Full Show PT 1: Thursday, July 9 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show ― Full Show PT 1: Thursday, July 9 [Vault]

Date: July 9, 2026
Hosts/Cast: Bert Weiss, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Wendy, Melissa, Jeff, Colin, Frankie, Whitney

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Episode Overview

This episode captures the signature Bert Show mix: hilarious banter, engaging listener stories, and a touch of personal challenge, all woven through a three-week-long neighborhood mystery. The show dives deep into a listener-submitted case of a mysterious man’s daily five-minute visits to a Decatur townhouse complex, crowd-sourcing theories in classic Bert Show fashion. Later, a lively discussion arises as Wendy accepts a dance-off challenge inspired by “Dancing with the Stars.” Rounding out the hour are rapid-fire observations on “thirty things every woman should quit by thirty” and snippets of trending audio.

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Main Storyline: The Townhouse Mystery

Timestamps: 01:23–33:56

The “I’m Just Curious” Segment: Listener Whitney’s Neighborhood Enigma

• (01:23) Bert Weiss introduces a quirky on-going mystery: Whitney, who’s watched a man daily drive into her townhouse community, quickly enter one unit for five minutes, then leave.
• Whitney’s curiosity leads the cast to investigate the stranger’s repeating, odd behavior.

Whitney Describes the Routine

• (03:25–04:49) Whitney:
  “So he just, like, it's really odd. He drives the same car parked in the same parking spot ... grabs something out of the trunk... walks behind the townhomes, goes in the back door... stays in about four or five minutes and comes back out, goes to his car and then drives away.”
• Timing is consistent: 9:45am, Monday through Friday.

Theories Flood In

• (05:30) Jeff: “He’s probably a security guard... it’s a drug deal... a real estate agent checking out their property...”
• Melissa: “...Or he just wants to poop in private.”
• (05:44) Bert summarizes the wild guesses that roll in from listeners.

Live Stakeout Attempts

• Day 1: (05:54) Whitney confirms the man appears again right on schedule, details his odd habit of wearing a leather jacket even in nice weather, and leaves as usual.
• Day 2: (08:29) Frankie, a staff member, arrives on-scene for a live stakeout but the man, for the first time ever, makes a quick U-turn and leaves. The crew wonders:
  • (09:19) "Do you think he’s listening or heard about it and he’s like, you know what, I’m going to do something a little bit different today…"

Quotable Moment:

• Colin, joking about blowing cover (10:35): "Frankie’s undercover’s blown. I knew I shouldn’t have taken the Q100 vehicle."
• Bert: "Well, now I’m even more curious." (11:01)

Trying To Make Contact

• (13:38) Colin recounts a direct encounter:
  Frankie approaches the man with real estate questions. The mystery man claims to live in the neighborhood but gives little away. No evidence he’s a realtor, yet the townhouse in question sports a lockbox.
  • Frankie: "He was kind of standoffish and kind of... kind of shady about the whole thing."

Stakeout Escalates

• (17:22–21:02):
  Frankie does a weekend stakeout—no man appears, but a TV is visible through the window all night.
  • Frankie researches the house using FMLS and contacts the real estate agent. The agent claims the daily visitor feeds feral cats in the backyard.

Skepticism Sets In

• (21:33) Frankie: "I've walked around the back and have not seen any bowl… I did not see him bend down anywhere. So I’m not buying it."
• Spy gear ramps up: the team installs a birdhouse-turned-spycam (22:11).

The Mystery Deepens

• (23:02–26:12)
  Spy footage only catches a cat, a garage door opening, and a dog coming out—nothing matching the supposed cat-feeding. Frankie confronts the man again and witnesses him avoid the house and disappear into nearby woods.
  • (24:41) Colin: "He walks into the back of the woods… it leads to a fence with a hole underneath it for maybe a cat to get through."
• The group debates theories: pet visits, illicit activities, even absurd jokes about one-legged men and “evidence disposal.”
• A single new New Balance sneaker appears along the woods' trail (28:04), adding “is it a clue?” mystery flavor.

Notable Exchange:

• Melissa: "Now you’ve got to move the birdhouse into the woods." (27:27)
• Colin: "I wasn't going to tell you this, but... when I went to put the birdhouse up, I did get pulled over... somebody called the police on me." (28:48)

Theories, Crowd Participation, and Next Steps

• (29:53–33:56):
  • Some listeners call it an elaborate prank, others posit he’s visiting a pet left with an ex, or mourning a lost family member. Another caller floats the possibility of him sneaking into the woods for a daily joint.
  • Plan: Plant more hidden cameras, maybe hire a PI.

Summing Up:

• Bert Weiss: "You guys are all caught up now on this storyline that generally takes place between like 9:30 and 10. So if you have any answers, please share them with us because we are more confused today than when we started." (29:17)

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Segment 2: The Dance-Off Challenge

Timestamps: 36:02–42:30

Wendy vs. Kate Gosselin — “Dancing With the Stars”

• Premise: Wendy is appalled at Kate Gosselin’s jive and claims she could learn and perform the dance better in a week.
• Challenge: Bert wagers $100. Wendy will be matched with a pro instructor, get the same amount of prep days, and must perform the jive in a single take for an online vote.

Notable Quotes:

• Wendy: “I could do a better job in one week on a jive than Kate Gosselin did.” (36:55)

• Melissa: “You have to do the same routine.” (37:02)

• Bert: “I’ll give you $100 if you beat Kate Gosselin.” (37:15)

• Wendy: “I will put forth at least more effort and have fun with it. And she did not have fun.” (38:19)

• A professional ballroom instructor calls in, offers to donate training time. Plan is set for Wendy’s one-week jive blitz, studio arranged, logistics compared to “Dancing With the Stars” protocol, with actual dance hours tracked.

---

Segment 3: “30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30”

Timestamps: 46:07–50:53

The List: Playful, Candid, Relatable

Cast reacts to a Buzzfeed-style list of things to “quit by 30,” riffing on the items:

• Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention
  • “That is such a red flag… that is instant U-turn right there.” — Bert (47:30)
• Stuffed animals on your bed:
  • “Oh, gross.” — Wendy (47:22)
• Living paycheck to paycheck:
  • “You need to learn how to start saving and how to put away for retirement.” — Wendy (48:40)
• Using MySpace to pick up guys (updated to ‘Facebook’):
  • “Who uses MySpace right now unless you’re a band?” — Jeff (49:19)
• Measuring self-worth by a number on the scale:
  • “That doesn’t change. It gets worse as you get older…” — Melissa (49:34)
• Blaming her mother for all her issues and being cheap
  • Jeff, joking: “Melissa will squeeze a dollar until George Washington screams.” (50:07)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

The Townhouse Mystery

• Bert Weiss: "So he has his hands in his pants pocket or in the jacket pocket?" (06:34)
• Melissa (on the house’s lockbox): "So he’s not a real estate agent. There’s no houses for sale, yet the house he goes into has a lockbox on it." (14:51)
• Frankie: “The whole thing was just weird. So it’s really bugging me. So I have planned… to do a stakeout this weekend.” (15:01)

The Dance-Off Challenge

• Wendy: “I could do the dance.” (37:42)
• Bert: “If you beat Kate Gosselin, I’ll give you 100 bucks.” (37:15)

Random Theorizing

• Jeff: “What if they’re keeping a one-legged man prisoner and the only thing he could throw to safety was one shoe?” (32:52)

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Episode Flow and Engagement

The show seamlessly blends a quirky real-life mystery with playful personal bets and audience participation, maintaining its lively, conversational tone. Real-time caller input, improvisational theorizing, and cast camaraderie make the episode compelling even for newcomers.

