the locks, Right.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

I put all his stuff in garbage bags, threw it on the street, and changed the lock on the house. And when he came back, he couldn't get in. And I'm like, no, you don't live here anymore. Go away or I'll call the cops.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Good for you.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Ye.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Good for you. I'm impressed.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

So I want. Now, there's just one lock on the door that you change, or there are a couple of different locks around the house that you had to change.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Well, this was in Puerto Rico, where I'm from, and our houses are different. You have to go through a gate to get to the front door first. So I just bought a new lock and changed the lock to the gate. If he couldn't get in through that, he couldn't get in through the front door.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Now, I'm assuming that when he gets home and the lock is changed that he already knows that, you know. So does he even try to backpedal? Or did he say, why is the lock changed or anything? Or he just come clean?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

No, he was just.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

You're seeing things. You need to see a psychologist.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

He's like, hey, can you let me in? My key doesn't work anymore because I don't think any. No matter. Like, I would never think that the lock would be changed, but, yeah, something's wrong. You know what? I must. Yeah, I must have Grabbed the wrong keys. Even though my car still starts and I can still get in my office.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Honey?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Hey, honey, I can't get in.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Jess.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Hey, Jess.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Jess, I can see you. I know you can hear me. I can see your shadow.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right, Jeanette. Thank you. Hey, Jeanette, can you say Puerto Rico one more time and roll that R like you did before?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Oh, no.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Puerto Rico.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Yeah, I like that. Thank you.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Bye, Mommy.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good morning, Jackie. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Hey, how's it going?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good, how are you?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

I'm good. So my story is not quite as funny. I actually found out from a neighbor that a very, very long time ago, I was dating a guy that lived with me and he was quite a partier. He would go out and we had knockdown, drag out fights because he'd stay out all night. Well, I found out from a neighbor that when he was gone for periods of time, he was actually out smoking crack. So I called, I found out one morning, as you know, he hadn't come home and called emergency locksmith and they were out in about an hour. And I changed all my locks.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

That's what we should have had call up is the locksmith to call up to tell the stories. So this guy's coming home from an all night bender and he's been doing crack anyway and his key doesn't fit in the lock. And he's like, dude, I have no idea how to handle this situation right now.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

This is some really good stuff today, man.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

My key doesn't even work.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

I must be in the total wrong house, man. This is great. You know what? I'm just gonna sleep here for a min, then I'll figure it out.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

When I get on, I'm gonna go.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Over here and sleep behind the garbage can so nobody will see my legs sticking out.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Hey, Tiffany.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Hey.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Morning.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Morning.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

How are you?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good. You were so upset at your husband, you changed the locks for what reason?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Oh, yes. He. It was like three or four years ago, but we had just gotten married and his ex wife owed us like $5,000. And he, we went, we spent all this money on attorneys and, and everything and he got there and he gave in and she wound up paying us nothing. And then on the way home when he called me and told me, he called me her name.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Oh no.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Now this dude was on his way home. How long a drive was that?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

It was probably like an hour and a half. It was in a whole nother county where he had to go to court.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Okay.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

And so I called my other brother in law his brother came over and changed the locks.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

His brother sold him out and changed the locks for you?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Yes.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

In 90 minutes.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

That's great.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Have you ever. Have you ever hooked up with his brother?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

No.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

We're married now.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

I was thinking. The brother likes her.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Kim. Good morning.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Good morning. Bircho. Hey, I have one. Even better for you than changing the lock.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

My dad came home from work one day and the whole house was gone. We lived in a trailer. And my mom was so sad, she moved the whole.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

She moved into a whole new city.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

She said, screw you, we're moving now. What he.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

What did he do to make her so mad that she moved the entire trailer?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

He was just a real bad partier. He drank all the time and she had enough of it.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Call Nashville. We got a new country song.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Now, where the hell do I put this key?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Where does it go at 8, 28.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

