The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, April 13 [Vault]

Episode date: April 14, 2026
Hosts and Cast: Bretzky, Melissa Carter, Jen, Wendy, Stephanie, Ashley, Lynn, Mikey Love, with callers contributing

Episode Overview

This loaded morning episode swings between humor, real-life relationship challenges, and lively listener interaction. The main themes are:

• Navigating family drama after an elopement
• The ethics of “leashing” children and public parenting dilemmas
• The spontaneous choices women make while dating (with hilarious, candid confessions about pre-hookup leg shaving)
• A “Love Lost and Found” segment seeking to reunite a breakdancing concertgoer with a missed connection
• Embarrassing “accidental boob slip” stories from listeners

Each topic is tackled with the show's signature mix of empathy, snark, and sincerity, keeping things real and relatable.

Segment 1: Elopement and Dealing with Family Fallout

Timestamps: [01:00]–[14:38]

Key Points & Narrative

• Lynn, an only child, describes eloping to Vegas after wedding planning was overrun by both mothers.
• Her mother had dreamed of her wedding for decades and was deeply invested.
• The parental confrontation loomed large during the drive back to Atlanta.

“The one thing you need to know about Lynn here, which is really the key is…her mom has been really sort of planning this wedding in her head for 20 years or whatever, file folders and stuff.” — Bretzky [01:00]

• Lynn and her new husband planned to tell their parents together, not as a group, but as couple–to–parent conversations.
• Lynn’s mom: upset and hurt but said, “I'm not disappointed. I know you guys love each other, but…I really wanted to be there.” A big celebration might appease her.
• Husband’s mom: far less accepting; she was hysterical and called the couple selfish.
• The cast examine the ages-old “mother feels replaced” tension, finding some catharsis and humor.
• Listeners call in: Several share that sometimes mothers-in-law never let go of the guilt but say the arrival of grandchildren can help mend wounds.

Memorable Quotes

“She made it very clear. ‘I don't think you realize how selfish you were. You guys think this is all about you.’ And in my head I wanted to say, hello, it IS about us, you know.” — Lynn [06:11]

“I think there's something about the cross gender parent feeling replaced though. Like the mother feeling like she was the number one woman in his life and now he has a new number one woman.” — Melissa Carter [09:18]

• Cast advice: Lynn is told it’s partly her responsibility to reach out and help mend the relationship with her mother-in-law.
• Heartfelt exchanges about personal responsibility, family boundaries, and forgiveness.

Segment 2: The Leash Kid Dilemma & Parenting in Public

Timestamps: [16:16]–[27:40]

Key Discussion Points

• Viral video: A mother drags her leashed child across a Verizon store floor. The team debates, is this ever OK?
• Reactions range from outright condemnation (“I can't think of any scenario…that would dictate a parent doing that,” — Bretzky [18:12]) to attempts at empathy for overwhelmed parents.
• Listeners and cast discuss the limits of public discipline, societal pressures to parent “correctly,” and how bystanders’ condemnation can add stress.
• Some insist picking up the child and leaving is best; others note that every child and situation is different and sometimes you’re at your wit’s end.

Notable Call-In

A former employee shares firsthand:

“Apparently the child was being a brat, and the mom just got fed up and just started dragging him around. The employees thought it was funny at first, but she actually did that for a while…they got concerned and decided to call the police.” [20:54]

• Cast and callers swap stories about temper tantrums: some strict, some resigned, some amused.

Segment 3: Women’s Mid-Date “Audibles” — Spontaneous Shaving & Underwear Upgrades

Timestamps: [28:25]–[38:38]

Key Discussion Points

• The cast asks: Have you ever changed your mind mid-date about sleeping with someone, and made an emergency stop for a quick leg-shave or underwear upgrade?
• Hilariously honest calls ensue:
  • Gas station shaving
  • Kroger bathroom prep
  • (Infamously) using toilet water at Walgreens for a “clean-up”
• The segment swings between supportive laughter and genuine appreciation for women’s resourcefulness.