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Key Takeaways for First-Time Listeners

• The Bert Show’s signature strength is weaving in listener-driven mysteries and humor.
• The “curious townhouse guy” story serves as a primer for crowd-powered sleuthing, comedic speculation, and the team’s friendly dynamic.
• The dance challenge and “quit by 30” segments deliver relatable, laugh-out-loud moments with a dash of brutal (yet encouraging) honesty.
• No conclusive answers—only more questions and a commitment to keep chasing the story—so listeners are primed for updates.

---

Transcript

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Colin]

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[Bert Weiss]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Birch Show Whitney called us three weeks ago and she lives in a townhouse community in Decatur and she wanted to use our show because she's just curious. There's a guy that pulls up to her townhouse community every single day. He's there for five minutes, walks behind the townhomes, goes into one of the townhouses and then leaves. He's there for five minutes, in and out and gone. She's been watching this guy for months and wants to know who he is. So we got on the case and we've been trying to track and find this guy. It's taken us three weeks. We're no closer today than we were three weeks ago.

[Wendy]

We're even more confused, but we're having fun.

[Bert Weiss]

But we still don't have any answers. So we're gonna see if we can get you guys up to speed here, and maybe you guys will have a different take on the whole thing. So we'll. We'll just. It's gonna take us a while, right? It really is, because this is three weeks in the making here.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Bert Weiss]

And it doesn't make logical sense to get you guys caught up at this point because it's just gone on for so long and there've been so many small details over the last three weeks, but it's such a good storyline that I think if we present it to you guys correctly, you'll be as invested as we are late in the show.

[Melissa]

Also, it's almost like being a late comer to Lost. You know, we're having to catch you up on this show that is so confusing, but it's so intriguing at the same time.

[Bert Weiss]

And we have no answers. So my thought here is that because we're doing this late in the show and we're three weeks into it and we're no closer to an answer, that maybe if we run this by you guys, somebody listening will have a different perspective on it.

[Wendy]

Right.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, fresh eyes, Fresh eyes. All right, we're gonna be here a while, people. Here we go.

[Wendy]

Stretch it out.

[Bert Weiss]

So everybody knows that we have this segment that we do called I'm just curious. And it could be anything. If you're curious about anything in your neighborhood, in your office, but you're too sort of scared to research it yourself, you call us. We'll do the hard work for you, and we'll get answers. It's exactly what happened with Whitney when she called us three weeks ago.

[Whitney]

First of all, I live in a gated townhome community, so he obviously knows the code to get in here every day. And he comes in about 9:45 every day, and it's just Monday through Friday, on the weekends, just throughout the week. So he just, like, it's really odd. He drives the same car parked in the same parking spot. And he pretty much gets out of his car. Sometimes he'll grab something out of the trunk or the backseat. And then he walks behind the townhomes, like, and goes in the back door. One of the townhomes in there, he stays in. And when he's walking down there, he's also looking around to see if anyone's looking at him, like, kind of curious. And then he goes in the townhome. He goes in for about four or five minutes and comes back out, goes to his Car and then drives away.

[Melissa]

Every day?

[Whitney]

Every day, same time, like on the dot.

[Bert Weiss]

What part of town is this in?

[Whitney]

I live in Decatur.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so he goes behind all the townhomes and for you, it just feels like he's just a little bit nervous that he's back there. And then. Did you say he goes into one of the homes every morning?

[Whitney]

Goes into one of the homes? Yeah.

[Melissa]

And stays there only for a few minutes and then leaves.

[Whitney]

I mean, I've timed him before. It's usually about five minutes, and he needs no longer than five minutes.

[Wendy]

Do you know the neighbor of the townhouse that he goes into?

[Whitney]

I don't. I haven't met them. So I don't know if, you know, maybe they're bringing it out or.

[Colin]

Do you know who lives there?

[Melissa]

Is it a single person? Is it a couple or a family?

[Whitney]

I'm not sure. We have a lot of families in here. It's really nice townhouse area.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, so that was the very first time we talked. Her calls start flooding in on who this guy might be. He's probably a security guard that's been hired by the townhouse community. It's a drug deal going down. Every day it's a real estate agent checking out their property. I mean, one after the other, the

[Jeff]

theories start flooding everybody based on limited information. Everybody knows the answer.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Jeff]

People, even as random as we, just think he likes to take a poop in private. So he stops every day on his way to work.

[Melissa]

That's right.

[Colin]

That's right.

[Jeff]

He's got a key to that house. He goes there, poops, leaves.

[Bert Weiss]

So same day we talked to her, we say, look, let's talk to you again at the usual time that this dude's supposed to show up and see if he's there today also. And that's what happened on the first day we talked to her.

[Whitney]

No, he's here right now.

[Advertisement Voice]

He is?

[Wendy]

Oh, nice.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

He is. So he pulled up, same spot, parked the BMW.

[Whitney]

It was about 9:43 this morning. I mean. I mean, he's pretty much on the dot every day. Wow.

[Melissa]

It's part of his day.

[Whitney]

He's there right now. He got out of the car and this is weird. Like the last couple days, you know, the weather's been nice outside. He's been putting a leather coat on like he's had in the past. He's been doing all winter. He put his jacket on. When he got out of the car, he put his jacket on and then has his hands, like, in his pockets and is walking he walked down there, went behind there. He's still there right now.

[Bert Weiss]

So he has his hands in his pants pocket or in the jacket pocket?

[Whitney]

In the jacket pocket.

[Bert Weiss]

I have no idea why that was important.

[Whitney]

Maybe he's like, I don't know if it's the whole drug deal thing, and maybe he's bringing it down there. I don't know. But he just always seems to have a jacket. I just seen with the weather so nice, it just seems kind of odd.

[Melissa]

I think now we're looking for things, you know. Oh, it's weird. He's got a leather jacket on.

[Whitney]

He's walking back to his car right now, and the jacket's off.

[Melissa]

The jackets all.

[Bert Weiss]

So he got there at 9:43. It's now 9:48. Like, and you told us this morning, five minutes.

[Colin]

He's in.

[Bert Weiss]

He's. Did he go inside the house?

[Wendy]

Follow the car.

[Melissa]

Follow the car.

[Bert Weiss]

He went inside the house today, that townhouse?

[Whitney]

Yeah. Well, I mean, I couldn't. I couldn't go down to see exactly. But, I mean, I know he goes

[Melissa]

down there, and he doesn't have his leather jacket on. Going back to the house or car.