I swear to God. I know I've been drinking, but I swear to God that I was right here.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Look.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Look at that. Right there is my Ford Fairlane up on the blocks. I know my trailer is right. The steps are there.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I'm not spending the money on the locks. I'm just driving the trailer out of here.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

That's great.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

The Birch show voice disguiser on.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Indeed.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

We are going to call this Birch show listener. Not her real name. We are going to call her Carol. Hey, Carol.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Hi.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

How are you today?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Good. How are you?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good. Now, you can't hear it in the phone, but you're on the voice disguiser right now, so your voice is unrecognizable.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Okay.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right, Go for it.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Tell us your story now.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Okay. I have two girls and a boy. And I just. I've been divorced probably about a year. And my 19 year old daughter had a guy she'd been dating. She introduced me to him. Then he started hitting on me. And one thing led to another and now we're seeing each other and she has a real problem with it.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right, you're how old?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

39. Just turned 39.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

And how old is he?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

21.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

And how old is your daughter?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

19.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Okay, and did you. Have we established that? Is it just more than a crush, you know, like that your daughter has on this guy? Have they gone out before or she's just expressed to you that she's interested in him?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

They've gone out.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

They have gone out. Are they technically boyfriend, girlfriend?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I'm not sure if they ever were boyfriend or girlfriend because she hasn't let me into all that. And I never saw him over at our house or him pick her up. But in her eyes, they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

How long were they boyfriend and girlfriend?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Couple months.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

If you're not around a lot when he's around the house or.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I'd never met him.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Then how did you meet him in the first place?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

She introduced us when we went. We went out one night and he was there and she introduced us. This is my mom. This is the guy I've been telling you about. That was how we met.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

So, Carol, explain to me how you decided that it was okay for you to be interested in this guy.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I don't know if that it was okay, but I just know there was attraction there. And we had a lot of fun when we went out. And, you know, he called all the time, and he's just like, the perfect guy.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

You're like Stacy's mom.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Is this. I mean, you're not looking at this as long term. You're looking at this just to get your fix on, right?

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

I'm not sure. I don't know.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Have you been intimate with him?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Um, no.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I'm hearing yes loud and clear.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Yeah, so that means yes.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

How? How not intimate have you not gotten with him? Have you not gone all the way?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

No.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Have you not gotten close to all the way?

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Yes.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

How long. How many times have you seen this guy naked?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Naked? No, I've seen him probably more than about 10 times.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

10 times?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

How many times have you seen him naked?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

None as of yet.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Does your daughter know that you're seeing him?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

By mistake.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

I'm sorry.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

By mistake. She knows.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

How's that?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

How'd she find out?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

She looks at the caller id, sees that he calls. I'm seeing some. I'm seeing a guy that's my age, but when I talk about, you know, this other guy, I accidentally say his name.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

And that's how she found out.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

She found out? Some people told her.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Who?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Some of his friends.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Okay.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

And she continues to see him. Or she's not seeing him anymore.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

She hates him now.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

She hates him now?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, yeah. And some of his friends.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

His friends announce to her, like, can you imagine that conversation?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, that's her friends, too. Like, it's not just his friends telling some random girl. This is her friends, too. This is your daughter's group that you were invading. You're 39 years old.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

What's your question? Because, I mean, you know, most of the calls that we're gonna take are just telling you that you're out of your mind, right?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Yeah, but I Mean, that happens sometimes in life. I mean, there's a lot of celebrities that have the same age difference and they work out fine.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Are you trying to be the Atlanta version of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

No, I'm just trying to justify what I'm doing.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I don't know how you're gonna be able to do that because you're screwing over your daughter, you know, so I'm not exactly sure what kind of reaction you're looking for, but I don't know that I'm gonna be able to field a lot of calls saying, you know what? It's all fair game if that's what you're looking for. I don't. I don't think you're gonna find it here, Carolina.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Well, I don't know. I mean, if they were gonna. If they were meant to be, then they would still be together and they've been over for a long time. It wasn't just a month, three months, six months ago.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

What was your daughter's reaction when she found out? What's been the conversations between the two of you?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

