Full Show PT 1: Thursday, May 21 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Thursday, May 21 [Vault]

Date: May 21, 2026
Cast: Bert, Melissa, Katie, Jeff, Joanna, Wendy, and guests

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show presents the crew’s signature blend of real talk, humor, and relatable debates, inviting listeners to kick-start their day with laughter and honest conversation. Core topics include personal boundaries after cosmetic surgery, achieving (and handling) local fame, binge drinking and self-control, the push to stop outsiders from using "Hotlanta," and the eternal debate over whether women and men can truly be just friends. The dynamic cast brings authenticity to sensitive issues, sharing personal stories with candor, warmth, and comedic timing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Boundaries After Cosmetic Surgery

(02:00 - 06:53)

• Producer Joanna shares her discomfort following breast augmentation surgery. She finds that since being open about her surgery, women—often in bars and sometimes intoxicated—feel entitled to touch her without asking.
  • "If someone asks me if they’re real or not and I say yes, they don’t ask if they can grab them. They just go ahead and start grabbing." — Joanna (02:35)
  • The group discusses how a few women who are comfortable showing or letting others touch their augmentations have ruined the sense of boundaries for those who are not.
  • Comparison to “pregnancy belly syndrome”: Just like people touch pregnant women’s bellies without consent, this is a breach of personal space.
• Callers chime in noting similar issues, like strangers touching their hair.
  • "I have really, really big hair...I can kind of give them the look like, please don’t do that... But they always feel the need to grab my hair." — Wendy (06:03)

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2. Local Fame: Cosmo’s Hottest Bachelor

(06:53 - 14:08)

• Guest Furman Sanders, named Georgia’s Hottest Bachelor by Cosmopolitan magazine, discusses the nomination process (his sister entered him without his knowledge), photo shoots, and resulting attention.
  • "At first I thought it was a joke...They flew me to New York, and we did a photo shoot in the Hamptons. Treated like a piece of meat, but it was cool." — Furman Sanders (07:47, 08:12)
  • The cast teases him about the “single” listing and ask about the emails and attention he’s received—including some humorous messages from unlikely sources.
  • Comparison is drawn to DJ Johnny O, another Cosmo bachelor—highlighting unexpected career boosts from such exposure.

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3. Binge Drinking, Self-Reflection, and Moderation

(16:12 - 28:49)

• Bert recounts a period of heavy drinking, embarrassing moments, and the decision to take November off from alcohol.
  • "I just don’t want to be that guy. I took November off from drinking... Three and a half weeks. The real test is just social drinking." — Bert (17:29, 19:49)
  • Describes difficulty moderating once he’s started: "Once I have a drink in my hand... I want to pour it down my throat... That’s a type of alcoholism, without a doubt." — Bert & Jeff (20:14, 20:29)
• Discussion of “binge alcoholism” with reference to callers and listeners’ experiences (Eric describes it as "dipsomania", 24:27), highlighting how some can abstain for weeks or months but struggle to stop once they start.
• The cast differentiates “social drinking” (just to relax) from drinking “with intent” (to escape or get drunk).
  • "If I had to be honest...I don’t like the taste of alcohol. It’s escapism, to get numb." — Bert (23:31)

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4. The ‘No Hotlanta’ Campaign

(30:56 - 40:48)

• The crew continues their mission to end the use of the term “Hotlanta,” arguing it’s outdated and mostly used by non-locals.
  • "As Atlantans, we have a responsibility to say to our out of state friends that don’t know any better — we don’t really call it Hotlanta down there anymore." — Bert (31:51)
• Examples are cited from local bars, Starbucks mugs, and even a Sweetwater Beer pack using the term. The cast discusses calling out offenders and encourages listeners to join the mission.
  • Notably, Ellen DeGeneres is called out as a “celebrity offender” for using “Hotlanta” on her show. Listeners and the cast plan to tweet and spread the word with the hashtag #NoMoreHotlanta.
• Lively banter about the difficulties of changing old habits, especially among long-time residents and local media.

---

5. Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

(43:01 - 55:13)

• Topic revisited: Spurred by Jen’s real-life example of hanging out in yoga pants at a male friend’s place, the team debates the possibility of platonic friendships.
  • Jeff is adamant: if there’s any mutual attraction, “eventual hooking up” is inevitable:
    • "All of your declarations about this being just friends? Irrelevant...That’s another deposit into his bank account. He’s just waiting for Christmas." — Jeff (45:11, 46:19)
    • "Every time you guys don’t hook up, he gets closer to hooking up with you." — Bert (50:39)
  • Melissa and Joanna defend the idea that friendships can stay platonic, citing their own experiences (though Jeff counters: “He doesn’t care about your friendship. He wants to hook up.”)
• Katie gives a nuanced view as someone dating women—acknowledging social, indirect testing of the friendship boundary (“I have placed people in situations where there was alcohol just to see if something would happen…” — Katie, 48:54).
• Listener calls support Jeff and Bert’s points, sharing real-life stories where years of “friendship” were just an extended wait for an opportunity.
  • "I never agree with Jeff, but I'm gonna have to say that he is right on point. Jen is in denial, so is Wendy...He is waiting in the wings..." — Bobby, Caller (53:23)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Joanna: “I just want to put it out there that it's very uncomfortable and I don't appreciate it.” (03:24)
• Bert: “It just takes one woman to ruin it for everybody else.” (03:46)
• Jeff: “Guys are like cats. If you put a handful of cat food outside the door of your house right once, that cat will know there's always a chance…” (54:03)
• Wendy (caller): “I think the difference is I can go out in a social setting and not drink... But this second that I have that first drink... it's on.” (26:49)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Times | |------------------------------------|--------------| | Breast Augmentation Boundaries | 02:00–06:53 | | Cosmo Hottest Bachelor Interview | 06:53–14:08 | | Binge Drinking/Self-Control | 16:12–28:49 | | 'No Hotlanta' Campaign | 30:56–40:48 | | Men & Women as Friends Debate | 43:01–55:13 |

---

Tone & Style

Lively, candid, and often self-deprecating, The Bert Show cast mixes light-hearted ribbing with personal authenticity, welcoming differing perspectives and listener stories. The group isn’t afraid to share their own flaws, challenge each other's opinions, or open up space for vulnerable and honest exchanges.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is ideal for those who enjoy genuine, humorous, and relatable talk radio where real life’s awkward, funny, or even difficult experiences are addressed openly. Expect energetic conversations, strong opinions, and a sense of camaraderie—even when opinions clash.

---

End of Summary — The Bert Show, May 21, 2026

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Bert]

THE Birch Show Joanna she's got some

[Joanna]

beef here, thanks to a little segment that we call Just curious. Everybody knows now that I've had a breast augmentation, right?

[Bert]

Yeah, we should back this up because we were all speculating in studio if producer Joanna had had the surgery or not.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

And I think the guy said no. All the women said yes. And the women were right.

[Jeff]

Don't clump me into that. I had never even noticed Joanna's breasts until Melissa brough that subject up in a meeting. Like, she's not.

[Katie]

Anyway, they were trying to guess and everybody thought and I said yes. And so then I was right. Go ahead.