[Whitney]

He just put in his car. And now he's getting in, and he's about to drive away.

[Bert Weiss]

How old do you think he is?

[Whitney]

He looks like he's in his 30s.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so that's day number one right there. Now the table is set for us.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Wendy]

Right.

[Bert Weiss]

So we have a staff member here named Frankie, and we call him up and we're like, frankie, can you help us out with this? We got Whitney here. She's really curious who this dude is in the townhouse community. Can you just run down there tomorrow during the show and pretend like you're walking behind the townhouse community? You know, try to get some answers for us? Okay.

[Jeff]

That was the best call that we ever made ever in the history of

[Bert Weiss]

this show, is having Frankie part of this whole thing, because he's done a great job.

[Wendy]

He's like a private eye.

[Melissa]

Now.

[Jeff]

Frankie signed up for the deluxe package.

[Wendy]

Oh.

[Melissa]

But let's not get. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, people.

[Bert Weiss]

That's right.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Melissa]

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We're catching people off. Sorry.

[Bert Weiss]

So we send Frankie down there at the same time that the dude is supposed to show up. It's the very next day. Okay.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Whitney]

He showed up, kind of, like, made a U turn and left. So we're kind of wondering what he's doing.

[Jeff]

Have you sent Frankie out to locate

[Whitney]

the fella Frankie's right here next to me. We're kind of like, we're kind of confused with what's happening.

[Melissa]

Did he turn around because of any. Like, was Frankie outside or did he turn around on his own before Frankie had a chance to get.

[Whitney]

No, we were inside and I saw him pull up and I was like, that's him. But he never went in the parking spot that he normally parks in.

[Bert Weiss]

So on all the day, all the day for the last couple of months that you've been watching this guy, he's never pulled a U turn before?

[Whitney]

Never. Never ever.

[Jeff]

So do you think he did? Do you think he's listening or heard about it and he's like, you know what, I'm going to do something a little bit different today and see if they talk about it.

[Melissa]

Or he figured out it was him

[Jeff]

so I can confirm it's me. Yeah, because if he knew, if he was 100% sure, he just wouldn't show up. But if he wanted to confirm it, he would just have to do something weird.

[Melissa]

And all he has to do is call us voice disguiser and just tell us what he's doing.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, unless it really was like a drug related thing or something that's under

[Melissa]

the table, Voice disguiser just let us know and then the calls are going

[Bert Weiss]

to show up at the sound.

[Jeff]

That's not gonna work unless we're getting 500 calls right now from people going, hello, I'm in the voice disguiser. I was the person up there. I made the U turn because I was just feeding my pit.

[Colin]

Click.

[Jeff]

Play your trombone.

[Bert Weiss]

So I mean, what are the chances of the dude actually being a listener at that time? And you said the dude was like in his late 40s, early 50s or something like that?

[Whitney]

I would say like late 30s, late 30s maybe.

[Wendy]

Did Frankie park in his parking spot?

[Whitney]

No.

[Wendy]

That got a chuckle.

[Bert Weiss]

You really need to watch Frankie very, very carefully in your house. Will you put Frank on real quick?

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Colin]

Hello?

[Bert Weiss]

Dude, how did you totally mess this up?

[Colin]

Frankie's on the covers blown. I knew I shouldn't have taken the Q100 vehicle.

[Jeff]

No, you didn't.

[Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Bert Weiss]

So the dude just pulls in and then pulls a ue, huh? Hold on.

[Colin]

So pulled up, she's like, I know that's his car. And he all. He just. He didn't even stay in the parking spot for a second and then turned around and went back the other way. So I walked out and just walked around the neighborhood and I didn't see any car. And then as soon as I came up grass. She said she saw him pull out.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, now I'm even more curious.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals and a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications including the Wagovi pill and the Wobi Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.combert to get personalized affordable care that gets that's F O R h e r s.com Bert borhers.com Bert weightless by hers is not available in all 50 states, but go is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. A s get started and learn more, including important safety information with govi, clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borheart.com what's going on everyone?

[Colin]

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[Frankie]

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[Colin]

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Colin]

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[Jeff]

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[Colin]

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[Jeff]

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[Bert Weiss]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

[Melissa]

So he pulled into the spot but didn't stay.

[Colin]

Yeah, he didn't stay at all. Like he didn't even. It was weird.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so on day number two there dude that normally walks around the Town homes, for whatever reason on this day, decides to pull a uey. And we've just sort of convinced ourselves that it must be a listener, right? So the following day, we send Frankie back down there, and Frankie actually has a conversation with this guy. So now he's behind the townhouse community, and he runs into this guy. And this has taken place now over the course of a week, Right?

[Colin]

So he pulled in at 9:45 on the dot, just like every. Every day. M. I waited till he walked behind the house, and then I got out, and because it was raining, I had an umbrella. So I pretended I was looking at the front of the townhouses where he parked. And when he came back up, I, you know, asked him. I was like, excuse me, do you live here? And he said, yes. He said he lives in the neighborhood. And I was like. I was looking for a. To buy a townhome in this area and was wondering if, you know, if there are any townhomes here for sale. And he said. He said, yeah, I think so. But he wasn't sure which ones were available or which, you know, which ones were vacant or not. And so I kept drilling him with the questions, trying to figure out who he was, why he was there, but it pretty much stopped it. He wasn't a real estate agent because if I said I was looking for a home, then, you know, you would think that he would say that, oh, I'm a real estate agent. Here's my car. Nothing like that. He was kind of stand buffish and kind of. Kind of shady about the whole thing.

[Whitney]

Mm.

[Colin]

And so we had our conversation. That was pretty much the end of it. And after he left, I walked by the house that he walks into, and there is a real estate lockbox on the front door.

[Jeff]

What?

[Colin]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Weird.

[Jeff]

So he's not a real estate agent. There's no houses for sale yet. The house he goes into has lockbox

[Wendy]

on it, which explain why he went through the back, but not why he went.

[Colin]

The whole thing was just weird. So it's really. It's really bugging me. So I have planned. I'm gonna plan to do a stakeout this weekend and find out if it's just a Monday through Friday or whatever. And I'm gonna find out about the house and everything else, and hopefully I'll have more information for you guys when that gets done.

[Bert Weiss]

So he goes to this townhouse community and, like, lays in the weeds for a weekend.

[Melissa]

I love how Frankie got so into this. It's almost like it was a personal. I don't know quest for him to figure this out.

[Bert Weiss]

It's ridiculous how invested we all are in this thing. But we need answers now. Good morning, Debbie. You are on the Burt Show. Hello.

[Colin]

Hello.

[Whitney]

How are you?

[Bert Weiss]

Good. How are you?

[Colin]

Good.

[Whitney]

I think this guy is totally playing you guys. I think that there is probably a perfectly logical explanation of why he's there. I don't know why, but I think he heard you on the radio and

[Colin]

that's why he did the U turn

[Whitney]

that first morning and he never showed up.