We don't talk.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Wait, what was the initial reaction? What'd she say to you?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

You know, are you trying to compete with me? Are you, you know, are you doing this to hurt me? And that's not my intentions at all.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

What is? What is? And I can't think of another way to phrase this, so it's gonna sound very rude, which normally would stop me, but in this case it won't. What is wrong with you that you cannot date someone your own age or find someone your own age?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I don't think age matters.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

But why? If age doesn't matter, then why don't you date someone closer to your own age?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I could.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Why don't you?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I haven't found a person I'm attracted to that's my age.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Janine here says there's nothing wrong with what she's doing.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Hey, Janine, come on.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Hey, good morning.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good morning.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

The only problem that I have with you guys giving her a hard time is that if it were a man dating a younger woman, nobody would have a problem with it. Now, granted, this lady who married a 15 year old boy is obviously wrong, but this woman is still young. And if she finds compatibility with a 21 year old man, I don't see anything wrong with it. I myself am 31. Started dating my husband when I was 21 and he was 40 and nobody ever gave us any problem.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

The age thing don't have a problem with it, but have you ever heard the phrase that blood is thicker than water?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Well, that's true. And that brings me to my next point.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Good.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

If. If they were not engaged or on the verge of being married, and they were broken up when she started dating him, which I think that's what she said. Am I not correct?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I didn't hear that.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

I thought she said they hadn't been seeing each other for a while before she went out with him.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

They had broken up.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Okay. Saying that she should be more interested in her mother's happiness than.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Hold on.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

You're kidding me, right? Go ahead.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Listen, listen. You were saying that the daughter should be more responsible for the mother's happiness. What about the mother being responsible for her daughter's happiness? What about the mother?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

If they were broken up, what's the difference? Taking away from her daughter.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

It doesn't matter. The daughter is heartbroken over this. The relationship between mother and daughter has ended because mom has chosen to date a girl that daughter. A boy that daughter used to date.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Janine, are you a mom?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Yes, I am.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Okay, so you know the minute that you put you in front of your children, it's the wrong decision.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

But being a single parent so understands too, that my happiness is very important.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Not at the expense of your daughter or your son or your. Any of your children. I mean, it's not even a question. If there's any kind of controversy at all that is gonna drive a wedge between you and your kids, you gotta fix it. You gotta back out and you gotta fix it. And the fact that they're not even talking anymore. There's your. But there's your results.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Hang on. Bert, I want to call you out on something before listeners do.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Okay?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

That's not entirely true. Because if this woman was dating just a random guy and the daughter had a problem with it and decided not to speak to her mom.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Exactly. There's no difference.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Yeah, there is a difference. If the daughter had a problem, then the daughter has to learn that her mom is moving on and dating other people. And she might not be happy with everyone that she's chosen any guy if.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

They'Re close to her daughter's age, that could be any random guy.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

And no, this is a friend of the daughters. This is the same circle of friends.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

The daughter, any random guy that could have gone out with her daughter in the past.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

You don't think that the friend has anything to do with anybody else?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, I mean, that's ridiculous. Come on. I mean, I can't believe that this woman actually is justifying Carol's actions. Carol was introduced to this guy because it was the guy her daughter was seeing. And it is appalling. I mean, I called her names off air. I called Carol names off air. It is appalling to me that Carol is doing this and anybody that supports her. It's appalling to me, too.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Carol's children will be picking out her nursing home. She better remember the decisions that she's making now because these children are gonna be the ones to care for her later.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Yeah. Remember this car?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Care for her at all.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Exactly.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

When you have a. When you're way old and you know something terrible happens to you, guess who gets the decision on whether or not they're going to unplug the air pump?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Good morning, Amber. You're on the Burke Show.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Hi, good morning, guys. Is Carol still on the line?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

She is, but I just can't put the two of you guys on together because then you got two people talking on the voice disguise and it sounds good.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Well, first of all, let's get a young caller. That's ma' am 21. No more of those old has beens that just called.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Oh, God.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