[Joanna]

So now whenever I go out, I'm not afraid to tell you. If someone asks, I'll tell you yes or no. Well, I've noticed that whenever I go out now, if someone asks me if they're real or not and I say yes, they don't ask if they can grab them. They just go ahead and start grabbing.

[Katie]

And I'm not random strangers.

[Joanna]

Yes. Random women. Or are just grabbing my boobs and it's not really.

[Melissa]

Can I feel them? They just go for it.

[Joanna]

They just go in for it.

[Katie]

Do you think that women who've had breast augmentation who do the. I don't care if you look at them. Let me show them to you. Do you think they have ruined it for you?

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Joanna]

Yeah, let's. You know, I don't know who does that. Like, hey, just look at my boobs. I'm not okay with that. I'm very uncomfortable with people just coming up and grabbing them. Mind you, we're usually in a bar, so they've had a few drinks and they get a little liquid courage, so they think they can just come and grab. But I just want to put it out there that it's very uncomfortable and I don't appreciate it.

[Jeff]

But there are some.

[Katie]

That's rude.

[Jeff]

There are some women. Because if I remember correctly, when you got yours, it was like a low key thing because there are some women who announce that they're saving up for it, then they go get them, then they're flashing people.

[Bert]

As soon as they get them, they're willing to show anybody. I worked with a saleswoman in Dallas. Soon as she walked in, she was gone for a couple of weeks. Comes in, she was showing everybody in the office. So it just takes one woman to really sort of set the mold for everybody else.

[Katie]

She's ruined it for you.

[Joanna]

Yeah. I mean, whoever it is. And all those women out there would really appreciate it if you keep your tops on because it's really starting to

[Bert]

get on my nose. I've seen it happen to Stacy, my wife, at a charity event one night. Yes. Random woman, buzz listener. Hey, you're Bert from the Bert show, right? You're Stacy. Doesn't even ask. Went Right for him.

[Jeff]

What did she do?

[Bert]

Went right for him. Grabbed Stacey's chest.

[Caller]

Charity event.

[Jeff]

What did Stacy do?

[Bert]

I think Stacey was just buzzed enough to, like, laugh it off. But then the next day, she'. Did that really happen?

[Melissa]

That is so bizarre.

[Joanna]

And then the worst part is that the most.

[Melissa]

I cannot imagine doing that.

[Joanna]

The most recent time it happened, I didn't have a bra on. So that's an even more violation because at least with a bra, you have, like, a little, you know, barrier.

[Jeff]

Barrier.

[Joanna]

This one I didn't. And it was really just. And they were, like, full on, like, handfuls and squeezing them. Do you back away and touched them like that?

[Jeff]

Do you back away?

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Joanna]

And I was just. You just look at them. You don't want to embarrass them. You don't want to knock them out.

[Katie]

It's like pregnant belly syndrome.

[Jeff]

Slap their hands.

[Katie]

And people who will touch a pregnant woman's belly without asking, it's like they want to touch your silicone or your saline. Without asking this route.

[Joanna]

Ask me questions. I'll tell you all about it. I'll walk you through the surgery. But I just don't.

[Melissa]

God, I've never tried this.

[Bert]

I'm surprised. I'm surprised that people even, like, random people even ask you about it. Like, it took us months to ask you about it, and we work with you.

[Joanna]

I mean, I think they're just. I think women feel more comfortable. Like, yesterday, some girls at work were going around asking me if I had my boobs done or not. And mind you, I'm a little more covered up at work. I think, like, yesterday I had a turtleneck on and they were asking me. So I don't mind it. I just don't want you grabbing them.

[Melissa]

Has a guy ever done it?

[Joanna]

No. Oh, good.

[Melissa]

So a guy's never come up and said, are they real or not? And they didn't touch them.

[Bert]

Oh, yeah.

[Joanna]

I've had guys ask but never touch.

[Melissa]

So they ask, they get the answer, and then they don't respond the way women do.

[Katie]

So this is all girls?

[Joanna]

This is all women.

[Katie]

I've never tried it.

[Joanna]

Well, now you're in a relationship now. But I was going to say, you should do that.

[Bert]

Go ahead and give her a feel. Good morning. Q100.

[Wendy]

Good morning. Hi. I want to let her know because I don't have the boob problem. I have the hair problem, kind of like the pregnancy problem. I have really, really big hair. So whenever people see me, especially in a drunk environment, they always feel the need to touch My hair. I mean, like, I can kind of give them the look like, please don't do that. Like, I mean, it's my hair, not yours. You could have just wiped your butt. Who knows? But they always feel the need to grab my hair. Oh, my. You have really, really nice hair, so just let her know. It just comes with the territory, I guess. Really nice boobs and really nice hair and really nice bellies like to get rubbed on.

[Bert]

You just need to keep your hands to yourself. Women. Because it's a woman thing. It's not a do thing.

[Katie]

Yes. Because I've seen people do that to Katie because Katie has nice hair. And there are people to go up and we'll rub their fingers. No, they'll comb it with their fingers. Like, oh, you have such pretty hair. We're like, what are you doing, the Bird Show?

[Bert]

Furman Sanders is here. What's going on, Furman?

[Furman Sanders]

Good morning, Atlanta.

[Bert]

How you doing, dude? Now, this is quite a compliment right here, man. I mean, Cosmo magazine names, what, 51 guys every year as the hottest bachelors in the country. And this year, you got the call, dude. There you are in Cosmo.

[Furman Sanders]

Yep.

[Bert]

Who submitted?

[Melissa]

Cool.

[Bert]

It's really cool. That's bragging rights right there. I know all your friends are giving you crap, but you got bragging rights right there, dude.

[Furman Sanders]

Yeah, definitely caught a little bit of crap for it, but at the same time, it's pretty funny. It is an awesome achievement, for sure.

[Joanna]

Who nominated you?

[Furman Sanders]

My sister. One of my four sisters, actually. My second oldest sister, Rita, by the way. Thank you. If you're listening, Rita nominated me. Didn't tell me about it. And actually, I was on my lunch break, and I had a phone call from Cosmopolitan magazine telling me and congratulating me that I won Georgia's Hottest Bachelor. And I was just kind of like, yeah, I'm, like, waiting for the punchline here. You want me to send you $200? I mean, what.

[Bert]

You know, you really thought somebody was joking?

[Furman Sanders]

Yeah. So I was just like, yeah, let me call you back. And so the girl, I guess, was kind of stunned about that, so she called my sister, and then my sister called me. I was like, furman, that's awesome. I was like, hold on. You know, tell me what's going on. I mean, you got to let me know about these. These things ahead of time.

[Bert]

So then right after, what, they. They come down to Georgia and take photographs? Or do you go to New York or. What's happened since you were named this hottest bachelor in Georgia thing?

[Furman Sanders]

First, I Went to New York, flew me to New York, and we went to the Hamptons and we did a photo shoot in the Hamptons, which was nice. It was awesome.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Furman Sanders]

And. But it was all day long, you know, 12 hours of getting treated like a piece of meat. But it was cool. Definitely grade A Me, you know, did a photo shoot there, and I came back and actually finished up work. Did close out. I work month to month sales. So I had to be back at work to close the month out strong. And then they flew us back out to New York in October for the release of the magazine, where we did, like, appearances on the Today show. We went to Wilhelmina modeling agencies. Actually had a red carpet event for us at this club, this nightclub in Atlanta. I mean, I'm sorry, in New York called the Greenhouse. And so we got to walk the red carpet. It was invite only, which is pretty cool because whenever we walk to stage individually, there's like 200 hot screaming chicks there.