[Colin]

He did the U turn in the

[Whitney]

parking lot just to make sure it was him. And now it's just plain all of you.

[Wendy]

Well, she's been seeing for four months now, like, we just started this three weeks ago.

[Jeff]

Even if he is jacking with us,

[Colin]

he heard himself on the radio.

[Melissa]

Have you heard the whole. Are you completely cut her?

[Colin]

I've been following. I listen every morning. I've heard the whole deal. I think he's probably a security guy

[Whitney]

or maybe a real estate agent.

[Jeff]

Yeah, even if he's playing us, that's still four months of why was he there?

[Bert Weiss]

And even based on what you heard yesterday late in the show, you still think he's a security guard?

[Colin]

I think he's a security guard or

[Whitney]

real estate agent or something along those

[Colin]

lines, but I think he's just playing everybody.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, well, we still have four segments to play from you. Remember, this has taken place over three weeks now, and we're trying to get you guys up to speed. So save the theories until we're done playing the segments here. So here's the part where we're at.

[Wendy]

Now.

[Bert Weiss]

Whitney calls us up. There's a guy in the townhouse community shows up every single day for five minutes, walks behind the townhomes, goes into one every single day, then he leaves. We send Frankie down there to confront the guy. On day number one, the dude turns right around, doesn't do his normal routine for the first time in four months.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert Weiss]

Second day, Frankie goes down there and confronts the guy. Starts asking him, like, real estate questions and stuff like that. And the dude is sort of vague a little bit.

[Melissa]

Yeah, a little bit. And then Frankie decides he's gonna do a stakeout. He's gonna find exactly what's going on.

[Bert Weiss]

Look, you gotta give us a little credit. You guys come to us in the assignment. We go over the top to get you guys answers.

[Colin]

Absolutely.

[Bert Weiss]

So Frankie, yeah. Decides that he's gonna go on a stakeout and he's gonna watch this place all weekend long. He comes back into Q100 on Monday morning and gives us a report.

[Frankie]

All right. So we went in and we hid behind the wall.

[Jeff]

Are you in a car or.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, we got out of the car

[Frankie]

to walk around to see if we saw his car.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Frankie]

We didn't. We didn't see his car at all.

[Melissa]

Did you dress all in black and like shimmy down the wall?

[Frankie]

I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be that covert about it because then the other neighbors looking out the window are like, what is this?

[Melissa]

That's true.

[Jeff]

91 1.

[Frankie]

Yeah, so we, we looked at the house and there was a TV on.

[Jeff]

Now what time are you there?

[Frankie]

This is around 9:00am or p.m. no,

[Melissa]

it's p.m. thursday night at 9.

[Frankie]

Yeah, just check them out. And there was no.

[Jeff]

Now, we don't know your sister. Were you using her as bait? Like, is she hot?

[Frankie]

She just come along, we talked about it because it bothered me that I couldn't figure out who this guy was.

[Jeff]

All right?

[Frankie]

So I, you know, I talked to a bunch of people about what they thought and I got all types of different stories, like, he's a murderer, blah, blah, blah, blah. But so we went. There was a TV on.

[Jeff]

Get your sister to join you for that.

[Frankie]

Yeah, well, she wanted to. So that was the sick part. So there was a TV on all night and that was it. No movement, nothing.

[Melissa]

You didn't see anybody in the.

[Frankie]

Not at all. So, you know, I got really frustrated and went and got the address and because I'm connected, I went and looked up on the FMLS website and found out who the real estate agent lady was.

[Wendy]

What is the fmls?

[Frankie]

It's multi listing real estate.

[Jeff]

It's like if you're gonna buy a house and you in and you can tell your real estate agent, I want to buy a house that costs $100,000 that's in this zip code. And then they can type that information in and it shows you every one of the houses. Here's 10 houses to choose from, right?

[Frankie]

Yeah. And it gives you the active listing, all the information about real estate agents, everything like that. So did that and got her number and found out that she is the owner. And what really bothers me the most is the guy never said anything to me about, oh yeah, well, this house is for sale and it is an active listing.

[Jeff]

But he said you asked him specifically, are there any houses for sale?

[Frankie]

And he didn't bring. He didn't say anything about, oh, I'm a real estate agent, or he did not say, well, this house is for sale. Nothing like that. He totally just walked away from all of that.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so then a few days later, Frankie back in studio. And at this point, I think he's contacted the actual real estate agent, Right. To try to get some answers on that house that this dude is ducking into every single day.

[Frankie]

Okay, but here's. Here's the weird part. Like, I don't. I'm not really sure if he actually goes in the house. Cause the way Whitney's house is, is you can't really see if he goes inside the house. You just see that he walks behind the houses.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Frankie]

So I went and got the real estate agent's name, and I called her and real nice lady, and she was like, oh, are you talking about the guy in the silver BMW? I was like, yeah, that's him.

[Jeff]

She's like, now, how did that conversation go? Did you tell her that you're with Colin from the bird show?

[Frankie]

No. First I called and asked about the house, and then she said, we just took it off the market because of some other townhomes down the street. They're waiting for them to sell out.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Frankie]

So. And then I asked her, then I said, you know, I'm calling for a friend who lives in the neighborhood and sees this guy every morning. And we're just wondering, you know, what the deal is with that. And she said that, you know, are you talking about the guy with the silver BMW? I'm like, yeah. And she said, you know, I think he goes behind the house and feeds the feral cats.

[Jeff]

No, he does. And he deals drugs.

[Frankie]

Oh, he's a serial feral cat feeder.

[Jeff]

Come on.

[Bert Weiss]

That's it.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Colin]

He feeds cats?

[Frankie]

I really. I don't believe it. She said she was gonna ask him straight out. And when I walked behind the house the first time when I was.

[Jeff]

Did you explain to her that we've been doing this on the radio for two weeks?

[Colin]

No.

[Frankie]

No, I did not. She doesn't know anything.

[Jeff]

Well, you're gonna need to tell her to come up with a better story.

[Bert Weiss]

Have you established if anybody lives in the house?

[Frankie]

Nobody lives in the house. The real estate agent owns the house,

[Bert Weiss]

so he's going randomly and filling up a bowl of cat food for random cats in the neighborhood.

[Frankie]

Now, I've walked around the back of the house, and I have not seen any bowl or any cat food or anything like that. And when I walk behind the house to see. The first time I saw him walk, I did not see him down anywhere. So I'm not buying it.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, only two clips left here. Then we're up to speed. Okay, so Frankie has the idea of let's get a spy camera and just set it up for the weekend. And we have some really good friends that we work [e-mail] and this was the follow up, because Frankie now is going out and he's getting a spy camera to put in this guy's backyard to see if we can capture some pictures.

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Colin]

Bigdaddyspy.com and I got a infrared, heat sensitive, and motion sensitive birdhouse. Birdhouse.

[Wendy]

That's funny.

[Jeff]

Awesome.

[Bert Weiss]

Did you install the birdhouse over the weekend?