And let's just say that she's trying to justify herself because she knows that she is wrong in the situation. Her daughter shouldn't hate the guy. She needs to hate her mother. And she says that she doesn't care about age, but how would she feel if her daughter was dating a 40 year old man?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

See, again, I think I'm with Jeff. Like, the age thing is the least of my concerns in this whole thing. Like, parents are gonna have difficult times with their children and vice versa. And we're gonna go through this dance where we're not gonna agree with all the decisions that we make. We can get past that. But this is malicious.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Yeah, no, I agree.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Cause it's ruining the relationship and I think she's scum for it. And I would like to hear a story about her daughter sleepwalks and pees on her face.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Oh, God. Oh, my.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Yeah.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Like we could for future calls. Like we could for Carol. Is that her name?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Take the age thing out of it. Like, who cares how old or young. He's legal. She's an adult. They're making an adult decision. That's fine. And focus strictly on the fact that. That Carol is dating a woman who. A man who used to date her daughter.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Hey, Carol, I gotta ask the question. Like, I'm no psychologist or anything, I'm no Dr. Phil or anything, but do you have some kind of weird, competitive thing with your daughter?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Yes.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Well, why?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

We've always been that way.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

You've always allowed it to be that way. You're the mom.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I'm not sure why it's always been that way, but I mean, this is. I mean, do I have to get her approval with every guy I go out with?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

No.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

The only thing here is that this is somebody that she's been interested in, has gone out with. You don't see the difference there or you just pretend and you don't see it?

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

She does.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

She does.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I do.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Okay.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Carol, why can you not allow your daughter to have more attention than you?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

It's not me, it's her.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Okay, so as a mother, you're not able to allow your daughter to have more attention than you. That's obvious from this situation.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Why?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

It's not about that. It's just, you know, we've always been very competitive against. With each other.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Jen is asking you why?

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Why?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Why? Because I probably don't. I mean, I've always heard I don't look my age. We look more like sisters than we do mother and daughter, and she resents that.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Why?

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

What are you missing in your life? What are you. What void is present that you are filling with the attention from your daughter's ex boyfriend?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

He gives me attention and I like that. I would be within it would be with any guy, not just that guy.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

This is all about the win. This is all about you showing up your daughter. And in this competitive relationship that you have, this is a win for you in your column and a loss for her. But it's breaking apart your family.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, it violates everything a mother should be. I mean, to me, you. I mean, there's so many words, Carol, that I'm trying to think of, but it is pathetic and you are immature and it is. You're not a mom.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Here's what I don't get, Carol. Like, you know, I've got a three year old now, and every single day my only goal is to make sure his life is better than mine was. You know, I really do believe, like, every generation should be better than the last one. Right, right. And that is totally counterproductive to what you're doing. You're saying I want to be competitive. I don't want my daughter to feel good about herself. I want to be better. My daughter.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

No, not, not necessarily. My daughter has a better life than I had because I've provided her with it.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, not emotionally. Absolutely not. And the thing is, you realize you're a joke. I mean, does it. Has it ever occurred to you that this 21 year old and his friends like you're the joke?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Yeah.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I don't believe that.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Oh, absolutely.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, guess what? I'm here to tell your joke.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Now, normally, I don't put two people on the voice disguiser at the same time, but in this case, I'm going to break that rule. Because there's only one way to end this conversation, and that's with Nicole. So y' all won't be able to recognize her voice. And she doesn't want to be on the voice disguiser, but she's going to be just so I can have her talk directly to Carol. Hey, Nicole, good morning. How are you?