[Bert]

Yeah. This is bragging rights right here, for sure. But.

[Katie]

And especially since his sister's the one that did the application, you know, you

[Bert]

think that raises the stakes? Like.

[Katie]

Yes, Because I think that if he. It would. If he had done it himself, he'd be getting more crap for that.

[Melissa]

I'm guessing most of the guys probably were nominated by somebody else. Right. When you got to talk to the guys from the other states and meet all of them or whatever, did any of them admit to nominating themselves?

[Furman Sanders]

I think one guy, his dad nominated.

[Bert]

Oh.

[Furman Sanders]

Which was. I thought was. I mean, he was cool, I guess. Yeah. On a real note, there was this one guy that he didn't think that his sister even liked him. You need to make sure to give your sister a huge hug and take back anything you.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeff]

That wasn't you, right?

[Furman Sanders]

No, I have an awesome relationship with

[Bert]

my sister, I guess. So you get this call and they say that you're. You're the dude. Then you go up to New York and you do all that stuff. Then you come back down to Georgia and. Have you done any TV or anything locally here?

[Melissa]

No.

[Furman Sanders]

The AJC did an interview with me and put an article out in a paper as well as online. Charleston, South Carolina, did a article as well.

[Bert]

The Moultrie News, because that's where you're initially from.

[Furman Sanders]

Exactly. And other than that, have your friends,

[Melissa]

like, started introducing you at bars to girls as. Hey, did you know he is Cosmo's hottest bachelor in Georgia?

[Furman Sanders]

Exactly. Yeah, they do. For sure. And it's pretty funny. Yeah, definitely. Awesome.

[Jeff]

Have you gotten recognized yet without the friends around? Like, has anybody just come up to you and said, wait a minute, are you.

[Melissa]

Weren't you in Cosmo?

[Jeff]

Cosmo, dude, yeah.

[Furman Sanders]

Actually, in New York, initially, when I was in the airport, I had somebody come up to me and ask me to sign a magazine, which I thought was pretty cool.

[Jeff]

That's awesome.

[Melissa]

That's awesome. Do they put any of your contact

[Joanna]

info in the magazine?

[Furman Sanders]

It gave me an email account and.

[Bert]

Wow, how's that gone?

[Furman Sanders]

Oh, man.

[Bert]

Oh, you gotta share some of those with us.

[Furman Sanders]

I have a. An email account is gabachelor09gmail.com something they set us up with. And, you know, I got quite a few emails in there. Some of them are very, very cool. Some of them are very funny, very comical, for sure, and definitely give you a good laugh. I mean, there's anywhere from, you know, a friend's mom to an inmate from a correctional facility trying to get out of here, trying to talk with you, and you're like, I'm cool on this one.

[Bert]

Have people sent you, like, pictures?

[Furman Sanders]

Yeah, I have some pictures.

[Bert]

I bet you do.

[Melissa]

Have you taken anybody up on their

[Joanna]

offers, if they've offered a date?

[Furman Sanders]

No, not yet. I haven't really capitalized on that at all.

[Melissa]

What are you waiting for?

[Katie]

You're the hottest bachelor.

[Melissa]

They list you as single in the magazine. Are you really single?

[Furman Sanders]

Definitely single.

[Melissa]

Okay, so that means not in a relationship.

[Furman Sanders]

No relationship.

[Melissa]

Okay. Not just marital status.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Furman Sanders]

Now that I sleep downstairs, my wife sleeps upstairs.

[Bert]

Your stock is going to rise so much, especially if you're out with all your friends. I mean, they sort of have to tell girls around you that you're that guy. And then you have to sort of play the game like, ah, I wish you wouldn't have said that.

[Katie]

Don't embarrass me.

[Jeff]

Stop bringing that up.

[Bert]

Even though I happen to have six magazines in my car if you guys want to check it out.

[Furman Sanders]

As a matter of fact, I had one signed with your name on it.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

One of the DJs here, Johnny oh. Was living in Mississippi one year, and he was named on the same list.

[Katie]

Oh, that's cool. That's cool.

[Melissa]

I didn't realize that. That's awesome.

[Bert]

Here's some audio. I think this is a TV station talking about Johnny O in Mississippi. Same thing from Cosmo.

[Jeff]

Welcome back, everyone. A local radio DJ is turning more

[Bert]

than just records these days.

[Katie]

He has all the ladies talking, at

[Bert]

least those that read Cosmopolitan magazine. News.

[Katie]

Channel 12's Wendy Stowe introduces us to

[Bert]

the new Mr. Mississippi.

[Jeff]

Jackson's Y 101 with Johnny O. There goes desperately wanting better than Israel.

[Bert]

You've heard him on the radio, but

[Wendy]

just wait till you see him in Cosmo.

[Bert]

John O', Leary, you know him as

[Wendy]

Johnny O on Y101, will be featured in a special summer issue of cosmopolitan as Mr. Mississippi.

[Bert]

First of all, it was.

[Jeff]

It was a shock because I didn't even really know it had happened.

[Bert]

And I got the phone call right

[Jeff]

when I got off the air and was shock. That was it.

[Wendy]

Several listeners entered John into the contest without him even knowing it.

[Jeff]

It's a rush. I like it. I mean, it hasn't even really happened yet, but it's fun thinking about it. I think it's just because I've never really done anything like this.

[Wendy]

Well, Johnny O, get ready for lots of attention.

[Bert]

One guy featured last year got 3,500 letters. You don't have that many, right?

[Furman Sanders]

No, not close to that.

[Joanna]

Not yet.

[Bert]

And look what that's done for his career. Here he is now a DJ at Q100. So anything is possible for you on Johnny O. So where can women normally meet up with you? Like, where do you hang out around Atlanta?

[Furman Sanders]

Well, I definitely enjoy lunch at Mazzy's 3 over in Norcross. And other than that, I mean, I'm always game for whatever. I go to different places pretty much.

[Melissa]

If you go out, are you going out in Midtown or Buckhead or both?

[Bert]

Both, yeah.

[Melissa]

Cool.

[Bert]

Anywhere. Okay, we'll link up to the Cosmo article from our website. All right, Furman, thanks for coming in, man.

[Katie]

Congratulations.

[Melissa]

Yeah, nice to meet you.

[Bert]

It's getting to know you, man. Good luck with all of it. The BIR show.

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you that's F O-R-H-E R S.com Bert forhers.com Bert Weightlist by hers is not available in all 50 states, but go via the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s Get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borhurst.com

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[Bert]

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[Jeff]

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[Bert]

today the bird show so late October, I went to Nashville for the Georgia game for the Georgia Vandy game and just really did it up alcohol wise with Mark. Really did it up. I mean, in an ugly way. And the weekend after that we had some friends in town from Pennsylvania, did it up again on Friday night. Then we had Jack o' Lantern on Saturday night and I got stupid again.

[Melissa]

Big Wicked.

[Bert]

Big Wicked. Yeah. On Saturday night.

