The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Thursday, March 12 [Vault] (Aired March 12, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delivers the signature mix of humor, authenticity, and relatable life moments, focusing on two main segments: a deeply spooky investigation with the Atlanta Ghost Hunters, and an intense listener call-in debate about proposing marriage despite clear partner reluctance. The episode also features classic holiday outtakes, including a hilariously bad Christmas audition tape, ensuring a good balance of scares and laughs.

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Atlanta Ghost Hunters Return: Spooky Holiday Haunt (00:45 – 14:45)

Main Theme

The Atlanta Ghost Hunters join the show to reveal findings from their latest investigation at a mysterious outdoor airplane crash storage site in the Southeast—just in time for the holidays.

Key Discussion Points

• Frequent Guest Tradition: The GH team is now a monthly fixture, not just for Halloween (00:54).
• Case Setup: The investigation takes place at a storage location for crashed airplanes and helicopters (01:43). Brea, who works at the facility, assisted.
• The Process: Recorders are placed in empty, closed aircraft and left recording, often with no one nearby for hours (05:07, 06:34).
• Audio Reveals:
  • Unexplained Sigh & "Tony"/"Help Me": Mysterious audio, possibly of someone sighing and/or a voice saying “Tony” or “Help me” (05:49–06:12).
    • “First thing that I think it says is Tony.” – Andy (05:56)
  • “Meow” Segment Debate: Discussion around a possible “meow” or “let me out/help me” sound (07:20–07:29).
  • Child’s Voice in Office: Playback of a whispery “Hey” caught near the office (08:43–08:54).
  • Clear Ghostly Statement: Most chilling – a distinct voice saying “He panicked, but he quit flying the airplane” during an unrelated discussion (09:53–10:09).
    • “Tell me that ain’t jacked up.” – Andy (10:06)
    • “There’s nobody in there.” – Host (Birch) (10:09)
• Day vs. Night Investigations:
  • Andy: “I don’t think it matters. The only thing I think nighttime is a bit better is traffic.” (08:06)
• Brea’s Experience: Admits to feeling chills, spooked walking around, confirms employees often share stories after odd feelings in certain locations (13:10–13:35).
• Professional Credibility: Ghost Hunters do investigations for free, not for pay, to minimize concerns of fabrication (02:48).

Notable Quotes

• “Nothing says Christmas like a ghost.” – Andy (01:11)
• “Spirits are around all year long.” – Co-host (01:13)
• "Still sitting in my car, not going in the door yet." – Brea (11:08)
• “Most stuff just comes at, you know, and you find out after the fact, once you go back and listen to the audio tapes.” – Andy (13:43)

Memorable Moments

• The tense playback of inexplicable audio, especially the clear, responsive “He panicked, but he quit flying the airplane” clip – everyone agrees on its chilling clarity (09:53–10:09).
• Brea laughing nervously about being “glad I’m not the one having to turn on the lights this morning” (02:44).

2. Listener Drama – "Should I Propose?" (16:22 – 25:59)

Main Theme

Kimberly, a confident listener, seeks advice about proposing marriage to her long-term boyfriend at his family gathering—even though he’s repeatedly said he’s not the marrying type.

Key Discussion Points

• Kimberly’s Plan: Propose in front of boyfriend’s family (and meet them for the first time), confident he’ll say yes (16:28–16:50).
• Cautions & Criticisms:
  • Callers warn Kimberly is ignoring major red flags, as her boyfriend’s views on marriage are clear (17:16–18:14).
  • “He knows I’m not like that. I mean, he doesn’t want to get married.” – Kimberly (19:46)
  • Multiple hosts and callers urge privacy for the proposal, not a public spectacle (21:19–21:41).
  • Story shared about a man with clear boundaries leading to an eventual breakup after his wife thought he’d change post-marriage (21:41-22:24).
• The Debate of Change:
  • “That goes back to what, women change in guys. They’re like, oh, he says he’s not into marriage, but he just doesn't know it yet.” – Host (Birch) (21:33)
  • Some argue for “taking a chance” (go for it), others for respecting his stated wishes and being cautious (23:00–23:49).
• Kimberly’s Reasoning: Claims she wants only the marriage, not the wedding or the ring, and is willing to adjust (e.g., sign a prenup): “I want him to know that it’s about that commitment for me and not some pageantry” (24:04).
• Hosts’ Closing Advice: Most still urge caution, even as Kimberly insists she’s pressing ahead no matter what.

Notable Quotes

• “I think she is absolutely crazy.” – Caller Sherry, warning Kimberly (17:16)
• “It should be a personal thing. And especially since you and he have to have a serious conversation about your future. I think your proposal should be in private.” – Co-host (20:36)
• “You ignore it. You choose to ignore it. He’s telling you right now, he’s not for marriage. That’s not him.” – Host (Birch) (21:27)

Memorable Moments

• Candid stories from listeners about the dangers of ignoring a partner’s stated intentions.
• Lively, passionate on-air debate on whether true love can change someone’s core beliefs—or just end in heartbreak.

3. Holiday Comic Relief – "Oh Holy Night" Audition Tape (28:05 – 33:43)

Main Theme

The show plays a three-minute audition tape for a church Christmas solo—note: listeners are sternly warned to “commit” and listen all the way through, or they’ll miss the best (worst?) parts.

Key Discussion Points & Fun

• Hosts build up the “so-bad-it’s-good” performance, comparing it to early American Idol auditions (29:28–29:54).
• The group giggles (and sometimes cringes) through the off-key singing, with comments like:
  • “He spilled something hot on his testicles.” – Host (Birch), on a particularly painful high note (32:06).
  • “I want to go caroling with him.” – Host (Birch) (32:30).
  • “Oh my God. I’ve got tears.” – Brea, laughing (31:26).
• Callers join in, with Amber: “That was absolutely, absolutely painful… it hurt to listen to.” (33:36–33:42)

Memorable Moments

• Genuine laughter all around as everyone is forced to stick out the entire “committed” audition (31:26, 33:41).

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Nothing says Christmas like a ghost.” – Andy (01:11)
• “Tell me that ain't jacked up.” – Andy, after replaying the chilling audio (10:06)
• “He panicked, but he quit flying the airplane.” – Ghostly audio clip (09:53–10:09)
• “It should be a personal thing. ... I think your proposal should be in private.” – Co-host (20:36)
• “I want him to know that it’s about that commitment for me and not some pageantry.” – Kimberly (24:04)
• “He spilled something hot on his testicles.” – Host (Birch), reacting to bad audition (32:06)
• “Oh my God. I’ve got tears.” – Brea (31:26)
• “That was absolutely, absolutely painful… it hurt to listen to.” – Amber, caller (33:36–33:42)

Summary Table of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Title | Highlights | |------------|----------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:45–14:45| Atlanta Ghost Hunters: Haunted Crash Site | Ghost audio clips, spooky stories, Brea’s experiences | | 16:22–25:59| Listener Proposal Debate: Kimberly’s Dilemma | Calls, advice, gender roles, red flags discussion | | 28:05–33:43| “Oh Holy Night” Audition Tape | Bad singing, laughter, holiday comic relief |

Tone & Atmosphere

• Conversational, sarcastic, warm, and sprinkled with dramatic storytelling, chuckles, and the tight-knit camaraderie that fans of The Bert Show love.
• The episode balances holiday spooks, relationship reality checks, and infectious group laughter.

Great for Listeners Who…

• Love the blend of paranormal intrigue and real-life relationship drama.
• Appreciate offbeat holiday content and group banter.
• Want an authentic, laugh-out-loud morning radio experience.