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

I'm doing fine until I heard this heifer on the other line being selfish.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

You're actually on. She can hear you and you're on with her. You're both on the voice disguiser so you can talk directly to her.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Okay.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

If you call yourself any type of a real mother at all to your daughter, you need to leave him alone. There's no way that you should be that damn selfish. Like the last caller said, there is too many men out here in the world for you to be dating someone that dated your daughter. If you was a real woman, you would come out and go ahead and say whatever you got to say to your daughter. If you was a real woman, you will go ahead and find your own man. It don't make no damn sense for you to have to stoop so low to steal someone that she was with. That's ridiculous. Not only you should have no reason. Being a mother, that's one thing, because you don't have your priorities together. And you being too damn selfish. Being a parent, a real parent, is when you're unselfish, everything goes to your child, not to you no more. You worried about you. You going through a midlife crisis. And if you need to take time to be away and do whatever you gotta do, then fine. But you about to mess up your relationship with your daughter where it's gonna be unrepairable. I would never, ever even think about doing anything like that to my daughter. Cause I love her too much. I don't love myself that much. I love her that much. You need to get it together. And if you need to leave the state, the country, the continent to get it together, then you do so. But you are going to ruin this girl's life. Her friends are going to be laughing at her, her family, the rest of her family that has sex Will be laughing at her and she's going to get messed up because of you. So you make sure all these dumb ass decisions you making. When it's time for your behind to go in a nursing home. When it's time for someone to decide whether you should live or die. If you in a situation where you aren't some type of machine, remember what you're doing right now.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Hey, Carol. Carol, you want to respond to that?

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I. I just think that you know, women overreact and if they were, they were in this situation. I don't think that they would. They may do what I'm doing.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Hannah Konkan, why can't you find your own man? I told you, go and find. No you don't. You have your daughter's man.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

It's not her. Are you that sad?

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Are you that pathetic? Are you? Are you that ugly? Are you that bad off when you gotta find some your daughter's leftovers? Are you really that pathetic and that sad? Are you? No.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I'm just getting what I want.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Have you ever had a Bitterball baby? It's too many men running around. Why don't you just leave him alone till February and butter hook you up at Bitterball and maybe somebody as sick as you will be there and want to be with your crazy ass.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

That's your opinion.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

What? Yeah, Eddie. Cause I'm a mother. Mothers don't do this. Mothers don't do this to their children. Mothers don't do that to their kids.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I'm not doing anything to her.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Whatever. We're worried for you, bitch. Defects. Defects need to come and take your kids.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Take care of don't care 19 year old.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Hey Carol, you had the note. Thanks Nicole. I always love you culture.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Nicole, you work.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Get that crazy helper out the phone. Okay.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

You know what, Nicole? He worked hard. But like Bert said.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Carol.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Well, Carol has a little bit.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

You called knowing this was gonna happen? I mean.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Grow up.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

Carol.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Come on. You know better. You know better and you're at. You're just trying to, like you said earlier, justify actions you know are wrong.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

Grow up.

[Caller 4 (Commentator)]

We may not be able to get through to you, Carol, because of all of our rational thinking. But the one thing that might get through to you is what Melissa said is that you are a joke. Those guys are high fiving each other and laughing at each other. And you want so much attention and you want it to be all about you. That may be the one thing that seeps in.39 on an average scale is not old.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

But in this situation you are an old joke.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Well, I don't think.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Face the fact that you're old, you.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Know, and it's come up a couple of times, like look at, go to a hospital and look at the list of people who can come into intensive care. Cause those are all the people that can someday stand on your food tube.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

So how do your sons. We haven't even, we didn't even regard your sons. But you know what? It's not just affecting your. A joke to your own family.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

I'm not sure what you were calling up to get here today. If you're just calling to get a reaction, you sure got that. But you know what you're doing's not right. Come on now.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

I mean, you're right. It's, it's not right.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

But you gonna do anything about it?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

She's gonna have sex with him, then when he leaves and she's gonna say.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

I don't know what happened.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

I mean, yeah, you're gonna be, you're good, you're going, you are gonna be a mockery.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Yeah, I understand.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

And you're losing your children and you're gonna be a very, very, very lonely, lonely, lonely old lady. Man.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Good luck with that. Trying to ha. Good luck with that.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Lose the competitiveness with your own kids. That's crazy, Carol.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Okay, okay.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

You're just saying stuff to get off the phone now at this point, aren't you?