[Jeff]

The Big Wicked stories were funny because for about two, three weeks after Big Wicked, people would come into the studio. Like either salespeople or other people, you know, management or just people coming in like guests on the show. And everyone would say, oh dude, I saw you. Big Wicked man. You look like you're having a good time. And you could see the vacant look in Bert's eyes where he's like, I saw you. When did I see you? And even one of them was like,

[Bert]

we rode there together at one point of the night. And I'm not bragging about this, I'm embarrassed by it. But at one point of the night we had a whole bunch of people in the limo and the limo had to Stop. Because I thought I was gonna throw up. It's right in front of the varsity. So they stop the limo. I get out, take some rest, do that whole self talk thing. You can do this. You don't have to throw up. You're gonna be okay.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's not a good place to be.

[Bert]

And I didn't yak, and I got back in the limo, but I was embarrassed, and I felt like an idiot. You just get to an age, you know, I feel like I got kids now. Even though the party's always in me, I just don't want to be that guy. And I haven't wanted to be with him for, you know, a while. Right. So I thought, all right, I'm taking November off from drinking. So I did for, like, three and a half weeks. And the target date really was Thanksgiving, because I knew once I got around Stacy's family that the alcohol was going to be flowing. But I talked from, like, the first all the way to November 25th off.

[Jeff]

And I was around Burt on two occasions. One, we ended up at the same time at the same. Well, we were going to having dinner together, and Burt pulled into the parking lot and saw that the new Sandy Springs Taco Mac was open. Smelled new. The beer smelled new.

[Bert]

Love that new bar smell.

[Jeff]

So we get in there, and, you know, the server comes over and I say, yeah, I'll have a basket of fries and a 420. And I look at Bert, and Bert says, I have the chicken wings and a seven up. Not for me, but that was. Yeah, that was strong, right? And then, like, the next week, we did that softball game with Brian McCann. And afterwards, we all went over to Stats to. And I mean, like, half a dozen of us, 10 of us. And we sat at one of the tables. They have the taps built into the table. And I'm looking at Bert. We're sitting at opposite. Yeah, I'm looking at Bert. Opposite ends of the table.

[Bert]

It's an arm's reach. The tap is right there. You pour your old gun.

[Melissa]

You want one?

[Jeff]

And the server comes, and he's handing out glasses, and he gets to Burt. There's a little bit of hesitation, and Bert says, can I just have a club soda? So.

[Bert]

And it really wasn't a problem.

[Jeff]

It was impressive.

[Katie]

And I am.

[Bert]

And I have always been a binge drinker. I drink with intent. Like people that go home and they have one drink a night just to calm down. I have never understood that. I mean, started in high school, I just got into that pattern. And that's how I drink, you know? So I thought, all right, I gotta put the brakes on this, and I gotta relearn how to drink, so I'm not gonna drink at all in November. And I passed up parties where I knew that I'd be tempted. That part of not drinking was no problem at all. When the alcohol was in front of me, when Jeff and Jen were drinking and I didn't have a drink, no problem at all. 0. Staying away from the parties, no problem. But Stacy's always maintained that the real test is just social drinking.

[Jeff]

Having, like three drinks in a night and being done with it.

[Bert]

Drinking like a normal, healthy person and then just being done and then going to bed without a buzz or without getting a total drink on. And down in Hilton Head for Thanksgiving weekend, the whole family went out. And I tried this. This whole pacing yourself through the night thing. And I did it. But it was way harder than I thought it was gonna be.

[Melissa]

In what ways? What made it hard?

[Bert]

Once I have a drink in my hand, and I know that there are probably alcoholics listening right now, going, this dude is describing himself as an alcoholic. Once I had the drink in hand and I started drinking it, it's like I wanted to pour it down my throat, like one. I was doing one an hour.

[Jeff]

That's a type of alcoholism, without a doubt.

[Bert]

I haven't looked it up online, but I'm absolute culture.

[Jeff]

It is. I think it's called binge alcoholism, and it's where you could go a year without ever having a drink. But when you do get that first one or two in you, then you go hard. And that happens every single time you drink.

[Bert]

It was really hard. We started with a drink at 7 o' clock at dinner, and we probably stayed out till 12 or 12:30. And I had four drinks all night long, so one an hour, which for me is really, really slow. Normally it would probably be two, and I'd be buzzed by the end of the night and I'd be the guy pushing everybody for shots. It was way more difficult than I thought it was, and I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. I don't know if I should give it up entirely now or I should do now. I don't know.

[Melissa]

I'm not really sure, like, what's the conversation going on inside your head? Like, because everybody else is probably focused on the conversation that's happening. You know, your family's chatting and you're talking, and they're just sort of sipping on whatever they have in front of Them. Well, in your mind, is there a whole different conversation going on?

[Bert]

It's two different answers. First of all, their family drinks a lot anyway. So pretty much everybody in that family drinks with the same intention. Like, if we're all going out, we all know we're probably gonna get.

[Jeff]

It's a taxi night.

[Bert]

It's gonna be. It's a taxi night. Right. But for me, it was a constant reminding myself, slow down, you don't need another one. When the server came and asked everybody if they wanted a round, a couple of times I passed, which I never have done. Even if I have a full glass, I'll get another one. Just making sure that I don't run out of it.

[Jeff]

Server doesn't come back, dude, that's an issue.

[Bert]

So it was. It was a real battle, man. I mean, it's a real problem. So.

[Katie]

Because I think the people that drink just a couple drinks are just wanting to relax, and that's their intention. And then they. When they feel like it's getting beyond relaxing is when they stop because they think, oh, I don't want to. You know, because if there is, like, the intention of the night is just to chill, you know, and just to relax and unwind a little bit.

[Bert]

And my mentality has never really developed past, like, being 22 or 23 years old. Like, if you're going to drink, you do it to get stupid and have fun and not relax and be social.

[Katie]

Right.

[Bert]

So all night long, I kept sort of, like, reserving the urge to say, hey, let's do a shot of Patron. What about another round for everybody? It was really difficult.

[Jeff]

What about drinking as an accompaniment, like, to a meal? Like, for example, I had dinner last night with a friend, and while we ate, we each had two beers, and that was it. Like, there was no intention. We certainly weren't.

[Bert]

I don't understand that mentality. Like, it adds to the meal for you.

[Melissa]

Well, I just think, yeah, definitely.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Like, we were, especially with wine, or, you know, like, selecting a good wine to go. We met and have one glass, and that's it.

[Jeff]

We met at a. Met at Five Seasons. So it's a beer place. And we were sitting in the bar, so it just kind of seemed like, I got a pizza. I'm gonna have a beer with it. And then we were talking, and it just, you know, he talked through two beers, and then that was it.

[Bert]

Yeah, I don't really. I mean, if I had to be totally honest and totally strip it down, like, I don't like the taste of alcohol. I don't like the taste of beer. I don't like the taste of vodka. So if I'm drinking, it's. For one thing, it's escapism, really. It's just to get numb through the night.

[Melissa]

Now, when you guys were in Italy, didn't you say it was a little bit different when you guys were on vacation and you were, like, having the long dinners and the wine and stuff? Like, was that any different, or was that. Still drink wine until you get to that stage?

[Bert]

It was a. It was too. It wasn't as bad, but it was definitely like, if we're drinking wine, we're gonna drink to get buzzed.

[Melissa]

And we did, right?