Highlights & Quotes

“Would you be more apt to do that, use his razor than actually go in and do that? ...That would be a pretty dramatic turnaround right there.” — Bretzky [31:45]

“But the day went so well that…Went to a Walgreens…Did shave in the Walgreens bathroom and used clean toilet water to do it.” — Anonymous Caller [37:40]

• The hosts and callers agree: “When there’s a will, there’s a way!” and note that women are just as adaptable—and sometimes as desperate—as guys give themselves credit for.

Segment 4: "Love Lost and Found" — Breakdancing at Pete Yorn

Timestamps: [39:13]–[47:44]

Overview

• “Mikey Love” seeks a woman named Amanda he met at a Pete Yorn concert, where he was the (only) breakdancer.
• Hopes listeners will help track her down with just minimal description and circumstances.
• The cast riffs on the absurdity and romance: breakdancing at a mellow indie show, the odds of reconnecting, and the unique appeal of a 35-year-old breakdancer.
• Channeling the community to help (“If you know an Amanda that was at Pete Yorn on the 17th…”).

Segment 5: Listener Embarrassment — The Accidental Boob Slip

Timestamps: [47:44]–[51:35]

Key Tales

• Prompted by Lady Gaga’s onstage “wardrobe malfunction,” listeners recall their most mortifying accidental exposures.
  • Crowd surfing, formal dinners, job interviews, and amusement park rides all make appearances.
• The hosts riff on the collective embarrassment, the male/female dynamic (“guys are as embarrassed as you are!”), and the powerlessness of those situations.
• Capping off the segment: a story of a woman’s boob escaping during a lifeguard interview—with her never returning afterwards.

Funniest and Most Memorable Moments

• Lynn strategizing the parental “reveal” and navigating two emotional mothers [03:15–09:40]
• The team’s incredulous, but empathetic, exchange about leashes and tantrums: “You wouldn’t even do that to your animal.” — Bretzky [18:12]
• Confessional calls about leg-shaving in Kroger and using toilet water in Walgreens—earning shocked, but admiring, laughter [35:37–38:38]
• The quest for Amanda, including hosts breaking down the odds and celebrating Mikey's breakdancing persistence [39:13–46:59]
• Hilarious, cringeworthy accounts of “accidental boob slip” moments [47:44–51:35]

Episode Structure and Flow

• Tone: Conversational, supportive yet irreverent, frank about taboos and family drama alike.
• Listener Engagement: High—call-ins are frequent and in-depth, sharing real stories that echo or inform the main discussion.
• Host Chemistry: Each cast member offers a distinct voice; smooth segues and tangible rapport.

Notable Quotes Reference/Timestamps

• “I think there's something about the cross gender parent feeling replaced though.” — Melissa Carter [09:18]
• “I can't think of any scenario…that would dictate a parent doing that to their child. You wouldn't even do that to your animal.” — Bretzky [18:12]
• “If a woman is determined to have sex, she will find a way.” — Jen [33:17]
• “When there’s a will, there’s a way.” — Jen [37:10]
• “You’re not even…yeah, just…there they are.” — Bretzky, on accidental boob slips [47:45]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Elopement & Family Fallout: [01:00]–[14:38]
• Kid Leash Parenting Debate: [16:16]–[27:40]
• Spontaneous Date-Prep Stories: [28:25]–[38:38]
• Lost Connection at Pete Yorn: [39:13]–[47:44]
• “Boob Slip” Tales: [47:44]–[51:35]

Summary Takeaway

This Bert Show episode serves up authentic, laugh-out-loud, and often touching slices of life—from complicated family relationships to relatable, shameless moments of dating preparation. The blend of caller candor and host vulnerability keeps the show perky, real, and intensely listener-focused. If you haven’t listened, you’ll walk away with both empathy and amusement—plus maybe a new appreciation for what women will do with a disposable razor in the name of spontaneity.