[Co-host or Caller 1]

That's good.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

So are we.

[Co-host or Caller 1]

Yeah, get off the phone.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

The Burt Show.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

All right, let's get right on into the phone scam.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Calling up a guy who I am now dating his ex girlfriend and I just want to know if she's a good catch.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Hello?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Hi, I'm looking for Doug, please. Yes, Doug, my name is Jason Muir and I'm calling you about a common friend of ours who. Nicole Hurdle off.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Yeah, what's up? Is she okay?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Things are cool. I just wanted to touch base with you because I understand you and her used to date for. For several months and you recently broke up.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Yeah, we're still friends though.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Her and I are kind of seeing each other now and so I'm just doing some background checks on her.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Are you serious, dude?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Uh huh.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

That's kind of whacked out, man.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

How long did you guys date for?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Oh, about three and a half months.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

And why'd you break up?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

You know, sometimes you click, sometimes you don't. It's just, I mean, I don't know how much of this crap I can share with you. You know what I mean? It's not like I don't even know who the hell you are.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Well, don't share anything you're not comfortable with. Would you recommend her, you know, to date? Like, would you recommend one of your friends to date her?

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

Sure.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Okay.

[Caller 3 (Jeanette / Jackie / Janine / Amber - various callers)]

She's great.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Check.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Right.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

You know that. You know that, right?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Was she. Would you consider her fiscally responsible?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Listen, man, I can't get into this. This isn't my. I mean, I don't know who you are. I can't. Why can't start telling you crap like this.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Did she. Did she spend a lot of money on extravagances?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Dude, what's up with you?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

What do you mean?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I mean, seriously, what the up with you, dude?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

I'm just like, here's the deal. I don't want to invest too much into a relationship unless I know that she's one.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

She's a good one, you know? You're calling. I mean, why would you call me? That's not. I mean, I don't get it. I mean, how'd you even get my number?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Some stuff's irrelevant, but I'm just doing. Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Do you know if she has any tremendous outstanding credit card debt?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

No, I don't know. Why don't you ask her? You know, why don't you ask her these questions, man?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Okay, well, I'm going to, but I just want to, you know, I need to match.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I don't feel comfortable answering the crap that, you know. I mean, this isn't my. We broke up, man.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Now, when you guys were together, I mean, three and a half months, did you have a chance to become intimate?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I'm not going to answer any more questions from you, dude. That's ridiculous. Seriously.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

I understand. Would it be different if there was like, 100 bucks on the line?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

100 bucks for me, right? Well, I mean, I. Maybe if there's some money involved, I mean.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Well, give me something then for the.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

For.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

What do you want to know? What do you want to know?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

For a hundred bucks, though, did you guys get intimate?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Yeah, we were intimate.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

On a scale of 1 to 43, 43 being the best, where'd she rank?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

1 to 43? Man, you're whacked. You're weird, man. She's in the 40s. She's hot, man. She's good stuff.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Is she freaky 40s or pretty standard issue, but just good 40s?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

She's fun, dude. She'll get down. You know what I'm saying?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Like tie you up down or just freak you down?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I never tied her up, man, but, I mean, you could ask.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

All right.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Is that a hundred bucks right there? Just for that, you got a pet.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

Well, we'll talk more in person, but let me give you.

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Give me.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

You know, tell you where I work, and you can come down.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Yeah. No. You're serious, though?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Yeah.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I want your number, too.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

All right. You ready?

[Host 2 (Bert)]

Yeah.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

You have a pen?

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

I am.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

This is Jeff with the Burt show at all the hits Q100.

[Caller 6 (Carol)]

What?

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

This is Jeff with the Burt show. I work with the Burt show at all the hits Q100. You've just been phone scammed by your cousin.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

Aw, you are you.

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

Dude, I was like, what the is.

[Caller 2 (Doug)]

This guy's problem, man?

[Caller 5 (Nicole)]

We will.

[Host 1 (Jason Muir)]

We will scam you. The bird show.