[Bert]

Good morning. Is it eerie?

[Caller]

Eric.

[Melissa]

Eric.

[Bert]

She forgot to see. Good morning.

[Katie]

What's up, Erie?

[Bert]

How are you?

[Jeff]

It's a small but an important letter.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Bert]

And there's only four letters to it. Each and every one of them are very important. What's going on?

[Caller]

Nothing. I was just gonna say. Years ago, when I was in New York, I actually had a psychiatrist tell me that that's called dipsomania, as crazy as that sounds. And he said, basically, it's that you can, you know, you have that one drink, but you can't. It's like, you know, you try to set that limit for three. You know, I want to have three. And then you'll find some excuse, but you just. You basically can't stop drinking. When it comes months without drinking, you know, several months, you know, quit drinking. But then whenever you have those couple of drinks, it's just. It starts creeping up on you, and you just. You can't stop till you just keep getting higher.

[Bert]

Yeah. And it's not that you can't stop, because I did. It was just the first time I'd ever tried it, and it was way more difficult than I thought it was gonna be. And like he said, I could probably go months without a drink and be fine. No problem. I did it with weeks, for weeks. And I had no desire at all to have any alcohol.

[Katie]

I think it's. Well, you know, it's also like with smoking or any. Or eating or anything. When you're in a pack, when you're at home or with your buddies, you know, the difficulty comes not only. I mean, if you were by yourself, you could do whatever you wanted to do. But I think the temptation from. If you're going out, then. I mean, do you avoid your friends all the time? Because, you know, when you go out with them, they're gonna party.

[Bert]

And I did have to do That a couple of times during those three and a half, four weeks that I didn't drink. I mean, there were some parties going on. My. One of my best friends was having a party at his restaurant and I avoided it completely because I knew if I went in there for one, it was gonna be the same kind of pressure I give everybody else was gonna be on me. So I just avoided the night altogether. Yeah, do you.

[Jeff]

Go ahead.

[Wendy]

No, go ahead.

[Jeff]

I was just gonna say, do you have any friends that would be. Would back you up, like, if you went out, Like, I know. I know most of the people you hang out with, so I think I can answer this with a no. But, like, if you said to one

[Melissa]

of them, hey, look, I'm not asking you anything.

[Jeff]

You gotta get my back on this. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna go out tonight and I'm gonna have three vodkas and that's it. Three whatever you drink. And so help me out. Don't let them pressure me, distract them.

[Bert]

Yeah, I've got two different groups of friends. I've got the friends that you're talking about right there that go out that don't have kids, and I've got friends that have kids. If I go out with the friends

[Jeff]

that have kids, the ones with kids are the big drinkers, aren't they?

[Bert]

The ones without the kids are the big drinkers. If I go out with the parents, then that's no problem at all.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

Good morning, mary. You're on Q100.

[Wendy]

I'm just calling. I'm laughing because you guys are describing me. Absolute tea.

[Bert]

Really.

[Wendy]

I mean, I think the difference is I can go out in a social setting and not drink. That is not a problem. I don't avoid social situations. But this second that I have that first drink, glass of wine, martini, beer, whatever, it's on.

[Bert]

That's exactly how I feel like I could be around people that are drinking, no problem. But if I have the first sip, then I'm in for the night.

[Wendy]

Well, I think the difference is too. I'm definitely a social drinker. I mean, there is no way in the world, you know, if my husband were out of town or whatever, that I'm going to come home, crack a bottle of wine, open me or whatever, and have a drink by myself. I mean, it is absolutely a social setting for me. Same with smoking. I don't smoke at home. But this. Open that first beer, open that first, you know, had the first glass of wine, you know, cigarette in hand. Definitely, definitely binge situation.

[Melissa]

I was Curious. Like, is it the feeling of the buzz that makes you want to keep going till the ultimate end? But you just said it's the first sip, so it's not the feeling of a buzz that makes you want to keep staying more buzzed.

[Wendy]

It's like, I definitely have an agenda. I'm the same way. I mean, like, there's. I think there's a difference in beer that you like and then there's beer that you drink. I mean, like, I can go out and have, you know, a higher gravity beer or Guinness or a dark beer and have that. But, you know, I definitely don't drink for the. In any sense. I mean, I do enjoy alcoholic. I enjoy good wines. You know, I enjoy, you know, a nice martini. But even in my mind, I'm not drinking it for the taste.

[Bert]

Yeah, me neither.

[Jeff]

Not Burt.

[Bert]

Burt.

[Jeff]

Enjoy.

[Melissa]

It's like, once you start your head, your direction is the finish line.

[Bert]

I equate more fun with more drinking. The more fun, the more buzzed you're gonna be. And I gotta totally change that mentality or give it up altogether, Right? Cause just having one means having eight. So.

[Katie]

Yeah, it's just. Yeah. I'm more worried about the friend groups than anything and you being able to give it up, because one of my friends is a recovering alcoholic. And it is. It is a totally different setting when we're out with her and her girlfriend than it is with other people. And I'm always having to tell Katie, Katie, you remember what we're doing and who we're going with, right?

[Melissa]

I know.

[Bert]

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[Bert]

Visit your nearby Lowes.

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[Bert]

show Melissa Carter, why don't you reset this for us? What is our no Hotlanta campaign?

[Melissa]

All right.

[Katie]

Well, for years, I think this we we established to start in the 70s where the term Hotlanta was big for the city. It was like a PR kind of buzzword for Atlanta so that everybody knew that it was Hotlanta because it was a city that was growing. It's getting hot. Well, now we find that only people outside of the city of Atlanta use the word Hotlanta. So when they're talking to, you know, one of us is talking to friends or relatives, oh, well, how's down in Hotlanta? And so it's a little cheesy because it's now 30 years old. And so it's just time for change. So we, we need, you know, now it's the A T L. But Hotlanta is just not cool. So we're trying to get everybody to understand that it's not cool and to stop using it. So I believe was it Janet Jackson, the first person we talked to about this no Hotlanta campaign? Like just stop using the word Hotlanta and tell all your are you all your people not to use the Word Hotlanta. And that's kind of how it started.

[Bert]

And if it just comes up in casual conversation, I think as Atlantans, we have a responsibility just to say to our out of state friends that don't know any better, hey, you know, we don't really call it Hotlanta down there anymore.

[Katie]

That's not correct anymore.

[Bert]

But there are still some locals that are holding on to past traditions. And we have suggested that you email us or call us, whatever you got to do, Facebook us in a lot of cases also and tell us about these offenders. Here are five.

[Katie]

Well, and like you said, to make change, sometimes you have to embarrass a few people. You know, set them out as examples, what not to do.

[Bert]

This one comes from Jessica Brown on my Facebook page. If only I had a magic marker last night. Obviously, Tavern 99 didn't get the memo regarding Hotlanta.

[Melissa]

No.

[Bert]

And she snapped a picture of a big banner they had up last weekend that said, hotlanta welcomes the Miller Corps Southeast region team.

[Melissa]

See, Tavern 99 is new, too.

[Bert]

Should know better.

[Melissa]

It's like a new cool place to go and hang out.

[Jeff]

It's a new place. Let's not go with cool yet.

[Melissa]

Well, yeah, it's a cool place.

[Bert]

This won't get you on the cool list. Hotlanta will not get you on the coolest.