[Colin]

Yeah, I think it'll go well with my cat uniform.

[Jeff]

When does the birdhouse go in?

[Colin]

I'll put it up probably sometime today.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay.

[Colin]

If not, after I get off work.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, so here's the update that we got from Frankie yesterday. So he puts the birdhouse in place, starts getting some pictures, and now things are really gonna get bizarre.

[Melissa]

Mm.

[Bert Weiss]

We thought we were gonna get real close here. I mean, how do you mess this up? You got a spy camera. We'll have pictures over the weekend. And it just got more and more bizarre. Yesterday.

[Colin]

I got a couple updates with this. You guys are gonna love this.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, bring it on, man.

[Colin]

All right, so I put the birdhous and I went and looked at the footage, and it shows the only thing I got. It shows one cat, you know, jumping across the camera during the day. But because it shows the garage door of the last house in question open up, dog comes running out, and there's a car in the garage. And now a car never pulled up. So the car's obviously been in there. And five minutes later, the dog comes walking back in the garage door closed, and no guy.

[Jeff]

So there's a. And what time of day did the garage door open and close?

[Colin]

This was about 1:30.

[Jeff]

In the afternoon.

[Colin]

In the afternoon. And it picked Nothing up at 9:30 or when the guy shows up for that day.

[Jeff]

So are you 100% sure that that's the house he's going to?

[Colin]

If I'm positive, I'm positive that's the house in question. Now, the reason why I say that is because I went there personally, because, you know, this is kind of frustrating to me. I went there and I put the birdhouse up again. I put the card back in the birdhouse, and I saw the guy pull up, and I walked around the side, waited for him, and when he walked around, he stopped, and he flipped out when he saw the Birdhouse, for some reason, just stopped in his tracks and started looking around. And he turned and he saw me. And I'm pretending I'm on my phone at this time talking to the real estate agent about the house and pretending that I'm waiting for her to come. So, you know, I'm talking kind of loud so he can hear me. So he thought nothing of it. And the guy does not go into the house.

[Wendy]

Okay, so what does he do?

[Colin]

He walk. And he walks back into the woods.

[Melissa]

He walks into the woods.

[Colin]

He walks into the back of the woods. Now, before he showed up that day, I went just to see if anything was back there and I walked back. The trail in the woods behind the houses, it leads to a fence with a hole underneath it for maybe a cat to get through. And that's it. It does not lead anywhere else.

[Melissa]

Okay, the dude did not go in the house because he saw you in the birdhouse. So he went into the woods.

[Colin]

Right? He does not go into the house. The real estate agent was not lying. She does own the house. And he does not go anywhere near the house or in the house.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so every day. So he didn't go into the woods because he saw you. You think his routine every day is to go behind the townhouses and then walk into the woods and not go into a house?

[Colin]

Yeah, he does not go into a house.

[Melissa]

Oh, so the woods is his destination?

[Wendy]

Yes.

[Colin]

So he goes into the woods. Now I walk the trail and it leads to nowhere.

[Melissa]

Did you. Did you notice all the plants along the trail? Did you see any pointed plants?

[Colin]

No, no, I looked. I looked. Trust me, I looked. But anyway, it's all ivy and it's a Little Trail about 3 inches wide that you can walk through. And it leads to the back of the fence and then nowhere else.

[Bert Weiss]

And there's just a little hole in the bottom of the fence that only like an animal as small as a small dog or a cat or a squirrel could get underneath.

[Colin]

Yeah, that's it.

[Jeff]

Or an item can be passed through.

[Colin]

Or an item. Right, okay. Or an item. So I'm more. I'm more confused now and curious than ever.

[Bert Weiss]

What?

[Colin]

So I think, well, you're gonna have to come straight out and ask him.

[Jeff]

You're gonna have to. No, I would go. I would dress like a woodland sprite. Like just wear like a toga esque thing made of ivy. And I think you should just dance and frolic in the woods like you belong there and just observe him.

[Melissa]

What are you doing back there?

[Bert Weiss]

There were two different levels to this. You lost me. Sort of. In the beginning when you said the photo from the birdhouse showed a dog coming out of the garage, but you didn't see any person open the garage?

[Colin]

Nope. No person at all. And it had the clear view of the house and the garage.

[Melissa]

It sounds like somebody lives there.

[Colin]

The real estate agent apparently still owns the house.

[Bert Weiss]

And there's a dog living in the house. And maybe they just hit the garage remotely from upstairs or something so the dog can let itself out.

[Colin]

Well, I think the real estate agents probably just parked out from the house, walked up, went through the front of the house, came down, opened up the garage, let the dog out, and then when the dog came back in, that was it.

[Melissa]

Well, dogs aren't gonna live in an empty home. I mean, like somebody said it's not

[Colin]

empty, that the garage had a car in it and there was stuff in it. Like it's been lived in.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Okay, so that's it. So we don't care about the house anymore. We care about the dude going in the woods. Okay, the house is irrelevant now. So the dude goes into the woods

[Wendy]

to do what for five minutes?

[Melissa]

Well, now you gotta move the birdhouse into the woods.

[Jeff]

Well, you can't, because then he's gotta know something's up. So you have to get out.

[Colin]

He already saw the birdhouse.

[Jeff]

You have to find a different type of camera. Like you have to get a non.

[Bert Weiss]

It's a rock camera.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Colin]

Can you hide?

[Melissa]

Frankie, can you hide out in the woods?

[Wendy]

Is there anywhere to hide back there?

[Colin]

Totally.

[Whitney]

Listen, it's.

[Melissa]

You could hide in the woods and wait for him and see what he does. Well, he's coming in 20 minutes, right?

[Wendy]

What if he's getting rid of evidence

[Melissa]

from a crime little by little?

[Colin]

That's what I was thinking. Cause I looked around and the only thing I saw with like almost a kind of new New Balance shoe just hanging out.

[Bert Weiss]

Say that one more time.

[Colin]

A New Balance sneaker. Just one. And it's kind of new. It's not old and not weathered yet.

[Jeff]

So you're looking for a one legged man.

[Colin]

Yeah. You're looking for somebody buried.

[Bert Weiss]

Wait, I'm starting. I'm starting to get lost here. So you saw him take a New Balance shoe back into the. Into the woods and didn't know before.

[Colin]

He didn't have anything in his hands, nothing in his pockets. So the whole feral cat thing is. Is. Is out the window. Okay. When I went back there before he showed up, just to, you know, see what was going on Back there, all that was back there was just a New Balance shoe that wasn't weathered yet. It was kind of new.

[Bert Weiss]

Watch. Somebody watch one of the neighbors call the cops on Frankie.

[Melissa]

Frankie, this weird dude is putting up a birdhouse.

[Colin]

I wasn't. I wasn't going to tell you this, but now that you bring that up, when I went to go put the birdhouse up the night I did get pulled over and I did get searched for being in that. In the neighborhood.

[Bert Weiss]

Really, Somebody.

[Colin]

Somebody apparently called the police on me and was wondering what I was doing back there.