[Melissa]

Down off the coolest.

[Bert]

Getting a whole bunch of emails from you guys. This one from Theresa again, telling Starbucks that you gotta get rid of those. Those mugs with the Hotlanta merchandising.

[Katie]

It says Atlanta and huge letters on this one coffee mug. And then underneath Atlanta, it says Hotlanta. So it's not even necessary because it's not.

[Melissa]

The already says Atlanta. I have a friend who collects those mugs because you can, like, only buy the city when you are visiting the city. So, like in Atlanta, it's just the Atlanta mug.

[Jeff]

It's like a Hard Rock T shirt.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Like in San Diego, you know, so they're collectible in each city. So people are actually, like, coming here, taking one of those home to other places. They're spreading it.

[Bert]

Spreading it out. Like swine flu.

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Jeff]

Like that disease in the Cuba Gooding movie, the Ebola. Yeah.

[Bert]

Katie Hess, on my Facebook page, the Sweetwater beer mix pack has, quote, unquote, brewed and bottled in Hotlanta, Georgia, printed all over it.

[Katie]

Sweet water.

[Bert]

Sweet water, man.

[Melissa]

Sweet water.

[Katie]

What?

[Melissa]

It's right in her own backyard. Jeff, those are your people.

[Jeff]

I know. I'm.

[Melissa]

Can't you make a Call.

[Jeff]

I'm gonna have to make a call.

[Melissa]

That is always what you order. And you cannot order it anymore until they vow to take it off.

[Jeff]

Where do they say it is?

[Bert]

It says it's the Sweetwater Beer mix pack has brewed and bottled in Hotlanta,

[Katie]

Georgia, because their trucks are tie dyed cool, you know, but from. From the 70s. So they just, you know, some things keep, some things don't.

[Bert]

Miller, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, driving through Riverdale this past weekend, avoiding all that traffic, and there is a Hotlanta wings place in Riverdale.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we know about that place.

[Bert]

Yeah, somebody else has called us about that. Thank you for calling them out, though.

[Melissa]

But see, that one almost makes sense because they're not referring to the city, they're referring to their wings.

[Jeff]

Yeah, there is a.

[Melissa]

Like, it's a hot wings, and so it's like, you know what I'm saying?

[Bert]

Such a fine line here, though.

[Jeff]

There is a place. There is a place in town that sells Hotlanta wings made with the Hot Lana hot sauce.

[Wendy]

Mm.

[Melissa]

This is describing the sauce and the wings.

[Jeff]

I'm okay with that.

[Bert]

That's the same dinner. In order to get rid of a campaign that's been so, you know, entrenched for 30 years, though, I think you gotta go totally the other way and complete.

[Melissa]

You're right, Burnley. If we're gonna tackle this issue, we gotta tackle it head on.

[Bert]

Damn right.

[Katie]

If people outside the city learn that hot only refers to wings here, that's fine. But we, you know, we're not there yet.

[Melissa]

Yeah, we gotta make progress. We gotta make real social change.

[Bert]

Baby steps. Julie, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Jeff]

Think globally. Act locally.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I was on a challenge. I was in Texas and I spread the no Hotlanta love to the Texans.

[Bert]

Did somebody in Texas say something about Hotlanta?

[Wendy]

Yes. I was coming back to Texas and Sunday, and they were all like, oh, you're going back to Hotlanta. And I screamed, no.

[Jeff]

Down in San Antonio in the big

[Wendy]

D. I was in Amarillo.

[Melissa]

They don't even have surprising anybody in Texas, like, recognizes any state other than Texas.

[Katie]

I'm shocked they knew that we existed.

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Bert]

This email may be the most dangerous here. It's. Sarah writes, I was in the airport on Monday and saw the worst violation of Hot Lana. In one of the stores in the D terminal, there is an Atlanta store and there was a white T shirt with the following graphic. It just said htl. And then Hotlanta, Georgia was written underneath It. And she says this is worse. Flames were coming out of the H in the htl.

[Melissa]

Oh, no, there's a logo with Hotlanta now.

[Bert]

She writes, if we are promoting it in the busiest airport in the world, Hartsfield, where passengers around the world are seeing this, it's no wonder it's spreading like fire. She's right.

[Katie]

You know, by that tangent, you know

[Jeff]

who we have to get on with?

[Melissa]

Somebody who doesn't live here with.

[Jeff]

This is. And I've gotten to everybody who sent the tweets, and this upsets me too. Cause I'm. I'm a fan.

[Melissa]

Of what?

[Jeff]

Bortz?

[Melissa]

Oh, no, Neil.

[Bert]

Well, he's from that old school.

[Jeff]

He used it on his show.

[Bert]

It's going to be tougher with the old people.

[Jeff]

But he's syndicated. He's in like 6 million cities. We get him on board if we get him to buy in on this.

[Katie]

This is true.

[Bert]

You know how hard it is though, to get old people to change their routines.

[Melissa]

I think we can do it, though. I used to work down the hall from him. He remembers me.

[Bert]

We can call little Flash.

[Jeff]

Flash.

[Bert]

He remembers you.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Bert]

Good morning, Katie. You're on Q100.

[Katie]

Hey, calling to report.

[Wendy]

Niecy on the Style Network came and did a show in Atlanta and she kept referring to it as Hotlanta because

[Katie]

she's not from here. She was doing the show here.

[Wendy]

She was all over the Style Network saying it.

[Jeff]

Well, from now on I'm gonna refer to her as Nissa.

[Bert]

Dina writes. This one is actually too. Wendy. Hey, Wendy. I thought you'd be interested in the Not Hotlanta party we East Andrews are hosting this Thursday night at 10 o' clock in conjunction with a local singles group and Hands On Atlanta fundraiser. It's not only for a great cause, but also to show our support for your radio campaign. We look forward to seeing you and your listeners on Thursday night. So that's a not Hotlanta party going on at East Andrews on Thursday.

[Melissa]

East Andrews gets it. Tavern 99. You gotta step it up down the street from each other, help each other out.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Hey, Alvin, Go ahead, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yeah, I called about the. The bar thing. I used to work at a bar and the corporate actually prints those banners and gives them as a, like a run for certain beers and such like that.

[Katie]

So he's out of towner banner.

[Jeff]

The Miller people.

[Bert]

Yeah, they should know better.

[Melissa]

Educate these people.

[Bert]

Good morning, Samantha, you are on Q100. Hi.

[Wendy]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hey.

[Wendy]

I was actually calling because I Have a celebrity offender. Ellen DeGeneres, on her recent show, did the bigger, wider show, and she was introducing one of her newest acts, and she said, all the way from Hotlanta. And I about cry.

[Bert]

Do you remember the name of the actual act?

[Wendy]

I'm not sure. Well, they had a gentleman that swallowed a hanger and then his wife hit him on the head with a toaster to bend it at an angle.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Wendy]

And I think that was the act. If it wasn't that, it was when she was introducing Kanye West. But it was right within those couple minutes.

[Jeff]

Did I drop acid? All right, 30 seconds. Am I in shrooms?

[Katie]

That's how we get on tv.

[Bert]

We need to tweet Ellen.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Bert]

Today and tell her that she's made a terrible, terrible mistake.

[Jeff]

When you introduce that guy before, Kanye west, who swallowed the code hanger before his wife hit him with a toaster, do you remember that? Remember? You remember? Remember you said Hot Lana.

[Melissa]

If everybody's going to tweet her, how should they do it? Pound. No more Hotlanta.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you got to. You got to hashtag it.

[Katie]

And what is the hashtag?

[Jeff]

No more Hotlanta.

[Katie]

No more Hotlanta.

[Bert]

Good morning, Matt. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. How are you guys?

[Bert]

Good, sir. How are you?

[Caller]

Good. I'd like to report an offense this past weekend during the Georgia game.

[Bert]

Of course.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Right before halftime, there was a commercial. And as the commercial went out and the announcer came back on, he said, well, welcome guys back to Hotlanta, where the dogs are. And he gave the score and everything. And I was like, no.

[Bert]

Was that on? Was that Vern Lundquist on CBS or. No, this was an ABC game, wasn't it?

[Caller]

No, this was on the radio on 750AM750.

[Bert]

Again, this is your team.

[Melissa]

Burn. Was that Neil Williamson?

[Caller]

I'm not even sure of his name, actually.

[Joanna]

You gotta make the phone call.

[Caller]

I just turned the channel there.

[Bert]

Okay, so 750. We got boards to cover. And we've got this dude to cover now also over at 7:50.

[Melissa]

Yeah, Neil Williamson. I used to work with him, too. I gotta call him up.

[Bert]

They should know better.

[Melissa]

No more Hotlanta.

[Bert]

All right, once again, if you see an offense, go ahead and email us or Facebook us and we'll put them on our list.

[Katie]

We'll embarrass them for sure.

[Bert]

It's the no Hot Lana campaign.

[Jeff]

Get it?

[Bert]

The Bird show.

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[Jeff]

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[Caller]

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[Bert]

You're on the vert show so I want to revisit a conversation we started earlier this morning because Wendy got in at the very last minute and it was too late to get her actually in on the whole debate. We were debating this morning if women and guys can really, really just be platonic, have platon friendships. And this is all based on Jen and her Fantasy that she's got this one platonic dude that she went over to hang out with last night.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Bert]

In her PJs.

[Melissa]

Yoga pants.

[Bert]

Yoga pants. Drank a little wine, watched a little football. And she thinks it's no problem. We've already established this is just friendship.

[Melissa]

We're just friends.

[Jeff]

The thing is, now, just so we're.

[Melissa]

You know, I don't think that's that crazy. I don't think so.

[Jeff]

It's not. But here's what Jeff's gonna get.

[Katie]

Right in the face.

[Jeff]

Yeah, this is. This is where I'm gonna get angry. Because we're not.

[Melissa]

There's no reason to get mad.

[Jeff]

We're not. Then listen.

[Melissa]

He's fine with just being my friend.

[Jeff]

No, he's not. Here's the deal. What Bert said. Bert made a big, sweeping generality. There certainly are occasions where guys and girls can be friends. But in this circumstance, when you are talking about an attractive single woman, as Jen is, and Wendy claims to be

[Katie]

and claims to be single. Not the attractive part.

[Joanna]

I seriously wish I wasn't.

[Jeff]

So we've got two pretty girls, right? And for one of them, for Jen, there is a guy who is in her world, who is a good looking

[Bert]

guy, who she admits. You said that he's an attractive guy.

[Melissa]

Absolutely.

[Jeff]

Is a known player. Like, I have watched him from a distance, the way those photographers watch the lions in Africa. And you just observe and you are amazed at the beauty and grace of the creature. Like around women. I have seen him do things that would have made him the president of a fraternity had we been in college.

[Bert]

And you have even labeled him as charming. You think he's a charming guy.

[Melissa]

And I've watched the exact same thing.

[Jeff]

It's amazing, isn't it?

[Caller]

Right?

[Melissa]

We talk about the girls that he dates, we talk about the guys that I date, we talk about all of that stuff.

[Jeff]

You're speaking gibberish.

[Melissa]

Because we're friends.

[Jeff]

So here's what we were trying to make. Burt and I were trying to make Jen understand is it's great that you're friends. I mean, even when he said this weekend that she should come over alone on Monday night and watch football together, when he made that suggestion, her response was, okay, but don't try to make out with me because we're friends.

[Melissa]

I can say jokey things like that.

[Bert]

Even that itself is flirty.

[Jeff]

What I'm saying. It is.

[Melissa]

By the way, it came from a previous conversation.

[Jeff]

It doesn't matter.

[Melissa]

You had to be there.

[Jeff]

What I'm saying is, and What Bird, I think, is saying less angrily from a guy's point of view. All of your declarations about this being just friends, irrelevant. Not even on the radar. The fact that you came over to his house wearing yoga pants and hung out and watched the game and all that other stuff. All that is is that's another deposit into his bank account. It's the Christmas and Dad used to have. Every month they're putting 100 bucks in so they can buy the toys in December.

[Bert]

Let me add this.

[Jeff]

Just waiting for Christmas.

[Bert]

Well, I think. I think Jeff's right that there are some where men and women can be just friends. For sure.

[Melissa]

However, like, in what situation?

[Bert]

This is the situation I'm going to give you. If there is zero attraction between both of them. If you didn't think this dude was an attractive guy, and I'm sure he thinks you're an attractive woman, if there was no attraction, then I think it's possible. But since there is an attraction. You think he's attractive. He thinks you're attractive. You guys are going to hook up. That's not necessary.

[Melissa]

It can be done.

[Bert]

It can't be done.

[Melissa]

It can be, because I've had a

[Joanna]

friend for four years that's a guy

[Melissa]

and we've hung out, watched football games, went to football.

[Jeff]

When's the last time you spoke to him?

[Joanna]

Well, he doesn't speak to me now

[Bert]

because he's got a girlfriend.

[Jeff]

There you go. There's more to it than that.

[Melissa]

But it's always been platonic.

[Joanna]

There hasn't been any moves made or anything.

[Bert]

Play tonic. It's always been platonic.

[Jeff]

Just so you know, that type of platonic relationship means he wants to play with your boobs.

[Bert]

Here's what I'm saying. Because that you guys find each other attractive. Okay?

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

Even though you're friends, there is a good chance because you guys are going out, hanging out and drinking, there's a good chance that you guys accidentally, one night are gonna do something that we never saw coming. This isn't right. Oh, my God. Our friendship is at stake here. And you guys are gonna end up hooked up with each other, waking up next to each other.

[Melissa]

That's the thing, is I like him as my friend so much. And I like going out with his group of friends, like his group of friends and my group of friends. Like everybody always has a really great time together. And that's why. Because it's platonic.

[Caller]

So.

[Melissa]

Hey, Jen, I don't want to mess that up. That's the way that I'd like, to keep it, because I don't want to mess that up.

[Bert]

And I'm sure he's on the same page.

[Melissa]

As soon as you make out with somebody, then everything changes and it gets all weird, and then somebody likes somebody more than the other, and then I. I just. I don't want to do that.

[Jeff]

All right, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you a secret.

[Melissa]

Good friends.

[Jeff]

He doesn't care. He doesn't care about your friendship. He doesn't care.

[Melissa]

He does.

[Jeff]

He wants.

[Melissa]

He does. He's different than you, Jeff.