[Bert Weiss]

Seriously?

[Wendy]

Oh, wow.

[Colin]

Yeah, seriously.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so wait a second.

[Melissa]

Like, so I'm working for Q100 in the bird show.

[Colin]

I, you know, I just said I was putting up a birdhouse for a friend, and I know it's late, but I just got off work. I didn't say anything about the radio.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so that's where we are at this point. You guys are all caught up now on this storyline that generally takes place between, like, 9:30 and 10. So if you have any answers, please share them with us because we are more confused today than when we started this thing three weeks ago.

[Melissa]

It's the field. The field threw a whole different wrench into it.

[Wendy]

And the shoe.

[Melissa]

And the New Balance shoe.

[Bert Weiss]

Bizarre dude.

[Jeff]

One legged man.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, Kevin, what's going on, man?

[Colin]

Hey, guys. It seems pretty clear to me this is either an elaborate April Fool's joke on us or on you guys.

[Bert Weiss]

I promise you, we're not behind it. Yeah, I promise you we're not behind it.

[Colin]

But then somebody. Have you considered somebody might be trying to pull something on you?

[Bert Weiss]

Well, I can tell you why I don't think that they are. Because there's a relative of Whitney that approached me about this that I know as a. In my personal life that wouldn't be capable of doing this. Like, it's not some stranger. This is not just, quote unquote, a random listener. This is somebody in my life that presented me with this story.

[Jeff]

And I think. I do think it's plausible that Whitney

[Melissa]

would have to be in on it.

[Jeff]

I'm gonna use all the words that they use on Mythbusters. It's plausible that the guy is on to us and is jacking with us at this point by doing funny stuff like going into the woods or whatever. And if that's the case, I say kudos to him. But that doesn't lessen the mystery of before he started jacking with us, why is he pulling up to the house every day at 9:45 so there's still a mystery to be solved. If he's toying with us a little bit, then I'll give him some credit for that. I almost think that's like.

[Melissa]

Unless Whitney's in on it because she's the one that is. That's the only way.

[Bert Weiss]

She's not.

[Melissa]

She's told us four months.

[Bert Weiss]

I'm telling you, I can. I can almost guarantee you that that family is not in on it. If it's an April Fool's show. Hey, Bailey. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Whitney]

Hey, did you guys ever think maybe

[Colin]

on the other side of the fence might be the house of one of his exes or something and it's his pet that he's trying to visit without her knowing?

[Wendy]

Kind of.

[Melissa]

Is it his pet?

[Colin]

Yeah. Maybe they had a pet together and then they broke up and she kept the pet. And maybe he's trying to visit with the pet or something.

[Melissa]

Or it's a tragic story of a child that comes to the fence to talk to daddy every day.

[Jeff]

A one legged child who can only afford New Balance sneakers.

[Colin]

Only one.

[Wendy]

One.

[Jeff]

One New Balance. Well, he's one legged.

[Bert Weiss]

Mandy, good morning. You have a theory?

[Whitney]

Hey, Good morning. Listening to y' all every morning.

[Bert Weiss]

Thank you.

[Whitney]

Okay. My idea is that he maybe has some family, maybe his wife or some kids, and something bad happens to him. So that's his place to come by and remember every morning.

[Colin]

But it's just too hard for him to live there.

[Jeff]

Could be. Well, that'll go over swimmingly if we ever get to him.

[Bert Weiss]

Could be.

[Wendy]

No theory is a wrong theory at this point, Tiffany.

[Jeff]

Some are bad.

[Bert Weiss]

You're on Q100. Hi.

[Colin]

Hey.

[Whitney]

Hey.

[Colin]

Yeah, I was originally, before I heard the last clips, I was gonna say that, you know, I thought he could have possibly had somebody locked up in

[Whitney]

the house and he was going and

[Colin]

taking food and water or something like

[Whitney]

that to make sure, you know, that they lived.

[Colin]

But now, I don't know, like he could be going back in the woods and smoking a joint every day before he goes to work.

[Bert Weiss]

That came up yesterday.

[Wendy]

Didn't.

[Melissa]

That came up yesterday. But yeah, I mean, I get. Because it is illegal. Nobody should do it. Just seems like that's. Yeah. The same time every morning. And it just seems like that's a lot of effort to do that. A lot of going out of your way.

[Bert Weiss]

And we can eliminate that somebody locked in the house theory because the guy doesn't go into the house. We found out.

[Wendy]

Goes into the woods.

[Bert Weiss]

Goes into the woods. He doesn't actually go into the house every day.

[Jeff]

What if they're keeping a one legged man prison in that house and they don't let him have anything? And the only thing that he could throw to safety was one shoe that he wasn't wearing because they've covered the floor in glass. So that's what it is. The floor of the townhome is covered in broken glass and the one legged man couldn't take off his other shoe to write a note on it and throw it. So he threw the only. That's why it was missing.

[Melissa]

I started daydreaming about 30 seconds ago.

[Bert Weiss]

So our next step here is that Frankie is. Bigdaddyspy.com gave us some different cameras, small cameras around the forest and just for

[Jeff]

the record, the woods. We're not calling. Bigdaddyspy.com is a real company. It's not Frankie's nickname now.

[Bert Weiss]

No.

[Jeff]

Hey, it's Big Daddy Spy.

[Bert Weiss]

They do all these really cool different spyware type things like little itty bitty cameras and stuff like that. So they're giving us a bunch that we're gonna put up in the woods for the next couple of days and see if we can again capture some pictures. And if not, we're just. I think we're gonna just end up hiring a private investigator.

[Melissa]

Gonna have to.

[Bert Weiss]

So we're working for you, Whitney. We're working hard, girl. The bird show.

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Whitney]

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Colin]

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Colin]

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[Whitney]

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[Colin]

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[Bert Weiss]

See Terms the Birch show all right, Wendy, I want you to put your money where your mouth is, girl.

[Melissa]

I do too.

[Bert Weiss]

I want you to put your money where your mouth is. We were just talking about Dancing with the Stars. I didn't see the show last night, but Wendy watches every week, right? And she was disgusted by the effort that Kate Gosling put in last night.

[Wendy]

The effort that Kate Gosselin put forth was none. It was absolutely zero. And I understand, I understand she has no background in entertainment. I don't have a background in entertainment, but I could still look like I'm having fun. And actually to rise. She didn't even look like she was trying to do the dance. Like she had been taught for a week how to do this jive dance. Pretty simple because he kept it simple because she's not a performer and she would like the even from the leg movements from her. She just stood there and was like looking around, not trying to put any of the steps together and he was like dragging her around the dance floor.

[Bert Weiss]

What were the exact, exact words, Melissa that Wendy used during commercials?

[Wendy]

I could do. I'll Say it. I could do a better job in one week on a jive than Kate Gosselin did.

[Bert Weiss]

Booyah.

[Melissa]

You have to do the same routine.

[Jeff]

It would just be a jive.

[Wendy]

Someone's gotta.

[Melissa]

Somebody's gotta learn that routine and help teach Wendy that routine for one week. Then she's gonna. We're gonna record her doing that with a partner, and then we're gonna post it online and determine whether she did better than Kay Gosling.

[Bert Weiss]

Here's my idea, is that we will post the Kate Gosselin dance, and then we'll post yours, and we'll have an online vote. And if you beat Kate Gosling, I'll give you 100 bucks.

[Whitney]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay.

[Wendy]

I mean, I'm totally up for that.

[Jeff]

And if you can make your dance instructor storm out, I'll also give you 100 bucks.

[Wendy]

No, because I'll actually enjoy what I'm doing. It's just for fun. I mean, this is fun. She is getting paid to be on that show just to put in a little bit of effort, a little bit of smile.

[Melissa]

You said you could do the dance better.

[Wendy]

I could do the dance.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so what we need is a dance instructor, professional dance instructor to train you. And you only have one week. So that means from the time that you and the instructor agree, which I'm hoping will be sometime over the next 24 hours, you have seven days to get that video posted online. Because Kate Gosselin had a week, right?

[Melissa]

Yes, one week. And then she had to perform it live. So you get one shot to. When you were doing it on camera, you get one shot. You can't do a retake because Kate couldn't do a retake last night. Right. And they. And you have to do. I'm like, if the instructor saw the show last night or watches the show and can do a similar routine, hopefully the same, but, you know, close to it. Then we put you up there.

[Wendy]

I am totally down. No, I mean, I will put forth at least more effort and have fun with it. And she did not have fun. Have you seen. You need to watch the video, Bert.

[Melissa]

Like.

[Wendy]

Cause it is insanely bad.

[Bert Weiss]

I watched about four minutes of the show last night, but it wasn't her part, so I didn't see it.

[Jeff]

Yes, it's dancing, Bert. They just want to have fun because,

[Melissa]

I mean, Kevin Bacon. Everybody's argument is the fact that she's the only one that is not a former athlete and not a former performer. So I do find that even Katie, who cannot see Kate Gosselin, gives her A little bit of wiggle room, because she doesn't have any background in doing anything like this.

[Bert Weiss]

Do you have any dance background at all?

[Wendy]

I've just flipped flags during halftime, which includes a little bit of dance, but not anything technical or step related or in heels.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, so you're pretty much in the same category. Hey, Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Colin]

Hello. I just wanted to tell you, Bert,

[Whitney]

that you better get your $100 ready.

[Colin]

You'll definitely be paying.

[Bert Weiss]

Wendy, did she really suck last night? Was she that bad?

[Advertisement Voice]

It was just.

[Wendy]

No, it was not that. I mean, I'm so glad she got out and tried. I'm so. Give her. Give her points for trying.

[Bert Weiss]

But it's very parental of you.

[Jeff]

You know what? Did you have fun, Kate? Did you try your hardest?

[Wendy]

She didn't.

[Jeff]

Well, that's all that matters.

[Wendy]

She got out there, but I didn't think the effort was there. There was no, like, fun in it. I mean, it's a fun show, and you're supposed to have fun with your partner.

[Bert Weiss]

So you think that if you start tomorrow, just the fact that you're gonna have fun doing it will make you

[Wendy]

have fun and better dancer.

[Bert Weiss]

You'll have a better routine.

[Wendy]

Try the steps. I mean, even if you do something wrong, just act like you're having fun. She had a miserable look on her face.

[Melissa]

It's not about fun. It's about you being a better dancer.

[Wendy]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

I think you can do it, Wendy. I think you're fine.

[Wendy]

Thanks, Jeff.

[Bert Weiss]

Good morning, Burchell.

[Whitney]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Bert Weiss]

Great.

[Advertisement Voice]

How are you?

[Colin]

Good. I just wanted to say Kate was a hot mess last night, but you can only give Wendy four days, because I do believe they only have four days to practice, not seven.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay.

[Colin]

All right, so let's make it fair.

[Jeff]

So if she starts, but she has

[Wendy]

been with her partner for three and

[Jeff]

a half weeks, so you get an extra. So you get five days. So you start on five days. You find the dance instructor.

[Bert Weiss]

I think we've got one.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jeff]

And then you could start this week and have this week in the weekend. And then a week from today, you do it. So you would start, what, Thursday this week? And you'd have all week. Thursday, Friday, all weekend, and Monday and Tuesday. Bang. You do it.

[Bert Weiss]

Goes up online.

[Wendy]

I'm ready.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, Lisa. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Whitney]

Good morning, guys.

[Colin]

Now, I am a professional ballroom dancer. Now, the one thing that I do know is that, yes, they only have

[Whitney]

four days, but they have eight Hours a day to practice, so she should

[Colin]

have a little bit longer. But I can get you going. I can get you a male dancer, and we can practice for a week and make you look fabulous, because I

[Whitney]

think that you're right.

[Colin]

And as long as you're having fun and learn the steps, you'll do much better.

[Bert Weiss]

Where is your studio? What's the name of it?

[Colin]

I teach at a dance studio up in Duluth. Now we can go to another studio into downtown, which is not a problem.

[Whitney]

I teach at Southern Dance Connection, and

[Colin]

my father in law also is a

[Whitney]

professional dancer and he has a studio up in Duluth. So we can get her going.

[Wendy]

Let's do it. I'm so ready to do this. I think it looks like fun. I love Dancing with the stars anyway, but just I can do dance tons better than Kate.

[Bert Weiss]

We will take you up on this. Lisa, can I put you on hold?

[Colin]

You sure can.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, so now we have our instructor.

[Wendy]

All right, let's see. Kate gets eight hours a day. I don't have eight hours to devote.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, I mean, you could, but you've got an extra day, too.

[Wendy]

Okay. So five days.

[Bert Weiss]

So whatever you gotta do.

[Whitney]

All right.

[Bert Weiss]

Did we agree that next Tuesday.

[Jeff]

Tuesday you do it.

[Bert Weiss]

So you can start goes up.

[Wendy]

I need to start Thursday.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Well, you can start earlier than that because you have 32 hours. Four times eight is 32. So if you want to do six hours a day for five days, there's your 30 hours.

[Bert Weiss]

It all depends on your commitment.

[Wendy]

I'm ready to do it.

[Bert Weiss]

100 bucks as you can be. I think it's hours logged.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I think it's fair to give her a week. If she goes a few under, a few over, so be it. But.

[Melissa]

But the dancer will keep track of the hours logged.

[Wendy]

Cool.

[Bert Weiss]

And many people are calling up saying you have to almost like, pick the same sort of outfit that she did. Also, like, you have to wear the heel.

[Melissa]

You have to mimic the exact thing that happened last night.

[Wendy]

I'm ready.

[Bert Weiss]

You're down.

[Wendy]

I'm down. Let's do it.

[Bert Weiss]

Put the video up online. One week from today, the Birch Show. All right, here's the an audio of a woman that obviously hasn't learned what you've learned. All right. And that's. There's a limit before you're gonna feel really nasty and be safe about it. This is a woman that calls 911 and reports herself drinking and driving.