[Bert]

I think he probably does. I think he probably does. All I'm saying is that you are putting yourself in a situation where the accidental hookup is inevitable.

[Jeff]

What is that?

[Joanna]

No, it's not.

[Bert]

I don't think so.

[Melissa]

I don't think it's inevitable because there only. Why are you laughing, Melissa? You're being awfully quiet about it.

[Katie]

Because I date women, and I, you know, same girls are not, you know, girls do think differently about dating women than guys do, but that what they're saying is all the same. Like, if I really like somebody and I'm friends with her, and then I'm attracted to her, and she's given me the Heisman and it's not going to work out, but there is. I have placed people in situations where there was alcohol just to see if that would happen a little.

[Jeff]

And how long would you be willing to wait?

[Melissa]

Because there's no advances.

[Katie]

No, no, that's not what I'm talking about. It's the. It's the indirect Heisman. It's the fact that I'm around and there's.

[Jeff]

It's not happening.

[Katie]

It's not happening. I never made a move on this one. You know, these women. It's just that I could sense, okay, it's not going to happen naturally, so I'm going to have to help the situation out a little bit.

[Bert]

Hey, Lynn. Good morning. You are part of the Burt Show.

[Wendy]

Hey, guys. I have a guy friend that. We were initially platonic and grew up together, going through middle and elementary school and high school. And I knew all his girlfriends. He knew all my boyfriends. And we. When neither one of us were dating anybody, we would end up hooking up. And it was just one of those things where we could still hang out, but we'd end up hooking up, which is not.

[Bert]

There's nothing wrong with that little friends with benefits kind of thing happening there.

[Jeff]

You just need to know that in his mind, every time you and he are around, he is thinking that there's a chance you guys are gonna hook up. You need regard. You can say platonic all you want.

[Melissa]

I don't want the guys. But if Jen says no, then it's

[Joanna]

never gonna happen every time.

[Bert]

You guys don't matter.

[Melissa]

What I'm trying to say is there's no need to say no because there's no advances. There's no no in the equation.

[Katie]

But I think that you. The responsibility is gonna be on your shoulders because I do believe he will take advantage of a situation comes up. And unfortunately, you're gonna have to be the one to say no if you want to keep it platonic and.

[Jeff]

Okay, just so you know, when you say there's no advances, right? You know when he's talking to you about how happy he is to be single and how great it is to be free and liberal, Right? He's setting you up every time.

[Bert]

Every time you guys don't hook up, he gets closer to hooking up with you.

[Jeff]

Yes. Let me tell Jen. Let me. What do you guys think? I hate to tell you this, but guess what?

[Melissa]

Why are you so passionate about this? I can hang out with whoever I want to be.

[Jeff]

Because it's. I'm frustrated because it's so obvious.

[Katie]

Why do you.

[Melissa]

It's not like.

[Katie]

No, why do you care?

[Jeff]

Here's the deal.

[Melissa]

It's not that obvious.

[Jeff]

He's having conversations because your girl brain. There's too many roads. Guy brain is one big empty parking lot. Just walk in there and look around. You can see everything. Okay, so look, he's having a con. You say to him, let's call him Peter. So you say, hey, Peter, you know what? I'm really enjoying this single life. Like, it's really whatever. And his response is, me too. Bonding. Connection. Connection between you two. I guarantee you, if a week from now, you said to him, you know what? I really miss being in a relationship, he would say, I know what you mean. There really is something. No, I don't think he would.

[Melissa]

I think he is the type of guy that totally wants to be single for a long time.

[Jeff]

He's the type of guy who totally wants to pull your pants down. So he's going to say what he has to say in order to align himself with you. Bert, just. Can I get an amen?

[Bert]

I don't know that that would be like. I don't think all guys play it that way. Like, I think that part of his playing is always sort of letting her know that he's not in it For a relationship at all, which makes him more of a chase for you.

[Melissa]

It's not a chase. We're friends.

[Bert]

You don't even know you're chasing him. That's how good he is.

[Melissa]

Anybody. There's a gentle friendship. Yes, that can be possible. You could just want to friendship and not anything else.

[Jeff]

The declaration that we're not going to make out tonight to him is, oh, my God. She's thinking about making out with me.

[Melissa]

That is a part of a different conversation. That shouldn't even be a part of this conversation.

[Bert]

And what was the percentage that you gave us this morning? What was the percentage you gave us this morning before I close my case?

[Melissa]

Well, it's not 100%.

[Bert]

You said there's 99% chance that you guys won't hook up.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Bert]

And what he's hearing is.

[Melissa]

Nothing's 100%.

[Bert]

What he's hearing is. That's 100% of 1%.

[Katie]

And that's the point. I mean, the point is that it's not like a guy. It's not like he is going hunting and he's up in the tree looking at you through his scope, but it is in the back of his mind that every situation is a potential opportunity. You know, like, the difference is if he. If he made an advance on you, you would turn him dead down. If you made an advance on him, he would not turn you down.

[Bert]

Hey, Bobby, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Wendy]

I never agree with Jeff, but I'm gonna have to say that he is right on point. Everything that he is saying, and Jen is in denial, and so is Wendy. Oh, my God. He is waiting. He is waiting in the wings. He is waiting for his opportunity. Trust me, I know.

[Bert]

Look, how many times have we done this on the air before where we've asked guys to call us up right now and tell us how long you have pretended to be friends just for that one chance, the one vulnerable space that happens eventually. Guys were calling up saying, it took me 15 years.

[Melissa]

That's not the situation. That's not the situation.

[Jeff]

Guys are like cats. If you put.

[Katie]

Bert just checked out on that.

[Jeff]

Listen, listen to me. If you open up a can of tuna fish once.

[Melissa]

What.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Melissa]

I am.

[Jeff]

Maybe that's a bad example. That's a bad example.

[Katie]

Okay, let me interrupt him for a second.

[Jeff]

Jj, if you. If you put a handful of cat food outside the door of your house right once, that cat that. That cat will know that there's always a chance. No matter how many times you say, I'm not gonna put any more food out. That cat knows there's always a chance. So when you say 99%, he doesn't hear 99%. He hears 1% real, really, really, really loud.

[Katie]

It's like Jeff is passionately warning you about something where my thing is, this is the funnest part of dating casually. This is the funnest part. So, I mean the leading up to the making out part. So enjoy it. Because, I mean, I think that's what makes it fun, is the fact that there might be an opportunity. There might not be an opportunity. He's gonna try. You're gonna try. You may not. I don't know. So enjoy.

[Bert]

But you can.

[Joanna]

I don't.

[Katie]

Yeah, I.

[Bert]

The beauty is you can if you want.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Cause you're single.

[Katie]

I don't understand why it's such a warning to you.

[Melissa]

There's. There's no warning. No, I'm. I'm using dating as a verb right now.

[Bert]

Listen, it's the vert show

[Lowe's Advertiser]

Pros save more on the materials you need to get the job done inside and out at Lowe's. Right now, get 10 off in stock Trex naturals decking now available in more styles. Plus get 15% off select custom entry, interior and storm doors. Then we'll deliver it all storage straight to your job site. To help keep your jobs moving, get the brand's pros trust priced right and ready when you need them. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's, valid through 527, while supplies last selection varies by location.