[Wendy]

Oh, boy.

[Colin]

I'm sorry.

[Whitney]

I think I went the wrong way.

[Colin]

Do you need nasty?

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Colin]

Really?

[Whitney]

Kind of, yeah.

[Advertisement Voice]

Really?

[Colin]

Yeah, I do, actually. Okay. Why don't you tell me what's going on? Are you intoxicated?

[Whitney]

Absolutely.

[Colin]

I'm gonna tell you right now. Are you driving? Yeah. Pull in the parking lot so you can. Because you're not. Shouldn't be driving while you're talking on the phone. Pull into a parking lot and let's talk for a minute. Okay. Driving. Yeah, I know, I know. I'm coming to help you so you don't go to jail. You know what though, hon? I. I would not have called you unless I was concerned with myself. I. I know. And I was concerned about you, and I tried to get you to pull over. I know. I don't want to hurt nobody else. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? Yeah, I know. I lost. I lost my mom to a drunk driver. That's what I want you to pull over.

[Whitney]

I know.

[Colin]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay.

[Colin]

So I got sad.

[Bert Weiss]

That's like rock bottom. I think if you're a drinker, because that's all, that audio is being played everywhere today, you know, and yesterday. And if you're that woman, you're like, I'm quitting.

[Colin]

That's it.

[Bert Weiss]

That's it for me.

[Melissa]

If you call in yourself.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Time to stop.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, the bird show.

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[Bert Weiss]

Visit borhurst.com Happy birthday, America.

[Colin]

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[Bert Weiss]

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[Advertisement Voice]

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[Bert Weiss]

An inexplicably queenly offered. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Bert Weiss]

Pick up fees may apply. The bird show. I don't know if you guys will find it. There's anything in here that's meaty or not, but it's the 30 things every woman should quit doing by 30. Okay, see if there's anything here for you guys. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention.

[Melissa]

Oh, Jesus.

[Wendy]

Oh, yeah. Never do that.

[Bert Weiss]

Guilty. No, never.

[Wendy]

Never.

[Bert Weiss]

Jen.

[Melissa]

No, never. Well, not in my 30s. Okay. Why didn't you ask me? Just kidding.

[Jeff]

Well, you have to quit doing it by your 30s. So it happened before then?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Colin]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay. Joanna, how old are you?

[Wendy]

I am 20. I'll be 26 on Monday.

[Bert Weiss]

26.

[Jeff]

Happy early birthday.

[Bert Weiss]

Alright, you've got four years to continue making out with your best friends at bars.

[Wendy]

Alright, great.

[Bert Weiss]

Making out with your boyfriend at bars for attention.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I stopped doing that a couple years ago. For attention or just for fun?

[Bert Weiss]

Attention.

[Wendy]

I think you should stop. Yeah, for attention.

[Melissa]

It's the same thing.

[Bert Weiss]

I could never see Jason being one of those guys.

[Wendy]

He tried to on our first date and I said no, but I think it's definitely. You hit a point where you're like, no more being that girl that's making out at the bar.

[Bert Weiss]

Mm. 30 things every woman should quit doing by 30. Filling her bed with stuffed animals.

[Wendy]

Oh, GROSS.

[Melissa]

Oh, it's 20.

[Jeff]

If you take stuffed animals with you to college, you got a problem.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

That is such a red flag for a dude. If he shows up to your apartment and you've got stuffed animals on your bed. That is instant U turn. Right there.

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

That's got to be about, like.

[Melissa]

What does it say about the girl?

[Bert Weiss]

It's. It's almost in the crazy cat category.

[Jeff]

Yes. Really?

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

She's gonna be psycho or grow up too much of a little girl.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah.

[Whitney]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Skipping regular gyno exams.

[Melissa]

Oh, you can't do that.

[Wendy]

Oh, no.

[Bert Weiss]

All right. That's one thing that every woman should quit doing by 30. Calling her father daddy.

[Melissa]

Oh, I still do that.

[Bert Weiss]

Do you?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I think that's fine.

[Bert Weiss]

Forever, Joanna. I bet you call your dad daddy.

[Wendy]

No, I call him Poppy.

[Bert Weiss]

Poppy.

[Wendy]

So I call my dad dad.

[Bert Weiss]

Engaging in sibling rivalry should be done by the time you hit 30 years old. Melissa Carter, that happened.

[Melissa]

Happen the rest of your life. That doesn't change.

[Bert Weiss]

That never goes away. Living paycheck to paycheck, by the time you're 30, you should be past that.

[Frankie]

Right?

[Melissa]

If you can. I mean, I guess it's an odd time right now, but. Yeah. I think by the time you're 30, you should have a little bit together.

[Wendy]

I do think. Absolutely. Before you're 30, you need to learn how to start saving and how to put away for retirement and how to have something, a cushion of some sort. I definitely think that that's a goal for every woman.

[Bert Weiss]

You said your dad, like, started teaching you that way early, right?

[Wendy]

I remember as a kid, like three,

[Bert Weiss]

your dad's like, you need to learn how to write a check and go to the money machine.

[Wendy]

My dad opened my bank account for me when I was 14 years old. You know, I had a Bank account at 14. I knew how to use a debit card. Am I good at it now? Not so much.

[Bert Weiss]

But he did teach me that one thing that every woman should quit doing by 30 is using MySpace to pick up guys.

[Wendy]

Yeah, well, MySpace. Well, Facebook now. I mean, just go to Facebook. MySpace is dead.

[Jeff]

Well, I think it applies to Facebook. This just might be an older list. Who uses MySpace right now? It's not a comedian or band.

[Bert Weiss]

Measuring her self worth by a number on the scale.

[Wendy]

Oh, man.

[Bert Weiss]

We've talked to you guys enough to say I don't know that any woman had ever.

[Advertisement Voice]

I think you do.

[Melissa]

That doesn't change. I mean, it gets worse as you get older. Because I think for a lot of women, it's harder to keep weight off the older they get. Yeah. So it gets worse.

[Bert Weiss]

Blaming her mother for all of her issues. Gotta stop doing that by the time you're 30 years old. Definitely. And being cheap.

[Wendy]

What does that mean?

[Melissa]

Why are you looking at me? Let me tell you. No, no, no, Bert Weiss, let me tell you, if you want me to be a saver on that list, then I gotta be cheap.

[Jeff]

Melissa will squeeze a dollar until George Washington screams.

[Melissa]

I swear.

[Jeff]

Get it?

[Bert Weiss]

The Bird Show.

[Wendy]

Hey everybody.

[Bert Weiss]

Lady luck here.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Wendy]

be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which

[Bert Weiss]

is an American owned social casino.

[Advertisement Voice]

It obviously features over a thousand slot

[Whitney]

games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself a $30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[Bert Weiss]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Colin]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry

[Jeff]

Blast with berry flavors and cold foam.

[Colin]

Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six?

[Jeff]

All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[Frankie]

Refreshers contain caffeine.